I'm not particularly intelligent, open-minded or generally well-liked. 

I don't live in a clean place, 

I don't eat nutritiously very often, 

And I don't drive well. 

I don't know Shakespeare, da Vinci or Gutenberg, 

Although I'm certain they weren't American. 

I drink beer ... not good beer. 

I don't use utensils when eating. 

I believe in guns for settling disputes -- not discussions. 

And I pronounce it AIN'T, not AREN'T. 

I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack ... until I go anywhere. 

Burger King IS fine dining. 

Cracker Jack IS a vegetable, 

and WWF wrestling is REAL! 

The UNITED STATES is the ONLY country in the world, 

The FIRST nation of ignorance, 

And the BEST part of South America! 

My name is Johnny Bob Jimmy Joe Ray 

AND I AM AMERICAN! 

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I won't play favourites, but it is important to recognize the differences between different nations. America is notoriously violent: it's the only "civilized" country to have the right to bear arms in its constitution, has a higher military budget than the rest of the major world powers combined, it's the only "civilized" country to have capital punishment (a man was just executed at 8:00A.M. this morning, in fact), the only nation to ever maliciously use nuclear arms, etc. Even the U.S. national anthem, "The Star Spangled Banner", is all about war... it's almost like a religion. Very sad.