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I am tall, I wear flannels, and yet the IRS leaves me alone. I have driven a tractor, I can walk fifty paces and find the X, but I have never been to Wisconsin. I have seen a sawmill, I have run 3.1 miles in 22 minutes, but I still get colds. I am the world's second greatest lover, I have translucent loins, but that doesn't seem to affect my life much. I know seven languages, my brain is indiscriminant, but grey seems to dominate my wardrobe. I know how to use the "Force", the letter M has a special place in my heart, but it never pays the bills. I listen to the music, I know exactly thirty songs, but I think memorizing the months and their corresponding numbers was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I eat watermelon, I can integrate just about anything, but my hair still doesn't obey. I've seen the White House, I am an electronics genius, and still I have to pay for food. I grew up, I've gone to school since I was six, but still I'm not done. I've quilted for senators, bread is one of my favorite foods, but my checkbook is a veritable mess. I understand dramatic irony, my name is biblical, but I have not seen all the Rocky movies. I am a philanthropist, I've had braces, and professors still don't treat me any better. I can tread water, I know the alphabet backwards, but sometimes I lose all motor control. I am an auto mechanic, and therefore a jerk, and the Nobel Prize is still out of my reach. I am superman.
I have sunk 12 free throws in a row, I drive a Sable, and still I have mild OCD. I change my own oil, I own the original Nintendo, but the Tigers still don't have a pitching staff. I've trespassed with permission, I've discovered human remains, but my legal profession is struggling. I can predict earthquakes, I can prepare extravagant vegetarian dishes, but I have never seen the Oscars in its entirety. I have astigmatism, I require more than 2000 calories a day, but I have never delivered a pizza. I've walked the walk, I've talked the talk, but I don't own any cargo pants. I truly am Superman
I can reconstruct shredded documents, I have swum the English Channel, but I have never ridden a horse. I have less that 20/20 vision, I am a master angler, but my driver's license is revoked. I want to buy a motorcycle, I've been a witness to a crime, but people don't flock from miles around to see my sculpture. I've met Frank Lloyd Wright, I've walked the plank, but I really don't like Wheel of Fortune. I am 21 years old, I've done so much, but there's so much more I want to do. I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky, but no. I know the multiplication tables, I learned to sew in the Navy, but I don't know how to invest. I don't believe in fate, I've played the slots in Vegas, but I've never read an entire Ann Landers article. I've played violin since the depression, I can sense impending doom, but I can't stand local "news." I've eaten shellfish, I can read hieroglyphics, but I don't quite understand why I am here. I get annoyed by ignorant conclusions, I have impeccable timing, but my comedy often goes unnoticed. I have not yet become superman.
I have written twelve page novels, I edited a magazine in grade school, but no one will hire me. I know Tai Chi, I am a phlebotomist, but I've never studied the Vietnam War in any detail. I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl that looked good I would call her. I am a master of ceremonies, I've swum in the gulf, but I have trouble with instant recall. I've eaten lunch on a submarine, I've traveled to the limits of my imagination, but I don't especially care for the Sci-Fi channel. I can harmonize utopia, I've reached my credit limit, but I have no regrets. Superman is just beyond my grasp.
I've challenged reality, I question authority, but I still drive the speed limit. I work with radioactive isotopes, I am of age, but I can't dial long distance. I can see the sun rise, I do know how it feels to be me, but the other morning I couldn't figure out how to make the shower work. I've been a prince, I enjoy a good and witty comment every now-n-then, but I never played T-ball. I've planted perrenials, I've washed cars at Burger King, but I have no carpeting. I can find the lost remote, I can exercise my rights, but I always return my movies on time. I am an electrician's apprentice, I know no bounds, but my relatives don't know me. I like the Cure, I know what a cumulus cloud looks like, but I am not very cunning. I have no transmittable diseases, I have a scheme in place, and still I have to pay for food. I am aware of my repetition, I've planned it accordingly, yet my motto doesn't seem to do the present situation justice. I am a fan of science fiction, I know who Carl Sagan is, but the local religious figures don't rely on me. I've been known to say "You will respect my authority," I've been known to say it with a rather fatty bumbilatty-childish grunty-like accent, but you don't see my name plastered up on same billboard next to a bunch of half-naked, all potted up teens. I've seen the back-country of Alabama, I've mastered eating with my eyes closed, but I'm a bit closer to the equator than I care to be. I ask that you take this for nothing more than it really is, genius, I realize you can't, but I don't really want that kind of pressure anyway. I control the steet lights, I've lived in 7 different places, but only one was south of the Mason Dixon line. I haven't seen a tv in days, I use the "seek" button on my radio, but males seem to dominate my music selection. I've completed my basic-studies, and therefore I am "well rounded", but I couldn't quote Dickinsen if I had to. I've just about maxed out this outlet, I've sent things "down the chute", but I want to be a fireman. Being superman seems like it would be so neat.
I can manipulate time, I can travel beyond my consciousness, but my microwave doesn't work. I've harbored fugitives, I can memorize anything given the right amount of time, but I still have trouble maintaining a comfortable 98.6 degrees. I can speak in tounges, today I learned the singular of data is datum, but I don't remember the last independent film I saw. I walk 45 paces at a time, I am a "consumer," and yet I have no means to listen to cassette tapes. I know my limits, I've been known to ignore them, and despite the consequences I haven't learned my lesson. I was a hyper child, I am easily entertained, but no one realizes such. I miss Homer, I want the damn cable to be turned on, but I can wait. Someday Superman.
I am a webmaster, I work with a machine that uses nine million volts, but I'm still cautious when I have the toaster near the bathtub. I can speed read, I have groomed house-pets, yet my business card-in-the-bowl-thing never wins me a free lunch. I have seven email addresses, I've been to the National Coca-Cola museum, still I rarely manage to open my padlock on the first try. I've seen the #1 and #2 most phallic structures anywhere, I doodle, and my position on the Yankees roster hasn't improved. I write in all caps, I've been known to not write in all caps, and right now I can't decide which is better. I make my own pasta, I have the appropriate number of appendages, but I still can't imagine the experience of being in a hurricane. I can point to due north, I do believe "we" are not "alone", but I don't understand why FOX overran Sunday-night TV (2 hours of quality TV goodness) with ID4. I am Superman's understudy.
I have programmed my vcr, I have hacked into my own bank account, but I don't think I'm getting my thirteen daily essential nutrients. I am the world's fourth greatest potter, my fingernail receive more compliments that I do, but today my computer shat itself so I had to call Larry. I pay money to make my life more difficult, I can make rash judgements from fifty yards, but I don't own a single country music cd. I've been around the world on a tugboat, I can get people to send me fifty dollars for a book, but I can't believe how expensive air travel is, it's just a little tiny seat in a big-ass plane for gracious sakes. I have performed self-oral surgery, I can make it rain, but yesterday I strained a muscle in my flimsy back. I set my own schedule, I have driven in the NASCAR circuit, yet if you plotted my self confidence in the xy-plane with the vertical y-axis being self confidence and the horizontal x-axis being t for time, the graph would appear to be sinusoidal with a period of pi, or atleast I think it would. I have a math minor, I own, manage and operate a dog-walking business, but I've never bought anything from the tv. I work with a guy who has the coolest English accent, I think anything anyone with an English accent says sounds intelligent, but that's probably because anything this guy says is intelligent, he's got a bloody Ph.D. Supermania.
I thoroughly enjoy the tactile sensation of getting a haircut, I got one today, but I don't know how much longer this is going to last. I can play the bagpipes with my eyes closed, I have fed large reptiles, and yet the sun still has a sun-spot cycle every eleven years. I am a temporary Seminole, I have matched-up with the best, but I don't want pickles on my pre-made "fast" food items. I can travel at the speed of light, and therefore are infinitely massive, but still I try to gain weight. I watched the strangest movie in the history of the world yesterday, I watched it for the second time, but I am still no where near to figuring out what it all means. A ladle-full of Supermania.
I've attended receptions naked, I can pinpoint constellations using a meter stick and a wooden spoon, but I remember very little from my birth. I am at the fourth college or university where I have been classified as a "student", I have more calenders than a person could need, but I still can't figure out what to do with myself. I am a master of disguise, I am a world leader, and yet I still lose socks when I do laundry. I am a recovering smack addict, I eat sugary cereal, but rarely can the tv really entertain me. I've been to the equator, I can see my own reflection, but I can't get over this fascination with this red pen. Make me Superman, I dare you.
I'm a lottery winner, I have imsomnia most nights, but my tonsils are in tact. I know where the ducks go in the winter, I have read a book and seen its Hollywood movie production, but I've never been drunk enough to not know who I was. I can't afford to walk a straight line, I really did reach my credit limit, buy my regrets are still minimal. I can tailor my instincts to fit the situation, I realize this has stopped being the least bit funny, and despite my efforts I can't seem to change that. I think certain words/phrases/ideas are overused in conversation and media, I used one of these words/ideas shortly ago, and although I am rather uncomfortable with it being there I doubt that I will change it. I am a perfectionsist, I contrast myself quite nicely, but I don't compliment others enough. I don't think I'm worthy of being Superman.
I can dominate the low post, I want to start a cult, but I think I'm getting shin splints. I like white cheddar macaroni and cheese better than original cheese flavor, I can type a lot of words per minute, but I still don't have the grapes to do some things I would like to. I'm going to travel the Southwest and Rocky Mountains, I'm going to do it with a long-haired goofy guy and my Sable, but I expect this to be only a beginning. I've finally gained some weight, I't taken a lot of work, but I'm glad. I like to write stories and imply that they are true and make them up as I go along, I'd like to know how much of this you believe to be true as the majority is, but it won't affect how I write. I want to get published (on paper), I can't see the end, but who really needs that anyway? I miss Superman.
I'm a Peruvian priest, a long-haired hippie, and therefore I haven't "found myself" yet. I can make people laugh, I can piss them off too, and today I think I've done both. I'm a funk soul brother, a vicious day-trader, but I don’t' remember how to play Chinese checkers. I've found it fun to place " " marks around words that do not "require" them therefore "drawing" more attention to them and "perhaps" insinuating some sort of hidden meaning or "inside" joke that isn't necessarily there, I just wrote the world's fourth longest sentence, but I don’t' know what the first three are. I've reasoned with myself, I can see through parked bread trucks, but I have yet to get my Mensa acceptance letter. I'm going to accelerate particles to 10-15% the speed of light, which I believe to be incredibly fast, but I don't know if it will work. I think I will go to sleep soon, I have droopy eye coverings, but I'm not done. Superman is temporarily out of order. Service has been called.
I'm a gardener of sorts, I've performed in multiple-level trapeze stunts, buy my shower doesn't drain fast enough. I want to own a music store, and have a dart board in it, I want o go to Roswell NM and eat at a restaurant with some sort of little alien on the menu, but hmm…My passage into yester-year knows no bounds, I've seen a frog levitated and narrated by Worf, though I think tonight I many have been struck by lightning. I'm going to swim across the Rio Grande, in New Mexico, not to Mexico, I'm going to swim in Elephant Butte Lake, and all this despite my less-than-enthusiastic attitude towards water. Superman National Park.
All "Superman" images are property of Warner Brothers Studios.
