Live from the Marine Midland Arena in Buffalo, New York

Raising the mic as if he were about to take a swig of beer, he bellows out, "BUFFALO, NEW YORK!!!!!" prompting a cheap pop. As if calms down again, he announces "Welcome to EAW Riot Rulz. Now...today's show is primarily booked by Tatum and Colossus, but I axed for some TV time fo today to make a few important announcements 'bout our next pay-per-view."

The crowd remains silent, "First of all, it'll be called 'EAW Holy Wars: Caress of Steel.' Double main event. The Holy Wars match is a number one contendership match. The top ten contenders for the title will compete in it. The ringside area is surrounded by the cell, and the match is divided into three rounds. Round one is elimination by being put through a table. When five have been eliminated, then round two begins. Round two is pinfall only, and ends when only two contenders are left. Round three...which can only end via submission, then begins. The last person standing will be named the Number one contender for the World Title. This idea was donated to me by Krist Jonsson. Like I said before, I'm open to ideas from employees.

"Now...as for the main event itself. Trip and Fly both had the belt when they...well...fell to the floor. So, I wondered just how we should settle it. Co-holders? Naaaahhh been done. Main Event for the next P-P-V?" He nods, "Damn straight.

"Two options here boys. I was going to make it a Hell In A Cell Match, but Trip had another suggestion...he can tell you about it later, but right now the belt is vacant." He drops the mic and leaves the ring, some are elated at the decision but others are booing the decision.

Joey Styles: Hello everybody and welcome to EAW Riot Rules. As you can see this show is starting off with a big announcement from Booker LG. And now we go right into some wreslting action. We were supposed to see UFO and Kairi Lyger go at it, but the two got into a scuffle backstage. The match has now been changed so that the winner is the first one to get to the ring. They were approaching the entrance last we heard, and yes, there is Kairi Lyger, but UFO is right behind. UFO grabs Kairi, but Lyger reverses and turns it into a ddt. UFO gets back up and Lyger grabs UFO by the throat, Choke Lygerbomb! Lyger has just smashed UFO on the ground, and now Lyger is walking down to the ring. Lyger wins! Lyger Wins the opener for riot rules.

Grudge Match
The Rock vs. "The Franchise" Shane Douglas

Styles: Well, now we here “Last Resort” playing in the background which means it is time for The MIA to come out. And here is the Rock! The Rock is set to take on the Franchise tonight. As a matter of fact, the Franchise is on his way now. He runs right in and begins to hammer away at the Rock. The Rock strikes back with some stiff left ands, but the Franchise catches the Rock’s arm and throws him overhead. The Rock gets up and goes back after the Franchise, but the Franchise belittles him with a drop kick. The Rock is really going to have to go deep into his arsenal to beat someone like the franchise. The Franchise is going to have to do the same though. The Franchise ducks a clothesline, and flows right into a ddt. The Franchise is really on top of his game. He rips into the Rock with some kicks. The Rock is down on the mat. He tries to get up, but the franchise is there. What is the Rock going to do? The Franchise is showing how he got that name, because he if Franchising the Rock. The Rock looks to the crowd for some assistance, but they seem to be out of this match.
Nuclear: Wait a minute Joey!

Joey: What?

Nuclear: I came out here to give you a hand. I figure you need some to man commentary, I figured you need me.

Joey: Not really.
Nuclear: Then shut up styles, Ican handle this. The Rock pulls himself up and begins to turn it up against the Franchise. The Rock is really showing he can go. The Rock Samoan drops the Franchise, this is a hell of a Come back isn’t it Joey?

Joey Styles: Where did you come from?

Nuclear: Well my dad got my mom drunk and…

Styles: Forget I asked. Anyway The Rock hooks the Franchise for the

Nuclear: Shut up Joey. Rock Bottom! The Rock has just hit the Rock Bottom Now he goes for the pin. 1…2…no! The Franchise Kicked out! The Franchise has kicked out and the Rock is in Shock.

Styles: No one kicks out of that!

Nuclear: Shut up Joey! Not too many people Kick out from that. The Franchise is to his feet. He ducks a clothesline, Pittsburgh Plunge! 1..2…3 ! Franchise wins!

Styels: But look, the Franchise had his feet on the ropes for leverage!

Nuclear: Silence! Oh, wow, I just noticed the franchise had his feet on the ropes for leverage! What a tainted victory! The Lord of Extreme would never cheat like that.

Television Title Cage Match
Sonnette (c) vs. Krist "Overlord" Jonsson

Nuclear: Well the cage is around the ring now, and Krist and Sonnette are standing in opposite corners. Sonnette makes the first move as she walks over and locks up with Overlord. Overlord pushes her into the cage. Sonnette kicks at Overlord, and Overlord catches the foot. Overlord tosses her over. Sonnette gets to her feet and charges overlord. It’s not worth the trouble as Overlord simply kicks her down. Sonnette grabs a leg and pulls down Overlord.
Joey: Can I get a word in here?

Nuclear: No. But you can go get me a drink. Make it something with bubbles. Yeah. Anyway, Sonnette begins to Suplex Overlord. Nice move. DDT on Overlord! Overlord looks dazed. Sonnette hits quick DDT to follow up the last one. Overlord is just out of it. Sonnette grabs overlord and looks prepares for a third DDT! No wait, Overlord just suplexed her over, that was a desparation move for sure! Sonnette is now dazed. Overlord is climbing the cage.. What is he an idiot? I mean come on Overlord, Sonnette is right there and she is pulling your ass down.

Joey: You have quite a way with words….

Nuclear: Thank you! Overlord grabs Sonnette and whips her into the ro-no reversal. Overlord back body drops the Champion and she lands hard on her back. Sonnette gets to her feet and then dropkicks overlord. Overlord is down, and Sonnette begins to climb. She is….waiting. She waits at the top and …Money Shot! She just hit the money shot. Ka-ching! That’s got to be all! Overlord is on his feet! Holy SH**!

Joey: You can’t say that!

Nuclear: F*** You. Anyway, Overlord is hobbling. He looks a little sick doesn’t he? Sonnette is shocked, and a bit hurt after that huge move from the top of the cage. She walks right into the DDT. Overlord begins to climb. Sonnette to her feet. She grabs the foot of Overlord, but he holds on tight. So does she actually. Overlord kicks away at Sonnette and Sonnette releases her grip. Overlord goes up and over. Overlord wins! New TV champion! Wait a Minute! WAAAAAAIIIIT A MINUTE! Here come Mideon and Viscera! Mideon opens the cage door, and Viscera attacks Overlord. Now Mideon is attacking Sonnette. What the hell is going on here? Overlord is bleeding. Viscera just belly to belly slammed him through a table! MY GOD!
Grudge Match
Crucifix vs. Nick Sparks

Nuclear: There’s Nick Sparks, but where is Crucifix.

[**Dark and Grey by Kid Rock plays and the lights go completely out. When the lights comeback on Nick Sparks in unconscious in the ring.**]

Nuclear: What the heck? What happened. Wait a minute, the ref is counting Nick out! Why?

Joey: Well, if you would have done your research you would have realized that this is last man standing rules and Nick isn’t standing!
Nuclear: Shut up! I guess Crucifix wins. But now Nick is getting up and he looks pissed. He is leaving the ring. Look at him run out there. Follow him with a camera someone. Nick is running in the back…he’s going out to the parking lot. Somethings wrong. What?

Joey: I know. Nick’s bike is missing.

Nuclear: I know, Nick’s bike is missing. Well he is pissed. He just smashed a car window and he is breaking in. Nick just stole a car and he must be chasing Crucifix!
Nuclear: Yeah.
Tag Team Title Match
The Cyber Commission (c) vs. Wildpack 2000

Nuclear: Tag Title action folks! The Cyber Commission is going to put their belts on the line against WildPack 2000. Horus and Anubis hit the ring and they are prepared to defend those titles. Right behind them are Scarlett Foxfire and Big Yiffy ! This one starts quickly. Anubis and Big Yiffy are thrown out of the ring, so that Horus and Scarlett Foxfire start this one. Horus with a headlock on Scarlett. Bulldog, followed by a Leg drop! Scarlett tries to get up, but is immediately kicked down. Now that this match is started, you can take it from here, I am going to take a piss.

Joey: Well I guess that means I am taking over. Scarlet is reaching over for a tag, but Horus pulls her back in. Horus picks up Scarlett and slams her down hard. Scarlett tries to get to the corner, but not this time, she is pulled back again, and this time a tag is made to Anubis. Anubis and Horus double teaming in the corner, but here comes Big Yiffy into the ring. The ref forces the Bigger member of the team out of the ring.
Nuclear: I’m back! Joey, I am going to take a nap while you call this match. Don’t mess up.

Joey: I will try. Anyway Anubis begins to hammer on Scarlett and taunt Colley at the same time. Colley tries to come in again, but is again stopped by the ref. This allows another double team on Scarlett. Scarlett elbows free and then runs to make a tag. Colley is in and she kicks away at Anubis. Anubis with a forearm to the head of Colley, followed by a clothesline. Colley tries to move away, but it isn’t working. She gets smashed in the face by a side kick, followed by a pin attempt. No count though as Colley Kicks out. Colley is up, backbreaker on Anubis! Colley Anubis up and…yes…the Third Impact. 1…2…3! New Tag Champs!
[**We’re in this Together begins to play.**]
Joey: It’s the Scorpion’s Pyre! They are coming out here! This has got to have something to do with Ariel. The lights go down. What the hell, where is my flashlight! Now the lights are back on, and the Scorpion’s Pyre are standing behind Anubis and Horus. Kaye has just chokeslammed Anubis through the International Announce table. With one hand over the top rope! Venom Strike from Sasori on Horus, and the Fatal Encounter is locked on! No Kaye slides in and she is just screaming at Horus to tell where Ariel is, but Horus is silent. Kaye pulls Horus out of the hold and brings him to the top rope. Oh my god! It’s a tombstone onto the concrete! What the hell?!!
Hardcore Title Match
Mechius (c) vs. Terry Funk
Styles: We're back, ladie--

Nuclear: Yeah, damn straight we're back!! Hey Styles! up next is the
Hardcore match! Terry Funk that middle-aged and crazy son of a bitch and
then you got Mechius! Who's just a bastard in general...

Styles: I'll agree with you on that one, Nuclear! Can you believe the
nerve of that metal monster... stealing away an innocent girl like Ariel
after Kaye and Sasori's wedding?! It's absolutely deplorable!!

Nuclear: Yeah, but what're you gonna do, huh? Mechius is nothing but an
unthinking, unfeeling killing machine! And with Damien Kintobor and that
bucket of bolts teamed up? Well, you're talkin' a major case of child
abuse brewin' up! I don't even want to think about what those sickos are
doing to that girl right now!

Styles: Well, Terry Funk is already in the ring... and "Iron Man" is
playing! That means the Hardcore Champion himself, Mechius, is coming
down to the ring!! My God, listen to all those boos, Nuclear! Clearly
this competitor is NOT well received here in the EAW!

Nuclear: You're telling me?! I don't think even HITLER had a worse heel
pop than this guy!

Styles: Mechius enters the ring and Terry Funk immediately attacks the
Hardcore champion... the bell rings, and this hardcore match is on its
way!

EAW Hardcore Title Match

Mechius (c) Vs. Terry Funk

Styles: Funk with those rock solid punches to Mechius' jaw... kick to
the gut--DDT!! But Mechius is back up... Funk slides out of the ring and
looks under it... and THERE'S THE TRASH CAN FILLED WITH WEAPONS!! Funk
came prepared!!

Nuclear: Yeah, that's Terry Funk for you! He's definetly got more
experience than Mechius when it comes to being hardcore! And he didn't
have to learn it from some "Hardcore For Dummies" book either!

Styles: No kidding... Funk's got a fire extinguisher!! AND HE SHOOTS IT
RIGHT IN MECHIUS' FACE!!! AND THEN CLOCKS HIM WITH IT! OMI...GOD!! That
staggered Mechius, but he hasn't gone down!! Funk climbs in... oh my
God... Funk... Funk has a blowtorch!!! He means to mark Mechius for life
with that!!!

Nuclear: Or kill him!! Quite frankly I think he'd get the biggest face
pop if he took out Mechius like that!

Styles: He's even got the mask for it, too!! He's trying to start the
torch up... WAIT! Mechius clocks him from behind with a double
axe-handle!! And... there's the Lock Down!! Referee Ayane Mitsui is
checking to see if Funk wants to tap out... no, Funk's more resiliant
than that!! Mechius is wasting his time with-- OMIGOD!! TAZZ-MISSION
PLEX BY MECHIUS!!

Nuclear: More like a Lockdown Suplex! And a pin from Mechius!

Styles: One, two, NO! Kick out!!

Nuclear: Funk's tougher than that, Styles!

Styles: Mechius grabs a steel chair... and brains him with it!! Funk
stays up! ANOTHER SHOT!! Funk refuses to stay down!! Oh, shot to the
gut!! AND A CHAIR SHOT TO THE BACK!! Now Mechius is dragging Funk to the
stage...!! My God what is he... is he going to deliver the Shut Down OFF
THE STAGE?! That'll kill him!! HE--

The lights suddenly go out.

Nuclear: WHAT THE HELL?! STYLES!! Someone forgot to pay the electric
bill!! What's going on?!

"Burning Inside" suddenly cues up... the lights come on--

Styles: OH MY GOD!!!!!!! IT'S KAYE!!! KAYE'S BEHIND MECHIUS!! MY GOD,
SHE'S PISSED!! Mechius turns around... KAYE HAS HIM!!! ONE HANDED
CHOKESLAM!!! ...!!!

Nuclear: HOLY *bleep!*

Styles: OH MY GOD!!!!!! KAYE JUST CHOKESLAMMED MECHIUS THROUGH THE
STAGE!!! RIGHT THROUGH IT!!! I THINK SHE POURED ALL her strength
into that chokeslam!! And Mechius is paying for aiding in Ariel's
kidnapping big time!! Kaye's leaving... my God, and Terry Funk gets the
pin!! One, two, three!!! MY GOD!! WE GOT A NEW HARDCORE CHAMPION!! AND
HIS NAME IS TERRY FUNK!!

Winner and New EAW Hardcore Champion: Terry Funk

Styles: Mechius hasn't gotten up yet... considering how strong Kaye is I
don't blame him for EVER getting up!!!

Nuclear: Terry Funk's new Hardcore champ! He's got the Hot Pink Machine
to thank for that!! Commercial break?

Styles: You know it! We'll be right back!!

Nuclear: We are back early…what?

Styles: Scorpion’s Pyre are still in the ring!

the EAWtron flares on, revaling the griing visage of Damien Kintobor. He begins to speak:

"Very amusing, very touching, Scorpian's Pyre... Parents seeking their lost young... but ultimatlly... Futile. In fact, this demonstration has me tempted to not even bother to give you the offer I had planned, and let Mechius torture her ceaselesslly, like he planned... but no, I'm better than that... I'd never do anything that... Wasteful."

Damien steps back, revealing Ariel levitating mid-air, her arms bound to her body by bands of green energy. Her head lolls to the side, appearing unconcious, but otherwise, she does not appear to be hurt.

"I have your child, Scorpian's Pyre... and she will remain unhurt only if you do what I wish... You see, I've already cast a spell on her- Oh, don't worry, I've sealed it- It won't be triggered unless certain conditions come about... Such as an act of will by myself... or it being tampered with... or my death. So don't try anything stupidlly heroic, or she will pay *most* dearlly for it."

Damien smiles Evilly. "...But, back to my offer. It's simple: Join me. If you do, you can be a happy familly again. I won't let your day job interfere with your life... But defy me... and she suffers. I eagerlly await your answer..."

With that, the transmission shuts down.
EAW People's Title Match
Black Widow(c) vs. The Elite
"Simon Say" hits as the The Elite comes out to a chorus of boos from the
fans. Elite simply ignores the crowd as he steadily walks down to the
ring, awaiting the arrival genin kunoichi ninja; Black Widow. "Voices"
cues up, as Elite enters the ring.

"There she is..the EAW's People's Champion: Black Widow!"

"Shut up, Styles. I can handle this.." guest commentator Nuclear tells
Joey Styles. "The EAW's People's Champion, Black Widow, is standing in
the ring, admiring the cheers from the fans. Although, that belt should
be mine.."

"Could you be quiet for one second? Elite quickly with a clothesline.
Widow with a spinnup, and outside crescent kick! Elite up to his feet,
and a clothesline attempt from The Elite, but Oseiko-chan with a go
behind. Black Widow with a grapple from behind..Widow grabs Elite's arm,
and a cross armbar from behind. Elite with a couple of hard elbows to
Widow, and Elite with one more..but, a ATOMIC DROP. The young female
champ. has Elite on the defensive!"

"Basically, what my arrogant friend Joey is trying to say is: Elite is
getting his ass kicked!"

Joey groans at the remark made by Nuclear, but continues to announce.
"Widow with a strong whip to the corner, and PHOENIX--"

"NO! Widow made a dumb mistake, and Elite moved out of the way. Elite
with a kick to the gut of 'Dragonball Z ninja' and DDT on the mat!"

"What Nuclear is trying to say is, the People's Champion is now on the
receiving end now. Elite with a immediate cover, and ONLY a one count.
He's going to have to work harder than that to beat Widow. Widow whipped
into the ropes by Elite..and a spinning back elbow! Great move by
Elite..but, Widow is still getting up. Elite rises the People's Champion
to her feet, another hard kick to the lower belly region, and he's
lifting her up...POWERB--AND A REVERSAL! Black Widow with a perfect
hurricanrana, showing that she's not out of yet! Elite looks mad, as
he's getting to his feet, and he rushes full force at Oseiko. Widow with
a lighting fast arm drag take down, taking Elite off his feet. Oseiko
holds on to the move, and applies a cross armbar upon Elite. Elite is
trying to fight the pain. Elite with his other hand, and a rack to the
eyes. Black Widow breaks the hold, and stubbles back..that was sudden
for Elite to do that, and Black had no way to block it. Elite now has
Widow, around the waist, and SKY HIGH! SKY HIGH! It's HAS to be
over..one, two, and thr--NO! Black Widow with a kick out out of no
where! Widow back to her feet, and Elite with a hard irish whip to the
ropes. Elite tries an double-ax handle, but Oseiko with a duck! Widow
with a bounce off the opposite ropes, and HIGH FLYING BODY SPLASH! Elite
with a follow threw..and now HE'S on top of Widow. Now, both contenders
are now rolling..and both Elite and Widow, has tumbled all the way out
the ring. Elite is back to his quickly back to his feet, and he GORRILA
PRESSING SLAM! The referee is on the inside giving the mandatory ten
count, and he's down to five. Elite rises Widow to her feet, and a whip
to the barricade..but..OH MY GOD! WIDOW WITH ASAI MOONSAULT OFF THE
BARRICADE!"

"Oh, look..she jumped on the barricade, and basically did a
back-flip..I'm going to have a seizure..what a great move."

"Could you stop being sarcastic for one second? Both athletes have
shown us, one heck of a match, and all you want to do is be sarcastic?
Anyhow, the ref is down to eight... Oseiko rolls Elite back to the ring.
Oseiko climbs to the apron before the referee counts to ten, and awaits
for Elite to get up. Elite up to his feet, and Widow with a SPRINGBOARD
DRAGONRANA..but Elite catches the champion, AND A HUGE POWERBOMB! Widow
is out of it..and Elite is going to the outside!? WAIT! He just grabbed
Howard Finkel's steel chair..and he's going to the top rope! If Elite
"loved" Oseiko, as much as he claims he does, he wouldn't be doing
this!"

"Calm down Joey..you have to understand that business is business. Elite
wants to win the People's Title..you have to put friendships and
relationships aside, if you want to win."

"Well, you do have a point there." "Of corse, I do..cause I'm the best!"

"Yes..well, Elite is climbing the turnbuckle with that chair in
hand..and he's waiting for Widow to get back up. IF he does want to win,
why is he using a chair? He'll get disquanliflied, and he can't win the
belt. Widow is back up, and..Elite with the leap...but, a KUMO NO SASU
RIGHT INTO THE CHAIR! That move was self-defense..so Widow doesn't get
disquanliflied. Oseiko with the cover..ONE, TWO, THREE! WIDOW WINS!
WIDOW WINS!"

Winner by pinfall >>> Black Widow

"While you're over there have a seizure from excitement, did you ever
stop to think that after that move, Elite could be hurt?"

Tag Team Match
Onslaught vs. Krist "Overlord" Jonsson and "The Decadent" Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Nuclear: Well, here is the big one. Onslaught vs. Overlord and HHH. Onslaught has the advantage in this competition, because they have the tag team experience. But keep in mind that Overlord and HHH are very, very talented. Titan and Overlord start this one off with a series of chops. Overlord seems to be hurting a bit from his earlier match. Overlord tags out and in comes the Decadent. Triple H steps up and begins to hammer away at Titan. Titan is pushed to the ropes and met with a rising knee. Titan hits the mat and it seems that Triple H is in this one to win it. Triple H picks up Titan and DDT’s him. Overlord is tagged in. Overlord comes in and faceplants Titan. Titan hurries and tags out bringing in Wraith. Overlord Suplexes Wraith. Overlord with a standing armbar on Wraith, turns it into a falling armbreaker. Pressure applied. Now Overlord pulls Wraith over.

Joey: He tags in Triple H. Overlord and Triple H with a double slam on Wraith. Now Overlord charges and knocks Titan off the apron. Triple H sets up the pedigree. Wraith gets free and back body drops Triple H. Wraith turns to attack Overlord, but finds himself caught in a double arm ddt. Overlord drops a leg on Wraith and tags out. Triple H is back in and he picks up Wraith and slams him. Whip to the corner, and a big knee to the jaw of Wraith. Triple H is…

Nuclear: Shut up Joey. Triple H is setting up another pedigree. He connects with this one, but doesn’t go for a pin. Instead Triple H is dragging Wraith over to Titan. Triple H wants a piece of the Big Man. Titan is in, and immediately Triple H begins to pound away. Neckbreaker, leg drop, pin attempt. 1…2…Titan throws him off. Triple H kicks Titan in the Midsection, Pedigree! Pedigree! Triple H tags out to over lord who begins to climb to the top rope. There’s a splash! 1…2…3!!!! Triple H and Overlord are domintant.

Overlord: This is not just a match. No, this is the beginning. Come on out boys.

Nuclear: Oh my god! Look who’s coming out…It’s the Minister Maximus Kael and Crucifix. Do you know what this means?

Joey: No, what?

Nuclear: It means that Crucifix wasn’t the one who stole Nick’s bike.

Overlord: We are the Waster Youth Crew!

Nuclear: Well for your Icon and Mine, me and that other guy in the booth, goodnight!