Live from the Wings Stadium in Kalamazoo, Michigan!
Your hosts are Chris Kanyon and Pamela Paulshock!
Live from the Wings Stadium in Kalamazoo, Michigan!
Your hosts are Chris Kanyon and Pamela Paulshock!
Signs in the crowd tonight: "Hall 24:7" "Deport HHH" "Shut Up Steph" "Shut Up Steph" "Lenny Lyger *arrow pointing down*" "Shut Up Steph" "Akiko the White Swan" "Shut Up Steph"
We cut to the announcer's desk where Pamela and Chris are seated...
Kanyon: Welcome everybody to EAW Riot Rulz!! Tonight we got four hot matches on hand, 2 of which are title matches! And since you won't be seeing us on the air tomorrow, we'd like to wish everyone a Happy St. Patrick's Day tomorr-ee!
Pamela: And remember to designate a driver, and don't try to hit on me or you WILL be beaten up. :P Thank you...this has been a public service announce--
"There's a Fire in the House" cues up, and the crowd goes wild...
Pamela: ARGH...not him. I was hoping to get this show started right.
Kanyon: If it stops you from slinging another lame joke, it definitely is a good start...
Michael Connelly makes his way out after his usual entrance, then rushes down towards the ring, quickly shaking and slapping hands in a jog around the ring. He gets a microphone and rolls inside the ring...
"Kalamazooooooooooo...thank you for the lovely greeting.." Michael says to the cheering crowd. "I'm glad to be hear tonight...and I'm glad to be the Number One Contender for the EAW World Title...(holds for the applause)...currently held by Kirk Angel...(gives the crowd the opening to boo their heads off)"
Pamela: Figures he would be here, what with Kirk not being here to defend himself...
Kanyon: Heh..he never says anything about him that isn't the truth.
"But talking about that match isn't all I came out here for. Among the reasons are to with my buddy Lance luck on his match at No Escape...against Triple H."
More booing...
"And to bring to light some criticisms made to me by Kirk AND Paul Heyman. Heyman didn't seem to get across what he MEANT to on Mayhem. Something about me being past the expiration date about...what...10 years?"
More booing...
"You know Paul...I consider the source, because out of every 5 sentences you say, at least 3 of them are total bullcrap. Now, of course you couldn't have meant that myself, as I am, just isn't meant to succeed today. I would have been better suited to 10 years ago? 1992?! Wasn't that when wrestling as a whole was in slump? Do you mean I could have pulled it out of the slump? Or did you MEAN to talk about TWENTY years ago. Back then, there were guys like Hogan and Beefcake and soon after that the Warrior...late 80's. Back then...wrestling REALLY sucked."
Much of the crowd gives their approval. "Okay...maybe that's harsh. You had your Savages and Steamboats in their primes, and some gradually improving Bret Harts and Shawn Michaels..es...you get the idea. But the guys that fans really pushed for...the ones that most of the attention was focused on...was the big, HULKing, massive brutes with little actual wrestling skill. The kinds that...well...would wrap themselves in the American flag and use it as cheap way to get cheers. So I guess that couldn't have been what you meant either. Hmm...wrapping themselves in the American flag...gee...why does that sound familiar." Michael pretends to ponder over that a bit.
"Maybe what you REALLY meant was that in this 'edgey' era where stations toss out more IQ-lowering crap and the stations are filled with mostly pop garbage, and stuff just as bad...wrestlers don't even attempt to be role models anymore. I don't really try, Paul...I just be myself and try to be the best PERSON I can be. If that extends to my work, then so be it. I do that...and I don't exploit patriotism to do so. I'm an American...a proud American...a proud IRISH-American..."
Cheers on that...
"...but so are most of us. But I'm a wrestler, not a politician. And I hope to one day have my name said with the same reverence as many persons regarded as 'legends.' But I don't feel there is a real 'legend' in wrestling. Not a member of the Hart family, not a Michaels, not even a Flair...and certainly not a Hogan. Legends are usually fiction...and a couple of decades are too short a period to name ANYONE a 'legend'...
Just then, as Michael is speaking, the lights go out in the arena for a second or so...then...
Familiar, cheesy, porno-movie-esque theme begins to play and shots of the arena in grainy black-and-white are shown on the EAW-Tron.
Kanyon: What in the hell? Here...and at this time...?!
Pamela: Oh great...part of the reason I *left* WCW was to get away from these gu--
But their suspicions are assuaged as a different logo..."oWo"...is shown. Then out from the back comes a reasonable facsimile of Hulk Hogan (somewhat resembling the "Huckster"), only with an overcoat and "oWo" gear. Michael chuckles as the Faux Hogan makes his way down to the ring, taunting much of the crowd, before climbing inside of the ring.
He get face to face with Michael..although he seems quite a bit taller (thanks in part to obvious lifts in his boots).
"Brother..." he says after grabbing the microphone from Michael. "You DID NOT just mock the greatest icon this business has ever known. You DID NOT...just disgrace my name by DARING to say I am NOT a legend...and even insinuating...that I SUCK?!"
Michael calmly backs away, climbing outside of the ring...
Pamela: Oh come on...the LEAST he can do is stand his ground.
Kanyon: Give him a minute...
And Michael grabs a STEEL CHAIR from nearby ringside, then quickly slides inside the ring...
And sets it up with the back facing Fogan, standing up on it, grabbing the microphone BACK, and barking defiantly in his face as he stands with his head reaching about 8 feet above the ring. "YES I DID!! It's the year 2002, and we're seen quite a bit of progress since then. A certain fellow egomaniac called you a dinosaur in 1993, and you're even more archaic no--"
But Michael is quickly cut off--as Fogan knocks the chair over, dropping Michael to the mat. He then tosses off his overcoat, revealing an inflatable muscle-coat underneath. He pulls a pump from underneath his arm that is made up to look like a syringe, and "Hulks Up" his physique.
Kanyon: *Chuckle* How true, how true.
Pamela: I never really cared for Mikey...but a cheap laugh at Hogan's expense is always good. :P
Hogan then pulls what appear to be "vitamins" from the coat, and then dumps about a dozen of them in his mouth. As Michael gets up to his feet in a non-chalant manner, he's Irish Whipped to the ropes by the impersonator...all the while the fake Hogan mumbling something.
Kanyon: BIG BOOT TO THE FACE!!....and tossing off that headband...and I've seen more hair on David Flair's chest than on that head....to the ropes...and...the LEG DROP OF DOOM!!...
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KICKOUT!!!
The fake Hogan shakes his head in surprise as Michael kicks out before he can even get a one count.
Kanyon: AMAZING...Michael kicking out the move that put away the Rock!...and countless others.
Pamela: Ah...if it were only that easy, poor Heenan would have loved to managed the man to do that.
The fake Hogan gets up and goes for another leg drop, this time Michael sits up, and he hits nothing but mat--then grabs his hip in pain...and Michael rolls out of the ring, calmly shrugs his shoulders, and walks off...
"N Together Now" by Limp Bizkit suddenly cues up in the arena.
Capetta: The following contest, scheduled for one fall, is for the MPRW Public Access Championship! Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Arianna. From Venice Beach, California. He stands 6'3" tall and weighs in at 229 pounds…one half of the MPRW Mountaineer Tag Team Champions…Buuuuuuuzzsaaaaaaaw!
Kanyon: And we is kicking things off with a title on the line! The vacated Public Access Championship…
Pamela: Made famous by the current Regional Heritage champion, David Flair.
Kanyon: …on the line as Buzzsaw takes on the risk-taking Akiko. Buzzsaw in the ring, and there comes…Arianna. Man, she looks nice today.
Pamela: …and I thought that I wouldn't have to worry about drooling morons once Road Dogg got injured.
"Cherry Bomb" cues up next, and to a good reaction comes the other fighter for this match.
Capetta: His opponent, from Osaka, Japan. She stands 5'6" tall and weighs in at 135 pounds…Akiiiiiiiiikooooooooooo!
Kanyon: And here she is…the only undefeated EAW Singles Wrestler out there today.
Pamela: If you believe her ridiculous stories. She WAS beaten here in EAW though.
Kanyon: True, but she wasn't contracted here. But if Buzzsaw has anything to say about this, he'll end that winning streak. Akiko in the ring now…and we's about to get underway!
Kanyon: Akiko and Buzzsaw now sizing each other up, going in for a grapple…side headlock by Buzzsaw, turned into and armbar by Akiko, reversed by Buzzsaw…standing dropkick takes Buzzsaw down!
Pamela: Huh…for two unworthy contenders for this title, they're doing pretty well out there.
Kanyon: Buzzsaw getting to his feet, and grabbed by Akiko. Irish whip, going in for something, Buzzsaw catching her with a nice corner boost dropkick, going for an early pin!
One
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Kickout by Akiko
Pamela: Though untalented, you're not gonna get a win over Akiko with just one dropkick. Buzzsaw going back to work though, which is a smart move by him.
Kanyon: Buzzsaw grabbing Akiko in a rear-chin lock on the mat, wrenching back on it…but look at the flexibility of Akiko…modified hurricanrana into a pin!
One
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TWO
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Kickout by Buzzsaw. Close call for Akiko there.
Pamela: Akiko was close to having her record become as dirty as her mind is. Buzzsaw rolling up to his feet now, ducking a kick attempt by Akiko, catching another…kick of his own to her face!
Kanyon: Buzzsaw going in for something on her leg, but kicked away by Akiko. Buzz holding his jaw at this. Akiko setting him up…DIVINE WIND KICK ATTEMPT…Buzzsaw ducks…HEADBUTT TO HER…um…lower extremities.
Pamela: Oooh…looks like Ari is a little jealous about that move there.
Kanyon: Please…give me a break. Akiko now in pain now…rushing in and takes her down hard with a spear…staying on for a cover…
One
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TWO
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Another kickout by Akiko.
Pamela: (imitating Heyman) ONE SECOND AWAY! BUZZSAW WAS ON...ERK!
Kanyon: (holding her lips) Don't EVER do that again! (Lets go) Buzzsaw slamming Akiko onto the mat now, now going up to the top…450 splash? Yes! 450. Akiko hit hard with it…Buzzsaw staying on…
One
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TWO
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Yet another kickout by Akiko.
Pamela: Well, I'll give her this, she's resilient. Buzzsaw signaling to the crowd though…Buzzkill time!
Kanyon: Buzzsaw might be the one to end Akiko's undefeated streak…going for the Dragon Sleeper part…but look at that! Akiko flipping out, falling down with a reverse DDT! Buzzsaw getting up…and…
Pamela: TARANTULA! Buzzsaw caught in that submission hold, but Akiko can't win with it. She has to let go of it!
Kanyon: And she does…Buzzsaw is in pain now…Akiko…setting him up for the Osaka Street cutter…Buzzsaw escapes it…another Buzzkill attempt, but Akiko gets out…and…
Pamela: OSAKA STREET CUTTER! She got that one good there! Buzzsaw is out of it!
Kanyon: Akiko covering, hooking both legs now!
One
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TWO
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THREE!
Capetta: Here is your winner, and NEW MPRW Public Access Champion, AKIKO!
Kanyon: A great show of athleticism by these two superstars, but in the end, Akiko managed to get the victory…and Buzzsaw has to be a little disappointed.
Pamela: Definitely…he wanted to end Akiko's winning streak…but ends up with nothing. Buzzsaw now getting up to his feet…ooh, looks like he isn't done.
Buzzsaw looks to Akiko, who now has the MPRW Public Access Championship belt over her shoulder…and sighs, extending his hand out to the new champion, shaking her hand and then raising it.
Kanyon: A great show of sportsmanship here from Buzzsaw to Akiko. Something that I doubt we'll see throughout the rest of the night. We'll be back after this!
*COMMERCIALS*
**Commercial Break**
"Martyr" by Fear Factory begins to play as we come back from break...
Kanyon: Welcome everybody back just in time for our EXTREEEEEEEEME Title Match!!
Pamela: Ahhhh yes...the time that we sit back, relax, and watch some unnecessary ultra-violence just for the sake of a piece of tin. It isn't ME in the ring, though, so I condone it. :P
Kanyon: I figured you would...
Capetta: The following match is scheduled for one fall with a 20 minute time limit. Introducing first, from the Darkside...she stands 5'7" and weighs in at 122 pounds. The challenger.....ARANA...!!
Kanyon: Arana making one of her few-and-far-between EAW appearances. And anyone with the guts to actually hang around Spazz on a regular basis comes quite close right there to being Extreme.
Pamela: Bah...and she's facing the Extreme Champ...piece of cake. Arana of course is like a better looking, stronger, more agile Black Widow. I feel confident we'll see a title switch tonight..
Kanyon: That's your opinion, of course...
"Sinner" by Drowning Pool then plays, and Ninja X comes out with the EAW Extreme Title...
Capetta: And his opponent...currently residing in Los Angeles, California. Standing 6'1" and weighing in at 226 pounds...the EAW Extreme Champion and EAW Cruiserweight Champion...Ninja X!!!
Kanyon: Ninja X very proud to hold that title, but no longer a triple champion, just a DOUBLE champion. But he'll likely have quite a challenge in dealing with Arana, although I'm sure he can handle it.
Pamela: Myself, I kinda long for the days he wore a mask. But after this match, we'll be able to call him Ninja X--Ex-Extreme Champion.
Kanyon: We'll see...all in due time...
*ding, ding*
Arana and Ninja X with a bit of martial arts exhibition to start: Ninja X comes out swinging a roundhouse--Arana ducks and chops him across the throat. Sends him to the ropes, but gets a dropkick into the chest. Ninja X with a standing Moonsault, but Arana with the knees up. Arana springs up and drops a knee into his midsection, and then grabs the legs, locking on a Leg Lace. Ninja X powers out of it, and Arana picks him up by the head, sending him to the ropes. Headscissors sends him down to the mat, and Arana legdrops him. Arana picks him up again and sends him to the ropes...Handstand into a Hurracanrana--but Ninja X with a powerbomb to counter. Ninja X pulls her up and backs her against the rope with right hands, and kicks her in the back of the thigh. As Arana loses her footing, X Fireman's Carries her over to the center of the ring. Arana spins upward, dropkicking X in the chest. She hits the far ropes--but Ninja X repositions himself and Drop Toe Holds her. One count, and Arana kicks out. X pulls up Arana and attemps a Snap Suplex--blocked--Arana hits one of her own instead. Arana kicks away relentlessly at the back of Ninja X, then grabs a steel chair from outside. She lays it out in the center of the ring, then picks up Ninja X, sending him to the ropes--Arana leapfrogs over...X comes back, and a Monkey Flip by Arana sends Ninja X crashing onto the steel chair back first. Arana removes the turnbuckle pad, then goes to Ninja X's feet, beginning to lock on a Kumo No Amimono/Lion Tamer/Elevated Crab, but isn't able to turn Ninja X over--slips free, and catches Arana's ankle locking on an inverted leg lace. X kippups and uses an Arabian Facebuster on both knees, then twists the left knee to weaken it. Ninja X picks up Arana, and begins to undo the turnbuckle pad. Grabs her head and rams in into the exposed bold--Arana blocks a second attempt, ramming NINJA X's head into it, then positions Ninja X for a Tornado DDT--blocked by Ninja X, and a RELEASE NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX from the second rope by Ninja X!!!
Cover by Ninja X, 2 count only. Ninja X sends Arana to the ropes--no, reversal by Arana--Back Body Drop--and Ninja X catches the top ropes with his arms and stands up on the apron. Arana kicks his feet out from underneath him, tyings up X in the ropes. She then begins nailing hard kick after hard kick into his spine, then grabbing the steel chair and using it for the same purpose. A third hard shot frees X, causing him to fall to the floor. Arana grabs the steel chair, hits the far ropes, and goes for a Suicide Dive on Ninja X--he sidesteps, and Arana hits nothing but the floor. Pick up by X, but Arana with a Jawbreaker! She hooks a leg...gets a two count only!
Arana pulls up the mat and sets up a Michinoku Driver (#2) onto the concrete, but X slips free, scoops up Arana, and hits it instead!!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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NO!!!
Ninja X gets back at Arana a bit with a HARD kick into the back, then picks her up and leans her against the ropes, knife edge chopping her (to WHOOOOOOO!'s), then hitting a jumping Crescent Kick that sends her into the crowd. He springs up onto the safety railing and hits a moonsault onto her back. He sets her up for an Electric Chair Drop onto the concrete---but a Victory Roll by Arana! 2 count only!
Arana grabs Ninja X by the head, ramming it into the safety railing. She climbs over it back into the ringside area...front face lock--and a DDT snaps Ninja X's throat down across the railing. Arana up on the railing, and a leaping spin wheel kick hits X in the jaw. She tosses X back into the ringside area, pulling a roll of razor tipped wire from underneath it, then fashions a small whip from it, whipping X across the back, then kicking him hard back in the spine again. X attempts to get up, but Arana drives her forearm into his upper back pulling him back down. Arana clears an area and attempts the Venom Fang, but X slips free, kicks her in the midsection, and X-ecutions her to the concrete. He searches underneath the ring for weapons, pulling out an...UMBRELLA?! As Arana charges at X, he accidentally presses the "release" button, and the end of the umbrella pops Arana in the face before opening. This halts Arana enough for Ninja X to dig again...pull out a pair of NUNCHUKUS!! Ninja X takes out Arana's leg, knocking her down on the back, then stands between her legs as he whips them about her torso, before locking on a standing Anklelock. Arana writhes in pain but shakes her head in refusal to give up. Ninja X, angered, Headbutts Arana low. He then takes the razor wire and wraps it around his nunchuckus, whipping at her knees and lower leg, then BETWEEN her legs. Catapult set up, but at he launches Arana, she rolls as she hits her landing point, and kippups. Spider's Bite on Ninja X!! X slowly gets back up, and charges at Arana with a clothesline--ducked--countered by a sweep kick and then a Mahistrahl Cradle by Arana...
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ONE!
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TWO!!
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NO!!
Kanyon: Arana nearly scoring the pinfall there, as these two battle over the Extreme Title. Ninja X rolled back into the ring by Arana...picked up...sent to the ropes...and a HURRACANRANA roll up from Arana!
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ONE
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TWO!
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Kickout!
Pamela: And for those of you who are just tuning in right now, that's Ninja X on the mat to the right on your screen. It's a little hard to tell because it looks like he has red hair and is wearing the mask o' crimson.
Kanyon: Arana up now, reaching down for the ank--HARD kick to the side of the head with the left foot of Ninja X!! X was playing possum, or at least got a well-needed bit of air...Kippup now...and Ninja X picking up his opponent now...HARD Irish Whip to the corner!! AIR NINJA X!! Arana staggering out of the corner now...Ninja X scoops her up...ties her up in the Tree of Woe!! Getting a second chair now...and laying the first across the face off Arana...Chair set up...Ninja X running towards the chair--leaps up aaaaand--MISSILE DROPKICKS that chair into Arana as she's trapped in the Tree of Woe!!!
Pamela: Alright..I KNOW the kind of match this is, but maybe that's going a LITTLE BIT too far?! We won't even be able to recognize poor Arana. :P
Kanyon: Ninja X slow to get up, but--NOW MAKES THE COVER NOW!!
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ONE!!!
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TWO!!
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THRE--NO!?!?!? Un-****ing-believable!!!
Pamela: For once, we're in agreement...d-damn...but how much is left of Arana?
Kanyon: Ninja X yanking up Arana...Arana with some weak right hands--a ki--NO! Countered to a Dragon Screw by Ninja X!! This has to be about it...Arana picked up by Ninja X--LOW BLOW by Arana counters!! Legal though, in this match...picking up a steel chair now...Ninja X up--Arana tosses it to X--X catches--up the turnbuckle and A FLIP KICK into the FACE of Ninja X!?! A version of the X-Calibur used AGAINST Ninja X!!
Pamela: And it may win her the title now...
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ONE!!
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TWO!
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KICKOUT?!
Kanyon: Holy shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyi-yi-yi! Arana now with some shots to the back with the steel chair...going for a Mexican Stretch now...and combos into a Dragon Sleeper...a Super-Crazy speciality. But Ninja X refusing to give it up...
Pamela: Proving he really is just the idiot I thought he was...
Kanyon: Arana letting go..picking up Ninja X for a running bulldog onto the steel chair--countered--Arana shoved chest first into the corner--coming out of it--kick to the midsection doubles her over--set up by Ninja X--X-PLOITER onto the steel chair!!!
Pamela: ...is she still alive...?
Kanyon: Well, we may need a MD's opinion on that--cover by X...
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THR--NO WAY!!!
Pamela: Yeesh...Mike Tyson would tire himself out beating up these two...
Kanyon: Ninja X can hardly believe it...but picking up Arana now..locking on a Dragon Sleeper now--Arana fighting it--going for a reverse suplex now--Arana landing behind!! Kick right between the legs by Arana!! Spinning around X now....kick to the knee...chest....and...a drop toe hold variation onto the chair--STANDING MOONSAULT onto Arana--the VENOM TRAP!!
Pamela: She has THAT much left?!
Kanyon: About all...and Arana wrapping the barbed wire around the throat of Ninja X--she applies the Arana Clutch!! The tip of the wire is digging into his neck. The referee checks on Ninja X...
Pamela: He's in a bad way here now...man, both of them are bloody...
Kanyon: The referee signals for the bell...Ninja X is OUT...
*ding, ding*
Capetta: The winner of this match, by knock out...and neeeeeeeeeeeew EAW Extreme Champion...Arana!!
"Martyr" by Fear Factory cues up...
Pamela: I....was right!! I WAS RIGHT!! I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT!! Pllblbllblb!!! I TOLD you so, Chris!!
Kanyon: Yeah, yeah...for ONCE you call the winner of a match correctly, and Arana managing to pull off a SLIM victory. Although Arana resorting to those low blows...
Pamela: Whine, whine, whine...if a wrestler is so concerned about that, he oughta just have his testicles removed. Hell, I'm surprised that X even had any.
Kanyon: Well, have Kirk or David or Heyman asked you to have your teeth removed?
Pamela: WHAT?!
Kanyon: Oh...nevermind...we're taking a break here...plenty of action still to come on Riot Rulz!
**Commercial Break**
When we come back from commercials, the strains of Limp Bizkit's "My Way" cues up over the speaker systems, loud boos following as they cue up.
Kanyon: We'll we're back more action…and now it's time for a grudge match.
Pamela: I don't know WHAT Kaye is thinking…challenging the true living legend here…but it's her funeral.
Capetta: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 20-minute time limit. Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Kelly, from Minneapolis, Minnesota. He stands 6'2" tall and weighs in at 210 pounds…he is the MPRW Regional Heritage Champion, "The Legend Killer" David Flaaaaaaair!
Pamela: WHOOO! THE REAL FLAIR! THE ONLY FLAIR THAT MATTERS!
Kanyon: Pamela, you should bite your tongue for that line. You're forgetting about Ric Flair.
Pamela: Whom David Flair beat, if you remember correctly.
Kanyon: Don't remind me.
"Burning Inside" suddenly cues up over the speakers, and the arena lights go dim with a red glow as Kaye makes her way out of the entryway.
Capetta: And his opponent, from Death Valley, standing 6'1" tall and weighing in at 215 pounds…she the EAW Triple Crown Champion…Kaaaaaaaayeeeeeee!
Kaye gets to the ring, but then stops. As Kaye's music dies down, she leans over the ropes and requests a mic. She puts it to her mask and walks back facing the entrance. "Now, time for a legend to come down. The man I've chosen for my special referee, to make sure David pulls no shenanigans. So give it up for him, straight from the PWF universe... come on down, bro..."
Man's Voice:Look, I know the supernatural is something that isn't supposed to happen, but it does happen...
Creepy little girls:He's here!
White Zombie's "Super Charger Heaven" cues up. A video montage cues showing the Undertaker of PWF history, reeking havoc. And soon, out he steps. He looks like later Lord of Darkness Taker (full mustache and beard and black hair) with the T symbol spandex shirt and leather pants with biker boots. His eyes are pure white and as he walks down the ramp, lightning hits the ramp in various places beside him. He steps over the top rope and converses with Kaye for a second and then turns to look at the entrance, adjusting his gloves.
Kanyon: WOW! PWF's version of the Undertaker is Kaye's chosen referee…and David Flair is shocked!
Pamela: Eeep…what the heck is he doing here? He's no better suited to be a referee than…well…George "The Animal" Steele would be.
Kanyon: Nevertheless, Taker is the referee, and David getting a jump-start on the match with an attack on Kaye as she enters the ring!
Pamela: YES! Great move by David Flair there, attacking Kaye before she can get a cheap advantage. Off the ropes, BEAUTIFUL swinging neckbreaker by David Flair!
Kanyon: Unfortunately, I have to admit that that IS a smart move by David Flair…now he's sizing Kaye up…going for a clothesline…but Kaye blasts him hard with one of her own! Kaye decimated him with that one…and Taker just watching on in the corner.
Pamela: I can't believe that he was allowed into this arena tonight. It's sickening…and David getting up to his feet now…come on David!
Kanyon: David getting set up…Kaye trying to end it early with a chokeslam...no, kick to the gut by David Flair…and Taker admonishing him.
Pamela: What is Taker's problem? It was the gut, not between the legs.
Kanyon: I doubt that Taker cares, and David now moving in…clip to Kaye's legs. David concentrating on the legs of Kaye…not a bad manuever there by the younger Flair.
Pamela: A BRILLIANT move by David Flair. David is slowly becoming the smartest man in wrestling…and LEG SWEEP by David! Cover!
One
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TWO…and a kickout. At least Taker counted.
Kanyon: You didn't expect him to? He's not David in that department. David Flair stomping away at the leg of Kaye now, trying to keep the Hot Pink Machine down. David taking his time though, going in for a legdrop into Kaye's leg…but Kaye grabbing him…SURPRISE ROLL UP!
One
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TWO
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Kickout by David Flair.
Pamela: Well, at least Taker's being consistent with his counts. David going back to stomping on Kaye…going off the ropes…elbow drop! NO! MISSES!
Kanyon: Kaye just sat up a few seconds before that elbow drop would have hit! Kaye looking angry now…waiting for David Flair to get back to his feet, picks him up…HUGE powerslam! No cover…she's going to the top rope now!
Pamela: DAVID! STAY DOWN! DON'T GET UP YET!
Kanyon: David not taking my broadcast colleague's advice….sees Kaye on the top…gets blasted by a diving lariat! David rolling out of the ring now, going to think about this for a little bit…trying to recover, Kaye following though!
Pamela: Can't this girl let David recollect his thoughts? And why isn't Taker doing anything about this?
Kanyon: Maybe because he's enjoying this. David managing to out run Kaye…back in the ring now, Kaye following…but David with a sliding dropkick to her head. David Flair trying his damndest to keep the Triple Crown Champion down on the mat, and Taker doesn't seem too pleased.
Pamela: Taker shouldn't be showing favoritism in the ring though. He's a referee, he has to be impartial.
Kanyon: So far he has though. David now smiling…and right now…setting Kaye up…
Pamela: LEGENDARY END! David Flair with his Figure Four Anklelock, now known as the Legendary End!
Kanyon: David Flair seems like he's gonna win this match now, as he full advantage…but wait a second, what's this?
The camera show what looks like an accidental kick to the head by the Undertaker onto the head of David Flair…and David has to let go of the hold on this.
Pamela: I can't believe the nerve of Undertaker! Just because David was about to win, he gets mad and attacks him.
Kanyon: Well, accidental or not, David talking to Undertaker now….getting up as best he can into Taker's face…uh oh, David, I don't think shoving Taker is a good idea.
Pamela: Taker's a referee though, he shouldn't get…NO! WHAT'S HE DOING?!
Kanyon: Taker grabbing David Flair….and VICIOUS Chokeslam by the Lord of Darkness! David Flair nearly taken out of his boots on that one…and Kaye getting up. Taker setting David up onto his feet now….Kaye with the Burning Rain!
Pamela: NO! DON"T LET IT END LIKE THIS!
One
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TWO
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THREE!
WINNER BY PIN: Kaye
Kanyon: Kaye's plan came to fruition there! Kaye has her revenge of David Flair now!
Pamela: This is a travesty! Someday though, Kaye will get hers though. Mark my words.
Kanyon: Whatever. We'll be back after this.
**Commercial Break**
"Primal Concrete Sledge" cues up as we return from break, where nearly an entire arena is booing "The Decadent" Triple H as he appears on the stage.
Kanyon: Welcome everybody back to Riot Rulz, just in time for our main event! On his way out already is the man we pretty much all love to hate...
Pamela: Vince McMahon?
Kanyon: Uh...no..
Pamela: Bischoff?
Kanyon: TRIPLE H!!
Pamela: Oh...
Capetta: The final match of this evening is scheduled for one fall with TV time remaining. Introducing first, from Greenwich, Connecticut..he stands 6'4" and weighs in at 250 pounds. "The Decadent" Hunter...Hearst...Heeeeeeeeeeeelmsley!!
Kanyon: Helmsley looking every bit the arrogant son of a bitch we've come to know. We already are familiar with his hatred of Canadians, and Hokuto taking it rather personally how he's singled out some targets just to get at LG...
Pamela: Yeah, it's a real shame to have two such fine athletes at each other's throats. :P
Kanyon: ...okay. Hokuto hasn't exactly been...well...the most upstanding of citizens either. Kinda creepy the way she acts...but I still gotta favor her in this match...
As Helmsley climbs in the ring, "Apathy" by KMFDM starts up...
Capetta: And his opponent, from Kyoto, Japan...she stands 5'4" and weighs in at 129 pounds...Hokuto Lyyyyyyyger!!
Hokuto stares towards the ring intensely as she makes her way down...Hunter sort of smirks at her, not seeming too concerned. As she climbs inside the ring, Hunter immediately begins to attack her...
Kanyon: And the match starting off with Hunter attacking Hokuto before the bell--sends her to the ropes--Hokuto grabbing the ropes to stop. Charging at Helmsley--spin kick to the chest--sweep kick knocks down Hunter. Hunter back up, blocks a kick--counter by pulling her in for a knee into the stomach. Leg drag by Helmsley, and a double knee drop to the back. Hokuto up--ducks a haymaker--set up for a Northern Light--NO, DDT counter by Helmsley! Helmsley picking up Hokuto--into a spinning neckbreaker drop!! Now mounting Hokuto and slugging away!
Pamela: I wonder if Hunter has any particularly naughty thoughts on what to do next. :P
Kanyon: *shakes head* Hokuto on top now...shotei strikes to even things up, and Hokuto pulling up Helmsley--knees to the chest...more shotei's to the chest now, and a armdrag into a side armbar. Helmsley rolling through--and a hammerlock--no, Hokuto slipping free of his grasp, and now a backdrop in the center of the ring...scissored armbar!
Pamela: The fans sort of mixed on how to have this go...of course, I know who you are rooting for...
Kanyon: Damn right. Rolling backwards and kipping up after releasing the armbar...Helmsley currently being wailed on by Hokuto. Picking him u--no, Helmsley countering a DDT set up by charging into the corner. Knife edge chops by Helmsley...
"WHOOOOOOOOO!! WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
Kanyon: And a boot up underneath the chin...kick to the midsection now, and Hunter stomping a mudhole in Hokuto...
"WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT?!"
Pamela: Those one-word catchphrases must die...
Kanyon: Helmsley with a Knee Breaker on Hokuto now, and driving an elbow down into the right knee joint. Methodical and effective.
Pamela: Hokuto in pain from it--and locking her legs around the neck of Helmsley--Trying to maneuver herself to an advantage. And Helmsley probably wanting to be in this position--but facing the opposite way.
Kanyon: Ha, ha. Helmsley rolling over, pulling himself from the headscissors--grabbing the legs of Hokuto--into a waistlo--NO, Kangaroo kick allows Hokuto to escape it...Hokuto up and Irish Whips Helmsley--Leap Frogs over, and a Renshou Geki by Hokuto!! Helmsley down, and Hokuto off the top...somersault chop to the throat!...a unique move to say the least...
Pamela: Pick up by Hokuto...armwringer..now wrenches the arm around the neck of Helmsley, and the UNION JACK NECKBREAKER!!...or Rising Sun Neckbreaker, or whatever...
Kanyon: Aside from the fact that Regal used it, still a damn fine move, and a cover by Hokuto...
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ONE!
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Tw--NO!
Pamela: Pick up by Hokuto, and Hunter sent to the ropes--spinning heel kick ducked...Hunter setting up a vertical suplex...holding her up for several seconds before--DROPPING HER DOWN into the center of the ring...
Pick up by Helmsley...reversal by Hokuto--Hunter off the ropes--and a REVERSE NECKBREAKER by Helmsley!! Helmsley picking up Hokuto..SMALL PACKAGE!!
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ONE!!
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TWO!!
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Kickout!!
Pamela: Whoa...close on there..and Hokuto back up...to the ropes charging Shotei to the chest of Hunter...Chuugeki Hou!! And Hunter out to the floor!
Kanyon: Hokuto up on the top rope now...Helmsley getting up--CROSS BODY to the outside by Hokuto!! Picking up Helmsley now--about to ram him into the steel stairs--blocked--Helmsley ramming her head into it instead...to the ringpost now...and Helmsley grabbing a chair from ringside...
Pamela: And I don't think he's going to stand on it either...rolling Hokuto in, and setting up the steel chair...and Hunter not really giving a damn now--
PEDIGREE!! PEDIGREE!! Right on the steel chair!!!
*Ding, Ding*
Kanyon: Nope, none whatsoever. Helmsley taunting her now..and picking her back up...PEDIGREE!! Another one now...and that makes two in a row. Helmsley setting her up in the corner, and maybe planning on making the 3rd time a charm...
Suddely, JYUSHIN LYGER...the Beast God himself, appears from the crowd and slides into the ring behind Helmsley. He nails him in the back, and Hokuto slips out of danger between his legs as Jyushin sets up...
Kanyon: AND HITS A CRUCIFIX LYGERBOMB!!!!
Pamela: Day-um...
Of note is Jyushin's outfit: it's his normal black-and-gold attire, except that it's now sleeveless.
Kanyon: Jyushin pulling up Helmsley now..and Hokuto picking herself up...
Jyushin backs away at Hokuto unleashes a high-speed combo of palm strikes and kicks of all varieties on Hunter...the last one a shotei that appears to go THROUGH his chest cavity out his back...after which Hunter falls to the mat out of it...
Pamela: What in the HELL was that?!!?
Kanyon: I haven't the slightest...but...Hunter looks in bad shape, albeit intact...and sensei and student leaving the ring now...ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us...for Pamela Paulshock, I'm Chris Kanyon...goodnight....