The EAW Tuesday Night Mayhem opening starts up... After which a clip is shown of Tatum's interference in the Hardcore Title Match on Friday's Riot Rulz, where EAW Booker Kevin Tatum showed up and screwed Sonnette out of her Hardcore Title as she was defending it against Sargeant Loco.

After which we cut the announcers desk, where Joey Styles and "The Prince" Bobby Marshall are seated.

JS: That was from just this Friday where Tatum upheld the Hardcore Title. He declared it vacant and is setting up a match for All Hallows Extreme to crown a new Hardcore Champion. This is yet another instance of the drunk-with-power Tatum abusing his position. Strangely, he doesn't seem to have any favorites, and seems to pick on people at random to screw for his own amusement.

BM: And Joey runs at the mouth yet again...Tatum's just having a little fun. Sure, it's been at a few people's expense, but that's just his way of shaking things up around here.

JS: What? I THINK you were just trying to justify his actions, but I still don't quite get the point you're trying to make!!

BM: Don't think too hard, Styles, you might hurt your head.

"War" by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony begins to play over the PA system as T-Bone makes his entrance. The wolf-man isn't wearing the shirt that Nova had made, but is instead wearing a white armband around his massive left bicep with the anti-Tatum logo.

JS: Perhaps a sign of things to come--the entire Red Tooth and Claw team has joined Nova's cause . That is, to force Booker Tatum to change...or get his ass FIRED!!

BM: Ingrates...

JS: Ingrates?! What has Tatum ever done for them?

BM: He's booked them in some of the finest matches EAW has ever seen!!

JS: And he deserves the credit for that?! Sounds like that goes more for the actual ATHLETES involved in those contests.

BM: That's why you were rotting in ECW for so long hocking coins on the side to make ends meet, Styles.

"Take A Look Around" by Limp Bizkit (MI:2 Theme) begins to play, a fe w moments of delay later, out runs Shane Hardy. He poses on the ramp for a moment before sprinting down the ramp and sliding into the ring, going straight for T-Bone.

*ding, ding*

JS: The bell rings, and this match is ON! Shane Hardy wailing away on T-Bone. Whip to the ropes...leapfrog over by T-Bone. T-Bone grabs the ropes...Shane charges in to try to grab T-Bone and take advantage, reverse elbow by T-Bone...follow up with a Discus Punch!!

BM: AHHHHH!!! Shane Hardy knocked down!

JS: T-Bone reaches down for Shane's ankle...kicked away, Shane rolls through and...SPRINGS BACK UP TO HIS FEET! T-Bone on the attack...roll by Shane...ONE COUNT ONLY!! Both of them back up...Shane swings wild...PARRYED by T-Bone...ROUNDHOUSE ATTEMPT!! NO!!! T-BONE CATCHES THAT AS WELL!! T-Bone picks up Shane...DOWN with an Inverted Half Atomic Drop!!

BM: He may have broke his cocsip...coxy...er..COCCYX!!

JS: Umm....okay, Bobby.

BM: Okay, I'm not a bone doctor, so sue me.

JS: Whatever it was, T-Bone hurt something with that move. T-Bone is dragging Shane Hardy square with the turnbuckle, and he may be trying to set him up for a high-risk move.

BM: Shane is still feeling the effects of that...uh...Coccyx-Buster. He has his hands between his legs and by the expression on his face he's either trying to impersonate Michael Jackson or is doing something that should NOT be done in a wrestling ring.

As Marshall is having a few laughs at Shane's expense, T-Bone begins to climb up top with his back facing the inside of the ring...apparently looking for a...

JS: Could this be a moonsault coming up from T-Bone? It's not really his style but...

Suddenly, Shane, who seems to have been playing possum, springs back to life and gets back up, grabbing T-Bone by his thick, bushy tail.

JS: Shane has T-Bone!! Shane has T-Bone!! He just jerked T-Bone off the turnbuckle by the tail!! Now switches to a Tiger Suplex Set-Up...Backslide attempt...T-Bone kicking wildly....tilts his body over...backslide attempt on Shane...one..two...Shane turns the tide...both men back up to their feet fighting for an advantage...T-Bone launches Shane over...he lands on his feet!!!

The crowd applauds that exchange. T-Bone and Shane see each other in a new light....

JS: T-Bone charges in...armdrag takeover by Shane...T-Bone goes for it again...Shane hooks T-Bone....twists him into the Shanekaze!!! He should go for the cover, but instead he's standing over him...and...starts yanking on T-Bone's tail again!! Shane's like a sadistic little kid, yanking on it like that! OH MY GOD!! Now he's kneeling on T-Bone's shoulders, almost like a Lion Tamer, except Shane's holding him by the tail rather than hooking his legs.

BM: If Shane doesn't rip it off, T-Bone'll be leaving the ring with it tucked between his legs anyhow. It's legal, though!

JS: Excellent point, Bobby! Hair pulling may be illegal in the EAW in standard matches, but TAILpulling is not. Nevertheless, this Philly crowd is giving Shane Hardy hell for it anyhow!

T-Bone starts to kick desperately, trying to break the hold.

JS: I've never seem a hold like this...and I mean it. How in the hell is T-Bone going to break free of this?

BM: He isn't...ring the bell!

JS: T-Bone is laying his legs flat, and is holding his heels together. No doubt in a last ditch effort to escape...and...BOOM!! BOTH FEET TO THE FACE OF SHANE HARDY!! HE DROPS T-BONE'S TAIL!! T-Bone springs back up, ignoring the pain in his ass...and going for that other pain in his ass...stiff elbow shots!! A kick to the midsection...cinches him up...and hoists him high up in the air..................AND DOWN!!! Shane getting up...ties up with T-Bone...who slips behind...COBRA CLUTCH into a CHOKESLAM!!! OH MY GOD!!! THE RAGNAROCK!!! ONE....TWO....THREE!!!!

WINNER BY PINFALL >>> T-Bone

JS: T-Bone pulls up an amazing win on the newcomer Shane Hardy! Shane almost pulled off an upset, however, through the use of questionable tactics.

BM: Yeah, I'll hand it to him, he almost beat Wolfie...but it's his fault for not going for the cover when he had a good chance of winning.

**Commercials**

"Back In The Days" by Trick Daddy cues up on the PA, and Booker T is the first to the ring for his Triple Threat Hardcore Match.

JS: Here comes a former Hardcore Champion, Booker T, making his way to the ring to face off against another former champ, Sonnette, and a recent EAW acquisition, Nova.

BM: *groans* Don't even mention that idiot to me. Tatum needs to show him just who wields the power around here.

The entrance video for Sonic Adventure starts up on the video monitor as "Wake Up" by Rage Against the Machine begins to play.

Out comes Sonnette sporting the Tatum "Be Fair or Be FIRED!!" t-shirt delivered to her by Nova. But she's also carrying a sign....

JS: (Reads) Tatum--can--kiss--my--spiky--black--ass. HAAA!! Tatum isn't here tonight as far as I know, but he can't be liking this!

BM: Oww-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-OWW!! That hurts just THINKING about. You know how bad it bleeds when you cut your lip shaving. Just what would *those* (referring to the spines going down Sonnette's back) do?!

JS: (laughing) Sonnette'd like to do a hell of a lot worse to Tatum than that.

"One Man Army" by Prodigy (Spawn Soundtrack) begins to play, and...

JS: Here is the man who officially started the movement himself--NOVA!!

Nova is, of course, sporting the same t-shirt as Sonnette. He's also carrying a sign, simply stating "Screw you, Tatum!"

BM: I don't quite get this guy. Tatum did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to him, and yet he's bitching and complaining about him.

JS: Nova just has a strong sense of what's right and what's wrong, and he wants to help rid the EAW of that corrupt bastard Tatum!

BM: STYLES!!

JS: I'm not gonna lie or cover up about it...Tatum is a corrupt cheating bastard and that's the damn truth!! He needs to learn to do his job right! Now let's do our jobs and call this match!

*ding, ding*

JS: And this match is on. Nova immediately goes to the attack on Booker T, and whips him to the ropes...ducks him on the return, Sonnette with a boot on the return...DDT!!!

BM: So THAT's Nova's game. He was getting on Sonnette's good side so that he could coast his way to a win. Nova's devious, isn't he?

JS: Nice try, Bobby....but I think Nova's sincere about this. And there's Nova with a few shots to Sonnette...whips her to the turnbuckle. Nova charges in...caught with an elbow by Sonnette...and is knocked into the grasp of Booker T, 110th Street Slam!!!

BM: Beat his ass, Booker!!

JS: Sonnette charges out the corner....turns Booker inside out with a clothesline!!! Booker gets back up...vertical suplex!! Now Sonnette drags Nova over next to Booker...runs to the ropes...ASAI MOONSAULT!! She skips going for the cover and drags Booker...

Sonnette climbs out of the ring, and with Booker flat on his back and his head dangling over the edge of the apron, she drops a leg across his throat.

JS: OH MY GOD!! Sonnette tries to decapitate Booker T!!! Booker's grabbing his throat in pain. Nova is starting to stir...

JS: Sonnette rips off one of the safety railings...and presses down with it on Booker's throat!!

Nova gets back up to his feet. He runs to the opposite ropes, bounces off...

JS: NOVA WITH A FLYING PLANCHA ON SONNETTE!!!

BM: Holy s***! Nova just landed on that steel guardrail AND Sonnette!!

JS: Nova took out Sonnette for the time being...I think that guardrail struck her in the forehead. Now Nova drags out Booker T...he splats on the mat.

BM: Now he's...uh-oh....he may be looking for a table!

JS: And he pulls one out!! Sonnette is back up though, and grabs Nova by the hair...SLAMS HIS HEAD INTO THE SIDE OF THE APRON!! Nova's down, and Sonnette has taken to setting up the table. Now Booker T is up...waiting for Sonnette to finish...

BM: TURN AROUND SONNETTE...because then...

Sonnette finishes setting up the table, then turns around and is caught in the grasp of Booker T, who puts her in his trademark...

JS: SIDEWALK SLAM THROUGH THE TABLE!!! OH MY GOD!!!! Booker T plants Sonnette square through the table!! Goes for the cover....one....two...NO!!! Just barely!

Booker gets up and climbs up on the apron, positioning himself between Sonnette and Nova, who conveniently begin to rise at approximately the same time.

JS: Booker T is lying in wait....DOUBLE FLYING LARIAT!!!

Booker T takes both Nova and Sonnette out with the move. If Sonnette hadn't removed the safety railing, he may have very well cracked his head on it. He gets back up and covers Sonnette for a two count.

JS: Booker T picks up Sonnette by the head...and is trying to roll her into the ring...she's grabbing ahold of the bottom rope now!!

Booker tries to roll Sonnette's legs in, but is powerfully kicked in the face, and his head launches backward...

JS: BOOKER T HITS THE BACK OF HIS HEAD ON THE RINGPOST!!!

Sonnette rolls back out and grabs a chair from a ringside fan who offers it cordially. Booker T is grabbing the back of his head in pain and is unaware of Sonnette until she sneaks behind and hits him in the back with a chair!!

JS: Ooooooooooo...vicious chairshot by Sonnette...she spins Booker around and...

*SMASH*

JS: Another one RIGHT IN THE SKULL of Booker T. Booker is down and that chair is dented!!

Nova is up again by now. Sonnette discards the chair by tossing it to the side, and Nova and Sonnette both pull out a table, and help each other set it up. Somewhat on the same page, they look at each other and nod as they look to Booker T.

JS: Sonnette and Nova have set up another table, and are looking with evil intentions at Booker T. Booker T is stumbling backward...Nova spins him around aaaaaaand--NOVA AND SONNETTE GRAB BOOKER T!!!

Nova locks Booker in position for the Novacaine. Shrugging, Sonnette puts her left arm around Booker's neck in a similar position...

DOUBLE NOVACAINES THROUGH THE TABLE!!! One shot...and you won't feel a thing...but a DOUBLE SHOT!??!

BM: Doesn't look like the mutiners have planned that out all too well...they crashed through the table, too.

JS: They're getting up...slowly..but I think this is just about it for Booker T. He HAS to be out.

Nova drapes an arm over Booker T's limp, unconscious body.

JS: Nova with a cover...one....two....Sonnette kicks off Nova! Goes for the cover herself...One....Two..Nova breaks it up with an axehandle to the back. A staredown...Nova is rolling back into the ring and gesturing for Sonnette to follow him in and settle it.

Sonnette glances over at Booker T, then into the ring at Nova, who's still spoiling for a fight. She slides in and and the two begin to circle each other...Sonnette makes the first move by locking up with Nova, then turning it into a top wristlock.

JS: Now it looks like we'll be getting back to basics with old-fashioned wrestling yet again. Sonnette takes the offensive on Nova. Nova tries to make the escape...backdrops Sonnette!!

JS: Sonnette is down....but not for long..clothesline...ducked...Nova hooks Sonnette....INVERTED DDT!!! He holds on...and DROPS BACK DOWN WITH ANOTHER INVERTED DDT--THAT COULD BE IT!! ONE....TWO...NO!!! NO!!! NO!!...Just a breath away from defeat, Sonnette kicks out!! And Nova looks frustrated!!

Nova picks up Sonnette, then puts her in position to deliver a Novacaine.

JS: This could be another Novacaine, NO--elbow to the breadbasket by Sonnette...cinches up Nova...PORNPLEX!!! That could be it...ONE....TWO...KICKOUT BY NOVA!!! Another narrow escape...Sonnette lifts Nova up by the hair, and looks to be going for a Hentaiplex....Nova grabs the top rope!! Sonnette tries to get him over...NOVA SLIPS FREE!!! SONNETTE LANDS ON HER ASS!!

Nova seizes the opportunity by springing over the top and landing on the apron, then runs up to the top of the turnbuckle....waiting for Sonnette to get up to hit the Nova-Blast...

JS: This could be the big finish....Sonnette is getting back up...NOVA OFF THE TOP!!!

With incredible strength and quick reaction time, Sonnette catches Nova on the way down..

JS: OH MY GOD!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! SONNETTE CATCHES NOVA!!! Now she hoists him over her shoulder.

BM: Show's over, folks!! This is it for Nova!!

Sure enough, Sonnette runs up the turnbuckle and hits the DVD--The Sonic Boom.

JS: SONIC BOOM!!! ONE....TWO....THREE!!! SONNETTE WINS!!!

WINNER BY PINFALL >>> Sonnette

Sonnette and Nova shakes hands after Sonnette helps Nova back up. Nova raises her hand.

JS: A hell of a Triple Threat Match, but Booker T seems to be out. The Tag Team Titles are on the line next, so don't go away!!

**Damn Commercials**

A bell rings as we return from break, and "Born to be Wild" by Steppenwolf begins to play...Wildpack 2000--"Big Yiffy" Colley Dogstar and Scarlet Foxfire, come out from the back, and proudly carry their tag team title belts....and on the same token proudly display their Anti-Tatum shirts...like the ones worn by Nova and Sonnette earlier. When they get in the ring, they await the so-called "Latin America's Most Desirable Men," Los Fabulosos.

Whose them music cues up, and out steps the two, one of them dressed as a dog, the other as a fox--cheap amusement park style costumes. Behind them is Miss Hancock...who is dressed, not in her usually attire...but in a sleek black bodysuit...and a quilled wig...

JS: What the hell? Miss Hancock as Sonnette?!

BM: (drools) I like this one better than the original...and she's not mutineeing against Booker Tatum neither...

JS: Wildpack went ahead and issued this challenge to Los Fabulosos...a team that's been HIGHLY underestimated here in the EAW.

BM: I think that this could be the night Los Fabulosos shocks the world, and takes those tag straps from Wildpack 2000.

JS: Maybe...but who's who? I can't quite tell who is in what costume from up here.

BM: Good question...

*ding, ding*

JS: And this Tag Title Match is underway...starting out for each team is Colley for Wildpack...and...whoever is wearing the dog costume. Umm..."Dog" starts things off quickly with a headscissors takeover on Colley!!! Colley charges in--countered by a dropkick!!

BM: Two giant dogs fighting in a wrestling ring...someone tuning in just now probably thinks they just took some bad acid.

JS: Colley whips "Dog" into the corner...charging in with a clothesline...he stumbles out, Colley scoops him and....CORNER TRAP POWERBOMB!!

BM: How can this guy move or see in that thing, Styles?

JS: With great difficult, I'd imagine..."Dog" charges...Colley sidesteps him and SPINEBUSTER!!! Colley looking for the Cano's Elbow!!

Suddenly....well, not kind of suddenly, but at any rate, two LARGE figures make their way through the crowd, down to the opening left from the missing safety rail. Pushing people over, shoving people is...BIG MOMMA LAY YA AND VISCERA!!! Viscera makes his way down in time to grab Colley's leg and trip him up before he can hit the elbow. Big Momma Lay Ya s flabby arms are full of overpriced goodies from the concession stand.

JS: OH MY GOD!!! WHAT IN HOLY HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?!?

Lay Ya stuffs some remaining bits of her hot dog into her mouth and swallows it before leaving her other hot dog, her large soda, her Popcorn, her five pretzels, her popcorn, her bon-bons and her bucket of KFC (Those are large arms, people. They're bigger than Stiener's).

JS: Viscera is in the ring...Big Momma Lay Ya is following him...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...I just saw her ass...she's wearing A THONG!!!! I'M BLIND, BOBBY!!!

BM: Viscera off the ropes...SPLASH ON DOG-BOY!!!....The FOX is in....MOWED DOWN BY BIG MOMMA!!! Now Viscera goes for the splash on Colley and HITS IT!!! Scarlet looks scared as hell!! Viscera is dragging Colley to the corner...NOOOOOOOOO!!! Big Momma is gonna back dat ass up!!! STINKFAAAAAAAAAAACE!!! Must feel like the fuzzy toilet seat for Big Momma...that is, when she was able to sit on one.

The mental image of such things alone is enough to make Styles puke all over the annoucer's desk.

BM: Colley is down...both Los Fabulosos are down...Joey just barfed...now both these two are eyeing Scarlet...

Viscera walks over and grabs Scarlet by the hair, yanking her over the rope and across the mat, and pulls her to her feet.

BM: Scarlet is in the middle of the ring, between Viscera and Big Momma Lay Ya!!

Big Momma and Visc charge at Scarlet from each side, Scarlet is too shocked to jump out of the way or try to avoid it, and is smashing between the two, then falls crumpled in a heap as they back away.

BM: Umm..THE CARNAGE...THE CARNAGE!!! I guess this match is over....

JS: Huh?!

BM: Let's go to commercial....

**Commercials; Shouldn't that much mass in one place caused the universe to collapse upon itself? Another mystery of nature...**

NO CONTEST

As we come back from break, we get a zoom in of a contract dangling from a ring suspended high over the ring....

LG: Welcome back from break, folks. We've cleared the ring and all four of those competitors are recieving medical attention.

BM: Styles is getting checked out, too. He's temporarily lost his sight, and...

LG: I'll be filling in for 'em. This is a helluva match we got coming up now. Ova da ring we gots a contract for a World Title shot at All Hallow's Extreme. Whomever can grabbit from up top, whether it's Smoke or Cru..that guy gets Triple H for the Title at that PPV. Simple, eh?

BM: You can't make it simple enough for these fans...

"Canyon Curse" by Immortial Dominion begins to play, and the mysterious Smoke comes out from the entranceway, with a suitably crazed expression on his face.

LG: This may just be the battle of da nutjobs. Cru's been known to have a screw loose for quite a while...just listen to him talk if ya don't believe me. Smoke, on da otha hand, is just the kind of crazy that'll smash stuff just for the hell of it...sound'll like they'll fook each udda up real good tonight and have the fans go home happy...

BM: Too late for that...they saw Big Momma Lay Ya's ass. Just imagine the nightmares they'll have tonight.

LG: Good pernt....anyhow...Crucifix'll be out here any sec....

"Dark and Grey" by Kid Rock begins to play, Crucifix, the current #1 contender, comes out...looking extremely pissed...he runs to the ring immediately, bypassing the ladders set up around the ring, and immediately starts to brawl with Smoke.

LG: Crucifix has GOT to be nuts....winning Holy Wars THEN risking losin' his spot to a newcomer in a one on one ladder match.

BM: Confidence, Gokuo....confidence.

LG: Mista Confidence was just reversed by Smoke...whipped to da ropes, Samoan Drop!! Smoke grabs his ankles...turns him over and twists it into a anklelock...Crucifix gets to ropes to break da hold. Smoke hammerin' on Crucifix...INverted Atomic Drop!!! CLOTHESLINE!! Smoke rollin' to the outside. He grabs the nearest ladder....throws it in on top of Crucifix.

BM: Think we'll see the Minister or Triple H out here, Gokuo?

LG: The way Cru was talking about Trip, I doubt it. Minister? Maybe....Smoke lays the ladder down and puts Cru's ankle between the two sides...uh--oh...he's moving out onto the apron, onto the floor...there's the chair that Sonnie busted over Booker T's head!!

BM: The biggest impression that Booker T has made since he lost the Hardcore Title....

Smoke climbs back in..

LG: Smoke HITTING THAT STEEL CHAIR ONTO THE LADDER!!! TAKE a whack at his ankle for good measure.

Smoke pulls Crucifix out of the predicament and grabs him by both his ankles, catapulting him....

BM: CRUCIFIX LAUNCHED ACROSS THE RING AND ONTO THAT LADDER!!!

LG: Smoke, wit da powa advantage, is really fooking up Cru here tonight. Picks him up by the back of the hair, and seems to be trying to set him up for an inverted piledriver here on the ladder...REVERSED INTO A HEADSCISSORS!!! Smoke lands on the ladder, but with hardly enough force ta really put in dent in Smoke. Smoke's still clearly in control..for the time being.

BM: Thank goodness...you can do it Smoke!!!

LG: Smoke whips Crucifix to the turnbuckle...CROSSBODY BY CRUCIFIX!!! One count only. Crucifix is gonna need something high impact to gain the advantage heah.

BM: Like...what would you suggest, LG?

LG: Nothing that I think Cru could pull off on Smoke, 'specially right now. Well, except maybe a fooking chair or a ladder between the eyes. He needs a big move and fast. Smoke setting up Crucifix for a Russian Leg Sweep onto the ladder. But it's BLOCKED...Cru hooks onto Smoke's leg....Blocked again...Crucifix hits a STROKE!! That may just be what he needs to turn the tide...but he better follow it up.

Crucfix springs over the top rope onto the apron.

LG: He is gonna quickly follow if up....Smoke on his knees now. SPRINGBOARD...AAAAAAAAAND BOTH FEET TO THE FACE OF SMOKE!! HIGH IMPACT...HIGH IMPACT!!! There's your momentum switch, Bowel Movment...Cru jist might come through heah. He's setting up the ladder...getting ready to climb it.

BM: Not nearly enough though....SMOKE'S UP...HE PUSHES THE LADDER!!!

LG: Drops Crucifix THROAT FIRST ACROSS THE TOP ROPE!!!

BM: SUPER STUNGUN...kiss your title shot bye-byes, Crucifix.

LG: Smoke hoists the ladder over his shoulder, now lookin' to drop it....OW..RIGHT ON CRUCIFIX' FINGERS!! and AGAIN...

BM: If he can't climb, he can't win.

LG: Cru's just about had his windpipe crushed, he's had his knees battered and now Smoke's trying to break his fingers. Now he's setting up the ladder...and slowly climbing to the top.

BM: Now he's....SITTING ON TOP?!

LG: Looks like....for a moment...now....Legdrop!! CRUCIFIX ROLLS OUT OF THE RING!!!!

BM: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I think he broke his cocksicle....

LG: (smacks BM) Shaadup....this could be Cru's chance....

Crucifix runs over the the gap in the railing and takes a chair from another ringside fan, and sets it up...

LG: Looks like the setup to the flaming cross....he drags Smoke outside...

He then sits Smoke in the chair, and climbs back in the ring, and to the top....

LG: AnnnnnnNNNnnnnnnNNnnnnD FLAMING CROSS!!!

BM: Crucifix is slowly getting back up to his feet...and climbs back into the ring...the ladder is set up. Crucifix is starting his ascent....and no one is there to stop him....up to the top...he reaches out....and GRABS THE CONTRACT!!

The bell rings...

WINNER AND STILL NUMBER ONE CONTENDER BY GRABBING CONTRACT >>> CRUCIFIX