Live from the Staples Center in Inglewood, CA

Before the show cues up, we see some edited footage from the last Mayhem, picking out censored footage from the aftermath of the Black Widow/Derek Walker match. from there, things switch to a lighter note as we see the Screw Piledriver from LG onto Lynxara, and the following pinfall to secure Gokuo as the new President--then the following handshake.

A modified into for Riot Rulz begins to roll as "Demanufacture" by Fear Factory plays. The footage is a bit different than normal, featuring instead footage of the fighting females of EAW--Primarily some good shots of Sonnette.

As the show's fireworks go off, we see shots of a loud, rowdy and boisterous crowd, holding up signs such as:

"There's always room for Neijessa!"

"Can I pet the kitty?"

"Give me a T-I-F-A..and a *censored*-*censored*"

We then cut to a shot of the announcer's desk, where Megan Eko and Lilith "The Cutest Succubus on God's Green Earth or Satan's Red Hell"^TM/"The original horny little she-devil"^TM" Aensland are seated.

Eko: Welcome everyone to another edition of Riot Rulz on this fine Saturday night. I'm Megan Eko, along with--

Lilith: Yes...it is I...Lilith "If you're not both ways or curious at least give me a chance...because no one walks away unsatifisfied if I get in their pants"...Aensland. And I wouldn't miss this one for the world, Meg....PUPPIES and KITTIES will be on RR tonight!! ^_^

Eko: Yes...as a thanks of sorts for the support, our new President, Lord Gokuo, who earned his title last Mayhem by defeating Commissioner Lynxara in a match, booked this special "Ladies' Night" Riot Rulz.

Lilith: Yeah...and as much as the King begged...pleaded...begged...pleaded...and tried to bribe..he couldn't take the spot, since it will be lady wrestles and lady commentators--except for the Kanyon/Bret Hart match.

Eko: Also, last Mayhem had a horrific appearance by the Undertaker, who literally crucified poor Black Widow.

Lilith: Grr....trust me, he'll pay, we'll get that )*(&*(#@$ (&*^#(*!!

Eko: Whoa...how is she, anyhow?

Lilith: She'll be okay, but she won't be wrestling for awhile. She'll be wrestling...licking her wounds--well, maybe Mikey will be licking her wounds...but anyway...^_^

"Walk on Water" by Aerosmith cues up, bringing out Tifa Lockheart, who is dressing in her cheerleadering outfit, and shaking her pompoms.

Lilith: HOOOOOOOOOLY !!!!--I mean, I still wish that she'd have gone with the bikini...but *drool*

Lilith's tongue drops out, and she grabs it and yanks on it as bell chimes ring.

Eko: Now, the first participant for our opening bout...the triple threat match.

Lilith: Tifa has a great set of...pompoms.

Eko: Well...I..don't know how to add to that.

Lilith: Tifa actually doesn't need to swim--she has built in floatation devices.

Eko: *AHEM*...Tifa bounces cutely down to the ring..and this crowd of men are hooting and hollering for her.

Lilith: *whistle* *whistle*

Eko: And so is Lilith.

"Genie in a Bottle" by Christina Aguilera cues up next, and out prances a cheery Jenna, whose schoolgirl uniform has ripped at the chest.

Lilith: SHE'S BUSTED WIDE OPEN!!!

Eko: Indeed she has...I think there was some sort of mistake when it was ordered, because it doesn't quite fit that well...

Ninja X follows behind, with a large smile across his face. Jenna takes a few licks from her lollipop, which gets her a bigger rise from the crowd.

Lilith: WHOOOOOOO!!!! Me likey!! I bet if Mikey is watching this he's getting some..ideas.

Eko: I don't know if this will be the most technical match around...but I think the crowd will get into it nonetheless.

Lilith: Jenna is dressed as a schoolgirl who is just leaving a classroom for "extra credit."

Jenna climbs into the ring, then teasingly pulls up her pleated skirt with a wink, then climbs inside.

"She's Actual Size" by They Might Be Giants cues up next.

Lilith: And behind door number 3...MEEEEEEEEOW!!!!

Sarah Murphy, in her catsuit...which has bits of fur covering all the right parts of her body..and little else, hops out next, sitting down cutely on the ramp. She then uses her right leg to scratch behind her neck a couple times before standing up...then running down the ramp.

Lilith: KITTIES!!!

Eko: Yes, Lilith...*pats her head*

Sarah climbs into the ring, and awaits the opening bell...

Eko: This match is about to start...and..*ding, ding*

Eko: Tifa starts off agressively as this match kicks off....taking it to Jenna...

Lilith: From the looks of things...Tifa looks like she's trying to kick Jenna's ass for stealing her boyfriend or something.

Eko: Tifa firing away with jabs...a haymaker swing...ducked--backdrop--COMBO into a neckbreaker with help from Sarah! Jenna snapmares over Sarah...Sarah kippups...Side Kick to Jenna!!

Lilith: PANTY SHOT!! PANTY SHOT!!!

Eko: Tifa is shaking off that double team move...and sneaks up behind Sarah!! Sleeper hold applied!!

Lilith: I wonder if Tifa *likes* Sarah grinding her butt against her like that..

Eko: Sarah struggles to try to break free....Jenna now going for a thrust kick....Sarah ducks down!~~TIFA GETS NAILED BY THAT KICK!!

Lilith: But most of the guys here would like to NAIL her, too!

Eko: Sarah and Jenna now get into it....Tifa back up...aaaaaand...DOUBLE BULLDOG on Sarah and Jenna!! Cover on Jenna!

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Quick kickout!

Eko: Sarah gets up....grabs Tifa from behind....setup for a Reverse DDT....Jenna grabs Tifa's legs...

Lilith: Oooohboy....

Eko: REVERSE DDT!!!

Lilith: Oh....

Eko: Jenna and Sarah now return to fighting one another....Jenna whips Sarah to the corner...Jenna runs in...Sarah springs upward...scissors her legs around Jenna's head...now rolls through on Jenna!!

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One

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KICKOUT!!

Lilith: WHOOO!!! GO KITTIES!!

Eko: Impressive manueuver by Sarah!! Sarah springs back up now...Tifa grabs her by the tail, now...yanks her around....HARD elbow shot....uppercut...YES, the BEAT RUSH!! Sarah put flat on her back!! Tifa now climbs atop Sarah...firing away with right hands!! She pulls up Sarah now....Jenna seems to be signaling to Tifa...Jenna now climbs atop the turnbuckle....Tifa--setting Sarah up on her shoulders...Jenna with the clothesline!! Doomsday Device!! Tifa with the cover!!

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Jenna yanks off Tifa! Tifa shoves Jenna!! It looks like...

Lilith: CATFIGHT!! CATFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!! And Sarah isn't even involved...yet. ^_^

Eko: Tifa and Jenna rolling around on the mat...and...TIFA RIPS OFF JENNA'S TOP!!!

Lilith: JENNA IN HER BRA!!! JENNA IN HER BRA!!!

Eko: Sarah surprises Tifa with a kick to the midsection...bounces off the ropes...RUNNING SCISSOR KICK!!! Cover by Sarah!!

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One

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TWO!!~~Yanked off by Jenna!! Jenna with a schoolboy on Sarah now!

Lilith: SchoolGIRL, Megan...

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One

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Kickout!! Jenna thrown backwards--hit with the Dolphin Blow from Tifa!! Now Tifa taking a combination to Sarah....FINAL HEAVEN!!! Cover on Sarah

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One

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TWO

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THREE!!

Winner by Pinfall >>> Tifa Lockhart

Lilith: WHOOOO!!! Tifa ripped off Jenna's top!

Eko: Yeah...and she won the match, too.

As "Walk on Water" by Aerosmith plays, we cut away to a scene of two masked men begin hoisted up y their throats as they gasp for air.

Chief Executive Vice Associate of the Booking Commitee Paul: El Perdedor doesn't look too good, Haku...better give him a break.

Haku: BLLLLLLAruoghoughoeurrre!!!

Haku then tosses the two luchas onto their backs, before sitting up on a very high table, then hopping down.

C.V.A.o.t.B.C. Paul: Trust me...the Double Lucha Lift WILL be in a future Olympics...

Haku: Yarrrrrgranewt!!

**Commercial Break**

As we come back from break, we get a good shot of a large ringside tub filled with thick strawberry jello which is set up nearby the ramp. The surface of it is nearly perfectly smooth....the referee, Ayane Mitsui is waiting for the two participants to enter..

Lilith: Now...time for what may be the MATCH OF THE NIGHT!!! THE JELLO MATCH!!!

"Rock The Party (Off The Hook)" by P.O.D. cues up, as a bikini-clad Neijessa (with JC Stone in tow) walks out, dressed in the same bikini she modeled earlier. The crowd pops huge for this...as she walks daintily down the ramp, hops down and heads for the tub of jello. She carefully reaches a leg out and touches the surface with her toes, then slowly dips her whole foot in it, eeping a little, then pulling the other in. Apparently the Jello is still very cold...

Lilith: OOOOOOOOOH YEAHH!!!! Very soon, these two beauties will be covered in America's favorite gelatin dessert!--Jell-O!!

Eko: Hmmm...is this some kind of plug?

Lilith: Hmph...so what if it is...

The RTC theme cues up....bringing out Ivory who looks none too pleased to be forced to wear the black bikini she has on.

Lilith: WOW!!! I forgot just how good Ivory looked!! Check out that butt!! She could use work on the hair...but...

Eko: I honestly don't know whose worse...you or the King.

Lilith: What do you mean by "worse?"

Eko: Well...uh...you know what I mean!

Ivory steps into the Jello...and readies herself in a fighting stance.

Eko: Now...I'm not sure how this match will work...but any rate...Ayane signals for the bell...

Eko: Neijessa tackles the shorter Ivory!! Ivory seemed to have a bit of trouble maneuvering in that thick dessert and Neijessa slaps Ivory across the face a few times...Ivory rolls over. She slams Neijessa's head down, but that Jell-o is thick cushioning. Ivory stands up now....lets in a kick to Neijessa's ribs as she tries to rise...

Lilith: Ivory has a big chunk of Jell-o between her boobs! I'd love to get that out..

Eko: Neijessa lunges forward to tackle Ivory--DDT by Ivory counters it!! Cover by Ivory

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Quick kick out!

Lilith: It will be hard to build up offense in that...

Eko: Ivory pulling up Neijessa...snapmares her over...and applies a sleeper...Neijessa trying to stand up but finding the jello very slippery...but drops down with a jawbreaker!!

Lilith: I like jawbreakers, too...Mmmm...

Eko: Neijessa setting up Ivory now--snap suplex!! Neijessa leaves a big Ivory-shaped hole in the Jello!

Lilith: I hear that over 100 boxes of Jello and who-knows-how-many pounds of sugar made this match possible!!

Eko: I guess that explains why we have A JELL-O COMMERCIAL FOR EVERY BREAK!! Neijessa pulling up Ivory...Ivory trips her up!! Neijessa slips backwards onto her back!! Ivory now grabs the feet of Neijesa....

Lilith: LICK 'EM!! LICK 'EM!!

Eko: Not quite...Ivory applying a figure four leglock! Neijessa wincing in pain from from this time-honored hold....but she does know the counter...and she's trying to turn Ivory!!

Lilith: Could spell trouble for Ivory...that Jello is awfully slippery...DAMN I'd love to clean them up after this match!! *licks chops* If Satan didn't already own my soul I'd gladly sell it to him for the chance!!

Eko: Neijessa flips Ivory!! Ivory is trying to break of it now...AND she does...she crawls away now...trying to scramble back up to her feet.

Lilith: Yes...those sweet, sugarly, strawberry-flavored feet!

Eko: Ummm...Neijessa with a kneelift to Ivory...another--caught by Ivory...a Dragon Screw Leg Whip!! Ivory drops a knee to the knee of Neijessa!!

Lilith: Why is she trying to wrestle? Just roll around in the Jell-o!!

Eko: Ivory pulls up Neijessa....setting her up for a piledriver--NO...back body drop! Neijessa covers Ivory!!

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One

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Kickout!!

Lilith: Now it looks like...IVORY YOU LUCKY B...heh,heh..

Eko: Neijessa with a Headscissors...now she's...She flips over Ivory!! Ivory face down in the Jello!! I think Neijessa is trying to drown..or smother Ivory!

Lilith: Hmmm..I think it is the regular...or is it the Nutrasweet...yuck if it is!

Eko: Ivory pops out of the grasp of Neijessa....now a rear waistlock..and....AHHHH!!! GERMAN SUPLEX!!!

Lilith: Ouchie...

Eko: It's too slippery to bridge, so Ivory hooks the leg...

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One

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Two

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NO!!!!

Lilith: Viscera probably can't decide if he's like to eat them or boink them!

Eko: Neijessa kippups...hard kick to the side of Ivory...now....punch to the jaw....now to the chest...and...right to the breadbasket...Ivory down!! Neijessa hooks the leg!!

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One

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TWO!!

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THREE!!

*ding, ding*

Winner by Pinfall >>> Neijessa "Rock The Party (Off the Hook)" by P.O.D cues up...and JC Stone lifts Neijessa up onto his shoulders after Ayane lifts her hand in victory.

Lilith: Damn it!!! JC probably is gonna take her back there and lick her squeaky clean...I wonder if he needs any help....?

Eko: *Ahem* You have a job to do her, Lilith.

Lilith: Awww....*whimper*

Eko: We'll be back after these words from our sponsors...

**Commercial Break**

Eko: We've just recieved word that Lady Felinx is protesting to the booked match, so..well...Lupe versus Lady Felinx won't happen...so it looks like up next will be our Submission match between Bret Hart and Kanyon.

Lilith: Aww...well, the guys may prefer watching sweaty women roll around in the ring just a little more than watching sweaty men do it....but I like them both!

"One Step Closer" by Linkin Park cues up, and Bret Hart's entrance video plays as the Hitman walks out, in his normal ring gear and a leather jacket. He gets an impressive pop from the crowd, although a small portion of the audience chants "WE WANT PUPPIES!!"

Lilith: *also chanting* WE WANT PUPPIES!!....WE WANT PUPPIES!!....WE WANT PUPPIES!!

Eko: LILITH!

Lilith: Sorry...but I wish they'd be wearing less....

Bret Hart gives his sunglasses to a boy at ringside, then removes his leather jacket and sets it at ringside. He then climbs inside and awaits his opponent.

"The Becoming (instrumental)" by Nine Inch Nails cues up, bringing out Kanyon in pimpin' gear and the accompanying Neriah.

Lilith: Now, here comes someone with awesome fashion sense, Megan...but I gotta say somethin....

Eko: Okay?

Lilith: *Stands up* WHO'S BETTA THAN LILITH...IN THE SACK?!

Crowd: NOBODY!!!

Lilith: *sits down* YEAAAH...they know. ^_^

Eko: Hee-hee..

Lilith: Wotta ripoff!! Neriah's fully clothed!

Eko: Well...this is just a little break from the other action, because after this will be our main event! Kanyon climbs in the ring now, and this match will be off in a minute...

*ding, ding*

Eko: Kanyon and Bret Hart circle each other...this is bound to be a close match...Kanyon a master of hundreds of maneuvers...Bret Hart a decade and a half veteran of the mat game....Kanyon charges in--arm drag by Bret Hart...Kanyon up...dropkick to the knees of Bret Hart!! Runs and hits a European Uppercut to the crouching Hitman! Kanyon grabs the ankles--kicked off by Bret Hart. Hart up now....the two feeling each other out...they lock up...knee to the stomach of Kanyon! Bret Hart with a hard right...now a quick headbutt!! Bret Hart grabs the legs of Kanyon...drops a knee into the midsection!

Lilith: Take it off, Bret!! WHOOO!!!

Eko: .....Bret Hart now grabs the ankle of Kanyon...drops a knee into the inner thigh. Kanyon rolls away...and up. Bret Hart a little cautious, knowing he could end up in one of Kanyon's many unique maneuvers. Bret Hart now tries to Irish Whip Kanyon--reversal by Kanyon! Bret Hart hits the ropes...Inverted Atomic Drop from Kanyon...Goes for another..blocked by Bret Hart!! Bret cinches him up for a suplex....blocked by Kanyon!! KANYON COUNTERS!! That looked like an Olympic Slam of sorts...but the key to winning this match up is submissions. Kanyon back up...and he drops a knee into the back of Bret Hart....slaps the side of Bret Hart...could it be a surfboard from Kanyon?! YES!! Bret Hart with a Surfboard!! Kanyon locked up in this hold!

Lilith: Say Uncle***a, Bret!!!

Eko: It's "uncle," Lilith...

Lilith: Yeah...but Bret is Canadian.

Eko: Bret fighting it off bravely...and Kanyon releases it! Bret Hart pulled up by Kanyon...

Lilith: Hang on...who is it coming out here?

Eko: Mike Action and Kevin Nash?

Lilith: AHHH!!! The Asslickers Anonymous!!

Eko: No, it's the A/K/A...at least two of its former members...and they're running down to the ring! Kanyon and Bret Hart fighting but...now they see Nash and Action! Nash and Action in!! Nash pairs up with Bret!! Action on Kanyon!! These four men fighting now! Action with a standing devastation on Kanyon!! Action now helps Nash beat on Bret Hart...the referee is signaling for the bell...

Tie >> No Contest

Eko: This is chaos!! Action helps Nash assist with the powerbomb...THERE IT IS!!! And...uh-oh...another ONE!! Sharpshot!!

We fade out to commercials...

**Commercial Break**

Back to the show, and Haku is roaming around the hallways looking for more potential victims... when he spots Ariel Bridges, eating a bag of gummi bears as she sits on a bench, happily munching away. The Tongan moves to Ariel... sizing her up... until she looks up at Haku... and smiles brightly!

"Hi there, Mr. Funny Hair!!" she says happily, then hops up and taps Haku on the shoulder. "YOU'RE IT!!" With a playful giggle she hops off the bench and bounces off, leaving Haku a little confused as he cocks his head.

"... 'it?!'" he mutters.

A security guard walks by. "Wow... hey, that Ariel kid sure is cute, isn't she?"

Haku looks at the guard, and suddenly locks on the Tongan Death Grip on him!! The hapless victim gasps out and goes out like a light as he collapses. After a moment he lets go.

"Now... YOU it!" Haku bellows, laughing out loud as he walks off to look for more victims.

***

FOR THOSE WHO KNOW FEAR... THERE WILL BE NO ESCAPE.

LIVE THIS APRIL ON PAY-PER-VIEW

***

Megan: We're back! Wow, Haku is certainly on a rampage... what's with Ariel? Has she lost her mind?

Lilith: Nah, she's just playing! Y'know kids, Megs! Still, kinda happy ol' Hakie spared Ariel, she's too cute to feel the Tongan Death Grip!

Megan: Well, we're ready for our special Bikini Beach Brawl main event--

Suddenly, "What Would Brian Boitano Do Pt. II" cues up!

Lilith: What the *bleep!*?!

Megan: No way... Troublemaker's here?!! Does he even know how much animosity is shared between Red West and Son--

Megan falls silent as she sees... a very beautiful young woman in a white bikini, with long green hair and mismatched purple and yellow eyes, smiling and waving to the fans as she walks down to the ring.

Megan: ...

Lilith: ...

Megan: Is... that Troublemaker...?!

Lilith: I dunno... but whoever she is, she is MUY MUY EL STACKO! EN LA BOOBSO!!

Megan: ... Thank you for alienating our Mexican viewers, Lilith.

The female Troublemaker waves to everyone, then slips to the commentator's desk, putting on a headset and smiles at Megan and Lilith.

????: Hey, Megan! Lilith! Great day out, isn't it?

Megan: ... Uhm... are you Troublemaker...?!

????: Well... yes and no, Megan... see, Troublemaker made a trip to Jusenkyo a few days ago and thought it would be funny to take a dip into the Spring of Drowned Girl... so he did... and I came out... see... well, Troublemaker has a split personality... with me in existance, I'm FINALLY free... I have breasts, but I'm free! Finally free...!!

Lilith: ... And you are...?

????: Well, my name's supposed to be Rick Keown... but... well, Rick's a guy's name... so I guess as a female Troublemaker... call me Rikki Keown!

Megan: Well, Rikki you better hope Sonnette or Red don't mistake you for your more outrageous personality, because the main event is gonna get started up in mere moments!

"Crushed" cues up... and out comes Red "Rock" West, clad in a modest red two piece bikini. She blushes a little as she waves to the fans.

Megan: Well, it looks like Red's found a bikini tonight, Lilith!

Lilith: Of course, it's one of mine!

Rikki: One of yours...?!

Lilith: Yep! I was nice enough to loan her thist nice little piece. 'Course it's one hundred percent netherflesh. Red don't know that though.

Rikki: So... if you wanted to you could...

Lilith: Make wild passionate love to Red and not even lay a finger on her. See, this is to prove to Red that I want the hatchet buried between us... a show of faith. I want her to watch the replay of this show and want her to know that I could have groped, licked, and suckled her oh-so-delicious body parts, but I didn't. So there. Ooo, sole shot sole shot! Red's got the cutest feet.

Megan: Well, you'd know, Lilith...

Rikki: Ohh... that's right, you gave Red's feet a tounge bath one time didn't you?

Lilith: Hehe... tastiest toes I ever sucked, licked, and nibbled... next to Hera's, of course. Yummyyumyum!

Megan: *blush* Well, uhm, she's got a chance at the EAW World Title here tonight...

"Take A Look Around" cues up.

Megan: And here comes the current champ right now!

Sonnette comes out to cheers as equally loud as Red's pop, wearing her sweet bikini as she wiggles her hips for the fans, the EAW title draped over her shoulder.

Lilith: WOOOO!!! I would give a lot to go home with Sonnette right now, Megan! Them puppies are furry and everyone loves furry cuddly puppies!!

Rikki: I don't think Red's recognized me as Troublemaker, which is good... you think Sonnette might? I mean, she's much more... well, in tune to reality than Red...

Megan: Well... Sonnette's just spotted you, Rikki...

Rikki: Oh God no... please don't recognize me...

Sonnette scowls a little at Rikki... but goes back to waving to the fans as she climbs in.

Rikki: *whew*

Lilith: ... Hm... I hope Red wins... at least leave Sonnette's breasts sticking out... or her feet. Ooo, or better yet, her rump. She may lose the match but after I'm done with her, she'll feel like a winner...!

Megan: I don't think Lupe or T-Bone would appreciate you doing that, Lil.

Megan: Awww, those guys in Red Tooth & Claw are big into sharing. That's the cool thing about furries. God, I wish I was a furry. Why couldn't I have been born a furry?!

Rikki: Well, the match is underway... let's call the action!

Megan: Both women are encircling each other... tie-up...

Lilith: TAKE IT OFF, RED!! BARE THOSE FURRY PUPPIES!!

Megan: Push back from Red-- AND A PALM STRIKE RUSH! SPINNING HEEL KICK takes Sonnette off her feet!

Lilith: Sole shot from Sonnette!! Woo-hoo!!

Rikki: ... Serious foot fetish you got there, Lilith.

Lilith: Oh that's just the icing on the cake, Rikki... you should see my latest video, Hera/Lilith II: Just Desserts--

Megan: Er, *ahem* Red gets Sonnette-- UP -- and DOWN with the Jumping DDT! But Sonnette's quick to get up... HARD clothesline sends Red down!

Lilith: Yeah, there's this one scene where I turn Hera's breasts into a banana sundae, covered those delicious mounds with chocolate ice cream, whipped cream, cherries on the nipples and a banana right between her--

Megan: Lilith, do you mind? We have a match to call!

Lilith: Oh, go on, you're doing just fine, Megs!

Rikki: WOW! That was a cool move from Sonnette!

Megan: What?! Oh yeah! The HentaiPlex! Quickly released, since pin-falls don't really count in this match! Sonnette climbs up to the top rope... possible Money Shot... NO! Red knocks Sonnette to the outside! Lilith: At least the sand cushioned her fall!

Rikki: Not by much, I bet!

Red's up on the top rope... and-- OH!! SKY TWISTER PRESS!!! Wow!! A new move from "Rock!" And the way it connected with Sonnette-- the wind is knocked right out of the champ!

Lilith: And Sonnette's top doesn't come off in the process... darnit.

Rikki: Why don't you wish for Red's top to come off?

Lilith: Netherflesh doesn't come off all that easily.

Megan: Red's dragging Sonnette to one of the pre-dug holes! The object of the match, for those who don't know, is that you must bury your opponent in the sand completely in order to win! If Red West wins, we will have a new EAW Champion!

Rikki: Wait, Sonnette's recovered! She just tripped Red!

Lilith: This match isn't over yet!

Megan: Sonnette's held down Red's feet and... *giggle* ... she's tickling her!

Lilith: See? What I tell ya? Red's feet are just too irresistable!

Rikki: Well, at least Sonnette's licking them. She's just tickling Red silly... well, sillier!

Megan: You can hear Red's giggles from here! Whoop! And Red just got dumped head-first into the hole! Now Sonnette's got the shovel and--NO! Red's recovered, tripping Sonnette and... and now SHE'S the one doing the tickling! I didn't know Sonnette's footpads WERE ticklish!

Rikki: Well, now we know...!

Lilith: Hehe... say Megan, aren't your feet ticklish? How about putting those kawaii peds up on the table so I could get you giggling? I promise, no tounge!

Megan: Uhm, no thanks... Red's still tickling Sonnette silly, the champ's giggling her head off... and Red's out of the hole-- on Sonnette's back, and there's the Standing Indian Deathlock! And just like that, those laughs have turned into cries of pain!

Lilith: Killjoy.

Rikki: But even if Sonnette taps out Red can't win the match like that!

Megan: You're right, Rikki! Wait, Red's switched focus... now she's locked on a sleeper! Brilliant thinking from the challenger! If she puts Sonnette to sleep, all she has to do is dump her in, shovel in the sand, and the match is won!

Lilith: And if she had my mindset, she'd sneak in a few well-placed gropes while she was out, but that's just me. Ref Ayane Mitsui (who's wearing that oh-so-cute black and white striped reffing bikini ^_^) is checking to see if Sonnette's gone to la-la land...

Megan: Sonnette's arm went limp, apparently that's good enough for Red, she just dumped Sonnette in that hole! She runs to the shovel and it looks like she's claiming victory already! NO, WAIT! SONNETTE TRIPS RED AGAIN! No tickling this time! She just dragged Red in with her!! My God, what's going on in there?!

Lilith: 10 to 1 odds it's not wild sex. Unfortunately.

Rikki: Red's out! She's got Sonnette... and... WHOOAA!!

Megan: TORNADO CHOKESLAM BACK INTO THE HOLE! IMPRESSIVE MOVE FROM RED WEST!!

Rikki: See, that's one of the reasons why a match with Red and Troublemaker shouldn't happen! Red's an accomplished athlete... Troublemaker... me... we're not! Of course, we're basically a living cartoon, but still... Troublemaker's too powerful... Red'd be over her head with him! Troublemaker's so nuts, he almost tried to dump two Alka-Seltzer tablets the size of Texas into the Pacific!

Megan: ... Uhm... I seem to have missed that on the news.

Rikki: Oh, it was covered up by the military.

Lilith: ... OOO! SOLE SHOT! Pink ten-toed soles! Cute soles! It's Red!!

Megan: It's her all right... but Sonnette has her up in the DVD position! SONIC BOOM INTO THE HOLE!!! OUCH!! Sonnette climbs out... she has the shovel! And she's burying Red!

Lilith: Wait, her feet are still sticking out, though! Doesn't she have to bury her completely?! Oooo... confliction... I want Sonnette to win, but to bury such perfection under sand...

Rikki: I don't think it matters...

Megan: Red's moving a little... no, it's too late! Sonnette finishes burying her by covering up her feet! And Sonnette retains her EAW title!

Winner And Still EAW World Champion: Sonnette

Lilith pulls off the headset as she heads to the champion and the buried challenger, helping Sonnette dig the semi-conscious Red West out.

Megan: Well, I have to hand it to our new President. Even though the show DID have its sexist overtones, it turned out to be a pretty fun show!

Rikki: I'll say! Though from what I hear about Mayhem... well, I'm just glad I'm female right now.

Lilith and Sonnette pull the sand-covered Red from the hole, and holds up her hands in victory as the fans cheer wildly.

Megan: Well, we're just about out of time! For Lilith Aensland and Rikki Keown, this is Megan Eko saying--

Suddenly the feeds shorts out, going dark... slowly the image of the Undertaker... the Dark Lord of Stygia... appears, wearing his ceremonial robes and sitting at his symbol throne.

UT: Enjoy your fun while it lasts... because when the time is right... I will strike again... and no one will be safe...

... Fade to black...

UT: ... No one...