Live from Palace at Auburn Hills in Auburn Hills, MI!!

We open to the Palace in a packed arena as "Travel Theme to Crystalis" is playing, and Derek Walker makes hir way down to the ring, Extreme Title around her waist, as she waves to the crowd.

Shots of several signs are visible...such as:

"Sonnette swallows! Lance Rules!"...the guy who holds this sign is quickly beaten by nearby fans.

"$HO U$ UR PUPPY$, R3D, L0L!"

"I DO ANAL!!"

Megan: Put that damn sign, down, Lilith!

Lilith: Hey...just letting everyone know..

Megan and Lilith are seated just behind the barricade, and an unfamiliar man is seated at the announce position.

Megan: Normally we do the commentating duty, but this new guy's going to get a trial run.

Lilith: Good...I can concentrate on watching this ass..er, match.

(by Kevin; minor editing by Andrew)

Derek Walker waits patiently in the ring as Test makes his way down to the ring. Both men stare down in the ring for a brief moment and then they begin to trade blows. Derek kicks Test in the midsection and DDT's him. Test rolls out of the ring and grabs a chair. He throws the chair into the ring and Derek barely avoids it. Test grabs another chair and throws it into the ring. This one hits Derek knocking hir off of hir feet. Test slides into the ring and picks up one of the chairs. He waits until Derek rises to hir feet and then levels hir with it. Test winds up again and again smashes Derek with the Chair. Derek is busted open and test sets up for another swing. This time, Derek ducks and trips Test. Test's momentum causes him to roll out of the ring and hit the floor. Derek Walker slowly rises back to his feet and props himself up in the corner.

Commentator: These two are both going to need asprin after this one.

Derek slides out of the ring. he dodges a clothesline from an off balance Test and then hops over the gaurdail into the crowd. Test follows him into the crowd and they trade punches. Test grabs the smaller man and throws him further into the crowd. Fans scatter as they fight through. Test tries a sidewalk slam, but Derek slips away, barely. Derek climbs up onto a higher section of seating and waits as Test walks over. Derek leaps off and knocks Test down. Derek goes back up, but this time he is caught before he make it all the way, and he is sent crashing through a TV production table. Test raises his arms in Victory and heads towards the pile of rubble that his foe now sleeps in.

Commentator: Hey, well look at that. Yeah, um, er.

Test picks up Derek Walker and lifts him over his head. Derek isn't moving. Test steps forward and drops Derek crashes to the ground. Test puts his foot on Dereks back and laughs. Test picks Derek up and slings him over his shoulder like a hunter would a bear's pelt. He begins walking back towards the ring. A fan decides it would be funny to throw a beer at Test. This makes a little mad and Test begins to stare down the man. The cold beer has an effect on Derek who wakes up and hooks his arm around Test's head. DDT!! Derek Walker with a desperation DDT.

Commentator: How about that.

Derek and Test both lay on the ground. Neither man is moving too much. Derek gets up first and lays across Test's body.

1............

2...........

Did you really think this would be a three count? Well, it isn't.

Derek grabs Test by the arm and grabs a chair. he gives Test an Armbreaker onto the open chair. Derek hooks Tests Arm into an Arm bar. Test reaches for an escape, but he cannot find it. Test begins to try to tap out, but instead struggles to his feet. He armdrags Derek over and sends hir into the ropes...SIDE SLAM--no, Derek going for a reversal...but Test escapes...Pump Handle Powerslam!! Test goes up top...hits the flying elbow!!

1............

2..........

3!!

Winner by pinfall >>> Test, New EAW Extreme Champion

"Last Resort" by Papa Roach cues up as Test's hand is raised by the referee...

Lilith: Izzit our turn yet? Izzit our turn yet?

Megan: Yep...we take over from here....

Lilith: Sure we can't just go at it right here on the floor...?

Megan: NO!!

Turn it up!

"Turn it up" from WWF The Music: Vol. 5 plays on the P.A. as a group of women who appear to be the Nitro Girls appear on the stage and prepare to do a dance number.

Lilith: YES!! YES!! YES!!

Suddenly, the pryo goes off on cue as Kanyon, wearing a backwards cap and a jean vest, comes out makes his way to the announcers' table, highfiving Test on the way.

Kanyon: Hello, ladies...

Lilith: Ummm...how much for the ho third from the left, that cute blond.

Kanyon: Heh-heh...let's bargain a bit...

Megan: *sigh*...We'll be back in a few moments...

"One Step Closer" by Linkin Park cues up as we return from the advertisements.

Kanyon: We back yet?

Lilith: Yup...say, Chris...how much do you think Megsie here would go for?

Kanyon: Hmmm...she's really cute I gotta admit...and there are a lot of guys who really go for the Asian chicks...I'd say quite a bit.

Megan: W-will you two STOPPIT!!

Lilith: Hee-hee-hee...I'm gonna get some from you eventually...for FREE!!

Kanyon: Good luck ta ya on that endeavor.

Megan: There's a match to call you two...

Kanyon: I know, I know...I'll be sticking around until Blue beats the everloving sh*t out of the limey SOB Regal.

Lilith: SHAGADELIC!!

Megan: Anyhow...Bret Hart on his way to the ring, a well-respected veteran arriving on the scene in EAW a while back, although he only returned about a few months ago. Here now challenging for the International Title.

Lilith: Hey...Chris...watch this...

Lilith does her "growth spurt" trick, growing a few inches taller and making her bust size expand several sizes.

Kanyon: WHOA!! How the hell you do that?

Lilith: Another perk of being a succubus, that's all. I can do more than that...I can make the nips small, puffy...

Megan: LILITH!!!

Lilith: What?

Kanyon: *snicker*

Lilith: Sorry...

Megan: Thank you...

"Of Wolf and Man" by Symphony & Metallica cues up next, and the crowd responds with a large pop, about the same as for Bret Hart. Colley comes out a'howling, the International Title slung over his furry shoulder.

Lilith: I wonder if I were to scratch Colley in right place, if he'd kick his leg?

Megan: I think he just might, since unlike Rik and Scarlet, he actually is what he appears to be.

Kanyon: Then he must like to do it...say it with me, Lilith...

Lilith/Kanyon: DAWG-GIE STYYYYLE!!!

Megan: *sigh* Well, Colley getting in the ring, hands the International Title to Teddy Long...we're about to see a hell of a match, and there's the bell.

*ding, ding*

(Written by Mykael J. Lengling) Eko: The bell sounds! Bret and Colley circle each other. Bret stops and extends his hand.

Lilith: Hmm.. Be careful my Dogstar!

(As Bret nods his head, and Colley Dogstar accepts the handshake, they shake hands and begin to tie up.)

Eko: Good sportsmanship. Bret with a Top Wristlock, Colley tapping the shoulder and reverses it into a Hammerlock, Bret with a Straight Elbow to the midsection sending Colley down with a Short Arm Drag! Colley stands quickly and gives Bret a Running Clotheslines!! Bret stands up quickly, Colley runs at him but Bret delivers a Shoulder Block. They both stand up and take some breaths. THE FANS ARE ON THEIR FEET!

Lilith: Wow, never thought they had that much, Bret at least. Hehehe.

Eko: Colley runs at Bret for a Spinning Forarm Smash and connected, Colley jumps in the air with a Double Knee Smash to the ribs. Colley stands up Bret Hart, Irish Whip into the ropes, Back Body Dr. No! Sunset Flip!
1.....
2.....
Kickout!

Lilith: Come on Colley! Stay in there, make it a good victory!

Eko: Colley Colley, come on Bret!

Lilith: Bret now standing up Colley.. Bret whips Colley into the corner, he follows up with a Running Forarm. Bret pulls her out and sets up for a Suplex.. VERTICAL SUPLEX! Bret stands up and falls down with some Diving Elbows right to the ribs. Bret now seems to be in control of the match. Come on Colley!!

Eko: Bret now goes over to Big Yiffy's legs, he sets them up, BOSTON CRAP APPLIED!! Colley screaming in pain right now, she is struggling to get to the ropes, she does!! The match still continues.

Lilith: Told ya Eko! Hehe.

Eko: Bret looks confused and stands Colley back up, Bret throws her into the ropes, he tries a Clothesline but Colley ducks, Bret turns around and gets hit with a Jumping Dropkick! Bret stands up immediatly and he delivers the Evenflow DDT!! This could be it!
1....
2....
Threeeee NO!!!! Last second kickout by Bret Hart!

Lilith: Damnit!

Eko: Colley starts with some Stomps to the back, he goes over to Bret's head and gives him a Dragon Sleeper, she flips him around with a REVERSE DRAGON SLEEPER HOLD!! Bret looks like he is in major pain, wait! Bret gets to the ropes. Almost over there.

Lilith: Colley stands Bret up, he gives Bret a Strong Kick to the gut, looks like the Third Impact!! NO!! Bret swipes her down, he sets up the Sharpshooter!! He can't turn her!! Yes!!! Yes!!!

Eko: Bret picks her by the legs, DRAGON SCREW TO THE KNEE! Bret and Colley are both down. The referee begins to count.
1.....
2.....
3.....
4.....
5.....

Eko: Bret and Colley are both starting to make it up, Bret stands up first, Colley runs at him but Bret hits a Release Belly to Belly Suplex! Bret again stands up, he picks her up, FRONT BACKBREAKER! He goes for the win..
1....
2....KICKOUT!

Lilith: Colley with the last second kickout, yeah yeah!! Bret stands up Colley and throws her into the ropes, he stands her up, looks like a Superplex right here! Bret stands her up, but Colley pushes him off.. Bret stands up, MISSILE DROPKICK!!!
1.....
2.....
Threeee NO!!! Damn!

Eko: What a tremendous action - packed match by Bret Hart and Colley Dogstar! Colley stands slamming his hands onto the mat, he picks Bret back up, Irish Whip into the ropes, SUPERKICK!! NO!!! BRET GRABS COLLEY'S LEG AND PULLS HER BACK INTO THE HARTBREAKER!! WHAT A MOVE BY BRET HART!!!

Lilith: I'll give him credit, nice move Bret. Bret now stands Colley back up, Swinging Neckbreaker!!! Here we go!
1.....
2.....
Colley right at the last moment she could break out, did!!! The match continues!

Eko: Bret Hart is furious, he throws Colley to the outside and whips Colley into the guard rail. Bret throws him back into the ring, he stands her up, DDT by Bret Hart!! Colley is in the middle of the ring, Bret climbs the turnbuckle.. It could be the Sharp Injection!!! He connects!!! IT'S OVER!!
1....
2....
NO!!! COLLEY KICKED OUT AGAIN!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!!?

Lilith: Bret is not paying attention and has a word with the ref, Colley is up!! Colley is up!! Belly to Back German Suplex!!
1....
2....
NO!! Kickout by Bret Hart! What a match!!!!

Colley rubs her forehead and breathing heavily, she picks up Bret Hart, she whips him into the ropes, DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!! BOTH ARE DOWN!!

Kanyon: Whoa!! They just wiped each other out!!

Megan: These two are giving it their all...

1....

2....

3....

....4

Megan: Getting up now...Colley and Bret fighting to their feet...now..

"D...N...R" an odd voice exclaims as the lights dim and a familiar tune begins to play...

Megan: DAMNIT, NO!!

Lilith: Not the friggin' T&A ripoffs again...

The camera scans the crowd, and Spike and Morty, EAW's S&M, jumps the barricade as their theme music plays...Colley and Bret immediately turn their attention to Spike and Morty...Spike pairing up with Colley, Bret on Morty.

*ding, ding, ding*

Megan: These two...two...BASTARDS have just caused this match to get thrown out, now trying to work over these two...but..

Suddenly, a small built wrestler with long dark hair and wearing baggy pants and a t-shirt and a lean built blond haired young man rush out from the back and storm the ring...

Megan: That's..that's...newly signed EAW wrestlers Tommy Zen and Dave Star...to the rescue...

The two slide into the ring behind Colley and Bret...then...attack them from behind?!

Lilith: Uhh...not exactly.

Megan: S&M setting up Colley...Morty up top...DNR on Colley!! Zen and Star stomping away on Bret...

*ding, ding, ding*

Megan: Raven...Nova...Code Red...all coming out from the back to the aide of Bret and Colley...Scarlet now out...

Lilith: BRAWL!!! BRAWL!! BRAWL!!..AND PANTIES!!!

Megan: We'll be back folks...damn it..

No Winner

**Short advertisements for sponsors**

Kanyon: We back?

Megan: Yes, we're back...

Lilith: Yes indeedie..and you know know what's up neeeeeeeeeeext?

Kanyon: Plodder match, featuring my main man, Blue Boy?

Lilith: Yup yup yup....and JASMIN!! I'm *ahem* a big fan of her work...

Megan: As you fans probably know by now, Lilith is referring to Jasmin's work as a former adult film star.

Lilith: GANGBANGED BY 100 Men in a row!!

The Jolly Gentlemen themes cues up as William Regal comes out, surprisingly alone, to the chagrin of this Michigan crowd, who boo the Brit.

Kanyon: I concur...

Lilith: The Doctor Evil to Blue Boy's Austin Powers.

Kanyon: I think we know what role Mr. Parfect would play...because he'd HAVE to hump that laser.

Lilith: You bet!!

Regal gets in the ring, and looks besmirched.

"Full Nelson" by Limp Bizkit plays on the P.A. as the Blue Saturn drives up to ringside. Blue Boy gets out of the car and then carries Jasmin to the security guard railing as he places her behind it, allowing her to watch the match.

Lilith: Ahh...isn't love grand, Megan?

Megan: I know what this is leading to..

Lilith: I need to work on my subtlety.

Kanyon: ALRIGHT, BRIAN...I WANT YOU KICK THAT F.E.B.'s ASS ALL THE WAY TO LIVERPOOL AND BACK!!

Megan: F.E.B.? What's that mean?

Lilith/Kanyon: Fu--

Megan: Watch the language!

Lilith/Kanyon: F'ing English B-word-that-means-illegitimate child.

Megan: Oh....the ladder is set up on the outside...and that DJ equipment is hanging above the ring...

Lilith: And Jasmin looks RANDY!!

Kanyon: She always does...those two go at it...like..ten times a day.

Megan: Regal back up..right hand by Blue Boy--caught by Regal...turning it into a wristlock...Blue Boy rolls through...wristlock on Regal...RUNNING TO THE CORNER!! BLUEBLASTER!! Blue Boy with the Blueblaster and now tosses Regal to the outside...

Kanyon: You got him on the run, Brian...keep at 'em!!

Megan: Regal grabbing the ladder though....Blue Boy sliding to the outside cautiously...Regal tosses the ladder--Blue Boy ducks...but Regal charges with a clothesline, also ducked..backbreaker attempt by Blue Boy--no, stopped by a knee to the midsection by Regal...now hits the neckbreaker on Blue Boy!!

Kanyon: Damn....

Megan: Regal grabbing that ladder...brings it down on the chest of Blue Boy...again!!...lacing hits legs between the rungs...up on the apron...JUMPING STOMP ONTO the ladder!! Lacing his legs through further...looks to be setting up for a version of the Regal Stretch...YES...has it locked on....but it won't do any good in this sort of match...

Lilith: Incorrect...it will weaken his legs, and make it harder for him to actually climb it.

Megan: Well...it won't directly win him the ma--hey...something relevant to contribute for once, Lil?

Lilith: What...you think I'm just some dippy succu-slut?

Megan: Yes.

Lilith: Well...not a COMPLETE one...

Megan: Regal letting go of the that Regal Stretch. Pulling up the weakened Blueboy...whipping him *crash* into the steel steps. Regal grabbing Blue Boy by the hair now...Knee Lifts...rolls him back in, and grabs that ladder. Blue Boy getting up slowly now...REGAL rams him in the face with that ladder, now getting in himself. Regal picking up the ladder again...Blue Boy getting up again...Regal rams it into his midsection...drops the ladder...BELLY TO BELLY onto the ladder by William Regal!! Regardless of whether or not he is at the top of the British social ladder, he'll be on top of that one if he continues with this punishment. Rather surprising since I don't believe I recall Regal having any experience in a match like this.

Kanyon: He's still a douchebag.

Lilith: Hee-hee.

Megan: Regal setting up that ladder in the corner...goes to whip Blue Boy into it...blocked and answered with a knee to the midsection by Blue Boy...HIGH LEG LARIAT by Blue Boy!! Regal pulled up again...Irish Whip by Blue Boy...reversal comin--DROP TOE HOLD on REGAL!! Regal's chin hits the bottom rung of that ladder!!

Lilith: So much for being one of the only Brits around with nice teeth...not like mine...they're nice and pretty and really white...

Megan: Blue Boy dragging Regal into the center of the ring...could it be...Blue Boy puts the ladder on the chest of Regal.

At some point of the match. Blue Boy places Regal in the middle of the ring, with a ladder lying on his chest. Boy then goes to his head and gradually extends his arms out and swings them sideways(Like The Rock).

Lilith: People's, er...Cano's...er...!

Blue Boy runs to the ropes, jumps over Regal on the way to the other ropes and as he returns he goes for a leg drop motion but he hesitates as he count down from 3 with his fingers before giving him the leg drop.

Megan: LEG DROP!!

Kanyon: WHOOO-HOO!!! Finish him, Bri!!

Megan: Blue Boy pulling up Regal--BLATANT low blow by Regal.

Kanyon: Damn him...but it's legal.

Lilith: Although Jasmin doesn't like it. ^_^

Megan: Regal sends Blueboy chest-first to the turnbuckle...grabs him on the return...hoisting him up high in the air....BACK DROP onto the ladder!! Regal hits the ropes...hits a knee drop on Blue Boy!! Now rolls him off...setting up the ladder...

Kanyon: Augggh...I feel like like going over there--

Megan: Don't stoop to their level, Chris. Regal midway up the ladder...Blue Boy back up now, favoring his back...turns around...going for the Blue Bomber Driver off the ladder...now goes for it--Regal slips free and lands on his feet! Ducks the Haymaker by Blue Boy!! Knee into the chest...Dropkick!! Knocks the ladder over...setting up Blue Boy...SPIFFING SLAM onto the ladder!! That could be all she wrote!

Lilith: Who is "she?" Is "she" cute? Is "she" into girls? ^_^

Megan: It's an expression, Lilith. Regal pulling up Blue Boy, and looking to toss him over the ropes for a precaution, and does...BUT BLUE BOY GRABS A HOLD OF THE TOP ROPE!! Regal now setting up the ladder obliviously...Blue Boy in pain but climbing back up onto the apron...the ladder is up..SPRINGBOARD DROPKICK by Blue Boy!! Regal hits his head on that ladder as he falls onto it!!

Kanyon: YEAH YEAH YEAH!! GO Brian!!

Megan: Blue Boy slides out on the side Regal is on...yanking him out the ankles...laying in some kicks for good measure...Regal with a thumb to the eye...drags Blueboy over to our announce position...slams his head on the table now...KANYON, SAVE THE MONITORS!!

Kanyon: You get that one I'll get this one...

Megan: *stands up* Regal rolls Blue Boy onto the table...climbing up on it now...Spiffing Sla--NO, Blue Boy breaking free..setting him up...SUPLEX off the announce table onto the floor! Both Regal and Blue Boy have had a lot taken out of them...

Wait...coming down the ramp...Kamala and Brother Love!!

Suddenly, a very loud, and very familiar, string of buzzers and alarms cues up on the PA system... All around the arena's video feeds, the RTC Logo pops up. Steven Richards, RTC Man, and Dudley Clark II Esq. show up, and stand in the aisles for a moment. They sneak up behind Kamala and Brother Love, and attack them, tossing them off the stage. RTC Man and Dudley step forward, then run down to ringside, towards where the announce table is...

Kanyon: Oh sh....what are they here for?!

Megan: RTC Man and Dudley down here now...stomping away...on Regal?! RTC Man hoists up Regal...drops him down on the apron...busting Regal's chops...now...

Kanyon: FLATLINER!!!

Megan: RTC Man nails the Flatliner...now rolls Regal onto the announce table...Dudley picking up Regal....TKO!!!! THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!! THAT WASN'T THE SPANISH ONE YOU DUMBASSES!!

Kanyon: RTC Man laying in more boots to Regal...now...they're leaving?!

Megan: Blue Boy on top the ladder...BLUESAULT for good measure!! Blue Boy getting up...tosses the ladder back into the ring...it's practically a foregone conclusion that he'll win this now...more of the Gentlemen coming out now...Jaws and Mixu attacking Richards...RTC Man and Dudley heading them off at the pass...Blue Boy getting up the ladder now...Jaws trying to bite off the hand of RTC Man...BLUE BOY GETS THE DJ EQUIPMENT!!

*ding, ding, ding*

Winner by getting DJ Equipment >>> The Blue BoyMegan: Falling off the ladder understandably tired.

Lilith: Like when Jasmin went through those hundred guys...whew...

Megan: Jaws and Mixu tossed off the ramp...but...Cecil coming through the crowd!

Kanyon: *motions* BEHIND YOU BRIAN!!

Megan: Cecil jumping Blueboy from behind...now going to powerbomb Blue Boy onto that DJ equipment...Richards in...MORALITY CHECK to Cecil!!

Lilith: Uh...YEAH!!! GO STEVEN!!!

Megan: Richards high-tailing it out of there...backing away slowly on the ramp...Blue Boy getting slowly now...out of the ring where Regal is...then suddenly the lights goes out for about a minute, and when they get back on, Regal is lying in another "Bluebath", with some of it mixed in with his own blood.

Steven Richards stand at the top of the ramp, mic in hand as the crowd cheers.

Steven: You people may be asking why we helped Blue Boy out, just now... You're thinking that this is all a trick, I bet! But, it's not. While I normally would be against Blue Boy, I think it's best we help him out. I am concerned about my team mates' issues with other wrestlers, and, not surprisingly, one of them hates Regal. I'm sure you all know who he is by now, but it is Mr. Clark, Esquire, who wants to rid this federation of the horror that is William Regal. He has done things that I don't condone, sure-- One of those things being several on-air rapings of a man, for example. But, I think one of the worst crimes he has committed is trying to make himself off as a so-called Gentleman-- A true example of the values held by sophisticated British people. However, he has shown, over and over, he is nothing more than a HOAX.

Dudley: Very true, Mr. Richards. However, the reason I decided to intervene was I saw that the so-called "Gentlemen" were about to interfere, so I prevented that, as well as punishing William for what he was about to do...

Steven: ...See, I think Mr. Regal needs to be taught a lesson, and I am willing to put aside any differences I've had with Blueboy to beat some sense into him. I'm hoping he can do the same, and we can work together, albeit briefly, to stop him.

Kanyon: What the hell?

Megan: From the look on Blue Boy's face..he thinks the same thing...

The RTC theme cues up again as the three exit to the back.

Kanyon: I'll see you lovely ladies later...I'm gonna go with Brian...

Kanyon leaves and heads into the ring..

Lilith: I still don't believe Richards...helped Blue Boy?

Megan: Jasmin and Kanyon now accompanying Blue Boy to the back...we'll be back after a short break...

**We now return from advertisements to the PPV...**

Megan: Chris Kanyon has left our broadcast position, helping the injured but victorious Blue Boy to the back...but we still wonder...just why did Dudley and the RTC help Blue Boy? Something is reallly fishy..

Lilith: I don't know...but I don't like it...grrr...that Steven Richards...

Lilith: Well, cheer up a bit...because I think what will probably be your favorite match of the night is coming up next...

Lilith: A surprise ice-cream and fudge syrup match?!

Megan: Nooooo...it's Red's Cruiserweight Title shot against Scarlet Foxfire.

Lilith: Oh yeah...maybe she's wear something special just for me. ^_^

Megan: I don't know about that, but this match has high stakes...the Cruiserweight Title, and possibility of being munched on by a mechanical shark...

Cut to a shot of the ring, where a circular fish tank envelopes the ring and is filled with mechanical sharks floating through the water, chomping rhythmically.

Megan: If they were alive, I'd say they looked hungry...fortunately those teeth are only hard rubber.

Lilith: Yeah...although it would have been just fine with Red if they were real metal. Y'know...that gal has more loose screws than a porn star.

"Crushed" by Limp Bizkit cues up, bringing out the...challenger...for the title..in...a pirate garb as the crowd cheers on.

Megan: *I* What in the heck is this?

Red comes out, with Gajetto-chan of course, but also is wearing the Pirate getup she wore in her flash earlier, wielding a plastic saber, carrying a mic.

Red: Aye, tell that meddlin' Gouko that his rules don't apply to an ol' seadog such as meself an if he has a problem wit' this, Ah'll Keel-hault 'em after ah I toss Millie Foxfire into the briny deap... Arrr...

Megan: Young Miss West REALLY getting into the mood here...

Lilith: Aye...I hope'a she wins..arr...I'm in the mood to swab 'er deck..wit me tongue...arrrrrrrrr...

Megan: Well..as least it isn't a real sword...is it?

Lilith: No...but I could think of some...interesting uses for it.

Megan: Being next to you and calling these matches has slowly but surely warped my mind...because I think I know what you're getting at.

Lilith: ARRRR!!!

Red walks past the tanks in the little bit of free space between them, and climbs inside the ring, swinging her plastic saber in various directions.

The dance music from Iczelion cues up next...

Lilith: I think you know who I'm pulling for in this match, Megsie...although I won't deny Scarlet's a cutie, too.

Megan: Although it really is a guy in that suit.

Lilith: That a disappointment to you? You PREFER her female form?! That mean you're..

Megan: NO!! NO!! NO!! I'm just saying, underneath that female zoot is a male host...

Scarlet Foxfire, Cruiserweight Title in tow, gets a well-recieved pop from the crowd as she arrives in a much more logical red two-piece bikin

Lilith: This match is going to be extra special...I SPECIFICALLY told all the cameramen to get lots of good shots of all of the good parts.

Megan: Isn't that what they're supposed to do?

Lilith: Good parts of THE GIRLS I mean.

Lilith's point is illustrated as the monitor is filled with an EXTREME CLOSEUP of Scarlet's bustline.

Megan: Oh...NOW I understand.

Lilith: *Drool*

Megan: Well, hopefully we'll get good shots of the ACTUAL MATCH that is going to take place...

Lilith: Uhh...sure, Megsie. ^_^

Megan: Scarlet sliding inside of the ring now...handing the referee her Cruiserweight Title...I'm sure we're about to see a classic here...

*ding, ding*

Megan: Referee Tommy Sato hands the Cruiserweight Title to the timekeeper...Foxfire and West now hesitant to make the first move...Scarlet goes for it...roundhouse kick..ducked by West...sweep kick from Foxfire on target. West kippups--dropkicked by Foxfire. Foxfire after West...West with an arm drag surprises her. Now...grabs that plastic saber...and...stabbing Scarlet with it?

Lilith: Hee-hee...she thilly...

Megan: Well...the referee would probably DQ her if this was doing anything aside from just annoying Scarlet--she grabs that plastic saber...tosses it outside the ring!

Lilith: NOOO!!!

The saber lands into the "shark tank" where it is promptly swallowed by one of the robotic sharks.

Megan: Scarlet up now...hammering away on Red...sends her into the ropes...Red coming back now...GOING FOR THE DDT!!! HITS IT!!

Lilith: GO RED GO!! GO RED GO!!!

Megan: West picking up Scarlet by the nap...now dumps her over the top rope!! Scarlet getting up quickly...BASEBALL SLIDE hits Scarlet in the face!! West now hits the far ropes...comes back at breakneck speed....AIR RED!!

Lilith: AHHHH!!! Caught by Scarlet....and...SENDS RED IN THE DRINK!!

Megan: One of those robotic sharks is coming for her...clamps its mouth down on her ankle!!

Lilith: WET SHIRT!!!

Cameraman gets a shot of Red's chest, where her outfit has clung tightly.

Megan: Another one moving in..snaps down on the other leg now....Red scrambling to get out now....splats on the floor!

Lilith: Scarlet up on the apron..uh oh..

Megan: Jumps off and hits her with a flying reverse elbow. Scarlet pulls up Red...elbow to the gut by Red! Locks both arms now...REVERSE TIGER SUPLEX by West!! West pulling up Scarlet...drops her jaw-first to the apron! Up on the apron now...ASAI MOONSAULT onto Scarlet!!

Lilith: I believe we...YES...BUTT SHOT!! We HAVE BUTT SHOT!!!

Megan: Red getting up now....slams Scarlet's head to the tank...again...now picking her up...TOSSES SCARLET IN NOW!!

Lilith: Those sharks got Scarlet's rear paw...hey..is it possible for mechanical sharks to have a foot fetish..they keep going after..

Bubbles fill the tank as another shark latches onto Scarlet's rear.

Lilith: Hmmm...I believe that one wants to toss Scarlet's salad.

Scarlet struggles to grab ahold of the rim of the tank, and eventually does.

Megan: Scarlet grabs the tank's edge...Red up on the apron now...Foxfire getting out...WEST JUMPING OFF WITH A FRONT DROPKICK!! Foxfire back in the drink.

Lilith: With all that water, Scarlet may not be a Cruiserweight when she gets out of there.

Megan: Scarlet again grabbing hold...yanks herself out of the tank and pulling herself from those mechanical jaws...Red is in shock...SCARLET FLYING...

Scarlet only makes it a short distance, but it is long enough, as she lands on Red with a loud SPLAT!

Megan: I doubt she's absorbed 50 lbs. of water, but Scarlet weighs considerably more now due to that suit soaking up the tank water. Scarlet picking up Red now...HURLS HER LIKE A LAWN DART INTO THE SIDE OF THE TANK!!

Lilith: See also: Kevin Nash and Rey Mysterio Jr, Kane and Steven Richards.

Megan: Scarlet goes for the pin! One!! TWO!! NO!! The first pinfall attempt in this EXTREMELY strange match. Scarlet picking up Red by her hair.

Cameraman gets a close up of Scarlet's rear.

Megan: That's getting really annoying.

Lilith: *giggle*

Megan: Foxfire rolls in West to the ring...now gets around back...pushing the side of that tank closer to the ring...before running around the other side, through the gap and back into the ring.

Lilith: She's dripping everywhere...wait..kneels down...shaking out her fur!

Megan: That'll help a great deal...now pounches toward West...West kippups...rushing palm strike hits Scarlet in the snout!! Red scoops her up...FIRE CRACKER!! Cover by Red

.

.

.

ONE!

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.

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TWO!

No no no! Kickout by the Cruiserweight Champ. West, as crazy as she is, still has the desire to win this championship...picking up Scarlet..sends her into the ropes...Scarlet hits the ropes...Back body--No, Scarlet sliding between the legs of Red...Uppercut to the chin! Flips her over now with a sunset flip!!

.

.

.

ONE!

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TWO!!

--NO!!

Lilith: Whew!!

Megan: Scarlet back in control...scoops up Red over her shoulder...shoulderbreaker coming up..? No...she's heading over to that side with the tank nearby...she's...dunking Red's head into the tank!!

Scarlet dumps Red's head into the tank. She flails her arms and legs about as bubbles fill the tank. One of the sharks clamps its mouth down on the top of her head.

Megan: Scarlet pulls her back out...although that robot shark still has a hold...she dunks her back in!! Red's getting her head dunked like a wimp in a elementary school bathroom!

Lilith: Well, it still isn't the real thing...Raven knows about that...

Megan: Scarlet yanking her out a final time, slamming her down to the mat!

Red coughs up water as Scarlet goes for the pinfall again...

Megan: ONE!!

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.

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TWO!!

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Kickout by Red.

Close up boob shot on Red again.

Megan: Scarlet yanking her up now...Irish whip...reversal into a wristlock by West!! Laying in kicks to the midsection of Scarlet...now hopping up the turnbuckle...walking the ropes a la the Undertaker...FLIES OFF WITH A CLOTHESLINE!!

Lilith: Arrr...that was a Grrrrrrrreat move!

Megan: More pirate, less Tony the Tiger Lil...Red now up to the top...hits the split-legged moonsault on Scarlet!!

Lilith: Panty shot!! Panty shot!!

Megan: Cover by West

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ONE!!

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TWO!

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.NO!!

Lilith: DUNK HER!! DUNK HER!!

Megan: Red pulling up Scarlet...SCARLET WITH A SMALL PACKAGE!! One! Two! NO!!

Lilith: Uh oh...

Megan: Scarlet coming back strong...scoop slams Red...somersault leg drop...laying in kicks to the side of Red...Red getting up...Scarlet runs towards the corner...springs off...TRIANGLE KICK sends Red down!! Picks her up again...snap suplex!! Into a floatover...

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ONE!

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TWO!

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SO CLOSE!! Red just barely gets the shoulder up...Scarlet pulls her up now...sends her to the ropes...Red reverses...Scarlet hits the ropes...DDT coming u--NO, INVERTED ATOMIC DROP by Red!! Picks her up now...block by Scarlet....Scarlet front suplexes stomach-first onto the top rope. Now cinches her up...Red blocks!! Now...SUPLEXES SCARLET INTO THE TANK!!

Lilith: WHEEEE!!!

Megan: West now going up top...she's...oh my...CHERRY BOMB INTO THE TANK!!!

The Cherry Bomb kicks up alot of bumbles and splashes water outside of the tank..but we are able to see Red on top of a mechanical shark, on top of Scarlet!!

Megan: Sato counts the One

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TWO!!

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THREE!!

It's a weird pin, but did the job!!

*ding, ding, ding*

Lilith: Red wins? RED WINS!! YEEEEEEES!! THE UNIFIED INTERGALACTIC CRUISERWEIGHT WORLD HARDCORE WOMEN'S CHAMPION...uh..I think.

Megan: I don't know about that, but she is the new EAW Cruiserweight champion!!

Winner by Pinfall >>> Red "Rock" West, new EAW Cruiserweight Champion!

"Crushed" by Limp Bizkit plays as we fade from this scene..

Megan: Up next...the People's Title will be on the line when Chris Jericho defends against "Code Red" Michael Connelly...

Lilith: LADDERS!!! CAGES!!! BLOOD!!! SWEATY STUDS BEATING THE SH*T OUT OF EACH OTHER!!

Megan: Well...that's one way of looking at it...

Lilith: This is going to make it even easier for Oseiko to picture Mikey as a Hardy Boy. ^_^

Megan: The original still has stood the test of time...often is compared to the TLC matches...

Lilith: Mikey's getting some "TLC" tonight...I guuaaaaaar-antee!!

The lights go out in the arena...and up on the EAW-tron:

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

BOOM!!!

"Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns N' Roses cues up...

Lilith: WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE, BABY....YER GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!

Megan: Spaz.

Lilith: Hee-hee..

Jericho stands at the top of the entrance ramp, back to the crowd and the camera and arm's outstretched, with the EAW People's Title around his waist. He then spins around, jogging his way down to the ring where the cage has been set up around it, and ladders standing up on the outside.

Megan: The object of this match is quite simple...the first to reach the belt at the top of the cell, wins the match. Getting to it, however, will require the use of the ladder.

Lilith: I think we've heard the rules already, Megsie.

Megan: Okay okay...Jericho getting into the ring now...

An explosion rings out in the arena as the lights dim again. Sirens cue up as the stage is enveloped in a soft green glow...which fades to a blinking yellow, then a brightly-flashing, nearly-seizure-inducing red before fireworks explode from the stage, throwing up a great deal of smoke and sparks as "There's A Fire In the House" by Steve Vai plays. As is all clears, "Code Red" Michael Anthony Connelly stands on the stage, then jogs his way down the ramp towards the ring. The laps around the ring, slapping fans' hands along the way, then heads through the cage door and into the ring. Jericho hands Mike Chioda the People's Title, and Chioda holds it up.

Megan: The Cell is lowering...

Lilith: Welcome back, Mikey!!

Megan: The match is just about underway...Chioda snapping that belt onto that metal ring...it's being raised...*ding, ding* theres the bell!

(by Andrew T. Skocik -- Note: for nostalgia's sake, I'm going to do this match in prose. ;) )

As the bell rings, Jericho and Connelly lock up in a collar-and-elbow...Jericho wins it and turns it into a side headlock. Connelly attempts a back drop but Jericho lands on his feet, surprising him with a dropkick. Jericho goes to follow up and is taken over with an arm drag. Connelly twists it, attempting to weaken the arm, but Jericho gets up and lays in a few shots to the midsection...forcing Connelly to release, and allowing Jericho to hit the ropes...and nail Connelly on the return with a flying forearm. Connelly gets back up and is fired into the corner by Jericho...who charges in and sends Connelly flying out of the corner with a monkey flip, then gets up onto hte second rope. When Connelly gets back up, he's hit with a second rope missile dropkick from Jericho. Jericho then begins to scale up the cage wall.

Connelly shakes off the blow, then runs towards and begins to skitter up the cage wall as well. The two get side to side and Connelly jabs an elbow into the side of Jericho, then kicks at his knee and ankle. Jericho does the same, until they begin to brawl while hanging on the cage wall--Connelly throwing down rights and Jericho replying with lefts.

Jericho begins to lose footing, then Connelly capitalizes by nailing both feet into the stomach of Jericho, sending him off the cage wall and down to the mat. Connelly then quickly springs off, landing with a splash on top of Jericho!!

Connelly gets up off Jericho, pulling him up to his feet, and hits a snap suplex. Then goes for a standing moonsault, then gets up, hits the ropes, and hits a jumping Senton Splash onto Jericho. Jericho gets up on his own power slowly as Connelly begins to get up the cage...then gets up behind him, grabbing his tights and preventing him from getting up any farther, then backdrops him into the ring.

Jericho then begins to climb up himself...quickly getting near the top as Connelly gets back up, and scales up a short distance away. Jericho begins to climb over the top, Connelly doesn't try to stop him...

Jericho drops carefully below onto the apron, then down to the floor, and grabs the ladder from ringside. He folds it up, and sets it up onto the apron, as Connelly climbs over the top, landing just a few bars above him, then kicking him in the side of his head as he begins to climb. Jericho grabs his foot, and yanks on it, causing him to a fall a short distance and nearly land on the apron, but Connelly grabs a hold of the cage bars. then touches down. Jericho slams Connelly's head to the steel once....twice, goes for a third...Connelly blocks, and slams Jericho's head to the steel hard, and Jericho Nestea Plunges off the apron, hitting the Cell wall before landing down on the floor. Connelly then uses the opportunity to begin to boost the ladder over the cage wall...tilting the end of it over top, then giving it a mighty shove, allowing gravity to do the rest. Jericho gets up, then rushes over and grabs Connelly's ankles, yanking him off and making him hit the edge of the apron face first. Jericho then spins him around, and lays in a chop to the chest..

"WHOOOOOO!!!"

Another...

"WHOOOOOO!!!"

Jericho then whips Connelly into the cell wall, and then rakes his face on the links, then buries a knee into his midsection. Connelly falls to his hands and knee, and Jericho lays in a few kicks to the ribs, before pulling him up and whipping him into the steel steps!! Jericho then charges in, but Connelly quickly rolls out of the way, but Jericho stops on a dime. As Connelly gets up, Jericho cinches him up in a suplex position, then goes for a front suplex--that Michael blocks, then attempts to counter with a vertical suplex! Jericho manages to land behind Connelly, right on his feet, right on the stairs, then jumps on Connelly's back with Connelly's head between his legs, then tries to twist around and spin him over with a hurracanrana--but Connelly counters last-second with a powerbomb!!

Connelly, a little dazed, then starts up the cage wall. Jericho grabs his back in pain, and begins to try to struggle to his feet. Connelly makes his way near the top of the cage, albeit with difficulty, and climbs over it, slowly climbing down...

Jericho manages to get up to his feet, and then starts up the outside of the cage.

Connelly touches down inside the ring and opts to not try to impede Jericho's progress, but sets his sights on the belt at the top of the Cell. He sets up the ladder in the middle of the ring, and begins to climb up it. Jericho reaches the top of the cage...and as Connelly is halfway up, Jericho jumps off the top of the cage...missile dropkicking the ladder, and causing Connelly to fall off, and his head snaps back on the top most rope!

The fall Jericho took has taken a lot out of him, and he taps the heel of his foot on the mat. Connelly's hardly moving...but Jericho makes the first stirring, getting up to his right knee...then onto his left knee, and climbs back up to his feet, then sways a bit, but regains his bearings. He grabs the ladder that was lying on the mat. Connelly manages to get up, in much the same way Jericho did. Jericho charges towards Connelly, smashing him between the ladder and corner. Connelly then slumps into the corner, and Jericho takes up the ladder, tucking it over his shoulder, and ramming it into the midsection of Connelly, then tosses it to the side as Connelly stumbles out of the corner, and Jericho snap suplexes him onto the ladder. Jericho then hits the ropes, hopes over Connelly and the ladder...and jumps up onto the ropes...climbing up a bit onto the cage...and Lionsaulting off onto Connelly!!

Connelly clamps his eyes shut and grits his teeth with the pain, and Jericho gets up, yanking the metal bed from underneath Connelly, then leans on it, separating the sides of it slowly. Jericho starts up the first few steps, but Connelly springs up, almost with a second wind, and yanks Jericho back down to the mat, and nails him with right jabs, then a kick to the midsection. He ducks a clothesline from Jericho, backdropping him, but Jericho quickly springs back up. Connelly hits him with a spinning back kick, then goes for a crescent kick that is caught by Jericho. Jericho hits the dragon screw...but as Connelly gets back up, charges toward Connelly, who surprises him by back tossing him, but Jericho lands between the ropes and the cage. Jericho grabs Connelly's hair, then springboards up, hitting a huge face crusher!!

Jericho then sets up the ladder in the corner, and pulls up Connelly, whipping him towards it, but it is reversed and Jericho hits the steel back-first. Jericho staggers away from the corner, and walks into the grasp of Connelly, who hooks him in the Crimson Crunch Clutch, then releases (No pinfalls in this match, natch).

Connelly then grabs the ladder, and runs out of the corner with it, bulldogging it onto the back of Jericho. Then picks it up, and slams it down on Jericho's back more, then down on the back of his knee. He then locks Jericho's legs between them, and hits the nearby ropes, jumps and stomps onto it.

Jericho is then yanked up to his feet. Connelly goes for a backbreaker, but Jericho counters by slipping free of his grasp, and hits the neckbreaker onto the ladder.

Jericho pulls up Connelly, and hooks both arms, and hits Connelly with a backbreaker of his own. Jericho then pulls up Connelly, and fires him into the ropes. Jericho bounces off the ropes, and flies towards Connelly, leapfrogs over....hits the far ropes...monkeyflipped over by Connelly. But Lance is able to land with both feet on the 2nd rope, and Lionsaults off, landing on both feet and back-to-back with Connelly. Jericho spins around and attempts to lock on a German Suplex. Connelly counters with a waistlock, getting behind Jericho, and attempting a German Suplex of his own. Jericho back elbows Connelly, then spins around and hits a back kick on Connelly, getting Connelly on the ropes, as Jericho continues with an assault of kicks, then goes for another irish whip. Connelly stops in his tracks, starting an Irish Whip, then turning it into a hammerlock. Jericho, however, grabs the ropes with his free hand and kicks both feet into the knees of Connelly, making him let him go. Jericho then quickly tries to take advantage of the situation, and begins to try to apply the Liontamer!!

Connelly kicks off Jericho, then kippups...charging at Jericho, who pancakes him up high into the air, then sends him crashing down. Jericho climbs up to the top rope, spins around, and goes for a moonsault--but Connelly gets the knees up!!

Connelly, dazed and looking a bit confused, gets up to his feet, sets the ladder up behind Jericho. Climbing out to the apron, he takes a short rest break as Jericho staggers upward, then springboards up...SPEARING Jericho into the ladder midair!!--Connelly Comet!!

Feeling fired up with renewed vigor, Connelly pulls the ladder back up, and sets it up in the center of the ring, and begins his ascent.

Jericho, barely there and seemingly running on pure adrenaline, climbs towards the ladder...and begins to drag himself up it's steps...until he can get a foothold. Connelly is nearly to the top, where the belt is hung. The sides of the ladder get closer to each other as they near the apex, and Jericho is able to grab ahold of Connelly's ankle through the ladder, and grabs ahold of it tightly, although doing so prevents him from climbing higher.

Connelly tries to yank his ankle free, and finally does so, although loses a bit of his balance on the way. Jericho then rushes to the top of the ladder....getting just inches away from the title belt--then Connelly catapults all his momentum to the other side, rocking the ladder away and springs away from it...both of them reach for the ring holding the title belt...

As the ladder falls away, both Jericho and Connelly are left holding onto the ring with both hands!! They each use a hand to yank the belt off the ring, but are dangling with nothing underneath them to prevent their fall!!

Jericho grabs the belt, and hooks his free arm onto a rail at the top of the cell. Connelly lays in a kick to the side of Jericho, trying to get him to release the belt....Jericho sways toward Connelly...planting both feet into the stomach of Connelly. Connelly holds on tight as he can, as the two exchange kicks with Jericho holding on to the belt as best he can. Connelly then spins around, thrust-kicking Jericho in the chin, causing him to release his grip on the top of the Cell....

AND THE BELT!!

Jericho lands flat on his back down onto the mat over twenty feet below. Connelly, reluctantly, lets go as well...landing similarly to Jericho, although he attempts to rolls forward upon impact to cushion his fall.

The belt is off the rung...but neither man has it yet!!

Jericho and Connelly both lie exhausted, flat on their backs, after taking a nasty fall down from the top of the cell...They each begin to stir, getting up on their knees, and crawling towards the title, meeting halfway..

With both of them on their knees, they begin to exchange another series of punches, the blood on their faces mixing with ones from their fingers. As they fight, they try to make their way up to their feet, but barely make it. With each of them on spaghetti legs now...Jericho lays a kick to the back of Connelly's thigh, which knocks Connelly down, but also makes Jericho wince in pain, and drop down to one knee...Jericho reaches for the ankles of Connelly, but Connelly pops up and crowns Jericho in the head with a haymaker.

Unrelenting, Jericho climbs toward the belt again, knowing that all he has to do to win now..and Connelly knows the same..is to grab the belt, and stand up.

Connelly nails an axehandle to the back of Jericho...stopping him in his tracks, then climbs over Jericho's back, grabbing the title belt!!

Jericho mule kicks Connelly, nailing him in the groin and causing him to roll off Jericho's back.

Jericho then crawls towards Connelly, trying to yank the belt from Connelly's grasp, who has a deathgrip on the title.

Jericho manages to wring it free, then grabs a hold of the nearby second rope...planting his ring leg on the mat, and trying to get up...

Connelly lunges forward with a chopblock, taking out Jericho's leg!!

The belt falls into Connelly's lap, and he painfully but quickly rolls to the side, and attaches the belt around his waist. He grabs the bottom rope..the 2nd rope...Jericho grabs his leg, but Connelly kicks him in the head yet again...then reaches the third rope..yanking on it with both free hands to get up to both feet...

*ding, ding, ding*

The bell rings signalling the end of the match!!

Connelly falls flat on his back...the title belt around his waist! Mike Chioda lifts Connelly's nearly lifeless arm, which holds up itself briefly on it's own power...before dropping back down onto his chest.

Lilith: HE DID IT!! HE DID IT!!!

Winner by Grabbing People's Title >>> "Code Red" Michael Anthony Connelly, NEW EAW People's Champion!!

Megan: After a long...brutal match...Michael Connelly has recaptured the EAW People's Title!!

Lilith: Poor guy...he looks like a mess...

As "There's A Fire in the House" plays again..

Megan: Medical staff flooding the ring now...both these two are in bad shape...new champion and former champion...

Lilith: DAMNIT!! NOW what am I going to do for entertainment toni--umm...

Megan: What?

Lilith: Nothing...

Megan: Well, up next is our sure to be brutal Triangle Main Event...inside the Dome of Devastation...we're going to take a short break to set up...don't go anywhere!

**A minute or so later...**

We cut back to the ringside area, where the ring is being collapsed...and a number of large curved bars are being assembled by technicians...

Megan: We're about to see it being assembled right before our very eyes....

The technicians press some buttons at a control panel, and out of the curves come large curved mesh-like metal extentions, that meet and fit together to form a partial dome, with an opening at the top. No ring ropes...no turnbuckles...

Lilith: *Gulp* Whoa...that thing's huge!

Megan: Indeed it is...and it will soon contain three of the few people that would be nuts enough to wrestle a match inside of it...

"Oh, Canada" at that time cues up, prompting the crowd in attendance to boo heavily.

Lilith: BOOOO!! BOOOOO!! GO HOME, HOSER!!

Megan: Now, Lilith...

Lilith: I may be a demoness, but I know enough that you shouldn't hurt little puppies...and...well...they're practically puppies.

Megan: Cubs.

Lilith: I KNOW that, it just sounds odd..

Megan: Well, Lance claims he didn't know about it....but it isn't making the fans any friendlier...

Lilith: BEER BATH!!

Megan: Ironically, that was a Molson that Lance was just pelted with.

Lilith: Didn't they rip their slogan off of Bret?

Lilith: Hmm..hmm..."the best their is"...could be? Lance now running down to the ring, seeking the "safety" of the Dome. The first participant in this brutal match, where there are no rules...

"One Man Army" by Prodigy cues up next, turning the crowd's boos quickly to cheers.

Lilith: WHOO-HOOO!!...now THIS is more like it.

The stage fills with a dim green glow as Nova walks out onto the stage, with Angelina close behind. Nova jogs a bit down the stage, then hops off onto the right side, highfiving a fan with a sign reading "Lance Storm: Bigger disgrace to Canada that Tom Green." He then dashes towards the ring, into the curved steel door, and into the dome, immediately attacking Lance Storm, who readily fights back.

Megan: This match hasn't even had all the participants come out yet and it's already un-officially begun.

Lilith: NO-VA!! NO-VA!! NO-VA!!!

"Take a Look Around" by Limp Bizkit cues up finally, and Sonnette gets a the biggest pop of the night, although part of it is for the fight going on in the dome.

Megan: The EAW World Heavyweight Champion out now...but she's wasting no time getting down the--she's down there already...handing Earl Hebner the World Title...*ding, ding* and we have ourselves a match!

Megan: Sonnette joining Nova to get herself some of Lance Storm...something she feels is long time in coming...cinches him up..DOUBLE SUPLEX!! Only a thin bit of padding and canvas separating these three from the floor...Sonnette grabbing the head of Lance....slamming it into those metal bars...again...again...double team backdrop now...coming up...DUMPS LANCE ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD!! Sonnette and Nova stomping away on Lance...pulling him up by the arms...DOUBLE IRISH WHIP--into the dome wall yet again. Nova on the attack...stomping into the midsection of Lance....boot across the throat now...Sonnette coming in---_Oh...my.....sliding dropkick into the groin of Lance!!

Lilith: No big loss...like anyone would want to give it up to the creep anyway.

Megan: Lance yanked up by the two...another double sup--counter!! Lance with a double DDT!!

Lilith: YAYY!! Guess what, YOU'RE STILL SCREWED!!

Megan: Lance acting quickly...picking up Nova...whips his back first into the cage....goes for a superkick...Nova ducks behind him--MULE KICK into the groin of Nova...DROPKICK by Storm!

Lilith: SPEAR by Sonnette!! SPEAR by Sonnette!!

Megan: Grabs the ankles of Lance now....KNEE down into the groin of Lance!! She's probably going to try to keep that up until she's sure Lance can't procreate...

Lilith: Uh oh...catch Nova, Sonnie!!

Megan: Nova starting up the cage....Sonnette coming after, yanks Nova off the cage...Lance getting up....they lock hands...RUN OVER LANCE WITH A DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!!

Lilith: Except for when Nova tried to escape, this seems like a handicap match.

Megan: Well, it is true that both Sonnette and Nova want to destroy Lance...although they both know that the World Title is on the line here as well. Lance yanked up again now...double chop to the chest!!

"WHOOO-WHOOO!!!"

Megan: Another!!

"WHOOO-WHOOOO!!"

Lilith: Is Tugboat here?

Megan: I hope not...the would mean he joined the Jolly Gentlemen...Lance fighting back now...wailing away on Nova, slams his head to the steel...waistlock by Sonnette--standing switch by Storm...German Suplex Release!! Nova up....SUPERKICK by Lance--snaps his head back and into the Dome!! Nova slumping down onto the mat. Lance whipping Sonnette...reversal by Sonnette...Storm holds his ground...ducks a clothesline by Sonnette...DROPKICKS HER into the knee! But Nova climbing up the Dome...Lance pulls Sonnette up...Sonnette with a standing switch...Nova signals to her...Sonnette holding Storm in position...Flying Dropkick from Nov--STORM BREAKS FREE and avoids it...Sonnette takes all of that move in the mush!

Lilith: If Storm REALLY cared for her, he would have taken all of that move!

Megan: Nova pulled up by Lance...inverted atomic drop!! Now setting him up...BLIZZARD SUPLEX by Storm!! Incredible move...floats over...now into a mounted series of punches...Sonnette up...walks over and yanks Storm off of Nova...whipping him into the cage again...storm stops...kicks off...BACK elbow into the face of Sonnette...Nova goes for a suplex now...Lance lands behind--BLUE THUNDER Bomb by Lance...I've never seen him do that....but Sonnette up now...the two brawling again now...Sonnette taking over with the advantage...nails the Porn Plex on Storm...now heading up the Dome wall...Nova stirring...getting back up to his feet....he goes over and shakes the dome wall...trying to prevent Sonnette from escaping...she looses her footing...Nova up a short distance...grabs the ankle of Sonnette...Sonnette coming down..AUGHH!!

Lilith: Ouch...

Megan: Oh...my...GOD!! Those quills of Sonnette's just impaled Lance's arm...those are definitely puncture wounds at the very least...

Lilith: ooooOOooOOOOoooo....

Megan: Lance pounding his good arm on the ground in pain. I don't think Lance is going to be able to finish this match...Earl Hebner asking him if he wants to quit...Lance getting up..SHOVES away Earl Hebner...he ACTUALLY wants to continue this match?!?

Lilith: Coo-coo...coo-coo...

Megan: Nova jumping on Lance...pounding on his back now...yanking him up...NOVACAINE!! Sonnette looks a little hesitant to continue to beat on Storm...she seems to be suggesting something to Nova...Nova's nodding...and...I think it will be down to just Sonnette and Nova now!

Lilith: Good night, sweet Lance...and may a cute succubus boink you while you rest...

Megan: Nova and Sonnette squaring off now...Sonnette ducking behind with a waistlock...back elbow by Nova...KICKflips away. Sonnette kippups...ducks a thrust kick by Nova..quick dragon screw sends Nova over...Nova back up...Capture Suplex by Sonnette...Sonnette starting another ascent...Nova acting quickly to stop it...arm drags her off...hits her with a clothesline...pickup now...Sledge-O-Matic coming up...NAILS it on Sonnette!! Nova getting up...beginning his ascent...Sonnette getting up...shaking off the affects of that Sledge-O-Matic...

Lilith: It's not a slicer, not a dicer, not a chopper, not a hopper...WHAT IN THE HELL COULD IT POSSIBLY BE...hee-hee...I love that "commercial."

Megan: Sonnette back up...going up the side of the dome slowly...picking up speed now...has Nova's legs...climbing higher...aaaaaand...FALLS BACKWARDS OFF THE DOME WALL!! Incredible!! That move took a lot out of both of them...but...Storm's getting up?! He's still in this??!

Lilith: Stick a fork in him, he's done...

Megan: Sonnette and Nova getting up as well...STORM with a vicious kick into the ribs of Nova!! Pulling him up now...DEEP IMPACT!! DEEP IMPACT!! Lance struggling though all the pain to perform that move...Sonnette up...

Lilith: Is Lance...telling her to win this match?!

Megan: I think so...and...Sonnette starting toward the dome wall...climbing up it now...getting up the top...Nova laid out in the dome still...reaching the top now...actually climbing under the rim now is Sonnette...gets over the top...climbing down now. Nova...finally coming out of it...Sonnette nearly at the bottom...Sonnette touches down!! *ding, ding, ding*

Winner of the Match by Escape >>> Sonnette, retains EAW World Heavyweight Championship!!

Megan: Sonnette wins!! She retains the World Title...but Nova just shaking out of his disoriented state...and he knows why...

Lilith: Sucks to be Lance right now....

Megan: Nova up now...Lance grabbing that bleeding arm in pain...NOVA stomping away on that arm...pulling up Lance...knees him in the midsection...grabbing him by the hair...slamming his head into the dome wall--this is a bit much, Lance can't defend himself!! Nova setting him up....runs and HITS THE KRYPTONITE KRUNCH!! Lance is definitely out...Nova heading up the cage wall..

With Lance subdued and bleeding within the dome's wall, Nova climbs over the inner rim of the cage, and down it's outside, landing on the floor below.

*ding, ding*

Second Escapee >>> Nova

Megan: Nova didn't win the match...but this will at least put him in the consideration for a future title match...they're opening that door now...paramedics rushing in to tend to Lance, who may need a tetanus shot or two and some extensive treatment on that right arm...

Lilith: Damnit...now I feel sorry for him..

Megan: Well, we'd like to thank everyone who came here to see and everyone who ordered No Escape....be sure to join us at our regular time this Friday for EAW Riot Rulz!!

™ & © 2001 EAW, Inc.




Lilith: *Pssst* Guess what? I SAW MEGAN NAKED!!!