Live from the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, Nevada, its EAW Friday Night Riot Rulz!!
Your hosts are Megan Eko and Lilith Aensland
Your hosts are Megan Eko and Lilith Aensland
Our EAW Riot Rulz opening sequence is shown...
Signs in the audience--
"(sign pointing down) Blink fan (shirt pointing down) Fan of Blink's boobies"
"The Book sez EAW Rulz sucka!!"
"Big Show chokeslams his chicken!"
"VICTOLY!"
"THE ANTI-SAVIOR RULES OVER ALL!!"
"SHOW ME YOUR PUPPIES, MEGAN!!"
"SONNETTE -- NEXT EAW CHAMPION!!"
"R.I.P Kirk Angel."
Cut to the announcers desk, where our two lovely announcers for tonight are seated.
Megan: Welcome everyone to EAW Riot Rulz LIVE from the MGM Grand! I'm Megan Eko along with Lilith Aensland for another hot EAW show, with a few guest appearances by some PWF wrestlers as we gear up for August 26th's EAW/PWF Unholy Wars Pay Per View!!
Lilith: Shill, Megan, shill!! Let loose the inner Tony Schiavone!!
Megan: Tony Schiavone couldn't fit through a garage door without a slick coat of grease, so I don't think so...but, just doing my job!
Lilith: Oh...and speaking of which, unlike CERTAIN WOMEN IN THE WRESTLING WORLD...Megan's boobies are all natural!!
Megan: Well...yes. Not that they're overly large to begin with...but...anyhow, we've got a World Title Match with Sonnette challenging Blink in a rematch from last show! We're got Ryokami and Nova..the former Nova...battling to what could be the death in an Extreme AAA match! PWF's Kirk Angel and our very own Chaynz in an Extremist's Heaven match...first ever...for the EAW People's Title. PWF's Snow and Black against our Rash and Baby...but first up...Tommy Zen vs. Lady Jasmine!!
"Wish" by Nine Inch Nails cues up...
"The following match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from the royal palace at the planet Salusia...standing 6'6" and weighing 220 lbs...Lady Jasmine!!!
Megan: Lady Jasmine one of the heavier of our female combatants...but she's not in any need of a diet plan, she's just built like an Amazon! One of the popular female furry wrestlers...
Lilith: Well, aren't ALL the EAW gals popular? Well...besides Ivory?
Megan: Well...yeah...
Lilith: You're popular too...now if you'd take off a bit more of those clothes, you'd be even MORE popular!!
Megan: I like to preserve my dignity in this circus, Lilith. There are more than enough girls filling that niche as it is.
Lilith: Hardly a "niche" audience that enjoys that, Meg...
Megan: True...about the entire 18-25 male demographic that aren't gay.
Lilith: And all of the women who lean that way. ^_^
Megan: Well...yeah. Speaking of which, where is your playmate Ainako?
Lilith: Oh...I'll need to pay her a visit later...heehee...she's SOOOO cute and HOT too...you need to SEE her topless Meg, you won't believe it!!
Megan: Again..not my cup of tea.
"My Hero" by Foo Fighters cues up..
"And her opponent, he stands six foot even and weighs 211 lbs...he's a member of the Experimentals and is one half of the EAW Tag Team Champions...'The Extreme One' Tommy Zen!!"
Megan: Tommy Zen here to face off against the much taller and slighter heavier Lady Jasmine. She's been known to show off quite a bit of power based offense in her matches, and even uses her tail for offense. Zen of course is a current tag champion, and his abilites are quite known...but this will be a daunting challenge for Zen...
Lilith: Word is in the back that Zen's a furry-phobe....
Megan: I can neither confirm nor deny that, and I wouldn't want him to be labelled as such due to misinformation, so let's let that slide right now....Zen springing over the top rope, and we've got ourselves an impressive looking match up here..
*ding, ding*
Megan: And this match beginning with a bang as Zen launches himself at Jasmine with a flying back elbow!! Jasmine up....scoop slam by Zen!! Hits the ropes...goes for--drops the elbow to the sternum!
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On--quick kickout by Jasmine! Jasmine getting up to her feet...suplex set up by Zen--snap suplex takes her over. Jasmine getting up now...boot to the midsection by Zen...DDT set up--blocked!! Jasmine shoves him down!! Grabbing the legs of Zen....catapult! Zen hits the turnbuckle pad face first!! Zen stunned...backdrop follow up--Zen blocks it! Standing switch! Zen with a Russian Leg Sweep! Both of them getting up now...Zen waiting on Jasmine....side kick attempted--ducked by Jasmine...Scoops him up!! OVERHEAD PRESS!!! DROPS HIM DOWN TO THE MAT!!
Lilith: WOW...she must have been taking her Hulk Hogan vitamins when she was a little furry! ^_^
Megan: A 211 pounder lifted and tossed up into the air with ease COVER by Jasmine!
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One!
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Shoulder up by Zen. Jasmine pulls up by the head...follows up with a side backbreaker. Jasmine up...fires herself into the ropes...handspring--legdrop across the throat!!
Lilith: WOW!! Strong AND limber!! Somebody get her number and reserve us a suite together.
Megan: Another cover made by Jasmine...leg hooked..
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ONE!
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TW--kickout!
Lilith: What's the status on her and Mandy anyway? Friends? Lovers? On-and-off sex partners? ^_^
Megan: Friends, as far as I know. Jasmine pulling up Zen again...armwringer...back kick coming up--Zen ducks under...Zen grabbing the leg of Jasmine...tripping her up--she hops over the sweep attempt, Zen with another--trips up Jasmine! Now pulling her up by that leg...spins her around...waistlock...back elbow by Jasmine...Zen yanks her feet out from under her...he slams her knees into the mat...Mexican Surfboard!!
Pulling back on it...Zen on his shoulders now...
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ONE!
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TWO!
Rolling to the side...he pins himself briefly with that maneuver...
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One!
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TWO!
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rolls off of her...
Lilith: Man...if I were in Zen's position, I'd be copping a feel right now...! Pinch that ghetto booty she's got..hee-hee. ^_^
Megan: Jasmine pulled to her feet...COBRA STRIKE by Jasmine surprises Zen!! Jasmine whipping Zen to the corner...flying back elbow!! Zen back up...scoop slam!! Up again...Zen fired to the ropes...clothesline--combination! The CHOPPING BLOCK!!
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One!
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TWO!
Kickout!!
Lilith: Whew...close one there.
Megan: Zen up to his feet...pulled up by Jasmine...scoop attempt--doesn't get the slam off as Zen counters with an arm drag....fires Jasmine into the corner...charges in...Jasmine avoids the splash!! Waistlock--standing switch...shoves Jasmine into the corner...set up now onto the top...ROCKER DROPPER by Zen!!
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One!
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TWO!
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Kickout!!
Lilith: Is isn't a Rocker Dropper!! It's a FAME-ASS-ER!!
Megan: Lilith...I been calling it a Rocker Dropper for a LONG time, and unless you want me to mention Billy Gunn in some fashion or call it by the proper name of "Guillotine Ace Crusher," I'm using "Rocker Dropper," thank you.
Lilith: Oh..I see.
Megan: Zen pulls her up again...Irish Whip...no, holds on...scoops Jasmine onto his shoulders in a fireman's carry...spinning FACEBUSTER DROP!! Shades of Kanyon on that one!
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One!
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TWO!
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Kickout again!!
Lilith: Wow...never saw THAt out of him.
Megan: Out of the two of them I'd expect to see Jasmine with the high impact offense...Zen going for a suplex now...blocked by Jasmine--hard knee!! Tail sweep by Jasmine!! Zen up...Irish Whip...Zen springs off with an elbow--Jasmine sidesteps! Zen up...pump handle by Jasmine...suplexes him backwards!!
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One!
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TWO!
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Kickout!!
Lilith: WOWIE!! Now THAT'S a powerful move!!
Megan: Zen pulled up again...Irish Whip..reversal...blocked--Inverted Atomic Drop on Jasmine!!! To the ropes again...drop down by Zen...to the far ropes...Zen up...leap frog...Jasmine stops down...spin kick misses...goes for it!! KICK TO THE STOMACH counters what I believe was going to be Jasmine's finishing maneuver!! SWINGING NECKBREAKER by Zen!! Goes to the apron...aaaaaaaand EDGE OF EXTREMITY!!
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One!
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TWO!
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THREE!!!
Lilith: NOOOO...the furry babe loses. :P
Winner by Pinfall >>> Tommy ZenMegan: Zen picks up the victory!! And FAIRLY I might add....after this commercial break...a huge tag team war...NEXT!!
**Commercial Break**
"Here Comes the Money" By Naughty By Nature cues up for some reason as Baby makes her way to the ring, shocked that Rash isn't with her.
Lilith: WHOO-HOOO!! My favorite Nitro Girl!! In this building right now. ^_^ Well...I like them all, though. WHYOHWHY DID VINCE NOT HIRE THEM!! *sniff*
Megan: Well, if you want to hear ranting about WCW, I'm sure Pamela's available...
Megan: But..where's her partner?
Then, on the screen...
Rash: Ladies and Gentz, as much as we'd like to totally beat the living sh*tz outtta those PWF punks that'll be out in a minute, but I can't be here tonight, due to some certain "flight problems..." damn those elves...
We cut back to Baby, with a sad look in her eyes.
Lilith: I'LL BE YOUR TAG PARTNER!! OR ANY KIND OF PARTNER YOU WANT!! MEMEMEMEMEME!!!
Megan: *sigh* Lilith..Lilith...so tactful.
Rash: But don't worry Baby. B was fourtunately enough to find a replacement, and knowing this guys luck, this is the only thing he could do. Fans, you probably know the guy. If you have anything you want to toss away, get it in you hands, because fans of the EAW. Prepare to throw the garbage at...BROON!!!
Megan/Lilith: BROON?!?!?
Roddy Piper's theme plays as Broon, cautiously makes his way out as he receives the same kind of heat or worse than Mechius, Triple H (in Canada), Big Show (in Japan), or Hitler. Baby is not too happy.
Megan: Well this is...well..an INTERESTING development. Broon of course the REAL persona of EAW's old William Regal, and CAPW's Shane Regal--who lost the CAPW title recently and was fired from the company...the current CAPW champion is none other than Bullwhip, a relative of Chainsaw.
Lilith: Oh, and Broon is, as Ariel would put it, "a giant poopyhead." I'd use more descriptive and harsh language, but she could be watching.
Megan: Well...the crowd is none to happy to see Broon out here..but I suppose it will be for one night only...I hope.
"Supervixen" by Garbage cues up..
"And their opponents, from the Mushroom Kingdom...at a combined weight of 235 lbs, PWF's Snow and Black!!"
Megan: Snow and Black are perhaps THE top tag team in PWF, and from what I understand, friends of yours, Lilith.
Lilith: Well, they're Shaed's adopted daughters...so I'm they're "auntie," sorta. They're HOT HOT HOT and sexy as hell...hee-hee...they make me so proud. *sniff*
Megan: Two attractive young girls, and your behind them...what a shock.
Lilith: Well, I like the look of their fronts, but--especially if I'm in a male form--yeah, I'd be happy to be behind girls like that!
Megan: Well, the fans have taking a liking to these PWF stars...
Megan comments as the crowd pops for the pair.
Lilith: Oh, by the way...normally they'd be about the same weight, but about 125 of those pounds are Black's since she's still got some extra poundage from having the baby. She's still got a dynamite figure, though.
Megan: Well...good luck to her on that...and although the fans would normally be behind the EAW team, since one of them is Broon...well...I think the PWF team will have the advantage in crowd support.
Just then, a drink is hurled Broon's way and connects.
Lilith: No kidding. ^_^
*ding, ding*
Megan: And now....some argument in Baby and Broon's corner...and...Baby TOSSING Broon into the ring!!
Lilith: Oooh..she's the dominant type!
Megan: Snow is the first member in for the PWF team and we've got a match underway...Broon going after Snow with right hands....Irish Whip...reversed...Broon into the ropes...Snow armdrags him over!! Broon up...BACK HEEL KICK from Snow floors him...he's up again...Snow scooping him up...Broon slips behind---GROPING SNOW!!
Lilith: WHOO-HOO!! He finally does something smart!
Megan: But OUCH--a back elbow into the jaw for his troubles...blocks a punch by Snow...some CRAPPY LOOKING punches by Broon...BROON SLAPS SNOW!! AGAIN!!
"Broon's a p****y" chant begins.
Lilith: Well, if he WAS..I'd like him a lot more..
Megan: The crowd getting on Broon's case here...and SNOW WITH A THRUST KICK on Broon!! Broon scrambling back towards the corner...and...SNOW JUST STOMPING A MUDHOLE IN HIM!!
Lilith: We know Broon has a lot of weird fetishes...I wonder if trampling is one of them?
Megan: Well, Snow just relentless here in punishing Broon...tag made to Black now...and...I think it could be...
Lilith: ARGH!!! DAMN THAT LUCKY BROON!!!
Megan: Aaaaand...BLACKBUSTER on BROON!! Blackbuster on Broon--if it's any consolation, from what I hear about him, he probably hated that...
Lilith: She's dragging him out of the corner by the hair...and--WHOA!! What a DDT!! Ech...but I did NOT need to see under his kilt. Man...I've seen some small willies in my day..but...WHOA!!
Megan: Black backing off...allowing Broon to slooooowly get to his feet for a tag....Broon reaching for it....but Baby turns her back on him!
Lilith: Probably not the first time something like that has happened to him...
Megan: Black drags him away by his feet...flips him over--KNEEDROP!! Was that...ahem...a bit low?
Lilith: I think you'd need to have surgical precision to hit a low blow on him...it probably missed...
Megan: Tag made to Snow again....Broon crawling away on all fours...
"Broon's a pussy!!!"
Lilith: I think he's actually..crying!?
Megan: Broon pulled up to his feet...tries a few chops on Snow--IRISH WHIPPED to the corner!! FLIPS UP AND--ALMOST--OVER the turnbuckle...Snow following in....hooks the neck..aaaand...OUT OF THE CORNER with a Hangman's Neckbreaker!
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One!
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TWO!
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Th--kickout!!
Lilith: Wow...that has to have been the closest near fall at this point in a match EVER!
Megan: Note to the PWF...Broon isn't a regular EAW talent. Well..he isn't really a talent at all. In fact, if he's got talent at anything it would probably be selling...which he ironically is better at than the Undertaker.
Lilith: Fun fact--Broon and his "friend" Stephen together have brought down the academic averages for Scotland by over 17 points, just by themselves!!
Megan: Broon reaching for another tag...but Baby still turning away--hops down from the apron to avoid being tagged!!
Lilith: Tag made to Black...but...I wanna Baby rolling around with the cute goth chick!! Let the loser tag you, Baby!!
Megan: Black pulls up Broon...and...set up...bodyslam on Broon!! Pulling him up...to the ropes...BIG BOOT?!??!?
Lilith: Hee-hee...I think she's going for the finish, brotha!! Er...sista!
Megan: Black off the ropes...and a LEGD--no...C-A-T-E-R-P-I-L-L-A-R...CHOP to the throat!!
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One!
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TWO!
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Thre--Black pulls him up before the pin!
Lilith: Deafening "Broon is a *bleep*" chant here now...
"Broon's a pussy!!!"
Black is about to make a tag...but asks for a mic.
Black: Yo..dude...uh...are you alright? Think you could start fighting back...because you've about 12,000 fans here, calling you a *bleep*!!
*crowd pops*
Holds mic to his face...
Broon: Unnngh...spiffing! X_x
She shrugs and stomps away on him a little more.
Megan: Black backing off now...Broon crawling towards Baby like that ring's the Sahara Desert and she's an oasis....and...BABY accepts the tag!!
Lilith: But wiping her hand on the turnbuckle pad to be safe...
Megan: Baby in...clothesline on Black...Black up--double clotheslines!! Both of them up....Black with a backbreaker on Baby...Baby getting up..ARMDRAGS over Black!! Black up...scooped...and slammed by Baby! Baby taunting for Black to get up...Black up...dropkicked--missed...Black pulls her to her feet...to the ropes...FLYING LARIAT from Black!! Baby fired into the corner....series of kicks by Black now...back kick--caught by Baby..trips up Black...quick catapult!! Modified Edge-O-Matic by Baby!! Now springing to the turnbuckle...MOONSAULT!!
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One!
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Tw--not quite!! Black and Snow are very fresh still...Black gets up...neckbreaker attempt by Baby...blocked...reversed...Inverted Suplex!!! Baby up..but slow on that one...and a Rocker Dropper!
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One!
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TWO!
Kickout!!
Lilith: Whew! I'm liking this match now...nice butt shot there by our camera crew. ^_^
Baby up...Irish whip..reversal by Baby...hard spin wheel kick!! Baby now--diving tag made to Broon! She slaps him on the back...and I believe that is a legal tag.
Lilith: Hee-hee...he tags her back...
Megan: She tags him again...ducks out the other corner...
Megan: Uh-oh...
Megan: Broon back in...clotheslined by Black...up again...another clothesline...Black pulls him up....suplex set-up...BROON BLOCKS?! Switch now..and--a bottle from the stand smashes into the back of Broon's head...DARK QUICKEN!! by Black!!
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One!
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TWO!
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THREE!!
Then, the pinned body of Broon morphs..into RASH?!
Winners by Pinfall >>> Snow and Black
Lilith: Wow...it was a ruse all along!!
Megan: And it looks like Rash was about to sneak a win in there by surprise, but that bottle in the back of the head prevented it...
"Supervixen" cues up as Rash pounds the mat angerly...
Lilith: Wow...I'd forgotten Rash could change form..he had ME fooled...
Megan: Well, that plan almost worked, but Rash fooled around with Snow and Black and paid the price...we'll be back after this commercial break from those EEEEVIL advertisers with some more hot EAW action.
Lilith: PLEASE no Lugz commercials!!
Megan: They're WWF sponsors, Lilith. ^_^
**Commercial Break**
The lights dim in the arena, with only spotlights focusing on the Triple Tier Cage match, and the lights come back on as "Role Model" by Eminem blasts giving the arrival of Chainsaw's Chaynz. The crowd gives the EAW-contender a great pop, as Chaynz walks down the ramp, and waits outside the cage.
"The challenger... weighing two hundred thirty-five pounds, and stands six feet tall.. coming from Inglewood, California.... he is one half of Chainsaw...he is representing the EAW... he is CHHHAAAAAYYYYNNNNZZZZ!!"
Megan: Chaynz looks pumped for this match, and he looks like he's ready to bring the People's Title back to where it belongs.
Lilith: I surely hope he can.. and kick that pansy Kirk Angel's ass in the process.
"Role Model" fades away, as "Gonna Fly Now" by Maynard Ferguson cues up, making the crowd boo their asses off, as the EAW People's Champion from the PWF, Kirk Angel, stands on the stage. Arm raised, the fireworks shoot out from the stage, and Kirk slowly wal! ks down the ramp.
"And, the champion.. weighing two hundred twenty pounds.. and standing six feet two inches... he reigns from Pittsburgh, Pennyslvia.. he is representing the PWF.. he is the EAW People Champion.. he is your Olympic Gold Medalist.. KIIIIIIRRRRRRKK ANNNNNGGGGEEEEEEEELLLLLL!!!"
Megan: This thing hasn't even started, and Chaynz has just tackled Kirk on the outside! Rapid punches to the side of Angel's face.. Chaynz picks Kirk up, and whips him into the barricade! Chaynz going for a flying press, but Kirk tosses him over the barricade and Chaynz lands on the concrete floor!
Lilith: Man, this two are going at it already.. and it isn't even offically started yet!
Megan: Kirk is standing on the barricade.. and he grabs Chaynz from the ground.. A BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX FROM THE GROUND OVER THE BARRICADE!! CHAYNZ FLEW!!
"WHOOOO!!"
Megan: The annoying call of the Olympic Medalist. Kirk takes Chaynz.. and rolls him into the ring. Outside the ring, are vario! us weapons, and Kirk grabs a chair.. and then he gets into the ring, offically kicking this thing off!
*ding, ding, ding*
Megan: Angel has that chair--a swing! Chaynz ducks.. knee to the midsection. Chaynz off the ropes.. swinging neckbreaker on the chair! Chaynz places the chair on Angel, and now a running legdrop! If Chaynz was Hogan, Angel would be dead of overselling by now. Chaynz picking Kirk up.. and whips him to the corner. Chaynz tries to follow, but he gets a boot to the face. And, Angel explodes out with a clothesline!
Lilith: Now, Kurt--I mean Kirk, has that chair, now... he gives Chaynz a huge shot on the temple! And, another! Now, he drives that chair into the midsection, and now across the back of Chaynz!
Megan: The Olympic Medalist showing us where his 'intergity' comes in, I guess. An! gel now celebrating while holding that chair.. Angel turns around.. and walks into a dropkick from Chaynz! Chaynz grabs Angel.. and hoists him in a gorilla press slam position.. HE TOSSES HIM INTO THE BARBED WIRE CAGE SIDE!! Angel was tossed from the ring into that barbed wire cage side! Angel bounced off, and he's down on the outside!
Lilith: But, Chaynz is up on the inside.. GUILLITINE LEGDROP ONTO THE PRONE ANGEL!! Now, Chaynz grabs a table, and is setting it up on the side of that steel cage side that is wrapped in barbed wire! Chanyz picks up Angel... whips him into-- Angel reverses, then ducks Chaynz hooking him.. RELEASING GERMAN SUPLEX THROUGH THAT TABLE!!
Lilith: Chaynz almost folded on that one.. his neck could be broken like Taz broke Sabu's neck with a move just like that in the old ECW. Chaynz looks hurt, and Angel rolls him in.
Megan: Oh no.. Angel just grabbed a taser and a table, before he rolled in the ring, too! This can only spell trouble for Ch! aynz! Angel has that taser!--he's going to shock Chaynz with the taser, but Chaynz blocks the taser blast with the chair! Angel shot that taser at Chaynz, but the chair blocked it, but it also conducted it to the hands of Chaynz.. his hands my be extremely red and hot. But, he's fighting back, though! Chaynz ducks a right hand shot from Angel.. and an inverted atomic drop! Chaynz sends Angel to the ropes.. another Gorilla Press Slam?! No! Angel gets down.. off the ropes, and he chop blocks Chaynz!
Lilith: Good gameplan.. if Chaynz has no wheels, then he can't climb up the ladder.
Megan: Angel has set that table up, and gives Chaynz a piledriver for good measure, and now Angel rolls Chaynz onto the table.. and he places the chair on top of Chaynz. Angel is ascending the top rope backwards.. OH NOO!! ANGELSAULT THROUGH THE TABLE ON CHAYNZ!!
"Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit!"
Lilith: Plus, that chair was on him.. Chaynz could be really hurt!
Megan: Angel i! s hurt, too... but he rolls onto the outside of the ring, to regroup.. he's laying down on the outside, and Chaynz is out on the inside. Angel gets up.. and he pulls out a ladder! I think he's going to try to go to second cage, now. Angel brings in the ladder to the ring, and sets it up.. he's climbing up and he's almost to the top.. but Chaynz is up!! He's trying to climb the ladder, too! He's on Angel's tail-- Angel drops to Chaynz shoulders, spins around on his shoulders.. he's going for a frankensteiner, but Chaynz holds on! What great blance! Oh no.. wait.. he may be PWF.. but NOOOO!! A POWERBOMB OFF THE LADDER!! MY GOD!!
"E-A-Dubbya! E-A-Dubbya! E-A-Dubbya!"
Megan: Now, Chaynz is climbing the ladder.. and... he's in the second cage! Where it's full of energy! Only one more cage to go for Chaynz, but he's hurt.. he has the second roped ladder to climb.. but somehow down there Angel is stirring! Angel is climbing that ladder! He may be from the PW! F, but the guy is tough! He's to the top, and he grabs the opening hole-- WAIT! Chaynz just kicked the ladder off of under him! Kirk is hanging on by that cell opening! His feet are wailing, and Chaynz is stepping on Kirk's fingers.. he's screaming in pain, but wait.. Kirk flipped himself up!! And a dropkick to the knee of Chaynz.. Kirk throws Chaynz into the electrified cage side! Again! Again--Chaynz reverses it this time! Chaynz is rubbing Kirk's into that cage! Kirk's body must be getting pumped with electricity! Chaynz hits a snap suplex on Kirk, and he quickly puts Kirk on the top turnbuckle. He follows Kirk to the top, and Chaynz places him between his legs... PILEDRIVER OFF THE TOP ROPE!! KIRK'S HEAD BOUNCED! Chaynz's climbing to the third cage, now.. can he bring the goal home?! The third cage has been set ablaze, and Chaynz is in there.. all he has to do is climb that ladder, and he is the new EAW People's Champion. Can he do it?! Angel is barely sti! rring.. he's climbing the ladder!
Lilith: I give it to the dork.. he's as tough as they come.
Megan: Chaynz is climning toward the belt, though.. but Kirk is in the third cage, also! And, he's pulling Chaynz from the ladder-- the crowd exploded into boos! Kirk has Chaynz down from the ladder.. and he's laying in those Kurt-like.. Kirk-like.. WHOEVER-like punches on Chaynz.. KIRK THREW CHAYNZ INTO FLAMING CAGE SIDE! Chaynz stubbles backward--OLYMPIC SLAM!--Chaynz landed on his feet, though!! BALL-IN-CHAIN!! BALL-IN-CHAIN!! Now, Chaynz is going for the title on the ladder.. can he?! CAN HE?!
Lilith/Megan: YES! YES! YES! YES! CHAYNZ DID IT!
Megan: Chaynz is the new People's Champion!
"Ladies and gentlemen... the winner of this match... and... NEEEEEEEWWWWW EAW People's Champion....CHHHHHAAAAAAYYYYYNNNNNNZZZZZZ!!!
Megan: This was a great match, but the gold has came back to where it belongs.
Lilith: But, Angel is up... and he rams the new cha! mpion head into that flaming third tier cage wall. He's using Chaynz like a battering ram.. NOO!! The cage tore open.. the Chaynz flew to the top of the second cage! He landed with a thud! Kirk hopped down to where Chaynz is.. what is going to do, now?
Lilith: I guess only the sides were eletrified, because Kirk is standing on that perfectly, as is Chaynz is down on it.
Megan: Kirk picks Chaynz up.. but Chaynz with rights! Kick to the gut of Kirk--and Chaynz.. looking for a superplex off the top of the second cage to the ground!!--but Angel is blocking it-- Chaynz quits trying for the superplex, but a right hand-- wait, Angel ducked it.. and hooks Chaynz-- OLYMPIC SLAM OFF THE SECOND CAGE TOP!! OLYMPIC SLAM OFF THE SECOND CAGE TOP!! MY GOD!! Someone get these guys help!! We need a break.. someone give us a break!
**Commercial Break, including a Kit Kat commercial. :P**
Megan: We're back folks... and as you can see Lilith is nowhere near the commentating position, because during the commercial break... *sigh* ... Ainako came up wearing a towel. Just a towel. She flashed me, Lilith, and half the fans in attendance and... well... *sigh* --; Let's just say they're out back doing it like wild weasels in heat and let's be done with it. Let's get to our--
Suddenly a sad tune begins to play... on the Jumbotron a white dog walks into view by a microphone, taps it... and starts singing/barking a sad song. Complete with a woman in a circle translating for it.
Megan: ... You gotta be kidding me.
Megan: Uhm... hello...
Dog: Oooowwwwoooooo! =^-^=
Lady: Menchi says hello.
Megan: ... Menchi... okay. And you are--?
Lady: Just the Translator Lady. Don't mind me. ^_^ Just speak to Menchi, I'll be translating for her.
Megan blinkblinks... looking at Menchi, then at the Translator Lady.
Megan: ... Wrestlecrap would have a field day with this if it was still up. =/
The Jumbotron then shows Mt. Saint Helens in Washington, the sight of the next match...
Megan: Here we go, folks! Our 3A/Extreme match! Ryokami versus RTC Man! Or Nova! I'm calling him Nova.
Menchi: Ooowwwoooo...
TL: Business is about to pick up.
Megan: ... Rrrrrright.
The scene opens to Nova, clad in his new EVA-style bodysuit as he surveys his surroundings, looking for Ryokami.
Megan: Nova has made it clear of how deadly Ryokami is... uhm... Menchi! We've seen Ryokami's dream and it was absolutely disturbing! Nova has stated that Ryokami has to be stopped, and even if he has to kill him, he would!
Menchi: Oooowwwoooo... owwoo ooowwooo ooowwwoooo!
TL: Ryokami's dream is almost as scary as Excel's appitite for me.
Megan: ... Right.
Menchi: Ooowwwwwooooo? Ooowwwoooo! =*^.^*=
TL: Have you seen Colley Dogstar around? He looks so hot.
Megan: Ah... OH!! RYOKAMI HAS JUST ATTACKED NOVA FROM BEHIND A TREE!!! UPPERCUT PALM STRIKE RIGHT UPSIDE THE HEAD TO NOVA!!! COMBOED TO... DEAD SLEEP!!! AND THE AGONIZER APPLIED! The referee... it looks like one of the robo-refs from the PWF! It's checking to see if Nova wants to give up but... O_O! OH!! HUGE CHI BLAST RIGHT IN RYOKAMI'S FACE AND THE ANTI-SAVIOR GOES FLYING!!
Menchi: Ooooowwwoooooo! =0.0=
TL: Mah God, the carnage.
Megan: ... *sigh* ... Nova charges in and... CLOTHESLINE!! Oh, but Ryokami kippups! ANOTHER CLOTHESLINE BY NOVA FROM BEHIND! AND RYOKAMI REVERSE KIPPUPS!! Nova jumps back for another chi blast but... RYOKAMI'S QUICKER!!! NECKBREAKER DROP!! AND-- NO!! A KUROKAGE DAGGER!! OH, and Nova moves out of the way to avoid getting skewered by that hideous blade!!!
Menchi: Oowwwooooo!! =o.0;=
TL: That was a close one.
Megan: Ryokami dispels the blade just in time-- YES! SPIN DOCTOR ON RYOKAMI!! Nova jumps up... wow, so high... drops down-- NO! RYOKAMI KIPPUPED!! HE GRABBED NOVA FROM BEHIND AND-- OHH!! AIR SLAM!!! And Nova hit the ground hard!! Ryokami covers! One! T--no, just a one count! And Nova elbows Ryokami away! Nova charges in! SPINNING HEEL KI-- AUUGHH!! NO! RYOKAMI COUNTERS!! SPECTACULAR HEAD LEG TAZZPLEX!! Say what you will about this psychopathic monster but he just showed some spontaneous countering!!
Menchi: Ooowwwooooo...
TL: This is turning into a slobberknocker.
Megan: ... *ahem* ... Ryokami is... wait, he's pulling something from the bushes... omiGod... that's... that's a glass table... WRAPPED WITH BARBED WIRE!! He's also got gasoline! He... oohh, he just set that glass table on fire!! And God help Nova, anything goes here! Nova's in trouble!! Ryokami picks Nova up... dragging him over... DROPPING SUP-- NO!! NOVA COUNTERS!! BACK DROP!! OH, AND RYOKAMI GOES CRASHING INTO THAT BARBED WIRE BURNING GLASS TABLE!!!!!!
Menchi: Oooowwwoooooo!! =O.O!!=
TL: Oh my... God.
Megan: Nova rolls from that conflageration and... oh... oh God... Ryokami's getting up. He's getting up, I don't believe this... parts of his clothing and patches of his hair burning and the cuts and lacerations on his body are slowly healing up... can anything stop this demon?! WAIT!! NOVA JUST SPED FORWARD!! MISSILE-LIKE SPEAR RIGHT INTO RYOKAMI'S GUT!! HE JUST DROVE HIM... my God, he drove him through the mountain!!
The camera's quick to show the footage as it happens, courtesy of night-vision, because it's too dark to see any way else. A river of molten lava can be seen off in the background.
Megan: Ryokami whips Nova... no, reversal... short-arm... POWERSLAM BY NOVA!!! Nova sees that molten lava... oh no... he... is he going to... but if he does he'll be fired for sure! Even if it IS Ryokami!!
Menchi: Oowwooooo!
LT: Break out JR's BBQ sauce, and not for me.
Megan: OHMYGOD!!!!!!!! NOVA JUST THREW RYOKAMI INTO THAT RIVER OF MOLTEN LAVA!!! O_O!! I... My God...!! I... Nova just kissed his career in the EAW down the tubes... I mean... Ryokami may have been a sick and twisted monster, but he was still alive... and... . . . . . . O_O! ... oh... oh, Jesus...
Menchi/LT: =0.o!= O_O!!
Ryokami's SKELETON, burning bright, has risen from the lava, and Nova has his back turned! The skeleton lets out a tortured scream, and suddenly leaps forward, grabbing Nova!
Megan: OHHH!!!!! KATAMA JAMAI!! AND RYOKAMI... HE'S ON FIRE!!! NOVA'S IN EXTREME AGONY MORE SO THAN NORMAL UNDER THIS HOLD!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! RYOKAMI... HE... HE SURVIVED THE HEAT OF MOLTEN FIRE AND HE'S FORCING NOVA IN THE KATAMA JAMAI WHILE STILL ABLAZE!!! NOVA HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO TAP OUT!! BUT HE'S NOT DOING IT!! GOD HELP HIM, HE'S NOT TAPPING OUT!!! WHOAAA!!! HE JUST SHOT OUT OF THAT CAVERN!! AND INTO A LAKE!!! SOUND THINKING EVEN UNDER SUCH HELLISH CIRCUMSTANCES BY NOVA!!
Menchi: Ooowwoooo!! =^.^;=
LT: I hope I never get cooked like that.
Nova struggles to get out of the lake... it looks like he's suffering from third degree burns and his plug suit is charred, but he's still in the fight.
So is Ryokami.
His skeleton explodes from the water, landing in front of the injured Nova. He can only watch in shock as Ryokami's organs and muscles slowly but surely regenerate!!
Ryokami: k-k-k-kkkkkkkrrrrrrrrRRRNNNNNNOOVVVVAAAAAA... you won't... stop me that easily...
Megan: EASILY?! He calls that EASY?!! NOVA CHARGES IN-- OH, BUT RYOKAMI COUNTERS AND-- TENKA SAISHUU!!!! DAMMIT!! Cover! One! Two! Thr-- NO! NOVA GETS A SHOULDER UP! BARELY!!!
Menchi: Oowwooooo! =o.0;=
LT: This is getting scary.
Megan: Ryokami is... well, he's almost completely regenerated now! Good work on the censors part to blue out Ryokami's... er... naughty bits... Ryokami... oh, God... he's reaching into the bushes again... he's pulling out a barbed wire-wrapped chair! Geez, was he prepared for this match?! OHH!!! A WHACK ACROSS THE BACK BY THAT HEINOUS WEAPON!!! AND-- OWW!! ACROSS THE HEAD!!!!!
Menchi: OOOOOOWWWOOOOOOOO!!!
LT: He's busted wide open.
Megan: And now... oh, God... Ryokami's just manifested a Kurokage glaive!! He's going to impale Nova with it!!! No Killing Rule be damned!! NO! DON'T!
Menchi: Ooowwwoooo! =0.0!=
LT: Wait, look.
Megan: IT'S ALEXANDER NAGOL!!! HE'S COME TO NOVA'S RESCUE!!! HE'S DRAWN IN SHINTAI AND... AAHH!!! HE JUST IMPALED RYOKAMI WITH IT!!!!! RYOKAMI FALLS TO HIS KNEES!!! AND A HUGE BLAST FROM THE SHINTAI AT RYOKAMI'S HEAD!!! MY GOD!!! RYOKAMI'S OUT COLD!! HE... O_O!! NO! KIPPUP BY RYOKAMI, GRABBING ALEX!! TENKA SAISHUU!!!!!! NO!! HOW THE BLUE BLAZES CAN RYOKAMI GET UP AFTER EVERYTHING THAT'S HE'S TAKEN?!!!! IT'S NOT POSSIBLE!!!
Menchi: Ooowwooooo! =o-o;;=
LT: He's more resiliant than Excel ever will be.
Megan: Ryokami's going for Nova again... oh, God... that Shintai's still sticking out of him... this is so nightmarish! He-- WAIT! ALEX RECOVERED!! SHOULDERBLOCK!!! RIGHT INTO THAT TREE! HE SPLINTERED IT COMPLETELY!!! ALEX PULLS THE SHINTAI OUT OF HIM AND HE SPEEDS OFF! NOVA'S RECOVERED ENOUGH... COVER! ONE! TWO! THR-- NO??!!! RYOKAMI GOT A SHOULDER UP!! HOW THE HELL?!!
Menchi: Ooowwwoooo!! =O-O!=
LT: ... I won't translate that. Too obscene.
Megan: Nova's a bloody mess here! He gets Ryokami up... it looks like... YES!! KRYPTONITE CRUNCH RIGHT ONTO THAT BARBED-WIRE WRAPPED CHAIR!!! COVER!! ONE! TWO! THREE! NO!!!!! 2 AND ¾ths?!!! THIS... My God! I am not believing this! Nova gets Ryokami back up... looks like the Novacaine and-- AHHH!!! NO! KAJAKU TSUME FROM OUT OF NOWHERE!!! AND-- AGHHH! NOVA GETS THE BACK OF HIS HEAD SLAMMED INTO THAT DAMNED CHAIR!!! COVER! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! DAMMIT!!! DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!!! RYOKAMI WINS!!!
Winner: Ryokami
Megan: Unbelievable! After ALL the punishment... everything that both Nova and Alex did... blatantly trying to kill him... Ryokami WOULD NOT go down!!! And in the end, it was Ryokami's immortality and unearthly resiliancy that tipped the odds to him!! God... look... Nova's a bloody mess! He's been burned and lacerated and bruised! And... there's not even a MARK on Ryokami's body!!! This is absolutely... this is a travesty!!
Menchi: Oooowwoooooo...
LT: At least he's walking away.
Megan: ... And getting the gasoline... what is he... oh... oh God, he's pouring it on Nova!! He's already bloodied and burned! That gasoline must be stinging him! OH... NO!! HE'S GOING TO SET NOVA ON FIRE!!! SOMEONE STOP HIM BEFORE--
"KUROJIGOKU KOGEKI!!!"
A sudden blast of black energy explodes from out of nowhere, knocking Ryokami in the back and sending him flying from Nova!
Megan/Menchi/LT: O_O! =o.0!= O_O!!
Megan: IT'S SHAED BLOODGRAVE!!! RYOKAMI'S FATHER... THE EAW CO-COMMISIONER IS HERE!!! AND JUST IN TIME!!! MY GOD... Ryokami's up already... a sneer at Shaed... but now it looks like Ryokami's retreating! Thank Heavens!
Menchi: Oooooowwwoooo... owwwooo!
LT: I've seen enough. Time to go. Bye.
With that, the Translator Lady and Mench both take their headsets off as they leave. On the Jumbotron Shaed checks on Nova, then gently picks him up, carrying him through a transportal.
Megan: Folks... we've got to go on a commercial break, but when we return...
Split screen action... on the left is Sonnette as she walks down a hallway, taping up her fists, then throwing a few punches as she makes her way down the ring. On the right is the EAW Championship belt, suddenly picked up by Blink, who slings it over her shoulder, taking a deep breath... then nods in assurance as she leaves the dressing room area.
Megan: That's right! Blink! Sonnette! Hell In A Cell! For the EAW Title! And it's next!!!
***
[Ready in 5... 4... 3...]
Megan: ... and we all know what time it is... because the cage is coming down!
Lilith: Ooooh! Whips and chains time, Megie-poo?
Megan: See, I walked right into that, Lilith.
Lilith: Yep, you did! And don't expect me to let you walk right back out of it, either!
Megan: But I don't think even *you* would enjoy a Hell In The Cell match, truth me told.
Lilith: Hrm... probably not. Unless it were with a bunch of hunky men and sexy ladies... and poor little old me... nude... and sweaty... and hot and bothered... and... and... ohboy, I better stop before I overheat. ^^;
Megan: Lilith, I will never understa---
"Take A Look Around" fires up, and the crowd roars in approval. Sonnette solemnly walks down towards the lowered cage, occassionally shaking out an arm or leg.
Lilith: Oh man, Sonn looks pumped! Aftet getting screwed out of her title by that little green-haired runt Spazz, she's game for a chance to go at Blink, completely and totally interrupted by any stupid Tazz-a-likes with no neck.
Megan: Do I detect a hint of deep-seated hatred, Lilith?
Lilith: Bite me, Meggie. Bite me until I scream.
Megan: No.
Lilith: ... please?
Megan: No... Sonnette's let into the ring by referee Tommy Sato. Inside, she paces like a caged lion, waiting eagerly for her next meal... which I think might be a hunk of Blink steak, if I have my match right.
Lilith: Well, Sonnette *and* Blink have been through hell and back to get to their pinnacles, and these two are gonna collide bigtime! If Blink's a piece of meat, she's gonna give Sonnette THE worst case of indigestion!
Megan: ... interesting analogy.
Lilith: I'm full of 'em.
"Rise" cuts in immediately after Sonnette stops pacing, and the crowd goes wild as the EAW Champ marches towards the ring, title on her shoulder.
Megan: I think it's almost time for the match of a lifetime, Lilith... people as home, record this one, because it's probably gonna go down in EAW history as one of *the* best title matches ever!
Lilith: Blink! Sonnette! All that respect and love and stuff goes out the window with the strap on the line... and this *is* Hell in the Cell! No telling how far they'll go to win!
Megan: I know, I know... and it scares me... Tommy Sato lets Blink in after taking the belt and holding it high... this is it. For all the marbles, Lilith... he closes the cage and it's ti--
Rage Against The Machine's "How I Could Just Kill A Man" fires up, and the entire stadium erupts in boos as Spazz makes his way down the ramp, in his PWF shirt, jeans and bomber jacket.
Lilith: ... what is HE doing here?! Green Asshole's already worn out his welcome!
Megan: Thankfully, Sato's already sealed the cage, so Spazz isn't getting in... but he's STILL pacing around in, looking at the two with those freaky green eyes of his... someone please tell Adam Bomb that someone stole his contacts!
Lilith: ... if he even *tries* to... aw maaaan, he's coming this way!
Spazz grabs a seat and a headset, sitting between Megan and Lilith, all grins.
Spazz: Heya ladies... how's life?
Megan: Much less happy with you here.
Lilith: Yeah... could you please *LEAVE* or something?
Spazz: Naaaah... Hedgebitch in there's called me out and wants a challenge, so it's only right that I get to, y'know, study my enemy. Figure out her weaknesses... although she's got tons of those, so it should be a cinch. Besides, I'm not gonna interfere with the match. Champ's honor.
Megan: ... just stay in that seat, and I'll be fine.
Lilith: Gotta agree with Megan there... and there's the bell! Let's get it on!
Megan: ... the same focused staredown from the last match... and they tie up! Sonnette forces Blink into the corner... hip toss puts the champ down, but she hops right back up... and into another hip toss! She's right back on her feet... charges, get caught--reverses a hip toss, sending Sonnette to the matt!
Spazz: Aw, come ON! Let's skip the textbook sh*t and get to the real match! You're supposed to destroy your opponent in a cage, not play Wrestling Clinic!
Lilith: I don't see you in there, short, green and ugly.
Spazz: Because I'd wipe their asses all over the place.
Megan: Uh-hu-- tie-up... Sonnette gains control... backs Blink into the ropes... irish whip, and Blink HITS the cage right behind the ropes hard... and Sonnette rushes her! HUGE suicide splash, crushing the champ between the cage and her opponent!
Spazz: There we go... THERE WE GO!
Lilith: Shut UP already!
Megan: Sonnette follows with another irish whip... catches Blink--swinging neckbreaker drop puts the champ down! Sonnette goes for an early pin!
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ONE!
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T-kickout with authority!
Lilith: Man, Blink doesn't look all that fazed!
Spazz: As much as these two get under my skin, ESPECIALLY Blink's little purple turncoat ass, they got talent... they'd make for good PWF superstars if they were, y'know, worthy of it and all.
Megan: I think *NOT*!--Sonnette picks Blink up... goes for a suplex, and Blink slips right out of it! Double-leg takedown... and a swift legdrop to Sonnette's back! Blink follows up... off the ropes, and another legdrop! She drags Sonnette to her feet---spin kick is caught! Blink goes for the enzuigiri---CAUGHT! Blink's flat on her back... and Sonnette drops both legs right down on Blink's abdomen, Hardy-style!
Lilith: I dunno who to root for...
Spazz: Root for whoever's got enough sack not to get pinned.
Lilith: ... didn't ask you.
Megan: Blink looks to be in a world of hurt... and Sonnette's capitalizing... a few swift kicks... dragging Blink up by her hair... and tossing her right into the cage again! Man, that side rattled pretty badly when Blink hit it!
Spazz: Mebbe it's loose... hehhehheh...
Megan: Blink stumbles right into Sonnette's arms... BIG overhead belly-to-belly! And Sonnette kippups to her feet! Damn, she's got total control of this match right now...
Lilith: Don't be so sure, now... we're talking about Blink here...
Megan: Sonn picks Blink up... and staggers her with a hard chop to the chest! And another! A third chop! And a FOURTH puts Blink flat on her back! That was just painful to hear, let alone watch!
Spazz: Watch the boobies jiggle! Heh, I think I can find it in me to enjoy this match after all!
Lilith: ... okay, I'll give you a point for being a lecher, Greenie.
Megan: Sonnette reaches down to grab Bli---the champ kicks Sonnette in the stomach! Legs around Sonnette's neck... and delivers a neck-jarring sort of throw, spinning her body before tossing Sonnette back and away! Talk about originality!
Lilith: See? SEE?! I told you she wasn't out of it yet!
Megan: Blink rolls over to Sonnette... and cinches in... I'm not sure *WHAT* that is... she's got a knee jammed against Sonnette's back while pulling her chin back Camel Clutch-style! The challenger's flailing to try and escape!
Spazz: .... niiiice... real nice.
Megan: Sonnette has her hands on Blink's hands... and breaks the hold! AND mule kicks Blink right in the chest! Sonnette's on her feet... and still has Blink's hands caught... SPINS BLINK AROUND and kicks her to the ground for... Straightjacket stranglehold! Sonnette's choking Blink out and stretching her out with her own arms!
Lilith: I KNOW that position's not in the Kama Sutra...
Spazz: Straightjacket's hard to escape, 'cause most of your upper-body leverage's negated by your arms being caught... so you gotta go lower body...
Megan: ... damn you, Spazz, you called it! Blink bucks Sonnette off of her somehow and partially breaks the hold... Sonnette's still got one of her hands! The champ yanked towards Sonn---SPLIT SECOND! SPLIT SECOND from right out of NOWHERE! Sonnette never had a chance to blink, pardon the pun! Sonnette's down, and Blink's regaining her composure after hitting a staggering move!
Spazz: She ain't much power-wise... so she's gotta be fast. Hafta give the girl *some* credit for her skills.
Lilith: Was that a compliment?
Spazz: And what if it was?
Megan: Blink's not going for a pin just yet... she's waiting for Sonnette to get up... signalling for the Swingbreaker! She's going to put Sonnette away right here and now! Aaaaaand Sonnette's up! Blink has her... irish whip! SWI---SPEAR! DEAR GOD, SONNETTE JUST SPEARED BLINK RIGHT INTO THE CAGE! They're both down, but I'm sure Blink took the worst of that!
Lilith: Those ropes ain't gonna be much of a cushion when you're hit by a speeding hedgefemme with a mean streak and the speed of a Ferrari!
Spazz: GORE! GORE! GOOOOOOORE! Gyahahahah, that was sweet!
Megan: Sonnette's using the ropes to pull herself to her feet... she looks dazed, but Blink's not even starting to move yet! Sonnette decides to capitalize... Blink's up... and right into Sonnette's arms! Spinning PornPlex ONTO THE CAGE! Followed by a VICIOUS PornBuster! Sonnette holds the hooked leg and goes for the win!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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KICKOUT! Blink manages the kickout, but looks to be in a world of pain! And Sonnette's got the look of a gleeful predator in her eyes!
Spazz: THAT is the killer instinct, baby! That's why I gotta take her down... she's got it... I got it... we're gonna clash eventually. Might as well make both feds scream their heads off in the process.
Megan: Oh, I'm *sure* Sonnette wants a piece of y--Blink on her feet, but looking a bit dazed... Sonnette charges Blink into a corner.... hits a series of painful-looking shoudler tackles to Blink's stomach... and backflips away! She's gonna go for the Sonic Boom! She rushes in... HAS BLINK! RUNNING UP THE TURNBUCKLE, LEAPS--
Lilith: Nobody home! I dunno HOW she did that!
Megan: Blink managed to HOOK her feet into the sides of the cage before the Sonic Boom hit, leaving Sonnette to slam HARD to the mat! Blink's still up... PULLS herself to the cage... MOONSAULT ONTO SONNETTE! She's already in motion, bouncing off of Sonnette and backing up... stomping the ring! Shades of Shawn Michaels right there... and the crowd's stomping WITH her!
Lilith: Sweet Blink Music coming up! I can feel it in my bones!
Spazz: Hehheh... she better make sure she hits this...
Megan: Sonnette to her feet... and Blink KICKS---AND MISSES! SONNETTE DODGE--POWERFUL kick to Blink's exposed back, and she doubles back in pain! Sonnette leaps... and scores a leaping axe kick RIGHT TO BLINK'S FACE! CHAMP'S DOWN! And Sonnette goes for the pin!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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KICKOUT! Again, it just wasn't enough to get the job done!
Lilith: Boundless stamina... after all, she's gotta have stamina, what with her boyfriend...
Spazz: Gyahah... young, dumb and full of cu--
Megan: *SPAZZ*, we're li--Sonnette just hauls Blink to her feet... HENTAIPLEX! Holding on... HENTAIPLEX! HOLDING ON! HENTAIPLEX! Blink looks like she doesn't even remember what her name is right now! She's that wrecked-looking! And a FINAL release HentaiPlex slings Blink to the mat, and she stays there!
Spazz: Waste of strength... repeated Germans are hell on your long-term stamina... they get the job done, but you're gonna be assed-out if your opponent decides t' make a comeback!
Lilith: Asses out? Where? WHERE?!
Spazz: ... heh.
Megan: Sonnette does look like she's winded, but that's not stopping her from grabbing Blink and cinching her up for a suplex! She go--NO GO! Blink's suddenly alive! Sonnette tries again--no good! She goes for a third try... and Blink just knees her in the gut! Blink hopping up onto Sonnette's shoulders, going for a huricanr---NO! Sonnette gets a grip on Blink and runs towards the cage... and POWERBOMBS Blink onto it! Sonnette turns... POWERBOMB INTO THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE CAGE! She turns again... PO---'RANA INTO THE CAGE! SONNETTE'S HEAD ALL BUT RIPPED THROUGH THE CAGE!
Lilith: They're both down in a heap! And Sonnette's starting to turn on the crimson waterworks... well, this IS Hell in the Cell!
Spazz: First blood to the turncoat!
Megan: Blink's up... and climbs onto the turnbuckle... then onto the cage! She watches... waiting for Sonnette to get up... this can't be good for the challenger... Sonnette's up... and BLINK'S COMING DOWN! MY WORD! *HUGE* LEAPING TORNADO DDT! Sonnette's down and looks to be out... Blink covers!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THR--NO! Sonnette just gets her shoulder up... and she's really starting to bleed now! Blink's 'rana onto the cage really opened her up!
Spazz: That's got a huge psychological factor, making a man bleed... HUGE factor.
Lilith: For *you*, maybe...
Megan: Blink's back up... has Sonnette and goes for a suplex... HITS it! She grabs Sonnette by the sides of her head... and pushes her towards the cage! Blink bouncing off of the opposite rope... Blink dropkicks Sonnette face-first into the cage! And she's going to go for it again... Sonnette DUCKS and pushes Blink into the cage instead... SPEAR! SPEA---MY GOD, THE SIDE OF THE CAGE THAT THEY RAN INTO JUST TORE FROM ITS FASTENERS! Thankfully, it's far away enough from the crowd... but STILL...
Lilith: The match's spilled to the outside now! Someone STILL needs to get the pin INSIDE the ring to win, though!
Spazz: ... alright. I'm liking this... really liking this!
Megan: Blink and Sonnette are both outside the ring and lying on the fallen side of the cage... Sonnette's getting up first... and stumbles to the apron and leans against it! She's still shaken up from the spear! BLINK, however... grabs Sonnette's waist for--BLINK EATS A STUNNER FROM SONNETTE!! But Sonnette's not done... she rolls Blink onto the timekeeper's table and... she's... she CAN'T BE!
Spazz: Oh, it looks like it...
Megan: Sonnette's CLIMBING the still-stable corner... and she's UP TOP! Walking carefully... RIGHT at the edge and below the stunned Blink! A swivel of her hips... and SHE LEAPS! TOWERING MONEY SHOT---BLINK ROLLS OFF OF THE TABLE AND SONNETTE PLOWS THROUGH IT!!! MY GOD, THAT HAS TO BE IT FOR SONNETTE!
Lilith: E-C-DUB! E-C-DUB! E-C-DUB! E-C-DUB!
Spazz: Turning point in the match RIGHT THERE!
Megan: ... they're taking a while to get up... Blink's finally up... and has Sonnette, dragging her towards the ring... and herself too! She FINALLY rolls Sonnette into the ring and follows... has her up and LEAPS for a 'ra--SPINEBUSTER PUTS BLINK BACK DOWN! And Sonnette goes down as well, draped over Blink! This could be it!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THRE--SHOULDER UP! SHOULDER UP! BLINK GOT A SHOULDER UP!
Spazz: In-f*cking-credible!
Lilith: They both refuse to give up... they're gonna hurt each other badly if this goes on for much longer!
Megan: They're both slow to their feet... and they start exchanging blows! Sonnette's face in a crimson mask now... and Blink herself's starting to look like a punch-drunk fighter in the 11th round as well! But NEITHER of them back down, even as the fists and feet rain!
Spazz: It's all-or-nothing now! Whoever plants the other hard first at this point probably has the match won!
Megan: A pair of hard snap kicks to Sonnette's ribs double her over... Blink WHIPS HER TO THE ROPES... BOUNCES TOWARDS HER---SWINGBREAKER! SWINGBREAKER! SONNETTE was *SPIKED* right into the mat! Blink all but falls atop Sonnette... that HAS to be it! .
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE---NO! THERE'S... THERE'S NO WAY! THERE'S JUST NO WAY!
Spazz: She wants in that bad, Megs! When someone want something so bad they can taste it, it'll take more than your best to put them away! And you're seeing that right now!
Megan: Blink looks extremely anguished as she wobbles to her feet, bringing the dazed challenger with her... GOING FOR ANOTHER SWINGBREAKER! OFF THE ROPES--SONNETTE DUCKS THE GRAB FOR THE NECKBREAKER! KICK TO BLINK'S JAW, AND THE CHAMP SPINS LIKE A TO---SONNETTE CHARGES BLINK ONTO HER SHOUL---SONIC BOOM! SONIC BOOM! SONIC BOOM CONNECTS! IT'S OVER!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE---... Blink's shoulder is up... AMAZING!
Lilith: But I think Blink's not gonna be doing much else... and Sonnette's on her feet! The crowd's going WILD... and she *slowly* runs her thumb across her throat!
Spazz: I hope someone measured Blinkie's casket size, 'cuase she's about to get buried!
Megan: I can barely hear myself speak... the crowd's ON THEIR FEET! Sonnette... reaches for Bli---BLINK KICKS AS SO--DUCKED AND COUNTERED WITH A FIST RIGHT TO BLINK'S STOMACH! SONNETTE HEFTS BLINK ONTO HER SHOULDERS IN A PUMP-HANDLE POSITION... AND SHE RUNS FOR THE TURNBUCKLE! AND---
Lilith: She's... *RUNNING UP THE CAGE CORNER*!
Spazz: Turn out the lights, 'cause Blink's party is OVER! BAM!
Megan: SONIC BOOM! SONIC BOOM! SONIC BOOM! FROM AS HIGH UP THE CAGE AS SHE COULD GO! AND SONNETTE COVERS WEAKLY! .
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE! SONNETTE WINS! SONNETTE WINS!
Winner and NEW EAW Champion >>> Sonnette
She poured her all into that match, and she got back what she invested into it! You still have to give credit to Blink for a truly amazing fight... she's just as worthy of a champion as Sonnette is!
Tommy Sato walks into the ring and hands Sonnette, who's on her knees and looking like hell, the EAW title. She takes it... then takes the unconscious Blink next to her and hugs both tightly, evoking a staggering pop from the crowd.
Lilith: I came away... happy. And best of all, the green runt didn't interfere with the match... heh, he kept his word after a--wait. Where'd he go?
Megan: THE RING! Spazz has... he's charged the ring! Sato tries to stop him... but eats a wicked clothesline and hits the mat hard! He's... he's staring at Sonnette, but she's not moving! No, he couldn't! He couldn't be this cowardly!
Lilith: He's not a coward... he's a predator! He's...
Megan: RAINING STOMPS ONTO THE NEW CHAMP! HE'S ATTACKING HER WHILE SHE'S NEAR-DEFENSELESS... AND A KICK TO THE FACE SENDS HER DOWN! SPAZZ... HE'S GOT THE EAW TITLE! WAITING FOR SONNETTE TO STAND UP... NO, HE WOULDN'T!
Lilith: That's it, I'm--
Megan: SONNETTE DUCKS THE BELTSHOT AND RIPS THE BELT FROM HIS HANDS! SHE'S... SHE'S TEARING SPAZZ A NEW ONE, AND THE CROWD'S GOING INSANE! SPAZZ AT THE EDGE OF THE RING WHERE THERE'S NO WA---SPEAR!!! SONNETTE SPEARS SPAZZ THROUGH THE ROPES AND ONTO THE FALLEN CAGE! SHE'S RUNNING ON PURE RAGE NOW! DRAGGING SPAZZ BY HIS COLLAR... COMING OUR WAY!
Lilith: ... might wanna stand clear of the table, Megan!
Megan: ... THUMB ACROSS THE THROAT AGAIN! SONNETTE'S ROARING LIKE A CAGED ANIMAL... AND SHE'S GOT SPAZZ UP AND IS RUNNING UP THE CAGE!
Lilith: What goes up, must come...
Megan: DOWN! SONIC BOOM RIGHT THROUGH OUR ANNOUNCER'S TABLE! SPAZZ FINALLY GOT HIS, AND SONNETTE'S NIGHT IS PROBABLY COMPLETE!
Sonnette stalks over to the fallen Spazz, who's bleeding and twitching amongst the wreckage of the announcer's table... then stands atop him, stares right down at him and slowly raises the EAW title to the sky. The crowd roars deafeningly in reply.
Lilith: A blow has been struck for the EAW! But I think this is only the beginning! For Megan Eko, this is Lilith Aesland... and that is what green runts look like when they're splattered through a table!
Megan: See you again soon! This *IS* The E-A-W! Scene suddenly cuts to the parking lot area and a small child... it's Ariel! She's looking around for someone... looking a little frantic as her head darts around, left to right.
"... Ariel..."
Ariel blinks, then turns around to see Celestria, who's flanked by both Mech-Gore and Lou Cypher!
Lilith: Cypher!! Ariel!! That...Mech guy...what the hell?
Megan: Well...I wonder just what this is about...
"Not so fast, little Ariel..." Cypher says with a sneer. "Before you run into Celestria's arms, she insisted on seeing you one last time before we left."
"Left...?" Ariel blinkblinks.
"Yes... we're going back to Hell, child..." he says. "But... however, being a betting man, I am willing to give you a chance to win her back. A small game that even you can win... but I can win as well.
"... What kind of game?" Ariel asks.
Megan: Don't trust a devil, Ariel...Cypher would take a person's soul for a donut if he had the chance.
"Simply put..." Cypher pulls out a gold coin from his inside coat pocket. "... a toss of the coin. Heads? I win and Celestria comes with us. Tails? You win, and Celestria goes back to her mundane existance with her grandfather. However, I might note... even if you win, it will still be Celestria's choice. After all, she is a person of her own free will, isn't she?"
Ariel noddles. "... Okay. I'm ready then."
Lilith: *crosses fingers, crosses toes, crosses legs* Come on, Ariel!!!
Cypher grins, then flips the coin.
"Let it hit the floor! I wanna see!" Ariel calls out.
Cypher steps back and lets the coin hit the concrete with a *clink!* It spins once and lands on...
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...
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... Tails!
Megan/Lilith: SHE WON?! "YES!!!" Ariel jumps up and cheers. "I WON I WON I WON!!! I WON YOU BACK, CELESTRIA!!!"
Lilith/Megan: SHE WON!!!
Celestria smiles softly... then walks over and hugs Ariel tightly. Ariel hugs back too, smiling brightly as she tries to hold back her tears.
Celestria then pulls back, giving Ariel a kiss on the forehead and says softly...
"... I'll miss you, Ariel."
Megan: What??! What's this about?
Celestria then releases Ariel, standing up... and turns around and joins Cypher and Mech-Gore! Cypher chuckles evilly as he, Celestria, and Mech-Gore all leave through a burning portal... and just like that, the trio is gone.
Lilith: Why'd she go with that demonic bastard?! WHY, Celes, why?
The scene closes out on Ariel... her green eyes filled with tears and wide with disbelief as she slumps to her knees, staring at the spot where her friend disappeared.
"... Celestria..."
Fade to black.
"By the way...we cut the brakes in your ride...have fun!!" -- those evil elves.