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Live from the America West Arena in Phoenix, AZ!

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The obligtory pan across the arena is shown with a lot of "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!" signs in the crowd. Wrestling-themed signs are also there, such as "TIFA'S PUPPIES ARE BIGGER THAN VELOCITY'S!!" and "KANE WILL SPIKE S & M!!" The camera positions to what people are calling the female JR & the King...

Megan: Welcome to Mayhem! Megan Eko with Lilith Aensland here, and we got a great show for you tonight! We--

Lilith: ENOUGH TALK!! PUPPIES!!! SHOW ME THE PUPPIES!!! SHOW ME THE PUUUUUUPPIIIIIIIIEEEEEEESSSSS!!!!

Megan: *sigh* ... our first match is a bout which I don't... really condone...

Lilith: VELOCITY AND TIFA IN BIKINIS!! FIRST ONE TO PULL OFF THEIR OPPONENT'S TOP WINS!! YEAH, BABY!!

Megan: *sigh* ... Yeah... well, this is yet another way to garner cheap ratings from our President Lord Gokuo... but the fans want to see this sort of thing, so...

Lilith: BRING ON THE BABES!!! YEAH, BABY!!

"Fire" by Scooter cues up... and out comes Velocity, wearing her green bikini with the gold lightning design on the backside. She smiles and waves to the fans, then crotch-chops once before walking normally to the ring, flipping into it, and turning to the entranceway, waiting for her opponent.

Lilith: @_@ ... Wow... ivory white skin... and we've seen the twins Vel's got... her nips are pink, folks!! YES! Pink nips on Velocity!!

Megan: ... *sigh*

"Walk On Water" by Aerosmith cues up next... and out comes Tifa Lockheart, wearing her red thong bikini, with her arm-length wristbands, padded gloves, and left elbowpad with it all... she looks to be all business as she walks to the ring with a purpose.

Megan: Do you know the real tragedy to this match is, Lilith? Neither Velocity or Tifa had no real grudge... Tifa believed Velocity had cost her the Woman's Title and it was only too late that Tifa realized how wrong she is... but this match has still gone on because both Tifa and Velocity still have a lot to prove to each other!

Lilith: Nah, the real tragedy is that if they DID patch things up, this match wouldn't even happen!

Referee Teddy Long (and the luckiest guy in the world right now) rings the bell, and the match is underway!

Megan: And here we go! Velocity rushes in and slides under Tifa's legs! Grabs her-- DIVING REVERSE DDT! Velocity getting a quick start in in this match!

Lilith: Hey, they don't call her Velocity for nothing, Megan!

Megan: Velocity whips the stunned Tifa to the ring ropes... PULLING WALK SLAM!! No pin-falls in this kind of match though... Velocity gets Tifa up-- WAIT! JUDO THROW BY TIFA!!

Lilith: She is the martial arts master!!

Megan: Fist drop-- no, Velocity rolls out of the way! And-- arm drag by the super-speedster! Vel moves in-- Tifa with a back roll to Velocity's back!

Lilith: And what a back she's got!

Megan: Whip to the ropes... drop toe hold by Tifa! Another whip to the ropes... TIFA WITH A KNEE SMASH! Shades of Triple H!

Lilith: Whoo! Not bad!!

Megan: Another Judo throw by Tifa... pick up-- no, Velocity quickly gets behind Tifa... SLEEPING NECKBREAKER!! Pick up... arm drag... TIFA COMES BACK WITH A SPEAR TO VELOCITY'S MIDSECTION!! Velocity rolls away to her feet... CROSS CHOP TO TIFA!! Pick up... and THERE'S THE STANDING DRAGONRANA! BEAUTIFUL! ... But there's no pin-falls in this match...!

Lilith: D'OH!

Megan: Velocity whips Tifa to the corner, charges in... TIFA LEAPFROGS OVER! ELBOW TO THE GUT OF VELOCITY KNOCKS HER INTO THE CORNER INSTEAD! VELOCITY KICKS TIFA IN THE HEAD! And whips her into the opposite corner!! ANOTHER LEAPFROG BY TIFA!! VELOCITY KICKS TIFA IN THE BREADBASKET! And... MEXICAN STRETCH BOMB!! STILL no pin-falls, though!!

Lilith: Maybe she's doing these moves for a mix of humiliation and weardown, hm?

Megan: Perhaps... Velocity whips Tifa to the corner... charges in... CROSS CHOP SENDS TIFA OVER THE TOP ROPE AND TO THE OUTSIDE!!

Lilith: No Woman's Land!!

Megan: Velocity doesn't capitalize and lets Tifa back into the ring, though... that might be a mistake in the long run... ANOTHER SPEAR BY TIFA!! Talk about prophetic! But Velocity manages to get up... runs in and-- INCREDIBLE!! SPINNING ARM DRAG!! What agility from Velocity!!

Lilith: Yeah, that was pretty darn cool there!

Megan: This match is less like a cat-fight and more like a straightforward wrestling match! Odd...Velocity helps Tifa up... and Tifa eats an outside crescent kick! Velocity's climbing the top rope... DRAGON ATTACK!!! TIFA TRIED TO GET OUT OF THE WAY BUT GOT CLIPPED!! Velocity-- WAIT! TIFA'S GOT VELOCITY'S LEG! SHE'S LOCKED ON THE SIDE LEG LOCK!! There's no submissions in this match, but it's sure to wear Velocity down quite a bit!

Lilith: Plus Velocity gets a very good like at Tifa's left bare foot! Yummy yum yum!! Suck her toes, Vel!!

Megan: She's not you, Lilith. Tifa breaks the hold... and lays in a double knee drop!! Velocity gets up, but gets sweeped!! Tifa's got Velocity on the ropes literally now... and there's the RUNNING KNEE STRIKE!! WAIT! Velocity counters! Back roll to Tifa's rear! Turnaround... STANDING DROPKICK! WHAT ELEVATION!!

Lilith: Two bare feet right in Tifa's face! How lucky IS that girl!!

Megan: Side suplex from Velocity! And Tifa's hurting! If she's not careful she'll lose this match... and her top, too!

Lilith: I got my camera!! ^_^

Megan: WAIT! KARATE KICK BY TIFA! And Velocity gets sent down! Climbing the top... KNEE DROP!! And another Judo throw by the barmaid from the Seventh Heaven!! NO! ARM DRAG BY VELOCITY... AND THERE'S THE CROSS BODY! Tifa's got the wind knocked out of her! Velocity gets Tifa up... THERE IT IS!! CRASH! AND! BURN!!

Lilith: Velocity's got Tifa down! Now... FINISH HER!!

Megan: Velocity's sensing victory, no doubt about it... she grabs a hold of Tifa's top...

Lilith: PUPPIES!!!!

Megan: But Tifa's got Velocity's top!! SHE--!! Wha--?!!

Lilith: o_O;; ... ^_^!!! WOO-HOO!!! BOTH THEIR TOPS GOT PULLED OFF!!!!

Sure enough that was what happened... Tifa placed a foot on Velocity's stomach and pulled away, at the same time Velocity pulled away at Tifa's top.

Megan: So... what happened?! Who won?!

Lilith: INSTANT REPLAY!!! INSTANT REPLAY!!! @_@!!

Megan: Let's get the official word from Howard Finkle!

Fink: Ladies and gentlemen, both Tifa Lockheart and Velocity pulled each other's tops off at the same time... therefore, referee Teddy Long has issued this match... a draw!

WINNER: None (Draw)

Megan: Well, there you go! A very incredible match from both Tifa and Velocity has resulted in no winner whatsoever! But... wait, Tifa and Velocity haven't really made any gesture to cover each other up... the censor board have no doubt got this digitially covered up, but still...

Lilith: WOO-HOO!!! *takes pictures* I LOVE THIS!!!

Megan: ... Both Tifa and Velocity are smiling... now they're hugging!! I guess... there's no hard feelings after all!

*BLINK!*

Megan: Wha--?! Blink's teleported in!! She just handed Velocity a DX jersey! And... oh my God... she just handed TIFA one too!!! What is...?!

Lilith: ... This was all a test of some kind?! WHOA!! AWESOME!! YES!! TIFA LOCKHEART IS THE NEWEST MEMBER OF NEO D-X!!!! AWESOME!!!! AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!!!!

"The Kings" cues up as the three ladies crotch chop to the green pyrotechnics, then Blink holds up her hands as both Tifa and Velocity grasp them in a sign of unity.

Megan: This is... this is unbelievable!! Neo D-X is no longer a duo, but a trio!! What else is going to happen here tonight?!

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Megan: What the heck was that...?!

Lilith: It's hip! It's now! It's damned annoying! It's BAD TRANSLATION!! COMING SOON TO A MODEM NEAR YOU!! BECAUSE SOMEBODY SET US UP THE BOMB!!!

Megan: ... Right.

**Commercial Break**

As we come back from break, Megan seems to be having difficulty calming down Lilith, who is bouncing up and down in her chair....

Lilith: PUPPIES!!! PUPPIES!!! PUPPIES!!! PUPPIES!!! PUPPIES!!! PUPPIES!!!

Eko: Calm down!!

Lilith: Four, beautiful, perky PUPPIES!!! THIS IS THE GREATEST NIGHT IN OUR SPORT!!!

Eko: Well...in case you missed our last match...and you are a heterosexual male...and you didn't tape it, prepare to kick yourself, as we just saw Tifa and Velocity wrestle to a draw as Tifa swerved us all, and joined Neo D-X.

Lilith: And we saw her puppies!!!

Eko: Yeah...that we did. As you can see, Lil's apparently channeled the spirit of the King AND Tony Schiavone.

Lilith: ARM DRAG AND TWIST--*blink, blink*...uh...what happened? ^_^

Eko: Ummm...never mind. Up next....

Megan is cut off by the blaring trumpets of William Regal's theme.

Lilith: Do ah make you horny, baby? Do I?

Eko: Oh...please....don't....do....Austin....Powers....references.

Lilith: I haven't seen those in a while....but I HAVE seen the porno version--Austin Prowler!

Eko: *groan* At any rate...the leader of that odd brand of British misfits known as the Jolly Gentlemen.

Lilith: Mr. Parfect hit on me....

Eko: Don't go any further than that...Regal is in the ring awaiting his opponent....

"El Cu Cuy" by Coal Chamber starts up, and JC Stone walks out from the back, with Neijessa hanging on to him.

Lilith: In a recent poll...Neijessa has been picked by 70% of men as what they'd most like to have with Jell-o.

Eko: *ahem*..yes, Neijessa's debut match WAS rolling around in a tub of Jell-o with Ivory. However, tonight she'll just be standing at ringside as her man takes on William Regal one on one.

Lilith: He may be HER man...but I hear he doesn't squeeze his own orange juice!! Not like Regal, a REAL man's man!!

Eko: I'm sure Regal is going to be in therapy for years because of that gimmick....anyhow, Stone's in the ring and this match is set to start off...

*ding, ding*

Eko: JC charges in....armdrag takeover by Regal...Stone dropkicks him into the knees! Regal up...clothesline from Stone takes him down. Elbowdrop by Stone misses....Regal surprises him with a European Uppercut!! Pulls Stone up....whip to the ropes...a SIDE belly to belly suplex by Regal! A cover....

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One--kickout by JC.

Lilith: Come on, Willy!! Get your MOJO working!!!

Eko: Stone up....Regal lays into him with those famous stiff right hands...now a few shots to the kidney. Regal cinches on an Abdominal Stretch! JC tries to reach for the ropes now....but Regal, the veteran, maneuvers him away from the ropes....Stone trying to fire himself up to break out of this hold...he shakes his body violently to loosen Regal's grip!! Now backs him into the corner!! Regal lets go! Stone now laying in some boots to the midsection of Regal--it's a big target, hard to miss.

Lilith: I'm betting that Regal probably is thinking right now how he'd like to SHAG Neijessa right about now. I know I am!!

Eko: Well....if it wasn't her, it'd be someone else.

Lilith: Oh..it isn't JUST her...

Eko: *ahem*...Stone pulling Regal out of the corner by his hair...setting him up now...Snap Suplex! Cover by Stone..

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One

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Kickout by Regal!

Lilith: Kick his bloomin' arse, JC!

Eko: Whose side are you on?

Lilith: *shrug* Neither...

Eko: JC pulls up Regal after the near fall...William Regal shot into the ropes...WAIT...BEAUTIFUL swinging neckbreaker by Regal!!

Lilith: Did someone say......swinging?

Eko: Regal sits up JC....now applying some sort of submission hold...

Lilith: HEY!!! That looks like the Porn Pretzel!!

Eko: Well, he probably doesn't call it that...but at any rate, Regal's stragety seems to be submission based, rather than trying to score a pinfall--something rarely employed in most EAW matches.

Lilith: Whoop his bloody bum, Lord Regal!!

Eko: If JC doesn't escape this hold soon, or Regal doesn't release it, JC could be in a bad way. JC trying to get up on one knee...but being forced down by the much heavier Regal.

Lilith: Later on this week...Willy's mum and pop can turn on the telly and see this match.

Eko: Indeed...Stone seems to be making some progress....yes! He's breaking free of this hold....Stone back up to his feet!! Setting up Regal now!! STO!!! Cover by Stone

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One

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Two--kickout by Regal!

Lilith: The Queen Mum sends her encouragement!!

Eko: JC now sending Regal into the corner. It looks like Stone is going to go for some sort of Superplex to try to turn this match heavily into his favor....setting up Regal now on the top....and....shoved off by Regal!! Regal shakes it off...Stone jumps onto the ropes and crotches Regal on the turnbuckle!!

Lilith: Those poor Willy Wonkas!!

Eko: JC going for the move again....and...there's the Superplex!!

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One

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Two

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...aaaand NO!! Kicks out at the last second!

Lilith: SMASHING!!!

Eko: Regal pulled up again by Stone....Regal with another European Uppercut....waistlock by Regal....MANACHAN MANGLER!! Cover by Regal now..

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One

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Two

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And NO!!!

Lilith: European Union!!!

Eko: .......Regal pulls up Stone...this match has just about evened up at this point...Regal going for another suplex--Stone reverses into a waistlock...Regal does as well..spins around Stone...Vertical suplex--blocked!! Boot to the midsection by Stone....setting up Regal...STONEDRIVER BOMB!!! Cover by Stone...

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One

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Two

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Three!! It's almost academic after a move like that.

Winner by Pinfall >>> JC Stone

"El Cu Cuy" begins to play again as the referee raises JC's hand....and we go to commercials.

**Commercial Break**

We come back from break...

Megan: Welcome back, fans! We just saw an incredible contest from William Regal and JC Stone...and up next, former tag team champs Chainsaw will face off against the team of Mike Action and Kevin Nash.

Lilith: Chainsaw's going to be my faves for this match...after all, they're trying to save the Kat's job! What kind of IDIOT promotor would NOT want that cute little package in his fed?

Eko: Well...I think that the only thing of note she did was strip on a Pay-Per-View...and that hardly justifies her to have job security.

Lilith: Oh come on!! She's delish from head to toe... Meeeeeowwwwwwrrrr....

Eko: Anyway...there's a match up next to call...

"Hellrazor" from Tupac cues up, bringing out the tandem of Nash and Action...who get quite a few boos for there most recent actions of attacking Bret Hart during his first match with Kanyon.

Eko: Nash and Action are in need of a win tonight...but they have a habit of trying to avoid the rules and take shortcuts. A win over a pair of former tag champs would put them in the running for some gold--be it in singles or tag.

Lilith: Yeah...but I hear they couldn't care less about the Kat--*hmmph*

Kevin Nash steps over the ropes after he gets onto the apron, while Mike Action uses the stairs. Nash's scissors beats Action's paper, so Nash stands in the ring as Action steps onto the apron.

"Game" by Mystical and Raz Kaz cues up suddenly.

Megan: It appears that Nash will start this match off....and here come Chainsaw.

The crowd pops huge for the crusaders for the Kat's cause, as they step down off the ramp, they pass lengthly sheets of blank graph paper to either side, urging the crowd to sign it.

Lilith: I'LL SIGN!! I'LL SIGN!! I already signed, but I'll sign again!!

Megan: Chaynz and Buzzsaw....looking out for their friend, the Kat. However, they need to be focused on their match, and not on that tonight. Both men slide into the ring...Buzzsaw steps out onto the apron...and Chaynz and Kevin Nash will start us off!!

*ding, ding*

Eko: Both these men the larger of their respective teams...Chaynz laying in some quick jabs on Nash...Nash sends him staggering with a simple headbutt! Whips him to the ropes now...Chaynz ducks between his legs....rolls him up with a schoolboy!!!

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One

and no!!

Eko: That was a clever stragety...and Nash's legs would be a good target during this match.

Lilith: Nash's legs are so long a whole kennel could find a spot to hump.

Eko: Ewww....Chaynz whips Nash now...hits the mat as returns--Buzzsaw with a hard shot to the back of Nash!! Nash staggers to Chaynz....boot---DDT!!! Good show of teamwork by these former champs. Chaynz tags in to Buzzsaw now. He pulls up Nash...now both of them hoistingupNashandBACKDROPSHIM!!!

Lilith: For those of you just tuning in who aren't familiar with the EAW, Buzzsaw is of no affiliation to Tajiri....say it Megan!

Eko: I will NOT say it....I refuse to. Buzzsaw yanks up Nash...

Lilith: Aww....pretty please with sprinkles, whipped cream, and cherries on top?

Eko: Dare I ask what else that is all on top of....Buzzsaw sends Nash into the corner. Now charges him--NASH COUNTERS WITH A BACK ELBOW!! Now...hoists him up...SNAKE EYES in the corner....whips him to the opposite ropes....Big Boot!! Nash now crouching down to pull him up for more punishment.

Lilith: Crouching Nash, Hidden Workrate.

Eko: Nash lays in some stiff rights....whips him to the ropes now...Side Slam!! Cover!!

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One

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Kickout! Buzzsaw kicks out of one of Nash's primary moves just after the one! Fortunately he's fresh. Nash tags in Action.

Lilith: Yeah....something I look for every night...

Eko: Double Irish Whip sends Buzzsaw into the corner. Nash and Action lock arms for a double clothesline into the corner....Buzzsaw springs over behind them!! They hook onto either side of him....double Russian Leg Sweep!! Buzzsaw needs to get a tag!! Nash going back to the outside...and Action pulls up Buzzsaw. Nash setting up that boot on the corner pad.

Lilith: He forget to lace them?

Eko: No....Action rams Buzzsaw's face into it!! Action sits Buzzsaw onto the top turnbuckle--smart stragety to isolate one member of the team....this could be just about it..

Lilith: NO!!!

Eko: Superplex coming up...NO....Buzzsaw fighting back now...sending Action flying off the top!! Buzzsaw standing up now....Nash trying to grab the leg...FLIPPING NECKBREAKER by Buzzsaw!! Crawling over to his corner now....tag in to Chaynz!! Action up now!!

Lilith: BIDNESS...is ABOUT TO PICK UP!!

Eko: Action and Chaynz toe-to-toe!! Whip to the corner to Action....Action charges in with a Spear--Chaynz elevates himself up and over!! Sunset Flip!!

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One

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Two--kickout by Action!

Eko: He's up quickly to his feet....Chaynz going for a powerbomb--reverse into a Hurracanrana by Action!!

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One

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TWO!!

Roll through by Chaynz!!

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One

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TWO!!

kickout!

Lilith: WHEEEE Doggy!!

Eko: Both these two up...Chaynz with an armdrag on Action...another...whips Action to the ropes..Action with a waistlock...now going for a reverse suplex....Chaynz lands behind--backslide....

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One

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Two

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Kickout again!! Action up again...Inverted Atomic Drop by Action!! Whips Chaynz to the ropes...Chaynz spins around him with a sleep--no, reverse into a Sleephold by Action--SLEEPING NECKBREAKER!!! Cover by Action!!

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One

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Two

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Kickout!!

Eko: A frustrated Action tags to Nash to finish the job...Nash in now. He pulls up Chaynz...setting him up for a powerbomb now....FACEBUSTER by Chaynz!! Shades of Kidman....Chaynz going up top now...Buzzsaw as well....CORKSCREW LEGDROP/SWANTON BOMB!! THE PACK ATTACK!!! COVER by Chaynz....

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One

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TWO

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THREE!!

Lilith: WHOO-HOO!!! I bet that petition is just racking up the signatures now!!

Winners by Pinfall >>> Chainsaw

"Game" begins to play....

Eko: Coming up next...the European Title will be on the line when Colley defends against Rik Felstrom!!

Lilith: Hopefully Colley will wrestle shirtless...sooo...if someone should toss a bucket of water on him he might change into his female form, then his pecs will become PUPPIES!!! Well....SKUNKIES!!!

Eko: I think you've seen enough of them for one night....

Lilith: You KIDDING!?! We're just getting started...

**Commercial Break**

Megan: We're back and we are set for our next match! It's for the EAW European Title belt as we'll be seeing Red Tooth & Claw members Rik Felstrom and champion Colley Dogstar fight it out for the strap!

Lilith: This is so cool! We never got to see members of the Knight Cross fight in the ring like this!!

Megan: Mainly because of a kind of family unity, Lilith... I'm not one to act all pessimistic, but this match might very well tear the very fabric of Red Tooth & Claw apart at the seems!

The challenger comes out first... "We Will Rock You" cues up as Rik Felstrom walks to the ring... looking as focused as he ever looked as he looked to his adoring fans, then climbed up to the top rope and adjusted his gloves, looking to the entrance.

Megan: Rik looks ready to fight tonight, Lilith... he and Colley are very good friends, and tonight we could be seeing a very good contest in itself!

"Of Wolf & Man (S & M Version)" cues up... and Colley Dogstar comes out, European title around his waist, the pop he gets as loud as Rik's. He looks to Rik... standing, waiting for him... almost hesitantly, he moves forward, looking focused too as he climbs the ring.... tossing the belt to referee Earl Hebner, and waiting in his corner.

Megan: And Hebner calls for the bell.

Megan: Rik and Colley share a quick handshake... and then they circle each other... TIE UP! And... COLLEY POWERS RIK AWAY! Great show of strength by Big Yiffy!

Lilith: Hehe... you know what "yiff" means?"

Megan: I know what it means, Lilith.

Lilith: So you wanna yiff?

Megan: No... oh! Arm drag by Rik! And another! And--POWER CLOTHSLINE!! And Rik's down! Colley sizes up Rik... standing Cano's Elbow-- NO! Too soon, Rik gets out of the way and throws a fast kick to Colley's head! That stuns him enough... SPINNING WHEEL KICK!! ANd Rik's on him-- THERE'S THE 10-57!! NEW CHAMP-- NO! Colley got to the ropes!! Rik releases the hold-- COLLEY'S UP!! OHH! EVENFLOW DDT!! Cover! One! Two! NO! Rik kicks out! Colley gets Rik up... whip to the corner-- TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER!! The champion is fighting tonight!

Lilith: Rik don't look to hot now!

Megan: Colley whips Rik to the corner and charges in... wait, Rik meets him-- HOBBES POUNCE!!! AND LOOK AT THE FISTS FLY!! Combo... ARMBAR!!! Earl Hebner's checking to see if Colley'll submit... but he's not... he... ohh... oh my GOD!!!

Lilith: WHOA!!! O_O!

Megan: Colley POWERED OUT! With authority!! And delivered a makeshift piledriver in the process!! Awesome! Cover! One! Two! But Rik gets a shoulder up! Colley gets him up... looks like he may try the Third Impact!! He gets him up-- RIK COUNTERS! KICK! STUNNER!!! The cover!! One! New champ! NO!! Just a two count!

Lilith: Tougher than ol' leather! Give to da Zoot!

Megan: Rik gets Colley up... Cat Crash coming up-- NO! COLLEY COUNTERS WITH AN STO!! Gets up up... THIRD IMPACT-- NO!! ANOTHER COUNTER!! MICHINOKU DRIVER!! COVER! One! Two! Th-NO!! Just BARELY!!!

Lilith: Wow!!! Talk about intense!!

Megan: Rik gets him up... hurricarana?! Ye-NO!! COUNTER!! POWERBOMB!! ANOTHER ONE, THIS IS... THE THIRD IMPACT!!! Cover! One! Two! Three!!! Wow!!

Lilith: Now THAT was power!!

Winner and still EAW European Champion: "Big Yiffy" Colley Dogstar

Megan: Colley helps Rik up... Rik's beaten, but he still put up a good fight! And Colley holds his friend's arm up! I guess I was wrong! Red Tooth & Claw is still alive and well!

Lilith: Wish the Knight Cross was... =/

Megan patpats Lilith on the back.

Megan: Don't go away! We got plenty of action to go on Mayhem!

**Commercial Break....but before we return to the show...**

We see a skinny, quivering jobber at the side of a wrestling ring...

Jobber: Come on...can't I just ask the boss if I can have the night off?

Manager shoving him towards the ring: NO!!

Jobber: Can I at least have a last meal?

Manager: ....like?

Jobber: A Tombstone....with extra cheese...pepperoni...some green peppers...

A gloves hand reaches over the ropes, and pulls him up by his hair.

Jobber: NO NO NO NO NO!!! NOT THAT KIND!!

Kane pummels the jobber in the middle of the ring....hits him with a big boot....the top rope lariat...chokeslam....and a Tombstone Piledriver....

One....Two....Three!!!

Kane: (growls as he looks at the camera) What do you want on your Tombstone?

We cut back to the show, where Megan and Lilith are seated at the announcer's desk.

Eko: Coming up next...will be our Main Event for the evening! Derek Walker will defend the Extreme Title against Spike of S&M!

Lilith: Grrr....I hope Derek gives him what's coming to him...picking on a poor innocent little girl like Ariel.

Eko: Well...S&M have developed a habit of not wasting any sympathy on man, woman, or child.

Lilith: Or wrath....furry....

"Superbeast (Girl on a Motorcycle Remix)" by Rob Zombie cues up, and out from the back steps Spike. Well he looked quite a bit roughed up from the tag team title match, he still is in impressive shape (and far better off than his partner). The crowd instantly begins to boo him.

Eko: Here comes Spike, with a trash can in tow with undoubtedly a variety of weapons for use in this matchup.

Lilith: Knowing the kind of stuff Spike and Morty keep around....I wonder just what kind of "toys" he brought along?

Eko: Well...Morty told us--baseball bats, razor wire weapons, and so on...

Lilith: YOU know what I'm talking about, Megsies...

Eko: *Ahem*....Spike tosses that trash can in the ring...and as soon as Derek gets here, I know we'll have a brutal match in store...

Lilith: One in which Derek will hopefully whip the UNHOLY SNOT OUT OF SPIKE and mop it up with his fat head!

"Travel Theme (to Crystalis)" cues up next, and Derek Walker rushes out from the back, and charges down to the ring, as the crowd gives hir a massive pop.

Eko: And here comes an ENRAGED Derek Walker....with the Extreme Title around hir waist!

Derek slides into the ring, and Spike tries to stomp at hir as bell rings and the match begins.

*ding, ding*

Eko: Derek trying to roll to the side to evade Spike's stomping...ducks the haymaker from Spike--dropkick! Tossing the Extreme Title to the side now...Spike back up quickly...Derek scooped and slammed by the challenger! Spike grabbing a baseball bat from that trashcan....Derek up...Spike rams in into the gut! Down across the back now!! Spike rolls hir over and covers..

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One--no, kickout!

Eko: Spike pulls Derek up now...Irish Whip...ducks the boot from Spike...Spike going for a backbody drop--NO!! Sunset Flip from Derek!! Quick kickout by Spike!!

Lilith: Forget the wrestling!! Bash him in the head with something, Derek!!

Eko: Derek quickly rolls to hir feet, grabs the baseball bat that Spike used on hir....Spike up..Derek behind him....SHI NAILS HIM BETWEEN THE LEGS!!

Lilith: OUCH!! Derek for one knows what THAT feels like.

Eko: Derek holding that bat across the throat of Spike....RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP--shades of the Sandman on that one!

Lilith: Thatta gir--bo--HERMIE, Derek!!

Eko: Derek now driving that bat down into the midsection of Spike. Shi heads up to the top now....GOES FOR A FLYING ELBOW...SPIKE GETS THE BOOT UP!!!

Lilith: Hey...I wonder if it is true what they say about Spike and Morty...

Eko: Spike on one knee...shaking the cobwebs out. --What do they say?

Lilith: That maybe the reason those two dumped BG was that they're a little....comme ci, comme ca?

Eko: Spike pounding on the back of Derek as shi tries to get up--is that so?

Lilith: Well...nearly every girl around here swings both ways, INCLUDING BG...so I don't think it's THAT far-fetched. Maybe Bee Gee was coming between them. Well...she WAS cumming between them...after all, they've definitely have more than a few manage--

Eko: OKAY, ENOUGH--Spike whips Derek to the corner....wraps that chain around his fist...charging in now...now wailing away with some shots to the midsection!! NOW a CHOP!!!

WHOOOO!!!!

Lilith: A chop with a chain?! Poor Derek's boobies are gonna be sore!

Eko: ANOTHER CHOP!!!

WHOOOO!!!

Eko: It doesn't quite have the same sound with that chain, but it's even more deadly! Spike now wrapping that chain around the neck of Derek....Derek trying to guard hir neck with hir thumbs.

Lilith: If shi hurts hir thumbs, she isn't going to be able to play video games!

Eko: Well...that's the least of hir worries now I think. WAIT....Derek snakes hir tail around the leg of Spike....yanks on it!! Spike off balance now...MULE KICK by Derek!!!

Lilith: Spike's nads are taking a beating tonight!

Eko: Derek grabs that chain....bounces off the ropes now....BULLDOGS SPIKE WITH THE CHAIN AROUND HIS NECK!!! Derek now sitting on Spike's back...yanking back on that chain like a sadistic form of the Camel Clutch!

Lilith: Look! Color Change Spike!

Eko: Spike trying to reach back and--grabs Derek's tail!! He yanks on it hard!!

Lilith: He always did say he was good at finding tail...

Eko: Derek releases the hold!! Spike shoves hir off now. He's coughing a bit from being deprived of air...but pulls up the champion....headbutt to Derek....whip to the ropes....Derek counters with a reverse elbow!!! Cover...

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One

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kickout by Spike!

Eko: Derek crouches...waiting for Spike to get back up....charges in...headscissors blocked!! Spike drops hir face first onto the Extreme Title in the corner!!! Spike pulls it out into the middle of the ring...yanks up the prone Derek. Now a whip to the ropes...set up...DIVING POWERBOMB onto that title belt!!

Suddenly--

KRAK-KOOOMMM!!Eko: ?What the hell?

"Out Of The Fire" cues up and Kane walks towards the ring! He looks very angry even under the mask he wears! Spike stops, turning to Kane and smirking, egging the Big Red Monster on. But as Kane gets half-way down the aisle, "Atonishing Panorama of the Endtimes" cues up!!

Eko: Cover by Spike now...

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One

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Two--and NO!! But this music...it can only mean...?

Lilith: Heeeeee's baaaack!!

Ryokami explodes from the ring mat, landing behind Spike and grabbing him from behind, turning him around, and driving him down with a spinning variation of the Sudden Impact!! As Kane gets to the ring, he pauses, staring at the skull-faced psychopath... Ryokami merely smiles... picking the stunned Spike up... and throwing him to Kane!!

Eko: Ryokami is back....he tosses Spike to Kane....

Kane nods to Ryokami, and lifts Spike up....

Eko/Lilith: CHOKESLAM!!!! CHOKESLAM!!! CHOKESLAM!!!

...driving him to the mat! Ryokami laughs evily, then flips out of the ring and heads back down the aisle... "Astonishing Panorama..." cueing up as Ryokami climbs back up to the stage... then looks back to Kane, Derek, and the down Spike... and brushes back his bangs, throwing his head back and maniacally laughing as he walks backwards towards the backstage area.

Eko: Derek is up..and stunned by what just happened...she covers Spike though quickly....

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ONE!!!

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TWO!!!

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THREE!!! Derek retains the Extreme Title!!!

Winner by Pinfall >>> Derek Walker; retains EAW Extreme Title

"Travel Theme (to Crystalis)" plays....

Eko: An incredible match, although Spike got a taste of his own medicine, losing thanks to the interference of Kane and Ryokami. Don't miss this Friday's Riot Rulz...this is Megan Eko, signing off..