[Mr. Garrison's Classroom]
Mr. Garrison:
Ok children, let's settle down. We have a very special guest today to tell us all about
Thanksgiving. All the way from the pagan state of California, Mr. Jay Leno.
Clyde claps briefly.
Jay Leno:
Hi young people, heh, heh. It's great to be here. Look, I just flew into the Denver….
Stan:
Whoa, check out his chin!
Kyle:
Yeh, dude!
Kenny:
It looks like it's made from silicone
Stan:
Kenny wants to know if that's your real chin, or if you had a silcone implant.
Jay Leno:
Alright, alright kids, very funny. Look, believe me, there isn't a chin joke you can tell me
that I haven't already heard, ok? So let's just put a stop to that….
Kyle:
I bet you go through about forty razors when you shave huh?
Jay Leno:
Alright, let's talk about Thanksgiving, shall we?
Cartman:
Did you have to check that into oversized baggage on the plane.
Jay Leno:
Ok, that's enough, alright. Now, does anybody know why we celebrate Thanksgiving?
Cartman raises his hand.
Jay Leno:
Yes, little boy?
Cartman:
Do you have to put your chin in a baby chair when you drive?
Jay Leno:
Hey! I'm talking about Thanksgiving!
Cartman:
I bet he does.
Kyle:
Totally.
Jay Leno:
Come on kids, I want to know what you kids are thankful for this season.
The class excitedly raises their hands.
Jay Leno:
Be, besides the fact that you don't have my chin.
The class dejectedly lowers their hands.
Jay Leno:
I'm thankful for cable television, because you can say words like (BEEP) stuff and kiss
my (BEEP).
Stan:
Yeh, and stuff it (BEEP) ear you (BEEP) bastard.
Cartman:
How about, why don't you take a (BEEP) and wrap him around your (BEEP) cause you
look like a little monkey!
Jay Leno:
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Mr., Mr. Garrison, you, you let them talk this way in school?
Mr. Garrison:
Oh, I can't control them, the little (BEEP) say whatever the (BEEP) they want.
Mr. Garrison:
Now, children, let's talk about what we're thankful for ok? That's what Mr. Bigshot
Hollywood is here for.
Cartman:
I'm thankful for stuffing and pie.
Stan:
You would say that fatass.
Cartman:
I'm not fat, I'm big-boned!
Stan:
No, Jay Leno's chin is big boned. You are a big fatass.
Cartman:
You son of a bitch, I'll kick you in the nn(BEEP)!
Jay Leno:
Hey! Hey! Listen up! I don't want to come down and talk to you little foul mouthed little
brats, but those idiots at NBC, those executives, they say cute kids get us big ratings!
Jay Leno:
You understand! You mean money in my pocket! Shut the hell up! You talk about the
joys of Thanksgiving damnit! Now, you, you, the fat kid!
Cartman:
I'm not fat, I'm big-boned.
Jay Leno:
I don't care! Now what does Thanksgiving mean to you?!?
Cartman:
It symbolizes the pilgrims dinner, when they ate with the indians, who taught them how
to plant and harvest food, and they gave thanks for the food, and for the indians.
Jay Leno:
Hey, well, good. But, but, one little thing. The politcally correct term is Native
Americans.
Stan:
Whoa, pilgrims ate Native Americans?
Kyle:
Cool.
Jay Leno:
No.
Stan:
If the pilgrims would have had Jay Leno's chin, they could have plowed their fields with
it.
Jay Leno:
Hey, hey, that's it, screw you little bastards, I'm going home.
Jay starts to walk out of the class.
His chin hits a flag pole.
The flag hits a shelf with a bust of George Washington.
The bust flies through the air, landing on Kenny's head, killing him.
Stan:
Oh my God! Jay Leno's chin killed Kenny!
Kyle:
You Bastard!
Jay Leno:
Oh, who cares, he dies every damn episode! Look, I'm outta here!
Jay pushes a button on his neck.
A propeller emerges from Jay's chin.
Stan:
Whoa!
Jay flies up through the ceiling of the classroom.
Cartman:
I had no idea Jay Leno's chin had such magical powers.
Mr. Garrison:
Boy, Hollywood people are weird.
(END)