Live from the Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania!!
Your hosts are Megan Eko and Paul Heyman!
Your hosts are Megan Eko and Paul Heyman!
(Editor's Note: The Battle Royale itself was done by Booker--Chris--Waters, the rest by me. Yes...the WHOOOOLE thing. And he did a helluva job on it. To give it that treatment, he is truly hardcore. Come on....repeat after me...
We open to the Sahara-looking Showdown arena, where the crowd is filled to capacity, small sand dunes apparently outlining the stands...
We cut to the announcer's desk...where...well, it appears that our announcers are decked out in merchanidise...
Paul Heyman is wearing a "Generation NEXT" hat on, and Megan is dressed casually in slacks and a Generation NEXT baby tee.
Megan: Welcome everyone tonight to a HUGE EAW Sunday Night Showdown. I'm Megan Eko...
Heyman: *tipping the cap* And I'm Paul Heyman...
Megan: And we're like in the Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh, PA. And before we get to the action, check out the newest Generation NEXT merchandise, now available at the EAW-Wear section of the merchandise stands or online.
Paul: I know they approached me about it...but...seems odd to see you wearing that. Maybe you--
Megan: Don't read too much into it, Paul. I get a cut of the profits this way. ^_^
Paul: Oh..
"Nobodies" by Marilyn Manson cues up, and the crowd pops huge for...
Megan: Now, it may be a little snug, but I'm not an all-out EXHIBITIONIST like these two here...
Paul: Hear hear! At least we can agree on something...
Capetta: The following match is for the EAW Tag Team Championship! Introducing first, the challengers, at a combined weight of 272 lbs...from Roswell, New Mexico...the team of Sin and Shade--the Girls of Goth!!
Paul: Ah yes...the girls who pulled their tops off exposing their pale ya-ya fruits to try to get a win. Say what you will about Kirk, but he NEVER...
Megan: Okay, don't even TRY to put that mental image up, Paul.
Paul: Of the GoG or Kirk?
Megan: Both.
Paul: Oh...
The GoG get into the ring to a nice pop, then the intitials D-N-R show up on the EAW-Tron...
Paul: And now, our TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...WORTHY CHAMPIONS...to make their way to the ring...
Megan: That is so untrue on so many levels, but I really can't saw which team I dislike more...the GoG or S&M. So I can't really pull for either...
Paul: Oh, come on, Megan! S&M!! S&M!!
The crowd boos the champs as their music starts...
Capetta: Their opponents, each from an undisclosed location, and weighing in at a combined 555 lbs...the defending EAW Tag Team Champions, here are Spike and Morty--S&M!"
Paul: Ladies and gentlmen, Rob Halford's favorite tag team on the way to the ring tonight!
Megan: Hmm...is that a fact?
Paul: Um...I can't be SURE of that, but I'm sure he'd like their style.
Megan: Uh-huh...well, if Mr. Halford takes any offense to that, then the blame falls fully on you...
Spike and Morty hit the ring, making some provocative gestures towards their opponents. Sin and Shade stick on their tongues, then slap their asses defiantly. That only seems to enrage S&M, and the referee has a difficult time getting a member of each team on the apron...
Megan: Sin and Morty ready to start for their respective teams, but doesn't look good for the challengers...
Sin and Morty clash in the middle of the ring...Morty toys with her by shoving her down to the mat. She gets back up--he shoves her down again. Sin, very upset, hauls off and slaps Morty across the face, then ducks between his legs...rolls over his back--and plants him with a DDT!! Morty springs up, shocked, and Sin with a dropkick on him, then dives and grabs his legs in a forward roll, bridges over, one count--KICKOUT by Morty. Morty pulls himself up with the ropes, and brushes his hair back, getting a more serious look on his face. Sin charges him--Morty ducks, sending her to the ropes--back body drop--Sin lands her her feet--goes to pull off an Acid Drop style move--but Morty catches her, Atomic Dropping her from up high! Cover by Morty after that, and a narrow two...
Sin slips free, and hits the ropes...spears Morty, taking him down. She then tags to Shade, and they each grab a foot--pull apart Morty, and legdrop him. Shade sends Morty in the corner, then Sin dives on all fours...Sin uses her as a booster to hit a Poetry in Motion. Morty staggers out of the corner into a double suplex, and Shade pins him for a narrow two as Sin ducks out to the apron. Morty tosses her off, and rolls up to his feet--catches her for a powerslam. Morty taunts her, then she gets up--superkick--blocked--Morty sets her up for an Iron Maiden--she slides free--kick to the back of the head puts him on the ropes...Shade off the far ropes--comes back--Morty with the presence of mind to duck, and counter her, dropping her throat first across the ropes, then follows up with a Mortality Splash. Morty tags in to Spike, then sends Shade to the far ropes...Skull Spike from S&M, and Spike covers Shade for a long two.
Shade kicks out, and Spike hammers on the comparatively insect-like Shade. Spike attempts an early Suffering's End, but Sin comes in to dropkick Spike in the back of his legs, causing him to drop Shade. Spike turns around, facing Sin. Shade leaps on his back and locks on a sleeper, which he seems unaffected by. Sin spinning heel kicks Spike, knocking him down on his side, as Shade keeps the sleeper applied. The giant rises, fighting oncoming slumber, and tosses Shade off his back, kicking his HARD in the back. He picks her up by the head, and hits a vicious diving powerbomb on Shade, pinning her leg back for the pinfall, but only a long two.
Sin cheers on her team mate, who Spike picks up Shade again, hoisting her up by the throat--tossing her into the corner. He rears back and charges into it, but Shade ducks under it, then rolls through a Boston Crab!! Reaches over and tags to Sin, who goes up top and hits a Guillotine legdrop on Spike, getting a long two.
The GoG continue to have great difficulty with their larger male adversaries, nearly getting a three after Shade tags back in, and Sin hits a missile dropkick into a Shade roll up on Morty--SO CLOSE...
Spike trips up Shade on a criss-cross, allowing Morty to drop an elbow, getting a two count. Shade escapes, SPEARING Spike and knocking him off the apron to the floor, then...a tag to Sin...
Megan: Spike on the outside...Sin hits the far ropes...and..PISCADO onto Spi--caught!!
Paul: Uh-oh...Spike lifting her up now...RIGHT THROUGH THE TIMEKEEPER'S TABLE WITH THE SUFFERING'S END!!!
Megan: And Sin put through that table by one of the tag champs...Spike rolling her into the ring...cover by Morty...
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ONE!
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TWO!!
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THREE!!
*ding, ding*
Winners, by pinfall >>> S&M; still EAW Tag Team Champions
Megan: And I personally am not sure whether to be upset or happy about this...
Paul: Be happy, we STILL have S&M as tag team champions!!
Megan: ...sure...
**Commercial Break**
As we come back from break, soon footage plays marked "During the Break."
Savvi and Frosti (Deadly Extremity) are in the back with Sin and Shade, just returning from their tag title match, jumping them from behind. Sin and Shade are caught off guard with Gores from each of them, ramming them into the concrete wall. They then stomp away on the Girls of Goth, and hit stereo Tiger Drivers on the concrete floor...
Megan: And back live, now...what you just saw was what happened during the break. Deadly Extremity apparently back, and up to their old agenda--making enemies.
Paul: Well, during the break when we first caught that on tape, weren't you...kinda...snickering about it?
Megan: Me, show partiality during a broadcast, even on break? Perish the thought, Paul. I don't really like either of th--hehe...kidding...really.
Paul: Nonetheless, we will be graced with the presence of our EAW World Champion...a TRUE champion, Kirk Angel, in a NON-TITLE match with Colley Dogstar. It shows off the lack of faith Gokuo has to make Kirk main event a Showdown...
Megan: Well, it's now time for the EAW Royal Rumble match up!
Heyman: And I, for one, am excited about this match. It's a chance for the great talent of EAW to show off their skills as they fight to become the winner of a tough competition.
Megan: Not to mention a chance at facing the EAW World Champion at our next PPV event, No Escape.
As soon as Megan finishes saying that, the triumphant sounds of "Gonna Fly Now" cues up in the arena. The crowd boos loudly as Kirk Angel makes his way to the ringside.
Heyman: And speaking of said champion, here he comes right now! And I for one am proud to have this man as our new EAW Champion. Someone with the credibility of being an Olympic gold medalist AND a former PWF Universal Champion. Not to mention being one heck of a great guy.
Megan: I wouldn't go THAT far Heyman…and Kirk…oh no. Don't tell me he's joining us here…
Angel is indeed coming over to the announcer's table…and he sets the EAW World Championship on it as he puts on a headset.
Heyman: Mr. Angel, it's a pleasure having you here.
Angel: Thank you Paul. It's a pleasure being here to see one of my chosen 4 participants go out and get a chance at me for the title.
Megan: If I may ask, who are these other 3 participants that you've chosen?
Angel: Megan, Megan, Megan…you think I'd ruin the surprise of this type of match by just exposing who is going to be coming out? Just wait and see.
In the ring, Gary Michael Cappetta goes to begin. "Ladies and Gentlemen, it's now time for the EAW Royal Rumble Match-Up. In a few moments, the superstars who drew numbers 1 and 2 will enter and start the match. Then, another superstar will enter every 90 seconds in number drawn order. Elimination occurs by going over the top rope and both feet touching the floor. The last person remaining after all 30 participants have been entered will be the winner and face the EAW World Champion at Aggression."
Angel: Not that it will do them any good going up against me.
Heyman: Very true Mr. Angel. I mean, you're probably the greatest individual to ever hold that title.
Megan: Please…stop the pain and send the first superstar out here. Quickly.
As soon as she says that…a theme that people thought wouldn't be heard cues up…as "Zan" starts playing over the speakers.
Angel: Whoo! One of my chosen 4!
Megan:…tell me I'm not hearing this. It can't possibly be who I think it is.
Heyman: Oh yes it is…take a look!
Indeed, from out of the entryway comes former EAW Extreme Champion MAIKU, facepaint and all.
"Introducing first, the participant who drew Number 1…MAIKU!"
Megan: This is because MAIKU helped you win the EAW title, isn't it Kirk?
Heyman: Kirk, don't listen to her. I'm sure that you have a very good reason for MAIKU being in this match.
Angel: Indeed I do. He's a great talent and a man of integrity. Besides, picture the headlining card: MAIKU vs. Kirk Angel. It's great sounding, isn't it?
Megan: Well, we'll have to see about that. There are 29 other individuals that have to be considered as well.
"And now, here is the participant who drew Number 2."
The arena cheers loudly as "Sinner" by Drowning Pool cues up, signaling the entry of Ninja X…who makes a beeline for the ring.
Heyman: Ninja X in a hurry to get eliminated, as MAIKU stomping away at him now!
Megan: Ninja X getting up now, fighting through MAIKU's stomping…on his feet now, MAIKU going in for a clothesline, caught by a hard kick in the face by Ninja X!
Heyman: Ninja X waiting for MAIKU to get to his feet now…possibly a bad move for him…but no, he catches MAIKU with a Booker T-esque kick to the back of MAIKU's head.
Angel: But MAIKU being smart, going to trip Ninja X as soon as he lands. Smart move by MAIKU there, and now he's starting to weaken the legs of Ninja X.
Megan: This isn't a submission match though, as working the legs of someone will only do so much. MAIKU going for a clothesline, misses, Ninja X with a neckbreaker on the way down. MAIKU in a bit of trouble now, Ninja X slow to get up as well. This could come down to who gets to their feet first.
Angel: Come on MAIKU…this is your chance to prove people wrong! You can win this!
Heyman: MAIKU up to his feet now, as is Ninja X…X is starting to eliminate MAIKU! No...luckily MAIKU with a quick punch to the ninja's face causes him to stay in the ring. MAIKU is a smart and resilient fighter for sure.
Megan: MAIKU now continuing to work on Ninja X, taking advantage of the situation…lifting the Ninja onto the ropes, going to eliminate him.
Angel: MAIKU working smart…take out the Ninja, and he'll be all alone in the ring.
Megan: Yes, but he won't be alone with MAIKU for long.
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BUZZ!
As soon as the buzzer goes off, "Back the Fuck Up" by Fear Factory cues up over the speakers to a bunch of cheers, as Bullwhip makes his way to the ring.
Angel: Now wait just a minute, who the heck had these numbers drawn?
Megan: It's a random drawing Kirk, and now Bullwhip is helping out Ninja X by hitting MAIKU hard in the face. Bullwhip letting out some past aggression on the former Extreme champion, and now Ninja X is getting a good chance to rest up.
Heyman: This is a bad time now for someone like MAIKU, having two individuals who want a piece of him going after him. MAIKU smartly weakened Ninja X for a bit though, so right now it's just Bullwhip and the former Extreme champion going at it.
Angel: And MAIKU right away showing why he is deserving to be a representative of me in this match, tossing Bullwhip right into Ninja X! That's a man that's worthy of being a number one contender.
Megan: MAIKU now is on trying to eliminate Bullwhip, but Ninja X in to help the former CAPW Champion out…both are now double teaming MAIKU…but even if they eliminate him, it is an every person for themselves match up.
Heyman: And unfortunately, this is a good move by Ninja X and Bullwhip, eliminating the big threat to their rare possible chance of getting a victory in this match, which is MAIKU.
Angel: Look at this though, both Bullwhip and Ninja X are having problems getting MAIKU out of the ring, the man who believes in Puresou Love hanging on for dear life to those ring ropes. I haven't seen a smarter move since Heyman here was cast for the movie "Rollerball".
Heyman: …why, thank you Mr. Angel.
Megan: Someone get the hook…anyway, MAIKU trying to hang on for dear life to those ring ropes, trying not to get eliminated…and HE'S OUT…no, onto the apron. Back in the ring now…tripping Ninja X. Bullwhip coming in…HARD kick to the face.
Heyman: The countdown is on now!.
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BUZZ!
Suddenly, the sounds of "Snap your Fingers, Snap your Neck" come up, as Crash Holly comes to the ring, determined.
Heyman: Wow! A Super-Heavyweight has entered…and he's going right after Ninja X! Ignoring MAIKU. Interesting move by Crash right there, saving MAIKU.
Angel: Smart move by Crash…helping one of the final four into the finals. Should have thought of him…
Megan: Well, MAIKU working on Bullwhip now, while Crash goes after Ninja X. Crash now has Ninja X in the corner, working away at the Cruiserweight Champion now, trying to eliminate him, in the other corner Bullwhip and MAIKU are getting it on, both trying to obtain an advantage over the other.
Heyman: Crash has Ninja X over the top rope now, but Ninja X using his legs to grasp onto the ropes. X desperately trying to stay in the ring, as MAIKU has Bullwhip on the ropes now as well.
Angel: Good, the only two good fighters in this are taking advantage. I wouldn't mind giving either fighter a shot at my title.
Megan: Looks like you might get your wish, Angel. But no, Bullwhip giving MAIKU an eye rake, and Crash gets punched in the face hard by Ninja X. The four fighters going to work on each other on both sides of the ring, in a brutal stereo beat-down started by Bullwhip and Ninja X…Crash getting a reversal, going for another elimination of his own.
Heyman: This is becoming a time of close calls here. Whoever gets an elimination will get an advantage here. It's down to a neck and neck battle…and another countdown.
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BUZZ!
"Wish" by Nine Inch Nails cues up.
Kirk: Ew…did something just get run over…oh wait, it's just the skunk girl.
Heyman: Hey, if you get past the smell, she might be a good one nighter.
Kirk: I'm a married man, Paul.
Megan: Lady Jasmine in the ring now…going right after Crash…WOW! She easily disposed of Crash Holly with one throw. Now Jasmine going after MAIKU…but he catches her with a kick to the stomach, Bullwhip getting an attack in from behind. Jasmine and Bullwhip now working on MAIKU…
ELIMINATED: Crash Holly
Heyman: Ninja X now trying to get into the fray…GETS HIT BY JASMINE'S TAIL! That's gonna be a turning point right there…now Ninja X grabbing Jasmine from behind…and drops her hard with a reverse DDT. But the distraction has given MAIKU a chance to get an advantage over Bullwhip again.
Kirk: A perfect opportunity, and MAIKU now catching Bullwhip hard in the gut with a knee…getting the perfect opportunity…SHINING WIZARD!
Megan: That COULD be a tide tuner right there for MAIKU, and Ninja X pounding away at the Salusian warrior…who kip-ups with a tail boost to her feet, now the two working face to face…MAIKU pounding away at the fallen Bullwhip, taking the chance to gain an advantage.
Heyman: Ninja X has a hold of Jasmine now…going for a running attack…she ducks for a backdrop to the outside…but Ninja X grabs the ropes! He pulls himself back into the ring, luckily for him.
Kirk: Unlucky though, since my man MAIKU is still in the match. He's got Bullwhip going now…and tosses him right into Jasmine. Beautiful work right there by MAIKU. Now who's the next victim? .
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BUZZ!
Angel, Megan, Heyman: WHAT THE?
Heyman: Holy Crap! The Road Dogg has entered himself into this Royal Rumble match! I thought he had retired after the match against the Super Regal-o Brothers.
Megan: Apparently not Paul, and he's decking everyone in the ring now! Bullwhip taken down, now Jasmine, MAIKU down…Ninja X going in…caught by Dogg…1 punch, two punches, three…Shake Rattle and Roll.
Angel: Look at MAIKU though…getting up to his feet just in time to grab Ninja X from behind…BEAUTIFUL release German Suplex to the outside! Ninja X is GONE from this match, and I for one and ecstatic!
ELIMINATED: Ninja X
Heyman: One of MAIKU's major enemies gone now, but three more people willing to take him down in. Jasmine getting up to her feet now, but MAIKU right in to put the offensive on her with a serious barrage of punches.
Megan: Look at this though, Road Dogg and Bullwhip both pulling MAIKU off of Jasmine…double teaming him now, taking full advantage of being in the ring at the same time with him.
Angel: But a BEAUTIFUL move by MAIKU right there, taking down both with a great double-footed jump kick. I'm glad I picked this guy as one of my representatives for this match up.
Heyman: MAIKU taunting both Bullwhip and Dogg now, fully confident that he has control of the situation in the ring, and right now he does. MAIKU stomping away at Bullwhip, seemingly ignoring the D-O-Double G right now…but the Road Dogg seems to be in a bit of pain.
Megan: Well, Bullwhip getting the worst of the punishment right now as another participant enters into this match up….
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BUZZ!
"Ultra Mega" blares over the speakers.
Megan: And here comes Seven, at number seven! He rushes to the ring…passing right by MAIKU and the two downed warriors, going right after Lady Jasmine! Possibly some pent up anger from the last time these two met…Seven working hard on the Salusian royalty now, pummeling her with a fury of fists. MAIKU noticing this…and kicks Dogg and Bullwhip in the head, and…what's he doing now?
Angel: It's called "conserving your energy", Megan. MAIKU has taken care of both Road Dogg and Bullwhip, so he's sitting back and relaxing as Seven takes care of Lady Jasmine.
Heyman: A very smart move by one of your chosen four, Kirk…and MAIKU keeping Bullwhip and Road Dogg down with hard kicks to the head. Meanwhile, Seven picks Jasmine up over his head…HARD powerslam by the android!
Megan: Seven might be doing the wrong thing for this type of match, just focusing on one opponent as he continues to work on Jasmine. Jasmine now using her tail to pull him down and roll him over into a type of choke submission here, but it doesn't have much effect on the android warrior.
Heyman: It's hard to use a choking submission move when you're fighting against someone who doesn't really need to breath…now Seven powering out of the move…and MAIKU STRIKES!
Angel: MAIKU right now is the smartest participant in that ring, and he takes down both Lady Jasmine and Seven with one hard blow. MAIKU celebrating again, and rightfully so.
Megan: I don't know about that either…but in any event, MAIKU is the only one that is still on his feet right now, as another participant about to make his or her way to the ring now. .
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BUZZ!
The crowd erupts in cheers, and MAIKU jumps back just slightly, as "Praise the Lords" cues up over the speakers.
Heyman: Uh oh…it's the boss man coming in for some personal reasons…
Angel: Now this is just ridiculous…an owner shouldn't get involved in something that involves other wrestlers. What the hell was Waters thinking when he signed this match?
Megan: I dunno…but here comes Gokuo now, and he of course goes right after MAIKU. Hard right hands by the EAW President on MAIKU, and now the "Harbinger of Vengeance" is reeling.
Heyman: Gokuo trying to prove he's still got it in him, and all around, the others are starting to get up to their feet. Road Dogg back up, and he punches MAIKU right in the jaw…Jasmine now…hard punch herself…now Seven…Bullwhip now to his feet…
Megan: Gokuo whipping MAIKU right into the waiting arms of Bullwhip, BEAUTIFUL belly to back suplex to the outside of the ring now! MAIKU is gone from this match!
ELIMINATED: MAIKU
Angel: Damnit, Gokuo screwed over MAIKU once again. A shame really…at least I have 3 more participants.
Heyman: But now Gokuo paying for it…the employees getting a rare opportunity to go up against their employer, Bullwhip the first to strike against Gokuo as he kicks him right in the gut and drops him with a hard DDT.
Megan: Meanwhile, Road Dogg going in against Lady Jasmine, breaking up the battle between the Salusian and the Android, getting his shots in on her for a little bit…but Seven grabbing him, and now some trouble is in store for the Dogg as the next competitor comes in..
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BUZZ!
"Duel of the Fates" cues up next.
Heyman: Alexander Nagol now coming in to the ring, and going right after the weakened Bullwhip! Fury of attacks from the reigning Extreme Champion to Bullwhip, on the other side Seven's got Road Dogg set up…grabbing him, scoop and a slam into the turnbuckle. On the other side, Gokuo getting to his feet while Nagol grabbing Bullwhip from behind…belly to back suplex…dropping him right into Gokuo!
Megan: Both Gokuo and Bullwhip going down hard on that move there, and Seven with a nice sliding dropkick right to Road Dogg's face. Lady Jasmine following up Seven's attack now, ramming her entire body right into Road Dogg's hard. On the other side, Nagol picking Bullwhip up…easily tossing him out of the ring.
ELIMINATED: Bullwhip
Angel: Looks like someone is going to be joining Bullwhip soon in the loser department…Seven picking Road Dogg up…and tosses him right over the top rope. So much for the Dogg winning this match.
ELIMINATED: Road Dogg
Megan: It's back down to just four again, as Gokuo starts to get pounded on by Alex, while on the other side Jasmine and Seven go back to their fight. Alex going off the ropes…no, Gokuo right there for him, beautiful drop toehold on the Mobian hedgehog. On the other side Seven seems to have Jasmine reeling, going off the ropes himself…caught…INDISCRIMINATE JUSTICE. She caught him off guard with that move right there.
Heyman: All four participants right now are giving their all in this match, including the president of the company. Each one showing that they are worthy contenders for the EAW World Championship.
Angel: They're all trying to prove that they're good enough to go against me, but I already have 3 other choices for this match. However, if I had to choose one of the participants in the ring right now, I'd say Seven is the most likely to win.
Megan: Speaking of Seven, he's being lifted up by Lady Jasmine, dangling on the ropes as he is on the verge of being eliminated. Gokuo now taking advantage of the downed Alex, grabbing him by the head and pounding him hard into the mat. But Alex not taking much of that, elbowing Gokuo right in the face.
Heyman: Someone else is coming now…who is it? .
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BUZZ!
Suddenly, "Live and Learn" cues up speakers, and to a loud, positive reaction from the crowd comes…
Megan: IT'S SONNETTE! SONNETTE IS BACK, AND WITH A NEW LOOK! She's dyed her fur blue, and is wearing Soaps Shoes and nothing else!
Angel: First Jasmine, then Nagol, now her? What is this, a wrestling venue or a zoo?
Heyman: I'm not sure, but it seems that species like to go against each other as Sonnette is going right after Nagol as she dives into the ring, showing him that she's got no ring rust. Gokuo freed up now and taking a slight breather as the two hedgehogs battle it out.
Megan: Meanwhile, Seven manages to free himself up from the grasp of Lady Jasmine, saving himself from becoming another eliminated superstar. Seven sliding behind Jasmine now, trying to do the same thing to her, but Jasmine using that tail of hers as a weapon against the android warrior.
Angel: And look at Gokuo there, cowardly just standing in the corner there doing nothing. And he was the one that told Booker Waters that he wanted to be in this match.
Megan: Gokuo only wanted in for MAIKU and Hunter…and right now only one of those people has come in. But Gokuo unwillingly getting involved now as Alex Nagol pushes Sonnette into the same corner Gokuo was in.
Heyman: Unwanted acupuncture on the EAW President, and both Nagol and Gokuo falling out of the corner in pain from that move right there. Sonnette has a bit of an advantage right now, as her other opposition is distracted by a personal battle going on against each other.
Angel: In my expert opinion, Jasmine right now is the person that everyone should be going against, as she's the one that's been in the ring the longest. But it seems that only Seven wants a piece of her as of right now.
Megan: Well, each person has their own plan for this match, but they might have to concentrate on this person coming in now. .
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BUZZ!
"Light it Up" by Master P starts up next.
Heyman: Yes! Someone that knows the meaning of the word hardcore coming into the ring now, as the Hardcore Hellion himself enters the ring! And going after…well, everyone he can, it seems.
Angel: Not a smart move by Action…even though it's every person for themselves, there should be alliances between superstars to eliminate the tougher opponents.
Megan: Right now, I think Action only cares about making a name for himself as he goes right after Gokuo now, going all out against the EAW President. Now it's broken off into three fights it seems: Jasmine and Seven, Gokuo and Action, and Sonnette and Alex. Now everyone getting up to their feet, and Sonnette gets the first move in with a good placed kick right onto Alex's back. On the other side of the ring, Jasmine and Seven exchanging blows on their knees, and Gokuo getting pounded on by Mike Action.
Heyman: The struggle for dominance in this Royal Rumble match continues, each person wanting to be the best. Action going off the ropes for an elbow drop right into Gokuo's chest, and the Prez is in a bit of pain now. And now…wait, the other four superstars have stopped their fighting.
Angel: This shows that Action was missing the Intelligence part of the 3 I's right there, when he attacked everyone upon entering. Now everyone going after Action, and things don't look too good for him.
Megan: Action has become the next MAIKU in that ring right now, as everyone ganging up on him now, pummeling right on the Hardcore Hellion. Each person getting his or her shots in now…meanwhile the count is on. .
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BUZZ!
"Sin" by Nine Inch Nails cues up
Angel: International Incident time!
Megan: Here comes Jenna as Mike Action is caught up on the ropes…she slides into the ring…DROPKICK TO THE BACK OF ACTION! ACTION HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
ELIMINATED: Mike Action
Heyman: Now this match is getting more interesting, as the bigger names start getting in. Oseiko now looking around for someone to go after…and Lady Jasmine is the choice of Ninja X's girlfriend. Seven seems to want to interject on that, Sonnette suddenly breaks off from her brawl with Nagol to take on the Android.
Megan: Gokuo now taking this opportunity to get in some shots of his own on Nagol, proving that sitting in the big office has not slowed him down…but Nagol catching the President with a beautifully placed hurricanrana. On the other side, Jenna and Sonnette giving Lady Jasmine and Seven stereo dropkicks, taking both those fighters down.
Angel: This is the time to try to get as much rest as possible, near the middle of the roster, you should try getting as much time to prepare for the other half of the roster.
Heyman: Wait a second…getting word from the back…let's go to the back now!
The camera cuts to the backstage area, where Jay Miller is in the Figure Four Ankle-lock by David Flair. Mike Action is next to them, a speaker pushed onto his leg, screaming in pain.
Angel: David Flair! One of my chosen four has evened out the playing field!
Megan: I can't believe this! David Flair has just taken out both Mike Action and Jay Miller…probably still angry at what they did at Cataclysm. Now he lets go, going off…as another entrant is about to come in. .
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"Trouble" by Cyprus Hill brings another chorus of boos.
Heyman: And things have just gone from bad to worse, as the One Man Crime-Spree himself makes his way to the ring.
Angel: Spazz is resilient, already walking after what I did to his ankle.
Megan: Well, Spazz for some reason ignoring Kirk right now, going right into the ring…GOING RIGHT AFTER JENNA! BRUTAL ASSAULT ON Jenna!
Angel: As much as Spazz hates me, he seems to want to win this match more. Look at that assault…Gokuo trying to stop him now…and gets a T-bone suplex for his trouble. Spazz going crazy now, dropping everyone!
Heyman: Spazz is an angry and dangerous man in that ring. He wants to be known as a threat, and wants a piece of Mr. Angel here…but to do so he has to get through everyone in this match, and that will take a while.
Megan: Spazz has dropped everyone now with suplexes and powerbombs…he's now the only one standing in the ring…and he goes back to brutalize Jenna…and Jenna's been thrown out!
ELIMINATED: Jenna
Megan: Now Lady Jasmine catches him with her tail. Spazz realizes this…and that makes him furious.
Heyman: Spazz now grabbing hold of Lady Jasmine's tail, lifting up the Salusian warrior…caught in the face by a hard kick from Lady Jasmine to his face. Spazz did not expect anyone to go after him while he was punishing Jenna.
Angel: That's the problem with everyone in that ring, they're not willing to expect the unexpected.
Megan: Everyone getting to their feet slowly now…Sonnette and Seven the first to their feet…now they're slugging at each other with fists, Gokuo and Alex are slow to get up as well… the count is on….
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"Martyr" by Fear Factory cues up next…and the crowd groans.
Angel: Wow…Spazz just got a break in that draw. It's his pupil Arana!
Heyman: This is the opportune time for Spazz now, as Arana enters the ring and starts slugging on Lady Jasmine. Spazz and Arana both grabbing the Salusian now…she's up, over and gone now!
ELIMINATED: Lady Jasmine
Megan: Spazz and Arana now going after everyone that moves, but not getting to Sonnette and Seven. Seven going off the ropes…Sonnette ducks and pushes Seven up! Seven has now been eliminated!
ELIMINATED: Seven
Angel: The ring thinning out now…but Spazz and Arana are now the force to beware of in that ring. Working together, at least one of them has a chance of winning.
Heyman: Gokuo now going against them as he pulls in Spazz for a slam! And now with a kick to Arana's stomach, and she's doubling over now.
Megan: Spazz to his feet…Gokuo's trying to grapple against Spazz…Spazz is fighting it now…no, Gokuo gets it now! SCREW PILEDRIVER! Spazz has been rocked now from that move, but Arana backing up right into Gokuo, knocking him over…and tripping up Alexander Nagol at the same time. Sonnette going in to attack Arana as Spazz slowly gets up…and goes right after Gokuo. Alex trying to get to his feet now…
Angel: And now someone else is coming. .
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Suddenly, the Bif Naked version of "We're Not Gonna Take It" cues up over the speakers, and the arena falls into a dead silence.
Angel: YES! ANOTHER ONE OF MY CHOSEN FOUR! Former WCW World Champion himself David Arquette.
Megan: …you've got to be kidding me. I am NOT seeing this, am I?
Heyman: Indeed you are Megan. David Arquette is coming out and with a steel chair in his hand! He's setting it up on the outside…and taking a seat.
Angel: He's picking his spots…is going to wait for just the right moment to strike.
Megan: Good, keep him out of the ring as long as possible. On the inside of the ring now, Alex now up to his feet, and he and Gokuo working away on Spazz now. On the other side of the ring, Sonnette and Arana going at it tooth and nail.
Heyman: Spazz and Arana have somewhat cleared out the ring for a bit, which is a good thing for them considering how many people don't like them. Meanwhile Alex rushing in for a move…but Gokuo gets hit with it…the Unexpected Explosion!
Angel: Spazz now taking advantage of the distraction of Nagol, which is a smart move by the Walking Powerbomb…and he delivers just that onto the Extreme Champion.
Megan: Look at Arquette though, he's just sitting there watching as if he were a fan.
Angel: Like I said Megan, he's waiting for his time to strike. He'll get in when the time is right.
Heyman: Yeah Megan, just wait until…SONIC BOOM BY SONNETTE! Arana taken down hard by that one! .
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"My Way" by Limp Bizkit cues up over the speakers next, and Arquette, Angel, and Heyman all stand up and applaud as David Flair makes his way out to the ring.
Heyman: Come on Megan…stand up for the next living legend!
Angel: And another one of my chosen fighters!
Megan: Ugh…this guy is the most arrogant person I've ever seen…winning over his father by some cheap trick. But now he's in this match…and look at this, NOW Arquette getting up and going in the ring…and now the two Davids now working over every star…double teaming them…Arquette using that chair as well.
Heyman: Just like Angel here said, Arquette was waiting for just the right moment to make his move…and what a better time than when an ally is helping you.
Angel: Exactly Paul...and look at this now! Both of them taking Sonnette…double-team suplex on the two of them. Dave and Dave are a great cohesive unit, aren't they?
Megan: I'm not so sure…oh wait a second…they've taken down everyone…spotting Gokuo now…what are they planning? Flair picking him up…a slam…and Arquette…oh god.
Heyman: HERE IT COMES! W-O-R-M! ARQUETTE WITH THE WORM! HOO-HOO…AND A NICELY PLACED CHOP!
Angel: BEAUTIFUL! No one does that move better than Arquette!
Megan: Ugh, stop the pain. Arquette and Flair shaking hands now and…WAIT A MINUTE!
Heyman/Angel: WHAT THE HELL?
Megan: DAVID FLAIR JUST KICKED ARQUETTE RIGHT IN THE GUT…AND THROWS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE! DAVID FLAIR HAS ELIMINATED DAVID ARQUETTE!
ELIMINATED: David Arquette
Angel: I can't believe it! David Flair just screwed over Arquette. If it wasn't for Flair being one of my chosen four, I'd be REALLY upset.
Megan: Well everyone now getting to his or her feet as the next entrant makes his or her way out.
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"A Violent Reaction" cues up, and Kane marches out, causing all the other wrestlers in the ring to stop what they're doing.
Heyman: Oh shit…things are about to get a lot more violent now.
Angel: As long as he doesn't mess with my chosen fighter, everything will be OK.
Megan: Well Kane on the ring apron now, stepping into the ring…Spazz and Arana right there to double-team him! I hate to admit it, but a smart move by Spazz and Arana there. Both now sending him off the ropes…he comes back with a double clothesline…and I'd hate to be Spazz or Arana right now.
Heyman: No doubt about it, it's a bad time to be anyone in that ring…and Kane grabbing Arana with one arm and easily flings her out of the ring!
ELIMINATED: Arana
Angel: But it looks like she's not gonna be the only one right now, as Kane grabs Spazz by the throat…CHOKESLAM TO THE OUTSIDE OF THE RING!
ELIMINATED: Spazz
Megan: That brought the crowd to their feet in cheers…now what the hell is David Flair doing…he's on Kane's back trying for a sleeper…bad idea David…Kane falling onto his back hard and David Flair is squashed. Now Kane picks David up, and throws him out!
ELIMINATED: David Flair
Angel: Damnit all. At least I still have one more choice fighter for this match.
Heyman: Kane looking around for his next victim, but look at this! Beautiful double-team clip by Gokuo to the legs of Kane, taking the big man down. Seems Gokuo using his brains, knowing a weak point in Kane's arsenal.
Megan: Possibly right…and now that things have calmed down a bit, again Sonnette and Alex start brawling, Alex getting the upper hand for a bit, going off the ropes…BRADSHAW ESQUE CLOTHESLINE FROM SONNETTE!
Angel: Nagol was knocked so hard he might think he's still on Mobius…now Kane is down…and Gokuo stomping at the Big Red freak of nature. Someone else coming now….
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"Primal Concrete Sledge" cues up now, and this causes Lord Gokuo to snap to attention and stare down at the entryway.
Megan: Well, I hate to use a JR line…but business IS about to pick up, as Hunter Hearst Helmsely makes his way to the ring, and Gokuo is waiting for him.
Heyman: This is one of the reasons Gokuo entered this match…to get his hands on Helmsley. Now, he gets a chance to.
Angel: And I'm hoping that Gokuo beats the crap out of Helmsley, because that man never has and never will be deserving of a title shot against me.
Megan: Now Hunter entering the ring…and Gokuo right after the Decedent one…anger from what Hunter did to Kyewt still on his mind. Gokuo sending Hunter off the ropes, attempted knee by Hunter, dodged by Gokuo…FALLING REVERSE DDT! Gokuo is a house of fire now!
Heyman: But look behind him…Kane getting up to his feet…lifting up and powerslaming to the mat. Hunter smiling at this…taking Gokuo and throwing him out.
ELIMINATED: Lord Gokuo
Angel: Damnit Gokuo, how could you possibly be eliminated by a no-talent hack like Helmsley? Ah well, Kane now taking advantage of Hunter's distraction and dropping him like a bad habit right onto his back.
Megan: Sonnette and Alex seem to be making an alliance now…double teaming the Big Red Machine now to get him down. Hunter slowly getting up…
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"Oh Canada" cues up suddenly.
Megan: And now he's got someone else to worry about…Lance Storm coming in, and expectedly going right after Hunter! Long term rivalry there as Storm continues to pummel Hunter with a barrage of fists.
Angel: Two guys I hope are eliminated quickly pummeling each other into oblivion. Beautiful. And the Hedgehog crew double teaming that burned off moron, trying to get him weakened enough.
Heyman: But Kane powering out from the offensive, pushing both Alex and Sonnette off of him. Kane using his monstrous strength to get an advantage in this match as Hunter and Storm keep on fighting.
Angel: If I had to pick out of these superstars, Kane would be the man that has the best chance of winning. But then again, my final choice wrestler hasn't entered into the ring yet.
Megan: Well Kane seems to want to eliminate the competition before that happens…grabbing both Alex and Sonnette by the neck…going for a double…no, kicks by both the hedgehogs to Kane's legs…and double team DDT by the two of them!
Heyman: Very lucky move by the two hedgehogs there, and now the have the advantage over the Big Red Machine. On the other side of the ring, Storm has Hunter in the corner, giving him a fury of knife edge chops…but Hunter switches their positions, and now Hunter's delivering the chops!
Megan: Hunter only getting a few in as Lance knees him in the gut, managing to get out of the corner now, and once again the count is on for the next participant.
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"Cherry Bomb" by Shounen Knife starts playing now.
Angel: INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT TIME!
Megan: Well here comes Akiko…and she's joining Lance Storm on his attack on Hunter. Sometimes a relationship in wrestling can work out, it seems, as this cute couple keeps the work on Hunter. And a mirror image on the other side of the ring as Sonnette and Alex double suplex Kane.
Heyman: But how long can these two alliances last…not very it seems for Sonnette and Alex as Alex is almost eliminated again by Sonnette…and Alex barely manages to land on the apron from that. Meanwhile Kane regaining his bearings…and goes after Akiko, throwing her like a rag doll into the corner.
Angel: Kane picking his spots like the animal he is, and while Lance wants to help his girlfriend out, Hunter isn't about to let him go so easily, slamming Storm's head hard into the turnbuckles. Great job!
Megan: I thought you were against Hunter.
Angel: I hate Storm more than I hate Hunter.
Megan: Touché. Storm continuing to be pounded on by Hunter, preventing him from rescuing Akiko from a hard tombstone onto the mat. Akiko is down now…but caught by Sonnette being pushed into him by Alex.
Heyman: Each of these fighters knows what's at stake in this match, and each of them trying their hardest to be the only one in the ring for this match.
Megan: And…wait, word from the back again!
The camera goes back to the back, where David Flair has laid out Jay Miller…smiling as he holds a steel chair in hand.
Megan: Look at this sick action by David Flair here…trying to get Jay Miller out of this match.
Angel: David is playing it smart…if he couldn't win, he's making sure that Miller won't either!
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BLUE WORLD ORDER…FOR LIFE!
"Full Nelson" by Limp Bizkit plays as we come back to the ring area, the Blue Meanie making his way out to the ring.
Heyman: Well, as we come back to the ring, the Blue Meanie making his way, the action in the ring is getting heavy now. Kane pushing Sonnette off of him…and Meanie right away in to help his Blue World Order partner.
Megan: Sonnette and Meanie continue to work away on Kane now, the giant in the ring looking small comparatively. Nagol now joining in on the attack, making it a three on one attack on Kane. In the other corner, Storm has just dropped Hunter down hard…and is checking up on Akiko…pays for it with one of Hunter's elbows right into his lower back
Angel: Kane has become a human punching bag in that ring…but that can only last so long. And it ends abruptly as Nagol grabs Meanie and surprises him by throwing him out of the ring!
ELIMINATED: Blue Meanie
Heyman: An interesting move by Alexander Nagol there, deciding to eliminate Meanie instead of continuing to have help against Kane…and that could be a turning point in the match right there. Kane getting up…pie-facing Sonnette as he does…and gets kicked in the back of the head by Nagol.
Megan: Storm trying to fight off the beating that Hunter is giving him, manages to get behind Helmsley, Superkick…ducked, Hunter using his knee as a weapon right against Storm's face. But he doesn't see the recovering Akiko behind him…DIVINE WIND KICK to the temple of Hunter.
Angel: I can't believe I'm saying this, but GO AKIKO! Take out that idiotic jack-ass.
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BUZZ!
After an explosion of fireworks, accompanied by a large amount of cheers, "There's a Fire in the House" cues up.
Angel: Now wait a minute, who the hell let this worthless reject into this match?
Megan: You'll have to take this up with Booker Waters, Kirk…and Connelly rushing into the ring to help his friends Lance and Akiko against Hunter. Akiko smirking a bit now, and as Sonnette gets to her feet, Akiko starts working over on her. Kane now having his way with Nagol, while Mikey and Storm double teaming on Hunter…Storm lifting him up…Connelly grabbing him…MODIFIED CONDITION RED!
Heyman: Hunter is down and out now from that move, but Mikey and Storm continuing now to work away at him. This is a good time for both Connelly and Storm to take advantage of the field…meanwhile Akiko working away on Sonnette…but gets stopped by a hard gut punch by the former World Champion…and Nagol not exactly faring as well as he would want to against Kane.
Angel: No one in that ring right now alone would fare to well against Kane. The only one that really could would be me…just because of who I am.
Megan: (rolling eyes)But Nagol now ducking a clothesline attempt by Kane…blasts him in the back of the head with a Flame Line…but Kane still on his feet from that. Sonnette with a twisting neckbreaker on Akiko, taking the girl of wild joy down. Hunter finally slowly getting to his feet, tripping Connelly…but Storm with a stomp to Hunter's back.
Heyman: Right now, Michael Connelly should have the best advantage, being the freshest…but he isn't looking too well as he gets back up to his feet. Storm working away at Hunter…but gets punched in…well, you know where. Sonnette going off the ropes now…ROLLING THUNDER onto Akiko. And Nagol now jumping off the top rope for a rolling neckbreaker.
Angel: This is the time for someone to come in and try to eliminate one of these superstars. And now it's only a few seconds before that happens.
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"One Man Army" starts up next, and Nova comes out to the ringside area.
Heyman: Nova right now would be the man to eliminate another superstar, but it's questionable if he will do it.
Megan: Well I don't know if he will either, but he's right now going right after…Kane it seems. Yeah…Kane being rocked now by the Super Hero, and Nagol joining in on the assault on Kane. Meanwhile Hunter fighting back up to his feet, catches Storm with a kick…PEDIGREE! That came out of nowhere, and now Storm is down and out…but Hunter not aware of Michael Connelly…CAUGHT IN THE CONNELLY COMET!
Angel: As Mr. Heyman here would say…GOOOORE! GOOOORE! GOOOOORE!
Heyman: …man, you did it even better than I do. Meanwhile, Sonnette grabbing Akiko by the head, but Akiko breaks out of her grasp, and manages to get Sonnette up and over for a suplex. Kane now powering out of Nagol and Nova's attack, fighting back with the fury inside.
Megan: Kane literally pushing Nagol into the nearby turnbuckle, and now…pushes Nova right into Akiko! Incredible strength by the big red machine. Sonnette getting up now, sees Alex in the corner…RUNNING BACK SMASH INTO HIM.
Angel: I knew Nova should have tried to eliminate someone, now things are getting messy in that ring right now. That punk Connelly helping Storm up now…but Storm thinks it's Hunter! Hard leg twist by Lance Storm onto Michael Connelly! Beautiful!
Heyman: It could be a misunderstanding, but that move probably cost Mikey a good shot and winning this match…and Nova now going to go after Akiko.
Megan: Someone else coming in now.. .
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"Tormentor" by Slayer cues up next.
Megan: …and it's the tallest wrestler in EAW today…the Big Show! Show now running into the ring, and going right after Kane…picking him up like a child and tossing him out!
ELIMINATED: Kane
Heyman: Well things have gone from bad to worse…from a weary monster to a fresh, bigger. In the corner now…Sonnette weakened…Alex going after her…SONNETTE DUCKS! Alex on the apron…SONNETTE KICKS HIM DOWN! ALEX IS OUT!
ELIMINATED: Alexander Nagol
Angel: Show now grabbing everyone that moves…Sonnette First…CHOKESLAM! Now Akiko grabbed…another big chokeslam! Hunter now…YES! Big Show is taking everyone out! But now Nova stopping his assault.
Megan: Nova taking advantage of the Big Show's assault on the other superstars, taking him down with great power. Michael Connelly and Lance Storm, though friends, battling it out now, knowing what is at stake for this match.
Heyman: No doubt about that, friendships don't hold water when compared to the thrill of winning the EAW World Championship belt, so these two will fight for all they're worth.
Angel: And look at Show…picking up Nova like he was a child…HUGE powerslam by the massive mass of humanity! Nova has been squashed like a little Superfly.
Heyman: No no…Superfly was an 80's wrestler, remember?
Angel: (sarcastically)Ha Ha.
Megan: Well, Nova is really being punished now, and Lance Storm actually working over Michael Connelly pretty well. Sonnette, Akiko, and Hunter are still down in the ring from Big Show's chokeslams.
Heyman: If I was them, I'd stay down until Show was eliminated.
Megan: Doubt they'd do that…someone coming in now.. .
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"Rise" by Cult starts playing.
Angel: Great, some washed up has been about to come out.
Megan: Wait a second…Blink is supposed to be coming out next…where is she?
Heyman: If she isn't in after a while, she will forfeit the match here…
Megan: Well this is a strange turn of events…Blink doesn't appear to be coming out…but why is she no showing?
Angel: Blink probably knows first hand now that going against me would be a waste of time, so she's not gonna even bother to try getting a shot against me.
Megan: I doubt that…well, I guess we can say Blink's not gonna be a part of this match…
NO-SHOW: Blink
Megan: …in any event, Storm lifting up Connelly now and dropping him with a good German Suplex, and Connelly rocked from that now. Show in the meantime going to power down Nova again, but Nova managing to spear right at his legs and take them down. Sonnette, Akiko, and Hunter now all starting to stir.
Heyman: The desire to be the best keeps driving these superstars to continue on with this match now, and the only way they can become the best is to beat the best.
Angel: And that's me. Hunter now getting double teamed on by Akiko and Sonnette…an un-enviable position right now for Helmsley. But a little more wanted than being punched in the face by the Big Show like Nova just was or being put in the Red Tape like Storm over there.
Heyman: Everyone in that ring is fighting their hardest…and the Big Show's got Nova reeling now, and he's lifting up Nova over his head…Nova manages to slip out, but gets blasted by a hard clothesline from the Big Show!
Megan: I can't believe I'm saying this, but right now, it looks like someone needs to save Nova.
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Heyman: MY GOD! IT'S THE HURRICANE! THE HURRICANE IS HERE IN EAW!
Angel: Wait a second, TWO super heroes? What the hell is this all about now?
Megan: I'd like to know myself…and the Hurricane rushing into the ring, pushes Hunter out of his way, and grabs a hold of Big Show's throat. He's not thinking…HOLY SHIT!
Heyman: HURRICANE WITH A CHOKESLAM ON THE BIG SHOW! I TOLD YOU GUYS HE WAS A SUPER HERO!
Megan: I guess we can't deny that now…Hurricane just showed how tough he really is…now he's picking Big Show back up to his feet, giving the thumbs up to Nova now…Nova smiling…and both Nova and Hurricane toss Big Show out of the ring!
ELIMINATED: Big Show
Angel: Well, the two super-heroes showing their power, eliminated the biggest threat to everyone in that ring…and Hurricane doing his patented spin…BUT NOVA TAKING ADVANTAGE…ELIMINATING THE HURRICANE!
ELIMINATED: Hurricane.
Heyman: Nova probably the only man mighty enough to eliminate another super-hero like the Hurricane…and Nova talking to Hurricane…but Connelly deciding to take the advantage and eliminate Nova!
ELIMINATED: Nova
Megan: The field thinning out now, and with only a few more Superstars. Now Sonnette going after Hunter, as well as Storm, Akiko, and Connelly now…Hunter being ganged up by everyone in that ring now.
Angel: At least someone in that ring that I don't like is getting pounded on.
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"Here Comes the Pain" cues up, and Rash walks out towards the ring, a purpose in his symbiot eyes.
Heyman: Now it's time for the most twisted individual in this match to enter, as Rash makes his way to the ring…and he's peeling superstars off of Hunter now, picking his spots on superstars now. Hunter now slowly getting up to his feet, and Rash is working with Hunter to clear up the competition.
Megan: Rash now going after Connelly, while Hunter and Storm getting it on again, as well as Sonnette and Akiko. Connelly being pounded on hard by the Symbiotic soldier…and Hunter and Lance trying to kill each other…while Sonnette and Akiko putting on a display of action in the other corner.
Angel: Akiko has the right idea if you ask me…Sonnette's been in that ring the longest, she should be the target of everyone in that ring right now. Though I'd rather see her go on than Helmsely, Storm, or Connelly.
Heyman: Helmsley whips Lance Storm one way…Rash with Connelly the other…both of them run into each other! Helmsley and Rash looking at each other…about to shake hands…NO! Helmsley turns on Rash, dropping him hard with the Pedigree!
Megan: Hunter aware of the every person for his or herself rule, taking down Rash hard. Rash however getting up slowly, as to be expected from being somewhat fresh in this match…Hunter taking out some more aggression on Rash now…but neither of them notice Michael Connelly and Lance Storm…who both catch him with a clothesline from behind. Meanwhile, Akiko pushed into a corner by Sonnette…and here comes the ten punch!
Angel: This is the point in the match where things get really tense now. This late on, you don't want to be eliminated, because the pain from being one of the last few superstars in the ring then being eliminated is dreadful.
Heyman: Astute viewpoint there champ…and the count is on again.
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"What You Got" plays up, and out hobbles Jay Miller…still in pain from David Flair jumping him in the back.
Megan: Well, give Jay Miller credit, he's bold enough to come out here even though he was brutally attacked backstage by David Flair…though he's having trouble making his way to the ring.
Angel: I account this to stupidity…he should rest up for now and try to fight another day…BUT WAIT! LOOK!
Heyman: DAVID FLAIR IS BACK AGAIN! CROWBAR IN HAND…AND CLOCKS JAY MILLER FROM BEHIND WITH IT, PUMMELING HIM!
Megan: Will someone PLEASE get David Flair out of here! He's eliminated already! He shouldn't even be out here right now!
Angel: Well if he wants to be out her, he can be out here!
Heyman: Back to the ring now, Rash and Hunter back up to their feet, trading blows four ways against Mikey and Lance. Akiko getting an elbow drop in the stomach now by Sonnette…followed up by her being picked up…and having enough bearing of mind to get a knee into Sonnette's stomach.
Megan: I'm impressed with Sonnette staying in this long…but I'm more concerned right now with Jay Miller's condition…and now David Flair picking up Miller…and tossing him into the ring.
Angel: Jay Miller finally officially in this match, and no one is going after him. What, are they afraid of what he'll do to them?
Megan: I think that they have some mercy for what has happened to him, Kirk. David Flair now going to the back again, smiling sinisterly, as Jay Miller slowly tries getting up to his feet.
Heyman: Miller believes he's a superhuman talent, but even so, this is a very bad move for him. Meanwhile…Storm and Connelly managing to get slams on Helmsley and Rash respectively…and Akiko dropping Sonnette with a quick DDT!
Angel: Only two more to enter…who's this one that's coming?
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BUZZ!
"Everybody Jump Around" cues up.
Megan: Stevie Richards entering the ring now…as Akiko doing a mercy killing and gently throwing Jay Miller out of the ring.
ELIMINATED: Jay Miller
Megan: Akiko looking down sadly…but…
Heyman: Bad move by Akiko there, turning her attention…as Stevie Richards takes this opportunity to eliminate Akiko from the ring!
ELIMINATED: Akiko
Angel: Wait a second…I think Lance Storm just say what happened to his girlfriend…and I don't think he's too happy about it!
Megan: He isn't…and now he's going after Stevie…pounding away on Stevie's leg. Lance has just all of the sudden going crazy on Stevie, as if Stevie killed Akiko just then!
Heyman: It's much worse…to Lance anyway. Taking out his girlfriend was possibly the worse thing that Stevie could have done…and there's the Maple-Leaf by Storm! Stevie is tapping, but that won't do any good. Lance realizing this now…and releases him…picking him up and throwing him out of the ring.
ELIMINATED: Stevie Richards.
Megan: And from the way he landed, I don't think Stevie will be in the ring for a good while…right on the leg he was in the Maple Leaf by. Storm yelling at Stevie on the outside…but Hunter now right there…and tosses Storm over the top rope!
ELIMINATED: Lance Storm.
Angel: The first smart thing Hunter's done his entire career. And now, here comes the man who will win this battle!
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BUZZ!
Suddenly, to a stunned crowd, "nWo TRIUMPH" plays…and out from the entryway comes…Michael White.
Megan: Now wait just a damn minute…this guy has already been entered into this match!
Angel: Hey, it's the Mick Foley Rule Megan!
Megan: The what?
Heyman: Michael White and MAIKU are two separate personas. Just like Foley did with Mankind, Dude Love, and Cactus Jack…Michael White can do with this persona and MAIKU!
Megan: Well, I still don't feel it's right, but in any event, Michael White the last superstar in this match. In the ring now, Rash with a Symbiot Slam right on Sonnette, and the returning star is down in pain…White slides into the ring, and takes advantage of the situation, throwing Sonnette out!
ELIMINATED: Sonnette
Angel: I give Sonnette credit for lasting as long as she did, but now the only one that's gonna last is Michael White.
Heyman: White now making methodical work of Connelly, being an assassin in that ring in a way, and pummeling the fan favorite. Hunter is about to join in, when Rash comes in and gets involved, going after Hunter like a man possessed.
Megan: Connelly trying to get to his feet, but White is making sure he stays down. One of these four will be facing you for that title Kirk…and each one wants to do so.
Angel: It'll be Michael White. He's the freshest and most talented.
Heyman: For your sake I…HUNTER MISSES WITH A CLOTHESLINE! RASH HAS ELIMINATED HUNTER FROM THIS MATCH!
ELIMINATED: Hunter Hearst Helmsley
Megan: Now Connelly is in trouble…both Rash and Michael White wanting to take out Connelly and then one of them going to face Kirk at No Escape. Michael White seemingly trying to strike a deal with Rash now…it seems he's trying to convince Rash for them to double team Connelly.
Angel: See…this is why Michael White is going to win this match Megan: He's smart. He gets rid of a threat to him like Michael Connelly…someone I despise…then makes a deal with Rash to get a title shot against whoever wins out of his and my match.
Heyman: Now Michael White and Rash brutally punishing Michael Connelly, both of them stomping away at him! Extreme violence now occurring in that ring as Connelly gets the beat down that he has rarely experienced.
Megan: Rash and White giving each other a high five now, apparently enjoying what they are doing. Michael Connelly starting to stir now…Rash going off the ropes as White taunts the crowd…CHAIR BY HUNTER ON THE OUTSIDE BY HUNTER!
Angel: What the hell? He was eliminated, what is he still doing here?
Megan: Apparently he wanted to get some revenge...Rash turning around now…blasted in the head by the chair. Now Hunter walking off…as Connelly dropkicks Rash out of the ring!
ELIMINATED: Rash
Heyman: Hunter has gotten his revenge from being eliminated by Rash…now it's down to the two Mike's in the ring…one of them will face Kirk for the title…the other will get off with nothing.
Angel: Come on White…take out that red-haired punk! Show why you deserved to be the EAW World Champion!
Megan: White and Connelly now brawling in the center of the ring…but White with a low kick to get the advantage. White whipping Connelly off the ropes, going for a kick, Connelly ducks it, goes behind, T-BONE SUPLEX! White rolling to his feet, leaning on the ropes…Connelly charging.
Heyman: WHITE DUCKS! Mikey going out! Michael White has won this thing!
Angel: See Megan, I told you he could! Now it'll be me and…
Megan: Um, Mikey hasn't been eliminated just yet…look, only one foot has touched, and he gets back into the ring.
Angel: WHITE! TURN AROUND!
Heyman: White turning, trying for another attack, but Connelly is right there, ready for him!
Megan: Michael White dropped with the Condition Red…but bounces onto his feet. Now Connelly…CLOTHESLINE! MICHAEL WHITE IS GONE! MICHAEL CONNELLY WINS!
ELIMINATED: Michael White
WINNER, #1 CONTENDER: Michael Connelly
"There's a Fire in the House" cues up over the speakers again as Mikey celebrates.
Heyman: Unfortunately it's true, Michael Connelly has won the EAW Royal Rumble match-up.
Angel: But he's not going to enjoy this victory. Not if I have anything to say about it.
Megan: What the heck is this about? Kirk Angel throwing down his headset…and grabs Michael Connelly from behind…there's that Olympic Plex of his! Kirk now pounding away on Michael Connelly's ankle…going crazy on him.
Heyman: Michael Connelly ruined Angel's prediction for this match, and now Kirk Angel is taking revenge. Stomping away at Connelly's ankle…now grabbing it…and there's the ankle-lock!
Megan: Damnit…Kirk Angel is ruining Michael Connelly's win! Someone get him out of here!
Heyman: This is revenge for what Mikey did to Kirk earlier tonight…so it's a justified move by the EAW World Champion.
Megan: Justified nothing. Michael Connelly did not deserve this…and Mikey SCREAMING in pain at this now. Kirk FINALLY letting go of the hold, and getting a microphone from a ringside assistant.
”Mikey…I hope you enjoyed winning this match. Because come our match later…you'll NEVER win another match again. Oh it's true, it's DAMN true!"
"Gonna Fly Now" plays again as Kirk grabs his title belt and walks out.
Heyman: Prophetic words by our EAW Champion, and I have a feeling that he is going to make true of that comment.
Megan: And I have a feeling things are about to get a lot more dangerous in the next few days.
Paul: And it isn't over yet...we still have a match with our World Champion up next! Colley and Kirk! Don't miss it!
The camera fades out on Kirk Angel smirking, holding up the EAW World Heavyweight Championship belt.
**Commercial Break**
"Of Wolf and Man" by Metallica (S&M version) cues up on the PA system then, as the crowd gets on their collective feet...
Capetta: The following NON-TITLE match is scheduled for one fall, with a ten minute time limit. Introducing first, from Los Angeles, California...he stands 6'3" and weighs in at 247 pounds in his current male form...."Big Yiffy" Colley Dogstar!!!
Paul: An' another thing, why is LG forcing Kirk to face an overgrown house pet?
Megan: He's a Cano sapien, Paul. A humanoid canine. Kinda like you might see in cartoons...
Paul: This ain't the Disney Afternoon, Megan, this is WRESTLING!
Megan: And Colley is a wrestler, Paul. Your point? So what he has more body hair than Robin Williams?
Colley enters the ring, as "Of Wolf and Man" fades out to the opening of "Gonna Fly Now."
Paul: NOW we're getting somewhere...
Megan: Well, better than hearing him talk...
Paul: Hmph...I thought he did a terrific job.
Megan: *holds her hands in a shoveling motion as Heyman talks*
Paul: HEY! What's THAT all about?!
Megan: Um...just stretching...
Kirk comes out to BOOs--in his own hometown, albeit in a different dimension...
Capetta: And his opponent, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania in the PWF-verse...standing 6'2" and weighing in at 220 lbs...his is the EAW World Heavyweight Champion...Kiiiiiiiirk Aaaaaaangel!!
Paul: Grrr...how can they BOO an Olympic hero like that? In his hometown?!
Megan: Kinda like this: "BOOOOOOOOOOO!! BOOOOOOOOOO!! YOU SUCK, ANGEL!!" Like that...
Paul: Har-dee-har-har. How utterly juvenile.
Megan: Sorry, no need to be mature around you...
Before the referee begins the match, Kirk takes a mic:
"I...CAN NOT BELIEVE you people?! Booing your champion...booing a champion of THIS CITY...even if it is a lackluster version of my universe's."
More booing...
Paul: YES...you TELL THEM Kirk! Don't let them get under your skin!
"I mean...regardless of HOW they played, the fact is, I'm the only REAL champion this backwards burg HAS...and you should be GRATEFUL to be identified with me! I'm the EAW World Champion!! THE BEST in this company! An Olympic gold medalist! An ambassador of fine American values and a ROLE MODEL for all Americans!!"
Even more booing...
Paul: It's TRUE, Megan...it's DAMN TRUE!!
Megan: I beg to differ with that...as well as nearly everyone in this country...
"You know...this really disgusts me. I try to put this city on the map with my athletic gifts, and like the ungrateful scum you are, you mock me, you taunt me, you boo--"
Having heard enough of his rambling, Colley grabs Angel by the waist, dumping him hard on his back with a German Release Suplex to a HUGE ovation from the crowd, and stomps away on him as the bell rings...
*ding, ding*
Paul: THIS IS UNCALLED FOR!! DISQUALIFY HIM CHIODA!! He jumped Angel before the bell!!
Megan: What he did was shut him off before he bored the crowd and most of the audience to sleep. Angel set up against the ropes...fired to the opposite ropes--ducks a clothesline from Colley--off the ropes with a POWERSLAM!!
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ONE!--and NO!
Paul: Someone restart this match, Kirk was not prepared to be jumped by that cowardly Colley!
Megan: Oh, would you quit it already--Kirk pulled by Colley--waistlock--back elbow by Kirk--Kirk hits the far ropes--CLOTHESLINE on Colley! Colley up--Fireman's Carry by Angel. Goes for the chinlock--Colley up in a hurry--reversal to a hammerlock--set up--Angel counters with a Snapmare...cover!
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ONE!
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Kickout at one! Colley up...shot to the midsection--and a snapmare by Colley--Kirk up...arm drag...Kirk to the ropes...boosts him up--PANCAKES him down!
Paul: COLLEY PULLED THE HAIR on that snapmare!!
Megan: ...Kirk's hair is TOO SHORT TO GRAB! Besides, Kirk pulled Colley's hair on the same move...
Paul: But HE'S NOTHING BUT HAIR!!...Colley setting up Kirk--Kirk powering Colley back first into the ropes...CHOPS from our Olympic Champion!!
"WHOOOO!!....WHOOOO!!...WHOOOOOOO!!"
Paul: Must they continue to do that in tribute of that old fogey?
Megan: Bite your tongue, Paul. Kirk sends Colley into the far corner...whipped HARD against his back. Set up now...Kirk now with a SUPERPLEX SET UP....and YES he hits it...
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ONE!
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Tw--after the floatover. Kirk now grabbing the ankle of Colley--wrenching it now in a standing anklelock--tail trip from Colley!
Paul: CHEATING!!
Megan: It IS part of his body, Paul.
Paul: Well, so what? I got circumcized, he could get that tail docked.
Megan: Well, it's different when you're very young...
Paul: Uh....right...
Megan: Colley back up...grabbing the legs of Angel...setting him up for--for lack of a better term, the "Fires of Sirius!"
Paul: Oh great, ANOTHER move blatantly ripped off a more popular wrestler...
Megan: It was more of a spur of the moment thing...Angel feeling the pain of this submission hold...Colley trying to keep him from the ropes...but Angel hooks it with his middle finger...intentional or no?
Paul: It IS the longest finger, and it good enough--Colley needs to break the hold!
Megan: Angel getting up--Colley has him by the tights--whirls around with a clothesline. Back up--dropkick by Angel. Colley up again--Angel with a gunwrench SUPLEX and takes over Colley. Sends Colley to the ropes--kick and an Evenflow DDT!!
Paul: ARGH!! NOT AGAIN!?! Are all his moves or counters ripoffs?!
Megan: Colley up...and not going for the pinfall...picking up Angel...to the ropes..quicksetupand a--SITDOWN POWERBOMB BY COLLEY!!
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ONE!!
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TWO!!
Kickout!!
Paul: Okay, maybe there is more to him than that...but not much.
Megan: Colley firmly in control of Angel now...picking up his adversary, and corning him now...up on the second rope now...and looks like revenge for that superplex--a SECOND DROP POWERBOMB!!! Pinning combination by Colley!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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...AND NO!!...but wearing out the champion here with those powerful powerbombs. And there is POWER behind those things, not some lazy slug of a wrestler dropping his opponent...
Paul: Ah...if it weren't for our many disagreements, I could grow to love you.
Megan: And if not for the stubborness, ego, male chauvism, lack of morals, lack of manners, and various other redeeming qualities, I could love you.
Paul: So...you don't mind balding men?
Megan: ARRRRRRRRRRGH!!! Colley setting up Angel...for perhaps a THIRD ROPE POWERBOMB...this could b--HURRACANRANA BY ANGEL?!
Paul: ....YES!!!...our Olympic hero has unrivaled adaptivity, saving himself from certain defeat!!
Megan: Angel looking to capitalize...up to the third rope himself now...MOONSAULT by Kirk Angel!!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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NOOOO!!
Paul: DAMN!!...Kirk coming so close...
Megan: Thankfully, close doesn't count in wrestling...Kirk sends Colley to the ropes...OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!! Kirk covers Colley...
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ONE!
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TWO!
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Long two count!
Paul: Less than one second away from a successful defense....
Megan: Angel setting up Colley for a suplex, drops him back first against the top turnbuckle!! Hanging up Colley in the tree of woe position...and Kirk hammering Colley in those exposed abdominals...
Paul: Don't hit TOO hard, though, Kirk--may wiggle his leg and get free...
Megan: And--the sheer FORCE of that charging shoulder knocking Colley of the corner...picking him up, and Kirk setting up Colley for a Swinging DD--NO!! NORTHERN LIGHT LIGHTS--BOMB by Colley!!!
Paul: OOOOoooo....a devasting power move...and Colley...he's going to follow that up!!
Megan: Colley setting up Kirk now...Corner Trap Powerbomb!!! Drags him away from the ropes...
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ONE!
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TWO!
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Thr--AND NO!!
Paul: *whew* ...a close one, but our resilient champion narrowly escapes the jaws of defeat yet again...
Megan: And Colley looking rather frustrated. He won't be able to win the title here, but if he can defeat Angel he'll certainly be in the running for a title shot--alongside the battle royale winner, of course. Colley deciding to no for another--or perhaps the Third Impact...setting up Angel now--double leg takedown by Angel--mounting Colley with a series of rights--Colley monkey flipping Angel off of him--ducks the clothesline by Angel--Angel against the ropes--ducks behind Colley--COBRA CLUTCH!! COBRA CLUTCH--and the Olympic Plex from Angel!! Cover on Colley--
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE?!?
Paul: YES!! THREE!! And you dared to doubt--
"Gonna Fly Now" cues up at Angel rolls off Colley, letting the referee raise his hand in victory as he's on the mat..
Megan: And...will wonders never cease--Angel won FAIRLY!...this time.
Paul: What a role model! What a champion! WHAT AN AMERICAN!!
Megan: Don't think the world of him just because he earned a win for once--Angel getting up to both feet now...helping Colley up?!
Paul: See, what a SPORTSMAN!
Megan: And the crowd changing their opinion of Angel now--and a handsha--BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX FROM ANGEL!!! DAMNIT--I should have known better...and Angel now with that anklelock!!
Paul: No no no...you don't understand, Angel was just attacking him back first...you saw that look in Colley's eyes...
Megan: Colley's back was to us, Paul, and the monitors aren't very big...
Megan: Angel releasing the hold, and going out on the outside--for a steel chair?! Methinks this is more than enough grounds to pull a Dusty, Chioda...
Paul: This is post match...none of it really matters, it is between the champion and his opponent. Angel lacing the right ankle of Colley in that chair--
Megan: From the back now...as Angel gets up to the top rope...hurry Michael--Michael Connelly out here...standing in the way of Angel...Angel leaping off anywa--MICHAEL GORING ANGEL IN MIDAIR!!
Paul: Please don't...
Megan: Michael with a spectacular GOOOOOOORE! GOOOOOOOOREE!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!
Paul: You just *had* to, didn't you?
Megan: *chuckle* And Michael pulling that chair off of Colley's ankle...Kirk up dazed...
*WHAM!*
Paul: Ooooh...and our World Champion, laid out by this vigilante...what a travasty!! GO HELP HIM, MEGAN!
Megan: To do that, I'd have to feel he didn't deserve that, which I don't.
Paul: Now he's helping up Colley...WATCH OUT!!
Megan: And Michael raising Colley's hand---Colley with a stomp to the midsection on Kirk on his way out...folks, thanks for joining us for this Showdown. For Paul Heyman, I’m Megan Eko…see you next time.