LIVE from the Tacoma Dome in Tacoma, WA!!
"Astonishing Panorama Of The Endtimes" suddenly cues up as the lights suddenly go out. The music picks up as the arena is bathed in a red light, and there at the stage is Ryokami, clad in black leather pants, buckled boots, fingerless gloves, and a leather trenchcoat, looking for all the world like the Grim Reaper himself. The fans audible boo the skull-faced madman as he looks to the crowd unemotionally... then calmly walks down the aisle.
Ayane: W-w-w-what is Ryokami doing HERE?!
Dogg: I don't know, but considering the ring is clear, I think he's perhaps going to try to explain himself...I HOPE...
Ryokami climbs up onto the apron, jumping over the rope, then spins to a corner and jumps up to the top turnbuckle, surveying all in attendance. As the lights fade from the red, Ryokami extracts a microphone from his trenchcoat, pausing to lower his head, almost as if in prayer.
Ayane: Well, it looks like you where right...but what POSSIBLE explanation could he have for this?
Dogg: Well, logically, nothing. But considering this is the same guy who was having kinky near-death sex with that sicko-weird chick a while ago, no telling WHAT this guy is thinking...
"... Why... why why why why why. Ayane Mitsui pleaded 'why.' All the fans pleade 'why.' Why? WHY?!" Ryokami's voice raises. "You all have the gall to ask me that?! AFTER WHAT YOU ALL DID?!!"
Dogg/Ayane: WHAT?!
"Months ago... I went to the ruins of Raccoon City... my former home when I was the being known as Mortis..." Ryokami explains. "... I sought to redeem myself... and I felt I did! I saved twenty-four people!! Twelve men! Ten women! Two children! I sent them to a city away from the nightmare that was Raccoon City! And then... and then the firestorm struck. A nuclear missile had struck the heart of Raccoon City, and I was at ground zero. In a matter of seconds, the city was wiped off the map in a conflageration of atomic fire... but I had hoped that though I would survive... my quest for redemption would be respected by all. And was it? WAS IT?!!!"
Ayane: Wh-what is he talking about?
The crowd seems to quiet a little bit as Ryokami snarls in anger at them.
Dogg: Uh oh...Skele looks pissed...
"... No... all I get are a couple of ridiculous signs and jokes about my 'glowing in the dark.' Nothing along the lines of 'Ryokami had indeed redeemed himself from the evil that was in his heart.' Nothing like that at all! And I lay there recovering from the firestorm... I realized something. Something that should have come to me a long time ago. Deep down... sub-consciously... you ALL wanted me to fail. You all despised the path to redemption I had taken! Deep down you all wanted the TRUE Anti-Savior back!! Well, guess what?!! HE IS!!! AND YOU ALL HAVE THE NERVE TO WHINE TO ME?! 'WHY?!' BECAUSE YOU WANTED IT!!!!"
Ayane: WHAT?! What is he talking about? NO ONE wanted him to go back to the way he was! NO ONE!
Dogg: What a f***ing lunatic! HE'S the only one who wanted it!
"... Now there is no going back..." Ryokami proclaims in a disturbingly proud tone. "No going back at all, because... my path to redemption was a joke. A complete joke..." Ryokami raises a hand as black smoke emanates from his palm. "... And now... now that I have rediscovered my inner power... the Kurokage...nothing will stop me from my original goal... to destroy all of humanity for the sins of shunning me... for slaying my mother... nothing shall stop me. Nothing!!"
Suddenly "Nine Lives" cues up! And out comes the EAW Co-Commisioner, Lynxara!! She looks very cross at Ryokami as she heads down towards the ring, the fans cheering the furry lynx-girl.
Dogg: Oh, come on! Is Lynxara even nuttier in the noddle than Ryokami? GET OUT OF THERE!!
Lynxara climbs into the ring as Ryokami watches on silently. She glares at the skull-faced madman, then goes to pick up a mic. "Okay, buddy! Just who the hell do you think you are?!" she snaps. "What the hell is this crap! 'I will destroy all of humanity because they did bad things to me!' Y'know? Seems like to me the fans aren't whining! YOU are!" Lynxara gets a rousing pop for that remark.
Ayane: Lynxara may have more guts than brains here...to swipe a familiar cliche.
Dogg: Well, she speaketh the truth!
"You think you're going to waltz back into the EAW and just 'cause the fans don't jump to your every whim, you're gonna destroy them?! Hello! Is there anything in that hard head of yours, you Skeletor rip-off?! There's a No Killing Rule! You--"
"SILENCE!!" Ryokami shouts, elicitating a chorus of boos. "... It was you who instigated the No Killing Rule... you instigated it for a reason, because of a certain incident... yes... you may not be the actual one... but a part of you still died... you remember, don't you? If you don't... let's refresh your memory... shall we?"
Ayane: Well, I think we all know what this is gonna be about...
Dogg: Yeah, Lynxie's down to 8 lives right now..
Ryokami looks to the Jumbotron as footage from years ago starts up.. footage from the AAA!
---
Dark Sonic got back up a few moments later. His wounds had already healed, but he looked upon his shredded garb, and then at Wolf (a rat-morph with Wolverine-like characteristics), with absolute hatred. He raised a claw, and black mist swirls around it. And just as this happened, a commotion erupted in the crowd...
"ENDLESS NIGHT!!!" Sonic screamed as the black bolt soars towards Wolf! He barely managed to see it coming, just as his manager... Lynxara... charged out of the stands and vaulted off the saftey rail and into the ring! Too late to dodge, Wolf was shoulderblocked out of the way, and Lynxara was engulfed by the black magical energies instead.
She remained standing weakly for a few moments. Wolf could only stare in horror as, as if in slow-motion, his friend then collapsed limply to the mat. The commando rodent fell helplessly to Lynxara's aide.
"What did Sonic just do?" Jim Ross' unmistakable voice breathed in fear.
"Guys, Lynxara hasn't even moved..." Mike Tenay's voice added.
The body of Lynxara lay in front of Wolf, her life-force ripped out by Sonic's foul spell.
---
Dogg: HOLY *bleep*!!
Ayane: Well...we all know the story behind that....that was what first killed Lynxara...Dark Sonic the father of Damian...both murderous maniacs like Ryokami.
The fans booed as the footage ended, Ryokami smiling darkly as he looked to Lynxara, who looked very much upset at what she had seen.
"You DIED in the 3A... or rather or original self... the one who created you, died..." Ryokami says. "And you instigated the No Killing Rule so that nothing like that would ever happen again. But you see, my dear Ms. Ashby... if I've learned one thing, it is that there are some things worse than death. When I realized that my path of redemption was a joke... I sought to reverse what I did."
Lynxara blinks, then her eyes narrow. "What're you talking about?!"
"The twenty-four people I saved... twelve men, ten women, and two children..." Ryokami says with a sick smile. "Oh, don't worry... I didn't kill them, but I'm sure if they were able to reason, they would wish the sweet embrace of death right now."
Lynxara paled. "... Oh God... you... you didn't..."
"I knew exactly where they were... it was easy to track them down... capture them... and inject each of them with a cache of the T-Virus I found in an underground laboratory that survived the the firestorm. By now, my dear... they're mindless zombies. Not dead... but not alive either. Your silly rule doesn't really cover THAT, now does it?"
The fans are too stunned to even boo, realizing just how evil Ryokami truly is.
Ayane: HE...
Dogg: What?!
Ayane: 24 innocent people...TURNED INTO ZOMBIES!!
"You... you're sick!!" Lynxara hisses, just as she throws the mic down and pounces at Ryokami, but Ryokami anticipates the attack, grabbing Lynxara in a sleeper hold.
"There are things worse than death!" he proclaims proudly. "Permit me to demonstrate!"
And with that, Ryokami throws a vicious elbow directly into the small of Lynxara's back; an audible *KRAK!* can be heard from the microphone! Lynxara suddenly drops like a rock, not moving... eyes wide open in shock... still breathing, but still prone.
Dogg: MY GOD!! He didn't just...he couldn't have...
Ayane: I...think he did...
Ryokami merely looks down at Lynxara... then kneels over, softly brushing her cheekfur as he cocks his head. "... I've already called 911, dear..." he says coldly. "... They're coming even as we speak... oh, but I'm afraid the damage to your spine is too severe... the doctor will say these words to you... 'You will never walk again.'"
Ryokami drops the mic next to the paralyzed Lynxara as he backs up, flipping over the top rope as "Astonishing Panorama..." cues up his departure, walking away and passing the arriving EMTs as they check on the downed co-commissioner.
Dogg: What a way to ruin a whole show...
Ayane: Ryokami has...well, he THINKS he explained himself, but all he's done was make excuses for wanting to turn back to his evil ways...he's already attacked wrestlers, but now he's made it clear that he'd like nothing more to eliminate all of humanity.
Dogg: He doesn't seem too keen on furries either...I've seen wrestlers getting arms broke, legs broke, muscles tore, ribs snapped. I've seen guys in battle getting shot with machine guys, blown apart by bombs...and right now even I feel sick to my stomach...
Ayane: For obvious reasons...we're going to take an extended break...
**Commercials**
When we come back, Ayane and Road Dogg still look rather down.
Ayane: Fans, we are still in extreme shock over what happened just before commercial, when Ryokami came to the ring, seemingly to explain himself, then turns out he just ended up attacking Co-Commissioner Lynxara, and it seems like he may have broken her back...
Dogg: Yeah...if you're just tuning in...be GLAD you missed it.
Ayane: Lynxara may not even be able to walk after that...ever...and Ryokami just LAUGHED about it...
Dogg: That guys a sicko right to the core. Even worse than Regal was--at least he was stupid and not at all dangerous.
Ayane: Well...as difficult as it is going to be, we're going to try to continue on with the show...starting with our first match...
Dogg: Yeah, about time we had our first match...
"Wish" by Nine Inch Nails cues up.
"The first match of the night, scheduled for one fall, is a one on one women's contest. Introducing first...from the Royal Palace of the planet Salusia...accompanied by Faeyr. Standing six foot six and TWO HUNDRED and TWENTY POUNDS...LADY JASMINE!!"
Dogg: WHAT?!?! Did I hear that right?!
Lady Jasmine makes her way out, accompanied by...Ayane: I believe you did...
Dogg: Yeesh..talk about husky...she's only 16 pounds less than me! And WAAAY taller.
Ayane: Well...I believe she's the heaviest female the EAW has employed besides...Big Momma Lay Ya. Although what makes up that weight differs.
Dogg: Yeah...more rolls than a pastry truck vs. tightly packed muscle.
Ayane: Well...true enough.
Dogg: I mean....MAN...she had enough lard to keep McDonald's supplied with something to cook in for a year.
Ayane: Eeeeeew...*gag*
Dogg: Heh...weak stomach..I guess you've EATEN there before...
Ayane: *sigh* Well, now I REALLY want to keep my mind on this match. Lady Jasmine in the ring now, and this will be quite a formidable challenge for Sarah Murphy.
"She's Actual Size" by They Might Be Giants then begins to play, as Sarah Murphy comes out from the back.
Ayane: Sarah's got quite a challenge in store for the larger, stronger Jasmine, who you can tell from her appearance is quite a warrior in her own right.
Dogg: Never say "warrior" on a wrestling program, Ayane...HE might just come back...and Pam would never let you hear the end of it.
Ayane: Umm...alright..I'll try not to. ^_^
Dogg: I would NOT want to be one with a coat of fur in this kind of weather...but I guess what you have you gotta make do with.
Ayane: Well, in that regard, Sarah may actually be more comfortable here...but that may not make much of a difference. Sarah in the ring now...this match about to begin...
*ding, ding*
Ayane: Sarah making the first move on Jasmine--side headlock. Jasmine lifting her up though--Sarah lands on her feet, sweep connects on the left ankle. Jasmine back up to both feet, Sarah with a front dropkick! Jasmine back up...Sarah applies the hammerlock...spins around behind--drop toe hold!! Now going for the Boston Cr--JASMINE powers out!! Jasmine up...Sarah now--CAUGHT by Jasmine....MILITARY PRESS...UP and crashes down on the mat!!
Dogg: Holy Moley, Foley and frijole!! That was unfreakin' believeable how easy she pulled that off!! She's kinda like Albert, only not ugly, less hairy, and much more over.
Ayane: Indeed...standing over Sarah now....grabbing her around the neck...hoists her up now!! Tossed back on her back...and Sarah back in what is often referred to as...the Bronco Buster position.
Dogg: Somewhere, S&M are watching this and muttering--"I think I'm in love.."
Ayane: Jasmine now stomping away on Sarah in the corner...and just picking her apart with EASE... pulls her up by her arm....FIRED into the opposide corner!!
Dogg: NOOO...bruised breasts! OUCH!
Ayane: REVERSE POWERBOMB behind set up...but NO..Sarah hammering away on the top of her head...slips behind Jasmine!! Sarah off the ropes...Jasmine around--HIGH FLYING LARIAT from Sarah!! Now up to the second rope...off it and SECOND ROPE FROG SPLASH!! That may very well be a first for Sarah! Cover!
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ONE!
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TW--KICKOUT?!
Dogg: WHOOOOO...whee!! A helluva move alright, but I expected that to get a bit closer to a three myself.
Ayane: Well, it still is rather early into the match, so neither Sarah nor Jasmine have dished out what they are capable of. Sarah pulling up Jasmine a bit by her hair--locks on a a leglock chokehold!
Dogg: I wonder if Jazzie has any...you know...those kinds of tendencies. Because I know a lot of guys and girls that would love to be in that position right now...
Ayane: Lilith for one, I'm sure. Jasmine trying to loosen that grip around her neck...pushing up...twisting herself...down on her knees now!! Sarah fighting to keep that on...and...I can hardly believe it! Jasmine standing to stand--snaps Sarah off her her...Sarah with a back kick to the chest. One across the midriff, sends Jasmine towards--Jasmine doesn't budge--STANDING CLOTHESLINE!! YEOWTCH!!!
Dogg: She's been here only a few weeks, and she's already a better wrestler than Chyna...
Ayane: Jasmine for the cover now
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One!
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Kickout!
Dogg: Gotta hit something stronger.
Ayane: Yes, that clothesline was quite a move, but Sarah has recovered a bit from her first offensive attack, and Jasmine needs to build on what she's already dished out. Pulls up Sarah again--jawbreaker by Sarah there!! More kicks to the midsection...Sarah hits the ropes...aaaaaand SCISSOR KICK!!
Dogg: And now the spinner...eh? She didn't do it!!
Ayane: Nor WILL she...Sarah hooks the legs, gets the
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ONE!
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TWO!
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NO!!! Jasmine escapes from that one.
Dogg: But she's actually in control of her...wouldn't expect that.
Ayane: Setting her up near the corner....now for a move that's quite popular in the EAW...
Dogg: Since mostly the ladies do it.
Ayane: THE BRONCO BUSTER!! Sarah charging in now--BOOT up by Jasmine!! Catches her in the stomach! Jasmine pulling herself up out of the corner...sitting up now...Sarah stunned as she gets up--JUMPING SWING DDT by Jasmine!! Cover!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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NARROW escape by Sarah!
Dogg: HOLY SH*T that was great move! I'd just stay down to quit getting my ass kicked at this point.
Ayane: Well, I'd say it has been fairly even throughout....Jasmine now...snap suplex on Sarah...Sarah favoring the back...Jasmine scooping her up..short powerbo--takes her over with a hurracanrana!! Sarah dumps Jasmine right beside the ropes...Jasmine now--DROPKICK from Sarah!! Jasmine nearly falls to the floor but grabs on to the top rope...Sarah going for...hangman's neckbreaker...uh oh...Jasmine grabbing her from behind...hoisted up...TOSSES HER RIGHT ON HER BACK INTO THE RING!! Jasmine getting back in now...SARAH UP!!
Dogg: Damn...do NOT get in these girls' way when JC Penny has their next big sale.
Ayane: Jasmine now--whipping out her tail now...PICKING UP SARAH WITH IT--INDISCRIMINATE JUSTICE! That tail-assisted finish of her..and the follow up elbow--COVER!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE!!
*ding, ding*
Winner by Pinfall >>> Lady Jasmine
"Wish" by Nine Inch Nails plays again....
Ayane: Well, things have brightened up with a hot opening match...but there is much more to come...after this commercial break by sundry American advertisers.
Dogg: Reading is my anti-drug...
Ayane: ....
Ayane: We're back! We're moments away from our third match of the night, but we want to update everyone on the condition of co-commisioner Lynxara... she... -_- ... early reports is that Ryokami had indeed broken her back. She's listed in serious condition, but is aware of what's going on... my God, Road Dogg, I... Ryokami, he... he's dangerous!!
RD: You tellin' me! All my years in this sport, I ain't never seen anyone who would willing cripple someone! Someone'd gotta do something about this guy!
KRAK-KOOMM!!!!
RD: WHOA!!
"Out Of The Fire" cues up as Kane, along with the elf-girl Talisia, heads towards the ring.
Ayane: And here comes the Big Red Machine!! With his valet for the night!
RD: Whooo! Future candidate for Hottest Babe 2-Kay-2, for sure!
Announcer Gary Michael Cappetta: This match is scheduled for one fall! Being accompanied to the ring by Talisia, weighing in at 326 pounds... KANE!!
Kane climbs up and over the top rope into the ring first, holding the ropes open for Talisia as she steps in, Kane then moves to the center, raises his arms... and drops them down, jets of flame igniting from the four corners!
Ayane: Sugoi!! The power of Kane is absolutely unbelievable!!
RD: Man, you said it! He's one guy you don't wanna meet in a dark alley! Or a well-lit one for that matter!
"Out Of The Fire" fades out and in cues "The Altar" as Maximus Kael comes out to a chorus of boos.
Cappetta: And his opponent, from Amityville, Nevada, weighing in at 254 pounds, the Minister, Maximus Kael!!
Ayane: Kael isn't really getting a very good response here, Road Dogg! And for good reason! Just look at the fear in Talisia's eyes as she hides behind Kane!
RD: Yeah, I tell ya! Most normal people'd look at that gal and see a very fine female! But Kael sees her and thinks lunch! And not in the funny "Look Who's Talking" way either! That guy needs a head shrink for sure!
Kael rushes into the ring and tries to get at Talisia, but Kane grabs him by the neck and throws him with ease to the corner, following it up with a hard clothesline!
Ayane: Itai!! Referee Charles Robinson calls for the bell! This match is officially begun!!
Ayane: Kael manages to get back up, and Kane grabs him by the head! LIFTING CHOKEHOLD! And a throw to another corner! Kane charges in-- OH, KAEL WITH THE BOOT UP! KAEL CHARGES-- BUT KANE COUNTERS WITH A TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER!! Eeeee, the resiliancy of Kane is frightening!!
RD: Man, don't I know it, girlie! Back in the day we threw just about everything at that guy and he still kept coming! I think he runs on Energizer, man! He keeps going and going and going!
Ayane: I can believe it... Kane gets Kael up and... FRONT BACKBREAKER... keeps a hold on him! ANOTHER FRONT BACKBREAKER!!! And... SIDE SLAM!! Wow, is Kane strong!! Talisia's cheering for Kane! She loves what she sees!
RD: And I love what I see too! Bouncy bouncy! Whoo, man!!
Ayane: Kane grabs Kael by the neck... lifts him back up! Could we be seeing the chokeslam?! NO! Kael with a kick to the gut and-- DDT!! O_O! BUT KANE SITS RIGHT BACK UP!! HE GRABS KAEL IN A FULL NELSON, GETS TO HIS FEET... FULL NELSON SLAM!! WITH AUTHORITY!!!!
RD: See ya later, back support! Wow!
Ayane: Kane with the cover! One! Two! But Kael kicks out! Kane gets him up... THROAT THRUST! ANOTHER!! And-- NO, KAEL COUNTERS!! AND... FALLING NECKBREAKER!! Ohh, Kane sits up! But Kael kicks him back down! And... OH! DING DONG DROP!! And... wait, Kael's asking for a mic! What is he...?!
Kael: YOU!! ELF-GIRL!! Yes you! The one who's always showing her boobies!! Guess what?! If your new boyfriend loses tonight! I get you!! And I got a hankerin' for ELF A LÅ ORANGE!!
Ayane: *gasp!* That... that... he can't be serious!!
RD: Girl, when you're loopier than a june bug you don't know how to be serious! But for Talisia's sake Kane'd better win that match!
Ayane: But is this an actual stipulation or just the insane ramblings of a madman-- OHH!! KAEL JUST GOT GRABBED FROM BEHIND BY KANE!! GORILLA PRESS SLAM!!! AND DOWN GOES KAEL!! Kane grabs him up... and-- RUNNING POWERSLAM-- NO, COUNTER!! REVERSE FULL NELSON SLAM!!! NO!! The Minister's in control and things don't look good for Kane OR Talisia!!
RD: Yeah, no kidding! I'd love to see Talisia naked again, but not on a platter! C'mon Kane! Don't let that elf girl fry!
Ayane: Kael gets Kane up and sets him up on the top rope... no, not the Castration! YES! Oh, that has to hurt! Kael's celebrating and... o_o;;;;; Kane just... WHOA!!! FLYING CLOTHESLINE!!! AND KAEL IS DOWN!!
RD: Kane's got a set of steel testicles, I swear!!
Ayane: Talisia's cheering Kane on! And Kane grabs Kael... THERE IT IS!! CHOKESLAM!!! CHOKESLAM!!! And Kane's signalling!! It's time for the POWERDRIVER!!!
RD: Wait a sec!! Aw, man! Look who's comin' down the ring!
Ayane: Lou Cypher!! He's distracting the referee!! And Kane gets Kael up-- WAIT!! THE LADY!!! THE LADY!!! SHE'S HERE!! AND-- NO!! THE LADY WITH THE LADYKILLER ON KANE! AND-- KAEL FOLLOWS UP!! MINISTERAL CYCLE!!! THE LADY SLIDES OUT! THE REF-- NO, REF!! DON'T!! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! NO!! NOO!!!! NOO!!!!!
RD: That sucked. Big time sucked.
Winner: "The Minister" Maximus Kael
Ayane: Cypher and the Lady are leaving the ring... but the damage has been done! Talisia runs in to check on Kane... oh no, not a good idea... Kael's behind her! TURN AROUND, TALISIA!! NO! NOO!! THOU SHALT NOT SPEAK ON TALISIA!!! SHE'S BEING WHIPPED ABOUT LIKE A RAG DOLL!! And... oh, she's out like a light! She passed out! Now Kael... Kael's carrying her off! Oh, God! This is horrible!! First Lynxara gets her back broken and now Talisia's going... she's going to be butchered like some kind of livestock!!
RD: MAYBE NOT!! KANE JUST SAT UP!! AND KAEL'S HIGH-TAILING IT WITH THE ELF BOOTY!!
Ayane: Kane's giving chase!! GO KANE!! SAVE TALISIA!! GET A CAMERA TO THE BACKSTAGE QUICKLY!
On cue a camera comes on to the backstage area, Kael, with an unconscious Talisia over his shoulder, runs to a car and throws the helpless elf girl in the trunk. He then climbs in and starts it up. Kane charges to the driver's side, punching THROUGH the glass window easily as he grabs for Kael, but he puts the pedal to the metal and speeds off. Kane runs after, but it's too late... Kael had escaped with Talisia! Kane looks at his bloodied left arm... and back at the escaping car... and curses a word that's effectively bleeped.
Ayane: ... Oh my God... Kane, he... he was too late... that means... Road Dogg, Talisia... she... oh God... her days are numbered... poor Talisia...
RD: Man... I... what a night... first our kitty commish gets sidelined, now this... what the hell is gonna happen next?!
***
"ME MISS CHEETAH! WHERE MY MONKEY?!!"
***
**Commercial Break**
Ayane: Well fans...we're back, and while the whole incident with Lynxara and Ryokami is going to hang over us the whole show at least--and we HOPE Ryokami is wrong about what he predicted--we're going to try to carry on...but I'm wondering just what this is all about...with Oseiko scheduled to take on Kairi Lyger...but...Oseiko doesn't want to wrestle anymore...is this really supposed to be happening? She's not even here.
Dogg: I don't know exactly, but Gokuo hasn't really said anything about it. Oh...and did you and your parents...*ahem*...have any noise keeping you up last night?
Ayane: Dogg-baka...that's none of your concern...but what is going to happen with this scheduled--
The Jumbotron turns to static before clearing to show President Gokuo backstage at his desk, and is partially booed and partially cheered, and he doesn't look too enthused.
LG: Heya peeps....I know at this point on the card Black Widow was supposed to wrestle. Well, that probably isn't going to happen. Ya see...when Oseiko spilled the beans on what happened, I thought she was going to change her mind...I HOPED she was gonna chane 'er mind. So I decided to begin booking her in matches...hoping she'd remember what she loved 'bout wrestling, and reconsider. Well...I was wrong...DEAD wrong...and it was cuz of me that she spent a short bit of time in a Nipponese pokey yesterday. Well...I'm sorry about all that, Oseiko. Hell...I'll even reimburse Mikey and Ayane for the bail. Just lemme know when the checks clear and I will...but I'm going try...not push ya...and give you one more chance. After Lyger comes out...you can come to the ring if ya want...wrestle for the Internation Title if you want...and be a part of the EAW again if ya want. If not...yer contract goes into the shredder. Think about it, babe...peace out.
The Jumbotron blinks back to a shot of the arena that we're looking at right now, and "Awake" by Godsmack cues up.
"Ladies and gentlemen...the following match--if it takes place--will be for the EAW International Title!! The champion, weighing in at 235 lbs. and standing 5'11"...he is Kairi Lyger!!"
Ayane: Well...fortunately, it seems Gokuo has changed his mind about this...and maybe...just maybe...Oseiko is watching this, and she'll have a change of heart!
Dogg: Yeah, but what difference--
Ayane: She could get over here right away if she wanted to, Road...er...Mr. Dogg.
Dogg: Sure, she could....
Lyger makes his way down to the ring, and waits patiently to find out if he will have an opponent...
A minute or so goes by...
Ayane: Well...it looks like Oseiko has really made up her mind, and we aren't going to see this match...
Dogg: Nuts...she had a dynamite little ass in that spandex, too.
Just then...the PWF logo is emblazoned on the Jumbotron, and some unfamiliar music begins to play..
Dogg: Uh oh...has Blackie Wid jumped?
Out comes a nearly 7 foot...masked...massively muscled brute with veins popping out of his arms, and what looks like a series of tubes connected to his head.
Ayane: Nooo...I REALLY don't think that's him...it looks like...BANE from the Batman and Robin movie!
Dogg: What-tha? I thought Jeep Swenson was DEAD?!
Ayane: Well...he is...but...apparently he isn't in another dimension, because THAT HAS TO BE HIM or a dimensional duplicate!
Bane charges the ring, and Lyger drops the EAW International Title and readies himself in a fighting stance.
Ayane: Lyger going to work on that massive brute--this isn't an official match, folks--and laying in kicks to the upperbody of him...he's taking some punishment here but seems to be shrugging it off...Lyger off the ropes--diving cross body--CAUGHT!!...a HUGE POWERSLAM from Bane!!
Dogg: DAMN...look at those tubes!! He's gotta have more chemicals pumping through his head than Jake Roberts, Broon Regal, and...well...WOLF combined!
Ayane: MIND BOGGLINGLY strong!! Setting him up now...he's gotta be...NO!
Dogg: Uh oh...I remember this from Awesome-Tanaka in ECW!!
Bane charges towards the ropes and with Lyger held up top, he quickly climbs to the top, and leaps off with a sit down powerbomb THROUGH A TABLE!!!
Crowd: HOLY SH*T!!! HOLY SH*T!!! HOLY SH*T!!!
Dogg: My sentiments exactly, Tacoma. HOLY SH*T!
Ayane: Bane is grabbing that International Title from the ring...going to make it TWO belts swiped now...and...heading out through the crowd!
*WHAM!!*
Dogg: What the hell?!
Ayane: Of all people...LANCE STORM here to save the day!!
Lance Storm is seen with the chair, wearing a EAW t-shirt with Canadian flag background. Bane shakes off the chairshot, prompting Lance to hit him repeatedly.
*WHAM!*
Ayane: Lance Storm out here! Attacking Bane!
*WHAM!*
Dogg: That's a home run there!
*CLANG!*
Ayane: That chair getting serious dents in it...
*WHAM!*
Ayane: The crowd clearing out a bit and Lance won't allow him...
*WHAM!*
Dogg: He's getting a bit woozy...
*WHAAM!!*
Ayane: He's down to one knee!! Chair tossed at Bane!--Bane catches it!
*WWWHANG!!!*
Dogg: SUPERKICK by Van Da--er, STORM, rather!!
Ayane: AND BANE GOES DOWN!!
Dogg: And NO ONE will EVER be able to sit in that chair again, save they melt it down...
Ayane: Storm rolls him over....the new Canadian Mapleleaf applied!! Storm pulling it up high and hard!!! And the crowd going beserk here...actually CHEERING for Storm!!
Dogg: Damn..he just isn't going to let go, is he?
Ayane: Storm just pulling it tighter, and you can literally hear Bane screaming in pain! Storm releases, and adds in a few stomps for good measure...this time...the EAW was ready..or at least Lance Storm.
Lance pulls the tubes loose from Bane's head for good measure...
**Commercial Break**
When we return on air, we fade in backstage where Buzzsaw is watching a monitor intently while Chaynz is pacing around in the background.
Buzzsaw: Sonnuvabitch!! We were READY, too, and Lance beats us to the punch!
He squeezes the can of beer in his left hand, crushing it easily and causing beer to spill over his closed fist.
Chaynz: Eh, I don't know what you're complaining about. Lance may be a jerk but he did SOMETHING right for once. Plus that means we aren't the only ones ready for those PWF bastards.
Buzzsaw: Eh...good point, but I'm in such a f***ing bad mood after us losing the tag titles to the EXPERIMENTALS!!
Buzzsaw launches the now-empty can at the monitor.
Chaynz: Eh...don't sweat it...we'll get our belts back, or take out our revenge on their asses...
Buzzsaw: Next time, though...I want a PWF neck to wring...
Kanyon walks in from a nearby section of the locker room.
Kanyon: Upstaged by Lance, eh?
Buzzsaw: Ah, clam up, Chris.
Kanyon: Whateva...
Kanyon shrugs, then continues on his way.
Ayane: Coming up next...an Extreme Rules Match!! With Chris Kanyon to face Rik Felstrom!!!
"Turn it Up" begins to play, and the crowd cheers for the first superstar for this match...
"The following match up...is under EXTREME RULES. Introducing the first participant...currently residing in Hollywood , California, he weighs in at 252 lbs...and stands 6'3"...he's a member of Da Pac--Chris Kanyoooooooon!!
Dogg: He thometimeth ith a bit hard to take theriously becauth of hith lithp.
Ayane: Uh...Dusty Rhodes?
Dogg: No, thath wrong.
Ayane: Daffy Duck!!
Dogg: NO!! FORGET IT!!
Ayane: Thilly...
Kanyon gets into the ring and warms up a bit, then rests his palms on his knees while looking towards the entranceway.
"We Will Rock You" by Queen begins to play...
"And his opponent...from another dimension...he stands 6'2" and weighs in at two hundred and thirty pounds...he's a founding member of Red Tooth and Claw--RIK...FELSTROOOOOM!!"
Rik makes his way out with a cocky swagger, and rushes down to the ring, sliding inside and bouncing in place for a bit, then sits on the second turnbuckle pad, staring across at Kanyon.
Ayane: This is an Extreme Rules match, but it seems neither one of them has brought weapons of his own for this match...this could be very interesting..
Dogg: Or it could be a perfect time for those PWF asses to come back...ugh.
Ayane: Well, keep your fingers crossed and hope it doesn't!
*ding, ding*
Felstrom and Kanyon begin a slugfest in the center of the ring, and Rik goes for an irish whip--Kanyon stops himself before he hits the corner...spins around, charges Rik--arm drag takedown by Rik. Kanyon gets up..is armdragged again...Kanyon is pulled up, Rik scoops him up--bodyslam foiled when Kanyon reverses into a headscissors takedown!
Ayane: A rather unusual move to see out of Kanyon, but it did the trick nonetheless.
Dogg: Come on...Extreme Rules!! Hit him with some *bleep*!
Kanyon gets up, and as Rik stands up, he goes for a side kick, but Rik ducks, picking him up and dropping him in an inverted atomic drop, then lays in a few shots to the chin. Kanyon is shot to the corner, this time with more success, as he staggers out of the corner favoring his back. Rik rolls him up for a small package...
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One!
Nice escape by Kanyon!
Kanyon is pulled up to his feet, Rik attempts a few elbows to the head-but Kanyon headbutts him in the stomach, then spin kicks him to the stomach. Irish Whip--reversed--Kanyon to the ropes..Rik goes for a Samoan Drop, but Kanyon manages to escape out of it, gets behind Rik...reverse neckbreaker attempt--Rik blocks--Kanyon with a backslide!
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ONE!
Rik kicks out...kippups...clothesline by Kanyon connects...sends Rik to the ropes...holds him up in the fireman's carry...OOOOH..pancakes him down!!
Ayane: Kanyon with a great move there, but I don't think he can follow up...
Dogg: He's rolling to the outside...and...YEAH...dragging out Rik by the foot!
Ayane: Since this is Extreme Rules, the Falls Count Anywhere rule applies!! Anything out here can be followed up with a pinfall!
Kanyon grabs Rik by the scruff of his neck, and drives him into the ringpost. Rik shakes it off, but Kanyon follows up by doing it again, then lifting him up and dropping him jaw first across the apron.
Ayane: YOWCH!!
Dogg: That'll knock the smell of tuna out of his breath.
Kanyon climbs up on the apron, and as Rik gets up, Kanyon runs and dives off...Rik drops down, and Kanyon flies OVER him and into the lower part of the safety railing!!
Ayane: Rik avoids a high-flying dive from Kanyon!! Into the cover!
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ONE!
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.
TWO
Kickout!
Dogg: So, think he'll even have a chance to debut that move he's been harping about almost as long as JR has been doing about his BBQ sauce?
Ayane: Well, that's what he's planning on doing, but he wants to wear down Rik first...and he isn't in any position to be wearing him down right now...
Dogg: Unless he's hoping Rik will get tired while kicking his ass.
Ayane: Er, right. Rik now pulling a table out from underneath the ring...these could be two tables snapped tonight if he gets to do what he's planning on doing...
Dogg: How do you know he's planning to put Kanyon through it? He could just be thinking of offering Kanyon a mid-match snack.
Ayane: Yeah, right...and the JGW won't flop.
Dogg: Gee....free plug. Hope that b*tch Regal appreciates it.
Ayane: Kanyon up...Rik with right hands...Kanyon coming back with a few of his own...Rik going for a suplex on Kanyon...Kanyon blocks...goes for it again--blocks it again...suplexes Rik over...Rik from behind...snares him with a Dragon Sleeper!!
Dogg: Geez...and I thought we'd see someone take a dive through the table...I'm getting VERY disappointed!
Ayane: The referee checking in to see if Kanyon wants to submit....but hanging in there...and with no rope breaks, that's going to be VERY difficult...Kanyon bridging up...trying to turn his neck that's locked in place by Rik...getting out of it getting out of it!! Northern Lights!! Rik with a reverse attem--pT! *CRASH!*
Dogg: WHOA...two for the price of one!
Ayane: Rik and Kanyon lying in the rubble of this table here....and both of them seem in no condition to make a pin....
Dogg: No duh.
Ayane: Both of them crawling up to the apron...Rik with a sidekick...Kanyon staggering away...HOBBES POUNCE by Rik!! Thesz press combination!! Rik up...and pulling up that padding around the ring.
Dogg: Michinoku Driver attempt now by Rik--Kanyon behind Rik, WAISTLOCK...back elbow by Rik....CAT CRASH set up--knee to the midsection by Kanyon...NORTHERN LI--NO!! DEEP IMPACT FLATLINER!! That has to be it!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE!!
*ding, ding*
Winner by Pinfall >>> Chris Kanyon
Ayane: Kanyon pulls off the win with a brand new finisher...and the main event is up next!
**Commercial Break**
We come back from break in the office of President Gokuo...
LG: What do you mean you aren't going to let me shred her contract?
Suit: Sorry, sir...but we just can't allow that. A number of committee members...
LG: F*** THEM!
Suit: Think we should wait and see if she changes her...
LG: F*** them, I said!
Suit: Sir...this isn't a good way to solve...
LG: Sorry...if you can see what happened and still want to keep her under contract, yer outta your mind...fine. We'll just let it expire, however long that takes...
Gokuo threatens to punch him, but pulls away last second.
LG: Yeah, you'd love to sue, wouldn't ya, ya bastard...
From there, we fade to where...
Michael Cole: Fans...we have here...making his first appearance in quite a while, RTC Ma--
The microphone is snatched away...
RTC Man/Nova (?): Somehow...some reason...I know I was supposed to be here tonight...even last time...and last time I wasn't...and this time...I was late.
He hangs his head.
RTC Man/Nova (?): Ryo...kami. I have...vague memories of you. I know we've crossed paths before. Enemies...old rivals...but I know that I have to stop you, since it seems no one else can. You've gone too far...and no one else gets hurt after tonight...
He tosses the mic, away, and flies up (and breaks through) the ceiling..
Dogg: Wow...Nova shut up rather quickly. Well, as much as he usually talks.
Ayane: Well, at least he's alright....physically, in any case.
Dogg: Yeah...but...kinda coo-coo...what's next on the agenda?
Ayane: Finally the main event, in which the charismatic Colley Dogstar goes up against Rash, a man whom has taken some interested in crippling Steven Richards in the past few days..
Road Doog: Yeah Yeah Yeah, and a crack pipin, pot smokin dooooggg is here to give it to ya all!
Ayane:...whatever..
*"Born to be Wild" by Steppenwolf ques up as Colley Dogstar makes his way out onto the stage to a face pop. He makes his way down to the ring, and waits for his opponent, very focused at the moment.*
Road Dogg: Yo yo yo, its the doggy whos head is a little foggy, cause hes been having a run thats funny.
Ayane:..did you always talk like this?
Road Dogg: I talk the talk, and live in a ghetto board walk!
Ayane:..right..well next we have Rash!
*"Symphony of Destruction" cues up as Rash and Baby walk out onto the stage. They are met with puppy chants and boos. Rash and Baby walk down to the ring. Rash rolls into the ring as Baby walks around to the announcers table taking a seat near Road Dogg*
Baby: HIYA!!!
Road Dogg: Hey Hey Hey your blonde as can be as got sweet lookin par of...
Ayane: Shut your trap and focus on the match at hand D O double G
Road Dogg: Ok then..Rash and Colley circle eachother..Lock up...Colley takes the advantage with a head lock..Rash forces him into the ropes...Rash goes for a closeline by it is countered into a pin!
Ayane: Kick out before a count can even start by Rash. Colley with a arm bar on Rash..Colley releases and throws Rash into the ropes..Colley goes for a leap frog but Rash catches him and hits a sit down power bomb! The cover..1..Kick out!
Baby: Awwww...come on Rashy..
Road Dogg:..sounds like more of a person problem there..anywho, Rash gets up and drags Colley up by his hair. Knees to the face followed by a stiff kick to the back of the knee. Rash steps behind Colley and applies a head lock now..Oh! Colly is up to his feet...Rash jumps on his back..COLLEY Counters by FAlling backwards! The cover! 1..2...Kick out and release by Rash!
Ayane: Colley gets to his feet, while Rash slowly stumbles up..Colley kicks Rash in the gut! Evenflow DDT! The cover! 1..2..Kick out by Rash again. Colley walks behind Rash picks him up. Release German Suplex on Rash! Colley is going to the top turnbuckle now?!
Baby: Silly Doggy, tricks are for kids..
Road Dogg:..of course Baby..Anyway, Colley jumps off the top rope going for an Elbow!!! Oh! Rash moves out of the way! Rash gets to his feet and Colley pulls himself up on the ropes..Rash closelines himself and Colley out of the ring onto the outside!
Baby:..uum..I hope Rash didn't hurt himself in his first main event..
Ayane: I doubt that hurt him to much baby. Rash grabs Colley by his head and throws him into the stairs! Rash picks up Colley and rolls him back into the ring now..the cover..1..2..Kick out again!
Road Dogg: Rash jumps onto the second rope and hits a splash on Colley..the pin..1..2..Kick out again! Rash is getting annoyed and he picks up Colley, whipping him into the ropes..Rash goes for the powerslam but Colley slips away and swings Rash around hitting him with a face buster! Rash is dazed! Colley picks up Rash into a powerbomb!! CORNER TRAP POWERBOMB!!
Baby: NOOO!!!
Ayane: The Cover! 1..2..Kick out! HE KICKED OUT!
Baby: YAY!! GO GO RASHY POO! GO!
Road Dogg:..Rashy Poo? Disgusting..Colley picks up Rash an whips him into the other turnbuckle now..Colley charges in! OH! Rash got his boot up! Rash with a big time Closeline as both men are down again!
Ayane: Both men are crawling to their feet now..Rash and Colley have started trading blows now!
Road Dogg: Colley gets the advantage now..kicks Rash in the gut and sets him up for a powerbomb!!
Baby: On no not again!
Ayane: Looks like Colley is going for the 3rd Impact!! He lifts up Rash!! NO! Rash with an eye rack on Colley! CHOKESLAM ON COLLEY BY RASH! The Cover!..1..2..Kick out!
Road Dogg: Hey Baby, your boyfriend almost had it won there..
Baby: hehe..thats ok hehe
Ayane:..right..anyway. Rash picks up Colley and whips him into the ropes again..He goes for the closeline..Colley Counters with a base ball side to Rash's knee! Colley has gotten his second wind it looks like! Rash turns around only to be met with a stiff right! Colley sends Rahs into the ropes...SPINEBUSTER!
Road Dogg: Colley is going for the Cano's elbow! HE HITS IT!!! Now he is picking up Rash! HE IS GOING FOR THE 3rd IMPACT AGAIN!!..
Ayane: LOW BLOW!! LOW BLOW BY RASH!! FINAL BITE!! HE HAS THE FINAL BITE ON!!!!! COLLEY IS TAPPING OUT!! THATS DISGUSTING!!
Baby: OH MY LITTLE SWISHY WISHY RASHY POO HAS WON!!
*Road Dogg vomits*
Ayane: The winner of this bout, Rash!