Live from the Cobo Hall in Detroit, MI!
After the Riot Rulz intro, we pan around the arena a bit, to reveal many a sign...such as..
"Lance Storm...damn he's smooth..."
"Was he good, Oseiko? *wink, wink*"
"Da Pac ownz Da Gentlemen!"
"EIGHTEEN WILL KEEL RTC MAN!! ROTFLMAO!!"
"Bush: (after blowing up Raccoon City) Hehehehehhe...that was cool!"
We then cut to the announcer's desk...where we see Megan Eko...
Megan: I just don't understand it...I do the best job I can...but I think that SOMEONE in the front office must really hate me. Lilith was bad enough...but now I have a special broadcast colleague for tonight...
Flyboy: DAMN RIGHT!! I'm back, and now doing color!!
Megan: Our Bryan Fury/William Regal match has been cancelled...but..
Flyboy: It's time for pu**y.. as the Women's Title match is next!
Megan: That coming from a former EAW Women's Champion, The Flyboy.
Flyboy: ...
"Sin" by Nine Inch Nails blasts over the PA system as Jeanna comes down to the ring with Ninja X.
Megan: Looks like Ninja X is heading our way to help us with color commentary.
Flyboy: Whoopie.
*noises of putting the headset on* Ninja X: Hello Megan and Flyboy!
Megan: Nice to see you Ninja.. this should be a great match, with Jeanna against Sarah Murphy.
Ninja X: Indeed it is.. and I know that Jeanna can win this match tonight.
With that, "She's Actual Size" by They Might Be Giants hits as the Women's Champion, Sarah Murphy, comes down to the ring looking ready for her match up. Sarah enteres the ring, hands her title to the referee, as the match begins.
Megan: This thing has started with J! eanna taking Sarah down with a beatiful flipping dropkick. Arm drag.. another one! Jeanna is on a roll here.
Ninja X: Exactly what I mean.. Jeanna has been training extensivly, and is looking to gain the Women's strap!
Flyboy: Nah.. Jeanna doesn't have enough experience to take it. Sarah is going to beat her one way or another.
Ninja X: Shut up.
Flyboy: Make me.
Megan: Okay guys.. let's get back to the match. Sarah back to her feet.. catches Jeanna with a flying head scissors! But, Jenna comes back with a hard lariat! Both women are going at it, and neither looking to slow down! Jeanna goes for a DDT... NORTHERN LIGHTS! . . . . One! . . . . Tw--Jeanna up at a one count! Sarah hit a marvelous counter to that DDT.
Flyboy: Exactly like I said, Sarah knows wrestling to well.
Ninja X: Is that so? Then, why did Sarah just get hit with that spinning heel kick by Jeanna? Why is Jeanna pinning Sarah? Huh?
Flyboy: Only for a one count, so.. big deal.
Megan: Jeanna takes Sarah to the corner.. Sarah with a boot to the face of Jeanna! Sarah goes to the second turnbuckle.. REVERSE BULLDOG! Cover! . . . . One! . . . . Two! . . . Jeanna with a kickout!
Flyboy: Great move by Sarah, and now Sarah taking it Jeanna.. right, left, right, left.. a human punching bag!
Ninja X: C'mon Jeanna.. block those shots! There ya go.. rake to the eyes!
Megan: Anything to win, I assume.. but Sarah sending Jeanna to the ropes.. back body drop-- NO.. SUNSET FLIP! . . . . One! . . . . Two! . . . . Three! . . . . NOOOOO!! NO!! Sarah had kicked out! Jeanna looks a little mad, and she should be.
Ninja X: No, dang it.. that was a three count!
Flyboy: People get screwed in wrestling.. get used to it! But, now Jeanna hits a running neckbreaker! Measuring Sarah now.. another one--Sarah ducks! And, Jeanna went flying into the ropes. She turns back around, and Sarah catches her with a spinning back kick!
Megan: Sarah now has Jeanna in the middle of the ring, and this could be what I think it is... YES!! 10-57!! 10-57!! Can Jeanna hold on?!
Flyboy: I've been in that move, thanks to Rik, and it's not exactly the best move to be in. Jeanna better make it to the ropes or submit.
Ninja X: Jeanna.. don't tap! You can do it.. just use make it.. to the ropes.. YES! Jeanna has made it to the ropes!
Flyboy: Lucky gal, if you ask me. But, now Sarah sends Jeanna to the corner.. and a clothesline. Jeanna has fallen in the corner.. and Sarah is signaling for it.. BRONCO BUST-! - FEET TO THE CROUTCH!! Jeanna blocked it alright!
Megan: Jeanna uses the ropes to pull herself to her feet, and a Typhoon DDT!! Pin! . . . . One!! . . . . Two! . . . . Thr--Kickout!
Flyboy: Jeanna is looking very impressive, right now, but she needs to follow up.
Megan: She's on the ropes now.. FROGSPLASH.. SARAH MOVES! JEANNA ROLLS THROUGH! WOW! Tiger scissors from Sarah! Sarah on the turnbuckle.. double foot stomp!
Flyboy: Good wrestling by Sarah, but Jeanna catches Sarah with a hard DDT! Wait.. she is going for it? YES!! The Sharp Paralysis from Jeanna!
Megan: Sarah has to be in intense pain, right now! But, she's not tapping! And, Jeanna finally breaks the hold.
Ninja X: Keep it on her, Jeanna! Jeanna takes her to the corner.. and a hard dropkick to follow!
Flyboy: PU**Y IN THE FACE OF, SARAH!! PU**Y IN FACE!! I WISH I WAS THERE!!
Megan: He means a Bronco Buster by Jeanna, and Jeanna has a big advantage right now.. Jeanna going for a hurricanrada.. 69 FACEBUSTER!! 69 FACEBUSTER!!
Ninja X: Pin her, Jeanna!
Flyboy: Nope, nope.. she's going to the top rope. And, now she's shaking that ass.. shake it Jeanna.. ! shake it! This could be her Shooting Star Press, but Sarah is up! And, she shakes the ropes, making Jeanna hit her croutch area!
Megan: Sarah is following Jeanna up.. Frankenstiener off the turnbuckle! And, Sarah springs to the top turnbuckles.. shades of RVD!
Flyboy: Sarah waiting for Jeanna to get back up.. THE PSICOLE!!
Megan: Cover by Sarah!! . . . . One! . . . . Two! . . . . Three!! Sarah retains the title in an awesome match!
Ninja X: No, damnit!!
Flyboy: Told ya, chump.. sooner or later people will start listening to me.
Winner by pinfall, and STILL EAW Women's Champion >>> Sarah Murphy
**Commercial Break**
Megan: It's time for our #1 contendership for the Extreme Title, where Test takes against Raven.
Flyboy: Yeah, this should be an okay match.. two mid-carders trying to show us what they're about.
"Superchanger Heaven" by White Zombie cues up as the newcomer Raven comes out with a different assortment of weapons in a bag. Raven eneters the ring, as he tosses the bag over, making the weapons spill out everywhere.
Flyboy: What a dumbass. Spilling the weapons everywhere? Raven ain't all there.
Megan: Or maybe it's just that he wanted the weapons at a easier reach when he's in the match.
Flyboy: ... You're talking to a former EAW World Champion, and a former EAW Hardcore Champion, so if I say Raven's a dumbass, then by God, he's a dumbass.
Megan: You forgot former EAW Women's Champion.
Flyboy: *mumbles things at Megan*
"Last Resort" by Papa Roach hits as Test comes down carrying two garbage cans filled with weapons. Test also has a "WWF Attitude" t-shirt on, ! as he makes his way to the ring.
Flyboy: Hey, I thought this was the EAW?
Megan: It is.
Flyboy: Then, why the hell does Test have a WWF shirt on?! The nerve of some people sometime..
Megan: Anyhow, Test has entered the ring, and both contenders look like they're ready.. and the bell rings, kicking off the match.
Megan: We're off as Test and Raven starts in a collar-and-elbow tie up. Sorta a weird start for an Extreme match, but anyways, Test easily pushes Raven with his strength advantage. Raven up now, and Raven rushes at Test.. powerslam! Test making Raven look very bad in this match right now, as he picks up Raven and sends him into the corner. Test tries to follow up, and Raven now catches Test with a clothesline!
Flyboy: Raven now giving Test of what he felt, and no! w Raven has that garbage can.. wham! Right to Test's face... BREAK THIS NOSE!! BREAK IT, RAVEN!!
Megan: Encouraging words by The Fly One, as Raven continues to pound Test with that garbage can. Raven pirched on the second rope, and brings that can right down on Test's face! I think Test is bleeding.. yes, he is. That shot hit him right in the nose, and now Test is bleeding from this nose!
Flyboy: *applause* Now, Raven picking Test up by his long blonde hair... wait, shots to the midsection from Test.. more, whipped to the ropes, back body drop! Raven tries again, and Test does the same. Test has a kendo stick.. and is now beating the f*** out of Raven with it! That'll leave some marks for sure.
Megan: Hey! You can't use words like that!
Flyboy: Words like what? F***? Sh*t? Bitch? Ho? C***? Which one of those?
Megan: ALL OF THOSE!
Flyboy: Oh, sorry.
Megan: Test is now in control of the match this match. Test sets up the garbage can, in the mid! dle of the ring, and nows picking Raven up. FALLING POWERBOMB ON THE GARBAGE CAN!! First cover of the match! . . . . One! . . . . Two! . . . . Kickout! And, Test grabs a steel chair from the stash of weapons.. and brings it down on Raven's back! Another! Now, a shot to the head to Raven!
Flyboy: Test misses the next shot, and Raven dropkicks that chair in Test's face! Nice move by Raven.. now he needs to follow up.
Megan: I think he heard you, Fly, as he's climbing to the top turnbuckle.. Double Ax Handle!--NO! Test catches Raven by his throat! And, a Beta Chokeslam!!
Flyboy: Broke Nose Guy isn't going to go down without a hard fight.. and both men are down. Surprising Raven getting to his feet first, and slowly sets a chair in the middle of the ring.. oh wait, you know what this is, Megan.
Megan: Indeed, I do.. Raven picking Test up.. whips him to the ropes.. DROP TOE--NO!! Raven can't drop toe hold, Test!! Test is standing straight up, and grabs Raven by his hair.. RAMMING HIS HEAD INTO THE CHAIR!
Flyboy: That's what I called scouting your opponent, and Test is literally bashing Raven's skull i! n. This has to be wrong in some state.. luckily it's not this one.
Megan: Test nows sends Raven to the ropes.. TWILT-A-WHIRL SIDEWALK SLAM!! Cover! . . . . One! . . . . Two! . . . . Thr--Kickout! A good two and a half, but Raven just want stay down that easily. In fact, he's back to his feet, and a body press! Pin! . . . . One! . . . . Tw--No! Raven is going to have to work harder than that to keep Test down. Raven now goes to the outside of the ring, and pulls out a table from underneath!
Flyboy: I'll tell you something right here.. I've been through them, and put people through and that is one of most painful experiences you can be in. *waits a minute* Hey, I've even f***ed girls in it, and they tell me--
Megan: *clears throat loudly* Anyhow, Raven sets the table up on the outside, and goes back in the room to fetch Test, but Test is already up.. DDT TO RAVEN!! Test now picks up Raven, sets him between his legs--
Flyboy: Where every girl should be on me!
Megan: *sighs* Test lifts Raven up.. oh no, he stops that table on the outside.. POWERBOMB THROUGH THE TABLE THAT WAS THE OUTSIDE!
Flyboy: Pretty cool if you ask me, but now Test is wasting valuable time, as he could have had the win by now.
Megan: Valid point by Fly, as Test goes to the outside and brings Raven back in. Raven gets se! nt to the ropes, Test going for the Big Boot, Raven ducks.. but Raven gets locked.. PUMPHANDLE SLAM!! This is it for sure, but Test isn't pinning him.
Flyboy: Nope.. Exam is bringing Raven near our area.. and throws him on our table. I know a little bit about wrestling, and usually when someone gets throwned on an announce table that announce table, isn't going to be done when they're done with it.
Megan: I think you're VERY right in this case as Test is getting.. a LADDER from the ring! Test takes the ladder into the inside of the ring.. wait, he can't be thinking wait I think he is... is he?
Flyboy: Indeed he is. Blink tried this on Trips one time, but it backfired, and cost her the World Title. Test has that ladder in the middle of the ring.. and he's climbing it. He's at the top.. *grabs Megan by her wrist* You don't need to be here to witness this.. might get a piece of wood in your eye or something. *sounds of handsets dropping*
Test then proceed! s to take leap from the ladder in the middle of the ring, and hit an ELBOW DROP to Raven who was placed on the announce table on the outside!!
*sounds of FB and Megan putting their headsets on* Flyboy: ... EC-Dubbya!! EC-Dubbya!! You fucked up!! You fucked up!! What's some more?
Megan: ... My God! Test just put his life on the line.. just for a shot at the Extreme Title! Cover! . . . . One! . . . . Two! . . . . Three! Test wins it, and he gets his shot at Derek for the Extreme Title at No Escape!
Flyboy: Hopefully that nose will be fixed by then.
Winner by pinfall & #1 Contender for the EAW Extreme Title >>> Test
Flyboy: And, now wonderful milk commercials! WHOOOOO!!
**Commercial Break**
As we return from commercial break, the Jolly Gentlemen theme cues up...
Megan: Welcome back fans. Our next match is a replacement match booked by President Gokuo in place of the originally scheduled Colley Dogstar/Bret Hart International Title match. Two rivalries...one match. Lance Storm will team up with Cecil Regal--although not of his own free will--against Lupe and Da Pac's Blueboy.
FB: Damn right. Although you gotta think Loopey and Blueballs have the advantage, considering that not even the EAW heels like Cecil, save for the rest of the "Jolly G."
Out walks Cecil Regal, who is immediately booed violently.
Megan: Yes, and the fact that Lance Storms isn't exactly sane is going to be a couple HUGE obstacles to that team.
FB: Lance seems to be taking a few pages out of Flyboy's book with his courtship of Sonnette.
Megan: Well, it does seem a bit similar. Have you EVER had a relationship that didn't end in you getting the crap kicked out of you or a restraining order...or both?
FB: A few...a few...give me more credit, babe.
Cecil makes his way down to and inside the ring, blocking a barrage of garbage thrown by the fans, however.
"Oh, Canada" cues up, bringing out Lance Storm, who recently HAS shaved and seems a little more sane in recent days.
FB: Lance sure as hell has some good taste in women, though. Sonnette's a tough b*tch who don't take sh*t from anyone...but she sure as hell has a nice set of knockers and a nice ass.
Megan: And that, dear viewers, is why Flyboy sucks at flattery.
FB: I just gotta be me...
"Return to Innocense" by Enigma cues up next, as the main house lights dim and the moonbeam-style light appears on stage as Lupe comes out. She gives a quick howl then dashes down the ramp, slapping a few fans' hands on her way to the ring. She then slides inside, and immediately sets her sights on Lance, who stares back defiantly...
FB: Lupe is another fine furry...and she and Sonnette are....how do you say..."very close."
Megan: Engaged...
FB: Yeah...and T-Bone to them, too. Very cool. T-Bone's a lucky guy...THREE WAYS EVERY DAY!! And if he's too tired, he can kick back and just watch Sonnie and Lupe go at it. Lesbianism is a beautiful thing, Meg!
Megan: What about male-on-male sex?
FB: ICK!! YECH!! NASTY!! DISGUSTING!!!
Megan: Just as I thought...
FB: I mean that is...seriously...just NASTY...
"Cowboy" by Kid Rock cues up again, and Blueboy drives out from the back in his blue Saturn, with Jasmin riding in the passenger seat.
FB: "Sure...I may not make the main event bucks, but I made enough to get my Saturn..."
Megan: The last participant of this odd tag match is now out here, and is helping Jasmin out of the car.
FB: Question remains, how'd this former flabby nab himself such a primo piece of ass? Another lucky guy...Jasmin's videos have helped me through many a lonely night...
Megan: Well...I suppose it is worth mentioning that, yes, Jasmin is a former adult film star.
FB: Cut the PC crap, it's PORNO STAR!!
Megan: That's the common term...
FB: No one says "adult film" unless they seriously have a bug up their ass.
Megan: Well, some people just don't like saying "porno."
FB: Whatever...I bet Jazzie has quite a prize in store for Blue if he can win this...
"Cowboy" fades out as Blueboy climbs into the ring. He and Lupe, and Cecil and Lance, have some minor discussion before the bell. Cecil gets in the ring, and Blueboy does as well...
Megan: It appears that this match will start out with Cecil against Blueboy...
FB: DUH....I couldn't figure that out on my own....DUHHHH!!
*ding, ding*
Megan: *Hmph* There's the bell now....and Blueboy immediately goes after Cecil....right hands on Cecil. Irish Whip sends Cecil into the ropes....DROPKICK! Blueboy hits the ropes now...Cecil up...SPINNING HEEL KICK!! Blueboy goes for a cover! One..no, kickout!! Blueboy yanking up Cecil...setting him up for a suplex--blocked by a knee to the midsection!! Cecil with an armdrag now on Blueboy! Blueboy up now...boot to the stomach from Cecil...doubles him over...Side Headlock by Cecil. Cecil hammering Blueboy in that headlock now....RUNNING BULLDOG now by Cecil!! Cover by Cecil...One...Kickout by Cecil!
FB: Cecil shares a few moves with his brother...but isn't it weird how our William Regal and his supposed relative with the exact same name wrestles the same as the WWF's?
Megan: Yes, very...
FB: Kinda like Nurse Joy in Pokemon...all cousins and every town seems to have them.
Megan: Well, Cecil is William's fraternal twin--Cecil now Irish Whipping Blueboy--reverse by Blue...sends Cecil to the ropes...Blueboy telegraphing--EUROPEAN UPPERCUT from Cecil!! Cecil hits the adjacent ropes...swinging neckbreaker!! Cecil tags in Storm, now!
FB: Yeah...the guy who had an opportunity to get in Sonnette's pants and blew it. Lance...I think I speak for every guy out here when I say..WHY, LANCE, WHY!?!
Megan: Well, whether or not Lance believes in sportsmanship, he was simply following his values...
FB: Yeesh....wotta dumbass.
Megan: Storm pulling up Blueboy now...dropkick into the knees sends Blueboy down. Blueboy back up...kneebreaker by Storm. Now grabbing the ankle of Blueboy...applying a modified leglock...rolls over Blueboy now...stomping at the knee. Storm seems sane enough to keep a solid gameplan.
FB: Whatever issues he has with Lupe, he'd be smart to keep Blueboy in, and keep him isolated, rather than letting Blueboy tag in a fresh Lupe.
Megan: Somehow I don't think that the win really means that much to Lance. He just wants to punish somebody, but he'd preferably have it be Lupe.
FB: Lance releasing the hold...helping up Blueboy. Now sends him into the corner....charging in...Blueboy gets both feet up!! Lance knocked off balance...Blueboy now applies the armbar...runs up to the turnbuckle..BLUE BLASTER!!
Megan: Lupe itching for the tag now...Blueboy tags in Lupe!! Lupe in now...DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE on Lance Storm now!! Cecil comes into the ring now....Blueboy going after Cecil...rights on Cecil...Cecil replying with stinging left jabs....Blueboy ducks a haymaker...clotheslines Cecil to the outside!!
FB: That's right...I think Cecil is left-handed. So he punches with it, writes with it, jacks o--
Megan: FLYBOY!
FB: Oh, sorry.
Megan: Lupe and Storm in the ring now...Lance Irish Whipped to the ropes...springs off with a reverse elbow and takes down Lupe!! Lupe getting up now...Lance catches her...SNAP SUPLEX!! Floatover by Lance! One...Kickout quickly by Lupe! Lance getting up quickly now....Backdrop by Lance. Lupe getting up again...another backdrop!! INTO A BRIDGE!! ONE!! TW--Kickout by Lupe!! She rolls backwards....Storm going aft--Lupe springs up with a dropkick to the chest of Storm! Lupe kippups back to her feet! Lances charging in...back body drop! Lance up again....Lupe setting him up...Vertical Supelx position....holding him up high in the air.....and DOWN with a brainbuster!! Cover
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ONE!
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TWO!
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Kickout by Lance!!
FB: Come on Lance!! Kick her ass!! Don't just do it for your Canadian pride, but every man's pride!! And get a better haircut.
Megan: Your one to talk...your hair looks like someone dumped a bunch of food coloring in a toilet and gave you a swirlee.
Flyboy: Not even close...but that could be a lot faster...
Megan: Lance back up to his feet...another brainbuster coming up, looks like...blocked by Lance...standing switch by Storm...German Suplex--NO, Lupe landing behind on her feet!! Backslide attempt...blocked...switch by Lance....pins Lupe One! Two! Kickout out!! Lupe up...switch again...goes for a reverse DDT...Lance sliding free...going for a bridging Northern Lights Suplex!! One
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TWO
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Lupe bridging upward!! Spins around with another backslide on Lance!!
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ONE
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TWO
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Lance kicks out!! Lance ducks a wheel kick from Lupe...Lupe up...Irish Whip from Lance....reversal from Lupe...Lance dead-stops...armwringer up...Lance rolling through with a hammerlock reversal. Lupe rolling through trying to counter...ARM DRAG TAKEOVER!!
*Applause from the crowd*
FB: Hooooooooly sh*t!! These two are no slackers when it comes to technical ability...
Megan: The two arriving at nearly a stalemate. Lance and Lupe collar and elbow tie up in the center of the ring again....side headlock by Lupe...Lance countering with a backdrop. Lance hits the ropes...Lupe up--Lupe hits the mat...Lance hits the ropes again...Lupe up...GOING FOR HURRACANRANA!!~~COUNTERED BY LANCE!! POWERBOMB PIN!!
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ONE!
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TWO!!
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Blueboy breaks up the pinfall!!
FB: SH*T!! Mind your own damn business, Blue....that was between Lance and Lupe!
Megan: Well, if Lance would have pinned Lupe, Blueboy would have lost, too. Lance tags in Cecil.
FB: I really wonder if that's a good idea...
Megan: Cecil in now...Blueboy back on the apron but now DEMANDING a tag from Lupe...Cecil and Lance putting up Lupe...DOUBLE DDT!! Lance onto the apron...cover by Cecil...
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ONE
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TWO!
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TH--Blueboy makes the save yet again!! Cecil now going after Blueboy...the two brawling yet again..Lupe up...SCHOOLBOYS CECIL OVER!!
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ONE!!
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TWO!!
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NARROWLY kicks out!! Lupe up...irish whips Cecil...Cecil hits the ropes...leapfrogs over Lupe..BLUEBOY NAILS CECIL into the back of his head! Cecil staggering towards Lupe! RIGHT into the Labyrinth!!
FB: Uh oh....I've felt a move just like this from Mechius...and fresh or not, it doesn't look good for Cecil...
Megan: Blueboy climbing up to the top rope...coming off...DROPKICK right into the chest of Cecil!! Blueboy out...tagged by Lupe...Blueboy now legal...
FB: Blueboy and Lupe pressing their advantage...Cecil's still fairly fresh though, so this could be difficult to call...
Megan: Blueboy pulling up Cecil...Irish Whip...reversed!! Cecil sends Blueboy into the corner...charges in...CLOTHESLINE!! Cecil setting up Blueboy now...Piledriver comin--NO! Backdrop by Blueboy!! Blueboy hits the far ropes....Cecil getting up...clothesli--CECIL dropping down Blueboy with a FUJIWARA ARM BAR!!! Cecil going for a submission win here!!
FB: He'd be wiser to capitalize on Lance weaking his right ankle earlier...
Megan: Blueboy crawling towards the ropes...gets the break!! Cecil is forced to release the hold....Blueboy up. Cecil going for an armwringer...reversed by Blueboy...Russian Leg Sweep--blocked by Cecil!! Cecil turning it into a modified abdominal stretch!! Blueboy fighting it with all he's got...slipping free now...ARMDRAG TAKEOVER!! Cecil getting back up...SLIDING DROPKICK INTO THE KNEE by Blueboy!! Cecil yanked back up to his feet...Suplex by Blueboy--blocked!! SIDE BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX by Cecil Regal!! Cover by Cecil!! One! TWO! Kickout!! One!! TWO! KICKOUT!! ONE!! TWO!! KICKOUT!! Shades of his brother William's tactic of multiple lateral presses in a row...pulling up Blueboy now...going for a kneebreaker...HIGH KNEE into the midsection of CECIL!! Now a combo of them into the chest...Blueboy hits the ropes...
FB: BLUEASSER!!!!
Megan: Cover by Blueboy....
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ONE!!
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TWO!!
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LAST SECOND ESCAPE by Cecil Regal!! Blueboy a bit frustrated...going for an illegal chokehold!!
FB: It's legal for 5 seconds...
Megan: 1...2...3...4..lets go...1...2...3...4..lets go. Blueboy doesn't want to lose this match because he was too worried about hurting Cecil...now getting back up. Setting up Cecil for the snapkick DDT...WAIT!! Cecil blocks the kick....DRAGON SCREW counter by Cecil!!! Cecil tagging in Storm now...Storm coming in....Blueboy getting back up...HARD KICK to the ribs by Lance!! Pulling up Blueboy now...setting him up for the Deep Impact...back body drop by Blue Boy!! Blue Boy tags in Lupe!!
FB: It's ON now!!
Megan: Cecil and Blue Boy now brawling in the ring right alongside Lance and Lupe...Lance inadvertantly hitting the referee...CECIL with a low blow on Blue Boy!!
FB: Now that's just plain wrong..a dude touching another dude's nuts...
Megan: Jasmin onto the apron...coming to the rescue...SPRINGBOARD CLOTH--CAUGHT by Cecil!! CHOKESLAMS her down!! Lance nails the Deep Impact on Lupe!! Now heading to the outside....getting a chair...pushing it in....Lupe getting up..DEEP IMPACT on the chair!! Blue Boy and Cecil both spilled onto the outside!! Lance covering Lupe!! The referee coming to...NO!!
FB: Pretty f***ing smart...for a Canadian...
Megan: NO!!
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ONE!!
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TWO!!
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THREE!!__NO!!!
Winners by Pinfall >>> Team of Lance Storm and Cecil Regal
Cecil slides into the ring, and gets up...Lance grabs the chair and between to ram it into the midsection of Lupe...
Megan: Here comes Cecil..and...he's offering Lance a handshake?
FB: Be careful, Lance...
Megan: Could this be the beginning of a new alliance...a new member to the Gentlmen?
Lance blasts Cecil with the steel chair!!
FB: I guess not.
Megan: Lance turning on his own partner....Blue Boy in now...Lance hits him with the steel chair!
*ding, ding, ding, ding*
Megan: Damnit...we're going to go to commercial break--Lance putting Cecil in the Canadian Mapleleaf!!
*ding, ding, ding, ding*
**EAW News Brief**
Supposedly it seems the WWF has a few wrestlers reportedly slinging racial slurs about. However, this has been denied by Jim Ross and other WWF officials. They also regret that people jumping to conclusions like this have forced them to not air a Kai En Tai promo scheduled for last Smackdown.
The interview, which took place backstage, and in its original form lasted roughly ten minutes...was to be a big 'breakout' moment for Kai En Tai. It was done without the cheesy 'dubbing' schtick Kai En Tai was doing up to now, and did not feature Funaki doing his now-famous catchphrase. However, 20 months of learning and refining English, and voice coaching, went up in smoke because stations completely blocked the segment, because they supposedly heard the phrase 'jew bastard' used many times in it.
The WWF and Kai En Tai deny this, stating that all those supposed mentions were misunderstood...
The first one was actually "you plastered," in reference to Shawn Michaels, who was stumbling around drunk off camera at the time.
The second one was when Kai En Tai mentioned they were going to use a version of the "Blue Blaster," one of Blueboy's new trademark moves.
The third one was actually Kai En Tai saying "chew faster."
Lastly, the fourth and final phrase misinterpreted was a shout-out to recently promoted WWFE employee Drew Fastern.
When asked to comment on this, Kai En Tai told our reporters "Go to hell you stupid round-eyed gaijin f***ers." Taka then said they were busy "trying to find a couple large-breasted blonde hookers." Funaki added, "Indeed."
Kai En Tai also wished their old manager, Mr. Yamaguchi, best of luck on his new career as a moil.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program...
Eko: ...
FB: Hmmm...I wonder if they ever found those hookers?
Eko: *sigh* Well, welcome back to the show, but we aren't sticking here for long. However, we're going to show you what happened right after break...
Footage is shown of Lance Storm hitting the Deep Impact several times on Lupe onto the steel chair...
Eko: Lance BRUTALLY attacking the defenseless Lupe after the match like the coward he is...
Flyboy: Maybe...but he did it...with style!!
Eko: We're going to turn it over to the local scrap yard where RTC Man and Eighteen are set to face off in an AAA match...and there is a LOT at stake here...
FB: Triple H -- 1 Android chick nailed, Flyboy -- 1 Android chick nailed. Tied game now...
We fade out from this happy scene directly to a live feed of the junkyard. RTC Man and Eighteen stare across from each other, awaiting the command to begin. RTC Man is wearing his familiar armor...Eighteen still in the clothes that were torn and burned in places from the explosion. Tommy Sato, who is dressed in a special suit, stands between them...
Sato: One the count of three...you can begin. One...Two...Three...
Eighteen assumes a fighting stance, as well does RTC Man.
"So this is what is comes down to, Eighteen. You may be surprised just what you are in for..." RTC Man challenges.
"So will you..." Eighteen says coldly..
RTC Man lunges at Eighteen, but is swung away midflight. RTC Man returns on course, and flies toward Eighteen again. He ducks a right, then plunges a knee into the midsection of Eighteen, then quickly executes a shoulder throw sending her into a pile of junk. Eighteen springs back up into the air, knocking RTC Man off balance with a leaping uppercut, then spin kicks him into the chest, knocking him backward. She fires a ki blast at him, which he reflects off balance with his forearm guard. They collide midair and enchange punches and kicks. Eighteen spins around behind him, kicking him hard in the back, then grabbing him around the neck, in a sleeper sort of predicament.
"Not bad...for a human...but I could see myself showing just a little mercy, and letting you live if you just give up now..." Eighteen says with a smirk.
"Not a chance..." RTC Man replies, then takes off in a straight path as Eighteen holds on....
"I'm not letting go..." Eighteen says.
"I'll make you then..."
RTC Man dives directly downward, spinning around as he does, and boring a hole straight down into the ground. A few seconds later, they burst upward a few yards away...and fly straight up. RTC Man stops, though Eighteen continues with the same momentum. RTC Man uses the opportunity to swing Eighteen around, Dropkicks her right into the chest, then shoulder charges her, sending her careening to the ground below. RTC Man persues her...flying downward and stomping on her chest, then flipping forward and landing on both feet, then spins around.
"Now...YOU give up..."
"*cough* Not a chance..."
"Something seems to be troubling you...what could it be...?"
"That I haven't won yet...?" Eighteen launches herself at RTC Man again, faking a charging knee attack then spinning around to launch a kick to the back of RTC Man's head, which sends him earthward...and creates a few minute cracks in his helmet.
"Ungh...no, that isn't it...there's something else..."
Eighteen flies downward and plunges both fists into the kidneys of RTC Man, folding him up slightly. She then grabs both his legs, slams him down, then giant swings him....sending him head first into a stripped down automobile engine.
"I know what it is....it's your brother, isn't it?" RTC Man asks.
"What do you know of it?"
"I know YOU KILLED HIM!!"
"LIAR!!" Eighteen shouts angerly, then holds her palms outward, firing ten energy blasts in a row, two at a time from her palms.
When the smoke clears, RTC Man dusts himself off, "It seems I've struck a nerve...if you have them."
"What do you know?"
"I know that because of your own carelessness, Seventeen was blown apart. You keep trying to convince us that you're alive. If you aren't alive, I can destroy you with a clear conscience. If you are alive, then Seventeen WAS alive...and you killed him. In which case, after this fight, I can report that, and have you thrown out of the EAW. Which is it?"
"I am alive....but I..." Eighteen charges at RTC Man, punching hard in the stomach, "did...not...try...to kill him."
She then kicks him upward into the air...sending him sailing across the arena and landing on a pile of empty soda cans.
"Ungh...but the point is...you did do it. And because of your own carelessness, your dear brother is dead. Is that going to be it? How many others are you going to kill by your own carelessness?"
Eighteen grows even angrier, then flips RTC Man her middle finger...but...is she crying? RTC Man climbs out of the pile of cans and enters the air again.
"I'm going to end this...for your own good, for humankind's own good," RTC Man declares. Eighteen flies at RTC Man, who blocks a kick from her. She then circles around to his rear, launching a punch from behind to his groin. He counters by elbowing her hard into the midsection, spinning around with a backfist, then putting her in a bearhug-style hold and diving towards the ground with her, planting her into the ground, then stomping on her chest and stomach again. RTC Man then grabs a nearby wrecked car by its bumper, and hoisting it up, albeit with difficultly. Eighteen gets back up, just as RTC Man slams the car down overtop her. It bends in the center, but effectively traps her inside..for the moment. RTC Man then swings the car around, releasing it into the air, then firing an eyebeam that burns a hole into his visor, and hits directly the gas tank of the car, causing it to explode in midair and crash to the ground as a burning wreck.
RTC Man lands nearby...as Eighteen pulls herself from the wreckage. There is now very little remaining of her clothing, as she pats out the flames from the remaining portion of her shirt and jeans.
"Alright...I'm through playing with you, human. This is is..." Eighteen then raises her right hand into the air, creating an energy buzzsaw that spins atop it. She fires it at RTC Man, who barely manages to avoid it. This gives Eighteen time to fly up and shoulder charge RTC Man, then twists him upside down, and dive straight downward....piledriving him deep into the ground, leaving his head sticking into the ground. Eighteen lands behind him, grabs both his legs, then kicks him hard into the stomach...once...twice....thrice! RTC Man then manages to pop up out of the ground. Eighteen begins around aerial assault, but is stopped mid-flight as RTC Man blasts her with a freeze-breath technique. The heavy chunk of ice falls straight down, but RTC Man catches it before it can smash on the ground. He then begins to carry it through the air....but soon...
Eighteen's upper half smashes free of it....then her lower half. RTC Man charges at her with a flying fist that Eighteen counters and flips away. It seems to have more effect that she'd thought, as RTC Man drops straight down and hits the ground below. Eighteen, seeing a huge opportunity, dives straight downward where RTC Man is laying....then is a little surprised to be monkeyflipped and send back first into a tablecloth draped over a pile of junk. Underneath it, she lands inside what almost seems like a coffin...
RTC Man gets up..."None of us are going to win unless one of us gives...do it, now...."
"I'm not going to...ever..." Eighteen says, then launches a blast of energy from her fingertips, which encloses RTC Man's head, and helmet, blasting part of the front half off.
Eighteen's eyes widen, "WHO ARE YOU?!" she exclaims, then rushes forward and tries to pull the helmet off .
"I didn't want to do this...but I'm not passing this up..." Behind Eighteen, the tablecloth then falls away to reveal...the stasis pod. RTC Man launches himself at Eighteen....smashing her against the back of it and back inside. She then realizes where she is...
"You...BASTARD!" she exclaims. RTC Man quickly slams the door, turning a handle to secure it.
A fist imprint is made as Eighteen punches at the door...but the door stays on...another does...a much slower one...a small dent appears then...and we hear a slow "whirring" sound....RTC Man then slumps over the pod...panting slightly...
"She's down....ten count, remember?" RTC Man directs to Sato, who is in utter disbelief of what he's just seen....
"Umm...yeah...1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10!?"
Winner >>> RTC Man?
RTC Man pants triumphantly as his hand is raised, "Now...she goes back into storage...where she belongs."
Yanking away his hand, RTC Man then hoists up the pod...and takes to the air...
***
Megan: We're back! Flyboy's out for the moment, but here taking his place is none other than Lilith Aensland herself!
Lilith: Yes, ma'am! You think I'm going to miss Shaed's last match fighting my object-of-lust Triple H?! No way!! I'm sticking around for this one, Megs!
Megan: No doubt this match is going to be nothing short of history making, folks! Shaed Bloodgrave was here when the EAW first surfaced... he was the first EAW World Champion ever crowned, and there's no doubt that his departure will leave a void in the EAW that may not be completely filled! Shaed himself prepared a message to the EAW and its fans earlier today, let's take a look right now.
Scene switch to Shaed Bloodgrave himself, in his all-black street clothes as he sits on the bench of his locker room. The very sight of him causes the fans to let out a rousing pop for the retiring superstar.
Shaed: ... And so it ends... you know, when I was first exiled to this world eight thousand years ago... never would I see myself in the environment that I was in now... fighting against opponents ranging from the rediculous to the outright frightful... never I had considered myself primed to be a professional wrestler. Of course... eight thousand years ago, the only thing vaguely resembling professional wrestling was the gladatorial fights... of which I was a part of. I had my share of fans then... as I do now. And while I spent most of my life here than in All Hallow's Eve... my homeland... it will pain me to leave this world... Earth has, without a doubt, left its impression on me. Everyone I've ever encountered here on Earth, good and bad, I've remembered... from Shiba, the long-forgotten feline pharoah of ancient Egypt... to the Caeser of Rome... to my past loves stretching out from the Dark Ages of Great Britian to today.... to Himura Kenshin, the best damn samurai I've never known... to Fei Fat, "Code Red" Michael Connelly, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Sasori Shirono, Kaye, Kane, and Mark Calloway... to my great grand-daughter Oseiko Kurotsuki, to Tifa Lockheart, to Ryokami, my wife Morrigan... our children Taen and Michiru, to Lilith... will I forget any of you? Never. Hell no... my memory has never lost its edge as I have never forgotten my friends, my enemies... and everyone else in-between. I shall let you all know... to those who know me... who have fought against me... to those who are just coming to the EAW who have not had the opportunity to cross paths with me... and to all those in attendance who can call themselves fans. To you all I say from the bottom of my heart... thank you for being a part of this old old man's life. I say this now because I will never be able to say it again... after this match with Triple H tonight... I will leave this world. And I shall never return. But I will leave with no regrets. No fear. No doubts. I was born on All Hallow's Eve... a dark world so far away from this one. But make no mistake... I've been on Earth for so long... that I consider it my home as much as All Hallow's Eve is. To leave it will be one of the many difficult decisions I will ever have to make, but it must be. I have a Prophecy I need to fulfill... the Prophecy of the Light-Bringer. And it involves me... my brother... and my niece.
Shaed pauses for a moment... lowering his head... then looks up to continue.
Shaed: ... I know what the Prophecy entails for me... but will this be the end? I don't know the answer to that. But I do know this. Tonight is not only my last match in the EAW... on the entire Earth... it is my most important match to date. Triple H... we are like mirror images of one another... we are so alike in so many ways. But now... more than ever, I must defeat you. To prove to myself... and to those watching, in the arena... at home... and beyond... that I am, and forever will be, the Revenant Shaed Bloodgrave.
Shaed sighs softly... then stands up, bowing his head towards the camera honorably.
Shaed: ... Once again, I thank you all for watching me in action... whether you loved me or hated me... I hope I've made an impression on you all, just as you have made an impression on me. Thank you.
Fade to black, as we go back to the crowd, who cheers and applauds Shaed's words. The "The Way I Am" cues up. Out comes "The Decadent" Triple H, with Hera at his side as he looks to the half-cheering, half-booing crowd, then heads down the aisle.
Megan: Heartfelt words by the retiring Shaed Bloodgrave... but Lilith, what's this "Prophecy of the Light-Bringer" that Shaed's talked about over the past week?
Lilith: Well, Megan... basically... uhm... *sigh* ... Shaed's returning home to complete it... it's because of the Prophecy that he was exiled to begin with. He's his niece's Protector... he has to return home to fight his brother, who's a real ass. I know, I've met him. Just about everyone who was at Shaed and Morrigan's wedding met the jerk. Now Teim on the other hand, that's Shaed's niece... she's sweet. And cute as a button, I might add. ^.^
Megan: True... but why not return to Earth after the Prophecy is completed? Why leave his family behind?
Lilith: Uhm... er... well...
"Engel" cues up... for the last time... as Triple H enters the ring, then turns to see Shaed Bloodgrave at the stage... Shaed isn't in his usual black-and-gray tights, though. He's in black leather pants with buckled boots, fingerless gloves, arm pads, and a black tank top, complete with a black leather trenchcoat... he looks dressed for a street fight more than anything else. At his side is Morrigan, who's in her succubus outfit as Lilith is, hanging onto Shaed's arm as the two head down the aisle.
Lilith: SHAED!! WHOO! Back to basics!! And stylin' always in black! Sorry, kudos to Tripster, but I gotta root for Shaed on this one... I mean... it's his last match! ^_^;;;
Megan: And Morrigan at his side... Lilith, you didn't answer my question, why can't Shaed return to his family after this whole Prophecy thing?
Lilith: Uhm... I... well... kinda hard to return when you're dead...
Megan: What?
Lilith: I-I um, I meant, 'say, Megan, let's you and me go to bed!!! C'mon! After the match! I'll strip you naked and tounge bathe your feet while you squeal! ^_^;;
Megan: ... Uhm... no. And... you avoided answering my question. What's really going on?!
Lilith: I'll tell you. On one condition. I wanna see your breasts.
Megan: Wha--? o_O; No!
Lilith: Please?
Megan: Of course not!
Lilith: But I heard they're full and shapely and the nipples taste so delicious when you suckle them!
Megan: How many times do I have to tell you?! No!!
Lilith: ... Okay, fine... not even a sympathy boff for when Shaed... ;_; ...
Megan: ...? Uhm... Lilith, what's going to happen?!
Lilith: I can't tell you, I promised...
Megan: ... Oh...
Shaed and Triple H stare at each other from the opposite corners as ref Earl Hebner calls for the bell...
Lilith: Ohh!! C'mon, bro! You can do it!!
Megan: Triple H is staying on Shaed... grabbing him... and there's the knee smash to the shoulder! Perhaps he's wearing down Shaed's arm to lessen the impact to... well, the Sudden Impact? And there's the Dragon Sleeper! Trying to wear down Shaed with submission moves-- WAIT!!
Lilith: Whoa!!
Megan: Shaed with a counter!! INTO A REVERSE BRAINBUSTER!! INCREDIBLE! He just flipped over behind Triple H, breaking the hold, then delivered that high-impact move! There's no limits to what this man is capable of doing!
Lilith: I hope you're right... Uhm, yeah! Go Shaed go!! ^_^;;
Megan: Shaed gets Triple H up and... side suplex! comboed to... the Eastern Stretch! Hebner's seeing if Triple H wants to give this up, but there seems to be no quit in the Decadant! And... he reaches the ropes! Shaed releases the hold... shoots off the ropes as Triple H gets up and-- POWERSLAM BY TRIPLE H!! Triple H isn't taking any chances, here! He grabs Shaed's legs... and THERE'S THE FIGURE-FOUR LEG LOCK!! Triple H has it locked on tight! Shaed's going nowhere!! Could his last match have him tapping out to a submissions loss?!
Lilith: NO!! SHAED, COME ON!! YOU CAN DO IT!!
Megan: ... Uhm... why aren't you hitting on me as usual?
Lilith: But... this is Shaed's last match! HIS LAST MATCH!! I got no time to hit on you now!!
Megan: o_O!! ... Okay... this is serious. WAIT! Shaed reversed the Figure-Four! He's got Triple H turned over!! But he got to the ropes!! And Shaed releases the hold! Triple H rolls to the outside to get his bearings... and Shaed's remaining in the ring... just smiling at him! Shaed's his usual self here tonight, Lilith! So what is going one here?! You're not... well, acting like your usual cheerful self.
Lilith: I can't tell you!! ;_; Eep! She's here!
Megan: Huh? Who--?
The camera turn to see a young woman dressed in an all-white outfit... a bodice with sandals and a flowing white cloak with a hood attached, standing at the stage, watching the match silently.
Megan: Who... who is that?!
Lilith: It's Shaed's niece! Princess Teim Bloodgrave! ;_;!
Megan: Uhm... hey, she has some pretty big breasts, doesn't she? Won't you wanna tounge bathe them?
Lilith: TEIM'S HERE!!! ;_;!! OH GOD AND SATAN THIS IS HAPPENING!!! NNOOOOO!!!!
Megan: ... Okay, this really is serious... Triple H slides back into the ring... Shaed meets him... whip to the ropes! Triple H ducks a clothsline, and-- JUMPING KNEE ATTACK!! SHAED STAGGERS!! AND... FACEBUSTER!!! SHAED'S DOWN TO ONE KNEE!! Triple H whips Shaed to the corner... spins him around and sets him up on the top... what is he.... ohhh... oh, no! Could it be?!
Lilith: Trip probably thinks the souped-up version might be enough! Wait... if Trip beats Shaed, that means he won't go! Yeah!! BEAT MY BROTHER UP, TRIP!! PLEASE!!! DON'T LET HIM WIN!!!
Megan: ... Why the hell are you like this tonight?! Oh-- PEDIGREE OFF THE TOP ROPE!!!! Oh, what impact!! Cover! One! Two! NOO!!! Shaed kicked out!!
Lilith: AUGH!!! Trip!! Oohh, man!!
Megan: Triple H can't believe it himself! He picks Shaed up... kick to the knee... set up to the corner! No way, ANOTHER top rope Pedigree?!
Lilith: YES! ^_^
Megan: DOWN!! Oh, man! Cover, one! Two! Thr--NO!! SHAED WON'T STAY DOWN!!
Lilith: SHAED!!! DAMMIT, STAY DOWN! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!!
Megan: ...
Lilith: ...
Megan: ... die...?
Lilith: ... Uhm... I... mean... uh... diet... ^_^;;; 'Cause... heh heh heh, me bro's already 225 pounds, I mean, what'd be the point--
Megan: ... Lilith, if Shaed goes back to All Hallow's Eve... he dies...?!
Lilith: ... Uhm... . . . yeah. -_- He and his bro's souls're what's blanketing their world with the Dark Mists... and if they die, Teim's soul can take over and turn their world into a paradise, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told...
Megan looks at Lilith and sees the tears in her eyes as Triple H delivers yet a THIRD top rope Pedigree and covers... one... two... and three fourths as Shaed gets a shoulder up. As Triple H gets Shaed up to his feet and sets him up YET AGAIN, Megan sighs... then reaches out and hugs Lilith. Lilith hugs back tightly, crying on her shoulder as Shaed suddenly counters Triple H's fourth top-rope Pedigree... elbowing him in the head, sinching him up, and delivering an awesome top rope Sudden Impact!! Shaed covers, hooking the leg, and Earl Hebner counts... one... two... three!
Winner: "The Revenant" Shaed Bloodgrave
"Engel" cues up as Lilith pulls away from Megan's embrace... sniffling as she looks up at her brother... quietly she pulls off her headsets and leaves the commentating table, sliding into the ring and hugging Shaed tightly.
Megan: Uhm... folks, Shaed Bloodgrave's won the match... I apologize for the dead air between Lilith and myself... but... if what Lilith just revealed is true... then... oh God, this... this is the last time we'll EVER see Shaed Bloodgrave... ever again...
Shaed smiles softly, hugging Lilith gently as the younger succubus cries on his chest... soon afterwards the locker room begins to empty; apparently the entire EAW roster had heard the news from Lilith on the closed circuit TV... Kane, Kaye, Sasori, Sonnette, Sarah Murphy, Kanyon, Raven, Lance Storm... nearly everyone in the roster fills the ring, forgetting about personal grudges for now. Lilith even tells Triple H, who looks like he's in disbelief... but manages to get up and look to Shaed... and shakes his hand, pulling him in for a strong hug. Shaed hugs back, nodding to him... then turns to see Teim approach the ring, climbing inside. He smiles at his younger relative, and hugs her close. Teim happily hugs back, kissing his cheek... then steps back to allow Morrigan to face Shaed... she's flanked by their children, Taen and Michiru. Shaed kneels down and hugs both of his children, kissing their foreheads. Ariel joins in and hugs Shaed too, crying her eyes out. Reluctantly the children release Shaed, as she looks to Morrigan... tears streaming her eyes, she embraces Shaed tightly and kisses him one last time. Shaed kisses back deeply... then pulls away... looking to Morrigan... kissing away her tears... then gets tackled by Red "Rock" West, who's crying heavily, pleading to Shaed not to leave, telling him her true feelings. Shaed blinks... then looks to Morrigan, who shrugs, then nods to him. Shaed then places a soft kiss on Red's lips... the shock causes her to faint on the spot! Shaed smiles, then hands the unconscious Red to Lilith... then looks to Teim... nodding to her.
Megan: Folks... uh... it looks like Shaed is about to leave... this is... uhm... this is an important... an important moment in EAW history... I still can't believe this is happening...
Teim waves her hand, speaking the words "Dîméhnshün Dohr!" and a bright flash of light follows, opening the way between Earth and All Hallow's Eve. Teim takes Shaed's hand, then heads to the magical doorway... Shaed stops her for a moment, then looks to the fans and the roster, who are all giving him a round of applause.
Megan: ... Shaed Bloodgrave... goodbye... and thank you for enriching our lives.
Shaed smiles thoughtfully... then with a sigh, turns to follow Teim, through the dimension door. The door closes... and Shaed Bloodgrave is gone.
Fade to black.