The Salvo of fireworks and cheering of the masses signals the start of this edition of Riot Rulz.

Signs in the crowd this week include: "EAW: OUR SEATS AREN'T DRAPED OFF.", "ALBERT = BIGFOOT", "HURRICANE: THE SUPER WORLD CHAMPION!", "MATTITUDE WILL GET ADJUSTED BY OSEIKO", "AKIKO RULES!", "(KELLY) CONNELLY FOR WORLD CHAMPION!", "MIKEY IS A GOD!" (held by a female fan), "EIGHTEEN ROCKS MY WORLD", and the ever popular "SIGNS, SIGNS, EVERYWHERE THERE'S SIGNS!"

Kanyon: Welcome everyone to another edition of EAW Riot Rulz! Chris Kanyon here along with Pamela Paulshock...

Pamela: And I can't wait tonight! Matt Hardy will grace us with his presence!

Kanyon: Well, yes. But that's not all. Tonight, both the Extreme and World Titles will be on the line, as well as two spots in the EAW World Title Shot tournament!

Pamela: Who cares about that? MATTITUDE! WHOO!

Kanyon: *sigh* Let's get started.

"Points of Authority(Reanimation Remix)" by Linkin Park begins to play.

Kanyon: We're going to kick things off with a tournament match here...one of these two will advance further in the tournament...the prize a shot at the EAW World Title.

Capetta: The following contest is scheduled for one fall under ECW Rules, with a 10 minute time limit, and is a Tournament Match. First, currenty residing in Venice Beach, California--he stands 6'3" and weighs in at 229 pounds. Buzzsaw!!

Pamela: Yeah..let's see if Buzzsaw here can do what his brother couldn't.

Kanyon: Certainly what he plans on doing, although it's very difficult to beat Kirk Angel, especially with the stakes that high.

Pamela: True..but both him and his brother I find unsavory...hanging around with those hosebeasts and goth sluts, and what not.

Kanyon: Let the record show that Pamela's trying to take the moral high ground.

Pamela: So? Just because I'm amazingly hot doesn't mean I'm some shallow slut. The rest of the EAW females...yes, most of them are. But not me...

Kanyon: Yeah, sure, right.

A wolf's howl is heard as "Of Wolf and Man" by Symphony & Metallica cues up, and the crowd cheers enthusiastically.

Capetta: And his opponent...from Los Angeles, California...standing 6'3" and weighing 247 pounds--'Big Yiffy' Cooooooolley Doooooogstaaar!!

Kanyon: Colley's probably held a wider variety of titles than anyone else in the entire EAW. And rest assured that soon, whether he wins this tournament or not, he'll be World Champion soon. I think the only thing holding him back now is that he unfortunately has a half-time schedule.

Pamela: Maybe, but that gives him more time to recover from his matches.

Kanyon: It also gives him only half as many matches, so he moves up the ranks slower, and has to get more wins to catch up to others.

Pamela: Hmm...right.

Kanyon: And now Colley getting in the ring...a stare down from the opposite corners. These two have taken part in quite a tag team rivalry between their respective teams. Both former tag team champions...Buzzsaw no where near as decorated, although his partner Chaynz had a brief run as People's Champion. Buzzsaw likely looking to change that starting tonight...

Pamela: Odd that the guy who beat his brother is now going for the tag team titles. =P

*ding, ding*

Kanyon: Tieup to start, Colley with a strength advantage--kick to the midsection stuns Colley--inverted atomic drop!! Buzzsaw hits the ropes--arm caught, whipped around and sent to the mat with a short arm clothesline!

Pamela: LAAAAARIIIIIAAATOOOOO!!~~ That's the match!--oh, wait, this ain't Japan. =P

Kanyon: Heh--Colley hoisting him up to his feet, scoop and a slam. Locking on a full nelson, and wrenching it on as he pulls Buzzsaw up--lifted up and SLAMMED into the mat! Buzzsaw trying to get away, Colley grabbing the arm, whips him hard into the far corner--charging in--RIGHT into a back elbow by Buzzsaw!! Buzzsaw up to the second rope--WIPES HIM OUT with a top rope spear!!

Pamela: Yowza--Buzz now extremely aggressive, hitting hard shots into the ribs of Colley. Floating over, and locking on a Dragon Sleeper variation...Colley bridging up, and Buzzsaw setting him up and hitting a reverse suplex!

Kanyon: Cover by Buzz--

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ONE!

Kickout by Colley!

Pamela: Toilet-breath still full of energy, and powering out of that cover. Buzzsaw's the first up--Irish Whip--countered by Colley, into a TILT A WHIRL--FRONT POWERSLAM!

Kanyon: A big move to turn the tide here, and fore arm shots to the back by Colley. Hoisted up on the shoulders--and hung up to dry in the corner! Now--Colley to the opposite corner--charging in--FRONT DROPKICK to the upper back!! A lot of momentum put into that, and Buzzsaw hitting the mat! Cover!

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ONE!

Kickout!

Pamela: The mutt knows what he's doing, that I can't doubt. Wrenching the arm back and driving the knee into the back now. Buzzsaw attemping to power out of this predicament. Moving onto his knees...up to one--Colley turning it into a backslide--

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ONE!

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TWO!--escape! Rolling backwards, and getting up--Colley ducks the kick--spins around--thrust kick with the other leg by Buzzsaw!!

Kanyon: Hook of the leg by Buzz--One! Tw--NO! Buzzsaw pulling Colley up, and knees into the midsection delivered. Now hoisting up Colley overhead--RIBS FIRST down across the knee!! Again! A variation on the Anti Future Plan of Nexus'.

Pamela: Right, maybe figuratively shoving his nose in it. =P And Colley pulled back up--quick counter, SUPLEX by Colley, dropping him from up high! Kick into the back by Colley.

Kanyon: Pulls up Buzzsaw--attempted neckbreaker counter--Colley with the waistlock--GERMAN SUPLEX hit by Colley!! Cutting that attempted comeback short, and hoisted up--side backbreaker by Colley. Cover--

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ONE!

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TWO!--Kickout!

Pamela: Can you just imagine what he smells like all sweaty like that? Plus with that thick winter coat he's sure to have more stench trapped in him.. Yeech.

Kanyon: Well, I don't know about his hygiene, but I know he has regular tick baths whether he needs them or not--pick up now, and lining himself up with the turnbuckle--CORNER TRA--escape by Buzzsaw, gut wrench into a powerbomb!! Buzzsaw off the ropes now--DRIVES the elbow into the vulnerable rib area. Springing up to the top rope now--450 Legdrop across the lower abdomen!! That could be it!!

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One!

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TWO!

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--no! Pulls up his shoulder using the rope! No rope breaks in this match, but still need to keep both shoulders down.

Pamela: Colley saves himself thanks to knowledge of his ring positioning--but impressive offense there by Buzzsaw.

Kanyon: Heh--Pam with a compliment to Colley, that's a new one.

Pamela: I didn't have a joke for that situation--so sue me. Although if Colley was more canine-like, Buzz'd be screwed.

Kanyon: Why?

Pamela: No shoulders. =P

Kanyon: Oh, yeah. Buzzsaw recovering, and setting up Colley in the corner. Kicks into the midsection--harder now, and going directly for those ribs, trying to finish Colley off. Climbing up top now--1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6--Colley grabbing the waist, attempting to Powerbomb him out of the corner--Buzzsaw jumping off--but right into a kick to the midsection by Colley--EVENFLOW DDT!!

Pamela: Yowtch! That's not going to damage the back area he's been concentrating on, but--oh, dragging him in the center of the ring, face down. Now--

Kanyon: There goes the elbowpad, and now looks like he's--

Pamela: --going for THE MOST ASININE MOVE IN SPORTZ ENTERTAINMENT, or at least a good facsimile--

Kanyon: To the ropes, up and over--off the far ropes--CANO'S ELBOW delivered to the back!! Rolls him over into a cover--

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ONE!!

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TWO!

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--NO!

Pamela: Thank God. =) We don't need someone getting pinned by that ridiculous move...

Kanyon: Buzzsaw pulled up, and more shots to the back now by Colley--waistlock now, and a back drop, center of the ring by Colley. Drops a knee into the back as he attempts to roll out of the way. Pulling himself up by the ropes--kick to the midsection surprises Colley, and a double underhook--Jagged Edge!! Colley clutching those still vulnerable ribs, and now rolling out of the ring--

Pamela: I think I know what's coming now...

Kanyon: ECW rules--it's all good, and glass table pulled out from under the ring!

Pamela: Colley slowly getting up now--grabbing Buzzsaw by the back of the head now, ramming it on the apron!

Kanyon: Self-preservation here, as Colley knows what's at stake. Rolling out of the ring, and setting up Buzzsaw--POWERBOMB FROM THE APRON THROUGH THE GLASS TABLE!!!

Pamela: Now...we're getting...EEEEEXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME!! *cough, cough* Water, please. *cough*

Kanyon: Here ya go--try not to do that again.

Pamela: *gulp, cough* Right--*cough*

Kanyon: This isn't falls count anywhere, so Colley needs to pin Buzzsaw in the ring to end this...

Pamela: Elbow into the midsection of Colley stopping him, and a quick side slam puts Colley on the floor!!

Kanyon: His back is in pain, but he's trying to shut it out, and heading for those steel steps--

Pamela: Colley upANDLEVELEDWITHTHEM!! Now tossing them into the ring, and Buzz rolling his opponent inside.

Kanyon: Up on the apron--Springboard--PULLS THE STEPS ON TOP OF HIM!! And used them as a shield!! That had to hurt like hell--Colley getting up now, and picks the steps up...to the top rope--SECOND ROPE POWERBOMBS THE STAIRS ONTO THE BACK OF BUZZSAW!!

Pamela: ....that's it, scoop him into a dinner bowl, he's kibble now.

Kanyon:

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ONE!!

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TWO!!

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...NO!!

Pamela: Whew!!..close one there.

Kanyon: Yeah, but how much longer can he hold out? Grabbing the steps and continuing to assault him with them. Now set straight up again, and Colley pulling him up, looks like a powerbomb off the steps for added elevation!!

Pamela: Set up, LOW BLOW BY BUZZSAW!! Hoisting him up now...and now--a ONE MAN CON-CROTCH-O on Colley!! Collapsing due to the pain in his back, but Colley has JUST BEEN NEUTERED!!

Kanyon: *winces* And now--SHIT--you've gotta be kidding me--setting up the stairs as a springboard--looking to avenge a similar move earlier--charging in, boosting up--and LOW DROPKICK right into the midsection!! DEVASTATING move by Buzzsaw!!

Pamela: Pinning Colley now--

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ONE!

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TWO!

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Thr--THE HELL?!

Kanyon: Colley kicking out, amazing endurance there...and Buzzsaw looks shocked as hell too. Colley picked up now, and double underhook--NO! Double leg takedown--Colley now, catapults him--HITS THE CORNER face first!! Colley now setting up the stairs--running up--STINGER SPLASH in the corner!! Buzzsaw heavily dazed--and--slumped in the corner!!

Pamela: NO...no...Not another SPORTZ Entertainment move!! =P

Kanyon: Colley rushing in and--FOOT UP BY BUZZSAW!! Counters the Bronco Buster!! Colley pulling himself up on the stairs--caught from behind--and the BUZZKILL!!! And cover by Buzzsaw!!--

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ONE!

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TWO!!

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THREE!!!

*ding, ding, ding*

"Points of Authority (remix)" cues up again...

Capetta: The winner of this match, who advances to the next portion of the tournament--BUZZSAW!!

Pamela: A clean finish? Cool!

Kanyon: Well, both of these two have suffered quite a bit of damage to their bodies in this match, and a congratulatory high five as they get up.

Pamela: Well, I've seen more sickening displays...I think I can deal with that.

Kanyon: Heh! Well, the dog didn't have his day today, as at least one half of Chainsaw moves on to the next leg of the tournament, but who knows what awaits down the road. Come back after the break folks, more Riot Rulz to come!!

**Commercial Break**

"Rock the Party" by POD cues, and Lexay makes her way to the ring.

Kanyon: Lexay Too Sexay told me earlier that she was gonna beat some respect outta the opponent...

Pamela: Ugh. That was TERRIBLE, Chris...

Kanyon: Heh. Sorry. Been playing a lot of the new SmackDown! Shut Your Mouth game lately. JR's pseudo-commentary is sorta stuck on my brain.

Pamela: Well, you should play less videogames. Maybe you'd actually get a DATE sometime... Er... not from me, I mean. I would STILL think you're a loser, even if you did quit gaming...

Kanyon: Nice to know you love me so much, Pammy...

Pamela: Hey, that's what I'm here for...

Capetta: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the Extreme Championship! Making her way to the ring, from San Diego, California........LEXAY TOO SEXAY!!!!!!!

Come! Kill!! Color me Blood Red!

"Color Me Blood Red" by Malice Mize hits the speakers, and Akiko jaunts out to the ramp in full Pogo-chan makeup. She is followed by her manager Kelly, who is also decked out Pogo-chan style, and pushing a grocery cart with a super-deformed plushie of Mr. Pogo sitting atop various implements of pain... Kendo sticks wrapped in barbed wire, two-by-fours, a bottle of vodka... and many other items lay in wait.

Pamela: Heh. Lookit that... Pogo the Cute.

Kanyon: Don't let Akiko hear you say that...

Pamela: Why not? She probably came up with it in the first place...

Kanyon: I don't wanna think of a cute Pogo. Cute Pogo-CHAN maybe...

Pamela: Watch it, Chris... Those are my lines you're starting to use.

Capetta: And her opponent, accompanied to the ring by her manager Kelly Connelly-Flair, from Osaka, Japan, she is the EAW Extreme Champion.............AKIKO NAKANO!!!!!!!!

Kanyon: Akiko in the ring now, staring down Lexay... the calm before the storm...

Pamela: And Lexay takes the first shot, with knife-edged chops to Akiko's chest! She looks like she means business!

Kanyon: Akiko turning it around, giving Lexay a series of cruiserweight moves, a la Kurt Angle, taunting her with a few smacks to the back of the head for good measure!

Pamela: Doesn't look like she's taking Lexay very serious. Matter of fact, she's acting pretty silly, especially for being in Pogo-chan mode.

Kanyon: Lexay doesn't looked too very pleased with it either, as she rolls over and kicks Akiko off of her! She sets up the Sharpshooter early, on...

Pamela: NO, Akiko wriggles out before Lex can lock it in, but OOOOH! Akiko gets a Mach 1 from Lexay!

Kanyon: She rolls with it though, and kippups to hit Lexay with a Divine Wind Kick!

Pamela: Lexay rolling out of the ring now to avoid a Rolling Tsunami, and grabs a chair. CHAIRSHOT TO AKIKO!!! And again, over the head and back and arms, shouting curses in Spanish! I bet that don't mean she wants to invite Akiko over for tea!

Kanyon: Akiko growls at her and muscles the chair out of her hands, and giving Lexay a few chairshots of her own, and COVER--!

ONE!

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TWO--! Lexay gets the shoulder up.

Pamela: Kelly tossing Akiko that "Singapore Cane," and Akiko striking Lexay across the back and legs several times! Lexay howling like a baby. Ow! Literally BREAKING that cane over Lexay's thick skull, and Kelly tosses Akiko a couple more...

Kanyon: NO, but Lexay catches one and whacks Akiko before the other can be picked up. She cracking away at Akiko, and Pogo-chan collapses! COVER! Oo, Kelly moving for the save, but Akiko gets the shoulder up after One anyway.

Pamela: Lexay doesn't look very happy about that. She's stomping at Akiko a bit, and now she's grabbing the other Singapore Cane! What the hell is she doing with them? Does she think she's Darth Maul or something? She's swinging them around like an idiot!

Kanyon: OH, and it costs her! Kelly blasting her from behind with a spray from a fire extinguisher! It shouldn't hurt to much from behind, but it distracts her, and Akiko takes advantage!!! DIVINE WIND KICK! And a COVER!

Pamela: But Lexay gets the shoulder up before the ref can even COUNT! She's getting up now, and shoves Akiko, and Akiko shoving back. Lexay with a kick to the gut, and MONEY MAKER! But... what's she doing? Pin her, Lexay?

Kanyon: Lexay outside the ring now, trying to grab something from the shopping cart. Kelly tries to prevent her from doing so, but gets slugged for her efforts! She's back to the ring now with two trash can lids, and banging them all over Akiko!

Pamela: Who curls up like a little baby! WAAAAAAH!!!!

Kanyon: That actually might be a pretty good strategy, Pam... Give Lexay less surface area to hit, and take less damage.

Pamela: Whatever...but it still looks like she's baby... Lexay whacking away with those trash can lids...

Kanyon: And OH! Looks like Akiko's had all she can take of THAT! She's all up in that ass now! Look at the expression on her face! She looks psychotic!

Pamela: ...actually I was looking more at HOW she got back up... What the hell did she just do?

Kanyon: I THINK it was a Lou Thesz Press, but I've never seen one employed from the laying down position before... I'm surprised YOU didn't know about it, what with all the time you spend on YOUR back.

Pamela: Har. Har. HAR. Akiko stomping away at Lexay and, what's this...?

Kanyon: Akiko gesturing for Kelly to bring "Mr. Pogo" to the ring. Kelly handing her Pogo-plushie! Akiko opening the mouth...

Pamela: Say "Ahh!"

Kanyon: ...and a thousand shiny tacks pouring out of it! Oh, God! She's gonna powerbomb Lexay onto those tacks!

Pamela, NO, Lexay gets an eye gouge and pounding away at Akiko! OUCH! Akiko falling onto those tacks! Boy did THAT backfire! That's a classic Mick Foley screw-up right there! Lexay rolling Akiko onto those tacks, and they pin into her shoulders, arms and chest.... Akiko, the human pin-cushion! Hey, that kinda has a nice ring to it...

Kanyon: Now THIS is someone who WANTS that Extreme Title! And there she goes, trying to bash Akiko's face into the tacks! But Akiko talks her out of it with an elbow to the gut! Oh, man, look at Akiko...she's a thousand tiny rivers of red ooze...

Akiko simply looks down at herself, rubs a little blood off her arm, and licks it.

Pamela: ...Eww.

Kanyon: Akiko sending Lexay to the turnbuckle with an Irish whip... and she's going back to the Pogo-plushie! She takes the barbed wire from it... oww, WRAPPING it around her arm, and OHHHH!!!! A corner clothesline with the barbed wire across Lexay's throat!!!!

Pamela: Akiko is one sick puppy. She's shoving and grinding that barbed wire into Lexays face, throat and chest, and yanking at Lexay's hair! She's trying to pull it out! Oh my God!

Kanyon: Lexay screaming in pain, but somehow she finds the strength to muscle away from Akiko!

Pamela: She doesn't get very far, though! Akiko with a chop across the chest with the barbed wire arm and DDT's Lexay onto the chair! She's got a crazy look in her eyes, Chris...

Kanyon: And beckoning Kelly for a bottle of vodka and the lighter. Takes a swig, flicks on the lighter, and NOOOO!!! Oh God, she's breathing fire onto Lexay's back!

Pamela: Yeah, ain't it great? Listen to her cry! Look at her wiggle and squirm!

Kanyon: Akiko hops over the ropes, and grabs a table from under the ring! Flinging it into the ring now... sets it up... and pours vodka all over it? The hell?

Pamela: But Lexay gets up and ... SHAKE-O-MATIC ON AKIKO!!! Lexay has the lighter and she's setting the table on fire!!! OH YEAH!!!! Akiko POWERBOMBED through the burning table! Lexay drags her away from the flaming wreck, and goes for the pin! She's got it in the bag! We've got a new Extreme Champion!

Kanyon: NO!!!! Akiko BARELY gets the shoulder up before Three! Look at Lexay's face! She can't believe it!!!

Pamela: WHAT?! NO WAY!!!! Lexay back to the shopping cart to get something to finish Akiko off... Oooo... The sickle and chain... that oughta do the trick!

Kanyon: NO, she gets whacked in the face with a broken Singapore Cane! Akiko was ready for her! Akiko taking back her sickle and ruthlessly slashing away at Lexay's forehead, shoulders, and back! Choking her with the chain!

Pamela: Lexay elbows Akiko, which gives her the opportunity to get free of the chain--!!!

Kanyon: --but Akiko doesn't let her capitalize as she throws the weighted end of the sickle toward Lexay's neck, the chain wrapping around her throat! Akiko yanking Lexay toward her-- OSAKA STREET SNIPER!!!!! AKIKO WITH THE PIN!!!!

Pamela: *under her breath* Hmph. Next thing ya know he's gonna say "OH MAH GAWD! OH MAH GAWD!"

Kanyon: *not paying attention to Pamela now* The Ref with the count! ONE!!!!!! TWO!!!!! THREE!!!!!!!!

Pamela: Yeah, yeah, yeah... Pogo-Girl retains the title, blah blah blah... just pipe down, would ya?

Capetta: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner and STILL EAW Extreme Champion.........AKIKO NAKANO!!!!!

Pamela: We have to wonder how much they're gonna...celebrate.

Kanyon: Ugh...well, stay tuned folks. We got more to come!

*COMMERCIALS!*

Kanyon: Well Pam, up next we have a special challenge match made! Matt Hardy going up against Oseiko.

Pamela: Oseiko seems to not like Mattitude for some reason...I don't know WHY...but that's her problem.

Kanyon: Well, Oseiko is upset with Matt for him betraying his brother on national television. Let's see if she can fufill her mission.

After a brief loading sequence, as usually done for Matt Hardy…

OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Matt Hardy makes his way out of the entryway…his special video package playing, with the Mattitude Facts being: "Made Hurricane leave Smackdown" and "Was first one offered role in Star Wars Episode 2."

Capetta: The following special attraction contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Cameron, North Carolina, standing 6'2" tall and weighing in at 225 pounds, Matt Hardy, Version 1!

Pamela: Now THIS is a competitor! Looks, skill, charisma…he's got it all!

Kanyon: And an ego to match Triple-H's. But he CAN back it up with his in ring actions.

Pamela: Which is probably the reason that Oseiko is trying to take him out.

"It's Love" starts to play, and the crowd cheers loudly.

Capetta: And his opponent, from Hokkaido, Japan, standing 5'7" tall and weighing in at 117 pounds…OSEIKO!

Kanyon: …wait a second, where is she?

The camera shows the entryway, where there's no Oseiko coming out.

Pamela: Oseiko chickened out! Mattitude scared off Oseiko!

Kanyon: Wait a second, what is this all about? Oseiko would never really back down from a fight….

Pamela: Then what's all this about? She's no showing!

Kanyon: Wait…I've gotten word…Oseiko never showed up in the building? This…this is not like her…

Capetta: (receiving the word)Ladies and gentlemen…I have been informed that Oseiko has not appeared at all today in the building. Therefore…the winner of this match as a result of…

Before Capetta can finish his statement, Hardy takes the mic from him. "You see that everyone? Oseiko makes big talk, but in the end, she doesn't have what it takes to face me! That shows how strong Mattitude is!"

"Live For The Moment" plays over the speakers as Matt Hardy leaves the ring.

Kanyon: Well Pamela…I don't know what to make of this…I've never seen Oseiko back down from a fight, something must be wrong with her.

Pamela: The only thing that's wrong with her is that she's got a big yellow streak down her back. She's AFRAID of Matt Hardy!

Kanyon: Well, from here we…

Before Kanyon can continue, the screen fritzes…and on camera now shows a weird figure in front of a gray background. It's male, wearing an all black outfit that covers his arms, hands, and legs. He's wearing a black trenchcoat, covering up his shirt.

"This is a message to all of EAW." the voice says, in a distorted voice…so much that the voice is completely unrecognizeable. "I want all you to beware. You think that you're going to enjoy EAW as it's been for a while…no problems except for Ryokami.."

The masked face leans in up close to the camera. "Don't push your luck people. You soon will see me take reign of EAW…and rule it with an iron hand. Who am I? What do I represent? You will all find out soon enough…"

As the camera pulls away, the masked figure starts laughing evilly…and almost hysterically.

*COMMERCIALS*

When we come back, we go a shot of the production truck.

Kanyon: Welcome back to EAW everyone…we're trying to find out how the heck our feed was interrupted by that interesting broadcast…

Pamela: Whoever was behind that obviously has good pirating techniques…look at this!

The camera shows a wire that is attacked to the EAW production truck. It's pulled away after a bit.

Kanyon: I…don't know what that was all about. Let's go to the ring.

"How I Could Just Kill A Man" cues up, and the crowd starts to boo a lot as we start introducing the next match's participants.

Capetta: The following contest, scheduled for one fall, is a World Title Shot Tournament Qualifying match under ECW Rules! Introducing first, from Albany, New York…standing 5'11" tall and weighing in at 296 pounds…SPAZZ!

Kanyon: And we're back for more Riot Rulz action, as we go to our next tournament qualifying match: Spazz going up against the former World Champion!

Pamela: That's Spazz going to BEAT a former World Champion! Spazz is focused, he's determined, and he looks ready to go out there and kill someone.

Kanyon: Well, I do have to admit that you're right about that. But that's not how you win a match in this tournament…can he keep his temper in check?

Pamela: I don't know…it will be interesting.

"Broken" starts to play next, and the crowd's reaction does a complete 180 for the other participant, and yes, even for his manager.

Capetta: And his opponent, being accompanied by his manager Kelly Connelly-Flair, from Mars, Pennsylvania, standing 6'2" tall and weighing 235 pounds, "Code Red" Michael Connelly!

Kanyon: And despite the manager that he's bringing to the ring with him, Michael gets a great reaction as he comes to the ring...but he looks pissed off right now.

Pamela: I guess he's concerned about that little horn-ball of a wife he has. She probably over-slept or something. Mikey HAS been wearing her out.

Kanyon: I severely doubt that Pam…wait a sec, Spazz on the attack! And this match is underway early!

Pamela: Look at Spazz go here! He's really caught Mikey off guard there…wait…hello there..

Kanyon: Um…well apparently we're going to be joined by Mrs. Flair now…Kelly, welcome to the booth.

Kelly: Thanks guys…see, this is why Mikey is a superior athlete: He doesn't need to resort to back-fighting for his matches.

Kanyon: Spazz sending Mikey off the ropes now, attempted clothesline ducked, Mikey from behind, NICE release German Suplex!

Kelly: HAH! Take that shorty!

Pamela: Spazz getting back up, and now some brawling between the two of them! Mikey's playing right into Spazz' game.

Kanyon: Mikey sending Spazz off the ropes…crisscross…Mikey with a diving double leg takedown! Holding on now…Shin breaker…and now a leglace by Connelly!

Kelly: See how smart Mikey is…knowing that attacking the leg of Spazz would be the best tactic.

Pamela: I have to admit that I'm surprised at how well Mikey is doing out there early on. I thought Spazz would be ripping him a new asshole by now.

Kanyon: Connelly now grabbing the arm of Spazz…what's this about now?

Kelly: Just watch and learn, Chris. This is where Mikey's innovative nature works.

Pamela: Mikey twisting Spazz' right arm into a deep armbar now and pulling it into an arm drag! Spazz in trouble early on in this bout, and Mikey now with a legdrop to the arm!

Kanyon: Mikey not letting go of the arm yet though, twisting the arm hard…now climbing up onto the turnbuckle…and walking the ropes! He's taking a page right out of the Undertaker's book…and drives a forearm strike right into Spazz' shoulder!

Kelly: See how versatile the Dawning Legend is? Now he's going for the cover…

One

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TWO

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No, kickout.

Kanyon: Spazz close to getting a loss early on in the match, Michael reaches in…and a rake of the eyes by Spazz.

Pamela: Well, we saw how well Mikey could dish it out, let's see how well he can take it now.

Kelly: He can take a lot Pam. Remember, he IS a former World Champion.

Kanyon: Spazz now with clubbing hard blows to the back of the neck of Mikey, and Connelly seems to be hurt now.

Pamela: Spazz grinning evilly, grabbing Connelly…GUT WRENCH POWERBOMB!

Kelly: Look how dumb Spazz acts though…he's going to the outside when he has a PERFECT chance to try and get a win here!

Kanyon: I think Spazz wants to try and a more powerful tactic. He's grabbing a table out from under the ring now! And now he's going for some more tools…

Pamela: Spazz sliding into the ring now, and starts to bash Mikey with a Steel Chair!

Kelly: EEP! Poor Mikey…he doesn't deserve this. Is Spazz too afraid to fight Mikey in a fair match situation?

Kanyon: Spazz going off the ropes now, and blasts Mikey with the force of a Mack Truck right there! Cover now…

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TWO…kickout by Mikey.

Kelly: I don't care WHO you are, you're NOT gonna beat Mikey with one simple clothesline.

Pamela: Spazz seems like she wants to make sure that it will take just that to win though…he's ramming elbows HARD into Mikey's neck, and Mikey looks almost dead out there.

Kanyon: Spazz now picking up Mikey…and look at this vicious animal! He's powerbombing Mikey over and over again onto the mat, and right on the back of Mikey's neck!

Pamela: Spazz is sadistic, I have to admit that much. Look at him work away!

Kelly: Mikey isn't quitting…LOOK AT THAT! HURRICANRANA! OUT OF NOWHERE!

Kanyon: Connelly not having enough to stay on for a pin now, and it looks like he's REALLY in pain right now. Spazz pushing Connelly away now…and a running knee shot right into the neck of Mikey!

Kelly: EEP! That's not what I expected at all! Come on Mikey, fight back!

Pamela: Spazz seems to have things well in hand though right now…getting Mikey up to his feet….Condemnation!

Kanyon: Spazz taking his time going for the cover…finally goes for it…MIKEY WITH A QUICK CRADLE!

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TWO…KICKOUT!

Kelly: Look at that! Mikey was faking it to catch Spazz off guard! Brilliant move by Mikey!

Pamela: Spazz looks pissed off more that usual at that! Charging at Mikey…Connelly dodging out of the way…HARD kick to the upper back of Spazz! And followed up with a dropkick to that same area!

Kanyon: Connelly apparently having a plan worked out in this match, and now going up to the top rope…Spazz getting up to his feet…Connelly with a Missile Dropkick right into the right arm of Spazz!

Kelly: Look how great Mikey is at working at his opponents! Brains, brawn, and a great personality…that's why people love my cousin!

Kanyon: And his personality as well, Kelly. Mikey going for a neckbreaker now…but Spazz with a quick low blow to Mikey.

Pamela: And look at Spazz turn around right away, and a hard suplex into a powerbomb! Cover by Spazz!

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TWO

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KICKOUT!

Kanyon: Spazz so close to getting the win there, and now seems to want to make sure it happens. Spazz now going to the outside and grabbing a table…

Kelly: Oh no, come on Mikey, get up now! Think about the shot at the World Title! Think about our future!

Pamela: He may be thinking about getting his back checked soon…Spazz setting the table up right into the middle of the ring now, and it looks like…

Kanyon: Wait a second, Mikey starting to stir now…Spazz turning around…KICK TO THE GUT! And he's going for his MACknife!

Pamela: Look at this though, Spazz managing to slip out…going for a one arm chokebomb…and through the table too!

Kelly: But it was with Spazz' left arm! Not the right arm that Spazz usually uses!

Kanyon: Spazz didn't even fully break the table with it either, but I think that he got enough of it. Spazz signaling that the end is near!

Pamela: He's calling for it…he's gonna put Mikey SIX FEET…EEP!

Kelly: Oh yeah! Look at Mikey go! Rights and lefts to the face of Spazz!

Pamela: Spazz with a knee to the gut now! Mikey off of the advantage now, and Spazz has taken it!

Kanyon: Spazz whipping Mikey off the ropes…reversed by Mikey…INTO A FLAPJACK! AND SPAZZ GOES THROUGH THE TABLE!

Pamela: Oh my! Spazz has been killed!

Kelly: Big deal! Mikey getting Spazz up now…CONDITION RED!

Kanyon: And right onto one of those table fragments as well! Mikey going for the cover!

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TWO

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THREE!

Kelly: YES!

Capetta: Here is your winner, and moving on to the second round, "Code Red" MICHAEL…CONNELLY!

Pamela: *sigh* Ah well, at least it was a pretty good effort…and Kelly is happy as she leaves our booth.

Kanyon: And Mikey being congratulated by his manager cousin as…

Before Kanyon can continue, the light's all go out…except for a pulsating gray light in the ring area.

Kanyon: Wait a minute…someone's in the ring…and is attacking Michael and Kelly!

Pamela: Who is it…and who's flickering those lights?

Finally, the lights come back on, revealing the man in the black trenchcoat that talked earlier.

Kanyon: It's…it's that guy! Who is that?

Pamela: Maybe he'll reveal…

The man in the trenchcoat asks for a mic…which he eventually gets. "You thought I was done for the evening?" he begins in the same distorted voice as before. "You were wrong…"

Suddenly, he opens up his trenchcoat…and as he does…over the speakers…

Kanyon and Pamela: THE HELL?

The man in the trenchcoat stands, his trenchcoat now open, revealing that he, indeed, is wearing an nWo logo T-shirt.

Kanyon: Oh no, what the hell is this about? How in the hell is someone supportive of this group?

Pamela: Well, however he is…apparently he wants to leave his impression…there's the spraypaint! And Michael Connelly gets the first branding!

Kanyon: Kelly starting to stir now…this nWo Guy has stripped her down to her bra and panties…and now Kelly getting branded as well!

Pamela: This is what he meant by EAW never being the same again! We're in trouble!

The disguised nWo member gets out of the ring, as the nWo theme plays over the speakers. We fade out as he glares at the camera.

*COMMERCIALS*

Pamela: We're back! World title time!

Kanyon: That's right...The Hurricane going up against the World Champion Eighteen with the World Championship on the line.

Pamela: Of course, I'm kinda thinking it was unfair, seeing as he LOST in the tournament.

Kanyon: It was Champion's perrogative Pam. Let's see what happens.

Stand back! There's a Hurricane coming though!

Holy Sidekicks, Hurricane! It's Mighty Molly!

The Hurricane and Molly appear on the stage, posing as "Dare" cues up. The head to the ring to a chorus of cheers.

Capetta: The following match is scheduled for One-Fall, and is for the EAW World Championship! Making his way tot he ring, from Raleigh, NC, weighing 210 lbs, and being accompanied by Mighty Molly, The Hurricane!

Kanyon: And here comes the shining paragon of good. Truth, Justice, and the American Way. And with his as always the absolutly luscious Molly.

Pam: Eh, he's an overgrown boyscout and she's got an overgrown ass. I don't see their appeal.

"Shock" by Fear Factory now cues and Eighteen appears up at the stage. She looks like all business as usual. Flanking her is Crysta, with a big, accomplished smile on her face. They make their way down to the ring. Eighteen hands the belt to Crysta and she wishes Eighteen luck and gives her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Capetta: And his opponant, from Miami Fl, weighing 125 lbs, accompanied by Crysta, The EAW World Champion, Eighteen!!

Pam: HL-Double-A!! Hot Lesbian Android Action! >=D

Kanyon: That's our champion there, Pam. She deserves more respect than that. So Stuff it... oh, forgot. You prolly will later. ^_-

Pam: ... *grumble*

They stare at each other for a moment when Hurricane offers his hand. They shake hands, ina show of sportsmanship and it goes underway. They Tie up and Hurricane grapples his way behind her and puts her in a backslide. Very early though as she kicks out right away. She stands up. He punches her twice in the jaw and whips her to the corner. He follows and nails her with a dropkick which sends her to the lower ropes. He steps on her throat for a foot choke, but lets her up soon. Grabbing her foot, he pulls her out from the corner and applies a leg lock on her.

He pulls her up by the hair and shoots her to the ropes. But Eighteen counters and pulls him back with the whip and nails him in the face with her elbow. She then whips him to the corner and gives him a roundhouse kick to the head. He stumbles from the corner and falls on his face. She gives him a double elbow drop to the back and then pulls him up.

As she grapples him, he shoves her off and grabs her arm. But she counters with a kick to the gut and tosses him up... And a HURT CONVEYER! She quickly drops for a pin.

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2

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...

Hurricane kicks out.

She pulls him up and gives him a sidewalk slam. She then begins stomping on him and pull shim back to his feet. HE shoves her away again... and dashes forward with the Flying Wizard! As she's stumbling back, he grabs her in a headlock on the way down to the mat. On the mat, she quickly grabs his head with her legs in a headscissors. He kickups out of it, as does she. He's first to capitolize with a whip to the ropes. He meets her with ANOTHER Flying Wizard.

He grabs her head as she stumbles and punches her hard in the forehead. He gives her another. This seems to shake her back and she gives him one in return. They continue to trade blows, but then she seems to gain new energy. He punches her and she just stares at him, shrugging it off... and smashing him down with a HARD Clothesline.

She picks him back up and spins a Tae Kwon Do kick to he face. He stumbles back in pain, turnign his back to her. She gives him another one, to the back of his head and he falls. She stomps away at him and pulls him back up, whipping him.... but he reverses it, kneeing him in the gut as she returns. He then hooks her arms... HURRIBREAKER!! And a pin!

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2

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...

She shoots a shoulder up, amazingly and kicks her knee up into his head.

During this... they don't notice Ryokami appearing on the stage. He stands with his arms crossed, staring down the ramp.

She knocks Hurricane off and gets up. As they both stand, facing each other, she gives him a front dropkick. She then goes for another, but he grabs her feet, letting her fall to her back. She kickups and they stare down again. The Hurricane hits his pose and spins. She looks confused... and he comes out of the spin in a shuffle side kick to her jaw. He grabs her arm and chops her across the chest, shooting her into the corner. He catches her on the way back with an armdrag. and then... GRABS HER BY THE THROAT FOR A CHOKESLA-- She elbows him in the side of the head! THE WRECKONER!!!

But just at that moment... Grind appears frm the crowd! The Massive Zombie grabbed the heads of Crysta and Molly who were standing near each other, watching the match. HE smashes them into each other, knocking them out!

He climbs into the ring and Eighteen feels someone behind her. She turns... and takes a MASSIVE running clothesline to the face, which sends her spinning in the air and landing hard on her face, knocked out.

Ryokami looks down the ramp at his drone and points. Grind opens his horrific maw with a roar and Grabs Hurricane by the top of the head, lifting him up. He then grabs Hurricane about the waist and squeezes hard in a bearhug. He shakes Hurricane hard, whipping and tossing him around int he bearhug, The Hurricane flopping around like a rag doll until he leans back hard in one particulaly hard yank. There's an audible, but dull snap sound and The Hurricane lets out a yelp of pain before passing out and going limp. Grind stares down at the Hurricane and then to Ryokami. Ryokami's head is lowered a bit, looking like he's grinning. He gives a thumbs down and Grind drops the Hurricane and leaves the ring.

Pam: My God!

Kanyon: The Hurricane! What did he do?! Did he...!

Pam: That monster just broke the Hurricane's back!!

Kanyon: And here come the EMTs! Alot of them... All going to the victims. Aerith is with them, heading right to Hurricane... is it...

Pam: Her hands are glowing... it's not too late... *Pam seems to sigh in releif* Hey... I may think he's a sap, but even I don't want someone to die.

Kanyon: *He nods somberly* But with Ryokami around... it's only a matter of time...

Pam: ... It looks like Aerith was able to do it... they have a neck brace and a backboard on Helms... sliding him onto a gurney. The EMTs are also reviving Eighteen, Crysta and Molly.

Kanyon: That monster, Grind, just decimated them all... and with him under Ryokami's control... who knows what could happen. LAdies and Gentlemen, this is Chris Kanyon. For PAmela Paulshock, thank you for watching EAW Riot Rulz.