LIVE from the Market Square Arena in Indianapolis, IN!!!
Red bounds into the arena, twirling around and smiling happily.
Red: WHEEE!!!! I know who tried to kill me!! ^_^ And when I reveal who did it, I'm gonna pound that loser into such a bloody pulp! ^_^ Whee!! Or... hmm, dare I say...
Red pauses... then nods, giggling.
Red: WAAAAIIII!!! HUWEI!!! ^-^
Red then stops.
Red: Whoa, I almost hit that kitty-girl's wavelength...
...
... dammit, now I got a craving for tuna.
Red sighs, then walks off.
Styles: Who will she implicate?! We'll find out tonight!!
Obligatory pan across across the arena, with signs like "CYBERBOOTY RULES!" "I RAN OVER RED WEST!" and "SHAED LIKES FEET!!" can be seen in the crowd.
Styles: Welcome to Riot Rulz! Joey Styles with Jerry "The King" Lawler and we are ready for another wild night in the world of Extreme Attitude Wrestling!!
"Crushed" by Limp Bizkit cues up suddenly and out bounds Red "Rock" West, a wide smile on her face as she skips to the ring. Then hops into the ring.
Lawler: And there's the cute little nut-girl herself! Woo-hoo! Now we'll find out who ran her over!
Styles: Lawler, NO ONE ran her over! She's a poor deluded girl who's going to implicate someone totally innocent!
Lawler: Shhh! Quiet, Styles! We're gonna find out! Red's got a mic!
Red: Well, it's been a long long time... I looked at all the videotapes I could find... looking to see who drove that invisible hummer/limo/hummer that ran me over! I can rule out that it wasn't Gadjetto-chan... because she was at my side the whole time when I was fighting Bra-- er, Shaed Bloodgrave, who also isn't the driver! And it wasn't Joey Styles or Jerry Lawler, either...!
Lawler: Darn, I had you pegged, Styles!
Styles: ... Right.
Red: But I know... now I know! After watching countless videos, not sleeping a wink and downing at least twenty Jolt™ colas, I have FINALLY uncovered who drove the invisible limohummerlimo thing!! SO... (Red turns to the stage) ... Would the 58 members of the Knight Cross please come down to the arena now?
Styles: The Knight Cross?! What do THEY have to do with this?!
Lawler: Don't know, but we're about to find out!
"Spawn Again" by Silverchair cues up... and out comes Shaed Bloodgrave, along with his wife Morrigan and his sister-in-law Lilith. Shaed has a mic in hand.
Shaed: Red... I think it's time to stop this foolishness right now! There was no invisible vehicle that ran you over! All your injuries... they were my fault! I take the blame for overexerting my strength! I paid your hospital bills... (Shaed shakes his head) ... I was responsible, Red... it was me.
Red: Shaed... I know it pains you to point the finger of blame at yourself... but you were right next to me... there was no way you could have started the limo in time like the true hummer driver did... isn't that right... Batgirl?
Styles: What?! She doesn't mean--
Lilith blinkblinks... then takes the mic from Shaed.
Lilith:.. You talkin' to me?!
Red grins in an insane manner...
Red: Yes I am... you were the only person on the roster who wasn't backstage at the time... or was it because you were waiting in that invisible hummer...
Lawler: Oh Red! Say it ain't so! Not Lilith! My Horny Little She-Devil!!
Lilith: Uhm... sorry, Red. I got an alibi... I was in Triple H's dressing room. Making hot passionate love to Hera. And Hera'll vouch for me on that. So find some other scapegoat for your delusions, Redster.
Red: Funny... because that's what I've got on tape... and the camera's don't lie.
Lilith: On tape... yeah-- why don't we see what's on that tape?! Huh?
Red: "Let's..."
Lilith, Shaed, and Morrigan all look up at the Jumbotron as Red points to it... we see Hera giving Triple H a post match rubdown...
Red: A-hem...
Lilith: Okay, I should be popping in momentarily...
Styles: Obviously she recognizes this, Lawler... Red might just have nothing!
Red sighs a bit, then pulls out a remote... The image of Hera giving Triple H a rubdown continues, albeit in fast forward motion. After a few moments we see the two leaving the room.
Lilith: Ah-- HEY!!! (Lilith turns to Red) You skipped the part where I came in! Of course that might have been wise since this show IS rated TV-14, but still--
Red: It is...? I thought we were PG... (Red blinkblinks, then shakes her head) But that's besides the point... you lied about where you were backstage and then you hit me with an invisible limo because I was a threat to Shaed's title reign...
Lilith: Grr... (Lilith suddenly jumps up, wings out as she flies all the way to the ring!) Listen, you screwnut! I didn't run you over with an invisible ANYTHING!! I'm innocent!! Hera'll say that, and so will Hunter!! Go blame your delusions on your cheap-ass plushie!!
Shaed: Lilith!! Get back here!
Looking enraged Red spears Lilith like a shot, straddling her and screaming at her.
Red: MY MOTHER MADE THAT PLUSHIE!! HOW... *snif* ... HOW DARE YOU--!!
Lilith quickly pushes Red off, then dashes at her and spears her back, screaming in turn.
I DON'T CARE IF SHE DID!! I'M STILL INNOCENT!! I--
Quickly she's snatched up into Shaed's arms, who came down to separate the two.
Lilith: HEY!! C'mon, Shaed! Let me go!!
Red has apparently snapped... trying to get a swing in at Lilith, but Shaed quickly turns around and takes the swing, shielding Lilith, then lets Lilith go and tries to seperate the two girls.
Shaed: QUIT IT!! Lilith! Apologize to Red!!
Styles: Wow! Listen to that tone of authority from the Revenant!
Lilith sighs.
Lilith: ... I'm sorry... I'm sorry I called your plushie cheap-assed.
Red: Saying your sorry won't take those months I spent at the hospital... which is why I asked Lynxie to sign a Sadists' Dream match at Outsider's Edge...
Styles: (confused) A what?!
Lawler: (excited) A what?!!
Lilith pushes Shaed away, looking at Red.
Lilith: A what?!
Red: Well it's... it's...
Red pauses looking somewhat confused as she stops looks over the contract.
Red: Its a dogcollar match, with a bullwhip on a pole in each corner... ah, so that's it.
Lilith has a "o_O;;" look on her face.
Lilith: ... So... let me get this straight... the object of this match is whip your opponent with the bullwhips for the advantage... right?
Red: Yes... lets see you try and worm your way out of this!
Lilith pauses for a moment.. then gets a wicked grin on her face.
Styles: Uh oh.
Lilith: ... Okay, Red-O-Matic... if you wanna blame me for your fantasies, I'll give you a fantasy of my own... it's me, standing over you with my foot on your chest, and saying in a loud voice... "CALL ME QUEEN!!!!"
Lilith then mock-bitch laughs, making Shaed and Morrigan sweatdrop, as well as Red... this is not reaction she had in mind.
Lilith: Oh Oh! How about some stipulations, too! Say... if I win the match, then you get to be my Love Slave™ for a whole month!!
Lawler: (King Shrieks™)
Styles: Oh dear Lord...!!
Shaed: Uhm, Lilith... (Shaed is about to talk Lilith out of it, but shakes his head) Dark mist, why do I even bother...
Red: Oh yeah... well, if I win you'll be out of this fed once and for all... heck I don't even care about the limo anymore! No one insults my best friend and gets away with it!
Lilith: I SAID I was sorry, Red! (Lilith grrs, then shouts) Fine! But I ain't gonna lose! There ain't no one, AND THE SUCCUBUS SAYS, NO! ONE! (she goes into full Rock mode) ... who can defeat the Succubus in a Sadists' Dream match... IF YA SMEELLLLLLLALALLALALALLALALAAOWWW!!! WHAT THE SUCCUBUS!! (Lilith looks at Red and flashes a perfect People's Eyebrow) ... is boffin'.
Red: Boffin'...
Lilith "^_^s" at Red.
Lilith: I smell you.
Red: But I just took a shower and...
Lilith suddenly spears Red to the ground... and licks her face!
Lawler: Oh, yes!! YESS! Woo-hoo!!
Giggling, she hops up and flies off.
Lilith: See ya soon, Love Slave™!
Spookshow Baby (BLCS Mix)" cues up in her departure as Shaed looks down at Red, sighs, then helps her up, leaving the ring. Red, meanwhile, shudders, lookng somewhat disgusted.
Styles: You heard it here first, people! A Sadists' Dream match! Red "Rock West Vs. Lilith Aensland! If Red wins Lilith's out of the EAW! But if Lilith wins Red becomes her love slave for a month!!
Lawler: Merry Christmas, Styles! My wish came true!! Woo-hoo!!
Styles: Poor Red, I think it's dawning on her that maybe she just made the worst mistake of her life! And the TV Title match is next!! Don't go away! We'll be right back!
***"IT'S MY FIRST CHRISTMAS AS A WOMAN!"***
"There's A Fire In The House" cues up and the fans let out a rousing pop as "Code Red" Michael Connelly comes down the ring, waving to the fans.
Styles: And we are back and in time to witness the TV Title match! Yes, we WILL have a new TV Champion here tonight!
Lawler: I can't wait! And even though I like Code Red and all, yeah right, I have to root for his opponent! Cyberbooty!! Robo-Puppies!! Woo-hoo!!
Styles: Settle, Lawler... she ain't even coming out yet!
Lawler: I know, I'm just getting ready!
As "Code Red" enters the ring, his music fades out and the lights dim... a voice... Carin's voice, speaks out through the PA system, echoing...
"I am alive."
Then "Fiction (Dreams In Digital)" cues up, yellow laser-lights, like a wall of light, shoots from the left side of the stage... and reminiscent to Gangrel's entrance, Carin Peacecraft rises from the stage, eyes closed.
Styles: Wow! What an impressive entrance from "Armistice" Carin Peacecraft!
Lawler: Wow! I wonder how much money was spent in this entrance alone?!
Carin steps out of the laser lights, opening her eyes as she walks down the entranceway, waving as she smiles, the fans cheering for the cybernetic sensation.
Styles: Okay, NOW you can say it.
Lawler: CYBERBOOTY!! ROBO-PUPPIES! WOO-HOO!! I know they're not real, but that's okay! 'Cause she's not real anyway!!
Carin climbs into the ring, then turns towards the entranceway as "Oh Canada" cues up... the fans boo, some cheer, as Lance Storm comes out, in street clothes with a referee's shirt added to his clothes.
Styles: And here we go... I have doubts about how Lance Storm will call this match... he may favor Connelly because of his ring experience... this IS Carin Peacecraft's second match, after all!
Lawler: C'mon, Storm! Do the right thing! Let Cyberboobies win!!
Styles: ... Cyberboo-- *sigh*
Lance Storm climbs into the ring and calls for the bell, and the match begins!
Styles: Peacecraft and Connelly circle the ring... tie-up! And Armistice just throws Code Red into the turnbuckle! She charges in-- but Code Red gets a leg up, kick to Carin's head! And a charge to Carin-- SPEAR!! Cover, oh, not even a one count! It'll take much more to keep her down! Code Red charges in-- OH, but Carin counters with a jujitsu throw!! And she backs up! An explosive start to this title match up!
Lawler: Go Cyberboobies!!
Styles: The two tie-up again... Carin with a headlock!! But Code Red counters with a back drop--holds it into a pin! But gets only a one count! Code Red goes for a Fujiwara armbar, but-- my God, what strength! Carin counters into a hip toss! Into an armbar! Storm's checking to see if Connelly will give up, but he won't! He's stretching out with his foot to get to the ropes... and reaches them! And Carin doesn't even wait for Storm and breaks the hold! Wait, STANDING MOONSAULT! Code Red's still too close to the ropes though, and Carin knows it... she drags Code Red to the middle of the ring, runs to the ropes-- LIONSAULT-- NO, Code Red gets his knees up!! Carin's hurt!
Lawler: Aww, no!! Don't let Cyberboobies lose!!
Styles: Code Red gets up to the top rope-- MICHAEL-SAULT!! Cover! One, two, NO!! Carin mananges to kick out!
Lawler: Whew!
Styles: Code Red gets Carin up... looks like she might set her up for the Red Tape... no, but Carin kicks him away and rolls out of the ring! Smart thinking from Carin! And Storm administers the ten count... slow and steady, so far he's calling this down the middle!
Lawler: Of course he is!
Styles: Storm reaches the 5 count, and Carin slides back in, and Code Red meets her with an elbow to the back! A pick up and a whip to the corner... and, yes! The Immaculate Perplexion!! Code Red is just so quick with this series of moves and--OH MY GOD!! Michael was about to do the spear but Carin countered with a superkick to the head!! My God... and Michael... somehow, he's still conscious!! Carin picks him up... and... whoa, there's the Acid Drop!! Shades of Little Spike Dudley!! And the straddle pin!
Lawler: Woo-hoo!
Styles: One! Two! Thr--NO! Michael gets a shoulder up just in the nick of time!!
Lawler: I think Storm's count was slow!
Styles: Carin picks Connelly up... it looks like she might set him up for the Kill Switch! And--NO! Punch to the gut! Another! And-- WHOA! JUST LIKE THAT!! THE CONDITION RED!! And the pin! One! Two! Thr--NO!!! MY GOD, THAT WAS TOO TOO CLOSE!! Code Red gets Carin up... wait, Carin counters... backdrop to a pin! One! Two! Three! And we got a winner!!
Lawler: Yes!! Carin did it! Cyberboobies did it!!
Styles: Storm has the TV title... wait... he... he's talking to Finkle... let's get the official word!
Finkle: Ladies and gentlemen I have been informed by special referee Lance Storm, that BOTH Carin Peacecraft and Michael Connelly's shoulders were on the mat for the pin!
Styles: What?!
Finkle: Therefore it is his official ruling that the new EAW Television Champion... is "Armistice" Carin Peacecraft!
Lawler: Woo-hoo!!
Finkle: AND "Code Red" Michael Connelly!!
Lawler: What?!?!!
Storm makes it official, raising both dazed competitors' arms up; the fans are confused, but they still cheer, given that they're both fan favorites.
Winners and new EAW TV Champs: "Armistice" Carin Peacecraft & "Code Red" Michael Connelly
Styles: This is incredible! I must say I have to give Lace Storm credit! He made a difficult, but the right call! And for the first time in EAW history, we have co-champions!!
Lawler: Amazing!
Styles: Don't go away! We still have much more to show you all tonight!
***"A warm heapin' bowl of Loosener's Castor Oil Flakes! The All-Weather Breakfast!"***
"Hellrazor" by Tupac cues up over the P.A. System, and 'The Hunter' Kevin Nash appears up the the top of the ramp. Nash flashes a quick Wolfpack sign, and slowly heads to the ring. Nash steps onto the apron, and with him being so tall; steps over the ring ropes.
Styles: And here we go with our People's Title match! Kevin Nash is on a mission to claim gold! And it looks like Derek Walker is going to be the victim here tonight!
Lawler: So you think Derek's a boy or a girl? I think she's a girl! At least that's what I'm going to call her! It's so much easier to me!
Styles: Well... it's not really proper, but whatever...
Nash enters the ring, just as soon as "Travel Time (To Crystalis)" hits, and the EAW People's Champion wastes no time running to the ring. Derek slides under the ringropes, with her title around her waist, and quickly chop-blocks a surprised Kevin Nash.
Styles: Whoa, and this match is underway!! Look at hir go!
Lawler: Her, Styles, her! Get it right!
Styles: Nash goes down to one knee, and is quickly met with stiff kicks to the breadbasket from Derek. Nash punches Derek in the stomach, making hir stop hir attack.
Lawler: Her, Styles! Her!
Styles: Lawler, quit it. Nash gets to his feet, and drops Derek down with a hard powerslam. Nash goes for an elbow drop, but Derek was fast to move out of the way of the elbow. Derek goes right back to the legs of Nash, knowing that's the big man's weakness. Good wrestling from the People's Champion!
Lawler: Yeah, that's good, I guess.
Styles: Derek runs toward the ropes, and hits a clothesline right into Nash's right knee. Followed by some hard low kicks to the leg to Nash. Derek is running against the ropes for the second time, Nash-- AH, catches hir with his trademark big boot.
Lawler: HER!
Styles: Nash whips Derek to the corner, and is met with a foot in the face from Derek! Nash goes back a little, dazing him! Nash rushes in once more, and is met with another foot. Nash stumbles back a little, and Derek hops upon the second turnbuckle. When Nash faces torward hir, Derek leaps off the turnbuckle with a diving clothesline, taking the big man down!
Lawler: Styles--ah, why do I bother...
Styles: Derek is fast to take advantage of the situtation, and applies a Single Leg Crab on Nash's right leg! Kevin Nash, ah, he gets to the ropes! and Derek breaks the hold! Derek gets up off of Nash, and Nash slowly gets to his feet. And Derek goes to the upper body of Nash, by hitting him with lefts and rights to the face of Nash. Oh and Nash manages to block the punches and whips hir to the corner! With Derek in the corner, Nash runs to Derek and catches the amalgam with a hard lariat to the chest!
Lawler: Aahh! Not the puppies!!
Styles: Nash connects with a couple of hard elbow shots... hefts hir up... SNAKE EYES!! Nash follows it up with a number of knee lifts in the corner. Nash stops and whips Derek to the opposite corner. Derek-- wait, shi flips over Nash, and rolls him up with a quick pin! One! Two! Thr-NO! Nash kicks out!!
Lawler: Hey, he ain't called "The Hunter" for anything!
Styles: Derek whips Nash to the ringropes, and a hits a hard clothesline-- OH, and they BOTH go over! I think Derek has a bit of Mick Foley in hir!! Nash and Derek are brawling on the outside, and the ref has begun the count! Nash whips Derek to the barricade, but Derek comes flying back with a HUGE FOREARM SMASH!! The ref has reached about the count of four... and Nash-- OH, NO, smashed Derek's head into the announce table! Get away from here!!
Lawler: I'm going to go over there right now, Styles!
Styles: Nash has thrown Derek on the announcer's table, and-- oh my God--!!
Styles quickly gets out of the way as Nash gets on the table himself, Nash sets Derek up for the Sharpshot, but Derek reverses the powerbomb, and lands on hir feet, and DDTs Nash through the annoucer's table! Meanwhile the ref finally reaches the ten count, and both contenders are double-counted out. Winner: None; no contest
Styles: ... Are we on?! Hello?!
Styles: My God... our table's destroyed! Nash and Derek are STILL fighting-- and security and referees are gathering to break them up-- we have to take a commercial break! We'll be right back!
***"Bear Whiz Beer... It's In The Water!"***
Styles: Welcome back to EAW Riot Rulz!! Coming up next is a return match from Mayhem--
King: Not really, Colley-chan's a GUY this time *whine*.
Styles: Well, yes. In a move that cost them the tag team titles, Colley used his female form in the tag title match on Mayhem...
"Born to be Wiiiiiiiiiiild...."
King: At least I get to see Foxy Lady out here...
"Born to be Wild" by Steppenwolf as the challengers for the tag team titles, Scarlet and Colley, step out onto the ramp.
Styles: Could this be a lucky night for Wildpack 2000, and can they reclaim the tag titles? Or will S&M do it twice in a row?
King: S&M TO WIN!!!
The crowd cheers on the Wildpack2K as they make their way down the ramp, hoping to see a title change tonight...
"DNR" by Testament begins to play next, as the cheers fade into boos.
Styles: Observe that the captain has turned on the "feel free to throw trash" sign.
The leather-clad BG Hyde steps out on the ramp first, proudly holding up a tag belt in each hand as she is flanked by Spike and Morty. Her riding crop is stuffed down the front of her top, held by her cleavage.
King: Whooooo baby!! That riding crop has the best seat in the house for this match.
Styles: S&M just may be the most powerful tag team the EAW has ever seen...even eclipsing Brutality.
King: So true so true...BG has literally whipped these two into shape.
BG hands the tag titles to the referee, who holds them up in the air as a graphic appears on screen signifying the titles are on the line.
*ding, ding*
Spike starts off in the ring against Colley. Spike whiffs a bearhug attempt as Colley ducks between his legs, attempting a waistlock, and backdropping him. Spike quickly rises, clotheslining Colley, then attempting to grab his muzzle, but Colley knees him in the midsection, and hits a hard elbow, causing him to stagger back. Colley plows into him with a flying headbutt, then pins him to the mat, firing away with right hands to his face as he tries to cover up.
He attempts to get a pin, but Spike tosses him off, and as Colley rises, Spike turns him inside out with a clothesline, then pulls him back up and military presses him....then turns it into a gutbuster. Spike follows it up with a set of jumping elbows, then tags in Morty.
Morty steps through the ropes, and Spike picks up Colley...and the two give him a Spike Piledriver before Spike steps back out onto the apron. Morty pins Colley, but Scarlet makes the save. Morty goes to whip Colley to the corner, and charges in, but Colley springs over Morty, shoving him chest-first to the turnbuckle, and sets him up on the turnbuckle for a Super Backdrop. Colley goes for the cover and gets a two count. As Morty gets up, he goes for a wild looping right that Colley catches and turns into an armwringer...he tags in Scarlet while holding on, and Scarlet climbs the top rope and hits a missile dropkick while Colley holds him into position. Scarlet runs and hits a kneedrop into Morty's upper right arm, and locks on a sitting reverse armbar on it. Morty crawls around and twists him body to get to the bottom rope, fighting the pain, and grabs the rope. Scarlet releases the hold, and pulls him back up by the same arm, applying an armbreaker. Scarlet tags out to Colley, who pulls back up Morty and scoops him up for a shoulderbreaker, but Morty slips behind, locking up Colley in a side headlock, then slamming his throat down onto his knee.
Morty picks up Colley and bulldogs him back down, laying in stomps to the back of his head. Colley gets up and walks into a suplex set up, but blocks it, breaks free, and hits an Evenflow DDT on Morty. The crowd pops huge for Colley as he goes for the cover, but gets only a two. As the stunned Morty begins to recover, he crawls right into the clutches of Colley. Spike steps into the ring, prompting the ref to go over and try to get him back onto the apron. This gives BG an opportunity to springboard dropkick Colley, freeing Morty. BG then scrambles back out of the ring as the crowd boos.
Morty then acts quick, and hits a Mortality Splash on Colley, but Colley gets his foot on the ropes. Morty then tags into the larger of the team, Spike, who then steps over the top rope into the ring. Spike pulls up the prone Colley, slapping his right hand over his neck with an evil grin. He then hoists him up high in the air, but Colley wraps his arms and legs tightly around his arm, throwing him off balance. Colley then quickly springs onto his feet, then whips Spike to the rope, monkey flipping him over (although with difficulty). Spike quickly tosses him off, and gets back up. Colley charges him again, but Spike grabs him with both hands around his throat, then powerbombs him back down. He then follows up with an Irish Whip, and pancakes him down. Spike then hits a leg drop. Then, he wraps his hand around Colley's head, yanking him back up, then hoisting him up high. Scarlet gets in and runs towards Spike, but is prompty grabbed around her throat, and pulled up high into the air.
Colley begins to try to shake free, but has difficulty. But he frees enough of his head to swing around sink his teeth deep into Spike's wrist, causing him to drop Colley and Scarlet. Scarlet then whips Spike to the far ropes, then as he hits them Colley hoists him on his shoulders and falls back, and Scarlet assists to hit a reverse 3D on the massive Spike. Scarlet gets out of the ring as Colley covers Spike, and the ref hits the mat to start a count. At 2, BG pulls him out. The ref slides back in, and goes for a one...two...KICK OUT!!!
Colley, frustrated, pulls up Spike, but Morty gets in spins around Colley, kicks him, and delivers the Needle to the Mind's Eye, after which Spike pins him. Scarlet gets in the ring, but BG also slides in, grabbing Scarlet's ankle and the ref's hand hits the mat a second time. It then hits a third, causing the crowd to boo.
*ding, ding*
Styles: NO!! NO!!! DAMN IT!!! S&M steal another win from the former tag team champions!
King: S&M RETAIN!!! S&M RETAIN!!
As "DNR" by Testament plays, Scarlet angerly gets back up and shoves down BG. BG gets back up and slaps Scarlet, then shoves her. Scarlet is barely moved, but kicks BG and Stuns her to a massive pop.
Styles: SCARLET STUNS BG!!!
King: NOOOO!!! AHHH..Spike to the rescue...IRON MAIDEN!!!
The bell begins to ring several more times as S&M stomp away on the Wildpack. Suddenly--
Styles: Wait! What's Lou Cypher and Lady Widow doing out here?! They-... they're attacking S&M?! They're whailing on the champions!! And--
Suddenly the lights go out!
Lawler: NOW what?!
The lights suddenly come back on--
Styles: IT'S SASORI SHIRONO!! HE'S BEHIND LOU CYPHER!! Grab from behind-- VENOM STRIKE!! Lady Widow is wisely backing off as Sasori helps Spike up... AND HE PICKS HIM UP IN A SCOOP SLAM... INTO A REVERSE DDT! He calls that Venom Strike²!! And-- wait, Morty's got a chair and swings it at Sasori from behind--
Lawler: AAHHHH!!
Styles: OmiGod, Sasori just shattered into scorpions!! He just reformed behind Morty, and he-- HE JUST LAID HIM OUT WITH A BAT... it looks like a white bat made of chitin!! Lady Widow, ohh, I don't think it's a wise idea sneaking up on Sasori from behind-- and it's not! Sasori grabs her by the neck! He knew she was there... but he's just letting her go! Why... wait, you hear that?!
~... for ariel... you remain...~
Sasori then once more explodes into a mass of scorpions as his new theme, "The Best Things" by Filter, cues up in his absence, and leaving Lady Widow the only survivor in a ring full of downed bodies.
Styles: Unbelievable!! S&M retain the titles and attack Wildpack 2000, Lou Cypher and Lady Widow attack S&M, then Sasori Shirono of Scorpion's Pyre SINGLE-HANDEDLY lays out Cypher, Spike and Morty!! But spares Lady Widow for his daughter's sake!
Lawler: Yeah! Thing it'd be against Ariel if her father laid out the girl she was trying to befriend!
Styles: Point... well, we're at our last match! Nova! Revenant! That's next!
***"We've Got Pop!" =-ž***
The last match of the night... "One Man Army" cues up and out comes the CruiserCore champion Nova, both titles worn over his shoulders like shoulder pads as he comes down to the ring with Angelina.
Styles: We're back with our main event of the night!
Lawler: PUPPIES!!! Ohhh, look at Angelina! Is it cold in here! I can see her ni--
Styles: THANK YOU! I should ask Gertner to come here, he's less of a pervert than you!
Lawler: That' not a bad think, Styles! Woo-hoo! Come to poppa, Angel! Come and make me all right!
As Angelina and Nova enter the ring, "Engel" cues up--
*TWHOOOM!!*
--And a pillar of black flame explodes from the entranceway as Shaed jumps from it, Morrigan emerging from a green transportal next to him.
Lawler: Ohhh, baby!! This is my lucky day, Styles! Cyberboobies, furrie puppies, leather puppies, now batty-puppies!! We got a dog pound here, Styles!
Styles: No jury will convict me of murder if you start singing that song.
Lawler: Who let the dogs out!! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!
Styles looks at Lawler.
Lawler: I said it, I didn't sing it!
Shaed enters the ring as both Morrigan and Angelina remain at ringside to root for their men... referee Ayane Mitsui calls for the bell.
Styles: Tie-up... Nova with a knee to the gut and-- oh, already!! SLEDGE-O-MATIC!!! Right in the start of the match!! Shaed has been dealt a terrifically painful blow that... he's getting up from...
Lawler: Maybe so, Styles, but he's still hurting! He may be immortal, but his family jewels're as tender as anyone's!
Styles: Shaed manages a vertical suplex on Nova, pick-up, whip to the corner-- and THERE'S the Tilt-A-Whirl Slam! Pick up, OH, but Nova punches Shaed in the gut and drops a side backbreaker to the immortal warrior! But Shaed rolls back up to his feet-- OH, dropkick to the gut! And a quick spin into a series of roundhouse kicks to the head!! Brutal!!
Lawler: The Hardcore Super-Hero's not looking too super here, Styles!
Styles: Shaed picks Nova up... Nova manages a hammerlock--no, Shaed counters into a side wristlock! And a spinning heel kick sends Nova down! Nova manages to get back up and delivers a front backbreaker... pick up-- no, Shaed spins around, locks in the full nelson-- DRAGON SUPLEX!! One-- no, just a one count! Nova's up--SNAPMARE!! But kippups-- and ENZIGURI sends Nova down! Shaed continues the assault, knee shots-- GUTWRENCH SUPLEX!! Nova hasn't offered up any offense!
Lawler: Yep, definetly not so Super here.
Styles: Wait! ATOMIC DROP FROM NOVA!! And Shaed goes down, but he's getting back up! Nova quickly heads to the top rope... waits for it... BLOCKBUSTER!! Cover! One, two--NO! Shaed kicks out!!
Lawler: Aww, look at Angelina hitting the apron... her puppies are just bouncing and--
Styles: ANYway, Nova catches Shaed with a kick to the stomach-- NOVACAINE!! Cover! One, two, thr--NO! Shaed still kicks out!! Shaed gets picked up, knee to the head-- and THERE'S THE DEEP IMPACT!!! One! Two! NO!!! Shaed still won't stay down!! Nova still won't give up... what is he.. my God... he isn't... he IS!! KRYPTONITE KRUNCH OFF THE TOP ROPE!!! MY GOD, even Morrigan shielded her eye from that!! It's gotta be over!!! ONE! TWO! THR-- NO?!! HOW IN GOD'S NAME DID SHAED KICK OUT?!!
Lawler: He ain't human, Styles! He can't be!
Styles: Nova grabs up Shaed, whips, no reversal, spin--
Shaed: SHO GEKI HA!!
Styles: --SUDDEN IMPACT!!! Cover! One! Two! Thr--NO!!! MY GOD, NOVA JUST... HE JUST KICKED OUT OF THE SUDDEN IMPACT!! UNBELIEVABLE!! AND SHAED IS... Shaed is smiling!!
Lawler: He's just having fun!! This guy... he's so freaky!
Shaed picks Nova up-- then suddenly Nova small packages him! (1-2--)Shaed counters by rolling Nova's shoulders to the mat (1-2--), but Nova kicks out, grabbing Shaed's leg and rolling his shoulders down (1-2--)! Shaed kicks out and grabs Nova's leg, spinning into a prawn hold (1-2--) and Nova counters, grabbing Shaed and sliding him down into a pinning predicament (1-2--), but Shaed kicks out of THAT as well!! The fans cheer in approval of both Nova and Shaed's technical expertise.
Styles: Wow! So many pinfalls!! Amazing!!
Lawler: No kidding!!
Styles: This might be the deciding move here... it certainly feels like it! Nova and Shaed encircle the ring... both charge!! Nova with a clothsline, Shaed ducks, grabs Nova-- SUDDEN IMP-- no, he's going to the corner! OH MY GOD!!! DID I JUST SEE THAT?!!
Lawler: I saw it too!!!
Styles: A... A MOONSAULTING SUDDEN IMPACT!!! And Shaed with the pin! One! Two! Thr--NO?!??!!!
Lawler: How the blazes did Nova kick out?!?!
Styles: This is shades of an ECW Pay-Per-View event, folks! Take it from someone who's been there!! Shaed and Nova have taken it to their own limits and beyond, and they won't give up! Shaed's gettin up, but slowly... I think even HE is winded from this battle!!
Lawler: THAT'S a shocker!!
Styles: Shaed shakes free of the cobwebs... grabs Nova by the legs and-- wait, he's going to... HE'S GOING TO KRYPTONITE KRUNCH NOVA?! HE IS!! NO! NOVA COUNTERS! PRAWN HOLD PIN! ONE! TWO! THREE!! NOVA WINS!! MY GOD!! NOVA HAS BEATEN "THE REVENANT!"
Lawler: I don't believe it!
Winner: Nova
Shaed slowly gets up... panting hard as he wipes the sweat off his brow. Looking to Nova, he smiles... nodding, then getting up and raising his arm in victory.
Styles: A true testament to this federaton! These men have performed well, given their best to this crowd here tonight!! This is what our commisioner is fighting for! Professional wrestling at its best!!
Lawler: That WAS pretty cool, wasn't it?!
Styles: It sure was! And we're out of time! For the King, this is Joey Styles! Good night, and we'll see you at Razor's Edge!!