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Your hosts are PWF's Toad Ross and EAW's Lilith Aensland
A video package highlighting the fueds we'll be seeing on this huge PPV event is shown, before we go live to the Arrowhead Pond, as a salvo of fireworks go off...
Signs in the crowd tonight...
"BIGGIE-HEADED MAN!!" "Your dimension or mine?" "RATTLER 3:16!" "RYAN SUCKS!!" "BLINK 4:20!" "DRUNK 24:7!" "Ryan fears Gokuo!" and "BIG SHOW FEARS MENCHI!!"
The anti-Ryan signs are held up by a few members of a large group of overall-and-tie-dye-wearing individuals taking up a portion of the first five rows.
We cue over to the announcers' desk, where Toad Ross and Lilith Aensland are seated.
TR: Welcome everyone to the sold out Arrowhead Pond, here in Anaheim, California!! I'm Toad Ross, along with Lilith Aensland, and we're about to see this incredible pay-per-view event, EAW/PWF Unholy Wars: Onslaught--Live! Thank you for joining us, and we've got one helluva card lined up for this special event!!
"Highway to Hell" by AC/DC cues up...
"The first match of the evening will begin momentarily, and it is for the PWF Light Heavyweight Title. Introducing first, fromt the outskirts of Hardley ville, USA, accompanied by Hervina and Twiggy...he stands 5'4" and weighs in at 154 lbs--'Hard Ass' Stick Hardley!!"
Stick is cheered as he makes his way out, and waves to the fans. He gets an especially large reaction from the tie-dyed section.
Lilith: Um...Toad, uh, just wondering..what's up with those guys and gals over there dressed like that?
TR: I don't recogize many of them, but I'm assuming those are more members of the EXTREMELY LARGE Hardley clan. By and large, Ryan Hardley is among of the 'black sheep' of the family.
Lilith: Man-oh-man 'Big Papa' gets around. Yeesh...he must be wanted for more paternity suits than the entire NBA and NFL combined!!
TR: Well, it seems like the Hardleys could form their own country with just their family, but they're generally friendly, likable guys...but you gotta feel that things are a bit unfair for Capoeria...wait...what am I talking about? He DESERVED this for trying to cause trouble between the EAW and PWF in the first place!! But it's rather fitting that he starts out this PPV defending his title...
After a peck on the check from Hervina and Twiggy, Stick gets in the ring.
"Tres Delinquentes" by Delinquent Habits cues up...
"His opponent...and the defending PWF Light Heavyweight Champion...he stands 5'8 and weights in at 157 lbs...and hails form Cancun, Mexico--Capoeira!!
Lilith: MAMACIIIIIIIIIIiiTA!!! So this is the one who wants to knock boots with Iceberg?
TR: Well, in not so crude terms, yes.
Lilith: Okay, how about he wants to "Spear" Iceberg?
TR: I still wouldn't say that...but Cap has quite a task here, to defend his PWF Light Heavyweight Title, and then...well, not really defend, but fight for the EAW Cruiserweight Title that he stole...Cap hitting the ring, now, and this match is set to kick off!!
*ding, ding*
The match begins with, surprisingly, a brawl between Cap and Stick, with Cap taking control, sending Stick to the ropes--then armdragging him over. Stick kippups, and clotheslines Cap. Cap gets up slowly, then trips up a charging Stick with a drop toe hold. Elbow drop follow up, then a spring off the near ropes with a moonsault onto Stick!!
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One!
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Kickout!
Stick shoves off Cap, then pulls himself up with the second rope. Cap goes for a bulldog, but Stick blocks it by holding onto the rope. Cap gets up, and is caught with a boot to the midsection, then is fired into the corner. Cap springs off the ropes, landing behind the charging Stick, then goes for a waistlock. He attempts a German Suplex, but Stick flips behind him and shoves him into the corner chest first. He sets up Cap onto the top rope backward--hits a modified Crucifix Powerbomb!! Then a backslide!!
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One!
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Kickout by Cap!
Cap gets up to his feet, then rolls backwards, flipping up. Stick charges and Cap meets him with a double clothesline!! The two slowly get up, and Stick starts hammering away with right hands, then throwing in some lefts. Stick scoops up Cap, then hits a backbreaker on him. Stick stomps away on Cap, then hits the ropes--dropping a quick leg drop, then going for a pin...
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One!
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Tw--Kickout again by Cap!
Stick pulls up Cap by his mask, then throws him to the ropes--Cap ducks on a criss-cross, then hits the opposite ropes, and on the returns spins his way onto the back of Stick, taking him down with a Crucifix!
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One!
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TWO!
Kickout!
Cap gets up, then drags Stick to the center of the ring...legdrop to the inner thigh! Stick gets up--hit with a dropkick by Cap! Stick gets up...Cap hits a Russian Leg Sweep..then climbs to the top rope....Spike gets up, dazed, and it hit with a missile dropkick by Cap! Cap pins Sticks legs back...
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One!
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TWO!
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Kickout again!
Cap, frustrated, sends Stick to the corner....he charges in...SPLASH on target...he goes for a Monkey Flip--Spike lands on his feet!! He spins around--kick, DDT on Cap! Cover made!
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One!
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TWO!--Kickout by Cap!
Cap gets up to his feet, and whips Spike to the ropes--ducking down--but Stick stops and hits a jumping senton onto his back! He pulls up Cap...sets him up for a powerbomb! Cap reverses into Hurracanrana--Stick rolls through and pins Cap!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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KICKOUT!
Cap gets up, and pulls himself up with the ropes, looking shocked at that reversal. Stick gets up, and Cap hits him with a flying cross body!--
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One!
Stick rolls over on top of him!
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One!
Cap kicks out, then gets up and charges Stick--and is back body dropped to the outside!
Cap rolls to the mat on the outside, but gets up quickly...Stick springs over the top with a piscato, taking out Cap!!
The referee begins a count on both men as Stick hammers away on Cap, then tosses him to the steel stairs with a loud crash!
Cap pulls himself off of the stairs, and Stick charges at him, springing onto the stairs, and towards Cap--CAP shoves Twiggy in front of him--STICK TAKES OUT TWIGGY WITH A CLOTHESLINE, inadvertantly. Stick goes to check on Twiggy, and Cap kicks him into the back of the head...but HERVINA clubs Cap in the back of the head!! She helps Stick into the ring, and helps Twiggy up...Cap charges at Hervina from behind--CAUGHT WITH A BASEBALL SLIDE from Stick!! Stick was dazed from Cap's kick to his head, but rolls out and throws Cap back in...makes the cover!
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One!
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TWO!
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Kickout!
Stick stands over Cap and fires away with more right hands, then slams Cap's head into the mat. He pulls up Cap--and is caught with a jawbreaker! Cap then whips Stick towards the corner--Stick reverses--Cap hits the corner. Stick charges in--Cap yanks himself up and Stick hits the ringpost with his shoulder! Cap springs over and sunset flips Stick!
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One!
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TWO!
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THRE--NO!! Foot on the ropes!!
Cap pounds the mat in frustration, but pulls Stick just a little farther away from the ropes, then goes up top, waving his finger in the air.
Cap goes for a Shooting Star Press, and--STICK SLIDES OUT OF THE WAY?! ACROSS TO THE ROPES!
TR: Did..you JUST SEE what I SAW?!?!
Lilith: Yeah...but I can hardly believe it. Did someone grease the ring or something? It looked like Stick was OUT!
TR: Stick shaking the cobwebs out, and Cap getting up clutching his stomach--low blow from Stick--just out of the referee's view--he hooks Cap!! THE ULTIMATE HIGH on Capoeira!! He hooks the leg!!
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ONE!
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TWO!!!
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THREE!!!
*ding, ding!*
"Highway to Hell" plays again..
TR: NEW CHAMPION!! NEW CHAMPION!!
Lilith: I still gotta know how he slid out of the way like that..who lubed the ring?
"The winner of this match, and NEEEEEEEW PWF Light Heavyweight Champion--Capoeira!!"
TR: Stick Hardley is the new PWF Light Heavy Champ, and Twiggy and Hervina are carrying Stick out of the ring on their shoulders!! Well...mostly Hervina is, but still...
Lilith: Do we have a reply of that..?
TR: Yes we do...
Footage is shown of Capoeira going for that Shooting Star Press, and an otherwise unmoving Stick Hardley's body slides towards the ropes, just barely avoiding the move.
TR: Well, little doubt that if Stick had been hit with that move, he probably wouldn't have kicked out...but now Capoeira has to "defend" that EAW title...
We cut to a shot of the stage where Stick and the title are being carried off--Stick bumps his head slightly on the bottom edge of the EAW-tron, before ducking under it and heading backstage.
Cap gets up to his feet, and rubs his head...
"HT," the theme from Trigun, plays...
"Our second match of the evening will now take place...Capoeira...already in the ring...coming down the aisle...and representing the EAW and the Red Tooth and Claw...hailing from Los Angeles, California...she stands 5'6", and weighs in at 132 lbs...Colley-chan Dogstar!!
Lilith: This just ISN'T Capoeira's day, is it? I mean...sure Colley-chan's a babe and I'd love a chance to roll around with her in a ring, but she's rather peeved at Cap...
TR: Well, this is kind of a punishment for Capoeira...and I don't know if he's in any condition to wrestle right after that match with Stick Hardley...
Colley-chan rushes down to the ring, and rushing into the ring, as the bell rings...
*ding, ding*
TR: Colley-chan takes down Capoeira!!! Right hands!! Right hands!! Getting up to her feet now...fires Capoeira into the corner...Cap staggering out of the corner...and belly to belly coming--Cap counters with a headbutt!! Cap with a series of kicks on Colley-chan--sends her to the roeps....SPINNING HEEL KICK!!! Cover on Colley-chan!
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W--kickout!! Colley-chan getting up to her feet...and I would think that Capoeira should be cautious of attemping any sort of Hurracanrana....as it could be reversed into that Third Impact. Colley-chan getting up...catches the leg of Cap--ENZUI GIRI on target. Cap grabs the leg of Colley-chan..twisting it...dropping down to the mat! Cap pulling her up...armdrag takeover...Colley-chan up again...another armdrag!! Colley-chan springing up--armdrag blocked--SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINE!! Cap pulling her up now...sent to the corner...laying in a kick to the midsection--and he's going to go for the Liftado right here!! Going for--NO!! Colley-chan shoves him off...Cap up--CLOTHESLINE turns him inside out!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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Kickout!
Lilith: Man, oh, man...Colley-chan is fighting like Colley...if you came between him and a mate. ^_^
TR: Setting him up now...this could be it for Capoeira's EAW Cruiser Title "reign." Powerbomb set u--REVERSED INTO A DDT!!--NO, Colley blocks...POWERBOMB!!...ANOTHER POWERBOMB....And the THIRD IMPACT!! Pinning combination!!
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One!
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TWO!
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THREE!!
*ding, ding*
Lilith: As Cap might say..."Ay, carumba!"
"HT" cues up again...
TR: The EAW's Colley-chan Dogstar beats a weakened Capoeira to take back the EAW Cruiserweight Title...but to Capoeira's credit, he fought with all his heart to try to hang on to that title...
**We take a short break to announce the big EAW Sunday Night Showdown that will take place one week from tonight...**
"Oh Canada" cues up the announcer announces that his next match will take place between teh PWF's Vance Storm and the EAW's Lance Storm.
Vance Storm is the first to hit the ring, coming out to boos...
"Oh, Canada" continues to play without even re-cueing, as LANCE Storm comes out next, getting cheered in one of the few times in his whole EAW career. As he comes it, he rams the top of the Canadian flag's flagpole into Vance's stomach, then down across his back. He sets it on the outside as the referee signals for the bell...
Lance starts off with a burst of offense, a combination of snap suplexes, then tosses Vance to the ropes--dropkicking him in the knees as he returns. He goes for the leg grapevine, but Vance reaches the ropes to escape. Vance springs up to his feet, and catches a kick by Lance and reverses it to a dragon screw, then a standing anklelock. Lance pulls his legs close to him and kicks off Vance, who hits the ropes, and bounces back towards him--Lance ducks...Vance hops over...Lance for the dropkick--Vance catches himself on the ropes, and Lance misses. Vance grabs the legs of Lance, hooks on a modified Texas cloverleaf, and goes to wrench back on it, and Lance struggles to rotate around and get to the ropes for the break. Vance drops it, then drags Lance into the ring and stomps on the back of the knee, then pulls him up, and sends him into the corner. Vance goes for a sliding dropkick, but Lance quickly springs over, and catches Vance as he turns around with a roundhouse kick, then stomps him hard into the corner, and sends him to the diagonal corner--HARD--chest first.
Lance tries to pin Vance on a roll up, gets a long two. Vance gets up, and is caught with a clothesline by Lance, who yanks up Vance by his leg, nails another clothesline, and hits a rolling leg snap, then covers for a narrow two.
Vance is pulled up to his feet--and blocks a suplex and counters into an atomic drop, then locks on an armbar, and hits a hook kick, then slaps on a cross armbreaker.
Lance refuses to give, and Vance releases the hold, going up top and hitting a guillotine legdrop, covering for a two count.
Vance pulls up Lance, and goes for a shoulderbreaker--Lance counters with a reverse DDT!! He then pulls up Vance by the head...snapmares him over, then pulls him up and hits Nova's Spin Doctor, and goes for a chinlock....Vance keeps in it, getting up to his feet and hitting a pair of elbows to escape the predicament, then using the ropes to build up momentum to hit a spinning heel kick to Lance, then lock on a toe hold half crab!!
Lance fights it as best he can, but looks ready to give...
Suddenly...Vance lets go...and stands up as and stands back while Lance gets up...Vance goes for the superkick--
Lance blinks and appears BEHIND Vance!!! Lance quickly hits a Dragon Suplex, with a bridge...
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2
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Kickout!
Vance narrowly escapes that one, and gets back up and Lance waits for Vance to get up--this time connects with another dropkick to the legs--goes for a figure four--reversed into a small package!!
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1
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2!
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Kickout!
Vance kippups, and as Lance gets up, he ducks a clothesline from him, goes into an armwringer--a hammerlock slam!! And a surfboard stretch by Vance!! Lance nearly pins him as he rocks back, and Vance breaks the hold...the two kippup...Vance hits a side backbreaker on Lance, but Lance fights his way through the pain, and catches Vance with a DEEP IMPACT!!! He drags Vance to the center of the ring...locks on a perfect SHARPSHOOTER--and Vance fights towards the ropes...but Lance pulls him back towards the center--VANCE TAPS!!
*ding, ding, ding!!*
Winner by Submission >>> Lance Storm
**Quick Break to Shill EAW Merchandise**
"Gonna Fly Now" By Maynard Ferguson cues up...
"The following match up...under Triple Threat No Disqualification rules, is for the EAW People's Championship. The first man to score a pinfall, wins the EAW People's Title. Introducing first, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania....standing 6'2" and weighing 220 lbs...he is a double EAW-PWF contractee...Kirk Angel!!!
TR: Kirk Angel of the few wrestlers with a contract in both EAW and PWF...something legally possible when dealing with alternate dimensions. And in fact, this means this match will have no exclusive PWF wrestlers IN IT...but Kirk Angel in the challenger's role for the title he won unfairly against Michael Connelly.
Lilith: No kidding...Mikey's been rather unhappy about it...and when Mikey's unhappy, Oseiko's unhappy...and when they're unhappy, what's a voyeuristic succubus to do?
TR: Don't tell me you...?
Lilith: Er...maybe, maybe not. My lips are sealed, Snoop Toady-Toad...
TR: Kirk Angel certainly not suffering from lack of confidence...
Kirk moves his hands around his waist as if to rub the title belt he thinks he'll be winning soon...
"There's a Fire in the House" by Steve Vai cues up, and thus begins Code Red's impressive entrance...
"And, the other challenger, from Mars, Pennsylvania....standing 6'2", and weighing in at 235 lbs...'Code Red' Michael Connelly!!!"
Michael comes out, appealing to the crowd, and rushing down to the ring, mounting one turnbuckle and hitting a Mutasault off it, landing on both feet.
Lilith: WHOOO-WHOOO!! Go Mikey, go!
Lastly, "Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit cues up...
"And their opponent...from Venice Beach, California...he stands 6'0" and weights in at 235 lbs..he is the reigning, and defending...EAW People's Champion, a member of Da Pac, and one half of Chainsaw--CHAYNZ!!!"
TR: The champion, and a real wild card in this match up, emerging to challenge Kirk Angel after Kirk stole the title from Connelly, and winning it in a brutal match up...
Lilith: I think you gotta know where my loyalties lie...but I'm a big Chaynz fan too...
*ding, ding, ding*
'Code Red' and Chanyz quickly starts the double team on the first ever PWF AND EAW wrestler, Kirk Angel, as they whip him to the ropes, and gives him a double armdrag. Chaynz whips Kirk to the turnbuckle, and then whips Michael into Kirk who delivers a shoulderthrust into Kirk. Kirk stumbles out and falls into a snap suplex. But, Michael holds on.. and hits another snap suplex.. and one more making a total of three rolling snap suplexes! While Michael was laying into Kirk, Chaynz rolled out and grabbed a steel chair. Chaynz rolled back in, and just as he was about to hit Kirk with the chair, Kirk ducks and Connelly gets planted with the chairshot instead. Kirk quickly gets up, and hits a kick-DDT combo on Chaynz. Angel picks up the downed chair, and when Chaynz gets up he starts to wallop Chaynz's ankle with the chair! Code Red gets up and from behind locks in a Full Nelson on Kirk! Chaynz takes the chance to then dropkick Kirk square in the ches! t. A split second after Chaynz does that Michael hits a Full Nelson Suplex with a bridge!
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One!
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Tw-
Chaynz hits a low dropkick to the leg of Michael, making him break up the pinning combonation. 'Code Red' gets up to the face of Chaynz and the two members of the EAW and EAW-only start to brawl. Michael starts to throw right after right into the jaw of Chaynz until Kirk low-blows him from behind, and then proceeds to a small roll-up pin!
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One!
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Kickout from the former EAW People's Champion! Chaynz and Kirk begin to go at it, until Chaynz misses a right hook, spinning him around, and Kirk then hits a atomic drop. Kirk clotheslines Chaynz over the top rope, but Kirk goes flying also. Chaynz legsweeps Kirk, causing the Olympic Champion to fall face forward into the steel steps. While Kirk's face is on the steps, Chaynz delievers a legdrop on the back of Kirk's neck! But, Chaynz doesn't stop with one, he proceeds to do it again and again. Chaynz lifts Kirk up, and tries to hit a belly-to-belly suplex, but Kirk stops that with a knee to the gut, and hits an incredible belly-to-back suplex that sends Chaynz crashing head/neck first into the barricade. In the ring, Michael jumps onto the ringropes, and hits a springboard clothesline to the outside on Kirk! Dropkick to Kirk from Michael! Figure Four into a pin from Code Red!
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One!
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Two!
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Kickout from the EAW and PWF employee! Kirk gets to his feet, drop toe holds Michael into the steps! Kirk picks up Chaynz and rolls him into the ring. Kirk hooks Chaynz up... and hit the Olympic Slam!! Kirk doesn't go for the pin, but instead goes to the top.. Michael goes to the opposite corner and climbs the top rope backwards not seeing Kirk.. and they both hit a DOUBLE Moonsault on Chaynz at the same time!! Both of them, didn't know it was coming, as they didn't see each other.. and they both land on top of Chaynz for the pin!
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One!
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Two!
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Thr--NO, the champ kicked out of both of them! Chaynz gets up, and then snapmares Kirk over. Kirk kippups up, but as soon as he does he gets DOUBLED SPEARED!! Michael goes for the pin--Chaynz picks Michael up.. and a CRIMSON WAVE!! Chaynz picks up Kirk also.. and a CRIMSON WAVE FOR KIRK!! Chaynz picks Kirk up again.. ANOTHER Crimson Wave!
From the stage, Lance Storm comes out (from his match he's already wrestled in) and sits on the stage on a chair, looking on the action, and looking back every now and then. Kirk looks to go for another Crimson Wave, as the PWF wrestler known as "The One" Bart Cannon is about to come down, but Lance gets up from his chair and folds it, holding Bart Cannon off.
Michael still feeling the effects of the Crimson Wave, is holding on the apron ropes. Chaynz heads for the apron ropes perhaps for a springboard move, but Michael hooks him from the apron while Chaynz is on the inside, and leaps.. hitting a SPRINGBOARD CRIMSON TIDE!! Michael pins Chaynz hooking the leg!
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One!
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Two!
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Three!
Lance nods approvingly, while fending off Bart to the back, as Michael is handed the People's Title.
Winner by pinfall, NEW EAW People's Champion >>> "Code Red" Michael Anthony Connelly
"Ladies and Gentlemen," T.R. begins as ring technicians replace the ring ropes with barbed wire and add landmines and beds of nails in various locations of the ring. "coming up next is a match that won't be for the weak at heart..."
"Yep! EAW's Prez Lord Gokuo goes head to head with one of your company's owners, Ryan Hardley, in the confines of the Newly Made Hell's Chamber! And personally, I'm rooting for L.G!"
"Well, I believe many people are for this match. Ryan isn't a popular individual. And his twisted mind has devised this match...and it'll be brutal."
As soon as he's done saying this, the lights dim...and the cage for this match, the Hell's Chamber itself, lowers down on the ring. A hushed awe fills the arena as they watch this demonic structure lower onto the ring, and then in a flash is set ablaze. Lilith is the first to say something, and it's very simple.
"Ryan Hardley is a sick, sick man."
And on that comment, "Man in the Box" by Alice in Chains starts playing, and Ryan Hardley comes walking down the ramp, in Raven like attire. Toad Ross looks slightly disgusted.
"Ryan Hardley is unfortunately one of the two people I have to call boss. Such a bastard."
Lilith looks surprised at this as Ryan soaks up in the atmosphere of his demonic creation. It doesn't last too long, however, as the music fades into "Praise the Lords" by Lords of Acid cues up, with an eruption of cheers to the guy who comes out to it.
"LISTEN TO THE OVATION FOR EAW PRESIDENT LORD GOKUO!" T.R. says in his mark-out mode.
"WHAT?"
"Don't start Lilith. L.G. in the ring now…and this match is underway as the cage goes on fire!"
**Short promo break...**
"Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)" cues up as Alan Irving make his way to the ring as the crowd boos. Lilith: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! SCREWWWWWW YOOOOOOOOOOOOU, IRVING!
TR: Not an Irving fan, Lilith?
Lilith: Why would I? This creep has to attack a woman from behind, let alone after her match.
TR: Obviously Lilith is refering to a couple of weeks ago, Irving took a cheap shot at Jenna with the Intergender belt, right after she picked up the victory against the PWF's very own Crush Nakato.
Lilith: It was a good match, but Irving, being the party pooper that he is, had to spoil things. But then, justice prevailed. Ninja X jumped Irving and hit him with the Mach X!
TR: And then, after hearing what he said earlier, it seems that X has more instored for Irving tonight.
"The Following Contest is scheduled for one fall, and a 30 minute time limit. Making his way to the ring, from The Clubs, weighing at 237 lbs. Representing the PWF, ALAN IRVING!!!"
TR: It took long hard training from Spazz and Iceberg to get him prepared for tonight. Now we'll see if he can get the job done.
"Gonna Make You Sweat" fades out as "Burn to Burn" by Static X cues up. Ninja X, along with Jenna, makes his way to the ring in a mixture of cheers and whistles.
"And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by EAW Women's Champion Jenna. From Los Angeles, California. Weighing in at an even 200 pound...Representing the EAW, NINJA X!!!"
TR: Ninja X is ready to go one on one with Irving, and Damn he looks pissed. Lilith: Who wouldn't? How could anyone resist Jenna's big squeezable puppies. They're so soft and warm and...
TR: TMI, Lilith. TM-By-Gawd-I.
Lilith: X has a mic. I wonder what he's gonna say?
Ninja X: You know...tonight, I have myself a diliema. On one hand, I could defend Jenny's honor by beating the living hell out of that fruit cake in the ring.
Lilith: YES! YES! MAKE HIM PAY, X! MAKE HIM PAY!
Ninja X: But on the other hand, not too many people are gonna see it because they've probably either busted their TV, or at least change the channel. In fact Irving, you are one pathetic human being. As soon as your *Bleep!*-ty music hits, "EVERYBODY *Bleep!* NOW!" The people take one good look at you, and says "Well I gotta take a leak, this guy sucks!" And the people at home sees you and says "I've paid 30 bucks to see this? Give me my money back!" The crowd laughs as Ninja X steps inside of the ring. Alan Irving immediately goes after him, thus starting the match.
*ding,ding*
The match starts off with both men trading blows, with Irving on the recieving end. Ninja X picks him up in a floatover suplex. Then he picks him up and gives him a snap suplex...and another...and another.
X now grabs Irving and proceeds to ram his face into the cage several times. At this point, Irving begins to bleed from his forehead. X then picks up Irving, but is met with a low blow.
Having the advantage, Irving then proceeds to hammer away on X. The training from Spazz now starts to kick in as Irving grabs a steel chair and proceeds to give X multiple shots to the head.
Irving then places a steel chair on top of X's head as he then proceeds to go on the top rope, and then executing a legdrop. Irving now grabs the steel chair and places X's ankle inside. Irving, in shades of Steve Austin, now goes to the top rope once again and does a foot stomp to X's ankle.
Irving goes for the pin...
ONE!
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TWO!
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Nearfall!
Both frustrated and concerned, Irving picks up X and goes for an Irish Whip. X returns, but evades a powerslam attempt. X proceeds to dish out right hands to Irving. Then follows up with a powerslam. X hits a backflip splash on Irving, only to get a 2 count.
The tables have turned as X picks up Irving and tosses him outside of the ring. X bounces off the ropes as he now does a handspring double flip corkscrew plancha on top of Irving. Both men now slowly recovering as X is the first to his feet. Irving now goes for some hard chop, which unfortunately for him, X no-sells.
X Irish Whips Irving to the ropes, and on the return, he gives him a flowing hiptoss for a nearfall. X now takes Irving out near the steel steps as he then gives him a piledriver on top the steps.
X grabs out a table which he then places Irving on top. X now climbs up on the cage as he then does an Asai Moonsault, but Irving moves out just in the nick of time.
Now it is X's turn to suffer as Irving brings out a bag of thumbtacks which he pours all over the ring. Irving now rolls X back inside as he then hits the Alan Irving Drop on the thumbtacks. Irving then picks him up again, and proceeds to hit another A.I.D. onto the thumbtacks. Irving now goes for the pin, only to be 0.99999999999 seconds away from a three count.
Irving now picks up X, but then X counters into an anklelock, which then Irving kicks him away. Irving then goes for an elbow drop, but X moves out of the way. X then rolls up to his feet and measures Irving. He then sprints and hits Irving with a vicious Flying Karate Kick. X then pins Irving to be 1/10 of a nearosecond away from a three count.
X picks up Irving, but only to be met with another low blow. Irving now sets X up for good measure as he now hits him with a vicious superkick. Irving now grabs a sledgehammer and measures X as he recovers. X turns around as Irving viciously hits him with the sledgehammer. Irving then proceeds to repeatedly hit X with the sledge hammer in the midsection over and over. Then Irving slides out of the ring and proceeds to taunt Jenna on the opposite side of the cage wall.
Then surprisingly, X sits back up al-la Undertaker/Kane and runs to the turnbuckle, and hits a surprised Irving with the Mach X. Much to Jenna's delight.
X rolls Irving back into the ring as he then sets Irving on the top rope. X then gets behind him and lock on a Dragon Sleeper as he hooks his legs as if he was going for a Mexican Surfboard. Irving tires to fight out of it, but to no avail, he submits, giving X the victory.
After the match, X sets up a table on the outside of the ring. He slides back and puts Irving on the top turnbuckle again, as he then gives him the X-Plosion from the top rope through the table. X and Jenna then leaves arm and arm as "Burn to Burn" cues up!
**Short Promo Detailing the Flair/DiBiase situation**
"Here Comes The Money" cues up...
Lilith: *singing* Here comes the moneeeeeeeeeey!! Money money money money...!!
"The following match up is scheduled for one fall...introducing first, from Stamford, Connecticut...accompanied by one of the owners of the PWF, Vinny MacWoman...he stands 6 foot even and weighs in at 256 lbs--'The Million Dollar Man,' Don DiBiase!!
Don comes with Vinny behind him, and the Million Dollar Championship Belt that we in this universe last saw being held but someone called the "Ringmaster."
If you asked "What?" you're on the right track...
TR: Unexpected that Shane McMahon would be using that theme in your universe...
Lilith: Well, not really...it makes sense in either case! But Shane and Donnie got lots in common--hawt wives, they're both funny, and they gots lotsa lotsa MONEEEEEEEEY!!!
TR: Well, tonight we'll be seeing him take on someone I'd never have expected him to...sort of. Our version of Ric Flair retired some time ago, but the EAW has acquired the services of their version, and tonight we WILL see DiBiase vs. Flair!!
Lilith: Well, Donnie and Vinny said it all...Flair's got QUITE a reputation! For being a stud, that is....oh, and being a great wrestler, too. ^_^ Him and Hunter are both yummy...but Vinny's REALLY cute...and Donnie's beard makes him look so damn smooth...I gotta go with EAW on the basis of loyalty--you understand. *smirk*
TR: Well, Flair deserves respect based on his ability...but little else. Him and Helmsley are conniving, vile, dispicable, cheating pair of two-timing sex fiends...always have been.
Lilith: You HAVE A PROBLEM with sex fiends?
TR: Not you...but them...
As Don gets into the ring, "Also Sprach Zarathustra" cues up.
TR: Speak of the devil...
Lilith: Vince? WHERE?! WHERE?!
TR: No, it's an expression..it means...oh, nevermind...
"And his opponent...accompanied by 'The Decadent' Hunter Hearst Helmsley...from Charlotte, North Caroloina...he stands six foot one, and weighs in at 240 lbs...the 'Nature Boy,' Ric Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaair!!"
TR: An announcement I never expected to hear..and the theme from 2001 playing as Ric Flair is set to make his first televised wrestling appearance of the year 2001, ironically.
Flair makes his way out, sparkling robe and all..and stands on the stage to a mixture of cheers and boos. Fireworks explode from the stage as he makes his way down the ramp...
TR: I hate to steal anything from Kirk Angel, but these two have intelligence and intensity, but are severely lacking in that third area...
Flair and Helmsley exchange some words, before Flair gets in the ring, removes his robe, and hands it to Hunter, taunting DiBiase...
*ding, ding*
TR: And here we go with this highly-antipated match up...Ric and Don tie up in the center of the ring...Don overpowering Flair a bit...Flair to the ropes...Flair grabs on--Don misses the dropkick...Don up--DIVING CLOTHESLINE to the right leg of the rising Dibiase!! Clothesline attept by Flair--Don ducks. Waistlock! Back elbow by Flair escapes. Another tie up--Flair takes the hiptoss! Dibiase back up--CLOTHESLINE ON FLAIR!! Flair up again--ANOTHER CLOTHESLINE on Flair!! And Flair rolls out to the outside!!
Lilith: Him and Huntsy are up to something...
TR: Flair opting to regroup...and Dibiase walking over to the ropes...taunting Flair--Flair grabs the ankles of Dibiase quickly--yanks him off his feet!! Flair now ramming the legs down onto the apron!! Flair on the apron--off the apron onto the legs with an elbow!!
Lilith: Ahhh...I see. ^_^
TR: Flair and Helmsley with a wishbone!! And Vinny MacWoman trying to inform Mike Chioda, but instead is distracting him!
Lilith: Well, I'm kinda partial to Hunter...so I'm kinda partial to Flair, too. GO RIC!!
TR: The fans here want to respect Flair, and he deserves it for his ability..but doesn't change the fact that he's a real asshole, too!! Flair getting in the ring now, and rolling over Dibiase--rams the knees into the mat! And the Dirtiest Player in the Game going to work on Dibiase with right hands. Pulls him up now...Irish Whip--blocked--INTO AN INVERTED ATOMIC DROP!!!
Lilith: CAREFUL with that move, Don...you might just injure the Flair family jewels.
TR: Don follows up with a belly to belly...and the cover, now!
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One!--and a kickout by Flair!
TR: Flair getting up to his feet...backing away...Don going after Flair...
Flair begs on his knees, and goes to nail him with a right hand--Flair counters with a lightning fast eye-poke.
Lilith: *Heenism* And the Greco-Roman thumb to the eye!
TR: Flair up to his feet...fires DiBiase into the corner...follows up with a back elbow into the corner...and...
Flair brings back his hand...and the crowd begins to roar as if the Rock is about to hit the People's Elbow...
TR: Flair making them wait for it...and...KNIFE-EDGED CHOP!!
"WHOOOOO!!!"
TR: Another!!!
"WHOOOO!!!"
Another, another, another--rapid fire succession!
"WHOO--WHOOOO--WHOO!!!"
Flair turns around, and spins around hitting a HUGE last chop against DiBiase's chest...
"WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
Flair joins in with a WHOOO of his own on that one.
TR: And DiBiase slumping down in the corner!! Flair stomping away at the midsection of DiBiase...dragging him out of the corner...COVER!
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One!
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TWO--Kickout!
Lilith: Wow...I guess that the Ric may be the most electrifying ma--
TR: Let's not get into that...but I have noticed how my counterpart has been trying to butter up Ric on-air. Flair pulling up DiBiase...setting him up...vertical suplex! DiBiase getting up...slowly..
Lilith: Come on Ric! WHOOOOOOO!!!
TR: CHOP BLOCK by Ric to the leg of DiBiase!! Puts it between his knees--DROPS DOWN to the mat on it...and...off the ropes...KNEEDROP to the midsection! And Flair grabbing those knees...leg grapevine!! And classic Flair tactics here...wearing the knee down...
Lilith: Psycology!!
TR: Yes, indeed...lays the knee on the bottom rope...stomping on it now...and strings up and drops his weight on it! A very Bret-Hartish move there, as well.
Lilith: Bret Hartish? That's an knew one on me...and...cool, we got a great butt-shot of Vinny, there...^_^
TR: Flair pulling up DiBiase...going for a neckbreaker now--blocked! Spins around into a backslide!!
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ONE!
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Kickout! Flair up..elbow to the midsection of Flair...Flair legs go...DiBiase with a knee to the midsection...sends Flair to the ropes...drop toe toe hold!! DiBiase on the back of Flair...camel clutch!!
Lilith: Hunter often uses a position kinda like that on Hera. ^_^
TR: Uh...well, that is a SUBMISSION hold there, and Flair struggling towards the ropes...gets the bottom rope! DiBiase letting go quickly..but dropping the knee into the back of Flair's neck....hammering away with some right hands there...nothing fancy in that case.
Lilith: Although they are two of THE BEST DAMN TECHNICAL WRESTLERS IN THE UNIVERSES!! SCREW ME WRONG!!
TR: Uh...no comment. DiBiase pulling up Flair...a verical suplex of his own...Flair getting up...the two lock up...top wristlock by DiBiase...hammerlock...back elbow by Flair...DiBiase shakes it off...into an armwringer...and...a COBRA CLUTCH!!!
Lilith: Uh..isn't that the Dream..?
TR: The difference is subtle, but it's there...DROPS DOWN INTO A NECKBREAKER! DiBiase makes the cover!
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ONE!
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TWO!--Kickout!
Lilith: Man, that's a move I didn't expect to see...
TR: Well, both Flair and DiBiase have promised some surprise additions to their arsenals...DiBiase in control now...headlock on Flair...a sleeping headlock...and DiBiase added some shots to the head for good measure....now a bulldogging headlock!!
Lilith: EEP! That could have really hurt their...I like Hunter and Ric too..but both of them got big schnozzes...
TR: Flair pulled up to his feet...sent to the corner now...DiBiase charges into the corner--CLOTHESLINE!!
Flair staggers out of the corner...and Flair flops forward face first to the mat!
Lilith: ....ouchie...
TR: Cover by DiBiase!
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One!
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TWO!
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Helmsley pulls out Flair!
Lilith: Huntsy to the rescue!
TR: Hunter slapping the face of Flair...trying to make sure he's still in this...and...Flair's busted open!! It must have been those shots to the head earlier...Flair a bit tentative to return to the ring...walking around the ring...taking a breather...HELMSLEY UP ON THE APRON!! SNAPS DIBIASE'S NECK ACROSS THE TOP ROPE!! Yeah, NOW Flair getting in the ring...running kneedrop on DiBiase!! Flair now with some shots to the head of Don now...ramming his face into the mat!! He pulls up DiBiase now...DiBiase has been busted open..KNEEBREAKER on DiBiase....elbow to the inner thigh...and now a leg lace...and the focus of Flair still clear...
Lilith: I just miss Hera coming to ringside...oh..she's soooooo HOT!..
TR: Flair getting up now...and a dragon screw leg whip on DiBiase...and the knee rammed into the mat....Flair pulling up DiBiase now...and..piledriver coming up--NAILS IT!! And Flair going up to the turnbuckle...
Lilith: EEEP! Don's up!
TR: Shakes the top rope...and FLAIR CROTCHED on the top! DiBiase now going to follow through...SUPERPLEX!!
Flair hits the mat hard...screaming in pair...as he gets up, DiBiase sneaks behind him, limping noticably. And....Dibiase with the Million Dollar--NO, that isn't the Dream...I think...that must be the Warbucks!! That must be that new submission hold that we've heard about...it appears to be a modified Spazzmission!! Flair fighting it with all his might...and...
Suddenly, out from the crowd, in a PWF/EAW Unholy Wars: Onslaught t-shirt..
TR: It's...DAVID FLAIR?!?
Hunter grabs the referee and pull his view away from the ring...
TR: David Flair in the ring..with that crowbar he's been carrying around the past year--LOW BLOW by Ric and--DAVID HITS RIC!!! David can't believe it!! DiBiase has that Million Dollar Championship tosses to him by Vinny--TAKES OUT DAVID FLAIR WITH IT!! David spills to the outside!! The referee breaking away from Triple H--DiBiase with the cover!!
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One!
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TWO!
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Helmsley dragging the referee ou--
THREE!!! He's too late on the save!!
*ding, ding!*
JR: What in the hell was David Flair..?
Lilith: To HELP his Daddy, it seems...but looks like he botched it...*sniff*..and cost Ric the match!!
TR: But Helmsley in now--LOW BLOW on DiBiase--THE PEDIGREE!!...and right onto that Million Dollar Championship!! Hunter helping his mentor up...
Lilith: Man...that had to have left a mark. I wonder if this means Ric is gonna cut his allowance? Davey's following being..I think he's trying to apologize...
TR: TRIPLE H DECKS DAVID FLAIR!! David knocked right on his behind...and he looks to be seeing stars from that...Ric appears to be still out of it himself...
Lilith: So, now what?
TR: I think that Hunter is going to lead Flair to the back to get that wound on his forehead patched up, and probably be back out momentarily.
We cut to backstage, where Michael Cole is standing next to Michael Connelly, who has the EAW People's Title slung over his shoulder.
MC: I'm back here with the NEW EAW People's Champion....as well as the FIRST 4-Time EAW People's Champion--Michael Connelly. Any thoughts on your match?
CRMAC: Well, of course I'm glad to have gotten back my title...even though it was at the expense of Chaynz...and I'm relieved that Kirk did NOT get it. However, as I promised, I'll be granting Chaynz a rematch as soon as possible.
MC: Well...you do know what is on tap at the next EAW show, right?
CRMAC: What might that be?
MC: You're going to be challenging Blink for the EAW World Heavyweight Title.
The crowd out in the arena pops.
CRMAC: Nani? Er...WHAT?! Really??
MC: Yes, it was just recently signed with Blink's approval.
CRMAC: W-wow!! Well, that's certainly a big surprise...that doesn't change my promise to Chaynz, but naturally I would like to have it at the show right after...
MC: Naturally...but what are your thoughts on Kirk Angel?
CRMAC: I can hardly believe that HE BELIEVES everything he spews...but if he was as he said he was, he'd be a great guy. He's a tremendous athlete...but I could have really done without meeting him personally...
MC: Back to you, Toad and Lilith...
"I Touch Myself" By Divinylis cues up...
TR: Well, everyone, we're about to see another incredible match, pitting two men who could be friends, but are opponents here tonight.
Lilith: ..and once again, I'm torn. I like Hunter a lot....but of course, Shawn's a sexy boy...a boy toy--
TR: We get the idea...
*ding, ding*
The following match up, is scheduled for one fall , with a 30 minute time limit...introducing first, from San Antonio, Texas...he stands 6'1" and weighs in at 227 lbs....'Heartbreaker' Shaaaaaaaaawn Venis!!"
Venis makes his way out, and dances a bit on the stage, before strutting down to ringside.
Lilith: *bottom of jaw hits table, tongue rolls out* WHOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOO!!!
TR: Lilith...control yourself....
Lilith: Oh, thorry...
"Primal Concrete Sledge" by Pantera cues up...
"And his opponent...from Greenwich, Connecticut...accompanied by Hera...he stands 6'4 and weighs in tonight at 250 lbs.....'The Decadent' Hunter Hearst Helmsley!!'"
Helmsley makes his way out with Hera closely behind...
Lilith: *pant, pant*
TR: Will you get a hold of yourself?
Lilith: *hugs herself*
TR: *sigh* Nevermind. At any rate, this promises to be a huge match-up, although I expect it to get personal in a hurry...
Hunter takes of sit from the water bottle, and turns around and spits it in the eyes of Venis, then begins attacking him before the bell!
TR: And here we go, Venis and Helmsley locking up...and something tells me that wasn't necessarily water, or water alone--Helmsley sends Venis to the ropes--Venis grabs ahold of the ropes! Flips onto the apron backwards, Helmsley going aft--SPRINGBOARD DROPKICK by Venis! Incredible!
Lilith: And I'm sure both these guys have wanted to wrestle each other before...as well as most of the women in the audience. ^_^
TR: Helmsley getting up to his feet, and Venis taking advantage by pulling him up...armdrags him over...armbar locked on...Helmsley quickly up--KNEE to the gut of Venis....and a chestbreaker by Helmsley! Venis getting up now...kick to the midsection on Helmsley, and Hunter sent to the ropes--SWINGING NECKBREAKER by Venis! Venis jumping onto Helmsley, hammering away with right hands! Cover!
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One!
Kickout!
Lilith: I can hardly stand to see Hera nervous like this...maybe I could go over and help her relax...would you mind if we used this table?
TR: Lilith...we're LIVE on Pay-Per-View!
Lilith: Well, they paid something like 30 bucks...a LIVE lesbian liason would be a big bonus!
TR: *sigh* Back to the match at hand..Venis going to work on Helmsley still...pulling him up to his feet...Helmsley fired into the corner! Venis from behind--BACK SUPLEX by Venis! Into a bridge!
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One!
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Tw--NO!
Lilith: Come on, Hunter! Don't disappoint that buxom babe at ringside!
TR: Hunter up...Haymaker swing to Venis...Venis knocked off balance...Hunter fires Shawn to the ropes...Shawn to the far ropes...cross body!!
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One!
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TWO!
Kickout!
Lilith: Uh oh...Hera's pounding the mat...
TR: Hunter up...Shawn with right hands...but knife edged chops from Hunter!
"WHOOOO!! WHOOOOO!! WHOOOO!!"
TR: Shawn with another Irish Whip--reversed by Hunter...Shawn to the ropes--HEADSCISSORS BY SH--NO!! COUNTERED TO A BACKBREAKER!!
Lilith: Shawn's lucky he hasn't got HBK's injury history, or that could have been literal.
TR: Hunter grabbing both ankles now--slams them into the mat with incredible force...now dragging Shawn near the corner...what's this? Up on the second rope---DRIVES them into the mat again from the second rope!! Now Hunter stomping away on the back!
Lilith: Well, Hunter wants to hurt the knees so Shawn can't fly, and hurt the back so he can't stick it to Aphrodite quite so easily.
TR: Triple H going for the Boston Crab--Shawn powers out!! Shawn gets up to his feet--BACK kick to Triple H!! Kick to the midsection now...Rocker Dropper attempted--blocked by Hunter with the ropes--Shawn going for the backdrop again--Hunter still holding on to to the ropes--SCHOOLBOY ROLL UP!!
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ONE!
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TWO!--Kickout!
Hunter up--short arm clothes--into a side armbar by Venis!! Hunter getting up to his feet...wristlock by Shawn...drops down into the cross armbreaker! Hunter grabbing for the rope---GETS it! Venis has to release it...
Lilith: Oh oh...Hunter's gonna be mightly pissed if he loses feeling in his arm there...how's he gonna cop one on Hera without it?
TR: Shawn into the hammerlock as he pulls up Hunter--Hammerlock slam!! Up again--HIPTOSS takeover by Hunter!!--Superkick attempt--THE REFEREE SHOVED INTO THE WAY!! And he's down! Hunter scoops him up...FALLAWAY SLAM!! Dragging him to the center of the ring--FIST TO THE GROIN of Shawn Venis!! And Hunter pulls him up to his feet...hoisting him into the air...suspending him high in the air for this suplex--DROPS HIM DOWN with amazing impact!!
Lilith: But the ref's in La-La Land...which for those of you keeping record, is roughly 5 miles north of Strayland and 8 miles south of Stephanie-giving-a-promo-without-showing-cleavage-land.
TR: Hunter pulls him up by the leg--ENZUI GIRI by Shawn nails Helmsley in the back of the head!! Shawn fires him to the ropes--POWERSLAM by Venis!!
Lilith: Shawn shakin' the bootay!! Shawn shakin' the bootay!!
TR: Shawn going up top...signalling for it...aaaaaaaaaaand--SHAWN WITH THE DIVING ELBOW DROP!! Shades of the Macho Man!!...But not able to make a cover..but...wait! The referee is coming two...making the count!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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SHOULDER UP!! And Helmsley had some valuable time to recover there!
Lilith: To sound like Good ol' JR, these two STUDS are giving it their all!!
TR: Hunter pulled up to his feet by Venis...suplex blocked--Snap Suplex by Helmsley! Helmsley getting back up...another!--No, blocked by Venis!! Venis drops him stomach first across the top rope!! The two jockeying for position here...knee to the midsection by Venis--spinning back kick to Helmsley sends him to the floor!!
Lilith: YIPE!! He almost landed on top of Hera! Well, he usually is ON TOP of Hera, but not that way...
TR: And you've GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!! Helmsley getting up...Venis springs to the top rope--MOONSAULT FROM THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR ON HELMSLEY!! GOOD GOD!!!
Lilith: Hera's checking on Hunter...I think I'll check on--
TR: *grabs her by the collar* Sit here and do your job!
Lilith: *Sigh* Alright...
TR: Helmsley pulled up to his feet--rams Helmley's head to the Spanish announce table!
Lilith: That doesn't look good...
TR: Venis rolls Helmsley onto the announce table....Helmsley getting up to his feet....set up...DDT coming--LOW BLOW by Helmsley!! He grabs Venis---PEDIGREE THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE!!!!
Lilith: Well, at least it wasn't OUR table....
TR: Helmsley getting up now...he has to get Venis into the ring, though, as he can't get a pinfall on the outside...the referee urging them to get into before the 20 count is up....Helmsley rolling in Venis...
Lilith: *nibbles nails* This is down to the wire...but I think Hunter can..
TR: Helmsley with the cover!
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One!
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TWO!
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KICKOUT!! LAST SECOND by Shawn Venis!!
Lilith: Yipe...
TR: Apparently he had just enough time to recover from going through that table..and Hunter pulling up Venis to his feet...throws him into the corner....Helmsley with kicks to the midsection...setting up Shawn onto the top rope--Shawn fighting back up...Hunter and Shawn fighting on the top--Hunter tossed off the top rope...Hunter getting up--MISSILE DROPKICK by Shawn!!
Lilith: Uh-oh...and Shawn tuning up in the corner!!
TR: The band is warming up...and Hunter up--LOVE CONNECTION on target on Helmsley!! SHAWN FOR THE COVER!!
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ONE!
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TWO!!
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THREE!!!
"I touch myself" plays again...
"Ladies and gentlemen..the winner of this match, by pinfall...'Heartbreaker' Shawn Venis!!"
TR: And an incredible match comes to an incredible end...we'll be right back with our main event!
***
***
Lilith: ... I love that picture. ^.^
TR: We are back! And it's time for the match everyone's been waitin' for! The main event!
And in the ring is the Gary Michael Cappetta as "Livin' Inside You" by Disturbed.
Cappetta: This match is scheduled for one fall and is the main event! The PWF's champion Versus the EAW's champion! First, representing the PWF, from Alexandria, Texas, weighing in at 240 pounds, he is the PWF World Champion... the RATTLER!!
And out comes the PWF Champ, the similarities between him and the Texas Rattlesnake are mind-boggling, but there are differences as the PWF champ strides down the aisle, belt in hand, heading up into the ring and doing a very Stone Cold-like four corners salute to the fans.
TR: The atmosphere is electric here in Anaheim! We got half PWF fans and half EAW fans and the roof is very much come unglued here tonight!
Lilith: Yeah! We got PWF fans, EAW fans, but no FOH fans here! 'Cause remember kids, mutant-hatin's bad, mmmkay?
And just then, "Rise" by the Cult cues up and out comes the EAW champ herself!
Cappetta: His opponent, representing the EAW! From Miami, Florida, weighing in at 115 lbs, she is the EAW World Champion... BLINK!!
Blink heads to the ring, waving to the fans and carrying the EAW's World Title belt, she's clad in her usual green/magenta costume, with the added addition to an "X" insignia stitched into the center of her belt.
Lilith: WOO-HOO!! THE PURPLE PUPPIES!! BLINK'S BOOBIES ARE BOUNCING FREELY TONIGHT, TR! 'Cause y'know, she don't wear a bra under that costume.
TR: I gathered that yeah--
Lilith: SHE'S STRAPLESS!! Ooohhh... how I'd love to give Blink a Stone Cold Special of my own, nestled deeply between her--
TR: OKAY, OKAY! WE GET THE PICTURE, LILITH! Yeesh. I know we're on a premium channel, but good Gawd almighty tone it down! Think my dear sweet momma's fainted.
Lilith: Ohh, pooh. =p
Both Rattler and Blink prepare for the match, handing their respective companies' title belts to the timekeeper for safe keeping as referee Earl Hebner calls for the bell.
TR: And here we go! Both Blink and Rattler shake hands in the middle of the ring... circle each other, and... TIE-UP!! Blink with an Irish Whip to Rattler and... BACK BODY DROP BY THE EAW CHAMPION! Rattler's back up though and-- CLOTHESLINE KNOCKS BLINK DOWN! Blink gets up but Austin-- excuse me, Rattler catches her... SIDE SLAM! And there the leg lock by Rattler! But Blink's too close to the ropes and Earl Hebner urges Rattler to let go!
Lilith: Hey, notice Rattler's was workin' on the left leg and not the right... guess he's not targeting that bum knee of Blink's.
TR: Sound call by the PWF champ, wanting a good clean fight to help decide things either for the PWF or for the EAW... WHOA, KIPPUP BY BLINK! UP AND-- STANDING DROPKICK!! Quick pick-up... KUNG FU BACK ROLLING TO THE RATTLER'S BACK! TURNAROUND-- ANOTHER STANDING DROP KICK! But Rattler rolled with that one! HE'S COMING BACK! BODY SHOT TO BLINK'S RIBS! AND... KNEE TO THE GUT! SPINAROUND TO BLINK'S BACK!
Lilith: And baby, what a back she got. ^.^
TR: BACK DROP BY THE RATTLER! Pick up by Rattler... WHA-- KICK AND-- STUNNER-- NO, BLINK PUSHES RATTLER AWAY! CHARGES IN AND-- OH, CLOTHESLINE BY RATTLER SENDS HER DOWN!! COVER! ONE! TWO! BUT BLINK KICKS OUT!
Lilith: Wow! o_O; Rattler going for the Tombstone Stunner THIS early?!
TR: No doubt lookin' to see if the EAW champ had the move scouted, and no doubt she did! Rattler with a scoop slam on Blink... pick-up-- no, Blink with a kick to Rattler's jaw! BLINK'S UP! SLIDES BETWEEN RATTLER'S LEGS! UP AND... SPINNING DRAGONRANA PIN!! ONE! TWO! BUT RATTLER POWERS OUT! Blink's making a comeback! Leg sweep! ARM DRAG! ANd Rattler-- MAH GOD!!
Lilith: EEK! BYE-BYE, SPINE!
TR: Rattler with a HUGE CLOTHESLINE THAT TURNED BLINK VIRTUALLY INSIDE-OUT! RATTLER'S CLIMBING THE TOP ROPE!! DRIVING ELBOW DROP-- CONNECTS!! MAH GOD, DID IT EVER CONNECT! Cover! One! Two! But Blink still manages to kick out!!
Lilith: Woot!
TR: Rattler gets Blink's up... Blink's looking a little woozy here... and Rattler with a clothesline from behind knocking Blink back down!! Blink manages to get up... but Rattler meets her with a suplex! Rattler moves in... no, Blink kicks him away! There's still some fight left in this girl! Blink scampers up and charges... QUEEN SUNSET FLIP PIN!! ONE! TWO! RATTLER KICKS OUT!! Blink rolls back to her feet! She moves in! SPINNING HEEL KICK-- NO, DUCKED AND-- MAH GOD!!! STUNNER!! STUNNER!! STUNNER!!!
Lilith: And Blink sells like an electrofied breakdancing gerbil in heat!!
TR: COVER! ONE! TWO! THR--NO!!! BLINK GOT A SHOULDER UP!!! BLINK GOT A SHOULDER UP!!!
Lilith: YES!! SHE KICKED OUT OF THE STUNNER!!! HOW COOL IS THAT!!
TR: Rattler looks shocked, but you can see that gleam in his eye, he's impressed with the EAW's champion!! He picks Blink up... Irish whip... shortarm-- POWERSLAM!! Rattler pins! One! Two! But Blink kicks out! Rattler doesn't look too discouraged... pick up-- OH!! DROPKICK!! STANDING DROP KICK FROM OUTTA NOWHERE BY BLINK!! Rattler's up! Blink charges in like a house on fire! RATTER SIDE STEPS!! BULLDOG BY THE PWF CHAMP! Rattler picks her up! Whip to the corner and charges in with the shoulder thrust to Blink's gut! And now... NOW HE'S STOMPIN' A MUDHOLE IN BLINK AND WALKIN' IT DRY!! HE'S TAKIN' NO PRISONERS TONIGHT! BUSINESS HAS PICKED UP AND IT' TURNIN' INTO A BONAFIDE SLOBBERKNOCKER!!
Lilith: That ends the catchphrase stealing for tonight. Thank you, drive through. ^_^
TR: Rattler clobbers Blink with a fist to the back of the head... picks Blink up-- WAIT!! FROM OUTTA NOWHERE!!! SWINGBREAKER BY BLINK! SWINGBREAKER! SWINGBREAKER!!! WHAT A DESPERATION MOVE BY THE EAW CHAMP!! AND BOTH CHAMPIONS ARE DOWN!!
Lilith: WHOA!
TR: Earl Hebner's calling for the ten count...
1 . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . .
Lilith: I think Blink's moving!
4 . . . . . . . . . 5 . . . . . . . . . 6 . . . . . . . . .
TR: Blink's got an arm draped over Rattler! ONE! TWO! THR--NO!! RATTLER GOT A SHOULDER UP!! MAH GOD!! THESE TWO ARE REALLY GIVING IT THEIR ALL HERE TONIGHT, FOLKS!!
Lilith: No kidding! o_O
TR: Blink manages to get up... Irish whip... reversal by Rattler! AND!! THESZ PRESS!!! MAH GOD, THE IMPACT!! COVER! ONE! TWO! NO! BLINK STILL GETS A SHOULDER UP!! Rattler looks to be gettin' a little worried now! He must be thinkin' "WHAT DO I GOTTA DO TO PUT BLINK DOWN ONCE AND FOR ALL?!
Lilith: Cancel her subscription to The Exiles? (plug)
TR: Rattler gets Blink up... WAIT! HEADSCISSORS TAKEDOWN BY BLINK!! THAT CAME OUTTA LEFT FIELD!! AND THERE'S THE DRAGON SLEEPER!! NO!! RATTLER COUNTERS WITH A RAM INTO THE CORNER!! AND-- WAIT!! WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE?!
Lilith: It's one of those masked goons! Hey, he's EAW!! HE'S ATTACKING RATTLER!!
TR: That's not right!! NO! WAIT!! BLINK'S RECOVERED ENOUGH! SHE'S ATTACKING THE MASKED EAW SUPERSTAR!! SHE'S HELPING RATTLER!!! AND-- WHOA!! SPLIT SECOND!!! SPLIT SECOND!! SPLIT SECOND!! AND-- NO! DAMMIT! A MASKED PWF SUPERSTAR JUST BLIND SIDED BLINK AND IS BEATING HER DOWN!!! THIS IS LUNACY!!! WHAT'S GOING ON!!
Lilith: Hey! Wait! The masked guys are both up now! Maybe we'll get to see them fight!
TR: After we've just seen I hope... oh... oh mah God!!
Lilith: Oh... ohh, s*bleep!*... I know who those guys are! That's Sweetooth! And... and that's Axel!! They're from that outlawed Twisted Metal tourament!
TR: ... What?!
Suddenly, "Only One" by Slipknot cues up! And out comes a man dressed in a business suit and a mask of some kind, flanked by a girl who virtually is hanging from his arm as he nods in approval to Axel and Sweetooth.
Lilith: Oh crap... it's Calypso! He's the guy who runs the Twisted Metal tourneys... the girl's his daughter Crysta! But... what the hell is he doing here?! Interupting a PWF/EAW match?!
TR: I reckon we're about to find out...
Calypso climbs into the ring and looks to the stunned crowd with a smirk, then as Crysta hands him a mic, he begins his speech.
"EAW and PWF fans... I hope you enjoyed the show. For this is the last EAW or PWF PPV you will ever see."
TR: What the hell is he blabberin' about?!
Lilith: ... I don't like this...
"Oh, it wasn't very hard to get them here, together. I just had to give that little simp, Capoeira the idea to steal your stupid Little Person Title. But don't ask him about it. He wouldn't remember a thing about me. But once that was done, the arrogance, pride, and human nature of the two factions would do the rest. You automatically began tearing at each other's throats like cannabalistic little children. But, you may ask yourself... Calypso... why did you do this? Simple. I was bored."
TR: ... BORED?!
"The last world I was in wasn't any fun anymore. I had sorta destroyed it with my Twisted Metal tournaments. So, I felt it was time to enter a new world, with new fun. And what better way to take over this silly little institution of wrestling that to get the two biggest names and let them destroy each other. Thre is no unity. EAW hates PWF, and PWF hates EAW. Which makes it all the easier.
TR: Mah God... another factor to this whole invasion has just reared its ugly head up!
Lilith: Not too ugly... Crysta's kinda cute. ^^;
"Now, another question you may have. Calypso, What are you going to do to make my favorite past-time, better? Very good question, noble fans. I will dispence with all this drivel you are being fed. It will be more violent! Bloodier! In fact... there will be no rematches for titles. How can you get a rematch if you are dead? All title matches will be to the death!"
TR: NO! THAT'S NOT RIGHT!! THAT'S THROWING THE NO KILLING RULE RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW! THAT... THAT'S--
Lilith: Calypso's trying to build his own Mortal Kombat stage!
"Oh, poor Ryokami would have made a wonderful champion. In fact, I was counting on that, but alas, he's gone. And Lou Cypher? What a great guy. I was wanting to meet him. But, I'm sure somone else will surface. S&M shows alot of potential. Just don't harm that little cat-girl too much. Stick her in a cage for about seven years and then we'll have somthing worthwhile out of her."
Lilith: ...
TR: ... Mah God...
Lilith: No way, you leave Ariel outta this, you sicko!!
"But.. then I'm getting off track. Fans, in short, prepare for somthing that will make this joke of an invasion look like a field trip. Prepare... for the TWISTED AGE!!!" TR: WAIT!! BLINK JUST ATTACKED CALYPSO FROM BEHIND!! KICK TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!! RATTLER'S UP TOO! HE'S CLEARING HOUSE HERE!! STUNNER TO AXEL!! STUNNER TO SWEETOOTH!!
Lilith: LOOK OUT! HERE COMES MR. GRIMM!!
TR: BLINK SEES HIM!! MIRRORED SWINGBREAKER ON GRIMM! SHE MOVES IN TO CALYPSO AND... and Crysta's protecting him! Calypso's in pain! Blink... she's not moving an inch just staring at Crysta... Sweetooth get Calypso! And Team Twisted makes a retreat from the ring! The battle between the PWF and the EAW remains undecided, but a new threat has loomed overhead over both federations! That of Team Twisted!!
Lilith: Make that TWO threats! EAW's got Calypso and Damien Kintobor to worry about!! Eeeeee... o.o;;
Blink and Rattler look to each other... both smile and shake hands, raising both their arms as "Livin' Inside You" cues up!
TR: YES! THAT'S what it's about, folks! The sportsmanship between champions of different federations!! Calypso talked about no unity between the EAW and the PWF, but what do you call that in the middle of the ring! THAT'S unity!!
Now the celebration kicks into full swing... Rattler calls up some beers to be tossed to him while Blink calls for root beers to be tossed to her. Blink and Rattler meet back face-to-face in the ring and the two make a crashing toast, beer to root beer and guzzle down their drinks.
TR: What a finish to Unholy Wars! For Lilith Aensland this is Toad Ross! And to all EAW fans! We'll see you at Showdown...well, at least Lilith will!!