The Arena explodes with pyro and the fan reaction! The fans are alive and kicking, sporting lots of snazzy and witty signs. (Use your imaginations. No-one did when I asked you to send me signs. >:P)

Kanyon: The fans are on their feet here tonight in what should be a major show! We get to see two stars with tons of potential, X and Mike Sanders, go at each other to boost themselves!

Kelly: Then, in a totally unfair match, Akira has to go face to face with someone afraid to show their face. but Akira isn't worried at all.

Kanyon: Then we have what is said to be the most anticipated match of the night, by extreme fans. Akiko and Trish intend to go off the hook to deliver extreme pain and injury for that belt. Folks, have your hand ready to cover your kid's eyes!

Kelly: Then, after Violette takes out this Doll thing... David will kill another legend!

The opening riff of Godsmack's "Awake" echo throughout the Sports Arena, and everyone in attendance is on their feet, roaring with appreciation.

Kanyon: Fans showing Trish Stratus much love as she skips down the ramp, giving an abbreviated version of her entrance as she slides into the ring. Trish with her normal routine of headbanging at opposite ringposts.

Kelly: Bah. Can't we start off with someone other than this poor imitation of a coke-head WWE skatepunk? She's not even a GOOD imitation at that! She has to flash her blue boobies at us to get even a base reaction... Why couldn't we have gotten someone with TALENT to start us off?

Kanyon: You've got a point. Afterall, thanks to David in the main event, we've got a talentless hack at the end of the show. We need balance. Well, at least my buddy Page will be there to carry 'im.

Kelly: You just remember that this talentless hack is the CHAMPION of the WORLD! He's the greatest nWo Champ ever! He'll smite whomever arises from this pathetic tournament almost as quickly as he smites Dallas Page at the top of the show!

Kanyon: *cuckoo!*

Kelly: Tubs o' Silicone takin' a mic from Capetta now...

Kanyon: *cough* Pot-n-Kettle* cough-cough*

Kelly: Ex-CUSE me?! 100% natural, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Anyway... At least Trish has the decency now to have some CLOTHES ON... even if they are yet ANOTHER pair of carpenter blue jeans and a lame Playboy Bunny baby-tee...

Kanyon: Yes, yes, Kelly. The audience can see it. Let's hear what she has to say...

"Akiko..." Trish says with a low, almost baritone tone, underlying how seriously she's taking her impending Extreme Title match later tonight. "We've got one helluva contest ahead of us... but I'm not sure it's going to be enough... I know you got wind of my challenge earlier..." The crowd roars as Trish pauses. "...Now, I want your answer. Friend to friend, one competitor to another... while we're still... civil." Despite this, though, she's smiling a little. "So why don't you come on out here... take in what I've got in mind for our challenge later tonight..."

Kelly sighs: Just some additions to the Garbage match. And by that, I mean the competitors.

Kanyon: Just remember who used to MANAGE one of these competitors before you toss around the first stone...

Kelly: I may toss the stone, but I also tossed said competitor before she weighed me down like a stone.

Kanyon: Whatever. Like Austin said, you certainly seemed to dump a prime candidate for the nWo's conquest of titles... Bad business, you ask me...

Suddenly, an insane cackle rips the air.

YEHEHEHAHAHAHA!!!

"Japan" by Re-Venge cues up and Akiko saunters onto the stage, with a big grin, in her half-Pogo look.

Kelly: Great. So I guess she's not "Down with the Sickness" anymore. The psycho-scarbeast now has idiotic laughter to join the Victoria-like voices in her head... Can a T.A.T.U. theme be in the works for Akiko NEXT SHOW?

Kanyon: I dunno, Pam... I kinda like it...

Kelly: Pam? PAM?!

Kanyon: For the love of all that's Holy, save me from myself... *thuds head to desk repeatedly* Sorry. Force of habit...

As he thumps his head on the desk, Kelly grabs him by the ponytail and assists.

Kanyon: Yeah, yeah, yeah...

Kelly: Well I guess that's sort of sweet... You and Pam always DID seem to share that sexual tension.

Kanyon: O_o?!?!! ENOUGH!!!!!!!! Akiko's in the ring now, she's about to talk...

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" She waves to Trish's breasts. "Hi boys!" She looks up to Trish's face with a grin. "Actually, I've been pretty busy. What is this little... challenge you have for me? ^__^"

Kanyon: Trish rolling her eyes at this now, snickering a little...

Kelly: KNOCKHEROUT! Put her on her ass, Trish! Tell 'er, "I gotcher challenge right HERE!"

Kanyon: EASY, Tigress.

Kelly: No, TRISH is the tigress... the BLUE TIGRESS!

Kanyon: ??? =0\

Trish nods, "You wanna give the best match you can give to defend your title against me, yes? Since that last HC, we've pretty much established that run-of-the-mill carnage isn't going to cut it for such X-Treme challengers. Soooooo..." She looks up above the ring, at a dormant "suicide cam" and an empty d-ring suspended 20 feet from the mat. It's purpose seems obvious...

Kelly: Ah, Trish falling back once again to her boy-toy for inspiration. What a Copy-cat.

Kanyon: Pam why did you leave me? At least YOUR heel comments had some elegance to them... Anyway, the fans certainly don't seem to mind the idea, no matter WHAT the inspiration... Akiko looking up now...

Akiko smirks. "Are you saying we dispense with so much mindless violence... learn not to hate... and give each other a little.... T... L....C...." she crowd chants out the letters with her and cheers more.

Trish nods slowly... "As a matter of fact--"

"Whoa whoa whoa!! Hold it!"

Kanyon: NOW what...?

Up on the stage, Erik O'Reily is coming out. The crowd begins to boo.

"Oh, lookie," Trish says with rolled eyes. "The goon returns." She shakes her head in disgust and looks at Akiko.

Akiko smirks. "Kindergarten let out. :P Where're you're Nannies?"

Kanyon: HAH! Look at Erik's face... what a thin-skinned baby...

Kelly: *sing-song mocking* Mmm-mergarden Mmet Mmout... Mmere yer Mmannies... Sorry if you just can't handle a young stuuuuud like Erik. Hmph. Erik showing volumes of taste by not acknowledging Akiko's childish comments with a response, rather, it looks like he has something IMPORTANT to address...

Kanyon: ASIDE from the last concussion he had to be sent to Aerith for, you mean?

Erik sighs, shaking his head a bit. "Akiko. I just came out to say that what you two did to me the other night was just horrible. But, I want you to know I forgive you."

Kelly: SEE! What noble character the New World Order instills in its members! Forgiveness, for one!

Kanyon: Yeah. Noble. Great.

Trish pats Akiko on the shoulder. "Yeah... um... why don't you c'mon up here and we can show you just how much we appreciate your forgiveness..." Her voice is dripping with sarcasm. "I mean... I just... I just couldn't... couldn't bear to go on after the heinous attack that we perpetrated on you... I'm sure Akiko felt just as bad about that... RIGHT Akiko?"

Kelly: Okay, we don't need any Y2J's in EAW right now... One was enough...

Kanyon snickers: Oh c'mon, Kelly... they sound genuine to me...

Akiko nods and smiles. "I've been thinking about it ever since it happened. Erik, come on up. We'll kiss your boo boo."

He shakes his head with a smirk. "Look, I know you still have a thing for me, Akiko. vTv proves it. After me, there can be no other. But anyhow, I think I'll stay here. You see, I forgive you... but I'm afraid my teacher hasn't."

Suddenly, Akiko and Trish are double clotheslined onto their faces from behind by Glenda!

Kelly: YES!!!!!!!!! And another virtue instilled in our members! JUSTICE!!!!!!!!! Erik forgives, and Glenda MAKES THEM REPENT!!!!!!!

Kanyon: This is just ridiculous... But I guess I should have seen it coming... Trish up to her feet first, coming up with a blind swing, but Glenda boots her across the jaw! Yeah, THESE are virtues, all right... Virtues of the damned! And Glenda setting up Akiko for a Jackknife Powerbomb now--NO WAIT!!!!!!!!! What's this?! Erik getting a clothesline from behind of his own by--! Er... who is it?

Kelly: Grr--! Some stupid farm-leaguer who hasn't learned the proper respect yet! What a cowardly attack on Erik!

"Honey" Heather Lane sprints into the ring and plants a rather green looking spear on Glenda, while Trish rolls out of the ring woozily. Fumbling for a chair, Trish struggles back into the ring with it, as Glenda drops Akiko to face "Honey."

Glenda glares and grapples up with the young african-american girl, but quickly wrestles behind her and in an instant takes her down in the Buffalo Wing. She pulls back, bending Lane's back, causing the girl to scream and tap, but Glenda's really playing the roll of the hooking teacher. Just as Trish gets up, Erik grabs her ankles and yanks her down and back out of the ring.

Kelly: HAH! Welcome to EAW, little girl! Now GO HOME!

Kanyon: Erik and Trish trading blows now, as Glenda wrenches at the young girl who made the save for Trish and Akiko.

Kelly: AND got her hiney whupped for her troubles... Mess with the best, die like the rest, kid. Ya sistahs ain't gotcha back now, bee-YOTCH!!!!

Kanyon: ... PLEASE do not do that again, Kelly.

Suddenly we hear a mostly girl screaming cheer.

Kanyon: Jeff Hardy! Jeff Hardy is charging the ring!

Just as Jeff hits the ring, Glenda lets Heather drop as she hops out of the ring. She and Erik beat a hasty retreat, keeping their eye to the ring, where Jeff is eyeing them and checking on the girls.

Trish just glares, rubbing the back of her neck and head where she was clotheslined, and helps Akiko and Heather to their feet. A nod to Jeff, a look of admonishment to Heather, and a smirk to Akiko. "This might be a long night," she can just barely be heard over the camera without a mic nearby. She gives one last look of contempt to the nWo contingent as they saunter to the back...

Kelly smirks: Well, maybe now they'll be a bit worn out and that match of there's won't be so long.

Kanyon: Wouldn't count on it Kelly... Trish and Akiko got fire in their eyes now, and it all adds up to one helluva fight! What I'm curious about is Jeff... is he WITH the EAW now?!

Kelly: Very doubtful. Jeff's known to be one of the WWE's lapdogs. No matter what, he'd never turn on them.

Kanyon: I dunno, we've got another WWE lapdog announcing for Mayhem... Anyway, that's speculation for later date. Folks, I hate to break it to ya, but we gots to hit the commercials. Sponsors get ornery and such... DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL!!!! RIOT RULZ SHALL RETURN POST-HASTE!!!!!!!!

**Commercials**

"Never Gonna Stop" by Rob Zombie cues up and X walks out. He looks to the crowd, raising his hands as they cheer. He rushes the ring and climbs the corners for them.

Capetta: The following match is scheduled for one fall. Making his way to the ring, at 226 lbs, hailing from LA... X!!

Kanyon: The Wildcard has had plenty of women tossing themselves at him, and he's still got his mind direct on the work. Gotta say, he's got some major work ethic.

Kelly: X would be a great addition to the nWo.

"Eroica" Final Movement cues and Mike Sanders makes his way to the ring, slowly but surely, checking X out and not taking his eyes off his opponent.

Capetta: And his opponent, from Atlanta, GA, weighing 230 lbs, Mike Sanders!

Kanyon: Another man with great skills, but not as much ladies trouble.

Kelly: Eh... the only person I've seen interested in him is Akiko.

Kanyon: Akiko... interested in someone? O_o

Kelly: What I've heard. They can have each other. >:(

Sanders rushes in with a series of chops and punches, driving X back. X manages to block one and grabs Sanders, taking him down with a complete shot. He rushes up a turnbuckle and flies off with a Corkscew Moonsault. He pins Mike.. only 2...

Kanyon: ... what the. Hey look. Sitting down at the rigside... is she familiar to you?

Sitting at a ringside seat is Viki Greene, manager of the GoG. But she's really changed. Her hair is died white, with black beneith it. She's also got a plethora of tattoos.

Kelly: Yeah... Haven't seen her or GoG around... but why's she here?

Mike gets to his knees and punches at X. On his feet, Sanders whips X to the ropes and hits a backdrop on the return. With X on the ground, Sanders goes for a leglock, wrenching on the knee. He pulls him up after a moment and whips him to a corner. He lifts him up and gives X a Frankensteiner. With X down, Sanders continues to focus on his knees, with kneedrops to thim. He pulls X up and gives him a snap suplex. He pulls X up, but X manages to shove Mike away and begins a hard kick combo, managing to use the leg that Sanders didn't attack.

Sanders gets back, with a kick to X's gut. He lifts X up in a fireman's carry and then across his knee in a gutbuster. With X down, Sanders backs up and hits a sliding dropkick to X's face. X rolls away in pain, clutching his face. He climbs to his feet as Mike grabs for him. X reverses, getting behind Mike, but before he can do anything, Mike reverses again, putting X in an armbar. Mike then knees X in the gut and sets him up... The Agonizer!!-- But X counters it, slipping behind Sanders. X clubs him in the back of the head. He's wailing away on Sanders now. Mike's dazed and stumbling. X climbs to the top rope and leaps off with an X Missle Dropkick!! But Mike gains his composure enough to shove the ref in the way! the Ref is down. X is stunned by the situation and Mike has time to slip out and grab a chair which he plants between X's eyes. X stumbles back, into the ropes. Mike turns and taunts the crowd a moment before spinning around for a big swing, but X uses the ropes he's in as leverage to kick his legs up and Dropkicks the chair into Sander's face. Sanders goes down as X kicks the chair out of the ring. X covers Mike as the Ref comes too. He drops and begins the count.

1

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2

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3!!!

Winner: X!!

"Never Gonna Stop Me" cues up as X hops up and celebrates. At ringside, Viki stands up, grinning and leaves.

Kanyon: Big win for X. And what's the deal with Viki?

Kelly: We'll prolly find out eventually.

Suddenly, "Rise" by the Cult cues up! The fans virtually explode with cheers as Blink comes out to the stage, dressed in blue jeans, a white baby tee, buckled boots and a black leather jacket. She looks to the crowd and nods, raising a fist to the crowd and giving her fans the props they deserve.

Kanyon: Here it is! One of the big points of the night. What's she have to tell us?

She makes a bee-line to the ring, sliding in and climbing up to one of the turnbuckles, raising her hands up as she smiles brightly. She then jumps down and picks up a mic as her theme song fades out. But the fans won't stop cheering!

Kanyon: The fans really happy to see her here.

Blink just shakes her head as she smiles... the cheering and the chants of "BLINK! BLINK! BLINK!" not stopping.

Kelly: Will these people shut up and let them talk. She's not Hogan.

Finally the crowd dies down long enough for Blink to speak. "... WOW." The fans cheer more.

"You know I didn't expect this kind of response..." Blink says. "All I can say is... RIGHT BACK ATCHA, SAN DIEGO!!!!"

More Cheers.

"You know, I love being here... I love doing this! In the words of Vin Diesel, I LIVE FOR THIS S*bleep*T!!" The fan cheer loudly. "But I gotta say this... I gotta be truthful to all of you. This is gonna be my last run here in the EAW..." This causes the fans to boo as Blink nods softly.

Kanyon: She'll be missed, but like KS or the Hardyz say, let's live for the moment.

Kelly: God you sound stupid.

"... Yeah, I know... but you gotta know... I got a child now... I got a husband who loves me and understands I gotta do this. But if this is gonna be my last run, I'm gonna go out in style! I'm gonna fight my hardest! I'm gonna show everyone that I'm gonna win! But the question remains... just what'm I gonna do here?" Blink looks to the fans. "Well... I like to say something about that... everything changes. What's up for my future?" Blink smiles at the fans. "Well... no one's for sure. But it's gonna be one wild ride. That's for damn sure. Just remember one thing... no matter what, I love you all!" "Rise" cues up once more as Blink slides out of the ring, slapping hands with the fans as she smiles on.

Kanyon: They say that Eighteen is the peoples champion in spirit, but I think she's got some competition. *he chuckles*

Kelly: No joke. I hear they can't even live in the same house together.

Kanyon: OK, Kelly. Stop trying to cause rumor and trouble. We'll be right back to our big mystery match after these messages.

*******Commercials*******

We see a Generation X-er standing on a street corner with some papers. "... The tobacco corperation said, we're making tobacco with nicotine. And we want people to smoke our cigarettes and stuff. So like, the companies want the people to get sick..."

Akiko walks in from the side, smoking a cigarette. She looks like she's enjoying it. The guy just looks at her and continues.

"Uhm, so like... the company fatcats are trying to get rich... koff koff..." Akiko's smoke is going in his face.

"Hey, like, yer trying to kill me! Like that's not cool. You shouldn't smo--" Akiko blows smoke right in his face. While he's coughing she shoves him off camera and then grins to the camera.

The screen goes black, like the Truth campaigns, but instead of saying Truth, it says...

Freedom

*************************

New-New-New-New World Order....

"Yume Ha Mada Atsui" starts playing and Akira Hokuto appears at the entrance in some smoke effects. A waterfall of white sparks falls to her sides as she makes her way down to the ring in her elaborate black and white robe. She climbs into the ring and up to a turnbuckle, glaring at the audience as she pulls it off.

Capetta: The following match is scheduled for one fall! Making her way to the ring, representing the nWo, from Kitakatsushika, Japan, weighing 132 lbs., Akira Hokuto!!

Kanyon: This lady is really scary. But it looks like she's nervous, going against someone and not having any idea about it.

Kelly: Nervous? Oh come on. She's determined. She's determined and ready to go.

The lights go low and everyone waits in anticipation of who it is that will show up...

Soon, the slow techno notes that begin Rammstein's "Feuer Frei" cues up. And words appear on the tron as he sings.

Getadelt wird wer Schmerzen kennt
vom Feuer das die Haut verbrennt
Ich werf ein Licht
in mein Gesicht
Ein heisser Schrei
Feuer frei!

The first big power chords of the song hits on "Bang Bang!"

Kanyon: Oh my god!! That fire can only mean!!

Kanyon: It's Kaye!!! Kaye's returned!!

Kelly: ....!

Kanyon: What's wrong Kelly?

Kelly: Shut up.

Capetta: And her opponent, from Death Valley, TX, weighing in at 215 lbs, "The Phoenix" KAYE CALLOWAY!!

Kanyon: Arisen from the ashes indeed! She's back and looks ready to take on the EAW... or in this case, the nWo eh?

Kelly remains silent.

Kanyon: She's raising her arms... here it comes...!

Kanyon: And Akira accually looks pretty daunted.

Kelly: ... she can do it...

Akira rushes forward with a Yakuza kick to Kaye's face. Kaye falls and Akira grabs for her legs. But Kaye kicks her away and gets to her feet. Akira rushes forward with dropkick. They both get up at the same time.

Kaye rushes in with a punch and a throat thrust, then grabbing Akira for a scoop slam. She reaches back down and starts to pull Akira up, but Akira shoves Kaye back and while Kaye's off balance, kives her a Swinging Neckbreaker. Akira tugs her up and grabs her in a double underhook, and follows up with a Tiger Driver!

Kaye staggers to her feet and Akira launches herself forward with a flying clothesline. She then grabs Kaye's arm and puts her in a Ghost Pin.

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2

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Kaye kicks out and they both hurry to their feet. Kaye manages to kick Akira in the gut, doubling her over and...

Kanyon: Burning Rain! The Burning Rain! Akira getting her neck impacted in that sick move!

Kelly: No! That move is dangerous! It should be outlawed!

Kaye follows up with a pin.

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2

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Akira amazingly kicks out. Kaye grabs her by the head and starts to pull her up, but Akira kicks Kaye int he gut and whips her at the ropes. Kaye goes over the ropes, but holds on, standing on the apron. Akira quickly grabs Kaye and slingshots her back into the ring. She then picks Kaye up and monouvers behind her. But Kaye shots and elbow to Akira's head. She turns, punching away with punches and throat thrusts and finally a DDT. She pulls Akira back up and Akira shoves her away and gives Kaye a front Dropkick.

Akira quickly steps on the back of Kaye's knees and grabs her arms. She pulls back, and onto her own back, holding Kaye up in a Mexican Surfboard. When she lets go, she pulls Kaye up and whips her into a corner, giving her a running dropkick. Kaye drops down to the mat at the corner. Akira backs up and runs forward again... but Kaye shoots her hand up and grabs her by the neck! Kaye gets up and pulls Akira face to face, trash talking...

and gives Akira a MASSIVE Chokeslam! Kaye drops to pin her...

1

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2

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Thr--

Akira kicks out! Kaye pulls her up, into a Hammerlock. After wrenching it, she shoves Akira back and chops at her. Akira's knocked into the ropes. Kaye continues to chop, but Akira manages to duck one and uses leverage to backdrop Kaye over the top. Akira climbs out after Kaye and gives her a Double underhook Flip Suplex on the outside. She pulls Kaye back up and rolls her back into the ring. Kaye gets up as Akira grabs her in a tie up. Kaye wrestles around back, but Akira reverses, getting behind Kaye. Kaye elbows Akira and turns, whipping Akira, but then Akira reverses again, whipping Kaye into a corner. She follows up with a Frankensteiner.

She hops up and as Kaye's getting to her feet, she gets behind her and picks her up onto her shoulders and then drops back in her Dangerous Queen Suplex

Kaye's holding her neck in pain and Akira grabs her by the hair, pulling her up. Kaye gets a thrust in to Akira's throat however, trying to get control, but Akira retaliates with a kick to her gut and...

The Northern Lights Bomb and a pin!

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2

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Thr--

Kanyon: My god! These women are tearing each other up, but not going down!

Kelly: Of course. Akira is perhaps one of the best Additions that David was able to add to the nWo Roster.

Kanyon: Well, nWo or not, one has to admire and respect Akira Hokuto's abilities and the fact that she requested no nWo interferance.

Kelly: She simply realizes that she doesn't need it.

Kaye's getting ot her feet, despite the fact that Akira's raining down punches and attacks on her. Kaye's up now and is taking these punches with seemingly no effect and... launches a rocket like fist to Akira's head, staggering her! Kaye continues, Akira stumbling backwards and then a thrust to her throat that sends Akira to the mat. She pulls Akira up and hoists her onto her shoulder, giving her a Meltdown! Akira's not moving much as she's tugged up once more. Kaye holds her up in an inverted Fireman's carry and then drops her in a Reverse DVD like move...

The Death Valley Heatwave!! A new move by Kaye! Akira is down and out now and Kaye drops to her knees at Akira's head and folds her arms across her chest, pinning her.

1

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2

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3!!!

Winner: "The Phoenix" Kaye Calloway!

Kelly:... This was clearly an unfair match up. Kaye wouldn't let herself be known, leaving Akira with no way of preparing. And Akira's silly idea to not have anyone out to ... root her on...

Kanyon: My, what a change from the faith you had in Akira. :P Well, either way, Kaye is back and she seems better than ever.

**Commercials. Bathroom Break!!!**

"Awake," by Godsmack cuts across the arena, and the audience cheers wildly.

Kanyon: Welcome back to Riot Rulz, folks! I hope the commercials didn't bore ya too badly, because we've got what promises to be a stellar match starting up as we speak! Trish headbanging at the curtain--oh, DAMN... looking... well, unique to say the least as she dances away under the blacklights... Looking like... well... like...

Kelly: Like a BLUE TIGRESS ready to chomp away Akiko's dreams of becoming a GRAND SLAM CHAMPION!!!! GO TRISH!!!!!

Kanyon: Um, okay... Kelly, Trish is not a heel. Listen, people cheering? Trish + Akiko = Good Friends?

Kelly: Bah. I'm making the best of a bad situation. No nWo to cheer for in this match, so I might as well put over the one I hate less. Besides, Akiko could stand to lose that Extreme Title anyway. I'm so sick of her spouting off "X-Triple This, X-Triple That," all the time. Trish would keep that belt warm nicely until the nWo got hold of it.

Kanyon: Yeesh.

Kelly: See the spooky designs on her face... OoOoooOoOoo... Like a ghost! *regular lights cut in* But... but where'd they go?! It's MAGIC!

Kanyon: You're not funny.

Kelly: What?! I was just commenting on how clever Trish is to use invisible makeup and blacklights....

Capetta: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is for the Extreme Title and will be determined by TLC rules! Making her way to the ring first, from Toronto, Ontario, here is the challenger--TRIIIIIIIIIIIIISH STRAAAAATUS!!!!!!!!

Kanyon: Trish looking up at the Extreme Title, suspended on that D-Ring... 20 feet above the ring. This is a big opportunity for her, if she can take that title, it may well improve her standing in this tournament--

Kelly: While at the same time delivering a CRUSHING BLOW to Akiko, throwing her off her game just in time to face STOOOOONE COOOOOLD STEEEEEEVE AUUUUUSTIN!!!!!!

Kanyon: You and David are still REALLY bitter about that Title 4 Title loss to Akiko, aren't you?

Kelly: Nooooooo. Why would you think that?

YEHEHEHAHAHAHA!!!

Akiko's insane laughter cuts across the arena and fades into her new Extreme entrance theme, "Japan" by Re-Venge. She grins wildly as she skips down the ramp, decked out in her normal ring attire, but with half-Pogo makeup.

Kelly: What, no toys this time around? Oh wait, there's the sickle and chain. Never mind. She still gets to play weirdo-psychopath with pointy objects...

Capetta: And from Osaka, Japan, she is the EAW Extreme Champion------AKIKOOOOOO NAKAAAAANO!!!!!!!

Kanyon: WOW! Between the cheers for Trish, and the cheers for Akiko, I can hardly hear myself THINK! Akiko looking up at her belt, suspended above the ring...

Kelly: For possibly the last time she can call it HER'S...

Kanyon: Kelly, be nice once in a while, would ya?

Kelly: What? Trish so has the advantage here. She wouldn't have suggested the TLC match unless she had something up her sleeve.

Kanyon: Yeah. She wanted to up the ante a little. In case you hadn't noticed, Akiko accepted rather eagerly...

Kelly: She knew she had no choice!

*ding, ding!*

---

TITLE MATCH -- TLC RULES
Trish Stratus vs. Akiko Nakano(c)

---

Kanyon: Trish and Akiko wasting no time with formalities or even a handshake! Already they're laying into each other with rights, and Akiko going to throttle Trish with a choke!

Kelly: But Trish not wasting any time saving herself, as she thrusts Akiko's arms back, and plants her with a Sitdown Jawbreaker! Yeesh... Akiko selling that the way Rock sells a Stone Cold Stunner! @_@ ANYWAY, Trish doing a one-handstand flip over the top rope to get some chairs!

Kanyon: Trish cracking away at Akiko's head with that chair as she gets back into the ring, over and over! But... Akiko is...

Kelly: She's just LAUGHING?! What a sick weirdo! She's egging Trish on, taunting her to hit her with that chair again!

Kanyon: She's not taunting Trish, Kelly. Don't you remember the segment on High Calibur? They were doing this to each other FOR FUN!!! At least, before Erik had the gall to interrupt...

Kelly: Yes, yes, I remember. Remind me to sic the nWo on Road Dogg later for the demeaning comments he made about Erik... Trish still whacking away at her "good friend" Akiko--

Kanyon: OHHHHH!!!!!! Akiko with a modified Van Daminator on Trish!!!!! The Blue Tigress taking a little too long for that last chairshot, and gets a mouthful of steel for it!!!!!

Kelly: See? It rolls off your tongue. Trish reeling from that now, and Akiko slams her into one of the Turnbuckle Tables with a hard Irish Whip!!!!

Kanyon: It's not enough to break it though; Trish's spine bouncing off it as Akiko goes for another Whip into the table again! And.... STILL NOT ENOUGH TO BREAK THE TABLE!!!!

Kelly: C'mon, Akiko, put some ASS into it! The BLUE TIGRESS is gonna take your Extreme Title FOR SURE if you can't beat her any harder than that!

Kanyon: Kelly, that is REALLY getting on my nerves...

Kelly: What?

Kanyon: ... And third time's the charm as Akiko FINALLY busts that Table as she rams Trish against it! Trish's face contorted in pain as she collapses to the mat, and Akiko snatches up a chair of her own to swat Trish with!

Kelly: The BLUE TIGRESS rolling up with a swing after only a few hits by Akiko, showing her ferocious endurance and desire to TAKE THAT TITLE FROM AKIKO!!!! C'mon Trish! BREAK UP THE X-TRIPLE CHAMPION!!!! Hauling Akiko off into the opposite Turnbuckle Table now----BAAAAAM!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!! And Trish breaks that table with Akiko's body on the FIRST TRY!!!!! Charging at Akiko now, and taking her down with a Hurricanrana!!!!!!!!!

Kanyon: Akiko back up at it though, sweeping Trish's legs from beneath her and using the Hardyz Leg Drop! But-- OOOOHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Trish nails her with that nearby chair JUST AS AKIKO CONNECTS WITH THE LEG DROP!!!!!!

Kelly: Akiko stumbling back now, and the BLUE TIGRESS zips past and behind her for a Head-scissors Takedown onto the steel chair!!!!!! What? Why are you rolling your eyes at me?

Kanyon: ...Never mind. Trish hauling Akiko up now for a Super Powerbomb! And she follows it up with a CORKSCREW MOONSAULT--NOOOOO!!!!! Akiko rolls out of the way!

Kelly: Trish catches it with nary a batted eye, landing on her feet!

Kanyon: Akiko with a hard clothesline now, and stomping away at Trish. The Blue Tigress rolling out of the ring to escape, and grabbing a table while she's out there... Gah! I just said it, didn't I?

Kelly: Second time you've said it, as a matter of fact! :) Trish setting up the Table on the outside, but Akiko with a high flying body press over the top rope before she can finish it! And the battle is on the outside now, as Akiko flings Trish into the ringpost--BONK!!!!! And Trish's skull bounces off that hard metal post!!!

Kanyon: Akiko going for one of the many tables set around the ring, and smacking Trish with it two or three times before she gets it into the ring! And a ladder as well...

Kelly: I hope Akiko's a good jumper, because there's no way that ladder is tall enough for her to just reach up and grab that belt...

Kanyon: She's not setting it up, though.... just tossing it into the ring... and she throws another table into the ring! And another! And then a couple stomps on Trish before... yep... getting a third table into the ring!

Kelly: Hmph. Trish on her feet now, looking a little dizzy but still in the game... Akiko's attention is diverted to placing yet another table into the ring... And Trish setting up a ladder of her own, creating a bridge from the security wall to the ring mat--what's she doing?

Kanyon: OH!!! Looks like we won't find out now, as Akiko belts her with a chair! Tossing Trish into the ring now, Akiko picking up the ladder and--OWW!!!! Ramming Trish with it hard! She could break her ribs doing that!!!

Kelly: Trish with a kick to Akiko's ankle now, getting some precious escape time and a chance to catch her breath--NO, she turns her back to Akiko, dashes to the ringpost--UP----WHISPER IN THE WIND!!!!!!!!!!!! BEAUTIFUUUUUL--probably makes her boy-toy Jeff jealous that HE hasn't done one that good in a while...

Kanyon: Trish assessing her situation for only a second, before heading to the ringpost again, a Hardyz Salute to the audience, and-----STRATUS BOMB!!!!!!!!!!! Her own rendition of the Swanton, putting the exclamation point onto Akiko... And Trish rolling under the bottom rope now, searching under the apron now for THE BIG LADDER!

Kelly: Oh, she's gonna end this early! Hurry Trish! While Akiko's still laying down!!! Arrrgh... why does everybody climb SO SLOW in TLC matches?!

Kanyon: She's taken a few hard hits, Kelly, plus that Swanton probably took it out of her... Yeah, Akiko to her feet now, and rocking that ladder as Trish REACHES THE TOOOOOOOP--AND AKIKO TIPPING THE LADDER!!!!!!! MY GOD!!!!! TRISH PLUMMETS OUT OF THE RING!!!!!! RIGHT THROUGH HER OWN TABLE ON THE OUTSIDE!!!!!!!!

Kelly: Akiko resetting the ladder now, getting set to end this... The hell...? Why's she getting out of the ring....?

Kanyon: She's going for another BIG LADDER... Oooo I see... See how she's setting up both of the 15-footers side by side, Kelly?

Kelly: ......Yeah... but now what she gonna do with the table?

Kanyon: I'm getting to that. See, it's hard to reach the belt from just the top of one ladder, because you have to balance, but if you have TWO ladders, and a TABLE, you can make a platform.

Kelly: OOOHHH... Akiko must figure since Trish is out, she's got time to get her belt without wobbling off.

Kanyon: Well... not completely wobble-free--CAREFUL Akiko!--but better than just the ladder by itself...

Kelly: She seems to be having a little difficulty getting it up there... HEH! She's setting ANOTHER Table up to stand on!

Kanyon: It IS a bit easier when you have help... Annnnd... she's got it set up now! Heading up the ladder now, it's pretty much done now... Unless... Trish is coming to!

Kelly: She better hurry...........! Ooooo.... Trish in the ring now, grabbing the nine-footer and swinging away at Akiko, but she's out of reach! Akiko kicking at Trish's ladder now--WHOOPS! Careful you don't lose your balance before you get to the top!

Kanyon: Man, Trish is MESSED UP still from that crash... Limping up the opposite ladder now as Akiko regains grip on her end... Trish gets up slowly but surely... But Akiko breaks the plane first! Making her way carefully across the table now, as Trish gets to the top as well!

Kelly: And they're locking up on the center of that table----OH MAN!!!!!

Kanyon: Hard to tell which of them lost balance first, but at this point it hardly matters... Akiko and Trish both falling down--RIGHT ONTO THAT TABLE!!!!!!!!!!

Kelly: Trish in a heap on top of Akiko now... Oooh, some of Trish's body paint rubbing off onto Akiko's nice white top... And Trish reaching now for that chair---CHOKING AKIKO WITH IT AS THEY BOTH LAY ON THE MAT!!!! I dunno if they're gonna be friends after THIS MATCH, Chris!

Kanyon: Actually, I think it'd hurt their friendship more if Trish WASN'T being this brutal, Kelly! Remember, Akiko REVERES her Extreme Title! If she lost it to an opponent who was any less than brutal, she'd... well, I don't know how she'd take it, but it wouldn't be good...

Kelly: Akiko muscling her way from beneath that steel chair, kicking Trish back now... And... fleeing the ring?

Kanyon: No, she's going UNDER THE RING! Trish not wasting anytime getting up that ladder in Akiko's absence--HAUL IT TRISH!!!! GET UP THAT LADDER!!!!

Kelly: Akiko back in the ring now--OH... MY... GOD... It's a TLC match, you psycho! TELL ME she's not going to use that sickle on her friend!!!

Kanyon: It may not much matter, Trish has made it to the top of the ladder now... Looking down at the Champion--Akiko twirling that chain around now, ready to fling the sickle at Trish, it seems... STRATUS BOMB AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Trish crashing onto Akiko from the 15 Footer before she can let loose with the Sickle!!!!!!!!!

Kelly: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!! You FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU WERE SO CLOSE TO JUST GRABBING THE BELT!!!!!!!!!!

Kanyon: Akiko catching one of Trish's arms with that Sickle upon impact, though, and... OHHHHH!!!!!! Going at Trish's shoulder blades with vicious swipes!!! Trish writhing under those slashes, the back of her shirt painted red--

Kelly: C'mon, Trish, C'MON!!!! YES!!!! An elbow to Akiko's gut, and a TWIST OF FATE!!!!!!! Not a very GOOD Twist of Fate, but it puts Akiko down nonetheless!!!!! CLIMB THE LADDER TRISH!!!!!! BREAK UP THE X-TRIPLE BELT!!!!!!!!! HURRYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

Kanyon: Trish losing quite a bit of blood now, slowly getting that ladder... Ooooo she's getting woozy it seems... And Akiko now, getting up, heading to the opposite ladder, although she's making a slow climb of it as well...............

It's a long, torturously slow climb for both of them; both the announcers and the audience are silent in anticipation as Trish and Akiko finally break the plane of the parallel ladders... They both limp out across the table set across the top, and wearily begin slugging it out, mere inches away from the belt suspended on the d-ring. Trish hauls off and slugs Akiko with one good right, and then grabs the Extreme Title, trying to kick the table out from beneath the both of them as she holds onto the belt! The crowd erupts into loud cheers as the table begins to wobble....

Kelly: TRISH ALMOST HAS IT!!!!

Kanyon: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! OSAKA STREET SNIPER!!!!!!!!!!!!! AKIKO NAILS TRISH WITH THE SNIPER, AND THE TABLE SHATTERS BENEATH THEM!!!!!!!

Trish and Akiko both slip down, but quick thinking and a desperate hook onto the d-ring with the sickle keep Akiko aloft; in the next half-second, Akiko grabs the Belt! The Sports Arena erupts in a deafening roar as she struggles to unhook it...

Kanyon: Trish's body bouncing off the canvas as Akiko looses her Extreme Title from the d-ring!!!

*ding, ding!*

Capetta:Ladies and Gentleman, your winner and STILL EAW Extreme Champion--AKIKO NAKANO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kelly: DAMN!

Kanyon: Akiko hopping down--OoOooOoOo, hard landing!!!--and raising her Extreme Title in the air as she lays on the mat. Getting up now to check on Trish...

Kelly: Hmph. Yeah, like she really gives a rat's ass about Trish... You saw her with that sickle! She was ready to cut Trish's throat to keep that belt!

Kanyon: KELLY... it was an EXTREME Title defense?

Kelly: It was TLC! That sickle had no place in the match!

Akiko holds out her hand to help Trish up, but frustrated "Blue Tigress" refuses, insisting on getting to her feet on her own. The "half-Pogo" makeup is all but gone now, and Akiko gives her friend a look of concern... Trish, with her back turned to Akiko, holds the rope for support and sighs.

Kanyon: Uh oh...

Kelly: TOLD YOU their friendship wouldn't survive this!

The crowd is still roaring their approval of the match, as Trish finally turns to face Akiko, who is by this point looking a little worried... But Trish then seizes Akiko with a hug, in a fierce display of friendship!

Kanyon: THERE we go...!

Kelly: Wha--? Aww, come ON!

Kanyon: They aren't going to let that belt come between them, Kelly! Akiko raising Trish's hand now, giving her opponent, her FRIEND, props before the entire arena...

Kelly: Ugh... Can we go to commercial, now? PLEASE?!

**Yet ANOTHER Commercial break**

As the cameras fade back in to Riot Rulz, we find the Doll, already in the middle of the ring, dancing around nonsensically, giggling at nothing and everything as she waits for her opponent.

The xXx Virena remix of Drowning Pool's "Bodies" echoes across the arena, and Violette stomps out amid mixed boos and cheers. She doesn't even wait for Capetta to finish announcing her before NAILING the Doll with a hard clothesline, and then lifting her up to deliver the Violette Crush. Following this up with a particularly aggressive Final Rush, she gets a decisive one-two-three before the one-minute mark.

Winner: Violette!!!

Kanyon: WOW.

Kelly: Yeah... The Doll SUCKS.

Kanyon: I don't think it so much that the Doll sucks, just Violette is in a REALLY bad mood...

Kelly: Eh. Maybe. I still think--HEY WAIT-A-MINUTE!!!!!!

Kanyon: Akiko rushing into the ring as Violette's hand is raised by the ref--she whips Violette around, and--DIVINE WIND KICK!!!!!!!! Akiko DID SAY she'd had enough of Violette's insults!

Kelly: Oh, COME ON NOW!!!!! This isn't necessary!

A mostly male cheer follows as Akiko slices away at Violette's tights with her sickle, tearing them away, revealing a dark purple thong beneath. Violette struggles to fight back, but with the element of surprise working against her, she soon finds Akiko's chain wrapped around her throat, with an angry Osaka Street Sniper following shortly after. Akiko gets up to leave, but after a few chants of "WE WANT PUPPIES!!!" she shrugs, leans over to Violette, and takes one clean swipe in between Violette's breasts, cutting away her top. Violette scrambles to cover herself up, and then Akiko rears back and kicks her in the jaw. Violette, bleeding from the mouth, slumps face first onto the mat unconscious.

The Doll watches as Akiko exits the ring and gives Violette the finger on her way back to the curtain. Then, she leans over to Violette's prone form, puts a finger to her mouth. "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

And then the Doll rolls out of the ring, dancing her way to the back, giggling.

Kanyon: ...Okaaaaaaaay...

Kelly: Um... Let's take that last commercial break, I guess... @_@

---

(Wake me up!)
Wake me up inside.
(I can't wake up!)
Wake me up inside.
(Save me!!)
Call my name and save me from the dark.
(Wake me up!)
Bid my blood to run.
(I can't wake up!)
Before I come undone.
(Save me!!)
Save me from the nothing I've become.

(Wake me up!)
Wake me up inside.
(I can't wake up!)
Wake me up inside.
(Save me!!)
Call my name and save me from the dark.
(Wake me up!)
Bid my blood to run.
(I can't wake up!)
Before I come undone.
(Save me!!)
Save me from the nothing I've become.

Bring me to life.
(I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside.)
Bring me to life.

(Wake me up!)
Wake me up inside.
(I can't wake up!)
Wake me up inside.
(Save me!!)
Call my name and save me from the dark.
(Wake me up!)
Bid my blood to run.
(I can't wake up!)
Before I come undone.
(Save me!!)
Save me from the nothing I've become.

Bring me to life.
(I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside.)
Bring me to life.

... BELIEVE IN ANGELS...

---

Back to the show as both Kanyon and Kelly stare at each other after the ominous promo.

Kelly: What the hell was that?

Kanyon: A promo.

Kelly: I KNOW that, Sherlock!!

Kanyon: Well, the song's "Bring Me To Life" by Evanescence, from the Daredevil Soundtrack out now, plus the new album "Fallen," due March 5th.

Kelly: And the theme to this year's WWE No Way Out, Mr. Promotion. =p

Kanyon: Well, it's all true, you know...

N! W! O!!

Kelly: WHOOT! AND HERE COMES YOUR nWo CHAMPION, KANYON!!!

"Superstar" cues up as David Flair makes his way down to the ring, the vandalized EAW World Title around his waist. Boos rumble across the arena as he ignores them, climbing into the ring.

Kelly: Okay... we might've struck out a bit tonight when Kaye showed up to wipe out Akira... but we will NOT lose the nWo title tonight! You hear me, Kanyon?! Mr. "Do You Really Wanna Hurt Me?" WE WILL REIGN 4-EVVAA!!!

Kanyon: ... Don't bring that up again, please...

David Flair gets to the ring, then suddenly--

YO! IT'S ME, IT'S ME! IT'S D-D-P!!

"Slammin'" by Buckcherry cues up as the fans roar with applause as DDP steps out to the ring, gives the Self High-Five, then slams it down, the fireworks exploding behind him.

Kanyon: YEAH! It's great to see Page back!! Give props to both Morrigan and Aerith for bringing this ring veteran back to action!!

Kelly: Oh, you're just getting on the bandwagon because you and him are friends.

Kanyon: Hey, I can still keep being professional here! Even if DDP is my friend! Though I hope DDP wins back the EAW World Title!

Kelly: Never! The nWo title will never go back to the EAW!!

---

MAIN EVENT

EAW nWo World Title Match
DDP vs. David Flair (c)

---

DDP quickly mounted an offensive on Flair, throwing punches at the nWo leader and taking Flair by surprise. But suddenly Flair mounted an offensive approach, spearing and punching at DDP repeatedly. That was about it as the more experienced Page quickly got the upper hand once again. Page knocked Flair down and proceeded to wear him down with side headlocks, leg locks, and a camel clutch. One high spot occured when DDP climbed the top rope as Flair struggled to get up, and delivered an awesome Diamond Cutter off the top rope! Wisely, Flair rolled to the ropes to prevent a pin, and delivered a low blow when the ref wasn't looking. From there he went to the attack with running knee strikes followed with a classic Flair back chop. But DDP fought back, whipping Flair to the corner and following up with a clothesline, then a shortarm Diamond Cutter!! DDP went for a pin, but Flair got a foot on the ropes. As DDP picked Flair up, the nWo leader suddenly counteracted with a DDT! He then climbed the top rope and went for an elbow drop but DDP rolled out of the way! DDP went for an elbow drop of his own and connected! 1... 2... but Flair kicks out. From there they traded punches until Flair throw a jumping knee to the jaw, then locked on the Legendary End!! DDP fought hard to escape the move though, and he threw punches into Flair's knees to get free! Once more they traded punches, until DDP got the upper hand once again. Flair ducks a clothesline, DDP suddenly ducks one, and executes a perfect Diamond Cutter! 1... 2...--

Kanyon: Kelly!! DAMMIT, Kelly just left our post and pulled the ref out! And-- Blink?! WHAT'S SHE-- SHE'S GOT A STEEL CHAIR!!! SHE'S AIMING FOR FLAIR!! DAVID FLAIR IS ABOUT TO GET CLOCKED BY BLINK--

Kanyon: O_O!!! WHAT THE HELL?! BLINK JUST TURNED AROUND AND WALLOPED PAGE?!! I'M IN SHOCK!! AND... AND SO IS FLAIR AND KELLY!!! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!! BLINK CIRCLES DDP! SHE-- WHAT'S SHE--?!

Kanyon: CROSSFACE?! BLINK'S JUST LOCKED ON THE CROSSFACE ON PAGE!! PAGE IS TAPPING!!! WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?! BLINK QUICKLY RELEASES THE HOLD AND... TELLS FLAIR TO COVER PAGE?! THE REF'S BACK IN... 1! NO! 2!! NOT LIKE THIS-- THREE! DAMMIT!!! >_<;

Winner And Still nWo World Champion: David Flair

Kanyon: This is a travesty!! And David and Kelly are still dumbfounded! Why did Blink cost Page a shot at the EAW World Title?!

Blink slips the leather jacket she was wearing off and proceeds to reverse it! She slips it back on with it inside out... and the familiar insignia of the nWo is seen on the back!!

Kanyon: Oh my God... B... Blink's joined the nWo?! But... Flair and Kelly seem genuinely shocked by this!! Just what's going on here?!

*KRAAAAA-AAAAASH!!!*

The arena erupts into thunderous cheers as Stone Cold Steve Austin's music hits. The Texas Rattlesnake slowly makes his way down the ramp, staring down the nWo and their newest member...

Kanyon: This doesn't look good... Flair and Kelly backing up a step, Blink giving an EVIL smirk to Stone Cold...

Stone Cold glares at the nWo for a moment... and then he just smiles.

Kanyon: I dunno what to make of this... Folks... we're out of time! We have to go now... for Kelly Connelly-Flair, this is Chris Kanyon! Blink! WHY?!!!

TM & © EAW Inc., 2003