chapter 15: fallen star

Taylor's Point of View

"Taylor Hanson: Fallen Star."

I wanted to cry, it hurt so badly. All at once I wanted to read the article and rip it to shreds. Why had Zac slipped the newspaper under my door, anyway? To torture me? I wanted to kick him and hug him at the same time.

I decided to read a few words. The ones that stuck out were, "disappointing," "emotionally distraught," and "promising career shattered." Funny, suddenly I had more fans. Suddenly they thought I was a good singer. What a joke.

At that moment all I wanted was to be alone. I threw the newspaper to the floor and looked at the phone in silent anticipation.

Stop it, I told myself fiercely. It's highly unlikely that she even listens to the radio, let alone had it on when the song played. But I couldn't tear my eyes from the phone. I wanted s badly for Trinity to call, even though I wasn't exactly sure if I wanted her back or not. I just wanted to talk to her.

I looked out my window, as if there would be an answer awaiting me. There was.

Trinity was outside, sitting on an old tree swing in her yard. It was one of those that was just a board and two strong ropes tied to the tree. An empty seat dangled next to her as she dragged her feet across the ground.

It was practically an invitation. I took it as one.

I don't remember the trip out there, just the words coming out of my mouth.

"Is this seat taken?"

Shocked, Trinity looked up at me with a strange expression that was a cross between confused and relieved.

"Oh, no," she replied. "Of course not."

I sat down and my eyes focused on her immediately.

Although I wasn't supposed to feel attracted to her anymore, I couldn't stop noticing everything that had led me to fall in love with her in the first place: her perfectly proportioned and slightly wet lips; the way her blue eyes twinkled as I sat down; her beautiful but strong hands wrapped tightly around the thick ropes; and her amazing body hidden under the light yellow sundress with flowers scattered all over it. Her sandals were carelessly tossed to the side, and her unpainted toes dug into the fresh grass as she swung with no effort at all. She looked so natural, so simple.

And I fell in love again.

I regretted everything I'd done to hurt her at that moment. I regretted yelling at her, not letting her thoroughly explain, and slamming the door in her face. I wanted to take everything back, to pretend that we'd never broken up and that we never would. I wanted to believe that we were meant to be: that our arms were built for each other's; that our bodies fit together like puzzle pieces; that we held the key to each other's heart. I wanted so badly to make it work between us. I remembered the question: "Do you want to be with her, or the band?" Now I had neither. It wasn't fair. It wasn't supposed to work that way. I'd picked her because I loved her more than my career. Yet I had left her only moments after the decision. It wasn't worth it anymore. I had to choose again.

I couldn't just jump back into my career, and I didn't have a desire to. All the thinking led me down the same path I'd been on in the first place. I wanted Trinity back.

What could I say, though, to this perfect angel whose heart had been broken? I could practically see it in her eyes, and when she sighed, it took all I had not to kiss her right then and make everything better for her.

Trinity blushed when she looked up and I was staring straight at her.

"What are you thinking, Taylor?" she whispered, brushing hair out of her face.

I threw all caution to the wind. "I love you, Trinity. I was stupid, and I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I should've forgiven you instead of blowing up on you. I believe you now, about how you didn't really like that guy. And, hell, I gave up my career for you. I know you probably don't feel anything for me anymore, but I can't stop thinking about you…"

"Taylor," A sweet smile spread across Trinity's face and she laughed lightly. "You must not know how I've been doing lately…"

I loved seeing her smile and laugh. It made me smile myself. "Okay, tell me."

"Well, I haven't eaten for a week."

This made me gasp. She seemed to find it funny in a twisted way, but I classified it as self-mutilation.

"Oh my God," was all that would come out of my mouth. "Trinity, you shouldn't…"

"It's a common practice among broken hearted girls," she laughed softly, trying to lighten the conversation. "Don't worry."

"Well, it's not healthy," I reminded her, putting my hand on top of hers, which was rested on her leg.

Trinity looked up at me and smiled slowly.

I locked eyes with her as she whispered unexpectedly, "Taylor…what would you do if I kissed you…right now?"

A smile spread across my somber lips. She squeezed my hand. I quietly brought my palm to her cheek and leaned in. I didn't even answer her question. It was obvious what I wanted as I gently pressed my lips to hers.

She welcomed me softly, placing her hand on my chest. That sent unexpected shivers down my spine.

Time went by, but I was too dizzy to notice when we tumbled into the grass, our bodies entangled together in a passionate embrace.

When I realized what was going on, I pulled away and opened my eyes. The world spun for a minute, and for that moment, my body was numb. Then I got the feeling back in my skin and felt the full weight of Trinity on top of me. The stars dancing before me faded into the air.

"S-Sorry," I stuttered helplessly as I sat up.

"Don't apologize," Trinity's sun dress ruffled in the breeze. "You still like me, don't you?"

"I love you," I replied without hesitation.

She smiled in such a sweet way that it made my heart melt. "Really?"

I lovingly tucked free hair behind her ear and whispered, "Yes."

"I love you too."

ooo

The sound of the TV flooded into the room. The frowning news reporter was standing in the middle of a vast forest on the television set, microphone to lips.

"A decapitated body was found in a black garbage bag this morning in the rapids of the _____ river."

Another murder. It was disgusting.

"It has been identified as the body of-"

I picked up the remote and flipped the TV off.

Just then the phone rang.

"Hello?" I said, hopeful that it was Trinity.

But it didn't sound like Trinity at all. The words she said were wedged between uncontrollable sobs. Her voice was raspy and hoarse. Besides, what she said wasn't realistic. It was like a dream and a nightmare all at the same time.

"Michael's dead."

The word didn't even seem correct. The statement didn't seem possible. I didn't know how to feel. Was I supposed to happily prance around or lock myself in my room forever? Was I supposed to smile or cry?

My breathing increased and my heartbeat quickened.

The news broadcast returned to my mind and somehow clicked with the words she'd just said. I replied simply, "I know."

Trinity couldn't stop crying, but I couldn't see why. The man what had nearly raped her was now no longer living. How could she shed one tear in his passing? It made no sense, and yet it did. No matter how much damage someone has done, no matter how rude or sick they are, I realized that they still deserve the heartache and they still deserve the tears that are cried in their legacy. Maybe it is a good thing that he is gone, but it doesn't mean we shouldn't recognize it.

"Do you want me to sneak over?" I asked when she didn't say anything.

"Please," she choked out, then hung up.

I took a deep breath and somehow found myself holding back tears. I did and didn't want to believe it, all at once. I placed the phone back on the receiver.

If I should've brought something, I didn't think of it.

What was I supposed to bring anyway? Aspirin? Every household has that. Hopefully she won't need it.

I threw on some better jeans, a nice button-down shirt, and a raincoat.

Outside it was wet. Water was everywhere; on the sidewalks, dripping off the roofs of houses; and gliding through the grass as I sloshed through it sadly. My head was bent and my hands were shoved down into my coat pockets.

The grass was getting long on Trinity's lawn. No one had bothered to cut it. The empty swings were lightly coated with water. I sighed as I passed them.

I didn't need to ring the doorbell. I wiped my feet on the doormat and quietly let myself in.

As I had guessed, the sound of weeping was coming from her upstairs bedroom. I flipped her television off as I let myself in.

I don't think she even knew I was there until I lightly touched her hair. She jumped and looked up at me. Her face was red and puffy and there were dark circles under her eyes. Dried tears were mixing with fresh ones as they streamed uncontrollably down her cheeks. I felt a hurt expression take over my face.

I wanted to make her world all better, but I had no idea how. The first thing I did was throw my arms around her neck, laid my head on her shoulder, and tightly hugged her. She grabbed at my shirt and sobbed into my chest.

"Why am I crying, Taylor?" she desperately demanded of me.

"I don't know. It's okay," I whispered, and in a way it was. But something felt terribly wrong.

ooo

I had begged as if my life depended on seeing Trinity. It literally did, too. I think my parents understood, because of Michael's death and all, that I had to comfort my girlfriend. Actually, I hoped Trinity and I wouldn't talk about Michael. I just wanted to cuddle with her, if that even makes sense for a guy to say. I missed her, though. I needed to hold her in my arms and kiss her forehead. So I begged my parents to let me 'see' her for just one night. And they let me, strangely enough.

There was no time to waste. I threw on some baggy jeans, a white wife beater, and a blue button-down over shirt. I pulled off my socks and decided to go barefoot. For once I didn't have to sneak out. I just walked through the living room, where Zac was watching TV and pigging out on potato chips. He didn't even look up as I passed. I didn't care.

Trinity look just as, if even more, angelic than ever. I found her, as we'd planned, sprawled out in a large rope hammock under a large willow tree in her backyard.

Everything about the setting was gorgeous: how it was tucked away from the house and the rest of the neighborhood; how the hammock was hung under just a few willow vines; how beautiful Trinity looked in the pastel blue Capri pants she was wearing; and how the raven black sky sparkled with twinkling jewels. Her eyes were closed, but she was smiling.

I greeted her with a gentle kiss on her lips. Her eyes fluttered open and she kissed back deeply.

"Mmm, hello," I said. "May I?" I motioned to the hammock.

"That's what you came for, right?" she asked.

"Not the hammock, really." I replied. "I came for you."

Trinity grinned. Moonlight cast over her face, making it appear pale.

I climbed into the hammock and wrapped my arms around her waist. Interlocking my fingers, I whispered in Trinity's ear, "So, how are you doing?"

"I was okay, but now that you're here, I'm much better."

I looked up at the full moon, hidden a little by wispy branches and leaves. It was bright in the dark sky, like a stamp. The contrast was amazing, especially with the stars that matched the moon.

The time was right. As I reached down to my pocket, I breathed in her ear. "I've got something for you."

Her face lit up with anticipation. I loved that look.

I took the necklace out of its box and unlocked the clasp. Her white shirt was low cut and I slipped it around her neck.

She looked down at it and was speechless. "Oh, Taylor…it's beautiful…"

"Look inside." I whispered.

It was a golden locket, but most of the front was painted blue. A sloppy red rose design was swirled in the middle.

She opened it and gazed breathlessly at what was tucked in there.

Inside was a picture of me.

I couldn't tell exactly how she felt about the locket until she closed it and looked back at me with a sort of sparkle in her eyes.

"Now, whenever we're apart, you can open it and think of me," I whispered, squeezing her hand.

"It's wonderful. Thank you so much."

It felt great to be able to please her. She leaned up and kissed me softly. Her lips were wet and she tasted like honeysuckle.

We both smiled in unison when the kiss ended.

"Stay here with me all night, Taylor." Trinity asked of me.

I laid my head on hers. My mouth was close to her ear. "Okay," I breathed in it.

A song came to mind as I lay there listening to Trinity's heartbeat pounding in my ears. Lightly I began to sing.

"I could stay awake, just to hear you breathing. Watch you smile while you are sleeping, while you're faraway and dreaming. I could spend my life in this sweet surrender. I could stay lost in this moment forever. Every moment I spend with you is a moment I'll treasure…"

Trinity was smiling. "I love that song," she whispered.

It was "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing," by Aerosmith. I continued as I tucked some loose hair behind her ear for her.

"I don't wanna close my eyes. I don't wanna fall asleep. 'Cause I'd miss you, baby, and I don't wanna miss a thing."

Trinity closed her eyes. Her palm was on my cheek.

"'Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream would never do. I'd still miss you, baby, and I don't wanna miss a thing."

I took a breath. "I love that song too."

"You sing it beautifully."

"Thank you."

My eyes met Trinity's and I interlocked my fingers with hers.

"I wonder how many stars are in the sky," Trinity was staring at the pitch-black sky speckled with stars.

"Probably one for every person," I whispered back. "Even you and me."

"Really?" Trinity's eyes seemed to get prettier when she grinned. "Which ones?"

It was a game we played often, asking mindless questions with no real answers. I peered up and saw a bright star flicker across the sky.

"You're that one," I pointed. "You're my shooting star."

Trinity's kiss still felt delicate and brand new, like I had never touched my lips to hers before.

"If it's a shooting star," Trinity breathed when we pulled away. "You should make a wish."

"All right." I agreed, closing my eyes.

I wish, I thought, that Trinity and I are meant to be.

And I can't help hoping that we'll be together forever; always hand in hand; that maybe someday all the tears and all the pain will vanish and we'll finally get our fairy tale ending: happily ever after.