Live from the Alamo Dome in San Antonio, Texas!
Cut to Neo D-X members Blink, Velocity, Tifa, and Ainako... Eighteen is noticably absent. And all four girls are in their ring gear.
Blink: ... Where the hell is she?
Velocity: ... I know... I haven't seen Eighteen all day.
Ainako: None of us has.
Tifa: ... One of us may have to take her place in the match tonight.
Blink: Let's not jump the gun here... we'll wait until that road gets crossed. If she's still not there... *looks to Tifa* ... think you can handle it?
Tifa: *smiles* You know it.
Blink nods as we fade into the intro...
With the obligatory pan across the arena, signs like "LYNXARA: ANDROID ANNIHILATOR!!" "LILITH & RED -- MAKE UP & MAKE OUT!!" and "DON'T BLAME CANADA! BLAME YOURSELVES!" can be seen.
Ayane: KONBAN WA!! We are live here in the birthplace of the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels, San Antonio, Texas!! Ayane Mitsui with Pamela Paulshock here and we are set to watch Riot Rulz come to be!!
Pamela: Things don't look too good for Neo D-X though, Ayane! Eighteen's nowhere to be found! But what does that mean? Is she out getting powered down like the Commish ordered her to? Or did she just skip out of town? We'll see tonight, won't we? Oh, and Lilith's here, too! I guess tonight we'll see Red "Rock" West and Lilith patch things up!
Ayane: Not only that, but we got the main event! No one knows just WHO the mystery partner Lance Storm has!
Pamela: If I was Tazz, I'd call up that guy Joey Numbers for the answer... but I'm not. Mainly because if I was, I'd be short, ugly, and with tattoos. And... well, ewww. ForGET it! >=/
Ayane: *giggle* Anyhow...
"Dark And Grey" cues up as Crucifix comes out to the ring... the fans boo as he walks down the aisle.
Ayane: And here comes Crucifix! He's been away for a long time, but after that hiatus, he's back and he's looking to get back in the winner's column!
Pamela: Well, good luck with that... Crucifix has to go through big, bad Bryan Fury!
Ayane: Hai... that is if he can get through Jin Kazama and Yoshimitsu first. ^_^
Pamela: ... What?!
"Rollin'" cues up next... out comes Bryan Fury! The big man scowls as he's booed loudly, climbing up into the ring and attacking Crucifix before the bell rings!
Ayane: Whoa! Fury's wasting no time here! And Teddy Long rings the bell!
Ayane: And both Crucifix and Fury are trading blows! Not much sound wrestling here and--
"Astonishing Panorama of the Endtimes" cues up!
Ayane: O_O! Iie! It's Ryokami!! He's come out!
Pamela: What does HE want?! He's... ohhh, he's coming out to join us, Ayane! It's been nice knowing you...
Ayane: He's not going to kill us, Pamela! He's just going to join us for commentary!! ^_^;;;; Uhm... konban wa, Ryokami-san! How... n-nice of you to show up here tonight!
Ryokami slips his headset on and looks at Ayane and Pamela.
Ryokami: ... Even if the No Killing Rule wasn't in effect, I wouldn't kill you, Mitsui... because you are a friend of my comrade, Black Widow. As for you, Paulshock... hmph, it's not like the world would be deprived of any blonde-haired large breasted women... there are plently of THEM running around.
Pamela: ... Gee. I guess I should be thanking Lynxara on my hands and knees for the No Killing Rule then.
Ryokami: Aren't you ALWAYS on your knees in one form or another--?
Ayane: Uhhh... ANYHOW, Crucifix with an arm drag, clothesline attempt ducked... BUT FURY ATTACKS WITH A BIG BOOT TO THE HEAD!! And... SHARPSHOOTER!! Crucifix gets to the ropes though and Teddy Long is forcing Fury to break the hold!
Ryokami: ... I hear a ridiculous rumor that Raven is coming to the EAW. All to challenge me. The Anti-Savior. Hmph. I never knew he had a death wish. No matter. If he wants me, he shall have me. But I--
Ayane: FURY DRIVER!! One! Two! No, Crucifix kicks out!! Uhm, gomen nasai, Ryokami-san. ^_^;;
Ryokami: Don't interrupt me again. As I was saying... I am drawn back to the city that spawned Mortis... the city that Mortis once ruled...
Pamela: Uhm... Raccoon City?! Why'd you wanna go back to that death trap?!
Ryokami: ... Sentimental reasons... *Ryokami glances at the ring* The people here hate both Crucifix and Bryan Fury. I think I'll do them a favor.
Ryokami suddenly pulls off the headset and grabs a steel chair!
Ayane: And-- OHH!!! RYOKAMI JUST SWUNG THAT CHAIR INTO CRUCIFIX'S HEAD!! BLATANT DQ!! TEDDY LONG'S CALLING FOR THE BELL!! RYOKAMI... HE JUST HELPED CRUCIFIX WIN!! o_O;;
Winner by DQ: Crucifix
Ayane: Ryokami is now... tossing the chair to Fury and he's... I think he's ASKING to be hit with it!! Fury's complying... DOWN ON RYOKAMI'S SKULL!! And Ryokami's laughing!! Fury... Fury swings again-- RYOKAMI WITH A BLOCKING KICK!! BACK KICK TO THE GUT! AND-- TENKA SAISHUU!!! DOWN GOES FURY!!
Pamela: And now he's got a mic!
Ryokami: WHAT ABOUT YOU?!!! WHAT ABOUT RAVEN?!!! What, was ECW too easy on you?! Was WCW squandering your talents?! Did the WWF didn't care?!! You come here... to meet your destiny with me... the Anti-Savior... you come to meet your fate. So be it... SO BE IT!!! Whatever your challenge is, I accept with the open arms of death... and you shall know... and you shall realize... oh yes, you will realize... you shall realize your folley... Raven... shi ne.
"Astonishing Panorama..." cues back up as Ryokami throws the mic down and leaves the ring.
Ayane: Wow!! Ryokami hasn't hesitated at all to accept the challenge and the rumor isn't even confirmed yet!
Pamela: I'm just glad he didn't kill us...! o_o;
Ayane: We'll be back after this commercial break!
***
Gimmick Battle Royale
Only 19 names were announced, so they left room for a mystery man. The rub was, after half of the aged wrestlers all have heart attacks and strokes on the way to the ring; they were left with only the Gobbeldy Gooker. Since X-Factor was left off the card, X-Pac and Justin Credible were held at gunpoint and forced to reprise the roles of 1-2-3 Kid and Aldo Montoya. Al Snow also ran out as Avatar because...what the hell is he going to do? Then, while they have a four-way dance to decide "Worst Gimmick Ever," Gillberg's music plays. Only it's not Gillberg who comes out. Duane Gill wanted too much money, so the WWF signed Bill Goldberg to play Gillberg since he was otherwise unemployed. He eliminates Kid, Aldo, and Avatar before dropping his pants and pronouncing "I'm a Little Tea Pot." Gobbledy Gooker wins.
Triple Threat Hardcore Match
Big Show vs. Kane vs. Raven
Gobbledy Gooker remained in the ring as the Hardcore Title match started. Kane came out and got jumped before he entered the ring. Kane piledrove the Gooker and ripped off his mask to reveal...Glen Jacobs?!? Kane ripped off his mask to reveal...Pete Rose! Pete Rose got his revenge but it was short lived. As he stood on the ropes and put his hands in the air, the pyro guy mistakenly took that as the cue to detonate Kane's pyro. Looks like Charlie couldn't hustle fast enough.
The one on one between Raven and Big Show was also short lived when Hulk Hogan came to the ring. After Hogan pronounced that Show was the greatest of all time and that he'll be a big star some today, Show ripped off his cross and left in disgust. As everyone was distracted, XPW superstar Homeless Jimmy attacked Raven and pinned him for the Hardcore title, proclaiming, "You bastard, you stole my gimmick."
***
Ayane: We're back! And during the commercial break we caught this scene backstage!
Scene switch to the backstage area as we see Lilith catch up with Red "Rock" West!
Lilith: Red! Red, wait! We need to talk!
Red turns around an backs off from Lilith.
Red: N-no! Don't get too close to me! I already broke your neck! I could accidentally kill you! And then Lynxie'll ban me and Gadjetto-chan! I can't be trusted now! I'm a monster heel! Like Chris Benoit or the Wall or even Earthquake!
Lilith: Red, that's silly! You're not a monster heel! You... you just made a mistake. Sure, I got hurt... sure it wasn't what you wanted... we can start over, right? We can still be friends...
Red: ... Friends... no sex stuff? No licking me or kissing me or anything like that?
Lilith: Not unless you want to...
Red thinks for a moment... then looks to Gadjetto-chan.
Red: What do you think?
Gadjetto-chan: ...
Red looks back at Lilith.
Red: Gadjetto-chan trusts you... I'm not so sure... we'll... talk about this later. I got a match.
Lilith watches as Red walks off... sighing deeply... as we return to the action on hand and "Crushed" cueing up over the PA.
Ayane: Wow... Lilith wanting the fued to end, but Red isn't too sure if she can trust her, Pamela!
Pamela: Well, I don't know if I'd want to trust a sex-hungry demoness who treated my feet like a couple of lollipops (though I might enjoy it), but nonetheless, here comes the girl, facing a guy a good foot taller than her! But hey, she's nuts. What do you expect?!
Red looks to the crowd... takes a deep breath, then runs straight down the aisle and slides into the ring. She looks back... and sighs in relief... she jumps when referee Mike Chioda checks if she's okay, yelling "Don't touch me, I might kill you!"
Ayane: Poor Red-chan... she thinks she's too dangerous to be around... all because Lilith faked that neck injury...
Pamela: ... *blink* ... she FAKED it?!
Ayane: Well, I think it's obvious to me that she is! Lilith's got a plan brewing and it'll be interesting what brews from it...
"El Cu Cuy" cues up next... out comes the the tough-as-nails J.C. Stone with Neijessa by his side. As the fans cheer, he holds out his arms, fingers in the heavy metal gesture, then walks down the aisle calmly as Neijessa follows.
Pamela: WWJCSD? He's coming down the ring to administer a major ass-kicking!
Ayane: Well, we'll see... Red West has suprised people before...
Pamela: You kidding? Red's, what 5 feet? J.C. Stone is a major hunk of a man at 6 feet three inches!! I'm betting J.C. ends up snapping a bone or three in this match! Huh... okay, I don't get it.
Ayane: What?
Pamela: J.C. and Neijessa are keeping something secret... something about Neijessa... but I really don't see anything that special about her... I mean, sure, she's very pretty, I'll give her that, but.. well... so am I! Hell, even you're pretty! What does Neijessa got that we don't?!
Ayane: No clue... well, J.C. and Red are in the ring... Mike Chioda calls for the bell, so let's go!
Ayane: Red and J.C. are circling each other... tie-up-- no, Red pulls away!! She's... really scared she may end up hurting J.C. badly...!
Pamela: J.C. doesn't really appreciate her caution though... he came to fight!
Ayane: Hai... Red and J.C. tie-up-- no, Red ducked! Kick to the gut! PALM STRIKE RUSH!! Pin! No, not even a one count! She wanted to finish the match quickly because she didn't want to hurt J.C.!
Pamela: I repeat my J.C. wanting to fight statement.
Ayane: J.C. charges Red! Red leapfrogs--NO, J.C. CATCHES HER!! BELLY TO BACK FLIP SUPLEX!! And Red's down!! J.C. follows up, picking Red up... HIGH ANGLE BACK DROP!! Pin! One! T-no! One count only! She may be small, but she's still tough!
Pamela: We'll see, Ayane... Red's still a little girl, and there's only so much she can take before something gives!
Ayane: J.C. picks Red up-- wait! HIGH STANDING DROPKICK FROM RED SENDS J.C. DOWN!! Red rushes to the corner and-- SPLIT LEGGED MOONSAULT!!! COVER! One! Two! No! Two count!! J.C. rolls to the outside! But Red's following!! SPRINGBOARD SWANTON--!! NO... NO!! NEIJESSA PUSHES J.C. OUT OF THE WAY AND ENDS UP FLATTENED!!!
Pamela: OUCH!! Talk about devotion to your man!!
Ayane: Ohh... Red sees what she's done and she's crushed!! She looks absolutely remorseful! But J.C.'s taking advantage! Turn around and... ORIENTAL TOSS! Chioda's at the five mark now! J.C. and Red'd better get back into the ring! J.C. tosses Red into the ring, then goes to Neijessa and checks her out... she seems to be okay... J.C. slides into the ring before the ten count's reached! J.C. gets Red up... Red-- OH, LOW BLOW!! And.. JACKNIFE!! ONE! TWO! TH--NO! J.C. kicks out!! I think Red hurt herself getting J.C.'s frame up like that!! And it looks like it's going to cost her OWW!! STO!! Red's down! J.C. picks her up... yeah, it looks like the Stonedriver Bomb is next!! NO! BACK BODY DROP OVER THE ROPE!! Red's favoring her shoulder, it looks like... Chioda's checking her out and... wait... WAIT!!!! LILITH JUST CAME OUT THROUGH THE CROWD!! HER WINGS GRAB J.C. AND... CHILDISH DROP!!
Pamela: Looks like Lilith is proving to Red that she CAN be trusted!! Whoa, is there TWO of them now?!
Ayane: SHINING ILLUSION!!! AND J.C. IS GETTING PUMMELED ON BOTH SIDES!!! J.C. collapses in a heap and Lilith throws him back in! And... Neijessa and Lilith are staring at each other! Is it me... or does it look like they KNOW each other?!
Pamela: Red's recovered a bit...! She's going up the top!!
Ayane: CHERRY BOMB!!! COVER! One! Two! Three!!! Red "Rock" West wins!! With the help of Lilith Aensland, she wins!!!
Winner: Red "Rock" West
Ayane: Neijessa is checking up on J.C. Stone... helping him out... and Lilith and climbed into the ring! She's... hugging Red?! Red seems shocked! Wait... did she just whisper something in her ear?
Pamela: I think she did! And she's pulled back and smiles at her before rolling out of the ring! Red's stunned! What did she say?!
Ayane: Well... we got the tag match that could very well determine the future of Neo D-X!! Up next! Neo D-X Vs. Right To Censor!! Stay tuned!!
***
Tazz & APA vs. Right to Censor
This match turned into a Lumberjack Match. Steven Richards announced that he purchased WCW from Shane McMahon for $1.50 and turned their entire roster into Right to Censor members. Everyone from Booker T to Kid Romeo came out in white shirts and black ties, except for Major Gunns who came out in a bikini and a milk mustache because she didn't know any better. Tazz and the APA were about to win until the Natural Born Thrillers grabbed Tazz, rolled him up and hit him around like a tetherball. RTC wins!
Intercontinental Championship
Chris Jericho vs. William Regal
This was a little confusing. William Regal came out and, I guess assuming that he was back on tour with WCW, mistook Lillian Garcia as a flight attendant and proceeded to urinate on her. Then Jericho comes out, only it's not Jericho. Since the WWF bought all old WCW gimmicks, and since Jericho is a rock star, he's the new Demon! The problem is that since they didn't allow him to practice thoroughly enough, when he spit fire he accidentally set the front row ablaze, causing the people behind him to chant "ECW! ECW!" Terry Funk throws water on the front row and says; "My work here is done. Goodnight." No one knows why Terry Funk was there, and in the confusion they declare a no contest.
***
Back to the show... we fade into the Neo D-X locker room. And Eighteen has finally arrived.
Blink: Eighteen!! Geez! You're cutting it pretty damn close!! Where were you?!
Velocity: Were you getting your powers lowered?
Eighteen: ... Yes... about that.
????: She didn't even go.
The girls all turn to see Commisioner Lynxara... the feline female does not look too happy.
Lynxara: You didn't even go to Hatch Industries like I told you to! You're still your over-powered self! Give me one reason why I shouldn't let you or the rest of Neo D-X go right now!!
Eighteen: ... Because you like to see Right To Censor beaten as much as everyone else? See, Lynxara... I don't HAVE to follow your rules... I can do whatever I want, when I want. We all can. Because that is what we are all about. I don't have to power down... and there isn't a single force in the EAW that can make me. Deal with that, COMMISIONER.
Lynxara: ... If you go out to that ring tonight, I will make sure Neo D-X never wrestles in the EAW again.
Tifa: Then I'll take her place... as long as she doesn't enter the ring area we're in the clear right?
Lynxara: ... Yeah... technically.
Tifa: Then it's set! C'mon, Ainako!
Ainako: Yeah!
Tifa and Ainako leave to head to ring-side... Lynxara stares at Eighteen, who stares back with a smirk on her face. Finally Lynxara sighs and walks off in fustration.
Eighteen: ... Suck it. Hmph.
Back to the ring as we hear the noise of the RTC Theme. Out comes Steven Richards (with Ivory) and RTC Man to a rousing chorus of boos.
Ayane: o_o; Wow...!! Neo D-X defied the Commisioner's ruling!! Somehow I shouldn't be surprised that they'd do this sort of thing.
Pamela: Hey, they're Neo D-X! They do what they want to do! They're the Bad Grrls of the EAW!! Deal with it, Ayane!
Ayane: *grumbl* ... RTC Vs. Neo D-X... and here I am disliking both of them. *sigh* ...
As RTC Man and Richards climb into the ring, "The Kings" cues up. The fans go wild as Tifa (in her new black tank top with green "X" on the chest, short leather pants, and black knee and shin guards (including her usual gloves and elbowpad)) and Ainako comes out to the stage. They both crotch-chop, then run to the ring, sliding in and playing to the cheering crowd; Tifa throwing a few punches and throwing her hands up and Ainako seductively feeling herself up before both girls crotchchop. Richards, RTC Man, and Ivory all shake their head at Tifa and Ainako's shameful display of exhibitionism... referee Earl Hebner then gets everything in order for the match.
Ayane: It looks like Tifa's going to start for Neo D-X, Steven Richards for RTC... Earl Hebner rings the bell, and this match begins!
Ayane: Lilith started this trend... I just noticed Tifa's barefoot, aside from those shin guards she's wearing...
Pamela: Yep... cool, isn't it?
Ayane: I guess... Tifa throws a couple of spin kick to keep Richards back... and... tie-up! ELBOW STRIKE!! And... there's the BEAT RUSH!! Tifa pushes Richards into his corner! RTC Man makes the tag! Tifa eggs him on! He rushes in! SCISSOR SWEEP! Whip to her corner! Tag to Ainako!! Double-team... CALF KICK/SWEEP COMBINATION MOVE!! The newcomer goes on the attack! DDT!! Ainako follows up... poses... and elbow drop! No! RTC Man saw it coming a mile away! Ainako gets up-- NO! LOW DROPKICK CATCHES HER RIGHT IN THE FACE!! Cover! One! No!! Ainako POWERS out!! RTC Man whips her to his corner! Tags in Richards! Now they're... well, in the words of JR, "STOMPING A MUDHOLE IN AND WALKING IT DRY!!"
Pamela: And you're enjoying this too much.
Ayane: ^_^ Richards drop toe holds Ainako! And locks in the Boston Crab! Ainako is reaching for the ropes!! She can't get to them... OH!! TIFA WITH A SWIFT KICK TO THE BACK OF RICHARDS' HEAD HELPS BREAK IT UP!! The ref gets Tifa back into her corner! And RTC Man with the illegal tag!! He locks in a leg lock!! Earl, he didn't tag!! They switched!!
Pamela: I thought you hated Neo D-X.
Ayane: Well, it's still against the rules! I was a referee you know! WAIT!!! AINAKO JUST BENT DOWN AND... SHE'S BITING RTC MAN'S SHOULDER!! MY GOD, THOSE FANGS OF HERS!! RTC MAN BREAKS THE HOLD!! Ainako gets up and... RUNNING BOOT TO THE FACE!! CLIMB UP TO THE TOP ROPE!! AND... DIVING HEADBUTT TO THE GROIN!!! OWWW! And with those horns, too!!
Pamela: Well, she's definetly making good use of 'em!
Ayane: Ainako gets RTC Man... sets him up... powerbomb-- INTO A MAT SLAM!! She calls it the NeXt Factor!! Cover! One! Two! Thr--NO! RICHARDS BREAKS UP THE COUNT! IN COMES TIFA!! KICK TO THE GUT AND... METEORDRIVER!! AINAKO GETS RTC MAN UP... THE DEVIL'S CRUCIFIX IS COMING UP!! And-- NO!! IVORY SWUNG THAT STEEL CHAIR RIGHT INTO AINAKO'S FACE!! SHE GOES DOWN!! AND RTC MAN BACKSLIDES HER! ONE! TWO! THREE!! RTC WINS!!
Pamela: Damn!!
Ayane: Right To Censor went back to their gimmick! They cheated to win!! But Ainako still gave it her all in this match!
Winners: Steven Richards & RTC Man
Ayane: RTC Man... wait! He's not done! FLYING SPEAR INTO AINAKO!! Richards is up!! And... MORALITY CHECK ON TIFA!! AND HERE COMES BLINK! VELOCITY!! NO EIGHTEEN!! SHE'S BARRED FROM RINGSIDE! But it's enough! RTC Man and Steven Richards make their escape! They get the win this time! We'll be right back with our next match!
Pamela: Pip pip, cheerios!!
***
Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle
This one was a mat classic up until the very end, when Ken Shamrock ran out. He tore Angle's leg off and was about to beat Benoit with it, until Kevin Sullivan ran out from the crowd, threw Benoit in a big sack and took off. Shamrock, who was still suffering from blood lust, proceeded to take out an entire row of handicap children, two priests, the beer guy, three security guards, the beer guy's mother, and Judy Bagwell who was there to beg for her sons job.
European Championship
Test vs. Eddie Guerrero
Guerrero comes out and announces that he went to Commissioner Regal and asked for special Lucha Libre rules. He then brings out the new Latino World Order and the match is a 25 on 1 tag match. La Parka and crew come out, only instead of being given identities they're been renamed Latino's 1 thru 24, ala the old Batman Series. Test takes out Latino's 1-7 with the big boot, piles up 8-22 and nails them all with a Flying Elbow, and is about to take out Latino 23, who used to be La Parka. Only La Parka nails Test with a Diamond Cutter, gets the pin, and rips off his mask to reveal Diamond Dallas Page. DDP is your new Euro Champion.
TLC II
Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Edge & Christian
During the evening the Dudleys buy WCW from Steven Richards for a ham sandwich and a lap dance, and turn the entire roster into a Dudley Family Reunion, i.e. Big Poppa Dudley, Prime Time Dudley, The Chosen Dudley, etc. TLC 2 has an added twist. Since Paul Heyman is on the creative staff, he hired the Acme Anvil Company to help out and it's now a Tables, Ladders, Chairs, Dudleys, and Anvil match. After most of the participants are taken out by falling anvils, Jeff Hardy is about the win the title until they throw the one anvil they have left on him. Jim "the Anvil" Neidhart. Rhyno was the Last Man Standing and was about to win the tag titles, until the Sandman's wife appeared and speared him through a table. Payback is a bitch. The match is declared a No Contest when a paramedic swipes the tag titles and puts them up for auction on eBay.
Women's Championship
Chyna vs. Ivory
Chyna starts off the match by cutting herself because she figured she'd beat Ivory to it. The match is horrible, like most women's matches. It ends when, out of a fit of disgust from seeing so many blown spots, Crowbar beats them both. He then puts on a top hat, drops his pants, and screams, "Now THAT'S Entertainment!" Daffney is given the Women's Title, Crowbar runs in the back to pin Homeless Jimmy for the Hardcore Title, and then sends Brad Siegel (former head of WCW) a Jack O' Lantern stabbed in the head with a knife, and a note attached that says, "This is you."
***
We fade in from commercial break to see the Jolly Gentlemen just coming down to the ring. Cecil Regal, Mixu, Mr. Parfact, PC Plodder, Prince Peter, Baldy, and Luke and Butch of the Bushwackers all are there; a few of the Gentlemen seem to be in the back.
Ayane: Coming up next, Blueboy will face William Regal's brother CECIL in a....Bloody Nick Match?
Pamela: Have these guys been checked for Mad Cow Disease? I swear they're nuttier than Red's ever been.
Plodder gets down the ring and takes the mic.
Plodder: Oi, Oi, Oi, Ello, Ello, Ello....The Jolly Gentlemen are here...but we have some sad news...
Cecil takes the mic...
Cecil: I'm afraid so...it seems my dear brother William is under the weather. Some bad Mexican food I'm afraid....so he won't be out here to support me. BUT...I'll do my brother proud, and beat up that insolent toerag Blueboy that has besmirched my brother and all the rest of the Gentlemen.
Suddenly, "Praise the Lords" by Lords of Acid cues up, and President Gokuo comes out, and stands onto the stage.
Ayane: Ahhh...President Gokuo--perhaps he'll do something about all these "Gentlemen" being at ringside?
Pamela: Spiffing!
Gokuo: Damnit...this is getting pretty well out of hand. It is bad enough when there is just one other person standing outside the ring, but with ALL of you out here, I'm afraid I'm going to have to get tougher.
Cecil: Whatever do you mean, President Gokuo? The Gentlemen are merely here to support me!
Gokuo: I ain't buying your bullsh*t, Cecil. That's why I've decided that this WON'T be a Rotten Tomato match or a Bloody Nick match...instead, it will be a LUMBERJACK match. So send two of your "Gentlemen" to the back, and the other 5 present members of Da Pac will come out here, and it will be evened up.
Cecil: *sigh* Very well....Mixu, and Baldy...do as the man says..
The crowd cheers as Mixu and Baldy leave the ring, and head to the back.
Gokuo: Much better....now, I'll return you to your regularly scheduled show.
Ayane: What a relief!! President Gokuo taking charge!
"Cowboy" by Kid Rock cues up next, and Blueboy drives his blue Saturn out onto the ramp. Jasmin is seated in the passenger side, and Test, Kanyon, and Ninja X are piled in back, with Chaynz and Buzzsaw riding shotgun.
Ayane: And now this match will be a lumberjack match...FINALLY things will be even on either side...
Pamela: So...managers get %15 of the wrestlers' cut. Are we paying the Regals ANYTHING?!
Ayane: I really don't know...Blueboy coming down to the ring now...and getting inside. Da pac and The Gentlemen choosing sides of the ring...and we're about set for this match to begin...
*ding, ding*
Ayane: Blueboy and Cecil now starting off...a straight out-and-out brawl to start this match off...and Cecil sends Blueboy into the ropes....tripped up by that nightstick of Plodder's!! Cecil dropping a knee into the back of Blueboy! Dragging him into the center of the ring now...repeated kneedrops.
Pamela: Wait a sec...they may be even in guys, but Blueboy still has Jasmin out here! NOT FAIR!!
Ayane: Well, she doesn't interfere in matches often..if at all. Cecil pulling Blueboy up....cross arms Camel Clutch--a move perfected by Jinsei Shinzaki--it seems Cecil is well schooled.
Pamela: That IS a hold?! Or just a screwed up Kama Sutra position?
Ayane: A wrestling hold, Pam-chan. Cecil releasing it now....yanking up Blueboy by his hair....sending him into the corner now...Cecil charging in...Blueboy gets the boot up!! Now an arm wringer....Blueboy running to the corner...BLUE BLASTER!! Going for a cover on Cecil!
.
.
.
One!
Kickout by Cecil!
Pamela: I wonder if it is true that Blueboy lost all that weight on the "Crack and Tapeworm" diet?
Ayane: Whatever he used apparently worked....Blueboy pulling Cecil up. Blueboy and Cecil exchanging right hands....Irish Whip by Blueboy...Cecil reverses...Blueboy into the ropes..Cecil hits the ropes himself--LOU THESZ PRESS!!! Shades of "Stone Cold" Steve Austin as Cecil hammers away on Blueboy!!
Pamela: So...Cecil's just stealing moves now?
Ayane: Well...whatever works. Cecil climbing up to the top now....Blueboy getting up, but dazed. Cecil with an axehandle--HAYMAKER SWING RIGHT INTO THE BREADBASKET!! Cecil doubled over!! Blueboy takes him over with a swinging neckbreaker!! Cover by Blueboy!
.
.
.
One--Butch yanks off Blueboy...pulling him out to the outside. Blueboy out on the Jolly Gentlemen's side!! They're attacking Blueboy now!!
Pamela: Mr. Parfect's down there SOMEWHERE...SQUEEZE YOUR CHEEKS, Blueboy!!
Ayane: That bought Cecil some valuable time....Blueboy rolled back into the ring now.
Pamela: Come on, Da Pac...do something already!!
Ayane: Cecil pulling up Blueboy..knee lifts into the midsection....whips him into the corner yet again. Cecil now....chops to the chest!
WHOOOOO!!!
Ayane: ANOTHER!!
WHOOOOO!!
Ayane: Blueboy shaking it off...REVERSES AND PUTS CECIL INTO THE CORNER!! CHOPS BY BLUEBOY!!
"WHOOOOOOO!!! WHOOOOOOOO!!! WHOOOOOO!!!"
Ayane: Blueboy grabbing him by the hair...dumps him out to Da Pac's side!!
Pamela: WOW....A Brit hasn't had his ass beat since...ummm...when was the last major war they were in, Ayane?
Ayane: Don't ask me...I'm not doing so hot in history. At any rate, Cecil Regal getting a vicious beatdown by Da Pac...tossed in now by Kanyon!
Pamela: Maybe this Lumberjack match was a good idea. I mean, we still have interference, but at least it's even.
Ayane: Which is the whole point. Blueboy now taking the opportunity to lay in some boots to Cecil....Cecil trying to cover up now. Blueboy now pulling him up...cinching him up for a suplex....blocked by Cecil. Another....blocked again! CECIL WITH A VERTICAL SUPLEX ON BLUEBOY!! Now he's...rolling Blueboy back to the outside--having his running buddies do the work rather than fight himself.
Pamela: "Taking advantage of the situation" I believe it is called. Hey, learn it or you'll never get anywhere as a wrestler, Ayane.
Ayane: AGAIN, I say Oseiko didn't have to do it.
Pamela: If Oseiko jumped in front of a truck, would you do it?
Ayane: .....
Pamela: Ummm...I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.
Ayane: That was cold, Pam-chan.
Pamela: I forgot myself...
Ayane: *sigh* Plodder rolling Blueboy in, and delivering a few nightstick shots to the back...Cecil picking up Blueboy...side backbreaker! Cecil grabbing that nightstick now...tucking it into his jacket pocket!
Pamela: These guys may be goofy, but they know their stuff...
Ayane: Cecil pulling Blueboy...BLUEBOY with a second wind taking on Cecil....standing toe to toe exchanging jabs...Cecil grabbing that nightstick...clocks Blueboy with it! The referee was behind Blueboy and didn't see it!! Cecil now covering Blueboy...
.
.
.
One!
.
.
.
TWO!!
.
.
.
CECIL yanked off of Blueboy by Kanyon!!
Pamela: Now he REALLY REALLY REALLY owes him!!
Ayane: Blueboy may just about be out of it...but Cecil is getting assaulted outside by Da Pac!! The Gentlemen now rushing to the opposite side of the ring to help out....Plodder and Test brawling now!! Ninja X and Parfact!! The Bushwackers and Da Pac! Prince Peter rolls in Cecil...Kanyon and Prince Peter now...
Pamela: Cecil covers Blueboy!!
.
.
.
ONE!!
.
.
.
TWO!!
.
.
--BLUEBOY GETS THE SHOULDER UP!!!!!
Pamela: Thanks to Kanyon!
Ayane: Blueboy kicking out with authority...getting up to his feet....Blueboy and Cecil brawling again...Blueboy whipping Cecil...Cecil reverses...reverses by Blueboy...Cecil hits the ropes...clothesline by Blueboy!! Cecil up again..Blueboy hits the ropes...CECILMOVESTHEREFINFRONTOFHIM!! BLUEBOY CLOTHESLINES MIKE CHIODA ON ACCIDENT!!!
Pamela: That is ANOTHER handy trick...using the ref as a shield...
Ayane: Blueboy undaunted, though...setting up Cecil now....BLUEBOMBER DRIVER!!!
Pamela: But no referee to count the pinfall!!
Ayane: Blueboy trying to shake Mike Chioda awake. Prince Peter drags Cecil out the ring...
Pamela: To "regroup" I'll bet...
Ayane: But what's this? Here comes...ANOTHER CECIL into the ring?!
Pamela: I don't see that....you better get your eyes checked, Ayane.
Ayane: This...OTHER CECIL sneaking into the ring now, coming up behind Blueboy...MANACHAN MANGLER!! Now rolling over Blueboy...locking on the Regal Stretch...the referee is just coming to!? Blueboy trying to fight through the hold...Blueboy trying..but...he has to tap!!
Winner by Submission >>> Cecil Regal
Pamela: I'll be damned...Cecil cloned himself, and his clone just won the match!!
Ayane: No way...there is only one other person that looks like Cecil--I hope--and that's William Regal!! William just dressed up in some of Cecil's clothes I bet.
The Jolly Gentlemen's theme plays as the referee raises his hand...and the Gentlemen climb into the ring to congratulate Cecil...but..
"WHOA!! WHOA!! WHOA!!" a familiar voice says. Michael Cole walks out onto the rampway.
Cole: Okay, maybe I'm not going to get anything for my trouble other than some sick perverted freak trying to make prison love to me...but I know just what the hell happened, and I suggest you take a look at this too, Chioda.
Ayane: HA!! It looks like Michael Cole is going to turn the tables on the Gentlemen!
Pamela: WHOO-HOOOO!! Way to go!
Cole: Now...take a look at this footage from just a minute ago...
Footage is shown of the beaten up Cecil rolling out of the ring, then ANOTHER Cecil rolling in at the same time...
Cole: Now, since no one can be in two places at once, it is obvious that the man standing in that ring is NOT Cecil but William dressed up to LOOK like Cecil...
Mike Chioda signals to the timekeeper and the annoucer.
"The Winner of this match up...by a DISQUALIFICATION...the BLUEBOY!!!
Michael Cole walks to the back.
Pamela: AHHH!! The Dusty Finish rides again!
Ayane: Mike Chioda has reversed the decision...and...the Gentlemen are attacking Blueboy and the referee!! Da Pac climbing into the ring now...we've got a huge brawl here!! Here comes the REAL Cecil into the ring...we'd better go to break until we can get this cleared up...
Pamela: THERE GOES JASMIN!!!
**Commercial Break**
***
Triple H vs. Undertaker
Time for the Live Music portion of the evening. Motorhead performs Triple H's theme live. Then Limp Biskit comes out to perform Undertaker's music, but Fred Durst is bludgeoned to death by Lemmy, the lead singer of Motorhead. This prompts outrage from the TRL representatives in attendance, but Lemmy proceeds to do the same to Carson Daly, Christina Aguliera, 3/5th's of N'Sync, and the girls from Dream. Triple H and Undertaker are seen in the back drinking a beer and watching it on the monitor. Triple H turns to Taker and says; "It worked! Let's go get a taco."
Street Fight
Special referee: Mick Foley
Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon
This match got strange. The censors at IGN won't allow me to go into details, but let's just say the finish involved the Flairs, David Arquette, Arnold Schwartzenegger, Bob Costas, Ted Turner, the XFL cheerleaders, $200 worth of Tapioca and, when it was over, Linda and Mick Foley got married and started a Buddhist Temple. No one speaks of the match ever again.
***
As we come back from break, "One Man Army" by Prodigy is already playing, and Nova is walking down the ramp, slapping hands on the way there, and making his way down to the ring with Angelina nearby.
Ayane: Coming up now is our main event, the match we've been waiting for!! EAW World Champion Sonnette teams up with former Cruiserweight and former Extreme Champion Nova to face off against Lance Storm and a mystery partner of his choosing.
Pamela: Although, it seems that whoever Lance had in mind can't make it...so looks like it won't be a mystery at all, since Bret Hart will pick up the slack.
Ayane: Well, it is a shame when fans have to be disappointed like this.
Pamela: Disappointed?! Bret Hart's going to be in it, how's that disappointing?!
Ayane: No knock on Bret, but we were hoping to see WHO was going to team with Lance.
Nova gets down to the ring, climbing inside for the match. Just then, "Take a Look Around" by Limp Bizkit cues up, and the crowd pops again, this time as Sonnette appears at the entranceway, with the World Title slung over her shoulder.
Ayane: Our World Champion, Sonnette, now walking down the ramp to the ring. Sonnette's come a long way from when she started out in the EAW. And except for the Flyboy, she's the only former Women's Champion in any fed to become a World Champion as well!!
Pamela: Way to go Ayane! I'm sure that Flyboy's watching this from home...heard that, and just crushed his beer can with one hand.
Ayane: Carton of milk!!
Pamela: Oh yeah.
Sonnette rushes down to the ring quickly, although she barely even taps the full potential of her speed.
Pamela: So, Ayane, who are you rooting for in this match?
Ayane: Well...all of the wrestlers in this are VERY VERY VERY good at what they do...but I have to say I'm bigger fans of Sonnette and Nova.
Pamela: *smiles* I thought so.
Pamela then begins to reach down and pull off her shirt..
Ayane: P-Pam-chan?! What are you doing?!
Pamela removes her top, revealing a Major Gunns-esque Canadian flag sports bra.
Ayane: Nani?!
Pamela: So...are red and white my colours?
Ayane: I get it...root for them just to annoy me, right?
Pamela: You got it, babe!
Just then, "Oh, Canada" cues up...
Pamela: STAND UP, Ayane!!
Pamela stands up, and sings along,
"O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!"
Lance Storm, Canadian patriot-at-large, steps out onto the stage, holding the Canadian flag up high.
Pamela continues to sing,
"From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee!!"
When it ends and Lance is in the ring, Pamela sits down.
Pamela: So, what did you think?
Ayane: You aren't exactly an Oseiko, Pam-chan.
Pamela: Ehh...I did alright.
Ayane: This is strange...it seems that Lance-san is asking for the referee to start the match....couldn't Bret Hart make it here either?
Pamela: Damn....Lance is S-O-L...and you KNOW what that means.
Ayane/Pamela: *annoying penguin-style laugh*
Ayane: Still sticking with Lance?
Pamela: Well, the fact that he showed up out here tells me he has a plan, so I'm still rooting for him.
Ayane: Well, I've been told that Lance is going to go it alone...what we have is a handicap match here...Nova going in first for this team...and here we go. *ding, ding*
Pamela: DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN!!
Ayane: Looks like a preview of No Escape!! Nova and Lance now exchanging right hands!! Lance sends Nova into the ropes...Leap frog by Nova...Lance hits the ropes....going for a knee to the midsection...Nova catches it!! Lance counters with an Enzui Giri!! Nova up now....fired into the the corner by Lance...Lance going for a splash--Nova catches him!! Turns around...BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!!! Nova now spring up on top now....Lance up..coming off the top--DROPKICK COUNTER BY LANCE STORM!! Lance now with a double knee drop, going for a bow and arrow side stretch hold!!
Pamela: That's a finely-tuned, highly-polished Canadian wrestling MACHINE in there, Ayane! He's been learning practically his entire life how to wrestle. You, on the other hand, only have very little experience outside knowing how to kick someone in the head.
Ayane: Well, up until a few years ago, Oseiko only knew martial arts, too!--Nova gets the rope break, Lance releases the hold.
Pamela: Yeah, but what are the odds that you'll do the same?
Ayane: Come on, give me a break, already. I'll show you! I'll show everyone!!
Pamela: What? Your "puppies?"
Ayane: *sigh* Nova up now! Lance sent into the ropes....back body--KRYPTONITE KRUNCH SET UP!--NO, Lance counters into a sunset flip!! One! And a kickout by Nova! Nova and Lance rolling back up...Nova ducks the clothesline from Lance...sets him up now...Reverse DDT postion...SPIN DOCTOR by Nova!! Nova tagging in Sonnette!!
Pamela: Damn, I'd hate to be Lance right now.
Ayane: Sonnette undoubtedly eager to take out some frustration on Lance. Nova and Sonnette both picking up Lance now....double Irish Whip! Lance hits the ropes...on the return--DOUBLE SPINEBUSTER from Sonnette and Nova. Nova now heading to the outside. Sonnette stomping away on Lance, opting not to go for a cover. With Lance on his on here, it will take a fluke for him to pull off a win or even manage to survive here!!
Pamela: Don't count the Canadian out yet, Ayane. We've get to see him really warm up yet.
Ayane: Sonnette dumping Lance to the outside by his hair. Hard to imagine how Sonnette even got a grip with that crewcut...but now following him. Sonnette isn't one to keep in the ring, being bred in the Hardcore Division.
Pamela: EXTREME division!
Ayane: Lance sent into the steel stairs by Sonnette!! Now--
Suddenly, the lights go down...confusion reigns for a moment, then suddenly, "LH2K" and the number 5 shows up on the EAW-Tron, and the crowd pops as it counts down.
5...
Ayane: THE LIGHTS ARE OUT AND....JERICHO?!?!?!
4...
3...
2...
1...
0....
BOOM!!!!!"Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns n' Roses cues up.
Ayane: Can it be??!
Pamela: HAHAHA!! In your face, Ayane!! FROM WINNEPEG, MANITOBA!!
Ayane: Lance Storm and Chris Jericho once were a tag team known as the "Thrillseekers," but is this Lance's mystery partner, or is he just aiding his old tag partner out of sympathy?
Jericho appears on the entranceway, and runs down the rampway.
Pamela: Who knows, but Lance is probably glad either way. If he'd chosen the Sandman, though--the match would be over before his entrance was finished.
Ayane: Nova leaping off the apron to meet Jericho halfway....Jericho and Nova exchanging rights and lefts...Sonnette stomping Lance into those steel steps, but help is on the way!
Pamela: Jericho now taking control on Nova....DOUBLE LEG TAKEDOWN!!! NOW TURNING HIM FOR THE LIONTAMER!!!
Ayane: Jericho with the Liontamer!! Sonnette now heading over to help out Nova....RUNS OVER JERICHO WITH A CLOTHESLINE!! Lance coming over now...Lance and Nova pairing off now....Nova slamming Lance's head off the apron...rolls him back into the ring now. Sonnette following him in.
Pamela: Damnit...the referee has lost any control here! But it is great to see Jericho here....probably just to stick up for his country!
Ayane: This has nothing to do with national pride. Nova and Jericho climbing back up on the apron, and it seems the referee is going to allow Jericho to participate as Lance Storm's partner. Sonnette sending Lance into the ropes again---SCOOPING HIM UP ONTO HER SHOULDER FOR THE SONIC BOOM--MISSILE DROPKICK into the back from JERICHO breaks it up!!
Pamela: It may have been years since they've teamed, but these two still have chemistry it seems.
Ayane: Lance Storm going for the cover on Sonnette! One! Tw--Nova makes the save! It seems that Nova and Sonnette are surprisingly in tune as well. Lance and Sonnette both getting up, now. Lance with a chop!
"Whooooo!!"
Ayane: Another chop!!
"Whooooo!!!"
Ayane: Sonnette may have more "padding" in her chest than most guys have, but that still has to hurt! Lance now putting Sonnette into the corner now....charging in....Monkey Flips Sonnette out of the corner! But Sonnette rolling into a ball to soften up...ROLLS UP THE OPPOSITE RINGPOST!! Landing now on both feet! Incredible! Now charging in towards Lance...right hands!! Knee into the midsection!
Pamela: That was a knee into the GROIN!!
Ayane: Setting up Lance now...PORNPLEXXX!!! ONE!!! TWO!!!--Kickout at the last second!! Lance desparately needs a tag from Jericho!
Pamela: I think anyone in this arena, even the janitor in the back scrubbing the toilets, could have told us that, Ayane, but you're still right.
Ayane: Hmph...Sonnette getting up now...Lance slowly up to his feet...Sonnette foring for the Hentai--NO, Lance with a headlock takedown! Locking on a sleeper...Sonnette quickly up..shoots Lance off into the ropes...ducks the the flying clothesline...drop toe hold from Lance!! Lance rearing back...Sonnette up--LANCE WITH A SUPERKICK!! Sonnette's head snapped back with that impact! Lance now tagging in Jericho!!
Pamela: An "I told you so" right now will suffice.
Ayane: I'm not heavily towards either side, so you kind of are wasting your breath...Jericho in now...Sonnette back up....JERICHO nailing Sonnette with forearms...sending her into the near ropes...DOUBLE FACECRUSHER by Storm and Jericho!!!
.
.
.
One!
.
.
.
Two!
.
.
KICKOUT by Sonnette!!
Pamela: WOW!
Ayane: Nova in now...double Irish whip now...Double Leg Lariat sends Nova down!! Nova rolling to the outside, and Storm back out onto the apron.
Pamela: I have to hand it to her....Sonnette first picked up that it might be Jericho, although he was just one of many possibilities.
Ayane: Well, in the long run, it wouldn't have really mattered, but this was undoubtedly a bit of a shock. The fans seem to be a bit divided. Some of them figure Jericho guilty by association, others seem to have gotten a better opinion of Lance--Jericho now stomping away on Sonnette in the corner...pulling her up now. Set up...one of Jericho's famous moves--Double Underhook Backbreaker!!
Pamela: Good thing he hit that move right, or he'd just have ended up impaling his leg.
Ayane: Good "point." Jericho isn't accustomed to wrestling anyone like this....Jericho now mounting Sonnette...hammering away with some right hands...Jericho now pulling up Sonnette....sending her into the turnbuckle...springing up over the charging Jericho!! LOCKING HIM UP--HENTAIPLEX!!!
.
.
.
ONE!!
.
.
.
TWO!!--NO, kickout by Jericho!!
Pamela: Hooooooly...
Ayane: Sonnette wasn't able to get the pinfall there, but tags in Nova...this could be our turning point...
Pamela: Only a show of Canadian superiority can overcome such a team...
Ayane: Nova and Sonnette now fighting to even the odds here....Sonnette and Storm pairing off once more....Nova and Jericho, now--Jericho sent into the corner...climbing up on top...moonsaults behind Nova. Waistlock from Jericho...Nova with a back elbow...Nova hits the ropes--arm dragged over....Jericho hits the ropes again...FLYING FOREARM by Jericho.
Pamela: Lance has Sonnette!! Lance has Sonnette!!
Ayane: Jericho climbing back up top now...Missile Drop Kick to Sonnette--NO! DUCKED BY SONNETTE!!! JERICHO HITS STORM!!
Pamela: Uh oh...those two are going to have a long talk later.
Ayane: Nova rolls Storm to the outside....Nova now--inverted Atomic Drop on Jericho!! Set up now...Vertical Suplex--NO, Jericho landing behind Nova....pushing him into the ropes...backslide now...
.
.
.
One!
.
.
.
TWO!--Kickout by Nova! Nova rolling backwards...up to his feet now....Jericho HOOKS NOVA FOR THE RUNNING DDT!!! Now running to the nearby ropes--LIONSAULT!!
.
.
.
One!
.
.
.
TWO!
...NO!!
Pamela: Storm and Sonnette are fighting on the outside, still! Sonnette drops Storm chin-first on the safety railing! Damn, I bet he'd rather have just gotten a "Dear John" letter.
Ayane: Back in the ring, Jericho has Nova up again...sends him into the ropes again....Jericho hits the opposite ropes--SPINNING HEEL KICK by Jericho!! Jericho now pinning with one foot on Nova's chest!
Pamela: COME ON, BABY!!!!
Ayane:
.
.
.
One!
.
.
.
TWO!!
.
.
NO!!! Nova barely makes the escape...but Jericho now going for the legs of Nova....it could be time for the Liontamer yet again!!
Pamela: Come on, Jericho!!! WHHHHHHHHOOOOOO!!! CANADA!!! WHOOOOOO!!!
Ayane: Jericho trying to turn Nova....but having difficulty--now slingshotting him face-first to the corner. Backdrop coming up--no, false start...backdrop--Nova flipping behind Jericho....boot to the midsection....pulls Jericho's head between his legs. Powerbomb coming up--Jericho grabs the ropes....looking to flip out of it....Nova pulls him away...Jericho slipping free though. Jericho hitting the ropes...another kick to the midsection. Setting up Nova now...Nova counters with a DDT!!! Now heading up top!!! Jericho dazed and getting up--NOVA BLAST!! Covery by Nova!
.
.
.
One!
.
.
.
TW0
.
--kickout by Jericho!! Nova heading for his corner--tagging in Sonnette now!
Ayane: The World Heavyweight Champion, I might add. If our Canadians can pin Sonnette, then how does that bode for her title?
Ayane: If it is Lance pinning Sonnette, then of course I'd say he could very well upset the World Champion at No Escape, which I feel away--Jericho held by Nova...Sonnette taking over now...pulling up Jericho again now...sends him into the ropes....double suplex by the team of Sonnette and Nova!! Nova back to the outside. Jericho up..and...
Pamela: Is she resting? Why's she not following up.
Ayane: I think she...YES, she wants Jericho to tag in Storm! She wants a piece of Storm herself again. JERICHO TAGS IN LANCE STORM!!! Storm in now....Sonnette attacking him now...STORM DROPPING DOWN INTO AN ARMBAR!! Great counter by Storm! Sonnette has the rope, though. Storm up now...whipping Sonnette into the ropes...Storm now...back body drop!! Storm hits the ropes....leaping over Sonnette....hitting the ropes...LOW DROPKICK into the knees of Sonnette! Now he pulls Sonnette up...Irish Whip...reversal...Storm hits the corner!! Sonnette now running to the opposide corner....running...rolling forward somersault into a corner splash!! Storm stumbling out of the corner!! Sonnette nails him with a lightning-quick piledriver!! Now Sonnette heading for the top turnbuckle....this could be it...gyrating aaaand...THE MONEY SHOT on Lance Storm!!
.
.
.
One!
.
.
.
TWO!
--Lance kicks out just in time!
Pamela: I never thought Sonnette and Nova would co-exist once the bell rang, but they surprised me here. Kinda funny, considering the only double team moves Sonnette was used to up to now was "Double Oral...Double Anal..etc."
Ayane: PAM-CHAN?!!
Pamela: It's not like I'm lying!
Ayane: Sonnette now pulling up Storm....DDT position...sitting up on top...Tornado!!--NO! NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX from Lance Storm?! YES!!
.
.
.
ONE!!
.
.
.
TWO
SONNETTE kicks out!!
Pamela: A tornado DDT reversed into a Northern Lights?! I've NEVER seen that before!
Ayane: Storm now tagging Jericho back in. Jericho going to work with a swift kick into the ribs of Sonnette. Sonnette back up though...sent into the ropes. Jericho telegraphs--Sonnette with a quick kick to the midsection! Fameass--NO, Sonnette flipped from Jericho's head...goes for the clothesline...ducked by the Lionheart...both of them hit the ropes...DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE in the middle of the ring! They wipe EACH OTHER out!
After a short while...Jericho starts to get back up to his feet, then Sonnette...
Pamela: Jericho's the first up!!
Ayane: But Sonnette is right there...Jericho now attempting to out-and-out brawl with Sonnette, and that may not be very smart. Sonnette taking over on Jericho--but Jericho evening it up with some stiff kicks. Jericho sending Sonnette into the corner...and Jericho may be planning to go for the big finish here.
Pamela: Always a bit of a risk associated with this...
Ayane: Jericho and Sonnette up top...jostling for positioning here...Sonnette with a front suplex counters!! Nova heading over to Sonnette's corner...what do they have in mind.
Pamela: Sonnette's...going to powerbomb Nova?!
Ayane: Sonnette now...TOP ROPE POWERBOMB INTO A FACEBUSTER!!! Nova almost with a Shooting Star Press on Jericho as Sonnette comes down with a legdrop!!!
.
.
.
ONE!!
.
.
.
TWO!!!
.
.
.
THREE!!! Nova and Sonnette pick up the victory!
*ding, ding, ding*
Winners via Pinfall >>> Nova/Sonnette
"Take a Look Around" by Limp Bizkit cues up...
Ayane: The World Champion and Nova picks up the victory here....but Lance coming in now....NOVA AND LANCE fighting again now...
*ding, ding, ding*
Pamela: Sonnette is pulling Nova away, and Jericho is pulling Lance away...but I saw let 'em fight!!
Ayane: Well, Sonnette and Nova were successful here tonight, but I don't think anything is solved here yet....Well, until next time, I'm Ayane Mitsui..
Pamela: And I'm the BUXOM Pamela Paulshock!..
Ayane: Make sure not to miss a special WEDNESDAY edition of Mayhem this coming week!!...
***
World Wrestling Federation Championship
Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. The Rock
The match starts with a man in a black cloak telling The Rock that it's time to pay up. Steve Austin comes down to the ring. When The Rock's music hits, there's no The Rock. The man in the black cloak reveals himself to be the true higher power...Eric Bischoff! Bischoff declares, "It was me Austin! It was me all along!" Bischoff's plan to take over the WWF was just about complete, and he proceeded to send out challengers for Austin. Out come Hogan, Roddy Piper, Randy Savage, Sid Vicious, Lex Luger, Dusty Rhodes, Kevin Sullivan, and a Lobotomized Chris Benoit with a hump on his back. Austin takes out everyone, but is El Kabonged by Jeff Jarrett who runs off with the Title and Debra saying, "Now who's Main Event material Slap Nuts!"
Epilogue
Jarrett, Debra, and Bischoff all run into the parking lot to make their get away, but they're run down by the white hummer. Out walk Kevin Nash and Scott Hall. They pick up the belt from Jarrett's carcass, go inside to hand it back to Vince McMahon and say, "Now where's that five bucks you owe us?"
(Thanks to IGN Wrestling's Freakboy for being more warped than humanly possible =P ^_^)