Styles: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WELCOME TO EAW RIOT RULEZ! Here to do color commentary, Booker Purgatory!
BP: Why, thank you Styles, and my, we certainly have an interesting card don't we?
Styles: Yes we certainly do..infact our All Night match..a very..unique one infact..is about to start..
~The Minister Vs. Dick Drosse~
(Damn Elf Match)
BP:..now I suppose we should say the rules for this match Aye?
Styles: well, BJ, you better do that because..I am clueless. All I know is that there has never been a match in any fed like this one..I mean, ANYWHERE..
*the lights dim as "Gettin High on Your Own Supply" cues up. Minister steps out onto the stage holding a long stick and a bag in his other hand.*
BP: well, as The Minister described it to me..Both men start in the ring. See that traffic light hanging above the ring, Styles?
Styles:..Yeah I see it there..what about it?
BP: Well..the match starts when it turns green..half way threw the night it will turn Yellow..and finally it will turn Red..Both men have to be back in the ring will all the elves they could get by then..they can go anyway, and do anything without getting in trouble so long as it has to do with the match..
Styles:..and they are looking for..Elves?
BP:..thats the idea Styles...thats the idea..
*Minister rolls into the ring as "Wait and Bleed" starts up on the P.A. The fans greet Dick with moderate cheers as he makes his way down to the ring wearing his ring attire. He rolls into the ring and he and the Minister sort of..look around.*
Styles:..well needless to say, Minister asked for this match because..well he thought that Dick was the only other person in the fed with the ability to see the elves.
BP: What a crack pot..
Styles:..I thought the Minister was your friend?
BP:..Your point? Anyway...here we go..The light is green and both men are off!
Styles: Dick is over to the top rope and running threw the fans and Minister is taking off up the stage, hitting it with the stick!..and..thats it..Our cameras will follow them threw the night, so fans rest assured this will prove to be..most interesting..Anyway..now for our first Real match..
BP: This is a real match!
Styles:..hehe..ok..ok..Anyway..Up next, Code Red goes 1 on 1 with JC Stone in a Street Fight.
BP: Now..you know thats going to be one messy messy match up right there. For starters..JC Stone mugged Code Red's girl..Black Widow, whos claim to fame us getting ran over.
Styles: BP!..manners...
BP:..oh..alright..anyway this is a street fight..rules are simple..they are going to start out in the street because unlike WWF or WCW when we have a street brawl it always happens ..in the STREET!..anyway..
Styles: Lets get our cameras out there right now..
"Code Red" Michael Connelly w/ Black Widow Vs. JC Stone
Mechcropolis Street Fight
*The scene changes from BP and Styles outside, where CRMC and BW stand, waiting for JC Stone. Michael is telling WB to keep out of the match as much as possible and to let him take care of JC Stone, not because he doubts her talent but because he doesn't want her to get hurt. Suddenly CRMC is attacked by JC Stone, whom hits in him the back with a steel chair.*
BP: Damn!..what a shot!..Bravo..
Styles: Stone takes the advantage as BW looks on, wanting to involver herself. Stone laughs at her and starts to kick Code Red in the gut. Say..BP..does the streets look..kinda empty?
BP: What do you expect, this is a dead town..cept for in here..
Styles: Oh..Anyway, Stone picks up Code Red by the hair and starts to bad mouth him, slapping his around. Oh! Code Red with a swift kick to the gut and a double leg take down! Hes ontop of Stone, landing lefts and rights!
BP: Opps..Looks like Stone was able to roll him over and he is now starting to lay into Code Red. Stones grabs Code Red by his hair and starts to bang the back of his head off the ground! I know that hurts..
Styles: Anyway, Stone is getting off Code Red and walks to a near by dumpster...why the hell does Mechius have Dumpsters in his town?
BP: Shut up Styles! Your're ruining the mood.
Styles: Anyway, Stone has Code Red by his hair again and he tries to run his face into the Dumpster but Code Red counters and sends Stone face first into the dumpster. Stone is slytly stunned as he falls back. Code Red takes the advantage by spearing him to the ground and once again go to punching Stone in the face. Stone is able to reach a near by pipe and nail Code Red with it!
BP: Well now thats to bad..hehe..Stone gets rolls away and gets up. Code Red gets to a knee and shakes off the after effects of the hit. Stone runs at Code Red with the pipe but gets a stiff head but to the gut instead. Code Red takes the pipe from Stone and nails him in the leg with it!
Styles: Code Red gets up and kicks Stone in the same knee several times till Stone falls down. Code Red throws the pipe away and walks over to the dumpster, pulling out a few broken metal things. He walks over to Stone with one of them and blasts him in the back of the head with it!
BP: Stone falls to the ground and Code Red goes for the pin...1..2..KICK OUT! Stone kicked Out!..thats pretty good.
Styles: You could say that..Stone is dragged to his feet as Code Red starts to drag him to out into the parking lot. Code Red throws Stone ontop of one of the many cars parked there. Code Red sets up Stone for the Crimson Tide..
BP: HA!..not today, Stone is able to power out and hit a reverse powerslam on Code Red, right ontop of the car! The windshield and windows are cracked but not broken..hehe..thats good.
Styles: Stone is wipping some sweat of his face as he jumps down off the car. He turns around and grabs Code Red's leg and drags him off the car. Code Red bounces off the hard ground!..Stone sets Code Red up against the side of the car and steps back..He then rushes forward and goes for a Super Kick!
BP: Damned! Code Red moved out of the way and Stones foot went right into the glass, shattering all over the place!..um..folks disregard what Stone just said..
Styles: Stone limps away as Code Red slowly regains his senses. Code Red heads toward Stone who turns around only to be greeted with a stiff arm to the face. Stone falls back and is hit again..and again..Finally Code Red kicks Stone in the gut and spins him around, hitting the Crimson Tide!
BP: 1...2..3..NO! Just short of it..I thought Code Red had all the marbles there...Code Red is pulling himself up and kicking Stone in the gut. Code Red grabs Stone by the head and leads him back over to the car. He looks like he is going to try and put Stone threw the next window! NOO!!
Styles: Stone Counters and puts Code Red's head threw the glass! Code Red and Stone fall back! Stone pulls the leg up..1..2..KICK OUT!
BP: There men are tearing eachother up..they are getting up..Black Widow is seen to the left of the screen..Wait! Those Headlights! Both men are up and a car is speeding for them! BLACK WIDOW SPEARS MIKE OUT OF THE WAY BUT THERES NO ONE FOR STONE! STONE JUST GOT NAILED BY THAT CAR!
Styles: OHMYGOD!..Stones out of it..whos that in the car?..AH! ITS MINISTER!
*Minster gets out of the car*
Minister:..Damnit..I thought I had a pair of elves there...
*Minister wanders off*
Styles:...ok..Code Red sees the oppertunity he has been looking for..Code Red crawls over with the help of Black Widow..goes for the cover..1..2..3!!Code Red Wins!
Winner-"Code Red" Michael Connelly vis Pin Fall.
BP: Well..that was a great match! Minister sort of..made an impact in it but still! and exellent match.
Styles: And I guess Minister doesn't have any elves yet..so lets check in with Dick..
*the scene cuts away to Dick, wandering around in the basement, holding a really smelly piece of cheese.*
Dick:..where the hell are you elves at??..
*Dick wanders around alittle longer and comes to a large door. Dick opens it...BIG MOMMA LAY YA!
Dick: AHHHH!!!
*Momma Lay Ya screams then..suddenly, reaches out to Dick*
Big Momma Lay Ya:..My HERO!
*Dick slams the door in Momma Lay Ya's face*
BP:.......
Styles:......sorry about that folks...
*Nick is your God! Vote V2K! Peace, Love, and Give Money to Nick!*
BP: BEER MATCH!!!
Styles:..um..
*Purgatory grabs Styles*
BP: Come on, I need a beer and you need..what ever the hell you eat..
Styles:..well..I do need to use the rest room..AHH!
*Styles is dragged away by BP*
Shane Hardy Vs. Michael Moraldo
(
"Take A Look Around" by Limp Bizkit cues up, and a video on the EAW-tron for Shane Hardy appears--consisting mainly of clips from his interview and house show matches vs. jobbers. Shane himself runs out and recieves a decent pop as he signals with his "finger-guns." He then quickly runs down to the ring and slides in, then mounts the turnbuckle and repeats the pose, this time to a slightly larger pop.
The ring announcer begins, "Hailing from the Silicon Valley...standing five-foot-ten, and weighing in at two hundred and twenty pounds...Michael Moraldo!!"
The mild-mannered grappler steps out onto the stage, sans music, getting a decent face pop. He's dressed in RTC-esque gear, as before. He takes the mic, and announces to the waiting Shane Hardy, "Shane, I know that you don't know what to expect from our matchup tonight. Well, you are about to find out, because you are about to face the In-NOVA-tor!!!"
A...telephone booth (?!) emerges from a hole in the right side of the stage. Tossing the mic aside, he runs inside the phone booth and closes it, then draws a curtain around himself.
"One Man Army" by Prodigy (Spawn soundtrack) begins to play as the telephone booth's door slides open, out bursts Michael....
As the wrestling persona fans know him better as....Nova!!
He runs down to the ring to meet the waiting Shane Hardy.
As Nova slides in, Shane Hardy intercepts him and begins to pound on his with right hands. The bell rings. Shane whips Nova to the ropes, catching him on the way back with a spinning heel kick. He then picks him up and rams his head into the nearest corner's turnbuckle pad, and hangs up Nova's arms over the top rope. He grabs the top rope for leverage as he lays in a series of boots to Nova's midsection. He then lets loose a thunderous chop ("Whoo!!") to Nova's chest. Shane hops backwards and attempts a spear, but Nova lifts himself up by grabbing the top ropes, and Shane charges underneath him. Nova then Sunset Flips Shane for the first pin attempt of the match, getting only a one count. Shane kicks out of it with authority, and Nova shrugs it off, quickly getting to his feet to set up his next offensive maneuver: he kicks Shane in the midsection on the way up, then scoops up and drops him in a Side Neck Buster.
Shane kicks out at nearly the precise moment that the referee's hand hits the mat a second time. Nova, expecting a quick victory at this point, whips Shane into the nearest corner, and follows him in with a handspring back elbow...Shane stumbles out of the corner into the waiting arms of Nova, who signals for the Novacaine. Shane throws a few desperation shots at Nova's head, causing him to release the hold. Nova, stunned, accidentally spins around in a daze. Shane takes advantage of the situation with a face crusher. From there, Shane is surprisingly slow to get up, but still gets to his feet quicker then Nova. He then rushes to the top and hits a legdrop across Nova's throat, then floats over, getting a two-count. Shane picks Nova then sets him up in the corner yet again...then stood on the second rope and hit one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and TEN right hands to the face of Nova. As Shane hopped down, Nova stumbled out of the corner and flopped face down onto the canvas. Shane covered Nova again and nearly got a win, but Nova just barely kicked out before the three. Shane lifted up Nova by the head again and attempted an Irish Whip, but Nova stood his ground and was able to reverse it, and attempted a backbody drop, but Shane was able to land gently on both feet right behind Nova, then grabbed Nova in an inverted DDT position and grabbed his lower tights, and cinched him up in a reverse suplex attempt, but Nova slipped free! He then set up Shane Hardy...Diving Reverse DDT, holds on...back up to his feet again, and another Diving Reverse DDT--the DDT Squared!
Opting to not go for a cover, Nova picked up Shane again, and then placed his head between Shane's legs, and hoisted him over, almost like a Water Wheel Drop, but then cradling Shane's head, running forward a few steps, and swinging out his right leg and dropping down in the KRYPTONITE KRUNCH!!!
Nova went for the cover, one...two...three!!
WINNER BY PINFALL >>> Nova
BP:..Um..Welcome back to EAW Riot Rules, this is Booker Purgatory here with Joey Styles. If you are just joining us, we have just had a Street Fight between JC Stone and "Code Red" Michael Connelly, where Code Red pulled off a win after The Minister mistook Code Red and Stone as elves and hit Stone.
Styles: During the break, we learned that Stone left under his own power and is no longer here at the Mechius Complex.
BP: Tragic..Anyway up next we have a Finishers Only Debut Match between Lance Storm and Blink. Over the last few days it has come down to whats better..Canadians..or Mutants?..
*A brief video with clips from both sides promo's are played to the sound of "Better then You" by Metallica*
Lance Storm Vs. Blink w/ Mystique
Finishers Only Match
BP: Well, this should be an interesting insight into the ability of these young fighters, certainly Lance Storm is no new boy in the ring but I don't believe I know to much about this..Blink.
Styles: Indeed, I don't think to many people have ever heard of Blink, but she may prove to be quite the power here in the EAW, what with her being a mutant and all.
BP:..so the EAW has Mutants, Military Projects, normal joes, mystical monsters, and sub-species
Styles: That sounds about right..
BP:..right then..
*"Rock the Party" By P.O.D. Cues up as Blink steps out to a fair crowd responce, and whistles. Walking out next to her is Mystique, also getting a fair crowd response. They make their way down to the ring, and get in, awaiting Lance Storm*
BP: Well...I have to admitt for odd looking ladies, they have very nice bodies..
Styles: Given that, these two ladies are..I am quiet sure, very deadly..
BP: No doubt..
*"Oh Canada" cues up as Lance Storm steps out onto the stage, holding a Canadian flag, waving it around proudly. The crowd response by booing loudly at him. He smirks and walks down to the ring. He gets in and the bell rings*
Styles: Lance Storms starts things off with a quick hip toss, followed up by another. He attempts a third but Blink counters with a Knee to the gut, and quickly goes for the Split Second, but Lance quickly pushes her off.
BP: Hehe..there goes Lance, complaining to the Ref..Blink Sneaks up behind him...THE PINK MOLESTOR!!HAHAHA Lance is rolling out of the ring, holding his..er..jewels..
Styles: Blink is getting talked to by the ref as Mystique slowly rounds the corner of the ring. Lance gets the flag and looks like he is going to get back into the ring..Wait! Mystique goes to stop him..AH!
BP: Lance just nailed poor Mystique right between the eyes with that flag pole...He's rolling back into the ring, favoring his..area..
Styles: well..this match is underway again as they both lock up..Lance takes advantage with a head lock..Blink sends Lance into the ropes, and attempts a shoulder block. Lance easily knocks her down and bounces off the ropes. Blink gets back up only to be hit with a hard closeline from Lance.
BP: Lance is picking Blink up and sending her into the ropes..Drop Toe Hold, his going of it! No! Blink wiggled free. Lance has Blink by the hair as he tosses her into the corner. Lance charges in..Thrust Kick counter! Lance is down!
Styles: Blink pulls herself up to the top rope! She goes for a Senton!..Lance moves out of the way! Lance pulls himself up and starts to kick her! Storm picks up Blink and hits a stiff suplex. Lance hangs on and hits another suplex.
BP: Lance shoves Blink into the corner and starts to kick her in the gut. The ref gets Lance out of the coner. Lance pushes the ref out of the way but is hit with a spinning heel kick from Blink. Blink pulls up Lance and hits quick kick to the gut then a Hurricanarana. Lance pops back up and rushes Blink, only to be toss outside the ring!
Styles: this Blink is looking pretty good. I must say, I am impressed. Lance is certainly looking confused..he stands up, Base Ball Slide by Blink, knocking Lance into the baracade! Blink roles Lance into the ring. Lance gets up quickly and goes to kick Blink.
BP: Blink grabs Lance's leg and pulls it out from under him..SHE PUTS A HALF CRAB ON HIM! Lance is looking very angery and he tries to pull himself to the ropes, but they are on the other side of the ring! Blink really leans into it but its not her finisher so she can't win!
Styles: She really is leaning hard into that..She lets go and picks up Lance. Lance with a swift knee to the gut. He places her head between his legs and picks her up for a pile driver, but she pulls herself up, using her legs, putting her weight on his legs and back. Lance drops her, holding his back!
BP: Blink with a swift knee to the gut....SPLIT SECOND! Blink wins her first match here in the EAW!!
Styles: Blink and Mystique are leaving the ring. Lance storm pulls himself up, looking around, confused. Whos that?! Its Dick!
*Dick Drosse runs down to the ring and rolls in. He looks at Lance the slaps himself on the fore head..He grabs a mic*
Dick: Up..sorry, I thought you were an Elf..I mean no offense but you Canadians all look like elves..and you were just beat by a really...really odd looking lady..so sorry for my miscalculation..
*Lance gets pissed and when Dick turns to leave, Storms hits him with a close line, then rolls into the Half Crab*
BP: Ohh!..Looks like Dick was being and idiot again..
*Commercials..yeah..*
Styles: Welcome back folks..Well we are about to have our final match of the evening..the 3 way for the....whats this?
*the screen cuts away to Minister, wandering around, ontop of the roof. He looks over the side of the wall, down at the parking lot below. Minister then walks acrossed the roof, towards the door. Suddenly a glass bottle flies at the back of Minister's head, shattering and knocking him to the ground*
BP:..anyway..like you said Styles:
Styles:..yes um..where was I?..Oh yeah Next we have a Triple Threat match for the TV Title..
Elite(c) Vs Duke Drosse Vs Mr. Cypher
Triple Threat Match
*"Simon Says" By Pharoache Monch hits the P.A. as Elite walks down with his T.V. Title. The fans cheer for him as he rolls into the ring and holds his belt high into the air.*
BP: Elite has certainly proven to be a very good wrestler in his day, and I wouldn't second guess his ability any day of the week, but tonight he has something of a challange. Mr. Cypher, and Duke Drosse.
Styles: Thats right, he certainly does have a hard match ahead of him but, Elite has beaten the best of them and I am sure he'll put his all into this match.
*"Trash" By Korn hits as the fans cheer for the trash man. Duke steps out onto the stage holding a trash can high into the air that reads "Worlds Best Piece of Trash". Duke walks down to the ring and gets in.*
Styles: And Duke starts the match out fast, hitting Elite from behind. Duke Throws Elite into the ropes and hits his a shoulder block. Elite pops up and falls back against the ropes. Duke closelines Elite and himself over the top rope and to the floor!
*"The Funeral March" By the Great Kat starts up as Mr. Cypher walks out onto the stage, carring a brief case. The fans give him a mixed response.*
BP: And there is the famed Mr. Cypher. He has talked to quite a few people here in the EAW, including myself. I must say, I think he is after something here. Anyway..he doesn't look to excited about getting into the ring...he's just walking down slowly..
Styles: and Duke and Elite are beating the hell out of eachother over here. Duke goes to throw Elite into the ring post but it is reversed and Duke when face first into the pole. Elite rolls into the ring and points at Cypher..
BP: Cypher is setting down his brief case and rolling into the ring..Duke rolls back into the ring and goes to hit Elite but Elite sees it and ducks under the swing. Elite spins and hits a half nelson slam on Duke. He goes for the pin..1..2..Kick out. Mr. Cypher rolls out of the ring and is walking over toward us?!
Styles:..and here is Mr. Cypher..
Mr. Cypher: Why, hello boys, hows the night going?
BP:..Good I suppose..Oh! Elite with a drop kick to Duke..
Styles: Elite is picking Duke back up and throwing him into the ropes. Elite goes for a close line but Duke ducks and spins Elite around hitting a him with a stiff right hand. Elite hits the mat and Duke starts to hit him with knees to the chest.
Mr. Cypher: So great style there by Duke, working on that chest. After all if a man can't breath..he very well can't fight now can he?
BP: No..no I suppose he can't. Duke picks up Elite and throws him into the corner. Duke charges and hits a splash. Elite stumbles out of the corner, only to get a belly to belly from Duke. Duke goes for the cover..
Mr. Cypher: Oh let me..1..2..HA! didn't make it..
Styles:..say shouldn't you be in there trying to get the belt?
Mr. Cypher: I have more pressing matters to deal with then worry about a stupid belt. Now shut up and go back to commentary.
Styles: Ok buddy..anyway..Duke picks up Elite and hits a reverse DDT. Duke climbing the ropes..Looks like he could be going for a splash..Duke is airborne..NO! Elite moved out of the way! Duke hit the canvus with his gut..
Mr. Cypher:...well..that was terrible..
*Cypher gets out of his chair and walks over to his breif case. The ref checks on Duke as Cypher rolls into the ring*
BP: What is Cypher doing?
Styles: Who knows? Elites getting up..CYPHER BLASTS ELITE IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH HIS BRIEF CASE!
BP: HAHAHAHAHAAHA!!....Dukes getting up..Cypher looks at Duke..Duke looks at Cypher..Cypher is opening the brief case..he's pulling out a piece of paper..Duke and Cypher seem to be talking about something..
Styles: Duke is signing something..Cypher steps away from Elite as Duke goes for the pin..1..2..3!! DUKE IS THE NEW CHAMPION!
BP: Heh..Cypher and Duke are walking away, Cypher with his brief case and Duke with the TV TITLE..AND LOOK THE LIGHT JUST TURNED RED! Both Dick and Minister have to come down to the ring..
*surely enough, Minister appears on the stage, holding an ice pack on his head, and Dick appears out from under the stage. They both get into the ring. Minister gets the mic*
Minister: Any Luck?
Dick:..no..
Minister: DAMN ELVES!
*suddenly the ring is rushed by hundreds of elves!*
BP: WHAT THE HELL!?
Styles: OHMYGOD! The ring is filling up with Elves, and Minister and Duke are fighting them off! Wait! The elves have mace! THE ELVES HAVE MACE!?
BP OH NO! Minister and Duke are down, and are getting beaten by the elves...What?! Here they come!
*Styles and Booker Purgatory are pushed out of their announcer table as the elves scurry over. Dick and Minister are dragged out of the ring and placed on the table. The Elves hold them down as 5 elves walk down the ramp with a statue of the Minister. They drag it into the ring and a bunch of elves hold it above there heads, looking evilily at Minister and Dick who can't move..
*The elves drop the statue on Dick and the Minister, breaking the table in half and knocking them both out!! The night ends with the elves dancing around in the ring to the Ombaa Lombaa Theme song!!!*