Live from the San Diego Sports Arena in San Diego, California, its EAW Saturday Night Riot Rulz!!
Your hosts are PWF's Toad Ross and EAW's Pamela Paulshock!
God help us. =p
Your hosts are PWF's Toad Ross and EAW's Pamela Paulshock!
God help us. =p
The Riot Rulz introduction plays, kicking off EAW's last RR before Unholy Wars!!
Signs among the crowd include:
"LOGAN LIKES FEET!" "RYOKAMI LIVES!!" "MENCHI FOR PRESIDENT!!" "CRASH: Where's the beef?" "No more tats! No new tits!" "DEATH TO MUTIES!!"
"WELCOME EVERYONE!!...to the SAN DIEGO SPORTS ARENA...LIVE for EAW Riot Rulz!! I'm PWF's Toad Ross, along with my broadcast colleague for...tonight at least, Pamela Paulshock."
We cue to the announcer's desk where, yes indeed, Pamela is in the color commentator's spot. In the PBP chair there is...well, someone dressed like Jim Ross, but he LOOKS like a 4 foot tall mushroom person.
Pamela: Hi-yeee!!
TR: And...excuse me for a moment...*beep* security? Yeah...could you eject that one fan with that sign..."DEATH TO MUTIES"...about 11th row, across from me...thank you.
Pamela: I guess that guy isn't a member of the Blink Fan Club.
TR: I guarantee you he isn't...
"Smooth Criminal" by Alien Ant Farm cues up...
TR: Our first match for the night will be a six man tag team affair, with the Experimentals and Jason Knight tagging up against Chainsaw and Kevin Tatum.
Pamela: Last Mayhem there was also a six man tag...and well...it ended no contest, but Stevie Richards and Blue Boy came out of that matter a pair of losers.
The Experimentals--Tommy Zen and Dave Star, then make their way out. Jason Knight follows out just behind...
TR: Indeed you are right about that. Crash Holly turning on the former bWo members in order to form Generation NEXT with that chubby, crooked, lying little weasel, Donnie B. No offense to Nova's family or anything..but that's what he is!!
Pamela: Actually, to tell the truth, he's the smartest member of the whole family. How stupid do you have to be to let yourself get brainwashed?
TR: I don't think intelligence has anything to do with it...it's just that Nova, kinda like his friend Michael Connelly, is just naturally naive. And...for some reason Jason Knight opting not to get inside the ring right away...
Pamela: He's the shy one...
TR: Sure he is...
"Tear It Off" by Redman and Method Man then cues up...
TR: And their opponents...well, two of them, are former tag team champions...the Experimentals are current tag team champions...and business..is gonna be picking up here!! And behind them, the lovely Stacey Keibler.
Pamela: What's with these guys and girls named "Stacey" anyway? I think Kat showed her true colors not too long ago, because she left Jerry because he wasn't going to be her ticket to fame anymore. Now THIS b*bleep*ch is valeting for them. Besides, she's not even very pretty. I'm MUCH more attractive than her. Hell, she doesn't even have breasts, that's her second set of kneecaps!
TR: KNEECAPS?!
Pamela: That's how far they go up. Besides, she stole part of Megan's gimmick when she was Miss Handjob.
TR: Miss...Han...cock.
Pamela: Whatever...
Chainsaw rushes the ring, and the pairs begin to brawl before the bell even rings...
TR: All hell has broken loose!! A 2-on-2 brawl here...Buzzsaw into the ropes...*WHAM!* steel chair shot by Jason Knight...and into the Omega Wave by Dave Star!! Knight tossing Star the steel chair...DOUBLE TEAMING Chaynz now!! Chair across the back...driving the chair into the midsection now...Zen on the apron...EDGE OF EXTREMITY!!!
Pamela: This is called "getting a head start."
"Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down cues up, and before being formally introduced, "Mr. Entertainment" Kevin Tatum runs out from the back, down the ramp...
TR: And Chainsaw's partner finally gets his entrance played here...and rushing down to the ring, although it looks like a none-to-smart idea!
Pamela: You expect someone who hangs with Chainsaw to be a regular Lanny Poffo?
TR: Tatum hitting the ring...laying some shots in on Zen!! Zen over the top!! Now locking up with Star....Tatum taking the advantage...dumps Star to the floor!!
Tatum grabs a mic..
Tatum: You guys are pathetic. You think you can come out here and show that you are the best, that you are the meanest, that you deserve those belts, you think you're so smart, but it all backfired. You see, we are on top now. Your master plan has failed you. It failed, and now you have nothing at all. Hell, your teammate won't even fight. That's disgusting.
TR: Chaynz and Buzzsaw gettin up now...and standing besides Tatum in a show of solidarity...
Zen: No..no...no. You are so wrong, it is sad. Tatum, We never said Jason Knight was our partner. He is our friend who is out here to watch our match. And another thing, our plan is not even close to failing. At the end of this night, Mr. Entertainment will be no more.
Mr. Entertainment laughs at the thought. Chaynz and Buzzsaw laugh as well. Then Tatum turns around a decks both of them.
JR: WHAT IN THE THE HELL?!
Shock holds them back a second, which allows the Experimentals to roll in and attack.
Pamela: Perhaps I should retract my previous statement...
TR: Tatum and the Experimentals attacking Chainsaw!! EXCELLENT ENDEAVOR on Buzzsaw...and...STUNNER!! STUNNER!! STUNNER!! on Chaynz!!
Pamela: I believe the move is called "That's Entertainment" when he uses it.
Tatum takes the mic...
Tatum: From this day forward, Mr. Entertainment is no more. We are looking here at something that was able to hide amongst you for so long. We are looking at the end of all that is good. You are looking at the Triple Ex Theatre. WEll...well..well...didn't think we would do it? I bet you were thinking someone more important would be the third member of this little group, someone who could make an impact? That's exactly what we wanted. You see, I knew that if a Main Eventer, like I should be, fought against these guys with the subtle hints we were giving, you would have found out long ago. I didn't want it that way. I wanted no one to suspect, it makes it more fun that way. The look on yonder faces. That's priceless. It's better than priceless...it is wonderful. So now, When I speak next you will listen, that is all you brain dead fools need to know. I see out there, a war, a war waged between two forces, PWF and EAW and in that war I see no real fight, no real ! battles being waged, it is just the same crap we see everyday, but with different faces. I vow, that the triple ex theatre will change the playing field. The EAW hates us because we hate them. The PWF hates us because of who we are it is a fun little place we sit in. So what now? First thing is, I am no longer Mr. Entertainment as I said before and as Tommy had prophecized. I am Mr. Excitement. And, Chaynz, Buzzsaw, that little more I just put you down with, it may have been painful for you, but for me it was Pure Excitement.
Tatum drops the mic as the three exit the ring...
TR: I'll be DAMNED!! I'll be DAMNED!! Lightning striking again here...
Pamela: You SHOULD be damned...you work for PWF.
TR: Well, I think we've all learned the hard way...in wrestling, don't talk to strangers. Be suspicious of 6 man tags...and above all else...don't trust a Tatum!! And this is just disgusting...
Pamela: Well, at least one person has gotta be delighted about this, and that's Spike!
TR: Spike, the same Spike who is going to face Chaynz tonight for the EAW People's Title...although I don't think the intention was to do either of S&M any favors...Stacey now checking on her men.
Pamela: "Checking on her men." Pfft....yeah, Ms. Rimjob was a big help, wasn't she? Dumb bimbo...
TR: Yet, S&M and Experimentals are bound to clash again. I may be PWF, but I think I speak for all of EAW when I say that I wouldn't mind seeing them destroy each other...
Pamela: Don't speak for me, Ross. And remember...right now Experimentals have a numbers advantage. Unless S&M takes Helmsley up on his offer.
TR: Well, that decision still undecided...then again, Spike and Morty have never been quick thinkers..but up next...KANE!! LOGAN!! The BIG RED MACHINE versus wrestlings OTHER RABID WOLVERINE!! NEXT!!!
Pamela: It slobbers! It slurs!! It shills!! Good ol' Toad Ross!
**Commercial Break**
TR: Well, we're back folks! Up next we have another PWF Vs. EAW match in Logan Vs. Kane... Logan said he wanted to stay out of this whole invasion deal, Pamela... but now that's not the case because he's got himself in a match with the EAW's rendition of the Big Red Machine!
Pamela: The ONLY version of the Big Red Machine that counts, Toad. Heh, y'know, you got the same name as that guy who got his tounge fried! >=) You DO know what happens when toads get hit by lightning, don't ya?
TR: I can't say I'd wanna find out... Logan's already in the ring, folks and--
*KRAK-KOOMM!!!!*
TR: AH! And here comes the Big Red Machine himself, flanked by his valet Christina!!
"Out of the Fire" plays as Kane heads down the aisle, with the lovely Christina walking next to him. Kane steps over the top rope with ease, then holds the ropes open for Christina... Kane then steps to the center of the ring... raising his arms as Christina hugs Kane close to her... Kane drops his arms down and the jets of flame ignite from the ring posts.
TR: Mah God, the power of Kane is undeniable in the EAW OR in the PWF!
Pamela: Yeah.. but didja notice that Logan didn't budge an inch when Kane did that whole fire thingee?
TR: Well, the Ol' Canucklehead is a tough S.O.B., there's absolutely no doubt about that! But Kane's just as tough, too! It'l be very interesting to see just how this match is gonna turn out here tonight, as referee Charles Robinson calls for the bell, and this match gets underway!
Pamela: AHH! KANE SAT UP!!
TR: Kane's got such resiliancy! But Logan's prepared!! AND A RUNNING BOOT TO THE MASK OF KANE SETS HIM BACK DOWN!! Cover! One! NO, just a one count! And Kane sits right back up! Logan goes for that running boot-- NO, KANE BLOCKS-- DRAGON SCREW LEG WHIP BY KANE!! MAH GOD!! JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU KNOW A MAN'S SKILLS!!
Pamela: WOW!! He sent Logan almost out of the ring!! Y'know Kane did a hurricarana once! He's, like... really smart, y'know?
TR: I'd wager that was right on the money there! Logan gets up... RIGHT CROSS TO KANE! The Big Red Monster's staggering... ANOTHER CROSS! UPPERCUT! JAB! JAB! LEFT HOOK! KANE'S STILL ON HIS FEET! HOW MUCH MORE PUNISHMENT CAN HE TAKE WITH THOSE ADAMANTIUM-ENHANCED PUNCHES OF LOGAN'S?! SWING-- DUCKED!! KANE-- FULL NELSON SLAM!!! AND LOGAN'S DOWN!!
Pamela: HOLY--!!
TR: And Christina's sure liking what she sees tonight! Kane with the cover! One! Two! But Logan kicks out! And Kane... PICKS UP LOGAN BY THE NECK!!! LIFTING CHOKEHOLD!! LOGAN'S AT LEAST 200 POUNDS WITH THAT METAL SKELETON OF HIS, BUT KANE LIFTS HIM UP WITH EASE!!! THROW INTO THE CORNER!! Kane charges in-- LOGAN WITH A BOOT TO THE HEAD! Kane shrug it off and comes back-- ANOTHER BOOT TO KANE'S HEAD! Logan charges in-- NO, TILT-A-WHIRL SLAM BY THE BIG RED MACHINE!!!
Pamela: WHOO! GO KANE!! ^_^ GO EAW!!
TR: And Kane grabs Logan's legs... SLINGSHOT CATAPULT SENDS LOGAN TO THE OUTSIDE!! Kane follows... dragging him to the stairs! It looks like Kane's about to ram Logan's head into the steel steps!
Pamela: Would that actually work?! =/
TR: Logan blocks!! Grabs Kane's head!! RAMS IT INTO THE STEEL STEPS!! BUT KANE SNAPS HIS HEAD BACK UP!! MAH GOD!! KANE GRABS LOGAN'S HEAD!! AND RAMS IT REPEATEDLY INTO THE STEPS!!! HORRIFICALLY BRUTAL ATTACKS BY THE BIG RED MACHINE BUT WITH A MAN LIKE LOGAN YOU HAVE TO BE BRUTAL!!!
Pamela: I think the steps are denting!!! O_O!!
TR: They are!! And Kane!! Mah God, he just threw Logan our way!! Don't tell me he... Mah God!! HE'S GOT LOGAN UP!! OUT OF THE WAY, PAMELA!!
Pamela: O_O!! EEEEEEE!
And suddenly Kane lands Logan in the Powerdriver RIGHT ONTO THE ANNOUNCERS' TABLE!!! Both men look a bit hurt after that spectacular move. Commentary is out for the moment so a replay is shown; Kane has his back towards Toad Ross and Pamela Paulshock as he grabs Logan up... then lifts him up over his head, straightening his arms, then Kane himself jumps back as he releases Logan into the DDT position, driving Logan head-first into the table and the concrete below!
TR: We on? Testing... Pamela, can you hear me?!
Pamela: Geez!! Yeah, we're on! Wow!! Just... WOW!
TR: Kane's sat back up! He stil looks a little hurt but I don't think that's going to slow the big man down! Logan... mah God, Logan looks out of it! Kane drags him back into the ring... covers! One! Two! Thr-- NO!!!
Pamela: WHA--?!!
TR: MAH GOD!!! LOGAN GOT A SHOULDER UP!! EVEN AFTER A POWERDRIVER THROUGH OUR ANNOUNCERS' TABLE HE GOT A SHOULDER UP!!! THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE!!! I--
Suddenly, "Schism" cues up! And out comes the white robed Egyptian felis sapien! She remains at the stage area, crouched down to her hands and feet as she watches Logan and Kane fight.
TR: Wha... there's that mysterious cat-girl again! She showed up for Mayhem during the Alex/Ryokami match... why's she out here tonight?!
Pamela: Maybe she's out... yeah, I know that look, Toadie! She's scouting out the talent!
TR: It certainly looks that way... Kane has Logan up... looks like a chokeslam! And-- NO, LOGAN GOT OUT OF IT!! DRIVING HEADBUTT INTO KANE'S SKULL!! Mah God Kane's out! Logan covers!! ONE! TWO! THREE!! LOGAN DID IT!! HE BEAT KANE!!
Pamela: With a headbutt...?! Yeesh... he part Samoan or something?!
TR: That ol' Adamantium skull of Logan's did the job, and Kane just lost to the man who is the best he is at what he does!!
Winner: Logan
Pamela: Wow... Logan's headbutt... I think Kane's busted open, Toadie!
TR: I reckon you're right! Kane's up, but he looks a little disoriented... and when you can do that to the Big Red Machine, consider yourself damn lucky! That... cat-girl seems to have left the premises already... folks, we have to take a commerical break! We'll be right back!
***
***
Scene switches to Michael Cole, who's caught up with the mysterious cat-girl in robes!
Cole: Excuse me! Excuse me, ma'am! Why are you here in the EAW? What's your busi--
The cat-girl suddenly seizes Cole by the next, lifting him up in ease and speaks... what sounds like Arabic!! Not a word of English comes from her lips as she hisses at Cole with the foreign language, then releases him as she walks off in disgust.
Back to Toad Ross and Pamela Paulshock as "Symphony of Destruction" cues up.
TR: Well, that was odd. =/
Pamela: A cat-girl dressed in Egyptian clothes and who speaks... was that Arabic?!
TR: I reckon it was!
Pamela: ... Wow. Someone order up a translator, 'cause we got someone who needs one, big time!
TR: Well, Rash is in the ring now... Baby's not with him at the moment, mainly because this is an Extreme Rules match! And with someone who can get damn well extreme in her own right, the Digimortal Eighteen!
ONNNE STEEP!!!!
"Digimortal" cues up as Eighteen floats down towards the stage, clad in blue jeans, a black T-shirt with the Venom insignia on it (how ironic), buckled boots, gloves, and her denim vest with the Red Ribbon insignia on the back.
TR: Eighteen looks like she is ready to kick some major ass tonight, folks! Rash and the Digimortal's had some major dealings in the past, so this should be the endgame for one of them!
Pamela: Well, her last Extreme match ended up with her on the losing end pinned with a semi-truck! Give points to Test on ingenuity with that one! We'll see just how Eighteen can beat the Rashman tonight!
Eighteen's feet touch the stage, and suddenly she charges forward and spears Rash right off his feet!
TR: MAH GOD, AND THIS MATCH IS UNDERWAY HERE TONIGHT!! REFEREE TIM WHITE HAS CALLED THE BELL!! THIS IS GOING TO BE ONE GRADE-A SLOBBERKNOCKER!!
Pamela: Well, there's no doubt about that! Rash manages to get out of the ring but I doubt that's going to stop Eighteen!
TR: IT DOESN'T! HIGH FLYING BODY PRESS TO THE OUTSIDE--NO! RASH COUNTERS!!! HUGE POWERSLAM RIGHT INTO THAT METAL RAMPWAY!! I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE A CYBORG, THAT'S STILL GOTTA HURT!
Pamela: Rash's got Eighteen up now... what's he gonna do?
TR: ... RASH ATTACK!!! ONLY ON THE SECURITY RAILING INSTEAD OF THE ROPES! Cover! One! Two! But Eighteen kicks out! Rash picks her up... OH! MARTIAL ARTS KICK FROM OUT OF NOWHERE, RIGHT INTO RASH'S HEAD!! And... SHOULDER CLAW!!! Tim White's asking Rash if he wants to submit but he's not having none of that! Rash powers out-- BALDO BOMB!!! RASH UP ON THE RAILING-- ASAI MOONSAULT!! COVER! ONE! TWO! NO! EIGHTEEN KICKS OUT!
Pamela: Give Eighteen credit, she's hanging in there against that symbioite!
TR: Rash with Eighteen... and THERE'S THE WEB OF PAIN!! EIGHTEEN'S NOT GIVING UP THOUGH!!! BUT HOW THE HELL CAN SHE GET OUT OF THIS TORTUROUS MOVE?!
Pamela: I don't think she can! She's struggling... but-- WHOA!!
TR: EIGHTEEN'S GOTTEN FREE! SUPER KICK TO THE BACK OF RASH'S HEAD SENDS HIM REELING!! EIGHTEEN CHARGES!! BACKFLIP-- INTO A DDT!!! COVER! ONE! TWO! BUT RASH KICKS OUT!! Eighteen leaps up onto the security railing... Rash staggers up... EIGHTEEN OFF-- BLOCKBUSTER!!! BLOCKBUSTER BY EIGHTEEN!! ANOTHER COVER! ONE! TWO! THR--NO!! RASH GETS A SHOULDER UP!! Eighteen's looking a bit fustrated here... I think... YES, SHE'S GOING FOR THE T.S.F.!! AND-- NO!!! RASH LOCKS IN THE FINAL BITE ON EIGHTEEN!!! SHE'S SCREAMING!! I THINK SHE'S SCARED FOR HER LIFE!!
Pamela: Or having a flashback about a certain lizard bug thingee...
TR: NO! EIGHTEEN'S MANAGES TO PULL FREE AND-- Whoa--! o_o;;
Pamela: She's topless now!! Thank God the censors are blurring out Eighteen's poo-chis!
TR: Rash seems a little surprised he's rendered Eighteen half-naked, too! But Eighteen's taking advantage! SWIFT KICKS TO RASH'S GUT!! RASH GETS PUSHED AWAY TOWARDS THE BACKSTAGE AND--
*BOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!*
TR: AGH!!
Pamela: HOLY CRAP!!!
TR: MAH GOD!! EIGHTEEN CLAPPED HER HANDS TOGETHER AND JUST CREATED A SONIC BOOM!!! RASH'S SYMBIOTE IS IN AGONY!! AND EIGHTEEN-- T.S.F.!!! COVER! ONE! TWO! THREE!! IT'S OVER!!
Pamela: What?!
TR: What?!!
Pamela: WHAT?!
TR: WHAT?!!
Pamela: I CAN'T HEAR YOU! EIGHTEEN CREATED A SONIC BOOM!!
TR: WHAT?!
Pamela: WHAT??!!
Winner: Eighteen
TR: WELL, EIGHTEEN'S THE WINNER, THOUGH THE WIN IS A BIT CONTROVERSIAL BECAUSE, WELL, SONIC BOOMS NORMALLY AREN'T A PART OF EAW EXTREME MAT--
Pamela: WHAT?!
TR: ... WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
Pamela: WHAT?!!
TR: Oh, for.. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, FOLKS! BY THEN THE RINGIN' IN OUR EARS'LL STOP!
Pamela: I GIVE IT UP LIKE A COP?!
TR: ... WHAT?!
Pamela: WHAT?!!
Scene switch, for no reason, by Troublemaker!
TM: What is this, Austin Impersonation Night? o_O;;
***
[Commerical space for rent--call (888)555-FAKE]
***
[Ready in 5... 4... 3...]
TR: Next up is a match that, quite honestly, makes me scratch my head a little, not being too terribly used to commentating here at the EAW. We have the PWF's own Shawn Venis going up against the man who's called himself the best there is, was, and forever will be... Bret "The Hitman" Heart.
Pamela: A legend in the ring and someone who very well is a legend in his own right *and* dimension... thinking about that gives me a headache. Let's just size up the competitors...
TR: What canya really say? Two excellent wrestlers in the ring... no telling who's gonna come out on top for this one...
Linkin Park's "One Step Closer" fires up, and the crowd greets the Excellence of Execution with a nice pop as he makes his way to the ring.
[] starts playing as well, and Shawn Venis strikes a mighty pose before half-strutting, half-dancing his way down to the ring, looking to be slightly amused.
**Commercial Break**
"Superbeast (GoaMR)" by Rob Zombie cues up throughout the arena, the crowd expresses it's displeasure rather quickly...
TR: Welcome back folks, to EAW Riot Rulz!! And the boos filling this arena almost like a reflex, or a Pavlovian response...and I think it's fairly obvious that Spike is not one of the projected top merchandise sellers for 2001.
Pamela: However, when it comes to handing out asswhippings, figures are expected to rise dramatically!
Spike makes his way out, Morty just behind him...
TR: A spike in that area, if you will, according to Pamela--excuse the pun.
Pamela: There's no excuse for you...
Spike gets in the ring, pulling on the ropes a bit as he warms up. "Superbeast" fades out and "Role Model" by Eminem plays. Predictably, the crowd's reaction turns a 180o.
TR: And the defending EAW People's Champion will be out any moment...but can you believe Triple H for, more or less, BRIBING S&M by getting them a title shot like this?
Pamela: It's more believable than the fact that I'm sitting next to a talking pizza garnish.
TR: Very funny, but something tells me that Chaynz is a bit eager to get his hands on Spike, anyway.
Chaynz makes his way out, with Buzzsaw and Stacey. Chaynz rips his shirt off, tossing it aside, as well as the People's Title, as he rushes inside the ring, locking it up with Spike!
TR: The People's Champion starting this match off with fists of fire...although the bell has yet to sound. And Buzzsaw and Stacey out here as well.
Pamela: I'm sure Stacey will prove to be a HUUUUGE help! *sarcasm*
TR: This brawl still going on, but Spike taking control off it...hard headbutt shot!! Chaynz sent into the ropes aaaaaaaand OOO...hard SIDEWALK SLAM!!
Pamela: YAAAAY--and that's a SIDE SLAM, Toad.
TR:
.
.
.
On--Only a one count off that...if that. Chaynz getting up...Spike talking trash, and OOOOOH!! Hard shot to the chest! Kicks to the midsection by Spike...armwringer now...and a back hook kick by Spike takes Chaynz off his feet!! And S&M personal cheerleader here can't be happier...
Pamela: HEY! Are you insinuating I'm biased? Why, for something like that, I outta kick you right in the spores, TR.
TR: I'm just hinting that...OH, Chaynz fighting his way up now...the massive Spike is teetering...Chaynz hits the ropes--CHOP BLOCK to the left leg of Spike!! Chaynz kippups! DROPKICK into the chest of Spike! And SPIKE..IS..DOWN!!
Pamela: Whoopie.
TR: Cover
.
.
.
One!
.
And, kickout! Chaynz has a daunting task to try to beat the huge, fresh Spike. Especially after that beating earlier, though he's had some time to recooperate. Chaynz going for a Dragon Sleeper now! And what could he have planned here?
Pamela: Submission, perhaps? DUUUUUH!
TR: I'll ignore that...Spike trying to bridge up...CHAYNZ drops down with a low reverse DDT! Pins the shoulders down again
.
.
.
One!
.
.
SPIKE POWERS HIM OFF!!
Pamela: Alright, now you did it Chaynz...you've pissed Spike off...
TR: I'd actually agree with you in this care....Spike up now...Chaynz hammering away, but Spike's head snapping right back--KNEE into the gut of Chaynz...Chaynz sent to the ropes...Spike off the ropes...MAH GOD!! A HUGE running boot to the face!!! And that hit every which way but loose. Spike intending to capitalize here...pulling up Chaynz by the hair...and...holding him up in a chokehold...almost like being lynched by a living noose...tossed into the corner...Spike now--boot up by Chaynz stopped that offensive attempt...CHAYNZ BOLTS OUT OF THE CORNER--BUT FLOORED WITH A CLOTHESLINE!! Spike just is hard to get down and keep down.
Pamela: Unless it's willingly.
TR: I won't touch that one...Spike up on the second rope now...and...SCORES with a legdrop! Impressive for a man his size...
.
.
.
One!
.
.
.
TWO!--Kickout by Chaynz!
Pamela: See...Spike didn't even bother going for a pin until he felt he was close to getting the win.
TR: I think he still has a long way to go, but at any rate, Chaynz getting up on his own power now...Spike with an elbow to the back!! Waistlock by Spike...rather unusual...could be the IRON MAIDEN!! But--NO! Chaynz saves himself by grabbing the ropes...pulls away from Spike...kick to the midsection. Chaynz taking advantage of this opening now...Spike into the ropes again...Chaynz into them as--GORE!! GORE!! GORE!!!
Pamela: TR does Heyman...now I've seen it all.
TR: Into the pinning combination...
.
.
.
One!
.
.
.
Tw--not quite! And Spike's a bit lucky that that Gore didn't come from a 300 pound manbeast, or he might have been history right there!
Pamela: 300? Chyna's put on that much weight?
TR: Chaynz not scoring the pinfall, but mounting Spike to lay in some hard rights...slamming his head into the canvas...again with right hands!!
Pamela: CLOSED FISTS!! CLOSED FISTS!!
TR: I think at some point that was unofficially allowed to be legal...nonetheless, both men have been using them. Spike back up to his feet...and Chaynz looking to pick his next point of attack carefully...and...GORES the left leg!!
Pamela: Nothing in that head...so I guess he can't do much damage to himself.
TR: Well, smart approach to ground the massive Spike...and Chaynz looking to turn the tide in this matchup--but...what the hell now?!
A group of hooding figures, each wearing PWF t-shirts, come down in a line through the crowd...5 of them...who each jump the railing and climb inside the ring.
TR: SECURITY!! SECURITY!! What the hell's this all about?!
Pamela: You don't know?! It looks like a pack of your buddies...
TR: I don't know who the hell they are!! And this group of THUGS...in PWF t-shirts...are attacking Spike and Chaynz!!!
*ding, ding, ding*
Result >>> No Contest
TR: CHAYNZ POWERBOMBED!! And...KICK RIGHT TO THE GROIN of SPIKE!! 3 MEN ATTACKING SPIKE!! Although Morty and Buzzsaw are getting in there now to try to even the odds...and WHAT THE HELL is this about?!
Pamela: Damn...PWFers...let a few in the building and they just start trouble...
TR: And EAW security hitting the ring now...and I don't know WHO these men are, but I trust they will be rightfully ejected for the building. PWF or EAW, you SHOULD NOT interrupt a title match in progress!!
Pamela: Yeah, you should let your employees know that...
TR: They DO know that...but I don't know if those are even PWF employees!! We're sorry for this folks...and after break, we'll have the EAW WORLD TITLE MATCH!! And I'm sure security will be tightened...
**Commercial Break**
"There's a Fire in the House" by Steve Vai cues up as the broadcast comes back from break.
TR: WELCOME BACK EVERYONE!! We're LIVE from the San Diego Sports Arena, where we're about to witness the EAW World Title to be put on the line. And...well...we got that mess cleaned up in the ring.
Pamela: No thanks to you..
TR: The first challenger is making his way out here now, 'Code Red' Michael Connelly.
Pamela: And he's the only one in this match that hasn't held the EAW World Title before.
TR: Right you are, there. However, we've seen Blink pull up an upset to win the World Title. Not to forget...that with the unpredictable nature of these Triple Threat Matches, ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN!!
Pamela: ...hoping you weren't going to go into full-blown Vince McMahon mode, there. But yeah, you're right about that.
Connelly climbs inside the ring, looking every bit as nervous as he was earlier.
"Rise" by the Cult cues up.
TR: The second challenger making her way out here next. Blink's been a part of PWF before, and this young lady truly has put her heart into this business, and it paid off when she defeated Hunter Hearst Helmsley for the EAW World Title...but can she do it again? And can she, furthermore, beat Sonnette to do it, who she believes she CAN'T beat?
Pamela: Well, could still win without doing it...
TR: True...as the winner of the match is the first to score a pinfall. These matches are VERY unpredictable, and it's every ma...pers...BIPED for his or herself.
Pamela: Indeed...
Blink comes out to cheers, as did Connelly, and blinks herself from the stage to the inside of the ring...
"Take a Look Around" by Limp Bizkit then plays....
TR: Now business is REALLY gonna pick up...the EAW World Champion to be out here any moment...
Sonnette then comes out from the back, the EAW World Title around her waist, also to cheers...
TR: This is a situation of three well-loved, well-respected athletes in one match competing for that title gold...and ya gotta believe that the crowd here is going to be torn, because I know I am...
Pamela: Not me...not one bit. The way I see it, this is just a match to see who is going to be polishing Triple H's belt until he can get it back.
TR: Yep...you heard it...Pamela doesn't have a favorite in this match.
Pamela: Nope...I guess you're betting on Blink?
TR: I told you, I'm torn...I like all these of these competitors...but only one can leave champion!
TR: And here we go now in this...highly-anticipated World Title match. Blink and Connelly starting off on Sonnette...double irish whip..back body drop by both challengers!! The champion up now! CLOTHESLINE surprises both challengers!! Connelly up...Sonnette going for a DD--No, a suplex!! Cover!
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Blink pulls her off before even the one...knees into the midsection...Blink off the ropes...flying back elbow to Sonnette!! Going for a a catapult now...launches Sonnette into the corner!! CONNELLY with a SPEAR!!! Connelly up...hooks Blink's legs...and...CATAPULT!! Sonnette and Blink with a meeting of the minds!! Connelly with a neckbreaker!
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One!
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Sonnette lands on top and breaks of the pinfall, inadvertantly.
Pamela: Blink and Mikey better make sure that they aren't in the way if Sonnie falls backwards..or...OUCH! Lance knows what can happen there.
TR: True...and Blink and Connelly two hungry young competitors...Blink got a little taste of World Championship gold...Michael has yet to but it's got to be on the way....Sonnette pulling up Blink...Blink fired hard into the ropes...flips out...psyche-out!! Flips back inward...ASAI MOONSAULT onto Sonnette!!
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One!
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Tw--Connelly pulls off Blink!
Pamela: A taste is right in Blink's case...but you gotta hunger for the belt the most. I mean...if the belt tasted like Oseiko's feet, Mikey would be champion by now.
TR: Speaking of which...Connelly sending Blink into the ropes...Blink holding on...Connelly charges--Blink flips out--Connelly puts on the brakes--jawbreaker down across the top rope by Connelly!! Blink stunned momentarily...Connelly cinching up Blink...aaaaaaaaaand SUPLEXES HER INTO THE RING!!! Cover!
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One!
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TWO!--NO!! Sonnette makes the save, although I think Blink may have kicked out anyhow. Another factor in these matches is that you have to watch out for the second opponent in that ring, who doesn't want you to score the pinfall.
Pamela: Or submission, whatever the case may be. Sonnette and Blink now double teaming Connelly....into the corner now....Sonnette backing up...springing onto and OFF of Blink's back--FLYING SPLASH onto Connelly into the corner!! Kinda like a "Money Shot in Motion."
TR: Connelly staggers out of the corner now...Blink off the ropes...TWO HANDED FACECRUSHER!!
Pamela: I hate that move...I really really really hate that move...at least she doesn't follow it up with the Worm, though.
TR: Sonnette backdrops Blink!! Going for the cover on Connelly....
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One!
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TWO!--KICKOUT!! Or...Blink making the save...either way, she didn't get him.
Pamela: No *bleep*, Sherlock.
TR: Blink pulling up Sonnette by the head....away from the corner now....spinning neckbreaker!! Careful on that one not to hurt HERSELF...but Connelly getting up, a bit dazed, though. Blink pulls up Sonnette again...BACKSLIDES her down!!
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One!
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Two!--Connelly breaks up the pin! DOUBLE PIN ON SONNETTE and BLINK NOW!!
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ONE!
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TWO!--Kickout!! WHOA!! Connelly could have pinned both Blink AND Sonnette!! Pulls up Blink...Sonnette adding a paw or two...and a DOUBLE SUPLEX on Blink!
Pamela: Working together...how..niiiiice. Connelly pulls Blink up again...into the ropes....Blink off the ropes...ducks the double clothesline...waistlock on Connelly! Connelly reverses...holds her for Sonnette...Sonnette with a clothesl--ducks and she hits Connelly!! Sonnette schoolboyed by Blink!
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One!
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Connelly breaks it up!! Double Underhook on Sonnette--the CRIMSON CRUNCH CLUTCH!!!!
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One!!
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TWO!
LEGDROP across the stomach breaks the pin up, thanks to Blink...Sonnette crawling up now...and BLINK and CONNELLY WITH A DOUBLE BACKBREAKER?!
Pamela: Why not? "Every biped for his or herself!"
TR: Wouldn't expect that after Blink just broke up the pinfall like that...but--DOUBLE LEGDROPS by both challengers for the World Title! Now setup for a double clothesline...Sonnette starting to get up now...but wait a minute!! Blink turning on Connelly....into the hammerlock...now...hits the ropes...springboard up...ARM DRAG!! Connelly shocked by that turn of events....Connelly up again...QUEEN ARM SCISSORS by Blink!! Going for the submission win here!! Connelly wincing in pain, but I don't believe he'll give it up...
Pamela: Everyone will at one point...it's just a matter of time...
TR: OR SONNETTE!! Sonnette with an axehandle across the back....now pulling up Blink...full nelson applied...holding her for Connelly...Connelly going outside and...NO! Blink breaks free!! Blink setting up Sonnette onto her shoulders!! Connelly up and--SPRINGBOARD SPEAR INTO BLINK!!! SONNETTE FALLS THROAT FIRST ONTO THE ROPES!! Maybe just payback from that double cross earlier, but by hitting Blink, Connelly was able to dish out damage to BOTH opponents!
Pamela: One of the few SMART things he's actually done in a match...now start raking some eyes in there!
TR: Connelly hooking the leg of Blink!!
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One!
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TWO!
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KICKOUT!! And Sonnette still too dazed to break that up, but Blink still had the presence of mind to escape that....Connelly Irish Whipping Sonnette into the corner!! Dropkicks Blink down...Connelly charging into the corner....Monkey Fli--COUNTERED into an Inverted Atomic Drop!! Sonnette setting up Connelly--PORNPLEX!!
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One!
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TWO!
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Kickout!! And this is where the fatique factor sets in...opponents are going to have a harder time breaking up pinfalls if they're weaker.
Pamela: Basically, the more they get the crap kicked out of each other, it's going to be farther to stop a fall. Blink going up top...ready to capitalize on Connelly who is picking himself up off the mat...Split Second˛!!!
TR: WHOA!! An impressive move there....and Blink covering again...
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One!
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TWO!
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Sonnette making the save!!
Pamela: And now...well...kinda slapping each other around...
TR: A bit of a catfight erupting here, but those are harder shots than you'd see out of a couple of valets, and they aren't really slaps.
Pamela: CLOSED FISTS!!! CLOSED FISTS!! Uh...if I were Lilith, that would lead right to a sex joke.
TR: *Gag*...and Sonnette taking control of the situation....and...PILEDRIVER connects!! Sonnette going outsi--no, up top!!....MONEY SHOT!!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THR--NO!! Near fall...VERY near fall there!! And Connelly up, and pulls Blink off of Sonnette...Irish Whip...reversal...Connelly drops down...Connelly with go behind...German Suplex...Blink lands behind...another Irish Whip...duck...and Blink with the Swingbreaker on Connelly!! Going for the pin now--
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One!
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NO!!--Sonnette pulls her up...going for the Pornplex! Blink breaks free of it...boot to the mid-blocked!! Spun around--kick to the midsection--SPLIT SECOND!!!! SPLIT SECOND!!! SPLIT SECOND by Blink!!! Cover!!
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One!
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TWO!!!
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THREE!!
*ding, ding*
Winner by Pinfall >>> Blink; new EAW World Champion
Pamela: What the hell? I thought she wasn't using that move anymore?
"Rise" by the Cult cues up...
TR: Well, I believe she did...but, maybe as sort of a tribute to Rattler. Or maybe just out of reflex...she did use that move for quite a while. Nonetheless, it won Rattler and Austin many a championship, and it won Blink one here, tonight!!
Pamela: Ah well...so Hunter will whip her ass for it at a later time...no biggie.
TR: Well, YES biggie, because this means for sure that Rattler and Blink will clash and Unholy Wars!! But was that Split Second intentional? Or did Blink just do it out of reflex? I guess we'd have to ask her herself...but for now, we're outta time...congrats to the new EAW Champion, and we'll see you at Mayhem and Unholy Wars!!