We open to the Riot Rulz intro as we scan the crowd, seeing signs such as: "Oseiko + Akiko = Slashy Goodness!" "Hermies of the World Unite: Derek Walker Rules!" "GO Blue Bombers?" "Kirk: GO OLYMPIC ON HER!" "Bullwhip = Bulls***" "nWNO" "Black Scorpion: real deal or fake, fake Sting?" "This Steve's for you." "Austin 2K3:16" "HHH is jealous of Al Wilson's package" "I still love you, Mikey!" "I GOT YOUR BEEF RIGHT HERE!" "Akiko: Curious?" "Erik fears Reid Flair" "Will gladly eat Trish's Stratusphere." "Hurri-League Fan!" "HHH is jealous of Dink the Clown's Package" "Nova : Super Mack Daddy" "TROUBLEMAKER: MAKER OF ASS CREME!!" "Trish: Tourney Under-Dog with X-Treme PUPPY POWER!!!" "The Steelers still suck" "Yes, finally these results are up!" "Bob Holly hit Debra, not Stone Cold" "I'M STILL KENNY ROGERS!!!" "JIM!" Oh, and:

"Children, I'd like you-uh to meet Mr. Slave-uh."

Kanyon: Welcome everyone to EAW Friday Night Riot Rulz! I'm Chris Kanyon with...well, Kelly Flair of the nWo.

Kelly: Yes, I'm glad to be here, Chris, and only here to provide a balance to your biased pro-EAW opinions.

Kanyon: Seemed Pamela was doing a fine enough job at that...

Kelly: Well, she was more pro-David Flair than pro-nWo, so just seeing to it.

Kanyon: Hmph...well, better watch yourself, because one of the guys in our next match just may tee-off on your head...

"Moonlight Sonata" begins to play, with an eerie echoing sound...

Kanyon: That's the former theme of Sasori Shirono...but in the case of this guy, I suppose it fits...

Kelly: I hate this guy. =P

Out from the back, we see the Black Scorpion step out, as the crowd begins to cheer.

Cappetta: The first match of this evening, will be a one fall singles match. Introducing first...height unknown, weight unknown, hometown--unknown: the BLACK SCORPION!!!

Kanyon: The identity of the Black Scorpion is also unknown, but if I were to guess I'd say he's somewhere from 6 foot to 6-foot-3, and likely in the low 200-pound range. However, that could be just about anyone here in EAW, and not even counting those OUTSIDE of EAW. However, the look of this wrestler is certainly inspired by a certain other vigilante who set out to destroy the nWo.

Kelly: Who failed.

Kanyon: ...well, right. Lots of things killed the nWo: dissention, jealousy, arthritis, weak tendons, booze--

Kelly: HEY!

Kanyon: Just telling the truth...and the Scorpion keeping that bat not too far away from his grasp...and we're not quite sure who his opponent will be tonight.

Kelly: You only need to wait a few more seconds, CK...gimmie a sec.

An unfamiliar theme music called "Yume Ha Mada Atsui" begins to play as the fans look to the entranceway--the Scorpion as well...--as Cappetta is just now being handed a note with the information to announce, from Kelly herself.

Capetta: And the opponent, from Kitakatsushika, Japan... standing 5'6" and weighing in at 132 pounds, a legend of women's wrestling in her home country, and the NEWEST member of the new World order--Akira Hokuto!!

Kanyon: WHO?!

Kelly: Don't be so ignorant, Chris! Coming down to the ring is a living legend!! A former AJW Junior Champion, 2-time All Pacific Champion, CMLL World Champion, WCW Women's Champion, and a former FOUR time WWWA World Tag Team Champion!! Her husband is the infamous Masahiro Chono--

Kanyon: --of nWo Japan, I do believe?

Kelly: Well, at least you know SOMETHING, yes...and getting into the ring, and going to show this mystery man a little bit of what the nWo is all about...

Kanyon: Akira Hokuto--removing that robe, and staring down her opponent from across the ring. I really do NOT know what to expect from this match fans, but it'll certainly be unique...

*ding, ding*

Kanyon: Inching towards each other here--Akira with a kick to the midsection--headlock--NO, backdrop by Scorpion. Akira back up, front facelock by the Scorpion, knees to the gut by Akira--breaking loose, whip into the ropes--caught and HURRACANRANA by Akira Hokuto!!

Kelly: See! Taking this wannabe to school here, and now pulling him up by the mask--snap suplex--beautifully done!! Grabbing the arm--ARM SCREW with her opponent still on the mat!! Stomping on the elbow now!!

Kanyon: The Black Scorpion getting up--shots in the midsection with the free hand--INTO A SMALL PACKAGE!!

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ONE!--Kickout!

Kelly: Lucky counter there, and she's back up--SPIN KICK puts him down on his ass!! Holding down the right arm now, and DRIVING the KNEE into that elbow joint!! Stomps to it now, and Mexican Surfboard coming up, as this skilled veteran of the squared circle from the Land of the Rising Sun takes the vigilante to school in a big way--

Kanyon: ROCKING BACKWARDS--Akira's shoulders on the mat!--

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ONE!

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TWO!--and she lets go. Picking up the Scorpion, and shoulder rams into the arm! Anoth--GRABBING HER BY THE HAIR--RISING KNEE into the face!!

Kelly: Hair pulling! Illegal! Illegal!

Kanyon: Eh--ANOTHER hard knee into the chops! Left jabs--and I think the Scorpion may be left-handed anyway--hm--Whips Akira into the ropes her!! And a FALLAWAY SLAM, Scott Hall-style! Akira up again--caught, and scooped overhead...uh oh...a running start...

Kelly: HOW DARE THAT INSOLENT--

Kanyon: AKIRA HOKUTO LAUNCHED OUT OF THE RING and nearly landing on the rampway!! The Scorpion beating his chest like some sort of Gothic Tarzan!!

Kelly: Tarzan Goto is WAY better than this moron. =P

Kanyon: Akira shaking out the cobwebs, and the Black Scorpion hitting the ropes--FLYING LEAP!! AND A PLANCHA puts Akira right back down!!

Kelly: This is so disrepectful to Akira, is THIS a wrestling match, Kanyon?

Kanyon: That's what the marquee says, but it also says EXTREME as well--and Akira deposited back into the ring, and back onto the apron--Akira getting back up--SPRINGBOARD DROPKICK into the back!! OOooh...that's gotta hurt, and the Black Scorpion off the ropes--clothesline ducked--Spinning kick to the back of the head! The Black Scorpion stagged--boosted up--and DROPPED throat first across the top rope!! And a Reeeeeverse Neckbreaker! Hook of the leg!!

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ONE!

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Tw--no, just before two!! Pulling him back up--Butterfly Suplex now--wrenching the LEFT arm now, and locking on a Triangle Hold--and the Scorpion trying to reach for the ropes...and just trying to lock that move on tighter in response--flipping over, and grabbing a hold of the legs!! YES!! Standing up now with Hokuto still locking on that hold--and LEAPING BACKWARDS dropping Hokuto hard on her back!!

Kelly: Yowch--I'll give him credit, that was an effective counter. Stupid and risky, but effective.

Kanyon: Rolling her onto her side, and what the--HARD KICK INTO THE BASE OF THE SPINE!! AGAIN!! And pulling up Akira--whip into the nearby turnbuckle, and a HIGH SPINNING ROUNDHOUSE!! It looks like he has a martial arts background as well...and the Scorpion heads for the ropes--LEAPING FACECRUSHER!! Off the ropes--and drops the LEG across the back of the neck!! Cover...

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ONE!

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TWO!

...Kickout! Pulls her back up, whip into the corner again--RUNNING SPLASH COMING--FOOT UP!! FOOT UP!! Leaps groin-first into the boot of Akira Hokuto!!

Kelly: Heeheehee--well, that's the way the strudel crumbles sometimes, Chris.

Kanyon: Akira quickly mounting the turnbuckle to take advantage, and a MOONSAULT onto the Scorpion!!

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ONE!

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TWO!

..Kickout! Akira up in a hurry, and drops down with a scissored armbar on the left arm--heel of the boot nailing him in the stomach--and rolling over, Fujiwara arm bar, and the Scorpion in more pain...TO THE ROPES for the break. She lets go--

Kelly: Dragging him away from the ropes, and pulls him back up--Swinging Neckbreaker!! Still holding on--Neckbreaker the other direction!! And holding onto the arm still--a Trifecta coming up!--NO! DDT!! And cover by Akira--

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ONE!

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TWO!!

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...NO! He gets the shoulder up.

Kanyon: Akira looking more confident now, and pulling up her opponent--whipped to the corner--and a BACKSPRING--into an ELBOW!! And here with a Face Crush--NO! Ducked! Scorpion shaking it off!! Crescent Kick!--Caught by Akira!--ENZUI GIRI!!!

Kelly: Er--excuse me--I need to get a closer look here--

Kanyon: Er--Kelly getting up from her seat, and the Scorpion picking up Akira--whipping her to the ropes--and hitting the near ones himself--JUMPING DDT drives her head-first into the mat!! Grabbing the ankles! And a Scorpion Death Lock!! The referee checking in for the submission--and Kelly sliding the Scorpion's back to her!! Grabbing the base of it--and WALLOPING the Scorpion in the back of the head!!

*ding, ding*

Kelly: *sitting back down* Ah--where were we.

Kanyon: ....

Kelly: What?

Kanyon: Akira escaping using the Scorpion's own bat, and beating him down with it now!! OOH! In the back of the head!! And now fellow nWo member Bret Hart running down to the ring!!

Kelly: YEEEEAH!! NOW give 'em what he deserves!! And rip that mask off!!

Kanyon: Akira attempting to do just that as BRET HART LOCKS HIM IN THE SHARPSHOOTER!! And--it looks like that mask is on pretty damn tight--eh? What's this?

Kelly: NOT HIM?! O_O

Kanyon: HULK HOGAN!! Steel chair in hand, and rushing the ring now!!--Hart and Hokuto leaving the ring now!! And Hogan helping him up--

Kelly: Hmph--to think that he was nWo once upon a time...

Kanyon: The Black Scorpion--shaking Hogan's hand!!

"Seek and Destroy" by Metallica cues up...

Capetta: The winner of this match, by disqualification...the Black Scorpion!!

Kanyon: The Scorpion taking his bat back as he exits the ring, and that was quite a match to get us started tonight on Riot Rulz!

Kelly: Hmph...hurry, go to commercial, we don't need that wrinkled old prune getting any more TV time.. =P

Kanyon: *Ahem* We'll be back after these messages, folks...

**Commercial Break**

Capetta: ...The challenger, nWo member "Stylin'" Erik O'Reily!!

The crowd heavily boos him as he comes out...

Kanyon: Welcome back to Riot Rulz!! This wise-ass rookie on his way to the ring, and frankly I don't think we'll be going ANYWHERE NEAR the 15 minute time limit.

Kelly: Right you are--he'll win the title in 5.

Kanyon: HELL NO!!

Kelly: Erik will finish Hokuto off post-haste, and become the first nWo Cruiserweight Champion!!

Kanyon: Hmph--well, you've got a lot of faith in him, I'll give you that...

"Apathy" by KMFDM cues up...

Kanyon: And the crowd practically begging for Hokuto to decimate this cocky S.O.B. who can't back up what he says.

Kelly: How do YOU know that--he improves at an amazing rate, I'll have you know.

Capetta: And his opponent, the reigning EAW Cruiserweight Champion...standing 5'4" and weighing in at 129 lbs...Hokuto Lyger!!

Kanyon: A lot on Hokuto's mind...battling that evil Seal of Blood that has plagued her so long, and worries about her brother Kairi, and Erik may be little more than a target to take out some stress on.

Kelly: Hmph--sounds like he'll be very unfocused, meaning I'm even more sure than Erik will win.

Kanyon: Yeah sure--and making a beeline for the ring here--

*ding, ding*

Kanyon: O'Reily with kicks on Hokuto as she gets into the ring, and he's trying to strike and get this over ASAP. Pulling her up--whip to the ropes--ARM DRAG TAKEDOWN!! Back up--scoop and a slam!! Set up for a Vertical Suplex--lands behind--KICK IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD!! Shoteis to the back--whip to the ropes, and a jumping wheel kick on O'Reily!!

Kelly: Hokuto taking control as O'Reily lulls her into a false sense of security...

Kanyon: Really shoveling it tonight, ain't ya? O'Reily back up to his feet, as Hokuto sets him up in the corner--unloading shoteis on this kid--backhand chops!! Backflip, and a Shougeki Ha!!

Kelly: Ooooh--this isn't a martial arts exhibition! It's a wrestling match!!

Kanyon: If Erik didn't come prepared, he shouldn't have come at all. Of course, I hear this kid has a tendency to come too quickly.

Kelly: That's a cheap shot, Chris. =P And--WAIT! Reversal!! Tossing Hokuto into the corner!! KNIFE EDGE CHOPS!! Flair style! Unloading on Hokuto!!

"WHOOOO!! WHOOOO!!! WHOOOOO!! WHOOO!!!"

Kanyon: Climbing up now, and now punching away at Hokuto!! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5!! Monkey Flip now! Hokuto landing on her feet!!

Kelly: Clothesline from Erik ducked--DROP TOE HOLD by the champion!! Hokuto rolling back up--Erik springing up, and--catching Hokuto--SIDE BELLY TO BELLY suplex!! Hokuto back up, and a Backbreaker by Erik!! Grabbing her and pulling her up by the hair! Set up for a Jacknife!! Aaaand--NO!! Countered into a scissored armbar!! Hokuto now applying a basic wristlock--back kick! Arm wringer, and HAMMERLOCK REVERSAL by O'Reily!

Kelly: Back on the offensive now, and a half nelson--FRONT LEG SWEEP?!

Kanyon: I don't even think he KNEW he was going to do it, but he did it!! Effective move there, and rushing to the turnbuckle--up, and OFF THE TOP ROPE with a Moonsault!!

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ONE!

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Tw..Kickout!

Kelly: I think that was a slow count...

Kanyon: Was not--O'Reilly back up, and sending her into the ropes--GORILLA PRESS!! Catches her and pressing her overhead!! FRONT POWERSLAM by the challenger here!! Hokuto getting up, and locking on the Buffalo Wing!! Not quite as strong as Glenda's, but may do the trick here--rolling her over to keep it applied on the ground--Hokuto sliding through the legs--grabs the ankles and trips him up! He gets up--right han--BLOCKED!! Left handed punch--ALSO BLOCKED!! Gripping the fists of Erik--HEADBUTTS BY HOKUTO!! Ramming him hard in the fact, and looking both arms, and a reverse Tiger Suplex by Hokuto!! Grabbing that weakened in--yanking him up by it--Arm Drag--back up--whip into the corner--clothesling the elbow joint!! Setting him up, and a SUPER ARMBAR TAKEDOWN by Hokuto!! Cover by Hokuto!!

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ONE!

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TWO!

Kickout!

Kelly: Can you believe it!! The heart of this challenger just will not quit! He wants that championship, and somehow managed to kick out!!

Kanyon: Hokuto looking a little annoyed, and pulling him back up--SET UP NOW!! CRUCIX..LYGERBOMB NOW!!

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ONE!

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TWO!!

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KICKOUT!!

Kelly: *Whew* I think Hokuto is going to tire out soon...

Kanyon: Eh...I don't think so--pulling him back up, and a wristlock now--climbing the top rope, praying--leaping off with a diving chop to the arm!! Unbelievable!! And a GERMAN SUPLEX on the dazed Erik!! Hokuto going back up top, and doesn't look good here--SHOOTING STAR--MISSED?!

Kelly: ERIK PLAYED POSSUM!! ERIK PLAYED POSSUM!! Brilliant, brilliant strategy!!

Kanyon: Well, I dunno about that, but it worked... O'Reily trying to pull himself up to his feet, and Hokuto slowly getting up--JUMPING NECKBREAKER TAKEDOWN by O'Reily!!

Kelly: Hahaha!! Now that surprised me too!! This kid is learning on the job, I tell ya!! Kanyon: Picking her up now, and dragging her towards the center of the ring!!

Erik sets her up in a reverse DDT position, saying "THIS IS FOR YOU, AKIKO!!" and--

Kanyon: Attempting the Osaka Sniper!! And--it seems that that weakened arm just isn't doing the trick... Hokuto escaping!!--NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!!!

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ONE!

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TWO!

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Thr--NO!! Somehow getting the shoulder up! Hokuto dragging him out to the outside--slams the arm down across the apron--Irish Whip now--reversed--HOKUTO HITS THE RINGPOST BACKFIRST!! Running in for the clothesline!! SHE BOOSTS HIM UP!!

Kelly: Ooooh--the arm gets posted!!

Kanyon: She rolls him back in now...Erik trying to get back up--whip to the ropes--leaping armbar takedown by Hokuto--INTO THE FUJIWARA ARM BAR!!

Kelly: Oh come on, LEGGO! He's only a kid!!

Kanyon: SCREAMING in pain as Hokuto cranks back on that arm bar...

*crr...*

Kelly: Did...you..hear something snap?

Kanyon: Erik is biting into his own lip, drawing blood, in between screams, HE WILL NOT GIVE UP!!!

Kelly: TELL ME THIS KID DOESN'T HAVE THE HEART OF A CHAMPION!!

Kanyon: I won't, but he also doesn't have use of his arm, either. I don't know if the ringpost did that or it just weakened it, but this may have been Erik's own fault...hell, it is either way, since he didn't submit. Hokuto picking him up now, again--whip into the corner...set up now--come on, Hokuto--END THIS NOW!!--CRUCIFIX LYGERBOMB from the top rope!!

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ONE!

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TWO!!

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THREE!! And Hokuto wins!! And get that kid to Aerith, unless he wants to wear a cast like that Orton kid was.

Capetta: The winner of this match, and STILL EAW Cruiserweight Champion, Hokuto Lyger!!

Kelly: I must say I am APPALLED at the lengths that Hokuto went through to retain her title!!

Kanyon: He had the chance to submit, he could have given up, or let himself be pinned, but refused to, the crazy little sonnuvabitch! Well, your winner is Hokuto Lyger, but that kid had more fight in him than I imagined he did...

Kelly: Maybe not this night, but some night soon, you'll be seeing nWo gold around his waist!

"Apathy" cues up...

Kanyon: I really hope not...but he's impressed me--HEY!! Glenda coming out from the back!! Meeting Hokuto on the ramp!! And we've got a brawl starting here between Hokuto and Erik's trainer Glenda of the nWo!! KNEE into the gut--set up, and THERE'S a Jack Knife Powerbomb, right on the ramp!! Glenda heading to the ring to help Erik out, and the nWo has struck again!!

Kelly: Hokuto getting up--and wait, she's not done!! ALRIGHT!! Here's the nWo showing this bully just what poor sportsmanship like hers will earn her.

Kanyon: What a load of--ANOTHER Jack Knife Powerbomb on the ramp, and Glenda and her wise-ass student Erik heading to the back...

**Commercial Break**

Akiko comes out as her "Half Pogo-Chan" identity to Disturbed's "Down with the Sickness," giving a wild-eyed smile of lunacy to the crowd. Bullwhip attacks her from behind before Capetta can even announce him, as the former gun-for-hire-turned-nWo-member slips in from the crowd and bashes her in the back of the head with a steel chair, branded with the nWo spraypainted logo. This put Bullwhip at an early advantage, crushing Akiko with various moves from his arsenal, most notably a Legacy Bomb early in the second minute, and an EXTREME CHAOS THROUGH A BURNING TABLE!!!! Akiko's toboggan, along with a frenzied rolling around on the mat kept her from getting too seriously burned, and it also jumpstarted the nastier side of her "Half Pogo" persona. She immediately went for a Divine Wind Kick and began pounding on Bullwhip while he was down, even going so far as to bite his nose and bloodying him up! Despite this, however, she was good about keeping her "feral" side at bay. She racked him up in the Tarantula, holding it for nearly 30 seconds before Kelly left her position at the play-by-play table to crack Akiko with the ringbell. This dimmed Akiko's lights a little, but then she gave Kelly a "No... you... DID NOT!" look, and began chasing Kelly around the outside of the ring. Bullwhip met her with a hard hitting clothesline as Kelly got safely back to her seat at the play-by-play table. Flinging her back into the ring, Bullwhip immediately starts pounding down the Psychotic Beatdown, but as he leap frogs Akiko to catch the spinebuster end portion of it, she holds the ropes and pulls herself back, slipping out of the ring to grab a chair.

N-N-N-NEW WORLD ORDER!

David Flair appeared at the entrance ramp, rushing toward the ring, but he made it no farther than a few feet in front of the JumboTron before he was swept off his feet by the first of Oseiko's traps! He's hanging upside down by his ankle on a rope... a sign dangling down next to him with a Chibi-Oseiko flashing a "V" for victory sign, reading. 'YOU LOSE!" Akiko smirks as David furiously tries to free his ankle from the rope, and then gives him the finger. Soon after, she swung her chair up at Bullwhip, who at this point had tried to reach down from the ring and grab her by the hair. She climbed back into the ring, and from there they resume trading blows back and forth.

Meanwhile, Kelly ran over to get David down... but then got snatched up by a net! A sign dropped down of Chibi-Oseiko sticking her tongue out, reading, "YOU LOSE!"

Bullwhip took advantage of Akiko guffawing at Kelly, to ram her with a Fisherman's Brainbuster, and a nearfall. By this point, Glenda Jacobs and Bret Hart are shown on the JumboTron rushing from the parking lot after an out of breath Erik informs them of the plight their leaders are in... But Bret immediately falls into a pit trap, his only companion a sign of Chibi-Oseiko laughing is sitting next to it saying... yep, "YOU LOSE!" Glenda BARELY avoids a bear trap as she goes to examine the pit, and soon after she jumps back with a yelp of alarm, Erik O'Reilly shrieks in agony...It seems this trap was made especially for him... a SLEDGEHAMMER of all things shot from a hidden air-pressurized cannon and hit him right in the groin! He doubled over in outright pain... a sign attached to the sledgehammer reads "FOR AKIKO-CHAN! YOU LOSE, ERIK-BAKA!!" with Chibi-Oseiko wagging her finger in a shame-shame manner. Enraged, Glenda alone rushes to the stage area, by which time David and Kelly have freed themselves from their traps... The three of them rush into the ring, and soon the tide turns against Akiko, as she is brutalized by a four-on-one assault... at which point....

*KRAAAAA-AAAASH!!!!!!*

Stone Cold Steve Austin sprints down to the ramp, brandishing a steel chair, and in rapid succession nails Bullwhip, David, and Glenda with shots to the head. Kelly eeps and quickly gets her ass out of the ring, rejoining Kanyon at her announce position. Akiko, behind Austin, bumps into him while he's in the "Stone Cold Rage," to which he spins around and CRACKS HER OVER THE HEAD WITH THE STEEL CHAIR AS WELL!!!!

Austin shakes his head, chuckling a little at this in disbelief, and rolls Akiko's unconscious form over Bullwhip. For good measure, he nudges David and Glenda out of the ring with his foot, and gestures for the referee to make the count.

Winner: Akiko

THOOOOOOM!!!

Eighteen appears at the ramp as Stone Cold leaves the ring, and she gives him a somewhat scolding stare as Akiko groggily comes to and looks at a chair spraypainted with "3:16." Akiko holds her head in pain, but laughs loudly as the ref holds up her hand in victory. Eighteen looks a little pissed, staring down Austin, but then she notices Oseiko in the rafters, and visibly calms down...

Oseiko bungees down from the rafters to check on Akiko as Eighteen and Austin leave, and Riot Rulz cuts to commercial...

NOW AVAILABLE AT EAW SHOPZONE!!! SUPPLIES LIMITED!!!! JUST IN TIME FOR EAW GODDESSES UNDRESSED!!!!!

* * *

Trish came out to the classic "Born to be Wild" by Steppenwolf, clad in Cactus Jack-style attire; Gary Michael Cappetta even called her Cactus Jill. Dressed in black hot-pants, a "Wanted: Dead" tee-shirt with Trish's face on the poster instead of Mick's, the sleeveless red flannel, and leopard print platform boots, Trish X looked every bit as eager to defeat the tourney favorite Kirk Angel.

From the get go Trish surprised Kirk by NOT relying on her usual high-flying tactics. She began the match by circling around, taking jabs as she saw the chance, and quickly vaulting back. Kirk Angel, who expected to face the high-flyer Trish, didn't expect Cactus Jill at all, and his game was thrown off a bit. Much like Mick Foley himself Trish employed various moves from Cactus Jack's arsenal, such as the pulling piledriver. At one moment though, Kirk Angel got the upper hand, countering a double-arm DDT and turning it into a modified belly-to-back suplex. Kirk, from there, began to wear down Trish's legs. But Trish managed to fight back, quickly hitting an X-Treme Stratusfear on the Olympic Hero! This gave Trish the opportunity to bust out the weapons, pulling out a few chairs, a table... and she even lit a chair on fire, bringing back Cactus Jack's trademarked fire chair! But like Mick Foley himself this tactic backfired on Trish as Kirk kicked Trish in the gut, causing her to drop the chair. Kirk was about to hit the Olympic Slam, but Trish managed to counter it, and delivered the Double Arm DDT INTO THE FLAMING CHAIR!!

Both competitors were burned by the desperation move... Trish's hair was even caught on fire, though quick thinking by referee Dave Hebner prevented further damage from both Trish and Kirk as he brought in a bucket of water on the outside to put the fire out. The fight continued as Trish set up the table into the corner, propping Kirk onto it. She then got another chair and charged at Kirk, using the end of the chair as a battering ram to send it and Kirk through the table! This was the first pin of the night, which Kirk somehow kicked out. Trish then brought out the thumbtacks... laying them out onto the canvas. Trish grabbed Kirk and was about to slam him back-first to the tack-ladened canvas, but Kirk countered... and executed a flapjack on Trish, causing her to land chest-first into the tacks!

To which Kelly shouted. "The puppies have been euthanisized! Silicone rupture alert!!"

Both competitors bruised and battered, Kirk managed to lock on the Ankle Lock. Trish refused to give in, though, managing to counter the submission move! As both got up, Trish suddenly locked in the Mandible Claw!! Kirk powered out of it, but drained of power Kirk grabbed the steel chair quickly and swung it at Trish. Trish ducked and grabbed Kirk, delivering the Double Arm DDT into the chair! But she was not done. Being true to herself Trish climbed the top rope and delivered the Stratus Bomb onto Kirk, getting the 1-2-3 and delivering the biggest upset of the tournament by defeating Kirk Angel!

Winner: "Cactus Jill" Trish X

After the win, she hammed it up for the crowd, doing the Cactus "Bang Bang!" gesture, and even helped Kirk, making sure he's okay as we went for a commercial break.

**Commercial Break**

"Intergalactic" by the Beastie Boys cues up and coming out of the entrance are Nova and Hurricane! They make their way down the ramp, popping for the crowd and posing off in the ring.

Capetta: The following match is for the Tag Team Championship. The Challengers, at a combined weight of 430 lbs, Nova and Hurricane... DEADLY SKIES!!

Kanyon: And now it's time for the Main event. And here we see two men we never thought we'd see cooperating, much less as a tag team... with a name no less.

Kelly: Well, it doesn't matter too much. But I think these two could take the belts. That is, if they can keep from beating each other.

Kanyon: Well, I think it seems they've reached an understanding, and good thing too.

"Live and Learn" cues up and now Sonnette and Derek come out. They're wearing the championship belts as they head down the ramp to a cheering crowd.

Capetta: And the Champions, at a combined weight of 257 lbs, Sonnette and Derek Walker!!

Kanyon: And here we have the champs. We know Sonnette is a great champ and we're about to see if Derek's still got that zing. Sonnette definitely getting a better partner than before. It's probably best that Glenda gave up her belt.

Kelly: Accually, Chris... Glenda didn't give it up. She mearly set it aside for a moment while she get better things in line. And soon, she'll pick it back up, with less dead weight attached to it. People misinterpret. She wasn't throwing being the champ in the garbage. That was a symbolic gesture that Sonnette and the EAW Title was Garbage... but soon... She'll be a bettter tag champion. Glenda will reclaim that peice of metal and leather and in her hands, it will undergo a transformation. The powers of the nWo that flow through her now shall make the belt into something more than the EAW Tag Title... it will become the nWo Tag Title. *She grins*

Kanyon: ...right...

*ding ding ding*

Nova and Sonnette begin in the rimg, circling each other. Sonnette makes the first move, dashing forward and sending Nova onto his back with a clothesline. She's quick to her feet and follows through with a Rolling Thunder. Nova's quick too, though, and rolls out of the way. They both kickup and Nova catches her with a kick to the side and then a spinning back kick. She's toppled and he gives her a Dropkick, sending her into the ropes. He grabs her arm and whips her to the opposite ropes, catching her on his knee when she returns.

She stumbles holding her gut long enough for Nova to grab her around her waist and toss her up for a German Suplex. But Sonnette lands right on her feet behind him! She grabs his waist and Suplexes him back and follows through into a Mexican Bridge.

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Nova kicks out. When he gets to his knees, Sonnette rushes forward with a front dropkick to his face. She then rolls him onto his back and grabs his left arm and then his right leg, wrenching them back in a "Pleasant Cycling" submission. He fights the pain and manages to wiggle free enough where she has to let go. He sweeps her down with him and rolls to his feet. She rolls up as well. He kicks her in the gut and whips her to the corner. He runs close after and leapfrops over her, kicking her in th ehead as he gets on the top rope. She lands on her back and he goes flying with a Frog Splash and a pin.

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Sonnette kicks out and rolls him off. As they get back up, she punches him a few times and hops on his shoulders. She flips him around in a fast Hurricanranna and lands on top of him in a pin. But Nova has his foot on the rope and the Ref makes the call.

Once up, Nova whips Sonnette, but she reverses it into a clothesline. While he's down, she stomps at him until he grabs her foot and brings her down, getting up himself and wrenching her foot in a leg lock. She flips onto her back and shoves him away with her other foot. As she's getting up, he slips behind her and grabs her waist. She elbows him in the back and spins behind him. She hefts him up in a Suplex, but he reverses it in mid air and lands behind her once again and grabs her for a Reverse DDT. She gets up to her feet and he bounces off the ropes and comes at her running, jumping with a spinning wheel kick. She ducks this and grabs him when he gets back up, whipping him into her teams corner. Derek grabs one of his arms in the Limb Swallow!!

The ref rushes over to have Derek break the hold. Hurricane then hops in and grabs Sonnette from behind... EYE OF THE HURRICANE! Sonnette goes down and Hurricane jumps back out just as the ref turns back around. The new free Nova hops on Sonnette for the pin.

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Thr---

Sonnette shoots a shoulder up! She lunges for her corner and tags in Derek. Sonnette then grabs Nova and she and Derek give him a double Suplex. Derek picks him up in a fireman's carry and somersauts forward, taking him to the mat with her on top. They both get to their feet, Nova a bit groggy now. Derek kicks him in the gut and whips him to the ropes... Nova Reverses! He kicks Derek int he gut and... KRYPTONITE KRUNCH!!

Kanyon: Nova now tagging in Hurricane! He knows that Derek's too fresh to stay down for a pin, and he's been in there the whole match.

Both Hurricane and Nova stomp on Derek. Nova then pulls Derek up and drops onto all fours! Hurricane comes running and uses Nova's back as a stepup for a Shining Wizard!

Kanyon: Nova and Hurricane showing great teamwork! Who knows, the two of them might just work out.

The ref is now making Nova leave the ring. Meanwhile, Derek and Hurricane tie up, but Derek gets the upper hand with a kick to Hurricane's abdomen. Shi whips him to the ropes and drops down in a spilt, hir body to the mat. Hurricane bounces back, running over hir. Shi then rolls onto hir back and when he bounces off the ropes again, shi has hir legs up and monkey flips him across the ring. Shi kickups and rushes to him. He's rolled to his feet and grabs hir in an armdrag. Shi rolls with it easilly and gets back to her feet. He's quick to deliver a kick to the gut and sets her up for the Hurribreaker!!!

Kelly: This is it!

Kanyon: What the?!

Hurricane has Derek upside down, ready for the drop onto hir head when shi slips free, dropping to the mat, slipping between his legs, hops up in front of him... and locks on THE ENDLESS HUNGER! Hurricane is flailing about with his head in her mouth, trying his best to fight free!

Kelly: Eek! What?!

Nexus has suddenly appeared at ringside. He yanked at Sonnette's foot. Surprisingly, he didn't do much. All it did was make Sonnette turn and glare down at him. The ref, too, walks to the ropes and starts ordering Nexus to leave...

That's when Grind appears on the other side of the ring! He grabs Nova by the back of his shirt and yanks him backwards, causing the hero to land with the back of his neck against the edge of the barrior. Grind steps over the top rope and grabs both Hurricane and Derek! Hurricane is still in the Endless Hunger and Grind has them both in his massive arms, swinging and shaking them in that tremendous bearhug of his.

Nexus finally backs away from the ref and puts his hands up. Grind sees and drops the two, beating a retreat. Nova is still out. The ref and Sonnette tuns to see Hurricane on his back, his head having popped out of Derek's mouth. Derek is slumped over Hurricane. The Ref sees it as a pin and starts the count!

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Three!!!!

Winner and Still EAW Tag Team Champion: Sonnette and Derek!

Kanyon: DAMN! And the Asylum strikes again! Hurricane didnt' even get any ringtime really!

Kelly: Well it's obvious. they were waiting on him. They hate Nova, but it's Hurricane they want to destroy.

Kanyon: Sonnette isn't sure what happened. All she knows is that she and Derek are still the champs.

Kelly: *smirk* For now. Anyway, She's helping Derek out of the ring. Nova doing the same for Hurricane. And both teams are seeing Nexus and Grind up on the ramp. Look at that smile on Nexus' face.

Kanyon: I think they got their point out for tonight...