(OOC Note: As these results are late, and since he passed away before we got to put them up, think of the following opening as a tribute to the late, great "Classy" Freddie Blassie. One last opening vignette for you, Fred, from us "Pencil Necked Geeks"!)
The camera opens to show a clock ticking, dramatic music playing in the background. Periodically, clips of various EAW superstars will flash by. Soon, the voice of "Classy" Freddie Blassie breaks in.
"Changes are constant in the flow of time. Empires fall, new cities are built, people are born and people pass away... "
The clips change, showing some of EAW's and the nWo's finest in action.
"For immortals of the ring, time is their tool. They use it to make moments in it that will forever be remembered by people... either for the better... "
As the voice says that, it shows a clip of The Hurricane winning his casket match with Ryokami...
"... or the worse."
This line spawns a picture of David Flair defeating Eighteen in the Hell in a Cell match to retain the championship. The clips then go back to a montage of great moments with the competitors here tonight.
"Tonight, superstars will fight to make their moment in time never forgotten. They will fight for that chance to shine, to out-wit time and forever be immortalized. They will fight to make a change... one that will be swift."
The final clip is one of David Flair and Oseiko staring each other down.
"Because it only takes a Split Second to make a change... "
We fade out on that...
"Lose Yourself" by Eminem plays in the background as the camera cuts to the Tokyo Dome, where a salvo of fireworks goes off as an opening. The arena is packed tonight, and the fans inside are cheering for the upcoming show.
Most of the signs in the crowd are in Japanese, so American audiences MAY not be able to read them... but there are a few in English, some of them including "Eighteen's A Traitor!", "Go Kitty, Go!" with a picture of Ariel on it, "nWo 4-Life!", "Hunter Killed My Push!", "Shark Boy Forever!", and "If you're reading this sign, the match is BORING!"
Megan: From the amazing arena that is the Tokyo Dome, we are live for EAW Split Second! I'm Megan Eko, here along side Paul Heyman, and we are ready for a night of amazing action, where four of the five titles of EAW are on the line!
Heyman: No doubt about it, this will be a night that will never be forgotten... 8 amazing matches, 5 titles, a bunch of special stipulations... something has got to give tonight!
Megan: And now, we're about to get ready for our opening contest!
The "Jaws" theme cues up in the arena... and some of the fans start cheering as the first competitor comes out.
Capetta: Our opening contest for EAW Split Second is scheduled for one fall with a 20 minute time limit! Introducing first, from 20,000 leagues under the sea... standing 5'10" tall and weighing in at 180 pounds... SHARK BOY!
Megan: Well, it's the EAW return of Shark Boy... last time we saw him he came up a little short against then MPRW Public Access Champion Akiko Nakano, though he might have better luck here tonight.
Heyman: Shark Boy is a very experienced competitor, having held multiple lightweight titles in various organizations. He's been wrestling since 1997, so he will have many advantages in this match.
Megan: Shark Boy into the ring now... and he gives the crowd his patented Fin Salute!
Heyman: I find it amazing that he can get away with this gimmick in this day and age though.
Megan: It's a nice break from the ordinary... and if Shark Boy got a good reaction, then his opponent is probably going to get an even better one...
MEEEEEEEOOOOOOOWW!! =^..^=
"Cat House" by Takako Minekawa cues up, as the cute kitten girl comes out, a familiar tag team behind her.
Capetta: And his opponent, being accompanied to the ring by Scorpion's Pyre... from Albany, New York... standing 5' tall and weighing in at 90 pounds... ARIEL BRIDGES!
Heyman: Let me go on record by stating that I am on Ariel's side for this match!
Megan: Really... after singing the praises of Shark Boy?
Heyman: That was before I realized that Ariel was from New York.
Megan: I see. Scorpion's Pyre as always in the corner of Ariel... and they will have a busy night themselves later as they challenge for the EAW Tag Team Titles.
Heyman: They seem to have their mind elsewhere at the moment though... as Ariel gets into the ring to a good reaction.
Megan: Ariel smiling to Shark Boy... and a shake of the hands between Ariel and Shark Boy. The bell has rung, and we're underway!
Megan: Ariel and Shark Boy circling each other now, neither one of them wanting to make a mistake in this match...
Heyman: This is like that Animal Planet channel right now... Shark vs. Cat! Where's Steve Irwin when you need him?
Megan: ANYWAY... Shark Boy moving in first, tripping Ariel off her feet, Ariel with a double kick to the masked face of Shark Boy, quick elbow drop by Ariel now! Early cover by Ariel!
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One... kick out by Shark Boy.
Heyman: That shows the inexperience of Ariel right there... she needs to remember that Shark Boy is a six year veteran... and it'll take more than one elbow to beat him.
Megan: Ariel going off the ropes now... attempted dropkick to the face of Shark Boy as he gets up, Shark Boy managing to avoid it... and Ariel lands hard on her back. She's getting back up... Shark Boy from behind, release German suplex by Shark Boy.
Heyman: That's a move I haven't seen Shark Boy use all that often, but in this match I guess he felt it was needed... and the Pyre seems to be a bit concerned.
Megan: Ariel is a tough girl though, getting back to her feet again, Shark Boy going over and getting a headlock on Ariel, and taking her down to the mat.
Heyman: Ariel's going to have to fight hard to get out of this hold, as it wears down the neck very easily. And for someone of Ariel's small frame, that is NOT a good thing.
Megan: Ariel squirming for the life of her to get out of this predicament... adjusting a bit... and using her legs to take Shark Boy over! Ariel now using her leg strength to wrench at Shark Boy... but Shark Boy getting out of it... Ariel hitting Shark Boy with a clothesline before he gets back to his feet!
Heyman: Ariel going over to the turnbuckles now, climbing up to the second one... and a guillotine legdrop by Ariel! Shark Boy rolling away before Ariel can make the cover though.
Megan: Ariel rushing in for another attack... but Shark Boy manages to catch her! And he drops her HARD with a powerslam... staying on for the cover!
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One
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TWO... Ariel with a shoulder up!
Heyman: You notice now that Shark Boy has taken a little of the steam that Ariel was riding on out of her though... this is a good move by Shark Boy.
Megan: Shark Boy now going onto the turnbuckles... Ariel getting to her feet, flying lariat by Shark Boy! He goes for another cover now...
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One
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TWO
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Ariel JUST managing to get a shoulder up!
Heyman: You have to give it to Ariel... she is not willing to just give up this match on her first PPV outing. Shark Boy picking Ariel up onto his shoulder now... running to the corner...
Megan: Ariel sliding behind Shark Boy, sending him into the corner face first! Ariel with a surprise roll-up now!
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One
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TWO... Shark Boy getting out just in time.
Heyman: I think that Ariel has surprised Shark Boy with how much she's learned in her short time in the ring... and Ariel now dropkicking the knee of Shark Boy, and leaping up to the top rope!
Megan: Ariel getting ready for something... Shark Boy turns around... Ariel with a cross body off the top ropes! Cover...
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One
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TWO... another kick out by Shark Boy!
Heyman: Shark Boy quick to catch Ariel before she tries something else... overhead Belly to Belly suplex by Shark Boy!
Megan: Shark Boy seems to want to end this match right now, as he goes to take Ariel into the corner... could be the Deep Sea Drop!
Heyman: Look at Ariel get behind Shark Boy though... I think the Shark managed to under-estimate the skills of Ariel!
Megan: It could be... Ariel... she hits a Kitty Stunner on Shark Boy!
Heyman: But Ariel is a little woozy right now, I don't think she's fully recovered from the suplex that Shark Boy hit her with earlier...
Megan: Both competitors slow to get up to their feet right now, Shark Boy managing to get up first though... going after Ariel... WOAH!
Heyman: The Scratching Post! Ariel managed to get the Scratching Post on Shark Boy!
Megan: Ariel a little dizzy... Shark Boy looks out of it though... Ariel just FALLS on top of him!
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One
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TWO
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THREE!
*Ding, Ding!*
Capetta: Here is your winner, ARIEL BRIDGES!
Heyman: The New York Girl did it! Ariel got the duke over the veteran Shark Boy!
Megan: And Ariel seems really happy about this... look at her just bounce all around the ring with glee!
Heyman: Well, Shark Boy will have many other days... but this was just Ariel's time to shine... and he knows it as he extends the hand of friendship to Ariel!
Megan: A great show of sportsmanship by Shark Boy to Ariel... and Ariel cellebrat...
Suddenly, the lights in the arena all go out after Shark Boy leaves the ring... and the sound of metal hitting skull is heard three times.
Megan: Oh no... not again!
Heyman: No way it could be what we're thinking, could it?
The lights come back on... and Ariel is in the ring... with three HATED people...
Megan: It's those damn Hardley Boyz! And their brother Ryan!
Heyman: But that's not the worst part... Shark Boy, Kaye, and JC are all down on the outside of the ring!
Megan: Ariel just now turning around... NO!
Bubba Matt Hardley picks up Ariel, tossing her into the air, and dropping her with a Diamond Cutter... while at the same time J-Von, who was waiting on the top turnbuckle, does a Swanton Bomb to the back of the young cat-girl.
Megan: NO! DAMNIT NO!
Heyman: SOMEONE get security out here, NOW!
The crowd is booing the actions of the Hardleyz, and Ryan just smiles, and looks to his brothers. "Fire Table Time... " he states with a grin.
Megan: ... do these people have ANY morals whatsoever?
Heyman: Apparently not... Bubba Matt and J-Von grabbing a table and a bottle of gasoline... I... I can't talk about this...
Megan: They're pouring that gasoline on the table now... and Ryan with a damn match! And there isn't anyone...
Heyman: HOLY SHIT! IT'S RYOKAMI!
Megan: RYOKAMI? What's HE doing here? He's sliding in the ring... he just pulled Ariel out of the ring before the Hardleyz can do anything to her!
Heyman: ... did I just see right? Ryokami SAVED someone from harm?
Megan: Ryokami checking up on Ariel on the outside as Scorpion's Pyre recovers... wait a second... J-Von grabbing a glass table from underneath the ring... Kaye and JC don't notice behind them...
JC is the first victim... being caught by both brothers with kicks... followed by a double power bomb through the fire-table.
Heyman: JC has just crashed and burned... literally! And Ryokami making no effort to save Scorpion's Pyre!
Megan: Ryokami seems to only care about Ariel... and he's leaving... the Hardleyz have Kaye in their grasp... NO!
The glass table, which was set up on the OUTSIDE of the ring, gets shattered as both Hardley Boyz give her a double power bomb through the glass table on the outside of the ring.
Heyman: The Hardley Boyz have sent a major message to the tag team division of EAW... and are leaving through the crowd! Ryokami... now that Ariel's OK, Ryokami is leaving!
Megan: Ariel just noticing what has happened to her parents and friends... and is crying in the ring... this is sickening...
The camera fades a bit on Ariel crying about what happened to Scorpion's Pyre, who are laid out.
_____________________
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
DRINK MORE POWERAIDE!
SIGNED... AGENT SMITH
_____________________
The camera shows footage at the backstage exit of the arena... where we find Ryan, Bubba Matt, and J-Von Hardley all walking to an awaiting camouflaged Hummer... then driving off.
Megan: Well, apparently the Hardley Boyz have left their message tonight, and are leaving before repercussions can be taken against them... those sick bas--
Heyman: EASY Megan... at least Ariel didn't get put through the fire table as they were planning to do to her.
Megan: While that's true... this bodes bad things for the Tag Team title match later on... as we heard that obviously Scorpion's Pyre is in a VERY angry mood right now...
Heyman: Let's just try to concentrate on the show for now...
Megan: Right... right.
The camera pans back on the ring, devoid of wrestlers, but littered with trash can lids, stop signs, Singapore canes, steel chairs, and various other implements of Hardcore Mayhem. Surrounding the ring are four "Shopping Carts of Pain," filled with everything INCLUDING the kitchen sink...
* * * *
We open up backstage to find Krise Stratus, in jeans, boots, and a #1 belly shirt, enjoying a bottle of the new summer-exclusive Mountain Dew Livewire.
"Yo Krise!" A voice, with a bit of a Hispanic accent calls out to her.
Krise looks up, sees who it is, and is ready to strike. "What do you want?"
Shakira holds up her hands. "Hey... take it easy. I'm just saying hi to someone I know, okay? No big deal, right?"
"You have some nerve to speak to me, after everything you and your new girlfriend put me through... " She says, not exactly happy to see her.
Shakira scoffs. "Fine... be like that. Oh, and Krise!"
"What?" She snaps, ready to rip Shakira's head off.
"I just have one question to ask you. I wonder... how would you feel, just how would you feel if everything you've ever known, yourself, life, everything, was just one big lie?"
"What are you talking about?" Krise rolls her eyes, annoyed.
"I mean, what if your life is just one big complete lie?" Shakira hands her the same mysterious folder that was in Donnie B's office. "Think about it. You don't have to look at this, but if you decide to... remember, we won't think of you differently. We'll still love you.. Miss Stratus." She then walks off. Krise looks at the folder, curious of it's contents.
* * * *
Heyman: What was that all about?
Megan: Probably another childish scheme of Lexay and Shakira's to get their claws in Krise's emotions again, to distract Trish. >=0\ Anyway, Gary's in the ring... Our next match is about to open...
Capetta: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is a Battle Royal for EAW Extreme Championship! Each pinfall or submission will ELIMINATE a contestant, until the winner is declared!
RRRROOOOOOOWL!!!!!!!!!
"Down with the Sickness" by Disturbed cues up, and Trish Stratus hops out at the entrance, headbanging with fury as she holds up her Extreme Title high above her head. Between her wild red hair and the "Tiger inspired" Pogo that Akiko painted on her, The Blue Tygress looks very different indeed.
Capetta: Introducing first, from Toronto, Canada, weighing in at 124 pounds, the EAW Extreme Champion----TRISH STRATUS!!!!!!!!!
Megan: WOW! Listen to this crowd! They're going nuts!
Heyman: Well, she IS pretty popular around these parts, Megan... WWE Trish is, at any rate.
Megan: Don't sell OUR Trish short, Paul! There are an awful lot of "Blue Tygress" signs being displayed in the crowd tonight!
Heyman: Yeah, I see a FEW...
Megan: They're in Japanese, Paul.
Heyman: Er... right, forgot about that. Anyway, I don't like Trish Stratus' chances going into this match, Megan. Lately her mind has been everywhere but on WINNING THIS MATCH, it seems. Between her problems with Jeff Hardy, and this mysterious illness that she seems to have picked up, we could very well see the EXTREEEEEEME Title change hands after this Battle Royal is over!
Megan: Whoa... don't go off calling the fat lady JUST YET, Paul! Trish has been preparing for this match for quite some time, in case you didn't get a look at her little collection of toys!
Heyman: Yes, indeed, as Trish swings that VILE Silvered Baseball and the Kasari-Gama loaned to her by Akiko, it's apparent that Trish has invested in some heavy weaponry to be sure! Pogo promised to come out to play tonight, and while we all thought it'd be Akiko unleashing Pogo-chan in the Elimination Chamber, instead we got a slightly DIFFERENT Pogo!!!
Megan: ... in the form of Trish Stratus, no less! The Blue Tygress has officially gone the way of the Pogo! TIGER-POGO!!!!!!
Heyman: And she's gonna need it, because just about everyone going into this match is after Trish's Extreme Title! Especially THIS man--
Light a candle for the Sinners!!!
Set the World on FIRE!!!!!!!!!
Marilyn Manson's "1996" cues up, and the Lunatic Fringe's entry into the match appears at the entrance ramp, accompanied by his beloved.
Capetta: And representing the Lunatic Fringe, being accompanied by Stigmata, from Jigsaw, weighing in at 300 pounds, NEXUS!!!!!!!!
Heyman: That's another thing I want to address: Trish has NO BUSINESS bringing that silvered baseball bat into this match! While I can appreciate the research she's done on her competition, I cannot condone her obvious intentions for that weapon... She could KILL Nexus with just a few swings at the head!
Megan: Well, I'm sure Trish is no murderer, although given Nexus' actions in the past with the former Hell's Asylum, now the Lunatic Fringe, I'm sure it'd be less than he deserves.
Paul: That's not entirely fair, Megan! Ryokami has made it perfectly clear that he and his Lunatic Fringe are giving humanity their Second Reprieve! Nexus has actually gone and done some GOOD DEEDS since then! He's been cleaning up the streets of hoodlums! Just a few days ago he took care of that gang of thugs!
Megan: Well, in any event, I don't think Trish will try to kill anyone in this match.
Paul: TRISH probably wouldn't kill, however, what we're seeing tonight is probably going to be a little bit different side to her!
Nexus growls and makes a snapping motion, pointing at Trish. Stigmata rubs his belly, grinning.
Megan: Little doubt of Nexus' intentions with that gesture, although it could be a brave face put on in light of Trish's potentially lethal silvered bat.
Heyman: Ryokami gave Nexus strict guidelines to follow in facing Trish: DISARM HER OF THAT BAT, and USE IT AGAINST HER! I have little doubt that's exactly what he'll do!
Megan: Well, he'll try at any rate. But another of Trish's competitors MAY step up to prevent him from doing that--
STAND BACK!!!!
THERE'S A HURRICANE
COMIN' THROUGH!!!!!!!!
Out romps the EAW's green machine, to Bush's "Hurricane," popping for the crowd amid deafening cheers! He's decked out in a new all-black outfit with green trim, including the boots, styled similarly the WWE Hurricane's second most recent one (the last we've seen on Raw). He hoists up in one hand (!!!!) a cleaned out drum formerly used to hold radioactive waste inside it to the ring... with his weapons now stored within: a golden steel chair, barbed wire 2x4, silver brass knucks coated with diamonds, metal nunchucks...
Megan: Hurricane hopping onto the ring apron, giving us his classic Hurri-Pose!!!! And there goes the... oh. Silver! Cape...
Heyman: ... With an authentic replica of Captain America's shield strapped to his back! Hurricane's just showing off now! =0p Trish with a silver baseball bat, the Hurricane with a new silver cape and silver brass knucks. Yep. These people have their priorities set, all right! =0p
Megan: And the Hurricane giving a charming smile to Trish--
Heyman: --and then turns around to give Nexus the glare of death!!! If looks could kill, Nexus would be frozen and shattered from Helms' gaze! Seems like we know where HE stands, and Nexus is just loving it! Look at him smirk! HA!
Capetta: From Raleigh, North Carolina, weighing in at 210 pounds----THE HURRICANE!!!!!!!!!
Heyman: Bah. I'd almost expect Hurricane and Trish to start making out in the middle of this match, if it weren't for the four other people that wanted to bash her brains out and take her title!
Megan: Hee hee hee... Well, they certainly have been a bit flirty in the past couple of days. This should be interesting...
"Don't Mess With Me," by Lil' Kim cues up, and the crowd boos loudly once more.
Capetta: From San Diego, California, weighing in at 121 pounds----LEXAY 2 SEXAY!!!!!!!!!
Heyman: And here's another competitor with a bone to pick with our Extreme Champ... All because of a spat with Krise Stratus!
Megan: That's right, Paul, and this could provide a distraction which would not work in the Blue Tygress' favor, if Shakira and Lexay goad Krise into getting herself in trouble.
Heyman: If Trish is stupid enough to let her "sister's" predicaments distract her from defending her belt, she DESERVES to lose it! If she's not EXTREME enough to make some sacrifices--!!!!
Megan: Okay, okay. We get the picture. On the other hand, the spiteful things Lexay and Shakira have done to Krise MAY give Trish the motivation she needs to put them DOWN and retain her title!
New World Order!
"Psycobetabuckdown" by Cypress Hill cues, and the booing persists, and even deepens as the nWo's hired gun makes his way down the ramp.
Capetta: And representing the New World Order, from Amityville, New York, weighing in at 235 pounds----BULLWHIP!!!!!!!
Heyman: And here he is, with the hopes of bringing the Extreme Title to the New World Order, Bullwhip!!!
Megan: >=0p Yeah, and with the help of all his nWo buddies, he might have a chance at that!
Heyman: Nobody said the New World Order would interfere, Megan! Bullwhip is a classic Hardcore student!
Megan: Anyway, Bullwhip's music starting to fade out just a little... Now perhaps we'll get to see who this mystery opponent turns out to be?
Heyman: If they ever decide to get out here! We haven't got all night, geez...
Bullwhip's music fades out and for a solid moment, there is silence. Then suddenly--
"Stick 'Em Up" by Quarashi cues up!
Heyman: Road Dogg is the mystery competitor?! I thought he just stuck to commentating High Calibur!
Megan: NO!!!! Not Road Dogg!!! Is that--?! COULD IT BE????
Suddenly, to the shock of everyone--
Capetta: From Portland, Oregon! Weighing in at 120 pounds----FASHA!!!!
--Fasha comes out to the stage on her sleek black and red motorcycle!
Heyman: I thought she left EAW!!!!!!
Megan: Well, Fasha's back now, and from the looks of things, she's got Extreme Gold in her sights!!!
She smiles, then revs up the motorcycle and speeds down the ramp, skidding to a halt right at the steel steps. She looks to her opponents, then throws down the kickstand on her bike and dismounts, then slides into the ring and attacks the nearest person she sees!
Heyman: OOOOOOHHHH!!!! Trish gets a face full of Fasha's fist!!! The Blue Tygress just got a taste of Saiyan fury!!!!
Megan: And everybody else seems to have the same idea, as they all rush Trish!!! Mike Chioda calling for the bell, and this match is underway!!!
Megan: And Nexus shoving Fasha away from Trish now, Irish Whipping the Extreme Champ into the turnbuckle, and grabbing Bullwhip, Irish Whipping him into the same corner! Bullwhip crashing into Trish's midsection with a brutal Chaos spear!!!!
Heyman: Gore!!!!!! GOOOORE!!!!!!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Megan: >_<!!! ... I HATE IT when you do that!
Heyman: Impromptu teamwork among members of The Lunatic Fringe and the nWo, with Nexus charging in to ram his shoulder into Trish's chest as Bullwhip gives him clearance! And everyone here has a SINGLE FOCUS, Megan! ELIMINATE the Champion FIRST! Fasha and Lexay struggle to get their hits in on the Blue Tygress, and even Trish's potential boyfriend Hurricane is pounding away at her!
Megan: Certainly no favoritism being shown here in the early going, Paul. Nexus railing Trish with a Lunar Bomb and directing Bullwhip to follow up with a Legacy Bomb and then a set-up for his Psychotic Beatdown as he begins nailing Trish with punches, and then Whipping her to the other corner!!!
Heyman: Nexus stepping in now to interrupt Bullwhip's 'Beatdown as he CRUSHES TRISH WITH A CORNER TRAP POWERBOMB!!!!!!!!!!!! And Bullwhip finishes up the Psycho Beatdown with an Irish Whip to the ropes, Leap Frog--!!!
Megan: AND HURRICANE INTERRUPTS THE SPINEBUSTER FINALE WITH A CRACK AT BULLWHIP'S SPINE FROM HIS BARBED WIRE TWO-BY-FOUR!!!!!!!! And going to Nexus now.... HE SEIZES THE THROAT OF NEXUS!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S GOING FOR THE HURRI-CHOKESLAM EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Heyman: Awwwww, isn't that sweet? The Superhero going to save the beloved Blue Tygress! This MAKES ME SICK!!!!! Oh-HO!!!! WAIT!!!!!!! NEXUS PREVENTS THE HURRI-CHOKESLAM WITH SWIFT KICK TO HURRICANE'S HURRI-NUTS!!! And Bullwhip with that Golden Steel Chair, cracking Helms across the back!!!!!!!! See what playing the knight in shining armor gets for you?!?!!!
Megan: Trish trying to regain her wind now, but between Lexay and Fasha, she may not be able to! Both stomping away at Trish now as she lays on the mat, with Lexay getting to the ropes now for a Split-Legged Moonsault--ON FASHA?! Looks like these two won't teaming up like Nexus and Bullwhip apparently have!
Heyman: Fasha answers that with a sweep to Lexay's ankles and a Chicken Wing Stretch----But Lexay gets hold of that Singapore Cane and whallops Lil' Miss Monkey Tail right in the nose!!!!!! Rolling her out of the ring now, and turning to focus back on Trish Stratus---!!!!
Megan: And she gets a SIT-DOWN JAWBREAKER from Trish to answer that!!!!!!!!! Hoisting Lexay up onto her shoulder now.... AND TRISH CRUSHES LEXAY WITH A SUPER POWERBOMB RIGHT ONTO A TRASH CAN LID!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Heyman: And Trish going for the cover!!!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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And Lexay with the shoulder up!
Megan: And she hits the Pogo-Tigress with a Leg Scissors Takedown! And going for Trish's legs now... setting up the Sharpshooter!!!! Locking it in tight!!!!!
Heyman: Hahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!!!! And the Hurricane is too busy fending off Nexus and Bullwhip to save her!!!! She's gotta tap! SHE'S GOTTA TAAAAAAP!!!!!!!!!
Megan: And Trish can't use the ropes to save her! She's GOT to get out of this move, or it's all over for her Extreme Title reign!!! She's reaching back to grab Lexay's ankles, pulling toward her head area!!! Lexay falls forward; TRISH REVERSES THE SHARPSHOOTER!!!!!!!!!!!
Heyman: Trish wrenches Lexay into Figure Four!!!! WAIT! Shakira rushing in from the crowd, grabbing the Extreme Belt from the timekeeper!!!! And---BAAAAAMMM!!!! NAILS TRISH IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH HER OWN BELT!!!!!!!!!!
Megan: And Trish tumbles forward right into a steel chair!!!! I think she may have broken her nose, Paul! And look at that witch, Shakira, stomping away at her back! Lexay back up to her feet now, grabbing a Singapore Cane and thrashing Trish while she's down!
Heyman: And it looks like that Pogo paint isn't helping Trish now! Lexay hauling Trish up to her feet now, CHOKING HER WITH THAT SINGAPORE CANE!!!!!!! And here comes Shakira now, setting up Trish into a Sprial Powerbomb and--What the--? OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! That's AMAZING!!!!!!!!!
Megan: Lexay springboarded off the apron onto Trish with a Hurricanrana while Shakira still had her MID-SPIRAL!!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, PAUL!!!!!!!! Lexay and Shakira giving each other props now... While Trish struggles back to her feet... AND LISTEN TO THAT SMACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! STEREO SUPERKICKS SEND TRISH REELING BACK INTO NEXUS AND BULLWHIP AS THEY DOUBLE TEAM HURRICANE!!!!!
Heyman: Hurricane with a desperate double clothesline to Nexus and Bullwhip, capitalizing on that timely-yet-inadvertant distraction from Trish Stratus! He looks a little out of it as well, but not nearly as bad Trish has been so far!
Megan: Fasha shaking off those stars now, slowly getting into the ring as Lexay and Shakira nail Trish with a Double-STO, and set her up for a SPIKE PILEDRIVER----Fasha moving in now, maybe to prevent that move? WAIT!!!!!
Heyman: KRISE STRATUS!!!!!!!!!!! The twin sister to WWE's Trish is in the ring now, and she shoves Fasha out of the way!!!! Picking up Hurricane's Golden Steel Chair now----OOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!! NAILING SHAKIRA IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD BEFORE THEY CAN APPLY THAT SPIKE PILEDRIVER ON TRISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And she's hitting Shakira with it again!!!!! And again!!!!! SHE'S OPENED SHAKIRA UP, AND BEATING HER TO PULP WITH THAT CHAIR!!!!!!!!
"IT'S NOT TRUE, YOU LYING BITCH!!!!!" Krise shrieks at Shakira as she continues to smash her with the steel. "GODDAMN YOU, IT'S NOT TRUE!!!!!! YOU'RE LYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tears stream down Krise's face, sending dark mascara lines down her cheeks.
Heyman: "Not true?" What's not true? What's that crazy Stratus twin screaming about?
Megan: I dunno... maybe it had something to do with that folder...? Anyway, Shakira crumpling to a bloody heap in the ring, and Krise turns and takes a swing at Lexay now, but she ducks away from it--!!! Lexay shoving Krise over the top rope now, and going to check on Shakira--WAAAAAIT!!!!!!!! FASHA SNEAKS IN WITH A ROLL-UP OUT OF NOWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!
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ONE!!!!!!!
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TWO!!!!!!!!!
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THREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Heyman: NO WAY!!!!!!
Eliminated: Lexay 2 Sexay
Megan: Fasha gets the first pinfall of this Battle Royal, but she doesn't get any time to gloat as Trish rushes her with a horizontal Singapore Cane bash across her shoulder blades! Fasha stumbling, but doesn't lose her footage, and answers Trish with a Tornado Arm Breaker and then unleashing the Fury's Rain to the Blue Tigress once they both hit the mat!
Heyman: Fasha and Trish with simultaneous kippups and now a lock-up!!! Trish wrapping Fasha into a headlock and then Irish Whips her chest first into turnbuckle!!!!!!!!! And Fasha hitting that turnbuckle HARD!!!!!!!!!
Megan: It's been exposed!!!! ALL of the top turnbuckles are!!! Nexus and Bullwhip have been busy with Hurricane while Trish had her problems with Lexay! Fasha falls back now, clutching her chest in pain, and Trish rushing up to the corner, UP ON THE MIDDLE ROPE----WHISPER IN THE WIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Heyman: Trish kippups now, and back up to the turnbuckle! Hardyz Salute to the crowd----STRATUS BOMB!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOO!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!! FIZZLED!!!!!!!!!! FASHA GOT THE KNEES UP, LAST SECOND!!!!!!!!!!
Megan: Trish writhing on the mat, paying for that miscalculation... Fasha climbing out of the ring now, to search for some toys, it seems...
Heyman: Hurricane still struggling with the temporary team of Bullwhip and Nexus, as they both take turns smashing him with chairs!!! Hurricane swinging away deliriously now, seemingly going on through an animal instinct! He doesn't know where he is right now!!! He's been hit in the head too many times!!!
Megan: Well, while Hurricane fights off Nexus and Bullwhip, Trish still has to deal with Fasha!!! Trish slugs away with rights, but Fasha sneaks in under them to catch her with a Reverse Sidewalk Slam and then a Chicken Wing Stretch!!!!!!! Trish reaching out, now, for that Kasari-Gama dangling on the bottom rope... AND SHE'S GOT IT!!!! A blind-swing back, and Fasha lets go, to avoid contact with that sickle blade!!!!!!!!!
Heyman: Well, FINALLY, let the demon COME OUT TO PLAY!!!!!!! TRISH HAS HER TOY AND SHE'S NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!!!!!!!!! Slashing at Fasha to keep her at bay, now! Oh, and she connects with her arm, and FINALLY BLOOD HAS BEEN SHED in this Extreme Battle Royal!!!!!!!!!!
Megan: Fasha staring at Trish in what looks like a shocked rage, and uses that tail of hers to actually grab Trish's ankles and pull them out from underneath her!!!!!!!!!!!
Heyman: WHOOOOOA!!!!!!!!!!! Matrix Trish Reloaded!!!!!!!!!! Borrowing one of her WWE counterparts BETTER tricks, Trish limbo-catches herself with her hands and reverse-kippups to kick Fasha in SQUARE IN THE JAW!!!!!!!!!!
Megan: Hurricane unmasked now, as Nexus and Bullwhip take turns bashing him to exposed turnbuckles... He's opened up now, and bleeding all over those turnbuckles... Nexus tossing him on the outside now, into Bullwhip's waiting arms... and OHHHHH!!!!!!!! bouncing his skull off the ring post!!!!!
Heyman: Bullwhip bashes Hurricane's skull against that post a few more times for good measure, and an Irish Whip towards the steel ring steps--NO, WAIT!!!!!!!! HURRICANE REVERSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BULLWHIP'S BACK BOUNCING OFF OF THOSE STEPS, BUYING THE SUPERHERO A LITTLE TIME TO CATCH SOME OF THAT WIND BACK!!!!!!!
Megan: But Nexus isn't giving him that opportunity, as he powerbombs Hurricane right onto the floor!!!! Oh, there's a little bit of padding there, but it's nowhere near soft enough the Hurricane, I'm sure!!! And Nexus pins him in front of our announce table!!!!!
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ONE!!!!!!!
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TWO!!!!!!!!!
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THR--!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HURRICANE GETS THE SHOULDER UP!!!!!!!!!!!
Heyman: Nexus doesn't look happy about that, but nonetheless, he's got Hurricane up in the air for another Powerbomb----
Megan: NOOOO!!!!!!!!! Bullwhip with a low blow from behind!!!!!!! And a Psychotic Explosion on the Lunatic Fringe's Hellhound!!!!!!!!!!! It looks like this impromptu team-up between the members of the Lunatic Fringe and nWo is officially OVER, Paul! Bullwhip coming down from the frenzy enough to search for a table underneath the ring... setting it up now....
Bullwhip: FIIIIIIIIIIIRE TAAAAAAABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Heyman: Little doubt of Bullwhip's intentions there! Grabbing a bottle of vodka from one of the shopping carts of pain, and pouring it's contents onto the table, lighting it up----FWOOOOOOOSH!!!!!!!!----watch the eyebrows, there, Bullwhip!!!!! Hoisting up Nexus now for a powerbooooooooooomb-------!!!!!!
Megan: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEXUS REVERSES INTO A MODIFIED X-FACTOR!!!!!!!!!!! BULLWHIP GOES FACE-FIRST INTO THE FLAMING TABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STRUGGLING TO GET AWAY, SCREAMING UNDER THE SMOKING CINDERS OF THE TABLE, AND NEXUS ROLLS HIM OVER FOR A PIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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ONE!!!!!!!
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TWO!!!!!!!!!
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THREEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! FOR GOD'S SAKE, GET HIM OUT OF THAT BURNING WRECKAGE, YOU'VE BEATEN HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eliminated: Bullwhip
Heyman: Bullwhip FINALLY pulled out of that flaming wreckage of the table, and unfortunately is out of this for the nWo! And it looks like The Hurricane is starting to shake off the cobwebs left in his head from that last exchange!
Megan: In the meantime, Nexus now having a sick twisted grin on his face, and it looks like he wants to go after both Fasha and Trish! Fasha has a steel ladder in her hand, she's going to whack Trish in the face with it... but Trish manages to dodge again Matrix-style! And Nexus gets a face-full of steel!
Heyman: What is going on? Trish trying for the next Matrix movie as well as X2?
Megan: Well, perhaps...
Heyman: Well still, Nexus is DAMN lucky that the ladder wasn't made of silver right there, or things would have been REALLY bad for him! And look at this now, Hurricane getting a hold of his shield that he brought!
Megan: Hurricane getting back into the ring as Nexus getting up to his feet, putting the shield onto his arm now... and diving right towards Nexus...
Heyman: BUT HE MOVES! AND FASHA GETS A FACE FULL OF SHIELD! And now both superstars fall out to the outside, leaving Nexus in the ring alone with Trish!
Megan: Trish grabbing that silver baseball bat now as Fasha and Hurricane start battling it out on the outside! Trish BLASTS NEXUS HARD IN THE SMALL OF THE BACK!
Heyman: THAT SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED! SHE'S DAMN NEAR TRYING TO KILL NEXUS IN THERE!
Megan: I don't think that Trish cares right now, she's just fighting for her life in there!
Heyman: And on the outside, Hurricane and Fasha are blasting each other with various weapons as well! Hurricane has those diamond-coated silver-knucks on his fist, and Fasha the gold chair!
Megan: Fasha blasting Hurricane hard in the head with that chair... and he returns the favor with a punch right to her jaw! Meanwhile, Trish going for one more big blow...
Heyman: But look at the show of love and concern by Stigmata for Nexus! She just yanks that bat from Trish right at the right moment!
Megan: Uh oh... that may have been a bad move right there, Stigmata! Look at her try to plead with Trish... getting to her feet...
Heyman: What's THIS!? Stigmata isn't even IN this match, and Trish does that Stratusfaction onto her!? What is WRONG with her?
Megan: Stigmata had NO BUSINESS IN THERE! She should have just stayed on the outside of the ring to watch the match...
Heyman: But look at this! Nexus now has that bat... and he's choking Trish with it! And now a HARD jab to the throat with the bat to Trish!
Megan: Stigmata providing just enough of a distraction for Nexus... and now he slams the bat HARD into her gut! And once across the back as well!
Heyman: Nexus finally getting revenge on Trish for bringing that bat into this match! And justifiably so too!
Megan: Nexus now just pushing Trish down with his leg... and now leaning all of his weight against her body! Using all his mass to press down on Trish as her throat against the rope!
Megan: But he gets caught in the crossfire of the war between Fasha and the Hurricane, as Fasha is knocked right into Nexus' back, knocking him out of the ring!
Heyman: Fasha looking at Nexus on the outside while holding that golden chair, doesn't realize that Hurricane is right behind her with that shield again!
Megan: Fasha turning around to swing the chair... Hurricane swinging the shield at the same time! Now both of them have fallen in the ring...
Heyman: Look at this! They're pinning each other in the middle of the ring!
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TWO
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THREE! They're BOTH gone!
Eliminated: The Hurricane AND Fasha!
Megan: It's come down to Trish Stratus and Nexus, Paul! Wow... this could be a scene straight from an Anime: Trish brandishing the Kasari-Gama, Nexus with that silver baseball bat, both of them in classic sword-showdown stances...
Heyman: And the moment of calm is OVER, Megan! Nexus and Trish SWINGING AWAY at each other with their weapons of choice!!!!! And this straight outta Hong Kong, Megan! CROUCHING NEXUS, HIDDEN REDHEAD!!!!!!!
Megan: Indeed, Paul, those are a few too many slashes, parries, and thrusts for me to keep track of! And Trish seems to have Nexus pretty well scoped out, Paul... It doesn't look like she's been hit yet... but they ARE moving pretty fast...
Heyman: Trish is smaller, lighter and faster than Nexus, as evidenced by those dozens of slashes marking Nexus' arms, chest and back, but I think she's beginning to see the futility of this exchange, Megan!
Megan: Indeed, those cuts are disappearing almost as quickly as Trish delivers them, thanks to Nexus' healing factor... Ducking a swing from that baseball bat, and Trish is starting to look a little frustrated. She's slashed him enough to put down a normal competitor his size, but that Kasari Gama just isn't doing her any good! It needs to be SILVER for the damage to accumulate--
Heyman: --But Trish LOST that opportunity in the early going when she lost track of her weapons in the rush! Her energy starting to peter out, it seems, as Nexus DUCKS a slash, and CATCHES HER ARM!!!!!!!!!
Megan: OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! NEXUS JUST SHATTERED TRISH'S ARM WITH THAT BASEBALL BAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HER LEG, NOW!!!!!!! MY GOD, THOSE WERE BRUTAL HITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Heyman: AND TRISH IS SCREAMING NOW, AS NEXUS THROTTLES HER LIKE A RAGDOLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Megan: Wait... she's got the knucks! HURRICANE'S SILVER KNUCKS!!!!!!!! TRISH WALLOPED NEXUS IN THE SNOUT WITH THOSE SILVER KNUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Heyman: HEY!!!!!! THAT'S NOT FAIR, HE'S SENSITIVE TO SILVER!!!!!!!!!!!
Megan: Trish is fighting for her life, Paul! A broken nose should be the LEAST of Nexus' worries!!!! GET 'IM TRISH!!!!! Nexus dropping the baseball bat, grabbing at his nose. Trish rushes in for another punch--! OH NO, NEXUS CATCHES FIST, MID-PUNCH!!!!!!!!!
Heyman: Nexus roaring as he clutches that broken nose, and backhands Trish!!!!! Look at the look he just gave her... AND NEXUS HAS THE SICKLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seizes Trish by the throat, and... What's he saying?!
"This is for touching Stigmata, Bitch! I'm gonna turn you into a science experiment!" He swipes the air, indicating a lateral cut from her crotch to throat.
Megan: OH GOD... HE WOULDN'T!!!!!! >_< NOOOO!!!!!!! I'm gonna... be... SICK....
Heyman: @_@ DR. NEXUS IS GOING TO DISSECT TRISH WHILE SHE'S STILL CONSCIOUS! ... and if you're going to be sick Megan, use a trash can, not my coat.
Megan: He's not going to do it, is he? He's... he's just trying to scare her...
"... wait," Trish says, uselessly struggling to get away. Nexus locks a hydraulic grip onto her broken arm, pinning her to the mat as he slips the blade of the Kasari-Gama between her legs. "... wait, PLEASE! You... Y-you don't have to do this! OhGodohGodohGodohGodohGod... Pleaseplease don't... doooooooooon't.... pleeaaaase.... pleasepleasePLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!"
Nexus just smirks, and with a swift upward jerk, embeds the blade into her!
Heyman: ... oh my God... I can't believe he actually did it...
Megan: This... is... inhumane... That's... he... he's cutting her... her...
Trish shrieks and gibbers insanely and incoherently as Nexus slowly digs the blade of the Kasari Gama between her legs, kicking and flailing about in agony as he slowly carves up toward her belly, centimeter by centimeter. Although the cut isn't very deep, the sheer humiliation of it shocks the audience into silence. Finally, she catches a glimpse of the silver baseball bat laying just inches from grasp of her unbroken arm, and she tearfully paws for the baseball bat.
Heyman: ... C'mon Trish... get the bat... GET THE BAT, TRISH... @_@
Megan: She has it, Paul. -_- She just smashed Nexus in the wrist. He's... he's stopped. Thank God, finally he's stopped.
Heyman: Nexus howling in pain now from that shattered wrist, which isn't gonna heal instantly, since Trish hit him with the silver baseball bat... Trish is curled up in a fetal position, now Megan... I don't know if this match is gonna continue...
Megan: Oh, don't do this now, Nexus... LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!! You've done enough to her already!!!!!!
Heyman: Ahem... Nexus trying the best he can to get Trish up... looks like he's trying to set up a Powerbomb... WAIT!!!!!! TWIST-OF-FATE from Trish Stratus!!!! She's still in it!!!!!!!!!!!
Megan: Trish going for that ladder that Fasha had used earlier... setting it up... Oh, no... don't do this, Trish!
Heyman: Trish is literally LIMPING up that ladder now, slowly making her way to the top, to get in her highflying trademark Stratus Bomb! Giving her Hardyz Salute to the crowd... and... looking a little reluctant now.... BUT THERE SHE GOES!!!!!!!! SWANTON STRATUS BOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Megan: DAMN IT!!!!!!! DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEXUS ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY!!!!!!!! TRISH IS A BROKEN MESS, AND NEXUS ROLLS HER OVER FOR A PIN!!!!!!!!! WE'VE GOT A NEW EXTREME CHAMPION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO WE DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRISH GOT THE SHOULDER UP AT VERY LAST POSSIBLE INSTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Heyman: One second away....! Nexus was ONE SECOND AWAY from becoming the NEEEEEEEW EAW EXTREEEEEEEME CHAMPION!!!!!!!
Megan: Indeed, Trish seemed to have reached down into the depths of her soul to dodge THAT bullet! She doesn't even seem to know WHERE SHE IS, only that she MUST NOT LET HER SHOULDERS BE PINNED FOR THE THREE!!!
Heyman: He looks VERY FRUSTRATED at that now, Megan! Now powerbombing her over and over, going LUNACIDE on the Blue Tygress!!!!!!!!! She's spitting up blood, but by some miracle she gets hold of the baseball bat in between powerbombs!!!!!!!!!!!!! SMASHING HIM OVER THE SKULL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THERE'S A COVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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ONE!!!!!!
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TWO!!!!!!!
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Megan: STIGMATA BREAKS THE PIN WITH A CHAIRSHOT TO TRISH'S BACK!!!! TRISH SHOVING STIGMATA DOWN, BUT NEXUS IS BACK UP!!!!!!!!!! OH GOD, NEXUS HAS TRISH IN A BEARHUG!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S GONNA CRACK HER SPINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAIT--WHAT'S THIS?!!??
Heyman: WHAT!!!!!!!! HURRICANE WITH A CHAIRSHOT TO THE BACK OF NEXUS!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU WERE ELIMINATED, YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Megan: Hurricane making the save on Trish's behalf, and now leaving the ring to let Trish continue this on her own, it seems! And it seems Lexay is following in Hurricane's footsteps, swinging Trish around as she recovers from that Bearhug.... but... HERE'S KRISE AGAIN!!!!!!! AND SHE STILL LOOKS PISSED!!!!!!!!!! Stratusfaction Driver on Lexay 2 Sexay!!!!!!!!!!!!
Heyman: ARE ALL OF YOU PEOPLE THROUGH INTERFERING YET?! Trish and Nexus slugging it out again, and Nexus going for another powerbomb--TRISH COUNTERS INTO A HURRICANRANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And there she is, clutching that broken leg with a howl of pain as she lands on the mat, but SHE KIPPUPS?!?!?!! SHE'S A MASOCHIST!!!!!!!!!!
Megan: Trish limping over to try to pick up Nexus.... Setting up her X-Treme Stratusphere... Can she pull it off?! No, Nexus is too heavy, and with her leg and arm broken... Wait!!! Krise going for an assist.... Krise lifting Nexus by his legs, and supporting Trish's broken arm as she flips into the handstand... AND TRISH PLANTS THE X-TREME STRATUSPHERE WITH KRISE'S HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
Heyman: Mike Chioda telling Krise to get out of the ring now, and Trish is literally CRAWLING over to Nexus to try to pin!!!! She's so out of it, she doesn't even have the strength to hook the leg, just draping her arm over his chest!!!!!
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ONE!!!!!!
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TWO!!!!!!!
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.................. THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Megan: (sigh of relief) Thank you!
Capetta: Here is your winner, and STILL EAW Extreme Champion------TRIIIIIIIIIIIISH STRAAAAAAAAATUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nexus stomps over to Trish and spins her around, seething. His eyes are wide with fury...
Megan: I don't like the looks of this, Paul...
Heyman: Well, Nexus certainly has shown no compunctions about WHAT he is willing to do to his opponents... even though Trish has won, she may yet endure MORE of his wrath----WHAAAT??!!!!!
Megan: Nexus is.... SHAKING TRISH'S HAND!?!?? And raising it!!!!! This arena has gone nuts!!!!!!!! I can hardly hear myself THINK!!!!!!! ^_^
Heyman: What the hell is up with all this damn good sportsmanship? I'm getting sick of it already!
Megan: You MIGHT have a bad night then... this is only the second match of the evening.
Trish struggles to stand, raising the belt as Chioda hands it to her, and then collapses. Her Tiger-Pogo paint is nearly gone, sweated away except for a few patches on the side, and smudged black and yellow circles over her eyes. She rolls over on the mat, spitting out some blood and groaning in pain.
Megan: O.O;;; ....oh my God... *shkrrrrrt!*
Heyman: HEY! Where are you going?!
Heyman: I... don't know what to make of this... Megan has left the booth to check on Trish... Trish just collapsing after that amazing title defense... Aerith sprinting to the ring now, pushing the cameramen and security guards out of her way... let's hear what she's trying to say...
"Oh, God, please don't do this to her!" she cries out, placing her hands directly on Trish's belly. "No!"
Nexus stares in shock as Aerith frantically gropes at Trish's belly. It sinks in slowly that the flower girl is not directing her healing energies to Trish, but rather, WITHIN Trish. Unconsciously, he holds Stigmata, also looking on in horror, close to him.
Nexus frowns, his brow furrowed in worry. "Hey! I was tryin' to take her out... but I... I wasn't... I wouldn't hurt no kid...."
Stigmata gasps, holding her hands to her mouth. "Oh my... " She quickly wraps her arms around Nexus... leaning her head into his chest... looking nervously at the ring as Aerith attempts to heal Trish.
Trish whimpers, struggling to see what Aerith is doing, and then realizes WHY the healer is so frightened.
"NO!!!!" Aerith protests, eyes flooding with tears.
Trish pulls away from her, looking horrified at the implications. "I... " Trish lets go of the belt, hugging herself as she lays on the mat. "I didn't... "
Heyman: Didn't what? What's going on...
Aerith lays over Trish, sobbing, still giving a seemingly vain effort to pour the healing energy into Trish's belly. "Please... please... "
Heyman: ... oh my god... Trish... she... is she... pregnant? Or... perhaps she WAS... judging by what's going on...
Trish just lays back, her eyes looking distant and lifeless. The only indication that she's even still alive are the tears that spill forth from them.
"Trish... Trish?" Aerith finally lifts her up a little. "... Trish... "
Trish finally lets forth a pathetic sob, closing her eyes and rolling to her side. "Leave me alone," she whispers.
"Trish... " Aerith sighs... then goes over to the other injured Superstars to heal them.
Trish covers her mouth a moment and then rolls out of the ring, leaving her belt behind as she shambles to the backstage area.
Heyman: This... I... for once, I'm at a loss for words. Trish... she MAY have lost a child in this... and she may have only herself to blame for competing in this Extreme Match. Um... cue an advertisement or something... we'll be right back... -_-
* * * *
EAW SHOPZONE!
FOR ALL YOUR EAW CLOTHING NEEDS!
* * * *
"We're in this Together" by NIN cues up and Pillars of Flame explode at the doorway as giant, white, laser-light scorpion crawls down the screen then explodes into hundreds of small, flaming red scorpions, scuttling out in several directions as smoke billows from the entrance. And making their way through that smoke is Scorpion's Pyre, Kaye and JC Stone. They are healed form the earlier attack, but look just as pissed and determined as if the Hardleyz were in the ring at this moment. The fans are going wild as the pair enters the ring.
Capetta: The following match is for the EAW Tag Team Championship! Making their way to the ring, the challengers, weighing in at a combined weight of 445 lbs., hailing from Carlsbad, CA, Kaye Calloway-Shirono and J.C. Stone... SCORPIONS PYRE!!
Megan: The Pyre looks pumped and ready to go here tonight. Though you know they've got allot on their mind here.
Heyman: Well, they have allot on their plate and it's already been a wild night for them. And what the Hardleyz have done is just deplorable, even by my standards!
Megan: You got that right. And it seems the Hardleyz are done for tonight, having left, but I've gotten word that despite that, Kaye and Stone have sent Ariel home for the night with her Grandpa Paul.
Heyman: Not only that, but I've got word that KANE himself is playing babysitter tonight. No way the Hardleyz would dare do anything else.
Megan: Well, they probably wouldn't anyway, but the fact is, they've made their point, and they made it hard.
"Blue Reflection" cues up and Sonnette and Derek come out, dressed as Megaman and Protoman respectively. They pop for the crowd who cheers loudly for the champs as they make their way to the ring.
Capetta: And making their way to the ring, at a combined weight of 257 lbs., Sonnette and Derek, THE BLUE BOMBERS!!!
Megan: And here are our champs, coming out to a warm reception.
Heyman: Most of the reception I'm sure is fans wanting some videos of Derek and Erica's extracurricular activities! You can't get better HLA than that! The girls got a built in strap-on and that is usually some HOT action!
Megan: .... *shakes her head* Just when I was starting to respect you for your compassion involving Ariel...
Heyman: Hey, I need to get my mind off the horror! And just wait, when Erica gets off her suspension, I bet we'll see a changed girl, and I don't just mean in how she walks! Think about it, she left a shy, all American girl.... now we hear she has hot, kinky, WILD and INSANE sex with some kinda furry, dragon bunny with a schlong that makes a horse look like squirrel! And she's got powers that make others stretch so her thang can fit? You telling me she isn't a creature whose purpose is sex? COME ON! She is Sex personified! Sex sex sex! Lock up yer daughters cuz look out, we've got a hot new sex object in town! Come on Derek! Take that old job Sonnette was talking about! Get Erika too! Come o—
Megan thankfully shuts his mic off.
Megan: Anyway, the Bombers have proven to be great champs but they have their work cut out for them tonight.
Kaye and Sonnette start the match off. Kaye gets the first kick in followed by a scoopslam and then stomps to the fallen Sonnette. Sonnette rolls away and gets to her feet, retaliating with a back kick. Kaye is staggered back. Sonnette off the ropes into a front Dropkick, knocking Kaye down. Sonnette then with a Senton Splash on the fallen Kaye.
Sonnette pulls Kaye up, but Kaye shoves Sonnette away and gives Sonnette a throat trust-- but Sonnette parries with her arm and kicks Kay in the gut for a snap suplex. She pulls Kaye up, gets behind and delivers a Hentaiplex for the pin.
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Kickout!
Kaye gets to her feet, and doesn't look too happy, as the Hentai Plex is a rather insulting move, much like a Bronco Buster. It works though, as Kaye's unfocused enough to receive a series of punches and kicks from Sonnette followed by a necklock takedown. Kaye powers out with an armwrench, but Sonnette to her feet and flipping out of it, then tripping Kaye down. Sonnette dashing to a corner, running up the ropes likes steps and flying off with a 450 Splash.
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JC runs in and interrupts the pin with a Fist Drop to Sonnette's head. Kaye pulls Sonnette up and waits for a double team with JC, but the ref forces Stone out. Kaye glances over, distracting her enough for Sonnette to punch Kaye.... but Kaye just stares back at Sonnette. Sonnette punches Kaye again, but Kaye's head jerks back, angrily, staring. Sonnette's realizes that Kaye's started some patented no-selling and goes fro one more, high powered punch, but her arm is caught in midair by Kaye and she clotheslines Sonnette into the mat. Sonnette rolls in pain as Kaye grabs the top of her hair/spines. Kaye grabs Sonnette roughly by the throat and glares out to the crowd who cheers wildly as she runs her thumb across her throat. She then lifts Sonnette up and--
Megan: CHOKESLAM!! KAYE HAS THIS!!
Heyman: 1!! 2!! OH!! And Derek flying off the top rope with a Swandive Headbutt onto Kaye's shoulder, breaking the pin!
Megan: And nearly breaking Kaye's shoulder, it seems! And that horn! Kaye's holding her arm in pain, she got poked bad! But she's smart, rolling over and tagging in her partner.
The ref's sending Derek out and Sonnette hops to her feet and turns to meet JC, who starts out hard and strong with some street fighting-like moves. A series of hard punches and martial arts kicks, followed by a spinning wheel kick sends Sonnette to the mat. He pulls her up to a sitting position, standing over her. He then begins to send a rain of punches to her head. Sonnette falls to the side, clawing and woozy. He follows her, smacking at her head in a taunting way and then pulls her up for a Straightjacket Bomb followed by a camel clutch.
Sonnette struggles in pain. After about a minute, JC lets her go. She rolls to her feet and lunges forward in desperation with a couple of punches. With JC staggered, she gains more footing and gives him a spinning back kick, sending him on his back. She grabs the top ropes at a corner and hops up to the top rope in one jump and signals. the crowd roars as she leaps off with a Money Shot-- But misses, JC rolling out of the way! Both get to their feet and JC rushes her. She runs as well and he runs into a front Dropkick, staggering him back. She lands on her back, rolling backwards up to her feet and rushes forward again with a clothesline that JC ducks. He spins around and catches her from behind with--
Heyman: The Stone Fall!! JC looking way impressive here and Pyre both getting in Finishing moves... but Derek in with the save at the 2 count!
Megan: Now Kaye's in, attacking Derek! They're brawling away until the ref breaks it up and makes them leaves the ring. Sonnette manages to tag Derek back in, legally, however.
Derek runs at JC and lands a running DDT. Shi pulls him up and whips him to the corner, leapfrogs him, sending him on his back, as shi jumps up top and flies off with a senton bomb! Shi pulls him up, but he goes for a clothesline-- Derek ducks and gets behind him. Shi delivers a dropkick to the back of his head. Shi grabs hold of him from the front, but he kicks hir away and kits hir with an Inverted Cross Driver. Derek is down and JC grabs hir-- going for the Zero Tolerance!! BUT DEREK COUNTERS WITH A KNEE TO HIS HEAD!
He staggers, falling on his back. Derek ascends to the top and flies off with a Swandive Headbutt to his shoulder. He grabs it in pain as shi pulls him up. Shi grapples with him and he struggles against hir, getting control and whips her into his home corner! He tags Kaye, who climbs up to the top rope. He in the meantime, grabs Derek in a Vertical suplex, but ends up setting her on Kaye's shoulders. She pulls Derek up and stands on the top rope and leaps off with a powerbomb, assisted by JC as he pushes Derek's shoulders on the way down!
JC leaves the ring as Kaye goes to work. She pulls Derek back up and gives hir a Tombstone Driver, followed by a double elbow drop. But Derek gets up and dropkicks Kaye. Shi stomps at Kaye and--
Megan: Endless Hunger!! Shi's grabbed Kaye's head in that move! Kaye's struggling and-- WHAT?
Heyman: Derek just spit Kaye out, grabbing her mouth-- is that smoke around Kaye's head?
Megan: And Derek complaining to the ref, it seems! Sounds like when Kaye was in Derek's mouth, she used her fire abilities, which are illegal in a normal rules match. But the ref couldn't see what was going on in Derek's mouth--
Heyman: Whoa!! Kaye taking advantage of Derek's distraction! Spinning Derek around, a kick to the gut and-- BURNING RAIN!! THE BURNING RAIN!! DEREK'S NECK POPPING HARD AGASINT KAYE'S SHOULDER IN THAT SICK MOVE!! AND KAYE WITH A COVER!!!
Megan: Sonnette rushing in for a save, but JC is too! Clotheslines Sonnette before she can interrupt the count!
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3!!!
Winners and new EAW Tag Team Champions: Scorpion's Pyre!
Megan: And Scorpion's Pyre has done it! The second incarnation of the Pyre has proven to be as powerful as the first! Kaye and JC are handed the belts and hug in the ring, celebrating! Awww! And a kiss.
Heyman: OK, OK, Easy there, JC Gore. GORE GORE! ... Sorry...
Megan: .... you're insane you know that? And look at this... The Bombers are up and congratulating the Pyre. They all hug in the ring. This is true sportsmanship, Paul.
Heyman: Yeah yeah... :P
Megan: Coming up next, we're going to see the Hitman's very LAST MATCH, wrestling a man who has been a thorn in the side of the nWo since appearing in EAW, the Black Scorpion.
Paul: Right... but who is he really? Michael Cole?!
Megan: I don't think Cole has had any formal wrestling training--and to keep in up a match like this, you have to be a fine-tuned wrestling machine.
"Seek and Destroy" by Metallica cues up.
Capetta: The following Respect Match is scheduled for a fifteen minute time limit, and will be the last match for Bret the Hitman Hart. Introducing first, his opponent... height unknown, weight unknown, hometown unknown. The BLACK SCORPION!!
The Scorpion appears from the back, in his trenchcoat and bat, and slowly comes down to the ring. He hangs his coat on the ringpost and sets aside his bat. Climbing inside the ring and up to one corner, WHOOOOing, then throwing up the "I Love You" sign, then stretches using the ropes. There is no referee for this match, due to the nature of the way it is wrestled.
"One Step Closer" by Linkin Park plays...
Capetta: AND HIS OPPONENT!
The crowd erupts in cheers as the pink lights at the entranceway light up.
Capetta: From CALGARY, ALBERTA, CANADA... he stands six foot even, and weighs in at 235 pounds. Making his last wrestling appearance here tonight, the legendary... BRET... the HIIIIIIIIITMAAAAAAAAAAN... HART!!
Hart appears, in his classic pink and black attire, leather 'Hitman' jacket, and shades. He walks down towards the ring, stopping to put the shades on a young child at ringside, and climbs inside the ring.
Megan: The Scorpion and the Hitman shaking hands, about to start off this contest that's sure to be a classic.
Paul: Even though the Hitman is retiring and is a legend in this business, he's going out in top shape, not a pitiful shell of his former self that refused to give it up.
Megan: Unlike, say, Terry Funk?
Paul: No comment... our President hopefully will be sticking to HIS decision of retirement...
Megan: At any rate, last time in the ring for this world-wide respected veteran, against a man whose true identity is a mystery...
*ding, ding*
Megan: There's the bell, and a handshake between this two--
Paul: *gag* Sportsmanship... it makes me very ill.
Megan: We have a staredown to start here, looks like a knucklelock to start--NO--FAKE OUT--knee to the midsection by Hitman, and a go behind!! BACK DROP by Bret Hart!
Paul: Now THAT's more like it!
Megan: The Scorpion up--whipped by Bret Hart into the corner--charging in--MONKEY FLIP OUT OF THE CORNER!! And the Hitman showing that he still has that aggressive streak that won him 7 world titles. Dragging Scorpion to the center of the ring--drives the elbow into the knee--and again!!
Paul: PUNISH HIM! PULVERIZE HIM! BREAK HIS FREAKIN LEGS!
Megan: Calm down, Paul... pulling him up now by that leg--DRAGON SCREW, putting the tension on those leg joints--scooped up--and an INVERTED ATOMIC DROP!! Hitman to the ropes--HART ATT--CAUGHT!! SLAMMED TO THE MAT with the SIDE EFFECT!!
Paul: The Black Scorpion is Matt Hardy, Version 1?! O_o
Megan: Well, he reacted quickly to that--so who knows. The Scorpion back up, and locking on a side headlock--turning it into--the SIDE RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! A move Bret is quite fond of, and rolling Bret face down--grapevining the leg on his own--and kneedropping Bret's knee into the canvas! Following it up now, and turning it into a version of the stepover toe hold, while driving an elbow into the lower back.
Paul: This is just plain arrogance trying to show off on the mat versus Bret Hart--the nerve!
Megan: Well, maybe that's part of the aim--to try to show him up as a wrestler. Now modifying the hold, attempting a Bow and Arrow!!
Paul: The Black Scorpion stretching the back, and the Hitman in trouble here... rolls onto his own back now, and Bret Hart nearly being bent in half!
Megan: The Hitman trying to fight free of this hold--although he can't lose this match via submission, he can still pass out--rolling back down--the Scorpion turning it into a shoulderlock, but Hart elbowing him--getting vertical--HIPTOSSES the Scorpion! The Scorpion back up--DROPKICK by the Hitman, on target! The Scorpion on the ropes--dazed--Hart to the far ropes now--going for the Crucifix--CAUGHT--boosted up, and BACKBREAKER executed, gutbuster style, but the Black Scorpion!
Paul: Those off the ropes moves have not paid off for the Hitman--and he looks already in severy pain.
Megan: Indeed--and the Black Scorpion dragging him near the corner, and pulling him up now--HEADBUTT by the Hitman!!
Paul: Another!! The Hitman fighting back with whatever he can--Irish Whip now--the Scorpion to the ropes--goes for the JUMPING DDT--BLOCKED--NORTHERN LIGHTS RELEASE SUPLEX by the Hitman!!
Megan: Unbelieveable counter there, and the Scorpion back up--SNAP SUPLEX!! Holding onto the arm--SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINE puts him back down to the mat--and pulling the Scorpion's arm's behind him, into the Surfboard Stretch!!
Paul: The knee pressed into the lower back, one of the areas affected by the Sharpshooter--and the Hitman changing his gameplan up a bit more than usual.
Megan: I think it's a matter of pride--he wants this match to be especially memorable... the Scorpion fighting up--the Hitman with kicks into the lower back--the heel of the boot into the knees, keeping him grounded!!
Paul: The Hitman has the Scorpion at his mercy... now modifying the hold into a full nelson!! The leverage advantage is all on the Hitman, and the Scorpion tries to find an escape--trying to move his arms forward to break the hold--getting up now--frees an arm, and goes behind--FULL NELSON OF HIS HIS OWN!! And slams the Hitman down onto the mat!!
Megan: The Scorpion pulling the Hitman up, and hitting a belly to belly suplex! Slammed hard onto his back, and pulls the Hitman back up--whip into the corner--charging in--SCORPION SPLASH!!!
Paul: Damnit--Hitman dazed coming out of the corner, the Scorpion backing into the diagonal corner--FLYING CLOTHESLINE delivered!!
Megan: The Scorpion putting himself firmly in control here--GORILLA PRESS on the Hitman--SLAMMED DOWN HARD to the mat!! Off the ropes--high flying elbow drop to the lower back!! Cover by the Scorpion? 1, 2, Kickout!! The Scorpion counted himself a pinfall after that sequence!
Paul: Hart looking a bit confused about that--getting up holding his back--the Scorpion WHOOOing a la Sting--CHOP BLOCK!! The Hitman with a chop block from behind!!
Megan: The Hitman continuing to attack the knees of the Scorpion--another elbow drop--and a HEADBUTT into the midsection!
Paul: Low blow?
Megan: No--midsection. The Hitman picking up the Scorpion--back breaker!! Dropping him right on his knee--and pulling him back up to his feet--whip into the ropes--catches him--POWERSLAM nicely down by Bret Hart!! Cover! Hook of the leg?
1! 2! KICKOUT!!--and the Hitman returning that favor!
Paul: The Hitman is not one to be played with in that ring--supremely skilled, very intelligent. In his prime, he truly was--pardon the association, the game. Rolling over the upstart Black Scorpion, and the HALF CRAB!! An elevated version--the CANADIAN MAPLELEAF, the hold of choice for Calgary... ALBERTA, CANADA's Lance Storm! Also a Dungeon graduate.
Megan: Well, just leave it up to Heyman if you want to shill an Ex-ECW wrestler, but that's all true--although the WWE's Storm has taken to using the Sharpshooter. The Scorpion trying to break free of this hold, which is damaging the lower back and hamstring, two areas that the Sharpshooter targets as well. Grabbing the ropes, and using it as leverage to kick the Hitman in the side with the free leg--the Hitman trying to turn it into a full Boston Crab, but the Scorpion--Powers free! And slides out of the ring!
Paul: The Black Scorpion retreating from the relentless Hitman, who is sliding out of the ring to continue his assault. The Hitman rams his head into the apron!! And now going for a BACKDROP onto that thin padding!
Paul: Looking bad for the Scorpion now, and the Hitman picking up the Scorpion again--snap suplex!! And now climbing up the steel steps as he slides away his elbowpad--jumps off with the driving elbow to the sternum!!
Megan: The Hitman rolling the Black Scorpion into the ring, pulling him up now--into a Small Package! Excellent counter, although not very useful in this contest. But the Scorpion using this opportunity to get up to his feet, off the ropes--Bret up--and a FACE CRUSHER by the Scorpion!! The Scorpion picking him up now, and a FALLAWAY SLAM! Tossing Bret hard onto his back. Off the ropes--going for the elb--Bret rolls out of the way--locking on a version of the Crippler Crossface!!
Paul: Another world-famous devastating hold popularized by a great Dungeon grappler--I don't know if the arms are weakened enough to get a surrender out of the Scorpion--even if it wouldn't end the match--and the Hitman lets go of the hold!
Megan: Dragging the Scorpion towards the ropes, and now laying the left leg across the bottom rope, and driving his weight down into the knee!! The Hitman continuing his focus of setting up the Sharpshooter. Drives his own knee into the Scorpion's, keeping it simple. The Hitman setting up the Scorpion now--PILEDRIVER--blocked--but Bret continuing to fight for it--and HITS IT!! The damage to Bret's back has cut down his ability to do his more complex moves, and the Scorpion has some damage to his legs, but still has a solid array of moves to depend on. However, Bret managed to win out in that sequence.
Paul: The Hitman picking apart the Scorpion--now pulling him up and wrenching back on that arm--and hooking the leg--SIDE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP!! And into the cross armbar!! The Hitman has been building to the Sharpshooter, but is keeping a back up plan at the ready, it appears...
Megan: The Scorpion fighting up, trying to get free--rolling his body forward to reduce the leverage--and pulling himself free as he slides out the ring!! He begins to walk off the damage to his legs.
Paul: The Scorpion looking dazed and outclassed, the Hitman going for a Baseball Slide--the Scorpion catches the feet!! Countering!! And drags the Hitman--slams his knee into the ringpost!!
Megan: Well, it is a part of the ring environment, and the Black Scorpion looking to capitalize--wrapping the Hitman's legs around the ringpost, and now the Figure Four!!
Paul: Much like the Tarantula, this isn't a legal move under normal EAW or WWE rules, but in this match it is! The Hitman looking in severe pain..this move that he popularized!!
Paul: The Scorpion releasing the hold, and now climbing into the ring--setting up the Hitman... climbing up to the top... and a SUUUUPEEEEERPLEEEEX!!!
Megan: That may have hurt both men, and we're winding down to the time limit... and the Scorpion locks on the Scorpion Death Lock... he senses the end is near here, and to make the Hitman beg to be released from this hold would be as good as a win to the Scorpion. The Hitman clearly in a lot of pain here... but shaking his head--not wanting to give the Scorpion the satisfaction of seeing him tap, even though it won't count as a win.
Paul: The Hitman--escaping from the hold--crawling out of the ring now!!
Megan: Amazing to see anyone escape the Scorpion Death Lock, but if anyone would know, the Hitman would... THE SCORPION SPRINGING OVER--PLANCHA onto Bret Hart!!
Paul: Not the type of move I'd expect in this match, which has been very scientific up until now, but it was effective--the Hitman rolled back into the ring, and the Scorpion sends him into the ropes--TILT A WHIRL!! INTO A BACK--NO!! The Hitman lands behind, waistlock--GERMAN SUPLEX release by Bret Hart!
Megan: Even Kirk Angel would be proud of a suplex like that--and now Bret Hart--going to the top rope?
Paul: The Scorpion getting up to his feet--and a FLYING HART ATTACK from the Hitman!! Not used much since his tag teaming days!! But pulling it out for his final match!! Cover by the Hitman!!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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KICKOUT by the Scorpion, as Bret counts his own pinfall. I think the Hitman knew this wasn't over, and merely was toying with him.
The Hitman getting up to his feet--and going for the hammerlock on the Scorpion as he gets back up--variation of the Northern Lights from the Hammerlock!! Going for another--wait--headbutts from the Scorpion--breaks free of the hold--off the ropes--FLYING CROSS BODY!! The Hitman dazed, and the Scorpion setting him up--Scorpion Death Drop!! Dragging him in the center of the ring--going for the Scorpion Death--SMALL PACKAGE COUNTER by the Hitman--right back up--locking his version of the move--about to turn the Scorpion--who is trying to fight free of the hold... the Hitman--SWIFTLY TURNS HIM!! AND LOCKS ON THE SHARPSHOOTER!!
Paul: Sharpshooter applied!! Sharpshooter applied!! This arena has come unglued!!! The Scorpion trying to get to the ropes, trying to find some escape--and tapping out! Tapping out!!
*ding, ding, ding* `The Time Limit Has Expired... `
Megan: And right before the fifteen minutes were up, the Hitman makes the Scorpion tap out to the Sharpshooter... it may have been a Respect Match, but it still was competitive!!
Paul: Oh, certainly!! And I have to give my props to the Hitman on that fine performance!!
Megan: These Tokyo fans on their feet now, giving a standing ovation to the Hitman and his opponent tonight!!!
Paul: And this isn't even the end of this great night!! There's still more to come!!
Crowd: HIT-MAN!! HIT-MAN!! HIT-MAN!! HIT-MAN!!
Megan: The Hitman helping the Scorpion to his feet--and a hug from the Hitman to the Black Scorpion, and congratulations on a hell of a match!!
Paul: Oh, here's that sportsmanship again... *gag*
Megan: Oh, suck it up, and enjoy, Paul... =P
**We take a short rest break so that the Chamber can be lowered, set up, and checked out by technicians... **