Your hosts are Chris Kanyon and Pamela Paulshock!
Fireworks explode from the stage as we open to the Cobo Hall! Signs visible in the crowd tonight...
"I FART ON BEAVERS, JIM!", "Michael: Champion Forever!", "WWE SUCKS!", "WWE RULES", "EIGHTEEN: MARRY ME!", "HARRISON FORD + ACCENT = CRAP!", "I'M *STILL* KENNY ROGERS", and a bunch of "WHAT?" signs in various languages.
Kanyon: Welcome everybudda, here tonight for EAW Riot Rulz! I'm Chris Kanyon, here with Pamela Paulshock, and set for live action here tonight, with a show capping off with an EAW World Title defense when Michael Connelly faces Rash!
"Broken" by Bruce Dickinson cues up...
Pamela: Correction: Michael Connelly LOSES to Rash.
Kanyon: Well, either way you feel is inarguably the CURRENT EAW World Champion coming out now...
Michael Connelly makes his way out onto the stage, as fireworks explode around him and the crowd cheers.
Pamela: Well...popular, yes...I'll give you that. But compared to Angel? Well...Kirk's kinda gone soft, so I don't know about him either.
Kanyon: Hmph...your loyalty changes like the wind.
Pamela: No, not at all...it's just--congratulating him, the handshake...such sportmanship, such a nice gesture--ugh...how sickening.
Michael climbs inside the ring, holding up the title to applause and cheers, then goes up to the top rope and does so, clutching it as he Moonsaults off the top rope and onto his feet, then asks for a microphone.
"SCREEEEEEEAM FOR ME, DETROIT!!!"
The crowd pops...
"I saaaaaaaaid...SCREAM FOR ME, DETROIT!!"
...Now louder...
"WHOOOOOOO!! Thank you, thank you! Now, of course I have a good reason to be out here, and don't fret, because I won't bore you or waste time by...taaaaaalking-uh liiiiiiiike-uh thiiiiiiiiiis-uh. However, on the night of my first big title defense, I think I'm allowed the right to ham it up out here for a few minutes."
Pamela: Please don't. =P
Kanyon: Paaaaam...
"First of all...a bit of thanks to Kirk for apparently returning to his sportsmanlike self--and hopefully, for good. Of course...it would have been rather nice if he'd have LISTENED TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE ABOUT MAX, but you know how those things go.
"However, I'm the man of the hour, or 2 as the case may be. So, I want to make it clear that as long as I'm champion I'll gladly defend my title against all worthy comers, and often: whether that be Rash, who has that nasty habit of having his tongue hang out all the time like the King at a 'Divas' photo shoot, or my inevitable rematch with Kirk himself--who I'm holding back a slew out insults for at the moment, out of force of habit. And although I'm not looking past my opponent tonight--it would be interesting if the winner of Sonic vs. Glenda were to pick my title to challenge for. Sonic having been here nearly as long as I have...and don't take anything Glenda said at all harshly, because it's all bunk. Maybe just need a revamping...after all, the bWo isn't really necessary anymore. Think: HOW can you parody something that's already a parody of itself already? I'm sure you'll find out what to do next...but it'd be an honor to defend against you. Remember the last time we faced, and I asked if you thought I had what it takes to be a star like you? You said, that basically it was up to me at that point...and damnit, here I am, Sonnie. Hope you feel I've earned it, because I want to prove that to everyone.
"And at Holy Wars...the EAW champion and WWE champion, whomever they may be at the time, will face off, one on one. I HOPE that I'll still be champion at the time, but interesting possibilities...it could be me versus....Kurt Angle..."
The crowd boos the mention of his name.
"Or, me versus, the Uuuuuuuuuuuundertaaaaaaaker!" Michael says, pronouncing it somewhat like Vince McMahon used to.
"Or...even...me versus...the ROCK?!" Michael ponders, to a roar from the crowd.
"Hmm...yeah, safe to guess that those would make for interesting draws. At any rate, be wary of any 'Kirk Angels' in a bad rug, or a Big Show that seems a TAD on the husky side, because I know how much it sucks for some one else to impersonate you. And the HUMILIATING way that I had to verify my identity..."
A great number of female voices shriek....
"Uh oh...well...should I? Yeah? Okay...warning in advance--younger audience members should cover their eyes, and I'm not going to make this a habit."
Michael shrugs, and pulls down the back of his tights slightly, mooning the different sections of the crowd briefly before pulling them back up.
"For those of you not interested, Akiko promised to do the same, so GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY, SEE YOU LAY-TA!!" Michael then backflips over the ropes and out of the ring, grabbing the EAW World Title and heading to the back as "Cherry Bomb" by Shonen Knife cues up...
Pamela: GRRRRR!! So arrogant! So conceited...SO..SO...
Kanyon: Akiko's? WHOOOO!
Capetta: The following match up is scheduled for one fall, with a 15 minute time limit, and is for the EAW Extreme Title! Introducing first, from Osaka, Japan, she stands 5'6" and weighs in at 135 pounds...the challenger, Akiko Nakano!!
Akiko appears from the back in Pogo-chan attire, stalking down the ramp with a sickle, kendo stick, and a bottle of vodka. As she gets down to the end of the ramp, Michael pats her on the back, before passing by--then grabs the waistband of her tights and pulls them down past her butt (showing off a pink thong), which shocks Akiko for a couple seconds. She pulls them up, and starts running towards Michael holding up the kendo stick, although at that point he's already on the ramp and rushes backstage. Oseiko grumbles and gets on the apron.
Kanyon: Well, Mikey already knows a rule to being a successful champ--give the people what they want!
Pamela: Good thing for him that Akiko'll be in no shape to retaliate once this match is over...
Kanyon: Well, you COULD be right, but after a match like this I think the difference between winner and loser will be rather slim...
Backstage...we cut to David Flair himself...
"Akiko...tonight our paths cross...for the first and last time. Because tonight, I will beat you, and you will NEVER get another Extreme title shot as long as I'm the champion. But it's not like you really care about that, is it? I mean, you psychotic sickos all think alike. You, Ryokami, Mechius, Sweetooth...you're all one in the same. So Akiko...tonight I'm going out there and I'm gonna prevent this belt from going into your murderous hands."
Kanyon: You've GOT to be kidding me...Akiko anything like those?
Pamela: He's got a point...I mean...look AT HER?! Cradling that sickle like it's a newborn child or something.
Kanyon: Well, Akiko's always been a bit off-kilter, but talk about exaggerating...
"Superstar" by Saliva cues up...
Capetta: And her opponent...and defending EAW Extreme Champion...the "Legend Killer"...DAVID FLAIR!
David Flair walks out to boos from the crowd. Behind him Kelly is wheeling a shopping cart filled with weapons.
Akiko taunts David as he walks towards the ring...ready to jump him as he enters. The referee manages to block Akiko from it, as David carefully steps inside the ring...
Kanyon: And we got a situation here ready to explode...Akiko ready to challenge for the Extreme Title...and David not looking quite as confident as before...
Pamela: Psychological advantage--make her THINK he's scared of her...
Kanyon: Riiiiight...like David was really a good actor at any point. The Extreme Title held in the air, and bell signalled--
*din, ding*
Kanyon: And Akiko attacking David as this match begins with right hands...to the ropes, and Akiko with a DROPKICK to the chest...David getting up--BACK OF THE SICKLE into the back of the thigh, and raking the edge of it across the shoulder--ripping off that t-shirt with ease.
Pamela: Well, without a shirt David'll be more vulnerable...but other than that, no complaints.
Kanyon: Maybe from YOU...but I'm not exactly enjoying the view. Akiko setting up a suplex--SNAP SUPLEX!! And off the ropes--DROP TOE HOLD by David...taking that sickle away from Akiko--jabs the bottom end of it into her midsection--DOWN ACROSS THE BACK OF THE NECK! And jabbing the blade across the shoulder blades...Akiko in trouble here, and--elbow into the midsection by Akiko--MIST on David Flair...and--EYE RAKE with the sickle?
Pamela: Ewww...and Akik trying to carve up poor David like a Thanksgiving turkey. Grabs him by the hair--TOSSES HIM THROUGH THE ROPES!
Kanyon: Pocketing the sickle...and launching herself over the top ro--PLANCHA on David Flair!
Pamela: David about to go face first to the steps--blocked with his foot--and rams Akiko to the steps!
Kanyon: Kelly grabbing that sickle now, and spiriting it away from the ringside area...David has Akiko by the arm and TOSSES HER INTO THAT SHOPPING CART!!
Pamela: David pushing the cart now and--INTO THE STEPS, and AKIKO LAUNCHED FACE FIRST INTO THE RINGPOST!
Kanyon: David has...I believe that's--a Dell laptop?
David yells out, "Dude, you're getting a Dell!" before smashing it over Akiko's head.
Pamela: ...yowtch. And David showing an aggressive streak here. Now with some of that athletic tape wrapped around Akiko's legs...and choking Akiko with it.
Kanyon: Akiko in trouble here, and David grabbing--barbed wire 2x4!! Akiko in a daze--ACROSS THE HEAD by David!! Across the back...and Akiko face down on the outside here...roll over...cover--
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ONE!
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KICKOUT!
Pamela: And Akiko tougher than I'd give her credit for. David pulling her up--SPRAYS DAVID IN THE FACE...what...is that mace?
Kanyon: Judging by David's reaction, I think that's actually TEAR GAS! Yeesh...I guess Akiko has all sorts of surprises in store for us. Akiko with the barbed wire board---across the back of David! Again...tearing into the exposed flesh...and pulling off more of that athletic tape...and pulling up David by the arms now and tying him to the ringpost with his wrists together.
Pamela: Hmm...something tells me this is kind of a sneak peek into the life of Akiko and Lance after dark...
Kanyon: Well, if it is, it ain't ending the same way. Akiko has that singapore cane--ACROSS THE BACK OF DAVID FLAIR NOW!! Repeatedly...and David getting--
Pamela: Beaten like a gov'mint mule?
Kanyon: Something like that--and David sinking down to both knees, held in place only by that athletic tape...Akiko winds up--and a FINAL SHOT to the lower back!
Pamela: Akiko untaping David's wrists, and I don't like what she likely has in mind for him--and a BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX on the outside! A cover by Akiko!
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ONE!
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TWO!--KICKOUT?!
Kanyon: Well, someway, somehow, David is still hanging on here, and Akiko pulling him up...a setup for a piledr--back body drop by David! Akiko getting up--with the 2x4--OOOH! Across the chest now!! Again! David ripping the shirt off--and Akiko down to just her sports bra.
Pamela: Which is probably stuffed, I'd venture. And David unraveling some loose barbed wire from that board...now--wrapping it around the cane!
Kanyon: DOWN ACROSS THE BACK...THE SHOULDERS!! And ripping up Akiko with that new instrument of torture! David pulling her up and choking her with the cane--and a FRONT RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP into the steel stairs!!
Pamela: David now digging through that cart...and--a steel chair!!
Kanyon: From the looks of the rags around the backing, I think it's more than just a steel chair--David with a lighter...and LIGHTS IT ABLAZE!!
Pamela: Akiko up dazed--RIGHT ON THE TOP OF THE HEAD!! Back of the head--and down across the back!!
Kanyon: And...the back of Akiko's sports bra burning away....Akiko rolling to put it out. And ANOTHER shot to the chest with that chair...now David digging for...the hell?!
Pamela: David walking over to where Akiko is laying--and STAPLING HER SPORTS BRA ON!! Isn't that nice, making sure that the whole world won't see all the foam no doubt crammed into that thing?
Kanyon: ....YEOWTCH...and Akiko pulling up by the hair--could be the Lifting DD--LOW BLOW by Akiko!!
Pamela: Oh no...here we go with the cheating...
Kanyon: There IS no cheating in this match, Pam...and Akiko with a swig of vodka, and that fire chair as David gets--VODKA FIRE into the eyes of David!!
Pamela: Poor David is blinded--and ACROSS THE FACE puts him down!!
Kanyon: Akiko now...setting the chair aside...and--with the staplegun! And looks like...she's trying to staple David's bag o' jewels to the padding out here!!
Pamela: Okay, now THIS is going a bit too far...
Kanyon: I think we're far past that point...and dumping the vodka onto David's crotch...picking up the chair--CHAIR SHOTS INTO THE GROIN OF DAVID FLAIR!! And David's crotch ablaze!!
Pamela: YEEEEEEEEEK!!
Kanyon: And Kelly nearby--and grabbing my water pitcher, damn it--and dumps it in David's lap...Akiko backing up...charging and--SMASHES THAT PITCHER IN THE FACE OF AKIKO!!
Pamela: Ooooh...Akiko flat on her back..and David crawling through the glass to cover...
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ONE!
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TWO!
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KICKOUT?!
Kanyon: Amazing...although David hasn't really had the chance to use much actual wrestling like he'd planned. Picking up Akiko now, and THERE'S the lifting DDT, on those shards of broken glass!
Pamela: Akiko yanking up by the hair again, and David--WEDGIES AKIKO?!
Kanyon: Yeah...I'll be damned..and--GOES ATOMIC!! David now with the staplegun--and STAPLES THE BACK OF AKIKO'S THONG TO HER LOWER BACK!! And SHOT TO THE TEMPLE with the staplegun in hand!
Pamela: More than that...David now wailing away with it on Akiko...whose a bloody mess...
Kanyon: Both of them are--which is which?
Pamela: The smaller bloody mess with boobs is Akiko, and the larger blood mess in jeans is David.
Kanyon: ...right...and grabbing her by the seat of her pants--LAUNCHES HER INTO THE STEEL STEPS SHOULDER FIRST!! And Akiko looking like she's not got much left...and David--grabbing the barbed wire 2x4?
Pamela: Yes...he's gonna finish the job, Chris!
Kanyon: And David..UP TO THE APRON?! Running across it and--JUMPING 2x4 SHOT ACROSS THE BACK OF AKIKO!!
Pamela: ....yeesh...if this keeps up, I may find myself feeling sorry for the poor gal...
Kanyon: Akiko grabbed by the hair now...and another suplex--ONTO THE GLASS AGAIN!...but...Akiko getting up?!
Pamela: oh come ON...you have got to be kidding me...
Kanyon: Akiko managing to grab that singapore cane--TO THE GROIN of David as she gets up...across the back again!! And now--FAMEASSER USING THE CANE!!
Pamela: Well, at least she used a wrestling move FINALLY!
Kanyon: Now Akiko going for the vodka bottle--smashes the end of it on the apron?!
Pamela: SHE'S GOING TO TRY TO KILL DAVID!!!
Kanyon: Mounting the chest of David and...eeeeeeww...she, looks like she's carving a word in kanji on David's chest...
Pamela: What does it say?!
Kanyon: Well, I don't know Japanese, but I think what is says isn't completely relevant...and Akiko--tossing the rest of the bottle on the ground? And--JUMPING ELBOWDROP onto David!!
Pamela: But she also jumped onto that pile of broken glass...WHAT IS WITH THIS GIRL?!
Kanyon: She's rolling in the glass now! We've seen this before..and Akiko standing back up..and..onto the apron?!
Pamela: SWANTON BOMB FROM THE APRON!!
Kanyon: Akiko getting close to proving David's accusations correct..and now the cover...
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ONE!
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TWO!
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NO!!!
Pamela: *whew* Too close for comfort there...poor David coming so close to losing the title...
Kanyon: Wait a minute...Kelly sneaking around behind Akiko--pulls a sledgehammer?!--from behind the ring--AKIKO WATCH OU--BETWEEN THE SHOULDERS!!
Pamela: Okay...I know David was trained by Ric and Kirk...but looks like he picked up a little something from Hunter, too...
Kanyon: Well, it doesn't necessarily take training to pick something like that up, but David taking advantage here--Akiko rammed face first into the ring apron, and rolled inside...and going for that shopping cart...and--does this give any hints about David's sex life, Pam?
Pamela: DAVID WITH HANDCUFFS!! And..well, not necessarily. You see...DAVID'S SANE...now..
Kanyon: Pam...NEITHER OF THESE TWO ARE SANE, it's just a question one is crazier..and David handcuffing Akiko's wrist to the bottom rope..and this looks baaaaaad for Akiko.
Pamela: David getting that sledgehammer from Kelly...and rolling into the ring...and not much longer left for Akiko...DRIVES THE SLEDGEHAMMER INTO THE MIDSECTION!!
Kanyon: And again...across the knees...and David...COVERING AKIKO....
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ONE!
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TWO!!
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THREE!!!
*ding, ding, ding*
"Superstar" by Saliva plays...
Pamela: ...YEEEEEEEEES!!
Capetta: The winner of this match...and STILL the EAW's Extreme Champion--the "Legend Killer," DAAAAAAAAAVID FLAAAAAAIR!!
Kanyon: And David BARELY retaining the title...but we'll see to it both of them have immediate medical attention.
Pamela: If that was any indication, better not put them in beds close to each other, or they may go for another round.
Kanyon: I wouldn't doubt it...
David gets up, and pulls out the lighter he used to light the fire chair, and Kelly bringing...lighter fluid?!
Kanyon: What in the hell?! Alright...you won the damn match, but we don't need to see a barbeque...
Pamela: Yeah--where's JR and his sauce, first?
Kanyon: Ugh...and officials pouring into the ring to stop it...fortunately David's a bit too weak to resist...well, I gotta hand it to both of them....I don't think I've EVER seen a match as violent as that...but we're JUST starting out here, folks...after break, we'll flash you back to Smackdown from July 4th, when Erica Angel faced off against WWE's Test!! Stay with us!!
*COMMERCIALS UP THE WAZZOO!*
Kanyon: And now, ladies and gents, we're gonna go to footage from last week's WWE Smackdown! It was the July 4th ep and if you remember at the top of that show, Lilian Garcia was interrupted from singing "America the Beautiful" by the three angry Canadians Lance Storm, Test, and Christian! Well, Erica happened to be there at Smackdown!, and she took it a bit to personally!
Pamela: Pffft. Typical American to just fly off the handle like that. As a native Canadian I'd like to say I share the sentiments of Lance, Test, and Christian! You're all getting screwed in the WWE! Come to the EAW! We'll be nice! Really!! ^_^
Kanyon: *ahem* Yeah... well, let's go now to the footage! Tazz and Michael Cole are commentating!
Pamela: Ohh, so THAT'S what they do!
Kanyon: Be nice. =p
--- Suddenly, "Don't Tread On Me" by Metallica cues up!!
Tazz: What the--?!
Cole: Look who's coming to the ring!! It's the EAW's Erica Angel!! Vince McMahon's ruling to allow the EAW Superstars to enter WWE venues is holding strong tonight! And look at her! She's coming to the ring with a purpose!!
Tazz: No doubt! That girl looks like she's on a mission here tonight! And from what we heard from her earlier on, looks like that mission's got Lance Storm, Test, and Christian involved!
Cole: Now she's got a mic...
"... I warned you guys..." Erica begins. "Lance, Test, Christian! I warned you! Don't do anything stupid tonight! Not on America's birthday!!"
Tazz: Whoo! She's one ticked off gal!
Cole: She's got a reason to be angry here...
"Interrupting 'America the Beautiful?' A tribute to this country?!" Erica shakes her head. "No way! No damn way!! That was the straw that broke the camel's back!! So here's what's gonna go down!! I want to fight one of you here tonight and I'll beat one of you!! And I'll do it all for the people out here holding an American flag!!! So what do you say?!!!
Tazz: She's layin' out the challenge! But are they gonna pick it up!
Cole: Who's gonna be the one?
Suddenly, Test's theme cues up! Walking from the stage, with Lance Storm and Christian at his side, is the big Canadian with a mic in his hand!
Cole: They're out here now!! And it look like Test is gonna speak his mind!
"Erica Angel..." Test speaks up. "... Not only are you an ignorant American, you're an EAW Superstar!! What right have you to even be out here in an WWE arena?! Huh?! Well, let me tell you this! Christian and Lance here may be gentlemanly enough not to lay their hands on a woman... but I'm not. Call up Lita sometime and she'll tell you just how hard my big boot is! No, y'know what? Better yet, I'll show you!!"
Cole: And Test's rushing into the ring!! Erica rushes after him and-- TEST CATCHES HER!! SIDEWALK SLAM!!! Referee Charles Robinson is rushing into the ring!! He's rung the bell and-- is this an official match now?!
Tazz: Looks like it!! EAW Vs. WWE!! But more importantly, the USA Vs. Canada!!
Cole: Test pick Erica up and sets up-- SWINGING NECKBREAKER! And Lance Storm and Christian are circling the ring like a pack of damn hyenas! They got no reason to be out here!
Tazz: They're cheerin' their man on! Nothin' wrong with that!
Cole: Erica gets up... Test comes in with a double-axe handle-- NO, SCISSOR SWEEP BY ERICA! Test gets up and-- JIUJITSU HEADLOCK TAKEDOWN BY ERICA! Test up again-- ERICA PUNCHES HIM IN THE GUT AND-- SIDE SUPLEX! Erica picks Test up and-- OHHH! TEST WITH A SUDDEN IRISH WHIP! FOLLOWS IN-- NO! ERICA DODGES BY JUMPING TO THE TOP TURNBUCKLE! LANDS BEHIND AND-- WHAT A TOP ROP REVERSE DDT!!!!
Tazz: Man, that takes quite a bit of innovation! Gotta give Erica props on that!
Cole: Erica grabs Test up... suplex-- NO! TEST IS TOO BIG! LIFTS HER UP-- REVERSE SUPLEX!!! FACE DOWN GOES ERICA ANGLE-- er, excuse me, ANGEL!!
Tazz: Seems to be pretty easy to make that mistake, Cole!
Cole: Test picks the stunned Erica up and BRINGS HER BACK DOWN FOR A RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! Test looks too cocky here! He should count Erica out, because she and the rest of the EAW's female competitors are just as STRONG AS THE MEN AND RIGHT THERE IS PROOF!!! ERICA WITH A SUDDEN BELLY TO BACK FLIP SUPLEX TAKES TEST OFF HIS GAME JUST AS HE PICKS HER UP!! Test goes to get up... Erica stalks him... Hammer of Justice coming up-- NO, A LEG BREAKER BY ERICA! Erica grabs him up and Irish Whip-- NO, TEST COUNTERS!! WHIPS HER TO THE ROPES-- CLOTHESLINE!!! A HARD CLOTHESLINE BY TEST!! And now Test goes up to the top! We could be seeing--
Cole: FLYING ELBOW-- MISSED ITS MARK!! ERICA ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY!!! Erica grabs Test up-- TEST KNEES HER IN THE GUT! PICKS HER UP-- BACKBREAKER!! Test pins! One! NO! ERICA KICKS OUT!!
Tazz: Now if that were any other girl betcha Test'd snap her in two! Erica's made of tougher stuff than that!
Cole: Test picks Erica up... SUPLEX! Test isn't done with her yet! DDT!!! Test is just playing with her here! And now... looks like the Test Drive coming up!!! AND-- NO!!! ERICA WITH A MODIFIED BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX COUNTERING THE TEST DRIVE!!! AND NOW ERICA RAINING PUNCHES DOWN ON TEST'S HEAD!!!
Tazz: LET FREEDOM RING AND ERICA'S REALLY RINGIN' TEST'S BELL TONIGHT!!
Cole: Erica now up on the top rope!! CORKSCREW BODY PRESS!!! THE COVER! ONE! TWO! THR--NO!! TEST KICKS OUT!!! Both are up-- TEST WITH A HUGE CLOTHESLINE! NOW GRABBING ERICA'S LEG!!! INTO A LEG LOCK!!! HE'S CRANKING ON THAT LEG!! ERICA'S IN AGONY!! BUT-- SHE GRABS THE-- NO!! CHRISTIAN AND LANCE STORM PULLING ROPE BACK, AWAY FROM ERICA'S GRASP! DAMN THEM!!!
Tazz: You may not like the tactics but it's gettin' the job done!!
Cole: ERICA RAKES TEST'S EYES!!!! THE HOLD IS BROKEN NONETHELESS!! Erica quickly moves as Test gets up! Spins to his back and-- WHAT THE--?!
Tazz: THE QUEEN SUPLEX PIN!!!
Cole: ONE! TWO! TEST BARELY KICKS OUT!!!
Tazz: No doubt that's a move she learned back in Japan!! You almost never see that move up in the States!!
Cole: Erica rushes Test! IRISH WHIP TO THE ROPES! SHE CHARGES IN-- CLOTHESLINE!!! Test staggers out-- AND ERICA WITH A HIGH ANGLE BACKDROP!! Erica quickly gets up, grabs up Test-- TEST SHOVES HER AND-- BIG BOOT!!!! AND ERICA GOES SPILLING OUT OF THE RING!!! But I think Erica rolled with it!!! She's getting up-- OHH, AND TEST WITH A BASEBALL SLIDE RIGHT INTO ERICA'S FACE!!! SHE ROLLED WITH THAT ONE TOO!!! TEST IS CELEBRATING ALREADY!!! ERICA SLIDES IN-- GRABS TEST-- ANOTHER-- WHAT KIND OF SUPLEX--?!
Tazz: THE MEXICAN SUPLEX PIN!!!
Cole: ONE! TWO! KICKOUT BY TEST!!
Tazz: Erica's well-schooled in Japanese Pro-wrestling!! She's just shown everyone two moves that ain't seen the light of day here in the USA!!
Cole: Erica grabs up Test-- JAPANESE ARM DRAG!!! QUICKLY SHE-- LIONSAULT?!!
Tazz: She calls that move the STARSAULT!! And it was awesome!!
Cole: A page out of Chris Jericho's book!! COVER! ONE! TWO! THR--NO!!! TEST BARELY GOT A SHOULDER UP AFTER THAT ONE!! Erica quickly moves-- Test gets up-- GRABS ERICA AND FLINGS HER TO THE CORNER!! NOW A CHOKE WITH THE BOOT!!! REF ADMINISTERS THE FOUR COUNT!!! PAST IT, CHARLES ROBINSON FORCING TEST TO GET OFF OF ERICA-- AND LOOK AT THAT DAMN TEST INTIMIDATE THE OFFICIAL!!! THAT DAMN TEFLON TEST!! HE TURNS AROUND AND-- MEETS A BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX BY ERICA!!! Test staggers up... ERICA-- SPINS ABOUT AND HITS AN AWESOME CLOTHESLINE! A SPINNING CLOTHESLINE!!! Erica is signalling now!! IT LOOKS LIKE THE MOVE SHE CALLS THE HAMMER OF JUSTICE COMING UP!!!! SHE CHARGES-- NO!!! TEST GRABS HER AND THROWS HER TO THE OUTSIDE!!! AND DAMMIT!!! CHRISTIAN AND LANCE STORM NOW FINALLY INTERJECTING THEMSELVES INTO THIS MATCH AS TEST DISTRACTS THE OFFICIAL!! SUPERKICK BY LANCE STORM!!! CHRISTIAN PICKS HER UP-- NO! NOT THAT-- UNPRETTIER!!!! GENTLEMEN TOWARDS WOMEN!! WHAT A DAMN LIE FABRICATED BY THESE UGLY CANADIANS!! THEY'RE NOTHING MORE THAN HYPOCRI--!! WAIT A MINUTE!!! KURT ANGLE?!!!
Tazz: NO WAY! He's bald!! That's KIRK ANGEL!! AND HE'S LAYIN' IT INTO LANCE STORM AND CHRISTIAN!!
Cole: OLYMPIC SLAM TO LANCE STORM!!!! CHRISTIAN ATTACKS-- ANKLE LOCK ONTO CHRISTIAN!!! KIRK ANGEL GOING TO BAT FOR HIS YOUNGER SISTER!!! TEST SEES THIS-- OH, he's going to-- NO! ERICA RECOVERS!!! CLOTHESLINING TEST ONTO THE TOP ROPE!!! ERICA SLIDES IN!! SETS UP-- AND--
Cole: HAMMER OF JUSTICE!! HAMMER OF JUSTICE!!!! ERICA NAILED IT PERFECTLY! SHE PINS! ONE! TWO! THREE!!!!
Tazz: YEAH! Now that's one helluva athlete right there!! Erica Angel wins this match for the good ol' US of A!!
Cole: And Kirk Angel sliding into the the ring and giving Erica a congratulatory hug!! Erica hugs back-- wait, Erica pulls away... she's got the mic now! Now what?!
"Hold up hold up hold up... cut my music!!" Erica says, signalling to end "Don't Tread On Me." "... Let's take this from the top! Lilian?! Hey, Lilian!! Get up here... you got a song to finish!"
Tazz: You kiddin' me?! Erica's getting Lilian Garcia back up into the ring!
Cole: Erica Angel, 100 percent American here tonight!! Defending the pride of the USA by beating Test! Now we get rewarded with the strength of her patriotism!
Erica smiles as Kirk holds the ropes open for Lilian Garcia. "Okay... now let's all help Lilian out here! Everyone, let's sing this song! All of us together!!!"
The music cues up once more as Erica lowers her mic, then leans back in the corner and smiles as Lilian begins the song anew, with the crowd, Kirk, and Erica joining in!
O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!
O beautiful for pilgrim feet
Whose stern impassioned stress
A thoroughfare of freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
God mend thine every flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law!
O beautiful for heroes proved
In liberating strife.
Who more than self their country loved
And mercy more than life!
America! America!
May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness
And every gain divine!
O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!
O beautiful for halcyon skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the enameled plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till souls wax fair as earth and air
And music-hearted sea!
O beautiful for pilgrims feet,
Whose stem impassioned stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till paths be wrought through
wilds of thought
By pilgrim foot and knee!
O beautiful for glory-tale
Of liberating strife
When once and twice,
for man's avail
Men lavished precious life!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till selfish gain no longer stain
The banner of the free!
O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till nobler men keep once again
Thy whiter jubilee!
"GOD BLESS AMERICA!!" Erica concludes as red white and blue fireworks fire off over the ring!
Cole: Folks, don't go away! We'll be right back!!
***
*MORE COMMERCIALS UP THE WAZZOO!*
When we come back..."Nobodies" starts to play over the speakers, and Sin comes out of the entryway, being flanked by her two managers.
Capetta: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 20-minute time limit. Introducing first, being accompanied by her managers Viki Greene and Lilith Aensland...from Roswell, New Mexico, standing 5'8" tall and weighing in 136 pounds…one half of the Girls of Goth…SIN!
Pamela: Who's this again? She sorta looks like Shade, but…
Kanyon: Ignore Pamela here. Sin coming out to a good reception…and she's here to prove a point: that she shouldn't be pushed to the background like she thinks she is.
Pamela: Like she should be. She's just another Jannetty! Or Bart Gunn! Or Neidhart…or…
Kanyon: WE GET THE POINT!
Pamela:…what's your problem?
"Conflict" cues up next, and out comes Nova…with a not-too-pleased looking new manager.
Capetta: And her opponent, being accompanied to the ring by his new manager Crysta Sparks, from Silicon Valley, standing 5'10" tall and weighing in at 210 pound…Nova!
Kanyon: And you have to think that Crysta is none to happy about being paired with Nova.
Pamela: Oh come on, he's a great person to be with. Smart, suave…debonair…dashing…
Kanyon: He's taken, Pammy…wait a sec, Sin has a mic.
Sin smiles at Nova. "You know…something you said got me thinking…perhaps this match wouldn't be too interesting as a normal match. If you wish…let's make this match go…TO THE EXTREME!"
Pamela: Wait a damn minute, who is SHE to decide which path the match takes?
Kanyon: Alone she's nothing, but with Nova agreeing here, it's on now! This match is now an Extreme…
Suddenly, the lights go out.
Kanyon, Pamela: The Hell?
ONNNNNNEEEEEEE STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
Kanyon: That can only mean one thing…there she is! Eighteen is here…there she is! She's floating down from the rafters!
Pamela: SECURITY! Get her out of here! She has no business being out here for this match!
Kanyon: Pamela, she's just standing on the entryway, Pam. If she gets involved, then something will be done.
Pamela: That's not the point! She's gonna distract Nova just by being there…like this!
Kanyon: Sin from behind with a clothesline, and the bell has now rung!
Pamela: FOUL! FOUL! RESTART THE MATCH! NOVA WAS DISTRACTED!
Kanyon: Tough shit. Sin waiting for Nova to get back up to his feet, and over the top rope with a diving plancha right onto Nova!
Pamela: Geez, Sin has a death wish on her head, doesn't she? What is she thinking getting Nova mad like this?
Kanyon: She's thinking that she wants to win the match, Pamela. Sin getting Nova up to his feet now, and a hard body kick to Nova's chest, followed by one to the head!
Pamela: Nova already getting up to his feet though, showing how resilient he is…and catches Sin's feet when she tries a dropkick!
Kanyon: Quick reaction there by Nova, and now flips Sin onto the ground behind him, flat on her face.
Pamela: YEAH! Nova now going over to Sin, grabbing her by the head and.…OW!
Kanyon: Sin with a quick low blow on Nova! Nova is in pain from that one, and now she sends him into the ring, and here come the weapons!
Pamela: It's the first match of the night all over again! Only…not as good since David isn't in this one.
Kanyon: Ugh…don't remind me of him. Well, Sin's getting every possible weapon out from under the ring now, and the referee just standing back and watching this happen.
Pamela: Though she shouldn't have, if you ask me.
Kanyon: No one did. Sin now sliding in the ring with a chain around her hand, but Nova catching her in the back with a series of stomps, not letting her get any offensive now.
Pamela: And look at this now, Nova just grinding his boot right into the back of Sin. The Goth down in a position she probably knows so well, flat on her chest.
Kanyon: TMI Pamela. Nova now just walking on the back of Sin, and all that extra weight is being felt on her shoulder-blades now, and Nova now dropping down onto her…rolling her over for the cover now.
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
Kickout by Sin.
Pamela: It's OK…Nova's got things fully in control now. Look how calmly he goes over for that chair…
Kanyon: And that's a mistake! Sin with a roll-up, and Nova's head hit the chair!
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
THREE…no, kickout.
Pamela: WHEW! That was too close there…but Nova getting back to his feet now, only mildly in pain, and kicks Sin back down before she can get back up to her feet.
Kanyon: Nova's arrogance almost cost him the match there, but now he's got the control as he goes up to the top rope…and takes a trick out of Sabu's book with that Arabian Facebuster! Another cover by Nova.
One
.
.
TWO…kickout by Sin.
Pamela: A little harder next time Nova. Force her to get reconstructive surgery to her ugly face.
Kanyon: Bitter much Pam? Nova now going off the ropes…
Pamela: HEY! Lilith just grabbed Nova's ankle! Throw her out of here!
Kanyon: Nothing stopping her from it, and I bet that Nova wouldn't mind if Crysta did the same. And Sin using that distraction long enough to lock in a Rear Naked Choke!
Pamela: But Nova with a quick flurry of hard punches to Sin's face, and she lets go of the hold now. Great job Nova!
Kanyon: Nova now out of the hold, holding his throat a bit in pain from this one, and he grins at seeing this. He now grabs another chair now, and setting them both up in the ring. If he hits something now…and a Kryptonite Crunch!
Pamela: Nova has just decimated the Gothic Slut! BEAUTIFUL! Going in for the cover now!
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
THREE!
Kanyon: NO! Sin kicked out of that devastating manuever! And Eighteen smiling just a slight bit at that! Nova looking frustrated now.
Pamela: Well wouldn't you be if someone kicked out of the Flatliner?
Kanyon: Touché Pam. Nova now going back out of the ring and calling for Crysta to set up a table. She's reluctant, but going for it now…and not to Eighteen's liking either, as you can see.
Pamela: Eighteen needs to stop harping on the past and just deal with it. She should be glad that Crysta is now managing a successful talent!
Kanyon: Nova grabbing that table now and setting it up at ringside…what could this be that he's going for?
Pamela: It looks like a powerbomb! Nova lifting up Sin over his head…and…NO!
Kanyon: HURRICANRANA BY SIN! NOVA GOING HEADFIRST INTO THAT TABLE! Sin has got the upper hand now, and she seems ready to take it!
Pamela: Come on Crysta, don't just stand there watching this happen to him! Do something!
Kanyon: Don't expect her to right away, Pamster. Sin now waiting for Nova to get back up to his feet…and Sin with a Booker T like Ax Kick! Cover now…
One
.
.
TWO…kickout.
Pamela: Whew…Nova's in serious trouble right now. Come on Nova, do it to show how tough you are!
Kanyon: I'd say he just did kicking out of that move combination just there, but he still has yet to win this match.
Pamela: Give it time, give it time!
Kanyon: Yeah, right. Sin now rolling back into the ring, and sizing up Nova as he goes to get up to his feet, baseball slide attempt avoided by Nova, and he grabs the feet of Sin…HOLY SHIT!
Pamela: YES! Sin spine-bustered right through the Spanish Announcer's table! Olé!
Kanyon: Sin has got to be out of it now! Nova smiling as he goes to pin her…
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
NO!
Pamela: HOW THE HELL DID SHE KICK OUT? THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL SHE COULD HAVE DONE THAT!
Kanyon: I'm shocked as hell myself, but somehow she did it! Nova is pissed off now at this, and tosses Sin back into the ring, and talking to Crysta…
Pamela: That a girl Crysta! Grab that chair for Nova, help your new managerial prospect out!
Kanyon: This isn't right, but there's nothing that can possibly be done in this match. Crysta now up on the apron, Nova sending the Girl off the ropes as Crysta readies the chair…REVERSAL! Nova hit hard with that chair shot! And both Crysta and Nova are shocked at this! Sin off the ropes...SINSATION!
Pamela: NO! GET UP NOVA! YOU CAN'T LOSE!
Kanyon: Sin with a cover!
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
THREE!
Capetta: Here is your winner, SIN!
Pamela: NOOOOOOOOO!
Kanyon: Sin has gotten a major victory over Nova right there, and has possibly proved herself for the EAW Fans!
Pamela: Oh Kanyon, shut up! Just shut up!
Before Kanyon can say anything, the camera cuts to the announcer's desk, where we see Bullwhip coming over the barricade and knocking Kanyon right out of the seat, over the table.
Pamela: …YES! GO BULLWHIP! Bullwhip tossing the surprised Kanyon into the ring, and a BEAUTIFUL snap DDT! Now he's grabbing a table from ringside…oh yes, do it!
The camera cuts to the ring, where Bullwhip sets Kanyon onto the table in the corner, then gores him right through it.
Pamela: YES! My wish has been answered! Folks, we'll be back later, but right now, I'm going to celebrate. ^^
*Commercials make the world go round*
**Commercial Break**
"Live and Learn" from Sonic Adventure 2 by Johnny Gioeli begoms to play as we come back from break, and BG Hyde has arrived at the announcer's desk..
BG: Welcome back everyone...Beatrice Gibson Hyde filling in for Chris, who was attacked by Bullwhip just before the break, but should be back in time for the main event. And up next, we've got a match coming up that I'd perhaps like to join in if I was still wrestling...
Pamela: So would I--SOMEONE to shut these two up...
Capetta: The following match is schededuled for one fall with a ten minute time limit. Also, the winner of this match will be awarded a TITLE SHOT of HER CHOICE! Introducing first, currently residing in Columbus, Ohio...she stands 5'11" and weighs in at 137 pounds. Representing the blue World order..."THE BLUE BLUR!" SOOOONIC THE HEEEEEEDGEHOG!!
Pamela: I mean...we got Glenda "blahblahblah I'm the toughest around blah blah" and Sonic out here "*whimper whimper* am I really washed up? *whimper, whimper*" Personally, I'd like to have Big Show come out and chokeslam both of them--
BG: Is that a spoiler, Pam?
Pamela: No...wishful thinking.
BG: Well, the stakes are very high in this match...either Glenda can really stake her claim to EAW stardom, or Sonic can get ready to make her first big impact since returning here.
"Bombshell" by Powerman 5000 then begins to play...
Capetta: And her opponent...from Memphis, Tennessee!...she stands six foot and zero inches, and weighs in at two hundred and fifteeeeeen pounds! Glenda...UNIBOMB...JACOBS!!
BG: Glenda walking down towards the ring...and while officially this is for a title shot of the winner's choosing, it's UN-officially for the title of "toughest bitch in EAW." One wonders what the winner will choose...will it be the World Title? The Triple Crown?
Pamela: After watching David's match with Akiko, he may have a hard title finding new challengers...
BG: Then again, maybe the winner will opt to try to show just how tough she is by going after David. All in due time...we shall see. Although, I wonder if David was knocked a bit silly...wouldn't Oseiko still be able to get a match, since she hasn't actually had a rematch since losing the title?
Pamela: Who cares? David'll still win--he'll just find another way to outsmart her.
Sonic stretches as Glenda cautiously makes her way down the ring, pulling herself up onto the apron, and stepping over the top rope...
BG: While unlike our opener, this match will take place within normal rules, that doesn't mean these two aren't going to get brutal on each other...and here we go!
*ding, ding, ding*
BG: Glenda charges towards Sonic...double leg takedown! Grabs the legs and goes for a Boston Crab--powered out of it! Sonic kippups, and armdrags Glenda over...kicks her in the base of the elbow, and wrenching it back! Elbow shots by Glenda--but Sonic hooks the arm--hammerlock FRONT suplex by Sonic!! Follows up with a front headlock--FRONT FACE DROP ON GLENDA!!
Pamela: Wow...I guess Sonic actually DOES know how to wrestle!
BG: Well, so does Glenda although she didn't necessarily use it when she faced Nova...cover, count of one and a kickout by Glenda. Glenda pulled up by Sonic, and CHOP across the chest!
"WHOOOOO!!"..."WHOo-WhooOO-Who-"
BG: And the crowd unable to keep up with the speed of Sonic...sends Glenda to the ropes...Glenda FLIPS OUT OF THE RING BACKFIRST!! Catches the ankle of Sonic and trips her up!
Pamela: Smart move there from prospective new "toughest bitch." DOWN across the ringpost--and she won't be quite as swift on her feet with one working ankle.
BG: Pulled out by Glenda...pulls her up in a bearhug--and RAMS the back of her spine against the apron!
1!
Pamela: Glenda needs to be careful out here...because when facing a former Extreme Champ, this is like wandering into enemy territory...
2!
BG: Still in that bearhug...Sonic trying to fight it--and--JUMPING SPINEBUSTER ACROSS THE SAFETY RAILING!!!
3!
Pamela: You know..."safety" is really a misnomer. It wouldn't be so bad if it were, say, covering in a couple inches of hard rubber...
4!
BG: True enough...but that Spinebuster isn't so ill-named. Sonic hanging onto the railing by her arms, and Glenda pulling her up by the back of her quills...shots to the face--but a kick to the chest knocks her away--FLIPPING DROPKICK puts Glenda down!
5!
Pamela: Sonic QUICKLY pulling up that padding, and Glenda back up...double underhook by Sonic--SUPLEXES her onto the concrete!!
6!!
BG: Sonic with hard shots to the upper back...picks up Glenda--CROTCHES HER on the railing!!
Pamela: OOOOOOOOH...and NOW what's she up to?
7!!!
BG: Up to the apron...and...I don't know if she can reac--RUNNING DROPKICK OFF THE APRON CONNECTS!! Glenda tumbles into the front row!!
8!!!
Pamela: What in the hell is she jawing with the ref about?
BG: Well, the way she held up all her fingers, closed her fist, then did it again--I think she asked for a 20 count!
Pamela: So, changing the rules on the spot?
9!!
BG: Well, with the stakes as they are, I guess it doesn't hurt...and the referee's word IS final--Sonic going into the crowd now!!
10!!!
Pamela: Cheapshots by Sonic now, and grabbing a chair from ringside--INTO THE MIDSECTION OF GLENDA!! AND DOWN ACROSS THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!
11!!
Pamela: ILLEGAL!! ILLEGAL!!
12!!
BG: Yeah, but it IS outside the ring...Sonic setting up Glenda against the railing--COULD BE A SPEAR!!
Pamela: BLOCKED!! GLENDA put the feet up against the shoulders in time, and pulling herself up...
13!!!
BG: It blocked Sonic but didn't do much harm to her...knees into the midsection of Glenda--Glenda grabbing the knee--ENZUIGIRI BY GLENDA?!
14!
Pamela: Well, I'll be damned...that's a surprise. Now Glenda standing up...and has Sonic's leg underneath her arm--dragging her now--VAULTS OVER THE RAILING AND YANKING DOWN SONIC's LEG!
15!Pamela: And if Son wasn't so used to having her legs pulled apart, they may have REALLY hurt.
BG: Glenda dumping Sonic into the ringside area...now looks like into the ring po--BREAKS FREE!! AND GLENDA COLLIDES INSTEAD!!
16!!
BG: That may have been her shoulder...or side of the neck...either way doesn't look good for her. Sonic hoists her up and DROPS her face first onto the apron!!
17!!
Pamela: Now Sonic rolling in...
BG: And Glenda has to expend the energy to get into the ring herself...and then will be easy pickings for Sonic...and stomps on the back as Glenda makes it in a few seconds shy of the count. Sonic giving her a boost...and into the ropes...Glenda down--UPPERCUT catches her by surprise, and Sonic dazed against the ropes. CLOTHESLINE by Glenda sends Sonic over--but grabs the ropes--BASEBALL SLIDES into the shins!! Glenda knocked off balance!! And Sonic with the--no, blocked by Glenda...setting up Sonic...aaaaaaaaaand SUPLEXES her into the ring!! Cover by Glenda--
.
.
.
ONE!
.
.
.
TWO!
.
KICKOUT!
Pamela: Glenda now should concentrate on dominating Sonic with her strength...standing over her now--and CHOKING HER!!
BG: Sonic trying to fight it, and--GLENDA PULLING UP SONIC BY THE THROAT, AND HOLDING HER UP IN THE AIR NOW!! TOSSES her into the corner!!
Pamela: Glenda now with high knees into the abdominals, and now elbows...frames the shot--and an ESPECIALLY hard one there!!
BG: Staggering out of the corner now...and Glenda going to lock on the SHORT FUSE!!! Has it locked in--but Sonic beginning to fight her way out of it...and--RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP CONNECTS!!
Pamela: Sonic rolling up..and as Glenda pulls herself up--DROPKICK LOW into the back of the leg!! Sonic pulling up Glenda, elbow shots to the back of the head...looks like a PornPl--NO!!
BG: PornBUSTER rather!! A favorite move of Hayabusa, and a cover by Sonic...
.
.
.
ONE!
.
.
.
TWO!
.
KICKOUT!
BG: Dragging her towards the turnbuckle now, and looks like Sonic is going to try to pull off a swift ender here...going to the top..and...SONIC BOMB FROM THE TOP ROPE!! And the cover!!
.
.
.
ONE!
.
.
.
TWO!!
.
.
KICKOUT!
Pamela: But NOOOOOOOOO go...Sonic sends Glenda to the ropes...off the ropes now--SPINNING WHEEL KI--BUT Glenda catches it...now a version of Kirk Angel's anklelock!!
BG: Sonic reaching for the ropes now, aaaaaand--there it is!! Glenda needs to release the hold, but the advantage has swung into her favor...
Pamela: Indeed it has...and Glenda pulls up the tiring veteran...and into the ropes now--BIG BOOT on Sonic!!
BG: Glenda picking up Sonic and...uh oh...it looks like Glenda may finish her off he--
Pamela: POOCHIEBOMB!! POOCHIEBOMB!!!
BG: A beautifully done Jacknife Powerbomb!! And a lateral press...
.
.
.
ONE!
.
.
.
TWO!!
.
.
NO!!!
Pamela: Wha? Amazing...
BG: That didn't do the trick, but Glenda ready to see to it the next move does! Pulling up Sonic now, and signalling for...this doesn't look good. Sonic set up on the top rope...Glenda stands on the second rope...over the shoulder--and TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER from the SECOND ROPE!!!
Pamela: Too bad there isn't a casket to roll her into...
BG: No, but Glenda covering her now...
.
.
.
ONE!
.
.
.
TWO!!
.
.
.
....KICKOUT?!
Pamela: UN-BE-****ING-BELIEVABLE!!!
BG: Sonic kicking out barely from that move...one that Benoit has been known to use over in Japan. And Glenda looks every bit as shocked as us. Pulling up Sonic--Irish Whip to the ropes...JUMPING DD--BLOCKED! INTO THE NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!!!
.
.
.
ONE!
.
.
.
TWO!
.
.
.
KICKOUT!
Pamela: Wow...quick reflexes...of course, I'd expect that from Sonic, who--did I say something positive about her?
BG: Yes.
Pamela: Er...who apparently still has it...for someone her age.
BG: Nice save...and both b****es up to their feet...off the ropes--GLENDA POWERSLAMS SONIC!! No cover...but looks like she's instead going to try to see to it that she finishes the job this time...hoisting her up on her shoulder--Sonic slips off--leaps against the middle turnbuckle--hooked and SWINGING DDT?!
Pamela: Sonic wasting no time...going up top now...and--MONEY SHOT!! MONEY SHOT!!
.
.
.
ONE!
.
.
.
TWO!!
.
.
.
THREE?!?!
*ding, ding, ding*
BG: Well...it came SO close there...and Glenda nearly had Sonic with the G-Bomb, but quick thinking--and moving--saved the day for Sonic!
"Live and Learn" cues up...
Capetta: The winner of this match, as well as a title shot of her choosing..."THE BLUE BLUR!!" SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!!!
Pamela: Glenda getting up now...shocked that the veteran beat her..and--handshake?!
BG: Well, it looks like Glenda has a new respect for Sonic...
Pamela: *visibly holding back urge to vomit*
BG: Well, I suppose Sonic will get to choose her title shot later...right now, she looks like she could use a rest, as well as Glenda...we'll be back after this break, and Kanyon should be fine, as well!
**Commercial Break**
We come back to show Kanyon at the table, Pamela snickering.
Pamela: Welcome back Chris. How is your back?
Kanyon: Shut up Pam. Bullwhip, I don't know WHAT the hell that was about, but it will not go unpunished.
Pamela just chuckles a bit. "Let's move on...hehehehe."
YOUR PAIN OR YOUR BRAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIN!
The strains of "Here Comes the Pain" signals the entrance of the number one contender for the main event.
Capetta: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 1-hour time limit, and is for the EAW World Heavyweight Championship! Introducing first, representing Generation NEXT…standing 6'9" tall and weighing in at 268 pounds, RAAAAAASH!
Kanyon: Welcome back to the show, everyone. Rash about to come out for his first shot ever at the EAW World Heavyweight Championship.
Pamela: And he only needs ONE shot, Chris. Tonight, Rash will prove why he is DESERVING of being in the main event here!
Kanyon: Well, he will need to prove that tonight against a man who's not quite ready to give up that belt just yet.
Pamela: He may not be ready to, but he WILL be losing it tonight!
On the mention of this person, "Broken" by Bruce Dickenson starts to play over the speaker system, and the crowd erupts in cheers.
Capetta: And his opponent, from Mars, Pennsylvania, standing 6'2" tall and weighing in at 230 pounds…he is the NEW EAW World Heavyweight Champion…."Code Red" MICHAEEEEEEL…A….CONNELLY!
Kanyon: LISTEN TO THE ERUPTION OF CHEERS FOR CONNELLY! IT'S DEAFENING IN HERE!
Pamela: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Kanyon: FORGET IT!
Michael enters the ring, taking the World Title off of his waist and raising it for the crowd to see, enjoying the positive reaction that he is getting as he does this. He tosses the belt to the ref as the bell rings.
Pamela: Look at Michael Connelly as the champion for the last time Kanyon! Enjoy it while it lasts.
Kanyon: Maybe that will happen, maybe not. We have to wait and see now, as both Rash and Michael Connelly circling each other…neither one wanting to make any mistakes.
Pamela: Like Rash would EVER make a mistake in a match of this high a profile!
Kanyon: The two combatants tying up now to start things off, Rash using his strength to get a headlock into Mikey, but Connelly sending the challenger into the ropes now, Rash with a shoulder-block, and drops the elbow into the champion's sternum.
Pamela: Rash now has the upper hand, and pulling back on Michaels face with a modified version of the Symbiotic Claw, and look at Connelly wincing in pain…
Kanyon: Connelly using his leg strength to push up into a better position, and watch him twist out of that move! Connelly now adjusting into a sitting headlock onto Rash.
Pamela: Rash fighting up to his feet…and jumps into a great sitting chin-buster onto Connelly, and the Champion is now flat on his back.
Kanyon: But not for long, as Connelly rolls up to his feet, and the two combatants staring each other in the face.
Pamela: If Connelly is trying to intimidate Rash with this stare-down, it's not working at all.
Kanyon: Rash rushing in for a clothesline, but Connelly anticipating it with a nice backdrop out of the ring, and Rash landing hard on his back outside of the ring.
Pamela: Just a chance to catch his breath, that's all. Rash will get back to having the advantage in a bit.
Kanyon: Not if Connelly has anything to say about it…suicide dive…caught by Rash!
Pamela: And look at that great powerslam onto the floor. Brilliant move by the symbiote!
Kanyon: That could be the difference in this match right there. Rash now picking Connelly up to his feet and tossing him into the ring…and a slingshot senton bomb onto Connelly…for the cover!
One
.
.
TWO…kickout.
Pamela: Damn, so close. Don't let up yet Rash! You've got the upper hand! Rash picking up Connelly for a scoop…and into a reverse DDT drop.
Kanyon: Rash not going for the cover though, as he seems pre-occupied with something as he goes to the outside of the ring…what could…
Pamela: 15 Table Horror! He is gonna make sure that Connelly doesn't get up to his feet at all in this match.
Kanyon: But Rash is unaware that the Champion is back up to his feet…and a moonsault from the top rope onto the back of the unaware Rash! And Rash's face smashes into the announcer's table.
Pamela: Damnit, I thought for sure that Rash would have enough time to get the tables set up. Connelly now taking the future champion's head…HEY! Don't do that!
Kanyon: Michael bouncing Rash's head against the announcer's table like a basketball, and the challenger is looking woozy a bit from this set of attacks!
Pamela: Just…he's just faking…Connelly now tossing Rash back into the ring, and sliding in himself as Rash starts to get up to his feet…going for him, and a punch to the stomach by Rash.
Kanyon: Yeah right, the stomach is between Michael's legs. Rash using a cheep advantage to get ahead…and he plants Michael into the mat with a hard DDT.
Pamela: Oooh, good job Rash. Going for the cover now…
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
No…damn.
Kanyon: Connelly getting a shoulder up just in time, and now Rash seems to want to punish the champion, as he presses his foot right into the Champion's throat…and breaks it just before the 5 count is given.
Pamela: And look at this now…Mexican Surfboard onto Connelly. Come on Rash, make the champion tap out like he should have at Aggression!
Kanyon: Connelly is racked with pain right now, and the referee is checking on the champion…wait a second, Connelly adjusting…Rash's shoulders are down!
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
No…
Pamela: Damn…Connelly is too smart for his own good…turning Rash's submission move into a pinfall, forcing him to let go of it.
Kanyon: That shows how resourceful the champion is in this match. Connelly not able to get an advantage again though, as Rash grabs the arm of the champion…
Pamela: RASH ATTACK! Great agility by the challenger…cover by Rash now!
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
THREE!
Kanyon: NO! Connelly managing to shoot his shoulder up off of the canvas! The champion is still in this match!
Pamela: Not for much longer, if you ask me.
Kanyon: No one did, Pamela. Rash reaching down to pick Connelly up by his temples, and slams him hard onto the mat!
Pamela: And now goes off of the ropes…Asai Moonsault by Rash! Cover now…
One
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TWO
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NO! Damn…
Kanyon: Rash seems to be getting frustrated now at this, and now going back to his 15 tables at the ringside, going back to set them up.
Pamela: This could be the best move for Rash now. If he drops Connelly in the 15 Table Horror, there is NO WAY IN HELL that Connelly will kick out.
Kanyon: But he has to get him through it first, that's the challenge in this situation. Rash seeing Connelly getting back onto his feet in the ring, and sliding back in to take advantage…CONNELLY WITH A DROPKICK!
Pamela: How the hell did Connelly get enough energy for that? Connelly getting Rash back up to his feet…No…not the…
Kanyon: Immaculate Perplexion by Michael Connelly! Cover by Connelly!
One
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TWO
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No!
Pamela: Whew…too close, too close! Rash getting up to his…no!
Kanyon: Modified Cradle by Michael!
One
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TWO
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No!
Pamela: Damnit! Come on Rash, start to get back into this!
Kanyon: Connelly grabbing Rash to get a T-bone Suplex in on the challenger…but Rash fighting with a series of elbows to the back of the neck of Connelly, and a high knee to Connelly's gut!
Pamela: That's the way Rash! Another Symbiotic Claw…and a jumping chokeslam from that! Yes! That's the way to do it Rash! Another cover!
One
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TWO
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THREE…NO!
Kanyon: Too close for Michael Connelly there, almost losing his title on his first defense!
Pamela: That's what's gonna happen, but Connelly is right now just delaying the inevitable. Rash calling for something…KILLER INSTINCT!
Kanyon: Rash seems that he's ready to end the match now…he's starting it…NO! Back suplex by Connelly! Both men are now down on the mat, and the referee has to count!
Pamela: NO! Don't end the match like this! That would mean that Michael Connelly would retain the EAW Title!
Kanyon: And Connelly doesn't seem that he wants to have the match end like this either. Connelly crawling over to the downed Rash! Cover!
One
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TWO…kickout by Rash!
Pamela: Whew…too dang close there.
Kanyon: Both Connelly and Rash trying to fight up to their feet now…Connelly with an attempted punch, blocked by Rash…
Pamela: BALDO BOMB! Rash just nailed Connelly with the Baldo Bomb right in the center of the ring! COVER!
One
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TWO
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THREE! NO!
Kanyon: Michael Connelly WILL NOT DIE! Michael Connelly is going to fight to his last breath to retain the EAW World Championship belt!
Pamela: And Rash is gonna do everything in his power to make sure he gets that title belt off of Michael's fingers! He's going back outside of the ring now, and he's finishing setting up the 15 Table Horror!
Kanyon: Rash is getting a bit too dependent on trying to set up this move here, but if he somehow manages to hit it, then it will be a guaranteed victory.
Pamela: And that's exactly why Rash is starting to set up this move! He wants to make damn sure that he will get the victory in this match!
Kanyon: Rash getting Michael up on the top table for this…and he's signaling that this is the end!
Pamela: Rash grabbing Michael around the neck…NO!
Kanyon: Connelly with a kick to the gut of Rash…now setting him up…HOLY SHIT! CONDITION RED THROUGH 15 TABLES!
Pamela: NO! It can't be!
Kanyon: It is Pammy! Rash has been driven down to the arena floor, and he looks to be out cold right now!
Pamela: Come on Rash, get back up to your feet! Do it for Gen-NEXT…do it for Baby and Maxie…DO IT FOR ALL SYMBIOTES!
Kanyon: Connelly the first to move out of the rubble that was the 15 tables that were just set up, and trying to toss Rash into the middle of the ring.
Pamela: But look at this! Rash is actually getting up to his feet! Rash is DAMN TOUGH!
Kanyon: That I can not disagree with. Anyone who can get up from that is resilient. Connelly sliding into the ring to get another attack in on Rash…but Rash ducking…picking him up now…going for the Kaos Krash…Michael Slips behind…CONDITION RED! CONDITION RED AGAIN BY MICHAEL CONNELLY!
Pamela: DAMNIT! RASH, GET BACK UP! DON'T LET IT END THIS WAY!
Kanyon: Michael managing to get the cover onto Rash now…
One
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TWO
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THREE!
Pamela: NO! DAMNIT, DAMNIT, DAMNIT!
Capetta: Here is your winner, and STILL EAW World Heavyweight Champion…"Code Red" Michael A. Connelly!
Kanyon: An impressive first title defense by Michael Connelly right there. He proved to nearly all his critics that he is deserving of holding that EAW World Title!
Pamela: But he can't hold it forever, Kanyon. Sometime down the road, SOMEONE will take that title from him, and then the EAW World Title will be worth something again.
Kanyon: That's your opinion…but for now, the title is in very deserving hands. Ladies and gentlemen, we're out of time. For Pamela, I'm Kanyon…see ya later!