Live from the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, MI!

The oepening for Riot Rulz begins to play, with various film clips from the No Escape Pay-Per-View, particularly of the main event. From there, we cut to a shot of the Joe Louis arena and of various fireworks as we pan around the crowd, noticing various signs such as:

"My Lance Storm Voodoo Doll WORKED!!"

"I've got something long and pointy for Sonnette.."

"S&M, YUO=FAGITS!!!"

"Red West vs. Metallica."

and "Derek is my dad!"

We then pan to the announcer's desk where "the female JR and King," Megan Eko, and Lilith Aensland, are seated.

Lilith: Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!

Megan: Welcome fans to tonight's edition of EAW Riot Rulz. EAW No Escape was an amazing show...we have a new Cruiserweight Champion, a new Extreme Champion, and a new People's Champion. We two two of the most brutal matches we've ever witnessed here close up at the end. We've seen a man having his arm nearly impaled when Sonnette fell off the Dome and landed on Lance Storm's arm.

Still, but censored, shots are shown of that.

Megan: The rivalry between the Blue Boy and William Regal seems to be far from being at an end, as the Right to Censor interfered ON BEHALF of Blue Boy to help him get the win. Overall an amazing show.

"Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down cues up, and "Mr. Entertainment" Kevin Tatum makes his way out, getting a respectable reaction for a newcomer.

Lilith: But that was then...THIS IS NOW!! I mean...sure, then we got to see some awesome camerawork on the no-no places of Red and Scarlet, but tonight...OH TONIGHT...Sarah and Colley-chan throwing each other around in little pools of ice cream!! Gokuo truly is lord!!

Megan: That translates to a quick a happy 18-35 male demographic.

Lilith: Ice cream-coated puppies...and butts, and sweet thighs...and feet!

Megan: Oh..and the "Xena" crowd I assume, as well.

Lilith: Heh..

Megan: And I do believe this Tatum is of NO RELATION to the Booker Tatum who used to work for the EAW...thankfully.

Lilith: Yeah, I DEFINITELY don't like HIS kind of screwing.

"Rollin'" by Limp Bizkit cues up...

Lilith: "We keep rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin'...we keep rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin'...

Megan: Coming out now is Bryan Fury, who I believe after this match is due to be going on a short vacation. Fury hasn't had much luck in the EAW as of late...due to certain circumstances, but he is an impressive athelete nonetheless....coming down to the ring now...the two of these men both gifted in size.

Lilith: *chuckle*

Megan: Bite your tongue, Lilith. Fury climbing into the ring now...and this match is nearly underway...

*ding, ding*

Megan: Fury starts by rushing in...DEVASTATING kick aimed right at the ribs of Tatum....sends him into the ropes...coming back now...high leg lariat from Fury!! Pulling up Tatum--wait...Tatum back up...scoop slam on Fury! Behind him before he rises...Fury trips up his leg...hiptosses him over...sleephold applied! Tatum getting up....elbow into the midsection of Fury...sends Fury into the ropes...back elbow from Tatum!

Lilith: Booooooooring...let's see something nasty!

Megan: Tatum pulling up Fury...sends him into the corner....charging in...clothesline on Fury....Fury staggering out of the corner. Set up by Tatum...SITDOWN POWERBOMB by Tatum!!

.

.

.

One!

.

Kickout!!

Lilith: Isn't Fury like...undead or something?

Megan: That's the rumor...Fury pulled back up now...launching into some rapid jabs into the midsection of Tatum...lays him out with a roundhouse kick! Tatum back up...dazed...sets him up...FURYDRIVER!!

.

.

.

ONE!--kickout by Tatum!!

Lilith: Something about that name just makes me dislike him...

Megan: Tatum?

Lilith: Yeah.

Megan: I see. Fury pulling up Tatum...suplex...holding him up high in the air...crashing down on the mat!! Tatum favoring his back now. Fury pulling him up again...headbutt into the midsection by Tatum! Whips him into the ropes...Tatum with a high dropkick on Fury sends him down to the mat! Going up to the second rope now...comes off with an elbow! Covers Fury...

.

.

.

One!

.

.

Kickout by Fury!

Lilith: Kick him the head! Again!

Megan: Fury pulled up by Tatum. Tatum setting him up now..side headlock...Fury escapes again...sends Tatum into the ropes...spinning heel kick ducked...Tatum on the way back...NAILS the Jumping DDT!! Cover again!

.

.

.

One!

.

.

.

TWO--kickout again by Fury!

Lilith: This is a good match and all...but where are the babes?

Megan: Settle, Lilith...they'll be coming soon enough. Fury up now...Tatum coming at him...scoop slammed down by Fury. Fury drops down with a headbutt into the shoulder of Tatum! Yanks him back up by his hair...slams him face first into the turnbuckle....grabbing the ropes for support....stomping a mudhole in Tatum now. Tatum fired out of the corner now...stopped before hitting the diagonal one. Turns around...charges...flying clothesline on Fury!! Picking him up again...suplex coming out...struggling to get a good grip on the tall, lanky opponent...gets him up...and down!! Hits the ropes now...comes down with the legdrop!! Now up again and stomping away on him. Picking him up now...Dragon suplex pin!! Impressive move

.

.

.

One

.

.

.

TWO

.

Kickout by Fury!! Fury up now...Tatum coming at him...HIGH Dropkick sends Tatum down...sends him into the ropes...STUNNED O MATIC on the return!

Lilith: Nice butt-shot, there, cameraman! *thumbs up*

Megan: Fury pulls up Tatum...laying in some stiff kicks into the chest..puts him into a headlock...backdrop counter by Tatum!! Folds up Fury onto the mat..Fury back up..clothesline by Tatum has him on the ropes...going for another...ducked..back body drops Tatum out to the outside! Tatum up...taken out by a flying clothesline by Fury!! Fury pulling the mats away now....Tatum vulnerable. Fury up onto the apron...GUILLOTINE LEGDROP--MISSES!! Uh-oh...

Lilith: What's "uh-oh" mean?

Megan: I don't like the looks of the way he landed...Tatum up...pulling up Fury...Fury with a limp now...rolled into the ring...Tatum in now....throws him towards the ropes--drops down to one knee short. Tatum pulls him up--That's Entertainment!! Goes for the cover now...

.

.

.

ONE!

.

.

.

TWO!

.

.

.

THREE!!

Winner by Pinfall >>> "Mr. Entertainment" Kevin Tatum

Megan: We're going to take a commercial break..but I think Fury needs medical attention.

**Commercial Break**

The theme of the Jolly Gentlemen is blaring as Cecil Regal comes out, causing a lion's share of the crowd to boo the hell out of him.

Lilith: A Brit just can't catch a break around here, can he?

Megan: I don't know about that...it's just that the Regals and the "Gentlemen" don't really try to endear themselves to anyone. People can't stand them. His opponent tonight will be another Briton, Dudley Clark II.

Lilith: ...Esquire.

Megan: Yes. Cecil the less refined of the two Regals here in EAW...which is really something. His style is a bit rougher and more power-based. However...his opponent for tonight's style is...an odd mix..

"Rue Brittania" cues up, causing the crowd to boo again, although some of them cheer this time. The cocky Dudley Clark II, Esquire steps out onto the stage, raising his head high into the air as he makes his way down the ramp.

Lilith: Better not shower like that, he'd probably drown.

Megan: This is, of course, Dudley's debut match. To him, this issue with the Regals isn't just a few opponent's...it's about national pride. Dudley making his way into the ring...setting aside his towel...and readying himself. Cecil himself also looks ready...

*ding, ding*

Megan: And thus this match is underway...Cecil and Dudley staring each other down..Cecil goes for a clothesline--blocked high by Dudley...Cecil ducks under and goes for a waistlock...Dudley attempting an escape...standing switch...German Suplex attempt...block by Cecil...back elbow...takes him over with an armdrag!!

Lilith: Hmmm...I'm kind of torn, because I don't really like EITHER of these guys. Then again both of them are kind of good-looking...

Megan: Umm...I wouldn't exactly say that about Cecil...but regardless--DROPKICk by Cecil sends Dudley down to the mat. Cecil picking up Dudley, sends him into the ropes....Cecil telegraphing....duck--Uppercut to the midsection by Dudley!! Sets up Cecil now...Front Suple--gutbuster!! Dudley with a big move...goes for the cover!

.

.

.

One!--Kickout...not quite enough...far from enough.

Lilith: Frankly, I'm waiting on our big match tonight with...BABES IN BIKINIS BEING DUNKED IN ICE CREAM!!

Megan: Well...that's still a ways to come...Dudley in control...pulling up Cecil...laying in a few shots to the midsection again, suplex set up. Cecil blocks...knee into the midsection of Dudley...SNAP SUPLEX!!! Holding on though...getting up again, set up...suplex--comboed into an inverted atomic drop...

Lilith: T'AINTBUSTER!! T'AINTBUSTER!!

Megan: Dudley feeling the effects...shot into the corner by Cecil. Cecil kneeing over....charging into the corner...SPEAR into the stomach!! Dudley stumbling out of the corner...Cecil locks him arms around him...BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX--executed Ken Shamrock-style!

Lilith: Wonder if Shamrock's still a virgin?

Megan: Cecil reestablishing control of this match up...stomping away on Dudley...hits the ropes now..nails the jumping elbow! Cecil now pulls up Dudley, clubs him over the back with an axehandle smash. Kick into the ribs now...pulls him up...right knee into the midsection...left...right...left....double underhook suplex takes him over!!

Lilith: Hehe...although I don't like either of these guys, there's something I really like about seeing an RTC member getting the crap pounded out of him.

Megan: Well...he strikes me as a bit different from the rest of them. Dudley pulled up again by Cecil...going for a bearhug...no...countered with a headbutt by Dudley...locks both arms...REVERSE TIGER SUPLEX by Dudley!! Mounted punches by Dudley now...hammering away on Cecil...Cecil trying to cover up...Dudley just pounding on him. Dudley climbing off now...pulls up Cecil to his feet...knee into the midsection by Dudley...setting him up...neckbreaker well executed by Dudley. Going for another cover

.

.

.

One!

.

.

No! Kickout by Cecil!!

Lilith: Cecil needs to bring some fine British babes to ringside...then I bet people'd cheer for him!

Megan: Doubt that he particularly cares...but Cecil yanked back up to his feet...JAWBREAKER on Dudley...Cecil scooping up Dudley...bodyslams him down...Cecil moving in on Dudley...Dudley back up...hiptosses him over. Cecil quickly back up...springs up with a clothesline surprising Dudley...Dudley recovering...Cecil with a headbutt..standing dropkick!! Cover by Cecil...

.

.

.

One

.

.

.

TWo! Kickout!

Megan: These two showing about equal skill, but Cecil with the obvious experience advantage...pulling up Dudley...scooping him up again...Dudley slips behind...schoolboy roll up!!

.

.

.

ONE!

.

.

.

TWO!

NO! Catching Cecil off guard and nearly won that way.

Suddenly, two tye-dye clad figures..one a chubby white while man the other a thinner black one, come out onto the entranceway...stalking their way down to the ring...

Megan: Not *now*....two more of the "Gentlema--wait!! *crowd cheers* Blue Boy hitting Buh-Buh Ray Dudley from behind....D-Von spinning around...rams the chair into the midsection of D-Von...Snapkick DDT!! Blue Boy now coming down to ringside...

Lilith: Gonna make his Dudley hit count 3 for 3?

Megan: That's entirely possible...perhaps not trusting the RTC at all...Dudley hitting Cecil with a combination of jabs now...ending with a clothesline sending him to the outside over the ropes...Dudleys getting up now...Dudley going out after them...Blue Boy taking advantage of the momentarily distraction...BLUEBOMBER DRIVER on Cecil on the outside!! Rolls him back in...Dudley and Buh-Buh Ray Dudley brawling on the outside...Ducking uppercut by Dudley sends Buh-Buy Ray Dudley down...Dudley onto the apron...climbing up to the top rope...DIVING HEADBUTT on Cecil!! Cover!

.

.

.

ONE!

.

.

.

TWO!

.

.

.

THREE!! Dudley gets the win thanks to help from Blue Boy!

Lilith: Ugh...he actually HELPED him...I wonder if this is just a trick by the RTC..

"Rue Britannia" cues up as the referee holds up Dudley's hand, victorously...

Winner by Pinfall >>> Dudley Clark II, Esq.

On the outside though...

Megan: Dudleys with a 3D on Blue Boy...coming after Dudley now....Dudley hits the opposide ropes...coming back with a suicide dives takes down the Dudleys!! Climbing on top of Buh-Buh..hammering away...but D-Von yanking him off...holding him in place...Buh-Buh hammering away now...setting him up...BUH-BUH CUTTER onto the chair...

Lilith: Crap!! Uh...I don't know whether to be happy or angry, though. ^_^

The Dudleys help Cecil out of the ring and to the back as we fade out to commercials.

**Commercial Break**

Megan: Looks like it's time for our Dumpster Match, as both contenders have made thier way down to the ring during the commercial break.

Lil: Mmmmm.. Mandy looks good enough to lick, and hell, I'll even bang Duke!

Megan: You sure can pick them, can't ya? Anyhow, the rules of the match is simple, simply place your opponent in the dumpster on the outside to win.

(By Adam West)

Megan: This thing is off, and Duke delivers a hard clothesline to Mandy to start. Mandy springs back to her feet and answers with a flipping dropkick. Both back up, and a double clothesline!

Lilith: Imagine having an orgy with those two.. speaking of which, I might check out what's up between us after the match.. care to join me Megan?

Megan: Er, no.. but now Duke is sending Mandy to the ropes, but Mandy answers with a spinning head scissors takedown! Duke up--DDT from Mandy! Duke retreating ! to the outside.. to gain his composture no doubt. Duke grabs a cookie sheet from the ring, and tosses it in the ring--but Mandy catches it, but Duke is stun.. WAIT!! MANDY HITS A ROPE FLIP, AND SMASHES DUKE WITH THE COOKIE SHEET AS SHE CAME DOWN!!

Lilith: Man, that has to be the most inventive way to use a weapon in a long time. And, it did the trick, as Duke is out. But, as Mandy was doing that move, I can't help but to see her ass in the air. *O_O!* Nice ass for a skunkette!

Megan: Lilith! Back to the match, please. Mandy trying to get Duke in that dumpster, but I think he's too much dead weight. Ah--Duke coming back with fists to the midsection of Mandy.. Suplex! Duke ramming Mandy's head into that dumpster.. she's sure to have a headache after that one. Oh, and now Duke has the cookie sheet.. KABOOM! Right to the temple of Miss LePew! Duke with another--dodged by Mandy! Superkick to the face of Duke with that sheet in his face! Now, Mandy placing Duke on! top of the dumpster, which lids are closed, and she's now ascending to the top rope--

Lilith: What the hell is she thinking, Megan?

Megan: I don't know.. but.. MY GOD! SWANTON BOMB TO DUKE!! But.. they both fell through the dumpster!!

Lilith: Duke went through first.. meaning Mandy wins!

Winner by putting opponent in dumpster >>> Mandy Lepew

**Commercial Break**

As we come back from break, Lilith is seated and holding her binoculars directed toward the entranceway. Kiddy-pools of semi-soft ice cream...one apparently filled with chocolate, another with strawberry, another with vanilla, another with mint chocolate chip, are scattered around the ring.

Lilith: Time for THE match of the night...are you ready Megan?

Megan: Well...I suspect this will be just as demeaning and sexist as I had imagined...but I'm as ready as I'll ever be..

"HT" the theme from Trigun, cues up first.

Lilith: PUPPIES...or SKUNKIES!! WHOO-HOO!!

Megan: That comparison is just sooo apropo.

Lilith: *drool*

The crowd cheers as Colley-chan makes her way out in a tight bikini. She bounces down to ringside, gingerly dips her foot into the vanilla tub, pulls it away, then gets in the ring.

Lilith: I WANNA TASTE!! I WANNA TASTE!

Megan: Lilith probably won't be saying much...coherently..during this match, so I guess I'll be doing most of hte commentating.

Lilith: I THINK I SEE A NIPPLE!!

"She's Actual Size" by They Might Be Giants fades in as "HT" fades out, and the crowd gives another fresh pop as a bikini-clad Sarah Murphy comes out next. The reaction is even a bit bigger, since some of the more apprehensive males join in this time.

Megan: Sarah Murphy, an excellent competitor, and I must say dedicated and professional to be putting up with degrading matches like this.

Lilith: Pull that stick out of your butt, Megsie...Sarah loves this! Just in the spirit of fun is all!

Megan: Sarah climbing into the ring. This is a match between two stablemates...two good friends...but they probably won't take it too easy on each other..

*ding, ding*

Lilith: Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!!

Megan: Easy Lilith...Colley-chan and Sarah circling each other...cautiously...Sarah going for a double leg--takes down Colley-ch--she monkey flips her over. Sarah and Colley-chan up easily...Colley-chan goes for the clothesline...ducked by Sarah...drops down with a Fujiwara arm bar...tries to lock it on tighter--Colley-chan gets the ropebreak!

Lilith: Cut the crap and get to the dunking!

Megan: Colley-chan getting back up...Sarah setting her up now...spinning backdrop center of the ring! Sarah kippups....Colley-chan grabbing her arm...takes her over with an armdrag. Puts her head underneath her arm...back drop coming up--no, Sarah landing behind her...waistlock. Colley-chan grabs her head--weak but nonetheless effective Ace Crusher. Sarah stunned momentarily...Colley-chan fires her into the ropes....bounces off the near ones...CLOTHESLINES SARAH over the ropes!!

Lilith: WHoo-hooo!! Dunk her, dunk her, dunk her!!

Megan: Sarah getting up...here comes Colley-chan PISCATTO connects!! Takes out Sarah!! Dragging her now to the tub of vanilla ice cream!

Lilith: Boring flavor, but I can forgive 'er for that!

Megan: Colley-chan setting up Sarah now for a powerbomb...has her up high...Sarah hammering away...trying to escape...slips!--DDT counter!! Both girls land in the ice cream! That's one flavor each...

Lilith: Heee-hee-hee...check it out..Colley-chan's cones are covered in vanilla ice cream!!

Megan: Sarah pulling up Colley-chan wincing a bit at how cold it is on her feet...

Lilith: It may be cold, but my tongue is warm!!! *drool*

Megan: Setting up Colley-chan...SNAP SUPLEX into the ice cream now....a soft landing, though.

Lilith: Hee-hee....I'm LOVING this match.

Megan: Sarah up on the apron...jumping off now...DOUBLE FOOT STOMP by Sarah puts Colley-chan deeper into the ice cream. Colley -chan pulling herself out now...Sarah fires her toward the guardrail...she hits it. Sarah charging in...Colley-chan gets the foot up...hits Sarah. Gets up on the guardrail...SKY HIGH BULLDOG on Sarah!! That turns the momentum back in the favor of Colley-chan! Now pulls up Sarah...dragging her around the ring towards that tub of strawberry ice cream.

Lilith: A little boring...but not bad, overall. ^_^

Megan: Neckbreaker by Colley-chan now, just for good measure to make sure that Sarah stays down...

"DUNK, DUNK, DUNK, DUNK!!!"

Megan: Colley-chan holding her up high over her head...tosses Sarah into the tub of ice cream!! Face down!! There's 2 for Colley-chan to Sarah's 1...

Lilith: NUTS!!

Megan: Colley-chan picking up Sarah...cautiously...dragging her toward the apron, and rolls her in now. Now getting up on the apron...Sarah dazed, now getting up...springboard dropkick from Colley-chan!!

Lilith: Ice cream mess in the ring!!

Megan: Colley-chan up now...pulling up Sarah by her hair. She rams the shoulder into the chest of Sarah..

Lilith: Which is, fortunately, *ahem* well padded. ^_^

Megan: Fires Sarah into the corner...charges in...Sarah springing off--locking her legs around the head of Colley-chan...springing off...headscissors takedown!! Colley-chan back up...Sarah hits the rope...AXE KICK with tremendous impact!! Sarah pulling up Colley-chan now....whips her to the corner. Climbing up now now...1...2...3...4...5...6...MONKEY FLIP OUT OF THE CORNER!! Sarah bending down...Colley-chan getting back up dazed.

Lilith: SPANK HER!! SPANK HER!! She's in the perfect position!

Megan: Sarah going for a sidekick...Colley-chan ducks...capture suplex!! Colley grabbing Sarah by the hair...dumping her to the outside...Sarah grabs onto the ropes...back up onto the the apron...grapples her. Suplex to the outside by Sara--no, blocked by Colley-chan! But Sarah snaps her neck down onto that top rope! Colley hits the mat! Sarah down to the floor, yanking out Colley-chan by her ankles...hammering away now...boot to the stomach...spin kick to the side....crescent kick--CAUGHT!! Colley-chan applying an anklelock!!

Lilith: Lick her feet!! Lick her feet!! There's still some ice cream on them!!

Megan: Lilith thoroughly enjoying this match...Colley-chan releasing the hold...as it won't exactly win her it....dragging Sarah by her ankles toward that tub of chocolate...looking to end this match by making Sarah Neopolitan.

Lilith: That isn't just chocolate...that's ROCKY ROAD!!

Megan: Colley-chan hoisting up Sarah over the guardrail...drops her down on it with the Snakeyes!! Sarah stumbling backward...Colley-chan..WITH THE ATOMIC DROP!!

Lilith: OUCH!!

Megan: Sarah pulled up again by Colley-chan..Colley-chan with a bionic elbow....cinches her up--Sarah lands behind Colley!! Hooking her...Tiger suplex...going for it...NO!! Colley-chan slips free...going for a hammerlock on Sarah..Sarah rolling through...reversal...sets her up...SUPLEX into the Rocky Road ice cream!! The score is tied!!

Lilith: Whoo-hoo!!

Megan: Sarah has to be especially careful here...if Colley-chan puts her into that tub of Rocky Road, that'll be three flavors and the win....damn, I never expected to be saying THAT while commentating a match...

Lilith: Hee-hee...but Sarah'd be wise to go for that tub of strawberry right now...because if she goes for the mint chocolate chip, both of them are at risk of losing.

Megan: Correct...and yes...Sarah IS going for the strawberry....leading Colley-chan there in a headlock...wait...Colley-chan going for a backdrop! Sarah lands on her feet!! Goes for a kick--caught by Colley-chan! Going for the Enzui--Colley-chan jerks on her leg and throws off her balance...hoisting up Sarah now...SIDEWALK SLAMS her into the tub of strawberry ice cream!! Remember that she already put Sarah into this one, so this won't count for a third flavor...Sarah straddled by Colley-chan...Colley-chan fires away with some right hands....dragging her out of the tub of strawberry....Sarah with an elbow shot to the ribs of Colley-chan. Going for a jawbreaker...Colley-chan stops her with a knee to the midsection. Dragging her over to that mint chocolate chip.

Lilith: A FINE choice, indeed.

Megan: Colley-chan setting her up for a bulldogging headlock...Sarah countering with a suplex--Colley-chan landing behind her...waistlock....German Suplex!! There's one...going for a second...Sarah with a back elbow...Colley with a clothesl--Sarah ducking between the legs of Colley-chan...setting her up...reverse DDT positioning...going for...YES!! Reverse brainbuster into that mint chocolate chip!! Sarah retains!!

The bell rings...and the ring announcer says...

"The winner of this match up...and STILL EAW Women's Champion...Sarah Murphy!"Lilith: Oh pooh...I was looking for a title change...let's see some love for the skunk-babe!

Megan: Well...another degrading T&A-style matchup thanks to LG...but there doesn't seem to be any hard feelings between these two...

Lilith: HEY..there's smearing ice cream on each other...say...let's join in, Megsie!!

Megan: No way...plus I'd ruin this outfit...

Lilith: We'll clean 'em off later!!

Megan: No no no no...and NO. Well, be sure to stay tuned folks, when we come back the main event will take place...featured the self-proclaimed 'tag team of the new millenium facing off against Nova and Code Red..don't miss it!

**Commercial Break**

We fade back into the the announcers desk, and Megan begins..

Megan: Up next is our main event, featuring..

Just then, the camera cuts to the entranceway. A slight hum of bass is heard.. The fans calm completly and stand to see who it is.

Megan: Wait a moment...is seems we have an unscheduled visitor..

Lilith: Maybe it's that pizza I ordered. Can I eat it off your body, Megan? I can think of some interesting things to use those breadsticks for...

Megan: NO!!

Now a mellow piano starts to play for about 10 seconds, "See Back in the Days, they're won't no A's, they're weren't no AK's" {"Back in the Days" Trick Daddy} is heard and some fans recognize who this is. Some silver and orange pyro go off, the smoke starts to disappear as a tall dark figure appears.. He walks forward and it is Booker T!! HE'S BACK!!!

Megan: Well..this is a surprise to say the least! Booker T hasn't been in the EAW for nearly half a year...the status on his WCW contract was in limbo...but it looks like he's made his decision to return back here to the EAW!

Lilith: He's also hung like a Clydesdale, Megsie...I got pictures!!

Megan: Somehow I'm not surprised...

Lilith: That he's hung?

Megan: I meant that you've got pictures.

Lilith: I could run right back and get them if you want.

Megan: *sigh*

Booker is wearing black sunglasses, Black and Silver Bandanna, a White T-Shirt with Black Jean Shorts. Booker T walks down the isle raising the roof. Some fans cheer, some jeer. Booker gets into the ring and pulls out a microphone. He starts to speak.

Booker T: Well, it seems that most of you people, don't respect me. It seems, that most of you people, don't like the playa'! Well frankly, at the moment, it doesn't bother me. This is not about you people, this ain't about what you think! This interview ain't about anything like that. Ya see, Booker T, stands back into the EAW ring, looking for someone.. Looking for someone, to start off with, to get all the heat raised up! Well, let me first tell you on this ordeal. First off, Bret Hart!..

[ The fans cut him off with a big cheer ]

Booker T: As I was saying, Bret Hart seems to be having a load of success, carried around his shoulder. Well, he may be lucky, but every match he has fought in? I have seen, I was studying on your Bret, I have been watching, and I discovered alot. And now? What I am gonna do is go down the same road, I am gonna fight every opponent you had in the EAW, to show you, how the real man, solves it, by playing the game! Plain and simple Bret, first man? Rik Felstorm, people say that was one of the biggest matches of the year, you defeating him in the ring, for your debut. Well, now I do the same. But this one won't be a great match, this match, will be a solid humiliation match for Rik. Now you may think I am crazy, but I am not! So Rik, me and you, Tuesday Night Mayhem! Can you bring it? Or am I too much?

Megan: Well..it seems the challenge has been laid out...Booker T looking to retrace the steps of Bret Hart...and starting that with a challenge to Rik Felstrom!

Lilith: Well, I'm sure Rik won't back down...he's got balls. Hairballs, too. Maybe even a ball of yarn...

[ "Back in the Days" cues up as Booker T leaves with that minimal smile on his face. ]

The opening guitar licks and drums of "Aces High" begins to play, and the crowd pops huge...

Megan: Now, the team here to challenge those assholes...

Lilith: Megan--not a big S&M fan?

Megan: No...and I mean that in both ways.

Lilith: Hey, I wouldn't *force* you into anything you didn't want to do.

Megan: You might try to hassle me into it.

Lilith: Nah..I like you too much. ^_^

Megan: Code Red and Nova coming out to the ring now, ready for action against the returning Spike and Morty of S&M...but they haven't said a thing about those newcomers who helped them attack Bret Hart and Colley-chan...allies of theirs?

Lilith: Maybe...their boyfriends?

Megan: Don't think...Nova alleging that Spike and Morty may be partners in other ways besides just tag team wrestling.

Lilith: Hey, it's all good! I mean...they may be complete assholes, but everyone needs sex, right?

Megan: No, but I know you do, so I consider the source. Code Red and Nova getting in the ring now...awaiting...

"Aces High" fades out, and the S&M stylized logo fills the EAW-tron, as "DNR" by Testament plays and footage of the pair decimating various opponents--jobbers and superstars alike--then is shown, and the two walk out onto the stage with their arms raised high into the air, stomping down the ramp confidently. The crowd boos like hell at them, and a small "F***ots, f***ots, f***ots!!" chant begins.

Megan: Our fans, of course, are open to any kind of homosexuality...except the kind between two guys.

Lilith: Hee-hee...well, most of them believe lesbianism is "a beautiful thing," and it is...but the typical homophobic wrestling fan just thinks it's nasty.

Megan: Well, it doesn't even matter, because it seems to be just a way for Nova to get under these guy's skins.

Lilith: Probably not into their pants...

Megan: Ewww...S&M hits the ring...immediately hammering away on the two now...Spike and Nova...Morty and Code Red....

Lilith: Well, they do seem a bit upset about it...

Megan: Very observant...Morty tosses Code Red over the top rope...following him out...Earl Hebner signals for the bell

*ding, ding*

As this match is officially begun.

Lilith: Oh, I BET he does...

Megan: Connelly and Morty now on the opposide aprons. Spike pins Nova.

.

.

.

One!

.

No, kickout again by Spike. Spike tagging in his partner Morty. Morty in now.

Lilith: Speaking of which..ever see that movie "IN...and Out?"

Megan: No..Morty pulling up Nova by the head...pressing his neck down on the ropes....letting go now...pounding on his back. Scoop slam coming up--no, Nova landing behind Morty..hooks him by the head...set up...SPIN DOCTOR!! Nova's first major offensive move thus far, catching Morty with that one. Pulling Morty up...sending him into the corner...charging in...spinning heel kick!! Morty dazed...Nova climbing up on top of him...hammering away with right hands...1...2...3...4...Morty holding him up...drops him backwards...Nova hits the turnbuckle face first. Morty with a waistlock now on Nova...setting him up backwards on the top rope...Back Drop Superplex coming up...Nova with a back elbow trying to escape...Morty falling off...quick moonsault by Nova!! Landing on Morty now...cover

.

.

.

One!

.

Kickout by Morty! Nova getting up now...dashing to his corner...diving tag to Connelly!!

"Mikey" chant a la ECW begins..

Lilith: Hee-hee...one of my favorite guys...I haven't nailed yet.

Megan: Morty getting up now...Connelly meeting him as he reaches his feet...the two exchanging blows.

Lilith: *covers mouth and laughs*

Megan: Morty with a short arm clothesline sends Connelly down...pulling him up...Jawbreaker by Connelly!! Jumping outside crescent kick by Connelly sends down Morty. Pulls up Morty...sends him towards the ropes...coming back now...ANOTHER clothesline by Morty levels Connelly! Locks both hands around the neck of Connelly...pulling him up now....Irish whip...Connelly coming back...MONKEY FLIP!! Floatover into a chokehold!

Out from the back just then, unannounced and without accompanying theme music, comes Booker T again, with a Singapore cane in hand.

Megan: Uh-oh..this is bad news for some of these guys. Booker T out here...but what's his agenda?

Lilith: Maybe to ask Spike and Morty if those clothes are really "him?"

Megan: In the ring now...Morty hammering away on the back of Connelly....picks him up, fires him into the ropes...coming back now--Connelly hooking Morty...PILEDRIVER counter by Connelly! Booker T up on the ring apron now...Nova apparently arguing a bit...Connelly looks confused...the referee distracted....SPIKE hits Connelly in the back of the head with a big boot!!

Lilith: That's a foot I guarantee you Mikey DOESN'T like.

Megan: Earl Hebner forcing Spike to the outside. Morty smiling at the gesture...Booker T in...SINGAPORE CANE to Morty twice...thrice!!

The crowd pops for the hits.

Megan: Connelly getting up now...Booker T winding up...NAILS Connelly with the Singapore cane! And again! And again!

The crowd's response shifts immediately.

Megan: Booker T laying their arms over each other...now heading out of the ring..not looking back...

Lilith: What the the hell?!

Megan: Earl Hebner counting the double pin...

.

.

.

One!

.

.

.

TWO!

.

.

.

Thr--Spike kicking out!! In the process removing his arm from over Connelly. Code Red dazed and just now starting to recover. Morty starting to sit up...

Nova then rushes in with a chair--

Megan: CHAIRSHOT to the back of Morty's head by Nova!!

*ding, ding, ding*

Lilith: I repeat..."what the hell?"

Megan: Morty's head snapping back down on the mat. Nova jabbing the seat of that chair into that recently-healed arm of Morty's....down at the elbow..the bicep. Now lacing it into the chair...up top...comes off with a flying double stomp onto the chair!

The crowd's response is a mixed one..although mostly for it.

Megan: Spike coming in...Nova taking off now though...pulling out his partner Code Red...and I'm completely baffled at what we've just seen...

Winner by Disqualification >>> S&M

Lilith: Yeah...Nova's getting a little psycho lately...heh.

Megan: Well...I'm curious as to what happened here...and why Booker T did what he did...maybe he'll explain it...well, sadly, that's the last match of tonight. But make sure you check out Mayhem this Wednesday.

Lilith: While there be scantily-clad women?

Megan: Well...I wouldn't be surprised.

Lilith: WHOO-HOOO!!