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LIVE From Market Square Arena in Indianapolis, IN!!

The opening theme for Showdown plays as a series of video clips is shown on a highlight reel. From there, fireworks explode from the entranceway to a near a packed crowd in the Market Square Arena.

Eko: Hello everyone, and welcome to a very special EAW Sunday...Night...Showdown!!

Signs such as:

"Fire Broon, Damnit!"

"Debate of the Century: Haku vs. Spiffing Sam vs. George W."

"England? Who'd they beat? FRANCE?! HAHAHAHHA!!"

"BeeGee 'The Juicer' Hyde."

"As(s)&(Cu)M?"

"I've like to have some Ivory in MY shower."

"Jobberlly Gentlemen."

Lilith: Happy Mother's Day and such everyone...me and Megsie are back at the announcers desk where we belong, ready to call tonight's action.

Megan: And since my mother is here tonight...would you kindly refrain from excessive sexual remarks tonight?

Lilith: I'd like to Megsie--but it's in my contract. Gotta do it!

Megan: *sigh* Well, I guess I'll just have to fend them off again, as usual. Anyhow, as usual, we have five huge matches in store...the first set to kick off...RIGHT NOW!

"Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down cues up then, the fans cheering a bit for the fairly-new EAW wrestler, "Mr. Entertainment" Kevin Tatum, who makes his way out onto the ramp, looking quite serious, but calm.

Lilith: I still feel a little uneasy about this guy...but..what OTHER kinds of 'entertainment' does he dabble in, I wonder. Perhaps the adult variety?

Megan: He doesn't exactly strike me as the type. More of a strong, silent type...he's a no-nonsense up-and-comer who doesn't let too much go to his head. Walking down the ramp now.."Mr. Entertainment," Kevin Tatum.

Lilith: You want "entertainment?" Give me and Hera a videocamera, and we'll give you entertainment.

Megan: Not quite that type...Tatum getting into the ring now...very focused...both of these competitors are undefeated so far in the EAW...

"Angel" by Aerosmith cues up...

Lilith: And here comes his little stinker of an opponent now. Who do you think is hotter, Megs? Colley-chan or Mandy?

Megan: Well, really hard for me to see...I haven't judged too many beauty contests with female skunk anthromorphs. However, I'll say among the female skunk anthromorphs in the EAW, she's definitely one of the hottest.

Lilith: Wonder what would happen if she got dumped in the cursed spring? Maybe she'd become a dog in male form with a big schlong like Colley, too?

Megan: You've undoubtedly had some disturbing fantasies involving those possibilities, I'd imagine...

Lilith: You can't even BEGIN to imagine, Megsie...I've probably had EVERY fantasy that you could have with that.

Mandy LePew cutely bounces out onto the apron, jogging down the ramps as the crowd cheers. Well, a number of the girls are cheering, the guys are whistling and making lude gestures. Well, the guys and Lilith.

Lilith: Not even mentioning the possibilities of that tail. Oh, soooooo many ideas. ^_^ It could be used to tickle, fondle, spank, and...*evil grin*..take a guess what else.

Megan: *covering ears* MANDY LEPEW GETTING IN THE RING NOW...READY TO LOCK UP WITH MR. ENTERTAINMENT NOW. *uncovers ears* The bell about ready to ring aaaaand...

*ding, ding*

Lilith: I can't believe I never thought of doing that next. I hope Mandy doesn't mind me "borrowing" her form next time me and Hera make some lovin'. I'll tie her down and tickle her cute little feet with my tail until she's screams for mercy...

Megan: The match, Lilith, the match...the two of them moving in cautiously...lock up with the hands...Tatum overpowering her early--Mandy fighting back...Mr. Entertainment going into the hammerlock. Mandy running towards the ropes...springing off...arm drag takeover! Mr. Entertainment springing back up..ducks the clothesline by Mandy...takes her over with an armdrag himself...LePew springing up...diving clothesline by Mr. Entertainment. Pulling up LePew by that natural skunkstripe haircut of hers...

Lilith: Veeeeeeeery sexy.

Megan: Setting her up for a suplex...hooks the tights...hoisting her up now...good elevation...drops her down on her back. Mr. Entertainment keeping the pace slow thus far...Pulling up LePe--SMALL PACKAGE ROLL-UP!

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One!

Kickout by Tatum! Surprising maneuver from Mandy, and she gets up now..clothesline--Tatum grabs the arm...NO, she reverses! Hard back heel kick sending Tatum down to his knees...still holding onto the arm--Fameasser-style move onto the arm...scissored armbar by Mandy!

Lilith: ARMBAR!! ARMBAR!! Hold #486 on the list!! Well..in a lot of other places too, actually.

Megan: A rarely-seen transition to it, though...LePew getting up now...going into the hammerlock--reversal by Mr. Entertainment--spinning around--Fisherman's suplex!

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One!

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Lilith: HE TOUCHED HER BUTT!! HE TOUCHED HER BUTT!! I wonder if "Mr. Entertainment" got a thrill out of that...I know I would. ^_^

Megan: Both Tatum and LePew up...exchanging rights...side armbar counter by Mr. Entertainment...Irish Whip--reversed by LePew...sends Mr. Entertainment into the corner! Cartwheel--into a handspring elbow smash in the corner!! Staggering out of the corner...LePew locking on a sleeper--but holding his ground...fighting it...aaaand--tosses LePew over his shoulder!! LePew kippups...going after Tatum--sending her to the outside! Tatum now the lightest of wrestlers...but getting up on the top rope now...LePew back up quickly...coming off--INVERTED ATOMIC DROP COUNTER!!

"One!"

Megan: Irish whip now...Tatum hits the steel stairs! LePew springing up onto the apron..

"Two!"

Megan: Launching herself at Tatum--caught! POWERSLAMMED down to the outside by Mr. Entertainment!!

"Three!"

Lilith: Don't feel ashamed, Kevy...if you'd cop a feel right now on the skunk chick we'd understand...I feel like doing it myself!

Megan: In the state of mind he's in now, I doubt he'd do that no matter who he's facing...picking her up...rams her head to the steel now going to roll her in--NO, Mandy returns the favor by slamming Mr. Entertainment's head to the steel!

"Three!!"

Megan: Picks him up now...snap suplex!! Entertainment back up....DROP TOE HOLD!! Mr. Entertainment's head hits the bottom step!!

Lilith: Kevy on his hands and knees...Whoa...check it out now!! Mandy behind Tatum, applying a sleeperhold thingy--I usually pictured these two kinda like this...only with the positions switched.

"Four!"

Megan: Mr. Entertainment is busted open! Must have happened when he hit his head on the steel steps.

Lilith: Like.."Duh!"

"Five!"

Megan: Mandy rolling in Tatum...springing up onto the top rope...Tatum up...MISSILE DROP KICK from Mandy!! Cover!

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One!

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TWO!--kickout!

Lilith: Blah...she's wearing boots!

Megan: One of these two will have their streak ended tonight...Tatum getting up...SWINGING NECKBREAKER by Mandy! Tatum back up again...Mandy tosses him to the ropes...hits them herself--Tatum stopping--Mandy looking for a DDT--NO! NORTHERN LIGHTS RELEASE SUPLEX!! Tatum tossing LePew half the way across the ring!! Mandy up...set up from behind from Tatum! DRAGON SUPLEX PIN!!

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One!

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TWO!!

NO! Kickout by Mandy!

Lilith: Whoo-hoo!! *clap-clap* Great camerawork that time Oh...and pretty damn good Dragon Suplex as well.

Megan: Tatum pulling up LePew again...hammering away now on her...kick to the midsection stopping the offensive attack...Face Crusher set up by LePew--no, backdrop--LePew lands on her feet...backslide!! One! Two! NO! Tatum escapes...

Lilith: Uh oh...here they come again to spoil things...

Megan: The Experimentals--Tommy Zen and Dave Star--are coming out now...but why? Is there any sort of method to their madness? They rush the ring now..Zen with a clothesline in the back of the head of the referee!!

Lilith: Aw come on...

Megan: Clothesline on both LePew and Tatum!! Zen going out to the apron....EDGE OF EXTREMITY!! Star stomping away on LePew...rolls her out to the outside. Tatum getting up now...kick to the midsection by the Experimentals...*ding, ding, ding*

Lilith: Double Team DDT!!

Megan: Star and Zen dragging him over the ropes..toss him to the outside. Star having words with the referee now.

Star seems to be saying something with the referee...Star getting offended with what the referee says..and...

Megan: Star hoisting up the referee onto his back! OMEGA WAVE!!

*ding, ding, ding*

Lilith: Whoa...Tatum landed right on top of Mandy--check it out!! But still THESE GUYS SUCK!

Lilith: Dave Star and Tommy Zen celebrating here...gotta give them some credit though for not using any foreign objects in this attack...

Lilith: The Experimentals...just a couple of fugwits....or S&M's boyfriends?

Megan: We....really don't know. However, this match ended unfortunately due to interference....and the referee's call is still being waited on...we'll have that for you when we return...after this commercial break!

**Commercial Break**

10. Hey...I had a match to RP for too, and it was Mother's Day, so I didn't have much time to work on it Sunday.

9. I crashed early Sunday Night.

8. I got up early Monday morning, but I had to go help to get grain for the horse, and was also having breakfast at a restaurant.

7. Began work on a collab RP to be posted after results were up...UNTIL..

6. The mother kicked me off the net for several hours...

5. Had to wash the car, go to find a scratch remover for it as well.

4. I played a teensy bit of Mega Man Legends 2 that I rented.

3. Throughout the entire time I was on MSN, I couldn't really find people around who could help out with results (I did these results on my own)

2. Raw was on.

And the NUMBER ONE REASON results are late....

1. Like most people...I need sleep.

Don't sweat it...I'll have the RR card preview up tonight...things will be back on schedule then.

As we come back from break, the ring announcer says, "The referee of that last match has declared that the result will be a NO CONTEST DUE TO OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE! Ladies and Gentlemen now...here to make a special announcement, President GOKUO!!

"Praise the Lords" by Lords of Acid begins playing, as President Gokuo makes his way down to the ring, the crowd cheering. Rather than wearing any sort of formal attire, he's decked out in cut-off khakis and high boots, and is bare chested save for a lose vest.

Megan: Welcome back folks, and you're just about to be witness to a special announcement by President Gokuo.

Lilith: Yeah...the guy who hired Megan for her looks.

Megan: That isn't true!

Lilith: Well, it's partially true...certainly didn't hurt.

Megan: Yes...he's a male chauvinist. Yes, part of the reason he hired me may be because of his Asian fixation...but he's done quite a commendable job so far as President. I wonder what he's out here to announce, however?

Lilith: Maybe the next show will be...a SHOW LOADED WITH BABES IN BIKINIS AND STRIPPING MATCHES AND..heh..oops.

Megan: That wouldn't surprise me in the least...but at any rate, he's getting in the ring now and..

Gokuo recieves a microphone, then cuts off Megan.

Gokuo: *Ahem* Everyone...everyone...need yer attention heah so SHADDUP!!!

Lilith: Yeah, Megan.

Gokuo: I have a few important announcements to make. First up, as Shannon LeQuis reported...Blink and Eighteen are back here ON EARTH...and..

The crowd pops before Gokuo can finish his sentence.

Gokuo: And...I'm nearly thru havin da completed documents drafted that'll allow 'em to return toda EAW.

The crowd pops yet again.

Gokuo: The changes I'll make'll be perfectly sensible ones, but that of course means Eighteen still won't be allowed in normal matches unless she finds some way to power herself down. Dat's another problem for another day, though. However, both a' 'em will be back soon as long as I can help it. Dat ain't all I gots to say out here, though...

The crowd gets quiet.

Gokuo: Ya see...Chief Executive Pain in the Ass Vice Associate of the Board of Brown Nosing and Bitching Paul has been bugging me to do something about the situation involving Sabu, Red Rock West, and the Cruiserweight Title.

Lilith: YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!! Red was screwed!! And..not by me..which really sucks! Not in good way, like how I'd like to suck on her naughty bits and toes and..

Gokuo: Seems there was a bit of confusion in da rules...supposedly an Extreme Match, ran mostly as a normal match, and Paul says she shouldn't have hadta defend the Cruiserweight Title in an Extreme Match anyhow..and Sabu won with the Arabian Facebuster...and things' is f'ed up big time.

Lilith: YEAH!! GIVE RED THE TITLE BACK!!

Megan: At least ATTEMPT to hide your bias, Lil.

Gokuo: Well...I've thought of what would be the best way to handle this...and for now, I'm declaring the Cruiserweight Title...vacant.

Lilith: NOOOOOO!!

Gokuo: But only until the next Riot Rulz. Where...in a TRIPLE THREAT LADDER MATCH....

Lilith: Triple Threat?! Sabu and both of Red's puppies?

Gokuo: Sabu....Red 'Rock' West...and SCARLET FOXFIRE...

The crowd cheers harder at the mention of that third name being tossed into the mix.

Gokuo: Will battle to crown a new Cruiserweight Champ!

Lilith: Sabu, Scarlet and Red?! Wow!! One wears MC Hammer pants, the other doesn't really wear pants, and the other I want to get in her pants.

Gokuo: I'm also considering having a special guest referee...who I haven't picked yet. I'll name him or her before the match, but anyone interested in the position feel free to let me know...

Lilith: ME!! ME!! ME!!! LET ME REF IT!!! LET ME REF IT!!!

Megan: Hmmm...sounds like something you'd be interested in Lil...

Lilith: I'll bet Sabu's gotten a boner tjust hinking about that match...wrestling against those two. I guess that's one reason he wears those pants--helps hide it.

Megan: Knowing Sabu, the phrase "Ladder Match" is what probably given him a boner.

Gokuo: Lastly...to make sure we don't have any other title changes that shouldn't take place...I am banning both the RTC and Michael's friends Nova, Bret Hart, Raven, and even Oseiko if she's here from ringside...sorry, but gotta do it...with that out of the way...I'll now return ya to yer irregularly scheduled program...late-a peeps.

Gokuo begins to exit the ring as "Praise the Lords" begins to play yet again. He hands the mic to the Fink who begins to do the ring announcing duty as the "Main Theme from Halloween" cues up.

"The following match, scheduled for one fall, is a Tornado Gauntlet Match. Introducing first....from Tonga...standing six-three and weighing three hundred...six pounds...HAAAAAAAAAAAAA-KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!

Haku stalks out onto the stage, getting a reaction mixed with boos, cheers, and apathy.

Megan: The Master of the Tongan Death Grip looks focused..but insane, as always Lilith.

Lilith: Hee-hee...Master...Grip. I wonder if he practices that hold 2-3 times a day like most guys?

Megan: Joke if you want, but he's he scary guy.

Lilith: I'll hold you if you're scared..

Megan: I think I'm safe...I just wouldn't want to be the Gentlemen right now.

Lilith: Yeah...I think Broon has more sick fetishes than I do. I hear he's a fecalphiliac now, too.

Megan: Yech...

Haku gets in the ring, taking a swipe at Fink before climbing up to the second rope, babbling something in Tongan.

"Weapon of Choice" by Fatboy Slim cues up the speaker system, as Paul, the Cheif Executive Vice Associate of the Board slowly makes his way to ringside in his usual suit and tie.

Lilith: What the hell's he doing here?!

Megan: Chief Executive Vice--screw it...his name is Paul. And him being the person manager of Haku, and presumably his mystery partner, I guess he's here to formally introduce him.

Lilith: Maybe it's Rikishi!! Coming out here to slap his big old butt and make the Gentlemen [Konnan] toss his salad and peel his po-tat-toes.

C.E.etc. Paul: Fans of the EAW, I am very, very excited to announce that we here at Extreme Attitude Wrestling have aquired a new name, that I can assure to you is going to be Big, Big, Big... yes, fans. I would like to introduce you to what I feel could very well represent the future of EAW. Fans, tonight in this very ring, we shall see the debut of the EAW's newest talent, *lowers voice* and my new Bodygaurd... *raises his voice* The Man that shall be known as..."BOB!!!"

Megan: ...BOB?!

Lilith: BOB!!

"Am I evil?" by Metallica blares over the speaker system as the massive, massive man that is refered to as Bob steps from behind the curtain. He is a huge man dressed in a standard black wrestling singlet with a musclar build not unlike that of Rhyno. He is clad in a generic black wrestling mask that looks very much like the one that Lump and Loaf woar in that old Ren and Stimpy cartoon. Paul smiles as he hands the microphone over to "Bob."

Bob: Let me speke on dis... BOB 3:16 Sez I rool!!!

Lilith/Megan: *Laugh their asses off*

Paul pauses, his smile gone as he looks utterly perplexed.

Bob: Let me maek dis clear... Jolly Gen-tal-man... Aye haf cum her to kick ass an' chew bub-ball-gum... And ass hard to chew!!!!!

A burst of laughter can be heard from the crowd as Paul slaps his forehead in frustration.

Megan: *snicker* Hee-hee-hee-HAHAHHAHA!! *falls off chair*

Lilith: Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee, you okay, HA-HA, Megan?

Megan: I'm *sniff* alright, hee-hee...um...what the--hee-hee--hell?

Paul grabs the microphone from Bomb

CEVAotBP: Just...get to the ring.

"Bob" shrugs, walking down the ramp to the ring.

Megan: Hee-hee...an incredible first promo from...hee-hee...BOB! WHAHA!

Lilith: *tickles Megan*

Megan: NO NO NO! NOT NOW!! HAHAHAHAH!!!

CEVAotBP: Security...out here right now...I don't want any of the Gentlemen coming out before they're supposed to...

A burly trio of security guards comes out...following by another, in line right behind them...more waves come and begin to surround the ring as Paul comes down to the ring beside Bob, then makes his way over to the announce desk.

ABCDEFG Paul: Can you two quit acting like this is a sleepover and try to maintain SOME form of professionalism.

Megan: HAHAHAHHA..hee-hee *Lilith stops* hee-hee...I'm trying, but Lilith won't let me.

Paul: Well...since you two are likely going to be goofing around, I'll have to provide some objective analysis for this match..and watch my new charge in action.

Megan: Ummm...not to challenge your wisdom...but this "Bob" seems quite unremarkable except for his size. He has worse mic skills than Ahmed Johnson, and..

Paul: Just watch him in the ring, and don't judge him so quickly.

"Introducing their first opponents...from Uganda, and London, England respectively...at a combined weight of 940 lbs....the first pair of opponents, Spiffing Sam, and PC Plodder!"

Megan: The first and last pairs of opponents will be most difficult for these two...

Paul: An oversized Bossman and Kamala?! THIS is the competition for my hot prospect and the monster Men--er, Haku?!

Lilith: Um...to be fair, this looks kinda even...

Megan: True..true.

Paul: You've got to be kidding me...watch Haku and Bob squash them like a pair of oversized cockroaches.

Megan: The comparison of the Gentlemen with cockroaches is valid....

Plodder and Sam hit the ring...the bell rings.

Megan: A very slanted Paul here to contribute to the commentary...Sam and Bob pairing off....Plodder and Haku going at it.

Paul: Yes, I can assure you I am utterly and totally unbiased about this proceeding and... *sighs* Amazing how incompetant the referees are here, this is an outrage... This should be grounds for an immediate disqualification, I mean Kamala just used a closed fist!... A closed fist mind you!!! That's a serious violation of the rules.

Lilith: In the EAW, street fighting, any Hardcore/Extreme matches and pornos it isn't. ^_^

Paul: Haku devasting Plodder with those headbutts...Bob showing his technical prowess with a arm drag!! "Sam" back up...clothesline on Bob. Haku and Sam pulling up their opponents...the two islanders with headbutts in STEREO...and not even on the same team!! Bob and Plodder up...Plodder going over there....scooped and slammed by Plodder.

Megan: Haku and Sam staring each other down...HAKU with a huge headbutt!!~~~But Sam barely affected!! Strikes back with one of his own...shakes it off and...

Paul: DUELING HEADBUTTS!!

Megan: Haku and Sam smashing skulls like a pair of antelopes over a female...Plodder exchanging right hands with Bob...Bob sent into the ropes....ducks the big boot by Plodder. Coming back now...flying clothesline!! Bob now up..stomping away on Plodder!

Paul: Haku and Sam continuing to butt heads, Haku with a vicious throat thrust!! This is what these two can do...completely dominating this affair now. Haku hitting the ropes...dives down with a headbutt to the heart of Sam.

Lilith: Sam has boobs almost as big as yours, Megan! They aren't quite as nice and bouncy, though.

Megan: *cough* *cough*

Paul: It's just about over...Haku yanking up Sam...TONGAN DEATH GRIP!! The Ugandan Warrior is FINISHED!! Now Bob pulling up Plodder...say goodbye to this team.

Megan: Sam weakening to the Tongan Death Grip...Bob setting up Plodder.

Paul: This is only a sample of what he's capable of...

Bob bellows out, "Aaaltimate Destwuction Bom Nity Ate!!!!" before setting up Plodder in a powerbomb ready position.

Megan: Bob getting up Plodder...and...a powerbomb!! Haku holding down Sam to the mat! Cover by Bob!

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One!

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TWO!

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THREE!!

*ding, ding*

"Eliminated: PC Plodder and Spiffing Sam!"

Paul: The rest of them won't take that long...

Megan: Well, this team making a strong showing in the early going..

THe Jolly Gentlemen theme cues up again...and out comes...Oklahoma and the Iron Shiek?!

"Up next...from Oklahoma..and Iran...at a combined weight...of over 550 lbs...the team of Oklahoma..and the IRRRRRRRRRRRRRON SHIEEEEEEEEK!!"

Paul: This is pathetic...Ed Farrara in a gimmick that Russo didn't know when to kill, and the Iron Shiek...whose older than my grandfather?

Megan: He DID win the Gimmick Battle Royale at Wrestlemania.

Paul: Well, Bob and Haku are bloodthirsty...beating up a fat, hairy-assed booker and a senior citizen wouldn't be beyond them.

Megan: Oklahoma and the Iron Shiek hits the ring and...TONGAN DEATH GRIP ON THE IRON SHIEK!! Bob hammering away on Oklahoma...sending him to the ropes...STUNNER!! STUNNER!! STUNNER!!

Paul: NO NO NO!! It's the "3:16!"

Megan: Rather...it's the

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One

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Two!

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Three!!

Paul: Shiek tapping out to the Tongan Death Grip!! That has to be some kind of record!

Lilith: Damn...I've had virgins that lasted lasted longer than those two.

Megan: Don't pat yourself on the back yet...one more team to go before the Regals appear.

The Jolly Gentlemen theme cues up again, and out comes a white-suited man with a deep sunburned-looking complexion and red hair, and another man in a dark grey suit, and a steel jaw...

"Coming out next....heights and weights unknown...2 other members of the Jolly Gentlemen....Brother Love...and JAWS!"

Brother Love: I luv yeeeeeeeeew aaalllll!!

Lilith: I liked his brother Dude a lot more...

Megan: Brother Love--someone you often see around where wrestlecrap abounds--and his partner Jaw...coming in now..Haku and Bob meeting them halfway up the ramp....Haku applying the Tongan Death Grip to Jaws....Bob hoisting up Brother Love high in the air...tossing Gorilla Press Slam! Brother Love landing not-too-softly onto the stage...and Haku having difficulty with applying that Tongan Death Grip hold...Bob and Haku having words..both fluent in gibberish.

Paul: HEY! Haku would be gravely insulted! It's TONGAN! Bob's the one fluent in gibberish.

Lilith: Either way, they must have pretty talented tongues to say a lot of that stuff...IF you catch my drift.

Megan: Bob picking up Brother Love!! He tosses Brother Love to Haku!! Haku with the Tongan Death Grip on Brother Love! Haku tosses Jaws to Bob! Bob and Jaws having it out now...Jaws chomps down on the arm of Bob! Bob yelping out in pain..Bob kicking Jaws in the midsection now--he releases...sets him up now...SUPLEXES HIM OFF THE RAMP!! Jaws crashing on the floor below through a table! And you complain about a closed fist?

Paul: They haven't entered the ring yet...there wasn't a bell sounded...this is all legal!

Megan: True enough...Haku hoisting up Brother Love...TONGAN CHOKESLAM!! Bob climbing down to where Jaws landed, and Haku dragging Brother Love by his hair into the ring. He rolls him in now...Bob dragging Jaws towards the ring by his leg. Hoists him up over his head now, like what he did with Brother Love...GORILLA PRESS SLAM from the floor to the inside of the ring!! Incredible power! Bob climbs in...the referee signals for the bell...

*ding, ding*

Paul: This match is officially underway!! Brother Love getting up now...and YES!! The Tongan Death Grip applied!! Bob setting up Jaws for...

"Aaaaaltimate Dewstwuction BAWMB NITEY ATE!!"

Megan: Haku and Bob hitting their respective finishers...double pin!

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One!

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TWO!

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THREE!!

*ding, ding*

Paul: No sweat for these two...now bring out the Regals...and they'll bring the PAIN!

Megan: Haku and Bob defeating Brother Love and Jaws in less than 10 seconds! But one team left...

The Jolly Gentlemen theme cues up one more time, bringing out the co-head of the Jolly G...the fraternal Regal twins,

"And the final team...from London, England...at a combined weight of 617 pounds...William and Cecil Regal!!"

Paul: The final team...and when Haku and Bob win this one...you'll see..you'll see.

Megan: The Regals wasting no time getting down to the ring...but I doubt this will be as easy for Haku and Bob as it was to beat up those old wrestlers and non-wrestlers before them. The Regals in!

*ding, ding*

Paul: Haku and Bob starting things off by hammering on the opposition...the twin Regals...double Irish Whip to the ropes...coming back now...Bob with a spinebuster on William!! Cecil with a flying clothesline on Haku that staggers the huge Tongan! Cecil hits the far ropes again...another flying clothesline sends Haku to the outside!! The monster Haku landing on his feet, however! What agility!!

Megan: Bob with a series of mounted punches on William--axehandle smash to his back from Cecil! Cecil attacking Bob...pulling him off of his brother...Bob and Cecil standing face to face...now the two erupting into a brawl!

Lilith: *yawn*

Megan: Haku back in the ring now...William up. Haku going after William...chops to the chest of Regal...ducking--throat thrust blocked by William!! William hammering away on Haku now...Haku being Irish-whipped--Bob and Cecil clothesline each other out to the outside!

Paul: William with a dropkick into the chest of the monsterous Haku! Haku getting back up now...Cecil and Bob brawling on the outside--William laying in knees to the the midsection Haku...with minimal effect--CECIL SENDS BOB INTO THE STEEL STEPS!!

Megan: Back inside the ring...William standing toe-to-toe with Haku..hammering away on the Tongan Terror...going for a belly-to-belly..can't quite get that massive body over--HIPTOSS by Haku takes him over!! William up again...ducks the kick by Haku...LOW BLOW!! LOW BLOW!!

Paul: A prime example of William's utter lack of sportsmanship for you! Resorting to the low blow! Outside Cecil stomping away on Bob--WILLIAM PULLS OFF THE SIDE BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX on HAKU!! UNBELIEVABLE!!--Cecil rolls Bob back into the ring..and the Regals momentarily in control of this match!

Megan: The Regals going for pins on their opponents!! One! TWO! NO!! Both Haku and Bob kick out!!

Paul: Haku and Bob can handle anything these two can dish out, and then some. They've gone through all those teams to make it this far, and these two certainly aren't going to stop them.

Megan: Maybe true, but they aren't going to do it too easily here...the two of them pulled up by the Regals now...Cecil switching with his brother William....William laying in some stiff chops to Bob...Cecil setting up Haku for the Cecil Cruncher--HITS IT!! Cecil stomping away on Haku now...William laying in a European Uppercut...pushing Bob back towards the turnbuckle--Bob with a kick to Regal--now applying a chokehold of some sort...HOISTS UP WILLIAM!! Neck hanging tree!!

Paul: Haku fighting through the stomping of Cecil Regal to sit back up...getting up to his feet now...Cecil sends him into the ropes--William tossed onto his back by Bob, William getting back up...CECIL WITH A!! NO! HAKU hoists him up!! SAMOAN DROP!!--William with a series of knees--hits a DDT on BOB!! Now...he's using the ropes for leverage with that Regal Stretch!! OPEN YOUR EYES, REF!!--BUT HAKU APPLYING THE TONGAN DEATH GRIP!!! WHO WILL GIVE OUT FIRST!! THE WIMPY REGAL BROTHER, OR THE IRON-WILLED YOUNG PROSPECT, BOB!!?!

Lilith: DUCK AND COVER!! I THINK HIS HEAD'S GONNA BLOW!!

Megan: Cecil and Bob tapping out now! *ding, ding*

"Eliminated: Cecil Regal, and Bob."

Megan: Haku tosses away Cecil...William getting up now...

Paul: William turns around--TONGAN DEATH GRIP!! TONGAN DEATH GRIP!!

Paul gets up and moves closer to the ring.

Paul: DON'T LET GO!! DON'T LET GO!!

Megan: William tapping!! Bob and Haku have won this!

Winners of Gauntlet Match >>> Haku and the Man They Call Bob

Paul: KEEP IT ON!! KEEP THAT HOLD ON!! BOB!! Finish off Cecil!!

Megan: Haku clamping his free hand onto the back of the neck of William Regal...hoists him up...TONGAN CHOKESLAM!! Still holding him down by the neck with that deadly chokehold.

Lilith: Whoa....Haku's headbanging!

Megan: Bob outside...grabs a chair...slides it in the ring...Cecil getting up...Bob back in...set up...

"Aaaaaltimate Dewstwuction BAWMB NITEY ATE!!"

Megan: Bob powerbombing Cecil onto that steel chair!!--Haku still holding on to that hold....BOB picking up Cecil...THERE IT IS AGAIN!! Bob trying to end Cecil's career...and Haku trying to paralyze William from the neck down....although some would say he's dead from the neck up anyhow.

Paul: THREE MORE TIMES!! THREE MORE TIMES!!

Megan: Cecil being set up again...THREE times with the Ultimate Destruction Bomb '98! But Paul still isn't satisfied!

Paul: TWO MORE...TWO MORE...get him up again...YES!!! ONE MORE!! ONE MORE!!

Megan: The repeated impacts of Cecil onto that chair have nearly flattened it completely to scrap...he hoists up Cecil one more time...aaaaaaaaaaand hits it!!

Paul: YES!! *takes seat back at announce desk* THAT is how a team dominates in the EAW...no mercy at all...

Megan: Haku has finally releases the Tongan Death Grip...Bob offering Haku a high-five...but Haku doesn't seem to understand the gesture.

Paul: Of course he doesn't...they don't have high-fives in Tonga. You two have seen but a sample of what these two will do in the EAW...be afraid...very..very much...afriad.

Paul tosses off the headset and goes into the ring to congratulate Bob and Haku.

Lilith: Whoa...that guy's majorly weird....I mean, he DID get Red another shot at her title, but still...WEIRD!

Megan: I'd concur...well, we're far from being finished folks...after break, we're either going to see a guy stripped down to his skivvies...

Lilith: YEAH!! YEAH! YEAH!!

Megan: Or a girl stripped down to her bra and panties.

Lilith: Bra and panties!! Bra and panties!!

Megan: *sigh* After this break!!

After commerical break...

This is a Test...

This is only a Test...

BOOM

Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'...

Megan: Welcome back folks, for out third match of the night...and the highlight of the evening for Lilith.

Lilith: Damn straight!!

"Rollin" by Limp Bizkit plays on the PA as Test, wearing a Tuxedo with his hair in a pony tail, wearing the Extreme title, and Jenna, who is wearing a red sequin dress, makes their way to the ring. As soon as they get there, they have a brief discussion.

Megan: This match is the first of it's kind--a combination Tuxedo/Evening Gown match featuring the EAW Extreme Champion, Test, teaming up with Jenna against T-Bone and Sarah Murphy.

Lilith: Someone's getting stripped to their underroos...and whether we find out if Test or T-Bone likes boxers or briefs, or get to see Jenna or Sarah in their...BRAANDPANTIES!!!...I can't wait!!

Test and Jenna get in the ring..Jenna climbing through the ropes, Test stepping over the top. Then...some opening guitar riffs begin to play...then some rhythmic drumming...

It's early morning...

The sun comes out...

Last night was shaking...

And pretty loud...

My cat is purring...

And scratches my skin...

So what is wrong with..

anoooother sin?

As "Rock You Like A Hurricane" by the Scorpions plays over the PA system, T-Bone and Sarah Murphy come out together, Sarah with the EAW Women's Title on hand. T-Bone yanks at the collar of his specially made tux, Sarah spins around and poses in her evening gown as the crowd cheers.

Lilith: ARRRRRRRRRGH!! They've like....got too much clothes on.

Megan: Well, we know it isn't the match itself you or much of the fans are looking forward to as much as the ending of the match...

Lilith: YEAH!

Megan: Sarah's one of the many ladies here in the EAW who don't really mind matches like these...for that she deserves a lot of credit, because I doubt I could tolerate wrestling in matches likes these on a regular basis.

Lilith: Seems a little bit of a disappointment after those bikini matches...but oh well!

Sarah and T-Bone climb into the ring...after some discussion on both sides, it seems Test and T-Bone will start the match off...the bell rings.

*ding, ding*

Megan: Test and T-Bone circling each other....lock up in the center of the ring--Test shoves down T-Bone..T-Bone springs back up...arm drags over Test. Test up...hammers on T-Bone...fires him into the ropes..T-Bone back, back body drop!

Lilith: Something's missing...where's the punch bowl? Shouldn't there be one on our table?

Megan: Well, they're not going THAT far with the match...T-Bone pulled up by Test...snapmares him over. Hits the near ropes...high leg drop--NO! T-Bone sitting up and avoiding it! Now getting up...Test getting up to his feet---DROPKICK to the leg of Test! Test down to one knee...T-Bone appying an armwringer...trying to tear off the coat

*rrrrrrriiippp*

Megan: Only gets the sleeve however.

Lilith: *whistle* TAKE IT OFF!! Take it ALL off!

Megan: T-Bone pulls up Test....sending him into the corner....T-Bone charging in--Test elevates him...T-Bone springing up, maintaining balance. Test turns around--avoids the back corner-spring dropkick! DOUBLE LEG TAKEDOWN on T-Bone!! Test mounting T-Bone...hammering away...ripping open the dress shirt. Trying to pull it off now--elbow to the chin of Test knocks him away slightly...T-Bone slipping free a bit...getting up now...T-Bone tags in Sarah.

Lilith: I may become the world's biggest Test fan right here if he can rip off that dress..

Megan: Sarah going after Test now immediately...hammering away on the towering young star...fires him into the ropes...springing forward--takes Test over with a spinning headscissors takedown!! Test surprised...but getting back up....Sarah charging again...OHHH...Caught by Test...SIDE SLAMS her down. Jenna begging for a tag....Test going over--tags her in!

Lilith: YES!! CATFIIIIIIIIIIGHT!! CAAAAAAAATFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!

Megan: Jenna in...Sarah up...the two lock up...Jenna with a takedown! Trying to tear off that gown now...

Lilith: JENNA!! *clap, clap* JENNA!!

Megan: Sarah reversing...rolling over on top of Jenna.

Lilith begins to rally a chant of "TAKE-HER-TOP-OFF!! *clap, clap, clapclapclap* TAKE-HER-TOP-OFF!!"

Megan: Sarah tearing off part of that gown, but not much...Jenna shoving her off, getting up now...they circle each other again, Jenna going for a waistlock...Sarah trying to free herself--snapmares Jenna over! Dropkick into the back! Grabbing the back of her gown now...tearing at it...rips it partially--Jenna yanking it away...getting back up now..lays in a kick to the midsection of Sarah...sends her into the ropes...Sarah grabbing hold the ropes! Slipping out to the outside now...Jenna springing up to the top--axehandle misses...Sarah hooking her from behind...low Outsider's Edge from behind!

Sarah pulling up Jenna...Jenna with a few knees to the midsection...grabbing the hair...yanks Sarah over her hair....still holding up..pulling her back up...there it is again! Pulls her up again by her hair...set up...Suplex coming up aaaaand suplexes Murphy out here on the outside!

Lilith: Ahhh...watching these girls fight like this reminds me of a movie I saw...but in that movie they stripped each other and had lesbo sex.

Megan: We're likely to see the former, but....hopefully not the latter. Sarah pulled by Jenna...Jenna going to slam her head to the apron--Sarah blocks...rams Jenna's head to the apron! Knee into the gut doubles over Jenna...Sarah now readying herself...SCISSOR KICK BACK OF THE HEAD by the EAW Women's Champion! Sarah grabbing the hem of that gown and...

Lilith: PANTIES!! PANTIES!!

Megan: Sarah pulling off most of the bottom of Jenna's gown now...pulls her back up to her feet now...hoisting her up for a shoulderbreaker now--No, Jenna landing behind her...shoving Sarah into the ringside steps! Sarah charges Jenna...Jenna scoops her up...runs toward the stairs...DROPS HER ON HER HEAD onto the steel steps in a modified piledriver! Jenna rolls in Sarah now...Sarah crawling towards the corner...getting up now...Jenna diving for the ankle to pull her away from her partner--Sarah rolling over...shoves away Jenna with her feet...kippups now...clothesline attempt by Jenna...Sarah ducks...headlock by Sarah...running...BULLDOG!!

Lilith: GET TO RIPPING!!

Megan: Sarah tags in T-Bone, who may be looking to finish the job here on Jenna.

Lilith: I could be wrong, but he looks to be sporting a--

Megan: DON'T EVEN SAY IT!!

Lilith: Heh, heh...

Megan: T-Bone going after Jenna...Jenna sliding over and tagging in Test...Test coming in now...T-Bone and Test slugging it out again...T-Bone grabbing the shirt collar of Test, ripping away at Test's shirt--Test shoving away T-Bone...T-Bone hitting a bionic elbow to Test....sends him into the ropes...Test on the return...catches Test--BOSSMAN SLAM by T-Bone! T-Bone grabbing the shirt of Test...tearing the rest of it off now...T-Bone tags Sarah back in....Sarah coming now..T-Bone grabbing the right ankle....Sarah with the left...and..

Lilith: Uh oh...

*rrrrrrrriiiippp*

Megan: A wishbone leg splitter splits the pants of Test!

Lilith: I believe I see boxers!

Megan: Sarah with a legdrop to the inside thigh of Test...Sarah takes T-Bone back in to take control again. T-Bone pulling up Test--setting him up...reverse suplex coming up...blocked by Test...grabs T-Bone by the throat!!

Lilith: STRIP HIM!! STRIP HIM!!

Megan: Lilith eager for anyone to win--Test tosses T-Bone into the corner by his throat! Test stomping away at T-Bone...puts a boot up across the chin...T-Bone straggling for air now...Test sends T-Bone into the ropes..T-Bone on the return...going for it for real now--BETA CHOKESLAM!!

Lilith: Enough piddling around....STRIP STRIP!!

Megan: Test tearing off the rest of T-Bone's shirt...tag to Jenna...apparently doing the same thing T-Bone and Sarah just did...Sarah coming in now...Test setting up T-Bone now....DOMINATOR POSITIONING NOW...Jenna grabs the legs...REVERSE DOMINATOR FACEFIRST POWERBOMB by Jenna and Test! Very impressive move now...Grabbing the pant legs now of T-Bone...Sarah coming in now...DROPKICK to the back of Test!! Jenna springing over...goes for a Hurracanrana...about has it--NO, Sarah counters with a powerbomb!! Now grabbing the pant legs of Test...T-Bone up and assisting her...they each rip apart the pant legs!! Test down to just his underwear!!

Lilith: YES!! YES!!

Megan: But Test isn't the legal partner...Jenna is right now. Test can continue to participate as long as he isn't tagged in.

Lilith: AT LEAST TWO PEOPLE WILL GET STRIPPED!! YES!!

Megan: T-Bone and Sarah send Jenna into the ropes....HIGH PANCAKE PRESS!! Sarah lays in a few stomps before going back out to the apron...Jenna pulled up by T-Bone...T-Bone hoisting her up for a powerbomb...Jenna hammering away on T-Bone--JENNA ABOUT TO HIT THE FACEBUST--No! T-Bone tossing her backwards--snapping her head down on the top rope...T-Bone going over...tag in to Sarah.

Lilith: Two HOT HOT HOT babes in partially torn dresses...one of them to be stripped down to her bra and panties!! WHOOO-HOO!!

Megan: Well...not much left of Jenna's bottom part of her dress...going after the hair of Sarah...Sarah leaning away...grabbing the wrists of Sarah...kneeing her in the stomach...Tiger Leg Sweep sends Jenna down to the mat...grabbing for the back of Jenna's dress...Jenna trying to cover up...grabs Sarah..INVERTED ATOMIC DROP!! Jenna sends Sarah into the corner...hits it hard...stumbling towards Jenna--DOUBLE LEG TAKEDOWN!! Jenna grabbing at Sarah's gown...tears the rest of it off!!

*ding, ding, ding*

Winners by removal of opponent's clothing >>> Test and Jenna

Lilith: OH YEAHH!! OH YEAH!!

"Rollin'" by Limp Bizkit cues up, and the referee raises the hands of Jenna and Test. Jenna requests a mic....

Jenna: You people came here to see a good show, didn't you?

The crowd cheers.

Jenna: You've paid good money to see this show. Well, I still don't think that you've recieved your money's worth yet. OH NO. I am a firm believer of "getting your money's worth", and well... here's your money's worth!!

Lilith: YEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!

Megan: Steven isn't going to like this...

"Sin" by Nine Inch Nails begins to play as Jenna proceeds to strip off her evening gown, pulling it down off her shoulders, pushing it down her body, and letting it drop around her feet, leaving her in her bra and panties. The crowd goes apesh*t for this.

Lilith: First Test, then Sarah, now Jenna!! How about T-Bone?! How about Megan, too?!

Megan: Megan, no way...

Lilith: Damn.

Megan: Well, heh, the night isn't over yet...becuase up next, we get EXTREME when Raven meets S&M's Morty in an Extreme Rules Match...don't miss it!

**Commercial Break**

"Supercharger Heaven" by White Zombie is playing as we come back from commercial break. The grungy, morose Raven comes out as lights flash across the arena..

Megan: Here comes Raven...the dark, macarbe superstar seen in the ECW, WWF, and WCW, and now EAW. He proclaims himself the "Hellion of Hardcore," and seems to fear no man...and supposedly loves pain.

Lilith: *whistle* Nice introduction Megsie...

Megan: Welcome back everyone...we're back from commercial and ready for this brutal Extreme Rules Match...Raven set to take on Morty of S&M. Coming out after him now...Bret Hart...Nova...the EAW People's Champion "Code Red" Michael Connelly. All here to make sure things are on an even playing field.

Lilith: Yup...Morty's gonna have his big buddy Spike out here...so fair's fair, ain't it?

Megan: This is hardly anything like Raven's Flock or Nest as he had in the WCW or ECW...just a group of his friends...though Raven seems to only fully trust Bret Hart.

Lilith: The only problem is he looks like he'd be pretty lazy...

Megan: Hm?

Lilith: I mean...he fights hard, but something tells me in bed, he wouldn't really try...

Megan: That, I can neither confirm nor deny. Raven reaching under the ring now and--YES, he has a stash of weapons underneath there...pulls out a trash can full of goodies...throws it into the ring now...

Raven climbs into the ring...and slumps down in a corner facing right from the entranceway..

Megan: Raven waiting patiently for his opponent...due out here any moment...someone else who likes pain...the M of S&M...Morty!

"Superbeast (Porno Holocaust Remix)" by Rob Zombie cues up, the crowd's cheers quickly turn into boos in an instead. Morty comes out first, followed immediately by Spike. Morty has in hand a few steel chairs, a barbed wire bat, a cut cast that probably was the same one he had when his arm was injured, and brass knuckles on his right fist.

Megan: Morty I think has only one other time or never competeted in an Extreme Match before...but he seems to have the mentality ready..can he pull it off though? In this type of match...he looks to be at a disadvantage.

Lilith: Tell me about it...gets his nuts squished and loves it...damn.

Morty tosses his pile of weapons into the ring before entering it. When he gets in, he stared down Raven....before the bell rings, and the referee begins the match.

*ding, ding*

Raven takes a wooden plank while Morty grabs the barbed wire bat. The two rush each other...Morty taking the brunt of the board to the head, although he manages to ram the barbed wire bat in the midsection of Raven. Raven clubs him in the back of th e head with it, but Morty grinds the bat into him, twisting and ripping his shirt, and making small cuts. Rave knees him into the groin, which makes Morty grit his teeth and smile--until Raven busts the board over his head.

Grabbing one of Morty's steel chairs as Morty recovers, Raven quickly stands it up and uses it to take a running leap and jump on the chair, then off the chair at Morty and flooring him with a high knee. Raven then folds up the chair, slamming it into the healed arm of Morty. Morty yells out in pain until Raven drops the chair, then pulls him up...dropping him with a side armbuster onto the chair. Raven grabs the trashcan he uses to contain his weapons, and wedges it into the corner. He pulls Morty up to his feet, and shoots him towards the turnbuckle--Morty reverses and makes Raven hit the trashcan back-first. Raven slumps momentarily before shaking off the damage, but Morty charges at him and slams him back into the corner with a charging shoulder, then climbs the first rope to hit Raven with 5 quick shots...apply a chokehold, then monkeyflip him out of the corner, choking him on top of a steel chair.

Morty keeps the chokehold applies as he begins to stand up, then applies a side headlock. He drags Raven towards the ropes, dumping him over the top, and kicks the chair near the apron. Raven lands outside, but as he gets up, Morty baseball slides the edge of the chair into his jaw as he gets up. Morty then goes outside of the ring, slamming Raven's head on the edge of the apron, then to the guardrail, until Raven blocks, then hits a Russian Leg Sweep, before climbing on top of the apron, and dropping the chair on top of Morty, before doing a running jumping elbowdrop straight from the Cactus Jack playbook.

Morty is quite disoriented from the move, and when Raven hooks his leg to get the pin, he nearly scores a two count.

Raven continues to keep the pressure up, rolling Morty back into the ring, then getting in himself. Raven sets up a chair then pulls up Morty...he whips Morty to the ropes...but is surprised when Morty runs over him with a clothesline, then sits him in the chair..Morty then sets up and connects with the Mortality Splash, then covers Raven, also nearly getting a two count.

Morty then begins to set up Raven for a Vertical Suplex, but Raven counters, hitting a neckbreaker onto the chair. Raven then pulls Morty back up to his feet, but Morty takes control again with a thumb to the eye, then hits a dropkick on Raven, then Irish Whips him into the corner...backbody dropping him onto the barbed wire bat, as he lands on it with the back of his neck.

Morty then drags Raven onto a steel chair, then lays one over top it, then goes onto onto the apron, slingshot splashing onto Raven!! The cover is counted, and comes out to a long 2.

Raven is pulled out of the steel sandwich to be hoisted up over Morty's head, with the Rack in mind. Raven slips behind Morty, kicking him in the groin from behind, then grabbed by the hair. Raven sits on the top turnbuckle, then jumps off, bulldogging Morty onto two of the chairs stacked on top one another!!

After the bulldog, Raven lands and rolls over on his back, draping a hand over Morty's chest as the referee counts a

.

.

.

One!

.

.

.

TWO--kickout!

Raven sits up...getting up to his feet easier than Morty, then setting up one of the chairs, sending Morty into the ropes again when he gets to his feet--DROP TOE HOLD ONTO THE CHAIR!! Morty smacks his forehead hard on the edge of the chair, bending it and its legs. Morty rolls over and manages to sit up, his back to the ropes. Raven puts the barbed wire bat between his legs, low dropkicking it into Morty's groin!! Morty rolls out to the outside, and Raven hits the opposite ropes...then comes Morty's way...as Raven dives out to the outside, Morty holds up the chair that Raven hit him with the Cactus Jack elbow with, and strikes him hard in the head. Raven tumbles to the mat outside nearly unconscious near Spike. Spike, looking around, lays in some stomps to the midsection of the downed Raven, before Nova jumps onto his back...applying a sleephold of sorts. Spike swings around him, and as Raven gets up, he counters Morty charging with a chair with a Van Daminator-style back kick! As Nova holds Spike with difficult, Raven kicks him hard into the midsection--hitting the Evenflow DDT on him near or perhaps on the chair!! Raven slides into the ring where Morty is stooped over the pile of various weapons. He ducks a swing of the barbed wire bat, but a forearm shot with Morty's cast, quickly placed back onto his arm, finds its mark!! He rams the bat into Raven's cut up midsection, then hits the Needle to the Mind's Eye onto a pile of the chairs, hooking Raven's leg and scoring a

.

.

.

One

.

.

.

Two

.

.

.

Three!!

*ding, ding, ding*

Winner of match by Pinfall >>> Morty of S&M

Megan: Morty's hand being raised now after an impressive victory over Raven, that you can only deem an upset under the circumstances. NOVA IN NOW!! BARBED WIRE BAT into the back leg of Morty!! Nova tossing Raven a steel chair...offering him to join in. STEEL CHAIR to the head of Morty by Raven!! Dirty pool by Raven and Nova, but it's a taste of his own medicine, bitter as it is.

Lilith: Well, if what you said was true and not a line of crap, Morty's having the time of his life right now!!

As "Superbeast (Porno Holocaust Remix)" by Rob Zombie cues up, Raven is helped out of the ring by Nova, but shoves him off quickly, choosing to do under his own power. Megan: Spike dazed but recovering...heading in to help his partner. Bret and Michael seem to be scolding the two rogue members of this alliance. Raven and Nova both born and bred in the Hardcore style of rules...and showing a bit of that here...

Lilith: I guess we can safely conclude that the Experimentals aren't in cahoots with these two?

Megan: I suppose so..but I wonder what exactly they're up to themselves...still, an incredible, brutal Extreme Rules match from Morty and Raven. However, this isn't the end, oh no....Steven Richards gets a People's Title shot up next, when he faces "Code Red" Michael Connelly.

Lilith: Which he BETTER NOT WIN...or I'll make him REALLY regret it...he tried to get me killed, Megan! How can anyone like someone who'd want to try to kill a poor, sweet, cute, horny, sexy, perverted little she-devil like myself?! They'd HAVE to have something SERIOUSLY wrong with them.

Megan: Well...up next, Richards gets the opportunity, can he pull it off for the sake of Team RTC?! Find out when we get back!!

**Commercials**

"Introducing first..the challenger..."

The RTC Theme cues up..."

"Weighing in at two hundred and thirty pounds...he is the leader of the Right to Censor...STEVEN RIIIIIIIIICHARDS!!"

Lilith: BOOO!! BOOO!! SCREEEEEEEEW YOOOOOOOUU, STEVEN!!

"Steven sucks!! Steven sucks!!" chants the crowd...Steven ignores them, walking down to the ring with purpose.

Megan: Steven Richards...the hardly-beloved leader of the Right To Censor making his way down to ringside now, getting his shot at the EAW People's Title.

Lilith: That's okay...Mikey'll pound some sense into him!

Megan: Somehow I doubt that...Steven getting in the ring now...simply awaiting his opponent...no love shown for Steven in this arena tonight...

The RTC theme fades out with a gunshot...and as sirens begin to blare from the opening cut of the Steve Vai Fire Garden CD, "There's a Fire In the House," The house lights dim as the stage lights up green. It fades to a blinking yellow, the flashes red frantically before fireworks go off on the stage, and the crowd pops for "Code Red" Michael Connelly as he makes his entrance, complete with the EAW People's Title strewn over his shoulder.

"And the EAW People's Champion...weighing in at 235 lbs...."Code Red" Michael Anthony Connelly!!"

He walks down the ring casually, staring down at Richards in the ring...he walks cautiously besides the ring...climbing up the steel stairs and inside, then hands the referee the EAW People's Title belt, which is then held up...

Megan: The very first 3-Time EAW People's Champion present her, set to defend against the RTC leader...sure to be an exceptional match, although Steven's condition has repeatedly been one of concern.

Without warning, "Game" plays on the P.A. as ChainSaw makes their way up to the ramp, carrying a glass table. Chaynz has a mic.

Megan: An, ahem, unscheduled interruption here by Chainsaw...I wonder why they're out here?

Lilith: It's say it's a safe bet their gunning after Richards' ass.

Chaynz: Yo, Richards. It was bad enough that you had to get involved with Blue Boy. But now you had to try to brainwash him, but it backfired as soon as Heffron gave the tape to Michael Cole. Show the f*cking footage!

"Alright, Mikey..." says Kanyon. "Snap out of it." He slaps Michael Cole in his face, but to no avail...

"I...see...now..." Cole replies. "Now...I've...seen...the...truth..."

"Damn it, Mikey. Snap out of it."

"I see now..."

"See what, Michael?" Blue Boy asks.

"Don't you get it. The RTC are here to help us. They want to protect us from all that is evil. Like Pimps, Prostitutes, Violence, TOUGH SOBS, ASSMEN, AND ESPECIALLY PORNSTARS." Cole points viciously at Jenna. "IT'S TRAMPS LIKE YOU THAT GIVES WOMEN A BAD NAME. TOGETHER, MY BROTHERS AND I WILL STOP AT NOTHING TO RID THE WORLD OF THE FLITH, AND SMUT IN THE EAW."

Chaynz: You see, thanks to your meddling, we now found out how you get new members. But don't worry, Mikey's staying over at brother's in "RTC Rehab" over in Amityville. Now Heffron's sitting at home, depressed. And we have you to blame for it. Now, on other news, we have a special surprise for all of you. I think we all know the guy. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for... your guest commentator for tonight... JERRY "THE KING" LAWLER!

"The Great Gate of Kiev" plays on the P.A. as "The King", with The Kat arm-and-arm, makes their way to the announcer's table, the crowd erupting into cheers. Steven himself stands in the ring looking, as William Regal might put it, "besmirched."

Lilith: THE KAT!! THE KAT!!

Megan: Excited, Lilith?

King: Hello ladies...you two have been doing fine for a couple rookies...but let an old pro show you how it's done. Lilith!! I missed you so much!!

Lilith: I missed you too, King. *smootch* Say...uh...could me and Kat have some "girl talk" together for a bit.

King: Uhh...sure...

Lilith: Thank you thank you thank you.

Kat: Well..okay, hee-hee--ah!!

Lilith grabs Kat by the arm as the head over to get a better seat...in the lap of a guy in the front row.

King: Don't worry about me..I'm up on what's going on here. We got Superdork Steven out here, against the kid who gets to go home to Oseiko EVERY NIGHT! I don't even have to tell you which way I'm leaning here...

Megan: Ahem...of course not...the referee Earl Hebner signalling for the bell...

*ding, ding*

Megan: Chainsaw sticking around the ringside area...but President Gokuo's ruling, though, that's legal.

King: Well, it's kind of fair...because since Mikey's such goody-goody, it takes both of Chainsaw to be equal to how big of an asshole Steven is all by himself. Steven's got one big enough to fit on Rikishi.

Megan: The two of these competitors locking up center of the ring...Richards striking at Michael with the pair of elbows...throws him towards the ropes...coming back...high spin heel kick--rather unexpected from Richards. Richards pulling him up...scoop slam--no! Armbar takedown by Michael!

King: While he's at it, break that finger he uses to point to everyone and everything to blame in society. Break off the middle one, too...I could use a new decoration for my keychain.

Megan: Richards pulled up by Connelly...shoulder into the chest...another..armwringer by Connelly--Richards reverses into one of his own. Elbow down in the back of Connelly. Richards going for a Mahistral Cradle!

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On--hardly even a one!

King: I don't really mind if he were to give the three...but I own him 1..2..3..4..5 knuckles right in that chin of his.

Megan: The two of them back up...Michael with a crescent kick to the chest of Richards...back kick...sending Richards into the ropes..grabs hold...Dropkick by Connelly sends him to the outside--but Richards grabbing hold! Still holding onto the top rope!! Connelly with a baseball slide!! Nails Richards in the back with with both feet! Richards getting up now...Connelly up on the top...balancing himself...OVER THE TOP AND LANDS ON RICHARDS as he rises!! Connelly getting back up, and currently on fire...pulls up Richards by what little hair he has...tosses him back in the ring.

King: Richards looks like a member of the Hair Club for Men....in their 50's.

Megan: Richards getting up now...backing off from Connelly as he gets in the ring...has his back to the ropes...Connelly running after him--Richards making an escape! Connelly lunging towards him...Richards rushes over...yanks the legs out from underneath Connelly!! Dragging him over to the ringpost...wrapping the legs around it...NOO!! CROTCHES Connelly with that ringpost!

King: Unbelievable!! How can he do something like that to Oseiko?

Megan: What do you mean? That's Michael--uh, OH! Richards rushing back up onto the apron...using this opportunity to--SPRINGBOARD LEGDROP across the throat of Connelly!! Impressive move by Richards!

King: I'll even admit that...but I hope the next time Richards takes to the air it's with a faulty parachute.

Megan: Richards pulling up Connelly by his long hair...snapmare takeover now...pulls him back up now....an old school move...a piledriver now!!

King: HEY!! He's doing that just to get at me!! That's my move!!

Megan: Probably just doing it out of habit, King. Richards stomping away on his opponent now...Richards pulls him up again. Set up..SNAP suplex by Richards! Richards with the floatover!

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One!

.Kickout again by Connelly!

King: Richards is in control here, but if I was in that ring right now, I'd be giving Richards a Phantasio-style wedgie.

Megan: Nothing stopping you but the rules....Connelly up...another suplex set-up--Connelly going for a few shots in the breadbasket to break the grasp of Richards...Richards releases...set up..T-BONE SUPLEX takes Richards over!! The crowd all fired up now!! Richards getting up...Connelly levels him with a clothesline!! Back up...Connelly sends him to the ropes...Richards on the rebound...HIGH LEG LARIAT by Connelly now! Makes the cover!

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One!

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Tw--no, kickout by Richards! Connelly pulling Richards up now...Russian Leg Sweep...now going out to the apron...Richards getting back up...CONNELLY COMET!! The springboard spear! Cover again!

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One!

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TWO!--kickout by Richards again!

King: There's an easy way to keep him from kicking out.

Megan: Which is?

King: Just break his legs! I volunteer!

Megan: Richards pulled back up by Connelly...Connelly scoops him up--Richards lands behind him! Schoolboy!

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One!

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Two--Kickout!

King: Pervert!! Trying to grab the guy's britches...handful of tights there!

Megan: Imagine that, you pointing out when some one's cheating. Richards up, Connelly up after than kick out. Richards scoops him up...hits a side backbreaker!! Running up to the near corner--second rope back elbow to the back! Richards pulling up Connelly...shoulderbreaker! Cover by Richards!

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One!

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TWO!

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Kickout by Connelly! Getting close though.

King: It'd be a complete travesty if Richards were to win that title...I mean...I suggested for Oseiko's next photo shoot she only wear that belt and maybe her hands on her chest...and if Steven wins it IT ISN'T GOING TO HAPPEN!!!

Megan: I don't know if it'd happen anyhow...but...Richards back in control. Pulls up Connelly...sends him in the corner now....Richards running in now...SPLASH in the corner!! Sets him up on the top turnbuckle!! Richards going for...yes...a Superplex...aaaaaand there, he hits it!! Floatover by Richards!!

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One!

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TWO!

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KICKOUT at the last possible second!!

King: COME ON, CONNELLY!! BEAT RICHARDS' LITTLE PUNK B*TCH ASS!!

Megan: Connelly pulled up by Richards...back suplex coming up--NO, standing switch....Connelly setting up Richards...CRIMSON TIDE!!!

King: Yes!! And the tide turns...now kick some sand in his face!

Megan: Connelly going up to the top rope...MICHAELSAULT ONTO RICHARDS!! This could be it!

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One!

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TWO!

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KICKOUT by Richards!!

King: NOOOOOOOOO!!! *weep, whimper*

Megan: Richards escaping that pinfall by the skin of his teeth.

King: He bites alright.

Megan: Connelly up...setting up Richards...Crimson Crunch Clutch being set up--NO! Richards blocks!! Back body drops him over! Connelly up to his feet--swinging neckbreaker by Richards!! Connelly taken down...Richards near the ropes...Connelly stirring...Richards stomping the mat and..

*Clang*

Megan: Chaynz with a steel chair to the upper back...or the back of the head of Richards...I couldn't quite tell...Richards stumbling towards Connelly--CONNELLY SETS HIM UP!!! CONDITION RED!! CENTER OF THE RING!!! CONNELLY HOOKS THE LEG!!!

*crowd counts along*

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ONE!!!

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TWO!!!

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THREE!!!

*ding, ding, ding*

Winner by Pinfall >>> "Code Red" Michael Anthony Connelly, retains EAW People's Title

King: YEEES!!

Megan: The match is over...but what are these two doing now? Hebner raises the hand of Connelly...who's heading out of the ring and...Chainsaw bringing that glass table into the ring!

King: Ummm..keep your eyes shut, Richards...

Megan: Chaynz and Buzzsaw setting up that table now....Chaynz grabs the dazed Richards now...still feeling the effects of that match and the Condition Red...CHAYNZ HOISTS HIM UP HIGH as Buzzsaw stands on the top rope!!

King: They're just giving him the only thing missing from his nerd wardrobe!

Megan LAST RIDE POSITION...sending him down...SWANTON BOMB from BUZZSAW!!!

A huge crash is heard as Richards is driven through the table, busting the table into hundreds of shards.

"Holy Shit!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!!!!"

Megan: Here comes Ivory, and RTC Man, and Dudley running out to stop this...but the damage has been done...Richards looking more like a recyclable than a wrestler right now...

King: Reduce...reuse....RICHARDS!!

Megan: Richards definitely will need some medical attention after this one...Chainsaw exiting through the crowd, feeling they've gotten some measure of revenge for their friend Blue Boy. But is this all they're planning? Be sure to check out the next EAW show...Riot Rulz..this Friday!! Check local listing for date and time...

King: Steven never looked better...