LIVE From The Ft. Worth Convention Center in Ft. Worth, Texas!
Ayane: Well, it looks like Showdown is just underway as, our first match is just about to begin.
"Huka Blues" by Sabu himself cues up, as the former ECW superstar comes out with a mixed reaction from the crowd. Sabu has numerous weapons with him such as trash cans, trash can lids, the kitchen sink and much more.
Pam: Looks like Sabu here brought everything AND the kitchen sink!
Pam: I saw that line coming.. oh well, Sabu enters the ring with his tools of destruction...
"Haku Blues" fades out as "Superchanger Heaven" by White Zombie hits. The crowd gets quiet as they do not recognize the new theme until Raven steps through the curtains, wheeling a shopping cart full of weapons. Raven pushes the cart to the front of the ring, and he slowly rolls into the ring, as the bell rings.
Ayane: As, Raven rolled into the ring, Sabu gave him a quick elbow to the back. Sabu wit! h another elbow, make it three of them. Sabu picks Raven up, and whips him into the ropes.. Raven comes back, Sabu with a knee to the gut.. no! Raven rolled through it, into a schoolboy pin.. not even a one count!
Pam: Raven is showing us that he isn't too rusty. He hasn't been gone from that other worthless federation.. what is it called?
Ayane: That would be the World Wrestling Federation, but to the matters at hand, Sabu just took Raven down with a dropkick. Sabu grabbing a trashcan lid.. CRACK! That trashcan went right to Raven's head. Raven getting to his knees.. another shot by Sabu! Raven is taking it pretty early in the match, but Raven fights back with right hands to the midsection of Sabu. Raven now has Sabu by the front of his tights, and throws him out of the ring between the ropes!
Pam: Whoa.. Sabu just went head first into that shopping cart Raven brought out here, and Sabu looks daze as he makes his way back to his feet. Raven grabs that trashca! n Sabu was beating him with, and goes to the apron. BAM! Raven smashed that trashcan into Sabu's head. Raven now takes out a steel chair from the cart, and is waiting for Sabu to get up...
Ayane: Ai! Raven measured Sabu with that chairshot, and another one! Raven now driving the chair into the midsection of Sabu. Sabu kneeling on the ground, and now Raven lays the chair down. Raven picks Sabu up.. kick to the midsection.. Evenflow-- NO!! Reversed into a Northern Lights by Sabu! One count only! Wait.. Raven got to his feet faster than Sabu did, and a lowblow by Raven! Raven now irish whips Sabu into the steel steps.. AII!! Sabu hit a Asai Moonsault off of the steps onto Raven!
Pam: I bet Scotty didn't see that one coming. Sabu rolls Raven into the ring, and now Sabu lays the chair on Raven's face from the outside of the ring. Sabu steps onto the apron, and a springboard legdrop from Sabu to Raven!
Ayane: Raven had that chair on his face, so it had to hurt more, and Sabu now rolls to the outside, and grabs a table from u! nderneath the ring! The crowd goes wild as Sabu places the table into the ring.
Pam: Whatever Sabu has in mind, it doesn't looks like a bed and breakfast for Raven. Sabu sets the table in the middle of the ring, and grabs Raven by his hair. Raven gets whipped to the ropes.. HOLY SHIT! Sabu gave Raven a flapjack through the table! Sabu goes for the cover!
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Two...
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Kickout by Raven! Sabu sends Raven to the outside near us, and this doesn't look good at all.
Ayane: You're right.. Sabu on the top rope now, and waiting for Raven to get up! Raven wobbles to his feet, and here comes Sabu with a double ax handle! Blocked! Raven got a punch in Sabu's gut! Sabu grabbing his stomach, but he's still to his feet.. Raven with a HUGE clothesline to Sabu taking him off his feet!
Pam: Wow, Raven still has some fuel left in his tank. And, now Raven is smashing Sabu's head into our annouce table! I think we need to vacant the area, Ayane!
Ayane: Me too!
Sounds of Pamela and Ayane dropping their headsets can be heard, as the match still goes on. Raven puts Sabu on the announce table, and climbs up as well. Raven grabs Sabu by his hair, puts his head between his legs.. and delievers a piledriver through the announce table!!
Pam: Are we on?! Raven just stuffed Sabu with that piledriver through our table, and both men seem to be out ! of it. Wait.. Raven tossed an arm over Sabu!
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Thre.. NO! Sabu kicked out at the last moment!
Ayane: This match has been back and forth, and for a debuting match for Raven, he sure is making a name for himself! Raven slowly gets to his feet, and tosses Sabu back into the ring. Raven setting a chair up in the middle of the ring, whip to the ropes, DROP TOE HOLD ON THE CHAIR!! COVER!
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Three! NONO! Sabu still kicks out! Raven looks a bit frustrated, but he throws Sabu out of the ring anyhow. Raven goes to the outside, too. Sabu looks like he's trying to regroup, as he's going through the crowd.
Pam: Either that or trying to escape. Raven is looking for something under the ring, and pulls out ANOTHER table! Raven now following pursit after Sabu, and Sabu reaches a dead end of in the crowd, and the only place he can go up to that ledge, but there's no point of doing that.
Ayane: Well, Sabu is homosuci--
Pam: We know that line, Ayane. Raven pretty much has Sabu, and kicks him in the gut. Raven backs up a bit.. going for a spear it looks like... AHHHH!! Sabu leapfrogged, and Raven speared the popcorn guy! You know he's getting extra pay after that one! Raven getting to his feet, and realized he speared the wrong person!
Ayane: Raven turns to Sabu, swings at him, Sabu ducks, RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP ON RAVEN! Sabu quickly sets that table Raven had! with him, and picks Raven up. VICIOUS LOWBLOW! Sabu tosses Raven onto that table..
Pam: Oh no.. I think he's going to climb to that ledge. Sabu could be having flashbacks of his ECW days, and YES! Sabu is climbing to that ledge! Raven is on the table, and Sabu has made it up to the ledge! Sabu looks down on Raven, and climbs on the ledge. This could end a career right here, Ayane!
Ayane: Don't do it Sabu.. DON'T!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!! SABU WITH THE ARABIAN FACEBUSTER--
Pam: RAVEN ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY!! SABU WENT THROUGH THAT TABLE!! Raven gets to his feet.. and picks Sabu up... EVENFLOW DDT!!! COVER BY RAVEN!!
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.Three! Raven has won! And, what a match that was!
Winner by pinfall >>> Raven
Ayane: We'll have our second match up next after this commercial break...don't go away!
**Commercial Break**
Pam: That was a wild match, but let's not stop now.. let's get our next match underway!
"The Becoming" by Nine Inch Nails cues up, as pyro goes off at the same time. The crowd gives Chris Kanyon a decent pop as he comes down to the ring sporting special black and gold ring tights. Kanyon walks to the ring, climbs the steps, and enters the ring. Kanyon grabs a mic, and begins.
Kanyon: Tonight, the C.K. going up against a man, a bad man to be exact. A master of the Tongan Grip, as well as the hair, as all of us can see. A man by the name, of... HAKU. Now ladies and gentlemen...Are...You...Ready?
The crowd gives him a decent pop.
Kanyon: NOnonono. I said...ARE...YOU...READY?
The crowd gives him a bigger pop.
Kanyon: Now for those of you at attendance, and for those of you watching at home, and for all the barbers that would have a field day with Haku...LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET READY TO PARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. The crowd then gives Kanyon a huge pop, but is cut short as John Carpenter's "Halloween's Theme" cues up as Haku comes down to the ring throwing practice punches and chops. Haku walks slowly to the ring as Kanyon paces back and forth. Haku finally makes it to the ring, as the bell rings.
Ayane: This match is underway, and Kanyon attacking Haku early on. Kanyon attacking Haku on his knees, but Haku is still standing!
Pam: I guess Samoans have tough heads and tough knees. Wait, a dropkick to the knees by Kanyon, and Haku goes down to one knee. WHAM! Haku comes back with a headbutt to the gut of Chris. Haku back to his vertical base, and whips Kanyon into the corner. Haku follows suit, and man, FEEL those chops by Haku! Chop! *WHOOOOOO!!* Another chop! *WHOOOOOO!!* Wait, Kanyon just blocked a chop, and a poke! to the eye by Kanyon!
Ayane: Might not be the best move, but it is effective. Kanyon now takes Haku down with a double leg takedown! Kanyon is being very technical in this match.. maybe he'll be able to beat Haku this way.
Pam: Haku is now placed in a single leg lock, and Kanyon trying to rip that leg off. Kanyon finally breaks the hold, but Haku up to his feet before Kanyon is... SUPERKICK BY HAKU!! HAKU GOES FOR THE PIN! One! . . . Two! . . . Kickout! Man, that kicked looked like it might've knocked Kanyon out of it. Haku picking Kanyon up, whips him to the ropes, POWERSLAM! Haku now going to the top rope, but Kanyon shook the ropes, causing the big Samoan to fall right on his coconuts!
Ayane: *sighs* Yes, and now Kanyon is grabbing Haku's leg.. DRAGONSCREW FROM THE TOP ROPE! Kanyon going for the cover! One... . . . Two . . . AHHH!! Haku just powered himself out of that pin!
Pam: Kanyon is going have to do more than that to keep Haku down. Haku up, and a VICIOUS headbutt! ANOTHER ONE! Kanyon has fallen, and Haku hits a falling headbutt on Kanyon. Haku pulls Kanyon to his feet.. SUPERKICK.. DUCKED! Kanyon with a thrust kick of his own! And, now applying a FIGURE FOUR to Haku! Can Haku hold out?!
Ayane: Haku makes it to the ropes, and Kanyon breaking the hold. Kanyon clotheslines Haku over the ropes, and he goes flying also! Kanyon makes it to his feet, and is ramming Haku's head into that ringpost!!
Pam: Haku isn't selling ANY of it! When will they learn.. Samoans heads are steel or something. Haku and takes Kanyon head, and does the same to him! I bet Kanyon wishes he was Samoan, right about now. Haku takes Kanyon near us, but a low blow by Kanyon! DDT on the outside!! Kanyon now grabbing a headphone set?!
Kanyon: C'mon, Haku! Get up!
Ayane: Shades from the Rock at Bac! klash, two years ago.
Pam: HOLY SHIT!! A HUGE BOOT BY Haku! That's what Kanyon gets! Haku tosses Kayon into the ring, and quickly goes for a pin! One! . . . Two! . . . Three?! No! Kanyon got a foot on the ropes! Bad ring position by Haku, and now Haku is arguing with Long!
Ayane: Teddy, better watch out or he'll be in Haku's Tongun Death Grip! Kanyon slowly to his feet... AHHH!!
Pam: TDG!! TDG!! TONGUN DEATH GRIP ON KANYON!! He's not going to last this long... wait.. Kanyon placing a leg behind Haku's leg.. A TRIP!! But, the TDG is still locked on! Kanyon is fading, but thanks to that trip takedown, Kanyon landed on top of Haku.. and now Kanyon with right hands to Haku! Haku will NOT break that hold! WAIT! Kanyon grabs the ropes! Now, Haku MUST break the TDG! He does, and Kanyon looks dazed. Haku picking Kanyon up by his hair... BIG BOOT! REVERSED! Kanyon dodged the boot.. FLATLINER! FLATLINER!! Kanyon just hit the flatliner.. and now Kanyon spreading Haku's legs.. stepping through, could it be?!
Ayane: Yes! Kanyon has Haku in a Sharpshooter right in the middle of the ring!
Pam: Wait.. Kanyon now placing Haku i! n a Facelock!! That's his new submission hold, Ayane! He calls that "The Sharp Paralysis"!! Can Haku hold out?! NOOO!! HAKU IS TAPPING!! KANYON WINS!!
"The Becoming" by NIN cues up once again, as Kanyon releases the hold, and gets his arm raised for his victory.
Winner by Submission >>> Kanyon.
**Cut to Commercial**
**Commercial Break**
An EAW official knocks on a door marked "Jericho" backstage.
Official: Jericho! Your match is up next...hurry up and get out here!
Jericho: *from within* Just a moment, Junior...
Official: Haven't got all day..
Jericho: *opens up door* Okay, I'm all ready...
Official: *retches* Augh! You reek!! What the hell?
Jericho: All part of the plan, Junior. What you smell is a combination of swamp water, skunk juice, b.o., sour milk, and a few other little surprises....
Official: Eccch!
Jericho: Disgusting I know...but Darrin sure as hell won't want to put ME in hir mouth.
Official: *gag*
Jericho: *Slaps him on the back* Thanks for the words of encouragement...
Back at the announcer's desk...
Ayane: Jericho with a rather...interesting plan to try to prevent the Endless Hunger.
Pamela: SKUNK JUICE?! Where's he get...he ask Colley-chan to spray him?
Ayane: I don't know...but after going through all that, he's hoping to win to make it all worth it...
Lights go out...
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BOOM!!!
"Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns n' Roses cues up...
Ayane: Here comes the challenger...and....I'm worried we're going to have to smell him the entire match...
Pamela: Ack! SKUNK JUICE!
Jericho walks down the running and sliding into the ring.
Ayane: ACCCK!! *cough* I really CAN smell him from over here!
Pamela: One definite benefit of watching this at home...
Ayane: Well...I guess we're lucky, since we don't have to actually be in the ring with him...
"Welcome to the Jungle" fades out...then "Travel Theme (to Crystalis) starts up...
Ayane: And here comes Derek Walker....and to quite a pop as well!
Pamela: Yessireebob!
Ayane: Jericho wisely trying to prevent the Endless Hunger in....his own...odd...way. Although that really isn't the single move that he must worry about.
Pamela: True enough. Maybe he needs to worry about Derek pummeling him like a punching bag, or throwing him around, outwrestling him, using high risk maneuvers to pull off the win....
Ayane: Well, anything you can do to prevent your opponent from using one of their finishers is probably a smart thing to do...but if Jericho loses, he'll be beltless and smell bad for a couple weeks...
Ayane: And this championship match is now in progress...Jericho and Walker circling each other cautiously...they tie up center of the ring....Jericho shoving Walker towards the corner...Walker fighting back...Jericho with a knee lift. HARD chop across the chest!!
WHOOOO!!!
Ayane: Whips Walker toward the ropes...back body--No, Derek flips over the back of Jericho!! Hits the far ropes! SPINNING NECKBREAKER on Jericho! Derek now heading up the second rope...Jericho up...FLYING CLOTHESLINE from Derek surprises Jericho!
Pamela: Man...Jericho is quick, but Derek's making Jericho look easier than Miss Jones!!
Ayane: Derek laying Jericho throat first on the ropes. Climbing up top now...GUILLOTINE LEG DROP snaps his head down across the ropes! Shades of RVD!
Pamela: The difference being that Derek doesn't see this match with lizard people in the crowds.
Ayane: Ummm....okay. Derek climbing back up onto the apron...SOMERSAULT SENTON SPLASH onto the back of Jericho!! Cover!
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ONE!
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Kickout by Jericho! Jericho able to kick out fairly quickly, but Walker still in firm control. A HARD Irish whip send Jericho into the corner...Walker charging in now...JERICHO gets the elbow up to block hir...Jericho with some stiff kicks...crescent kick...SPINNING BACK KICK!! Jericho now heading towards the ropes...THIRD ROPE LIONSAULT onto Walker!!
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ONE!~kickout by Walker!
Pamela: Jericho may stink, but his ring work is superb. Derek must have the ability to close off her nostrils at will to be able to stand him, though.
Ayane: Jericho pulling up Derek...and dumps hir out to the outside...
Pamela: He DUMPS hir....can you put it a little nicer than that?
Ayane: Okay...Jericho "neatly deposits Walker over the top rope onto the floor"
Pamela: Better! :)
Ayane: Walker up...Jericho with a Piscotto!! LANDS RIGHT ON TOP OF WALKER!!
Pamela: If you see Derek at a concert, don't stage dive in hir direction. I've seen the Pirates catch better than hir.
Ayane: Jericho laying in some kicks to the ribs of Walker...
ONE!
Ayane: Smart move of Jericho to try to just pummel the champ, but he needs to win via pinfall or submission to get the title.
TWO!
Pamela: Jericho's...UGH...even worse when he's closer...GET OUT OF HERE, CHRIS!!
Ayane: Jericho pulling up Walker...sending hir into that safety railing! Jericho coming after hir...WALKER gets both feet up! Both feet right in the mush!
THREE!!
Ayane: Derek takes the opportunity to put Jericho into a bulldogging headlock....BULLDOG on the outside!! Only a little bit of padding separating them from the concrete!!
FOUR!
Pamela: Walker probably should just try to pound the snot out of Jericho and leave him out there....rather than trying to put the Hunger on him...ick..
Ayane: Walker up onto the apron...going for a very risky...ASAI MOONSAULT onto the back of Jericho!!
FIVE!!
Pamela: Although probably hir boobs cushioned the blow a bit.
Ayane: Surpringly, a valid point from Pamela.
Pamela: YAY ME!!
SIX!!
Ayane: Walker grabbing Jericho by that long, stringy STINKY blonde hair, and throwing him back into the ring....climbing up to the top rope...
Pamela: I can't watch..
Ayane: Guillotine Legdr--JERICHO sits up!! Walker ends up taking the brunt of that impact on her tailbone!
Pamela: Yeah...right on her coccyx!!
Ayane: Jericho going for a cover on hir...
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One!
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Kickout!!
Pamela: Not quite...
Ayane: Jericho getting up....Derek as well...Jericho cinching her up for a suplex....hoists her up...delayed...DROPS HER DOWN!! Floatover!!
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ONE!
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TWO!--kickout again by Walker!!
Pamela: Man...something tells me Lilith is going to asking to massage hir back later on.
Ayane: Most likely... Jericho gets Derek up-- NO, COUNTER!! DDT BY DEREK! Pick up... Derek's going to try and do the Endless Hunger on Jericho!! Derek's got his head in hir mouth... n... NO! SHI CAN'T DO IT!! Shi pulls out!! Jericho takes advantage!! THERE IT IS!! THE CANADIAN FACE DROP!! Cover! One! TWO!! THREE!!!!!
Pamela: WOOO! New People's Champ!! And he's Canadian!!! ^_^
Winner and NEW EAW People's Champion: "Lionheart" Chris Jericho
Ayane: Wow! Jericho's strategy paid off! We'll be right back as soon as we spray down the arena... ^_^;;;; Ewww...
***
Yursuchapuppy. ^_^
***
We come back from break to President Gokuo's office. A mixed but still heavily pro-cheer is heard, and Gokuo leans back, putting his feet up on his desk.
LG: Yo, Peeps...I'm here to make a few minor announcements. Nothing drastic, but worth mentioning. First up...I've just recently hired a brand-new referee. Someone I think who would be perfect for our little fed here, and since nearly every other ref we have often gets knocked around and frankly can't take much, this man would be all the more valuable.
Pan off to the left, where a large barrel-chested Japanese mountain of a man stands, arms folded, with a skin tight black short on and loose baggy jeans. His expression is one of indifference...and even a vacant one.
LG: Let me introduce you to Tommy Sato. A former Sumo wrestler, but born and bred here in the states. He's even tougher since he left the sumo scene, and has hit the gym with such dedication that he has 9% body fat. Stands 6'3", and well over 300 pounds of nearly pure muscle. That's an estimate, since he hasn't been on a scale in years, and I ain't telling him to get on one. Won't get knocked over very easily, to say the least. Right Tommy?
Tommy: *grunt* You got it, boss. When do I begin here?
LG: *smiles* Very soon. Maybe even as soon as next Mayhem which will be Wednesday.
Tommy: Alright!
LG: Oh...and not that this has anything to do with it...but I got a date with his sister Friday. Happened to meet hurt...she introduced me to him. He was pretty eager to meet me, and was wondering if I could use someone of his qualifications. Well...for the moment, this will be the best way, but he may even show up in the ring sometime. Watcha think of the EAW so far?
Tommy: I LOVE IT! Backstage is WELL-STOCKED with good beer. Hot women...*winks* Megan, Ayane...heh.
LG: Hmmm...well, anyone who likes to shove around refs...this is one you ain't gonna.
Tommy: Don't like...I get a shirt or something?
LG: Oh...yeah... *reaches into desk, pulls out the stripes* I doubt it'll fit ya, though..*tosses it to him*
*Camera shifts back to LG, and only LG*
LG: Also...we had another recent hiree....name escapes me at the moment...last name was Clark I believe. No, isn't related to Dax...
*RRRRRRRIPPP*...*RRRRIPPPPP*...*Eeeerrtrrrriip*
LG: Ummm..
Tommy: I think you were right...
The shirt appears to be more of a vest, as the sleeves are burst and it barely cover's Sato's massive torso.
LG: Look like an XXXL to me...
Trumpets fill the arena as we come back from break, and see the a table set up for the arm wrestling match, and William Regal dressed in a suit as we comes down the ramp, waving to the crowd.
Pamela: Whooo-hooo!! Looks like the big guy likes you, Ayane.
Ayane: Big dumb ox is more like it....
Pamela: Oh, come on...the dumber they are the more fun it is to play with their minds.
Ayane: Hmph...at any rate, here comes William Regal for this...ARM wrestling match against Blueboy. And I've been informed that Austin Powers references will NOT be permitted, so zip it, Pam.
Pamela: That's more of Lilith's MO actually, but I'd probably be forced to make a FEW...
Ayane: Please don't...there should be a law made to ban anymore sequels. It's TOO annoying.
Pamela: Man, you are such a prude. You could use Tommy to help loosen you up a bit.
Ayane: Oh, bite my kawaii little butt, Pamela. Anyhow, let's see what these two can do...
William gets in the ring, then takes a seat at the table. "Cowboy" then cues up. Blueboy stands up on the hood doing Hulk Hogan poses as Jasmin drives.
Pamela: Blueboy coming out next...flexing a bit for the ladies...I think Blue may have a bit of an advantage here. His arms are certainly more defined than Willy's.
Ayane: Maybe so...but that isn't always a good indicator. William looks like not much of a threat, but has legitimately knocked out many men in fistfights.
Pamela: And took a whiz on a stewardess....
Ayane: That too.
Blueboy hops off the hood, and opens the door for Jasmin, then slams it behind her. They walk arm-in-arm down the ramp, and get in the ring. Blueboy sits at the seat opposite Regal.
Pamela: William Regal as Felix Unger...Blueboy as Oscar Madison...can these two men work in the same promotion without driving each other crazy? *hums "Odd Couple" theme*
Ayane: They each take their grips....and this is about to begin...Blueboy looking around cautiously...
Ayane: There's the referee's signal...and here we go!!
The crowd begins to chant "Blueboy!! Blueboy!!!" right away, but neither man makes any progress immediately. Their locked hands quiver in the middle of the table as they try to force each other's arm down. Regal begins to gain on Blueboy...gaining a bit of an advantage, but Blueboy winces and summons the strength to fight back towards the center position...
Ayane: Blueboy evening things up here...and...I think starting to gain the advantage on Regal!! Yes! Jasmin cheering on Blueboy from outside the ring....
Ayane: William moving Blueboy's hand to the center position...they each have to be tiring a bit now...but...a-ano...the Jolly Gentlemen are coming out now....and they're heading right for Jasmin!!
Pamela: Wonder what they want? If it's to get some...Jasmin's had...like...one hundred in a row, right? Twenty or so isn't anything.
Ayane: Kanyon coming out from behind those curtains! Chaynz! Buzzsaw! Test! Even JENNA now!! Attacking the Jolly Gentlemen! MIXU thrown off the stage!! Doink! The Brawler!! Dale Winton!! They may be outnumbered but many of these "Gentlemen" haven't wrestled before...
Pamela: Wait a minute...Cecil coming out from under the ring! TURN AROUND JASMIN!!
Ayane: Grabs her from behind!! REVERSE DDT!!
Blueboy, upon seeing that, loses focus as William slams his arm down onto the table. Blueboy though pokes William in the eye, the jumps onto the table and over Regal, climbing out of the ring to deal with Cecil!
Ayane: Blueboy vaults over the top rope!! Landing on Cecil!!--Jenna tossed off the stage! Fortunately she landed on Oklahoma's spare tire...Cecil and Blueboy fighting now!! But William out, and the Regal's double team Blueboy! They roll him inside now....and they aren't going to do what I think they're going to do!! Are they!
Pamela: Put two-and-two together, Ayane. There's a table in the ring...
Ayane: William and Cecil holding up Blueboy...the SPIFFING SLAM through that table!! Oh my!!
Pamela: DAMN!!!
Ayane: Prince Peter and Chaynz thrown off the stage...and Da Pac coming down to help Blueboy..but the damage ha s been done. The Regals heading out through the crowd now!
Pamela: And all their lackeys took all the hits for them. Maybe they're smarter than they look...
Ayane: Well...the title match where Sonnette was supposed to defend against Cecil has been cancelled...but we still have a more than worthy main event in store next!
**Commercial Break**
As we come back from break, we are in the Neo D-X locker room, where several of the members are present...save Blink.
Velocity: I can't believe this!! Why is Clarice still not here?!
Eighteen: ....
Ainako: Maybe her mouse man was "in the mood" again. *smirk*
Tifa: I swear I haven't seen her...
Velocity: So...what are we going to do?!
Tifa: Well...I guess one of us has to take her place.
Eighteen: Good idea. But who? I'd go if they'd actually ALLOW me.
Tifa: Don't know if I'm ready...Velocity? Maybe you'd be best...
Ainako: YEAHH!! Velocity, you can do it!!
Velocity: M-me?
ALL but Velocity: YEAH!!
Velocity: Well...I have to actually defend the title...what if I lose it?!
Tifa: If you don't, LG might strip it from Blink...
Velocity: Well...okay.. I'll DO IT!! Colley...Lance...LOOK OUT!!
Back at the announce position...
Ayane: It seems we have a literally last-minute substitution for our main event...
Pamela: Yeah, but where IS Blink? Why would a champ miss her first title defense?
Ayane: I don't know, but honestly I'd be happy if Neo D-X lost the International Title. I can't STAND them!
Pamela: FAIR and IMPARTIAL, Ayane!! Be FAIR and IMPARTIAL!!
Ayane: I'm not a referee anymore, I'm a PLAY-BY-PLAY announcer, I'm allowed to be biased. ^_^
Pamela: Okay then....I now know just WHO to ROOT for!
"Of Wolf and Man" cues up after a wolf's howl, and Colley Dogstar walks out onto the ramp, in cut-off versions of his tights and a Wildpack 2000 t-shirt.
Ayane: You've got to hand it to Colley for being such a fighting champion, and defending the International Title against such talent as Blink for his first defense. He may have lost that match, but I'm banking on him to regain it here, tonight. In all honesty, that match last Mayhem could have gone either way.
Pamela: Very true, but Blink won it...ALL BY HERSELF!!
Ayane: A shock to me, I'll admit. Colley now in the ring...awaiting his opponents...
"Fire" by Scooter cues up, bringing out Velocity who is carrying the EAW International Title...which looks a little odd on her.
Ayane: Velocity is going to be filling in for Blink, tonight, and defending the International Title. I've also received word this will be a No DQ match, with all Neo-DX and RT&C members banned from ringside. A wise precaution by President LG to prevent Velocity from saving the title by getting DQed on purpose.
Pamela: Where there's a will, there's a way, though. I'm picking Velocity to retain!
"Oh, Canada" cues up, and triggers an arena-ful of boos from the crowd...
Ayane: That's Lance's theme...but...where's Lance?
Pamela: Yeah...come on, Lance! Although I'd rather not see you win this...
Lance finally staggers out, dressed sloppily in a wrinkled t-shirt, and hugging a bottle to his chest in a brown paper bag. He's begun to grow a bit of a mullet, and his beard has really began to come in. He walks down the ramp with difficulty...and after staring glassy-eyed at the ring...wanders over to the announcer's desk...grabs a chair and sits next to Pamela.
Pamela: Ummm...is there a problem Lance?
Lance: *slurred* What...do you think..?
Pamela: Well, you LOOK like you're getting ready to audition for a "Castaway" sequel and you SOUND like Jake Roberts.
Lance: Like I give a sh*t...
Pamela: Hmmm...
Lance: *unscrews bottle, takes a sip* Tell them to start the match without me...I didn't even want a title shot. I don't even care about the World Title all that much, so I don't know why they booked me for the International Title match...
Ayane: Well...*signals to referee*...I guess if you aren't ready, you aren't ready...
Lance: *near-heaves*
Pamela: The only thing he's ready for is to put his head in the lap of the Porcelin King.
Lance: *grrrrrrooooooan* eeeehhh...
*ding, ding*
Ayane: Well, a substituation and an omission later...our main event is underway! Velocity and Colley meeting in the middle now...Standing Dropkick by Velocity puts Colley down...Colley up again...put down with another dropkick! Velocity sends Colley into the ropes...PULLING WALK SLAM!! Early pinfall attempt!!
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ONE!!--kickout by Colley!!
Pamela: *sniff, sniff* Ewww....when's the last time you bathed, Lance?
Lance: Since I didn't feel like complete sh*t!
Pamela: That would be?
Ayane: Colley rulling back and kippups...Velocity hits the ropes...charges Colley..Colley leapfrogs...Velocity coming from behind going for a sleeper. Colley sleeps free and applies an armbar...twisting arm throw!! Colley applies a sleeper on the seated Velocity!!
Lance: Ehh..not sure.
Pamela: Man...I bet you've got lots of little critters living in that hair...
Lance: At least I'm making someone happy..
Ayane: Velocity getting back up to her feet...side suplex!! Velocity escapes! Colley back up...CLOTHESLINE takes her off her feet! Colley picking up Velocity again...fires her into the ropes...she springs off with an asai moonsault! Lands behind Colley! Rolls through with a small package press!
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One!--another kickout!
Pamela: So...how do you feel?
Lance: How do you think I feel? I'm depressed, I'm the butt of nearly every joke around here that doesn't involve the Jolly Gentlemen, and...I just don't care anymore...*takes a few sips*
Pamela: hmmm..
Ayane: Colley and Velocity back up....Colley scoop up Velocity...runs towards the corner--drops her with the Snake Eyes!! Colley turns around....hooks Vel's arms...hoists her up now...CRUCIFIX POWERBOMB!! Colley pins her legs!
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ONE!
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Kickout by Vel!
Lance: *sarcastic clapping, then sips from the bottle*
Pamela: Come on, Lance! This is a great match!
Lance: Pardon me, I'm just not my usual jovial self today.
Pamela: Yeah...usually you're the life of the party. *rolls eyes*
Ayane: Colley pulls up the prone Velocity...VEL with a knee to the midsection surprises Colley!! SNAP SUPLEX!! Now a quick legdrop! Triangle hold applied on Colley! Colley fighting out of it as best he can.
Lance: Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurp!!
Pamela: Ewwww...
Ayane: Colley doing his best to roll over...aaaand...does so! Now he's...actually standing up with Velocity having that hold locked on! Falls backwards!~The back of Velocity's neck snapped across the top rope! Colley now going upstairs...rather rare to see from him...Vel back up to her feet--TWISTING LARIAT takes down Velocity! Shades of Kane! Colley dragging Velocity center of the ring....signalling for...
Pamela: Cano's ELBOW!!
Lance: How idiotic...
Ayane: Hits the ropes....hops over Vel....hits the ropes again...THERE IT IS!! Right into the heart of Vel! Cover by Colley!!
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One!
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TWO!
Kickout by Velocity!
Pamela: Velocity's sure giving it her all tonight...but can she hang on to the title?
Ayane: I hope not. Colley pulling up Vel again...Armwringer now....Vel reverses! Heads toward the turnbuckle...springboard arm drag on Colley!! Colley going after her...Velocity with an irish whip--Colley reverses...Vel hits the ropes--but vaults over onto the apron! Colley going after Vel--HEADBUTT into the midsection of Colley! Vel springboarding...HURRACANRANA to the outside!! Colley lands right out here in front of the announce table.
Lance: He better stay the hell away from me...
Pamela: Uh oh...Vel going up top!!
Lance: *Suddenly enthusiatic* Come on, Vel!! *claps*
Ayane: High..HIGH risk maneuver coming up...MOONSAULT--COUNTERED WITH A KANGAROO KICK!! Colley somehow manages to save himself!!
Lance: Wonderful...
Ayane: Colley getting up...albeit with difficulty. Picking up Velocity by the hair, and *thump* laying here right her on our announce table.
Lance: Came to visit, Colley? Why don't you get the f*ck out of here?
*WHAM!*
Ayane: COLLEY clubs Lance right across the head...now looking to roll Velocity back in...Lance grabbing that bottle...SMASHES it over the head of Colley!!
Pamela: Wait a minute...he doesn't look drunk anymore...and do you smell...*sniff, sniff.*..
Ayane: ICED TEA!! It was all a ruse!! Lance rolls Colley in...and now Velocity draping an arm over Colley...ARGH!!
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ONE!
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TWO!!
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COLLEY'S SHOULDER SHOOTS UP AT THE LAST SECOND!!!
Pamela: Last MILLISECOND!
Ayane: Lance is in shock!! Now climbing up onto the apron..I think he is going to get involved in this match afterall!
Pamela: No...he's...offering his assistance to Velocity?
Ayane: Yes...but...
Velocity: if you have any decency, reject it!
Pamela: Hmmm..but she doesn't.
Ayane: She's picking up Colley...holding him for Lance!!
Pamela: Heh...and STILL Champion!
Ayane: Lance goes for a superkick--Colley ducks! HITS VELOCITY!!! VELOCITY GOES DOWN!! Colley and Lance now fighting...Colley dumps Lance over the ropes....Velocity stagging up....Colley with a kick...setting up Vel. There's theeeee...FIRST....SECOND....THIRD IMPACT!!! and the...
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ONE!
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TWO!!
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THREE!!!
*ding, ding, ding*
*howl*
"Of Wolf and Man" begins to play again...
Ayane: NEW CHAMPION!! NEW CHAMPION!! NEW CHAMPION!!
Winner and New EAW International Champion >>> "Big Yiffy" Colley Dogstar
Ayane: YES!! New International Champion!! HA HA!!
Pamela: DAMN!
Ayane: An incredible match, although with a somewhat tainted finish...thanks for watching folks, and don't miss our next edition of Mayhem, this coming Wednesday!
Pamela: Lilith will hit on Megan a lot, and there will be some matches...I GUARANTEE IT!!