Your hosts are Chris Kanyon and Pamela Paulshock!
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The fireworks go off on the stage as we open to the futuristic-theme Riot Rulz set, with signs in the crowd reading, "Come on, people...don't tell me you forgot about the form already!" "Angel vs. Psychoman! Make it happen!", "R.I.P Davey Boy", A Canadian flag, "M-A-C!" "HERE I COME, CONSTANTINOPLE!! HERE I COME! I'M COMIN'! I'M COMIN' FOR YA, JIM!!" "KIRK ANGEL, SHAVE YOUR HEAD!!" "HULK RULES MY FACE!" "WAI, SPIDER-CHAN!" and of course, the ever popular "THIS SIGN DOESN'T EXIST!!"
"Ultra Mega" by Powerman 5000 blasts over the Speaker System as Seven makes his walk down the ramp. He is carrying a Kendo Stick along with him as the fans are blowing the roof off for her. He gets over to the ring, goes under and pulls out a table. He sets it out on the outside, and throws in a Trash Can full of weapons. He gets in the ring and awaits as... "Superstar" by Saliva cues up as the fans begin to boo.
David walks down to the ring with a serious look on his face. He has a stop sign in his hand and quickly paces to the ring.
Kanyon: This match is under EXTREME Rules now, from a ruling from Co-Commissioner Donnie B. I never liked David Flair, always thinks he is the top dog and everythin'...looking forward to seeing him humbled here tonight.
Pamela: Yeah, well I kinda like David...pity he's taken. Nevertheless, what a resume he's had, taking out every legend he was put up against!
Kanyon: Yeah...EXCEPT two..
*ding ding*
Kanyon: Here we go, as David walks into the ring..*WHACK!* *WHACK!*
Pamela: Come on David, don't finish him off TOO early. Give him a good ass kicking first!!
[ David tries getting up, but Seven once again smashes David in the back with the Kendo Stick. It is broken in half now, Seven goes over to the Trash Can and pulls out a Wooden Bat. He turns around and David is waiting for him, he has his stop sign and hammers him in the midsection with it, he jumps up and nails Seven in the back! Seven falls down to the canvas. David dumps the weapons out from the trash can, he grabs the Trash Can and puts it between the turnbuckles. He takes Seven and throws him into the ropes, Flowing Hip Toss onto the stop sign! ]
Kanyon: Wow...these two young stars really going at it...David is really delivering everything over to that Seven. But he won't give up.
Pamela: Well...Seven is...like...2 years old, so I'd definitely call him "young." And is there something wrong with David kicking some ass Kanyon?
Kanyon: The day I ask for your opinion is the day I retire.
Pamela: Well--
Kanyon: Well, from commentating too...
[ David now is getting momentum built up. He picks up Seven and whips him into the Trash Can in the corner! He almost gets stuck in the corner as he falls off between onto her side. David walks over to him and picks him up, he puts Seven back in the corner and starts delivering some Elbow Smashes. David goes to the outside and gets a chair, he throws it in the ring and sets it in the middle. He kicks Seven in the ribs a couple of times. He grabs the Trash Can lid, he runs to the otherside quickly, he rushes over and jumps off the chair and smashes the Lid right into Seven's head! ]
One!
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Kickout by Seven!
Kanyon: Damn! Did you see that move by David? That could've knocked em out!
Pamela: Hell, don't you think that he should lighten up a little bit?? Hell no!
[ David is sorta laughing at the fallen Seven. He takes his time and stands him to her feet, he starts giving some right hands, he winds up with an evil laugh, but Lariet! NO! Seven grabs him by the arm, Northern Lights Suplex delivered right onto the Unfolded Chair!! Seven and David are down! No countouts or anything for this fight. Seven is slowly making it up, he does before David gets to his knees, he grabs the Stop Sign and creams David right in the head, he just shakes around and doesn't fall. He looks somewhat surprised, Seven picks up a Cookie Sheet from the variety of weapons, he throws it at David, David catches it as Seven Dropkicks him right in the face with it!! ]
Kanyon: He might have this one!!
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Two!
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David throws Seven off of him!
[ In the back we see Bret "The Hitman" Hart and "The Macho Man" Randy Savage watching this fight. Would they have anything to do with this at all? ]
Kanyon: Seems like that had no effect on him at all.
Pamela: That's right David, keep it up, making it brutal.
[ David is trying to get stand up, but Seven gets up first and tackles David and starts Pummeling on him! He gets off and throws him to the outside. Seven pulls him up by his hair, he smashes his head into the announcers table! Again! Again!! David is just laying there on the table, Seven walks over and grabs another chair. He folds it up, uh oh, he swings and David on the table and misses! David grabs him by the head with a Falling Neckbreaker to the mat! He starts laughing once again, he picks him up and throws Seven into the ring apron. He is just getting hammered in this match. David grabs him by the hair and pulls him over to the otherside of the ring. They are by the table now, David starts giving him some more right hands. He throws him on the table and starts walking towards the ring. Wait a minute!! Seven grabs him by his pant belt, he does a Inside Cradle Roll Up over flipping David over the table onto the floor!! ]
One!
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Two!
Kanyon: Nearfall there! Nice counter by Seven, nice strength.
Pamela: David is better than that, very much better... He'll get there.
Kanyon: What timing for this... Whose bettah than Seven?
Pamela: EVERYBODY!!! BWWWAAHAHA!
[ Seven stands up after than nice counter on David. Seven pulls him to the ring and smashes his head onto the apron. He rolls him back into the ring, but this time he brings a ladder in the ring with him from under the ring! He lays it down by the turnbuckle. David is getting up to his feet, Seven runs at David with a Dropkick! NO! David catches her in the air, DOUBLE HEEL ENZIGURI!! WHAT A COUNTER AGAIN BY SEVEN! Seven waste's no time and whips David into the corner, he runs from the otherside over to David, Jumping Frakensteinnner... DAMNIT!! David pushes Seven off falling on his back, he jumps off with a Diving Headbutt to the forehead! Cover! ]
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Two!
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Thrrrrrr!!! NO!!!
Pamela: Come on David!! End it already!
Kanyon: They won't give up, sooner or later someone is ending up on a stretcher.
Pamela: Yeah, and it WON'T be David.
Kanyon: Remember what I said before, otherwise what is coming for ya won't be a good thing. ^_^
[ David rushes over on Seven and throws him into the corner, he starts kicking him in the midsection. He is regrouping in the corner as David sets up the Ladder leaning on the ropes. David walks over to Seven and throws her into the ropes, she comes back... BACK BODY DROP ON THE LADDER!! SEVEN BOUNCES OFF THE LADDER TO THE OUTSIDE OF THE RING!! OH MY GOD!!! HE IS LAYING THERE MOTIONLESS!! ]
Kanyon: Uh oh, Seven might be damn near knocked on conscious, stop this fight already!
Pamela: He deserves every part of this!
[ David heads to the outside taking his time. Seven is starting to make movement, Seven is pulling his way up, but barely. David just pushes him over with his leg, just mocking Seven. David goes under the ring and is looking for some more weapons. He grabs a Fire Exstinguisher, he turns around and Seven gives David Flair a Low Blow!! He drops slowly with the Fire Exstinguisher. He makes it up and shackles around a bit, David is on his knees, he runs to the corner of the ring. He runs up on the guard rail, FURY'S RISE BY SEVEN!! FURY'S RISE!! ]
Kanyon: Both Seven and David Flair are down now. Both of them are nuts.
[ David is rolling around trying to work his way up. Seven is holding onto the guard rail trying to pull his way to his feet. He wobbles over to the side where the table is setup, he rolls into the ring from there. David is finally up and he tries walking in the ring from the stairs but falls through the ropes..? Seven sees his oppurtunity, he stand David up but he Eye Rakes Seven, David throws Seven into the ropes hoping to flip him over onto the table... ]
Kanyon: HOLY SHI*T!! HOLY SH*T!!
Pamela: F*CKING INSANE!!!
Kanyon: SEVEN END ON DAVID KNOCKING HIM OUT OF THE RING THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!!
ONE!
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THREE!!!!!!
Winner by Pinfall: Seven
Kanyon: That was one hell of a move by Seven! David is laying there motionless after that move! Seven stumbles off with his hand raised.
Pamela: DAMNIT!! Well...
Kanyon: Who's betta than Seven? NOBODY!!
[ Pamela flips Kanyon off as we cut to commercial... ]
As we come back from break, the sounds of "Wolf" By Iced Earth cues up, as Nexus Dogstar makes his way out of the entryway, trying to look as serious as possible, though the crowd isn't taking him that way.
Kanyon: Nexus Dogstar…trying to be serious it seems But as you can see, the fans won't let that happen.
The camera pans over to the crowd, where a sign that reads "Hey Nexus, ever think of a Calendar?" is shown.
Pamela: How can they be that disgraceful to a great talent like Nexus here? He could quite possibly be the future of this industry, and they treat him with total disrespect!
Kanyon: Well, maybe if he didn't try to get here 2 days early, he'd gain more respect. As well as stealing Tiger Ali Singh's gimmick.
Capetta: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 20-minute time limit. Introducing first, from Jigsaw, standing 6'9" tall and weighing in at an even 300 pounds…Nexus Dogstar!Kanyon: Well, this was the match that Nexus has been waiting for his entire short EAW career. We'll have to see if he can deliver against his pseudo-father.
Pamela: He can do it…he's GOT to do it!
After a bit, "Wolf" fades out, and "Of Wolf and Man" cues up over the speakers, getting a great reception from the crowd as Colley Dogstar makes his way out.
Kanyon: And dat's the kinda cheering to be expected with someone like Big Yiffy here! With all his skills and talents, he deserves what he's getting.
Pamela: Bah, if he's such a great superstar, then why isn't he at least a former EAW World Champion?
Kanyon: That's…something that I can't answer yet. Capetta, take it away.
Capetta: And his opponent, from Los Angeles, California, standing 6'3" tall and weighing in at 247 pounds…"Big Yiffy" Colley Dogstar!
Kanyon: Well despite not being a former World Champion, Colley here is one of the biggest stars….
Pamela: But look how much Nexus just DWARFS him! Like I said, Nexus Dogstar REALLY is the next big star here!
Kanyon: I didn't mean height, you nimrod. Anyway Colley getting into that ring now and…
Pamela: Smart moving by Nexus, charging right away at Colley!
*ding ding ding*
Kanyon: Nexus trying for an early advantage against Colley Dogstar, and apparently it's working.
Pamela: Of course it's working! Nexus is a future mega-star! Watch him send Colley into the ropes…backdrop…the heck?
Kanyon: Rookie mistake by Nexus there, and Colley grabbing Nexus now…one powerbomb, two powerbombs…THIRD IMPACT! For the cover…
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TWO
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THREE!?
Pamela: Did…did I just see that?
Kanyon: I think you did…let's go for the official word…
Capetta: Here is your winner, by pinfall, "Big Yiffy" Colley Dogstar!
Kanyon: Yep, it's official! Colley Dogstar has polished off Nexus in what could be considered record time.
Pamela: What a travesty of justice…*sob*
Kanyon: Well, since we have time before the next commercial, let's take you to the back, where our Cruiserweight Champion Hurricane is waiting.
As we cut to the back, we see Hurricane, or rather, Gregory Helms, out of uniform and mask-less, wearing, along with the EAW Cruiserweight Championship, the new T-Shirt he designed, shown below.
"Greetings everyone." he begins. "Your EAW Cruiserweight Champion Gregory Helms here…better known as…" suddenly, he spins, and he's in his super-hero attire. "…The Hurricane." he spins again, back into the clothing he was just in. "Just wanted to say thanks to all the fans who supported me to my EAW Cruiserweight title win. And nice to see some versions of WWF…er, pardon me, WWE…are taking note of the skills any version of me posesses." he states, referring to that versions Hurricane winning the WWE Cruiserweight Title recently.
"But there's something that I'm willing to do that my counterpart isn't: Give an open challenge to any EAW Cruiserweight. Whichever one of you wants to try to take the title I fought to win, I accept. But remember…I am a super-hero…and I have the endurance to go the distance with anyone in this company. So let me just say this…you face me…you better…" he spins again, in his hero outfit. "…STAND BACK! Cause there's a Hurricane coming through!"
With that, he leaps off the camera with a Whoosh!
*COMMERCIAL BREAK! Remember to set your Cheesy Bread free before the show comes back on.*
As we come back from commercials, "Rock the Party" by P.O.D. is playing, and out comes the pretty Lexay 2 Sexay, looking excited.
Pamela: Ugh…it's Ms. Spread-legs herself. Please excuse me while I hurl.
Kanyon: Behave yourself Pammy. This should be an interesting match, as Lexay 2 Sexay will be going up the legendary Sonic the Hedgehog. And both combatants are looking forward to this match.
Capetta: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 20-minute time limit. Introducing first, from San Francisco, California, standing 5'10" tall and weighing in at 121 pounds…one half of Supply and Demand…Lexay 2 Sexay!
Pamela: (Makes gagging sounds as Lexay is introduced for her match)
Kanyon: PAM! Grow up already.
Pamela: Why? This girl is worse than some of the WCW and WWE women…and THAT'S saying something.
Kanyon: But despite her lifestyle, she's still a pretty impressive grappler.
Pamela: Bah.
After Lexay gets into the ring…
BLUE BLUE BLUE WORLD ORDER…4 LIFE!
"Live and Learn" cues up next, and out in a blur of blue comes Sonic…before the announcers can say anything about her.
Kanyon: Dang, that girl is fast!
Pamela: I thought Lexay was…
Kanyon: Pam, since when did you turn into Lilith.
Pam blinks, and does something surprising and just shuts up as the bell rings to start off the match.
Kanyon: Sonnie and Lexay going to the center, and a slap of the hands there, bit of show of respect between these two.
Pamela: Similar interests…sex, sex, and more sex.
Kanyon: And wrestling apparently, as the two girls start this match up with a good lock-up. Lexay with an arm drag…but Sonic with a nice reversal, holding Lexay down on the mat with an arm-lock.
Pamela: (blinking)Well, the old girl's still got it apparently. Let's see if Ms. Do-Me can fight back.
Kanyon: Lexay struggling a bit towards the ropes, adjusting a bit…and using her legs to get a modified headlock onto Sonic…first cover of the match, but Sonic kicks out before even a one count.
Pamlea: Damn…these two can actually wrestle.
Kanyon: Yes they can Pamela. Sonic getting up to her feet now, and looking at Lexay, who looks confident…they're going nose to nose…no, Sonic with a nicely placed dropkick!
Pamela: Lexay rocked and socked right there with that one, and now rolling to the outside of the ring to regroup.
Kanyon: Sonic not having it though, following Lexay to the outside of the ring now…Lexay with a hard kick to Sonic as she comes by. Lexay grabbing the back of Sonic's head…slamming it into the ring steps.
Pamela: YES! Pummel each other into oblivion! Leave room for REAL women…like Frosti and Savvy…or Kelly Connelly…or Karen Angel for that matter!
Kanyon: …you really are a deluded woman, aren't you? Lexay looking ready for Sonic now, and tossing her back into the ring, waiting on the apron…Sonic to her feet…Springboard Dropkick! Cover…
One…kickout by Sonic.
Pamela: I hate to admit it, but these girls are too good to be beaten by one simple move like that.
Kanyon: Indeed they are. Sonic starting to get up to her feet slowly now, and Lexay running in for an attempted Belly-to-belly suplex…but Sonic flips out to her feet, and Atomic Drops her.
Pamela: *winces* That's got to hurt, getting dropped on your tailbone.
Kanyon: Yes, it does. Lexay wobbling a bit in pain…and Sonic with a nicely placed Bulldog. Going for a cover, but Lexay puts a foot on the rope before the count goes down.
Pamela: And unlike WWE Referees, OUR refs actually NOTICE feet on the ropes. Something to keep in mind.
Kanyon: Heh, for once, an astute point right there, Ms. Paulshock. Sonic now trying to set Lexay up for a submission move, but Lexay with a quick roll-up!
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TWO
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Kickout by Sonic.
Pamela: Wow…the veteran almost got upset by this explicit upstart. That's a new one.
Kanyon: Well, not really. But now Sonic getting back up to her feet, and falling dropkick right to the face of the prone Lexay. Sonic picking up Lexay to her feet now, and a quick and hard Snap Suplex…with a rollover!
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TWO
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Kickout by Lexay this time.
Pamela: Damn, never thought these girls would have time to train with all the time in the sack.
Kanyon: ENOUGH about their sex lives already! Sonic picking Lexay back up to her feet again…Lexay with a surprise dropkick out of nowhere! Going into the nearest corner…split-legged moonsault! Cover…
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TWO
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Sonic kicks-out.
Pamela: …no comment.
Kanyon: Hehe, that's a first. Lexay feeling pretty confident right now, getting Sonic back up to her feet…setting her up for the Lex-Factor…Sonic fighting out though, and manages to escape!
Pamela: She just squirmed out barely, now going off the ropes, blocks the flipping dropkick by Lexay…and catches her with a headbutt to the groin. Hmm…
Kanyon: *quick to interrupt* Lexay caught off guard with that one, and now Sonic going to the top rope…posing a bit...could be the Money Shot here…but Lexay getting up and crotching Sonic on the top rope before she can hit the move!
Pamela. Hmm…I could SO say something…but I'll just call this…BEAUTIFUL Hurricanrana by Lexay to Sonic from the top rope…staying on for a pinfall attempt!
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TWO
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THREE…NO! Sonic managing to BARELY get a shoulder up!
Kanyon: That was one of the closest calls this referee has had to made this whole match, and Lexay is in awe that she didn't get the win. Lexay now thinking a bit…and seems ready to finish this off…
Pamela: And she's signaling for the Partay Wave Chrissy. Looks like Ms. 2 Sexay is going to get the victory in this bout!
Kanyon: Lexay hooks Sonic up…but Sonic still with enough presence of mind to back Lexay into a corner! Lexay with the wind knocked out of her on that, and getting her onto the top rope. The crowd watching on…what will this be?
Pamela: I think it's going to live out Sonic's secret fantasies!
Kanyon: If you mean…yes, here it comes…SUPER PORNBUSTER! Lexay just landed right on her head in that one, and Sonic moving over for the cover!
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TWO
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THREE!
Winner by Pinfall: Sonic
Pamela: I have to say it…I'm impressed with the showing by these two tonight.
Kanyon: Both of these girls put on a great showing for themselves here tonight…but in the end, the experience edge of Sonic overcame all.
Pamela: Ugh…come on, get these two out of the ring.
Kanyon: Come on Pamela, show some respe…
Pamela: LOOK! IT'S NOVA! NOVA IS COMING OUT, AN GOING RIGHT FOR SONIC!
Kanyon: What the hell is Nova doing out here! He's pummeled Sonic down now…and going to the top rope…BUT LOOK! EIGHTEEN GRABBING NOVA!
Pamela: EEEK! Nova, get out of there!
Kanyon: Nova doing just that now, and Eighteen giving chase!
Pamela: What business did she have in this! This was bWo business!
Kanyon: But Nova isn't a member of the bWo anymore! And now Lexay and Sonic looking at each other…and there's the handshake! It's party time, but we have to go on break. Stay tuned!
**Commercial Break**
"Bodies" by Drowning Pool cues up, and...
Kanyon: Welcome evrabuddy back to EAW Riot Rulz!! Up next, the MRPW Mountaineer Titles on the line, when the Girls of Goth defend against Deadly Extremity.
The following match is scheduled for one fall with no time limit, will be held under Lumberjack Match rules, and is for the MPRW Mountaineer Tag Team Championships! The winners of this match will also go on to face Chainsaw to unify both sets of tag team titles. Introducing first, the challengers: at a combined weight of 261 lbs...Frosti and Savvy, Deadly Extremity!!
The pair comes out from the back, to boos from the crowd...
And their lumberjacks: David Flair; The "Nature Boy" Ric Flair; the Big Show; Rash; Crash Holly; Spike and Morty--S&M; Nova; Brock Lesnar; and Doooooonnie B!
All of the above than walk out after Deadly Extremity, and as they get inside the ring, they gather around half of the ring.
Kanyon: The lumberjacks for Deadly Extremity getting in place...all except for one...
Donnie B, instead of picking a spot, heads to the announcer's desk, where Pamela welcomes him (but not Chris...)
Pamela: Welcome Donnie! And glad to have you join us tonight.
Donnie: (putting on headset) Thank you, Pamela...and...yeesh...man. Are my brother and I the only New Jerseyians who have heard of bathing. *cough*
Kanyon: Veeeery funny, Donnie. So, rather than getting involved where you could get your tail kicked, you'll be sitting here on your ass?
Donnie: Pretty much...
Pamela: Show him some respect, Kanyon, this is the EAW Co-Commissioner you're talking to.
Donnie: That's fine, Pamela...I've come to expect this from him...
"Nobodies" by Marilyn Manson then cues up...
And their opponents...at combined weight of 272 pounds...Sin and Shade, they are the defending MPRW Mountaineer Tag Team Champions, the Girls of Goth!!
Donnie: Man, listen to these idiots cheer for these untalented sluts. It really is a shame they can't respect talents likes Deadly Extremity.
Kanyon: They would if they weren't such complete and total biotches.
Pamela: They are not, Chris...excuse him, I think Savvy turned him down when he hit on her, and he's bitter about it.
Kanyon: Complete lie...
Donnie: Heheh...I understand.
And their lumberjack: Fasha; Hurricane; Chainsaw; Oseiko and Akiko...Kyouki Shoujo; Arianna; Eighteen, Seven...and "Hollywood"...Hulk...Hogan!
Donnie: And guess WHO comes out last...figures. Egomaniac...
Kanyon: Well, the Girls of Goth getting in the rin--and Deadly Extremity attacking them before the bell! And referee Jack Doan calling for the bell...
*ding, ding*
In the ring, Deadly Extremity takes control of their opponents, sending both of the Girls to the ropes, and backbody drops them. Frosti picks up Sin, and pins back her arms as Savvy kicks her repeatedly in the midsection. Doan forces Frosti and Shade out to their respective corners, and Savvy keeps pressing her advantage with a pair of knee lifts to Sin, then hiptosses her outside of the ring near her corner.
S&M and the Big Show immediately go after Sin, stomping her, and Show with a headbutt before rolling her back inside. Sin holds her back as she gets up, but a scoop and slam by Savvy. Savvy picks her up and wrenches the arm, holding her in position as she tags Frosti, and the two shove her into the corner, nailing her with pairs of elbows. Savvy monkeyflips Sin out of the corner, and Frosti dropkicks her to stop her in mid-motion. Frosti with a cover as Savvy heads to the outside...
Kanyon:
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ONE!
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Tw--No, kickout!
Donnie: Heheh...as you clearly can see, Deadly Extremity have this match well in hand.
Pamela: As opposed to the GoG, who usually have other things in their hands.
Donnie: Oooh...nice shot, Pam.
Sin kicks out, and Frosti goes up top, signalling for a Swanton Bomb--but Sin rolls out of the way! Frosti up, and a quick Single Arm DDT catches her off guard, and Sin wrenches on an armbar. Frosti fights her way up, and a reversal into a hammerlock...sends her to the ropes--and a SPEAR catches Frosti! Sin up, and picks up and backdrops Frosti in the center of the ring, before tagging in Shade! The Girls of Goth double clothesline Frosti, then set up and hit a Flapjack. As Frosti get up, they dump her out to their side of the ring...
Where Fasha, Arianna, and Chaynz attack her. Chaynz and Buzzsaw double-team Powerbomb her on the outside...before rolling her back in.
As she's rolled in, Shade covers...
Kanyon:
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ONE!
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Tw--Kickout, but Frosti still rather fresh.
Donnie: See? Thought that may have taken more out of her than that dinnitya?--new Unified Tag Champs right there!
Frosti picked up by Shade--and ICY MIST from Frosti! Irish Whip by Frosti, and bounces off the ropes herself...
Pamela/Donnie: GOOOOOOOOOORE!! GOOOOOOOOORE!! GOOOOOOOOOORE!!
Kanyon: I REALLY hate that...and now rolling Shade out to the outside...Nova and Brock Lesnar slugging away on her...bearhug by Lesnar...RAMMING her spine into the apron. Rash joining in now...and set up--SYMBIOTE SLAM on the outside, and now Ric Flair with the Figure Four Leglock as various other lumberjacks stomping away...
Pamela: Tag made to Savvy!
Deadly Extremity take a breather as their lumberjacks beat down Shade, then the Flairs toss her in the ring. Savvy picking her up, and slams her square to the turnbuckle...goes up top...
Kanyon ...SKY TWISTER PRESS!!
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ONE
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TWO!
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Nooooo! And a close one there for the MPRW Mountaineer Tag Champions.
Donnie: Eh..it won't be long now...
Kanyon: I don't know about that...Savvy now grabbing Shade the hair--TOSSING her by it, and picks her up now--scoops her up--REVERSAL by Shade--SHORT TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER by Shade!! Shade back up...sends her to the corner...charges in--STINGER SPLASH by Shade!! Side headlock now...and...TORNADO DDT!! Lateral Press by Shade...
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ONE
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TWO!
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No!
Pamela: And Goth Slut #2 heading to her corner--tag made to Goth Slut #1, #2 holding her in place...#1 nailing her with a series of kicks...and a THRUST KICK by Goth Slut #1. Savvy down to the mat as #2 goes outside, and--tossed over the top rope! Right in front of us!
Donnie: Excuse me...I..."have to go #1."
Kanyon: Donnie getting up, and a SHOT to the midsection with that cane..and both sides of the ring coming together now--and--FASHA AND BROCK LESNAR butting heads...Eighteen and Nova!! And...those who aren't otherwise occupied are trying to pick over Savvy or defend her. Donnie wailing away with that cane--grabbed away from him by Hogan--
*CRACK*
Kanyon: HOGAN snaps it over his knee!
Pamela: Maybe some of that cracking was Hogan knee instead of the cane...
Kanyon: Donnie slugging away on Hogan...but...not affecting him in the slightest...STILL no...David Flair with a steel chair--coming from behind--DUCKED--DAVID FLAIR accidentally nailing Savvy!! INVERTED ATOMIC DROP on David--Hogan decks Donnie...and tosses Savvy into the ring...Both Girls of Goth on the top ropes.......AND THE BLACKOUT!! Shade the legal girl in the ring with the cover...
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ONE
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TWO!
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THREE!
*ding, ding, ding*
Pamela: DAMNIT!! >_<
"Nobodies" begins to play again...
And the winners of this match...and STILL the MPRW Mountaineer Tag Team Champions...Sin and Shade, the Girls of Goth!!
Kanyon: And with that, all the lumberjacks into the ring now...we have Brock and Fasha squaring off--Nova and Eighteen--with Seven coming to the aid of his sister...S&M and Chainsaw--the GoG helping them out--the rest of Generation NEXT all over them though...man, wotta mess...
Pamela: Well, the match didn't turn out like I hoped, but at least we get a nice pier-six brawl out of it!
Kanyon: Well, as soon as we turn loose an army of zebras to try to restore order here, than we can move on with our main event...until then, lets go to commercial.
Pamela: Bah...well, they help pay my salary--SO BUY EVERYTHING ADVERTISED, SHEEPLE!
***
Kanyon: ...
Pamela: ... o_O;;;
Kanyon: Who's makin' these commercials? They're warped!
Pamela: And insane!
Almost on cue, we scene switch to a room in the arena... video equipment is set up, and the one operating it is... TROUBLEMAKER!!!
Troublemaker: MY BRAIN CAN'T TAKE ALL THE SCREAMING OF THE AIR MOELCULES IN MY HEAD!!! YES! I LIKE THIS FLAN, JIM!!! BWHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAAAA!!!!!!
Troublemaker then sees the camera recording him and immediately runs towards it, arms flailing, and rams his head into it, causing instant static and snow.
Troublemaker (audio only): Must kill and eat Chris...
Cameraman (ao): AIIEEEEE!
Back to the arena... Kanyon has a dumbfounded look to his face as Pamela rubs her temples.
Kanyon: ... So... how many cameras have Troublemaker destroyed by running into them?
Pamela: Three...
Kanyon: Riiiight... uhm, well... *ahem* let's--
Kanyon suddenly pauses, holding a hand to his headset.
Pamela: NOW what?!
Kanyon: Well... it seems a fancy limo's just pulled up into the parking lot!
Pamela: o_O; ... No way... you don't think it's Vince McMahon?!
Kanyon: Well, we got a camera crew and Michael Cole's there right now... let's see where that takes us!
Pamela: *snerk* This oughta be good...
Scene switch to the sleek black limo with fancy gold trims along the sides. Michael Cole walks up to it... trying to look into the tinted glass... unable to... then sighs.
????: ¿Qué usted está haciendo?
Cole blinks, then turns to see a young Spanish woman standing behind him, dressed as a cheuffer.
Cole: Uhm... well, I was wondering... who this limo belongs to... and--
Woman: ¡Soy el chófer personal de señor de Cerna! ¡La licencia aquí ahora o usted lo hará enojado!
Both Cole and the woman then turn to see someone approach off-camera.
Woman: Señor de Cerna!! ^_^
Cole: Wha--?! Uhm, are you the owner of this limo, sir?
The man... a startlingly handsome man dressed in a silk shirt he's just buttoning up, black leather pants, and boots, stares at Cole with cold blue eyes; flanking him is another beautiful Spanish woman carrying a leather briefcase.
Man: I am. And who might you be? No. No, don't answer that question. You're beneath me so much I don't need to know the name of such an unworthy man.
The man then turns to the first woman, an obvious chauffeur.
Man: Aquí nos hacen. Vayamos.
Cheuffeur: ¿Está usted lastimado, señor de Cerna?
Man: Kairi puso para arriba una lucha, según lo esperado. Pero lo cogieron de protector. Él hará un ejemplo fino a Hokuto. Ahora. Vayamos.
Cheuffeur: Sî, señor de Cerna!
Cole blinks, recognizing the names Kairi and Hokuto as the man spoke in Spanish.
Cole: Wait!! What does this have to do with Kairi or Hokuto?!
The man glares at Cole.
Man: The bitch scarred me, fool. She wasn't present here... but her brother was. So I have left the message to her in the form of Kairi's battered heap. I shall come for her soon enough. And I will get my retribution.
With that, the man and the woman carrying the briefcase enter the back of the limo. The chauffeur closes the door, then passes Cole to enter the driver's side, then the limo drives off, departing the arena.
Back to the arena now with Kanyon and Pamela.
Kanyon: And... whoa, we've confirmed that Kairi IS hurt! We don't know how badly hurt he is but initial reports say he's been slashed repeatedly with some kind of... weapon! And he's out cold!! But... my God, you realize who that is?! That was Vega!! Vega Fabio de Cerna!! He's officially invaded the EAW!!
Pamela: (*)_(*)! ... My God... he's so handsome...
Kanyon: ...
Pamela: Well, he IS! My God... he's got such a hot body... and that face... ohhhhhhhh...
Kanyon: Pam, you're drooling.
Pamela: I have a right to drool... Vega is such a hottie!! (*).(*)!
Suddenly "There's A Fire In The House" cues up as "Code Red" Michael Connelly walks down to the ring, smiling at the cheering fans as he climbs into the ring.
Kanyon: Well, here we go with our main event!
Pamela: I don't care about either Michael Connelly or his opponent here tonight... not after seeing the GOD of a man in Vega... (*).(*)
Kanyon: Ooooohhhhh, kay. I can see you'll be a big help here tonight.
Michael Connelly turns to the stage as Bret Hart's WCW theme cues up. The fans' cheers keep up as the Canadian veteran walks out, heading to the ring as he looks to his opponent in the ring.
Kanyon: At this time we here in the EAW would like to pay our respects to Bret Hart's brother-in-law Davey Boy Smith, the British Bulldog, as well as our condolances to the Hart and Smith families.
Pamela: Yeah. =/ I don't like Bret but you still gotta feel for the guy with all the crap that's happening to him.
Kanyon: Yeah... but still, it's business as usual here tonight! Here we go! Referee Ayane Mitsui calls for the bell!
Pamela: ... She's still around?! o_O;
Kanyon: Michael and Bret shake hands, a show of sportsmanship between the two... circle each other... TIE-UP! And-- CODE RED WITH THE SWINGING NECKBREAKER!! Bret rolling to his feet and MICHAEL WITH A DROPKICK SENDING HIM BACK DOWN! Bret gets up again and MICHAEL WITH A JIUJITSU THROW! Michael Connelly coming out red hot here tonight!
Pamela: He's no Vega though... (*)_(*)
Kanyon: *sigh* ... Michael with a tie-up now... Bret counters! Hammerlock! And Bret grabs him up... SCOOP SLAM!
Pamela: Ooooo, scoop slam. =p
Kanyon: Bret picks Michael up... whips--NO, shortarm-- SLEEPER HOLD!! Ayane checks to see if Michael wants to give it up... NO! MICHAEL SMASHES BRET RIGHT INTO THE CORNER! BREAKING THE HOLD! Michael turns around, grabs Bret... and-- SUPLEX! Michael picks Bret up--WHOA, THE HITMAN WITH A SUDDEN DDT!!! Cover! One! T-NO, just a one count!
Pamela: BRING BACK VEGA!!!! ;.; VEEEEEEGAAAAAAAA!!
Kanyon: He's gone, Pam.
Pamela: Vega... ;.;
Kanyon: The Hitman locks in the armlock now! Michael reaches for the ropes with his free arm and... GETS IT! Bret breaks the hold! Picks Michael up... CODE RED SPINS AROUND! HITS A PERFECT RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX!! Grab Hitman up... WHOA, HITMAN COUNTERS! SNAP SUPLEX! Bret picks him up... about to-- NO! CODE RED COUNTERS!!!! SHORTARM-- TILT-A-WHIRL SIDE SLAM!!!
Pamela: Veeeeeegaaaaaaa! Come back, Vega!!
Kanyon: *ahem* Bret manages to get up... Michael runs to the ropes-- CONNELLY COMET!!! COVER! ONE! TWO! NO!! Bret kicks out! Michael grabs him and-- NECKBREAKER DROP!! Follows up-- LEG DROP! ONE! TWO! NO!
Pamela: What, he's Hulk Hogan now?!
Kanyon: Looks to me he's focusing on his neck to me...! Michael picks Bret up... BRET HITS CODE RED WITH A CLOTHESLINE!!! Picks him up... and GERMAN SUPLEX!!! And Bret locks in the reverse chin lock! He struggles... and-- OH, PUNCH TO BRET'S FACE! ANOTHER! AND THE HOLD IS BROKEN! Michael gets up... ANOTHER HARD SPEAR FROM CODE RED SENDS BRET DOWN!!! Michael Connelly now, going up to the top rope... what could he be doing... Bret's up-- OHHH, DIVING LARIAT FROM THE TOP BY CODE RED!!!!! WHAT HEIGHT!!!! CODE RED WITH THE COVER!!! ONE! TWO! TH-NNOOO!!!! BRET MANAGES TO GET A SHOULDER UP!!!! Michael grabs Bret up-- HIGH ANGLE BACKDROP!!! Now... setting the Hitman up... OHH! SAVAT KICK TO THE CHEST! GRABS! UP-- AND DOWN WITH THE BRAINBUSTER!! COVER! ONE! TWO! NO!! BRET HART GETS OUT IN TIME!!!
Pamela: Veeeeeegaaaaaaaaaaaa... ;.;
Kanyon: Is it just me or is Bret not really into this fight? Well, considering everything that man's been through... WHOA! BRET COME BACK IN! PUNCH TO THE GUT! WHIPS MICHAEL TO THE CORNER! FOLLOWS UP AND-- CLOTHESLINE-- AND BULLDOG!!! COVER! ONE! TWO! NO! NOT YET! Bret picks Michael up... SUPLEX--NO, BLOCKED! MICHAEL!! WRIST CLUTCH SUPLEX! ONE! TWO! NO! Michael gets up... grabs Bret and whips him to the corner! Grabs up... set up... and... SPIDER SUPLEX! MICHAEL STAYS ON THE TURNBUCKLE AND EXECUTED THE MICHAEL-SAULT!! ONE! TWO! THR--NO!!!! BRET STILL KICKS OUT!!!! Michael grabs up Bret... WHOA!! HE JUST LOCKED IN THE HEAVENLY LOCK!!! THAT'S A MOVE... why, I DON'T THINK THAT MOVE'S EVER SHOWED ITS FACE HERE IN THE STATES!! ISN'T THAT SOMETHING, PAMELA?!
Pamela: Vvveeeeeeeegaaaaaaaaaaa... ;.;
Kanyon: ... I lost her. =/ Wh--?! WAIT!!! KIRK ANGEL'S COMING DOWN TO RINGSIDE!!! HE'S GOT NO BUSINESS-- AND ERICA ANGEL'S CHASING AFTER HIM!!!! KIRK TURNS AROUND AND-- HAMMER OF JUSTICE!!! MY GOD, RIGHT INTO THE RAMP!!!! KIRK'S OUT COLD AND ERICA GETS A HUGE POP FOR PREVENTING AN OBVIOUS RUN-IN!!! Back in the ring-- BRET REACHES THE ROPES! Michael lets up... sees Erica dragging Kirk back to the backstage area and... well, laughs!! He turns around and-- OHH!! BRET DROPS MICHAEL WITH THE INVERTED ATOMIC DROP!! AND NOW-- SHARPSHOOTER!!! THE SHARPSHOOTER'S LOCKED IN!!! BRET'S GOT IT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!!! MICHAEL'S SCREAMING IN PAIN!!!
Pamela: Veegaaa... ;.;
Kanyon: ... Yeesh... whoa!! MICHAEL JUST TAPPED!!!! BRET HART WINS!!!!
Pamela: Veegaaa...? ;.;
Winner: Bret "Hitman" Hart
Kanyon: Bret wasn't into this match because of his hardships, but he managed to come out on top here tonight!! And Bret helps Michael up... and gives him a hug and raises his hand! Bret certainly giving Michael credit for a good match!
Kanyon: Vegaaa... ;.;
Kanyon: Yeesh... well, for the currently brain-dead Pammy Paulshock, this is Chris Kanyon... WHO BEDDA!! PEACE OUT!!