Cue the opening sequence for Riot Rulz, a graphic displaying the location of this week's show ("LIVE from St. Paul Minnesota!!")

At the announcer's desk, Joey Styles is seated, in a typical grey suit, while LG's got his feet up on the announcer's desk, leaning on the back of his chair, and generally looking quite relaxed...

JS: Welcome fans!! We have a capacity crowd on hand for this week's edition of EAW Riot Rulz!! I'm Joey Styles, here with my broadcast colleague Booker Gokuo...

LG: In the flesh...

JS: And the EAW is abuzz with rumors. Reportedly we'll be seeing an EAW commissioner, Lynxara, here in the EAW soon. Also, the Knight Cross is set to return to the ring.

LG: But that's not the story tonight. Tonight will be the night where Jay stops being completely worthless, and drags his ass out to this ring for his first match in nearly a year. The guy doesn't perform his duties behind a desk, so I doubt he can still get it done in the ring.

JS: A good point....and I do partially agree with you--Jay has been slacking a bit with his duties, but you booked this match just for that reason?

LG: Damn right I did.

[LG snaps back. "Who Let the Dogs Out" by the Baha Men begins to play. Styles covers his ears.]

JS: Ahhhhhhhhhhh...dear God make it stop!! Not THAT damn song!!!

[LG merely snickers.]

LG: [yelling over the ring announcer as Jay and Trinity come out] Coming down the aisle, weighing in at 8 ounces, hailing from Guadalahara Me-hi-co and abuser of tequila-jello shots, Jay "Speedy" Gonzales!! Oh...and there's his cunt mamacita Trinity.

JS: LG already eager for his Christmas bonus....

[The couple head enter the ring, and wait for their opponents. "Ramblin' Man" by the Allman Brothers (?!) begins to play, and Mike Rection and Kevin Nash come out from the back, looking rather confused to hear neither of there regular themes.]

JS: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that is the right theme....

LG: *shrug* I don't either. I don't give a damn what these two come out to as long as they give Jay and his bitch a run for their money.

*ding, ding*

Jay and Nash start off in the ring first...

LG: The laziest president versus the laziest wrestler. Either a sub-par series of exchanges coming up, or these two are gonna lay down and nap.

Nash grabs Jay starts hitting him with right hands, then grabs him by the hair and dumps him over the top rope.

LG: WHoo-hooo!!

JS: Not exactly a dazzling display of offense...Nash steps out onto the apron. Jay getting up...Flying Axehandle from Nash!! Jay is down!! Nash picking up Jay by the hair...rams him head first to the safety railing!

Trinity runs over the corner, and mounts the turnbuckle.

JS: Looks like Trinity is going to go for a high risk move....CROSS BODY!!! Trinity takes out Nash!!

LG: Trinity is helping Jay up, and the two of them have Nash.....double front facelock.

Nash is slumped over the guardrail...

LG: Snaps him over the guardrail with a DDT!! Rection is coming over now...locks Jay in a sleeper hold--DROPS him!!

JS: Trinity with a kick to the ribs of Rection...caught!! Trinity goes for an Enzui Giri--misses!! Rection has both of Trinity's legs..SLINGSHOTS HER....TRINITY HITS THE RINGPOST!!!

Nash has recovered, and is back on his feet.

JS: Nash and Rection are both going for Jay....pulling him up...hoisted over their heads --JAY TOSSED INTO THE RING FROM THE FLOOR!! Nash rolling into the ring as Rection looks under the ring for a table.

LG: Rection's found a winner...and he's diggin' it out!!

JS: ....

LG: Rection slides the table into the ring as Nash picks up Jay. Rection setting up the table....Nash lays Jay onto it. Rection climbing up top....

Rection wags his finger "no," then climbs back down...Suddenly the lights go out......

LG: Awww...shit. Gotta take care of something. JS: Gokuo, where are you going? HEY!!

A few confusing seconds later, the sound of wood breaking is heard....

LG: Back, Joey..back.

JS: What the hell?!

The lights go up, and Nash and Rection stand over Jay, who is laying in the rubble of a broken table. The referee notices, and has little choice but to signal for the bell.

WINNERS >>> Mike Rection and Kevin Nash

JS: Nash and Rection win? You just got up...Gokuo, you have anything to do with this...

LG: *Twiddling thumbs* Me? No way! Apparently we have a lighting problem in this arena...gotta do something about that.

**Commercial Break**

When the camera comes back on the Riot Rulz, Kid Foxx isn't in wrestling gear and is walking down the hallway going to his locker room. As he is walking down, Mike Rection and Kevin Nash from behind come armed. Mike Rection takes a Trash Can, Kevin Nash has a Sledgehammer. Rection says,"Hey Foxx", he turns and Rection nails him in the head with the trash can. Mike then starts pummeling Foxx with his fists. Kevin Nash tells Mike to stand him up. He stands him up, Nash runs at Foxx with the Sledgehammer, Kid Foxx ducks, Nash turns and nails the Sledgehammer right into the gut of Kid Foxx. He then puts the trash can on the ground, he putd Foxxes head inbetween for the Mystify Your Mind(Jacknife Powerbomb). He does right onto the can, Kid Foxx is on the ground knockedout.

Kevin Nash-Hey Foxx, you wanna interfere in the World title match? Well we will interfere in your career!

Mike Rection:That's right. Kidd Foxx, from now on if you ever try something like that again? Well this is a small sample of the pain you will feel!

{Mike Rection and Kevin Nash walk away}

JS: Well, Foxx can't seem to shake the AKA, can he?

LG: Well, they're stubborn assholes, you have to give them that. They just keep coming and coming at you.

JS: Well, coming up next we have a hell of a grudge match, as Rik Felstrom and Dax Clark go one-on-one.

LG: The story, is this: Rik's basically having a ball pissing off Dax, who's only claim to fame so far is out-drinking Scott Hall. A hell of an accomplishment, if you want to make your living known as the biggest lush around.

A video begins to play on the EAW-tron. Neither Rik nor Dax's...but rather one that appears to be a chiahuahua in a microwave...crying and balling...the motor whirring....then cut a shot of an explosion....

JS: What...in...the..hell?!

Rik Felstrom comes out to this rather bizarre entrance, and, not seeing the video, is even more confused than the rest of us. Nonetheless, he goes about his business and heads down the ramp and to the ring, anxiously awaiting his opponent, Dax.

"Scatman" by John Scatman begins to play (?!)....."The Wild One" steps out onto the entranceway to boos, a metal beer keg over his right shoulder.

JS: Looks like Dax intends to keep his promise--there is that beer keg he promised to bring.

LG: He may be a drunk, but he ain't a liar.

Dax heads down to the ring, and sets the keg by the steel steps. Then climbs into the ring, staring down Rik. The bell rings.

LG: Fleabag and Drunkman tie up in the center of the ring. Clark with a hammerlock, Felstrom reverses, Clark breaks loose. Felstrom with an Irish Whip on Clark....looks like a massive belly to belly....Clark catches him...arms are hooked...Front Tiger Suplex by Clark!! Clark with a cover....no!

JS: Felstrom pulls Clark back up...European Uppercut!! Clark on his knees! Drop kick from Felstrom!! Cover by Rik....only a one. Clark tosses off Felstrom. Clark getting back up....Felstrom as well...Spear attempt by Clark--COUNTERED into a DDT!!! Felstrom with another cover...and almost a two! Felstrom climbs out onto the apron....measuring Clark....Clark's up--springboard by Felstrom--DDT--COUNTERED!!! Clark hits an inverted Atomic Drop!!! Clark follows up with a Spinbuster!

LG: He takes a hold of Felstrom's ankles, and looks to be attempted a cloverleaf. Yes....the Wild One with a Cloverleaf on Felstrom. Felstrom is trying to crawl away....towards the ropes....has it!! The referee instructs Clark to release the hold.

JS: Clark releasing the hold.....grabbing Rik by the scruff of his neck and pulling him up by it. Looking like a Belly-to-back...NO!!! Felstrom counters with a Bulldog!!

LG: Felstrom lines himself up behind Clark....Clark is rising....Face Crusher by Rik! Rik picking Clark back up...irish whip...HOBBES POUNCE!!! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten right hands on Clark!!

LG: Rik is probably ready to put this match away...Dax is rolling out of the ring!

JS: Felstrom going after him....Clark's back is turned!

As Rik closes in on Dax, we begin to hear cheers....suddenly, we see Scott Hall running down the rampway, and he's wearing a sombrero!! Hall grabs the metal beer keg while running, then before Rik can get a hold of Dax, Scott hits Rik in the back of the head with it. The referee see it and DQ's Dax.

JS: Scott Hall?!--Beer Keg in the back of the head!! Oh my God!

LG: Dax is disqualified!

Hall grabs a mic from the ringside as Clark rolls Rik back into the ring, and as Dax sets up Rik for the Wild Drop, Hall double-points to him.

JS: WILD DROP ON FELSTROM!!!

"Hey yo," mumbles Hall, exciting the crowd. "I just wan it to be known, that it been a looooong time since I've found someone able to out-drink me. So chicos, we've patched things up, and we're going on a vacation to Me-hi-co!"

LG: WTF?

JS: Looks like Hall and Clark are going to use some vacation days.

LG: Me-hi-co?!

WINNER >>> Rik Felstrom by DQ

**Commercial Break**

As we come back from breaks, some clips are played from the end of the Felstrom-Clark match...

LG: As you have just seen, Hall and Clark are apparently on vacation leave right now....headed to Mexico.

LG: Up next, Connelly vs. Blueboy!!

JS: This is Code Red's return match, as he was out injured for a while, thanks to Viscera.

LG: Who is also on vacation, with his *yeeech* "girl."

"Code Red" makes his entrance....however, not to his regular theme, but to "Break the Walls Down." When he comes out...he looks quite confused about it. He shrugs it off, and dashes down the ring...running to the turnbuckle, up it, and moonsaults off...landing on his feet.

LG: Another wrong theme?!

JS: That seems to be the theme of the night, yes. Not one right yet....

At any rate, in the ring now is the returning "Code Red" Michael Connelly...former 2-time People's Champion, boyfriend of Black Widow, and he's just turning 22 next week.

LG: Quite a little list of accomplishments....

"Dark and Grey" by Kid Rock begins to play....

JS: Crucifix?!

A blue car is driven out onto the entranceway, and down the ramp, with Blueboy and Jasmine St. Claire inside it.

JS: No, not quite. Correct artist, wrong song. Have we got some kind of new staff in the theme department, or is this some kind of joke?!

LG: *shrugging* Beats me...haven't got a clue, myself.

The bell rings....

JS: And here we go....Blueboy and Connelly. Collar and elbow....Blueboy shoves Code Red to the ground. He gets back up....clothesline from Blueboy! Pick up...Inverted Jawbreaker!! Whip to the ropes...back body drop!

LG: Code Red down to one knee with a sleeperhold on Blueboy...Blueboy is getting up...side backbreaker!! Follows it up with an elbow! And another!

JS: Blueboy picking up Code Red....going for a Northern Lights, Reversed to a snap suplex!!

LG: Blueboy is up...another clothesline!! Scoop Slam!! Blueboy drags him back up by the hair...Irish whip....Powerslam!! One

.

.

.

TWO

NO!!!

JS: Code Red getting back up...Blueboy with an armwringer...elbow between Code Red's shoulderblades...another...Fujiwara Arm Bar!!!

LG: Blueboy locks on a powerful submission....and Code Red with a fist to the forehead!

JS: Connelly fighting back up to his feet....elbow the the midsection of Blueboy.....breaks free, arm dragged by Blueboy....back up....MILITARY PRESS!!!

Blueboy holds Connelly high over his head, then carries him to the nearby ropes, tosses him up, and drops him throat-first across the top rope!

LG: AGH! Code Red gets his head snapped back by that top rope!

JS: Connelly grabbing his throat in pain, Blueboy lays in some boots to him....lays him throat first on the bottom rope, and now he's forcing down all his weight on Connelly's throat.

LG: Now Blueboy running the other direction, hits the far ropes, JUMPS right on the back of Connelly, choking him with the rope some more.

JS: Now pushing down again, the referee getting on Blueboy's case. Connelly back up...Blueboy attempted to cinch him up for a suplex...

LG: BLOCKED....boot to the stomach--CRIMSON CLUNCH CLUTCH!!! One

.

.

.

TWO

NO!!!

JS: Blueboy kicks out, but just barely. Both men up...Blueboy with a headbutt--knocked Connelly off balance....goes for a clothesline--ducked by Connelly, slips behind...standing switch by Blueboy...tries to suplex Connelly aaaaaaaaaand is Snapmared over!! Connelly kippups, Blueboy getting up dazed...CRIMSON TIDE by Connelly!!!

LG: He picks up Blueboy....whipped to the corner....charges in--CLOTHESLINE!!! And a combination of them....whipped again to the rope...bounces off...leap frog...Blueboy and Connelly hit the ropes....SPEAR BY CONNELLY!!! THE IMMACULATE PERPLEXION!!

JS: He pulls up Blueboy....CONDITION RED!! Cover...One

.

.

.

TWO

.

.

.

THREE!!!

LG: Code Red with a big win here on Riot Rulz....what's next up, Joey?

JS: The AAA-Rules People's Title Match. Derek Walker defending against Scarlet Foxfire....in an abandoned pillow factory?!

LG: Indeed...

JS: Well then...we'll take you live to where Derek Walker and Scarlet Foxfire are set to go at it for the People's Title...

We now shift to a shot of Derek Walker tossing off hir trenchcoat in a hastily assembled ring inside the dimly lit factory. She then removes the People's Title from hir waist, hands it to the referee, who then holds it up. Scarlet is then shown in an opposite corner, holding the top rope for balance as she does a few lunges and other stretches, then turns to face Derek.

The referee rings the bell, signaling for the match to start...Derek immediately fires a glob of her immobilizing blue substance from hir horn...Scarlet rolls to the side to avoid it....then tries to pounce on Walker, who falls on hir back, and places both feet up...catching Scarlet in the stomach, then monkey flips her across the ring. Derek leans down and measures Scarlet, looking to gore her....but when she charges, Scarlet grabs hir horn and flips over hir back....as she does, she grabs onto Derek's tail, which causes hir to shreik a bit, and Scarlet rolls hir up....getting not even a one count. Derek return the favor as she gets up, sweeping Scarlet's feet from underneath her with hir tail. Derek then pounces on Scarlet....straddling hir and letting loose a flurry of punches at blinding speed....then getting back up and performing a standing moonsault onto her. Scarlet kicks out of that just before one as well.

Derek and Scarlet both get up to their feet, Derek swings a speedy but unsuccessful backfist, which gives Scarlet just enough of a window of opportunity to slip behind Derek, hooking her for a Russian Leg Sweep. Neither stay down for long....Scarlet is the first up, and grabs Derek's left ankle, attempted a submission of some sort, but Derek sits up and rolls Scarlet through, getting only a one.

Both roll away and spring back up to their feet. The top rope behind Derek begins to glow, then flips over Derek's head and across her neck, Scarlet backsprings to the opposite ropes, bounces off, and with a graceful leap goes into a flying kick that strikes Derek in the chest....then sends her snapping free of the ropes into a pile of pillows, that throws up some losses feathers as Derek lands in it. Scarlet levitates a mid-sized crate, and seems ready to direct it towards Derek, who recklessly dashes right for it, plunging hir horn into it, then tossing over hir head (like that bull ripping off the dude's pants in that AFHV clip). Derek then capitalized on the surprised Scarlet by dashing in and hitting a series of lefts and rights that literally make hir arms resemble pistons. Scarlet breaks up the assault with a hard blow to the body, then a chop across the back. Scarlet steps back, and as Derek stands upright she hits her with a roundhouse with her right leg, snapping hir head forward. Scarlet goes for a roundhouse with her left leg, but Derek ducks it, then rolls into an uppercut...sending Scarlet high into the air....

Derek takes off hirself, and flies up and holds out hir knee, catching Scarlet with a backbreaker on her way down, then tossing her back down onto the pillows.

Derek stops using hir wings and lets hirself drop down over Scarlet...Scarlet stirs a little, and then grabs a pillow and smacks Derek in the head with it, surprising hir.

Shaking it off, Derek looks ready to resume hir attack, but Scarlet begins to a send a massive wave of pillows at Derek. Tendrils sprout from Derek's back, and shi crack them like whips at the squadron of pillow, busting them apart and causing quite a mess in the process. Using the screen of feathers to mask her attack, Scarlet rolls in and locks her legs around Derek's neck, slamming hir head-first onto the hard ground, then releasing hir. Derek gets up, and takes to the air, and dives swiftly downward with hir right fist extended. Scarlet crouches and counters it with a somersault flip kick, catching Derek in the jaw. Derek manages to land on hir feet, then returns the favor with a rolling uppercut, then blasts Scarlet with a glob of hir paralyzing blue liquid. As Scarlet hits the ground, Derek moves over to her and pulls her up, then opens hir mouth, preparing to use the Endless Hunger--before a pillow flies into hir mouth.

Derek lets go, spitting out the pillow, and Scarlet uses the chance to jump at the wall, springs off it, and hits Derek with a devasting triangle kick.

Scarlet leaps up to the top rope, then signals for a moonsault, but before she lands, Derek rolls to the side, and then onto hir own feet. Climbing back into the ring, Derek waits on Scarlet, who gets up a short while after, then climbs up onto the apron. Derek's tendrils snake at her quickly, binding her wrists fast to the top rope. Derek then hoists up Scarlet, hitting a Brainbuster DDT on her, then using the tendrils to pick her up, and Derek engulfs her head, and is successful this time.

Scarlet taps out fairly quickly, and the bell is rung.

Derek celebrates as the referee hands hir the belt back, and Scarlet congratulates hir.

Derek smiles, and climbs out of the ring, then looks underneath the ring...Scarlet looks confused. Derek pulls the dozen roses out from underneath the ring, then gets back in and presents them to her, then hugs her.

WINNER >>> Derek Walker by Submission; retains People's Title.

**Commercial Break**

by President Jay LG: This should be a great match-up...

Styles: We’ve been waiting for it all week fans, here it is, RRW VS Nova!!!

*The following is a single match-up with a 30 minute time limit! Making her way to the ring first, at 5 foot even, 105 lbs...Red “Rock” West!!!*

*"Crushed" by Limp Bizkit begins to play...Red makes her way out of the backstage area and to the ring!*

*And her challenger, at 5’10", 220 lbs...Nova!!!*

*"One Man Army" by Prodigy begins to play, as Nova leaves the backstage area and heads to the ring...*

*Both competitors warm up, as the bell rings...*

*Ding, ding, ding!*

*RRW and Nova circle the ring, and lock-up. RRW hits a bulldog to start off the match.

Styles: Red starts off with a bulldog to Nova!

*Nova gets back up and goes for RRW, she ducks an attempt at a clothesline and whips Nova to the corner. RRW goes for a hurricanranna off the turnbuckle, but Nova reverses it to a powerbomb.*

LG: It’s too early for any high damaging moves.

*Nova stomps on RRW, and then picks her up and goes for a DDT, RRW reverses it into a Northen Lights Suplex!*

Styles: Great reversal!

*Pin attempt: 1...2.Kickout!*

*RRW picks up Nova and kicks him in the mid-section. RRW hits a piledriver on Nova. Nova gets up a little slow, but hits a surprise clothesline on RRW! Nova picks up RRW and goes for a Novacaine attempt...RRW elbows Nova in the back of his head, breaking up the move.*

LG: RRW escaped that one, it could’ve been over right there!

*RRW hits a quick backbreaker on Nova, and goes to the top-rope...Nova starts to get up slowly...MISSILE DROP KICK!*

Styles: Oh my god! What a high-risk move by RRW, pin!

*1...2..kick-out!*

*RRW allows Nova to rise to his feet, and then puts him back down with a running forearm.*

LG: Red has gotten the advantage here...

*RRW signals to the crowd, she climbs to the top-rope...CHERRY BOMB!...No! Nova moves out of the way just in time...*

Styles: RRW misses her finisher! Nova goes for the pin...

*1...2...KICKOUT!*

Styles: How did she escape?!

*It could be over. Nova picks up RRW and goes for the Kryptonite Krunch...!*

Styles: OH MY GOD! Kryptonite Krunch, it’s all over! Wait...Nova is picking up RRW again?

*Nova grabs Red’s arm and whips her to the corner hard...the referee is in the way! Boom!*

*The referee is down.*

Styles: Oh no, our referee is down! What could happen now?!

*Nova charges to the corner, Red gets both feet up, hitting Nova right in the mush. She then clims up on top...tornado DDT*

LG: Red hits a huge move, but the referee is down!

*Red exits the ring, grabbing the Cruiserweight Title and a microphone, rolling back into the ring. As Nova gets up, she hits him in the face with it, then gets down and attempts to strangle him with the belt while questioning him, "What do you know about that invisible...vehicle?" ignoring the fact that it will be rather hard for Nova to confess to anything with something so tightly wrapped around his throat.

After realizing that this tactic didn't work, Red picks up the microphone...

Red: OOOooh this is so frustrating Gadjetto-Chan... It looks like we're going to have do try plan B.

Gadjeto-Chan:...

Red: That's right, Sonnette... I'm going to give you one to confess to your guilt in hitting me with an invisible hummer/limo, and if you don't... I'm going to reveal a secret about you so horrible, so terrifying... that it will bring an end to your carear once and for all... And that is not a threat... It's a promise...

[Red pauses, grimacing evily... well as evily as Red can before glaring at Gadjetto-chan.]

Gadjetto-Chan: ...

Red: See, I told you Plan B would work. Now lets get to the back locker room in time for her confession.

LG: Umm...what the hell?

JS: My thoughts exactly...

**Commercial Break**

After Red has gone to the back and the ring cleared, the soundbite of a cat meowing is heard, then the cutesy technopop of "Cat House" by Takeko Minekawa cues up. Out from the entranceway, running on all fours looks to be a white and pink blur that flips into the ring and up onto a top turnbuckle. And as the cameras focus on it... it's revealed to be Ariel Bridges, the cute cat-girl perched on the turnbuckle and smiling cutely.