Your hosts are BG Hyde and Paul Heyman!
The fireworks for Mayhem go off as we open to the Rupp Arena...
Signs in the crowd tonight: "Mongoose McQueen fears Mikey," "Triple H ('s voice) put my brother in a coma," "3:16 RULZ," "Heyman's Mouth is The Next Big Thing," various "MEOW!" signs for Ariel. "Eighteen: Call me -number blurred out-"
BG: Welcome everyone here tonight for EAW Tuesday Night Mayhem! I'm BG Hyde, here with Paul Heyman.
Paul: Yes..the main who started the Extreme Revolution, and the agent of the NEXT WWE Undisputed Champion, the "Next Big Thing," BROCK LESNAR!
BG: *ahem* Before we go to live action, for those fans who have written in concerned, Megan Eko is fine. She just has not felt up to appearing on TV ever since it appeared that Sweet Tooth--
Paul: Iced Ariel?
BG: ...yeah.
Paul: She coming back, she coming back?
BG: Indeed she will--likely next week at this very same time.
Paul: *whew*
BG: But first...
MMEEEOOWWWW!!! =^..^=
"Cat House" suddenly cues up!!
Heyman: THE HELL!?
BG: Wait a second...could it be?
suddenly break out into cheers as Ariel Bridges skips out to the stage, smiling brightly, waving to the crowd as she skips out to the ring, sliding under it, then hopping up to the top rope, smiling and waving to everyone!
Heyman: Aaah, I thought that smell of cat hair in the air was just a lingering smell from the last Swan's Nest.
BG: Nope Paul...it's none other than our very own Ariel Bridges..and she has a mic in hand.
>"It's great to be back!!" Ariel chimes, smiling happily as the crowd cheers the ten year old kitten-girl. "I wanted to come out here tonight because... well, everyone has believed since last month that I was dead! And the truth is... well... I WAS dead. For a little while. Sweetooth did kill me. It hurt a lot... but... well, I'm going to reveal something that might be a little hard to believe." she pauses for a moment before continuing. "... The fact of the matter is, is that I have a Nine Lives Effect... it's kind of a super-power I have whenever I'm in my kitten girl form! Whenever I die before my time, I can come back to life! I already used up two lives... once when I saved my friend Sakura from being hit by a car and again when... well, Sweetooth killed me... I promise to be extra careful though next time!" Ariel smiles hopefully. "Because I love all of you! It's your love for me that keeps me coming back to the EAW! And I'll never forget the love and the show of support for my family when I was gone! I--"
"Oh cut the pretentious crap already." a voice says, garnering a series of boos.
Heyman: WHOO! We're about to be joined by our great EAW Extreme Champion...and his sexy wife Kelly!
BG: Ugh...can't this guy let Ariel have her moment?
Heyman: HUSH! David might have something important to say.
BG: Well, Ariel backing up a bit, on the top rope now...
"You see people...what I said was right." he says grinning. "Like I said a few weeks back, I TOLD you all this was all a damn publicity stunt!"
"No!" Ariel says in retort. "No it wasn't! I really died!!"
"Oh cut the crap, Ariel." he says, walking up to be face to face with her. "You actually expect INTELLIGENT people like myself to actually BELIEVE that you're infused with magic or something. Please...you're just another mutant. And you used this whole fake Sweetooth thing to pretend to die and get more attention drawn to yourself." he says, glaring at her.
David smirks. "Little kids like yourself shouldn't swear. And so Damien knew about your mutant genes and helped bring them out. Big friggen deal. The matter at hand is this...you FAKED your own death to get publicity, because you're a greedy ego-maniac." he says, then grins. "How low are you...worrying your friends and family like that, making them think you were dead...hurting them emotionally...possibly scarring them for a good time. People like Megan Eko, who may never be back. People like Mighty Molly, who promised to protect you. And people like that crazy Japanese Girl Oseiko, who's an emotional wreck 24/7...."
BG: Geez...someone please get David out of here! Ariel looks like she's about to cry at this.
Heyman: She's just sad that the truth has been exposed, that's all.
BG: How can you say that?
Heyman: I...
"It's Love" suddenly cues up!!
Heyman: Oh no...
BG: Oseiko coming out from the entryway...and she's staring daggers at David...and slides into the ring right into his face.
Heyman: HEY! This isn't her time!
"BAKA!!! How dare you! Insulting Ariel-chan like this!!! She's been through so much without you berating her like she's done something wrong!!!"
Kelly takes the mic from her husband. "She has...she's faked her death for everyone. Look at all the people she had worried. How can you play the Devil's Advocate here?"
David takes back the mic. "This little..." he prevents himself from insulting her "...girl...tried insulting everyone's intelligence with this whole movie-like incident."
"Iie!" Oseiko defends Ariel. "You have no idea. NO. IDEA. Let me tell you, David-san! Kelly-san! Before the two of you came to the EAW there was a stable... a team of supernaturally gifted wrestlers called the Knight Cross!!" The fans cheer at the mention of the legendary stable. "There was Shaed-san! He was half-human, half-demon! And immortal! There was Sasori-san! An undead wraith! There was Ryokami-san! Shaed's half-demonic son! Dark-souled and evil! And then there was Ariel-chan! She had died already but it took Morrigan's powers as a goddess to bring her back to life! And with the powers Ariel has now... can't you see, David-san?! Ariel is a living, breathing miracle!! She doesn't deserve scorn! She deserves love!!"
"She deserves a spaying if you ask me." David says lightly.
Heyman: YES! That's telling it like it is, David!
BG: Hush Paul.
Oseiko stares at David. "Do you want proof, David-san? Proof that Ariel-chan is telling the truth?"
David scoffs. "Proof of something that's not true? Oh PUH-LEEZE! How much more movie-like footage do you have? You should start your own damn production company with all this crap." he says, smirking.
"... I didn't want to do this..." Oseiko says. "... But you see... when Ariel was killed, she didn't know about the security camera..." Oseiko looks sad. "... It didn't cut away... it showed every bit of what happened to Ariel-chan... and it's so violent..." She glances to a nearby camera. "... Those in the video truck. I want you to shut off the camera all over the arena. I'd rather spare the people at home what everyone in the arena is about to see here in a few moments..."
David sighs. "You went through a lot of time and effort to put out these little Blair Witch-ian vids, so why not." he says, leaning back into an opposing turnbuckle.
Oseiko walks to Ariel, giving her a hug. Ariel hugs back and turns away from the Jumbotron.
"... Play it..." Oseiko says softly.
*********************
The camera turn back on and the crowd is visibly stunned into silence at what they had just seen. Oseiko, who've seen the footage already, sighs deeply, wiping away a tear or two as she looks to Ariel. "Gomen nasai, Ariel-chan... I know you did't want to relive those moments..."
"... It's okay... I understand..." Ariel replies softly.
Kelly's face is in David's chest...and David just goes to leave with his wife, not saying anything, but looking sick now. Oseiko sighs softly... then picks Ariel up, hugging her close. "... you are a miracle, Ariel-chan... we all love you..." she waits until David and Kelly leave, then rolls out of the ring, still hugging the crying Ariel to her chest as she walks up the ramp.
Heyman:.....
BG: ...we'll be back after this.
***THIS IS A COMMERCIAL BREAK. THIS IS A COMMERCIAL BREAK. THIS IS A COMMERCIAL BREAK!***
The camera comes back on to a stunned Heyman and BG.
BG: Um...welcome back everyone. We've just gotten done seeing that footage...
Heyman: Damn...even ECW wasn't THAT Extreme...
BG: (sigh)That was a tough segment for us to see. However, time to go to the ring for our opening match--WWE Smackdown vs. EAW!--
A familiar entrance theme begins to play...and leaping up from an elevator section of the stage...
Capetta: Tonight's opening match, scheduled for one fall, with a 10 minute time limit, will be between a WWE Smackdown star, and one of our own EAW ones. Introducing first, from San Diego, California...he stands 5'6" and weighs in at 165 pounds. Reeeeeeeey Mysteeeeeriiio!
Paul: ...Junior?
BG: For some reason, the WWE doesn't acknowledge that, but none the less, it's the same Rey-Rey we grew to know and love from his WCW days.
Rey makes his way out, to a pumped up crowd.
Paul: Hmph..he used to work for me waaaaay back. Brock's eaten lunches bigger than this guy. No..SNACKS!
BG: It looks like you have as well, Paul.
Paul: HEY!
BG: It's clearly true. Folks, try not to blink too much during this match, because there's no telling what you'll miss.
Paul: Much like in the case of Brock vs. the Rock. He's promised not to finish him off TOO quick, however. AT WWE SUMMERSLAM!
BG: *cough* Right...
As Rey springs over the top rope, into the ring, "Butterfly (Extreme Mix)" by Crazy Town cues up.
Capetta: And his opponent...from Portland, Oregon: She stands 5'9" and weighs in at 125 pounds. FASHA!!
Paul: Aka, the Missing Link, Monkey Girl, or just "One of Brock's Victims." I never was much of a fan of the Masked Kindergartner, but in this match, I definitely am rooting for the little guy.
BG: Fasha actually standing taller than her opponent, but the 27 year old Rey Mysterio a veteran, having wrestled for and won Cruiserweight Titles all over the world--or the equivalents.
Paul: Yeah, yeah...GO REY!
*ding, ding*
BG: Fasha looking a little unsure of how to approach him...charging KNEE strike after faking him out with an elbow, going for an armwring--NO--reversal by Rey--FRONT DROPKICK puts her down! Fasha up--Rey up on her back--leaping over--and a DDT from her shoulders!!
Paul: Holy Crap!! That little sucker can move!
BG: Mysterio up--arm drags Fasha--drops the leg--rolls over into a handstand cover!
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ONE!
Quick kickout! Fasha up--Rey with a hard kick to the back, and grabbing the legs--powers out of the crab attempt by Rey! Fasha up--catches a charging Rey and sends him into the ropes, catches him, and hits the FRANCHISER!! CLOTHESLINES him out of the ring--Rey grabs the middle ropes--flips and in and behind Fasha--Drops her throat first across the top rope...and across the second rope--heads to the far ropes now--flipping through--the 619! And Rey with another cover!
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ONE!
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...NO, kickout before the two!
Paul: Heheh...apparently Fasha can't quite keep up with the little devil. By the way, whose his eye doc? The same as Viscera's?
BG: Rey picking up Fasha--hooking the arms--but Fasha taking the advantage--flips Rey over her--DROPKICK catches Rey by surprise, and am STO takes him by surprise! Fasha with a waistlock...pulling Rey off the mat, and a FRONT SIDEWALK SLAM powers him back down! Roll over into the cover...
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ONE!
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Kickout by Rey!
Paul: Rey back up, yanked up by his ankle by Fasha--leg hook suplex by Fasha--Rey rolling out of the ring--springing up on the apron--GORE through the ropes stops Rey mid-move. Setting him up for a suplex...aaaaaaand--SUPLEX into the ring by Fasha!
BG: Fasha quickly springing out to the apron--launches herself over the top rope--SWANTON BOMB on Rey!
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ONE!
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TWO!--Kickout!
Paul: *whew* ONE SECOND AWAY, and Fasha back up in a hurry, and picking Rey for a shin breaker--THERE it is. Now grabs the ankles--set up for a catapult--but Rey grabbing the ropes--up to the top rope--Fasha turns around--MOONSAULT PRESS by Rey!
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ONE!
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TWO!
Kickout by Fasha!
BG: Rey up, and heads to the corner again--springs off and catches Fasha with a cross body--Fasha rolls through, avoiding the pinfall! Holding one for a Belly to Belly--Rey slips free--sweep kick knocks Fasha off her feet...up on the back, and Rey with right hands to Fasha as she stands up--spins around--MYSTERIORANA on Fasha!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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...Fasha escapes!
Paul: Rey going up top, and could be set to finish her off...
BG: Fasha up in a daze--hitting the ropes--CROTCHES Rey on the turnbuckle. Heading for the corner now..and a DIAMOND FUSION sends Rey off the top rope to the mat! Hooks the leg!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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KICKOUT!
Paul: Nice escape by Rey, and Fasha pulling him up, going for a shoulderlock--no, knee to the midsection countered by Rey...into...Tiger Leg Sweep! Hits the ropes, and a somersault KNEE drop to the back of the neck!!
BG: Front face lock by Rey, perhaps going for a snap suplex--blocked by Fasha, and going for on--Rey lands behind--catches Fasha, and sends her into the corner! Rey charging in--walks up and springs off of Fasha--and...
Paul: Uh oh...Fasha right in perfect position...Rey charging back--and the BRONCO BUSTER on Fasha!!
BG: Dragging her out of the corner--leg hooked...
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ONE!
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TWO!
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NO!
Paul: Rey pulling her up, and Fasha POWERING out of his grip...elbow shots, and sends him to the ropes--ARM DRAG! Rey up--caught and POWERSLAMMED by Fasha!...heads for the ropes, and a Lionsault
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ONE!
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TWO!
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..NO!
BG: Fasha back up, and whipping Rey to the ropes--ROPE FLIP!--and Rey back in--Fasha charges--back kick by Mysterio--Cross Arm Cradle Pin on Fasha!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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NO!
Paul: Nice escape by Fash...I'll give that to her--but Rey now heading out to the apron...
BG: Fasha up, not realizing that behind here--SPRINGBOARD BY REY--INTO THE HURRACANRANA--
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE!!!
*ding, ding*
Paul: YES!! The little guy did it!
BG: Indeed he did...Rey with the victory thanks to that SWANK Hurracanrana variation...
Capetta: The winner of this match...REY MYSTERIO!!
BG: Fasha raising Mysterio's hand, and a handshake as a sign of respect!
Paul: NO NO! Deck her, DECK HER!
BG: Can't have it all, Paul.
Paul: Grr...
BG: We'll be back after this short break!--
**Commercial Break**
Paul Heyman gets up from his seat. "If you'll excuse me BG, I'v got business to take care of."
As Paul leaves and heads tot he foot of the ramp, Hogan comes in from the side and has a seat. "Well, Sistah, looks like we're teamed up again."
BG: Whoopy. :P
Brocks music plays and Lesnar makes his way to the ring, looking stoic as ever. Heyman grins and gets intot he ring as Brocks on his way down and grabs the mic from Capetta.
Heyman: This following match is scheduled for a Bloodbath! Making his way to the ring, the unstoppable, the invincible, the Next Big Thing... Brock! LESNAR!!
Hogan is silent.
BG: Well, you know... love him or hate him, what that pig in the ring just said it totally true.
"It's Love" cues and Oseiko now makes her way out in a lively fashion, popping for the crowd.
Capetta doesn't have time to announce as OSeiko slides in, automatically eating Brock's boot. And the bell rings.
BG: Oseiko in a bad way right off the bat here. Brock picking her up and whipping her to the ropes and catching her on the way back with a Tilt-a-whirl Backbreaker. He's reaching thos huge hands down and lifting her back up. And a Fallaway Slam. And back up and a Scoop Slam. this man isn't giving Oseiko a break. And lifting her up again...
Hogan: And she takes advantage, kicking him in the gut. She's dropping down into a split while he's doubled over and delivers a thust to his throat. The big man is staggered...
BG: He just grabbed her again! He really is unstoppable. And another scoop Slam. Lifting her up form the mat by her throat and tossing her across the ring like a rag doll. He's reaching down again.. and she yanks him down, wrestles around and away form him, both up now and OSeiko with a hard snap Suplex. And she hits another one. He's up to his feet and she whips him to a corner and backflipping, planting an elbow in his face! He's staggering out and she finishes up with a bulldog.
Hogan: Brock slow getting up and she kicks him in the gut and ties up about to do somthing... Brock shoves her away and grabs her throat! Another Throat Toss. She landed on the ropes in a strange way! It looks painful and she hung there on the top rope. Brock coming off the opposite rope and avalanches her! Thos eropes have got to be cutting into her. She rolls to the outside onto the apron and back in.
BG: Brock with those hands. They's almost covering her head, grabbign he rlike that! This man is huge! He's lifting her up and a Gorilla Press! He's lifting her up and down, and tosses her a goot 5 feet above him to land face first on the mat.
Hogan: Brock now circling his prey, reaching down to lift her up.. and gets a roundhouse to the side of the head! OSeiko's coming back! She's drawing the life fromt he crowd!
BG: Right... Oseiko with some hard looking martial arts hits and combos, backing Brock up. She whips him face first into a corner and is... DAMN! She's using all of her strength to get him on the top rope... and... Crucifix Powerbomb by Oseiko! She covers him...
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2
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Hogan: Brock kicks out. An outstanding move, but not this early and not on him. He whipes OSeiko to the ropes...
BG: What's Heyman doing talking to the ref...
Hogan: WHAT THE..!!
BG: David Flair! David just came out of the crowd and caught Oseiko in the back of the head with his Extreme belt when she hit the ropes!
Hogan: That sleezy little dude just ruined a match that could have been one for the books!
BG: Oseiko stumbling away from the ropes. I don't think she knows where she is... F5!!! Brock took total advantage and gave her the F5!!!
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3
Winner: Brock Lesnar!
BG: Heyman in the ring now! And Lesnar with an insane look on his face, staring down at his victim. And.. what's this.. no! this isn't nessesary!
Hogan: Heyman instructing his monster... Brock pulling OSeiko up in a Brocklock! He's shaking her around liek a rag doll, blood coming from her mouth now. She'not even moving as he drops her.
BG: This match is a travesty!
Hogan: We'll try to get some assistance out here for Oseiko. Come back after the break for more great action, but unfortunatly, with that boil of society, Heyman, in my place. Enjoy the rest of the show.
Scene switch to the top of the arena!! Eighteen's on top, wearing blue jeans, boots and a T-shirt... not at all like her usual self. She looks very sad... again, not like herself. She floats up, then stands to her feet. With a sigh she walks to the edge of the arena roof and hops off, landing effortlessly to her feet on the ground.
"... Why did she do it.." she can be heard muttering. "There has to be a real reason..." she turns to the entrance and passes through it silently.
And she should see, walking from the other direction...Brock Lesnar, with Paul Heyman talking. "That's the way Brock. Just a few more days, Brock...just a few more days until you do what you did to Oseiko to Austin and then, The Rock."
Brock grins. "Just remember Paul..3 for 3 over EAW."
Eighteen notices Brock, but doesn't seem to care as he passes him and Paul.
Brock stops, and smirks. "Well, if it isn't the so called unbeatable machine." Brock says...trying to get to her.
Eighteen pauses... then glances at Brock. "... yes?"
Brock smirks, and Heyman steps up. "Ms. Eighteen...I hope that there is a VERY good insurance policy on all of those..." he stops, looking her up and down and licking his lips "Fine parts of yours. Because at Holy Wars? Every one of those lovely pieces of yours are going to be nothing more than scrap metal!"
"..." Eighteen stares at Brock... then turns away. "Whatever."
Brock grabs her shoulder and spins her around. "What's wrong? Afraid to admit the truth?"
"The truth? Is that I have enough power to destroy this entire city ten times over with a thought. The truth is that even though you're the Next Big Thing? You're still human. I'm not." Eighteen sighs softly. "... But right now. I don't have time for you."
"Oh yes, I forgot." Heyman says. "She has to get back to lick some Android Pussy, Brock. Just remember this though...you were only a machine for a few years. Brock here? He was a machine SINCE BIRTH."
Eighteen shoots a glare at Paul Heyman that would scare any lesser man. "SHUT. UP." She turns away. "I don't time to deal with this shit..." she goes to walk off.
"Just remember this." Brock says before she's gone. "You can't protect Austin forever. If I have to destroy you to get to him, I will." he says, before walking off himself.
"... Me... protect Austin from you?" Eighteen manages a small smirk. "... No. The other way around. I may have to protect you from Austin..." Eighteen looks back. "Still... you're all just mortal. I'm digimortal... a... digital immortal..." she blinkblinks. "... could THAT be the reason?!" She turns around and rushes to the nearest exit. A burst of energy sounds outside, indicating she's flown off...
******Commercial******
And now a message from the owner of one of EAW's station affiliates, Mr. Donald Love.
A man in a suit sits in front of a desk. "Hello. I'm Donald Love. You're watching a Love Media Network.... Enjoy."
*************************
BG: We're going to take a break from the EAW action for the moment, and bring you a never-before-televised match that took place on Raw!
Heyman: The invasion continues!!!
BG: ... *shiver* ... sorry, flashbacks. ^^;
Heyman: ... Just roll the footage.
---
Suddenly, "Supermanic Soul" by Ministry cues up!
King: What the--?! o_O!
JR: Who the hell--?!
King: Whoever he is, it looks like he and the Undertaker goes to the same tattoo parlor!
JR: He's comin' down this way too! I've never seen him before, he a part of the EAW?!
King: He might be! Well, he's got a mic, so looks like we'll find out who he is!
The tattooed man looks to the crowd, then smiles charmingly before he begins.
"My name is Kou Leifoh, and I'm a bouncer..." he says. "And I'm also curious! I hear a lot about pro-wrestling, but I wonder if it's all that it's cracked up to be... so I'm going to challenge anyone in the back! Let's see what you got!"
King: He's gotta be kidding! Who does he think he is?!
JR: Extremely confident, looks like!
King: BOO! THROW HIM OUT!!
Just then, William Regal's theme cues up!
King: YES! Regal'll do it!
JR: It looks like William Regal's going to take Kou Leifoh up on the challenge here!
The English native steps out onto the stage, a mic in hand and stares down Kou just before he goes to speak.
"You insolant ruffian! Who do you think you are, barging in like this?" Regal says. "Well, let me tell you something, sunshine! It doesn't matter to me how good you think you are! Once I deliver the Power Of The Punch to you, you'll wish you've never set foot in that ring!"
JR: Regal runs into the ring... and here we go!!
King: Yes! Show that insolant ruffian who's boss, William!
JR: Tie-up! Regal with a European Uppercut! And another one! SNAPMARE TAKES THE YOUNGSTER DOWN! BUT A KIPPUP BY KOU! SPINS AROUND REGAL AND A LEG BREAKER!! Regal gets up, Kou waits and strikes! SHORTARM-- WHOA!!!!!
King: AHH!!
JR: A wicked shot by Kou Leifoh! Kou picks Regal up, but Regal pushes back! Grabs Kou! Whips him-- NO, reversal! AND-- NECKBREAKER BY KOU!! KIPPUPPED to his feet... measures Regal and-- KNEE SMASH!!! This youngster is definetely showing us something!
King: I'll say! I wonder if Bischoff is watching right now!
JR: Kou picks Regal up-- Regal tries to fight back with a European uppercut but Kou blocks! And a VICIOUS right hand by Kou Leifoh! Regal staggers! Tries a kick-- BUT KOU GRABS IT AND-- DRAGON SCREW LEG WHIP!! REGAL UP! BUT TAKEN BACK DOWN IN A JIUJITSU THROW!! Kou's feeling it now! Grabs Regal-- OH! LOW BLOW BY REGAL! AND REF DIDN'T SEE IT!!! REGAL NOW, GRABS KOU UP AND-- WRISTLOCK BACKDROP!! Kou's favoring that arm now... Regal goes now, grabs Kou and-- REVERSAL! KOU BEHIND REGAL! AND--
REVERSE BACKBREAKER! Kou waits... Regal staggering up and-- SCISSORS KICK BY KOU!!! And now Kou turns... plays for the fans! Regal gets up slowly and--
King: AAAAHH!!
JR: WHAT A WICKED KICK TO REGAL'S TEMPLE! SHADES OF TAJIRI!! Kou looks at the downed Regal and just shrugs, walking over and putting a foot on his chest! Mike Chioda counts! One! Two! Three!!!
Winner: Kou Leifoh
JR: An impressive showing of talent from this youngster! You gotta wonder though... is he going to be a part of the EAW or the WWE?!
***
Heyman: One must wonder indeed...
BG: When we come back, tag titles on the line!
***THIS IS THE MIDDLE. THE MIDDLE OF THIS MAYHEM...THE MIDDLE!***
We open up as we find Lexay, dressed in her new ring attire: Purple Leather Pants, Fishnet Tanktop with a purple spinal design on the back, and couple of slashes on the front, covered by a purple and black striped bikini top, and boots, yelling obscenities in Spanish.
"...Just when we get a damn title shot..." Lexay mumbles. Suddenly she runs into, as conveniently enough, Ari, but appears to have blue streaks in place of her normally-pink ones.
"For the love of Guadalupe! We finally get a shot at the titles and you show up late, in a suit?" Lexay scolds. "We have a match, Ari! What's up with you?"
"Please, Alexis. It's KARI! I'm here to do an interview with you!"
Lexay scoffs. "Damn it, opportuntiy's knocking! Come on and get your gear on!" She grabs "Kari" by her arm.
"But I don't have any 'gear.'"
Lexay rolls her eyes. "Great, we get a shot and you forget your ring gear."
"But I-"
Lexay tosses her a tanktop, white windpants, socks, and sneakers. "Here! Put this on, okay!"
"Kari" shrugs, "Fine."
"Hurry up, alright! Just don't forget our new finish, 'kay?"
"I got it..."
"Good! I'm gonna grab a gatorade." Lexay turns on a heel and walks off.
"...I think."
BG: ...Kari?
Paul: You got me--I think the girl's been knocked goofy.
BG: Nevertheless, we have a tag team title match to get to...
"Across the Nation" by The Union Underground begins to play, as Supply and Demand makes their way out...
Capetta: The following match is scheduled for one fall, with a 20 minute time limit...and is for the EAW Tag Team Championship! Introducing first, the challengers...at a combined weight of 239 pounds...Arianna and Lexay Too Sexay--SUPPLY AND DEMAND!
BG: Arianna...or is it "Kari?"
Paul: Who cares? As long as DE gets out here and beats their asses, all if fine and I won't mind...
As the pair gets to the ring...
"Bodies" by Drowning Pool cues up...
FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!...
Capetta: And their opponents, at a combined weight of 261 pounds: They are the EAW Tag Team Champions....Frosti and Savvy...DEADLY EXTREEEEEMITY!!
Paul: And may I add..the BEST tag team champions we've had in quite a while.
BG: Well, thanks to Donnie B's influence, they were never too far from getting another shot...but the pressure is on. CAN they successfully defend their titles against this up and coming team, Supply and Demand?
Paul: The ho and the pimpess--whichever is which--are as good as pinned.
BG: The champions in the ring now...and...seem to be arguing over who is going to start this match.
Paul: NOT NOW GIRLS...just beat 'em!
BG: It looks like Savvy will start out...and here we go, with her starting out against Lexay...
BG: Lexay and Savvy now tying up--Savvy driven into the corner--knee into the midsection--HARD slap by Lexay! Savvy answers with one of her own..
Paul: CATFIIII--er, that's Joey's line, nevermind.
BG: And these girls getting a little rough on each other--Savvy sends Lexay into the ropes, and a roundhouse across the chest puts her down. Lexay up--RUNNING KNEE hits Lexay. Pulled up by the hair, and a snapmare. Sleeper-style hold now--but Lexay up--and POWERS HER DOWN into a jawbreaker! Lexay back up, and a flipping dropkick to Savvy! Lexay with a driving elbow--but Savvy puts her foot on the ropes as she goes for the pin. Lexay pulling her up, and going for the leg whip--thumb to the eye by Savvy, and Savvy with a dragon screw of her own--holding on still--CHARGING ELBOW into the chin knocks Lexay down! Lexay back up--caught by the throat by Savvy--and a Hurricane-style CHOKESLAM on one of the challengers!
Paul: And Savvy showing that Deadly Extremity has it all: speed, power, brains, and beauty! What's NOT to love about our tag team champions?
BG: Their poor sportmanship--like this BLATANT choke on Lexay?
Paul: Yeah..but...it's LEXAY!
BG: A plus to you, of course. And Lexay fighting for air--trying to free herself. WHOA--nice extention on the kick, frees herself from Savvy's grip...Lexay getting up--and a kick the midsection--off the ropes now--and the MONEY MAKER! Cover by Lexay...
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ONE!
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TWO--and no!
Paul: Lexay back up...and...teaming with her clueless blond partner with an identity crisis.
BG: Kari-Ari? Anyway...Arianna--we think--tagged in, and the two with a double team clothesline! Lexay pulling her up--suplex set up..signaling--and Ari ignoring--SUPLEX reversed by Savvy!
Paul: Yeesh...I knew Ari was dumb, but to not know that Lexay was wanting the double team?
BG: Savvy stomping at Lexay, and kicking her out of the ring with a hard kick into the ribs--Arianna now getting to work on, here, and repeated elbow shots--chop to the chest now--and sends her into the ropes--back now--back body drop foiled--double underhook--POWERBOMB by Savvy!
Paul: Oooh...great technique there, and Savvy now--slapping Frosti on the arm, and I suppose that's a tag...
BG: Looks like...and Frosti coming in, and Savvy picks up Arianna--BACKBREAKER...and Frosti off the ropes--running legdrop, and a kinder, gentler Veg-O-Matic from the tag team champions. Cover made...
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ONE!
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Tw--NO!
Paul: The champions putting the boots to the challengers...Savvy suplexes Arianna, and Frosti with a running senton splash as Savvy heads back out to the apron!
BG: Frosti with kicks to the back of Arianna, and a shoulder claw now...
Paul: Ari trying to fight her way up, but having immense difficulty...picked up by Frosti, and sent into the ropes now--caught..and a HUGE SPINEBUSTER from Frosti!!
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ONE!
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TWO!
Kickout!
Paul: And Frosti picking her up...elbow shots, and hooking the Full Nelson--DRIVER! Goodnight, Irene..here's the pin--
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ONE!
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TWO!
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--Lexay makes the save!
Paul: HEY! Cheaters! She had 'er!
BG: Well, they don't make it a habit, UNLIKE Deadly Extremity...
Paul: Arianna rolling out of the ring, and Frosti sliding out of the ring--AXEHANDLE from the apron by Lexay!! Irish Whip into the guardrail! Lexay going wild on Frosti--face first into the apron, and tossed back into the ring...encouraging Ari to take advantage...climbing into the ring gingerly--and--tags in Lexay?
BG: Lexay back in--and Frosti tagging in Savvy again...back in, and the two double teaming her...to the ropes, and a PANCAKE PRESS!!! And Savvy going to work on Lexay as Frosti heads out to the apron...set up for a pumphandle slam--NO..Lexay from behind--handstand, and a Shake-O-Matic headscissors catches her by surprise! Savvy up again--GERMAN SUPLEX!!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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Kickout!
Paul: Or Latino Suplex or something?
BG: Well, Lexay turning it up a notch in her partner's...well..lackluster performance tonight. And picking her back up--Savvy slipping free--DDT to Lexay!! Cover now...
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ONE!
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TWO!
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KICKOUT! Savvy back up...Irish Whip--OOH...almost knocks Frosti off the apron, and back now--arm dragged over by Savvy...Savvy going for a tag--Deadly Extremity arguing--Frosti shoves Savvy--ROLL UP BY LEXAY....but no count--apparently that counted as a tag, as well.
Paul: Frosti in--yanking Lexay off of Savvy, and ICY MIST!!
BG: Irish Whip into the corner...Frosti charging in--BACK ELBOW...Lexay dazed coming out of the corner...
Paul: GOOOOORE!! GOOOOOOOOORE!! GOOOOOOOOORE!! by Savvy!
BG: Cover made by Frosti as Savvy heads out of the ring...
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ONE!
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TWO!
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...NO! Kickout...narrowly escaping!
Paul: Frosti setting her up--and a NORTHERN LIGHTS RELEASE SUPLEX by Lexay counters! Frosti getting up--ARM DRAG! Up again again..and ANOTHER--Lexay going Ricky Steamboat on us!
BG: Frosti back up...Lexay with a nice SUPERKICK to Frosti...dragging her to the center of the ring, and tag made to Ari! Lexay pointing to the turnbuckle as she heads up...S&D on adjacent turnbuckles--a somersault leg drop from Lexay--a Frog Spla--MISSES BY A MILE!!
Paul: Ari, Kari--or Jackie Gayda?
BG: Lexay distracted, checking on her partner, who seems to have landed wrong...Frosti reaching over--TAG made to Savvy--and Savvy in--SHINING WIZARD catches Lexay off guard! Pick up...and a POWERBOMB in the corner...Frosti quickly up and--DIAMOND DUST on Lexay! Cover by Savvy!!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE!!
*ding, ding, ding*
Paul: YES YES YEEEEEEEES!
Capetta: The winners of this match, and STILL the EAW Tag Team Champions...DEADLY EXTREMITY!!"Bodies" by Drowning Pool cues up...
BG: Getting their hands raised--but pulling away--it seems that we have a little sisterly bickering going on between them...
Paul: I guess just a bad day...but hell...look at the lousy teamwork of Supply and Demand! I suggest we send Ari's ass back to the farm leagues--that Frog Splash completely overshot Frosti. Really..REALLY lousy.
BG: Lexay dazed, and seeming a bit upset at Ari...
Paul: Eh...it's...er--one of those goth girls.
BG: That would be--Sin, Paul. Having a little talk with Lexay and--she just shot Ari with..a dart gun?!
Paul: The hell? Did she suck so bad in this match that they're going to tag her and release her back out into the wild?
BG: Sin reassuring Lexay and...dragging a now-unconscious Ari out of the ring and--what in the hell is this all about?
Paul: Who cares--just get that bum out of the ring, and make way for some REAL talent. TWO Olympic heroes...one match. Plus LANCE STORM and...er...Kirk's sister.
BG: Er...right, Erica. ^.^ All up next, folks...stay tuned...
**Commercial Break**
Suddenly, from out of nowhere, "Nobodies" by Marylyn Manson cues up.
Heyman: Wait a minute...AGAIN with an un-announced segment?
BG: Apparently so...and here comes the OTHER half of the Girls of Goth now...Shade coming out...with a smile on her face?
Heyman: What could she be happy about? And why is she pointing to the entryway...
Then, "Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit cues up. From the entryway, come on half of Chainsaw, Chaynz...smiling. He meets up with Shade as they go to the ring.
Heyman: Ugh...must we have to sit through their love fest? Even seeing her kiss him...bleh.
BG: Behave Paul. Chaynz and Sin now in the ring, and Chaynz has the mic in hand!
Chaynz grabs a mic. "Whazzup, Lexington!" He says as he gets what Mick Foley made famous- The Cheap Pop. "Tonight, we're not here to kick some asses tonight. We're not here, to get rowdy tonight, oh no. Tonight, is a more special night." He hands the mic to Shade.
Shade smiles. "Recently...Jason here and I had a special little talk...in a nice, cozy setting...alone. And in there...Jason here had a special little question that he asked me..." she says...giggling happily.
"It took me a while to ask Vicky, but I finally got it out, and after I finally gone through with it, it was worth it." He says.
Shade smiles. "Chaynz...proposed to me!" she says, showing off her ring.
BG, Heyman: WHAT?
BG: Wow, this is an announcement to be sure!
Heyman: You mean...Shade's actually into monogamy?
"Yep, and we're getting married, but it's not going to be too soon. I mean, we have to make sure everything's planned out. Work on the guest lists, and all that other stuff." He says.
Shade grins. "Plus, we, have to find JUST the right dress for me." she says, giggling.But before they can go on, "Here comes the Money" by Naughty by Nature hits as Donnie B comes out, clapping his hands to a choral of boos.
"Let me be the first to congratulate you two for finding each other. I mean, it's a perfect pair. An XPW reject hooks up with our Extreme Champion's leftovers. Isn't that sweet." He says with a smile.
BG: Bleh...just like David Flair...both David and Donnie are complete and utter jack-asses.
Heyman: SHH! Let's listen up!
"Oh, life's been perfect for ya, huh Shade. You really disappointed me. After 'Davey-Kins' dumped you, you went to the first guy who give a damn. Talk about desperate. And Chaynz, I know that you were coming out of a bad relationship, but hooking up with her?" Donnie chuckles. "Well, if she's like her sister, who's a total sex freak, you better keep vigil on her, because she might be...
Chaynz cuts him off. "Why don't you just shut the hell up!" The crowd pops big in support. "You know Donnie, I just got a call from Don Johnson, he said he wants his suit back. You really know how to spoil the moment. Just because we all know that you're not getting any, doesn't mean that you have to ruin it for the rest of us."
Shade holds Chaynz. "Don't concern yourself with him, hon. He's using his ego to compensate for his lack of...well...a wedding tackle." she says, giggling a bit.
Donnie rolls his eyes, "Shade, Shade, Shade. You might not be the 'sex demon' you were when you first arrived, but as they say, you can't teach an old dog, or for that matter, an old bitch new tricks!" He proudly says.
"And you would know, since you are every member of Generation NEXT's bitch, right?" Shade says, giggling.
"How stupid can girls get...I am the leader of Generation NEXT, you Tales from the Crypt reject, but I'm not here to waste my time on you two midcarders-for-life, I'm here to make an important announcement. You guys might want to tell your siblings this, because, in two weeks from tonight, we're going to have a rematch from last night, where Buzzy's bitch laid his ass out!" Donnie says, almost getting a laugh out of it.
Shade shrugs. "So? They're professionals...they'll deal with it, right Chaynz?"
"You know, if you're trying to break us apart, it's not going to work. You tried that before, but it failed miserably. So I guess you have something special for the match, right?" Chaynz says.
"Congratulations, your brain still works." Donnie says. "They're getting a rematch, but it'll be a cage match." Donnie says with a smile. "But wait! There's more! In addition to the match ,there will be a 3rd opponent in the match, and no it's not the referee, you stupid bitch. It'll be a mystery opponent, just to spice things up a bit."
"Blah blah blah Donnie." Shade says, looking bored with him. "Everything you've said has been done by the entire McMahon family except Linda, Eric Bischoff, Vince Russo, and COUNTLESS others. You want to bore people like this? Fine...but let's just say, Buzz and Sin will beat whoever it is down badly, and then fight it out for the title."
"Wait a minute, Gothy, you didn't let me finish. Since we all know how it's going to be a 2-on-1 match, Buzz and what's her name will have to win by submission or by pinfall. But all the mystery opponent has to do is escape."
"Donnie, if fairness was a subject, you wouldn't even get an F-. Okay, we'll play by your pathetic rules. But the payoff's going to see how pathetic you look when your 'mystery opponent,' gets his ass kicked." Chaynz says.
Shade smiles. "Just like how pathetic your Tag Team Champions looked fighting amongst themselves through most of the last match."
Donnie just smirks. "Heh...we'll see, Lovebirds...we'll see..." Donnie walks to the back as "Money" cues up again.
Heyman: See, THIS is why I like Donnie B! He gets business done without any interference!
BG: Ugh...interrupting a happy and joyous announcement like this.
Heyman: Hey, they seem all right. Look, they're leaving the ring...together.
BG: And pissed off. But anyway...they're both going to the back now...and the ring is cleared.
"Medal" starts to play over the speaker, and for the first time in a long time, a mixed reaction comes from the crowd.
Capetta: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a 40 minute time limit. Introducing first, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, standing 6'2" tall and weighing in at 220 pounds, Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt…Angle!
Heyman: Take a look BG…Kurt Angle before he faces Brock Lesnar, whenever that may be. Because afterwards, he will NOT look the same.
BG: Will you STOP plugging Brock already? Geez, over-obsessive much? Anyway, this match will be a bizarre one to say the least.
Heyman: No doubt about that. Kurt Angle, a Smackdown superstar, teaming with that worthless Raw talent Lance Storm, against two of EAW's great stars.
As soon as Angle gets into the ring, a theme that sounds like a modified version of "O Canada" plays, and to a TREMENDOUS amount of boos comes Kurt's partner.
Capetta:And his partner, from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, standing 5'11" tall and weighing in at 240 pounds…one half of the WWE Tag Team Champions…Lance Storm!
BG: Ugh…does he HAVE to bring out that upside-down flag? It's degrading…
Heyman: What do you expect from a Raw Superstar? They do nothing but degrade this business.
BG: And Storm hasn't exactly made friends with his tag team partner for this match either. The two combatants staring each other down as if they were going to fight each other.
Heyman: And who's to say that they won't BG? Judging by the last two times these two have been in the same room together, the tension level has been VERY high.
BG: But they have another problem to deal with…and that's their opponents.
As if on cue, "Freedom Fighter" by Creed starts to play, and to a more positive reaction comes the brother and sister tag team.
Capetta: Aaaand their opponents, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, at a total combined weight of 330 pounds…Kirk and Erica…THE AMERICAN ANGELS!
BG: And an impressive reception for this brother and sister duo! Kirk and Erica Angel ready for action tonight, and ready to show how good they work together.
Heyman: And if that match that they had back on July 24 was any indication, they may just be ready to work as a team.
BG: The Angels sliding into the ring…and Storm trying to start early, but Angle pulling him away as the bell rings!
Heyman: And look at this! Storm and Angle are arguing who's gonna start the match off!
BG: Erica starting off for her team though…and Storm shoving Angle out of the ring. That's one way to decide things.
Heyman: Storm turning around now, and caught in the face with a forearm shot by Erica. That's the way to show up these so-called Talents from Raw!
BG: Erica Angel with a quick advantage gained in this match, and Kurt Angle laughing at him. Storm getting back to his feet now, and a quick snap suplex by Erica takes him right back down.
Heyman: Erica showing why she deserves the Angel last name, and a quick elbow-drop to the chest of Storm.
BG: Erica Angel having the upper hand now, and makes the tag to her brother. Kirk Angel stepping into the ring…and look at this, Storm quickly diving into his corner and making a tag to an unsuspecting Angle.
Heyman: Now THIS is the moment that wrestling enthusiasts have been waiting for…Kirk Angel and Kurt Angle one on one in a match. THIS should be a good.
BG: Kirk and Kurt looking at each other now…and there's the lock up! Quick fireman's carry take-down by Angle…Angel with an inside switch, and going for a half nelson…Angle getting out of it, both back up to their feet.
Heyman: And that right there shows why these two guys are deserving of the gold medals that they earned back in 1996!
BG: And I don't think that either of these guys have ever faced someone well versed in the art of mat grappling as the other.
Heyman: That's for sure…and now Angel and Angle going at it again…go behind by Angel, Angle dropping down with a switch…
BG: Angel trying to fight to stay up on his feet, but falls down now, Angle with a front face-lock on his counterpart…Angel fighting out of it though…quick reversal by Angle…and a reversal by Angel now!
Heyman: Look at this beautiful display of move and countermove! Angle and Angel are two of the best pure wrestlers in the business today! Well, next to Brock anyway.
BG: Angle and Angel looking at each other as they both get up to their feet…and circling each other…blind tag made by Storm! Angle just realizing…and Storm blasts Angel with a clothesline.
Heyman: Leave it to a Raw superstar to ruin a good moment. Storm now taking on the downed Angel, and is full control from that blind tag.
BG: Storm taking the leg of Kirk Angel now, and snapping it back hard towards his chest.
Heyman: And that move right there can tear a muscle in your thigh, which is VERY dangerous to someone's career.
BG: Storm continuing to work away on the leg of the former EAW Champion, working to keep him from getting to his feet. Storm now taking the leg of Angel…and smashes it on the mat. Going for the cover..
One
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TWO…kickout.
Heyman: There's no way that someone like Lance Storm is going to beat someone like Kirk Angel that easily.
BG: Storm picking Angel up now, trying for a suplex, blocked by Angel…belly to bell setup…and there's the suplex!
Heyman: Not as good as the Angels or Kurt Angle, but not bad I guess. For a Raw superstar anyway.
BG: Storm now with the upper hand in this match, going off the ropes…and a blind tag from Angle now!
Heyman: To quote Lord Alfred Hayes, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander."
BG: Angle coming into the ring now, and just SHOVES Storm right out of the way, picking up his counterpart…but wait, Storm arguing with him…
Heyman: See, this is a bad move for Storm. He should have just let Angle take advantage of this situation. And now…a shoving contest by the two superstars!
BG: Kirk Angel getting up to his feet now…off the ropes…DOUBLE clothesline onto the two opponents. Angle and Storm are both down…and Angel rolling into the corner…tag is made!
Heyman: Erica is so ready for this! Over the top rope into the ring…and going for Storm?
BG: Erica doesn't seem to care who is the legal man in this match, all she cares about is defending her country's honor. But Angle reminding her she's in a match right now by a hard German Suplex.
Heyman: Erica now feeling how a German Suplex is really done…but Angle is getting too cocky…
BG: And Kirk Angel back up to his feet, and blasting his counterpart with a German of his own! Kirk and Storm going back to their respective corners now…and Erica crawling over on top of Angle…
One
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TWO
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.
Kickout by Angle.
Heyman: So close for Erica to get an impressive win, but the former WWF Champion still has fight left in him.
BG: Erica trying to fight up to her feet now, as is Kurt Angle. Both superstars have had a lot taken out of them from those German Suplexes…but it seems that Angle is gonna be the first to his feet.
Heyman: That extra muscle mass and weight has been beneficial to the Olympic Gold Medalist, as he took the move better than Erica did.
BG: Angle whipping Erica into the corner…and she hits hard…Kurt going in…Heh…think he was thinking of knife-edge chops, but decided against it.
Heyman: But Angle has a good plan B, apparently, as he tosses Erica into the other corner, and a HARD clothesline delivered to Erica…
BG: And Kurt…actually tags in Storm by choice, and kinda hard too. Storm doesn’t seem to mind though, and starts kicking away at the gut of Erica.
Heyman: Erica Angel racked with pain in her back and stomach right now, and Storm just pressing his foot right into her stomach hard.
BG: Storm finally lets go of the pressure…and…spits right in Erica's face. That was totally uncalled for right there.
Heyman: But the fact is he did it. Storm grabbing Erica's arm, and twisting it hard into an arm-bar…and a heel kick right to Erica's face.
BG: This is not a good time for Erica Angel to be in the ring right now. Storm picking up Erica…and a hard spinebuster. For the cover…
One
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.
TWO…kickout by Erica.
Heyman: Lance Storm getting a bit frustrated that Erica continues to fight out of these moves of his…and probably rightfully so.
BG: Storm grabbing the leg of Erica now…wrenching it…ERICA WITH AN ENZIGURI OUT OF NOWHERE! And she lands right on Storm for the cover…
One
.
.
TWO…Storm gets the shoulder up.
Heyman: But the story here is if these two teams can tag in their respective partners. And whoever makes the first tag will give their team a big advantage.
BG: Storm and Erica crawling over to their respective corners…reaching…and both of them make the tag! Kurt Angle going for a clothesline, Angel ducks though…overhead belly to Belly suplex! And Storm rolling out of the ring now…Erica following Storm outside the ring…
Heyman: Hey, look out Erica! We have a problem here! Christian coming out, and both of these damn Un-Americans double teaming on Erica…meanwhile Angel and Angle pounding away at each other on the inside of the ring…
BG: Angel with the upper hand on his counterpart, but neither of them realize what exactly is going on outside of the ring…or behind them!
Heyman: Wait a minute, which Test is that?
BG: Judging by who he's helping, I think that's obvious…and Test clobbers both Angle and Angel with a double clothesline! The bell has now rung…
Heyman: Those Anti-Americans have just ruined a perfectly good match up in a double DQ!
BG: Look at this, they're tossing both Angle and Angel out of the ring…oh no…two steel chairs and Erica…
Heyman: Test holding Erica…CON-CHAIR-TO ON ERICA ANGEL!
BG: Damnit, you could hospitalize someone like that! Oh, and now Storm wants a mic.
Storm: This is a message to all people here…once and for all…
All Three: AMERICA SUCKS!
BG: Ugh…this is just a disgusting action by these Un-Americans…for Paul Heyman, I'm BG Hyde…and DAMNIT…