Live from the Albuquerque Convention Center in Albuquerque, New Mexico!
After the opening fireworks, the intro, fireworks, and logo for "EAW Riot Rulz" cues up, and our show begins!
We start off with a crowd pan that reveals signs such as:
"Note to Vendors: Please sell Beano."
"Lance's head is the perfect size and shape to fit up his own @$$!!"
"WBF....XFL...WCW?!"
"Velocity: I'll be your boyfriend!"
From there, we cut to the announcer's desk. Ayane Mitsui is seated in the left seat, and Pamela Paulshock in the right (doing her nails).
Ayane: Konban wa--um...HELLO, fans and welcome to tonight's Riot Rulz!! I'm Ayane Mitsui here with one of our other new commentators, Pamela Paulshock.
PP: Heya, all!!! Welcome to tonight's show! For those of you who may not have heard already...the biggest story right now "IN OUR SPORT" is that Turner enterprises has sold World Championship Wrestling to the World Wrestling Federation. Yes...it's true.
Ayane: Wow...so like one of those mergers I've heard about, ne?
PP: Well...we have yet to see just how Vince'll run it. However, this combined with the fact that he still hasn't given up on the XFL means that Vince seems to have a big hard-on for failing business ventures. I say if he's going to *TRY* to turn it around, he should stop shoveling cash in his old money pit, the XFL, and just fill the rest in with dirt, stomp that sucker down, and forget about it. The media will have a field day urinating on its grave....but Vince can't catch much more flack than he has already.
Ayane: Whoa...well, that isn't any of my business....nor yours. So let's stick to talking about the EAW, Okay?
PP:
Sorry...but I'm just lovin' this...
"Return to Innocence" by Enigma cues up, and a silvery moon beam lights up the entrance way, bringing out Lupe, who rushes out, and stands up tall on the stage, recieving quite a reaction from the crowd.
PP: She was away for a little while...but now she's back!
Ayane: Lupe, from what I hear, is very very very very very good friends with Sonnette...
PP: Either you're just playing dumb...or I'll have to have a little talk with you during the break.
Ayane: Hee-hee...Lupe's ready, willing and able to LAY THE SMACK DOWN on Lance Storm...kind of a personal issue here, ne?
PP: To say the least....
Lupe gets down to the ring, although he takes a few moments to slap hands, and sign a quick autograph before entering the ring.
PP: I can understand being fan friendly...but Lupe seems to be a bit of a suck up.
Ayane: No no no no...she's just a very nice person..that's all.
"Oh Canada," the Canadian national anthem, cues up, and out walks Lance Storm, waving the Canadian flag reverently.
Ayane: Lance is VERY proud of his country.
PP: Who knows why...here he comes down the ramp, looking like a total doofus.
Ayane: Ouch...kind of harsh.
PP: Ahh...he's a little screwy, but he got the skillz to back it up.
Lance sets the flag at ringside, and climbs into the ring, staring down at Lupe.
Ayane: Our first match of the night!! Lance Storm vs. Lupe!!!
*ding, ding, ding*
Ayane: Lance going to work on Lupe....she whips him into the ropes...hits the mat...Spin Wheel Kick knocks down Storm! Storm up--ducks the clothesline attempt by Lupe....dropkick into the knees! Lance now trying to apply a leglock...Lupe kicks him off. Both of them up now...standing side kick attempt by Storm...Lupe ducks it...scoops up Lance now...backdrops him into a modified Olympic Slam!!
PP: Lance got dropped with an all American move!
Ayane: Well...it is similar...cover by Lupe
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On--quick kickout!
PP: Come on, Lance! Lance better look for an opening. Maybe if Lupe stops to like herself or sniff his butt.
Ayane: Lupe pulling up Lance now....whip to the corner, Lupe charges it...takes a boot the snout! Storm now attempting to cinch up Lupe for a suplex...blocked!! Inverted atomic drop by Lance!! Now grabbing the hind legs of Lupe...CATAPULTS her snout-first into the top turnbuckle pad!!
PP: Lupe started this match a wolf and may end it resembling a Pekanese.
Ayane: Lupe staggering into the grasp of Lance...hooks her up for--Russian Leg Sweep!
PP: Wouldn't that be a Canadian Leg Sweep?
Ayane: Well, same effect. Lance now climbing up to the top...
PP: CALGARY JAM!!!
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One!
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kickout by Lupe!
Ayane: Both of these two have a lot of fight left in them...Lance picks up Lupe...side backbreaker now. He heads out to the apron....Lupe is up...LANCEGOINGFORTHESPRINGBOARD!! LUPECOUNTERS!! A DROPKICK countered with a DROPKICK?!?!?!? I've NEVER seen that before!
PP: The net effect is next to nil for both of them, but Lupe pulled herself out of a nasty predicament.
Ayane: Lupe and Lance slow to get up....each on one knee now...Lupe to her feet first...now laying in some boots to Lance's midsection.
PP: If I were Lilith, I'd throw in a foot fetish joke right here.
Ayane: Lupe sends Lance to the ropes again...Lance springing off them...waistlock by Lupe...German Supl--Lance lands on his feet behind her like a cat!
PP: I wouldn't want to be a cat near Lupe.
Ayane: Lance with a waistlock on Lupe...Lupe with a reverse elbow now...kick to the ribs of Lance....Lupe grabs the ankle....rolls through with a leglock!!
PP: RAWW!! RAY RUNCLE, RANCE!
Ayane: Lance grabs the ropes, and Lupe is forced to release the hold. She's heading for the top rope now to plan for her next move...perched up top now.
PP: *whimper* *whine*
Ayane: Lance up to his feet...Lupe off...JUMPING SWINGING DDT!!! Cover!
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One
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TWO!!--kickout by Lance! Not a lot of pinfalls here, but I don't think the the ones in it have been wasted.
PP: I'd say so. I wonder if Lance brought any foreign objects besides that flag. Maybe a rolled up newspaper?
Ayane: I doubt that would do much against Lupe...Lupe pulling up the prone Lance...Lance reverses...sends Lupe over the top rope!
PP: Wouldn't that be a DQ by Canadian rules?!
Ayane: I haven't seen a match with Canadian rules...I wouldn't know. Lance exiting the ring now! Lupe trying to get her bearings back!
PP: Lupe should loan Lance some fur for a wig...that haircut looks REALLY bad.
Ayane: Lance with straight right hand...follows up with another....rolling in Lupe now...
The match is then interrupted by an (un?)expected guest...
Ayane: Wait a moment...someone jumped the railing...NOVA-SAN!?! He grabs Lance spinning him around now....NOVACAINE!!! NOVACAINE on the outside!! Yanking him back up....rolls him in after Lupe! And Lupe is starting to recover!
PP: Hee-hee...turnabout is fair play, Lance!
Ayane: Nova ducks by the apron...and I don't think Lupe knows what happened! She pushes Lance into the nearby corner....sitting him on the top...
PP/Ayane: GAIA'S WRATH!! Lupe makes the
cover
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One!
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TWO!!
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THREE!!!
Winner by Pinfall >>> Lupe
Ayane: Lupe wins this match...but now Nova sliding into the ring....laying in some kicks to Lance! Lupe looks a little confused...but...she joins in as well!! Lupe and Nova now double teaming Lance!!
*ding, ding, ding, ding, ding*
PP: Nova picking up Lance again...uh oh...here's the move that NOVA calls the Deep Impact..ANDTHEREITIS!!!
Ayane: OUCH! That move looks extremely painful....and Lance and Nova are no closer to resolving their differences...
PP: RESOLVING THEIR DIFFERENCES?!? That will only happen when one of them kicks the other's ass so hard that the other one just gives in.
"Return to Innocence" begins to play again, and Nova leaves the ring. Lupe does right thereafter, heading towards the back...although she doesn't seem to have taken the same joy in the beating that Nova did.
Ayane: Coming up next!! RTC Man is going to kick Velocity's ass!! WAIIIIII!!!! Don't miss it!!
***
EVIL MONKEY!!!
***
Ayane: Hello! We're back! And we are having quite a time tonight, aren't we, Pamela?!
Pamela: Yeah, I guess. Even though I have to sit next to you, Ms. Perky.
...Switch off the lights...
... And close your eyes...
Ayane: Aw man... I hate these guys.
... Feel the energy...
... Inside...
... Chillibow... chillibow... chillibow...
FIIIIRRRRRREEEEE!!!!!!
"Fire" by Scooter cues up... and the super-speedster Velocity hits the ring, the fans cheering out for the spunky young superstar as she smiles brightly.
Pamela: What's not to like about her? She's cute, she's quick, she's popular--
Ayane: Her friend Blink gave me the Split Second when I was a referee. So please excuse me if I don't exactly root for them. Even her opponent IS a member of Right To Censor.
Pamela: Ohhh... okay, I'll be sure to root for her then just to tick you off. ^_^
Ayane: ... Oh. Gee. Thanks.
Velocity suddenly zips to the ring at super-speed, vaulting into the ring and twisting in the air, facing the stage as the RTC Theme cues up.
Pamela: And here comes RTC Man! Everyone's favorite Power Rangers Rip-Off.
Ayane: Weeellll... actually he looks like Pepsiman.
Pamela: ... Who?
Ayane: Pepsiman. He's the official mascot for Pepsi in Japan. There's toys and video games and all sorts of stuff based on him back home.
Pamela: ... No offense girlfriend, but you Japanese people are weird.
Ayane: Hehe. ^_^;
RTC Man climbs into the ring, and immediately gets into Velocity's face, preaching to her that her choices are wrong. Velocity takes offense and shoves RTC Man back. RTC Man then punches Vel in the gut and--
Ayane: WHOA!!! DOWNWARD SPIRAL/NOVACAINE/FLATLINER/CRASH & BURN from RTC Man!! Mike Chioda has rung the bell and... RTC Man covers!!
Ayane: One! Two! NO! Velocity manages to kick out!! Hmm...
Pamela: What?
Ayane: RTC could either be Edge... or Chris Kanyon.
Pamela: ... Why not Nova?
Ayane: Impossible, he can't be RTC Man.
Pamela: Why not?!
Ayane: Because he's one of the good guys-- oh, wait!! Velocity with a back roll to RTC Man's rear-- DIVING REVERSE DDT!! And... a cocky Jericho-like pin! One! No, just a one count. But Velocity is running to the ropes as she slingshots off them... and-- RTC MAN WITH A POWERSLAM!! Great counter!!
Pamela: DON'T GIVE UP, VELOCITY!! WIN SO AYANE WILL GET UPSET OVER IT!!
Ayane: ...
Pamela: ^_^
Ayane: Velocity rolls over to the corner... RTC Man follows-- OH, but a kick to the jaw knocks him away! He advances again-- but Velocity kicks him back again!! She flips to the ropes, jumps off-- BLOCKBUSTER!! Stays on him... locks him into the Mahistrol!! One! Two! But RTC Man powers out! Velocity stays on him... kicking at him... then picks him up, whip to the corner, and... ohhh, no she's setting him up!
Pamela: Vel's about to Shatter RTC Man's Dreams...!!
Ayane: KICK TO THE GROIN IN THE CORNER!!! And... he's slumped down! Velocity sees the opportunity.. charges in-- BRONCO BUSTER--COUNTERED WITH A KICK RIGHT IN VELOCITY'S MIDSECTION!!!
Pamela: Seemed a little lower than that...
Ayane: RTC Man pins... BUT HE'S USING THE ROPES FOR LEVERAGE! One! Two! THE REF CAUGHT HIM!! ANd RTC Man gets off of Velocity.
Pamela: Sure as hell won't get off ON her.
Ayane: RTC Man sets Velocity up... SNAP SUPLEX! And... ARM BAR! Mike Chioda's seeing if Velocity will submit!
Pamela: You'd like that, wouldn't you?
Ayane: I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't. But Velocity's hanging in there! And... she reaches the ropes! RTC Man lets go, but starts laying in the boots to Velocity! Pick up and a whip to the ropes! Velocity ducks the clothesline and-- FLYING CROSS CHOP!! NO, MIkE CHIODA GOT HIT ACCIDENTALLY BY VELOCITY'S FOOT! The ref's down!! RTC Man's down! Velocity picks him up, spins around... MEXICAN STRETCH BOMB! One! Two! But RTC Man kicks out! Velocity gets RTC Man up... but RTC Man hits Velocity with a low blow! The ref didn't see it! And-- DDT!! RTC Man quickly runs to the corner, climbs up it--
"Push It" by Static-X suddenly cues up!!
Ayane: O_O! IT'S EIGHTEEN!!! WHAT'S SHE DOING OUT HERE?!
Pamela: Taking advantage of the situation?
Ayane: Too late though! RTC Man-- STARDUST PRESS-- O_O!!! OH MY GOD!!! EIGHTEEN JUST JUMPED UP AND SHOVED RTC MAN STRAIGHT DOWN!!! HOW DID SHE DO THAT?!!!
Pamela: She's an android, I think.
Ayane: Eighteen grabs RTC Man by the helmet... oh my God... that... the pressure her hand is generating! It's CRACKING THE HELMET!!! How strong IS she?!!! She lifts him up-- DOWN WITH A ONE-HANDED CHOKE BOMB!! She calls it the Annihilator!! And she rolls Velocity on top and climbs out of the ring! Mike Chioda didn't see a blasted thing!! One. . . Two. . . THREE!! Well... darn!
Pamela: Well, on the bright side RTC Man got beat.
Ayane: On the dark side he got beat by Neo D-X. >=/
Pamela: Can't win them all, I guess.
Winner: Velocity
Ayane: RTC Man is holding his head... it looks like he may be bleeding... I can't see his face, but Eighteen... wow, how much psi did her hand put on that helmet?!!
Pamela: No clue, but she's helping Velocity out of the ring... wow.. I wonder if she's stronger than Kaye?
Ayane: o_o; That's... a bit TOO frightening to think about. Well anyhow... we got to take a commercial break! We'll be right back!
***
EAW Inc.
P.O. Box 666
Seattle, WA 97270
Buy one today! Because all bad girls have to be a little deceptive.
***
Scene opens up in the lockeroom area as ChainSaw and Blueboy, wearing blue Oakley sunglasses, are sitting down at their trademark glass table.
Blueboy: Y'know, before ChainSaw speaks their minds, I want to address to someone who's been a thorn in everyone's side: Willam Regal. Regal, a little while back, you've challenged me to a "Rotten Tomato match". But at that time, I was too busy helping out my friends out in the now-defunct, I'm sorry to say, Eee-Cee-Dubuya. And now that I'm back, I hear that you've been one annoying gnat that just don't know when to shut the hell up. So Willam Regal, I'm challenging you to a match at No Escape. You can choose which damn stipulation you want, which we all know which it's gonna be. But there is one catch: I get to pick the type of match at No Escape. Don't worry, Willy. It won't be a hell in a cell match, a Triple Tier Match, a TLC match, or for that matter for the sake of good taste, a TTLLCC match. Besides, it'll be too good for your besmerched ass anyways. If you got the grapefruits, unless Mr. *bleep!*boy has 'em already, you'll accept my challenge.
Chaynz: Ok Brian, you talk too much, dude. Now, for the really, really, important stuff. As you all know, for the past few weeks, we have tried to get Vince to talk with us, but the bastards at Titan Towers keep ignoring us, over and over and over and over again. We even had to borrow a helicopter just to try to talk to Vince, and he's still ducking us. We never wanted for the whole thing to get more pubilcity than it was already, but now, it seems that it'll have to happen. That's why on Mayhem, that is if you have the grapefruits you lay-claim you have, we want you to take your Greenwich, CT ass down and show up, so we can settle this whole Kat issue, man to man. I know what you're saying now Vince, "But the Smackdown taping's that day, guys. Can't you do it next week?" Well Vince, we don't give a damn. WCW won't be in much buisness so it won't hurt the WWF's reputation, much. So Vin-Man, show up at Mayhem, or we'll do to your company, which is far worse than a helicopter invasion or a mob attack can do. Get the damn camera outta here.
Back to the ring as "One Step Closer" cues up... out comes the legendary Bret "Hitman" Hart, and the crowd goes wild!
Ayane: We're back! And here comes the one and the only Bret "Hitman" Hart! While I'm a big Hitman fan, I'm a bigger Oseiko mark! After all, she's my friend and she also helped me get my start in the EAW as referee. So... well, who knows? Maybe one day I'll finally acheive my dream as a professional wrestler and I'll have Oseiko Kurotsuki to thank for it!!
Pamela: Eeyah. *snerk* Right.
Ayane: ... Sure. Stomp on my hopes and dreams of you want.
Pamela: Thanks, I will. ^_^
Ayane: ... Baka.
Bret Hart climbs into the ring, then suddenly the chants of "Strobe's Nanafushi" cues up... and out comes White, no, not White Widow...!
Ayane: O_O! ... ^_^!! Oseiko's not in the Super Lyger costume!! She's... she's in her original black and grey ninja outfit! This can only mean one thing!!
Pamela: That any minute now she's gonna get creamed by Jackie Chan as an expendable extra?
Ayane: ... No, it means that she's back to her Black Widow gimmick!
Pamela: Ohhh, is that all. What, EVER.
Black Widow waves to her fans and vaults into the ring, standing firm in front of Bret Hart and bowing to him honorably. Bret nods back as the two faces go to their corners. Then referee Tim White calls for the bell.
Ayane: Hart-san and Oseiko-chan are circling each other... tie-up! And-- Hart pushes her back... I don't think Hart-san's heart, uhm, so to speak, isn't in this. Maybe he IS going to take it easy on Oseiko-chan just because she's a girl.
Pamela: Hey, he's just being gentlemanly about it, can't fault him for it.
Ayane: Maybe, but Oseiko-chan is still a formidable opponent... they tie-up again and WIDOWWHIPSHARTTOTHECORNERDUCKEDCLOTHESLINEBYWIDOWANDATILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER BY BLACK WIDOW!!! A new move!! Obviously learned from Jyushin Lyger!!
Pamela: Yeah... nice girl, learning what she can from the Psicosis wanna-be then just dumping him like that.
Ayane: Lyger-san came BEFORE Psicosis, Pamela.
Pamela: Whatever.
Ayane: In any case, Hart's rolled to the outside to regroup! I don't think he expected a move like that from Oseiko-chan! Widow runs over and-- ASAI MOONSAULT!! IMPACT!! Black Widow is on fire tonight!! It just goes to show that you can't count ANYONE out in the EAW, no matter if you're male or female!
Pamela: And in Derek's case, miscellanous!
Ayane: Oseiko-chan rolls Hart back in, and... LIONSAULT-- NO! HART GOT THE KNEES UP AND NOW OSEIKO-CHAN's HURTING! Hart is seizing advantage... with a headlock. =/
Pamela: Y'know, I like Bret as much as the next guy, but y'think he's a little too old-fashioned right about now?
Ayane: Oseiko-chan gets to the ropes and Hart breaks the hold... pick up by Hart and-- FRONT DROPKICK BY WIDOW!! WIDOW BACKFLIPS TO THE CORNER, JUMPS UP AS HART GETS BACK TO HIS FEET AND MISSILE DROPKICK!!! SHE RUNS TO THE OTHER CORNER!! SHOOTING STAR PRESS!!! Cover!! One! Two! NO! Hart kicks out and rolls to one knee! He looks shocked at how good Oseiko-chan is! And... hehehehe, Oseiko-chan shrugs at him! Now she's egging him on! She's telling him to go all out! I think Hart's seeing that he's got to give it all he's got against her! He doesn't want to but he's got no other choice against this multi-time champion!
Pamela: Duh.
Ayane: They tie-up again... Hart with a knee to Widow's gut and-- SIDE BACKBREAKER! Vintage Hitman! Widow rolls to her feet thos and gets KNOCKED BACK DOWN with a clothsline! Hart's shaking his head, he still doesn't like doing this... wait, he's got her legs! SHARPSHOOTER?! HE--NO Kick to the leg! But he thought about it.
Pamela: Hey, don't knock him... he's attacking her legs!
Ayane: Hai, he is! Oseiko-chan's greatest strength IS in her legs! If he can take them out, then he won't have to fear the Kumo No Sasu! Pick up and... KNEE BREAKER from the Hitman! Bret Hart picks her up again... DDT-- NO, NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX FROM WIDOW! ONE! TWO! But Hart kicks out! What a counter!
Pamela: Don't take her too easy, Bret!
Ayane: Bret with the running diving elbow to Widow's sternum! He's climbing the top rope... and... SHARP INJECTION-- NO!! WIDOW ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY!! HITMAN GETS UP AND GETS KNOCKED BACK DOWN WITH THE KUMO NO SASU!!! Cover! One! Two! Thr--NO!! Hitman gets a shoulder up!! Widow picks Hart up and... THERE IT IS!!! THE LYGERBOMB!!! ONE! TWO! THR--NO!!! Bret Hart STILL kicks out!! Widow's not giving up though! Pick up by Widow! Hooks the arms and... HERE IT IS!! BAKUMO NO AMIMONO!!! THE SPIDER'S WEB BOMB!!! SHE'S GOT IT LOCKED IN TIGHT!! BRET HART CAN'T GET TO THE ROPES!! BUT HE'S NOT SUBMITTING!! HE'S... HE'S TRYING TO GRAB AT WIDOW'S FEET! HE'S GOT THEM!! TRIP! AND--SHARPSHOOTER!!! HE COUNTERED THE BAKUMO NO AMIMONO INTO THE SHARPSHOOTER!!! WIDOW'S GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!!! SHE'S CRYING OUT IN PAIN!! SHE-- SHE'S TAPPED OUT!!! WIDOW TAPPED!
Pamela: WOO-HOO!!
Winner: Bret "Hitman" Hart
Ayane: Well, this is the first time I ever saw Oseiko-chan tap out of a move, but at least she doesn't have anything to be ashamed of... she wrestled a great match against Bret Hart and proved to him that even though she's a girl, she can still go in the ring!
Pamela: Heh, you ask me, Widow looks a little disappointed... she got up and... wait a sec, is she setting up for her super kick move?!
Ayane: She... she is!! And Bret's got his back turned at the moment! Oseiko-chan, don't! Don't strike him down! Bret turns and... Oseiko turned away, she didn't do it. Thank goodness... she turns back around and she bows to Hart. Hart offers his hand and Oseiko accepts it. Whew... for a moment there I thought Oseiko-chan was going to make a terrible mistake!
Pamela: Heh... still, might be interesting to see Black Widow turn heel.
Ayane: No! It wouldn't be interesting, it'd be horrible! And--
Sudden scene switch to the backstage... Eighteen is there by a vending machine getting a soda.
Eighteen: ... Hey... stupid machine took my money!
Eighteen snarls a little... then draws back, as if to hit the vending machine. But then--
Ayane: WHOA!! RTC MAN JUST DID A... A FLYING SPEAR AGAINST EIGHTEEN FROM BEHIND!! RIGHT THROUGH THAT VENDING MACHINE!!!!! O_O!! HOW DID HE DO THAT?!!!
RTC Man steps back and then runs as soda and soda cans fall all over Eighteen... then she gets up... picking up a soda can she looks over her ruined clothes... and glances at the running RTC Man.
Eighteen: ... My clothes are a mess... but at least I got my soda.
Eighteen pops the top, but it splatters all over her. Eighteen pauses... then tosses the can down, staring at RTC Man.
Eighteen: ...That's it. I'm gonna kill him.
Eighteen storms off as we cut for commericial. ^_^;
***
EVIL MONKEYS!!
***
After our commercial break ends, we cut back to Ayane and Paula at the announcer's desk yet again.
Ayane: W-welcome back folks....and..I don't know about you, but I'm STILL in shock at what happened after Neo D-X screwed RTC Man out of a win in his match.
PP: Me too....I mean...I've seen that sort of thing before in the EAW, but it still amazed me. Apparently we can add Eighteen and RTC Man as two more EAW wrestlers who have superhuman abilities.
Ayane: Amazing....well, that is a hard act to follow, but we still have plenty of action here on Riot Rulz!
The arena lights dim and a shot rings out...the crowd starts to cheer intensely as the stage lights up green and "There's a Fire in the House" by Steve Vai begins to cue up.
Ayane: Well, it looks like whether or not we're ready, the guys in the back are going to shove us along. Up next, "Code Red" Michael Anthony Connelly--better known as soon-to-be-Mr. Black Widow these days...will meet Test in singles competition!
PP: And here's one of our competitors...famous for his hair, his lucky streaks, and dating a girl far too young for him...Michael Connelly!
Ayane: Oh, hush it, Pam. Sure...Oseiko's 17 and Michael's in his early 20's...but that's kind of normal in Japan.
PP: Where are we right now, Ayane?
Ayane: Utah?
PP: In?
Ayane: Theee...United States of America?
PP: Correct.
Ayane: Oh...don't worry. I KNOW that these two love each other VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY--
PP: Alright!
Ayane: --much! Don't "hate" on them because of the age thing.
PP: Whatever. *rolls eyes*
Ayane: Michael is in the ring now....and waiting for his opponent...
PP: Good ol' "Left at the alter" Andrew "Test" Martin.
"Last Resort" by Papa Roach cues up, and out steps Test with an arm around Alexi, and the other around Brittani and Candi. The WWF European Title belt is around his waist.
Ayane: It seems that Test isn't without some luck with the ladies as of late himself.
PP: The difference being....they're probably a lot nearer to his age.
Ayane: That doesn't matter!
PP: Okay...none of my business. But I'll tell ya...if a picture is worth a thousand words, a photo of Test has got be be worth a paternity suit against Kevin Nash.
Ayane: Err...there does seem to be just a little bit of similarity, doesn't there?
PP: You just notice that?!
Ayane: Well...kinda....Test up on the apron....stepping over the ropes.
Ayane: Just like Daddy.
Test removes the title and hands it to Candi.
Ayane: Well...relative or no, this match is set to kick off. "Code Red" vs. Test!!
Ayane: This match begins and Test immediately starts hammering away of Michael...Irish Whip now--no, Michael grabs the rope...but Test wraps both arms around his throat...hoisting him up high in the air...attempting to deprive him of oxygen....Michael counters with a headbutt!! Now landing back on his feet now. Michael hits the ropes...ducks the big boot by test--Roll Up with a schoolboy!
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On--no, KICKOUT!
PP: Sure he wouldn't call that move the schoolGIRL, considering his tastes in women?
Ayane: You think Michael-san is some kind of pervert? He isn't, he's very nice....for a gaijin.
PP: I thought he was from Pennsylvania?
Ayane: Test back up now...Michael trying to hammer him and keep him down--he is.
PP: Yeah, that isn't the South.
Ayane: GAIJIN, not Cajun. In other words, a foreigner. TEST back up to both feet...Michael with an Irish whip--this one reversed by Test...Michael hits the ropes...Test buries the knee into the midsection.
PP: Foreigner? Ummm...where are we now?
Ayane: Michael sitting up now....Test applying a sleeper--*sigh*, we're in Utah..in the United States.
PP: So if there are any foreigners here, it would be YOU and that big tall Canadian guy in the ring.
Ayane: That's true....for you. Michael struggling back up to his feet...reverse elbow to the midsection of Test....slipping free now, attempted hammerlock....reversed by Test...ducks the kick by Test! Michael hammering away now....but stopped short by that hard knee to the midsection!
PP: Are you SURE that was his "midsection?"
Ayane: From my vantage point, yes. Test setting him up now.....hoists him up in the air....looks like a Crucifix Powerbomb coming up....THERE IT IS!! THE T-BOMB!!
PP: *AHHHH-CHOO!!* Damn, I missed it!
Ayane: Test going for a cover now...
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One
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TW--kickout by Michael!
PP:
Awesome!! Hey...do you know the difference between us and WCW Announcers.
Ayane: Ummm....we're cute young women rather than chubby old men?
PP: Nope...we're actually calling the match!
Ayane: Heh...anyhow, Test working on Michael now...pulls him back up to his feet...Irish Whip now....side slam coming up on the return--Michael with a quick escape now--SUNSET FLIP ROLL UP
NOW!!!
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One
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TWO!!--kickout!!
Ayane: Test escapes now...rolls backward...Michael kippups...Test and Michael tie up now....Test powering him backwards into the corner--reverse elbow! Test now putting a series of knees now to Michael.
PP: Believe me now?
Ayane: I'm not going to rush to judgement....Test now setting up Michael now...suplex coming up....Michael lands behind him! Spins him around....Irish whip now....T-Bone Suplex off the ropes!! What strength exhibited there! Michael hits the nearby ropes...somersault senton splash!
PP: Whoa...he's pretty quick!
Ayane: Definitely with the speed advantage here, although Test is very fast for a man his size...Michael pulls up Test by the hair...Michael hammering away on Test, again. Test up now....he starts to fight back...Test now up on both feet...back and forth now...but Test much more powerful, taking control...sends Michael to the ropes....CHOKESLAM COMING UP!?!
PP: What else?
Ayane: The BETA CHOKESLAM!! That could seal this match....cover by Test
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One
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TWO!!
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..NO!!!
PP: ?!?!Whoa?!?!
Ayane: Michael barely hangs on...getting the shoulder up....Test pulling him up now....scooping him up over his shoulder...Michael slips free again--Test now spins him around and sends him shoulder-first into the ring post! Now looking to send him to the diagonal corner....wait, reverse by Michael....Test hits the corner! Michael backs into the near corner....charging in--SPLASH IN THE CORNER!! Now a clothesline...and series of them....Michael looking to make a comeback with his trademark combination....whipping Test now into the ropes....Michael hits the nearby ones...leapfrogs over Test.....hits the ropes again--
PP: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!!
Ayane: There's the spear!! The Immaculate Perplexion!! Cover by
Michael
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One
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Two!!
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KICKOUT BY TEST!!!
PP: Damn...they can take a lot of punishment.
Ayane: A couple of "young, strong, hungry lions" as JR might call them. Michael up now...a bit disappointed that that last move didn't score him the win...Michael picks up Test by the hair, but both of them are dazed and about out of gas. Michael drives an elbow into the shoulder blades of Test....how hits the ropes..swinging neckbreaker!! Now Michael running up the second ropes...modified celestial splash...TEST gets a boot up!!
PP: Smart move by Test!
Ayane: Both Michael and Test down now.....and possibly out..the referee making the count
now....
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Seven
Ayane: Test starting to stir now....shaking off the cobwebs
now...
Eight!
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Ni--
Ayane: Michael getting up now...this match isn't over yet...but both Test and Michael are ready to be put away by whichever one of them can pull out all the stops here....
PP: Both of them up!
Ayane: And this match degrades back into a fist-for-fist fight....Michael ducks that looping right from Test...armbar attempt--now turned into an armwringer by Test...Test rams his shoulder into the chest of Michael...whips him into the corner now..Test charging in now...Michael lifts himself up with the top rope..Test hiptossing him off though...Test going after him now...DROP TOE HOLD from Michael! Michael up again...Test up after him--kick to the midsection--CONDITION RED!!!
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One
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TWO!!!
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THREE!!!
Winner by Pinfall >>> "Code Red" Michael Anthony Connelly
Ayane: Michael pulls off the win against Test!!
PP: Damn...it was ticking down there, wasn't it.
"There's a Fire in the House" by Steve Vai cues up, and the referee raises the tired Connelly's hand.
Ayane: Well, there's one more match left, and it's sure to not disappoint. A Double Title Match....winner take all...the European and Television Titles will be gone from the EAW after tonight...to be replaced with a new one...don't miss this next match!
***
ISSUE #3 NOW OUT AT ALL COMIC BOOK SHOPS!
SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL MUTANT TODAY!
Ayane: ... Okay, why are we shilling for Neo D-X merchandise again? First it was the Eighteen Decepticon T-shirt, now it's Blink's comic. What is it about Neo D-X?!
Pamela: They're hip and they're now?
Ayane: Oh wait, we're back on the air-- WE'RE BACK! And we're moments away from our awesome main event! Let's go live to the Neo D-X locker room. Simply because we have no other choice. >=/
Scene switch to the Neo D-X locker room... Blink, Eighteen, Tifa, and Velocity are all there... along with an unusual looking girl with pink skin, red eyes, and horns sticking from her head.
Eighteen: Can I kill RTC Man, Blink?
Blink: No.
Eighteen: Pleeeeeeezzzze?!
Blink: No! You can't kill anyone in the EAW, it's against the No Killing Rule!
Eighteen: Who set up this rule?
Blink: Commisioner Lynxara.
Eighteen: Ooohhhhhh... can I--
Blink: No you can't.
Eighteen: Damn. I can't have ANY fun here, can I?!
Horned Girl: Well... uhm... guys?
Blink looks to the newcomer.
Blink: Yeah, Ainako?
Ainako: Is it okay for me to join Neo D-X?
Blink: Well... let's see, you're half-demon...
Ainako: Half succubus, actually. ^_^
Blink: You're strong, you're fast... you're a good fighter, and on top of that... you're booker Seijimei Kuroido's baby girl, aren't ya?
Ainako: ^_^ Guilty as charged.
Blink: ... Perfect. We need a little pull in our favor. You're in, Ainako.
Ainako: YAAYY! ^_^
Blink: IF you pass our little initiation.
Ainako: ... *blink* ... What would that be?
Blink: Dunno, haven't thought of it yet.
Blink stands up and loosens up a bit.
Blink: Okay... no one runs in on my behalf, okay? I wanna win or lose on my own terms. Got it?
Velocity: Got it.
Tifa: Sure thing, Clarice.
Eighteen: I suppose.
Ainako: Okay! ^_^
Blink smiles... then heads out of the locker room through the door.
"Of Wolf & Man (S & M Mix)" cues up as we return to the arena area...
Ayane: Here comes Colley Dogstar, our European champion and... and... *sigh* ... I'm sorry, this has really got me down. I mean... ANOTHER new member of Neo D-X?!! And she's... the daughter of our estranged booker Seijimei Kuroido?!! I don't like this.
Pamela: So I guess you'll be cheering for Colley then, hm?
Ayane: His opponent's the girl who made my jaw rattle. Of course I'm gonna cheer for him.
Pamela: Just making sure. I'll just cheer for Blink then. ^_^
Ayane: ... *sigh* ...
Colley climbs into the ring, then turns around to face the stage as "My Generation" cues up... out comes Blink with the TV title slung over her shoulder as she stares up at Colley... and with a *BLINK!*, she teleports into the ring. Both competitors hand their title belts to referee Randy "Pee-Wee" Anderson and go to their corners.
Ayane: The bell rings! And this historic match is underway!!
Ayane: Both Blink and Colley are encircling each other... sizing each other up... Colley easily towers over the 5 foot 5 inch Blink... tie-up! And Colley gets SHOVED RIGHT DOWN ON HER BACKSIDE!!
Pamela: You enjoyed that, didn't you?
Ayane: Yes, I did. ^_^ Blink manages to get to her feet, tie-up-- NO, SIDE-STEP! KICK TO COLLEY'S STOMACH! SPINAROUNDAND... CORINO DRIVER!!! And A Stone Cold-Style taunt right in Colley's face before he gets up! Colley isn't really appreciating Blink's newfound attitude as Neo D-X's field leader crotch-chops in his direction!
Pamela: You gotta love those guys.
Ayane: No I don't. >=/ Tie-up... Blink with a head-lock! No! Atomic whip from Colley and Blink lands on her back! She kippups to her feet AND GETS KNOCKED BACK DOWN WITH A BIG BOOT TO HER FACE!!! Colley showcases his strength! Picking Blink up, throwing her to the corner and... THEREITIS!! CORNER TRAP POWERBOMB!! Cover! One! Two! No, Blink manages to kick out! Colley picks her up and whips her to the ropes! Clothsline attempt--DUCKED!! And... STANDING DRAGONRANA FROM BLINK! ONE! TWO! NO! Colley gets out in time!!
Pamela: Blink's got the speed and Colley's got the strength! This is getting pretty damn exciting!
Ayane: But I REALLY hope Blink doesn't win. Colley ties-up-- BUT BLINK AVOIDS IT-- STANDING DROPKICK! AUSTIN-STYLE DRIVING ELBOW TO COLLEY'S CHEST! AND BLINK STRADDLES COLLEY AND STARTS RAINING PUNCHES ON HIM! CROTCH-CHOP! AND-- COLLEY PUSHES HER OFF! ROLLS TO HIS FEET AND-- OHH, HUGE CLOTHESLINE!!! Colley's signaling got the Cano's Elbow!
Pamela: The most electrifying move in furrydom!!
Ayane: IT CONNECTS! Cover! One! Two! Blink gets a shoulder up!! SHIMATTA!! Colley gets Blink up... KICK AND-- EVENFLOW DDT!! Cover! One! Two! Thr--NO!! Blink STILL won't give up!! I don't like her, but I can't knock her tenacity and determination! Blink rolls to her feet... Colley advances! And-- Blink throws several martial arts kicks, staggering the cano-sapien! HURRICARANA-- NO!! BLOCKED!!! COLLEY'S... HE'S GONNA TRY THE THIRD IMPACT!!! HE--
*BLINK!*
Ayane: O_O! BLINK'S TELEPORTED A COOLER INTO HER HANDS!! AND SHE'S DUMPED THE CONTENTS ONTO COLLEY!! THERE WAS NO SODAS IN IT, BUT IT WAS FULL OF COLD WATER!!! COLLEY'S NOW COLLEY-CHAN!! AND COLLEY'S SURPRISED BLINK JUMPS OFF HER SHOULDERS AND-- SPLIT SECOND!!! I guess the ref is allowing this!!! I don't know WHY!! AND BLINK COVERS!! DON'T LET HER WIN LIKE THIS!!! ONE! TWO! THREE!! NO! TWO!! COLLEY-CHAN GOT A SHOULDER UP AT THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND!!!
Pamela: And you must be thrilled about it.
Ayane: Yes I am! Colley-chan's dazed though... not to mention wet!
Pamela: Pee-Eww! Wet skunk fur!
Ayane: Blink measures her up... and... SAMURAI DRIVER!! NO!! POWERBOMB! NO!! THIRD IMPACT!!! COVER!!! ONE! TWO! THRE--NO?!?!?!
Pamela: She got a shoulder up at the last second!!! Colley's got out of the Split Second! Blink got out of the Third Impact!! These two REALLY want it, don't they?!!
Ayane: Both look exhausted... but there's hardly very little fight even extinguished in either of them! Both go in-- ROLL-UP BY BLINK! ONE! TWO! COUNTER BY COLLEY-CHAN! ONE! TWO! ANOTHER COUNTER FROM BLINK! ONE! TWO! ANOTHERBYCOLLEY-CHAN! ONE! TWO! ANOTHER! ONE! TWO!! YETANOTHERFROMCOLLEY-CHAN!!! ONE! TWO! THREE!! O.O;; WHEW!!
Ayane: WOW!! We got a new champ!!
Winner and NEW TV/European Champion: Colley-chan Dogstar
Ayane: I don't like Blink, but she DID give it her all as much as Colley-chan did! But in the end, she failed and we have a new EAW champion in Colley-chan! Only question is, what will we call her?!
Pamela: Beats me! Blink's gotten up though... and being a good sport she raises Colley-chan's hand in victory! And the two share a hug too!
Ayane: Hmph. Whatever... well, we're out of time! For Pamela Paulshock this is Ayane Mitsui! See you soon, minna-san!!