Live from the Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh, PA
"The Way I Am" by Eminem begins to play...
Styles: Welcome everyone once again to EAW Riot Rulz!! I'm Joey Styles with my broadcast colleague, Lord Gokuo...and welcome to the first televised event since Holy Wars!
LG: Where a new World Champion was crowned...and a-here he comes!
"The Decadent"--Triple H, steps out onto the entranceway with the coveted prize, the EAW World Championship, slung over his right shoulder. He's dressed casually in jeans, boots, and a Wasted Youth Crew t-shirt.
Styles: Shows were cancelled, unfortunately, out of respect for Overlord's sister, Deanna, and also to handle a number of new talents that are soon going to be starting in the EAW.
LG: Yeah...there wuz some good that came outta it, like Damian being beated and BLACK WIDOW COMING BACK...from the dead...but also that night Mechius added another to the body count when he killed Deanna. Now Overlord has quit the EAW, and has hardly been seen since. I don't know where this leaves the Wasted Youth Crew, I don't know what Overlord plans to do about it--but he refused to even come back to take part in the Gauntlet Match tonight...if it were me, I would think I'd be more than happy to get back at him. However, Mechius scares a lot of people, and many people withdrew from the match....
Styles: The new World Champion getting ready to speak.
Hunter receives the mic, as well as a mixed reaction from the Pittsburgh crowd. His tone is surprisingly somber.
"Pittsburgh...I'll level with you. I thought that become the World Champion, finally getting my first taste of the big one, would be the crowning jewel--the defining moment--in my career. I went in to Holy Wars with one purpose in mind: to become the champion. I'd seen Flyboy, in my absense, attain prematurely the moment that was meant for ME! I'd seen the same thing happen to Krist, who'd won his first World Title before I was able to. It did eat at me a bit, I'll admit. I mean, I never would expect Flyboy to win a World Title before me. I certainly never expected Krist to, but I knew that was partly because he acted with just a little more tact--he had Shawn Walker wrapped around his little finger.
"Now, I've finally achieved my goal. The old adage goes that it's 'lonely at the top.' Well, it wouldn't be if it weren't for the fact that the Wasted Youth Crew--myself, Krist, Crucifix, and Minister have been torn apart. Krist has retired, and because of that bastard Mechius, I'll never be able to look back to the day that I won my first World Title as being a wholely proud day...Mechius ruined that. Now Crucifix seems to be being forced to help a couple jackasses by the names of Sinister...and Booker Tatum. Plus he's the number one contender now, so I don't know just how much of a help he'd be anyhow. Minister is off in Scotland somewhere looking for lepracauns. And looky at the match I have for this Sunday...Mechius himself. This time I don't have any backup. Plus I'm still recovering from my match at Holy Wars. Doesn't look good for me.
"But I don't think Mechius has a clue what he's going to be going into. I wouldn't exactly say I'm privy to some information you aren't...but I have a hunch, even if it is a bit of a long shot, that you may be heading right into a trap."
He gives the camera a smirk, "Although, if you lose that Gauntlet Match tonight, then that won't really be much of a problem then, will it?"
Hunter tosses the mic aside as he exits the ring to his music.
**Commercial Break**
"Tonight, on the EAW Hotline!!
Vince Russo, in another blatant attempt to copy a more successful promotion, reportedly plans on signing a female Smurf to act his valet/personal assistant.
"Two ECW stars have signed with the EAW, and should be debuting very soon...
"Scott Hall has showed up to numerous house shows drunk--but that isn't really news. "Matt Osbourne, also known as the original Doink the Clown, has signed with the fledgling CWO promotion--and plans to reprise the role that made him famous. Also, Lou Cypher working with another promotion while working with the EAW?
"Call 555-EAW2-NEWZ, or 555-CANA-2EAW in Canada."
**The Minister endorses the new "Elf-Off"**
"The following best of three tables match is for the EAW Hardcore Championship...introducing first, the reigning EAW Hardcore Champion...weighing in at two-hundred and thirty-nine pounds...NUCLEAR!!"
"Bomb Show Medley" by Nexus Armada begins to play over the PA as we return from the commercial break.
Styles: And here comes a lucky bastard who just happened to be in the right place at the right time, a man who literally stole the Hardcore Title--Nuclear. He says that he wants to bring prestige back to the title, yet he hasn't even won it!
LG: I'd like to correct you on that Joey. According to the rules of the ladder match, Nuclear did actually win it. He didn't even get in the match long enough to break a sweat, and didn't pull off a single offensive maneuver--but he got the belt, so he was declared the champ.
Styles: Nuclear, as you may remember, made his debut jobbing to "the Streak" I do believe.
LG: (Holding back laughter, barely) I think so...what a way to begin your career.
"And the challenger...weighing in at one-hundred and thirty-seven pounds...a former EAW Women's and Hardcore Champion...SONNETTE!!"
"Wake Up" by Rage Against the Machine begins to play, and the entrance video of Sonnette begins to play as well.
Styles: The ebon-furred former female hardcore champion, Sonnette, making her way out and down to ringside, and she's carrying a kendo stick!
LG: Not only a former hardcore champion, but the longest-reigning Hardcore Champion the EAW's ever had. Plus, with all due respect, she's probably the toughest b*tch in the EAW.
Styles: I doubt anyone would disagree with you on that...
*ding, ding*
There's the bell and Nuclear is already heading outside, undoubtedly in search of a weapon of his own.
Nuclear throws up the apron and pulls out a kendo stick of his own.
LG: The odds have evened up--a kendo stick in the hands of both competitors. They almost look like they're gearing up for some sorta duel.
They move in toward each other, taking swings at the same time, cracking the kendo stick together, then again, then again.
Styles: Dueling kendo sticks here--almost resembling some sort of sword-play. Nuclear parries off a swing by Sonnette--blocks the next...Nuclear switching to the defense as Sonnette lays in more kendo stick shots--Nuclear blocking each one. Sonnette with a low dropkick to the shin!! Nuclear is down! Sonnette and Nuclear scrambling back up--KENDO STICK RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES!! Nuclear puts down Sonnette! Shot to the knees, now to the midsection! Nuclear puts in a few kicks now.
LG: Sonnette rolls to the side...now rolling backwards--flips back up! Nuclear with a wild swing, Sonnette ducks, Nuclear turns and CAUGHT WITH A DISCUS PUNCH!! Nuclear's down! Sonnette rolls him on his stomach, Camel Clutch assisted with that kendo stick.
Styles: Sonnette has that kendo stick across the throat of Nuclear, but a submission won't do anything for Sonnette; the only way to win is to put Nuclear though a table--TWICE!!
LG: I'm sure Sonnette is well aware of that--she isn't exactly a stranger to these types of matches. This is simply a wear-down tactic.
Styles: Sonnette gets off....
LG: Bad choice of words, Styles.
Styles: She has Nuclear by the ankles...
LG: This don't look good.
Styles: Legdrop across the knee...another...she drags Nuclear over to the near ringpost.
LG: She rolls to the outside...grabs both ankles...YANKS HIM INTO THE POST!!!
Styles: !!
LG: Nuclear is gonna feel like a little less of a man after that move.
Styles: Sonnette is taking the opportunity to search under the ring for a table while Nuclear is stunned.
LG: "Stunned?" Try "grabbing his groceries in intense pain."
Styles: Nuclear is trying to get back up, using the bottom rope for support. Sonnette back up onto the apron, gives Nuclear a swift kick for good measure...Sonnette up the turnbuckle...Nuclear back up...MISSILE DROP KICK!! Sonnette quickly back up to her feet--whips Nuclear to the turnbuckle.
LG: Sonnette sets up Nuclear, looks like she's going for a suplex--no, try a TWISTING POWERBOMB!!
Styles: Nuclear just may be out. Now Sonnette going back up top...
LG: FLYING HEADBUTT TO THE GROIN!!! NUCLEAR FLOPS AROUND LIKE A FISH OUTTA WATER!!!
Styles: Sonnette picks up Nuclear by the hair....drops him across the ropes with a front suplex--Nuclear is on the apron, hanging on to the top rope!
LG: Sonnette runs to the opposide side of the ring, bounces off the ropes--looking for a sunset flip powerbomb.
Styles: NO! Nuclear cuts her off with a headbutt to the midsection. Nuclear springboards--FLYING HEADSCISSORS TAKEOVER!! Nuclear picks Sonnette back up, he's looking to set up a powerbomb to the outside--he goes for it!!
LG: Sonnette slips free and lands gingerly on the apron...elbow the side of Nuclear's head. She cinches him up, grabs the leg...
Styles: HENTAIPLEX TO THE OUTSIDE *CRACK!!* Though THE TABLE!! *ding*
LG: Sonnette just won the first round...but I think she absorbed some of that blow herself.
WINNER OF ROUND ONE >>> SONNETTE via Table Spot
Styles: Down but not out, Sonnette is getting back up. She's sliding back into the ring. The second round cannot begin until Nuclear gets back into the ring--I would assume under his own power.
LG: Nuclear is on both knees and his hands now, crawling back up--grabbing the edge of the apron now for support. I think the andrenaline is kicking in now...Nuclear wants to even the score with Sonnette. NUCLEAR ROLLS IN!! *ding, ding* The bell rings again. Nuclear leaning in the corner--Sonnette charges!
Styles: Spinning Heel Kick--NO!! Nuclear moves out of the way, SONNETTE'S ANKLE JUST STRUCK THAT RING POST!! THIS COULD BE NUCLEAR'S OPPORTUNITY TO COME BACK!
LG: Nuclear grabs that kendo stick laying in the ring....BRINGS IT DOWN ON SONNETTE'S RIGHT ANKLE--AGAIN!!--AGAIN!! LegDROP follow up! Nuclear slides to the outside.
Styles: You've got to think Nuclear is going for another table...and he pulls one out. He slides it into the ring, and now gets in himself.
LG: Sonnette is back up, Nuclear attempts another swing, Sonnette ducks, she hooks Nuclear.
Styles: NUCLEAR COUNTERS!! RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP WITH THAT KENDO STICK!! Shades of The Sandman!
LG: Nuclear setting that table up quickly, now he's going for Sonnette....pick up...he lays Sonnette across the table.
Styles: Now a big time moonsault by Nuclear--NO! THE BACKFLIP 540!! HIS STARDUST PRESS!! SONNETTE THROUGH THE TABLE!! IT'S ONE TO ONE!!! *ding*
WINNER OF ROUND TWO >>> NUCLEAR via Table Spot
LG: One more round, and either Nuclear will retain, and show that he's worthy of being Hardcore Champion, or Sonnette will win the belt yet again.
*ding, ding*
Styles: There's the bell again, and Round three is officially started. Nuclear is the first up, and grabs a chair from ringside.
LG: Nuclear has the advantage here, Sonnette's right ankle has to still be sore from striking that ringpost.
Styles: Nuclear is--NO!! Putting Sonnette's right ankle in that chair! Going up top...STOMPS THE CHAIR!! HE'S TRYING TO BREAK SONNETTE'S ANKLE!!
LG: In this match, it's all legal, it's all good.
Styles: True....now Nuclear drags Sonnette out to the ring by that injured ankle. Lays in some stiff elbow shots--smashes her head into the ringpost! Now to the steel stairs! Sonnette's flat on her back!
LG: And unlike all those other times, she doesn't wanna be this time. NUCLEAR SLAMS THOSE STEEL STEPS DOWN ON HER ANKLE!! Now he drags them over to the front of the apron...
Styles: Nuclear picks Sonnette back up...sits her on the apron?! He isn't...?
LG: Nuclear hops onto the apron himself...looks to be setting up for a powerbomb off the apron into the steel steps....
Styles: He goes for it...SONNETTE IS GRABBING THE BOTTOM ROPE AND BLOCKING IT!! He tries again...CAN'T GET HER UP!!
LG: Sonnette hoists him up...now OVER HER SHOULDERS!!! SHE RUNS ACROSS THE APRON...UP TO THE TOP...AND STYLES LET'S GET THE F*** OUTTA HERE!!!
Styles and LG bolt from the announce position as Sonnette flies off the top and Sonic Booms Nuclear through the announce table. The announcers, who are standing but still are wearing their headphones, continue to commentate.
Styles: Is that the end of the match...the referee can't quite decide...it WAS a table...
*ding, ding, ding*
LG: Yes it is! Sonnette looks dazed, and I don't know if she realizes she won.
"The winner of this match.....and NEW (the crowd cheers)....EAW Hardcore Champion....SONNETTE!!!"
The referee raises Sonnette's arm and hands her the Hardcore Title as "Wake Up" by Rage Against the Machine begins to play.
Styles: An incredible match-up by both Nuclear and Sonnette--now can we go to commercial so we can get a new table set up here?
**Commercial Break**
As we return from break
As we return from commercial break..."Trash" by Korn is playing...
"The following match up, is for the EAW World Tag Team Titles...introducing first, at a combined weight...of five-hundred and eighty pounds...the reigning EAW World Tag Team Champions, Duke 'The Dumpster' and Dick 'the Dastardly'...Drosse!!"
LG: Who would have guessed that the Drosses would have their first taste of gold so early in their careers? A huge upset a couple weeks ago over Wildpack 2000 netted them those titles, and Wildpack challenged them to a rematch...that they happily accepted.
"And..the challengers..."
"Born to be Wild" by Steppenwolf begins to play....
"At a combined weight of four-hundred and twelve pounds....'Big Yiffy' Colley Dogstar and Scarlet Foxfire...former EAW Tag Team Champions, Wildpack 2000!!"
Styles: Worthy champions or no, the Drosses are fighting champions, willing to put the straps up against the very same team that they won them from...Wildpack 2000. The Drosses have something to prove..they want to prove it wasn't a fluke, that they earned those titles in the first place.
*ding, ding*
LG: Colley and Dick starts this match off...Dick with a weight advantage...as a matter of fact either of the Drosses outweigh either of Wildpack....Dick starting off with a hard elbow shot...or two...whip to the ropes...Dick drops down, drop toe hold by Dick! Dick with a leglock on Colley...Colley shoves him off...charges with a clothesline, floors Dick.
Styles: Colley with an elbow drop...a pair of them....a rear chinlock on Dick. Dick gets back up to his feet...BACKDROPS COLLEY...Dick tags in his half brother, the Dumpster.
LG: Colley getting back up, DUKE WITH A SWINGING NECKBREAKER!! Colley back up, DDT!!! Cover...kickout! Duke sets him up for a piledriver...Colley backdrops him over....Duke attempts a sunset flip...Colley kicks out!
Styles: Both men...well, both guys...back up...Duke whips Colley to the corner...charging in....TRASH SPLASH!! Colley stumbles out of the corner...right into Duke's clutches...he cinches him up...great elevation...FALLING VERTICAL SUPLEX!! Colley's laying in the middle of the ring! Duke goes for a cover...
One
.
.
.
TWO
KICKOUT!!
LG: Duke pulls Colley back up to his feet, Colley slips behind...FULL NELSON SLAM!! Colley pick Duke back up...whips him to the ropes...SPINEBUSTER!!!
Styles: Colley going for the Cano's Elbow early, he flings off the elbowpad...runs against the ropes...over Duke...bounces off those ropes...HITS THE ELBOW!! Cover...one..kickout!!
Styles: Colley picks Duke back up...armwringer...tags in Scarlet...She drops the leg across his shoulder...Colley out and onto the apron....Scarlet goes into a hammerlock....Duke reverses...belly to back suplex Scarlet. Scarlet gets back up quickly, though, and ducks the clothesline follow-up--trips Duke.
LG: Duke falls flat on his face...but that only made him angrier I think...Duke charges, Scarlet leapfrogs over...catches him with a headscissors takeover on the way back! Scarlet tags in Colley...Colley sets up Duke...one powerbomb...two powerbombs...Scarlet up top...RELEASE POWERBOMB--MOONSAULT!! ONE...TWO...THREE!!! NEW TAG CHAMPIONS...NEW TAG CHAMPIONS!!!
**Commercial Break**
"Iron Man" by Black Sabbath begins to play...the EAW's hottest heel....altough he hardly understands the concept of it....Mechius, makes his way out to the ring. "Simon Says" by Pharoah Monche plays as Mechius' first opponent, The Elite, comes out...
The Elite immediately goes on the offensive, dominated the first two minutes or so with several of his trademarks, and nearly scores a victory with the Sky-High. He goes for the Elimination, but when Mechius slips free, he sets him up for and nails the Game Over, getting a three count.
"There's a Fire in the House" plays next, and Code Red comes out, he rushes into the ring and takes down Mechius with a spear, then a series of right hands to Mechius' face. He climbs the ropes for a flying clothesline, but Mechius catches him by the throat on the way down, and puts him in the Shut Down, scoring a quick three-count.
Each of the Red Tooth and Claw members are up next. Sonnette starts out first for her team, and takes it good to Mechius for several minutes. However, her hardcore mentality from her earlier match still fresh, she gets disqualified when she hits Mechius with a chairshot, laying him out.
Rik Felstrom is next in, and he starts to pick up where Sonnette left off, and scores many never falls, but when the Cat Crash is reversed into a Shut Down, Mechius pulls off another win.
T-Bone, after quite a long absense from the ring, makes a return appearance, but he too fails to defeat Mechius...as do the new tag champs.
Minister makes a return, although he was expected to not show up at all, but a vicious pack of tiny elves beat him down when the referee's back is turned.
Vanessa comes in and attacks Mechius with a superkick, then a kick combo, but he still doesn't go down. Then Vanessa tries to go for her Spinwhirl Facebuster, but Mechius counters and rams her back-first against the turnbuckle. Then he turns around and starts punching her repeatedly in the gut, then runs at her and collides with her with all his might... then does it again, then goes to pin her for the three count. But Vanessa is hurt badly... so badly she's coughing up blood. The EMTs take her away for medical attention.
Faith comes in next, and begins to dominate Mechius, but Flyboy runs out and knocks out the referee, then Fly-Down's Faith. Faith pops back up, though, and spears Flyboy. Mechius takes the opportunity to German Suplex then Game Over Faith, giving him another win.
Nuclear comes in last...still tired from hardcore match at the start of Riot Rulz. Mechius makes short work of him and pins him with the Game Over. Mechius comes out the winner, and the crowd throws trash at him as the show goes off the air.