LIVE from the RCA Dome in Indianapolis, IN!!!
After commercials leading in to Riot Rulz are shown, we are shown a video package summing up the events of Razor's Edge. Starting off with the first and last match of Glenn Hamilton, then moving into the House of Usher match. From there, we're given a recap of how Lilith has been exiled (at least temporarily. :)) from the EAW. Spots from the Triple Decker Cage Match are then shown. We end with Flyboy scoring the winning pinfall over Mechius to become number one contender, and an exhausted Triple H grabbing the World Title to become World Champion yet again.
Cue the opening graphics for Riot Rulz, then to a crowd pans that reveals signs such as "Save Our Succubus!", "Regal likes it in the bum," and "Mechius = Pimpbot?"
We switch to a shot of Megan Eko and the King, seated at the announcer's desk.
Eko: Welcome everyone to another EAW Riot Rulz! Just last Sunday was the last EAW Pay Per View of the year, and millenium. However, we've still got another Riot Rulz and a final Showdown to close it out.
It's then that "The Way I Am" by Eminem begins to play as the lights dim suddenly, bringing out the new World Heavyweight Champion, "The Decadent" Hunter Hearst Helmsley. The title is once again wrapped around his waist.
Hera, dressed a little out of season with a skirt/tube top combo, skips down the ramp, her hair bouncing (and other things as well...) as she goes, and then getting up on the apron, separating it for Triple H as he climbs onto the apron and gets into the ring. He then demands a microphon
Triple H: Congratulations are in order. Congratulations, of course, going to our new number one contender--and the man, or boy, I'll be taking on at Cataclysm. Flyboy, I never thought you'd make it in that match with Mechius. I honesty thought you'd never have a chance. However, it takes a man to admit when he was wrong, and I was wrong. Granted, you had the indirect assistance of Carin, or else you most assuredly wouldn't have won, but a win is a win, and we'll take 'em however we can. However, I'm thinking that simply having another match with me, watching me kick your ass again...may be a little boring. These fans have seen it done time and time again. You probably aren't going to bring anything new to the table. I've beaten you when you were a retarded face, I've beaten you when you were a wiseass heel, and just because you had maybe a little less ringrust on you than Mechius has real rust, and you got lucky--isn't going to make this match any more interesting or any more of a challenge. So, leave it to me to come up with a new and refreshing twist on things. A gimmick match. Immediately a Cage Match came to mind. However, considering that is my area of expertise, you'd be hopelessly outmatched, and I want to make this a little challenge. There are various other types of matches to consider--dumpster, hardcore, no DQ, barbed wire, last man standing, Hell's Asylum, Crucifix Death Match--most of them would make for a brutal, grueling match. However, I feel inclined towards an old favorite. One rarely used in years. Even its very own inventor has rarely used it.
Triple H pauses, and explains, "At least not the 'Chocolate Starfist' version of him. With a snicker, he makes the challenge, "Flyboy, I want to defend the title at Cataclysm against you in...a Casket Match."
King: AHHHH!! A casket match?! I haven't seen one of those in years.
Eko: And oddly enough, the Undertaker isn't even going to be a part of the match.
Triple H: Now, I know that since you aren't here tonight--probably hob-nobbing with your off-again on-again buddy Wolf. That's alright, because I am a patient man. A simple yes or no will suffice. I trust that even with the hundreds of chairshots you've taken to the head, even though you weren't too bright to begin with, and even though Mechius beat you to the brink of death at Razor's Edge, that you still have enough presence of mind to utter a simple one word answer. I'd appreciate an answer soon. Well, the marketing team would even more, so they know just how to promote the next Pay-Per-View.
In closing, this would be the point where other wrestlers would insert a catchphrase or a t-shirt slogan to cap it off. Well, I'm not that kind of a wrestler, and I don't have a few mindless words to finish with for the sole purpose of hocking a t-shirt. However, I'll just say, "Steven Richards is a little bitch..."
The crowd pops.
"And I'll leave it at that..." he half-smiles, tossing the mic aside as "The Way I Am" begins to play again.
Eko: EAW Cataclysm is February the 2nd, and we already may have an incredible main event lined up. Will Flyboy accept the challenge?
King: I wonder if that was Hera's idea as well--well, uh, Flyboy will probably accept, but why a casket match?
Eko: To spice things up, Hunter tells us...
King: I have an idea for a match. An 'over the top, off with the top' world title match with Hera representing Flyboy and Tympani representing Flyboy!! THAT would be CAN'T MISS match right there!
Eko: Yeah...but I hear neither Hera nor Tympani were much underneath their clothes.
King: AHHH..quit teasing me like that!
"Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit cues up...
King: "Break Stuff!" Inferno! Christina's boobies!
Eko: *pats Lawler's head* Congratulations! You got it right on the first try. Now no slouching and quit drooling all over your format.
King: Okay...ahh...here they come!
Infinitivo Inferno and his valet Christina step out from the back, to a mixed reaction (except for the King, who's going crazy). They grasp hands as they walk down the ramp, and Christina waves to the fans.
Eko: While neither of these two have been in EAW long, Lupe has an experience edge on Inferno, who still is winless. However, he's dead set on changing his luck here tonight.
King: I'm willing to bet Inferno's "gotten lucky" alot recently...
Inferno gets in the ring, and begins running the ropes as a wolf's howl and "Return to Innocence" by Enigma cues up.
Eko: And here's Lupe, who's becoming quite a fan favorite here in the EAW...
A silvery moonbeam shines on Lupe as she steps out onto the ramp to the cheers of the fans. As she walks down it she briefly shakes hands (well, with her paw anyway) with several of the fans before sliding into the ring. The two circle each other before the bell is rung.
*ding, ding*
Eko: And our first match of the night is on. Inferno takes over Lupe with an armdrag, Inferno with a kick to the side. Kick caught by Lupe--Enzui Giri by Inferno! Lupe back up, knife edged chop to Inferno...another..Irish whip...back elbow from Lupe! Cover....not even a one. Inferno steps back..crescent kick to Lupe....now a Dropkick! Inferno heads out to the apron! Lupe up...sidesteps the springboard dropkick! Lupe pulls up Inferno...Inferno with an elbow to the ribs...cinches up Lupe for a Suplex--she blocks! Modified Gutbuster! Lupe going for a Mexican Surfboard...ties up his legs...has his arms down...rocking backwards....Inferno pulled taut. He's wincing in pain...Lupe releases the hold. Lupe pulls up Inferno...looks like a backdrop--NO !!! Counter into an Ace Crusher!!
King: Whoo...thatta boy! Inferno's cooking! Beat her like a dog, Inferno!
Eko: Lupe pulled back up....Inferno whips her--COUNTER WITH A CLOTHESLINE!! Lupe back on the advantage! Pulls him back up...waistlock...Inferno with a standing switch. Locks on a sleeper! Lupe trying to fight it off! She's starting to get a little woozy...SNAPMARE TAKEOVER!! Lupe locks on a sleeper of her own....the smaller Inferno slips free...Inverted Atomic Drop! Lupe crawling back up..FACE CRUSHER!!
King: That mustn't have felt good on the ol' snout!
Eko: Cover
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TW--NO!! Nearly a two. Inferno pulls Lupe back up....a light whip to that nearby corner. Inferno now, setting Lupe up on the top rope. This could be a mistake...Hurracan--POWERBOMB COUNTER FROM LUPE!!! She folds up Inferno with sickening impact!!
One
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TWO
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NO!!!! INFERNO KICKS OUT!! INFERNO KICKS OUT!!!
King: HAAAA!!! I told you!! Inferno may only weigh 200 pounds, but 10 of that is his balls.
Eko: Lupe may be able to finish this match though if she can capitalize with another big offensive move....both of them are getting back up to their feet....Inferno with a small package! Cover
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One
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TWO
escape! Lupe back up to her feet....scoop slams Inferno! Lupe back up top....Inferno dazed back up to his feet....FLYING HEADSCISSOR TAKEDOWN!! Inferno takes a spill do the outside!!
King: Christina's going right over there to her man to...advise him.
Eko: Whatever he's doing, he's getting a breather....he's back up, and taunting Lupe. Lupe climbing out....going after Inferno...Inferno hops onto the ring stairs and onto the apron...Lupe follows...INFERNO WITH A CLOTHESLINE FROM THE APRON!!! Reverse elbow off the apron! Inferno pulls up Lupe...and rolls her back into the ring! Cinches her up....BLOCK! LUPE WITH A VERTICAL SUPLEX!!! Holds him up high in the air...and...DROPS HIM DOWN WITH A BRAINBUSTER!!! Cover
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ONE
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TWO
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INFERNO SOMEHOW GETS THE SHOULDER UP!! Lupe is visibly frustrated....can she polish off Inferno?!
King: Looks like she's going to try to...Goddess' Wrath?!
Eko: I think so...climbing out to the apron...Inferno starting to stand up dizzily on the turnbuckle....INFERNO GRABS LUPE!! HE WAS PLAYING POSSUM!!! A SUDDEN IMPACT FROM THE TOP ROPE!! The HELLMAKER!!! ONE
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TWO
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THREE!!!
*ding, ding, ding*
"Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit cues up as the exhausted Inferno falls face down beside Lupe. The referee helps him up and raises his hand.
Winner by Pinfall >>> Infinitivo Inferno
Lupe slowly manages to get up to her feet, and raises Inferno's hand as well.
Eko: An incredible upset!! Lupe has had a strong record in EAW, but Inferno pulled off a hard-fought victory here tonight, taking everything Lupe could dish out and STILL walking away a winner!
King: And from the look on Christina's face, he's getting a BONUS tonight!!
**Commercial Break**
After Lupe's match, Sonnette gets up, about to leave her dressing room to see Lupe... when suddenly the door flies open, slamming her in the head; it's Ryokami! He attacks Sonnette viciously and eventually does the Spinwhirl Facebuster on her through a table! Tame at first... until he pulls out the bloody dagger...!
Sonnette coughs up blood... looking up at Ryokami. "Isn't it enough you killed me once with that thing?" she spits. "We don't have a 24-7 rule here in the EAW... so get the hell out of my room. I told you... next week, you'll get what I owe you. The worst ass-kicking of your life."
Ryokami smirks. "... I know... just consider this as a message... from me to you..." Ryokami suddenly drives the dagger down--and just barely, deliberately misses her head! "... I have the loophole..." he mutters, slowly backing off, not taking his eyes off of Sonnette as he backsteps, laughing psychotically.
"Yeah... and I've got one, too: you can't die by my hands." With that, her hands a blur too fast for the cameras to pick up, she grabs the dagger... the next thing Ryokami knows, it's quivering in his forehead, right between his eyes... having been thrown with enough momentum to penetrate even his bony face...!
Sonnette climbs to her feet. "I'll bring all that and more next Friday... I hope you're ready." With that, she goes back into her room to clean the blood from her face... slamming the door in Ryokami's face behind her.
Ryokami staggers back... dropping to his knees... then goes limp, if only for a moment... then slowly he gets up... his eyes narrowing as he stares at Sonnette's door. The dagger still in his forehead... as he laughs...!! Then he walks away, pulling the dagger from his head, still laughing!
We shift back to the announcer's desk, where Megan Eko and the King are seated.
**Commercial Break**
Replay of the Sonnette/Ryokami incident
Eko: Hooooooly--Ryokami vs. Sonnette, don't miss that on next Riot Rulz. For all we know, it could be one of them's last match.
King: You mean that one of them could end up deader than Hulkamania?
Eko: Very possible....
"Bad Blood" by Ministry cues up, bringing out the not-quite-as-silent-as-before wraith, Sasori, Kaye follows him out closely, as they hold hands. The crowd pops for the couple as they appear.
Eko: Scorpion's Pyre are multi-time World Tag Team Champions. But tonight, it is just going to be Sasori in singles action against one of the current tag team champions, the massive Spike.
King: Well, Sasori can brag about his old tag title reigns all he wants, but S&M are a part of the new EAW generation, and they don't really care how many times he's been a tag champion, how well he speaks, or how many times Kaye has been in Playboy.
Eko: And I know just which one of those YOU care about!
King: Three guess, and the first two don't count.
"Superbeast (Girl on a Motorcycle Remix)" by Rob Zombie cues up next, prompting the crowd to begin booing immediately, as Spike (one of the tag titles around his waist) comes out with BG Hyde, who taps her riding crop against her thigh as she and Spike soak up the "love" in the building.
Eko: Bee Gee and one half of the current tag team champions aren't out here to defend any titles, but I don't think that is going to stop them from bending the rules a little.
King: Hence, they have the advantage--and look at the size of Spike!!
Eko: Yes, a big dumb ox--shouldn't be much of a problem.
King: HEY!! I thought you were supposed to be unbiased?
Eko: Well, I don't have favorites, but I have wrestlers I just can't stand.
King: You just can't appreciate the polished ring psychology of our tag team champs.
Eko *groans*
Spike hands the tag title belt to Bee Gee before getting into the ring, looking down at Sasori with a smile, then posing in the middle of the ring as the fans boo him. Then he heads over to the corner, and tugs on the ropes a bit to stretch as the bell rings.
*ding, ding*
Eko: Here we go, Sasori and Spike....Sasori may be overpowered by Spike if he tries to go toe-to-toe with him...he irish whips Spike, leap frog....monkey fl--no! Spike pulls up Sasori! Onto his shoulders....Reverse powerbom--Sasori with a Sunset Flip!! One! Quick escape! Sasori hits the ropes as Spike is on his way up....flying clothesline from Sasori!! The big man is wobbly!! Sasori back up...goes for it again...BIG BOOT FROM SPIKE!!
King: Sasori isn't too bright, trying to run into a wall not once, but twice!
Eko: Spike pulling Sasori back up...holds him over his head aaaaaaaand drops him throat first across the ropes! Spike now flips Sasori, and drives a knee into the middle of his back. He's pulling back on Sasori's arms as well--Surfboard Stretch hold applied. Spike now with a leg on the ropes for added leverage....the referee with a five count...remove it at four. Spike now breaks the hold. Spike now setting Sasori up...going for a powerbomb--reversed into a Hurracanrana!! One
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TWO--NO! Sasori surprised Spike with that one. However, he needs to get back on offense. Sasori hits a jumping elbow drop to the heart of Spike!! The big man gets up...whip to the near ropes....GORILLA PRESS!! Sasori with amazing strength--and slams him! Sasori pulls him over the the corner. Sasori goes for--CELESTIAL SPLASH!! ONE!
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TWO!
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Spike gets a shoulder up! Sasori pulls up Spike, and drags him near the middle...irish whip...Spike reverses...back body--JUMPING DDT!! Sasori hits a Jumping DDT!!! One
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TWO!
Bee Gee pulls the referee out! He slides back in
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One
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T--kickout!! Now the referee is yelling...I think--yes, Bee Gee has been banned from ringside.
King: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Eko: Bee Gee is heading to the back, grudgingly. This match continues...Spike surprises Sasori from behind...IRON MAIDEN!! One
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TWO
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SHOULDER UP!! Spike now pulling up Sasori...a powerful scoop slam. Spike lays in a few stomps on Sasori. Back up now....Side Backbreaker! Sasori back up now, favoring his back...whipped by Spike--NO! Sasori with a whip to the corner! He crouches down.....CORNER TRAP!!! Spike staggers out of the corner....FACE CRUSHER!!! Sasori pulls Spike back up by his hair!! VENOM STRIKE!!!
Just they, MORTY jumps the guardrail, grabbing the tag title at ringside.
Eko: Sasori has the ankles of Spike, Fatal Encounter coming up... MORTY'S IN!!! Tag Title to the back of the head!! BLATANT DQ!! *ding, ding*
"Bad Blood" by Minstry begins to play...
Morty stomping away at Sasori....Spike starts to get up....Kaye in!! Morty and Kaye!!! Morty and Kaye!!! Morty whips Kaye!! Big Boot from Spike!!! Picking Kaye up....SUFFERING'S END!!! King: Kaye's not looking quite so good now...
Winner by Disqualification >>> Sasori Shirono
Quick replay of hte finish of the match.
Booker T is shown on the Titon Tron walking to the ring, "Back in the Days" plays over the PA System as Booker T appears out of the curtains. He heads down to the ring with a smile on his face. He gets into the ring and sits on the turnbuckle and looks at the curtains as "Twisted Heat" blares as the fans await for Kevin Nash, he comes from the curtains as the fans give a mixed reaction with boos and cheers. He comes down to the ring with his normal slow walk. He gets on the steel stairs and smiles. He gets into the ring and grabs a microphone.
Kevin Nash: "Tonight, like I said before is gonna be the start of a new era. Tonight it all happens, me getting what is rightfully mine. Derek Walker's People's title. Derek says I am not gonna take this away from hir, but can I? Can I take this away? Something this big and something this important? Yes I can, I have the power to, and I have every right to. Derek just wait until the night ends, just wait. That's all I have to say about you!"
[Booker T asks for the microphone as Nash gives it to him, he speaks.]
Booker T: OOOOHHHHHH Deeerrreeekkk...like I said before, you need help with Ryokami, you might get help from me. Might, I am not sure yet, I wanna get Ryokami back from what he caused, and I wanna get you back for the crap you gave the A/K/A. So that's why, I will assist with no one, I will screw this up for you Derek, you screw around with the A/K/A? We screw around with you, so I would watch your back when you are unarmed with anything! I mean buisness, now hit our music!
[As Booker T and Kevin Nash begin to head over the ropes, you hear a slight buzzing sound from the PA System, they stop and head back. All of a sudden, some old familiar theme music plays as the fans look to see who it is...I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!! IT'S BRET HART!!!!! WHAT IS HE DOING HERE!!! HE HAS A MICROPHONE!!!]
Kevin Nash: Whoa whoa whoa hold on a minute, what in the hell are you doing here? You left the EAW and said you would never come back!
Bret Hart: Kevin Nash, do me a favor and shut up! [Fans begin to cheer and chant Bret Hart's name] You guys are the reason I came back to the EAW! Here is the story! Ever since I left here, ever since I went home, I watched you guys still. I saw you every Tuesday and Friday Night on TV and saw you guys compete in this sport. Every single card, and you guys came to nothing, just like I was in the EAW. I had nothing in the EAW and that's why I left. But still, I had enough of watching the A/K/A lurk around like they own the EAW, like they are on top and like they deserve everything they think of! I saw your World Heavyweight Title match with Triple H! I saw Mike Action's World Heavyweight Title match with Triple H! You guys thought you deserved it, but you don't. Ya see, I always though I deserved everything also, but I came to realize I didn't, you don't either. You have to show you can get in the higher rankings! So I came back to shut you guys up and teach you come lessons! And it will all start, and you will get what you deserve!
[Bret Hart's theme plays and he leaves the ring as Nash and Booker get all red and mad as the camera goes to black]
**Commercial Break**
As we come back from break, William Regal's theme is playing, as he comes up dressed up in his ring gear. PC Plodder follows behind, dressed as a bobby, twirling a small club. The crowd begins to boo them intensely.
Eko: Up next, William Regal makes an unexpected debut in a match against Duke "the Dumpster" Drosse and Sabu! This match is going to a be a "Dumpster of Glass" match.
King: Remember kids: we are professionals. Don't play with a large amount of broken glass shards without adult supervision.
Eko: Well put, King.
King: Watching these two just reminded me....you know how those guys in the Marge Simpson hats outside the Buckingham Palace aren't supposed to speak or change facial expressions at all?
Eko: Yes?
King: Well, just in case Sasori quits wrestling, that'd be a good career to fall back on. Who could do it better than him?
Eko: I can't really disagree with you on that...
Eko: William Regal has a very accomplished wrestling background, but I'm not quite so familiar with PC Plodder. He looks to be a slow power wrestler, however.
King: PCP!!
"Trash" by Korn cues up as Regal and Plodder stand in the ring, looking down through their noses as Drosse and Sabu as they come out, pushing the glass-filled dumpster. The crowd cheers the garbage man and the garbage wrestler as they make their way to ringside.
King: And their challengers..these two manachans, Sabu and Drosse.
Eko: Don't become our own version of Mark Madden, PLEASE King!
King: I won't...but from where I'm sitting, William needs to share his dental secrets with the rest of his country.
As Sabu and Drosse get down to the ring and climb inside, the bell is rung, signaling the start of the match. Regal and Drosse pair of, exchanging lefts and right as PC and Sabu do the same. Sabu and Drosse then whip them into each other, and Regal smacks into Plodder and falls down. Drosse scoops up Plodder with some difficulty, but slams him down to a huge pop. Sabu gets onto the apron and hits a Springboard Dropkick to the rising Regal, then goes outside for a chair. Drosse hits a second rope elbow drop on Plodder, then pulls him back up but is clubbed upside the head with Plodder's baton.
Sabu gets in the ring with the chair, and hits a legdrop with the chair onto Regal, who grabs his head in pain before getting back up. Regal ducks the clothesline and jams a thumb into Sabu's eye, then nails a European Uppercut. He rolls Sabu over and applies a deathlock to wear him down. Plodder is laying in more shots with the baton, and backs Drosse into the corner as he presses it across his throat. Drosse pushes the baton away slowly, and boots Plodder in the midsection, then hits a piledriver! He then rolls Plodder out of the ring.
Sabu manages to power out of the hold, and counters a Regal clothesline attempt with a Dropkick. He then whips Regal to the ropes, and catches him on the way back with a Hurracanrana! Sabu pulls him back up, but Regal surprises him with a belly to belly suplex, then drops a knee into his shoulder, before scooping him up and hitting a shoulderbreaker.
On the outside, Drosse stomps away on Plodder, and when he gets back up they tug-of-war over the baton.
Sabu gains the advantage again with a jawbreaker on Regal, then whips him to the ropes, while standing with his back to the ropes facing the entranceway! Regal is back body dropped to the outside, and Sabu sets the chair up before them. Plodder wrenches away the baton, and swings for Drosse's head (although he barely manages to block it). When Regal gets back up, Sabu runs and jumps onto the chair, onto the top rope, and takes out both Brits!!
Drosse then picks up Regal, and rolls him back into the ring, and climbs up top the nearby turnbuckle. He misses kneedrop when Regal rolls out of the way, and Regal drops a few pairs of elbows.
On the outside, Sabu grabs Plodder's baton and tosses it aside, ramming Plodder's head into the dumpster, then grabbing his own handcuffs and handcuffing him to the dumpster!! He then rushes off to the otherside as Plodder hangs there by his arm...and pushes the dumpster to try to crush Plodder between the apron and dumpster!! Plodder gets up and tries to push the Dumpster away just in time, and Regal hits a Pump Handle Suplex on Drosse, then leaves his opponent to help his partner. Regal rushes around and clothesline's Sabu, giving Plodder the time needed to get his keys and unlock the cuffs around his wrist. Drosse is recovered, and slides out of the ring to cut off Plodder before he can help Regal, and rams his head into the ringpost before rolling him back into the ring. Plodder gets up and starts to wail away on Drosse, then tosses him to the corner...where he goes then begins to kick Drosse in the stomach, then puts a boot across his throat.
Behind the dumpster, Sabu and Regal are still squaring off, but Regal hits another vicious European Uppercut, then drags Sabu around the Dumpster and whips him into the apron. He hoists up Sabu and drops him jaw first across the apron.
In the ring, Drosse is about to be suplexed by Plodder, but counters it with a neckbreaker! He then pulls Plodder back up, and whips him to the ropes, hitting a tilt a whirl backbreaker! Then, he pulls up Plodder and shoves him back into the corner, draping his legs across the middle ropes. Regal knows what's coming and tries to slide in to help but Sabu pulls him out by his ankle and DDTs him on the outside!!
Drosse runs to the diagonal corner, then charges out of it towards Plodder, and hits a Shattered Dreams on Plodder!! Plodder grabs his groceries in pain as he falls face down in the ring. Sabu rolls Regal in and climbs up top with the chair, and is able to hit the arabian facebuster on him!! Sabu then assists Regal in hoisting up the massive Plodder, and depositing him into the ringside dumpster. They then toss in the busted open Regal, slamming the lid for the victory.
Winners by throwing opponents in dumpster/shutting lid >>> Definition of Hardcore"Trash" by Korn plays, but Regal and Plodder roll out the side holes of the dumpster, and storm the ring again, locking up with the two again. They both hit a Manachan Mangler, then Regal locks on the Regal Stretch on the Dumpster as Plodder hits a second rope splash onto Sabu.
Eko: Sabu and Drosse have won this match, but Plodder and Regal are making them pay for it.
*ding, ding, ding, ding, ding*
Eko: We'll be right back folks, we need to just need to clean this mess up and set up the ring for our final match of the night. Nash vs. Walker in a barbed wire match! The People's Title on the line! NEXT!
*Commercial Break*
When we come back from break, all the ring ropes have been removed, and in their place is barbed wire ones. "Hellrazor" by Tupac cues up...
Eko: Welcome back everyone, and special thanks to Sonnette who helped set up the ring for this last match. Otherwise, we'd have had to have another ring set up in another part of the building to have this match. What do you think of barbed wire though, King.
King: A great movie...Pam looked almost as good as she did in that other movie. Well, it's hard to top that one...
Eko: ......I said "barbed wire."
King: Oh...well, this is the real stuff here folks. No rubber tips, and it's very unforgiving.
Eko: I haven't seen one of these matches before, but I'd imagine the barbed wire would change the whole stragety of the match.
Nash comes out and walks down the ramp, then onto the apron, and very carefully steps over them.
King: Even entering is different, because Nash doesn't want to rip the crotch of his pants.
Eko: Because of the ring ropes, the irish whip is not going to be effective as a set up, but it will prove on it's own to be an offensive move. It also prevents top rope moves and springboard moves.
"Travel Theme (To Crystalis)" cues up next, and Derek Walker skips out, smiling and waving to the cheering crowd, hir People's Title around her waist. She jogs down the ramp into the ring and slides in, folding hir wings on hir back to avoid snagging them on the barbed wire.
Eko: These two are being careful getting in the ring, but it won't be quite so easy once the match starts. Fortunately, both have had tenanus shots.
King: But I still don't understand, WHAT IS DEREK WALKER?!
Eko: That's easy, she's a hermaphroditic amalgam.
King: Yeah, but where did she come from?
Eko: I haven't a clue...
*ding, ding*
Eko: Derek starts off quick with a few quick jabs...Nash answers with a headbutt. Irish whip from Nash--reversed--Nash hits the wire! Derek trying to follow up with a suplex--not quite strong enough. Nash with a knee to the midsection! Now he beats down on Derek's back! Suplex attempt by Nash...Derek slips behind Nash! German Suplex--no, Hiptoss by Nash. CLOTHESLINE knocks down Walker!
King: Maybe she's an alien? I always imagined alien women with three puppies, though.
Eko: Nash sets up Walker in the corner...and back off...looks to be going for a clothesline--Derek out of the corner with a spear!! A standing moonsault....tosses hir off at one. Nash getting back up to his feet...Derek jumps on his back! Sleeperhold applied!! Nash staggers back to the wire!! He unwittingly escapes the hold! Derek hits an inverted atomic drop on Nash, now goes for a Crucifix pin--One
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T--Kick out!! Nash back up...now he whips Walker to the ropes!! Rams a knee to hir midsection!! Now a waistlock--standing switch by Walker. German Suplex again...and...I think shi's...DEREK WALKER GERMAN SUPLEXED KEVIN NASH!!! Either by strength or sheer willpower, that's AMAZING!!! Shi isn't able to capitalize, though, and is slowly getting back up to hir feet. Now, shi's climbing through the ropes and...no, shi can't be trying to do a springboard move now, can shi?
King: I don't know if shi'll be able to, but she's gonna try.
Eko: Derek with a springboard--NASH GETS UP THE BOOT!! WALKER TAKES IT RIGHT IN THE MUSH!! As Joey would say. Nash getting back up now...he pulls up walker by hir hair, and drapes hir head over the bottom wire. Now Nash pushing down on it...those barbed embedding into hir head!! Ahhh...
King: Amalgam Pincushions...the followup to Amalgam Ballons!
Eko: Nash now pressing his knee against the back of Derek's head, and Derek is bleeding!! He rolls hir off, and now is tugging at that barbed wire bottom rope.....He pulls it from two of it's settings!!
King: People seem to forget just how powerful Nash is...
Eko: Derek sits up and...NASH WRAPPING THE WIRE AROUND HIR NECK!!! CHOKING HIR WITH IT!!! I'm starting to get a little sick at this...*gurgle*
King: It's times like this that I wish I had JR's hat with me.
Eko: Nash is trying to lynch Derek with that barbed wire, pulling it up with it wrapped around hir neck. Nash whips her again...SHE GRABS THE TOP WIRE AND SPRINGS OFF!!! DROPKICK TO NASH!! Now Walker setting him up....BULLDOG ONTO THE BARBED WIRE!!! Nash gets the barbed embedded into his face!! Now Walker grinds his face into them! Nash now has plenty of, as Plodder would say, "bloody nicks."
King: NOT FUNNY!!
Eko: Derek whips Nash to the corner!! Now a knife-edged chop!! Another...and...A LIGHTNING FAST SERIES OF CHOPS ACROSS HIS CHEST!! His chest is redder than the King's face when his wife caught him with that Kaye Playboy.
King: HEY!!!
Eko: Derek now runs towards the corner...NASH GETS THE BOOT UP AGAIN!! Derek's face and the bottom of Nash's boot are starting to become good friends! Nash gets out of the corner and pulls up Walker...now hoists hir overhead and...SNAKE EYES!!! SNAKE EYES!! Nash repays Walker from earlier!
One
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TWO
NO!!! Nash pulls hir back up for more pushishment. Now he sits Walker onto the turnbuckle...elbow from Walker....SHI HITS A TORNADO DDT ONTO THE BARBED WIRE!! One
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TWO
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SO CLOSE!!!
Eko: Derek now with a HARD IRISH WHIP to the corner!! Derek pulls him out and rams a knee to his midsection, now a piledriver set up...NASH BACKDROPS WALKER!!! Walker back up...SIDESLAM from NASH!!! He pulls her up...and....Nash setting up Walker...he hoists her up...POWERBOMB!! He picks her up again!! SHARPSHOT!!! NASH WITH THE SHARPSHOT!! ONE
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TWO
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THREE!!! NEW CHAMPION!!!
Winner by Pinfall, new EAW People's Champion >>> "The Hunter" Kevin Nash
"Hellrazor" by Tupac begins to play, and Megan remarks..
Eko: New People's Champion! And there's Nash's theme. Which is rather appropriate, because after this match Nash, as well as Derek, really DO look like Hellraiser! That's all the time we have for tonight!! Don't miss a new Showdown this Sunday or Mayhem on Tuesday!!