Styles: Fans, are you ready for another night of action here in the E-A-W?
The fans respond heartily...
Styles: I'm Joey Styles and welcome to another edition of EAW Riot Rulz. There have been some new champions crowned as of late, and tonight we've got one hell of a show in store. The Tag Team and World Television titles will be on the line...but before all that, I'd like to introduce my broadcast colleague for tonight. From Red Hook...
Styles: He's the Human Suplex Machine...former ECW World Heavyweight Champion....TAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZ!!!
With that intro, talk walks out, marching down the ramp into the ring, and taking the mic from Styles.
Tazz: CALI!!! You ready for tha E-A-Dubbya?
Crowd: E-A-Dub! E-A-Dub! E-A-Dub!
Tazz: Tonight's show is guaranteed to be awesome...or I choke Styles' ass out!
Styles: Umm...thank you, Tazz. And welcome fans to E-A-W Riot Rulz!!
The intro sequence then cues up.
There are a variety of new signs in the crowd...
"Viscera: Too Much Man for You To Take" being held up by a large woman
"Some one stole my wallet!"
A man with a bag over his head declares, "My twin brother tried out for Tough Enough."
"Bret Hart: Canadian Hero, ay?"
"Scorpion's Pyre: New Tag Champs or Bust"
"S&M the TTC of 2K+ by DNR"
"NEO DX!!!"
"Rik Felstrom--Meeeeeowww!!"
From there we cut to the announcer's desk as Tazz is putting on his headset.
Styles: Great to have you here, Tazz.
Tazz: And I'm happy to be here, Joey. A close personal friend of mine, LG, asked me to be here, so I showed. Naturally, I just wanna whore myself out a bit, and tell all uv da staff if you haven't voted yet, vote for LG. He's the best man for da job, and he's got the most seniority out of any of the candidates right now.
Styles: Well, the election is just about winding down, and it looks as if either Lynxara or Gokuo are going to be our next president--
Suddenly, "El Cu Cuy" by Coal Chamber cues up... and out comes a familiar face... it's J.C. Stone! Still in his street clothes, he's accompanied by a very pretty brunette; the majority of the fans are booing J.C. though as he looks to the crowd... then to the girl, who shrugs. With a small snarl he and the girl head down the aisle, then climbs into the ring, holding the ropes open for the girl.
Styles: I don't believe it! JC Stone is back!!
Tazz: Who's the fashion plate with the hot piece?
Styles: That man's JC Stone, but I don't know about that woman.
He then picks up a mic and looks to the crowd.
"Yeah... last time I was here you all booed me... well, I guess now's no different, huh?" J.C. says. "Well, that's cool... don't really care either way. See, before I got hit by a car I had a little unfinished business with 'Code Red' Michael Connelly... so Connelly!! Get your Mars PA Irish ass out here right now!!"
Styles: Uh-oh...trouble's brewing. Last time JC Stone was here, he and Connelly were rubbing each other the wrong way...but JC Stone was put out of action when the Minister hit him head on with a car.
Tazz: Minista is a smart guy...the only one around heah you get the trute from lately.
Styles: The "trute?"
Tazz: Yeah...the trute. Don't like da way I tawk, Styles? Wanna do sumthin' bout it?!
Styles: No sir...
Tazz: Anyway, Minista's a smart guy, but my 102-year-old great granny with one glass eye is a betta driva than he is.
Styles: Somehow...I believe you.
Not too much longer later..."There's a Fire in the House" by Steve Vai cues up...although without the fancy entrance it usually follows. Connelly himself casually walks out from backstage, still dressed in street clothes, not quite prepared for his match tonight.
The crowd cheers him, and even more so when Black Widow--Oseiko--follows behind, also dressed casually, and looking a little distrustful. They walk down the ramp, and into the ring, keeping their eyes on the two.
Tazz: Here comes ol' paleface...along with his Ma-ma-cita.
Styles: Mamacita? I don't think that's what you meant...
Tazz: Yeah I do. Refreshing to see a hot-looking Mexican wrestler chick like Black Widow hooking up. Might be just for her green card, but...
Styles: She isn't from Mexico, she's from Japan!
Tazz: Mexico...Japan, same difference.
Michael clears his throat, "I believe you could word that a little more politely...'Irish-American originating from Mars, PA." He shakes his head staring at the two in the ring, "So, JC Stone...long time, no see. What are you doing here? I assume you are calling me out AGAIN and have the urge to fight me. Well, sadly your main reason for coming here in the first place is no longer around." He and Oseiko hang their heads slightly on that note.
Styles: He's referring of course to Shaed living the Castle Aensland with his former fiance...more or less being forced into it by Morrigan. Somewhat of a strained relationship there.
Tazz: No sh*t, Sherlock.
Michael continues, "However, if you have another reason to see me out here other than to fight, then let's hear it."
"Unfinished business, Connelly... see, I don't like loose ends. So I'm gonna clear them up... right here, and right now!" JC drops the mic, pushing Michael back and.. extending his hand...?
Oseiko steps back... and pauses, blinkblinking and looking to Michael with a confused look to her face.
Michael reaches out his, still staring at Stone; he's not in his wrestling attire but is in his wrestling state of mind.
JC grasps Michael's hand... and shakes it firmly as the girl picks up the mic and smiles. "No hard feelings?" she asks, her voice possessing a slight accent.
"No, I'm not one to hold a grudge," Michael answers, relaxing a bit, but not too much. "Whatever happened after that little...accident last time? And who might you be, miss?"
"I am Neijessa..." the girl introduces. "... As for what happened... well, let's just say I opened JC's eyes a bit while he recovered... let us leave it at that."
JC takes the mic and smirks. "What else? Kick ass and take names... it's what I do best... just be thankful your name's not on that list... at least for now. But the top man on the list is a certain dead man who wanted Shaed's ass... he ain't gonna get Shaed... but he's gonna get his STUDENT. UT's gonna be facin' JC and in his future is the SDB. Pure and simple. Check ya later."
"El Cu Cuy" cues up as JC drops the mic and he and Neijessa leaves the ring, leaving the crowd, Michael, Oseiko, and the commentating team in a bit of a shock at what JC has revealed.
Styles: What a bombshell by JC Stone!! He's not only back, but he's gunning for the Undertaker!
Tazz: Taker's got more people gunning for him than a 30 point buck in the backwoods. He betta have some backup!
Suddenly, Tai Ronin steps out onto the stage unannounced, and casually walks down the ramp.
Styles: Oops...it looks like our first match of the evening is about to begin. Tai Ronin doesn't have any entrance music..
Tazz: What a punk!
Styles: Tai's in the ring now. Nothing too flashy about this guy. He uses mostly a martial arts based arsenal, and very limited wrestling moves.
"Trash" by Korn cues up next...bringing out the Dumpster, who holds a trash can high in the air as he walks down the ramp.
Tazz: Now HEAH's my kinda guy...dudn't take crap from no one. Even if it is his best friend.
Styles: Sabu and Drosse have an odd friendship...that is if it still is a friendship. They'll commonly exchange racial slurs at each other, and can be downright BRUTAL verbally to each other, and even more so physically.
Tazz: Just a couple of the guys, Joey.
Drosse gets in the ring, tossing the trash can aside.
*ding, ding*
Styles: And the match begins...Ronin rushing in and delivering a devasting series of punches to Drosse...whips to the ropes...HIGH LEG LARIAT!! Kippup by Ronin. Drosse gets back up to his feet--runs over Ronin with a clothesline. Ronin up again...SCOOP SLAM!!! Cover--not even a one.
Tazz: Look!! Drosse's little buddy is heah! Arabian Nights is out!
Styles: Indeed he is...but is he here to help or hurt him?
Tazz: I dunno..
Styles: He...has the trashcan!! Ronin whips Drosse...Drosse reverses...SABU HITS RONIN with the can!! The referee didn't see that! Drosse sets up Ronin for the Dumpster Bomb!! There it is!! Cover
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One
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TWO
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THREE!!!
Winner by Pinfall >>> Duke "The Dumpster" Drosse
"Trash" by Korn begins to play.
Tazz: Crap...and I was hoping to see this go awhile...
Styles: It didn't turn out that way...and I don't think it turned out the way that Sabu expected. He is FUMING...and heading off to the back.
**Commercial Break**
We come back from break to a shot of the announce postion, where Styles and Tazz are sitting.
Styles: For our second match of the evening, we've got one in store that will not disappoint!
Tazz: After that opening match, you betta hope so, Joey...or you're going night-night.
Styles: Ahem...well, our next match will pit Bret Hart vs. the returning Rik Felstrom. Bret is a veteran from all over the world, and Rik is a veteran of the EAW...the AAA...this is sure to be an incredible match.
"One Step Closer" Linkin Park as Bret Hart makes his way out. He's wearing his leather jacket and black circle sunglasses over his ring gear. The crowd pops for him impressively as he walks down the ramp. He gets in the ring and soaks up the adoration of the crowd, then gets out of the ring a moment to give his sunglasses to a kid seated just behind the safety railing. He then removes his jacket and drapes it over the ringpost before entering the ring again.
Styles: Bret Hart is one of the most respected veterans ever in the history of the sport. Former 5 time world champion, over 13 years in the business under his belt.
Tazz: And he pulled that off all while dressed in pink...that takes a huge set, Styles.
The Queen classic/sports anthem, "We Will Rock You" cues up next...
Styles: His opponent, coming out now has seen nearly everything that has gone on in the EAW. He BROUGHT the AAA Match to the EAW, and was one of its first participants. Rik Felstrom...an EAW mainstay since its very start.
Tazz: But he is...literally...the biggest p*ssy I've ever seen. HAHAHAHHAHA!!!
Styles: TAZZ?!?!
Tazz: He's a enormous pussy cat. What?!
Styles: *sigh* Anyhow, this isn't going to be an AAA or Extreme style matchup...this is going to be a solid technical bout.
Tazz: Just like the Human Suplex Machine is famous for...
Styles: Well, you COULD say that. Rik getting in the ring now. A handshake exchanged by Hart and Felstrom..(*ding, ding*)...and the opening bell!
Styles: Bret Hart and Rik Felstrom lock up....seem to be unable to get an advantage....Rik pushes down Bret....Bret fights his way back up....Rik going into the hammerlock. Reversal into a hammerlock by Bret. He whips Rik into the ropes...back elbow puts down Bret. Pulled up by Rik...Irish Whip attempt...Bret swings behind Rik--ABDOMINAL STRETCH!!
Tazz: That's old school for ya, Joey.
Styles: Maybe so, but effective nonetheless. Rik is having a touch time esca--HIP TOSS OVER BY FELSTROM!!! Bret Hart up...DDT'ed by Rik!! Hart back up...Rik cinches him up for a suplex--blocked--Hart with a Northern Lights Suplex!!! The bridge!!
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One
Kickout by Rik!! Both of them up now....Hart swing and a miss...Rik applies a full nelson!!! Full Nelson Slam!! Cover!
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One
Kickout!!
Tazz: Wow...these two are just goin' at it like nobuddy's business! Hey Styles, why did Colley cross the road?
Styles: I don't know--Bret Hart goes for the Hart Attack--DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!!!
Tazz: Simple...Rik just used da Port-o-John on the udda side!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!
Styles: *retches* Ugh...Rik is the first up...up on one knee...and pulls himself up. Now he yanks up Bret Hart. Whips him to the corner now. Rik charges in....BACK ELBOW by Bret surprises Rik...now setting up the Russian Leg Sweep...THERE it is!! Bret now bounces off the ropes....a diving elbow right into the midsection of Rik. Backs off...there's another! Bret Hart now grabs an arm and a leg and....this is something new from Bret Hart--a Longbow Backbreaker!! It's all about setting up the Sharpshooter however.
Tazz: Still a formidable move after years and years in the bidness.
Styles: Hart releases the hold....and Rik tries to shake it off...the back and midsection are going to be the main points of attack for Hart.
Tazz: Rik back up...he shoots Bret against the ropes..HOBBES POUNCE!!!
Styles: A massive tackle by Rik followed up with a mounted series of right hands...a DEVASTATING move. Rik now resorting to a series of stomps on the back of Bret Hart, but he's trying to roll away. Rolls to the ropes....grabs the second to help pull him up....kick to the midsection of Rik...Rik returns with one of his own. Whip to the ropes by Rik--catches Bret Hart!! Could be the Cat Crash....NO! Belly to Belly suplex!! Cover by Rik
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One
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Tw-
NO!!
Tazz: Stick it out, ya fuzzball!
Styles: Rik pulls up Bret Hart....INVERTED ATOMIC DROP by Bret Hart!! Hart grabs the legs...Headbutt to the stomach!! Bret pulls up Rik....Irish Whip...Side Sla--NO!! Reverse into a Mahistral Cradle!!
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One
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Two
NO!!!! Bret escapes after two. Rik and Bret Hart both get up to their feet...Bret Hart with a few right hands--snap suplex aaand a floatover
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One
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TWO
NO!!! Rik pulled back up by the scruff of his neck by Bret Hart...bulldogging headlock...NO, BACKDROP by FELSTROM!!! INCREDIBLE!!
Tazz: Meow Mix and Pinky are giving it their all here, I gots to hand it to them.
Styles: Both of them struggle back up...Rik up first...Bret afterwards. Rik goes for a clothesline--ducked! Another--that one hits its mark! Bret back up now...arm dragged over by Rik. Bret Hart arm drags Rik now....sets up for--PILEDRIVER!!!
Tazz: BIG MOVE!! BIG MOVE!!!
Styles: Bret Hart climbing up top now....could be the Sharp Injection.
Tazz: NO way...Hello Kitty is still in it. Well, his lights are on but no one's home.
Styles: Hart is perched up top--HART ATTACK from the top rope!! Cover
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One
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TWO
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NO!!!!!!!
Tazz: Whoa...
Styles: Rik somehow manages to kick out...and not only that, but is getting back up to his feet.
Tazz: Rik took all Hart tru at 'em...and he's STILL going strong.
Styles: Well, that was a near-victory for Bret Hart, but it still isn't over...Rik waits on Bret now...Hart up...scoops him up...MICHINOKU DRIVER!!!
Tazz: It's OVA!!
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One
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TWO!!!
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Th--KICKOUT BY BRET HART!!! HOW IN THE HELL DID HE KICKOUT!?!
Tazz: Holy...
Styles: Bret Hart may have done that completely by instinct, but both these two are about out of gas...the end is near...but for which of these two?
Tazz: At this point I'd just say eF it and try to wack the udda guy with brass knucks behind the ref's back.
Styles: Well...neither of these two are likely to do that...this is a match all about respect. Maybe a little bit of it may even be for pride of the species...but maybe just a little. Bret Hart and Rik are back up now....barely standing...exchanging rights...Rik shoves Bret into the corner...hoist him up top. It could be a Superplex--NO!! Bret Hart shoves him off. There's a kneedrop!! Now he goes for...second rop driving elbow!! He rolls him onto his stomach...going up top...SHARP INJECTION!!! Now looking for the Sharpshooter!!!...he turns Rik over.
Tazz: He's gonna tap!! He's gonna tap!!!
Styles: Rik trying to fight it....but he gives!! *ding, ding*
Winner by Submission >>> Bret "Hitman" Hart
"One Step Closer" by Linkin Park cues up as the exhausted Bret Hart falls to the side and releases the Sharpshooter. The referee helps him up and raises his hand.
Styles: Incredible!!! Felstrom and Hart have lived up to all expectations for tonight, and may have exceeded them!
Tazz: Damn it...and I had money riding on Rik.
Styles: We'll be right back after this commercial break, folks...stay with us!
**Commercials**
Suddenly, "The Becoming" by Nine Inch Nails hits on the P.A. as the pyro hits after the intro part. Out comes Kanyon, wearing a Red suit with a white shirt under the jacket, with a smile on his face. After he made his way to the ring, he grabs a mic.
Tazz: My main man from the Joisey Shore!!
Styles: Your friends with Kanyon? I didn't know you even knew him?
Tazz: Me an' Kanyon go way back, Styles.
"Now I told you that for Valentine's Day, I was gonna have a surprise. But unfortunately. Valentine's wasn't on Riot Rulz and there were some...technical difficulties." He says disapointedly. "BUT..."
The crowd gets anticipated about what Kanyon's gonna say. "Since I've already scheduled the surprise tonight. And since V-day was a few days days ago, I might as well, give you your money's worth. Now for the surprise, or should I say, surprises are in 2 catagories. One's for the ladies, and the other's for the guys. Now with that said, let's start with the ladies first, since I am a gentleman, and I don't mean William Regal. Now let's bring out the surprise #1, which is..."
A drumroll can be heard while the crowd, especially the ladies, are getting rowdy. Kanyon the prepares to anounce. "...N'Sync."
Tazz: AH-HAHAHHAHAHHAHA!!!
All the members of N'Sync makes their way to the ring as "Bye Bye" plays on the P.A. as the female fans shriek in delight. The MALE fans, on the other hand...aren't quite as thrilled.
Tazz: Take a look at the looks on the faces of these guys in the crowd...this is hilarious.
"Ok, I know you love'em, but now is the defining moment, one of you ladies, are gonna have a post-Valentine's Day weekend with one of them, of your choosing. Now, in my hand, is the lucky seat number who's gonna get their heart's desire, and don't worry, we're not gonna have any guy-guy thing. I checked the seats. Now, the lucky girl, is in seat number...hold on to your seats girls..."
The drumroll plays again as Kanyon opens the envelope. Now Kanyon reads.
"...Seat #32414. C'mon down."
A redhead runs down from the crowd, then jumps over the railing, much to Kanyon's surprise. "Ok, little girl, what is your name? Don't worry, I'm not gonna pull a Rock on ya."
The girl responds. "Me? My name's Ashley Johnson."
"Ok Ashley, which one of these lucky boys will it be?"
"Him! Joey Fatome." Ashley says as she points to him.
"Ok Joey, it seems that you have yourself a date this weekend." Kanyon says with a smirk on his face. "I hope you have a good time."
Ashley and Joey leaves along with the other members of N'Sync as Kanyon now has his attention to the crowd once again. "Now, for the guys. It time to bring out..." Kanyon is now interupted by his mobile. "Hold on a sec..." Kanyon then answers his mobile, which at the end of the conversation, Kanyon is in a distraught mood. "Y'know, it's a shame how hard it is to get something scheduled. It seems, due to the lack of planning ahead, the other surprise won't make it till Mayhem. So on Tuesday guys, their will be a drawing for the surprise. So if you want it. Email me your name, your address, and phone number to either kanyon@eaw.com or kanyon@wcw.com with the subject, 'Surprise'. That's all. Goodnight ladies and gentlemen."
Kanyon then exits the ring as "The Becoming(minus intro part) hits on the P.A.
Tazz: I wonder if Joey remembered 'protection?' Fatone--not you Styles.
[The camera fades in backstage to the now currently empty lockeroom area. We hear a strange chanting off camera.]
"Hussha... Hussha... Hussha...
[The cameraman suddenly turns around to see... HAKU!]
HAKU: ONGEBALAHWAH!
[Without warning Haku suddenly grabs ahold of the cameraman and locks him into the TONGAN DEATH GRIP!... We hear him shriek in pain as the camera drops to the ground... we abruptly cut to static.]
Styles: Wot tha? Haku is here in the EAW!!
Tazz: Check out the cool haih on Haku....hey, I got a haku for ya right now.
Styles: What are you talking about.
Tazz: Check this out:
Joey Styles sucks
He sounds like a whiney b*tch
I may choke him out.
HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!
Styles: That's a HAIku, and it wasn't a very good one.
Tazz: You're just jealous because you aren't a master poet like Tazz.
Styles: I'm not going to comment any further on that...
"Sexual Chocolate" cues up first, bringing out the massive 500 pounder, Viscera. He's accompanied by Big Momma Lay Lay, who has a box of Valentine's Day chocolates she's doing in.
Styles: Back from an extended absense, its Viscera.
Tazz: Viscera's the big jolly fat man of the EAW. Well...he's big and fat anyhow. HAHAHAHAHHA!!! Big Momma Lay Ya neva saw a meal she didn't like...hell, she's fatter than Visc!!!
Styles: And when you look lean next to Big Momma...you know it is time to call Jenny Craig.
Tazz: That's 1-800-01JENNY, isn't it?
Styles: Anyway, Viscera is squeezing his way into the ring, and has quite a daunting task tonight when he takes on a man he injured a while back, "Code Red" Michael Anthony Connelly.
As if on cue, that brings up a shot that rings out over the PA, and the opening sirens to "There's a Fire in the House" by Steve Vai. The green lights fill the stage area as mist rises up off it. It fades to a series of blinking yellow lights. Then, into that red strobe lights go off and a salvo of red fireworks explode from the stage.
Styles: And here comes his opponent!! Michael Connelly!!
Tazz: Pretty cool entrance, too.
Michael steps out onto the ramp, fully dressed in his ring attire, and holding hands with Oseiko, who is wearing the same attire as earlier. They walk down the ramp together, and into the ring. Michael asks for a microphone, then they climb up the second rope of one corner together, and put the mic between them as they tilt their heads toward one another.
CRMAC + BW: OI, MINNA-SAN!!!
Crowd: OI!!
CRMAC+BW: OIRA WA KAWAII, DESHO?!!
Crowd: HAI!!
Then they step down, give each other a peck on the cheek, and Michael separates the ropes for Oseiko and allows her to exit the ring.
Tazz: What'd they say? What'd they say?!
Styles: They asked the crowd if they were cute, and they said yes. How long have you been watching EAW, Tazz?
Tazz: A while now, but I don't speak Mexican.
Styles: It wasn't MEXICAN, it was Japanese! Augh...and Mexicans don't speak Mexican, they speak Spanish!
Tazz: Then what do people from Span speak?
Styles: AUGH!!! Nevermind...Connelly and Viscera stare each other down...*ding, ding* and there's the bell!!
Styles: Connelly locks up with Viscera, obviously with a bit of aggression due to that injury he suffered--shoved down to the canvas by Viscera! Goes for a splash--Code Red rolls away easily! Back up to his feet...dropkick as Viscera sits up!! Viscera struggles to get up...another dropkick...VISCERA IS STILL UP!!
Tazz: That nearly five-hun-ered pounds there, Joey.
Styles: I know...Connelly bounces off the ropes...flying cross-body...CAUGHT by Viscera!! Hoisted up...FALLAWAY SLAM!!!
Tazz: She's made short work of the chocolate covered peanuts, and it working on the cherries, now.
Styles: What?
Tazz: Big Momma Lay Ya over theah.
Styles: Oh...Viscera goes for a cover
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KICKOUT before one. Viscera pulling Connelly up....surprised with a European Uppercut! Now a whip into the corner. Connelly hops back...rushing toward the corner...HANDSPRING BACK ELBOW!! Viscera staggers out of the corner!! Connelly hops up on the turnbuckle like a cat...Viscera turns around...CONNELLY OFF--FLYING HEADSCISSORS!!! Viscera knocked out to the outside!!
Tazz: The little senorita nearly got SPLATTED all over those mats, Joey.
Styles: Black Widow backs away from the scene...Connelly looking to follow up....bouncing off the ropes...running towards...
Tazz: MOVE, VISC, MOVE!! YA DOPE!!!
Styles: Springboard over....OH MY GOD!!! A SPEAR!!! A SUPER SPEAR!! The Connelly's Comet!!! Viscera was just impaled like a fat pig on a spit!!
Tazz: I think Big Momma heard ya...she's lickin' her lips.
Styles: Connelly tries to pull up Viscera, but it is difficult when most of him is dead weight. FINALLY he gets him up...he's trying to roll Viscera in....and is able to do it with some effort. Now a cover
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One
KICKOUT! That delay allowed Viscera to recover.
Tazz: He coulda just beat on him a lil' more and won by countout...why didn't 'e?
Styles: He doesn't want to win that way...he wants to pin or make Viscera submit. Connelly picks up Viscera--cut off by a chop to the throat! Viscera whips Connelly to the ropes....Big BOOT!!! Follows it up with a LEG DROP!!
Tazz: The Colonel in all his days ain't seen a thigh like that!
Styles: Cover by Visc
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One
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Two--kickout! Viscera pulls up Connelly...Connelly breaks free...bounces off...clothesline!! Little effect....tries again--CAUGHT into a bearhug!!
Tazz: IT's OVER...he's gonna tap out any time soon heah.
Styles: I don't know about that...Connelly's trying to wriggle free, but is finding it difficult to do so in the grip of Viscera....He's trying though...hoisting himself up by pushing down on Viscera's arms...he grips him tighter...Connelly wails away with right hands on Viscera!!! Viscera drops him.
Tazz: There may be hope for the kick afteralls..
Styles: Connelly whips Viscera to the corner....charges in now....clothesline...another...another....another! Whips Viscera to the ropes...he bounces off...leapfrog over Visc...Connelly bounces off...SPEAR!!! THERE's the Immaculate Perplexion!! Cover!!
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One
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TWO--KICKOUT by Viscera!!
Tazz: He might have a tummy ache, tho'.
Styles: Viscera is up...hard headbutt to Connelly...whip to the ropes...SPINNING HEEL KICK by Viscera! Oh MY!!! Connelly staggers back up...shakes the cobwebs loose. Viscera scoops him up...FALL FORWARD SLAM!!!
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One
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TWO
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Kickout!!
Tazz: ALMOST!!
Styles: Code Red rolls back up....Viscera going for another bearhug....trying to ram him into the corner turnbuckle pad now--Code Red breaks free! He throws Viscera in the corner!! Mounts him...TORNADO DDT!!! Connelly climbs back up...MICHAEL-SAULT!!!! Yanks Viscera back up....CONDITION RED!! CONDITION RED!! CONDITION RED!!! Cover
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One
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TWO
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THREE!!
Winner by Pinfall >>> "Code Red" Michael Anthony Connelly
Tazz: Old tubba guts lost it...I expected him to squash him.
Oseiko gets in the ring and jumps into Michaels arms as they hug.
Styles: When we come back, the tag team titles will be on the line...don't miss it!!
**Commercial Break**
As we come back, we can hear the opening strains of "We're in This Together" by Nine Inch Nails, and an explosion from the stage and a pop later, Sasori and Kaye step out from the back arm-in-arm.
Tazz: Take one good last look at deez two tagether...since it will be the LAAAAST time!!
Styles: Maybe...maybe not. But we will either see the breakup of Scorpion's Pyre here tonight, or Scorpion's Pyre as tag team champions!
The lovers walk down the ramp into the ring...as "DNR" by Testament cues up.
Tazz: Now THESE two...they're my kinda guys. Granted, I hate their names--Spike sounds like a dog's name, and if anybody named "Morty" that showed up where I was kid, they'd end up with this heads in the john quicker than Jake Roberts after wakin' up in da mornin'.
Styles: So, you'd bully kids when you were younger?
Tazz: Who said anything about just doin' it to kids?
Spike and Morty are out, soaked down with sweat and their massive bodies rippling with muscles as they both wear a common out-for-blood look on their faces. They are armed to the teeth with brass knucks (already on!), steel chairs, a cinder block, and baseball bats.
Tazz: Yo, Bret!! If yer watchin' you may wanna skip watchin' this match!!
Styles: This may have been a mistake by Commissioner Lynxara...with no rules these two are going to do literally ANYTHING it takes to win.
Tazz: Dat's what she wanted, dat's what she'll get.
Spike and Morty get in the ring, and play a quick game of "Scissors, Paper, Rock" to see who starts off. Morty wins it with a rock to Spike's scissors. Kaye gets in for the Pyre.
Styles: This match will start in any second now...Morty and Kaye starting off.
*ding, ding*
Styles: Kaye runs over Morty immediately with a clothesline! What strength!! Morty is up in a hurry, and clotheslines Kaye over the top rope--she lands on both feet just like her brother!
Tazz: But he's chasing after her!
Styles: She isn't going to run though..Morty up top...jumps off top...Kaye catches him!!!
Tazz: Spike from behind!! He saves Morty's ass!!
Styles: Sasori and Spike fighting on the outside now...remember, although Morty and Kaye are the legal persons, Sasori and Spike can still enter the ring or go whereever they like in this match up. MORTY HITS THE STEEL STAIRS!!! She runs after him...KNEE to the midsection. Pulls him up now...BRASS KNUCKS to the head!!! But Kaye shakes it off....TOSSES HIM BACK FIRST ONTO THE SAFETY RAILING!!! OH MY GOD!!!! Sasori slams Spike's head to the ringpost!!
Tazz: BRUTAL, JOEY, BRUTAL!!! The Pyre can be vicious asses too. I like this side of 'em!!
Styles: Morty is up...and clubs Kaye again with those brass knuckles...I think that one has an effect....Morty now slams Kaye's head on the apron. He pulls up the protective mats. SCOOP SLAM!!! Morty now climbing up top....MORTALITY SPLASH!! There's a cover!!
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One
KICKOUT!! What resiliency by Kaye!!
Tazz: Look! HAHAHAHHAHA!!! There's Spike playin' soccer with Sasori's nads! I luv it!!!
Styles: Kaye grabs a steel chair...Morty ducks it. Rams her head to the apron one more time and rolls her in.
Tazz: This is gonna be all old time slobberknocker!! A pier-sixer!! A donnybrook!!
Styles: Morty tosses in that steel chair....and Spike is back up on the apron. He takes in Spike. Sasori climbs up on the apron, and order is at least temporarily restored. Kaye goes to work with right hands on Spike...Spike grabs her hair...HUGE HAYMAKER SWING sends Kaye backfirst to the ropes!! RUNNING BIG BOOT knocks out Kaye....but she lands on her feet again. She's right back in!!! Spike charges Kaye...KAYE with a Tilt a Whirl Slam!! She tags in Sasori!
Tazz: More like "Sa-sore-nads."
Styles: Sasori hits a running DDT on the rising Spike!!! Goes for a cover
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ONE
Morty with those brass knuckles to the back of the head of Sasori...AGAIN!!!
Tazz: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHH!!! I friggin' HATE mimes!! KEEP IT UP!!!
Styles: Kaye in now...attacking Morty...but Spike up now....double Irish Whip....REVERSE 3D!!!
TazZ: HAHAHHAHA!!!
Styles: Spike covers Sasori
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One
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TWO!!!--KICKOUT!!!
Tazz: Keep it up, Blippo...it's just a matter of time before you or She-Hulk becomes JUST ANUDDA VICTIM of the DNR!!!
Styles: I was wondering how long it'd take for you to pull out that line...
Tazz: Keep ya on yer toes.
Styles: Kaye is slowly starting to get up....Morty steps out and lets Spike tag him in. Morty the legal man now. Spike pulls up Sasori from behind, could be the Iron Maiden--NO!! Sasori slips free!!! Inverted Piledriver!! Sasori now helps Kaye double team Morty..the legal man...Assisted Stygian Bomb!!! Sasori grabs the legs of Spike....Morty is down....Catapult--DARK EXPLOSION!!!! ONTO THE STEEL CHAIR!!! THAT MASSIVE SPIKE NAILED WITH THE DARK EXPLOSION!!! Cover by Sasori...the referee is telling him MORTY is the legal man!!! Kaye rushes over to Morty, who is getting up...and wailing away on him...Irish Whip...reversed by Morty!!! Kaye on the return....Floatover Monkey Flip!!! ROlls into the chokehold!!! Sasori can't help Kaye but Sasori IS the legal member of the Pyre. Morty pulls up Kaye....Spike takes control on Sasori. S&M whip the lovers--DOUBLE REVERSAL!!! Spike and Morty head each other head on!! Sasori covers Morty!!! One
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TWO
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NO NO NO NO!!! SO CLOSE!!!
Tazz: DAMN CLOSE!!! Almost new chumps. Champs. Whateva.
Styles: Spike is up...and has Kaye in his grip!!! NO!! Kaye now has Spike around the throat!!!
Tazz: BRASS KNUCKS TO THE SA-SORE-NADS by MORTY!!!!
Styles: Momentary distraction--gives Spike time to apply the Suffering's End!!! Spike rushes over to pick up Sasori!!! Morty...NO...he tosses in the cinder block!?!
Tazz: Morty on top...Oh MAN this is gonna be bad....
Styles: DNR on the CINDER BLOCK!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!Cover by Morty!!
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TWO
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THREE!!!
Tazz: He BETTA get the three afta that!!
"DNR" by Testament plays...
Winners by Pinfall >>> S&M; Retain Tag Titles
Styles: That cinder block is shattered!!! There is no way that Sasori doesn't at least have a concussion. The referee hands those bastards the tag team titles!!
Morty grabs a mic, while favoring his back and breathing heavily, proclaims...
Morty: THIS IS ALL ON YOUR HEAD, COMMISH!!! You wanted Extreme?! You got Extreme!!! We didn't just break up the Pyre, we broke up Sasori's head!! NO ONE WILL EVER TAKE THESE TAG TEAM TITLES FROM US!!!
He drops the mic and makes the referree hold up both their hands again.
Styles: This is unbelievable!! We need paramedics in here quick!! We'll be righ...
**Commercial Break**
When we come back...a teary-eyed Kaye looks on as Sasori is being loaded into an ambulance...
Styles: Fans...what we just saw was HORRIFIC. Yet our tag team champions just act as if it was part of their job.
Tazz: It was...they had to do what they did to win, and they did. The Pyre just anudda coupla victims of the DNR!
Styles: They went FAR beyond what they had to do...
Suddenly the
Styles: Here is another man who has been known to go too far...fortunately it isn't in the way that S&M did.
Tazz: Here's the challenger for the TV Title tonight...a man who just wants to cut a little bit of objectionable material from TV.
Styles: You SUPPORT him?!
Tazz: Not really...but let him y'know...do his thing. Plus I love how he just cheeses everyone off. HAHAHAHHAH!!!
Styles: Well...Richards is surprisingly alone...but if he weren't I'm sure Lilith would show up to provide moral support and even the odds.
Tazz: Richards dressed up for this occasion....
Styles: That's how he ALWAYS dresses now. It's standard RTC attire.
Tazz: True...now wheah's Blink at?
"My Generation" by Limp Bizkit cues up next, bringing out Blink who dances out onto the metal stage for a few seconds as the crowd pops, then runs down the rampway before sliding into the ring. She hands the referee the TV Title belt...
Styles: This is a TV Title match...Richards could gain a lot of power here if he were to win the TV Title from Blink.
Tazz: Richards the champion of TV? Doesn't that seem to ring in an ironic way?
Styles: I'd say...and I'm not too thrilled over the possibility of it happening...*ding, ding*..and there's the bell!!
Styles: And our main event is underway!! Blink immediately starts taking it to Richards...hard knees buried into the midsection of Steven...he grabs her leg!! DRAGON SCREW LEG WHIP!!! Elbowdrop to the inside knee!! Attempting a spinning toe--NO, kicked off by Blink!! Richards apparently ready and willing to exercise his techical side.
Tazz: Who is this weird chick that's coloured like an eggplant, anyhow?
Styles: Blink aka Clarice Ferguson--a mutant.
Tazz: Ahhhh...so that explains why her boobs are shaped like that.
Styles: *sigh* Blink starts to takes some right hands to Richards, but they seem to be having little effect...Irish Whip...side suplex coming--NO..Richards ducks underneath Blink--THERE'S a pump handle slam!! Cover by Richards!
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ONE--Kickout at one. Richards is back up and stomping away on the knee of Richards...DOUBLE LEG TAKEDOWN!! Blink surprises Richards!! She straddles his chest now....CROTCH CHOP right to the face of Richards!!
Tazz: Aw man..that'd get me excited. I almost feel like cheering for Blink now.
Styles: Richards shoves off Blink...he's dusting himself off now...Blink back up...scoop slam by Richards. More stomps from Richards and now VICIOUS kicks to her ribs!! Richards dumps her to the outside now.
Tazz: This don't look good for the purple girly.
1...
Styles: Richards goes over to Blink, begins to stomp--Blink grabs his leg!!
2....
Styles: She was playing possum!! LOW BLOW!!
3....
Tazz: Possum, too? Wasn't mouse enuff for this chick?
4...
Styles: Blink whips Richards into the steel!! She drags him over to that area of the floor exposed by Kaye earlier...there's a piledriv--BACK BODY DROP by Richards!! Blink hits the concrete!!
5...
Tazz: Right now I bet she wishes had doze boobs on her back so they'd have cushioned that fall!
Styles: Richards puts Blink back in the ring at 6, and this match continues....Richards in...Blink now up...catches Richards with a boot to the midsection--follows up with a a crescent kick...another....roundhouse connects!! Richards is on the ropes!! Shakes it off...Blink goes for the Thrust Kick!! Sidestep by Richards--GRABS HER LEG--SLAMS HER DOWN!!! COOOOOOOOOVER!!!
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One
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Tw--kickout!
Tazz: That's stupid of ya to try someone's own move against them...of COURSE they'd know how to counter it.
Styles: Good point...Richards now changes the momentum with that big move...aaaaand PILEDRIVER in the center of the ring! Cover
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Two, and another kickout!!
Tazz: Come oooon..one of yaaaaas....I don't know whoooo to rooooot for!
Styles: The crowd has no such problem....Richards scoops up Blink for a shoulder break--Blink slips behind!! She scoops up Richards!! DREAMER DRIVER!!! Now runs up the turnbuckle...BEAUTIFUL MOONSAULT!!
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Two--kickout by Richards! Blink runs off the ropes....jumping spla--Richards gets the knees up!! Rolls over...cover
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One
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Kickout! Richards back up, however. Waistlock...German Suplex!! Release pin!! Richards now goes up top--a moonsault of his own!!
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One
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TWO
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NO!!!
Tazz: DAUGH!!
Styles: Richards up...he stomps away in the corner...Morality Check coming up...
Tazz: YES! NO! YES! NO!
Styles: BLINK DUCKS IT!!! SPLIT SECOND!!!
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ONE
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TWO!!
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THREE!!! *ding, ding, ding*
"My Generation" by Limp Bizkit cues up...
Winner by Pinfall >>> Blink; retains TV Title
Styles: Right you were earlier about using a move your opponent may know how to counter. Blink must have used that move for quite a while, and she saw the open opportunity and took it...Blink is STILL your EAW TV Champion! Don't miss us next Tuesday for Mayhem...good night everyone!