Live from the Cobo Hall in Detroit, MI!
Your hosts are Chris Kanyon and Pamela Paulshock!
Live from the Cobo Hall in Detroit, MI!
Your hosts are Chris Kanyon and Pamela Paulshock!
A video package is rolled recapping the events from the other day, in which Shaed Bloodgrave stopped Ryokami's recent--and last--attempt at total genocide. Both of them fell, and Shaed, former EAW superstar and commissioner, gets a ten-bell salute...
The fireworks and introduction for Riot Rulz go off...
Signs in the crowd tonight: "We'll miss you Shaed!" "The Revenant 4-Ever" and other similiarly dedicated signs...
Kanyon: Welcome ever'buddy ta EAW Riot Rulz!! I'm Chris Kanyon along wit Pamela Paulshock. It's been rather difficult on all the EAW superstars...with this Shaed sitcha-ation--but the show must go on. Our thanks to all of the EAW fans who sent in cards and letters to his family, and for tuning in tonight.
Pamela: Yeah, even I must agree on that...Shaed'll miss his family and vice-versa...but I like to think he's up there giving Sudden Impacts to famous past earth warriors as we speak. ^_^
Kanyon: I don't doubt it. Heh...well, our first match of the evening will feature his great-granddaughter Oseiko in one-on-one action...
"Supergirl" by Shonen Knife begins to play...
Pamela: Ugh...it's girls like her that give us blondes a bad name. >_<
Capetta: The first match of the evening is scheduled for one fall with a 10 minute time limit. Introducing first, from Mobile, Alabama...standing 5'7" and weight unknown...MIGHTY MOLLY!
Kanyon: Molly on top the EAW-Tron...flying down towards the ring--
Then Molly's pyro goes off---which seems to follow after her--and--EXPLODE on contact...
Kanyon: THE HELL?!?
Molly touches down onto the ramp--in pink metal form--but looks upward where smoke is disapating from the explosion.
Pamela: Technical difficulties?
Kanyon: Hmph..I suppose so...Molly looking rather suspicious about it--but transferring back to her normal form as she gets in the ring.
Pamela: Man, this girl needs to see a fashion designer FAST. That outfit is SOOOOO unflattering. :P Just LOOK at the way it makes her hips look!
Kanyon: I have a similar complaint--she wears too much. :P But...regardless...
As Molly gets in the ring, "Ride On A Shooting Star" begins to play, as a glowing figure enters onto the stage in the dim light...
Pamela: It's a GHOOOOOOO--oh...just Oseiko.
Cappetta: And her opponent, from the forests of Hokkaido, Japan...standing 5'7" and weighing in at 117 lbs...OSEEEEEEEEEEIKO!!
Kanyon: Oseiko planning to take after her great grandfather Shaed, and soon...even planning to take on none other than Kirk Angel herself...although I wonder what Mikey thinks about that crack about beating him?
Pamela: Well, she didn't say HOW she was going to beat him.
Kanyon: Hm?
Pamela: Well, there's beat up, beat down, beat o--MMPH!!
Kanyon: Boss...if you're listinin', I wonder if I could possibly trade in for Lilith? PLEASE?!
Oseiko climbs inside the ring, leaping on one of the ringposts to post--then springing back down to the ring.
Pamela: Well, maybe Mikey better be a little suspicious...talking about being better than him, wanting to ditch his name...hmm...sure, it'll never happen since she AIN'T going to beat Kirk, but still...makes you wonder.
Kanyon: Well, she doesn't mean it as anything negative to Michael, just positive to Shaed.
*ding, ding*
Kanyon: Chick-on-chick battlin' here tonight--and a collar and elbow tie up--Oseiko send to the ropes--bounce off the ropes with backspring elbow taking Molly by surprise! Oseiko back up, and Molly scrambling up to her feet! Set up for a Northern Lights--blocked by Molly--into a Gutwrench Suplex! Molly up, and a pair of elbowdrops to the chest. Oseiko up now--sent to the ropes by Molly--back body drop telegraphed--Oseiko slams her face-first into the mat! Oseiko hitting the far ropes--side headlock into a bull--no--back body dr--Oseiko landing behind--FALLING REVERSE DDT!!
Pamela: A move often used by Shaed...and a cover...
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ONE!
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Kickout!
Kanyon: But far too early into this match...Oseiko yanking up Molly now--modified hammerlock, and some kicks to the back of the leg off Molly...backdrop--NO--Molly blocks--running FACECRUSHER!! Molly now with a Camel Clutch on Oseiko...Oseiko fighting it, Molly adjusting position to keep it locked in. Oseiko reaching for the ropes...Molly pulling her away from it now...reaching now...reaching--Oseiko turning and wiggling through the legs of Molly--yanking her legs out from under her--locking Molly up now--and an Indian Death Lock applied by Oseiko--dropping back on the mat...again--and Molly gets the rope!
Pamela: Amazing she even knows where she is, let alone where in the ring she is.
Kanyon: Well, despite the age difference, Molly and Oseiko have 'bout the same amount of ring experience. Oseiko pulling up Molly--Molly reverses--suplexes Oseiko, with a bridge...
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ONE!
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TWO!
Kickout!
Pamela: Age difference?
Kanyon: Yeah--Oseiko being 18, Molly being 23...Molly with a snapmare on Oseiko--dropkick into the upper back/neck region. Reverse headlock now--and--rolls forward snapping Oseiko's neck forward!!
Pamela: Hmm...23...and isn't Mikey..?
Kanyon: Also 23. Your point?--Molly sends Oseiko to the ropes--back now--clothesline--Molly drops down--to the far ropes--drop toe hold by Molly! Oseiko up--Molly with a front face lock--shots to the midsection by Oseiko--Molly wrenching the neck--and a neckbreaker drop!!
Pamela: Hmmm..could be trouble in paradise, there. And Molly isn't exactly one with discriminating tastes...a damn Dudley...ugh. :P Molly working on the neck, now...pulling up Oseiko...Snap Sup--blocked by Oseiko--Oseiko with a snap suplex!
Kanyon: And a floatover by Oseiko...
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ONE!
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TWO!
Kickout!
Pamela: Oseiko back up and OOOOOH...hard kick to the lower back...
Kanyon: Anyway, I don't think there are any problems at all there...Mikey and Oseiko hardly ever are apart--Oseiko Irish Whipping Molly to the ropes...charging towards the corner--SPINNING HEEL KICK!! Molly dazed--Oseiko springing off the the near ropes--FACECRUSHER into the mat! Oseiko out onto the apron--springboard splash onto Molly...
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ONE!
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TWO!
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Kickout!
Pamela: Oh, come off it. I know you men...one minute your handing us roses and candy, then you're off sneaking around with some empty-headed dipwad like Molly.
Kanyon: Whuteva..Oseiko setting up Molly--side arm bar--wrenching on it--Molly maneuvering herself to lessen the pressure--reversal into a hammerlock--Whips Oseiko to the corner--body splash by Molly--Oseiko stumbling backwards--roll up pin!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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Kickout!
Pamela: Well, you won't find "super intelligence among the list of her superpowers, but Molly knows her way around that ring every bit as well as she does a bottle of peroxide.
Kanyon: Oseiko kicking out, and a full nelson locked on by Molly...Oseiko trying to fight out of it--but a DRAGON Suplex by Molly! Release version! Molly going up to the top rope...Oseiko unaware of her behind her--and a missile dropkick to the back!
Pamela: Molly picking up Oseiko now--backslide!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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and an escape by Oseiko!
Kanyon: Oseiko pulled up by the arm--reversal--flipping into a scissored armbar!! Molly caught off guard there--Oseiko ramming her shoulder into the arm of Molly...to the top rope--springboard arm drag!!
Pamela: WHOOO...slick move there by Oseiko! Working on that right arm some more--arm drag--and legdrop across the shoulder...wrenching it again--Molly looking to stand up and free her arm--picking up Oseiko by the hair...Oseiko with knee lifts to the midsection of Molly--up the turnbuckle now--and a PHOENIX DROPKICK!!!
Kanyon: Oseiko off the ropes now--LIONSAULT on top of Molly!!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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Kickout!
Pamela: You know...hard for me to pick a favorite in this match. Not that I care for either of them...just trying to decide which of them I care for the LEAST...
Kanyon: You're probably in the minority on that. :P Oseiko picking up Molly--ramming her head into the corner--blocked with her foot there--Oseiko to the corner--and Molly with kicks into the midsection now. Side headlock out of the corner now--Irish Whip...reversal--Molly to the ropes--HEADSCISSOR TAKEDOWN by Molly on Oseiko! Molly back up...out to the apron--springboard--and a Hurracanrana on Oseiko!!
Pamela: Uh-oh...Molly gaining momentum again...
Kanyon: Molly going up top...could be the Molly Go Round--Oseiko with a shoulder to the ropes making Molly slip up--fortunately plenty-o-paddin' to land on...
Pamela: Great...Kanyon ogling her ass again...
Kanyon: Heh--sorry...Oseiko going up top to capitalize on the situtation...and...uh-oh...suplex from the top coming u--SPIDER SUPLEX!!!
Pamela: Well, Oseiko up on top...and a GORGEOUS 450 SPLASH onto Molly!! Not opting for the pin...
Kanyon: Center of the ring...and--KUMO NO AMIMONO!!! That ain't no wussy Walls O' Jericho..that's the real deal there...yanking back on it--and Molly tapping, Molly tapping!!
*ding, ding, ding*
Kanyon: And Oseiko picks up the win!!
Suddenly...the "Leave It To Beaver" theme cues up?!?!
Kanyon: ....and...now...what's...?
Pamela: NOOOO!!!...not Beaver Cleavage?!...or Booker T?!
Capetta: Here is your winner, by submission, OSEEEEEEEEIKO!!
Kanyon: Oseiko having her hand raised...but looking every bit as confused about this as anyone...
Pamela: Hmm..maybe she thought it was time for a theme change...
Kanyon: I don't think to THAT...and Oseiko bowing to Molly, and a handshake!
Pamela: Ah...such showing of sportsmanship...and respect...and--it makes me want to puke.
Kanyon: Well, we'll be back after this short commercial break--Extreme Match action coming up! Dontmissit!
---
Legendary wrestling personality Bobby "The Brain" Heenan walks nearby the buffet table when he sees the EAW's own kitty-girl Ariel sitting there, drinking a can of Pepsi.
Brain: Well well well, if it isn't Ariel Bridges, drinking a Pepsi!
Ariel: =^-^= Actually, this isn't really Pepsi...
She unzips the can revealing a new can in its place.
Ariel: It's new Pepsi Twist with lemon! And I'm not really Ariel...
Ariel unzips herself now, revealing a certain Asian ekusutoriimu artist.
Oseiko: I'm Oseiko! ^_^
Brain: o_O;
Oseiko: -_^
Brain: Drinking Pepsi Twist!
Oseiko: Actually it's not Pepsi Twist...
Oseiko unzips the can again!
Oseiko: It's new Diet Pepsi Twist! ^_^ And I'm not really Oseiko...
Brain: ... You're not?!
Oseiko unzips herself once more...
Mooney: I'm Sean Mooney!
Brain: ... Who?
Mooney: ^_^;
Announcer: New Pepsi Twist & New Diet Pepsi Twist! Warning: Do not unzip your skin. It will hurt. ^_^
---
As we come back from break, "One Man Army" by Prodigy begins to play...
Kanyon: Welcome back everyone! Coming up next...friend vs. friend...or perhaps not anymore...with Michael Connelly taking on Nova in an Extreme Rules Match! But let's take you to something that occured during the break...
We go to the EAW-Tron after Oseiko's made her way to the back. Molly is walking up the ramp backstage, but then from behind Nova clubs her across the back of the head with a LARGE steel pipe--then wailing away on Molly...
And as if that wasn't enough, he wraps it around her arms, tying them behind her, then drags her towards the end of the stage...
Kanyon: But dat wasn't enough for Nova...oh, no...he then did this...
Nova is shown rolling Molly off the ramp, crashing onto a table below...but not breaking it. Nova steps back, gets a running start, then leaps off, Swanton Bombing Molly THROUGH the table.
We cut back onto live feed, where we see Molly being loaded onto an ambulance. Before officials get too far, however, the Hurricane comes up.
"Guys…may I have a moment alone with her?" he asks. The medics nod…and when they're gone, Hurricane goes to his knee next to Molly's side…holding her hand.
"Molly, I'm sorry I couldn't be there to help you. I…I feel so bad about all of this." He has sadness in his voice. "I wish I could be there for you…and I wish…I wish that before now…I could have told you…"
He sighs…and clears his throat. "That…that I have had a crush on you. Ever since you were Mona in WCW…I've had a crush on you. I…I just wish I could have told you sooner. But…I will make it up to you…"
Hurricane then takes Molly into his arms, and flies off camera with her.
Kanyon: Which brings us back to the present...
Pamela: Well, Nova trying to protect himself from being upstaged but that phony the Hurricane, and trying to protect Mikey from that tramp Molly. Plus..he was just warming up I think...
After waiting a while while the footage finishes playing, Nova steps out on the stage, smiling and looking pretty damn proud of himself as the crowd boos.
Capetta: The following Extreme Rules Match is scheduled for one fall with no time limit. Introducing first, from Silicon Valley, California...he stands 5'10" and weighs in at 220 lbs. NOOOOOOOOOOOV!!!
Kanyon: And Nova isn't exactly the in the running for most popular EAW wrestler as of late. Molly's reportedly conscious but they're having trouble removing that steel bar from her wrists...and if this is any indication of what's in store for Mikey...I'm glad I'm not him right now...
Pamela: ?!...what now? Is the Undertaker BACK?!...and changed his theme to his WWF one?
Kanyon: If he is, David's likely just wet himself...
Out from the back, in his RVD-replica outfit, is M-A-C himself. And looking quite peeved as he sees his new video playing...but COMPLETELY the wrong music...
Pamela: Hehehe...what's his problem?
Kanyon: Well, I don't know what is with the technicians tonight, but that DEFINITELY isn't Michael's music. And knowing how much he HATES Limp Bizkit, I think I see why he's so upset...
Pamela: Oh whine, whine...wrong music...whine, whine.
Michael ignores the error and keeps walking down the stage, doing his "M-A-C" poses.
Capetta: And his opponent, from Mars, PA...he stands 6'2" and weighs in at 235 lbs...Michael A. Connelly!!
The music fades out as Michael enters the ring...
Kanyon: Two friends that know each other like the back of their hands...
Pamela: Funny you should mention that...*snicker* INSIDE JOKE!! INSIDE JOKE!!
Kanyon: *shrug* ...and staring at each other suspiciously....*ding, ding* and there's the bell..!
Nova goes on the attack first--Michael ducks the clothesline--goes for a crescent kick--blocked by Nova. Nova spins around Michael--waistlock--Michael with a standing switch--German Suplex--Nova landing on his feet...shoves Michael into the ropes--Michael grabbing the ropes--Kangaroo Kicks off--Nova falls to the mat--Michael going for a Lionsault--missed--Michael rolls onto his knees and back up--they stand across each other in "fight ready" positions after the stalemate as the crowd applauds.
Nova to the ropes...Michael goes for a sweep kick--Nova leaps over--hits the far ropes--Cross Body on Michael--One count only. Michael back up...HE hits the ropes--Drop Kick on Nova! Nova back up--arm drags Michael over. To the ropes--and a forward flip onto the midsection of Michael. Nova waits on Michael get back up--goes for a face crusher--Michael blocks--gets behind Nova--Drop Kicks him in the back to send him to the outside of the ring.
Michael leaps onto the top rope--and hits a diving plancha onto Nova from the top rope to the floor! Hooks the leg, still a one count. Michael back up--waits on Nova to get to his feet--sliding dropkick into his leg. Michael rams his knee into the padding, then locks on a modified STF. Nova fights out of it, although he manages to keep a good grip on the hold. Michael grabbing a nearby steel chair...setting it folded up on the floor. European uppercut to the chin of Nova...Michael rams him into the apron, then scoop slams him onto the floor. Michael up on the apron, then a leaping corkscrew legdrop across the chest. Cover...2 count--kickout.
Michael clears the floor of the padding around the mat, and Nova comes from behind--Michael with an elbow shot to the jaw, then sets him up--DDTS him onto the floor!! Michael grabbing the chair...waiting on Nova to get up--as he does--swings--misses--kick to the midsection, then a small package variation by Nova...One count only.
Nova quickly back up and smacks Michael across the back with the steel chair...once...twice...picks him by the hair, then sets him up for a piledriver...Michael about to counter--but Nova with shots to his back...HITS the piledriver onto the steel chair on the floor! Nova picks up Michael, then hold the steel chair across his throat as he hits a Russian Leg Sweep, driving the chair into Michael's neck. Nova dumping Michael into the crowd, as he sets up the steel chair himself. As Michaels stands up, Nova sprints--uses the chair as a stepping stone, and a TOPE onto Michael into the crowd!!
E-A-W chants start up as Nova pins Michael down to the floor and peppers him with right hands, then grabs a chair from near the safety railing. Knocks the back of Michael's left leg out from under him, then lays it over his chest as he standing-moonsaults onto Michael. 2 Count from the referee only, however.
Nova goes for another steel chair shot, but Michael quickly throws a kick--catching Nova in the VanHalenator. He grabs the steel chair, rolls forward--ROLLING THUNDER onto Nova using the chair!! Micheal then drags Nova over to the production tables--ramming his head into the guardrail, then tossing him OUT of the crowd. Michael follows by going up top, Muta-Moonsaulting onto Nova. Long two, but Nova manages to kick out. Michael sets him up against a table...Nova shakes the cobwebs out, as Michael charges and GORE!! GORE!! GOOOOOOOORES!! him, then rolls over--grabbing his legs, and getting a bridging pin on it...long 2 and a NEAR win from the move from Michael.
Kanyon: And Nova in trouble here...Michael picking him up by the hair--elbow to the gut stopping him short...
Nova then glaces above them, where the right side of the EAW-Tron is...then a section of it seems to give way...
Kanyon: Michael da--PART OF THE EAW-TRON READY TO FALL ON--
Nova shoves Michael UNDER the debris, as a piece of the metal framing crashes down on Michael, to the collective gasps of the audience.
Kanyon: That...BASTARD...
Pamela: What do you mean? Nova did his best to try to push Michael out of the way...even after all he did...only he didn't quite make it...
Kanyon: Nova CAUSED THAT...probably with that eyebeam of his...and Michael likely unconscious. It looks like maybe Nova came to his senses...he's helping Michael up...
Pamela: SEE?! I told you...
Kanyon: And--NOVACAINE ON TOP OF THE DEBRIS!!! Nova not letting up!!...and a cover by Nova...
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ONE!!
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TWO!!
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...Nova rolling off of him?!
Pamela: What a sport! He's going to give him some recovery time!
Kanyon: Recovery time?! He's UNCONSCIOUS!!
Pamela: Well, a little time to recover's better than none. :P
Nova then drags Michael back into the ring, rolling him inside as he gets a steel chair...
Kanyon: Oh come ON...just PIN HIM ALREADY!!!
Pamela: Yeah, win the match already! ^_^
Kanyon: ....
Nova hoists Michael overhead...runs and KRYPTONITE KRUNCHES him onto the steel chair...
Kanyon: Damn it...is that ENOUGH already?! Nova covering him...
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ONE!
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TWO!!
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Nova gets up, and demands the referee adminster a FOUR count--a la King Kong Bundy...
Pamela: THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED!! Nova asking for a four count!
Kanyon: Oh, God...
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ONE!
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TWO!!!
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THREE!!
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KICKOUT?!?!?!
The crowd roars as Nova looks completely dumbfounded...
Kanyon: You've GOT to be kidding me...Michael probably shouldn't have done that...hell, he probably doesn't know what's going on...
Nova, looking rather pissed now, drags Michael to his feet, and slugs him towards the ropes--then as Michael is leaning against it, he ties them up in the ropes...he then grabs the steel chair...
Kanyon: Oh no...not this NOW....
Nova stands in the Raven crucifix pose as he then rears back with the steel chair...
*WHAM*
*WHAM*
*WHAM*
*WHAAAM!*
Nova then spits at Michael, then crawls over his slumped body...locking on a Tarantula...
Kanyon: Nova now with the Tarantula...as if it matters at this point--the referee calling for the bell BECAUSE MICHAEL OBVIOUSLY CAN'T RESPOND!!!
*ding, ding, ding*
Nova lets go and takes a bow as the referee raises his hand and the crowd boos him...
Capetta: ......the winner...of this match, by KO...Nova...
"Intergalactic" by the Beastie Boys cues up...
Pamela: WHOOO-HOOOOO!!! Does this mean we have a NEW number one contender?
Kanyon: The contendership wasn't on the line...but..why his old ECW theme?
Pamela: *shrug* Well, not like Mikey's going to be able to get the shot anyway, so might as well try to name a new one...
Kanyon: *sigh...We'll be back..
**Commercial Break**
As we come back from the commercials, the strains of Limp Bizkit's "My Way" cues up over the speakers to an incredible amount of boos.
Pamela: YES! WHOO! THE BEST REFEREE OF ALL TIMES! GIVE IT UP KANYON!
Kanyon: If you mean my lunch, I am THIS close to doing that…
David comes out of the entryway, his manager Kelly with him. Kelly is wearing a sexy red dress…matching her hair. David is in his referee's attire.
Capetta: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome…along with his manager Kelly, the special guest referee for this match, "The Legend Killer" David Flaaaaaiiiiir!"
Kanyon: Well, David Flair made a deal with Gokuo to be able to be the official referee for this match up, and with a bet.
Pamela: That's right. IF by some odd chance David doesn't referee fairly, he will leave EAW and MPRW. HOWEVER…if David is fair an impartial…Generation NEXT gets a bit of control in EAW.
Kanyon: A thought that scares me. I seriously don't want to have to call Donnie B. boss. Well, Kelly going over to the timekeeper's table…and David talking to Capetta. They seem to be discussing something…and Capetta nods. What's this about?
Capetta: The following contest…scheduled for one fall is for the EAW Triple Crown Championship…AND will be held…under NO DISQUALIFICATION RULES!
Kanyon: WHAT?
Pamela: THAT'S what David Flair was talking to Booker Waters about! BRILLIANT!
"Here Comes the Pain" cues up, and Rash comes out of the entryway, Frosti with him.
Kanyon: I can't believe this unexpected rule change…this will affect how everyone works this match.
Pamela: And here comes the next Triple Crown Champion! Whoo!
Capetta: Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Deadly Extremity member Frosti…representing Generation NEXT, standing 6'9" tall and weighing in at 268 pounds…Raaaaaaash!
Kanyon: Well, these rules are definitely working in Rash's favor…and David Flair just watching on. We have to wonder if he's really going to be impartial.
Pamela: How DARE you doubt him Kanyon! David Flair will be the most impartial referee ever! You'll see.
Kanyon: Maybe. Well, Rash in the ring now…
Suddenly, "Out of the Fire"…Kane's WWF Entrance Theme…cues up. Kaye walks out…apparently upset about the theme being messed up.
Capetta: Er…um…And his opponent…from Death Valley…She stands 6'1" tall and weighs 215 pounds…She is the EAW Triple Crown Champion…Kaaaaaayeeeeee!
Kanyon: Well, if Kaye was upset before coming out for this match, what has just happened will do very little to improve that mood.
Pamela: Who cares! It's a lot better than her regular one. But besides that, this match is about one thing: David Flair…the greatest referee of all time!
Kanyon: Kaye's anger showing through heavily early on in the match, as she punches Rash before the bell rings. David seems to be warning her, but I don't think that Kaye cares about the rules right now. She's concentrating on pummeling Rash into oblivion…Rash trying to mount an offense…Kaye catches him and drops him with a hard powerslam!
Pamela: Cover already…watch this!
One
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TWO
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Kickout by Rash. But the story here is the count that David delivered…perfectly fair!
Kanyon: That's just this fall though…we'll have to see about the rest of them though. Kaye grabbing Rash's head and lifting him up…and…OW! Hard slam by just holding the head by Kaye. Another cover by Kaye…
One
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TWO
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Kickout by Rash again. Kaye seems to be complaining to David Flair now.
Pamela: What the heck is her problem? David's been doing a great job, and she should…SCHOOLBOY BY RASH!
One
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TWO
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Kickout by Kaye!
Kanyon: I'll be damned, David did a fair count just then. Maybe he CAN be an impartial referee! Kaye getting back up in surprise at this…and Rash going right after her again, ramming her hard into the corner now. And now he starts pummeling away at the Triple Crown Champion in the corner. Kaye taking the blows hard…but just pie-faces him out of the corner.
Pamela: David letting lots go…even considering the No DQ rules for this match. Rash getting up to his feet…and right away going in on Kaye. Rash is being close to deadly out there for this match, and Kaye trying to fight back.
Kanyon: Rash pulling Kaye out of the corner now, sends her into the ropes….OOH…Springboard Moonsault from the big Symbiote. Going for the cover now…
One
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TWO
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Kickout by Kaye.
Pamela: Admit it, David's doing a good job in this match, isn't he?
Kanyon: Have to admit he is. Rash now grabbing Kaye by the neck, picking her up off the mat…going for a Baldo Bomb…but no, Kaye kicks him in the stomach, and Rash has to let go. Kaye grabbing Rash now…impressive strength by the Champion…Gorilla Press Slam! Cover…
One
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TWO
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Kickout by Rash.
Pamela: If Kaye were the Ultimate Warrior, this match would be over right now. Kaye seems to want to end this early now though, signaling for a chokeslam…but Frosti saving her man!
Kanyon: And…DAVID ADMONISHING HIS OWN TEAMMATE! I'll be damned, David Flair is being a fair referee.
Pamela: (grumble…then)But look…this is giving Rash the chance to strike! He's got a modified version of the Tongan Death Grip onto Kaye now…apparently trying to get the Symbiotic Claw on.
Kanyon: Kaye trying to fight out of it now…Rash more powerful than Meng/Haku could be with this move…Kaye with hard shots to the throat of Rash now…fighting out of it…and gets out of it now! Kaye now….hard boot to the gut…Rash still has the move on…and Kaye now…
Pamela: OW! Right into Baby and Frosti's favorite part of Rash!
Kanyon: Indeed…David admonishes Kaye for that…but Kaye…well…showing David who's number one. Rash still hunched over…Kaye going off the ropes…caught by Rash with a devastating Spinebuster! Staying on for the cover!
One
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TWO
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Another kickout by the Triple Crown Champion.
Pamela: Rash is definitely working hard to try becoming the next EAW Triple Crown Champion…he's giving everything he's got tonight. Rash waiting for Kaye to get back up to her feet now…going in…attempted Killer Instinct…Kaye taking Rash though…
Kanyon: And drops Rash with a Belly to Back suplex! Kaye back in control now, and she's getting to her feet…uh oh! She's signaled for the Burning Rain! Kaye grabbing Rash…setting him up now…
"A Violent Reaction" cues up…and out of the entryway comes…KANE!
Kanyon: Oh shit, what the hell is Kane doing here?
Pamela: Your guess is as good as mine!
Kane marches down to the ring as Kaye goes for her Burning Rain…and David tries to stop Kane from getting in the ring. Kane just pushes David out of the way and goes into the ring….and grabs Kaye.
Kanyon: Oh no…Kane has a hold of Kaye now…what's he doing?
Pamela: POWERDRIVER! KANE WITH A POWERDRIVER! And David Flair can't do anything, because it's No DQ!
Kanyon: Well, I don't know if David was expecting this…but now getting back to his feet as Kane leaves the ring….Rash going for the cover…
One
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TWO
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What the?
In the ring…David's trying to get his arm down, but another hand is grabbing his from a black cloud floating in the air.
Kanyon/Pamela: WHAT THE HELL?
The cloud starts growing larger after a bit…and after a bit it dissipates to reveal…
Kanyon: SASORI! SASORI SHIRONO IS BACK IN EAW!
Pamela: How can he save Kaye like that? Rash had this thing won!
Kanyon: Turnabout's fair play…and Kane sees this! Kane rushing back to the ring…but Sasori rolls out of the ring and stops his…blocking a punch…holding onto this…what's this?
Pamela: Holy shit…Cobra Clutch bomb there! Kane is down!
Kanyon: He calls that the Straightjacket Slam…and Kane is down. Rash getting back up now…Kaye fighting to her feet…Rash grabbing her..
Pamela: Symbiote Slam! Rash has Kaye right where he wants her…
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TWO
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THREE!
WINNER, NEW EAW TRIPLE-CROWN CHAMPION: Rash!
Kanyon: Unbelievable…Rash has won the Triple Crown Championship…and David Flair actually refereed the match fairly!
Pamela: Meaning that David stays in EAW! Frosti going onto the apron…but…WHAT'S THIS?
From the crowd come Sin and Shade…grabbing Frosti and giving her a double powerbomb onto the floor. They run off before Rash can get to them then.
Kanyon: Well, a hectic match to say the least…and this was just for the Triple Crown Championship! We'll be back!
*Commericals*
As we come back from the commercials…"My Way" is playing again. This time, David comes out in his ring attire, Kelly with him again. David has the MPRW Regional Heritage Championship around his waist.
Kanyon: Now wait a minute, what is this all about? He did his job already today, why is he still around.
Pamela: Because he can be, Kanyon. And it's not like I don't see you drooling over Kelly.
Kanyon: …no comment.
David Flair gets in the ring...and Kelly hands him a microphone. "First off...I bet some of you are wondering why some of the entrances today have been...well...screwy." He and Kelly exchange a smirk. "Well, let's just say some friends of ours have been having fun." He points to the Jumbotron...which shows the inside of the production truck....
"Heh...that was cool, Amigo!" Pest says as Lanky presses the buttons.
"You haven't seen anything yet!" He replies.
"Pyro! Pyro!" Brakk chants
"Hey guys! Whassup?" David says, pointing to them on the Jumbotron.
"WHAZUP!" The Squad answers back.
"Heh. Well guys...you've had your fun...but I think you guys should go now. Don't want to push the welcome too much you know."
"Sure....just after this!"
"After what?"
"You'll see!"
Kelly interjects. "Guys....if you leave that place right now....I'll go on a date with you guys."
The Squad's eyes blink. "Really?"
She nods. David has a smirk on his face. "Meet me in the back after this match." Kelly says.
Pest and Lanky says, "OK!" and leaves, except for Brakk who just sits there, lifeless.
David takes the mic back. "BRAKK! Wake up!"
"Brakk remains motionless. Not moving a muscle."
David and Kelly just sigh as the Jumbotron goes off. "ANYWAY…" David continues. "It's once again time for yours truly to defend this prestigious MPRW Regional Heritage Championship Belt….which, by the way, is higher than ANY MPRW Title belt…" he says…hinting to a certain egomaniacal MPRW Title Holder.
"And for my opponent tonight, I have someone special planned…someone who is young, yet legendary in his own right. So ladies and gentlemen…here is my opponent."
Kanyon: Well, who is it?
Pamela: Hush and wait.
After a bit, the Hart Foundation theme from the WWF cues up…and out of the entryway comes a familiar big man with a beard.
Kanyon: Huh…he actually got a relatively younger man…as Jim Neidhart is David's opponent for this match!
Pamela: Perfect choice for David! Former 2 Time WWF Tag Team champion, and one of the toughest men in the business EVER!
Kanyon: Well, Neidhart in the ring, and the match is under way!
Pamela: David giving a lot of weight and power away…but that may or may not matter against David Flair here. We'll have to see.
Kanyon: David and Neidhart circling each other…a grapple by the two of them…and Neidhart pushes Flair down. Another grapple…and another push.
Pamela: David has to be careful of Neidhart's power here. He's staying down, Jim coming in…and nice kick to the gut by David!
Kanyon: David taking Neidhart now, attempted Irish Whip…Neidhart reverses it though…and a tackle into the corner! Neidhart got an advantage here.
Pamela: David's gotta fight a bit harder for a win now. Neidhart going in for another tackle…but David ducking out…and…THERE'S THE LEGENDARY END!
Kanyon: Damn…David's got it locked on again….and Neidhart is tapping out now!
Winner by Submission, Still MPRW Regional Heritage Champion: David Flair.
After David lets go of the hold and rolls Neidhart out of the ring, he grabs a microphone. "YOU SEE THAT! EAW, YOU JUST SAW THAT I CAN BEAT ANY LEGEND, ANY TIME! THERE IS *NO ONE* WHO WILL BE MORE LEGENDARY THAN I AM!"
The fans begin to start booing loudly. David seems to not care and still struts around the ring.. As he is getting ready to leave, we hear a sound of a rather strange guitar... What's this? It's a familiar theme used in WCW before…the second one for the wrestler it's from... David stops and gets back into the ring... Out from the curtains it's...
Kanyon: OH MY GOD!!! IT'S BRET HART!! BRET HART IS BACK IN EAW!
The fans are erupting in this arena!! David Flair walks backwards in shock as he looks at Neidhart, then at Bret. He is back against the ropes in total shock right now. Bret holds the microphone up to his mouth. ...
"Who in the hell do you think you are David Flair? What makes you think that you can destroy any legend that faces you in the ring? I thought you would be a gifted athlete who would take over in his father's footsteps. That is a real legend, you will never be as great as him. You choose to go the wrong way, well David. I think I have been proven to be a legend...Let's see if you can back up your words... You and me at No Escape, well see who the real legend is around here!"
David Flair is still in shock right now...but eventually composes himself. "Well well, the old fogey decides to get a REAL challenge at last. Well far be it from me to prevent you from fulfilling your mid-life crisis. I GLADLY accept your challenge. And unlike my father...I WILL defeat you...just like a certain "Sexy Boy" did in 1997..." He adds a chuckle when he mentions that.
Bret kinda gives a laugh, "So another words you're saying when I got screwed over in the World Wrestling Federation? Don't remind me. I am sure that won't happen this time. I beat your father in the WCW, proven I am the best there was! The best there is! And the best there ever will be! I have been watching you for past couple of weeks, and I feel I am the only man to put it to an end!"
David smirks. "The only thing that's ending, Bretty boy, is me being disrespected. I'll enjoy watching you lose to me in front of your people in Calgary. So don't feel badly...you'll just be losing to the next living legend." David smiles and flips out of the ring, landing on his feet. "And if you forget...I beat my father as well."
Bret gives a smile, "Taking yourself with so much confidence. Is that the only accomplishment in your career with the EAW? Defeating your father in one match?" Bret asks trying not to laugh, "Oh and I forgot... One last thing to you David, it won't be just me there in Calgary, you'll have one more legend to have on your hands. No Escape, prepare for nothing but execution!"
David glares at him. "We'll see old man...we'll see."
*Commercials*
[Ready in five... four... three...]
Pamela: And welcome back to Riot Rulz. Time for one hell of a main event, and perhaps a chance for one of the EAW's most prolific anthros to gain yet another title... if he *can*, that is.
Kanyon: Aw, c'mon, Pammie! We all know Colley's one mean fightah, an' he's gonna take it to Angelcakes, win *or* lose. Either way, 'sgonna be one helluva fight.
Pamela: My money's still on the champ retaining, and with ease. I'm telling you, Angel is a true champion, and he's going to prove it tonight.
A wolf-howl cues up, seguing into "Of Wolf and Man" as Colley makes his way down the ramp, getting one helluva pop from the crowd. "The following match will be for one fall... and is for the EAW World Title! Introducing first, weighing in at 247 pounds... he is one-half of WIldpack 2000... "Big Yiffey" Colley Doooooogstar!"
Kanyon: And aside from that pup dere, who bettah? Eight EAW title runs, five on his own! This guy is solid material, an' he's got what it takes to take the whole damn thing!
Pamela: True, true... but you have to factor in his opponent...
"Of Wolf and Man" fades out, soon replaced by the BOOM of pyros and "Gonna Fly Now" as Angel walks proudly down the ramp, belt on his waist and a big grin on his face, playing up to the crowd. Their reaction is obvious. "And his opponent, from a cross-dimensional Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania... weighing in at 220 pounds... he is the EAW World Champion... Kirk Aaaaaaaaangel!
Pamela: Now *that* is what I'm talking about! Look at the confidence! Look at the grace! The best champ the EAW's ever had! Hell, the best champ any fed's ever had!
Kanyon: Won't fault the guy's skill, but I gotta argue with ya on that one, Pammie... aight, Angel in the ring, Collet waiting for him... and it looks like we're gonna get a handshake outta the deal! Angel offering... Colley accepting! And... Angel... heh! Angel's sayin' something to Colley!
Pamela: 'Good luck?' What's gotten into Angel?!
Kanyon: But Colley seems fine with that... and smiles! Angel grinning back, and they tie up... side headlock applied to the champ... Colley really grindin' it in... and Angel pushes off! Colley off th' ropes... shouldahblock puts Angel down! Colley off the ropes again t' capitalize... legdrop misses!
Pamela: Angel up and looking... cocky, as usual! Another tie-up... Colley forced into a corner... ref trying to get a clean break... nothing doing! Knee strike to Dogstar's midsection, and Angel throws Colley out of the corner... and telling him to get up! Dogstar's up like a shot... right to Angel! Another! Angel backed into the corner as Colley lays in the rights... Colley winding back and spitting on his hand... spitshot MISSES! Angel behind Colley--dropkicks him into the turnbuckle! Angel back on his feet as Colley flops back and WHAM! High-angle german suplex! Bridged for the pin!
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ONE!
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TW--Colley kicks free and shakes out the cobwebs!
Kanyon: Angel's lookin' a little dazed, too... hell, looks like he's bleedin' a bit from the nose there! And jus' lookat the scowl on his face... Angel drops Colley back to th' mat with an axehandle... down on his knees and DRIVES a knee right inta Colley's side! Another! And a third f' good luck! Colley graspin' at his ribs... and Angel celebrates! What a prick!
Pamela: Only because he knows he's got it in the bag... Angel waiting for Colley to get up... in with a stiff elbowshot to the side of Colley's head! Colley whipped to the ropes... and CAUGHT! HUGE overhead belly-to-belly suplex! Angel celebrates once again... and the crowd can't seem to appreciate his talent... what a bunch! Angel getting a handful of fur... Colley to his fee-OH MAN!
Kanyon: And the cano-sapien RIPS Angel's head off with a vicious lariat! Shades a' ol' Stan Hansen right there! And Colley... tellin' Angel t' get up! Listen to the crowd! They're all for it! And Angel chickenshits out and rolls to th' outside! Colley followin'... and catches Angel! Rights all over the place, backing Angel to the barricade... Colley with a grip on Angel's head... and OW! Colley bulldogs Angel face-first onto th' barricade! What a move!
Pamela: Sure, if this were a hardcore match! Colley knows better! Nonetheless, Colley withdrawing to the ring and waiting for Angel to follow... Angel's up, and looking incensed... he follows, wiping his nose on the way in... and locks up with Colley! Angel with an armdrag, but Colley quick to his feet. Lockup... and a snapmare puts Colley on his furry behind! The cano-sapiens's obviously being outwrestled here, Kanyon.
Kanyon: But he ain't doin' too good on the brawling end... here comes Colley... Angel trying for the tie-up but meeting a gutkick and a towering vertical suplex! Colley onto Angel, locking in a head-and-arm dragon sleeper and standing up! Looks like the Yiff-dawg's takin' care o' business!
Pamela: He can try all he wants... Angel fighting free... and Colley turns the hold into a reverse DDT! Hooking the leg!
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ONE!
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TW--yes! Angel kicks free from Colley's lazy cover!
Kanyon: I sense bias... bah! Colley with a waistlock on Angel... and up goes the champ! Colley charging the turnbuckle and slams Angel stomach-first onto th' corner! Kicks to Angel's back... kinda a reverse tree of woe! And Colley with the waistlock again--CORNER TRAP, BABY! That's what I'm talkin' about! And Angel's down! Colley looking to the crowd... and we all know what's coming next!
Pamela: A faceful of dog crotch! Eeesh!
Kanyon: That's *cano-sapien* crotch, Pammie! Colley getting his gallop on... rushes on and BRONCO BUSTER! YEAH! Angel on the recievin' end on that bit of punishment! And Colley up to the second rope... salute to the crowd and OWSHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
The entire crowd, at least the men, sympathy-scream as...
Pamela: Bahahahaah! Angel with a foot to Colley's groin as he came down! Colley's limping away, grabbing his meaty bits! Angel up... looking mega-pissed... behind Colley! OLYMPIC SLA--slipped! Colley with a gutki--CAUGHT! Angel twisting the ankle... and cinching in the Angel-Lock! Colley screaming for all he worth... and DAMN!
Kanyon: Colley with a rollin' countah into a victory roll! From outta nowhere!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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TH--NO! Angel slips free and up t' his feet! Colley's up! Colley in with a rig--CAUGHT! Angel with a be--EARCLAP to th' champ! KICK WHAM EVENFLOW! And Colley kippups t' his feet... and kicks Angel's arm aside! Off comes the elbowpad and here comes A Good Ripoff of The Most Electrifying Move in All Sports Entertainment! Off and over and off and WHAM! Angel jerking like he was shot! And Colley... not going for the pin! Instead, he's got... oh yeah, it's ovah! Colley with the waistlock... BAM! ONE powerbomb! Holding... lifting.... BAM! Two powerbombs!
Pamela: Nonononono, dammit Angel! Fight!
Kanyon: And Angel all th' way up, and he goes---COUNTER! DAMN! Angel outta LEFT FIELD wit' a... Angelsteiner? Olympicanrana? Either way, Colley got spiked on 'is skull, and dey're both down! Two-thirds of the Third Impact's still gotta take it outta you! The ref administerin' th' ten-count...
Pamela: C'mon, C'MON! Get up, Angel!
Kanyon: Angel usin' the ropes... and Colley kinda slow gettin' up... ref's at five! Six! Seven... Ei--an' Angel's on 'is feet! Rushing Dogstar... and FALLING INTO A SLEEPER SLAM! COlley barely able to cover Angel!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THRE--shouldah up! Not enough weight on Angel t'keep 'im down!
Pamela: Whoo! Go, Kirk! GO!
Kanyon: Colley lookin' mighty upset... an' he's up... waitin' for Angel to get up... dancing on his feet Rock-style... Angel stumbling to his feet and right into Colley's arms! HOLY SHIT! SUDDEN IMPACT! SUDDEN IMPACT! COLLEY PLANTS ANGEL WITH SHAED'S OWN DAMN FINISHER! If he can get th' win with that, that'd be a helluva tribute! Colley hooking the leg! THIS MIGHT DO IT!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE---NO! DAMMIT, NO! Angel with a shoulder up! And Colley actually givin' the ref hell! He's not takin' his eyes offa Angel, who's draggin' himself to his feet usin' the ropes, though! Smart thinkah!
Pamela: Angel's showing why he deserves the damn title! Nothing Colley's got is gonna put him down! And Colley finally ready to get his from Angel!
Kanyon: Angel looks like a wreck... and Colley's still goin' from the crowd's reaction! Nothin' but adrenaline now! They both meet in the center... Colley with a ri--BLOCKED! Angel wailing on the challenger! Colley backed into th' ropes and whipped! Here comes Ange--COLLEY GOING FOR ANOTHER SUDDEN IM--REVERSED! OLYMPIC SLAM! OLYMPIC SLAM! And the straps come down! Angel slaps on th' Angel Lock again! Colley's scramblin' to the ropes for all he's worth!
Pamela: He won't make it! He won't make it! He... damn, he made it!
Kanyon: But how much damage did Angel do? Ref breakin' up the hold, and Angel wiping more blood from his nose... damn, does this guy juice! Colley up... and wincing as he puts weight down on his stretched ankle. That may play a factah come match's end... Angel charges in and WHIFFS th' corner clothesline... and Colley pushes Angel into the corner! Colley stompin' a mudhole an' walkin' it dry!
The crowd breaks into a steady stream of "WHAT?"s as Colley wails on Angel.
Kanyon: ... an' one fer good luck! Colley pickin' Angel up and rushing in with an elbowstrike... backing up and framing it... crotchchop and ANGEL DUCKS! Colley 'round wit' a countah and ANGEL SLIDING BETWEEN COLLEY'S LEGS! Colley buckling as his ankle acts up and---OH DAMN! BRUTAL! GERMAN SUPLEX ONTA TH' TOP TURNBUCKLE! SCRAPE TH' FUR OFFA THE PADDING, THE CANO'S DEAD!
Pamela: That's it! Game over for the pound puppy! And Angel covers for the win!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE--NO! Colley in the nick of time! Argh, dammit!
Kanyon: They're both barely able to stand... Angel's given it all he's got, and Colley's taken all Angel can dish at him! Someone has to fall! ANGEL WITH A RIGHT! COLLEY WITH A RIGHT! ANGEL! COLLEY! ANGEL! COLLEY THEY'RE WAILING ON EACH OTHER! COLLEY WITH A STIFF RIGHT HAND, KNOCKIN' ANGEL BACK! OFF THE RO--WHIP REVERSED AND COUNTERED! COBRA CLUTCH--OLYMPICPLEX! FOR THE WIN!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE--KICKOUT! NO F*CKING WAY! NO WAY IN HELL!
Pamela: They're refusing to drop! Both of them on the mat... ten-count's already begun... and Angel's up! And so's Colley... and here come the punches! RIGHT! RIGHT! Angel and Colley trading blows! ANGEL'S PUNCH IS BLOCKED--COLLEY IN! SUDDEN IMPACT! SUDDEN IMPACT! NO, THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!
Kanyon: Colley covers! For all the marbles...
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE--IMPOSSIBLE! KICKOUT BY ANGEL! WHAT ARE THERE TWO RUNNIN' ON, 'CUZ I WANT SOME!
Pamela: Colley poured all he had into that last Sudden Impact! And Angel's barely got anything left! Can they even work the strength to stand? I... I don't think they're even trying, or they're even capable of it! Count's at five... seven... and this match is done...
Kanyon: Perhaps inna fitting fashion! Both of 'm gave it their all, but neither of 'em culd be kept down for the 1-2-3! They put on an amazing match, even though neither of 'em won it outright... that's the kinda tribute Shaed deserves.
The winner, by way of double count-out, and STILL EAW World Champion.... Kirk Aaaaaaaaaangel!
EMTs zoom out to the ring, checking on the two as they stay there, obviously drained. As they're assisted to their feet, their eyes meet.
Pamela: Ohman... a last bit of good ol' violence?
Angel and Colley then... shake hands for a moment.
Kanyon: Better. More like a moment t' reflect... still a worthwhile match! For Pamela Paulshock, who bettah than Kanyon! Thanks and g'nigth!
Pamela: This IS the EAW!