"Nourish your soul…Enjoy life's little pleasures…Live your dreams…Share a smile with someone you love…"

Sax rolled his eyes and tossed another candy wrapper onto the tabletop. "Oi, is this a chocolate dessert or a pop shrink?" he asked.

Ken was resolutely ignoring him.

"You're just desperate to regain your cool, aloof demeanor," Sax proclaimed. "Admit it."

Ken ignored him and continued staring at the toaster as his friend unwrapped another chocolate.

A minute later he was sitting down with a piece of toast and a cup of coffee. Sax had given up on the bag of chocolates for the time being.

"White, dark, or milk?"

Ken raised an eyebrow in question.

"Which chocolate is your favorite?" Sax elaborated.

The redhead leaned back in his chair and actually thought about it. Shadow was right, he was doing his damnedest to regain his distance. He'd never been successful in the past, but it was worse now that it was just the two of them.

He wasn't really upset about losing that distance, but he rather liked the familiarity of being the silent 'voice' of reason.

He'd never admit it to Shadow, but he had felt just as lost when Sax had left. Not as much as Maxwell had, but close.

Not surprisingly, he and Maxwell had grown closer, but it wasn't until he realized just who Rachel was that it occurred to him that he'd never been to the Mikatas' house since Sax had taken off. Then again, Maxwell seemed to spend all his waking moments at the Z-shop helping Shadow's dad while Ken threw himself into his schoolwork, determined more than ever to insure that he'd get into a decent school.

His grades got him accepted into a reputable trade school, but tuition wasn't cheap. Nothing like a prestigious college would have cost, but enough. He had gravitated towards carpentry and plumbing, an odd combination to be sure. After Shadow had left, he almost chose something more technical, something related to Zoids. Then he realized that he'd never been interested in them, and really had no desire to leave Leo City. He refused to think that he wanted to stay in the area because Shadow might return some day. Then when Maxwell left, he refused to think that perhaps he might want to stick around for the times the younger man breezed through town.

He'd kept in touch with Bones, and the two of them had an odd friendship. They were more like acquaintances, but once in a while the two of them would get together for a couple of beers. They didn't reminisce like Shadow insisted on doing. Rather, Bones would use the time to unload his frustration. He was so determined to make a difference and to repay his debt to society.

Ken felt the corners of his mouth twitch. He wondered how Bones would deal with catching Shadow in the act of whatever the brunette was up to these days.

"Be true to yourself…Make time for you…" Sax was still eating candy and shaking his head in dismay at the inspirational messages on the inside of the chocolate wrapper as a pile of colored foil was slowly building on the table. He looked at Ken meaningfully.

"Well?"

"I don't like chocolate," he said.

"Heathen!" Sax declared.

~~~~~~~~

Things weren't really as awkward between them as one might have suspected after the night of shared confessions. Ken suspected that their pretending it had never happened might have something to do with it, but he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Once again Sax had talked him into accompanying him somewhere, destination unknown. To his surprise, their mode of transportation was a Black Rhinos. Sax explained that he had to return the Zoid to a team hangar. Ken didn't bother to ask how the heck they were going to get back. Sometimes it was better not knowing.

After the rhinoceros Zoid had been safely delivered, Sax collected a handful of cash which he promptly pocketed before the two of them left.

The hangar was located not very far from the seashore, so Sax decided they just had to stop and enjoy the beach-like scenery. Ken had never been on vacation, so it was with a combination of trepidation and interest that he accompanied his friend.

Somehow they just 'happened' to come across a group of youths having a major cookout. Sax almost always seemed to find a way to work a meal into their outings, and this time was no exception. His easygoing banter led the way for an invitation to join the others. Despite his pride, Ken had no problem taking advantage of a free meal. It was hard to work and study on an empty stomach.

Ken settled for grabbing a beer and a bite to eat while Sax chatted with one girl after another.

Suddenly one of them yelped, and Ken glanced up to see Sax casually strolling past and whistling nonchalantly. The girl frantically pulled at the bottom of her shirt in an attempt to pull it out of the waistband of her shorts. Once she'd succeeded, the recently deposited ice cube fell from her shirt to the sand, and a murderous gleam entered her eyes. Sax must have noticed it as well, because suddenly he started running as if the hounds of hell were after him.

She chased after him, catching him by surprise as she threw herself at his legs and tackling him to the ground. The two grappled briefly before he rolled over and pinned her beneath him.

Ken watched as the two of them laughed. Sax was leaning over her, mock threatening her for her assault on his person. She threw a couple of weak punches at his midsection as she continued to squirm in a pitiful attempt to throw him off her. He playfully grabbed her wrists, then froze. She didn't seem to notice, as her eyes were closed and she continued giggling uncontrollably.

Ken watched the kaleidoscope of emotions play across his friend's face - from mischievous to wounded to surprised and passionate. As the last flitted across his countenance, his eyes darkened and he abruptly scrambled to his feet. Even from this distance, Ken would swear Shadow was panting ever so slightly.

The girl rolled to her side and sat up slowly, throwing a handful of sand at Sax. He hesitated briefly, then held out a hand to help her to her feet. They traded insults for a moment before she cuffed him on the back of the head affectionately and headed back to the circle of people around the barbecue grill.

Sax walked to where Ken was standing, grabbing a beer from a cooler on his way. He stopped next to the redhead and pressed the cold bottle to Ken's neck, letting the trickle of cold water run down his shirt. Ken took a menacing step towards him and Sax danced away laughing. Ken ignored him and took another swig of beer.

He noticed after a time that Sax hadn't headed back towards the group as he'd expected he would and mentally frowned. It was unlike Shadow to avoid crowds. He glanced along the shoreline and saw a dark-haired figure at the water's edge.

Shadow wasn't sure why he'd suddenly needed to escape. For some reason he'd felt extremely awkward around that girl. It was unnatural for him to be that way around women. He shook his head, clearing it of the memory of how her body felt beneath his. They'd just been clowning around with each other, so why had he reacted that way?

He stared at the waves rolling in.

It probably hadn't helped that one of the more talkative in the group had mentioned running away to join a Zoid team. That had felt like a punch to the gut when he'd heard it.

Four years. It had been four years since he'd left, and he had to admit that he had expected everything to be the same when he returned.

He heard the opening strains of music from the radio drifting over the water and pictured the musical notes dancing in the wind before disintegrating and sprinkling over the crystal depths.

He wasn't even aware that he'd started singing.

"You…were the only one, the only friend that I counted on…How could I watch you walk away; I'd give anything to have you here today…" he sighed. It was really a love song, but he felt it fit the situation between him and his best friend in some warped fashion as well.

"But now I stand alone with my pride…And dream…that you're still by my side…but that was yesterday…"

Lost in the melody that he was, he didn't realize he was no longer alone.

For once, Ken knew exactly what Sax was thinking, and who he was thinking of as he sang that song.

He felt an odd twisting in his own gut, a near sense of betrayal. He'd always known that Maxwell and Shadow had a long standing friendship, and he'd always admired it. Hearing Sax sing the words, though, hearing him say "the only friend that I counted on" - those words cut him deeper than anything else ever had. They weren't even Sax's own words, just words from a song. He was being unreasonable, he knew, and he didn't like the odd feeling that was eating at him inside.

He didn't recognize it was a form of jealousy.

Another song had started on the radio, and Sax was singing this one, too. He had his hands in his pockets, but his head was tilted back slightly as he lent his full voice to the lyrics, unlike when he sang along with the first song.

"…born a gypsy moving town to town…burning up the scenery I'll burn it down…born a gypsy I can't run away…"

Ken shook his head. "Gypsy" could have fit either of the brunettes he'd grown close to since their sophomore year.

"As I looked in the sky, I started to see - I saw a thousand dreams they were staring at me. It came up to me and I ran from my soul…"

Sax was indeed staring at the sky. It almost gave Ken chills to see him so intense. It was one thing to see brief glimpses of his darker side, but to see him so morose and brooding was disturbing.

As the third song came on, Sax walked closer to the water's edge. Ken saw Sax's eyes flutter shut as he sang. He couldn't help but think how DJs often seemed to have this uncanny knack for playing songs that fit the mood. It reminded him of a movie he'd once seen, where the radio played a hundred love-gone-wrong songs after the main character got dumped by his girlfriend. Granted, the movie had been a comedy, but it still seemed to have a grain of truth in it.

"Seven stars leave my sky and fall behind my way…soul is drifting out and I can't say…"

Ken thought he recognized the song, but wasn't sure where he'd heard it before.

"Do you believe in watching all the others sworn in faith…Soul is drifting out and I can't say…In my blue room, I've been waiting for a sign. In my blue room, my candle burns out right…I've got time, I feel fine…"

Sax ran a hand through his hair and Ken had an odd thought that he could have portrayed a tragic hero in a play, standing there as he was, a pained and wistful expression on his face. His voice was full of regret and sorrow as he sang. It was hard to believe Sax still hadn't realized that he had company.

"Seven storms blow me by and throw me in the wind…soul is drifting out and drifting in. Like scattered leaves we blow away and sink into the ground…"

Ken almost expected Shadow to sink to his knees in the spray of the ocean, but he didn't. He did seem completely enraptured in the song, however, as his eyes remained closed and his voice carried over the water.

"Never heed the words they say, unless you're on the ground...they flood you into the dam and watch you drown..." His head bowed as the song's instrumental chorus swelled in volume. As the next verse of the song began, he started singing a bit more softly.

"...seven swords cut my skin lift the scar in vain..." he continued. Despite his dejected posture, his voice seemed to grow stronger with every word, as if the lyrics were therapeutic. "I feel relieved, I hope you feel the saaaaame..."

Sax sang with everything he had to the very end of the song. The radio had moved from its mournful rock ballads to a block of more lively tunes, but Sax remained motionless with his head bowed. He looked almost defeated, and Ken promptly forgot his brief twinge of jealousy as he walked up beside him.

Sax opened his eyes. He didn't look at Ken but lifted his head and stared out over the water.

"I never knew what the words meant back then," he murmured. "But now…now I understand them."

He hadn't expected Ken to answer him, and the two stood together as the waves lapped over their feet.

A moment later, Sax was sputtering as he spit out a mouthful of seawater and mock glared at Ken, who was standing there with a pretzel dangling from his mouth as if it were a cigarette. He was so cool and detached, if Sax hadn't felt the rough hands against his back, he wouldn't have believed that he'd been pushed into the water.

He grinned at Ken, his melancholy gone as quickly as it had come.

"Sei un stronzoso puzzolente!" he said admiringly, then started laughing.

Reiken turned on his heel and strode back towards the group. Sax quickly chased after him, licked a finger, and stuck it in the redhead's ear.

He was surprised for the second time that day when the pretzel fell to the sand and Ken started chasing him.

Ken's pursuit slowed down as Sax bounded back into the group with a smug grin, knowing that Ken wouldn't continue chasing him through the crowd.

Reiken hadn't expected to play the part of the comic relief. It was as new to him as the role of confidante had been. However, it was worth it to see Shadow back to normal.

It was times like this, though, when he really craved a cigarette.

~~~~~~~~

Author's Notes:

The song that Ken thought he recognized is also the title of this chapter. It's Blue Room and it's the song that my brother wrote quite a few years ago. Sax quoted a few lyrics back in chapter 23, right before dragging the guys bowling. The "blue room" in the song is a metaphor for one's own sadness. I am not sure about the lyrics, but I did the best I could.

Sei un stronzoso puzzolente - You are one lousy S.O.B.

Other songs I don't own: Yesterday by Foreigner and Gypsy by the band Rain (another band that my brother was in back home). I might have really botched up the lyrics in the second song.

By the way, Dove Chocolates do indeed have little inspirational messages on the inside of the foil wrappers. Some of them relate to chocolate, but others are like what Sax was reading scornfully. And doesn't Ken seem to be a vanilla kinda guy, anyway?

~~~~~~~~

Continue to Chapter 60

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