Live from the Key Arena in Seattle, Washington!
Your hosts are Megan Eko and Jesse "The Body" Ventura!
The salvo of fireworks goes off in the darkened arena to a sold-out arena with thousands of screaming fans. When the lights come on, we find a set that looks very demonic with twisted steel, but also has gravestones with EAW Superstar names on it, and coffins around. After this, we pan the crowd.
Signs in the crowd include "AMERICAN ANGELS RULE", "Halloween is for WRESTLING", "WWE RAW SUCKS!", "GO EIGHTEEN!", "GO MIKEY!", many "AUSTIN 3:16" signs, as well as some "WHAT?" signs, just to name a few.
We cut to the commentators booth, where we find Megan Eko, dressed in a traditional Japanese robe, along with the legendary Jesse "The Body" Ventura, dressed in a pink tuxedo.
Megan: Hello everyone, and welcome to the 2002 edition of EAW All Hallows Extreme! I'm Megan Eko, joined by the Legendary one himself, Jesse "The Body" Ventura!
Jesse: And Megan, It's great to work with you here tonight! I am pumped and psyched about working here, ready to see great action!
Megan: I'm sure you are, so let's get things started right away! We're starting with a Sister vs. Sister battle!
"All My Friends Crush You!" By Neurotica blares over the speakers.
Capetta: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is--Ladies and Gentlemen, I've just been informed by Donnie B that this contest is a LAST MAN STANDING MATCH! Introducing first, from Los Angeles, California, standing at 6' tall and weighing in at 128 pounds.... SAVVY!!!!!!!!
The crowd gives an appreciable amount of cheers Savvy struts to the ring, but an equal amount of boos are mixed in. Neither seem to drown out the other, as the former Deadly Extremity member climbs into the ring. Savvy ignores all crowd reaction, and simply glares toward the curtain, waiting for her opponent.
Then, "All Over Me" by Drowning Pool hits, and the crowd's reaction goes from mixed to definitive boos.
Capetta: And her opponent, also from Los Angeles, California, standing 6' tall and weighing in at 133 pounds... FROSTI!!!!!!!
Megan: Savvy watching the ramp for her sister Frosti-- NO! The attack comes from behind!
Body: She should have known better! Paying attention to the ramp when her opponent is in the crowd! We can see who the smarter of the O'Hare sisters is right here!
Megan: The referee calling for the bell, and we're underway!
Body: And Frosti with an Irish Whip to the turnbuckle, charging in with a Gore first thing! Frosti's trying to take out her opponent early with brutal offense!
Megan: Savvy not looking too well to start, as Frosti readies her for a Spinebuster--! No, Savvy counters! She lands on her feet, behind Frosti, and a German Suplex!
Body: Frosti back on her feet though, going for a spinebuster--! And Savvy's body bouncing off the canvas!
Megan: Savvy getting to her feet shakily--
Body: Only to be KNOCKED ON HER ASS AGAIN with a Flipping Neckbreaker! Frosti's showing she wants this as she stomps her opponent in the gut repeatedly!
Megan: Frosti getting to the top rope... she's going for a Swanton--! But NO!!!! Savvy getting the knees up!
Body: Well it's about time she gave a little offense! I was beginning to think Frosti was all the talent in their former Tag Team!
Megan: She WAS attacked from behind, Jesse.
Body: Eh. She shoulda seen it coming.
Megan: Oooo! Nice Sky Twister Press by Savvy... she's drags Frosti to the corner... and BRONCO BUSTER--!
Body: NO! Frosti with a foot to the crotch on Savvy! And what the hell is this? Savvy rolling around in pain on the mat? Get up, you baby! It's not like you're hurting as much as you would if you were her BROTHER!
Megan: Jesse, it hurts almost as much for women, believe it or not.
Body: Whatever. Frosti getting out to the apron... what the hell's she doing under the ring? Oh-ho-ho-ho! What's this?
Megan: Great. Like she REALLY needs a riding crop! This is a MATCH, not a porno!
Body: It's PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE, Megan, Frosti is showing that she's the one on top in this match! And she's WHIPPING her sister now! HO, BOY, she's really nasty! Just like she should be, in a match like this!
Savvy shrieks in agony as Frosti rakes her back repeatedly with the whip, struggling frantically to get the sadistic Frosti off of her. Finally, with a burst of adrenaline, Savvy bucks back and sends Frosti crashing into the ropes. Savvy looks up with a glare of hate and charges at Frosti with a clothesline that sends both of them crashing onto the floor in front of the play-by-play table.
Megan: And it's spilled to the outside, now, right in front of us! Frosti back to her feet first, and STRANGLING her sister with that whip! What an evil woman!
Body: No more evil than the sister that betrayed her, Megan...and--! Hey, watch it!
Megan: Give us a break! It's only the first match of the show!
Climbing up onto the announce table, Frosti hoists Savvy up onto her shoulders, giving an evil grin to the crowd. She sneers to the referee, "Get ready to start counting!" and then gives Savvy the Frost Bite through the announce table, shattering it pieces. Unfortunately, this also knocks the wind out of her, and ref begins counting for both of them. Megan Eko and Jesse "The Body" Ventura scramble to get their headsets back, as the count begins...
1
.
.
2. . And Frosti gets back to her feet, no worse for the wear leaving the ref to continue counting for Savvy.
.
.
3
.
.
4
.
.
5
.
.
6 . . . Savvy gets back to her feet as well, though now she is bleeding from the left eyebrow. She wipes the gushing blood out of her eye, and hits Frosti with a Spear, as Megan and "The Body" finally get their headsets replaced.
Body: Am I on again? Megan?
Megan: I guess we're back, ladies and gentlemen... OH! Frosti crashing head-first into the ringsteps! Bet her ears are ringin'...
Body: And Savvy finally showing a little bit of offense in this match, grabbing the timekeeper's bell!
And so Savvy goes to work on Frosti, bashing the bell against her twin sister's skull until her blue hair turns purple from the blood soaking it. Frosti staggers a bit, and then catches Savvy's arms as she tries again to bash her with the bell! They struggle a bit, until finally Savvy kicks Frosti in the gut and shoves her into the ring post.
Megan: Savvy going for a steel chair--
Body: Bad idea turning your back on Frosti like that, Savvy! And a bulldog right into the chair she was going to pick up!
Megan: Savvy crying out... I think her jaw might be broken, Jesse!
Body: *inspecting from a safe distance* Nah, I think it's more dislocated... Oh, yeah... definitely dislocated... Frosti going in to help her sister pop it back into place...
Megan: Ugh! She's doing no such thing! She's punching her in the face!
Body: C'mon, Meg, sometimes you've got to give it a good whack to get it back where it belongs!
Savvy gets a hold of the chair uses it to steady herself as Frosti kicks her in the face. This does indeed relocate her jaw, and she grabs hold of the chair. Swinging blindly, she charges in Frosti's direction.
Megan: Um, Jesse... duck.
Body: Huh? What are you talking about, duck--?
Thuh-WHAAAACK! Jesse "The Body" Ventura catches a face full of steel as Frosti dodges a chair shot from Savvy!
Body: Aaaauuugh! Damn it!
Megan: *chuckling* I told you to duck. Now don't bleed on me!
Body: I ain't got time to bleed.
Megan: You have time to commentate? SAVVY CONNECTS! Chair shot to Frosti!
Body: Who she SHOULD have hit in the first place. Aw, damn, I think I've got a loose tooth now... Anyway... Savvy giving chair shot after chair shot to Frosti, and the blue haired vixen collapses in a pool of her own blood!
Megan: "Blue haired vixen?"
1
.
.
2
.
.
3
.
.
4
.
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5.... and Frosti twitches, shakily getting to her feet.
Megan: And she's up! Both sisters' faces are crimson masks now, as they lock up, and Frosti with a headbutt! Two! Three! Four!
Body: Now that you've shown everybody you can count... Savvy gives a headbutt back, and shoves Frosti back toward-- uh uh, keep it away from us! If I get hit in the mouth again, you're both done!
Megan: Savvy climbing back into the ring, bringing the chair with her. Frosti follows her in...
Body: Watch yourself, Frosti...
Megan: Savvy tossing Frosti the chair, and VAN DAMIN- er, I mean Fiery Strike.
Body: There's blood all over these women, blood all over the ring, how much longer can they stand upright? Frosti gets to her feet before the ref can start the count--
Megan: And she's... leaving?! Real tough, there, Frosti--!
Body: Hold on, now, she's getting her second wind. She's strategizing. You don't go into a Last Man Standing match and use all your energy at once, now! This is a test of endurance! Fortitude! Of--!
Megan: All right, all right... But Savvy isn't letting Frosti get that second wind! She's chasing her up the ramp! So much for keeping this in the ring!
Frosti limps from the backstage area to the parking lot, with Savvy in hot pursuit, with the referee trying to keep up. Once at the parking lot, Savvy tackles Frosti and hits her with the Phoenix Arrow, but the referee only gets to the count of three before Frosti shakes out of it and hits Savvy with an Ice Breaker, right onto a car!
Body: HEY! That's MY car! You can expect a bill for that dent in my hood, ladies!
Megan: Uh oh...
Body: Frosti's getting into a car! Ooo... whoever's it is, they left a spare set of keys in the sun visor. Bad move...
Megan: And... oh my God! Frosti's trying to run her down--! SHE'S YOUR SISTER, FOR GOD'S SAKE!
Body: I don't think she can hear you, Megan. Savvy dives out of the way, just in time, as Frosti speeds off... Hey wait a moment! Savvy! That's my car! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!!? USE SOMEBODY ELSE'S CAR TO CHASE HER DOWN!!!!!
Megan: I don't think she can hear you in the parking lot, Jesse... You left your keys in the sun visor? Bad move...
Body: >=0( Oh, shut up.
Megan: Well, I've just been informed that Savvy and Frosti have left the arena, so I guess that means we'll have to move on to the next match on the card, since we can't wait all night for them to hurt each other. As soon as we get some cameras out to follow these two crazy twins, we'll get more on this match!
Body: Savvy better not mess up my car anymore than the dent on the hood from that Ice Breaker...
Megan: Let's move on to our next match, which is a qualifying match in the EAW World Title Shot Tournament. Despite the inclusion of Mike Sanders, this is a much anticipated match, if only to find out the identity of this mystery girl.
Jesse: Well ya know, I think that's the main question here. All we've seen is a very good looking woman display some big skills and THEN tantalizing vignettes that only show her backside. Not that I'm complaining mind you.
Megan: Right. :P Well, looks like the time has arrived.
Tech crews scramble to remove the remains of the shattered play-by-play table, and replacing it with an identical one. Suddenly, the lights go out, the pyro goes off and a spectacular show of fireworks erupts on stage! A good five minutes of bright rainbow blasts lights up the stage and deafening thunder drowns out all other sounds... when the pyro display ends, the stage is obscured in multicolored fog...
Body: What the hell was that about? I thought this place turned into a warzone for a second!
Megan: I dunno, but look at the stage! Is that--? I think it is!
The forms of four men in grunge-punk fashion slowly emerge through the fading smoke under blacklights, as if they were rising from the depths of hell, slithering into positions with guitars, drums, and of course, the lead singer with his microphone. He breathes into the microphone and takes a deep breath in anticipation... and slowly exhaling it into the mic. "......aaahhhhhhhhhhhh..... I'm alive... for you..." he stage whispers into the mic. "I'm awake... because of you..."
Body: I guess this would be Godsmack, then, huh Megan?
Megan: You would be guessing correctly, Jesse. And this can only mean that we are finally gonna find out the identity of the mystery "Hardy" girl!
And then the hard guitar riff hits and the lights cut back on, revealing a red-haired woman in a shimmering red dress with slits going to her hips and long silk purple gloves at the entrance, sashaying slowly and sensually amid the band members as they rock away.
Body: I thought you said she was supposed a Hardy Boyz type! She looks more like... Jessica Rabbit! If Roger Rabbit is part of the EAW roster, I'm leaving RIGHT now...
Megan: Um... 0_o Well, it IS Halloween, I guess. Wait a second... is that...? OH MY GOD! TRISH STRATUS?!
Body: It is indeed Trish, and she is indeed dressed up as Jessica Rabbit for the Halloween party!
Trish begins a slow, erotic dance that is a strange blend of headbanging, ballet, and belly-dancing amid the members of Godsmack as they play out the opening instrumentation to Awake. She cradles Sully Erna's face for a moment, leaving him to blush as he starts to sing, and then she kisses him on the cheek in a teasing but "buddy" manner, letting everybody know that she's just friends.
Wait another minute
Can't you see what this pain
Has fucking done to me
Body: 0_0 What in the world is keeping that dress on her?
Megan: ^^; The eyes of every man in this arena, I'd guess. It certainly does look like it's glued onto her.
I'm alive and still kicking
What you see I can't see
And maybe
You'll think before you speak
Trish saunters down the ramp, adjusting her red wig and giving the Hardy Gunz Salute to the crowd, which by now has gone completely nuts.
I'm alive For you
I'm awake Because of you
I'm alive I told you
I'm awake Swallowing you
Body: Now there's a funny sight. Jessica Rabbit doing the Jeff Hardy routine.
Megan: Okay, hush. They're playing the song.
Trish slides into the ring, careful not upset her dress, and then she gets up and continues the Hardy ritual in the ring by jumping to the ring posts, doing the swan pose on one and the Hardy Gunz gesture on the opposite corner, before hopping back down the center of the ring and continuing her strangely sexy headbang/ballet/belly dance while Godsmack continues their song. Whether the fans are cheering for the song or Trish, it is difficult to tell.
Take another second
Turn your back on me
And make believe
That you're always happy
It's safe to say you're never alive
A big part of you has died
And by the way
I hope you're satisfied
I'm alive For you
I'm awake Because of you
I'm alive I told you
I'm awake Swallowing you
I'm alive For you
I'm awake Because of you
I'm alive I told you
I'm awake
Turn your back unavailing me
I'm taking a step back so I can breathe
Hear the silence about to break
Fear resistance when I'm awake
Turn your back unavailing me
I'm taking a step back so I can breathe
Hear the silence about to break
Fear resistance when I'm awake
I'm alive For you
I'm awake Because of you
I'm alive I told you
I'm awake Swallowing you
I'm alive For you
I'm awake Because of you
I'm alive I told you
I'm awake Swallowing you
Capetta: Er... Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a Qualifying Match for the Number One Contender's Tournament! In the ring now, from Toronto, Ontario, weighing 124 pounds..... TRISH X!
Body: I wonder what the X is for?
Megan: I dunno. "X"-Treme? So this isn't WWE's Trish Stratus then?
Body: *shrugs* Let's see what she's got!
Some generic stock music cues up and out comes Mike Sanders. He stands tall and looks proud to the crowd... who are throwing stuff at him and booing. Some aren't even booing, but are reading magazines, books or playing handheld video games.
Capetta: And her opponent, from Atlanta GA, weighing 230 lbs., Mike Sanders!
As the match starts Sanders gives her a gut kick followed by a suplex. Trish lands behind him however, answering with a diving reverse DDT. She pops back up and begins stomping him while he's down. He grabs her leg and pulls her down, rolling up to his knees and then turning it into a leglock. She kicks him in the face, getting him away and kickups to her feet. She goes off the ropes and as he's on his knees nails him with a front dropkick. She pulls him back up and locks his head between her legs. She gives the crowd a smile and Hardy gunz. She then, hops back in a handstand flip, bringing Sanders up and over with her, slamming him into the mat.
Megan is looking at some notes a tech just handed her. "Wow! Whattamove! And according to this it's called an X-Treme Stratusphere."
Mike is laid out and she climbs the turnbuckle. Posing, ala Jeff, she then leaps off with a Swanton.
Megan: *checking the notes* Stratus Bomb!
She quickly covers Sanders and the Ref counts 1...2...3! Sanders kicks out a split second too late!
Winner: Trish X
Jesse: What a match! It's probably the shortest on the card tonight!
Megan: Well, combine who she was up against and the fact that this girl clearly has WAY more skill than any Trish we've seen. But however you cut it, Trish X is gonna go far!
Jesse: I wonder if she's taken?
Megan rolls her eyes. "Can we go to a break?"
**Ad Break**
Megan: Okay, up next we have a match that's been brewing for many, many months. Arana, since debuting in EAW as the so-called 'Ofake-o' has felt she's been living in the shadow of Oseiko for a long while now. Many times they've met, with her coming up short against the kunoichi prodigy. Here...they meet in the first ever Spider's Parlor Match, with the Triple Crown Title on the line. Tell me, Jesse, are you afraid of heights?
Ventura: An ex-Navy SEAL, former WWF superstar, the toughest governor alive? You kidding?
Megan: Good--because observe, the Spider's Parlor...
We cut to the ring, where some padding has been arranged in and around the ring, but then--we pan above, where a platform very similar to a ring has been set up, and a rope ladder is rolled down off one of the edges. A referee is already inside, and cameras are positioned around it.
Ventura: Whoa...this is going to be kinda like an old-time scaffold match.
Megan: Only with two wrestlers of exceptional balance, and a larger surface area to work with. The object, of course, is to send your opponent out of the ring so that they land on the ground below.
"The Way You Like It" by Adema cues up...much of the crowd boos as they hear the theme.
Capetta: The following match will be a one fall, first-ever SPIDER'S PARLOR Match, and will be for the EAW Triple Crown Heavyweight Championship. Introducing first, from the Darkside...she stands 5'6" and weighs in at 123 pounds. AAAARANA!!
Ventura: Arana all business coming down to the ring, and scurrying up that rope ladder easily...like...well, a spider itself.
Megan: Right..both of the wrestlers here aren't exactly afraid of heights, and Arana will gladly take high risks for high rewards. Oseiko has practiced for this match in her own special way...so this'll be quite the sight to see.
"It's Love" by Rabbit cues up, and the crowd's reaction goes an almost complete 180.
Capetta: And her opponent...from Hokkaido, Japan...she stands 5'7" and weighs in at 117 pounds. She is the EAW Triple Crown Heavyweight Champion...OSEIKO!!
Oseiko rushes out, but while seeming friendly, she doesn't showboat as much as she usually does during her entrances.
Megan: Oseiko looking particularly focused, but waving to the crowd as she hurries up that rope ladder.
Ventura: Bah...she should warm up a bit by kicking a few of the fans' faces in. That's what I'D do if I knew all that ninja-chop-socky stuff.
Megan: Well, Oseiko doesn't think of herself as primarily a ninja anymore, and that's not in her nature.
Ventura: Whatever...we have another brutal chick-fight coming up here, and I for one am glad that my wife never learned to fight like these girls.
Megan: Oseiko stepping in the ring through the barbed wire ropes, and handing over the title belt to the referee. One of the most bizarre matches we've seen is about to commence...
*ding, ding*
Megan: Oseiko bows to Arana as they start off across from each other--Arana charging in--steps back--spins forward with a spin wheel kick that Oseiko manages to block! Peppering her with shoteis--Oseiko catching the arms--dives through the legs, Arana flipping forward--rolls back with a kick into the head of Oseiko! Oseiko rolling back up--Arana diving for her--drop toe hold.
Ventura: Oseiko going for the legs now, driving the knees into the mat and going for the Indian Death Lock--Arana grabs a 2x4--SMACKS HER RIGHT IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!! NOW we're talking about some real action here...
Megan: Arana up now, and clubbing the side of the left knee with that 2x4. Lays it across the bottom wire--DRIVES her body weight down onto it!
Ventura: Dropping the leg across the throat now, and back up. Grabbing the trash can...
Megan: Lays it down...running start--SLIDING DROPKICK into the face with it!!
Ventura: The object isn't to pin or make your opponent submit, but before that happens they are just gonna tear each other up!
Megan: Arana picking up Oseiko--snap suplex here. Up again, still holding on--knee into the stomach--Arana still holding on--Oseiko freeing her arms--
Ventura: THE HELL?! She just knocked Arana down to the mat?!
Megan: The infamous Bruce Lee "1-Inch Punch" delivered by Oseiko!! Picking up the trash can, and putting it over Arana--DROP TOE HOLD!!--flipping that 2x4 up into her hands--LEGDROPPING it across her, and sandwiching that trash can over her!
Ventura: Arana sealed in like a sardine, and Oseiko just bashing away at it---yeeeeeowch.
Megan: Arana able to pull herself out of it, and Oseiko attempting to dump her over the top rope--elbow shot by Arana--picks up Oseiko--CROTCHES HER ON THE BARBED WIRE! O_O
Ventura: Okay, NOW it's getting personal!
Megan: Arana grabbing her by the hair and yanking her off...set up, and a VENOM FANG by Arana onto the trash can lid!!
Ventura: Arana picking her up now and..OHHH!! Raking the face across the top wire!! Oseiko's face sliced open like butter!
Megan: Getting increasingly brutal, and Arana grabbing a kendo stick now--brings it down between the legs! Now getting it across the throat now, choking Oseiko!
Ventura: Trying to fight her way up--elbow into the midsection! Back spin kick, grabbing the kendo stick--
Arana rolling down, grabbing the other--blocking the shot from Oseiko...and we have dueling kendo sticks. Arana battling towards her, kick blocked by Oseiko--knock's Arana's free and catches it--Dragon Screw!! Arana back up--Oseiko misses a double shot--Arana grabbing one of them--backing Oseiko against the wire--pressing the back of Oseiko's neck against the wire. Headbutt by Arana!!
Ventura: Oseiko launched into the other side--HITS THE WIRE HARD!! Arana flying towards her--SPEAR right in the midsection!!
Megan: The wire sticking into Oseiko's back ripped up her top as well as her back, and Arana grabbing the 2x4--DOWN ACROSS THE HEAD!! And attempting to dump her out--Oseiko with a spin kick surprising her--SUPLEX SET UP!! Arana STOPS IT--landing on the apron --of sorts, and elbow shots exchanged between the rivals!
Ventura: One false move and this match is over--what if they both fell off?
Megan: First to hit the ground would lose the match. Arana with kicks into the ribs--Oseiko sweeping the feet--ARANA FALLI--grabs the wire--HEADBUTT into the midsection of Oseiko, and pushing her through the wire.
Ventura: Springing over--LEGDROP across the back of the neck into the ring area again. Oseiko being set up again, and dropped across the wire...now...looks like a submission hold...
Megan: SPIDER'S WEB!! Arana's own version of the Kumo No Amimono!! It won't win the match but it WILL do a lot of damage, expecially with that barbed wire. Arana letting go of the hold, and now locking on a Triangle Hold.
Ventura: Odd to see them doing this now...they can brawl, fight hardcore, wrestle, fly, and go to the mat.
Megan: Exactly the kind of diversity that has made the EAW #1. And Oseiko rolling over, and attempting an escape, but Arana still holding her arm. Getting up with Arana still holding on!! Arana lets go, Oseiko with--a spinning low backfist to the leg, and reverse kippup, spinning around and leaping back-first into Arana! Arana up dazed---OSEIKO RUNNING UP HER AND HITTING THE DEATH FROM ABOVE SPLASH!! Oseiko borrowing from Bruce Lee here, and going out to the apron...springboard into a Senton Splash!! Now running towards the other set of wire--ASAI MOON--ARANA ROLLING OUT OF THE WAY!!
Ventura: Quick thinking by Arana, but now she has to take advantage of the situation--grabbing a steel chair--SMASHING IT across the left leg..and again!! Now placing the 2x4 underneath it, and climbing up to the turnbuckle.
Megan: OFF THE TOP WIRE--and FROG SPLASH across the leg with that steel chair!! Oseiko yelping out in pain at that one...and trying to pull herself away...
Ventura: No go...Arana pulling her back towards her with the ankle, and now--side legbar applied!! Wrenching at it hard now...back up, and looks like a Figure Four!!
Megan: A Figure Four Leglock being applied!--Oseiko blocking the right leg of Arana with both hands to try to keep it from coming down and cinching in the hold. Arana trying to jerk her leg free--kicking at Oseiko's hands, and now LOCKS THE HOLD IN!!
Ventura: Oseiko hurtin' in a bad way, and I gotta tell ya, I probably would have submitted at this point myself.
Megan: Oseiko wouldn't I don't think, but even if she wanted to she can't under the rules here. Oseiko reaching over...has the bottom wire--FLIPPING HERSELF OVER--and reversing the Figure Four!! Now the pressure concentrated on Arana's legs now--Arana breaking it and pulling herself away.
Ventura: Oseiko using those wires to pull herself up, but she got a bad stem from that assault by Arana. Arana grabbing both the kendo sticks, and NAILS her in the left hamstring!!
Megan: Arana continuing her assault here, and double underhooking Oseiko--and hits a TIGER DRIVER!!
Ventura: That ain't all, either...she's following up on it...
Megan: Oseiko in severe pain here...and the Boston Crab applied!! Only rocking back more than usual, stretching those tendons and ligaments in the legs.
Ventura: Stick a fork in her, she's done. Arana pulling up the beaten Oseiko and getting ready to finish this match off...
Megan: Tossing her through the wire, but Oseiko hooking at it with her leg--Arana stomping at that one!! TOSSES HER THROUGH!!
Ventura: ...
Megan: But Oseiko grabbing the bottom wire, and...swinging forward, back...pulling herself back up onto the apron!! Arana coming through the ropes, brawling with Oseiko...she grabs the middle rope for support, barely able to hold on or stay on her feet--rams Arana throat first across the top wire!!
Ventura: Arana down to both knees as Oseiko climbs in--grabs the wire--tries to shove Arana off with her feet!!
Megan: Arana rolling out of the way and avoiding it, and you can see Oseiko's hands torn up and bleeding from that save. Oseiko uses the wire to support herself, and shaking that left leg, trying to get out the numbness and get the blood flowing again.
Ventura: But Arana won't give her any chance for a break. Flying forearm now!! And Oseiko being pummeled here--Arana picking up the 2x4--
Megan: OSEIKO BREAKS IT IN HALF WITH A SHOTEI!! Arana looking stunned, but BOXES OSEIKO'S EARS!! Goes for it again--Oseiko blocks--right front kick to the chest!! Oseiko wobbly, still shaking that leg to get it working--and ripping the bottom section of that wire loose from the post--now--AROUND THE THROAT OF ARANA!! And looks like Oseiko's getting more vicious now!!
Ventura: THAT'S what she should have done earlier, but they're both a mass of bloody flesh, it's kinda hard to see.
Megan: Oseiko pulling her up by that wire, and HITS A neckbreaker using it!! That has got to severely hurt Arana...pulling her back up...shaking that leg a bit still, and scoops up Arana--Kumouchikomu!! Center of the ring!!
Ventura: YOW!! Oseiko really turning this match around in a hurry!!
Megan: Oseiko pulling up Arana--WHIPS HER INTO THE WIRE in the opposite corner--runs in--SPINNING WHEEL KICK hits!! Oseiko grabbing the leg but apparently that leg recovering some--ARANA FALLING OFF!!--GRABS THE ROPE LADDER!! Arana fortunate, and taking a breather as she climbs back up. Oseiko not expecting that, but arming herself with a Kendo Stick...Arana in, grabbing the other. Another dual here, parry by Oseiko, but Arana sneaking in a kick, a shot to the leg--Oseiko pulling up the trash can lid with her foot--tosses it--ROUNDHOUSE KICK nailing her in the face!! Oseiko going for the Kendo stick across the throat--Arana blocks--SNAPMARES OSEIKO OVER!! DROPKICK in the back of the head!! Kendo stick to the ribs, and Arana pulling up--and goes for--THE RED FANG!! Oseiko in deep trouble now, and Arana dragging her towards the corner...setting up the chair, rushes in and NAILS the dropkick into the chair and face!!
Ventura: Alright...that has GOT to be it now. Shoving the chair aside, and pulling up Oseiko.
Megan: Looks like she's going to try to hit a Michinoku Driver of her own--Oseiko landing behind--hooks her--and the BLUE THUNDER LYGERBOMB ONTO THE CHAIR!!
Ventura: INCREDIBLE!! Oseiko still going strong here...and...what the hell?! Is she actually going to the top rope?! SHE SHOULD TRY TO FINISH IT NOW?!
Megan: Oseiko knows just how much Arana has left I think...up on top balancing herself..SHOOTING STAR PRESS by Oseiko!!
Ventura: WOOOOOOW!! Now that's a hell of a move! Only it isn't going to win her the match.
Megan: It will make the path to victory easier though...pulling up Arana, and flinging her back towards the wire. HITS IT!! But Arana shaking her self loose, she's absolutely incensed--SPINNING HEEL KICK BY ARANA! Oseiko wiped out, but Arana slow to get up herself, clutching her ribs--SHOT TO THE HEAD WITH THE KENDO STICK!! And tosses Oseiko to the wire!! Charge in with the kendo stick--Oseiko ducks--Arana with hard kicks in the chest--Oseiko retaliating with ones to the ribs--grabs the 2x4 half--RIGHT UP AGAINST THE SIDE OF THE HEAD on Arana!! Oseiko backing up--KUMO NO SASU BY OSEIKO!!---.....
Ventura: OVER THE TOP WIRE--smacking her head on the apron and--YOOOOOW!
*THUD* is heard as Arana hits the ground, hitting shoulder-first on the padded-for-safety-apron-but-not-TOO-much.
Capetta: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a definitive ring out! And the winner of this match, and STILL EAW Triple Crown Heavyweight Champion...OSEIKO!!
"It's Love" by Rabbit plays.
Megan: Incredible!! Oseiko retaining in this horrific, but unique, match.
Ventura: Wiping the blood from her face as she collects her title, and climbing down the rope ladder now.
Megan: Arana stirring a little bit...she'll be alright--physically, but she'll need some medical attention. Oseiko going to where Arana is laying...taking a bow..and helping her up nigh-unconscious form.
Ventura: Putting her over her shoulder?
Megan: To take her to see Aerith. Oseiko retaining in a tremendous match from both her and her challenger, but the night's far from over yet, folks! Grab a snack and come right back, there's more to come!!
**Ad Break**
We come back to the announcer's table.
Megan: Well, after that brutal Spider's Parlor match we're...
Body: Wait a second...Megan, I've gotten word that we've caught up with Frosti and Savvy! And they're still fighting!
Megan: Quick, cut to that footage!
***************
We open to...a supermarket somewhere in Seattle!
Frosti's body smashes through the glass window of the store, sending thousands of crumbled chunks spraying everywhere. Fortunately for Frosti, it's safety glass, so none of it actually cuts her too seriously.
"Like that, BITCH?!" Savvy shrieks, jumping in after her. She picks her up and flings her through a shelf filled with canned goods, which falls down onto Frosti, brutally showering her with heavy cans. "You look hungry," Savvy taunts her. "Why don't you have some veggies!" She smashes a can into Frosti's temple repeatedly, while shoppers scramble to get out of the way. Some of them stop to witness the assault.
The referee makes his way through the crowd as Savvy bashes Frosti some more. Finally, Frosti collapses, and the referee begins counting.
1
.
.
2
.
.
3
.
.
4
.
.
5
.
.
6
.
.
7
.
.
. . . And Frosti gets up woozily. Savvy growls and rushes toward Frosti to beat her some more, but fate steps in, and she slips on a rolling can of corn and sails into the air, landing on her back with a sickening crunch! Frosti crawls over to her sister and returns the favor of being smashed in the head with canned goods. She stops, leaning over to lift Savvy, and then, hoisting her over her head, Frosti gives her a Military Press Slam onto a freezer nearby. Dragging Savvy through the frozen foods section, Frosti grins sadistically.
"Gee, Savvy... why don't we give what few fans you have what they REALLY wanna see?" With that, she rips open a freezer door and begins emptying all the frozen dinners in that section. Stuffing Savvy into the freezer, Frosti then slams the door shuts and leans against it to prop it closed. Savvy struggles to get out, beating her fists on the door and screaming with unholy rage, as Frosti motions for the camera to get closer. "Get a shot of this!" she says with an evil giggle, pointing with her free hand to Savvy's breasts, nipples showing through her top from the cold. "She looks cold! Brrrr.... AND THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GOOD FOR, YOU SKANK! T&A for the stupid fanboys to drool over!"
This seems to give Savvy the motivation she needs, as she gives a good kick which forces the door open and sends Frosti reeling into the cameraman.
"YOU FUCKING BITCH!" Savvy shrieks, trembling from the cold. Her lips are slightly blue now, and some of the blood on her face has crytallized a little. She stomps Frosti in the chest, and then in the crotch. "I think it's YOUR TURN to cool off!" She grabs her sister by the hair and tries to stuff her in the freezer, but Frosti rears back and elbows Savvy in the gut, causing her to lose her wind and let go. Frosti then rushes off, with Savvy in pursuit, and the referee behind them.
"Whew," the cameraman's voice can be heard. "I think I need to cool off..." Then he seems to remember why he's there and chases after the subjects of his filming. "Shit! Wait for me---!"
*********************
We open back to the announcer's table, where Jesse "the Body" Ventura is chuckling a bit.
Megan: What's so funny Jesse?
Body: I thought that right there was better than the Booker T and Austin brawl from Smackdown that one night!
Megan: Well, getting more serious now, we go on to even MORE Extreme action, this time for the title of the name!
Body: The only question is, can the participants in this battle top what we've seen already?
Megan: I'm sure that they'll try their damndest to! Let's get things going!
"Boom" cues up over the speakers and the crowd starts cheering.
Capetta: The following contest, scheduled for one fall, is for the EAW Extreme Championship! Introducing first the challenger, from Portland, Oregon, she stands 5'9" tall and weighs in at 125 pounds, FASHA!
Body: Ladies and gentlemen, here comes King Kong's daughter to the ring now.
Megan: Come on Jesse, you should know better. Fasha getting to the ring now, ready to go out there for her shot at her first EAW title belt, as she goes for the Extreme Title tonight.
Body: And this is the kind of match that I always thought that every match should be: No rules, nothing being held back, just pure out gruesome fighting. Then again, whenever Hogan wrestled, that's pretty much what the matches became.
Megan: Well, that's debatable Jesse, but...
Body: No it isn't, because I tell it like it is.
Megan: ANYWAY... Fasha now in the ring, awaiting for the arrival of the champion... who said she was gonna be dressed special for this match...
"Born To Be Wild" cues up.
Megan: Huh?
Out from the entryway comes Akiko Nakano... dressed in full Cactus Jack garb.
Megan: WOW! Akiko honoring Mick Foley this Halloween!
Body: Only she fills out the outfit way better than Foley could!
Capetta: And her opponent, from Osaka, Japan, she stands 5'6" tall and weighs in at 135 pounds, she is the EAW Extreme Champion, AKIKO NAKANO!
Megan: Akiko seems like she's gonna to try having fun while she kicks ass, and look at this!
Body: Akiko Nakano with the tribute to Mick Foley, and there's the Bang Bang! The Extreme champion is ready for the match...
Megan: Wait a second, Akiko talking to Capetta... what could this be about?
Body: Last time I saw something like this was back at Summerslam 89 when Hogan brought out Ms. Elizabeth...
Capetta: Ladies and Gentlemen, the Extreme Champion tells me that I should now introduce the manager, Kelly Connelly-Flair!
"Magic Carpet Ride" by Steppenwolf cues up, and out comes Kelly. She's wearing a Dude Love style outfit, only with hot-pants instead of long pants.
Body: And now Kelly coming out to Mick Foley's tribute to yours truly here!
Megan: Kelly... Akiko urging Kelly on now... and Kelly dancing like the Dude now!
Body: Er... you know, I've never been in a company with so many lovely looking ladies like this!
Megan: Heheheh... get used to it Jesse, there's a lot more later on!
Body: I'm eagerly awaiting for it, but I'm also waiting to see how well these two girls compete against each other.
Megan: Well Fasha's eager to show you, as she pulls Akiko away from the ropes to start this match with a vicious dropkick!
Body: Fasha getting this match started quickly, showing that she wants that title badly. Sending Akiko off the rope, and blasts her with a vicious clothesline!
Megan: Fasha getting to Akiko before the bell even rings and Akiko is still wearing her title belt! Fasha tossing Akiko into the ropes again, attempted back-body drop...
Body: Fasha puts her head down a little too early though, and Akiko slams her face into the mat hard! Now Akiko FINALLY takes the title belt off...and is whipping Fasha with it like she were an animal!
Megan: Akiko getting into the swing of things in this match after Fasha's fast start, and tossing the Extreme Title outside of the ring...Kelly holding it now, as Akiko starts kicking away at the body of Fasha...twice to the gut...going for the chest.
Body: Fasha catches it though, and a suplex just by holding the leg! What an innovative move there!
Megan: Fasha off the ropes...and a sliding dropkick to the side of Akiko's body! Fasha going for the early cover.
One
.
.
TWO...kickout by the champion.
Body: A little early in the bout to go for a cover, but this could be good for her to wear down the champion.
Megan: Fasha waiting for Akiko to get up to her feet...and a HARD kick to the temple by Fasha, but there's no cover there.
Body: I think that was just to put Akiko temporarily out of action, because now she's going out to get the weaponry!
Megan: Fasha tossing anything she can find under that ring into the ring now, and this is where the Extreme part of the extreme title gets into effect.
Body: And unlike most of Hogan's old matches, I have no problem with this.
Megan: Fasha now sliding back into the ring, and grabbing that Singapore cane to start things off, and she's beating down Akiko heavily with it! Look at the pain on the face of the Extreme champion!
Body: Fasha definitely showing that she can go extreme with the best of them... but what is Kelly doing now... she's leaving her client in the ring alone...
Megan: In the meantime though, Fasha grabbing a trash can lid... picking up Akiko now... and a suplex right onto it! Rolling over for the cover now...
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
Kickout by Akiko!
Body: Fasha trying everything she can, but Akiko showing her great resilience by kicking out... and look at this!
Megan: Kelly coming back out, and she's wheeling out her own bag of tricks now! A bag, a chair with a towel... barbed wire 2x4...
Body: That's most of the classic Foley tricks right there, and this must have been part of a plan by the two of them...
Megan: Fasha realizing what Kelly's doing now, and she's going out to confront Kelly about this.
Body: Why is she bothering confronting Kelly? She needs to worry about Akiko, not Kelly!
Megan: Kelly trying to back up now, Fasha's almost got Kelly, but from behind comes Akiko with a double axe-handle to the back of Fasha!
Body: Akiko now reaching into the wheelbarrow of tricks that Kelly brought out...and grabs a bunch of barbed wire! And is wrapping around her arm!
Megan: Akiko waiting for Fasha to turn around, and clotheslines her with that barbed wire covered arm! Akiko now with the cover... falls count anywhere!
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
Fasha with a shoulder up!
Body: Akiko seems to be surprised at this...and now starts to choke Fasha with that barbed wire! This is a very smart move by Akiko here!
Megan: Akiko ramming her head into the skull of Fasha as she chokes the challenger out, but that seems to hurt Akiko more than Fasha... and Fasha with a headbutt into Akiko's nose!
Body: Knowing someone like Fasha, her head is probably as thick as a brick. Fasha getting out of that choke, and she's bleeding from the neck at that exchange.
Megan: Fasha rolling the champion in the ring again, but I don't know how good a move that is. Nonetheless, Fasha going through with it, waiting on the apron...
Body: And now Fasha springboarding into a spear from the apron! Fasha taking the extreme champion down, and staying on for the cover!
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
KICKOUT!
Megan: Fasha smiling though, apparently she feels that she has things well in hand right now...as she grabs that metal trashcan and sets it up!
Body: I think she's planning to try the Drop-shot DDT onto that trashcan! She's setting Akiko up for it!
Megan: But Akiko with quick thinking, and a Northern Lights Suplex! But she doesn't stay on for the cover now...
Body: Bad move there by the champion, and that could cost her.
Megan: Akiko calling out of the ring to Kelly now...she's rummaging through the wheelbarrow... getting that chair with the towel... oh no!
Body: Oh my, the fire chair makes it's return to the wrestling ring as Kelly sets it ablaze!
Megan: Kelly waiting for Fasha to get back up slightly, and she just SLAMS that burning chair right into the back of Fasha! The Saiyan Girl screaming in extreme pain at that!
Body: And her outfit is on fire now! Fasha needs to stop, drop, and roll if she doesn't want to burn... and she's doing just that.
Megan: Akiko using this time to get another thing ready... oh no... thumbtacks.
Body: Akiko has sights set on making Fasha into a human pin-cushion! But Fasha back up to her feet now, and she looks pissed off right now!
Megan: Akiko turning around, and a Franchiser by Fasha! Akiko rolling to the outside now!
Body: Akiko not gonna be able to regain her breath like this though, as Fasha going to the top, and a flying dropkick from the top rope onto Akiko on the outside!
Megan: Fasha going for the cover, this could be it!
One
.
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TWO
.
.
KICKOUT!
Body: Damn, I've never seen such fight in two female grapplers before! Fasha getting angry now though, and that could be a costly mistake for her!
Megan: Fasha going to pick up Akiko to her feet now, but Akiko raking the eyes of the challenger, and Fasha off her game-plan now... and there's the Divine Wind Kick!
Body: Why does Akiko ignore easy situations for the cover though? She's going up to the apron now...
Megan: I think I know what she's planning Jesse... running off the apron, and an elbow right into the sternum of Fasha! For the cover now!
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
ANOTHER Kickout by Fasha!
Body: Can ANYTHING keep either one of these girls down for the count? It almost looks like these two will just beat each other the whole night through like Frosti and Savvy are doing!
Megan: Let's stick with this match right now though... Akiko getting Fasha back up onto her feet... and tosses her onto the Spanish announcer's table... I think I know what she's planning here...
Body: I know what she's planning too, and I think this is what will do it! Akiko grabbing Fasha by the waistband, and there's the piledriver right through the table!
Megan: Akiko scrambling for the cover now!
One
.
.
TWO...ANOTHER KICKOUT!
Body: DAMN! I NEVER thought she'd kick out like that!
Megan: And neither did Akiko right there! But she seems to be thinking of something as Fasha gets to her feet... and she whips her into the turnbuckle post by the tail!
Body: And that's the main weak-point of Fasha right there, the tail. Akiko calling back to Kelly now, apparently she's asking for another weapon.
Megan: Not only a weapon Jesse, this is Akiko's TRADEMARK weapon...the Sickle!
Body: And Akiko has a sadistic look on her face right now, I think she's planning on damn-near killing Fasha to retain her title now!
Megan: Akiko with that sickle of hers, and SLICES Fasha right on the forehead with it! And grabbing the tail... oh no...
Body: FASHA KICKING AKIKO AWAY THOUGH! VERY close call for the challenger for the EAW Extreme Title... and Fasha has a wild look in her eyes!
Megan: That attempted tail-slice was a bad move for Akiko, as it helped Fasha get an adrenaline rush into her body! Akiko trying to attack Fasha, but Fasha having none of it...
Body: Fasha with an STO on the floor! Akiko hit's the concrete like a ton of bricks right there!
Megan: Fasha rolling Akiko into the ring now, and stares at those thumbtacks that Akiko put out earlier!
Body: Fasha sending Akiko off the ropes... lifting her up... POWERSLAM ONTO THE THUMBTACKS!
Megan: FASHA WITH VICIOUSNESS OF HER OWN! COVER NOW!
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
THRE... KICKOUT!
Body: DAMNIT! Neither of these girls here want to give up this contest! Akiko barely has anything left in her though I think.
Megan: And Fasha... signaling for the Drop-Shot DDT again! She's got Akiko hooked up in preparation for the move now...
Body: Akiko reaching up! She's got the Mandible Claw into Fasha now!
Megan: Reaction move right there by Akiko, and it looks to be effective! Fasha fading fast, her shoulders are down now!
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
THREE!
"Color Me Blood Red" starts to play as the crowd cheers.
Body: UNBELIEVABLE! What a contest!
Capetta: Here is your winner, and STILL EAW Extreme Champion... AKIKO NAKANO!
Megan: Neither Fasha nor Akiko will ever be the same after this match, but for today, Akiko still is the holder of the EAW Extreme Championship!
Body: Both Fasha and the champion fighting up to their feet now... looking at each other...
Fasha smirks a bit in the ring, and extends her hand to Akiko. The two shake hands, and then Fasha flips out of the ring.
Megan: Now THAT'S a show of respect by Fasha there! Kelly now getting into the ring, and the celebration goes on for the Extreme Champion!
Body: I'll have to say this though: Akiko was VERY close to losing her title to the Saiyan street fighter.
Megan: No doubt about that....don't go away though people. We still have a lot of action to give you!
Body: That's right, right after this, a Japanese Death Match!
*************
32 Stars
One Dream
Something's gotta Give.
The Tournament Continues!*************
As we come back, the camera pans around the ring. The ropes have been replaced with barbed wire. There are beds of nails, barb wire boards, and broken glass beds all around the ring.
Megan: We're all set now for this Japanese Deathmatch!
Jesse: Megan, this is gonna be something. It's the match Foley helped to bring to American attention! And now, we're about to see a couple of our very own go head to head in this match from Hell!
"Name of the Game" by The Crystal Method cues up and Seven makes his way out. He circles the ring, touching the barbed wire, checking all the extra implements and finally crawls in, careful not to snag himself.
Cappetta: The following match is a Japanese Deathmatch for one fall! Making his way to the ring, weighing in at 187 lbs., Seven!!
Megan: Seven's been showing what he's made of lately, especially in his match against Michael Connelly, our current Champion.
Jesse: Seven looks to be the new bright young star and I wish him all the best.
The lights go low suddenly and "Also Sprach Zarathursta" cues. As we hit a peek of the famous opening chords, David steps out, his arms out, looking to the fans. He's got on a glittery ring robe, just like his old man. Kelly comes out, dressed in a shimmering gown and high heels. David leans forward and "Walks that aisle" and throws his hands up in peace signs. "WHOOOOOO!!" He gets a couple of answering whooos from the audience, but the majority are booing him. He heads down the ramp with a big smile and as he passes near a camera, he says, "This one's for you dad. I'll carry on your legacy!". He stops outside of the ring and stares up at Seven. Kelly helps him pull off his robe and he's got on a blue outfit like his father's, AND a replica of the old WCW Title, with "Ric Flair" on the nameplate. He climbs into the ring, not taking his eyes off Seven.
Cappetta: And his opponent, from Minneapolis, MN, weighing 210 lbs., David Flair!
Jesse: What an entrance. The kid has talent and respect for the old school.
Megan: Yeah... talent for being a bastard.
Jesse: Well, so what if Ric was friendly with the ladies. He was on the road a lot and... oh, you didn't mean it like that.
Ric pulls off the belt and turns to hand it to Kelly.... and then spins back around, nailing it into Seven's face.
And the match is under way. David wails on Seven for a bit before whipping him across the ring Seven skids to a stop before going into the barbed wire. He turns around to get a kick to the gut and a DDT. David drops down with an armlock, also kneeling with his knee to Seven's throat. Seven struggles and David soon lets go. He stands up and steps on Seven's face before giving him a little kick to the head. Flair whoos to the booing fans. Seven gets to his knees and chop-blocks the back of David's knees. David goes down, missing the barbed wire by inches. Seven scrambles up to straddles David's back like a camel clutch, but grabs his head and grinds his forehead into the barbed wire. David yells out as crimson streams trickle down his face.
Seven lets go and David clutches his forehead. Seven begins stomping away at David, but David trips him up, sending Seven into the wire. Seven lands chest first with his arms over it. He yells out as the barbs bite into his chest and underarms. David gets up and grabs Seven's feet, pulling them up, and as Seven hangs on the wire, David kicks him in the balls.
Seven drops to the mat, clutching himself. David then locks on Figure Four. Out of habit, Seven reaches out and grabs the barbed wire. It rips into his palm, but doesn't count to break the hold. Seven yells as he sits up and clubs David in the face. David loosens the hold as he rolls to his feet. Seven gets up as well, leaving a bloody handprint on the mat. David rushes for a clothesline, but Seven ducks and David goes into the wire. Being shirtless, David gets more damage and we can see the barbs ripping open his flesh. Kelly stands wide eyed, with her hands over her mouth.
Seven backs up and gives David a big splash, sending the barbs deeper. The wire pulls from the post and they both tumble out of the ring, with a crash, into a bed of broken glass and more barbed wire. They lay there, writhing in pain and bleeding. They get to their knees, and Seven clubs David in the head. Seven gingerly gets out of the bed. David begins to climb out as well. Seven has one of the beds of nails and turns it nails out as he rushes David. David is hit full force with the board, but doesn't get stuck with the nails. He clambers up into the ring, barbed wire sticking to his shoulder and back, glittering form glass shards. Seven tosses the bed of nails into the ring. David is on his feet as Seven climbs in. David grabs Seven and suplexes him back first onto the bed of nails.
Seven writhes in pain, the nails sticking into his back. As he attempts to pull himself loose, David slips out of the ring again and rummages under the ring. He pulls out a pillowcase and another board. Seven is still on the nails, in pain as David dumps the contents of the case onto Seven's front. Thumbtacks. David then lays the new board across Seven's chest and the tacks. He steps back and does a legdrop across the board, eliciting a new scream from Seven. David gets up and goes for that move again, but Seven rolls off the nails and David screams this time as the nails stick into his thigh. Seven slowly rolls from the ring and goes under it, pulling out a barb wire bat (which is really a kendo stick wrapped thickly in barbed wire, but it's called a bat) and climbs back in. David is sitting in the ring and has just pulled the bed of nails form his leg. Seven pulls back and lets lose a huge swing across David's back, sending blood and screams flying. Seven whaps him again. David turns and grabs the stick and they fight for it, David holding it by the barbs, blood trickling out. David finally lets go. Seven swings again, but David ducks under and kicks Seven in the side. Seven drops the stick and David grabs him from behind with a release German suplex which hangs him up in one of the remaining barb wire ropes.
David huffs in pain as he goes once more under the ring. He pulls out a chair, wrapped in bladewire, definitely more brutal than barbs. He starts taking this to Seven. Seven screams as his shirt and flesh are being ripped from him. Seven is down and David opens the chair a bit, and puts it on the ground with Sevens leg in it. David jumps up and stomps it hard, closing on Seven's leg. Seven yells out as David does this more. David pulls it off his leg and opens it, setting it on Seven's chest, so one of the rods between the legs is against the back of Seven's neck. David sits in the chair backwards and grabs Sevens' legs, yanking them back in a Boston Crab. The bladewire on the sides and back of the chair rip into Seven's legs as he tugs.
Seven crawls, yelling, to the apron and pulls himself out of the ring, making David let go. HE thumps to the floor and slowly gets up. Meanwhile, David has returned to the weapon depository of the ring skirt and pulls out, of all things, a sickle and chain, like Akiko or Mr. Pogo would use. He holds this high and grins. Seven crawls into the ring. As he's on his hands and knees, David brings the sickle down onto Seven's back, ripping into it. David pulls off the last of Seven's shirt. He sops up Seven's blood with it and throws it at a woman in the front row, wearing a seven T-shirt. The woman faints.
Suddenly, Bret Hart appears on the stage. He stands there with his arms crossed. David glares and just points at Hart, as if to say not to mess with him. David goes back to attacking Seven with the sickle, but Seven punches David in the gut. The punches continue as Seven fights his way up as the fans cheer him on.
Hart has made his way down tot he ring, now. He warns off Kelly with a cold stare as he climb sin the ring. David sends Seven into the corner and turns around to meet Bret's boot with his gut. Bret then suplexes David onto the bed of nails. David writhes in pain some more. Bret then turns to Seven and offers his hand. Seven grabs it as Bret helps pulls him from the barb wire corner... and then kicks Seven and plants him with a DDT. Bret then leaves as calmly as he entered.
Both men are down, but David the worse off, with the bed of nails sticking to his back now. Seven crawls over and rolls David on his front. Seven grabs the barb wire ropes and gets to his feet. He then climbs the turnbuckle, measures up... and hits a Shooting Star Press. David screams blood murder as the board is now flush with his skin at points, where the nails are all the way in. He gets up, driven by pure pain as he staggers around the ring, grasping at his back. Seven staggers up as well, holding his ribs where he landed on the wood of the board. Kelly reaches in and grabs the sickle and the end of the chain, probably wanting to get that deadly weapon out of the ring... and she yanks on them, the loop of the chain catching Seven's ankle, tripping him. He falls and smashes face first into the mat. He holds his face and head. David sees this and makes a roll up, with the board of nails STILL in his back.
The Ref counts.
1
.
.
.
2
.
.
.
3!!
Winner: David Flair!
Kelly reaches in and tugs David out. As Seven rolls to the apron to try to stand up, Kelly is already helping David beat a hasty retreat. David winces in pain as he holds his arm up. He nearly looses his footing and falls a few times. EMTs rush to help him tot he back, as they do to Seven as well.
Jesse: My god, Kelly! That was an insane match! I mean, love him or hate him, you gotta give some props to David!
Megan: I'll give you that, but you still have to question Kelly's involvement in his win.
Jesse: She was just being concerned. After all, that sickle is DANGEROUS! She wouldn't want Seven to get a hold of it!
Megan: Do you really believe that?
Jesse: ...well, I gotta support my constitutes. :P
Megan: Okay, Jesse...tell me, have you ever seen an AAA Match before?
Ventura: Can't say that I have, but I heard it's pretty exciting, so it damn well better be worth all the hype.
Megan: I...trust you'll think it is. It very well may be the most insane of all matches you'll ever see in the EAW--or anywhere else.
Ventura: Hmm...that's a pretty bold claim, Miss.
Megan: Oh, I think you'll find it's quite true.
"Supergirl" by Shonen Knife cues up, and Mighty Molly comes out from the back, to a cheering crowd.
Ventura: Eh? I didn't know she had a match tonight.
Megan: She doesn't, but Hurricane insisted she watch the match in the ring, right in front of the whole arena.
Ventura: Hmm...okay then, so it isn't taking place here?
Megan: No way this arena could contain it.
Molly takes a folding chair from ringside, and slides inside, setting it up and taking a seat.
Megan: Let's go to the site of the match...
We open to an abandoned city, foliage bursting up through parts of the city streets. A ref-bot and robotic cameras fly about the scene as Nova (in his specially designed suit) waits impatiently.
Seemingly out of nowhere (in his specially designed battle suit--similar to those seen in the Tim Burton Batman movies, but in Hurricane's style), appears Hurricane, touching down across the street in front of Nova. They stare across at each other like two old west cowboys during a showdown at high noon (Judging from the daylight seen here, it clearly must be in another part of the world).
The bell comes out of the refbot's chest and rings, signaling the start of the bout...
Nova and Hurricane collide in the center of the street, trading rapid fire punches between each other--Nova quickly kicks Hurricane in the groin, the pain of which is lessened by the suit, but still detectable. Nova grabs him and spinebusts him on the street, cracking it. Hurricane springs up, and Nova puffs a gust of wind at him, freezes his legs, and slows him down. Nova flying clotheslines him, spinning him about with his feet as the axis, and then grabbing him and reverse DDTing him onto the street.
Hurricane gets up as Nova rushes him--flinging him headfirst across the street where he collides headfirst into a fire hydrant. Hurricane runs there to follow up, ripping the hydrant from the rusted city pipeline, and smashing it over Nova's head. Repeatedly.
Nova flips his thumb over the opposite wrists of each arm--Hurricane blocks in anticipation with the hydrant, but Nova flips over him, presses his wrists against Hurricane's temples, and Hurricane screams as a high-voltage current goes through his head. Letting go, Nova kicks him in the base of the spine, sending him flying into a nearby dumpster.
Nova flies in like a missile, ramming Hurricane's body into the dumpster and causing it to collapse on itself. Hoisting it up over his head, Nova tosses it like a baseball, then runs ahead and swings his fists at it locked together, popping it up into the air like a baseball. Grabbing a rusted old car, he heaves it at it, causing it to explode in mid-air.
Nova enjoys a hearty laugh, but Hurricane dives down from behind, smacking him in the back of the head with with an uprooted street light. Putting up a manhole cover he flings it at Nova like a frisbee, catching him in the throat. Nova drops back down to his feet, and Hurricane appears from behind, smashing it over his head and bending it in half.
Nova crawls away, but Hurricane gives him a running punt in the rear, sending him head first into the side of a building. Running around and inside of it, Hurricane smashes a desk over his head from the other side. Nova angrily punches away, collapsing the wall. Hurricane charges towards him, then whips around his arm--striking Hurricane in the stomach with a projectile--the Comet Fist he devised earlier. It explodes on impact, sending Hurricane bursting out the other side of the building and the wall collapsing down afterwards.
Nova grabs Hurricane by his cape, hoisting hi m up above the street, and flies over a building, with Hurricane smashing the top of it. He does this over two more, then flings him into the side of a building, leaving Hurricane stuck in the indention. Nova hovers above him with a cocky smirk, than slaps him with the back of his head, then the palm, before spitting on his face.
Hurricane smirks back, flinging a mini hurricane at him--then grows larger. As Nova is caught up in it, Hurricane increases the speed of it, making it batter Nova about the buildings worse then he did with him. Diving down to the street, he picks up a streetlight and hurls it like a lawn dart, knocking Nova out of the wind and spiking him into the street. Hurricane then dives down, feet first, and as Nova tosses the post off him, Hurricane stomps with all his weight and built up velocity onto his chest, then leaps off, landing on his feet. Hurricane yawns, taunting Nova as he stands up. Nova whips a Comet Fist his way, which Hurricane avoids. 2 subsequent ones are dodged. Hurricane rears him arm back, then Nova does the same...then Hurricane appears behind him, hitting 100 punches in the back of the head--20 per SECOND!! Hurricane then slams him THROUGH the street into the dried up sewers below. Grabbing him from behind by hooking his arms, Hurricane launches him back UP through the street again--then flies ahead above Hurricane--spinkicking him in the head, and sending him spinning and dazed crashing into a rooftop.
Hurricane touches down on the rooftop, checking on Nova...bursts up from behind him, locking on a full nelson, then clamping his wrists around his temples again, employing the shock trick he did earlier. This stuns Hurricane, and Nova turns on his eyebeam, widing it and spreading it over all of Hurricane's body--so much so that the suit begins to glow, heating up. Hurricane yells as he actually is behind cooked alive in his own suit.
Damnit...I didn't count on this...the air's hard to breathe even...
"Ready to give up, Greg?"
"No...but I have a little proposal for you..." Hurricane stands up, and after writhing around in his suit, it drops off?!
Nova turns off his eyebeam in surprise, "What? Getting stupider?"
"What say we skip this silliness with our battle suits, and battle without them?" Hurricane asks, now in his regular costume.
"Hmph...fine, I can beat you either way," Nova removes his, bringing him down to his regular costume.
"TIME--IN!" Nova then without warning flies at Hurricane--the two lock up in a knucklelock, with Hurricane breaking it free with a kick. They each punch, their fists smashing together with tremendous force. Pulling them away, they fly away from each other, upward. Hurricane whirls his fist around in a circle as they head for each other, Hurricane dodges a shot, and slams his fist into Nova's stomach.
"HURRICANE..MEGATON...PUNCH!!" he yells out, as Nova is launched back down onto the street. Hurricane dives down to follow up...and feels trembling from beneath the ground. Nova bursts up through with with a giant sewer pipe, smashing it against Hurricane's body. Nova pinches off both ends, then collapses the middle in, jumping up high and stomping the middle in. He blasts his own fist with an eyebeam, heating it up... Rearing his fist up, he whips a giant Comet Fist at the pipe, exploding a huge crator in the street.
Hurricane, his costume apparently taking a hell of a beating from that, crawls from the hole but stands up. Bemused, Nova touches down the ground, stalking towards him...
"Even if bloodied, or in severe pain, from my mission I will not abstain. Through howling winds and pouring rain, all evil shall fear...THE HURRICANE!"
Nova cocks an eyebrow, laughing at Hurricane. Nova goes for a running punch--BLOCKED BY HURRICANE?! Hurricane slams him elbow down into the street, then whips him around by it, at a high rate of speed, then letting go, sending him through three buildings and skipping off the street like a stone. Following afterwards, he meets Nova with a flurry of punches and kicks as he gets up off the street. Nova strikes back himself, pummeling him with body shots, and blasts him with a gust of air encasing him in ice. Hurricane quickly bursts out of it as Nova lands behind, about to clamp him around his head--Hurricane grabs his arms, and NOVA is shocked with high voltage. Hurricane spins around, punching him with hard shots that make him twitch similarly, and then rushing in, ducking, and uppercutting him high into the air. Hurricane follows after, volleying him back and forth with kicks to himself and back. High above the streets--about two hundred feet, he hooks up Hurricane, and dives down with him. Reaching a speed of 100 miles per hour, he nails a HURRIBREAKER through the street.
Hurricane lands beside the hole, as the ref-bot checks on Nova. He moves slightly, but as a ten count is made, Nova doesn't get out of the hole.
The ref-bot rings his bell.
The winner...by Knock Out...the HURRICANE!!!
Molly gets up from the seat, getting ready to head to the back.
Suddenly the lights go out!!
Ventura: Blackout?
Megan: Uh-oh...I've seen this happen many times before, and it's rarely good...
Whisperings can be heard throughout the arena...
... when you are suffering...
... when you are suffering...
... wheeennnn yoooouuuuu aaarrreeee sufferrrrinnng...
Megan: Oh, no...
Ventura: What?!
Then a male voice speaks... "Know that I have betrayed you."
And a word projects itself onto the Jumbotron...
Megan: It can't be...it can't be....not again!
Then everyone goes quiet... all darkness. The lights suddenly come on and standing behind Molly in the ring is--
Megan: RYOKAMI?! He's dead...he should be...why can't he stay--
Ventura: Who the hell is that skull-faced freak?!
Ryokami suddenly grabs Molly by the head! Before Molly can react--
*SNAP!!*
Megan: OH MY GOD! O_O
Ventura: Did he just?!
Ryokami lets Molly slump to the mat... looking down at her body. He then throws his head back and laughs insanely as "Astonishing Panorama of the Endtimes" by Marilyn Manson cues up!
Megan: Molly writhing on the mat, and Ryokami senselessly has just...
Ventura: Okay, I don't know who the hell that is, but he's done...
Megan: NO, JESSE!!
Ryokami looks to the stage, then wisely exits the ring as ring officials, several superstars, and Aerith rush out. Ryokami jumps over the railing, pushing fans away from him as he makes his way to the exit.
Megan: Ryokami like a coward leaving, and Aerith rushing to the ring!
Aerith dives down and extends her hands over Molly's dying body...within a few seconds she twitches...and sits up?!
Ventura: Sonnuvabitchin' coward, hauling ass out of here before I could take him apart. Is that girl okay?
Megan: Yes...thank goodness she was in time--apparently Ryokami didn't do his usual effecient job. But..almost as bad...Ryokami's back.. -_-
**Ad Break**
Megan: ...and we're back. Thankfully, Molly's going to be fine...but...how horrible that Ryokami is back. I don't know how, but he is...I wish he'd go away again, but sadly, he never does except by force.
Ventura: Damn, have things ever changed since I wrestled...
Megan: Well, that's not typical, Mr. Ventura.
Ventura: Ryokami or...a match like that?
Megan: Ryokami...we..do have other matches like that from time to time.
Ventura: Damn...
Megan: However, back to more normal competition up next!
Body: Wait a second Megan...I'm getting word...we've caught up with Frosti and Savvy again!
Megan: Well, let's see it then!
*************
This time, we open up to a local Starbucks! The scenes opens inside the franchise coffee shop, where Frosti and Savvy are already going at it, pounding the hell of each other. Most of the patrons have cleared out, but a brave few linger, some of them EAW fans who thought they'd miss out because they couldn't get tickets, and some of them just sticking by to witness two semi-clad beautiful women just go and beat each others' brains out.
Savvy lifts her sister in the air and Powerbombs her on a table but it does not break, as it is metal... And Powerbomb again on the table! And a third Powerbomb onto the table! And she completes the Final Encounter after the third powerbomb. Frosti does not stay down for long though, as she shoves Savvy back. Frosti climbs on the counter and hits Savvy with an improvised Shooting Star Press which sends both of them crashing through chairs--Frosti holds her ribs as if they might be broken... Savvy staggers to her feet, sees her sister cringing in pain and then Thrust Kicks her in the ribs, sending Frosti back a few feet, whimpering...
As Savvy approaches her to kick her again, Frosti grabs her foot mid-kick and swings her around. "I was FAKING, you stupid skank!" She then executes a neckbreaker which leaves Savvy laying in a heap. Frosti leaps over the counter and finds a large cappucino machine and hoists it over her head to throw it onto Savvy. "You look tired, Savvy... HAVE SOME COFFEE!!!"
But Savvy is ready for her. She reaches for a giant cup of coffee and thrusts it in Frosti's direction, splashing 32 ounces of scalding double mocha latte all over Frosti's face and chest! Frosti shrieks in agony, dropping the cappucino machine and flailing about. As the cappucino machine hits the floor it busts wide open, splashing Frosti's legs with even more boiling coffee, and she shrieks again, rushing to escape and find a means to soothe the first degree burns she has incurred.
Savvy smirks with satisfaction. "You can run, Frosti. But you can't escape me... I'm gonna destroy you..."
************We cut back to the announcer's table.
Body: Now that's what the people love to see, two beautiful women duking it out!
Megan: Well, in this next match we're gonna have 3 beautiful girls battling for a title tonight.
Body: I can't wait!
"Freedom Fighter" by Creed cues up then, to a nice pop from the crowd, and an American flag banner (with "American Angels" logo) cues up on the EAW-tron.
Capetta: The following tag team match is scheduled for one fall, and is for the EAW Tag Team Championships! Introducing first, the challengers: at a combined weight of 330 pounds...from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Kirk and Erica, the American Angels!!
Kirk comes out from the back as--Captain America (including the shield)?! Erica seems to be dressed as Hayabusa, albeit in an outfit with a flag motif.
Megan: Apparently Kirk's in a good mood, I remember him vehemently not wanting to wear that costume when Nova wanted him too.
Ventura: I actually think that's a good look for him--especially if he uses that shield to bash over his opponents' heads.
Megan: Well, I hope not, but from old Kirk I would. And Erica in her own version of the Hayabusa costume.
Ventura: Yeah, but having heard what happened to him, I'd stay away from any moonsault attempts.
Megan: At least the Asai variety. The challengers make their way to the ring...and it will be interesting to see these two test their mettle against the new tag champs--
As Kirk and Erica get into the ring, "Freedom Fighter" fades out, and...
The lights dim, and a dirge-like pipe organ tune plays--then..
The entranceway explodes with red fireworks!!
"Slow Chemical" by Finger Eleven cues up...
Megan: What in th--?
Ventura: Pete Rose's "favorite" wrestler!!
Megan: It's!! Glenda, dressed as Kane!!
Capetta: And their opponents, introducing first, from Memphis, Tennessee...she stands 6'0" and weighs in at 215 pounds--Glenda Jacobs!!
Ventura: Well, honest mistake. HIDE YOUR DECEASED RELATIVES, FOLKS!
Megan: Ugh...Glenda certainly picking a surprise costume, and she looks quite a bit like Kaye in that get up--although it would need to be a tad more revealing.
Ventura: I'll agree with you on that. She's hot looking, but still looks damn strong.
Glenda pulls herself up onto the apron, and into the ring, stepping over the ropes. She then stands in the middle of the ring, and slowly raises her arms...
Megan: WHAT?!
After Glenda makes her entrance, the lights in the arena go dark. Then, the Robotech Anthem by Ulpio Minucci starts playing; a spotlight shines on the top of the jumbotron, illuminating a human-scale Queadlunn-Rau Zentraedi Female Power Armor.
Ventura: The hell?! What's this now?
Megan: Er, it's anime-involved, I don't think you'd understand.
Ventura: Naw...a little confused about it.
The armored figure leaps from the top of the screen as the lights come back up. Jets fire as it nears the floor, slowing its descent until it lands on its feet about halfway down the ramp, which it then strides down towards the ring. As the music reaches its crescendo, the armor opens up... and Sonnette climbs out! Dressed in a tight Robotech Defense Force flightsuit, the quills on her head colored a deep hunter green to complete the look of her Miriya Sterling costume, she rolls into the ring, grinning at the stares and shocked looks her entrance got.
Capetta: ....uh...*AHEM*..And her partner...currently residing in Columbus, Ohio. She stands 5'11" and weighs in at 137 pounds. "The Blue Blur" SONIIIIIC The HEEDGEHOG!!"
Ventura: The hell?! Okay, my son did mention something like this, but I thought he was just on the pot again.
Megan: Maybe a little of both. =P
Ventura: Right...what's next? We gonna have a full robot challenging for--oh RIGHT! We do!!
Megan: Android, really--synthetic cyborg of sorts. =P
Ventura: Geez, and I thought politics was confusing...
Megan: Even Gary was a little confused on just what to make of this...but the night's far from over--and with all four combatants in the ring, we're set for a helluva Tag Title showdown!!
*ding, ding*
Megan: Sonic and Kirk are now starting out for their teams--both former World Champions. Sonic with elbows to Angel, and sending him into the ropes, stopped short and a KICK into the midsection by Kirk! And a fireman's carry takeover by Kirk. Pinning the arm down, and drives the knee into the bicep!
Ventura: Kirk going for the long, drawn out scientific approach as he pulls up Sonic, wrenching the arm--reverse by Sonic--kick into the midsection--back elbow stuns him. Shoots off the ropes, and Sonic nailing a dropkick!!
Megan: Sonic pulling him up--and fires him HARD into the corner--staggering out, and a VICIOUS clothesline!
Ventura: THAT'S more like it. The rougher and harder it gets in there, the more I like it. I still think Kirk should let her see the star of that shield close up.
Megan: Looks like you'll get part of what you want--quick tag to Glenda, and here comes...er..
Ventura: Kane with boobs?
Megan: Something like that. Sonic holding him, and Glenda with hard shots--double whip to the ropes, and BIG BOOT up by Glenda! Sonic back out to the apron.
Ventura: Here we go now...setting up Kirk in the corner, and she's just walloping him with some hard shots--BOOT UNDER THE THROAT!!
Megan: Choking Kirk here, and letting go. Kirk stunned, and grabbing him around the throat. WAIT! Kirk with elbow shots, fighting his way free--belly to belly--OVERHEAD suplex by Kirk! Glenda getting up--and Kirk clotheslining her back down to the mat. He grabs the ankle, wrenching it backwards in a half-crab style submission. Glenda trying to get to the ropes, and Kirk having a hard time keeping his ring positioning. Standing up, and pulls her away from the ropes. Reaches it again--and 1, 2, 3, 4--lets go.
Ventura: Now if they were champion, I'd let the 5 count happen, make sure I'd keep the titles.
Megan: It would cheat the fans though.
Ventura: Hey, so what? The important thing is to keep your position.
Megan: Spoken like a true politician. Kirk makes the tag to Erica, and sends Glenda into the corner--charging in--and AIR-ERICA in the corner!! Angels waiting on her, and cinch her up, and a high double vertical--NO!! Suspended high into--BRAAAINBUSTER!!!
Ventura: Oh...DAMN! Just...DAMN!! That may have knocked the poor girl smart!
Megan: Erica with the cover...
.
.
.
One!
.
.
.
Tw--no!
Ventura: Erica on top and slugging away, you'd think these two girls were fighting over a dress at JC Penny during a big sale.
Megan: =/ Not reall--Erica up, and a Standing Moonsault onto Glenda!! Pulling her up, and going for a whi--NO!! Glenda escaping, and ramming Erica shoulder-first into the corner, hitting the ringpost! Grabbing her by the legs, and a boot into the stomach...yanking her out of it and pancaking her face down onto the mat. And now applying a full nelson, and pulling up Erica in it. Wrenching back on it, and holding up Erica in the air as she tries to fight her way loose.
Ventura: Just squeezing the life out of her!! This is a beautiful sight, I must say!! AH--she's loose! Erica diving between her legs--double leg takedown from behind--going for a waistlock--pulling her up, blocked--ducks a back elbow--Crescent Kick, a Roundhouse!! Glenda getting up slowly--Erica off the ropes--CAUGHT!! POWERSLAMMED TO THE MAT!! And just devastating her challenger here!
Megan: Tag made to Sonic, and Glenda picking up Erica--set up, and a POWERBOMB by Glenda!! Sonic with a springboard Senton splashes onto Erica! The cover--
.
.
.
ONE!
.
.
.
TWO!--NO!
Ventura: Erica just getting brutalized here, and Glenda setting up Erica for a Memphis Style Pildriver--Sonic on the top rope--SPIKE PILEDRIVER!!
Megan: Glenda going to the outside, and Erica covered by Sonic--
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.
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ONE!
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.
.
TWO!
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.
NO!
Ventura: Damn...Erica is a hell of a lot tougher than she looks, or her name would suggest, even. Same for Kirk.
Megan: Yet, she needs to make the tag soon or she'll succumb to the high-impact offense of the tag team champions. Sonic picking her up, suplex set up--ERICA FROM BEHIND!! Waistlock--GERMAN RELEASE SUPLEX! Her brother even looking proud about that one!! Sonic getting up--boot to the midsection by Erica--and--HOISTED UP OVERHEAD--and the FISHERMAN BOMB!!
.
.
.
ONE!
.
.
.
TWO!--Kickout!
Ventura: Wow...now that was a pretty damn cool move.
Megan: She borrowed that one right off of Hayabusa himself, and tagging in Kirk. Kirk getting it, and some sort of signal given by Erica it seems. Kirk picking up Sonic, and fires her into the ropes--caught--and there's another Belly to Belly Suplex from Kirk!! Erica up on top--FIREBIRD SPLASH!! Rolling off to give Kirk a shot at the pinfall...
.
.
.
ONE!
.
.
.
TWO!
.
SONIC KICKING OUT!!
Ventura: Sonic really a tough biii-otch for sure, but what in the HELL was that move?
Megan: In the States we call it the 450 Splash, but in his native Japan Haybusa brought it as the Firebird Splash after seeing it used by Too Cold Scorpio. Kirk getting up now, and driving some knees into the ribs, focusing on them due to Erica's big move. And if she did that--maybe we'll see the Pheonix Splash?
Ventura: Which is..?
Megan: I'll tell you if we see it. =P Kirk pulling up Sonic, and setting her up--to the ropes--tilt a whirl...into a rib-breaker! Excellent strategy there by Kirk.
Ventura: Yeah, but wonder if it'll work--back up--OOOH! Headbutt right into the breadbasket!!
Megan: Sonic now drives him into the mat with a DDT!! Now a rear chin lock--wrenching back--and driving the back of Kirk's neck into the mat!! Sonic up and dropping some elbows into the upper back near the neck--double leg taked--Sonic shrugging it off--over top of Kirk, and grabbing the legs. Pulling back on it in a variation on the Liontamer!! Kirk trying to excape, reaching towards the ropes--GETS IT!! The break now!!
Ventura: GET IN THERE, REF!! Forcing Sonic to back off now, and Kirk getting his tri-colored ass off the mat in the meantime. Back up now, and it looks like we have a square off here--KNUCKLELOCK NOW!
Megan: You don't see these much anymore, and the Olympic Champion trying to overpower the Mobian ex-pornstarlet.
Ventura: The--huh?! I wanna see a catalog!
Megan: Later, Jesse...Sonic getting the advantage, Kirk fighting back--knee into the midsection--DRIVING HER DOWN TO HER KNEES!
Ventura: Kirk keeping her down--kick into the midsection, and leaping over, into a pinning predicament!!
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ONE!
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.
.
TWO!--NO!
Megan: No dirty remark there?
Ventura: Geez, I'm not Lawler--Kirk on the advantage now, and tag made to Erica...Kirk setting up Sonic now, restraining her--Missile--
Megan: MISSED!! Erica Springboard Dropkicks her own brother!! Erica flustered by her mistake--SPEAR BY SONIC!!--and turns it into a SPINEBUSTER!!!
Ventura: She isn't going to go for that namby-pamby elbow drop thingy Rocky does, is she?
Megan: No she isn't, setting up Erica, and there's a PORNPLEX!!
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ONE!
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.
TWO!!
...Erica gets the shoulder up!
Ventura: Sonic fighting like hell here, and Erica fighting up on her own. Sonic with shots to the chest, and kicking her in the back of the legs. Grabbing her around the waist--Erica slipping free, and a Russian Leg Sweep! Sonic getting up--Erica ducks behind--BACKDR--no, a Mexican Stretch Bomb!
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ONE!
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TWO!!
.
...NO!
Ventura: And Erica making a comeback of her own...waiting on Sonic to get up--rushing in--
Megan: HAMMER OF JUST--NO! Sonic dropping to the mat and rolling out--Erica takes a spill between the ropes!! Sonic drives her arm down across the apron, and--OOOH! There's the back of the head!!
Ventura: Rolling Erica out to the outside--wait a minute...placing that Captain America shield over her chest. Sonic getting up on the apron!
1!
Megan: Giving the Foley salute, and a running dive--
2!
Megan: RUNNING ELBOW DROP FROM THE APRON TO THE FLOOR ON THE SHIELD!! And there's your use of the shield for this match, Jesse.
3!
Ventura: Well, damn...Kirk should have been the one.
Megan: Sonic picking up Erica--DRIVING her upper chest on top of the safety railing--and it's Sonic's proverbial playground out on the outside.
4!
Ventura: Yeah, but there's still a count, and if she don't beat it in she'll lose anyway.
Megan: Doing just that now, and Erica moving to try to do just that--rolling back in--and Sonic on the attack right away, stomping on the shoulder and back!! Erica getting back up, BACK HEEL KICK CATCHES SONIC!! Whip into the ropes--BLIND TAG to Glenda!! Erica off the far ropes--STAR SAULT tackles Sonic mid-run! She didn't see the tag though...
Ventura: The referee telling her so--the girl's a little slow...GLENDA FROM BEHIND!!--
Megan: SPIN KICK BY ERICA--reacting quickly, and somersaulting now--headscissors catches her and takes her over!! Off the ropes and--THESZ PRESS BY SONIC TAKES DOWN ERICA!! Sonic delivering some rough shots to Erica now...pulling her up..whips her into the ropes, and a DOUBLE BACK ELBOW by the tag team champions!! Sonic grabbing her by the ankles, flips her on her back--CATAPULTS HER--INTO A CHOKESLAM BY GLENDA!!! Borrowing from Scorpion's Pyre!!
Suddenly--the lights go out...
Megan: What the hell?
Ventura: Okay, who forgot to pay the electric bill?
Megan: I don't like the looks of--
Then, a series of sounds and some clanging is heard--the lights go up to find Erica and Kaye down in the ring. The lights go up to a confused Sonic--who ducks a shot with a chair from a long black-haired version of Bubba Ray Dudley, and scoops him over her shoulder--but a multicolored-long-haired version of D-Von dropkicks her, he slips off her shoulders, lands behind, hooks a full nelson and hits the Bubba Bomb on her.
Ventura: The hell?! The Dudley Boyz reunited?! In wigs?!
Megan: No, I'm afraid not...
Kirk comes in, battling off the two, but they end up double teaming him, and gets reverse DDT'ed. The two pick him up and Double Powerbomb him, as Ryan Hardley comes into the ring to a booing crowd.
Megan: Yes, it's Bubba Matt and J-Von...
"People of EAW...I've been getting bored with just running PWF. So tonight...you have just seen...the reign of the Hardleyz in EAW! Tag Teams beware...because thou shalt not fuck with the Hardleyz!"
Ventura: Wait a second--those aren't the Dudleys?
Megan: Not quite, but similar...
Capetta: The result of this match is a no-contest...so STILL tag team champions, Sonic and Glenda Jacobs!
Megan: Ryan Hardley and his brothers screwing the fans out a tag title contest here, and I do NOT want to be them when those four--especially the tag champs, get a hold of them.
The Hardleyz all leave to "Ugly" by Bubba Sparxx as we go to an intermission...
***********************
Megan: Well Jesse, we're gonna be moments away from...
*blink*
Body: ...did you hear something Megan?
Megan; Yeah...I did...
*blink!*
And the lights slowly turn down as a flash of pink fades in, flashing to the sound echoing through the arena...
Body: Is...is that a piano key? The heck is going on here?
Megan: I have no idea Jesse...but...I have a hunch...
*BLINK*
Words fade in as the flash of pink beats brighter. A SPLIT SECOND IS ALL IT TAKES...
Megan: Oh my...could it be...could she be....
Body: OK...that was freaky...
*BLINK!!*
BELIEVE.
Megan: ...can it be...Blink making a return to EAW!?
Body: Who the hell is Blink?
Megan: I'll tell you later...oh my, this is big!
Body: I can only imagine.
Megan: Well...we go from that now to one of the most anticipated matches onto the card now.
Body: This is the match that many people have been waiting for...the current man in WWE vs. the legendary tough as nails Texan!
Megan: For the longest time, people have been wondering what would happen if Brock Lesnar and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin would get in the ring for one on one action...and now we're going to see exactly that.
Body: And I don't think there's going to be a person sitting down.
Megan: Let's get this thing started!
Capetta: The following contest is a special attraction Grudge Match set for one fall with NO time limit!
Before Capetta can get any further, a familiar siren starts to blare...
Megan: What the hell? I thought the RTC was disbanded!
And goes on for five seconds, before...
*KRAAAA-AAAASH!*
"Glass Shatters" by Disturbed starts to play, and out comes Austin, wearing RTC attire...and right behind him is Kelly, wearing Austin's attire, but without knee braces and with a black bra.
Body: And even the Rattlesnake is in the Halloween spirit, showing off his costume!
Megan: Whew... he gave me a scare for a minute there!
Capetta: Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by his manager Kelly Connelly-Flair, from Victoria, Texas, standing 6'2" tall and weighing in at 241 pounds, STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!
Body: This man has come a long way from his days in WCW, Megan. He is one of the biggest stars in this business today!
Megan: Austin is determined to end this debate about him and Lesnar once and for all tonight, getting into the ring...Kelly ripping off that shirt and pants from Austin, and there's the classic black boots and tights that have made Austin famous.
Body: I was hoping that he wouldn't be wearing that stupid suit in this match...and Austin seems to be ready to go.
Megan: But the question that needs to be asked is if Austin is ready for his opponent tonight.
"Crush Em" by Megadeth starts to play next, and the crowd reaction turns mixed as the next participant comes out, with his manager.
Body: And there is intensity personified Megan...the current WWE Champion of the World!
Capetta: And his opponent, being accompanied to the ring by his agent, Paul Heyman, from Minneanapolis, Minnesota, standing 6'4" tall and weighing in at 295 pounds, he is the WWE Champion, the Next Big Thing, BROCK LESNAR!
Megan: Lesnar stopping halfway down the ramp...and just staring down Austin as he stands in the ring.
Body: Neither Lesnar or Austin want to do anything pre-maturely, Megan. Now Lesnar getting up onto the apron and entering the ring.
Megan: Austin now watching Lesnar...and he's motioning a la the Rock for Lesnar to Just Bring it, as the WWE Champion taking the belt off. Heyman and Kelly out of the ring, and there's the bell!
Megan: And look at this staredown!
Body: This is a moment people have been waiting for a good while now Megan, and they finally have it.
Megan: And neither man blinking right now...
Body: And Austin with a knee to the gut of Lesnar right as the bell rings! Stone Cold Steve Austin bringing the fight to Brock Lesnar!
Megan: Austin sending Lesnar into the ropes now, clothesline attempt avoided by Lesnar...and Lesnar with a belly to back suplex on Austin!
Body: The WWE Champion with an early cover!
One
.
.
TW ...kickout by Austin.
Megan: Lesnar setting up Austin now, has him in that bear hug, but Austin with an elbow to the back of Lesnar's neck to break it up. Lesnar getting up... and they stare each other down!
Body: Well, both Lesnar and Austin have tried each other out in the start of this match, and we have to wonder where it will go from here.
Megan: Heyman SCREAMING for Lesnar to do something on the outside, and Kelly doing the same for Austin. The two combatants locking up now... and Lesnar over-powering Austin into the corner!
Body: Brock Lesnar definitely has the strength advantage in this match, but he misses with an elbow to the head in the corner, and Austin slipping out of the way, kicking away at Lesnar's body!
Megan: And the crowd giving Austin his "What" chant as Austin stomps away at the WWE Champion. Heyman seems to be trying to distract Austin, but the Rattlesnake flips him off and one more kick to the WWE Champion!
Body: The referee now admonishing Austin...and I guess Austin thinks that the referee is Number One!
Megan: Lesnar back up to his feet though, and he blasts Austin in the back of the head with a clothesline. Austin falling flat down on his face...and now Lesnar dropping an elbow right into the small of Austin's back!
Body: Lesnar just measuring the former WWF Champion with those blows to the back, and now going to cover him, but Austin out before a count could be laid down!
Megan: Austin and Lesnar both have to win this match for their own reasons. Lesnar getting Austin back up to his feet, but Austin with right hands to the head of Lesnar! Austin off of the ropes, but Heyman grabbing the leg of Stone Cold!
Body: I didn't see him do that, when did you?
Megan: You know good and well he did, and now Austin going outside the ring...Heyman backing off a bit!
Body: Austin, you're confronting the man who MADE you who you are today! Don't do something that you'll regret!
Megan: Austin doesn't regret anything he does... and he Stunners Paul Heyman on the floor! He's telling Kelly something as she comes around...
Body: Now what in the hell is Kelly doing? Why is she dragging Paul Heyman away from the ring?
Megan: I think that Austin doesn't want the managers or agents involved in this match, and it's now down to him and Brock Lesnar!
Body: But Austin made a mistake by turning his back on the Next Big Thing, as Lesnar grabbing Austin's head and slamming it hard into the ring mat!
Megan: Lesnar rolling Austin back into the ring now, not wanting this match to end in a count out... and now motioning as if he wants Austin to get to his feet.
Body: Look at this, Lesnar wants to end the match right now! Picking up Austin for the F5...
Megan: Austin slipping behind Lesnar... and a neckbreaker! Austin going towards Lesnar, but Brock kicking him away, and clotheslines him down... but no cover.
Body: Lesnar probably feels that he has this match well in control now, and he wants to just toy with Austin.
Megan: Austin onto his feet now, and Lesnar grabs him, BIG Belly to Belly suplex by Lesnar! Staying on for the cover now...
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
KICKOUT by Austin!
Body: And Brock Lesnar going back to kick away at the Texas Rattlesnake with aggression rarely seen.
Megan: But Austin catches the foot of Lesnar, and a kick to the back of the knee by Austin here! And Austin grabbing Lesnar... THE HELL?
Body: STEVE AUSTIN HITS BROCK LESNAR WITH A CHOKESLAM! THAT was a totally unexpected move right there!
Megan: But it could be an effective move! Austin now going for his first cover of the match...
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
Kickout with authority by Lesnar.
Body: Brock Lesnar has amazing power and is amazingly well-tuned for a rookie in the business.
Megan: Austin definitely realizes this though, and gets Lesnar up to his feet now, and goes to work on the legs of the current champion.
Body: This is where Austin can do a lot of damage to the career of Lesnar, because those legs of his are needed for all of Lesnar's major high-impact moves.
Megan: Austin putting Lesnar into the corner now, and ramming his shoulder into the leg of Lesnar... and the pain is visible on the face of the Next Big Thing.
Body: But Lesnar is still trying to fight through this to his credit, using his arm strength to push Austin away from him now, getting out of that corner...
Megan: Austin grabbing Lesnar though, and a hard DDT by the Rattlesnake! Austin with a cover now!
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
KICKOUT by Lesnar!
Body: Austin stomping away at Lesnar before the WWE Champion can get back up to his feet, upset that the DDT didn't finish him off! I think Austin thought for sure that he had Lesnar beaten with that.
Megan: I'm not sure about that, but one thing's for sure: Austin is fighting his ass off to get a victory over Lesnar. Austin getting Lesnar up onto his feet, a couple of punches, into the ropes now... A BIG BOOT!
Body: HAH! Austin stealing Hogan's gimmick now, and there's the immortal legdrop! Cover now by Austin!
One
.
.
TWO... Kickout by Lesnar!
Megan: Austin trying anything in his power to obtain a victory over Lesnar! Austin getting Lesnar up to his feet now, but Lesnar with a hard forearm shot to the head by Lesnar! Brock Lesnar sending Austin back into the corner now, and a HARD clothesline by the WWE Champion!
Body: Lesnar not letting Austin fall down though, as he starts ramming Austin into the corner with a series of hard shoulder strikes into Austin's beer-gut!
Megan: Lesnar attacking Austin like a vicious animal out there, and now Lesnar stomping away at Austin down in the corner. Brock bringing Austin to the middle of the ring, and DRIVES a hard elbow right into the bridge of the nose of Austin!
Body: And look at Austin now, Austin's bleeding. I think that Lesnar broke Austin's nose with that elbow shot.
Megan: Lesnar grinning... much like he did during that gruesome Hell in a Cell match against the Undertaker, and he's picking up Austin now, and drops Austin right across the top turnbuckle face first!
Body: Austin now rolling to the outside of the ring, but I don't think he's gonna find any sanctuary out there with someone like Brock Lesnar following him.
Megan: Absolutely right there, Jesse. Lesnar grabbing the head of Austin, and ramming it into those steel steps hard! And once again he rams them into the steps!
Body: Well Lesnar knows that if he's gonna get a victory over Austin, he has to be more ruthless than Austin would be in a match. And he's off to a really good start right now!
Megan: Lesnar turning his attention to the steel ring post now, going to whip Austin into it now, but instinctively Austin reverses it! And Lesnar smacks that post hard, face first.
Body: Now LESNAR is busted open from that exchange there. Lesnar and Austin have each made the other bleed, and I don't know if either one of them will forgive this.
Megan: Austin not done though, and he continually rams the head of Lesnar into that ring post. But the problem here is this will become a count-out if they stay out here too long.
Body: I'm not so sure about that Megan... it doesn't look like the referee is laying a count onto either man right now. He may have just turned this into a no count-out match!
Megan: Well, despite that possibility, Austin now rolling Lesnar into the ring to continue this battle... and look at the crimson mess that both of these men are.
Body: That's not stopping them at all though... Austin now going onto the second turnbuckle, and an elbow to the prone form of Lesnar!
Megan: Austin now going for the cover...
One
.
.
TWO... KICKOUT by Lesnar!
Body: Steve Austin fighting to make sure that Brock Lesnar doesn't get up to his feet to continue, but that's a very hard task to accomplish for ANYONE!
Megan: Lesnar getting up to his feet despite Austin's attempted beat-down, and gives the Rattlesnake a hard elbow to the chest. Lesnar sending Austin into the ropes now...going off the ropes himself...
Body: Lesnar and Austin clotheslined each other! Now both combatants are down, but for how long?
Megan: Not very... they're starting to squirm... what the hell?
Body: That's the Asylum! The Hell's Asylum coming towards the ring!
Megan: And they seem to want to take advantage of this situation! Nexus and Grind pulling the form of Austin out of the ring, and it looks like a group beat down is... HOLY...
Body: BROCK LESNAR WITH A SUICIDE DIVE RIGHT AT THE ASYLUM! All the Asylum members are down now... and Lesnar is helping up Austin!
Megan: I think that Lesnar is saying that they should deal with the Asylum before continuing the match! Austin and Lesnar now fighting back-to-back... and are cleaning house with the Asylum!
Body: And Nexus going into the ring now, that may be a smart move!
Megan: Well the rest of the Asylum running like Scalded Dogs at this... Austin and Lesnar grinning at seeing Nexus in the ring...
Body: They have something planned, I know it...
Megan: Indeed they do... Austin with a Stunner... into Lesnar's waiting arms... and there's an F5!
Body: If the Asylum had plans of ruining this bout, they've been deterred by this temporary team of Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Next Big Thing, Brock Lesnar!
Megan: I didn't hear a bell ring though Jesse, is this match still underway?
Body: I don't have the answer for that, the referee talking now... AUSTIN GETS LESNAR WITH A SURPRISE STUNNER OUT OF NOWHERE!
Megan: Apparently this match is continuing! Austin gets a cover onto Lesnar now!
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
THREE... NO!
Body: UNBELIEVABLE! LESNAR KICKED OUT JUST IN TIME AFTER THAT STUNNER! THIS MATCH IS STILL GOING ON!
Megan: I think that Austin is in shock at that! Brock Lesnar is still going strong after all that has happened thus far, and apparently wants even more!
Body: Austin's got to be going into desperation mode now, because he's going behind Lesnar... and he locks in the Million Dollar Dream!
Megan: That modified version of the sleeper locked in tight onto Brock Lesnar, and this could be what spells the end for him. Lesnar powering up to his feet though... look at him hold Austin up like that!
Body: And Lesnar pulling himself AND Austin to the corner, and climbs up the turnbuckles... pushes back... Austin's pinned!
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
Austin lets go of the hold to save himself!
Megan: Austin surprised how close he was to losing the match right there, and is gonna make sure that doesn't happen again. Lesnar holding his throat... Austin going in...
Body: UNBELIEVABLE! Brock Lesnar just dropkicked Austin right in the mouth, and Austin seems to be down and out! But why is Lesnar pointing to the corner?
Megan: If I remember Lesnar's match with Fasha, I know what this is all about. Lesnar climbing up to the top rope... and goes off... SHOOTING STAR PRESS! Staying on for the cover now!
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
THRE... NO! ANOTHER KICKOUT BY AUSTIN!
Body: Damn, I don't think that there's anything either of these men won't try in this match to obtain a victory!
Megan: You're right about that Jesse, both men want this match badly. Lesnar picking Austin up to his feet now, Austin tries a punch, ducked by Lesnar...
Body: ROCK BOTTOM! Brock Lesnar hit Austin with the Rock's finisher! Lesnar staying on for the cover!
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
ANOTHER KICKOUT!
Megan: I don't know how much more either man has, but Lesnar is still getting up to his feet again, ready for something. Sending Austin into the ropes... no reversal... LOU THESZ PRESS! AND THERE'S THE PUNCHES!
Body: Austin going for his Spastic Elbow now, but Lesnar rolls out of the way! Lesnar waiting... going for a spear...
Megan: Austin dodging the spear, Lesnar turns, Kick... Stunner Attempt...
Body: LOOK AT THIS! Lesnar lifting Austin up in mid Stunner, onto his shoulders!
Megan: Lesnar holding Austin up... F5! AUSTIN HIT WITH THE F5... BUT BROCK SEEMS OUT TOO!
Body: I think Brock hit the back of his head when he delivered the move, but Lesnar's hand is on the chest of Austin!
Megan: The referee noticing this now... the count is on!
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
THREE!
Body: UNBELIEVABLE!
The referee picks up the hand of the form of Brock Lesnar, showing what Capetta is about to say.
Capetta: Ladies and Gentlemen, here is your winner, the WWE Champion, BROCK LESNAR!
Megan: And impressive show of athleticism by both Brock Lesnar and Steve Austin right there, but some quick thinking of Brock Lesnar gets him the win!
Body: Austin and Lesnar still down on the mat though... the referee trying to revive them... Lesnar the first to his feet now!
Megan: And now Austin getting up as well, realizing what just happened now...
Body: Lesnar being handed his title... and they're both staring down each other again. I don't know if Austin wants this fight to be over with yet!
Megan: Well Austin staring at Lesnar, Lesnar seems ready for anything...
In the ring, Austin looks around a bit... sighing softly... before extending his hand to Lesnar. Lesnar smirks, and accepts the handshake... before Austin breaks it and leaves the ring.
Megan: Austin showing he's a good sport about this for now, and has given Brock Lesnar his props for tonight!
Body: I never thought I would see such a thing from Stone Cold Steve Austin, but this is a moment I don't think either man will forget!
Megan: And now Brock Lesnar celebrating his win wearily. He fought a long and hard battle, and now the matter between Austin and Lesnar is settled... neither man has anything to be ashamed of.
Body: Though Austin may be upset about...
Megan: Wait a second Jesse... I'm getting word... we've caught up with Frosti and Savvy again!
Body: Those two are STILL fighting each other?
**************
This time, we open to a seedy trucker and biker bar just outside of Seattle.
Savvy rushes into the establishment, wild-eyed. "WHERE ARE YOU FROSTI!" she bellows. "You can't hide from meeeeeee..."
Two dozen bikers and truckers just stare at her in awe. "There's TWO of them!" one of the patrons hoots. "DAMN we're lucky tonight!"
With that, Frosti charges Savvy from behind and they crash into the jukebox, jarring it from the wall a bit, but not actually unplugging it. Frosti's face, chest and legs are bright red from the burns earlier, but she ignores the pain as she smashes Savvy's face through the glass on the jukebox, raking it across the shattered glass, giving Savvy a dozen tiny slices which cause her to squeal in pain. Desperately, she pushes back, grabs a beer bottle, and whacks Frosti over the head with it.
"Have a drink Frosti! Hell, this is practically your second home anyway..." she growls. "I'm surprised you haven't already gotten sloshed and taken home half the people in this bar!"
Frosti shakes off the blow to the head and tackles Savvy into--
"ALL RIGHT!!!!!! Mud wrestling!" a voice from the crowd shouts as the sisters tumble into a mudwrestling pit in the center of the bar floor.
"Mud wrestling?" the barkeep protests. "That isn't until Friday--!" But he stops short when Savvy starts stripping Frosti of her tights. "Never mind."
...let the bodies hit the floor...
...let the bodies hit the floor...
...let the bodies hit the floor...
...let the bodies hit the ... ... ... ...
FLOOOO-OOOOOOOR!!!!!!!!!!
"Bodies" by Drowning Pool starts playing over the jukebox as Savvy triumphantly hoists Frosti's tights in the air. She smirks at the irony of the song blaring over the speakers in the bar. Frosti growls and tackles Savvy, grabbing for the waistband of her tights to try and return the favor, but Savvy kicks away and sweep kicks Frosti off her feet. Dragging her through the mud, she sneers to the crowd, "You wanna see the rest of her?!" Savvy locks in the Sharpshooter, which has in this situation the additional effect of potentially drowning Frosti in the mud, but only holds the submission for a few seconds before releasing it and putting her now gagging sister in a chokehold.
"Thank God for the thong!" one of the spectators howls as Frosti fights her way out of the chokehold and bends over to pick up Savvy for a Spinebuster. Frosti looks back to the crowd of bikers and truckers staring at her ass and gives them the finger while slamming her sister's back into the mud, splattering it everywhere.
She leans down to start choking Savvy, and soon they are rolling around in the mud, throttling each other and trying to stuff mud down each others' throats. Before long, both of them are stripped of their tops, but fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your point of view) the mud is so thick on both of them that nothing can be seen anyway. Frosti tries using the Icy Mist to stun Savvy, but it comes to little effect due to the fact that both of them have so much mud in their eyes anyway.
Frosti finally gets free of the grapple and rushes out the door, covering herself with one arm and shoving whistling truckers out of her way with the other. Savvy growls and chases after her, not bothering to cover herself, as she apparently realizes that the thick mud is covering her enough anyway.
Frosti is half-limping, half-running to a tractor trailer that is about to take off, waving with her free hand. It obviously is enough to convince the driver to stop. "Well... it looks like it's my lucky night," the driver says with a chuckle.
"Just shut the fuck up and drive--!" Frosti rasps.
"No need to get hostile miss, I just-- AUUUUGGHHH!!!" The driver's door opens and a pair of bloodied, mud splattered arms reaches to yank him out. Savvy looks to Frosti, who is already struggling to get out of the truck, and shakes her head.
"Nuh-uh, sis," she growls. "We're finishing this RIGHT NOW!" With that, she puts the tractor trailer in gear and stomps the accelerator.
"Are you FUCKING INSANE!" Frosti shrieks. "You're gonna kill both of us!"
Frosti grabs the wheel and tries to wrest control from Savvy, and in the struggle, they see that they are on a collision course with the twenty or so parked tractor trailers.
Simultaneously, both of them cry together, "OHHHHHHHH SHIT!!!!!!!!!"
The referee arrives at the scene in a taxi just in time to see the crash. It is spectacular, but given that it was only at 27 mph, it's not total destruction. Still, he rushes to the scene, checking first to see if Frosti and Savvy are still alive, which they are, by some miracle.
"Holy fuck," the ref whispers. "Um... okay... they're both out..." He starts counting, a little shell shocked.
1 . . . . 2 . . . . 3 . . . . 4 . . . . 5 . . . . 6 . . . . 7 . . . . 8 . . . . 9 . . . . 10
"They're uh... they're both still out," he says quietly to the camera. "Should I call an ambulance?"
DOUBLE K.O. -- DRAW MATCH
* * *
We cut back to find Megan and Jesse surprised at what they saw.
Megan: Damn, those two girls nearly killed each other, just to get a victory over the other. And yet it became a double K.O.!
Body: And if that weren't enough, we still have a World Championship match to get to after this!
Megan: Well after this, we'll get to that very match! It's coming up next!
***
The commercial begins, opening to a generic arena. Scene switch to the inside, as we see Triple H (!) walk down the hallway, dressed in casual attire and his Iron Cross T-shirt. He turns a corner-- and there's Eighteen! The two pause... staring at each other with a seering intensity.
"What the hell do YOU want?!" Triple H asks Eighteen. Before Eighteen can answer though, we suddenly see a list of choices appear below the screen!
1. I want to wish you luck!
2. I want to kick your ass!
3. Nothing, really.
(X) = CONTINUE
NOW WITH THIRTY-TWO OF THE EAW'S BRIGHTEST SUPERSTARS! RE-ENACT THE EAW/WWE HOLY WARS RIGHT IN YOUR OWN LIVING ROOM!!
The commercial ends with Eighteen adjusting her gloves as she looks to Triple H, whose legs are sticking out of a wall.
"I want you to stop the damn necrophilia," she says softly, before turning to leave.
"... Mommy...?" Triple H eeps.
RATED "T" FOR TEEN!
***
Back to the action, as we see Megan and "The Body" at ringside.
Megan: Well, we've seen everything tonight! Tremendous match-ups! The shocking return of... of... *sigh* Ryokami! But we finally got through the night! And now it's time for our main event!!
Body: Absolutely!
We go to the ring, where Michael Buffer waits.
Buffer: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time for the Main Event of the Evening! Tonight, two competitors, different in their own ways, will both go out to obtain the same goal. They will wrestle in this ring for their dream, to walk out of the Key Arena as the EAW HEAVYWEIGHT...CHAMPION...OF THE WORLD! ARE YOU READY?
The crowd cheers loudly, showing they're ready.
Buffer: Wrestling fans...ARE....YOU...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREADY?
Even LOUDER cheers this time.
Buffer: Then for the thousands in attendance, and to the millions watching around the world...ladies and gentlemen...LLLLLLLLLLLLLETS GET READY TO RUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBLLLLEEEEEEEEEE!
Body: This is the night we've been waiting for and--
Suddenly, "Sexy Boy" cues up, complete with Titantron video!!
Body: What the--?!
But instead of Shawn Michaels, out comes... Michael Connelly! Dressed up as the Heartbreak Kid himself, complete with tights that have crosses instead of hearts on them and Kelly Connelly dressed up as "Big Daddy Cool" Diesel, Michael dances and struts his way to the ring, playing the part of the Boy Toy himself!
Megan: Well, it IS Hallowen! ^_^ And Michael Connelly's cosplay is certainly doing the Heartbreak Kid himself justice!
Buffer: Introducing first, the champion. Being accompanied to the ringside area by his cousin and manager, Kelly Connelly-Flair...he stands 6'2" tall and weighs in tonight at 235 pounds. He hails from Mars, Pennsylvania. Since the inception of EAW, this man has stood tall as a cornerstone for the company. Over the past 3 years, he has earned almost every title in the company, capping it all off with winning the top belt this past June in a grueling submission match. Tonight, he fights to keep his position as the main star in EAW today. He is the master of the Condition Red and the Red Tape. He is the current, and reigning, EAW Heavyweight....Champion of the WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD...ladies and gentlemen, "Code Red" Michaaaaaaaaaaaaael A. Cooooooonnnnnnnnneeeeeeelllllly!
As Buffer does his announcements, the fans cheer out as HBMikey hops into the ring, spinning around with his arms out, then stops, posing and flexing for the camera as pyros go off behind him. He flings the cap he wears to the crowd and begins to remove the entrance gear as "Sexy Boy" fades out...
Megan: Kelly now, picking up a mic... what's she goin to say here?
"Before we start, I'd like to announce a special guest timekeeper..." she says. "Ladies and gentlemen, the greatest EAW Superstar of them all next to my cousin... DAVID FLAIR!!!!"
Megan: WHAT?!
Body: Well, this is definitely shocking!
"Superstar" cues up! David Flair comes out to the ring and smiles like he's eaten the proverbial canary, the crowd booing as he heads to ringside.
Megan: Michael's shocked! He looks pretty suspicious... uh, wait! Look up on the Jumbotron! That's... those are the gravestones of Lydia and Christopher Weiss! They're marked as Jane and John Doe for now... what is...
"Lydia... Christopher..." Eighteen's voice speaks out over the PA. "... Tonight, I fight for you. In your memory. I will not give in. I will not surrender. I will do whatever I can to win the World Title... to earn the money from my winning it to make gravestones that fit the both of you. Michael Connelly, you will not crush my dreams. You will not bury my hopes. You will not break my promise to Lydia and Christopher's parents. Tonight, Michael Anthony Connelly... YOU are the enemy. Tonight you stand in the way of not only winning the EAW World Title... but in the way of finally putting to rest the tortured souls of Lydia and Christopher Weiss. I don't expect you to lay down for me... but I do expect you to be destroyed by me. For them... for her... you will fall."
As "Shock" cues up, the fans suddenly cheer out a bit louder than they did for Michael! Then--
THOOOMMM!!!!!
The dome-sized explosion rips through the stage!! Eighteen stands in the middle, energy crackling about her body as she stares straight at Michael Connelly, then heads down the aisle.
Buffer: And ladies and gentlemen... his opponent! Standing at 5'8" and weighing in at 125 pounds. She hails from the Red Ribbon army. She is a one woman engine of mass destruction! Created for world domination but making her own destiny, she has proved all critics wrong and stands proud against all adversity! Tonight, she goes out not only to go for the title, but to honor the memory of those sacrificed to make her and her brother. She is the master of the Wreckoner and the Hurt Conveyor...and is the Number One Contender for the evening...Ladies and gentlemen... the Digimortal... EEEEEIIIIIGHHHTEEEEENNNNNN!!!!!
Megan: What an impressive entrance by the Digimortal! But what was that at the beginning? Mind games of Eighteen? To try to throw Code Red off his game perhaps?
Body: Who knows! Michael Connelly doesn't seem unfazed by it... Eighteen slides in--
Megan: AND EIGHTEEN WASTING NO TIME!!! GRABBING CONNELLY AND THROWING HIM DOWN TO THE MAT!! DAVE HEBNER'S CALLED FOR THE BELL!!! LET'S GO!!
Megan: Michael kippups! Grabs at Eighteen--but Eighteen sidesteps! FOREARM SHOTS TO THE BACK OF CODE RED'S HEAD! MICHAEL-- OHH! BACK KICK TO EIGHTEEN'S GUT! SPINNING BACK KICK--NO! EIGHTEEN CATCHES IT!! SPINS HIM AROUND AND-- REVERSE FACTOR!! Eighteen looking to dominate quickly... wait, Eighteen's just noticed David Flair! Eighteen and Flair trading insults and... CONNELLY UP ON THE ROPES!! HIGH CRESCENT KICKOFF THE ROPES!!!! EIGHTEEN'S CLOCKED!! Michael picks her up... whips her-- CHEST-FIRST INTO THE CORNER! AND AXE KICK!!! HEEL-FOCUSED ACROSS THE BACK!!!
Body: I just noticed... that design on the back of Eighteen's vest is gold colored. She must be aiming pretty high tonight!
Megan: Michael now... emulating HBK a bit with some cocky poses... and-- oohhh, boy! Eighteen just turned around! She looks more pissed than hurt! AND-- TAE KWON-DO JUMP KICK JUST FLOORS CONNELLY ON THE SPOT!!! What a STIFF kick from the Blonde Bombshell!!
Body: Shades of that Tajiri guy who's in the WWE nowadays!
Megan: Absolutely! Eighteen grabs-- NO! MICHAEL KICKS HER AWAY! GRABS EIGHTEEN AND-- BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!!! SHADES OF KIRK ANGEL THERE! BUT EIGHTEEN ROLLS TO HER FEET! MICHAEL RUNS OVER GRABS EIGHTEEN, WHIPS-- NO, COUNTER! TO THE CORNER! CONNELLY RECOVERS QUICKLY, RUNS AT EIGHTEEN-- EIGHTEEN JUMPS OVER HIM, TURNS, GRABS-- COUNTER BY CONNELLY-- RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX!!!! Wow! Fast and furious action tonight!! Michael up on the top rope! MICHAEL-SAULT!! IMPACT-- EIGHTEEN CAUGHT MICHAEL!!!! AND-- IS PICKING HIM UP BY THE WAIST!!! THROWS HIM UP ONTO HER SHOULDERS!!!! AND-- BYTE BLOCK!!!!! WHAT A FRIGHTENING SHOW OF POWER!!! COVER BY EIGHTEEN!!
1!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2!!
.
Megan: NO! MICHAEL KICKS OUT!
Body: Damn! That was... that was impressive, Megan! Eighteen's definetly one strong gal!
Megan: Indeed!! Eighteen picks Michael up-- MICHAEL COUNTERS-- GERMAN SUPLEX!!!! DOWN GOES EIGHTEEN!!! Connelly now, whips Eighteen chest-first to the corner again! Set her up... SPIDER SUPLEX!! EIGHTEEN-- KIPPUPS!! MICHAEL WITH ANOTHER MICHAEL-SAULT-- CONNECTS!! EIGHTEEN TRIED TO CATCH HIM AGAIN BUT FAILED!! CONNELLY NOW... WHIPS EIGHTEEN-- NO! SHORT ARM-- TILT-A-WHIRL SIDE SLAM!! Code Red... SWINGING NECKBREAKER!!! Connelly now, whipping Eighteen to the corner... and... SNAKE EYES BY CODE RED!! And... is it just me or is Connelly beginning to be booed?! o_O;
Body: ... I think he is!! And those cheers for Eighteen!
Megan: NOW I see!!! That video at the beginning! It was all to get the fans on Eighteen's side!!! Ingenious!! And Connelly's looking a little confused at the moment! But goes back to work... CONNELLY WITH A T-BONE SUPLEX!! Eighteen-- GETS UP!!! GRABS CONNELLY BY THE NECK! THROWS HIM TO THE CORNER!! AND LISTEN TO THE CHEERS!!!! HAS EIGHTEEN ARRIVED?! SHE GOES NOW... LOCKING CONNELLY INTO THE TREE OF WOE!! KICKS TO THE MIDSECTION! EIGHTEEN NOW... GRABS MICHAEL BY THE LEGS!!! LIFTS HIM UP OVER HER SHOULDERS-- WICKED ELECTRIC CHAIR SUPLEX!!!!! EIGHTEEN UP ON THE TOP ROPE!! AND-- MOONSULT-- NO! CONNELLY ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!! AND EIGHTEEN REVERSE KIPPUPS TO HER FEET! GRABS CONNELLY UP! WHIPS HIM TO THE CORNER!! EIGHTEEN CHARGES!! CLOTHESLINE!!! THROWN DOWN TO THE MAT!! EIGHTEEN UP ON THE TOP ROPE-- SPLIT-LEGGED MOONSAULT! COVER!!
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Megan: NO! MICHAEL KICKS OUT BEFORE THE THREE COUNT! Connelly showing the resiliancy of a champion! He gets up-- EIGHTEEN GETS UP QUICKER-- OHMYGOD!!!! WICKED CLOTHESLINE TURNS CONNELLY ALMOST INSIDE-OUT!!!! Eighteen jawjacking with David Flair before... OH, RAINING PUNCHES DOWN ON CONNELLY'S HEAD!!! Pickup by Eighteen... kick to the gut! Clothesline-- DUCKED BY CONNELLY! AND CONNELLY DASHES OUT OF THE RING! TAUNTING EIGHTEEN! EIGHTEEN GIVES CHASE! THEY'RE DASHING AROUND THE RING! CONNELLY SLIDES BACK IN AND-- ELBOW DROP ONTO EIGHTEEN! PICK UP BY CONNELLY-- SUPLEX!! And... shades of HBK, laying across the top rope! The fans don't seem to appreciate his laid-back attitude even if he's acting like HBK... Eighteen's glaring at Connelly!! Michael jumps back into the ring and charges at Eighteen, EIGHTEEN CHARGES BACK-- OHHH!!!!! WICKED WICKED SPEAR FROM EIGHTEEN!!!!!! AND MORE PUNCHES TO CONNELLY'S HEAD!!!! EIGHTEEN SLAMMING HIS HEAD TO THE MAT!! SHE'S SCREAMING AT HIM...
"STOP PLAYING WITH ME, DAMMIT!!!! THIS ISN'T A GAME!!!!!"
Megan: o_O; Eighteen all business here tonight!
Body: Absolutely! She's come not to play dress-up! She's here to fight! And win!!
Megan: Eighteen now, grabs the woozy Connelly... up-- AND A SCOOP SLAM!! Pick up-- CONNELLY DUCKS THE CLOTHESLINE! BUT NOT THAT FLYING CROSS CHOP!!! MICHAEL ROLLS TO HIS FEET THOUGH-- EIGHTEEN CHARGES IN! MICHAEL RE-DIRECTS HER INTO THE CORNER! FOLLOWS THROUGH-- MONKEY FLIP BY THE CHAMPION! EIGHTEEN ROLLS TO HER FEET!! CONNELLY CHARGES IN-- EIGHTEEN-- HURT CONVEYOR!!!!! HURT CONVEYOR!!!! EIGHTEEN PINS! NEW CHAMPION?!!
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THR--!!!
Megan: NO!!! MICHAEL KICKS OUT JUST BEFORE THE THREE!!!!! Eighteen's insenced!! Grabs the stunned Connelly-- AND-- WRECKONER!!!!!! MY GOD THE WRECKONER, WITH AUTHORITY!!!!! PINS!!
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THR--!!!
Megan: NNOOO!!!! MICHAEL JUST BARELY GETS A SHOULDER UP!!! EIGHTEEN CAN'T BELIEVE IT! NEITHER CAN THE FANS!!!! KELLY'S ALL TENSE! SHE'S SEEING THE WORLD TITLE SLIP FROM HER COUSIN'S GRASP RIGHT BEFORE HER VERY EYES!!! Eighteen gets up and grabs Connelly... FRONT DROPKICK!! Eighteen now... with a standing leg lock!!! Putting pressure on Connelly's left leg! Connelly.. GRABS THE ROPES!!! Hebner counts and Eighteen releases the hold! She pulls Connelly from the ropes and... SLEEPER WITH SCISSORS!! Hebner checks Connelly... it looks like he's fading fast! Hebner picks up his arm... if it drops three times...
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Mega: NO! CONNELLY'S GOT THE ARM UP!! HE'S FIGHTING TO BREAK FREE!! AND... PUNCHES TO EIGHTEEN'S FACE! ONCE! TWICE! THREE TIMES AND EIGHTEEN LETS GO!! Eighteen grabs Connelly though! WHIPS HIM TO THE ROPES AND-- TILT-A-WHIRL SLAM!!! Eighteen has overpowered the champion thus far!!! Eighteen now... stretch muffler? NO!! WHIPLASH SCREW!!!!!! WHAT POWER BY THE DIGIMORTAL!!! Eighteen now, up to the top rope!! Waiting for Connelly to get up and-- FLIPPING NECKBREAKER OFF THE TOP ROPE!!! Eighteen sensing victory, it looks like! Eighteen picks up Connelly-- KICK TO THE GUT-- NO! CONNELLY BLOCKS! SPINS HER AROUND-- HOOKS THE ARMS-- CONDITION RED-- NO!!! DOUBLE-UNDERHOOK PILEDRIVER!!!! BG HYDE'S OLD FINISHER!!!!
Body: And Eighteen's cherry has been popped!!!
Megan: Ugh... a desperation move by Connelly! Both him and Eighteen are down on the mat! Hebner now, issuing the ten count...
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EIG--!!!!!!!!
Megan: EIGHTEEN KIPPUPS TO HER FEET!!!!!!! SHOWING THAT MONSTROUSLY INHUMAN STAMINA SHE HAS!!!! MICHAEL'S JUST NOW GETTING UP!!! EIGHTEEN GRABS CONNELLY-- NO!!! CONNELLY TRIPS EIGHTEEN!!! AND-- LOCKS IN THE STF!!!! EIGHTEEN STRUGGLES... POWERS OUT!!! EIGHTEEN GRABS CONNELLY!!! CONNELLY WHIPS EIGHTEEN TO THE CORNER!!! LEAPFROGS OVER HER TO THE TOP!!! AND-- FROG SPLASH!!!!! CONNELLY FOR THE WIN--
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Megan: NO! EIGHTEEN GETS A SHOULDER UP!!! Connelly staggers up... sizing Eighteen up... and-- BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!!!! EIGHTEN LANDS ON HER FEET!!!! CONNELLY TURNS AROUND AND-- WRECKONER!!!!!! ANOTHER WRECKONER!!!!! EIGHTEEN WITH THE PIN!!!!!
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THR--!!!
Megan: KELLY JUST YANKED EIGHTEEN OFF OF CONNELLY AND TO THE OUTSIDE AND-- AGH!!!!!! EIGHTEEN CLOTHESLINES KELLY VICIOUSLY HARD FOR HER TROUBLES!!!! FLAIR GRABS A CHAIR!!! SMACKS IT INTO EIGHTEEN'S BACK AND she just ignores it--! o_o;
Body: Eighteen's looking at Flair! David's now pleading the fifth!! He's backing off!! But--
Megan: Eighteen wisely sliding back into the ring before she's counted out!! AND CONNELLY MEETS HER WITH A CLOTHESLINE!!! And now he looks to Kelly... I think he's put two-and-two together! He grabs Eighteen up! PUNCH TO THE GUT! SIDE SUPLEX!!! And now-- KUMO NO AMIMONO!!!!!!! CONNELLY WITH THE KUMO NO AMIMONO LOCKED IN!!!!! EIGHTEEN'S SCREAMING IN PAIN!!! TRYING HARD TO COUNTER THIS MOVE!!!! BUT WILL EIGHTEEN TAP?! WILL HER DREAMS OF FINALLY LAYING HER TEMPLATE TO REST BE DASHED?!! SHE-- O_O!!
Body: HOLY--!!!
Megan: EIGHTEEN JUST YANKED HER LEGS DOWN!! AND SLAMMED MICHAEL TO THE MAT FACE-FIRST IN THE PROCESS!!!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!!! Eighteen staggers up to her feet as does Connelly! Eighteen-- BEARHUG FRONT SLAM!!!! And Eighteen... signalling the end of the match with that thumb across the throat!! But Connelly's already kicked out of two Wreckoners and the Hurt Conveyor!! What more does she have left!! Eighteen grabs Connelly! Pushes him back! Kick to the gut and-- ... o_O!!! STONE COLD STUNNER?!!!
Body: A PAGE OUT OF AUSTIN'S PLAYBOOK!!!! AND THIS ARENA'S COME UNGLUED!!!! NO ONE EXPECTED THIS FROM HER!!!
Megan: EIGHTEEN WITH THE PIN! WILL THIS DO IT?!!
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THREE!!!
Megan: SHE DID IT!!!!! EIGHTEEN DID IT!!!!!! AN EXTREMELY HARD FOUGHT MATCH FROM BOTH CHALLENGER AND CHAMPION!!!! AND EIGHTEEN IS NOW THE NEW EAW WORLD CHAMPION!!!!!
Body: Connelly just recovered! He... he looks shocked! Just like Eighteen's theme song! He's felt a shock to the system!!! Connelly looks like he might hit Eighteen!!! Heel turn maybe?! The fans sure booed him pretty much!
Megan: Connelly up... yanking the title belt from Hebner! He looks at it... and at Eighteen... and... yes! A true sportsman! Giving Eighteen the title belt!! And they hug!! The passing of the torch by Michael Connelly to Eighteen!!! Connelly now, seeing to Kelly who's just recovering! David staring up at Eighteen... choosing to leave quickly... Connelly and Kelly both leaving too... Eighteen has done it, folks! Her dreams are fulfilled! And--
Suddenly, "Astonishing Panorama of the Endtimes" cues up!!
Body: Uh, oh...
Megan: ...
Out comes Ryokami himself as the fans boo him heavily! He stands on the stage and golf claps at Eighteen's stellar victory.
Megan: What the hell does that... that... MONSTER want from Eighteen?!!!
Body: Whatever it is, it can't be good!
Ryokami then pulls a mic from his vest and addresses the crowd.
"... Congratulations on your well-deserved victory, Eighteen! But it's not going to be the storybook ending this show is going to have... no no no no no..." Ryokami shakes his head. "No, you see... tonight... on All Hallow's Extreme... on Halloween, MY BIRTHDAY!!!! I!!!! Will be the EAW World Champion!!!! I WILL!!!! ME!!!!!!! NOT YOU!!!! ME!!!!!"
Megan: He's insane! Eighteen's already wrestled!! She's practically exhausted! She needs time to re-enerize!!
Ryokami smirks. "...If you do not give me a shot right now, Eighteen... well... have you wondered just where Crysta is? What happened to her?"
Megan: Yes, Crysta WAS conspicuious by her absence during this match...
Ryokami smiles... then looks up at the Jumbotron. "SHOW HER!!"
The Jumbotron comes on, showing... Crysta, her hands and feet impaled by hooked chains, crying as Nexus, Stigmata, Anette, Grind, and Leatherstitch are all around her, her business suit in tatters.
Megan: Oh my God!
Body: Ryokami's blackmailing Eighteen!
"Now, if you don't give me a title match right now... I will instruct my Hell's Asylum to destroy Crysta! They will rip her to pieces! They will make her scream!! They will crush her skull and you will lose her!! FOREVER!!!!! And THEN!! And then, I'll find your daughter, Eighteen... oh yes... I'll find Marron... and I'll feed her to Anette and Grind... can you imagine it?"
Megan: That SICK--
"The way she'll shriek as they devour her? As they eat her alive?! I can.... oh, such a vivid imagination I have--"
"STOP!!!!" Eighteen cries out... tears staining her face as she glares at Ryokami. "If... if I give you the shot now... promise me you'll let Crysta go! Promise me you won't kill my daughter!! GIVE ME YOUR WORD!!!"
Megan: Don't give in to his demands, Eighteen!!!
Body: She doesn't have much a choice right now... he's holding all the cards!
Ryokami smiles devilishly, then nods. "I give you my word. Now give me a shot in return."
"You got it!! COME AND GET IT!!!"
Megan: No!! Ryokami drops the mic and runs into the ring!!! EIGHTEEN CHARGES HIM!!! RYOKAMI-- AAHH!! FLAPJACK BY RYOKAMI!!!! HEBNER CALLS FOR THE BELL!!! NO!! THIS MATCH SHOULDN'T HAPPEN!!!
Megan: Ryokami picks Eighteen up! And... CLUBS HER BACK DOWN!!! This isn't fair! Ryokami's a fresh man and Eighteen's just fought a hard match already!! Ryokami grabs up Eighteen-- EIGHTEEN COUNTERS! THROWS RYOKAMI TO THE MAT!! BUT RYOKAMI KIPPUPS!!! AND EIGHTEEN CLOTHESLINES HIM BACK DOWN!!! RYOKAMI KIPPUPS AGAIN!!!! KICK BY RYOKAMI--EIGHTEEN CATCHES IT!!! AND-- TRAP-PLEX!!!! YES!! ^_^
Body: Eighteen's still got some fight left!! But we don't know if Ryokami's kept his word about Crysta yet!!
Megan: Eighteen picks Ryokami up! RYOKAMI COUNTERS! ELBOW TO THE BACK OF HER HEAD!!! Ryokami grabs her! Whips her to the corner-- CLOTHESLINE! TO A BULLDOG!! EIGHTEEN SPRINGS UP!!! GRABS RYOKAMI AND THROWS HIM INTO THE CORNER!!! GRABS HIM BY THE THROAT AND-- oohhhh, CHOKESLAM TO THE OUTSIDE!!!!!! BUT RYOKAMI GETS UP QUICKLY!!! BODY PUNCH BY THE ANTI-SAVIOR!! THROWS EIGHTEEN BACK INTO THE RING! CLIMBS IN WITH HER AND-- SCOOP SLAM!! EIGHTEEN SPRINGS BACK UP! GRABS RYOKAMI BY THE HEAD!! SLAMS IT TO THE TURNBUCKLE--
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Megan: AND RYOKAMI IS REELING!! ROUNDHOUSE DROPKICK TO THE BACK OF HIS HEAD!! RYOKAMI-- OHH!!! BACK UP WITH A CLOTHESLINE!!!! RUN TO THE TOP ROPE AND-- LEG DROP OFF THE TOP ROPE ACROSS EIGHTEEN'S THROAT-- EIGHTEEN CAUGHT THE LEG!!! THROATS RYOKAMI UP! AND-- MODIFIED FLAPJACK!!! And Eighteen with the pin!!
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Megan: DAMN! RYOKAMI KICKS OUT! Eighteen grabs Ryokami-- BEARHUG FRONT SLAM!! Ryokami gets up... OH! CHARGES EIGHTEEN! CLOTHESLINE SENDS HER DOWN TO ONE KNEE! ANOTHER CLOTHESLINE KNOCKS HER DOWN!! Ryokami picks her up... and-- PLANTS HER FACE-DOWN INTO THE MAT!!!! Ryokami's not letting up... picks Eighteen up and-- SHORTARM CLOTHESLINE!! EIGHTEEN KIPPUPS!! ROUNDHOUSE DROPKICK TO RYOKAMI'S HEAD!!! O_O! IT DOESN'T FAZE HIM! RYOKAMI GRABS HER! KICKS HER IN THE GUT-- NO! TENKA SAISHUU!!!!!! NO! DAMMIT!! RYOKAMI WITH THE PIN!
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THR--!!
Megn: YES! THANK GOD EIGHEEN GOT A FOOT ON THE ROPES!!!! Ryokami loks angered... picks Eighteen up-- CRADLE PILEDRIVER!! Eighteen staggers up-- GRABS RYOKAMI'S THROAT!!! AND-- VICESLAM!!!! GRABS HIS LEGS!! FLIPS HIM UP-- MODIFIED HURT CONVEYOR!!! EIGHTEEN PINS!!
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THR--!!
Megan: COME ON!!!!! RYOKAMI GETS A SHOULDER UP!!! EIGHTEEN GRABS RYOKAMI-- DAMMIT, RYOKAMI COUNTERS-- SPINWHIRL FACEBUSTER!!!!! RYOKAMI... he's laughing... that sick monster is laughing! Grabs Eighteen... EIGHTEEN SHOVES HIM BACK! GRABS HIS THROAT--YES!!! WRECKONER!! WRECKONER!!! Eighteen picks him up though!! This might be a mistake! Wait... WAIT, SHE LOCKS ON THE CONSTRICTOR!!! BUT-- NO! RYOKAMI'S TOO CLOSE TO THE ROPES!!! FIVE COUNT ADMINISTERED AND EIGHTEEN LETS GO!! Eighteen gets ready for another Wreckoner... lunges-- Ryokami dodges-- NO!!! KAJAKU TSUME!!!!! THE MANIBLE CLAW'S LOCKED IN!!!!! EIGHTEEN COLLAPSES!!! THE REF-- NO! DON'T COUNT HER SHOULDERS!!!!
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THR-!!!
The lights suddenly go out!
Megan: Wha--?!
Body: What th--
STAND BACK!!
THERE'S A HURRICANE COMING THROUGH!!
"Dare" cues up! And the lights come back on!
Mega: O_O! THE HURRICANE!!!! THE HURRICANE'S BEHIND RYOKAMI!!! RYOKAMI HAS THE HOLD RELEASED!! HE DOESN'T SEE HURRICANE AND-- HURRICANE HAS HIM!!! HURRICHOKESLAM-- MY GOD!!!! THE RING IS-- THE RING JUST COLLAPSED!!! IT'S DESTROYED!!!! HURRICANE MUST BE USING HIS FULL POWERS!!!! HEBNER MANAGES TO CALL FOR THE BELL! RYOKAMI WINS THIS MATCH VIA DQ, BUT EIGHTEEN RETAINS THE TITLE!!!
Body: I ain't seen anything like this in all my days ANYWHERE, Megan!!
Megan: Ryokami's up! He staggers back! His Hell's Asylum just showed up to help him escape!! Folks, we are fresh out of time!!! We have to sign off!! For Jesse "The Body" Ventura, this is Megan Eko!! Ryokami's back! God help us all!!!!
™ & © EAW Inc., 2002