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PREPARE FOR THE WORST

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LIVE AT THE COW PALACE IN SAN FRANCISCO!

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2/9/2K1

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"Neo D-X : Two Words -- Eat it!"

"Gokuo for EAW Prez!!!! PUPPIES!!!"

"This sign is for your own good-- Vote Richards EAW Prez"

"Bret Hart: the best there is, was, and ever will be."

"GOLDBERG" *drops flap* "SUCKS!!!"

"Derek Walker: the People's hermaphrodite!"

"Hey, Oseiko: date someone your own age--ME!!!"

"Sonnette: the future of EAW!"

"HHH"

Cut to a shot of the announcers for tonight's huge Pay-Per-View extravaganza--Joey Styles and Jerry the King Lawler.

Styles: Welcome to Cataclysm, fans!! The King and I weren't able to do color for a while due to being attacked, but we're back tonight to call the action for Cataclysm!!

King: FINALLY!!! I missed not having Lilith out here as a lap-warmer, but she'll be in action HERE tonight against two members of the RTC!!!

Styles: Also, someone's career--either Booker T or Brety Hart--will end here tonight. None of this crap where they leave then show up the next week, folks--this is the last you'll see of one of those men here tonight, at least in the EAW.

King: We're also got four titles on the line here tonight!!

Styles: Indeed we do, so the odds say that we're bound to see at least one new champion walk out of here tonight!!

Styles: This may be perhaps the hardest match ever for S&M, since it seems the brains of the outfit, and the one who has helped them cheat their way to many wins, BG, isn't here tonight. S&M turned on her and attacked her..and unless this is another elaborate scheme, they may be on their own tonight.

King: Well, remember that S&M are THE top tag team in EAW. BG or no. And once they beat the hell out of the Pyre tonight, then it'll be bye-bye Pyre...at least for the tag division.

Styles: That is a promise Kaye and Sasori have made...and they don't usually promise something and don't deliver, so there is a lot on the line besides the tag titles!

"We're In This Together" by Nine Inch Nails cues up as some pyros go off--similar but not identical to Kaye's--and Scorpion's Pyre walks out from the back...

King: I just remembered something, Styles. Remember when Mechius was talking about Ariel? I don't think that kid ever goes to school. I should report Kaye and Sasori to the nearest truancy officer.

Styles: I don't know whether or not she attends, but I do know her step-parents are one of the toughest tag teams in EAW. Can they stand the test of S&M, who have been tearing up the tag ranks since their arrival.

King: I don't think so, Joey. This is the END of Scorpion's Pyre!!! YA-HOO!!!!

Kaye and Sasori make their way down to the ring. Sasori gives Kaye a boost on his shoulders, before she climbs into the ring. Sasori follows, then...

"DNR" by Testament cues up.

Styles: The holders of the tag team titles!! Two huge MONSTERS in Spike and Morty!

King: Your tag team of the new Millenium, Styles!

Spike and Morty walk down to the ring with the tag belts slung over their shoulders.

Styles: These two may be at a bit of a disadvantage--BG isn't around to distract or interfere--

King: Doesn't matter, Styles!

Styles: *ding, ding* There's the bell. Spike and Kaye starting things off. While Kaye may not look it, this is the two powerhouses of the team locking up...Kaye pounding away on the massive Spike with right hands, but she can barely reach his chin. Spike getting rocked, but HE SHOVES KAYE!! She's still on her feet, though. Kaye puts a chokehold on Spike!!! Spike counters with a standing Spinebuster!! Now choking Kaye....she pounds her boot on the mat...Spike pulling her up now...whips her--NO!! Kaye standing her ground!! She whips Spike now, Spike coming off the ropes....TILT A WHIRL SLAM!! Kaye with a cover!!

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One--kickout!

Styles: Kaye takes the advantage...tags in Sasori. Sasori gets in and stoops down..waiting for Spike to get up now....JUMPING DDT!!! Shades of the Stinger!! Now Sasori back up...hits the ropes...KICK to the ribs of Spike! The big man is in trouble. Sasori hops over Spike...rebounds off...CELESTIAL SPLASH!!!

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One

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SPIKE powers off Sasori!! He rolls over to his corner--tags Morty!

King: It's ON now, Styles!

Styles: Morty charges in on Sasori...Sasori ducks. Goes for a headscissors on Morty....FRONT POWERSLAM COUNTER!!! He pulls Sasori up....whip to the ropes....BELLY to BELLY side suplex! Nicely done by Morty. Goes for a cover

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One

KICKOUT!!

King: Tag Team of the New Millenium!!

Styles: Morty pulls up Sasori--SPIKE GRABS THE REFEREE BY THE HEAD!!! Morty with a low blow on Sasori!!! NOW a PILEDRIVER!! MY GOD!!!

King: THAT's how you do it. And you thought S&M would be at a loss without BG?

Styles: Not completely, but they still have no interest in fair play...Sasori is laid out...but Morty isn't going for a cover. He looks like he's setting up for the Mortality Splash....MISSED!!! Sasori rolls out of the way!! Tags in Kaye!!

King: Oh...which reminds me, don't miss the upcoming Kaye photo spread in Playboy....I got a "sneak peek" and it is HAWT!!!

Styles: Kaye's also pretty hot tonight, firing away on Morty. She whips him to the ropes...*slap* CHOKESLAM FROM HELL coming up...YEEEEEEEEES!!! Devastating maneuver by Kaye!! Cover

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One

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TWO

KICKOUT!! Morty very resilient...kicking out of that devastating chokeslam. Kaye pulls him up again...whips him now...blocked by Morty....he slams her face-first to the boot of Spike. Tag in to Spike now. Spike shoves Kaye into the corner....stomps away while Morty chokes her!! Now he--GRABS HER BY THE HEAD!!! HANGING MASK!!! HANGING MASK!!!

King: AHHHH...and these two don't wash their hands after using the bathroom, Styles!

Styles: AUGH!! How disgusting! Spike tosses Kaye across the ring...eager for Sasori to tag in...he isn't trying to stop Kaye from making the tag.

Styles: Sasori in now...going for Spike....wailing away with right hands, but can barely get the monster off his feet. Clothesline!! Little effect. ANOTHER...same results. Bounces off the ropes one more time...ducks under the clothesline...off the ropes...FLYING CLOTHESLINE!!! SPIKE HITS THE MAT!!!

King: You talk about S&M cheating...he hit him with a chain, Styles!

Styles: He did not!! Sasori with a cover

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One

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Spike gets his shoulder up! Spike getting back up to a vertical base...Sasori pounding on his back...HEADBUTT into the groin of Sasori!!

King: Ouchie...that's twice already!! That'd be awful to have a wife like Kaye and not be able to...function.

Styles: Spike setting up Sasori now for the DNR...hoisting him up into a powerbomb ready position!

King: HEEEEEEERE comes the calvary!!

Styles: Kaye in now, attacking Spike...the referee is trying to get her back onto the apron....Morty throws Spike a chair...

King: It's over, Joey!!!

Styles: Spike going Sasori...it bounces off the ropes and hits Spike!!! Spike F'ED UP!!!! Sasori goes for the cover now...

The referee looks down at the chair, and Sasori pinning him as Spike begins to trickle blood, then signals for the bell.

*ding, ding*

Styles: WHAT?!?!

The announcer says, "The winners of this match...by disqualification...and STILL EAW Tag Team Champions....S&M!!!" Then DNR by Testament begins to play.

Styles: NO, DAMN IT, NO!!! Spike had the chair!! He just f'ed up that chairshot and by dumb luck managed to make the referee think Sasori hit him!

King: Now, if Sasori were smart, he would have noticed that chair and kicked it out...

Styles: Well, he never thought the referee would think HE did it! This is terrible...S&M are STILL tag team champions, and now Scorpion's Pyre may break up....

King: Oh, boo-hoo...sometimes life sucks. Get over it, Styles. The Pyre is GONE!!!

Styles: Well, we're got a huge Career Match coming up next....after this break.

Joey: Well, folks, we've got a great match coming up, between rivals Booker T and Bret Hart.  They're finally going to end their feud, in a career-ending match!

[Booker T's theme, "Twisted Heat" by Twista and Drag-on, starts playing over the PA's.  With it comes Booker T, who meets a very cold reception from the crowd. Ignoring this, he slides under the bottom rope, and stretches a little in the time being.]

Joey: Booker T looks really determined here...  I don't blame him, either, this match is really BIG.

King: Yeah, not only is his CAREER on the line, so's his reputation!  If he blows this, he's out of EAW for good!

[After "Twisted Heat" stops, Lincoln Park's "One Step Closer" cues up, and out comes Bret Hart, to a chorus of cheers and applause.  He wastes no time in getting to the ring and rushes in, going right after Booker T.]

King: Daaamn!  Hart REALLY is going after Booker T!  They're in the ring, trading punches, before the bell!

[Through the brawling, the ring bell rings.]

*DING DING*

King: Hart goes for an early pin...  And Booker T kicks out immediately!  What's Hart thinking, here?  He isn't gonna win THAT easily!  Booker T's up with Hart...  He gets in a swift punch to the side of Bret's head, and he's shaken up a little...

Joey: Booker T's taking advantage of this and goes for a quick snap suplex to the mat!  He gets on top of Hart and starts punching him in the face a bit!  The ref starts counting for a DQ... 1, 2, 3, 4-- Booker gets off of Hart begrudgingly, and waits for Hart to get up.

King: Hart's up, and they lock up...  Booker whips Hart to the rope--No, Hart reverses-- and Booker gets a faceful of Hart's boots with that dropkick! Oh, man, Booker's shaken up with that...  Hart gets up from the dropkick quickly, and gives him a running clothesline that, to take a phrase from Good Ol' JR, nearly BEHEADS Booker T!

Joey:  Hart with a pin...

1....

2....

Th--NO! KICKOUT!

Joey: Booker T just BARELY got out of that...  They're up, and it's back to brawling! Booker pushes Hart back towards the ropes, and gives him a VICIOUS lariat over the top rope!  Booker T waits for Hart to get up, and then baseball slides under the bottom rope, kicking Hart right in the nose!  Man, it's a miracle Hart's nose isn't broken, but it looks like it IS bleeding..

King: Hart whips Booker into the ring steps, as the ref counts!  Now, he's slamming his head into them..  Man, Hart's really beating the shit out of Booker T, now...  Slam after slam to that set of steps!  I think I see a DENT in them! And Hart brings Booker T back into the ring...

Joey: Hart goes to the top rope, and signals for the Sharp Injection...  He's going for it, but--OH! Booker T gets a knee up, and may have just turned the match back in his favor.  Booker T is up first, and he lays a lot of stomps on the back of Bret Hart!  He picks him up, sets him up, and... THE HARLEM HANGOVER! He just laid out Bret Hart with that..  And he spins to his feet!

[From the crowd, someone shouts out, "Spinarooni! Spinarooni!"...]

King: Oh, great, Madden's in the crowd.  Let's just ignore him....  Booker T with the pin!

1!

2!

KICKOUT!!!!!!!!

Joey: Bret Hart barely hung on there--  This fight isn't over yet.  They're both up to their feet, and trade punches...  Bret gets the upper hand, and gets in a lockup!  He brings down Booker T with a swinging neckbreaker.  He moves over to Booker T's legs, and gives him a headbutt to his groin! OW!!! Booker T is rolling around in pain, now, and for good reason...

King: Sure, that's a really homoerotic move, but it IS effective...  It turned Booker's nuts into peanut butter, right?

Joey: [sickly] ...Right.  Nice analogy, King, I'll never be able to eat that stuff again. *gag*  [back to a normal tone] Anyway, Bret Hart brings Booker T back up to his feet, and -- THERE'S THE HART ATTACK!  HE JUST *DESTROYED* BOOKER T'S HOPES OF WINNING NOW!  And Bret Hart goes back to the turnbuckles, signals, and HITS BOOKER T WITH THE SHARP INJECTION!  Booker T's out cold!  And Bret Hart goes for the pin...

1!

2!

3!!!!!!!  BOOKER T JUST LOST IT ALL!!

[A black and white scene of a warehouse... Shaed Bloodgrave steps from the shadows, clad in black street clothes as he surveys the ruins around him.

SHAED (VO): I know what you're thinking...

[The scene cuts to other EAW superstars, each in moments of reflection...]

TRIPLE H: I'm not a real athlete...

BRET HART: I'm just a wrestler.

KANE: I'm 7' feet, 318 pounds...

BLINK: ... A former member of my world's X-Men...

BRET HART: ... Held every title the WWF has ever created...

JYUSHIN LYGER: ... Placed the light heavyweight division on the map...

SHAED: ... A master of every martial art known to man.

[Flashback to the crazed fan stabbing Blink in the back]

BLINK: When you step into that ring, bad things do happen.

[Nova Kryptonite Krunching Ryokami off a forklift]

RYOKAMI: Fell thirty feet into a parked car...

[Lynxara getting her neck snapped by Mechius]

LYNXARA: Actually died, twice...

BLINK: Landed on the annoucers' table from on top of a ladder...

[Derek getting whacked in the back by a flaming barbed wire-wrapped chair by Ryokami]

DEREK: Got a concussion, burned, and lacerated at the same time...

SHAED: Had my neck broken...

[Scene of Blink holding up the TV title in triumph even as blood seeps from the bandages strapped to her]

BLINK: But I still got up!

SHAED: This is who I am.

[Sonnette delivering the Sonic Boom to Triple H]

SONNETTE: This is... what I do.

KANE: I'm not a real athlete?

RYOKAMI: This isn't real?

[The footage ends with Triple H's focused eyes staring straight at the camera]

TRIPLE H: Try lacin' my boots.

Back to the action... as "Travel Theme (To Crystalis)" cues up and the People's Extreme Champion, Derek Walker, heads down the aisle, People's Title in hand as shi waves to her fans.

Styles: And here we go with our People's title match! Derek Walker has arguably been the most successful People's Champion the EAW has ever had! But tonight shi will have to prove hir worth to the young woman who never really lost the EAW title to begin with... Black Widow! As Derek said hirself, she feels SHI is the challenger going into this match, and that the Widow is the CHAMPION!

King: Well Styles, right now Derek's got the belt around his-er, her, darn, HIR waist... but Widow's shown what she's got in the ring! I can't wait to see what she'll do tonight! Woo-hoo!!

Scene switch suddenly to Black Widow as she heads down the hallway towards the curtains, rolling her arms a bit as she prepares.

Lynxara's voice: HEY!! Oseiko! Wait up!!

Widow blinks, then turns around to see Lynxara as the Commisioner (future president?) carries a new title belt, tossing it to Widow, who quickly catches it.

BW: Nani? Lynx-sama, what--?

Lynxara: It's the new EAW Extreme title belt! Hot off the assembly line! Hand that to Derek when you see hir in the ring, will ya?

Widow blinks, then nods, smiling.

BW: Hai! I'll do that, Lynx-sama! Arigato!

Lynxara waves to Widow, who waves back, then heads to the curtain... bouncing on her feet as "Strobe's Nanafushi (Satori Mix)" cues up... the jingling of bells, children laughing and playing... then a gong sounding as the drums of Kodo begin to start up... the children and the bells fading as the drums become more faster, picking up a techno beat... the chants pick up as Widow whispers a prayer to her anscestor and heads out to the arena.

Styles: And there's Black Widow! Listen to the cheers for this spunky competitor! And she has in her possession the new EAW Extreme title belt!!

Lawler: She's turning seventeen next week, Styles!! She's one year away from being a woman! But even closer to being Michael Connelly's wife! Ohhh, how I envy that man!

Styles: As well as Lord Gokuo, King! As well as Lord Gokuo!

Black Widow vaults into the ring and climbs up the top turnbuckle, looking to her adoring crowd... then hops down and stands before Derek, holding out the Extreme title to hir as she bows honorably.

Styles: And Widow presents the new Extreme title to its rightful champion! Talk about a gracious sport! Oseiko Kurotsuki embodies Shaed Bloodgrave's path of honor!

King: Eehhh, that's one thing I really don't care for, but well, what're you gonna do?

Derek smiles and accepts the Extreme title from Widow, who stands up straight and goes to pick up a mic from the outside, and proceeds with her play to the crowd.

BW: OI, MINNA-SAN!!!

Crowd: OI!!

BW: BOKU WA KAWAII, DESHO?!!

Crowd: HAI!!

Widow giggles, then backward flips off the top and lands to her feet, handing the mic to EAW Referee Tim White and going to her corner. Derek smiles at Black Widow, staying in hir corner as she hands Tim White the People's title, setting the new Extreme title belt to the side.

Then the bell rings.

Both Derek and Black Widow shake hands at the start of the match, then start to circle the ring, sizing each other up... the six foot three inch Derek easily towering over the more diminutive five foot seven inch Widow.

Styles: Tie-up... and Derek overpowers Widow easily with a push that sends the ninja off her feet!

King: Watch the feet! Mikey loves 'em!

Styles: Quit it-- Widow kippups and locks up again-- BUT Derek sends her back down! ANOTHER kippup--ducks the clothesline, Widow grabs her from behind--TIGER SUPLEX!! One! T-no! Just a one count! And Derek seems... a bit surprised at how fast the Widow was!

King: Yeah, you're telling me! Just like ol' JR says, "faster than a hiccup!"

Styles: Both tie-up again... Derek grabs Widow in a headlock... follow-up--BULLDOG!! Pick up by Derek... and a... RELEASED GERMAN SUPLEX!! Widow quickly gets up... she looks a bit sore but she's okay!

King: She better watch herself or else she's gonna set herself up for the French Kiss of Doom right there!

Styles: The Endless Hunger... one move that she does NOT want to find herself in... as the two combatants circle the ring again... Widow with a couple of roundhouse kicks that Derek quickly avoids! One thing DEREK has to avoid is Widow's legs! She is exceptionally lethal with them!

King: But I bet she's pretty gentle with 'em too, Styles! You don't hear Mikey complain...

Styles: ANYhow... they tie-up... WIDOW BREAKS OUT--OH, AND STARTS A SERIES OF MARTIAL ARTS KICKS!! Derek's reeling!! And the set-up-- ENZIGURI!! Cover by Widow! One! Two--NO! Just a two count!

Lawler: There's those deadly legs again, Styles!

Styles: Widow picks up Derek... and there's the reverse tiger suplex... comboed into a Mahistrol cradle!! Amazing! One! Two! NO! Derek kicks out! Widow rolling wheel kicks Derek to keep hir down... and locks in the camel clutch!!

Lawler: She's got it sinched in tight!!

Styles: Tim White's checking of Derek's going to give this up... it doesn't look like shi is... shi isn't... I... think shi's going to try to power out...!!

Lawler: Shi just might! Black Widow don't weigh all that much, unless she's been hitting the sushi pretty hard...

Styles: DEREK'S UP!! AND-- MODIFIED SAMOAN DROP!! Widow's flattened! And in the pin! One! Two! But Widow gets a shoulder up!! Derek's taking advantage of her weakness now... picking Widow up... and, DDT! Widow's holding her head; it looks like she was dropped right on top of it!

King: She better be careful... she might not remember who she's gonna marry if she's dropped on her head one too many times!

Styles: Derek keeps Widow down... straddles her... and a series of headbutts with that horn of hirs!! That's gotta hurt!! And a pick up... HURRICARANA-- NO!! MY GOD, THAT'S A LYGERBOMB!! One! Two! NO, kickout!!

King: I think it was!! Hey she DID learn something from that match with Jyushin Lyger!

Styles: Widow kicks Derek in the gut- doubles hir over... whips hir to the corner and rushes in-- AND THERE'S THE TARANTULA!! Tim White's counting to five... and Widow breaks the hold! She quickly rushes to the top-- SHOOTING STAR PRESS!! IMPACT! One! Two! Th--NO! Derek gets the shoulder up! Widow gets off... and she's tapping her leg! She's signalling for the Kumo No Sasu! The Spider's Sting!!

Black Widow gets in position... and starts to stomp her foot a la Shawn Michaels... waiting for Derek to stagger up to hir feet... the fans stomp with Widow as she warms up... waits... then--

Styles: KUMO NO SA--NO!! DEREK GRABS WIDOW IN THE BEARHUG!! HER FOOT'S STUCK UP OVER HIR SHOULDER!! AND-- THERE IT IS!!

King: AHH! THE FRENCH KISS OF DOOM!

Styles: The Endless Hunger!! Derek's got it locked in tight, around Widow's waist AND her head!! Widow's struggling... and... Derek's swallowing!! Shi's got Widow's head and neck in hir mouth!! Is she swallowing again?! My God!! Black Widow's head, neck and shoulders are inside Derek Walker right now!! And caught in that precarious position, Widow's not lasting long!! She's being squeezed and suffocated at the same time!! And-- my God!! Shi swallowed again!! Shi's up to the upper portion of Widow's chest!!!

King: Is shi trying to eat her?!

Styles: More like keeping the flow of air from getting to her lungs... ANOTHER swallow!!

King: AHH!! I can't see her puppies, Styles! Derek's swallowed Widow's puppies!!

Styles: Widow's gone limp... Tim White's checking her arm...

Black Widow's limp arm drops once...





... twice...





Styles: NO! SHE KEPT IT FROM DROPPING A THIRD TIME! SOMEHOW, EVEN IN THIS SITUATION, WIDOW IS STILL IN THIS FIGHT!! And-- OHH!! Kick to the groin forces Derek to release that hold! A desperation move under a desperate situation!! And Widow is soaked from the chest up!!

King: Right in the dual genitalia!! Hey... I think I can see Widow's nipples!! WOO-HOO!!

Styles: Widow wipes her eyes clean... and-- KUMO NO SASU!! THIS TIME IT HITS HOME!! And-- THERE IT IS!! THE KUMO NO AMIMONO!!! IT'S LOCKED IN!! BUT DEREK'S... SHI'S REFUSING TO GIVE UP!!! SHE'S REACHING... AND... SHE GETS THE ROPES! Tim White has Widow break the hold! Widow gets Derek up-- NO! RAPID PUNCHES TO WIDOW'S CHEST AND STOMACH! AAAAAANNNNNNNND THERE'S the uppercut!! Derek drops down, covers Widow! One! Two! Thr--NO!! Widow still gets a shoulder up!! Derek grabs Widow up... knees her her in the gut a couple of times... sets up for the Northern Lights sup-- NO! WIDOW COUNTERS! KICK TO THE GUT... pick up... KUMOUCHIKOMU!!! One! Two! Thr--NO!! Derek isn't giving up just yet!!

King: I can't believe... Widow was nearly eaten alive by Derek and she's STILL in this fight?!

Styles: She is tenacious, but then so is Derek! Widow gets up to the top rope... measuring Derek-- NO! SHE JUST SLIPPED AND FELL!! Derek's... well... drool must have made it too slick for her!

King: HAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAA!!! Ohh, that was the funniest thing I've seen, Styles!

Styles: Derek seems to be taking advantage... grabs Widow in the bearhug... another Endless Hunger?! NO!! WIDOW COUNTERS! MODIFIED NORTHERN LIGHTS! ONE! TWO! THREE!!!

Lawler: AHHH! HOW THE HECK?!

Styles: WE HAVE A NEW PEOPLE'S CHAMPION!!!

WINNER AND NEW EAW PEOPLE'S CHAMPION: Black Widow

Styles: This was an exciting contest, ladies and gentlemen!! These two competitors gave it their all tonight, and in the end, the young woman who lost the People's title through death itself has reclaimed the title tonight!! Black Widow is two times, two times, two times, People's Champion!!

Widow looks out of breath... soaked from Derek's Endless Hunger... but as Tim White gives her the People's title she manages a weak smile... she goes to the defeated Derek Walker, still on hir knees, upset over hir loss... dropping to her knees Widow extends her arms and hugs the amalgam gently. Derek hesitates... then smiles, hugging the new People's Champion back as the fans cheer the show of sportsmanship from both Superstars.

Styles: Sportsmanship isn't dead yet, folks! Derek and Widow both know they did a damn good job tonight, and knowing Black Widow, Derek is due for a rematch! But still Derek's not going empty-handed; shi's still the Extreme Champion!

Lawler: Yeah... okay, I'll admit! It's kinda nice seeing Derek and Widow hug! They got a lotta respect for each other!

Styles: Up next we got the Cruiserweight title match between the champion Nova and the Japanese legend Jyushin "Thunder" Lyger! Don't go away!!

Styles: Coming up now, we've got yet another title match, this time with former ECW mainstay, and the current EAW Cruiserweight Champion--Nova, versus Jyushin Lyger!!

"One," by Gravity Kills cues up first, bringing out the challenger for the Cruiserweight Title, Jyushin "Thunder" Lyger.

Styles: And here he is...the Japanese legend of puresu, the master of the Shooting Star Press, a man who has held titles worldwide--Jyushin "Thunder" Lyger.

King: He kinda DOES resemble Psychosis, like Connelly said.

Styles: Regardless, his talent is undeniable. And unless one of these two men are lying about their age, they are almost identical in size and weight!

King: INDEED!!! For many people, this is a dream match, Joey! Who knows what we'll see out of these two tonight?

Styles: Lyger in the ring now, and doing some posing, but he's recieved quite a mixed reaction here in the EAW...due to his actions, not his talent.

King: Maybe, but he's got a lot in common with me....a wily veteran, who knows just where, when, and how to bend the rules to his advantage. That is a talent that comes with experience, Styles!

"One Man Army" by Prodigy cues up next, and Nova walks out from the back, posing a bit for the crowd in his normal ring attire. However, he does do a few "Hogan-esqe" ear cups, causing to crowd to get fired up.

Styles: And the champion!! Nova is one of the finest talents on this continent, an InNOVAtor in this sport...maybe he'll show us a few new tricks here tonight, King!

Lawler: I wish Angelina was one of them! PUPPIES!!!

Styles: Nova hands over the Cruiserweight Title, and this match is nearly underway.

*ding, ding*

King: Come 'on Lyger!! Show this young punk!

Styles: Both men back up...Nova whips him chest first to the turnbuckle...he rebounds off, Nova springboards off the rope, REVERSE ROCKER DROPPER!!! Big move by Nova!! He pulls up Lyger again now--Manhattan Drop by Lyger, he now tosses Nova to the corner. Charges in....Repeated Shotei!!! Devasting!! Nova rolls to the outside!

King: You think there could be a tequila bottle in Lyger's future, Joey?

Styles: I don't think Nova was able to smuggle anything, but so far both men are following the rules. Lyger pulls up Nova...a crescent kick to the jaw...he whips Nova..Nova reverses--Lyger hits the steel!! Nova charges in...MONKEYFLIP!!!

King: AHH!!! Come on, Lyger!!

Styles: Nova climbs atop the apron..running--FROG SPLASH OFF THE APRON!!! This isn't a falls count anywhere match, so that move may be a bit wasted.

King: Yeah, pins only count in the ring.

Styles: Nova up now...seems to have momentarily forgotten this is a normal match....he rolls the Beast God back into the ring. Pulls up Lyger--Lyger with a throat thrust!!! Now a dropkick to the knees of Nova!! Nova back up...another low dropkick!! Now a whip to the ropes....HIGH LEG LARIAT!! Cover!

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One

KICKOUT!!

King: Nova's still got a lot of fight in him...

Styles: He DOES have the championship advantage. Lyger pulls up Nova...hits the ropes--swinging neckbr--NO!! Blocked!! Knee to the midsection of Lyger...SPINDOCTOR!!! Nova with the Spindoctor!! Cover!

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One and no!

King: That may have done some damage to the neck of Lyger, but HIT HIM WITH THE PILEDRIVER, LYGER!!!

Styles: Nova back on offense, he pulls up Lyger...whips him to the corner--rebound off by Lyger and slings behind him. Waistlock from Lyger...now a German Suplex!!

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One

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KICKOUT!!

King: WOW!!

Styles: Both men up....Nova with a clothesline..ducked. Lyger with a waistlock...reversal! Reverse Suplex coming up...Lyger lands behind! Shoving Nova into the ropes...rolls him up with a bridge.

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One

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KICKOUT!!

King: This is a close match, Styles...

Styles: VERY close....Lyger setting up Nova for a Lygerbomb....HURRACANRANA reverse by Nova!!

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One

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TWO!!

Styles: Two count only. Nova whips Lyger again...Lyger puts on the brakes....Fisherman Buster by Lyger!!! Cover!!

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One

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TWO!!!--NO!!!

King: Lyger with a scoop slam on Nova!!

Styles: Lyger now heading up top...going for....YES!!! THE SHOOTING STAR PRESS!!!

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ONE

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TWO!!!

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KICKOUT!!! ALMOST A NEW CHAMPION!!!

Lawler: Lyger has been WAY too fair in this match...he should learn the virtues of a steel chair.

Styles: Nova back up...Lyger charges in...drop toe hold from Nova. Nova pulls him up...boot to the midsection...DEEP IMPACT!!!

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ONE

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TWO

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ANOTHER NEAR-FALL!!

Lawler: This match is incredible, Styles! The only thing that could make it better would be if Angelina would take her--

Styles: I get it, King. Anyhow...both men getting up, each one of them a little winded from this hard fought match...

Styles: Lyger now with a snap powerbomb. He stands over Nova...how BITCHSLAPPING him!!

King: Would that be Ja--

Styles: DON'T SAY IT, KING!! Lyger pulls up Nova now...another whip to the corner. Lyger heading in after him....he sets him up onto the turnbuckle...

King: Kiss that Cruiserweight Title goodbye, Nova!!!

Styles: IT could be the Avalance Brainbuster...NO..blocked by Nova.....he's...OH MY GOD!!! KRYPTONITE KRUNCH!!! NOVA HITS THE KRYPTONITE KRUNCH!!!

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One

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TWO

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THREE!!!

Styles: Nova retains!!!

Winner by Pinfall >>> Nova, still EAW Cruiserweight Champion

"AND THAT AND THAT!!! You small, frail, Ryu wannabe!! HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!!!!" She laughs manicially as she slams the Lyger figure up and down onto Sakura.

"AND ONE OF THESE...and THIS...and to top it off...." She then pulls a chainsaw out of nowhere, and begins to rev it up..."HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!!!!" She then cuts the figure in half!?!

She claps her hands, and a Japanse butler appears, gathering up the two halfs and some of the scattered pieces and removing them. "YOU TOO, RYU!!!" she says, then slides over and has a Ryu figurine meet the same fate.

An announcer says, "EAW action figures...typically not mutilated by psychotic rich girls with a chainsaw! Look for new figurines in April!"

Back to the PPV as the sirens and bells and whistles of the RTC Theme cues up.

Styles: We're back! And we are ready for our tag team grudge match! And here comes Steven Richards and Ivory! And their newfound ally RTC Man!

King: I wonder who RTC Man REALLY is! He's a wrestler, no doubt about that... but who is he? Styles?

Styles: I can't tell you because I don't know! Oh, no... now Richards has a mic. As Michael Cole would say, "Stop the Pain!"

Richards: Tonight! Tonight... we're going to be fighting a team who dares call themselves... "Neo D-X!" Two very naughty girls who--

Lilith's Voice: --are beautiful beyond all reproach and sense of the word!!

Styles: What the--?!

King: HA HA HAHA HA HA!! Ohhh, this is great!!

Richards scowls, then continues.

Richards: Tonight my collegue RTC Man and I will--

Blink's Voice: Suck it and suck it hard! Because everyone knows that RTC sucks! BREAK IT DOWN!!

"D-GENERATION X!!!"

"D-X (Remixed)" cues up as Lilith and Blink, both clad in the neon green and black of DX, suddenly teleport right in front of RTC Man and Richards and start attacking!!

Styles: And the match is underway!! Referee Ayane Mitsui has yet to ring the bell as the four combatants haven't entered the ring yet-- SAMURAI DRIVER BY BLINK ON IVORY!! My God, and she's out cold!! Lilith throws Richards into the ring... Blink ducks a swing from RTC Man and-- EVASIVE BACK ROLL TO RTC MAN'S BACK-- CORINO DRIVER!! Blink grabs a hold of the stunned RTC Man--

*BLINK!*

--and... they're in the ring now! Ayane calls for the bell, and this match is officially underway!

Styles: It looks like Blink and RTC Man will be the legal partcipants in this match... Richards is away from his corner checking on Ivory, who is recovering from that Samurai Driver! Blink and RTC Man tie up-- And RTC Man with a headlock... he grinds it in tight... and a PUNCH to the head sends Blink down! RTC Man quickly acts and starts raining punches down on Blink's skull! Ayane is counting... and she pushes RTC Man off! She's reprimanding him! Good for her!

King: Watch it, Ayane! Don't think those RTC members care if you're the referee!

Styles: Blink pulls herself up in the corner and stares down RTC Man... RTC Man stares back... she charges, slides in-between his legs and-- TWO-HANDED FACECRUSHER!! And a mounter punch of her own, two-fisted style!! Ayane delivers a count to Blink too! And Blink backs off as she throws RTC Man to her corner! Runs in... ELBOW STRIKE... and step back... sizing him up... ANOTHER one! And the tag to Lilith! Double-team move coming up... DOUBLE FACEBUSTER!

King: WOO-HOO! GO, NEO D-X!!

Styles: Lilith throws RTC Man to another corner; he slumps down... you know what that means, King!

King: Do I ever!! Bronco Buster time!!

Lilith smiles, spins around once, crotch chops and charges in, leaps--

Styles: NO!! RTC MAN GETS A FOOT UP AND HE GETS LILITH RIGHT IN THE CROTCH!!! MY GOD, that's gotta hurt, no matter who or what you are!!

King: I dunno, I think I see a smile from that Horny Lil' She-Devil... she WOULD enjoy something like that...

Styles: RTC Man makes the tage to Richards... you can tell he's been aching for this... double team... SPIKE PILEDRIVER!! MY GOD! The same move that Ivory and Val Venis used to take out Chyna!!

King: Yeah, but Lilith's not really human so it shouldn't hurt her TOO badly...

Styles: It's effective nonetheless... Richards picks Lilith up and there's the backbreaker!! And the cover! One! Two! But Lilith kicks out! Richards looks undaunted though... knee smask to Lilith's shoulder! And another one! And... short arm scissors by Richards! Ayane's asking if Lilith wants to give up and... WHOA! LILITH JUST KICKED RICHARDS IN THE FACE! What flexibility from Lilith Aensland!

King: Well, duh.

Styles: Lilith doesn't make the tag, though! She rushes in... and... POWERBOMB! NO, JACKKNIFE POWERBOMB, RED WEST STYLE! One! Two! But RTC Man makes the save! Now... Ayane's forcing RTC Man back to his corner as Richards gets pushed back... AND BLINK HAS THE TAG!! BLINK HAS MADE THE TAG!!

King: But Ayane didn't see it!!

Ayane: That's right! And Ayane is forcing Blink back to her corner... and, no, RTC Man and Richards are double-teaming Lilith! Multiple kicks to the gut!

Blink sees this, and just pushes Ayane out of the way and attacks RTC Man and Richards!

Styles: Blink doesn't care if Ayane saw her tag or not!! HARD ROUNDHOUSE sends RTC Man out of the ring!! And she grabs Richards from behind and THERE'S THE FULL NELSON DROP!! Pick up by Blink and a whip to Richard to the corner and... she isn't going to...

King: I think she is!! HA HA!! SHE IS!!

Blink smiles... crotch chops, and charges in with--

Styles & King: THE BRONCO BUSTER!!!

Styles: Blink with a Bronco Buster on Steven Richards!! DX is indeed alive in this young mutant!! And a... celestial splash into-- THE PINK MOLESTER!!! THAT GROIN CLAW IS SO PAINFUL!!! AND RIGHT NOW STEVEN RICHARDS WISHES HE WORE A CUP!!

King: I love it!! This is great!! LOOK! RICHARDS IS TAPPING OUT!! HE'S TAPPING OUT!!

Styles: But Ayane's not calling for the bell!! She's... she just pulled Blink off of Richards! I think she still sees Lilth as the legal person! Blink and Ayane are arguing now! I think we can get one of the camera to pick up what they're saying!

Ayane: ... not the legal one! You hear me?! You can't come charging in without tagging Lilith!

Blink: I DID tag her, dammit!!

Ayane: Well I didn't see it! I can't call what I can't see!!

Blink: Yeah, well, call this--

Styles: OMIGOD!!! BLINK JUST DROPPED AYANE WITH THE SPLIT SECOND!!!! WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO BLINK?!

King: AHHH! Blink! I think she's emulating Stone Cold Steve Austin too much!!

Styles: RTC Man throws a clothesline at Blink! She ducks-- AND A SPLIT SECOND TO RTC MAN!!! Richards is up!! SPEAR TO BLINK! And Lilith's up!! She charges Richards-- SOUL FLASH!! MY GOD, and RICHARDS just hit the turnbuckle hard!! Blink's up... Ivory's in the ring with a chair! Lilith blocks it with her wings and-- CHILDISH DROP!! IVORY'S DOWN!! And now Lilith pins Richards! But Ayane's still out!!

Blink quickly goes to the unconscious Ayane and slaps her hand to the mat three times, calling for the bell.

Winners: Neo D-X

Styles: I... I can't believe what we've seen!! RTC got screwed big time by Neo D-X!! But the fans don't seem to care!! Listen to those cheers!!

King: That was the wildest thing I've ever seen so far!! Unbelievable!!

Styles: This is a new side to Blink! She seems to have emulated completely to DX!! And look at her smile! She loves it!!

Suddenly the lights go out!!

Styles: WHAT THE--?! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON NOW?!

King: Styles! This--?! What is--?!!

*BOOONNNNNNG!!*

The lights come on again... Blink is out cold and bleeding from the temple... standing over her is the "Dark Lord of Stygia" himself, the Undertaker, clad in full leather Stygian armor... and above him... crucified to his symbol, is Lilith!!

Styles: OhmiGod!! King! She... my God, those aren't chains holding Lilith up! She's really been crucified!!!

King: AHHH! Lilith! This is terrible!!

Suddenly the Undertaker speaks, without the use of a microphone as his voice travels across the PA.

UT: It wouldn't really be EAW Cataclysm... without the man who will begin the cataclysm of the Knight Cross... Shaed... Widow... Ryokami... Sasori... Kaye... Morrigan... Kane... Ariel. I owe you ALL for what happened in the IWF... consider this... to be the first step to your downfall.

The Undertaker throws his head back, eyes rolling back in his head... as he suddenly throws his hands up-- the symbol that Lilith is crucified on suddenly explodes into flames!!!

Styles: OMIGOD!!! THAT SYMBOL IS ON FIRE!! LILITH'S ON FIRE!! MY GOD!! YOU CAN HEAR HER SCREAMS FROM HERE!! THIS... THIS IS SATANIC!!! SOMEONE SAVE HER BEFORE THAT MADMAN ENDS UP KILLING HER!!!

The lights cut out suddenly, the arena lit only by the burning flames of the symbol Lilith is on.

UT: ... The end begins tonight... there will be no resting in peace... for anyone...

The lights come back on as Knight Cross members Black Widow and Scorpion's Pyre arrive on the scene; but Undertaker is nowhere to be found... Blink slowly comes to, holding her head in pain as Ivory, Ayane, RTC Man, and Steven Richards all recover from the match. They get the symbol lowered enough as EMTs extinguish the flames.

Styles: My God... oh my God, you... you can smell the burnt flesh... this is... horrific...

King: I can't believe what I've seen, Joey... my God... Lilith...

The cameras get a good shot at Lilith... her netherflesh costume has been burned away, but her by looks charred... there's no humanly way possible that she could be alive, but she is somehow... pulled from the symbol gently, she's taken out on a stretcher, twitching softly as Kaye, Sasori, Widow, and Blink accompany the EMTs in seeing Lilith through... Richards, Ivory, RTC Man, Ayane, and fans alike watch on in shock and in horror.

Styles: Well fans, up next, you have the best seat in the house as we get set to see a huge World Title match where the rules are, yes...Rooftop Cell Casket Match.

Lawler: Whoa! That's a lot of stipulations!

Styles: Indeed it is, and like most Triple Threat Matches, it will be the first to stuff an opponent into a casket and slam the lid that will be the winner, as well as the World Champion.

We cut to a shot of the rooftop, where a ring is set up on top of it, and a Cell is contructed around it, lowered overtop by a helicopter. The casket that the Undertaker "donated" to the EAW for this match is also present, the large heavy lid not even budged by the winds kicking up.

We cut to a shot of the stairway as "Bad Influence" by Eminem is pumped through the building.

Styles: And the first challenger on his way to the ring is the inventor of the Rooftop Match, the Flyboy!

Flyboy, with Tympani Craig, walks up out of the stairwell, dumping a water bottle's contents onto his head, then walking towards the cell as a referee opens in, and he enters. Tympani remains on the outside.

Styles: Rumor has it that this may very well be Flyboy's last match in EAW if he does not win the title.

King: Would that mean we could be seeing the last of Tympani?

Styles: I'm not sure King, but you could be right...

King: That really sucks! As least there are plenty of hotties left here for me to ogle.

"Take a Look Around (Theme from "M:I-2")" by Limp Bizkit cues up next, and we take a shot of the stairwell to the roof interspliced with Sonnette's ring entrance video. The sound of shoe hitting concrete rapidly is heard as Sonnette dashes up it, and out of the stairwell, stopping on a dime right in front of the cell. The camera pans upward to get a better look at the ominous structure.

King: I wonder if Sonnette would mind if I called her Charlene again?

Styles: From what I hear, yes she would.

Sonnette follows Flyboy's lead, entering the ring, then hopping up, onto, and off the casket before getting into the ring.

King: And now the CHAMPION!! Along with one of our esteemed presidential nominees....I voted for her--I think...

"The Way I Am" by Eminem cues up next, and Hera rushes out of the stairwall, waving to the camera.

King: OH BABY!! I'd love to have "sexual relations" with THAT woman! I'd be happy to provide her a "secret service"--

Styles: ENOUGH with the presidential puns, Lawler!

Helmsley walks toward the ring, throwing open the door then handing the World Title to the referee, then entering.

Styles: "The Decadent" climbs into the ring, and the door is being locked behind him...three PERSONs will enter, only one will leave with the World Title.

The bell is rung...

Styles: Flyboy and Sonnette start off with the double team, whipping Helmsley to the ropes...now a double flapjack on the return.

King: AHHHHH!!!

Styles: Helmsley gets up quickly, whips Flyboy now to the ropes. Gets in there, and starts putting the boots to the Flyboy!! Whips him again--right into a sidebackbreaker from Sonnette!

King: Come on, Hunter! Or Flyboy! Just NOT Sonnette!

Styles: Flyboy getting up...thumb to the eye of Sonnette--now dumps her out of the ring!

King: Flyboy turns around...OHH....kick to the groin by Helmsley.

Styles: Which is perfectly legal in this match...Snap Suplex by Helmsley.

King: As long as one of my favorites are in control, I'm happy.

Styles: Another irish whip by Flyboy--Sonnette catches the foot of Helmsley!!

King: AHHHH!!!

Styles: Sonnette pulls out Helmsley, who splats on the floor. Now laying in the boots to him. Sonnette pulls him up, slams his head onto the apron. ANOTHER!!!

King: Flyboy hits the far ropes--DOUBLE BASEBALL SLIDE!!

King: WHOO-HOOO!!!

Styles: Flyboy grabs Sonnette, pulling her by the head over to where the casket is....lifting the lid.

King: YES!!!!

Styles: HARD elbow by Sonnette to the midsection of Flyboy, now dumping him in....

King: He's fighting it...only half of his body in.

Styles: Helmsley with a vicious clothesline to the back of Sonnette's head!!! Flyboy pulls himself out of the casket!!

King: Whew...

Styles: Flyboy rolls Helmsley back in now. Flyboy in after him.

King: ONE of you two!!

Styles: Now a boot to the midsection by Flyboy...he dumps Helmsley face down onto the top of the casket!

King: He still needs to open it, though.

Styles: Flyboy hits the opposite ropes...no going for the Fly Splash!! SONNETTE SAVES HELMSLEY!! Flyboy's back hits the top of that casket!!

King: HOLY....Styles!!!

Styles: OH MY GOD!!! Sonnette has Flyboy now, grinding his face into the chain link cell!!

Styles: Helmsley's up now, though....BACK SUPLEXES Sonnette onto that thin padding! He pulls her up by the head now...Flyboy apparently assisting him.....now...A two-man powerbomb onto the casket!!

Lawler: And not even Sonnette's spines are sharp enough to cut through that!!

Styles: Now they roll Sonnette off the casket, into the ring...and now are opening the lid of the casket--who would our champ be if both of them slammed the lid on Sonnette here!?

King: Co-champions, I suppose...they roll her in...now trying to slam the lid..

Styles: NO!!! Sonnette back on her knees, holding up the lid with her arms....but how long can she hold out?

King: I don't know, Joey..but she's doing a damn fine job!

Styles: She slides over to the opening...she's trying to get out..trying to get out...AND SHE'S OUT!!! Sonnette lands on the floor out here!! Flyboy and Triple H lay in the boots to her now...suprising to see these two teaming up.

King: Indeed but...Flyboy with the Flyplex on Triple H!!!

Styles: He releases the suplex--you can't win by pinfall in this contest.

King: Sonnette and Flyboy team up now...picking up Helmsley...DROPS HIM ACROSS THE APRON!!!

Styles: Sonnette takes a note from Flyboy and hits him with the release Pornplex!!

King: NO!!! Sonnette's on the offense now!!

Styles: She rolls Flyboy into the ring, now climbing up for...it could be the Money Shot!!!

King: STOPHER HUNTER!!!!

Styles: Hunter yanks on the ropes, crotching Sonnette onto the top turnbuckle!!

King: She's falling, she's falling...HEADBUTT TO THE GROIN!!!

Styles: INADVERTANT maybe, but still...

King: Hunter's in...FINISH THE JOB HUNTER!!!

Styles: He whips Flyboy to the ropes...THERE'S THE HIGH KNEE!! He pulls him back up; Helmsley setting up Flyboy for the Pedigree--NAILS IT!!! Now he rolls Flyboy into the open casket!!

King: Hunter's going to win this match now...

Styles: SONNETTE WITH A CHOP BLOCK!!! She takes out Hunter's leg!! Now setting him up...

King: NO, NOT---

Styles: THE SONIC BOOM!!! Sonnette still needs to close one of these two in the casket to win.

King: She's climbing up to the top turnbuckle...

Styles: Sonnette with the Cross Body Block!! But she may have her head, but FLYBOY'S IN THE CASKET!!! Now all she has to do it..SHE SLAMMED THE LID!!!

*ding,ding, ding*

Styles: We have a brand new EAW World Heavyweight Champion!!! And her name is Sonnette!!!

King: *pounds head on desk* NO!! *thunk* NO!!! *thunk* NO!!! *thunk*

Styles: Don't miss a huge EAW Riot Rulz next week, folks!!

Winner by Closing Opponent in Casket >>> Sonnette; NEW EAW World Champion!!

™ & © EAW, Inc. 2001