Live from the Corel Centre in Ottawa,Ontario, Canada!
Your hosts are Chris Kanyon and Pamela Paulshock!
Live from the Corel Centre in Ottawa,Ontario, Canada!
Your hosts are Chris Kanyon and Pamela Paulshock!
Signs in the crowd tonight:
"MY SIGN SAYS MY BRAIN IS GOING AWAY WITH THE MANGOS AND THE UNDERWEAR EATERS, JIM!!" Plus "SHAED 4-EVA!" "AUSTIN 3:16!" "WHAT?!" "I SAID AUSTIN 3:16!" "OH, OKAY!" and "ARIEL'S HARDCORE!!"
Pamela: Welcome everybody to EAW Riot Rulz..um...Kanyon is supposed to be here, but seems he was called away to meet with the prez...sooooo..
Megan: I'll be replacing him, you loudmouthed bleach-blonded waffle-brained--*ahem*...um...sorry. PMS...
Pamela: I hear ya...
Megan: ANYWAY, welcome to the show...up first the goth bitches vs. those clone freaks who by all rights should be carved up in a lab somewhere, in two handicap matches...
"Nobodies" by Marilyn Manson starts to play, as the crowd erupts in cheers.
Pamela: Well, first here's Sin, who has the daunting task of facing BOTH of Deadly Extremity, at the same time!
Megan: Then after she's slaughtered, Red and Blue can pick off Chaynz's favorite fucktoy next...
As Sin gets in the ring, "Bodies" by Drowning Pool cues up.
Pamela: Well, here comes DE next, and are you thinking about changing your mind about Kelly's challenge?
Megan: What th--oh...yeah...that. She can shove her challenge up her ass, and have David pack it in with his 3 inch rod.
Pamela: Ouch. :P
The crowd chants "Sluts! Sluts! Sluts!" to Deadly Extremity as their make their way to the ring...
Frosti grabs the mic. "You know...it's kinda sad when people talk all that shit and pussy out. Megan Eko is one of them. Our gal Kelly issued a real challenge to her, and what does she do. She pussies out. But that's not entirely what we wanted to say before our match."
Megan: What else? That there's a bin of discounted dildos at the sex shop down the street?
Savvy takes over. "In fact, we've done our research, and found out that not only was she a slut, but it started back in high school. Ladies and gentlemen. Without further adieu, I bring you Megan's Ex best friend, GINA SCHULTZ!"
Megan: What? That bitch is still alive? I thought someone would put that loser out of her misery by now...
Suddenly, from out the back. a tall, hazel-eyed brunette, wearing a blue tube top and black slacks makes her way to the ring, the crowd is giving her cat calls.
Megan: I'll be...looks like the fatass lost some weight...
Savvy greets Gina. "How are you Gina?"
"I'm fine, thank you." She replies.
"So tell us about you and Megan."
"We were close friends since Kindergarden. We've done everything together. From walking to school every morning, to going to our first concert. We were so close, that is until...our senior year."
"What do you mean, Gina." Frosti says, obviously interested.
"Well, I like this guy. He was tall, dark, handsome. Everything I've ever dreamed of a man. I told Megan about him, and she said that he was just a womanizer. Even though she was looking out for my best interests, I couldn't stop thinking about him. He was so dreamy, nice, and caring..."
"Ok, get to the point."
"Then, I heard this rumor that he found a new girlfriend. I didn't want to believe it, but when I saw them...when I...when I..." Gina then busts out into tears.
Come on, Gina. Tell Frosti all about it. Gina, teary-eyed, manages to get out the words. "HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND TURNED OUT TO BE MEGAN!"
"Megan? You don't say? And this girl's supposed to be your best friend?"
"Yeah. She was supposed to be there for me, but she was lying to me all this time."
Megan: Oh brother...*whine, whine, whine*
Savvy asks, "How about those straight A's she made?"
"I wonder how she did make those perfect marks. She probably sucked off her teachers for them."
"But from what we understand, most of her teachers were female."
"So what? Most teachers in the world are Bisexual! After all, why wouldn't she stop there! SHE'S A FUCKING MAN-STEALER! A SLUT! A WHORE! AND AN ALL OUT BITCH!" She falls down on her knees as she bawls for the next 10 seconds. "She stole my boyfriend! MY BOYFRIEND! MY SO-CALLED FRIEND STOLE MY BOYFRIEND FROM ME!"
Megan: He was bored out of his mind with her...he couldn't STAND her. Besides, doesn't he share SOME of the blame?
Gina sobs as she goes up to Frosti. "It's ok, Gina. We believe you. We believe you." Frosti says with sympathy as she pats her on her back. "We know what you were going through. In fact, I'm dealing with the same thing as you. But don't worry. She'll get hers in time. She'll get hers. Why don't you go to the back and have a cream soda, 'kay?"
Gina sniffles. "I hope you totally fuck up that backstabbing bitch!"
"Don't worry, we will. We will. For all the people she's hurt." Savvy says as Gina now makes her way to the back.
Megan: Whatever...ANYWAY let's get to the match...
Pamela: ....okay.
*ding, ding*
Pamela: Alright here we go. This'll be a good one!
Megan: Sin starts out against Savvy. Savvy fakes a Punch to the face, then Clotheslines Sin to the mat! She quickly picks up Sin, Scoop Slam! Savvy runs against the ropes, Running Leg Drop!! Savvy drags Sin over the corner, she makes a tag to Frosti. Savvy throws Sin into the ropes, she tosses her up, POWERSLAM BY FROSTI!! Cover!
One!
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Two!
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Kickout!
Pamela: She almost had her there. Quickly coming into it though.
Megan: Frosti sends Sin into the corner, she runs and hits her with a Charging Avelanche! Sin is dazed.
Pamela: She needs to get with a rhythem otherwise this isn't even a fight.
Megan: Yeah she does. Frosti tosses Sin by her hair into the middle of the ring. Frosti is climing to the top, she quickly jumps off... SPLIT LEGGED MOONSAULT!! NO!! Sin moves! She is starting to make it to her feet, she picks Frosti up and throws her into the ropes, kick to the gut, DDT!! She stands up and runs at Savvy, Forarm to the Face! Sin is getting warmed up here.
Pamela: Come on Savvy, start a cat fight!!
Megan: Sin starts delivering Elbows to the Sternum, she then hits a Flip Over Neck Whip!! Savvy gets into the ring, cheap shot! She Clotheslines Sin from behind! The ref sends Savvy out as Frosti is on her feet! She picks up Sin from that Clothesline, Sidewalk Slam! Another cover!
One!
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Two!
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Kickout!!!
Pamela: Sin isn't giving up on this one, hand it to them Deadly Extremity!
Megan: Frosti makes a tag to Savvy, they both throw Sin into the ropes, whoa! Frosti kicks Sin's knee and Savvy with a Reverse Bulldog!! What a move! Savvy picks up Sin and throws her into the corner. She sets Sinup on top, SUPERPLEX!! Both of them are on the ground. The ref begins the count and gets up to about 6 before Savvy makes it up first. Savvy picks Sin up and throws her into the ropes, Sin spins around and throws Savvy into the ropes, no! She pulls her back and.... SPEAR BY SIN!!! WHAT A SPEAR!!! COVER!
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2
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...Kickout!
Megan: Oh My God, Savvy might have broken a rib right there!
Pamela: That impact was daaaaammmmn hard!
Megan: Sin starts taunting Frosti, but she can't get in. Sin has the momentum, she picks up Savvy and tosses her into the corner, she starts kicking her in the midsection, SPINNING HEEL KICK! Savvy is down, Sin runs back to the other corner... She runs at Savvy, BRONCO BUSTER!! Man that looks good.
Pamela: Um.... Ok Megan.
Megan: The fans are going nuts for Sin. Sin is once again taunting Frosti in front of the ref. Uh oh, watch our Sin! Savvy is making it up to her feet, Sin turns around... FIERY STRIKE BY SAVVY!!
Pamela: What the hell? She isn't going for the win. Uh oh...
Megan: TIGER BOMB BY SAVVY!! She tags Frosti in? GO FOR THE WIN!
Pamela: They got something planned...
Megan: Savvy picks up the helpless Sin, Savvy is setting up the Final Encounter! One Powerbomb! Two! The throw back! NO! She holds Sin in the air, Frosti climbs the turnbuckle, DEMONESS FUSION!!! That's it, cover...
One!
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Two!
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Three!!
Winners by Pinfall: Frosti and Savvy, Deadly Extremity!
Megan: Hardly a workout for Rob Black's two genetic fuckups...but still another victim to go.
Pamela: What a well played victory, but poor helpless Sin. Heh heh...
**Commercial**
Kanyon: And we're back!! Megan had to...run...but...I'm back. Funny...there wasn't anything the Prez wanted me...but ah well.
Pamela: Eh...whoever knows what's on LG's mind? Oh..I know...Asian chickies...
Kanyon: Well, we hope that Sin will be OK, and now it's time for the other half of the team to compete.
Pamela: And just like her sister before her, Shade is in for the beating of her life.
"Bodies" by Drowning Pool cues up, and once again out comes Deadly Extremity, to another chorus of boos from the crowd.
Kanyon: Well, they managed to take down one member of the Girls of Goth, can they do it again?
Pamela: I sure hope so. Those two gothic cumsacks have it coming to them.
Kanyon:…must resist the Lilith style joke there…
Suddenly, once Deadly Extremity are both in the ring, "Here Comes the Money" cues up, and out comes Donnie B and the Big Show.
Kanyon: Wait just a damn minute, what is Donnie B doing out here?
Pamela: He has a controlling interest in this company now, Kanyon. And you can thank David Flair's impartial refereeing skills for that.
Kanyon: I knew that there was something that I didn't like about that kid.
Donnie goes to the ringside area and takes a microphone. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I've decided to use a bit of my new power I've gotten. To make this match a bit more interesting, this match will be, NO DQ! Frosti, Savvy, Shade...have fun!"
Kanyon: Oh great, as if the match wasn't already against Shade as it was, now THIS happens.
Pamela: I think it's great! Now there'll be no complaining about Deadly Extremity's actions!
"Nobodies" cues up next, and for about a minute it plays, but no Shade. Suddenly…
Kanyon: LOOK! Shade from the crowd with a chair! And she gets in the ring and clocks both of them with it! This match is underway now!
Kanyon: And Shade getting an early advantage here now with dat chair to DE's backs! She's apparently trying to avenge what happened to her sister earlier right now!
Pamela: But MUST she do it by getting cheap shots in like that?
Kanyon: It's No Disqualification, Pammy. Now Shade taking Frosti, sending her off the rope…nicely placed dropkick right into her mouth! Savvy coming in, kick DDT combo for her trouble!
Pamela: But look, Deadly Extremity smartly rolling out of the ring to regroup. Donnie B right there…they need to re-think their game-plan before continuing.
Kanyon: But look at Shade, diving tackles all three of them, and takes them all down! Shade now grabbing Savvy, and tosses her back into the ring! Shade is a house of fire!
Pamela: But look at the great teamwork of Deadly Extremity, with Frosti attacking Shade from behind. And Deadly Extremity firmly back into control now, kicking away at the downed Girl of Goth.
Kanyon: Savvy now holding Shade for her sister…and a hard kick to the ribs of Shade. Deadly Extremity firmly in control, now taking her…DOUBLE SUPLEX!
Pamela: This is great! Now look, they're going to finish Shade off for good now!
Kanyon: NO! They can't...not the Dead or X-Treme! They could end her career. Frosti setting her up…
Pamela: What the hell? CHAYNZ?
Kanyon: Chaynz coming out of NOWHERE there, and grabs Frosti…Crimson Wave! Savvy getting back down, going after him…but LOOK!
Pamela: First Chaynz, now Sin! What the hell is this about?
Kanyon: I dunno…but Sin struggling to get back into the ring now…she's in…LOOK AT THIS! DARK ILLUSION! AND ANOTHER CRIMSON WAVE TO FROSTI AT THE SAME TIME!
Pamela: Donnie and Show are getting into the ring…No, Not Lilith too!
Kanyon: Yes Lilith too…she's holding Donnie and Show back…Frosti is out and…SAVVY TAPS!
"Here is your winner, Shaaaaaaade!"
Pamela: This is a travesty of justice Kanyon. What right did Sin, Chaynz, and Lilith have for getting involved in this match?
Kanyon: It's called justices Pammy. And Chaynz and the Girls leaving the ring, celebrating. We'll be back after this!
**Commercial Break**
[Ready (FINALLY) in five... four... theee...]
Kanyon: Welcome back t' Riot Rulz and *boy*, d'we have somethin' to show you all before Flair and Code Red eat each otha alive!
Pamela: I don't see what you're so worked up about...
A "During the Break" moment starts up, showing the parking lot of the Corel Center... and a black Kawasaki pulls in, a man in a leather jacket and khakis stepping off of it, After shouldering a dufflebag, he takes his helmet off... the hair's short and some white's mixed in with the purple, but the crowd recognizes him immediately and pops pretty loudly. He walks off, not even paying the cameraman any attention.
Kanyon: I dunno what you're talkin' about, but it's good t' see that Kairi's back! Looks a little glum, but hey... guess he misses tha bizniss.
Pamela: Pffft. Like I've got time to care about a wannabe mid-carder like him. We've got a superstar due to wrestle Mikey tonight!
Kanyon: ... Pammie, didja hitcher head or somethin'?
Pamela: Why d'you ask?
Kanyon: Y'called Flair a supahstar.
Pamela: But he is! >_<
And "There's a Fire In The House" as Code Red run downs the ramp Ultimate Warrior-style, slides in... "The following match is single-fall, and will be for the MRPW Regional Heritage Title! Introducing first, from Mars, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 235 pounds... 'Code Red' Michael Anthonyyyyyyyy CONNELLY!" and hits a turnbuckle, getting one hell of a pop from the crowd. CRMAC grins, then hops down and stretches, waiting patiently.
Kanyon: One a the EAW's finest competitahs, right there! Mikey's done nothin' but produce for dis promotion, and the fans love 'im for it! What more couldja want from the guy?
Pamela: For him to ditch the Shaed wannabe and find a girl with some meat on her bones.
Kanyon: Wow, you're a ray a' sunshine tonight, Pammie.
The music shifts... and "My Way" pumps through the speakers as David Flair makes his way triumphantly to the ring. Needless to say, the crowd's not very happy about it. "And his opponent, from Minneapolis, Minnesota, weighing in at 210 pounds... he is the MRPW Regional Heritage Champion... DAVID FLAAAAAAAAIR!"
Pamela: Future megastar! Future megastar!
Kanyon: Shutcher yap, Pammie, PLEASE.
Code Red smirks at David, then waves him on. Flair looks not-too-happy and flips CRMAC off before the bell rings to start the match.
Pamela: And here we go! Both circling each other... and Flair going for a test of strength. See, he's already showing the mark of a true legend! Code Red going for it... and they both go at it! And... bah, Code Red bearing down on Flair... and Flair turns the test into a Salto Suplex! One-minute kill!
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ONE!
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Kanyon: Nothing doing! Mikey free and lookin' a bit more determined. I gotta hand it to ya, Pammie, Flair's actually wrestlin' for once!
Pamela: When doesn't he! And here we go! Arm-and-collar... both fighting for control... and Flair in with a knee to Mikey's gut! And a follow-up hip toss! Flair down on the mat, slapping on an armbar... solid technical wrestling! I think Angel's rubbing off on him!
Kanyon: Yeh... damn, this match might actually be worth watchin'! Mikey up... trying to take some of th' pressure offa dat armbar Flair's got on 'im... up, around, ovah and Flair goes down, thanks to a fireman's carry from Mikey! An' now Mikey on Flair wit' a front headlock on Flair... watch 'im squirm!
Pamela: Bah, it's nothing! Flair should be able to get out of that easily... see? He's free, AND he's stomping at Code Red, to boot!
Kanyon: Y'failed ta mention the poke in th' eye Flair slipped in dere, Pammie! Still, Red on th' defensive an' Flair backing him into th' corner... an' Flair whips Mikey to th' opposite corner! Flair's a house on fire... but Mikey can fly! Mike leapfroggin' over Flair an' goin' for a spinkick--ducked! And Flair with some good ol' EAW PRIDE! DDT near th' turnbuckle!
Pamela: What did I tell you? And now Flair's taking the initiative... up on the top rope... kneedrop MISSES?! Bleh! And Connelly kippuping to his feet... chops to the chest!
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Kanyon: Listen to dat smack! Mikey's not holdin' back at all... and that last chop makes five! Flair in the corner and Mikey rackin' him up... gourdbuster from the top! And Code Red goes for th' pin!
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ONE!
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TWO--Flair with a shoulder up!
Pamela: Staying power! Mikey stupid enough to let Flair roll to the outside... and even more stupid to follow! Code Red charging... but Look who's there to stop him!
From seemingly out of nowhere comes David's girl Kelly, who gets in Mikey's path.
Kanyon: Now wait a damn minute, what is she doing here?
Pamela: Well for one, she's David's manager. And...she's asking for a mic!
Kelly: Mikey, if you want David outside the ring, you're going have to go through me...YOUR OWN COUSIN!
Kanyon: WHAT? Kelly is Michael Connelly's cousin!?
Pamela: Damn straight she is! Now Mikey seems confused, and David stepping around Kelly Connelly, Flair with an elbow to the chest...Kelly hightailing it to the back and Flair charges Code Red into the apron backfirst! And now HE gets to chopping!
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Kanyon: Agh, Mikey's turnin' red from all those chops! And Flair's not lettin' up! OW... that last one was a killer... and Flair rolls Mikey in!
Pamela: He's quite red now! Hehheh... Flair grabbing both of Mikey's leg... HAH! And he's cinching in a figure four! Nothing can stop that technique! Watch Mikey squeal!
Kanyon: Mikey's fightin' it, though! Lookit him reach for the ropes... Mikey ain't gonna tap or lose to some crappy submission... shoulders down!
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ONE!
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T--Mikey lifts 'em back up and starts reaching again! Aaaaaaand... got it! The ref forcing Flair to break th' hold... but I don' think Flair wants to! Finally lettin' go, and gettin' an earful from the ref!
Pamela: It's called 'attrition', Kanyon! See, look... Code Red's up... kinda. Heehee... and Flair and Code Red tie up! Red forced to the ropes and CHOP! Whoooooooooo! Flair laying it in... and whipping Red to the ropes... running clothesline CONNECTS! And Flair off the ropes... kneedrop to Code Red! He's setting him up for something big... Flair to the top! Frogsplash HITS and he pi--WHAT?!
Kanyon: WHOA! Code Red turnin' the impact of th' splash inta a small package!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THR--Flair barely escapes, and boy, does he look pissed!
Pamela: As well he should! How dare Mikey treat him like some jobber?! But it doesn't matter that he pulled off some stupid counter, because Mikey's in pain! And Flair's lifting him up for a kneebreaker... up and d--NO! Mikey flips out of it--AGH! CRIMSON TIDE! A huge one! NO, this can't be happening!
Kanyon: Oh, but it is! Mikey's got Flair up... lift and SPINEBUSTER! SPINE ON DA PINE, baby! Mikey jackknifing over for the pin!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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T-NO! FLair kicks free and scrambles away... but Mikey's following him! And it's mudhole-stomping time! Let th' "What?!"s begin!
Pamela: I HATE THAT CATCHPHRASE!
Kanyon: WHAT?!
Pamela: ... AND I HATE YOU TOO!
Kanyon: Red lifting Flair up... and here come da clotheslines! Immaculate Preplexion! Off da ropes... leapfrog and SPE--DROP TOE HOLD from Flair! And Flair reaching for the legs again! Trying to turn Code Red ov--VICTORY ROLL!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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Flair kicking free, but up to his feet inna heartbeat!
Pamela: When is Code Red gonna quit with the playing games and wrestle?! I mean look at him...
Kanyon: Flair and Code Red exchanging blows... and FLAIR with a hard shot that staggers Code Red... and another! Anotha! And Flair windin' back--punch blocked and caught--BOOM! CONDITION RED FROM OUTTA NOWHERESVILLE! But... Code Red ain't coverin'?!
Pamela: He's stupid! Watch that bite him on the ass!
Kanyon: Code Red... goin' up top! Pointing to himse--HOT DAMN! Blink just blinked on in and crotching Code Red on the ropes! And where there's Blink... ANGEL from the crowd... in the ring and SUPER BELLY-TO-BELLY! The ref's throwing this match... an' what a cheap-ass punk! Can't even fight his own battles!
"The winner, by disqualification... Michael Anthony CONNELLY!"
Pamela: But he still doesn't get the title... although he does get Angel Locks in STEREO! Bahaahahah! Blink and Angel twisting BOTH his ankles! Classic! Just classic! Aaaaaand now here comes the refs to break it up... and there go the three that are going to take over the EAW!
Kanyon: Pfft... I'd sooner eat my jock than put up with that... damn, poor Mikey... the refs giving the okay... looks like he's fine.
Pamela: Heh, of course he is! But his ego's been dealt a mortal blow! Anyway... more brutality, coming up!
**Commercial Break**
"Elite" by the Deftones cues up as we return from break...
Kanyon: Welcome everybuddy back to Riot Rulz!! Up next, we got a tag team match coming up with, to be sure, some of the top names in the bidness.
Pamela: Yup, yup...although 3 of them actually made a name for themselves, and the other one just is leeching off her "mentor's" name.
Kanyon: Well, that's not fair to say...besides, what about your everlasting support of David?
Pamela: That IS his name, though. What, should he be like a Nicolas Cage and change his name?
Kanyon: That'd be a good start...his name, his face, his place of employment...
Pamela: Grrrrr...
Cappetta: The following Tag Team Match is scheduled for one fall with a 20 minute time limit. Introducing first, from Japan, he stands 5'10" and weighs in at 220 lbs. The BEAST GOD, Jyushin Lyger!!
Kanyon: Jyushin Lyger a worldwide name, and getting quite the reception here from these Canadian fans.
Pamela: Well, friggin HOGAN got cheered here too, so I wouldn't be making such a big deal out of it. =P
"Apathy" by KMFDM then plays...
Kanyon: Now a young street fighter slowly making a name for herself in EAW competition, although much to the chagrin of Helmsley.
Pamela: And man, does this girl ever need to chill out or what? Go take a nice cruise or get a massage or something...she seems to have a major stick up her ass.
Cappetta: And his partner, from Kyoto, Japan....she stands 5'4" and weighs in at 129 pounds. HOKUTO LYGER!!!
Kanyon: Well, if you'd ask LG's opinion, he'd probably use at least two of those words to sum up his feelings about her, but probably wouldn't want to say them to her face. Hokuto not getting quite the reception of her mentor...but compared to Helmsley, it's practically overwhelming support.
Kanyon: And Fasha at ringside seems to be taking a particular interest in Hokuto...
Pamela: Oh...probably has a crush on her. :P
Kanyon: Doh! Well, you said it not me...
"Also Sprach Zarathustra" cues up over the loudspeaker at the crowd goes nuts...and Ric Flair steps out onto the stage, in glittery robe and all...
Kanyon: And now, the Nature Boy himself, an icon of wrestling, a former 15 time World Champion...
Pamela: AND David Flair's father--don't forget to leave out his most important accomplishment!
Kanyon: I think your selling Ric short a bit...
Pamela: NO WAY..Ric's proud of him. Hardly the same could be said about Dusty Rhodes' son...and has his mother EVER been seen in public? =P
Kanyon: *shrug* Whateva...I won't argue with that.
Cappetta: And their opponents, introducing first, from Charlotte, North Carolina...standing 6'1" and weighing in at 240 pounds. The "NATURE BOY", RIC FLAAAAAAAAAIR!!
Flair makes his way down to the ring, and after removing his robe, bows to both Lygers...then...
"Primal Concrete Sledge" cues up over the PA...
And the crowd changes moods in a hurry, booing voraciously as "The Decadent" makes his way out, with Hera closely behind.
Cappetta: And his partner...accompanied by Hera...from Greenwich, Connecticut...he stands 6'4" and weighs in at 250 pounds..."The Decadent" Hunter....Hearst....Heeeeeeeeeelmsley!!
Kanyon: And NO surprise whatsoever to this reaction....Hunter despises the whole country--and the feeling is mutual.
Pamela: Well, obviously they're jealous of the superior talents, looks, brains, and breeding of Hunter. The difference between an average Canadian and a moose is that one of them has coarser hair. Guess which one?
Kanyon: I ain't touchin' that...
Pamela: Hmph...
Helmsley ignores the crowd's reaction, as Hera skips ahead to the apron, at first leaning over and slooooowly stepping between the ropes, then holding them open for Hunter. Hunter climbs in the ring, at first about to bow, then changing his mind and flipping off the Lygers. Hokuto looks ready to tear into him but Jyushin holds her back.
Kanyon: Now Hunter jawing with some of the ringside fans...
A "STORM!! STORM!! STORM!!" chant starts up...
Kanyon: And Hunter NOT liking that at all...the fans getting on Hunter's case...but he's not taking it with much concern. Hunter demanding Jyushin start off against him...
Pamela: See? What I tell ya? A real stand up guy...not backing down from anyone or anything...
Kanyon: *grumble* Kick his ass, Jush...
Kanyon: Helmsley and Jyushin with a collar and elbow...knees to the midsection by Helmsley--blocked by Lyger, going for a kneebreaker--blocked--Helmsley with shots to the head of Lyger--to the ropes--DROPKICK on Helmsley!! To the ropes--splash on top of Helmsley!! Lyger picking him up by the head--kicks to to the midsection of Helmsley--Koppou Kick sends Helmsley down. Off the ropes again--KNEES up stop the senton splash. Helmsley pulling him up--no, Lyger with a HARD kick across the midsection. To the ropes--SPINNING HEEL KICK by Lyger!! Cover!
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ONE!
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Kickout!
Pamela: Jyushin taking it to Helmsley early...but all part of his plan...watch...Lyger picking up Hunter now--INVERTED ATOMIC DROP!! Told ya!
Kanyon: Hunter off the ropes--HIGH KNEE to Lyger!! Off the ropes--knee drop into the sternum!
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ONE!
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Kickout!
A "We Want Flair!" chant starts up...
Kanyon: Hunter looking to tag Ric--NO, just fooling with the crowd's heads...stomping away on Lyger now...Hunter picking up Lyger...to the ropes--DROP TOE HOLD from Hunter...another knee drop! And a Camel Clutch now!!
Pamela: Focus of the attack being the upper neck and back of Lyger...Helmsley now pulling back hard on the hold. Lyger fighting free of it now...Helmsley shoved off--stomping at the knee now--Helmsley dragging Lyger to his corner--tag to Flair!
Kanyon: Arm wrench by Hunter, and Ric laying in boots to the midsection...taking down Lyger with a chop block, and dropping a pair of elbows to the knee. Flair picking him up now...
"WHOOO!!!....WHOOOO!!!....WHOOOO!!"
Pamela: Stinging knife-edged chops--to the ropes now...Flair with a hipto--NO, counter--HIPTOSS FROM LYGER!!
Kanyon: Flair surprised with that one, and Lyger pulling up Flair...shoteis to the chest of Flair...driving him back into the corner...going for a clothe--BOOT UP, and to the face of Lyger. Flair up to the second rope--AXEHANDLE to the chest of Lyger! Stomping at the knee of Lyger...sitting in the corner now--flips forward snapping the leg as he does.
Pamela: Yowch...may not have hurt as much for Lyger as most, but still looked painful. Flair picking up Lyger, and scoops--NO--Lyger landing behind--Flair chest-first to the turnbuckle...and...IRISH WHIP to the diagonal corner!! HARD impact there, and Flair flipping over the top--grabbing the ropes to hang on...
Pamela: Flair hanging on by a thread...chops the fingers, and Flair out to the floor...
Kanyon: Lyger readying himself to dive on top of Flair--PISCADO to the outside!! Knocking Flair right back down to the floor!
Pamela: Flair and Lyger down on the floor, and Lyger up...setting up Flair--NO--back body drop by Flair...Flair heading towards the ring...Lyger back up--LYGER RAMMING FLAIR'S HEAD TO THE STEEL STAIRS!!
Kanyon: And Lyger now wi--OUCH!...the Show of Authority on Flair, and the crowd not too thrilled about it...setting up Flair now...BACKDROPS him on our announce table!!!
The crowd boos as Lyger taunts Flair, then drags him off the table, about to toss him into the ring--MULE KICK by Flair catches him by surprise, and Flair--OOOH...right into the ringpost--and--KNEEBREAKER on the steel stairs!!
Pamela: Flair tossing him in now..getting in just before 10. TAG to Helmsley!!
Kanyon: Helmsley going for Lyger..--trips him up--Flair face-first into the second rope turnbuckle pad...Lyger with a barrage of kicks on Helmsley...Irish Whip to the ropes---off the ropes--SHORT LYGERBOMB on Helmsley!!
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ONE!
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TWO!
Kickout!
Pamela: Hunter kicking out, but Jyushin going for the tag--HOKUTO IN!!!
Kanyon: Helmsley up, and both Lygers now--DOUBLE SUPLEX on Helmsley!! Hokuto to the ropes...Jyushin as well--KNEEDROP to the forehead as Hokuto with a diving shotei to the chest of Helmsley!! Jyushin back out to the apron, and Hokuto picking up Helmsley. Helmsley trying to fight back with knees...going for a hammerlock now--counter by Hokuto now--arm wringer...and a scissored armbar now!! But Helmsley to the ropes!! Hokuto holding onto him by the hand as she stomps on the elbow.
Pamela: A way that no man probably plans on holding it. =P Hokuto just VICIOUS here tonight.
Kanyon: Pick up now by Hokuto--going to drop him across--NO--not quite able to get him up--BACK ELBOW by Helmsley into the jaw--KNEE into the back!! Helmsley now...modified Abdominal Stretch variation...focusing on the neck of Hokuto...using the rope for leverage now...scolded by the referee--Helmsley with shots to the upper back now...Irish Whip...Hokuto to the ropes--POWERSLAM by Hokuto!! Helmsley pulling her up now...more knees aimed at the back--WHOA!!...clutching her by--HENTAIPLEX from Helmsley!!
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ONE!
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TWO!
Kickout!
Pamela: *chuckle* That'll shake up that cold-shouldered stick in the mud.
Kanyon: Helmsley taunting Hokuto now...trying to piss her off obviously, and dropping a knee across her neck now. Helmsley picking her up--Chuugeki Hou from Hokuto surprising him...spinning crescent kick!! Hokuto now knocking Helmsley towards the corner...climbing up now...shots to the head of Hunter--INVERTED ATOMIC DROP once again by Helmsley...TWICE that move has served him well tonight...
Pamela: Well, it isn't just knowing a lot of moves, it's using the ones you have right. And TAG TO RIC AGAIN!!
Kanyon: Hokuto likely wanting to wrestle Helmsley more in this match--not that wrestling Ric is anything to sneeze at. Flair dropping a pair of knees in the back of Hokuto's neck...set up now by Ric....
"WHOOOOOOOOO!!"
Kanyon: DELAYED PILEDRIVER from Ric!! And Hokuto feeling the effects of that as you can see. Hammerlock now as he pulls her up to her feet...drags her to his corner--tag to Helmsley. Helmsley in...hammering away on Hokuto--setting her up now...aaaaaaand...VERTICAL SUPLEX in the middle of the ring!! Hooks the leg...
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ONE!
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TWO!
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Kickout!!!
Pamela: Hmph...lucky break for her, but her time is coming...Helmsley picking her up now--side headlock--elbows from Hokuto--DD--Hokuto slipping free--side armbar--ENZUI GIRI to the back of Helmsley's head!! Hokuto now dropping a pair of elbows...setting HIM up in a side headlock--tags to the Beast God!
Kanyon: Jyushin in now and laying in kicks to the midsection of Helmsley again...ramming him face first into the corner--kicks across the chest from Lyger now, and setting up Helmsley...and...FISHERMAN'S BUSTER by Lyger!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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KICKOUT!!
Pamela: Very impressive move, but Helmsley able to kick out of it...Irish Whip by Lyger as he picks up Helmsley--reversal--Helmsley to the far ropes--CHIN CRUSHER on Lyger!! Helmsley with a cover!
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ONE!
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TWO!
KICKOUT!
Kanyon: Nice move but Jyushin had time to recover...Helmsley pulling him up by the hair...knees to the midsection again...spinning neckbrea--NO--backsli--REVERSE NECKBREAKER by Helmsley!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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KICKOUT!
Close one there...
Pamela: Well, Lyger still seems to have it...Hokuto asking for a tag, but Helmsley firmly in control here, not about to allow that to happen...setting him up for a DD--CHARGES into the corner, and Lyger escaping that predicament...
Pamela: Helmsley fighting back no--SWITCHES POSITIONS with Lyger--Helmsley firing away on Jyushin in the corner!!
Kanyon: HEADBUTT to Helmsley catches him off guard...and Jyushin sending him back into the corner...those kicks to the chest again...and...The Beast God now setting up Hunter for something--VERY NASTY...and...BEAST GOD AVALANCHE from the top rope!!
Pamela: ....Yowtch....
Kanyon: For once we agree on something, and Lyger now...no...not going for the pinfall...but...tagging to Hokuto?!
Pamela: Hokuto in--and yeah, it seems that it was closer to his tag partner than to Hunter...Hokuto in, and stomping away on Helmsley...dragging him towards the corner...to the top now...aaaaaaaaaand...SHOOTING STAR PRESS on Helmsley!!
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ONE!
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TWO!!
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THREE?!?!
*ding, ding*
Kanyon: YES!! THREE!!! Hokuto pulling off what you COULD deem an upset on Helmsley, although I didn't think he would have kicked out anyway after the Super Beast God Avalanche...and the fans her in Ottawa are now Hokuto Lyger fans for sure!
Pamela: Blah, fickle moronic Canadian fans...
Cappetta: Here are your winners...the team of Jyushin Lyger and Hokuto Lyger!!
Kanyon: Well, quite a match from all involved...thankya for joining us folks, and stick around for our MAIN EVENT!!....
**Commercial Break**
Kanyon: We're back folks! And we're gettin' ready to kick off our main event!!
Pamela: Kanyon, explain to me again WHY Oseiko gets a title shot against our Olympic Hero? She's not worthy of even being in the same ring as him!
Kanyon: Hey, guess the bookers thought she was worthy!
Pamela: Bookers. Hmph. I could book a better match than these losers. Hell, Stephanie McMahon can book a better match. >=/
Kanyon: Ouch.
"Gonna Fly Now" cues up and the boos start raining down as the EAW World Champion Kirk Angel appears, looking to the fans, then acting like they're cheering him as he heads to the ring.
Pamela: And there he is! YOUR Olympic Hero!
Kanyon: Not here. He's in Canada.
Pamela: He's EVERYONE's Olympic Hero! Even here in Canada where they chant his name, AN-GEL! AN-GEL! AN-GEL!
Kanyon: Strange, sounds more like "You suck."
Pamela: Bleh. >=/
As Kirk Angel enters the ring, the long unused theme of "Strobe's Nanafushi (Satori Mix)" cues up, and the fans cheer wildly.
Kanyon: Listen to this ovation for the Black Widow! New singles attire, her old theme music, and her first chance to win the EAW World title here tonight!
Pamela: I still don't think she deserves it. She's just a punk who's getting pushed way too soon. She'll NEVER be champion!
Kanyon: She was judged to harshly in her debut in the IWF, too, Pamela, and she proved everyone wrong by becoming its Cruiserweight Champion! I think she's got a chance here tonight to become a much better champion than Kirk Angel ever will be!
Oseiko enters the ring and looks at Angel, when suddenly, "Voices" by Disturbed cues up!
Kanyon: What the--?!
Pamela: Who-- ... ohhhh!!! New theme music!! Look who's just showed up!
Kanyon: Blink! What's she doing here?!
Pamela: She's Angel's enforcer, Kanyon! She can be anywhere she wants to be!
Kanyon: Blink's staying up on the stage area, but I don't even trust her there... WAIT! ANGEL TAKES ADVANTAGE WITH A BACK SIDE SLAM... NO! OSEIKO PULLS AWAY JUST IN TIME AND STARES AT ANGEL!
Pamela: Teddy Long's called for the bell and now the ritual squash match begins! Night night, Oseiko-chan! ^_^
Kanyon: Oseiko and Angel with the tie-up... OSEIKO WHIPPING ANGEL TO THE CORNER AND SHE FOLLOWS THROUGH! BACKFLIP! ELBOW!! And... FACECRUSHER!! Angel looks pretty angry... gets up and throws a punch-- OSEIKO CATCHES IT AND COUNTERS-- ARM BREAKER LEG DROP! Angel shakes his arm to get the feeling back... lunges at Oseiko-- NO! OSEIKO WITH A TOE KICK TO THE GUT AND-- LYGERBOMB!!! Not a good start for the EAW World Champion! Could it be he took Oseiko too lightly?
Pamela: No way! Just wait, he's waiting until the right time, that's all!
Kanyon: Oseiko picks Angel up and... SITDOWN JAWBREAKER! VINTAGE HARDYZ! Angel gets up slowly... Oseiko measures up and-- STANDING DROPKICK!
Blink glares at Oseiko, who merely looks back, raising a right Hardyz Gunn gesture to the sky and turns it into a ninjitsu hand gesture in front of her as Angel slowly gets up, clearly angry. Suddenly Oseiko darts towards the weary Angel--
Kanyon: FACECRUSHER!! Oseiko turns back towards Blink and taunts her again with a Hardyz/ninjitsu gesture... OH, but that costs her! FIREMAN'S CARRY BY ANGEL! And Angel celebrates! Oseiko gets up... WHOA! KUMORANA!! ONE! T--NO, just a one count! Angel runs at Oseiko-- AND GETS MET WITH A TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER BY THE BLACK WIDOW!! Oseiko runs to the top rope-- SHOOTING STAR PRE-- NO! ANGEL MOVES OUT OF THE WAY IN TIME!!
Pamela: HA! EAT CANVAS, NINJA GIRL!
Kanyon: Headlock takedown by Angel! And a sleeper hold! Teddy Long's checking to see if Oseiko is okay... also seeing that it's not a chokehold... Oseiko's not giving in though...
Pamela: Ring the bell. It's just a matter of time!
Kanyon: Will you stop? Oseiko's trying to fight back... she's on one knee...! And-- WHOA!!! SHE JUST PULLED A CONTORTIONIST TRICK AND JUST COUNTERED INTO A FLIPPING ARMBAR!! ANGEL SCREAMS IN PAIN AND-- OH, COUNTERS WITH A PUNCH TO OSEIKO'S FACE!
Pamela: Ahh, the Greco-Roman Sucker Punch!
Kanyon: Will you stop?! OSEIKO RUNS AT ANGEL-- SPINNING HEEL KICK SENDS HIM OUTSIDE!! And Oseiko follows-- WHOA!!! SPRINGBOARD SHOOTING STAR!!!!! ANGEL DODGES IT THOUGH!
Pamela: EAT... uhm, MAT, NINJA GIRL!!
Kanyon: Angel measures up... waiting for Oseiko to get up... Oseiko on her feet and a POWERSLAM RIGHT ONTO THE MAT!!! He turns to the fans and trades words with-- whoa!
Pamela: It's monkey girl!
Kanyon: Angel and Fasha are trading words... whoa, Angel with a punch-- Fasha blocks-- CLOCKS ANGEL! Angel reels and gets met with the KUMO NO SASU!!!
Pamela: DQ HER, REF! DQ HER!!!
Kanyon: Oseiko rolls Angel back into the ring and slides in... PIN! ONE! TWO! THREE!! NO! TWO! TWO AND POINT NINE NINE NINE!!!
Pamela: WHOA!!! Almost gave me a heart attack!
Kanyon: Security seems to be escorting Fasha out of the ring... Oseiko picks Angel up off of the mat... SPLITS AND-- THROAT THRUST KNOCKS ANGEL BACK DOWN! Oseiko flips up to her feet and stalks Angel... charges-- NO! ANGEL TRIP HER DOWN! And-- THERE'S THE ANKLE LOCK!! THERE'S THE ANKLE LOCK!! THERE-- NO! OSEIKO WITH A COUNTER!! AND SHE LOCKS IN THE KUMO NO AMIMONO!! SHE'S GOT IT IN TIGHT!! ANGEL'S GOING TO TAP! NEW CHAMPION--
Kanyon: Wh--?! Oseiko just stiffened and fell over?! What just happened?!
Pamela: Beats me, but Angel seems to be taking advantage!
Kanyon: And Teddy Long counts the shoulders! ONE! TWO! THREE!!
Pamela: AND YOUR OLYMPIC HERO WINS!!! YAAYYY!!
Kanyon: But there was something fishy about that... can we get a replay of what just happened?!
The replay is granted in slow motion... Oseiko seems to faze out for a split second with a very, almost inaudible *blink* noise; that's when she collapses--!
Kanyon: -- Blink?! She... she used her powers to help Angel cheat! That's clearly against the rules!!
Pamela: Oh, boo hoo! Angel won with the Greco-Roman.. uhm, Displacement... Thingee!
Kanyon: Will you stop?! Clearly some legal action must be taken to stop Blink from abusing her power like this... and Blink is walking down to the ring, applauding Angel as if he did something great! Sickening!
Pamela: ... Huh, wonder why Blink's crying if she's so happy? =/
Kanyon: Blink in the ring and-- OH! IMMEDIATELY ATTACKING OSEIKO'S LEGS!! SHE'S GOT THAT METAL BO NOW! SHE'S WHACKING OSEIKO IN THE ANKLES WITH IT!!! MY GOD!! Teddy Long tries to stop her-- NO, BLINK JUST SIDE KICKS HIM OUT OF THE RING!! SHE KEEPS IT UP... now bows to Angel... what... NO! ANGEL WITH THE ANKLE LOCK ON OSEIKO!!! EVEN WITH HER HEALING POWERS THIS IS GOT TO BE TORTURE FOR HER!!! SECURITY AND REFS ARE COMING TO THE RING BUT BLINK-- No, BLINK'S JUST TELEPORTING THEM AWAY!!! NO HELP IS COMING FOR OSEIKO!!
*krak*
Kanyon: I just... my God, I just heard something crack! And Oseiko's awake! She's screaming in agony! I think Angel's just broke Oseiko's ankle!! And Blink... no, she's making it worse!! SHE'S SWINGING THAT BO INTO HER LEGS!! SHE'S BREAKING HER LEGS, PAMELA!! THAT RUTHLESS... THAT RUTHLESS BITCH!!
Pamela: ... She's crying harder now...?! =/ Weird... she's enjoying this and she's crying?!
Blink finishes the hideous attack on Oseiko's legs and takes Angel's hand, raising it in victory as "Gonna Fly Now" cues up.
Kanyon: This is horrible!! There's definetly going to be hell to pay come No Escape when Kirk Angel faces Michael Connelly, Oseiko's husband! But my God... what about Oseiko?! Has the combined efforts of Blink and Kirk Angel annihiliated Oseiko's career?!!
The scene ends on Blink and Angel shaking hands as Oseiko writhes in pain, crying as she shakily reaches to touch her destroyed legs...