EAW Women's Title Triple Threat Match
Trinity Vs. Tympani Craig Vs. Sarah Murphy (c)
Joey Styles: Hello everyone and Welcome to EAW Aggression.   Tympani is in the ring now.   Let’s here what she has to say.
Tympani: Well, I know my man Flyboy will when the EAW World Title, but
tonight I will win the Women's Title. Not only that, but it'll be in the
type of match I lost it in..a Ladder Match! So bitches get your asses
out here!


Lawler: Ooh  Yes, it’s time for my favorite match of the night.
Joey Styles:  I think what my esteemed colleague meant to say was, it is time to start off the show.  Tympani Craig and Trinity are already in the ring.
Lawler: I can’t say anything.
Joey: That good?
Lawler: No, they threatened me with a law suit.
Joey: Who?
Lawler: Every woman on the planet.
Joey: Well that is good.  Sarah Murphy, the women’s champion is now walking down to the ring.  The three women stare each other down.  Trinity and Sarah lock up as Tympani looks on.  Sarah  pushes Trinity down, but only to turn around and be leveled by Tympani.  Now Trinity and Tympani are both stomping down on the champion.  Trinity  goes down to make a cover, but Tympani pulls her off.  Trinity and Tympani begin to push each other, CAAAAATTTT FIIIIIIGGHT!  Sarah Murphy is using this time to get back to her feet.   Murphy climbs out of the ring, and she is going for the Ladder.   Sarah Murphy begins to carry the ladder towards the ring, but Trinity throws Tympani out of the ring and crashing into Sarah and the ladder.  The ladder is now sandwiched between Tympani and Sarah.
Lawler: I wish I was that ladder!
Styles: I thought you weren’t allowed to talk?
Lawler: Right.
Styles: Well, Trinity springboards off the top rope and hits a body press on Tympani as she gets up, this again puts Tympani on top of the Ladder, and the ladder on top of Sarah Murphy.  Sarah looks hurt.  She isn’t getting up, this looks bad.  Meanwhile, Trinity is beginning to set the ladder up inside the ring.  Trinity is now climbing the ladder.  I think she may have the  belt…just a little bit…OH MY GOD!  Tympani just pushed the ladder over, and Trinity just spilled over the top rope and out through a table!
Lawler: What was that doing there anyway?
Styles:  I don’t know.  Trinity looks to be almost unconscious, and the ladder is half hanging over the ropes.  Tympani looks around, and then…oh no!  She pushed the ladder over the rope and onto the Broken body of Trinity.  I don’t know if that is the best move, because now Tympani is going  to have to go to the outside to get the ladder instead of just having a quick trip up.  Tympani steps outside the ropes, and she drops a leg on the ladder!  Bad decision, because now Tympani looks hurt, I guess she is now on the same level as the other two women.  Speaking of which, Sarah Murphy has now gotten to her feet.  She is holding herself up on the guardrail.  Tympani, gets up as well, and begins to pick the ladder up.  She pushes the ladder into the ring, and begins to set it up.  Tympani starts to climb up the ladder, but she doesn’t get far, Sarah Murphy is back into this one! She begins to trade punches with Tympani, and throws Tympani’s face into the ladder.  Tympani finds herself in the corner as  Sarah punishes her.   Sarah picks up Tympani, POWERBOMB!  Tympani is down, and Sarah Murphy is climbing up the ladder.  SHE HaS IT! Sarah Murphy has retained the title.
Hardcore Title Graveyard Match:
Sonnette (c) v.s. Mortis v.s. The Flyboy
The entire match is to be faught in a graveyard.
Joey Styles: Well,  it’s about time for the Graveyard Match.  I cannot believe that EAW would do something like this.

King: Wait a minute, do you watch EAW?  I mean, anything can happen here.   It’s great!  Just like the women’s match.

Joey:  That match wasn’t THAT good.

King: Are you gay or something?  That was the greatest thing ever!

Joey: I thought you couldn’t talk? Anyway, we are now looking at the graveyard, and I can’t see to well.

King: I’m scared.

Joey: Well it looks like Sonnette and Mortis have started this one off, as they trade punches.   Flyboy seems to be watching.

King: What does he have in his hand?

Joey: I don’t know.  Flyboy punches Sonnette from behind with that object!  Sonnette goes down, but Mortis kicks  Flyboy in the Stomach before  Flyboy can use the object on him!   Mortis hits a swinging Neckbreaker on Flyboy, but oh my, he just walked into a huge DDT from Sonnette.

King: It wasn’t that big.

Joey: Whatever. Sonnette picks up Mortis,  Mortis punches Sonnette in the ribs, but Sonnette whips Mortis into tombstone.  Mortis is bent over the tombstone.  Sonnette picks up a shovel, and, she turns it around?

King: She going to Violate him!

Joey: But wait, Flyboy just pushed a wheelbarrow under Sonnette.  Sonnette is in the wheelbarrow, and has dropped the shovel.  Flyboy grabs Mortis and throws him on top of Sonnette in the wheelbarrow.   He begins to push the wheelbarrow, and OH MY GOD!  He just pushed the wheelbarrow, with both of his opponents, into an open grave.  Flyboy is beginning to shovel dirt onto them.  Wait a minute! Who is that?  It’s GI Bro!  He was waiting behind a tombstone!  He has another Tombstone in his hand, and he hits Flyboy with it.  Flyboy falls into the Open Grave.  Bro Reaches down in the grave, and he pulls up Sonnette.  Sonnette punches Bro in the chest, and tries for a DDT.  She hits the DDT, but look at Mortis, his eyes are glowing!  What is this? Oh my god, something is raising from the grave beneath Sonnette.  It looks like some sort of Lynx-morph Zombie!  It hooks Sonnette and lands a Cat’s Cradle DDT on the tombstone that GI BRO was using!  Mortis pins Sonnette, 1…2…3!  Mortis has won the Hardcore title!

Mortis: Sonnette,  I told you that you would pay for the sins of your past.

Lawler: I’m scared!

Styles: You said that already.
Cage Match:
Cyrus V.S. Damien Kintobor
(I am running a bit late, so any match where only one person rp’d I am just going to summarize.)
While Damien is in the ring Cyrus  makes his way out.  Cyrus is cut off by Crucifix though, and the two begin to brawl.  Crucifix rolls Cyrus into the ring where Damien quickly takes control.  Damien smashes Cyrus into the cage.  Damien continues to do this until Cyrus is bloody.  Cyrus falls to the mat, and Damien drops a leg on him.  Cyrus begins to try to get to his feet, but is kicked hard.  After a series of reversals by both men, Damien hit the Iron Maiden, and then climbed out of the cage easily.  Damien and Crucifix stare each other down after the match.  Cyrus gets up and begins to yell at Damien, and Crucifix.  Cyrus says it isn’t over, and that if Damien was a real man he would fight to a pin fall.  Damien walks back to the ring, and the match starts again.  Crucifix also tries to get involved, but Cyrus smashes the cage door on his head taking crucifix down.  The match restarts.  Cyrus and Damien duel it out with fists and suplex combinations.  Cyrus hits a huge DDT which puts Damien out.   Damien rolls over as if trying to leave through the ropes, but he finds himself blocked by the cage.  Cyrus picks up Damien, and sets him up on the top rope.  Top Rope brainbuster! Cyrus then gets the pin on Damien.
(PS Sorry, when I wrote this match originally Cyrus had not rp’d, but then when I was checking rps for another match, I saw that Cyrus had then rp’d)
Iron Man Hell in a Cell Match:
G.I. Bro Vs. "The Franchise" Shane Douglas
Bro took this one easily.  A number of big time power moves lead to the first fall.   Shane came back and one a fall by making GI Bro tap out to an armbar.  Then booker took three  consecutive falls by using and Axe Kick, a missile drop kick, and the Harlem Hangover, respectively. Note: GI Bro hit the Harlem Hangover off the second rope.
People's Title Match:
Code Red (c) v.s. Black Widow
Styles: Well now the People’s title is on the line as Code Red takes on Black Widow.   Black Widow is making her way to the ring now.  Just listen to -"There's a Fire in the House" by Steve Vai, you know what that means, it is time for Code Red.  Code Red is about a hundred pounds bigger than Black Widow, and he goes to work.   Red applies a front chancery, but Black Widow turns it around and suplexes him.  Black Widow moves to the ropes, Red ducks, and  Black Widow leaps over him.

Lawler:  Anybody got any cookies?

Styles: No.  Black Widow drops Red with a Neckbreaker, but Code Red gets back up and hits a huge DDT.  Code Red begins to apply pressure to the neck of Black Widow.  Black Widow begins to flail her legs,  I think that might be  a choke!  Code Red releases the hold as Black Widow gets to the ropes.   Black Widow stands up, and back body drops a charging Code Red.  Code Red goes over the ropes and out to the floor.  Black Widow bounces off the ropes and leaps over the top rope and hits Code Red with a  pescado.     Code Red whips  Black Widow into the guardrail and now follows in with a huge knee.  Code Red throws her into the ring post.  Code Red rolls into the ring.  Black Widow follows him in only to be met with a boot.   Black Widow grabs Code Red’s ankle and pulls him down.

Lawler:  I could really use a cookie.

Styles:  I don’t have any cookies.

Lawler: Oh come on, Chocolate Chip, Oatmeal, Butter Cookies, Sugar Cookies

Styles: SHUT UP!

Lawler:  Geez, you don’t have to scream about it.

Styles:  Anyway, Code Red goes to the ropes and Black Widow ducks a clothesline.  Code Red tries again, but this time is met with a drop kick.  Code Red stumbles but doesn’t fall.  Black Widow runs in again, but this time is grabbed by Code Red and put right into a head and arm Suplex.    Black Widow  gets to her feet and whips Code Red into the ropes.  Black Widow bends down in anticipation, but it is too early and Code Red quickly hooks her for the Condition Red.  Code Red tries for a pin, but Widow’s leg is on the ropes.  Code Red picks her back up, and he hits it again!  1..2…3!  Code Red  Michael Connolly is the winner!

No Holds Barred, Falls Count Anywhere Match
Lilith Aensland Vs. Triple H
(Lilith is allowed to use her succubus powers; if Triple H wins, Lilith is to be his "sex slave" for a whole month)
Lawler:  I wish I was Triple H right now.
Styles:  That’s if he wins I guess.   Well Lilith begins to prepare herself backstage as Triple H walks out  to Shackstreet Boyz "I'll Beat You That Way.", silver guitar in hand.  Triple H awaits as Lilith reluctantly makes her way to the ring.  She is allowed to use her succubus powers for this one.   Lilith flies into the ring, but before she can touch down Triple H cracks her one with the guitar.  That folks is the reason you don’t fly without proper permits in this country.  Triple H has come to play tonight folks.
Lawler: When is she going to do that move where all her clothes go away?
Styles:  This is a family show Jerry, she won’t do that.
Lawler: Look at that… her clothes just turned into bats and they are attacking Triple H.  You know what that means?
Styles: Potential Voyeurs like yourself get to sneak a peek?
Lawler: No, I don’t even think about things like that.
Styles: RIIIIIGHT.  Then what does it mean?
Lawler: It means I was right and you were wrong.  Hey! I think I see a nipple!
Styles: Well, Triple H is being pelted by bats right now, I don’t know if he can take much more of this. Well now, Triple has been pushed into the corner. He charges out and takes down Lilith with a knee to the face.  Triple H is some competitor.   He hooks Lilith by the head, some how Triple H still stands after that bat attack.  What?!??  Lilith has just hit Triple H with some sort of Projectile, which has knocked HHH back.  Triple H is enfuriated, and he goes right after her.  Lilith just morphed her wings into a bow and arrow!
Lawler: And she has shot HHH into the corner.
Styles: Bronco buster from Lilith!  She picks HHH up and chops him in the corner.  HHH is again enraged, and he charges at Lilith.  Lilith floats over HHH, and then kicks him down from behind.  HHH gets to his feet and is looking at Lilith as if she just kicked him in the balls or something.  HHH locks up with Lilith, but Lilith just picks him up with her wings.  Or hands, well her wings are hands.  Triple H pushes away, kicks her in the stomach and hits the Pedigree!  This one is over! No, wait, she kicked out.  Well, actually she kinda pushed up with her wings, but we will deal with that later.
Lawler:  What a match!
Styles:  Lilith uses her wings and flies straight at HHH, hitting him in the stomach.  She hooks him for a pedigree, but she flies about ten feet into the air for it.  OH MY GOD! Triple H may be dead!  But he kicks out!  OH LORD! HE KICKED OUT.  Now Triple H is struggling to get to his feet.  Lilith picks him up, goes for the irish whip, no he reverses, kicks her in the stomach and hits another Pedigree!  1…2…3! Triple H wins.
Lawler:  I knew he would win, because he likes sex.
Shaed stops Triple H before he
leaves the arena with Lilith; dressed in his ring gear, it looks like
he's ready for a fight to save Lilith from Triple H. But Lilith manages
to come to... pushing away from Triple H... seeing Shaed, she
blinkblinks, realizing what he's trying to do, then hugs Shaed.

Lilith: Thanks, Bro... but I can't let you save me.

Shaed looks shocked as he hugs back.

Shaed: Little One?! I can't let you--

Lilith: I made the stip, Shaed... and I lost. If there's one thing I
learned from you, Bro, it's that you gotta always hold up your end of
the deal. Don't worry, I'll be okay.

Lilith leans upward on her toes and gives Shaed a kiss on the cheek.

Lilith: See ya in about a month.

Lilith goes back to Triple H's side... all Shaed does is stare a hole
right through him.

Shaed: Do not incur my wrath by hurting my sister-in-law, Hunter...
that's all I'll say.

Shaed releuctantly steps aside, letting Hunter and Lilith leave.
Styles: I can’t believe Shaed would just let her go.

EAW Tag Team Title Match
ChainSaw (c) vs. Scorpion's Pyre
Scorpion’s Pyre dominates and wins the match with a double ddt.  New Champions Scorpion’s Pyre.
After the match:

Sasori slides out of the ring and picks up a microphone, then climbs
back in as Kaye watches... Sasori gestures for their theme music to be
cut as he looks to Kaye, handing her the mic. Kaye looks a little
confused.

Kaye: ...Sasori...? What's up?

Sasori merel drops his title belt, then reaches behind him and pulls out
something... taking Kaye's ungloved hand and slipping something on it;
the cameras zoom in on her hand... on it is a beautiful chrome
scorpion-motif ring with a diamond in the center. Kaye's eyes go wide as
Sasori, still holding Kaye's hand, drops down to one knee, looking up at
her. Kaye trembles softly with a surge of emotion, and answers Sasori's
silent question.

Kaye: Yes!! Yes, of course I'll marry you, Sasori!!

Sasori actually smiles softly, then stands up and embraces Kaye tightly,
kissing her deeply as "We're In This Together" cues up once more...
their theme song now holding much more meaning as they stare into each
others eyes, the newly betrothed tag team champions.


EAW World Title Triangle Deathmatch
"The Revenant" Shaed Bloodgrave (EAW c) vs. Flyboy vs. President Jay
(The ring is surrounded by a cell that is electrified, while dangerous explosives are at the top of the cell set to go off in 60 minutes.)

Styles: Well, now they are lowering the cage into place for the main event.  I am going to say right now that I am against this match, as I feel it is too extreme, but then again, we might get to see a cool explosion. Well, the competitors are in the ring, and everything is set up, so let’s go to the action.

60:00

Styles: Here we go.  The President locks up with Flyboy and Shaed.   All three men struggle a bit and then push a part.   Shaed whips Flyboy into the corner, only to be whipped into the same corner by the president.  The president follows in looking for a splash, but Shaed moves away and Flyboy is the only one who get’s splashed.  Shaed kicks President Jay in the head and then begins to apply a sleeper.  Flyboy gets out of the corner and clotheslines both men down.  Remember this is an elimination match up, and if you are pinned, you are out.

47:18

Styles: Flyboy and Shaed are now working over President Jay.  Jay kicks both men in the stomach and hits ddt’s on both. Shaed gets to his feet first, and takes down Jay with a huge dropkick.  Jay gets to his feet and attempts a running clothesline on Shaed.  Shaed Ducks, and there it is…

Shaed: SHO GEKI HA!!!

Styles: Right.  Sudden Impact!  Shaed has pinned president Jay, and the president made a short trip today.  I am a bit shocked, because the Prez is usually a pretty tough guy.  Oh well.  Hey, does anyone know where Lawler want?  Anyway Flyboy is on the attack now, and there are about 45 minutes left before the ring blows.  Well, cage blows actually, but when you think about it…aww nevermind.

31:34

Styles:  Well, Flyboy and Shaed have been trading Suplex variations for about ten minutes now, and I think both men are pretty tired.  Flyboy attempts a bulldog, but Shaed picks him up and hits an atomic drop.  Shaed pushes Flyboy face first into the cage.  Flyboy stumbles back to be put into a huge body slam.

24:01

Styles:  What a match up.  Flyboy and Shaed have been going at it for  more than thirty minutes now.  President Jay was eliminated about 20 minutes ago, and these two are still going.  That explosion still looms.  Flyboy leaps over Shaed, and comes back off the ropes to hit a face crusher.  Shaed is bloodied now, and  he pulls himself up in the corner.  Flyboy follows in, but Shaed ducks and Flyboy hits the ring post face first.  Shaed throws a punch, and another, and ano-no.  That one was blocked, and Flyboy begins to return the favor.  Arm-drag by Flyboy, and then one by Shaed.  Wristlock on Shaed, he spins around and applies a standing waistlock.  Flyboy kicks back and nails Shaed right between the legs.  Shaed releases the hold.

11:07

Styles:  What the hell?  Flyboy just speared Shaed, but Shaed doesn’t even look phased, wait a minute, that will get him, Flyboy just hit a huge Powerslam, and now Shaed is on the defensive.  Flyboy tries a crossbody, but is caught and slammed down hard.

1:30

Styles:  It’s Kid Foxx!  He’s got a chair, and a key, he’s opening the door to the cage, Flyboy is beating on Shaed in the corner.  Well, atleast we know Foxx wasn’t raised in a barn, because he made sure he closed the door behind him.  Foxx sets the chair up, he’s gonna hit Flyboy.  Flyboy turns around, and ducks just in time, Shaed has been smashed in the face with the chair.   Flydown on Kid Foxx..there is less than a minute left.   Flydown on Shaed, Flyboy goes for the pin, 1…2….3!  Flyboy has won it!  Now he is taking the key out of Foxx’s hand.  Flyboy is leaving the ring,  and locking the door.  Here comes Kaye!  The Hot Pink Machine is on her way!!! She Chokeslams the New Champ, and makes her way to the cage.  SHE PULLED THE DOOR RIGHT OFF!  OH MY GOD!  No, the time is running down…. She picks up Shaed and Kid Foxx and begins to carry them out, but the time is short.  5…4…3...2…1!

(There is an explosion. Smoke fills the ring, and the cage has collapsed. The ring is on fire, and Shaed, Kaye, and Kid Foxx cannot be scene.)

Styles: Holy Shit!  I didn’t think.  Oh no..  how…

(Jerry Lawler comes running out with a stick and a bag of marshmallows.)
Lawler:  I knew it would be worth making a run to the supermarket.

Styles:  Shut up, just shut up, people may have died in there.

(Show Ends.)