This story starts with a young teen at the age of 16 sleeping in his bed. Wait, 16? Who the hell thought of that? The world's going to be saved by someone who just hit puberty? *Ahem*, I'm getting ahead of myself. After a long night's sleep, highly anticipating a speech he would attend that day, he awakes....
Teen: *wakes up* *yawn* .... OH NO! I MUST OF OVERSLEPT! GAH! I'M GOING TO BE LATE!
Mother: No Jon sweetie, it's only 6:00. You woke up 4 hours early.
Jon: ...oh...
3 hours and 50 minutes later
Jon: Mom....before I go...can I ask you something....
Mother: Sure.
Jon: Well...I kinda noticed I don't have a dad. Did you divorce?
Mother: No.
Jon: Did he die?
Mother: No.
Jon: ...did you never marry him?
Mother: No Jon, you never HAD a father.
Jon: O_O Erm...wait a minute....you're my biological mother, right?
Mother: Right.
Jon: ....and in order for a woman to have a baby, a man must be involved in some way, right?
Mother: Not necessarily.
Jon: ...I don't want to know anymore....well, I got to go. Bye. *opens and walks through door and sees fire all around him* AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! OUR VILLAGE IS BURNING DOWN! RUN!!!!
Mother: No Jon, you just walked into the furnace again.
Jon: ....oh, yeah, right.... *leaves furnace with minor 3rd degree burns* Well, I'm off. *leaves*
Jon walks down the street to the lecture, and sees an old friend of his.
Jon: Hey! Rich! How are you?!
Rich: ....oh...hi Jon....
Jon: Great to see you! So, you coming to the lecture?
Rich: Lecture?
Jon: Yeah! The speaker's going to talk about the mysterious and haunting past of our land.
Rich: Oh, so he's one of those paranoid conspiracy theory guys. What's it about this time? Flying saucers or invasions of little white dancing dragon/teddy bear hybrids?
Jon: No, it's about the Red Dragon.
Rich: "The Red Dragon"? What's that?
Jon: 1000 years ago....
Rich: Today?
Jon: As a matter of fact, yes, this happened 1000 years ago today.
Rich: Figures. Go on.
Jon: 1000 years ago, a horrible and vile monster, the Red Dragon, plagued our land. It killed and destroyed everyone in its way. But then, 4 heroes stepped up to battle the dragon and succeeded.
Rich: *sigh* fascinating....
Jon: It gets better! After it was defeated, but still alive, they sealed it away forever.
Rich: So, end of story, huh?
Jon: Not quite. The four heroes made 3 pendants. If all 3 pendants are collected, then the dragon can be reawakened to wreak havoc on the land.
Rich: The hell? Why'd they go through all the trouble to lock up the stupid dragon when they go ahead and make a way for it to get out??!!
Jon: Well, one of the heroes thought it was a good idea. He was a pretty tough looking guy, so the others didn't question him. Anyway, let's go! We're going to be late!
Rich: *sigh* Oh no, perish the thought.....
Jon successfully drags Rich to the speech, and with great skepticism, listens to what Jon had already told him.
Speaker: ....which if taken, may awaken the Red Dragon and bring doom to us all. Now, I've discovered something TRULEY amazing...BEHOLD *holds up a pendant with a dragon tail on it*
Audience: Ooooh....
Speaker: Yes, it's one of the pendants! I found it recently in the woods. I am certain that this is the real thing! Yes, a question in the audience.
????: Yes, how sure ARE you that that is one of the pendants?
Speaker: 100%
????: Perfect....*runs up on the stage, punches out the speaker, and takes the pendant* Hee hee hee! My boss is gonna flip after he sees this....
Rich: *clapping* I liked the part where he knocked his teeth out.
Jon: Who are you??!!
????: I am General Failure! And soon you will all be dead!
Rich: "General Failure"?
Gen. Failure: Yes! And I thank this speaker for doing some work finding this for me!
Rich: Wait....your name is Failure?
Gen. Failure: Ha ha ha! My boss' dream shall soon be a reality!
Rich: Did you have self esteem problems as a kid? I'm guessing your parents didn't have high hopes for you....
Gen. Failure: Now I have one of the mythical pendants! There are only two more! If I collect them, we can awaken the dragon!
Rich: I think "Captain Obvious" is a better name for this guy...
Gen. Failure: And when the dragon awakens, he'll destroy ALL OF YOU!!!
Audience: ...
Gen. Failure: This is the part where you panic....
Audience: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Gen Failure: MWAHAHAHAHA!!! *runs*
Jon: You know what this means, don't you?
Rich: No....
Jon: Yes!
Rich: Not again!
Jon: It's time to go on a quest!
Rich: Jon, come on! Don't you remember the LAST time you dragged me along on a quest? I still can't feel my right arm!
Jon: But Rich, it's up to US to save the world!
Rich: From what??!! A fairy tale made up to keep the little kiddies entertained??!!
Jon: You don't understand! It's our destiny! We must defeat the bad guys and the dragon! Come on! We'll be heroes! ONWARD! *runs out*
Rich: That morons going to get himself killed someday...or worse, get ME killed! *runs after Jon*
As General Failure runs to see his boss, and Jon runs to catch General Failure, Rich runs to stop Jon.
Rich: Jon! Wait! Wait!
Jon: *stopping* What is it?
Rich: Jon, if you're serious about going after this guy, we need better equipment.
Jon: Why?
Rich: Look, I'm only going to tag along so I can kill stuff. If I see a god somewhere along the road, I'm going to try and kill it. But I'm not going to try with some stupid wooden sword!
Jon: *looking at sword* Yeah...I guess we need new weapons....hey! I hear they got a shipment of bronze swords at the weapon shop!
Rich: Why don't we get a gun?
Jon: All heroes use swords. We can slash and cut our way through any obstacles!
Rich: ...but a gun can kill something very quick from very far away....
Jon: Bah! A sword is all I need! My sword will lead me to VICTORY!
Rich: ....what the **** is WRONG with you??!!
Later, at the weapons shop
Store clerk: That'll be $120. Each.
Jon: $120??!!
Rich: What do you know? I got just enough. *pays*
Jon: Erm....I'll be right back...*runs off*
Rich: I give him 2 minutes before he gets hiss ass kicked.
At a random villager’s house
Jon: *walking in* Hey nice day huh? *opens a drawer and takes some money*
Villager: HEY!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING??!!
Jon: Some weather we're having....*takes money from table*
Villager: PUT THAT BACK, NOW!!
Jon: So, read any good books lately? *takes a potion from bed stand* Ooh...this'll come in handy...
Villager: *taking out a huge sword* Get out....
Jon: *taking money from the man’s pockets* You hear about what the King said in that press conference?
Villager: GET OUT!!!! *chases Jon out of house*
At Jon's house
Jon: *walking in holding bronze sword and calling to Rich outside* I'll be out in a minute! *turning to his mother* Well mom, this is it.
Mother: Yes dear.
Jon: I'm going on a quest....
Mother: That's nice dear.
Jon: Gonna save the world...
Mother: Of course dear.
Jon: I'll be gone for a while...
Mother: Be sure to pick up some milk while you're out.
Jon: ....ok mom. Bye! *leaves*
Rich: You done?
Jon: Yeah. You ready?
Rich: Are we going to be killing stuff as soon as we leave?
Jon: Yeah.
Rich: Ok, I'm ready then.
They leave
And so, Jon and Rich travel outside of town, trying to find their way to the next. Suddenly, the world around them distorts, twists, and bends in a sickening fashion.
Rich: AAAAAAAAHHHHH!! I'M GOING BLIND! I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO MY MOTHER! CURSE MY HANDS!!
Jon: Rich, calm down! It's just a random encounter! We're about to fight something.
Rich: Oh. Ok. Killing things. I'm fine with that.
As the world reorganizes itself, the two stand in front of a large, flaming bird
Jon: Why look. It's a large flaming bird.
Rich: Yes, thanks for the update. Well, now what?
Jon: We can attack it with our weapons, use magic on it (which we don't have), we can use an item, or we can run.
Rich: I got a better idea.
Jon: What's that?
Rich: KILL!!!!!! *slashes the birds head off*
Jon: Way to go, Rich! *begins feeling around the dead birds body*
Rich: Ew! Do you two want a moment alone or something??!!
Jon: Shut up...I'm looking for anything it was carrying.
Rich: Jon, it's a bird. That has got to be the STUPIDEST idea I have ever....
Jon: Hey look! It had $100 on it!
Rich: ...wait a minute...we get MONEY for killing things?
Jon: Yeah, pretty much. That or weapons sometimes.
Rich: ¬_¬
50 random encounters later
Rich: YAHOO! WE'RE RICH! LET'S KILL SOME MORE!
They get into another random encounter and see...
Jon: Ahhhhhhhh! A kitten! Run for your life!! *runs*
Rich: Wimp! It's a little kitten! I'll tear this stupid thing in half! *slashes down the center of the kitten with his sword*
Kitten: *sitting, unharmed* Meow?
Rich: GAH! It isn't dead??!!
Kitten: *walks over to Rich and lightly pokes him with its claw*
Rich: *gets knocked out*
Jon: *walking over to Rich* It's always the cute, harmless ones you have to be afraid of...*drags Rich's body away*
