"When at the end of the road we find that we can no longer function as a human being, either with or without drugs, we all face the same dilemma. What is there left to do? There seems to be this alternative: either go on as best we can to the bitter ends-jails, institutions or death-or find a new way to live. In years gone by, very few addicts ever had this last choice. Those who are addicted today are more fortunate. For the first time in man's entire history, a simple way has been proveing itself in the lives of many addicts. It is available to us all. This simple spiritual-not religious-program, known as Narcotics Anonymous." (Basic Text, p.84, written in 1965)
"The right to a God of your understanding is total and without any catches. Because we have this right, it is necessary to be honest about our belief if we are to grow spiritualy."
~Basic Text, p.25
I attended my first NA meeting 6 months after my last drug. At the time, I was going to AA meetings, moved to a new town, and living with another single mother I had met in a battered women's shelter. Going to AA meetings was one of the only things I had that was familiar to me, and needed desperatly. I had met a very nice group of young people, from the meetings, that I started to hang out with. One of which was a very nice, gorgeous, young man that I grew fond of *S*. I look back now and see that one quality that I liked about him was his story~I could relate with how he had used! I wanted to know more~but he was rarely at the same meetings. Curiously, I started to ask, where he was, and found out that he was going to NA meetings. Whether it was to go to "his" meetings, to check out what NA was, or a little of both, but I had to check it out.
I will never forget that Tuesday night! With all the thoughts and fears flowing though my head, I had fogotten the bowl in my purse. Even though I had not used it in 6 months, I could not bring myself to let go of it. I entered hall, and I was greated with an atmosphere of "hugs"; that's the only way I can describe it. When every one spoke, from the readings, the chairpersons drugalogue, to the closing reading of "Just For Today", I felt like they all understood where I was coming from, what I had done, and what I am going through to stay clean ODAT.
When I walked out of that meeting, I started to walk home, but found myself taking a different route. Down the road is a bridge; looking into the water, with tears flowing like I never felt before, I reached into my purse and took out that bowl. With all my strength, I threw it in~the prized bowl that I could never bring myself to let go of. As I watched it disappear, my thoughts and my heart grew lighter. To this day, when ever the world between my recovery and using becomes thin, a nightmare of diving for my bowl and drowning, wakes me up to the reality I face if I were to pick-up a drug.
Since then, I have married, another fellow recovering addict from NA, and have moved from Sanford. No matter what meetings I attend today, I will never forget the family that I grew to love and grow with in that church hall. They saw me through my best and worst~D. and I will never forget :)
More will be revealed....
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