Everyone knows the annoying ditty "Candy," by Mandy. Everyone remembers the video, in which a sickeningly smiley girl with dumb blonde hair stood around with her hands in her back pockets and sang about lollipops and gumdrops. Then she "drove" a green beetle around for no apparent reason and flaunted her basically un-flauntable chest. As if that isn't enough, there are more than a hundred reasons that we should start a hate club for Mandy Moore. One of the biggest excuses to murder her, however, is the fact that she is tight with my favorite group of brothers in the entire world, Hanson. It started when MTV had a special called @MTV. It was a week of appearances and samples of music that was "in." Hanson was the opening for the week, on Monday. Hanson@MTV started beautifully, until the mentioning of Mandy Moore. Nobody quite knows why Mandy was allowed to get so close to Hanson during that show, but somehow it happened. Rumors began to circulate that Taylor Hanson had been eyeing Mandy Moore during the show. Girls all over the country pulled out their videotapes, rewound them, and put the show in slow motion. Sure enough, Taylor had been checking her out. From that moment on, Hanson fans have been trying to keep Mandy Moore as far away from Hanson as possible. And, as if the @MTV special hadn't been enough, Mandy Moore appeared with Hanson on the Teen Choice Awards. They were to give out the award for "Best Chemistry." Mandy Moore, being her slutty self, walked out and asked the audience which Hanson brother they thought she would have "the best chemistry with." Zac, being the cool dude that he is, just kind of nodded with this look on his face that said, "Um, get away from me." Isaac, the older brother of the group, shrugged when Mandy referred to him. But Taylor was the worst. He got this tiny secret smile, that you could tell he was trying to hide. He WANTS to have chemistry with Mandy; that's what's disgusting. Besides always being with Hanson, Mandy Moore is the queen of ugly. Many people have been known to comment on her "beautiful eyes," "gorgeous hair," or "amazing features," none of which she possesses! She smiles every second she gets, so you can never find her in a bad mood. She's too Barbie-like. Her hair is blonder than blonde, her chest not as filled out as Barbie's but for some reason this doesn't seem to matter to guys, and her smile is sparkly white. I wonder how much she spent on getting her teeth that pretty, because she sure shows them a lot! I wonder if it's possible for any one human being to be as annoying and utterly hideous as Mandy Moore.
Mandy looking at herself in the mirror.