This page is full of my personal poetry. Most of them were written well before I found recovery, and very young, so they will be very raw in grammer, style, and emotion. But I wanted to share as a story of were I came from, and hopefully were I'm going. This page will be continuosly growing as my recovery grows!
If He Could Read My Mind
If he could read my mind,
Of all the things I have to say,
To him, and nobady else,
The one I so secretly love.
I want to tell him
All the feelings I have for him,
But then I think...
He'll think I'm strange,
He'll think I'm crazy,
He'll think I'm some kind of nut!
And then I think of he and she.
How could he do this to me!
But then~
He really doesn't know.
Sometimes I wonder to myself,
Maybe he thinks of me
The same way I think of him,
And is wondering the same about me.
I should just give up this fight
And think of something else.
But when I look at him
With the shine of his eyes,
The bright of his smile...
If only he could read my mind.
written, February 1987
Dead Yesterday
Yesterday seemed so beautiful,
A warm summer with fun and laughter,
Love and joy through the air,
Thinking the day would never end.
But today,
Dismal grey clouds
Rain pors so hard, it could go through skin.
The empty coldness is freezing my once warm heart.
Wishing the day before would come back.
But I know it can't,
I know yesterday's dead and gone.
It will never come back.
Though today I'm mourning my dead yesterday,
I've got to remember that there's tomarrow~
A birth of a new day
That might be just as sunny and bright.
But I know, no other sunny day will take the place of
My dead yesterday.
written in November 1987
Frisky
You would always follow me to the place
Where my lonely heart would melt,
And where my dreams would flow
Into the brook rushing away nearby.
I'd lay in the grass,
With my heart towards the sky;
Your head would lay on my breast,
The stuffed bear that I needed close by.
I'd tell you my sorrow,
And you wouldn't have to say a word
To let me know everything was alright,
Looking into my eyes-I knew I was heard.
You helped me to cope with a little girl's pain,
Of good times and troubles i felt everyday.
Only you, my purring ball of cotton
Could dab my tears away.
written Dec.1987
Absolutely Nothing (aka Love)
Knowing that something is out there~
Somewhere.
Nobody knows where it is,
But it's out there~
So they say.
Maybe we're fooling ourselves,
Living for something that isn't really there.
Lots of people have felt it~
Maybe.
Everybody has lost it~
At some point.
Maybe there's no such thing,
Fooling ourselves again and again,
Thinking we have something
That's not really there.
Controling...
Hurting...
Using...
For absolutely nothing?
I think so.
written, July 1989
To Touch & Go
I know somewhere inside your head
I'm there.
You thought I would just disappear
Forever from your imagination,
But I know every touch, every taste,
Every smell from the past
Will be haunting you forever in your mind.
You thought those moments in time
Would just disapear,
But you know that with every thought
You will feel my glance,
You will feel my touch,
And my tears will be in your eyes
Forever.
written, July 1989
Untitled
The beast within is calling my name,
Taunting and tearing at the pain.
I don't think it will ever end,
The feeling that's coming once again
To disturb the little child in my soul,
The beast that turned my heart to coal.
It's the reacurring nightmare that has entered into my dreams.
He coaxes at the little girl and ripes her till she screams.
The neverending nightmare~it will never go away.
The demon has entered into my heart to stay.
Entering into the soul of a child,
Fairytales and wishing wells bloom so wild,
But the demon of reality has entered the womb,
To turn the plantation of my imagination into a tomb.
Not even the knights on white horses and armor
Could help me escape the everlasting demon of harm.
The neverending nightmare has entered once again.
Why can't I just wash away this little girl's pain,
The eternal nightmare~it will always haunt my days.
The demon has entered into my heart to stay.
written, March 1991
To Be Continued...
when page 2 is finished :)
