NPYNC'S HOLIDAY PAGEANT
Before you ask what this is. Let us, meaning me (tommy) and Matthey because we have no lives, explain. All three of us came up with this idea. Actually we all just pictured Justin as a turkey...and that drove us to this. So what we did was to reconfigure some molecules and manipulated Npync's brains. We ordered them to put on a benefit Holiday Pageant where they re-enacted Thanksgivings throughout the years. All the money went to a charity we call, US. (Hey, even stalkers have lives)
This is what happened for those of you that missed it...
WARNING: This is not suitable for small children, goats, and turkeys. Also, if you weren't scared of the owners of this page BEFORE this, you will be after this. But ENJOEY!!!
THE FIRST THANKSGIVING
Lance enters stage left wearing a pilgrim outfit and says, "Oh no, indians." He pulls out a fake musket from his *OWN* collection and yells, "Bang, Bang, INDIAN!"
Injun Joe falls to the ground and holds out a husk of corn, "HOW...I mean, OW. For you, pilgrim! I die now!"
Chris and JC enter too. Chris is dressed up like an Indian princess. JC is dressed in only a pair of tan pants with warrior paint on his face and feathers in his hair. Chris nudges JC and JC says, "EYEYEYEYEYE! We bring food. I indian chief shaszam! And my beautiful daughter."
Chris mutters, "Why am I the girl?"
JC grits through his teeth, "Because Lance is to pale to be an indian princess...now speak, Indian princess."
Chris bats his eyes and removes beads from his neck, "Welcome white man! I'm Npynchontas."
Lance points musket, "What brings you here, Npynchontas?"
"We bring food. We bring food," Indian Chief Shaszam chants. He yanks on a small leash. He smiles, "Gobble, Gobble."
"Gobble Gobble?" Lance pauses as Justin, dressed like a turkey walks on the stage attached to the leash in JC---her, Indian chief's hands.
"Yes dis be a gobble, gobble!"
"Oh, a turkey," Pilgrim Lance exclaims.
"Ain't dat what we be saying? I mean, GOBBLE, GOBBLE. Don't eat me. Gobble Gobble!" the turkey yells, prancing across the stage.
"Food? How can we thank you?" Pilgrim Lance cries out, embracing the indians.
"Marry Npyncahontas."
"What? That's not in the script," Chris whispers.
"Is now...Marry her white man!" Indian Chief Shaszam orders.
"Gobble, Gobble..." the Justin turkey says, pecking at Pilgrim Lance's shirt.
"After we eat. This shall be known as thankful day," Pilgrim lance states, putting his musket down.
Injun Joe isn't dead. He sits up and says, "And that was the first Thanksgiving."
A SALEM WITCH-HUNT THANKSGIVING
Curtain rises. Center stage sits Lance in a white dress. He is tied to a stake.
"Help me! Help me!"
"Burn shedevil," JC dressed as the Puritan Reverend says, throwing holy water on Lance, her--puritan girl.
Enter Chris and Joey...Chris calls out, "I saw Goody Proctor with the devil."
Joey whispers, "You are Goody Proctor, Chris."
"I am? Oh..." Chris turns to the audience and points, "I saw Goody Lancerita with the devil."
Joey turns to center stage, "I am John Proctor. I've given into my desires."
"I saw Lancerita with the devil! I saw Lancerita with the devil!" Goody Proctor says, skipping around the stake.
"I don't worship the devil!" Lancerita calls out, tears in her eyes.
"Atone demon!" Reverend JC yells.
John Proctor pushes the reverend out of the way, "Lancerita,this is my fault. Goody Proctor saw the drawings."
"I saw JOHN PROCTOR with the devil," Goody Proctor calls out, noticing John with Lancerita.
"You did?" Reverend questions.
"Yes," Goody Proctor falls to the ground and shrieks, "Make him stop! The turkeys! The turkeys are pecking at me."
Justin as the turkey enters stage left. Over his turkey costume there is a tee-shirt that says, "I-heart-Nathaniel Hawthorne." He hollers out, "GOBBLE, GOBBLE! You be runnin goody girl! I be peckin' you! GOBBLE, GOBBLE!"
"THE TURKEYS!" Goody Proctor cries out, pulling off her puritan headware.
"Stop it Goody Proctor. She is not a devil. I am not a devil!" John Proctor calls, moving next to her.
"I be gettin here somehow, witch! GOBBLE, GOBBLE," the turkey replies, dancing around the stake.
"Save yourself, John! Enjoy Thanksgiving!" Lancerita exclaims. The reverend takes a torch and lights the fire. Lancerita begins to blow on the flames, "Ow...swoosh...ow...flesh burning"
"Confess and eat the turkey, witch," the reverend orders.
"I will not confess. I am not a witch!" Lancerita says as the flames consume her.
John Proctor watches in horror and smacks Goody Proctor, "Damn you, woman!"
Goody Proctor smacks him back and pushes him in to the flames, "And that was a Salem Thanksgiving."
"GOBBLE, GOBBLE!" the turkey says.
A CIVIL WAR THANKSGIVING
Lance with a drum tied around his neck enters stage left. He looks around and sees a tent. He turns to the audience, "Those are the confederate soldiers. They want to eat my turkey."
"Boy if I be having a nickel...I mean, GOBBLE, GOBBLE," Justin says. He prances on stage in a turkey costume with a Union soldier outfit over it. He hums, "Glory, Glory---Gobble, Gobble....The rebels try to be eatin me."
"QUIET TURKEY!" Lance orders. He pushes the turkey off stage and begins pounding on his drums.
JC appears from Stage right on a horse named Toby. He is dressed in a Confederate Uniform as well. He points his *SPEAR* (It's actually Britney Spears in her U DRIVE ME CRAZY outfit) and hollers, "Little Gay Drummer Boy! Where is our turkey, son?"
"Our turkey is missing?" Chris says in hillbilly garb moving from one of the tents.
Joey, in confederate costume, dances over singing, "I wish I were in the land of cotton..." He loses his balances and falls into the *Spear*, "Ow."
Everyone stares at him as he lays on the ground bleeding, "Some Thanksgiving this is."
"It's your fault, little gay drummer boy," Confederate Chris yells.
Little gay drummer boy cries as the turkey struts on stage, "Hey that Spear be hot yo. GOBBLE, GOBBLE."
Confederate Chris pulls out his gun, "Dinnertime."
"What you be saying?" the turkey pauses. As the gun goes off he turns to the audience, "Dis be bad."
"NOOOOOOOOO...Not my pet!" Little gay drummer boy screams throwing himself in front of the bullet.
"You kill my friend. GOBBLE, GOBBLE," the turkey cries out. He looks down at the blood, "Oh no. I been a shotta too."
Confederate JC tosses his Spear down, "I can't hold this thing now. It's got diseases." He pats Confederate Chris on the back, "Let's eat, soldier."
"Happy Thanksgiving, General," Confederate Chris answers pulling the turkey off stage by the legs.
Curtain falls.
DEPRESSION ERA THANKSGIVING
Curtain rises. Justin is in a turkey costume on center stage. This turkey is missing all but one feather and has a blanket draped over his shoulders, "Achoo..I be meanin' GOBBLE, GOBBLE!"
"Da family that bought me is too starved to even be cookin me," The turkey squawks. He walks to stage left where a table appears from below the stage. Around the table are four people.
Chris, dressed in pigtails and a ratty ole dress, "Grandpa, I don't want this water. Joey bathed in it."
Lance scratches his Santa Claus beard and says, "Now, now...it's the depression and our turkey is too sick to cook."
The turkey coughs, "Gobble, cough, Gobble!"
"We must atone for our sins. We must. Let us read from the bible," JC, dressed in knickers and no shirt yelled.
"Dad, stop with the Jesus stuff," Joey moaned, wearing the shirt that matched JC's knickers and only the shirt.
"Somebody skin that turkey. Use a knife from my collection," Grandpa said, pulling out a briefcase of knives.
"You're scary, grandpa," Christine replied. She moaned, "I'm hungry. I could eat that turkey just the way it is."
The turkey's last feather falls off, "Go ahead. I be dyin' anyway. Cough, Cough"
JC moves over, "Psst..Justin?"
"I bein' the turkey right now," Justin grits through his teeth.
"You're overacting again."
"You be one to talk," Justin says, dropping the blanket and pushing JC.
JC pushes back, "You're just mad because your the turkey!"
"Guys, now is not the time," Joey says. He looks at the audience and adds, "I don't understand. I don't understand."
"SHUT UP! I'm the grandpa."
"NO YOUR LANCE!" JC and Justin yell.
"Your ruining everything!" Lance cries running off stage.
Chris pulls his dress off and stands only in boxers. He says, "And um...that was a hostile Depression Thanksgiving...CURTAIN PLEASE!"
Curtain falls.
PRESENT DAY THANKSGIVING
Justin enters stage left. In another turkey costume, "Why I gots to be da damn turkey again. Uh...GOBBLE, GOBBLE!"
JC enters in a black, crop-top shirt with fake tattoos all over his arms and a painted on goatee, "Everybody...Rock Yer Body...Everybody...Hey guys! Our turkey is here."
"GOBBLE, GOBBLE."
Lance enters in an all leather outfit with a blonde wig with long hair. He squeaks, "I resign in Tampa. And I eats lots and lots."
"Shut up, Nick."
Chris comes in with a perm haircut in all white. He looks at the audience and whispers, "In case your wondering. I'm Howie D. It's a Backstreet Thanksgiving."
He moves in next to AJ and Nick, surrounding the turkey, "I brought a pie. Some fans brought it to my house when my mother invited them in for dinner. I'm missing a tooth and my hair is frizzy. Cry for me."
They all start crying. Even the turkey.
Joey enters in a tight black wife-beater and black jeans with chaps. He rolls in a huge oven with him, "I love my mom's meatloaf. Too bad Brian couldn't make it but he's at bible retreat."
"Oh dis be great."
"I'm hungry," Kevin moans.
"Me too," Nick says, patting his expanding belly.
"Me three. I want to lick the turkey up and down," AJ adds, sticking out his tongue.
"WHOA!" The turkey cries out. He moves away, "I don't' think so. Gobble, Gobble."
"But we're hungry...and you're the turkey," Howie points out.
"I'm not a turkey," Justin rips off his custome and yells, "I'm Justin Timberlake. J-dawg! The J-man! J!"
The others look at him and start singing, "All you turkeys, can't you see, can't you see...what we're supposed to eat on Thanksgiving."
"I'm not a turkey...GOBBLE--I mean, I'm not a turkey!"
They grab Justin and toss him in the oven and..............................
Justin wakes up in a cold sweat. He looks around and notices that JC fell asleep watching his ALL ACCESS Backstreet Boys tape again. He sighs and mumbles, "I think I had to much turkey this Thanksgiving."
THE END
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