Live from the David O. McKay Events Center in Orem, Utah!!
Chaynz: It seems that Vince is not taking our demands seriously. We have already pissed him off, but we need to talk to him, mano-to-mano. In order for us to fulfill that is to get inside Titan Towers without causing a commotion. Their security is a bit tighter since last Friday, so we can't get in the front. But there is always the top.
Buzzsaw: Umm...Chaynz? What if they call the cops again?
Mandy: Yeah, I don't think our EAW bugets could pay off for our bail like last time.
Chaynz: Don't worry, we won't get physical and hostile like last time. We're just gonna go inside this helicopter, fly up to the roof, and enter from the top. Plain as day. You guys got that.
All: Yes sir.
Chaynz: Good. Now get the hell in the 'copter so we can get The Kat reinstated.
Fade to the intro...
We open to a few crowd shots of the Events Center, picking up views of signs such as:
"ALL WCW ARE BELONG TO REPO MAN!"
"Haku ate my little brother."
and its companion, "Viscera ate Haku."
"Regal is an assclown."
and "I LUV SONNETTE!!"
We then cut the announcer's desk, where the straight-forward and professional Megan Eko seems to already clashing with the one-track minded Lilith.
Eko: I keep telling you...I'm NOT interested!!
Lilith: Ooooh...come on! What's wrong with it? You're a beautiful woman, I'm a cute little sex demon...just ONE time?!
Eko: No. Don't want to hurt your feelings, but I'm just not interested.
Lilith: Oh, you're a tough one alright...but I don't give up. EVER EVER EVER EEEEEEEEEEEEEE-VER!!!
"Target Akai Shougeki" by Wada Kouji cues up suddenly, and the majority of fans and...indeed the announcers, are momentarily stunned, not sure exactly what to make of the drastically unfamiliar tune, when Michael Whitewind steps through the curtains, ready for his debut match.
Lilith: Ahhh...now I remember hearing this tune. This guy is a brand new wrestler.
Eko: Yes...named Michael Whitewind. He's moved here from Japan, although he was originally from the US.
Lilith: Wow....we've got a lot of Mikeys around here. Booker Mike, Mike Action, it's Nova's real name, and OF COURSE--the one who's FINALLY going to be banging Oseiko in less than a month, Mikey Connelly!!
Eko: Well...it is a common name. The most common male name in North America, in fact.
Lilith: And I wouldn't kick any one of them outta bed. Although Oseiko would probably kick my face in if I tried to make a move on hers. ^_^
Eko: He definitely looks to be a cruiserweight, and we know his opponent was one of the most famous cruiserweights in the world, so this should be an excellent match.
Lilith: Say...Whitewind probably misses all those Japanese hotties over there...maybe you could make him feel more "at home."
Eko: I don't usually date co-workers, Lilith. But if I would, he'd have to take the initiative.
The letters "LH2K" cues up with a "5" on the EAW Tron. It counts down...4...3...2...1....
BOOM!!!
"Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns N' Roses cues up, and as the smoke on the stage clears, Chris Jericho stands with his back to the crowd, then spins around on his heel to face the crowd, and recieves a massive pop.
Lilith: WHOO-HOOO!!! Man-oh-man he's a cutie! And he looks so full of "energy."
Eko: Commentating isn't just ogling the wrestlers, Lilith. Jericho is of course very famous in the US, Japan, and especially his native Canada. He hails from Winnepeg, and IS married, Lilith, so ya better back off!
Lilith: I didn't say his wife couln't join in!
Eko: Jericho climbing in the ring now--oddly he's decided to skip his usual pre-match spiel...anyhow, this match is about to begin...
*ding, ding*
Eko: Jericho starting out strong with some kicks to the midsection of Whitewind. Whitewind may be a little discouraged at the reception he recieved--the fans not familiar with him or his entrance music yet. Whitewind whipped into the ropes...Jericho with a flying forearm!!
Lilith: I tell ya...he had about as much heat as X-Factor.
Eko: Ouch!! Jericho now pulling up Whitewind...scoop slam coming up--no, Whitewind landing on his feet...snapmares Jericho. Now irish whip sending him in....Jericho springs up on top...moonsault now--lands on his feet!! Going for a backdrop--Whitewind with a bulldogging headlock--runs up the turnbuckle--SWINGING BULLDOG!!!
Lilith: Shades of Little Spike Dudley!
Eko: Whitewind up now....climbing outside onto the apron, poising himself for a followup attack....Jericho up now....springboard...HURRACANRANA BLOCKED--Powerbo--No! Jericho falls on his back, Whitewind tries to hook the legs...
.
.
.
One
Kickout by Jericho! Some very impressive moves already in this contest....Whitewind now pulling up Jericho...piledriver coming up?--Back body drop counter by Jericho--Whitewind with a sunset flip--.
.
.
One
Jericho breaks out of it! Whitewind irish whips Jericho to the corner again--reversal!! Jericho now with a monkey flip fires Whitewind out of the corner. Jericho now climbing out onto the apron....running towards the corner....Whitewind getting up now....Jericho with a missile dropkick!! Rolling into a pinning combination!
.
.
.
One
.
Kickout by Whitewind!!
Lilith: Okay...now, I'm dying to know...just WHEN was the last time you "got any," Megsies?
Eko: Frankly, that isn't any of your business. Jericho now setting up Whitewind in the corner....HARD chop to the chest....ANOTHER....now sending Whitewind into the opposite corner...Jericho charging in--Whitewind gets both feet up into the chest of Jericho. Now climbing up top again.....Jericho shakes the middle rope--crotches Whitewind on the top!
Lilith: Oh...come on, Megsies. You can tell me....I'll keep it a secret.
Eko: We're on LIVE TV, Lilith. Jericho gets up to his feet, now climbing up top...double underhook...SUPERPLEX!!! Jericho crawling over to Whitewind now...cover..
.
.
.
One
.
.
.
Two
Kickout by Whitewind.
Lilith: Are you not telling me because you're just too embarassed, or just that there isn't anything to tell?
Eko: That's irrelevant--I just don't feel the need to talk about my personal life on-air. Jericho pulling up Whitewind now....tosses him outside by his hair...
Lilith: Check out that butt...tell me that doesn't do anything for you!
Eko: Lilith, most people don't think about sex all the time.
Lilith: Suuuuuuuurrre...
One..
Eko: Jericho hits the opposite ropes....baseball slide into Whitewind! Jericho now outside with Whitewind.
Two...
Eko: Pulls him up to his feet....whips him to the safety railing....Whitewind reverses and sends him into the steel!!
Three..
Eko: Spinning Heel Kick sends Jericho into the crowd!!
Lilith: WHOA!! I think that girl just grabbed his ass!
Four...
Eko: Whitewind now up top....MOONSAULT ONTO THE RISING JERICHO!!!
Five...
Eko: Whitewind dumps Jericho back into the ringside area...Jericho now trying to crawl back up to his feet.
Six...
Lilith: Notice the clenched buttocks...one moves...than the other moves...then the other one moves again...
Eko: OKAY, Lilith...Whitewind helping Jericho in now, well, forcing him inside...and rolling in himself. He grabs Jericho's arm...locks on a triangle hold now! Whitewind has his back to the ropes, and Jericho will find it rather difficult to reach the ropes...he's trying to maneuver his body to the side by kicking with his heels...but Whitewind is choking the air out of him.
Lilith: If I had my head between his legs, I wouldn't struggle...
Eko: And Jericho gets his foot on the ropes!! Whitewind releases the hold! Whitewind now stomping away on Jericho....heading for the turnbuckle now....high-risk maneuver coming up....Jericho up but dazed--Whitewind with a Dragonrana!!! POWERBOMB COUNTER!!! Jericho hits it!! Picking him up once more....THERE'S a second powerbomb!! Jericho drags him towards the center of the ring now....setting him up for the Liontamer!!
Lilith: He has to turn him first!
Eko: Jericho struggling now to lock in his patented finishing hold and--there it is!
Lilith: WHOMP!!! Der it is!!!
Eko: Whitewind locked in the Liontamer now....a very painful hold, but can he escape it?! He tries to climb on his hands and knees towards the ropes....Jericho pulls him away now...Whitewind taps!!
*ding, ding, ding*
Winner by Submission >>> "Lionheart" Chris Jericho.
Jericho releases the hold, and "Welcome to the Jungle" cues up again as the referee raises his hand in victory.
Eko: An incredible match, and a great way to kick off this Mayhem!
Lilith: Speaking of which, why don't you kick off those shoes and...
Eko: Please stop trying to play footsie with me, Lilith.
Lilith: Darn...
**Commercial Break**
Megan: We're back, folks! And--
Suddenly, "The Kings" cues up un-announced!
Lilith: WOO-HOO!! And here comes my girls, Neo D-X!!! YAAAYYY!!
Megan: ... Joy.
Sure enough, out comes the three members of Neo D-X; Blink, Velocity, and their newest member, Tifa Lockheart; all three girls sporting D-X jerseys as the fans cheer for them. The girls climb up into the ring, then all crotch-chop to their neon green pyros.
Megan: So just why are THEY here?!
Lilith: What's with the tone of voice, Megan? Jealous that they won't let ya into the club?
Megan: Hardly... but I am curious why Tifa Lockheart swerved us all and joined Neo D-X. It looks like we may find out in a bit, 'cause they got mics. All three of 'em... WONderful.
Blink: Y'know, everywhere we go people are singin' the praises of the return of the most controversial stable of all time! Everyone remembers the first incarnation in the form of two guys rebelling against the norm... that'd be founding fathers Shawn Michaels and Hunter Hearst Helmsley! Then we add the Kid... good ol' X-Pac! And throw in the Road Doggy Dog Jesse Jammes and the former Badd Ass Billy Gunn and you got yourself one hell of a faction, don't ya?!
The fans cheer quite a bit.
Blink: Well this time... D-X has gone Neo! First up you got me... the original X-Punk herself! Call me the field leader of Neo D-X! Then I brought in the super-speedster Velocity! Hey, Vel! Lookin' good, babe!
Velocity smiles, blushing a little, then looks to Tifa.
Velocity: And now we got the Big Guns... Tifa Lockheart! Tifa, people's been asking us... why?! Why did Tifa join Neo D-X?! Well, why don't you answer them?
Megan: All right... here we go.
Tifa: Velocity... Blink... I did it all for business! I'm the owner of the Seventh Heaven first, and a pro-wrestler second! With all the added publicity surrounding me joining Neo D-X? I'll be able to rake in much needed money to keep afloat! And as an added bonus, the Seventh Heaven's gonna be officially Neo D-X Headquarters!! Neo D-X members drink free!
Blink: WOO-HOO!
Velocity: Yes!!
All three girls do a three-way high-five.
Megan: ... Neverminding the fact that both Blink and Velocity are under age!
Lilith: Oh, you fuss too much.
Blink: Anyhow... yeah, it was all a work. The light falling on Tifa that night? If anyone would have checked it, you'd see it was a special prop! It didn't really hurt Tifa! All of it was just a test for Tifa, and Tifa passed with flying colors!
Tifa: Yeah... but just 'cause we're a bunch of bad girls, don't mean we're gonna forget the reason why Neo D-X was brought together... Blink?
Blink: Right To Censor.
Those three words alone causes a seething heat pop.
Blink: RTC, you guys are the complete opposites of us... you're all so uptight! You're all livin' in the 1950s when we're startin' off the 21st Century!! So let me say... take a look at us, take a GOOD look at us!! ALL OF YOU!! Take a good look at us!! Do we look good?!!
The crowd gives off a very loud pop.
Blink: ARE OUR CLOTHES ACCEPTABLE?!!
The crowd cheers.
Blink: Is Velocity's tattoo cool?!!
The crowd cheers loudly.
HUGE pop.
Blink: There you go! RTC? Wake up and smell the latté! The people have spoken! This is ALL good! And if you're not down with society today, we got two words for ya!!
Crowd: SUCK IT!!!
"The Kings" cue up as Neo D-X suddenly teleport away with a *BLINK!*.
Lilith: YES! YES! YES YES YES!! THAT RULED!! Megan, c'mon! Tell me you like Neo D-X more than RTC!!
Megan: Okay okay... maybe they're better... *shrug*
William Regal's Theme suddenly cues up... and out comes the next combatant for the next match, waving politely to the booing fans, with P.C. Plodder nearby, carrying a bucket of rotten tomatoes.
Megan: And here we go with the next match as we see William Regal facing J.C. Stone in... a Rotten Tomatoes match of all things!
Lilith: D00D! J.˘. 5T0N3 R0KZ!! 4ND N31J3554 H45 N1˘3 T0/\/\4T035!!
Megan: o_O;; What the hell did you just say?!
Lilith: Dude! J.C. Stone rocks! And Neijessa has nice tomatoes. What, I said it clear as day. Only in Hacker talk. ^_^
Megan: ... Uhm... okay, just don't do it again.
Lilith: 4\/\/, BUT I H4\/3 5U˘|-| ˘001 |-|4˘K3R 5P33K1NG /\/\4D 5K1LLZ!!
Megan: LILITH!
Lilith: Okay okay... sheesh. ^_^;;
"El Cu Cuy" cues up just as Regal enters the ring.
Megan: And out comes the Original American Bad Ass himself! Listen to the crowd as J.C. Stone heads down the ring, and at his side is Neijessa! Wow, she's strong for her size, carrying that bucket of tomatoes to the ring like that!
Lilith: ^_^ Hehe. I know why too.
Megan: ... She's another succubus, isn't she? *sigh* Wonderful... Out of you, Morrigan, and Angelina running around, I--
Lilith: She's not a succubus. ^_^
Megan: Well... then what is she?
Lilith: Sorry. Promised not to tell.
Megan: ... *sigh* ... right.
J.C. jumps into the ring, and immediately sprints forward, attacking Regal, knocking him out of the ring! As this happens, "Cowboy" cues up!
Megan: NOW what?!
Lilith: It ain't Jeff Jarrett, that's for darn tootin'!
The Blue Saturn moves up halfway to the ring. Out steps out Blueboy who then jumps on top of his car to watch the match.
Megan: It's the Blueboy! But he's not interfering... he's just watching the match! And Teddy Long has rang the bell! This match official starts now!
Megan: Regal is thrown into the corner... OH! TAE KWON-DO BACK KICK!! And Regal gets knocked out of the ring! Regal manages to get up-- OH, MISSILE DROPKICK FROM THE DETROIT CITY RESIDENT!! This match may turn out to be pretty short if Regal doesn't kick it up a notch! Stone throws Regal back into the ring... throws a menacing glance at Plodder, then-- OH!! BASEBALL SLIDE!! And Regal has knocked Stone into the security railing!! That's knocked the wind from him, but he's getting up... and Regal catches him... SUPLEX BACK TO THE INSIDE OF THE RING!
Lilith: Ayy, that Regal chap is really bloody boring. PUT HIM THROUGH A BLOODY TABLE, MATE!! Or better yet, let me have Neijessa and I'll pound her through a table... if yaknowhatImean. ~.^
Megan: Ahhyeah. =/
Lilith: Dammit, I wanna see her naked.
Megan: ANYHOW, Regal looks to end this quickly... Regal Stretch-- NO! Stone kicks him off! And gets to his feet-- CLOTHESLINE!! Stone has gotten the upper hand again! He grabs Regal's feet! OH! Kick to the groin!!
Lilith: Right in the ol' custard!
Megan: STF attempt from Stone--NO! Regal kicks him off, but Stone counters-- fist drop! NO! Regal rolls out of the way! But Stone's still on the attack! Series of Tae Kwon-Do kicks!! And... OH!! HIGH ROUNDHOUSE KICK! Regal takes the Nestea Plunge!
Lilith: SPLASH!
Megan: Cover! One! Two! NO! Kick out! And Stone puts on the headlock! Aiming to wear Regal down, I see! Good strategy on J.C. Stone's part!
Lilith: Why can't you be naked, Megan?
Megan: ... That has nothing to do with the match, Lilith.
Lilith: I know... but why can't you be naked?
Megan: *sigh* Anyhow, Stone releases the hold... KARATE PUNCH to Regal's chest! Pick up... EVENFLOW DDT!! Cover! One! Two! Kick out!
Lilith: No, really... you have a very nice body, you should at least show it off... pose for Playboy, show the puppies!
Megan: Lilith, quit it!
Lilith: At least show your feet. You have nice feet.
Megan: ... Really...? Er, uh, REGAL WITH AN UPPER CLASS SLAP! AND A EUROPEAN UPPERCUT! AND ANOTHER ONE!! Regal whips Stone to the corner... sets him up... BEAUTIFUL SUPERPLEX!! Cover! One! Two! But Stone kicks out!!
Lilith: Really... why, I bet your soles are sensitive enough to be tickled silly. ^.^
Megan: Er... *blush* ... can't... we talk about this some other time?! We got a match to call.
Lilith: Aww, all right. ^_^
Megan: Wait, Blueboy just got back in his car! And drives away...?
Lilith: Guess he got what he wanted from the match.
Megan: Maybe so... Regal's.. REGAL'S LOCKING IN THE REGAL STRE--NO!! Stone STILL kicks him away!! Rolls to his feet! WELL-PLACED KARATE KICK! GRAB-- STO!! Cover! One! Two! Thr--NO! Regal still kicks out!! Stone gets Regal up... WAIT! ELBOW BY REGAL!! Whip to the ropes, Regal's going for a back body drop-- NO!! STONE LOCKS THE ARMS!! STONEDRIVER BOMB!!! JUST LIKE THAT!! But he's not pinning, he-- Ohhhhhh... he's locking in the STF!! HE'S GOT IT LOCKED IN!! I THINK REGAL'S OUT COLD!! TEDDY LONG'S CALLING FOR THE BELL!! J.C. STONE WINS!!
Lilith: Woot!
Winner by Submission: J.C. Stone
As Stone releases the hold, the lights go out!!
Lilith: EEE!! THE DARK!! I'm scared!! Hold me, Megan!
Megan: EEEKK!! LET GO OF MY BREASTS!!
Lilith: But they're so warm and soft! And... mmmmm... they taste yummy too!
Megan: ... Stop doing that.
Lilith: Oh, you're no fun. =P
After about a minute, the lights are turned back on, and Willam Regal is laying unconscious, covered in a blue substance! Next to him is a cue-card that reads "Your ass has just been Bluebathed".
Megan: Wha--?! The Blueboy... has the Blueboy struck?! J.C. Stone and Neijessa just start down at Regal... Stone shrugs, takes the rotten tomatoes and-- HA HA!! HE DUMPS THEM ALL OVER REGAL ANYHOW!!
Lilith: Look at Plodder! He's having a fit!
Megan: Don't go away, we'll be right back!!
Lilith and Megan both pause as we go off the air...
***
[Commercial: Ariel Bridges is seen playing a video game when she hears a knock on the door.
Ariel: I'LL GET IT!! =^_^=
Hopping up to her feet, she opens the door... to see the Tongan Monster Haku!!
Ariel: =O.O!!= EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Haku: RRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Ariel: =O.O!!= EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Haku: RRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Ariel: =O.O!!= EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Haku: RRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Ariel: =O.O!!= EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Haku: RRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Ariel: =O.O!!= EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Haku: RRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Ariel: =O.O!!= EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Haku: ... Do you have a cup of sugar I can borrow?
Ariel: ... Oh... sure. =^_^;=
Ariel runs to the kitchen... moments later, she comes back out with a measuring cup full of sugar.
Ariel: Here you go. =^_^=
Haku: Thanks. RRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Ariel: =O.O!!= EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Haku: RRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Ariel: =O.O!!= EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Haku: RRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Ariel: =O.O!!= EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Haku: RRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Ariel: =O.O!!= EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Haku: RRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Ariel: =O.O!!= EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Haku: RRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Ariel: =O.O!!= EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Haku: RRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Ariel: =O.O!!= EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Haku: RRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
***
Megan: And we're back!! We'll be seeing the return of Canada's own Test and the debut of Bryan Fury! Lilith, what do--
Megan pauses as she sees Lilith... with her hair in a ponytail and wearing a purple bodysuit.
Megan: Lilith, what're you--
Lilith: I'M NINA WILLIAMS!!!
Megan: ... Right.
Lilith: No wait--...
Lilith gets under the desk for a moment, then comes out wearing a blue sweat shirt, pants... and a VERY realistic-looking tiger mask.
Megan: O_O!! EEEEK!!
Lilith: I'm King now!!! I'm gonna do my Judgement attack thingee on you and then I'm gonna RRROOOAAARRRR!!!! ROOOAAAAAARRRR!!!! Oo, oo! Wait wait! Even better!!
Lilith goes down under the desk again and comes out wearing a very tight Hardyz-style shirt, goggles, and jeans with stirrups attached.
Lilith: Now I'm Haworang!! Master Tae Kwon-Do master!! I kick ass!! And I hate Eddy Gordo!!
Megan: Lilith, what's the point to all this dress-up?!
Lilith suddenly is back in her usual succubus attire, sitting down calmly in her chair.
Lilith: No reason. ^^
Megan: ... *sigh* ... Right.
Oh right, parder... keep on rollin' baby. You know what time it is.
"Rollin'" cues up now, as "The Furious One" Bryan Fury comes out to ring side, looking to the crowd as the boo him loudly.
Megan: And here comes Bryan Fury right now, Lilith! Really, is there a point to that cosplaying you did?!
Lilith: There is no point to anything! Except on Dirk Diggler's rock hard--
Megan: Stop!
Lilith: Yes ma'am.
Bryan scowls at the fans, climbing up to the ring as suddenly "Last Resort" cues up, and out comes Test with his ladies! And the fans cheer out for the Canadian resident.
Lilith: Damn!
Megan: What? Lilith, Test is coming out to the ring with three gorgeous young women! I figured you'd be estatic about that!
Lilith: Well, I am! Yaayy girls! But... well, Test is coming out to a Papa Roach song!
Megan: You don't like Papa Roach?!
Lilith: I LOVE Papa Roach! But... well... *sob* I MISS "THIS IS A TEST!!!" ;_; THAT'S THE BEST RING MUSIC IN THE HISTORY OF RING MUSIC AND TEST ISN'T USING IT!!!!!!
Megan: ... Maybe, it's legalities with the WWF or something...
Lilith: Then how come Kane gets to use "Out Of The Fire," huh?! It's favoritism!! Like when MTV kept Robbie Williams' "Rock D.J." on the air, but banned Madonna's new video for being too violent?! WHAT WAS "ROCK D.J." THOUGH, MTV?! A PAPER CUT?!!! NO! ROBBIE WILLIAMS WAS DOING AN EXTREME STRIPPING SHOW!! AND...
Megan: ...
Lilith: ... I'm sorry, I got off track, didn't I?
Megan: Totally Amtraked.
Lilith: Ah. =/ Well... Test should see about getting "This Is A Test" as his theme. It rawked. ^^
Megan: I'm sure he'll take it under advisement.
Lilith: I should talk though... I did a little exteme stripping one time myself.
Megan: ... You mean you--
Lilith: Don't wanna talk about it.
Megan: ... Thank you.
Lilith: You know about see-thru bikinis, right?
Megan: I thought you didn't want to talk about it.
Lilith: Oh yeah, right. ^_^;
Test gets into the ring, and Fury quickly goes on the attack. Referee Randy Anderson quickly calls for the bell and the match begins.
Suddenly, "Engel" cues up!! The crowd goes absolutely wild!
Megan: O_O! Oh my God!! It's... it can't be?!
Lilith: Eeyah, babee!!! It's the return of The Man! He was The Man long before Goldberg was ever born!! It's "The Revenant" Shaed Bloodgrave!!!
And sure enough, out comes the Knight Cross leader! Dressed in jeans, sleeveless silk shirt, leather jacket, and buckled boots... all black. He comes out to ringside as the match continues, going to the commentators' desk and sitting down next to Megan, putting on a headset.
Megan: Welcome back, Shaed Bloodgrave! What brings you out here?
Shaed: Simply put, I only wish to see a good match between two very gifted competitors, is all. After all, it is the reason why I fight to begin with. To search for competition. And in both Test and Bryan Fury I see enormous potential.
Megan: And there's some of that potential! OH, clothsline from Fury! Test is down, but he's not out! He's trying to get the cobwebs out but Fury picks him up... and... scoop slam!!
Lilith: Wow, like EVERYONE could do that move. =P
Shaed: Everyone has to start somewhere, Lilith.
Megan: So what are your plans for the future, Shaed?
Shaed: Competition, Megan. I'm getting back on track and I am challenging all comers. All those who are gifted in the art of combat. But of course I am looking at the bigger picture, and that is the EAW World Title, currently being held by Sonnette, and I--
Megan: Wait! FURY DRIVER!! Cover! One! Two! But Test kicks out!! I'm sorry, Shaed.
Shaed: No it's fine it's fine... Sonnette has been nothing short of a worthy champion and it is always good to see someone like her who has battled for so long to obtain such a rich prize in this sport. But to be fair... hmph, to be fair... Sonnette and I, if memory serves me well, she and I have never done battle with each other before, never for the EAW World Title. I look forward to the night we vye for such a prestigious belt.
Megan: Test is up!! CLOTHESLINE!! And Fury is down!! Test quickly goes up to the top... DIVING ELBOW-- NO!! FURY ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!! And Fury takes advantage... SHARPSHOOTER!! SHARPSHOOTER APPLIED!
Lilith: Hmph. Sasori could do it better. =P
Shaed: Test is close enough to the ropes though.
Megan: He is! And... YES! He got the ropes! Referee's telling Fury to break the hold... and he does!
But he puts the boots to Test!
Shaed: Shameful. Bryan Fury obviously does not follow the path to honor. Test may have strayed a bit, but at least he is on the right track.
Megan: Test is up... OH!! BIG BOOT TO FURY'S FACE!! The big man is rocked by the... uhm, slightly smaller big man! And-- CLOTHES-- NO, DUCK!! And... STUNNED-O-MATIC!!!
Shaed: Ohhh, VERY good move. *claps hands*
Megan: Cover! One! Two! Thr--NO! Test gets a shoulder up!!
Lilith: Fury don't look too happy.
Megan: No he doesn't... it looks like he may be going for the Fury Bomb!! He gets him up-- NO, COUNTER!! UNBELIEVABLE COUNTER!! AND-- NECKBREAKER BY TEST!!
Shaed: Most impressive!
Megan: Test sets Fury up... PUMP! HANDLE! SLAM!!! COVER!! One! Two! Three!! Test wins!!
Winner: Test
Shaed: VERY impressive! *claps hands as he stands up* Well, it's been fun, Ms. Eko, Lilith... but I think it's time for me to depart. Have a nice night, ladies.
Megan smiles, shaking Shaed's hand.
Megan: Thank you for your time... *watches Shaed leave* ... wow. He's certainly quite the gentleman, isn't he?
Lilith: That's my big brother. ^_^
Megan: Well, don't go away, we'll be right back!
***
QUEENIE-DOG! YOU'RE SO FULL OF FUR TODAY!! I THINK IT'S TIME YOU MUST BE SPAYED! YOU QUEENIE-DOG!!!
***
Scene cuts to an helicopter destinated to Titan Towers. Inside the helicopter is ChainSaw, Mandy, Victoria, and 2 other guys. They seem to be focused since earlier.
Chaynz: Ok, we're almost there. We're gonna talk to Vince, Mano-to-Mano. (looks at the pilot) How far is it until we get to Titan Towers?
Pilot: Calm down Chaynz, we're almost there.
Chaynz: Good. Now when we get there, absolutely NO violence, ok?
All: Got it.
Pilot: Umm...Chaynz?
Chaynz: What?
Pilot: We're here. But however...
Chaynz: What the hell do you mean "however"?
Pilot: Well Chaynz, there isn't enough room for us to land.
Chaynz: *Sigh* Aww well, Buzzsaw, lets unroll the ladder and get down there.
Buzzsaw: Sure thing.
As ChainSaw makes their way down the ladder, the Helicopter files on top of Titan Towers. However, the WWF employees, who knew about this in advance, tries to tell them to go back.
Chaynz: Oh, they're trying to get us to leave. Well we're gonna show them.
ChainSaw, after being lowered near the roof, jumps off as the WWF employees runs inside the building and shutting the door closed. ChainSaw runs after them, but the employees locked the door before they can reach it. ChainSaw now bangs on the door.
Chaynz: C'mon, open up. We're not here for trouble, we just want a meeting with Vince McMahon.
Buzzsaw: Yeah, just a meeting. No trouble. Just let us in so we can discuss this.
Chaynz:(Walking off, pissed) Damn it.
We cut back to the announcer's desk, where Megan and Lilith are sitting.
Lilith: Whoo-hoo!!! Way to go, Chaynz! Way to go, Buzzsaw! We may see kitties back on TV after all!!
Eko: I don't know...I really don't think Mr. McMahon is going to be open to too many ideas now. Oh...you know the last XFL game scored the lowest prime time network rating ever? 1.6.
Lilith: WHY?!? They've got such HAWT-HAWT-HAWT-HAWT-HAWT cheerleaders...and...
Eko: And?
Lilith: Well..isn't that enough?
Eko: For a football league, no.
Lilith: *grumble* Oh well...I still have you. *snuggle*
Eko: *sigh*
The dance music from Iczelion begins to play...
Eko: Well, according to the schedule, and that music, it looks about time for our Cruiserweight title defense!
Scarlet runs out from the back, pausing on the stage to wave to the crowd as they cheer for her.
Lilith: DAMN Scarlet looks good. And unlike some of these guys out here, I'm not ashamed to admit she's hot just because she's a fox-lady.
Eko: Scarlet is one half of the former tag team tandem of Wildpack 2000 with Colley Dogstar--but tonight she wrestles in singles competition, challenging for the Cruiserweight Title, currently held by Nova. We've already seen another Cruiserweight-style match tonight, when Michael Whitewind faced Chris Jericho. Do you have any favorite cruiserweight matches?
Lilith: I'll never forget that match in WCW....when Blitzkrieg wrestled nearly an entire match with a boner.
Eko: Why am I NOT shocked?
Lilith: Hee-hee...and also that Bikini Beach Brawl match when Red took off Oseiko's top....didn't get to see anything though...
Eko: Well...I seem to notice a theme beginning here, so let's drop the matter.
Scarlet climbs in the ring, and "One Man Army" by Prodigy cues up, bringing out Nova, the champion, who is wearing the Cruiserweight Title belt around his waist...and is accompanied by...
Lilith: Angelina! And Nova!
Eko: One of your own, even....well, sort of.
Lilith: She's like...you know, like....so...like, antisocial with me. Just because like....most of us darkwings would like...try to, like, kill her and some junk...that like, doesn't mean I'm like that. Like, know what I mean?
Eko: Yes, I believe I do. Nova is going to have his hands full tonight...
Lilith: Especially if he tries a Hentaiplex!
Eko: *cough* Yeah...well, this is sure to be an excellent match up...the Cruiserweight Title is up for grabs.
Lilith: And maybe Scarlet's butt, too.
Eko: I just keep walking into those...
Lilith: Take your shoes off, then.
Eko: ARRRRGH!!!
Lilith: Don't do that, Meg...you'll hurt that pretty little head of yours....Scarlet and Nova tie up....Nova grabs her rear--er, well, inverted atomic drops her!!
Eko: Irish whip by Nova sends Scarlet to the ropes...she flips out onto the apron!! Now flips in backwards!!! Waistlock!! German Suplex Pin!!
.
.
.
On--kickout!
Lilith: Wow....her hands were sooo close to his crotch. I think only S&M's had them closer during a match.
Eko: That's because both of them deserve a punch in the crotch...Nova up now. Charges at Scarlet--she ducks the clothesline, Nova hooks a full nelson behind her....hoisting her up by it...she snapmares him over, though!! He kippups....booted in the midsection by Scarlet--Nova catches that second kick....Enzui Giri by Scarlet!!
Lilith: I wonder what it would be like to have that tail rubbed on the bottoms of your feet?
Eko: Probably would tickle...Scarlet pulls up Nova....going for a snap suplex now--blocked....knee to the breadbasket....Nova sends her into the ropes again...sets her head between his legs...set up now...SLEDGE-O-MATIC!!!
Lilith: It isn't a slicer, a dicer, a chopper or a hopper!! What in the hell could it it possibly be!?!
Eko: SLEDGE-O-MATIC!!
.
.
.
One
.
Kickout by Scarlet. A great move, but it is far too early in the match to put her away.
Lilith: Come on, Nova! Cop a feel!
Eko: Nova backs up Scarlet to the ropes....now seems to be setting her up for a suplex....there's a snap suplex now! Floatover by Nova!
.
.
.
One
.
.
Kickout again by Scarlet!
Eko: Nova pulls up Scarlet again...now...he's...
Lilith: GOING DOWN ON HER!!!
Eko: NOOO!!...He's looking for the Electric Chair Drop....Scarlet up on Nova's shoulders....Scarlet in desparation raining down punches on the head of Nova...Nova losing balance....now...SCARLET WITH A MYSTERIORANA!!!
.
.
.
One
.
.
.
TWO!!--Nova kicks out!!
Lilith: Stay there, Nova!! Savor it!! Share with me!!
Eko: *Ahem* Scarlet getting back up now, having effectively gained control of this match up....Nova getting up, but somewhat slow. Nova may have his mind more on his problems with Lance, and that may cost him.
Lilith: Oh yeah...Lance can't handle something as simple as Sonnette having a relationship with another female, can you imagine that?!
Eko: Actually, he sounds fairly normal....
Lilith: Well, at least Nova was nice enough to give him something to tide him over since he won't accept the REAL thing.
Eko: Scarlet burying a series of knees into the midsection of Nova...Nova doubled over now....Scarlet hits the ropes...drops to her knees with an uppercut!! Boot to the stomach...Nova blocks!!! Dragon Screw leg whip!! Excellent counter!
Lilith: Now...feel her up!!
Eko: I don't think that will happen, Lilith....Nova sending Scarlet into the corner now...Nova charges in...she catches him with a headscissors!! Nova dropping backwards now!! Scarlet lands on her forearms, springing off and getting up to her feet now!! Nova up now....Scarlet going for a neckbreaker....Nova blocks...Spin Doctor could be coming up....NO!! Kick--STUNNER by Scarlet!!! Scarlet now heading up on top....MOONSAULT, beautifully executed!!
.
.
.
One
.
.
.
Two!!
.
.
.
THREE!?!!?! NEW CHAMPION!!!
Winner by Pinfall; NEW Cruiserweight Champion >>> Scarlet Foxfire
The dance music from Iczelion cues up again as the referee raises her hand. Nova slowly gets up and shakes her hand, although noticably with some anger, before leaving the ring. Scarlet is handed the Cruiserweight Title.
Eko: Scarlet wins the Cruiserweight Title!!! Both members of Wildpack 2000 are now singles champions!!~~~At least for now. Can Spike beat Colley-chan tonight to win the European Title?! Find out next!!
Lilith: And see the sexiest she-skunk on TV since Fifi LaFume!
Eko: Ummm...sure....
**Commercial Break**
We come back to Megan Eko covering her face in embarrasment...and then we pan up to the table. Clad in all black, wearing knee-high boots, with a nearly transparent black mesh number with only a black bra and panties underneath it, black gloves, and tapping a riding crop into her palm, stands Lilith. The males in the crowd, not surprisingly, are hooting and hollering in response.
Lilith: Now...be honest. This IS a good look for me, don't you think?
Eko: I don't know...sounds like something you should ask a guy. Now SIT back down her and let's commentate our main event.
With a flash, Lilith is clothed in her normal outfit again, and hops down onto her chair.
Lilith: Don't be such a spoil sport! I'm trying to have fun here!
"Superbeast (Girl on a Motorcycle Remix)" by Rob Zombie cues up, and the crowd's mood quickly turns ugly, booing like hell even before Spike walks out onto the stage. Behind him, with a crutch and a bit of a limp, is the injured Morty.
Eko: Whether as singles or tag, or fair or no, Spike and Morty are a dominant force, having only recently been relieved of the tag team titles.
Lilith: Doesn't Spike have....jewelry down there?
Eko: Down where?
Lilith: YOU KNOW WHERE!!
Eko: I don't know...I haven't SEEN that nor do I care to.
Lilith: I'm pretty sure he does...and I KNOW "Big Yiffy" does.
Eko: That's something I really don't need to know, but I'm sure neither of them would be too shy to tell you...
"HT," the theme from Trigun, cues up next, and the crowd pops once again, as Colley-CHAN, Colley Dogstar's female form, walks out onto the stage, Rik close behind as backup. Lilith: And here comes, Le Bootie!!
Eko: Hm?
Lilith: Say...I wonder..what do you think Colley meant when he said he "still had it, even as a girl?"
Eko: Skill?
Lilith: I don't THINK SO! Maybe all that talk about Spike being "nutless" meant he...
Eko: You think that even as a female, Colley still has his...?
Lilith: Yeah, it isn't like he was neutered, or anything!
Eko: Well, you worry TOO much about that sort of thing....right now, Colley's main worry is beating Spike and Rik's is keeping Morty out of this contest.
Colley-chan climbs into the ring, and hands the TV Title the referee, and does a few stretches as she twitches her tail angrily, staring down Spike...
Eko: The European Title IS...repeat IS...on the line here! Colley insisted it be, and whether this is just about pride or Colley trying to show off...it will be a match to remember...
*ding, ding*
Eko: Colley-chan going to work already with a dropkick on Spike!! Spike up again..there's another!!
Lilith: Now, if she wasn't wearing boots...
Eko: Colley-chan exhibiting some impressive skill...Spike back up now...spinning heel kick has Spike teetering...Colley-chan hits the far ropes again....SPIKE GETS THE BOOT UP!! Colley-chan takes a hard kick to the face!
Lilith: Ouchie...it could have been worse if it was a long snout, though.
Eko: You're correct there....Spike pulling up Colley-chan now....shoving her into the corner....some knee lifts from Spike may even things up a bit here....now a boot across the throat--nothing flashy or fancy here, just raw, brutal power put to use by Spike.
Lilith: Man...that MUST hurt. Most people could live in Spike's boot.
Eko: Barring the awful smell, I suppose so. Spike lets go and Colley-chan staggers out of the corner...Spike grabs her around the throat, and picks her up now...setting her on the top turnbuckle with ease!
Lilith: Wow...it would be cinch for him to put her over his knee and SPANK her...
Eko: Spike climbing up onto the second rope....but Colley-chan is recovering!! She stands up on the top...SUNSET FLIP!! BUT SPIKE STILL HOLDS ONTO THE ROPES!! Spike now SLAMS DOWN HIS BODY WEIGHT ONTO COLLEY-CHAN's CHEST!!
Lilith: NOOOOOOOOOO!!! Not her chest!!!
Eko: Well, it isn't like she has implants--hell, they'll just turn to pecs next time she takes a warm shower.
Lilith: They'll turn to WHAT?!
Eko: PECS!!
Lilith: Heh-heh-heh..hehhehehehheh..heh-heh..um.
Eko: How do I put up with you...Spike stomps away on Colley-chan...now pulling her up by her hair.
Lilith: The only girl I know with an all-natural skunk stripe.
Eko: Spike whips her HARD into the opposite corner....Morty yanks her out now by her ankle!! Morty laying in kicks to the ribs of Colley-chan!! Come on Rik!!
Lilith: Damn....that may be the longest they've gone without cheating.
Eko: Rik now fighting with Morty now...Morty at a disadvantage but he's still hanging in there tough...Colley-chan slowly rising...Spike out now....and he gives her a helping hand into the ring. Well...dumps her in...but.
Lilith: COME ON, COLLEY-CHAN!!
Eko: Spike now wrapping that huge hand around the head of Colley-chan...more or less literally palming her head...
Lilith: Man...Spike brags a lot, but he'd better be packing or else he wouldn't really be able to--
Eko: LILITH!!!
Lilith: Censors hate me!
Eko: It's the Hanging Mask!! A submission speciality a Spike! What impressive strength...he's trying to crush her head...she can barely see....she's backing Spike into the corner.....drives an elbow into the gut!! He breaks the hold!! Colley-chan now in the center of the ring...SPINNING HEEL KICK with Spike in the corner!!
Spike , now dazed, falls down and slumps sitting up in the corner. The crowd cheers in anticipation.
Eko: Uh oh...looks like it could be time for the Bronco Buster--wait, Colley-chan moving in towards him.
Colley-chan slaps her rear, and turns around, her back to Spike.
Lilith: *smiling evilly* Ohhhh....not quite. You KNOW what this is!!
Eko: Colley-chan with a stinkface...but....w-what is she doing?!?!? Spike's face is getting wet. She's SPRAYING SPIKE WITH SKUNK MUSK!!!
Lilith: DAMN!!
Eko: Talk about a stinkface...Spike has just been skunked!!! He might as well burn those tights...and maybe soak in a tub full of tomato juice for a day or two!!
Lilith: Spike's climbing out of the corner...and he looks PISSED!!!
Eko: Spike laying in some STIFF shots to Colley-chan!! Whips her to the ropes...setting her up now....DIVING POWERBOMB!!! Spike now stomping at the ribs of Colley-chan, not even going for a cover!!! Now he grabs her by the hair....pulling her up again.....HEAD AND ARM SUPLEX!! He dumps her near the ropes. He looks to be trying to go for all his patented moves to try to put Colley-chan away--Morty now using his leverage to choke Colley-chan!! Rik chases him off! Smart by Morty--not fighting when he can barely stand.
Lilith: Whew....I guess this means that Spike isn't going to be getting too many dates for a while.
Eko: Not unless they have some major olfactory dysfunctions....Spike now laying in more boots to Colley-chan....she's crawling now...Spike grabs her by the tail.....SHE SPRAYS HIM AGAIN!!! Is that even legal?!
Lilith: Hmmm...as far as I know, their isn't any rule against it. Imagine this poor ref's predicament, though....
Eko: Spike can barely even see...let alone fight....WAIT....Colley-chan now...can she actually do this?!? She's going to try a Third Impact....trying to get up Spike now...
Morty slides in the ring, busting his crutch over the back of Colley-chan before she can go for her finisher...
*ding, ding, ding*
Eko: Morty in!! Spike shaking his head...not able to see clearly....HE GRABS MORTY BY THE HEAD!!! SETTING HIM UP....SUFFERING'S END!! Spike just pulled off his finisher on his own partner!! Rik is helping Colley-chan out of the ring....it may be a DQ win, but it's a win....and Colley is still the TV Champion!
Winner by DQ; still EAW European Champion >>> Colley/Colley-chan Dogstar
"HT" cues up again as Rik and Colley-chan are on the ramp, looking back in the ring at the perplexed Spike and the unconscious Morty.
Eko: I wonder if that second spray was even intentional...Spike may have set if off himself!
Lilith: *cough, cough* Man...I can smell is now...ugh...*pee-yewww*
Eko: AAAACK...so can I...man...Spike...*holds nose* needs a bath...ugh....