Live from the Delta Center in Salt Lake City, Utah!
C.E.V.A.o.t.B.C Paul: Ah... fans, I know that the fans are eagerly anticipating the announcement regaurding what diciplinary measures shalt be taken in the the Scorpion's Pyre/S&M situation, however for now the announcement shall be that there is no anouncement into until Mayhem.
It seems that the people over in shipping are having trouble shipping the copies of EAW: The Music vol 1 on time so uh... we'll be a little busy.
But I would like to remind Spike and Morty that their actions are not being taken lightly, and we will take the proper disciplinary measures be them fines, lawsuits, and/or suspensions.
Uh that is all...
Paul sighs a bit, booting up his computer as we fade to black.
Obligatory arena panning action quickly follows... signs such as "THE KAT + EAW = 4-EVER!!" "RYOKAMI & VAMPIRO -- SEPARATED AT BIRTH!!" and "DEREK WALKER, THE REAL PEOPLE'S CHAMPION!" can be made out.
Ayane: KONNICHI WA!!! We are sold out out here in the Delta Center in Salt Lake City! Ayane Mitsui along with the Human Suplex Machine himself, Tazz! And tonight we got an incredible show lined up!
Tazz: You got that right, lil' lady!! We got a whole helluva lotta matches tonight, but we're gonna start off with not a slobberknocker, not a donnybrook, but an all-out slaughter!!
Ayane: You got that right! Spike of S & M goes one on one with the recently returned Anti-Savior himself... Ryokami!!
"Superbeast (Girl on a Motorcycle Mix)" cues up... the massive Spike walks out to the ring, wheeling out a shopping cart full of various weapons and dragging a garbage can full of the same.
Tazz: Whoa, look at my man Spike! He's prepared tonight, ain't he?!
Ayane: He is at that, but one would have to wonder if it'll be enough to stop Ryokami, who is related in blood to Shaed Bloodgrave! And we all know how tough the Bloodgrave Family can be!
Tazz: Ain't no doubt of that! I seen Shaed and Ryokami take brutal bumps in their tenure in the EAW and they still keep comin'! Spike better hope he got himself a nuke in dere or else he is gonna so get his ass kicked!
Ayane: He deserves it, after what he did to poor Ariel...
Tazz: Yo, can't condone hurtin' a little kid, even if she DOES look like a glorified Furby!
Spike gets to the ring, carrying the cart and can in with him, as the arena suddenly goes dark... the eerie backwards voice of "Astonishing Panorama of the Endtimes" cues up... and the whole arena turns red... a red-colored waterfall... a bloodfall... spills out on the entranceway, which is specially constructed to contain it... and through the bloodfall comes Ryokami; he doesn't seem to mind being dripping with blood-like fluid as he stops at the stage... hands spread outward as he smiles evilly... looking towards the sky.
Ayane: ... This... wow, this is the most... eerie... this the eeriest entrances I've ever seen in my life...
Tazz: No doubt, Ryokami is one sick, twisted little puppy! He would have fit in well back in ECW, no question!
Ryokami stares at Spike... a sick smile on his tooth-like lips... suddenly he dashes forward, arms out as he screams in rage, sliding into the ring, and Spike quickly puts the boots to him as referee Teddy Long calls for the bell!
Ayane: Spike's stomping away at Ryokami, but somehow he's getting up!! And-- RYOKAMI GRABBED SPIKE'S LEG!! SPIN AROUND -- D.O.A.!! A classic move from his days as Mortis!! Spike's slowly getting up... uh oh... Ryokami's going through the shopping cart for something... he's got a kendo stick!
Tazz: Not just the coolest, not just the best! Just Brutal!! Ahh, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!!!!
Ayane: Itai. Uhm, anyhow... Ryokami goes to swing! Spike ducks! Kick to the gut-- DDT!! And Ryokami just shot right back up!!! O_O!
Tazz: WHOO! WE'RE NO-SELLIN' LIKE A SUNNOVABITCH TONIGHT, PEOPLE!!
Ayane: Spike has that kendo stick! And he just swung it right down on Ryokami's, er, skull!! And... he's not even registering it!! He swings at him again! And again! And AGAIN! That kendo stick is in pieces! And Ryokami's just laughing!!!
Tazz: This don't look good for Spike here.
Ayane: Spike's getting irritated! He's going to the shopping cart... and he's got a STOP sign!! Ryokami... why isn't he stopping him?! SPIKE SWINGS THE STOP SIGN DOWN ON THE BACK OF RYOKAMI'S HEAD! And... he just turned around. Uhm, Ryokami's no-selling a lot here. =/
Tazz: He's a monster!! Ryokami's the Jason Vorhees-slash-Freddy Krueger-slash-Michael Myers of the EAW!! Of course's he's no-sellin' a lot!!
Ayane: Spike throws the sign at Ryokami! He catches it and tosses it aside! He's advancing towards Spike and-- OHH!! FIRE EXTINGUISHER TO THE FACE!!! And Ryokami's blinded!! Spike takes advantage! Striking Ryokami in the gut with that extinguisher! And-- DIVING POWERBOMB ONTO THE STOP SIGN! Cover! One! No! Just a one count! And Ryokami has sat right back up!
Tazz: He's stealin' Kane's shtick!
Ayane: Spike goes back to the shopping cart! He's got a boom box! Ryokami's up and-- OH!! HE JUST SHATTERED THAT BOOM BOX AGAINST RYOKAMI'S HEAD and he took it. O_O;; Can anything keep Ryokami down for long?!
Tazz: Spike's high-tailing it!! He's haulin' ass outta the ring and he just picked up a steel chair along the way! And Ryokami's followin'!!
Ayane: Spike swings! CHAIR SHOT TO THE HEAD! And Ryokami's still coming after him! Another one! And another!!! This is frightening!! They're going back to the backstage area! Get a camera back there!!
Scene switch to Ryokami as he keeps coming at Spike as Spike keeps hitting the skull-faced maniac with the steel chair! Spike finally drops the chair and grabs a cinderblock.
Ayane: OH MY GOODNESS!!! SPIKE JUST SHATTERED THAT CINDERBLOCK OVER RYOKAMI'S HEAD!! And FINALLY, he's staggering!!! And-- BOOT TO THE HEAD SENDS RYOKAMI DOWN!! Pin! One! T--NO! STILL a one count! And... o_o;;; Ryokami is still getting up... look at his face, he's enjoying this!!
Tazz: Nah, I think his face is stuck on "smile!"
Ayane: Spike grabs Ryokami and drives a knee to his gut! Picks him up and-- DIVING POWERBOMB INTO THAT NEARBY TABLE!! GOOD LORD!! And-- ... o_o;;;;; Ryokami sat up again!! Spike can't believe this!! And neither can I!! Can ANYTHING stop Ryokami?!!!
Tazz: I called up my bud Joey Numbers, and he jus' told me not even a MACK truck can keep Ryokami down!
Ayane: Spike... eee, Spike has a sledgehammer now! He's got a sledgehammer!! He drives it into Ryokami's gut!! OH, uppercut into Ryokami's jaw with the sledgehammer!! He grabs Ryokami and-- O_O!! AAHH!! SPIKE JUST THREW RYOKAMI THROUGH THAT PLATE GLASS WINDOW!!! This Hardcore match is starting to get REALLY brutal now!!! And even though Ryokami has, until now, been weathering all of Spike's attacks, Spike's on the offensive!! Ryokami has hardly done a single thing!!
Tazz: LOOK! Ryokami's gettin' up!! His arms are cut up a bit and his head's bleedin' but he's getting up!!
Ayane: Spike's in disbelief! Now he's angry! He's running now!! Is he afraid?!
Tazz: If I was Spike I WOULD be afraid! Thing is, I ain't him! And I ain't afraid of nothin'!
Ayane: Ryokami's climbed through the broken window... he's going after Spike and-- ... O_O!!!!!!! OHMIGOD!!!! THAT CAR JUST SLAMMED INTO RYOKAMI!!! RYOKAMI'S BEEN RUN OVER!! AND-- AAGH!! IT JUST BACKED UP OVER HIM!!! AND--EEEEE!!! IT HIT HIM AGAIN!!! AND-- Ohh, I don't feel so well...
Tazz: HOLY CRAP!! ECW never used CARS as weapons!! And Spike-- yeah, Spike's the wheelman! He just got out!! And he pins Ryokami!! Cover! One! Two! Th-- WHAT THE *bleep!*
Ayane: Ryokami kicked out... and he's SLOWLY getting up... my God... this... I've never seen anything like this! Ryokami ain't human!
Tazz: Spike ain't waitin' this time! He's got a crowbar! WHAM! Right across the head!! Pick up and... IRON MAIDEN!!!
Ayane: Cover! One! Two! NO! Ryokami's STILL kicking out!! Spike is REALLY getting fustrated now! He's... he's going back into the car?! NO! RYOKAMI JUST KIPPUPED TO HIS FEET?! He grabs Spike from behind, turns him around and-- THAT TWISTING URANAGE SLAM!! He calls it Tenka Saishuu!! The Final Descent From Heaven!! Cover! One! Two! Thr--NO! Spike gets a shoulder up!
Tazz: Dude, maybe it'd be best to stay down, y'know?
Ayane: Ryokami's laughing about this... God, that hideous, insane laughter... he's got... my God, he's got the sledgehammer!
Tazz: Looks like Spike is gonna live up to his name and get pounded like one!!
Ayane: WAIT!!! THAT'S HAKU!! HAKU HAS ATTACKED RYOKAMI!!! TONGAN DEATH GRIP!!! THERE'S NO DQ THOUGH!! THE MATCH IS CONTINUING AND HAKU HAS THE TONGAN DEATH GRIP ON RYOKAMI!! RYOKAMI'S SUCCUMBING, TOO! HE'S... HE'S DOWN ON ONE KNEE... AND NOW BOTH!! NOW... What is Haku doing?!
Tazz: I think he's tryin' to take Ryokami's mask off! But he don't know it's no mask!
Ayane: It's his real face, that's for sure! And... is Ryokami fighting his way back up... my God, he's no-selling the Tongan Death Grip!! Ryokami's up-- NO!! HE'S BACK DOWN!! His head slammed hard to the concrete floor! I almost thought Ryokami would power out! And... Spike's pinning Ryokami while Haku has the Tongan Death Grip locked on! One! Two! Three!! Darn!!
Tazz: It took Haku's help but Spike did it! He pinned Ryokami!! But damn! The punishment that psycho took!!
WINNER: Spike
Ayane: Haku releases the Tongan Death Grip and storms off... Spike is celebrating his win over the Anti-Savior and Ryokami has just sat up--!! O_O!! Spike doesn't see him and-- turnaround-- TENKA SAISHUU!! Spike's down! Now Ryokami is going after Haku... no, he stopped. He's... wait, he's going back to Spike...?! He is!! Spike's getting up... Ryokami just kicked the sledgehammer up into his hands and-- OHH!! RYOKAMI JUST DOVE THE SLEDGEHAMMER INTO SPIKE'S BACK!! And Spike's back down!!
Ryokami: ... A word of advice... if you EVER attempt to injure my bright soul again... I will NOT be so linient the next time. The next time... your loved ones will mourn. Oh yes... they will mourn...
Ryokami throws the sledgehammer down and leaves the hurt Spike as the big man slowly manages to get up... staring distainfully at the departing Ryokami.
Ayane: Ryokami's scary...!! I mean... Tazz, I'm kinda happy he's on the good guy's team but he hardly acts good! And now it looks like he may be going after Haku now!!
Tazz: Things're gettin' very interesting, Ayane! Haku's in da house and so is the Anti-Savior! Just what's gonna happen next?! Ayane: Actually... Red "Rock" West Vs. Lilith Aensland is gonna happen next! Right after this commercial break!
***
WE'RE FULL OF BURGERS!!! YES WE ARE!!! HAPPY HAPPY BURGERS!!! ^_^
***
We return to a scene outside of Titan Towers in Stanford, CT. via satellite as ChainSaw, The former Godfather hos, and a few more people are carrying signs are storming their way inside.
Chaynz: WHAT DO WE WANT?
All: THE REINSTATION OF THE KAT.
Chaynz: WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
All: NOW!
Chaynz: WHAT DO WE WANT?
All: THE REINSTATION OF THE KAT.
Chaynz: WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
All: NOW!
Suddenly, a WWF employee walks out.
Employee: Please leave the premises, immediately. Or we will call the police.
Chaynz: *bleep* YOU! WE DON'T GIVE A *bleep* ABOUT THE *bleep*ING POLICE!
Chaynz throws a brick at the employee, causing him to bleed from his head.
The protestors then storm into the building, only to be cut-off by security.
Head of security: You people are gonna have to leave the area.
Chaynz: Or what?
Head of security: Or you'll have to suffer the consequnces.
Chaynz: *bleep* YOU!
Chaynz then kicks the security guard in the groin. The protestors and security then gets into a brawl. The satellite connection is broken before we see who wins the fight.
Scene switch back to Ayane and Tazz.
Ayane: Wow!! Things are getting a bit out of hand down there in Conniticut, Tazz!! I just hope we don't get sued by the WWF or something. o_o;
Tazz: Well, a lotta fans are pretty P.O.ed by the Kat gettin' released! Of course the King left too! Hey, Lawler and I don' see eye to eye on a lotta occassions, but I gotta give him one for stickin' up with his wife, y'know! Shows what kind of a guy he is!
"Crushed" cues up... and Red "Rock" West comes out to the ring, Gadjetto-chan by her side as she waves to the cheering fans, skipping along and sliding into the ring.
Ayane: And here we go with our second match! Hopefully we'll be able to settle this conflict once and for all! And-- well, I get word that Kevin Kelly is backstage with Lilith! Take it away, Kevin!
Scene switch with Kevin Kelly and Lilith Aensland... Lilith looks serious for a change.
Hermie: I'm here with Lilith Aensland, and tonight... well, Lilith, you said you had something to say in regards to this match... so what is it?
Lilith looks to Kevin Kelly... sighs... then looks to the camera... straight at Red West as she watches the purple-haired succubus.
Lilith: Red... I hope this is our last match between us... because I want to make this perfectly clear. I did NOT!! Hit you with an invisible limo... or an invisible hummer... or any of that crap. You don't believe me? Fine. I can handle that. But I can guarantee you this, Red. Tonight? We settle this once and for all. Tonight Red... you win.
Lilith then leaves the backstage area as "Spookshow Baby (BLCS Mix)" cues up.
Ayane: What?! You mean... Lilith's throwing the match?! Intentionally?!!!
Tazz: It's called jobbing, Ayane! Lilith doesn't wanna fight Red West! So she's gonna end the fued by puttin' Red over clean for the win!!
Lilith walks to the ring... no dancing to her music at all as she looks to a skeptical Red West... Lilith slides into the ring and tells Tim White to call for the bell.
Ayane: ... And Lilith is laying down in the middle of the ring! Red... Red's not pinning her though! I think she thinks it's some sort of trap!
Tazz: Lilith's sittin' up... she's tellin' her to pin her!! Red's not havin' any of it though!! Wait, Lil's got a mic!
Lilith: If you won't pin me... fine. I'll just leave the ring so you can win via count out.
Ayane: This is unbelievable! Lilith... yes, she's leaving the ring!! And... wait, Red's going after Lilith! And she throws her back in! Lilith's shouting at her! She doesn't want to fight! And-- OHH! DDT!! Red hit that DDT on Lilith... and Lilith isn't getting up! Red blinks... then covers! One! Two! Thr-- wha--?! Red pulled up! She... look at that concern on her face! She... she's calling for EMTs! Did that DDT injure Lilith?!
Tazz: I dunno... it don't look like it hurt her, but I could be wrong... the EMTs're in... checking up on Lilith... and they got her in that neck brace... maybe she IS hurt! And Red... yeah, that girl's prety shaken up about it...
Ayane: And all she wanted to do was throw the fight and let Red win... folks... we, we have to take a break for station identification... we'll be back.
***
THE EAW CHANNEL!! ALL WRESTLING, ALL THE TIME!! IN COLOR! AND IN STEREO. BIYATCH!!
***
As we come back from commercial, we find the color commentating pair of Tazz and Ayane Mitsui at the announce position.
Ayane: Welcome back, fans! Coming up next, will be a match pitting a newcomer to the EAW, but a veteran in the business, against a long time EAW mainstay, but a young one at that...
Tazz: Dat's right...you got Haku, who's got a head tougher than my momma's meatloaf versus that kid who's just maybe a little too nice.
Ayane: Well, he's my best friend's boyfriend.
The title theme from Halloween cues up, which can only mean....
Tazz: HAKU!!! Dere he is...I've heard that back on Tonga, this guy could crack coconuts with that noggin.
Ayane: I'm surprised one isn't growing from his head...
Haku gets down to the ring, making some threatening hand gestures and posturing.
"There's a Fire in the House" by Steve Vai cues up. A green glow fills the stage, which then begins to blink, then blinks even faster, before green fireworks explode from the stage, and "Code Red" stands on the stage, getting quite a pop from the crowd as he jumps around the stage, playing to the crowd. He rushes down the ramp, then begins to climb up onto the apron, but in a smooth motion climbs back down. He runs around the ring, and grabs a mic in mid-motion, and then climbs back up to the opposite apron.
"SALT LAKE CITY!!!!" he yells for a cheap pop.
Tazz: Hell...anyone can do that.
Haku begins to take a few steps toward him. He holds up his hand, "Whoa whoa whoa...not yet buddy. Let me get in a few words here. Now...I don't know if you can understand anything I'm telling you, but I've give you credit: you're more comprehensible than Ahmed Johnson EVER was!"
The crowd laughs a little.
"However, that isn't what I want to say tonight. No...rather, I know that tomorrow will be....St. Patrick's Day. St. Patrick's Day means a lot of things to a lot of people...but I'm not naive. I know for a lot of you, it means that consuming alcohol is MANDATORY!"
The crowd pops in (mostly) agreement.
"Okay...fine...that's your business if you want to have drink once in a while...just try not to make it a habit...and make SURE you designate a driver."
Tazz: I had an uncle who always designated a driver.
Ayane: Really? Yeah...he didn't know how to drive, so he'd walk up to the first schmuck he'd see and "designate" him--if you know what I mean.
"Before I start this match," I wish Mr. Haku the best of luck on his *snicker* single from EAW the Music Vol. 1. Yes...there is a trend starting. Rock has his single out--Pie....Oseiko's got hers of course....Now Haku's got one. I hear that Goldberg will soon have one too...consisting of him rapping in yiddish to his own armpart farts. But....for those of you that vote for TRL....ahem....STOP REQUESTING CRAP!!! Thank you...I'm Michael Connelly...." he turns to Haku, "Beat me if you can....be jealous of me, cause I'm marrying Oseiko!!"
Tazz: HEY!! He ripped off my line!!
Ayane: *chuckle* I don't remember you saying that...
Tazz: No...it ended...SURVIVE...IF I LET YOU!! Ah, hell...
Micheal tosses the mic aside and enters the ring.
*ding, ding*
Ayane: And this match is on...Michael-san starts to fire away on Haku-san, but barely making a dent in the islander....Irish Whip now....blocked...VICIOUS CLOTHESLINE nearly turns him inside out!
Tazz: Dat's watcha get for rippin' off TAZZ!! Stomp a mudhole in him Haiku!
Ayane: HA-ku!....pulls up Michael-san by the hair...headbutt sends Michael-san down on one knee....there's another--
Tazz: Stomp the little punk's ass in, Haku!
Ayane: Haku-san now scoops him up...and a slam!! Now heading for the near ropes...HEADBUTT down into the shoulder.
Tazz: Heh-heh-heh...way to go, Haku!
Ayane: Now setting him up in the corner--Michael-san ducks the clothesline--lays in some jabs to Haku-san...whip to the ropes now...Michael-san hits the ropes...flying shoulder block!! Hits the ropes again now....rolling senton backsplash!! Now quickly up to the second rope....driving elbow to the sternum! Cover
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One--only a one.
Tazz: If you wanna pin Haku, you should probably try something other than just trying to fight him--maybe drugging his lunch.
Ayane: Well, Haku-san kicks out with little effort, and it will probably take a whole lot of punishment to take out this monster...Michael-san tries to keep him down by hammering away, but hitting him in the head like that just seems to have no effect!
Tazz: I told yas that already!
Ayane: Michael laying in some boots to that thick midsection of Haku-san....but Haku-san is back up!! He flings Code Red to the ropes again--catches him as he comes back--set up now--NO! Reversal!! Hurracanrana!! Pinning combination on Haku-san!!
Tazz: Damn....that "san" thing is getting annoying.
Ayane:
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One
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but NO!
Ayane: Michael-san now waiting on the monster to get up....Haku-san up...tie up now....Michael-san ducks behind...now...backdrop!! I can't believe Michael-san got him up!!
Tazz: Big deal...took most of that on his head.
Ayane: Now going for an Asai Moonsault....Haku-san gets the knees up!!
Tazz: Where'd Haku get those pants? MC Hammer's garage sale?
Ayane: Haku-san getting back up now...dropping a knee into the chest of Michael-san. And there's another....now....OH...there's a chop to the throat! Now Haku-san covers Michael-san!
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One
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Two-kickout!!
Ayane: Haku-san pulling up Michael-san...sending him into the corner again....charging in now--splash!! Michael-san staggering out of the corner...scoops him up now...he slips free--wait! Haku hoists him up by the throat!!! Holding him up by the throat....throws him down straight onto his back....cover again...
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One
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Two
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Kickout!!
Tazz: Come on, keep it up Haku!
Ayane: Haku-san pulls him up, scoops him up--no! Small Package...
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One
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Two
Kickout!!!
Ayane: Michael-san springs back up to his feet now..with a second wind. Now laying in some kicks to Haku....
Tazz: He can take it to Haku all he wants, but he'll be just anudda victim of the Tongan Death Grip.
Ayane: Michael-san whips him to the corner...charging in now.....Tornado DDT!!! Cover
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One
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Two
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NO NO!!
Ayane: Michael-san pulling up Haku-san....whip to the ropes---reversal...Haku-san boosts him up--pancakes him down!! Now pulling up Michael-san...another Irish Whip...reversal by Michael-san....leapfrogs over Haku-san....hits the ropes again--SPEAR!!!! Spear to Haku-san....Haku-san up....boot to the midsection--Condition Red!!! Cover by Michael-san!!
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One
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Two
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Three!!
Winner by Pinfall >>> "Code Red" Michael Connelly
Tazz: Damn!! He pulled it off...
"There's a Fire in the House" cues up again, and the referee raises Code Red's hand.
Ayane: Up next...Derek Walker defends the People's Title against Chris Kanyon! Don't miss it!
**Commercial Break**
We return to the show, with the crowd roaring and "The Becoming" by Nine inch Nails cues up as Kanyon, in a green/lightgreen version of his regular tights, with Neriah, who is wearing a revealing green dress, by his side. He makes his way to the ring to a decent pop. Kanyon now grabs a mic.
Kanyon: Ok,ok, ok. Now it's time for People's title match. The title, made specifficaly for the people. But first, WHOOOOOOOOOOOO'S BETTA THAN KANYON?
Crowd: NOBODY!
Kanyon: Ya damn right.
The Crowd gives him a big pop.
Kanyon: Now ladies and gentlemen...are...you...ready?
The crowd gets pumped up.
Kanyon: NO, I said...ARE...YOU...READY?
The crowd pops louder.
Kanyon: Now for the thousands at attendance, and for those watching at home. And hell...I'm about to win the People's strap, despite the fact that I might be put in Derek's mouth during the process...LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET READY TO PARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.
Ayane: Kanyon-san looks plenty ready to challenge for the People's Title tonight!
Tazz: Kanyon's my main man. He's got some awesome moves....tough all around fighter, knows some martial arts. I think he's got what it takes to take that People's Title away from Walker.
"Travel Theme (to Crystalis)" cues up next, and Derek Walker, looking rather tired, and beat up, but carrying the EAW People's Title around hir shoulder, walks out from the back as the crowd cheers hir.
Ayane: And here comes the champion!! Although it seems like defending two titles on a regular basis is starting to takes its toll on Derek-san.
Tazz: Well, that's what happens. You wanna be a big star here in the EAW, you gotta face the consequences...
Ayane: Derek-san climbing into the ring now....shi hands the title to the referee....and now...there's the bell!
Tazz: G'wan, Kanyon! Take it to hir! With all the moves Kanyon's got, he'll go through Derek like water through a first time Mexican tourist.
Ayane: Derek-san and Kanyon-san tying up now...Kanyon-san sends hir into the ropes...back body drop. Derek-san getting up now....Kanyon-san going for the clotheline--ducked--backdrop by Derek-san! Derek-san running to the nearby corner...hops up top now. Kanyon-san up...Derek with a crossbody!!
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One--NO!!
Tazz: Kanyon needs to catch hir off guard with one of those wacked-out moves he uses..
Ayane: Derek-san pulls up Kanyon-san....going for a suplex now--blocked! Kanyon-san suplexes hir the other way aaaaaand Derek-san takes a spill to the outside!!
Tazz: You know what the difference between Jersey and Brooklyn is?
Ayane: Kanyon-san bounces off the ropes...Derek-san rising...BOTH FEET IN THE FACE OF DEREK-SAN!!--no, I don't.
ONE!!!
Tazz: Their sewer rats are only big enough to swallow a cat. OURS can swallow OUR roaches. That's a BIG difference.
TWO!!!
Ayane: Well....*ahem*....Kanyon-san whipping Derek-san into the guardrail, and goes after hir--NO!!! Derek gets hir feet-er, lower paws up.
THREE!!!
Tazz: I'm kinda rooting for Kanyon, but either one of these chumps could just about seal this match up with a good old Tazplex!
Ayane: Derek-san now picking up Kanyon-san--Atomic Drop onto the guardrail!!
FOUR!!!
Tazz: OOOOOOOoooo...a very effective move...really hurts your back and your 'taint.
FIVE!!!
Ayane: .....Derek-san going for another move now...trying to suplex Kanyon-san off the guardrail--NO! Kanyon-san landing behind Derek-san--RAMS HIR HEAD INTO the steel steels!!
SIX!!!
Ayane: Now rolls hir inside!
Tazz: Yeah...although Kanyon had a good opportunity to take it to Derek out there, smack hir around some more on the stairs, the post, the apron, the guardrail...
Ayane: And Derek-san would have an equal opportunity to use them as well...
Tazz: Good point.
Ayane: Kanyon-san tying up Derek-san's legs...a leglock of some sort...
Tazz: The Innovator of Offense, as they say.
Ayane: Derek-san crawling for the ropes...hir first instinct. Whether or not two titles are just a burden on hir, quitting straight out is NOT an option for Derek-san! It just means far too much to hir!
Tazz: Isn't Derek one of those things that can stretch their arms?
Ayane: Ummm..there are quite a bit of wrestlers in the EAW with some strange abilities, but I don't think there are any that have stretching arms....although that ability would certainly come in handy right about now...shi desparately crawls towards the ropes!
Tazz: Stretch your arms....stretch your tail...stretch your...thing--stretch anything!
Ayane: Derek-san reaching out aaaand...yes! There, shi gets it!! The referee tells Kanyon-san to release the hold!
Tazz: Kanyon's just gotta wear hir down a little more...
Ayane: Kanyon-san pulls up Derek-san....whips hir to the ropes...Derek-san reverses and sends him into the ropes...Kanyon-san springs over behind Derek-san. He tries to boost up Derek-san onto his shoulders...the Electric Chair Drop?!! Yes, throat first across the ropes!!! Kanyon-san hooks the leg!!
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One
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TWO--Derek-san kicks out!
Tazz: Too close to the ropes!! Come on, Kanyon! You should've known betta than that!!
Ayane: Kanyon-san now going for a German Suplex--Derek-san lands behind him on hir feet!! Catches him with a bulldog!!!
Tazz: Whatzit?
Ayane: Derek-san going up on top!! Jumps off now...flying headscissors takedown!! Cover by Derek-san!!
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One
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TWO!!
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NO!!
Tazz: Whoa!! Wicked move by Derek!
Ayane: Derek-san picking up Kanyon-san....looking for a reverse suplex--standing switch by Kanyon-san...spins around Derek-san--KANYON CUTTER!!! Cover!!
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One!!
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Two!!
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Kickout at the last possible moment!!
Tazz: That was a THREE!!! That was a THREE!!
Ayane: The referee seems to think otherwise, and his is the only call that counts.
Tazz: I oughta be a referee...
Ayane: Kanyon-san pulls up Derek-san...going for a Northern Lights--Endless Hunger applied!!
Tazz: NOOOO!!!
Ayane: Derek-san's submission finisher!! Shi has a firm grip around his head...Kanyon flailing his arms in hope to grab the ropes...now his shoulders engulfed--he's going the wrong way! Nearly midway...Kanyon submits!
Winner by Submission >>> Derek Walker -- still People's Champion
Ayane: Ai! Our Main Event is just about to begin.. and, well Tazz this should be a doozy!
Tazz: That's right, Ayane.. we have female Sonic against Pychosis.
Ayane: It's Jyushin Lyger.. a great legend in the wrestling world.
Tazz: Pfft.. he could be JUST anotha victum!
"One" by Gravity Kill blazes around the PA as Jyushin 'Thunder' Lyger makes his way down the ramp, showing no emotions thanks to the mask that covers his face. Jyushin jumps over the ropes, and he tests the ringropes, as "Take A Look Around" by Limp Bizkit cues up as the EAW World Champion makes her way to the ring.
Ayane: Well, the champion is making her way down the ramp, and she looks ready to defend that belt! WAI! This should be a GREAT match!
Tazz: I don't know.. the guy with the mask is doing some extensive prepartions in the ring just before the match begins.. I'll have to say ! that Juvi is going to win this one.
Ayane: JYUSHIN!
Tazz: Whateva.
Ayane: And, there's the bell! Sonnette and Jyushin scouting each other.. and Sonnette dives in with a collar-and-elbow tie up.. just to test the water no doubt. Jyushin with easy strength pushes the Champ down. Sonnette is going to have to use her speed to win this one. Jyushin is damned fast himself, but even not even he is faster than Sonnette. Sonnette back up to her feet, and again another tie-up, and Sonnette came with more aggression this time.. pushes Lyger down! Sonnette doesn't waste a second and follows up with a flipping dropkick as Lyger gets to his feet, well he was. Make it a pair of dropkicks. Ah, Sonnette missed the third one and Lyger drops an elbow to her chest. Lyger picks Sonnette up, and an irish whip to the ropes.. on the rebound Lyger catches Sonnette and tosses her in the air.. CRASH! Sonnette's went chest first into the mat thanks to Lyger!
Tazz: What I tells ya.. being smart 'Lighta' places some hi! gh legdrops against the neck of Sonnette. Lyger lifting Sonnette up, ah.. but the champion fighting back! Right hooks, and a quick jawbreaka! Sonnette quickly takes Lighta to the corner.. Sonnette with a head of steam running toward Lighta, looks like a Monkey Flip.. HOLY CRAP! IT WAS REVERSED BY JUVI!!
Ayane: LYGER BOMB OUT OF A MONKEY FLIP!! WAI! ^^
Tazz: One.. tw- one and 3/4s! Sonnette still has some fights lefts in hers.. and Lyger picking Sonnette up.. hooking her up.. could it be for an early Avalance Brainbuster, Lighta has her ups.. but Sonic with punches to the side of Lighta! Hairy girl NOW has Lighta in a suplex position.. FISHERMAN'S SUPLEX!!
Ayane: PORNPLEX!! PORNPLEX!! ONE.. TWO.. THR-- ONLY TWO!
Tazz: Porn? Porn? I see no porn.. unless you call what's they're doing in the ring porn... where's the porn?!
Ayane: *sighs* Anyways, I think the Pornplex, Sonnnette put on Lyger-san was unexpected therefore giving Sonnette the two count.
Tazz: Sounds like you're choosing Li! ghta's side to me.
Ayane: No, just stating the obvious.
Tazz: ...Right. Anyhoo, Sonnette just sent Lighta to the ropes.. drop toe hold, followed by a low dropkick to the side of Lighta. Lyger with a some chops, putting Sonic on the defense.. WOW! Out of NOWHERE Lyger hit a Rolling Wheel Kick! Sonnette is down, and Lighta with a cover! 1...2.... 2 1/2!! Come on ref.. I have good money on this match! Lighta could be setting Sonnette up for one of thems 'Bombs or whateva..
Ayane: He means a Lygerbomb.. and that could be right! Lyger-san has Sonnette up.. RUNNNING LYGERBOMB--NO!! SONNETTE TURNS IT INTO A HURRICANRANA!! ONE... TWO.. THREE!! NO!! NO!! LYGER-SAN GOT A SHOULDER UP! Sonnette wastes no time getting to her feet.. AH! CROSSBODY TO LYGER.. LYGER ROLLS THROUGH!! ONE.. TWO! Two count for Lyger! Wait, Lyger measuring Sonnette.. SHOTEI RIGHT TO THE HEAD OF SONNETTE!! COVER!! ONE..TWO..THREE!! NEW CHAMPION.. GOSH, NO!! SONNETTE WITH A SHOULDER UP!! Lyger picking up Sonnette.. and n! ow with a back grapple. RELEASING GERMAN SUPLEX.. AHH!! Sonnette landed RIGHT on her feet!! Now, Sonnette with a grapple from behind.. HENTAIPLEX!! LYGER FOOT IS TOUCHING THE ROPES!! Sonnette has to break it!
Tazz: Bad ring position by the 'Chump', but wait.. Sonnette is bridging her body OVER Lyger's.. now, they're not touching the ropes! ONE.. TWO.. THR-- ONLY A TWO COUNT!! Sonnette getting to her feet.. this has been a VERY fast paced match, and they both look pretty beat.. Sonnette whips Lighta into the ropes.. DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!! They were thinking about the same thing at the same time, and now both of them are out.
Ayane: The referee giving the mandotary ten count.. WAIT! LYGER THROWS AN ARM ON SONNETTE... ONE, TWO.. NO!! Maybe it's instinct but Sonnette isn't gonna give up that title YET! Lyger pulling Sonnette to her feet.. and THROWS her into the corner! Lyger now prompting Sonnette on the top turnbuckle.. he could be going for the top rope Avalance Brainbuster, and we woul! d surely have a new World Champion! Lyger climbs up to the top where Sonnette is.. Sonnette with a forearm to the midsection.. now rapid ones!! AH! HEADBUTT TO LYGER! LYGER-SAN ISN'T STEADY.. NOW, SONNETTE HOOKING HIM UP.. COULD IT BE?! SONIC BOOM!! SONIC BOOM!! Sonnette tosses an arm over Lyger.. ONE...TWO.. THREE!! SONNETTE RETAINS!!
Winner and STILL EAW World Heavyweight Champion >>> Sonnette
The referee lays the EAW World Title across the tired and beaten Sonnette, as he raises her hand in the process.
Ayane: Well, that it's for Riot Rulz.. until next time, I'm Ayane and my associate Tazz.. GOODNIGHT! ^_^