Megan: Live from the Wings Stadium in Kalamazoo, Michigan, it's EAW MAYHEM!! Megan Eko and Paul Heyman, along with "The Next Big Thing" Brock Lesnar here tonight and we are just days away from EAW Aggression!! Or is that Ruthless Aggression now? =/
Paul: Ahh, that Vince McMahon! You think he may be planning something for the EAW now? Oh, almost forgot... ALL HAIL THE NEW 2002 KING OF THE RING!!! THE NEXT BIG THING, BROCK LESNAR!!!!!!!!! ^-^
Brock: ... *nods in approval*
Megan: Yes, certainly an accomplishment. Well then, let's go to EAW action!
"It's Love" suddenly cues up, and the fans cheer wildly as Oseiko, championship duster and all, suddenly drops down from the rafters on a cable, landing to her feet as she smiles to all her fans.
Finkle: THIS MATCH IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL! ON HER WAY TO THE RING! FROM HOKKAIDO, JAPAN AND WEIGHING IN AT 117 POUNDS! THE EAW EXTREME CHAMPION AND ONE-HALF OF THE EAW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... "THE BLACK WIDOW," OOOOOOOOSEIKOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Heyman: A very gifted athlete here in the EAW, but some would say she instigated the whole mess with the WWE!!
Megan: Paul, you know the Undertaer started that! If he would've left Oseiko alone--
Heyman: Oh, excuses, excuses! It's all Oseiko's fault! We're about to go to war with the WWE and it's all her fault!
Oseiko spins around to the entrance as she takes the championship duster off, "Points of Authority" cuing up the arrival of her opponent.
Finkle: Her opponent! From Venice Beach, California! Weighing in at 229 pounds... BUZZSAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!
Megan: Look at the ice cold stare coming from Oseiko!! This match was signed because Buzzsaw brutally attacked Michael Connelly, you know!
Heyman: JUSTIFIABLY brutally attacked him! After what he did to Arianna!
Megan: But Oseiko's convinced that it wasn't Michael who attacked her, it was MAX! But still, Oseiko demanded this match with Buzzsaw so she could avenge her husband's honor here tonight!
Paul: We'll see! Oseiko may be the... *sigh* EKUSUTORIIMU champion... God, I hate that... but Buzzsaw can get extreme too!
Megan: Referee Mike Chioda calls for the bell... let's--
Megan: WHOA!!! BUZZSAW CHARGED OSEIKO AND SHE COUNTERED WITH A SPLITS THROAT THRUST!! Buzzsaw staggers back... and OSEIKO WITH A JAPANESE ARM DRAG!! Oseiko kippups... look at her, she's keeping her focus! I've NEVER seen her this stoic! She grabs Buzzsaw! ARM WRENCH TO THE MAT-- LEG DROP ONTO THE ARM!!
Heyman: There's that cold calculating ninjitsu personality! Quick! Check her for a wakizashi before she kills!
Megan: Will you stop? >=/ Oseiko picks Buzzsaw up... oh, and Buzzsaw with a snapmare-- OSEIKO LANDED ON HER FEET?!! I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE!!! AND-- OHHH!!! VICIOUS SPIN KICK BY THE BLACK WIDOW!!!
Heyman: Shades of Yoshihiro Tajiri!!!
Oseiko whips Buzzsaw to the corner! Backflips! Charges and backflips to him-- ELBOW!!! AND-- FACERUSHER!! OSEIKO CHARGES UP TO THE TOP AND-- BEAUTIFUL SHOOTING STAR PRESS!!!!! COVER! ONE! TWO!! THR--WHOAA!!!!
Heyman: Buzzsaw just BARELY got the shoulder up!! We could've have a very short match here!!!
Megan: Oseiko not deterred, though... picks Buzzsaw up, locks the arms and-- ROLLING BUTTERFLY LOCK!! OSEIKO HAS IT LOCKED IN TIGHT!! SHE MIGHT BE LOOKING FOR THE SUBMISSION HERE! BUZZSAW REFUSING TO GIVE IN... AND-- OSEIKO BREAKS THE HOLD! Stalking the recovering Buzzsaw now... and-- SPINNING BACK KICK-- CAUGHT BY BUZZSAW!! AND-- BACKDROP!!! Buzzsaw's trying to get this match moved to his favor now! Buzzsaw aims up Oseiko--- CLOTHESLINE--OSEIKO COUNTERS!! GRABS HIS ARM AND-- ROLLING ARMBAR!!! I... think she IS LOOKING FOR A SUBMISSION WIN!!!
Heyman: It certainly looks that way! And if there's one thing that should be known, is that because of her ninjitsu skills, Oseiko should be considered as a shooter!! Just like Ken Shamrock, Chris Benoit, and Kirk Angel!!
Megan: Yes, she knows how to hurt people! Oseiko releases the armbar! Oseiko stalks Buzzsaw again!! And-- BUZZSAW CATCHES OSEIKO WITH A DROPKICK!!! OSEIKO TUMBLES OUTSIDE!! BUZZSAW TAKES ADVANTAGE-- SPRINGBOARD SWANTON BOMB LEVELS THE WIDOW!!! Buzzsaw throws the downed Oseiko into the ring and slides in himself! Buzzsaw now... WHIPLASH!!! Oseiko's slowly getting to her feet now... Buzzsaw grabs her and flings her to the corner! What's Buzzsaw doing... oh now... wait, not this! NO!!
Heyman: MY GOD!!! THE AFTERBURNER RIGHT INTO THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!!! AGAIN ON THE MIDDLE TURNBUCKLE!!! AND ONE MORE TIME ON THE LOWER TURNBUCKLE!!!! BUZZSAW REALIZING HE HAS TO PULL OUT ALL THE STOPS TO MAKE SURE OSEIKO STAYS DOWN!!!!
Megan: The pin! One! Two! NO! Oseiko kicks out!!
Heyman: Apparently he has to pull out MORE stops!
Megan: Oseiko up... and Buzzsaw... DROPS HER BACK DOWN WITH THE BUZZCUT!! Buzzsaw jumps to the top rope... SLASHER!!!! COVER! ONE! TWO! BUT OSEIKO KICKS OUT!! Buzzsaw's undaunted... grabs her up... JAGGED EDGE!!! COVER! ONE! TWO! TH--NO!!!! OSEIKO GETS A SHOULDER UP!! Oseiko staggers to her feet here... now it's BUZZSAW who's stalking her and... GUTWRENCH POWERBOMB!!!! WHA-- OSEIKO KIPPUPS!!! AND-- WHAT A HURRICARANA!!!!!
Heyman: o_O;;; HOW THE-- THAT WAS A HURRICARANA?!!!
Megan: We have a replay!! Oseiko kippuped, then... FORWARD FLIPPED onto Buzzsaw's shoulders and performed the move!!! I... think Oseiko just invented a new way to use the hurricarana!!!
Heyman: Unbelievable! She better come up with a good name for that move!
Megan: Both competitors down though... Chioda's already up to a five count... Oseiko and Buzzsaw struggling to get up... Buzzsaw up first! Grabs her... FLOATOVER SUPLEX TO-- FACEBUSTER!! COVER! ONE! TWO! THR--NO!!!! OSEIKO GETS THE SHOULDER UP AGAIN!! Buzzsaw's now starting to get fed up with Oseiko's Bloodgrave-given stamina!! Grabs her up... flings her to the outside!! And-- WAIT A MINUTE!!!
Heyman: DAVID FLAIR!! THE LEGEND KILLER HAS COME TO KALAMAZOO!!!
Megan: And he's got a cinderblock!!! He's planning on taking Oseiko's Extreme title!! Oseiko doesn't see him as she gets up!!! DAVID-- O_O!!!
Heyman: WHA--?!!!
Megan: OSEIKO JUST DID A... REVERSE KUMO NO SASU FROM OUT OF NOWHERE!!!! SHE KICKED THAT CINDERBLOCK INTO DAVID'S FACE!!!! OSEIKO'S SAKKI PREVAILS ONCE AGAIN!! AND DAVID'S OUT COLD!!!!
Heyman: DOESN'T THAT SAKKI THING HAVE AN OFF SWITCH?!
Megan: Oseiko slides in and Buzzsaw meets her-- BUT SHE HITS A STANDING DROPKICK! KIPPUPS TO HER FEET AND CHARGES IN TOWARDS THE COMING BUZZSAW-- AND GETS SPEARED OFF HER FEET!!! COVER! ONE! TWO! THR--NO! OSEIKO KICKS OUT AGAIN!!! Buzzsaw looking VERY aggravated now... goes up to the top rope! IT LOOKS LIKE-- YES! SWANTON BOMB!!!! HITS ITS MARK!!! COVER! ONE! TWO! THREE!!!! NO!! THREE AND 99TH OF A SECOND!!!! OSEIKO STILL WON'T SURRENDER!!! Buzzsaw says that's all!! Grabs up Oseiko! Looks like THE BUZZKILL'S COMING UP!!! AND-- OSEIKO COUNTERS!!!!! INTO-- THE KUMO NO AMIMONO?!!!
Heyman: THAT GIRL MUST BE DOUBLE-JOINTED OR SOMETHING!!! WE GOTTA SEE THAT IN REPLAY!!!!
Instant replay once again... Buzzsaw picks her up for the Buzzkill, about to finish it in the Diamond Cutter move, until Oseiko swings her legs down, sliding under Buzzsaw's legs, grabbing them as she comes up, and locks in the elevated crab!!!
Megan: UNBELIEVABLE!!! AND SHE'S GOT IT LOCKED IN TIGHT!!!! BUZZSAW CAN'T REACH THE ROPES!! BUT HE'S FIGHTING!!! HE'S TRYING TO CRAWL TO THE ROPES!!! HE'S ALMOST THERE-- NO!! OSEIKO DRAGS HIM BACK TO THE CENTER OF THE RING!!! BUZZSAW TRIES... BUT... HE... TAPS!!!!! BUZZSAW TAPS THE PAIN WAS TOO MUCH FOR HIM!!! OSEIKO HAS BEATEN BUZZSAW AND HAS AVENGED HER HUSBAND'S HONOR!!!
Winner: Oseiko
Oseiko releases the hold and walks to a ring corner, a little exhausted, but none the worse for wear. As Buzzsaw gets up slowly, Oseiko smiles at him, then goes to bow respectfully to him.
Megan: Oseiko showing a great deal of respect towards Buzzsaw here tonight... Buzzsaw's not making any move towards the same... but he just watches as she flips out of the ring!
Heyman: Oseiko can't really waste any time! She had better hope those genes she inherited from Shaed Bloodgrave lets her recover fast enough for her SECOND match here tonight!! Because on that match, the tag gold is on the line!!
Megan: We'll be right back folks!!
**Commercial Break**
"Conflict" by Disturbed cues up as we return from break, and coming out, to a somewhat mixed reaction, is Nova, with a baseball bat in one hand and a nailbed chair in the other...
Megan: Welcome back, everyone...and our second match of the evening is about to take place...and it is--take it away, Paul...
Paul: An EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME rules match, Megan!
Capetta: The following match is scheduled for one fall, with a 10 minute time limit. Introducing first, from Silicon Valley, California...he stands 5'10" and weighs in at 220 pounds...Noooooooova!Paul: Nova, the Extreme superpowered superstar himself, out here to give a lesson in Extreme to Glenda Jacobs!
Megan: Nova from the now-defunct Philly-based ECW, and Glenda recieving her big break in Memphis...
Paul: HA!...Like those rednecks have anything on the birthplace of extreme wrestling in the USA!
Megan: Well, the question is just how focused is Nova going to be...since Vega had some advice to give to Hurricane, it REALLY has fired up Nova. And that Handicap match he proposed with him teaming up with Hurricane to face the Spaniard has not been approved--apparently Donnie B was unavailable to comment on and therefore give a ruling on that match because he was helping to coach the Big Show for his upcoming match at Aggression...but Nova determined to show he does indeed care for Molly...
Paul: Well, Molly can handle herself...and besides, when you've stopped meteors, picked up pieces of buildings, bullets bounce off you, and you can toss trucks around like Tonka toys...you kinda forget about how not all superheroes originate equally.
Megan: Well...Nova's motivations have been suspect since turning on all his friends...although I won't comment further on it...but he isn't quite into this match, with Vega and Eighteen on his mind.
"Bombshell" by Powerman 5000 begins to play...
Paul: And, what do you think of this competitor, anyway...we were wondering...?
Megan: Arrogant, brash, conceited, devious...I could pick a negative adjective for nearly every letter of the alphabet, but I will give her the T for "talented."
Capetta: And his opponent...from Memphis, Tennessee...she stands 6'0" and weighs in at 215 pounds. Gleeeeeeenda "Unibomb" Jaaaaaacobs!
Paul: I could think of something else for that T...
Megan: Don't even need to say it, Paul. =P
Paul: What are you talking about, Megan? I meant TALL...stepping over that rope..and she's taller than, and just a bit lighter than Nova.
Megan: Well, that she is...and Glenda in full ring gear but opted not to bring her own weapons.
Paul: Oh, don't worry...Nova will give her some--she just has to catch...
"Here Comes The Pain" by Slayer cues up...and...
Paul: Well THIS isn't on the format...WE'RE GOING TO BE GRACEFULLY BLESSED with the appearance of former Triple Crown Champion, and symbiote superstar, RASH!
Megan: Well, if I didn't know that he was off training the Big Show, I'd swear that Donnie B may have turned this into a handicap match...but as it is, there's only one other reason I can think of...
Gary Michael Capetta seems to be getting a message through his earpiece...and..
Capetta: And...introducing the special guest ring announcer, Raaash!
Megan: I was right. =P
Paul: RASH!! How ya been? How goes thangs...you're looking well.
"Eh..cut the small talk, Paul. Just here to watch a dear associate of Gen-NEXT taking on my opponent for Sunday," Rash says as he puts on a headset--sitting right next to Megan.
Megan: True...you feel you need to settle things with Glenda--
Rash: Damn f***ing right, I do! Disrespectin' you like that...just you wait! Sunday I'll give her the asskicking she's been beggin' for since she came here. She can stretch rookies with her lame ass holds all she wants, it won't help her when she's up against the Rashman.
Paul: She thinks otherwise though...does the Symbiote ever get any respect?
Paul/Rash: NO HE F***ING DOESN'T!
Megan: ....well, at least it wasn't dual "GOOOOOORE" screams.
Glenda gets inside the ring, and the bell rings...
Megan: And here we go, Nova and Glenda slugging it out as we start...Glenda toe-to-toe with Nova, sends him into the ropes--kick to the side of the head on that telegraph--Nova against the ropes--CLOTHESLINE on Glenda! Nova grabbing the bat he brought to the ring...Glenda getting u--OOOOOOH! Right across the middle of the back! And another shot! Nova holding the bat across the throat now...
Paul: Charges into the corner--and BUNTS her in the windpipe there! Now to--OOOH! Low blow by Glenda, and that's an achilles heel for most men, super or no...
Rash: I feel for ya, Nova...DON'T LET HER--OOOH! GLENDA WITH THE BAT into the stomach!
Megan: Abdomen, Rash--the stomach is higher than that.
Rash: Whatev--OOH!! Another! Holding it up, and uh-oh--CROTCHES him as he stands up there. Good thing Molly is willing to "wait..."
Paul: Glenda going up top...could be that Kane lari--NO! Diving fist drop a la Jerry Lawler!
Megan: A Memphis icon's move there--so much that I heard he ran for mayor...
Paul: He probably didn't care when he found out he wouldn't have the power to lower the age of consent.
Megan: Paul's comments, not ours. ^_^
Rash: Well, I'd agree with that, and Glenda still slugging away, and now with the nail bed chair...setting it up. Picking up Nova--to the ropes--DROP TOE HOLD!! SHeeeeeee-it--can this bitch do anything original?
Megan: Now with that folding chair...off the ropes--SPLASHES on top of Nova with the nails pointing downward--
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ONE!
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...KICKOUT for the first pin attempt of this match--and don't recall seeing THAT before.
Paul: Actually, New Jack would splash opponents holding a chair all the time, so that was basically the same idea.
Megan: Picky, picky. And Glenda grabbing the bat again...Nova getting up and--SHORT FUSE using the bat! Nova hanging in the air with the amazing strength of Glenda trying to make him submit here...
Rash: Ehhhhh...ain't happening. Nova's a tough sonnuvabitch, ain't he Paul?
Paul: Indeed he is--I WENT TO ONE OF HIS REUNIONS, so I know that's right.
Megan: Nova trying to fight free of it--lands on his feet--slipping free now--and a SPIN DOCTOR by Nova!
Paul: WHOA-HOOO! And never underestimate this man...a protege of the Hardcore Hellion himself.
Rash: And Nova rolling outside to take a breather...appears to be looking under the apron. Glenda rolls out after him not aware--turns out--NAILS Glenda with--a chain!
Megan: Yes...and lots of it too...appears to be collaring Glenda with it now.
Paul: To S&M this is a loving gesture--but Nova has no such intentions here with Glenda.
Rash: Onto the ringpost now, chained up like a rabid mutt--and Glenda up--CLOTHESLINE by Nova! And the chain went taut as he hit it, so you KNOW she's in trouble.
Megan: The force did loosen it from the ringpost, though...and Nova wrapping it around his hand--that must be 20 feet of chain, I'd say...and up on the apron--JUMPS OFF with a DIVING ELBOW TO THE THROAT!
Rash: That's like getting chopped in the throat by one of Doc Ock's tentacles, there...and cover by Nova...
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ONE!
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TWO!
...KICKOUT!
Megan: Falls count anywhere rules in effect in these Extreme matches, and Nova wrapping that chain around his fists--DOWN into the BACK of Glenda repeatedly with axhandles.
Rash: Nova pulls up Glenda--Irish Whip--Reversal--REELS HIM IN FOR A CLOTHESLINE OF HER OWN!!
Megan: And quick thinking by Glenda..and getting the chain off her neck...putting around Nova's ankle...now threading around the ringpost--
Paul: Pulls and--CROTCHES Nova using the ringpost!
Rash: Glenda now heading up onto the apron--running LEGDROP across the throat...OOOH!!
Megan: Nova tumbles out to the floor, and cover by Glenda...
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ONE!
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TWO!
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KICKOUT!
Paul: This has been far less wrestling than Extreme...but still has been fun to watch. Glenda tossing Nova into the ring...wraps the chain around the throat and--REVERSE DDT by Glenda!
Megan: Glenda up--and pulling on the chain as she holds her boot underneath the chin. Now yanking up Nova by the hair.
Paul: Now Glenda utilizing--a REVERSE NECKBREAKER--using that chain as well!
Megan: And both of these wrestlers in a bad way--both bleeding from the head...
Rash: Well, OF COURSE...and Nova in trouble now but he can handle this bitch, I know he can...
Megan: Glenda pulling that chair off of Nova, and tossing it aside--picking him up, and Irish Whip to the ropes--KNEE into the midsection by Nova! Sets her up--SIIIIIIIIIDE NECK BUSTER onto that pile of chain!
Rash: THAT'S what I'm talking about!
Megan: Nova now setting up Glenda...and...a surfboard submission? Not something we usually see out of Nova, ESPECIALLY not in an Extreme Match, but here he goes with it folks...and turns it into a Dragon Sleeper!
Paul: Now showing that he can hang with her style too...Nova squeezing the life out of Glenda as blood flows down her face!
Megan: Into a chinlock now and--pick up--REVERSE NECKBREAKER of his own--up again...and BACKSLIDE BY NOVA!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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NO!!!
Rash: Dragging her on her--ABDOMEN--near the turnbuckle.
Megan: Nova up top, and looks like he very well may finish--GLENDA jumps on the top rope, crotching Nova on the turnbuckle!
Paul: Today is simply not a good day for Nova's little stars...and dragging the nailbed chair closer...and...I don't like this...
Rash: Glenda hoisting up Nova aaaaaand...G-BOMB ON THAT CHAIR!
Megan: Hook of the leg by Glenda...
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE!!
*ding, ding*
"Bombshell" begins to play again...
Megan: And now her arm behind held up...although...she seems to be ready to pass out at the moment.
Paul: A lucky break by Glenda...but if Nova had made this match a priority this would NOT have happened.
Megan: Well...thankfully, you didn't interfere in the match at all, Rash--I'm impressed.
Rash: No problem...if you'll excuse--
Post match, through the crowd what at first looks like a bunch of fans wearing nWo shirts come out of the crowd. It isn't until they get into the ring that it's seen that they are, in fact, the WWE's nWo!
Megan: Waitaminute! Kevin Nash! X-Pac! The Big Show! Shawn Michaels! In the ring and putting the boots to Nova?!
Rash: Well, that is DEFINITELY not the Big Show I know...he's not even here and THIS one is much...well...flabbier.
Megan: Glenda getting up and trying to come to the rescue of Nova--LOW BLOW on Kevin Nash from behind! Tossing him over the top rope! Going after Big Sho--HAS HER AROUND THE THROAT! Hoists her up and CHOKESLAMS her over the top rope to the floor!
Paul: In the ring...Michael up on the top rope--DIVING ELBOWDROP to the sternum, and now Nash and Big Show picking up Glenda.
Megan: And ironic situation for Glenda, who took over the Diesel role whenever another version of Nash left another WWF. Set up--
Rash: *yanks her away* TIME TO BAIL, BABE!!
Megan: A POWERBOMB...THROUGH OUR ANNOUNCE TABLE--by KEVIN NASH!!!
Paul: DAMNIT!! WE DON'T SPEAK SPANISH!!
Rash: Man...nice work.
Megan: And Nash and Big Show getting back in the ring...I have NO idea what prompted this...X-FACTOR on Nova...
Rash: The big man--GRABBING NOVA by the throat...hoisted up--CHOKESLAM!
Megan: And Nash looking for another one of thos--POWERBOMB by Nash in the center of the ring!
Paul: A RUTHLESS ACT OF AGGRESSION BY THE WWE'S nWo! HOW DARE THEY DESTROY THE SANCTITY of this arena!
Megan: Holding up Nova now--and X-PAC and HBK WITH STEREO SUPERKICKS!!
Paul: Nova's top ripped off now...and they've got the spraypaint!
Megan: And--we all know what this is, an nWo trademark--nWo spraypainted on Nova's chest...
Rash: And...rolling him over..and on his back.
Michaels takes a mic from ringside, and says "Nova...what you got just now from us...you'll get twice as much at Aggression in your match...with our newest member!"
Megan: ....WHAT?! O_o
Paul: I LAYED OFF the "GORE" for this match, so PLEASE DON'T...
Rash/Megan/Paul: --Eighteen in the nWo?!?!
The nWo then leaves the ring through the crowd.
Megan: That...doesn't make any sense. Eighteen has been a loner practically since Neo D-X broke up.
Paul: NOT ANYMORE! Hell, HOGAN usually was too, until he joined.
Megan: Well--you going to help Nova, Rash?
Rash: Sure...just after I take care of something...
Megan: Rash...helping Glenda out of the remnants of that table?!
Paul: Well, yes and--NO! Webbing her by her feet...now...HOGTYING HER!
Rash shoots a long string of webbing up at the brace just over them, stringing up Glenda like a pinata.
Megan: Rash apparently not thinking Glenda had enough--and...Kelly Connelly coming out?!
Paul: WITH TWO CHAIRS!!
Megan: Down towards the announce table...hands Rash one--
Paul: CON CHAIR TO!!
Rash then taunts, "That's just a little preview of what's to come at Aggression."
Megan: Well...we're long overdue for a commercial break...and we need to clean up the mess the nWo--and Rash--left here.
Paul: Yeah...I wonder if after that Glenda did her Sid impression--and cra--
Megan: NOW!
**Commercial Break**
Just after the break...
Megan: We're still in SHOCK from...the new World order invading here tonight in the EAW...and furthermore, claiming that Eighteen is their newest member!
Paul: Nova SAID she was no good! This is just proof of it!
Megan: And as we can see, Nova has come to and is trying to find out where they went.
Nova is running around the backstage area, and finds Michael Cole, grabs him by the shirt collar...
"WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY?! Where did those nWo bastards get to?!
Cole shakes, "I-I heard a bunch of voices heading that way--they may have had a limo waiting for them.."
"Or may still be here...if they're gone I won't be able to find them...but...if they're here..." Nova drops him.
"BIG LAZY!! BIG S***!! X-SUCK!! HB-GIMP!! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!!" he stomps away, leaving Cole there...
The soft strains of "Bailamos" start to play after this, and out from the entryway comes Vega, in his fighting clothing, holding the mask in his hands.
Capetta: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 20-Minute time limit. Making his way to the ring, from Barcelona, Spain, standing 6'2" tall and weighing in at 210 pounds, Vega!
Megan: Well we have to move on now from that, and here comes a man that is as bad, if not WORSE than the nWo!
Heyman: Hey! This guy is a LOT classier than any of the nWo. I mean, have you seen the guy's house? How well he treats women?
Megan: Yeah, just ask Molly about that.
Heyman: Oh don't start harping on that.
"Balimos" fades out as the lights go out…and…
"STAND BACK! THERE'S A HURRICANE COMING THROUGH!"
"Hurricane" By Bush starts to play, showing how serious Hurricane will be in this match, as he comes out running towards the ring.
Megan: And Hurricane not wasting any time getting into the ring, Vega getting out right in time.
Heyman: Smart thinking by Vega, but if I were him, I would have stayed in to beat on Hurricane.
Megan: Vega putting on his mask now, and Molly getting to ringside as fast as possible. Hurricane looking at Vega now…
Heyman: HURRICANE DIVES RIGHT AT VEGA! A suicide dive by Hurricane, and Vega taken down on the outside!
Megan: Incredible move by Hurricane, and he just took out the Spanish Fighter. Hurricane tosses Vega back into the ring, and this match is now officially underway!
Heyman: Hurricane jumped the gun in this match, and Vega is shocked beyond belief. Hurricane lifting Vega to his feet, sending him off of the ropes now, flying forearm!
Megan: Hurricane with an early offensive on Vega, and picking him up right away to his feet once again…HARD powerslam onto Vega. Cover already…
One
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TWO…Kickout.
Heyman: Vega obviously not expecting this type of Ruthless Aggression from Hurricane…
Megan: Paul, don't EVER use that term again. Hurricane going to pull Vega up to his feet again…but a low punch by Vega stops that offensive.
Heyman: Vega taking every chance he can, due to his lack of actual wrestling experience…now going off the ropes…and a high knee to the face of Hurricane!
Megan: Vega acting cocky though, not following up with any type of attack, just taunting Molly…and that's a mistake, as the Hurricane is back to his feet…Reverse DDT by the Hurricane!
Heyman: Vega smartly rolling out of the ring now, and his motioning to the entryway…and look who's coming out!
Megan: What the hell is Luisa doing out here? And what is she doing with that Black Briefcase.
Heyman: She's out here to show moral support, like Mighty Molly is right now.
Megan: I severely doubt that, but the Hurricane noticing Luisa, as does Molly…
Heyman: VEGA WITH A ROLL-UP!
One
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TWO…kickout.
Megan: Luisa being a quick distraction already for Vega, and almost cost Hurricane the match. Molly watching intently at Luisa as Hurricane gets back to his feet, caught in the face by a hard sidekick to the face.
Hyeman: Vega showing that he was trained very well in a very short time. Now taking Hurricane up…HARD Wheelbarrow powerbomb.
Megan: Still no cover by Vega…he's taunting the Hurricane a bit, now leaping to the top rope…posing for the crowd…HURRICANE UP! BELLY TO BACK SUPERPLEX!
Heyman: DAMN that was sweet. Hurricane going to the top rope himself…ugh, not this!
Megan: Frog Splash by Hurricane! Shades of Eddie Guerrero or Rob Van Dam.
Heyman: I HATE that move!
Megan: Hurricane only getting a two count from that though, Vega rolling away and using the ropes to get back up…Hurricane charging…and the ropes are pulled down! Hurricane over the top, and hits hard on our announcer's table!
Heyman: And this could be the moment that Vega has been waiting to take advantage of in this match. Vega now sizing Hurricane up…and a series of punches and kicks the the Super-hero…HARD wheel kick to his head.
Megan: But Vega needs to get Hurricane back into the ring if he expects to win a match…doing so now…and waiting for Hurricane to get back up to his feet.
Heyman: I think I know what Vega is planning…Hurricane on his feet…going for the Flying Barcelona Special…
Megan: HURRICANE CAUGHT HIM WITH A DROPKICK! And I don't think that Vega was expecting the Hurricane to stop that…but wait a minute, Luisa going to him…oh no.
Heyman: VEGA'S GOT THE CLAW ON HIS HAND! NOW things are going to get interesting.
Megan: Hurricane not aware that Vega has the claw on his hand, Molly pulling Luisa away from the ring now, Hurricane in, and a claw slash right to the chest. The bell is ringing.
Heyman: Wait, the referee saw that? Wow, they DON'T need glasses after all!
Megan: Well Hurricane getting the win by DQ…but the story here is Vega now going to attack Hurricane…going for an impaling Claw shot…CAUGHT!
Heyman: Hurricane reacting quickly with that, grabbing his wrist…now grabbing the claws with the other hand…HOLY SHIT!
Megan: Hurricane bending Vega's metal claws with his bare hands! And Vega seems to be stunned! Hurricane grabbing the throat of Vega now!
Heyman: But look at the devotion shown to Vega by Luisa! Pulling her boss out of the ring before more damage can be done! Vega and Luisa getting out of here…
Megan: But they're not alone! Hurricane giving chase, and so is Molly! Capetta ready now…
Capetta: The winner of this bout, as a result of a disqualification, The Hurricane!
Heyman: But the story is just getting started here! Can we follow where this is going?
Megan: Maybe when we get back, but not right now! Fans, stay tuned!
COMMERCIALS! COMMERCIALS! And for flavor, SOME ADVERTISEMENTS!
When we get back from break, we see Hurricane and Molly in the back, looking around a bit. Hurricane motions for Molly to go one way, and she does as Hurricane goes the other way, looking around for Vega. "Oh no you don't, Spaniard. This isn't over yet..."
Vega suddenly steps out from a corner, holding in front of him a beautiful black woman in dreadlocks! The claw, though bent, is still deadly with the edges on the top and the bottom. "... It is indeed not over, Hurricane... I suggest you leave before I show you how dangerous my weapon STILL is..."
He glares at him. "You'd go so low as to attack an innocent. I pity how pathetic you are." he says, powering down a bit as he stares on.
"I don't need your pity... all I need are the weapons I have... especially the one that hide." Vega pushes the woman away from him-- and the woman suddenly throws a hard savate kick to Hurricane's head?!!
Hurricane, de-powered from that, is knocked down at that, but is starting to get up already...powering up.
"Geez, you weren't kidding... he IS tough!" the woman says. "Come, Cassandra... the plane's waiting for us..." Vega turns and walks off as Cassandra steps back... then glances at a cinderblock nearby, grabbing it, lifting it up and smacking it against Hurricane's head! "STAY DOWN!!!" she says, before running off.
He gets hit...and is busted open, and is taken down again. However, he goes to get up again. He's about to give chase...until he sees something on the closest TV...Nova searching for the nWo. "Fine...you want to play that way, I'll just watch as you walk right into another angry superpowered man." he says, going to look for Molly.
We cut to backstage, where Nova, still spraypainted and furious, is destroying equipment and looking for his assailants...
Megan: And Nova...still searching for the nWo, or Eighteen...and could they have been telling the truth about her joining?
Paul: Well, just like Nova said, Eighteen has had aaaaaall the shortcuts, and this is probably another one. She WAS a member of Neo-DX, too...
Vega is seen walking down the connecting hallway with Cassandra, suddenly! "Luisa's waiting for us, let's go!" Vega is heard saying.
The crowd boos hearing the accented voice...and Nova turns his head in the direction of it...reaching down towards his belt...
Paul: Uh oh...
Megan: And Vega may be in the wrong place right now...
The camera quickly goes to the limo with the gold trims along the sides. Cassandra is the first to enter the limo as Vega pauses, looking around.
"Vega! C'mon! Let's go!!" Cassandra calls out.
"... Just savoring the moment of personal satisfation, Cassandra. Nothing wrong with that... right. Now let's--"
Bursting through the exit door, the force it knocking it off the hinges, Nova looks toward Vega and his entourage...
Megan: Uh-oh is right...and Vega isn't nWo that I know of, but he may do just fine for Nova's purposes...
Vega frowns. "... Oh. It's you. I have no time for you. My plane leaves in an hour. We'll fight another time." Vega goes to get into the car...
"And I say...NOW!" Nova lunges at him, as Vega is about to close to door to the limo--which Nova grabs, and rips OFF of the limo by the hinges, and grabs Vega by the collar, ramming his head THROUGH the window of the door he severed, then slugging him repeatedly as it dangles on his neck like a collar, then rams his head into the roof of the limo. "Think I don't give a damn, eh? Well if Hurricane couldn't do it, then so what...I will instead he says, then picks up the door and nails him across the back with it.
Paul: ...WHOA-HOA-HOA!!!
Megan: Nova has COMPLETELY snapped..and Vega...as much as I hate to admit it--HAS earned this!
Vega collapses, moaning in pain. Luisa quickly gets out of the car as does Cassandra, both ladies staring down Nova with a look of raw hatred in their eyes. "You just made one hell of a mistake!" Cassandra hisses.
"Yeah...should have hit him harder. Out of my way, bimbos," Nova says.
Paul: MY GOD! After that match he's STILL got fight left in him...of course, powered up.
Megan: Yeah...and Vega not really able to defend himself..
Nova picks Vega up by his hair and drags him towards the front of the limo. "THIS IS FOR MOLLY!" Nova shouts as he rams Vega's face repeatedly into the hood of the limo as the girls scream. "And Eighteen...nWo...YOU'RE not getting off either. Remember SYRACUSE, Shawn? Does THIS bring back memories?!" "HOW--ABOUT--NOW?!" Nova asks, continuing. Then, leaning back, he tosses Vega THROUGH the front windshield of the limo...the car alarm sounding just after he does. "Siesta time, muthaf***a..." Nova says, walking away as he exhales deeply...pressing a button on his belt again.
The girls look at each other... Luisa quickly goes to check on Vega as Cassandra grabs a shovel from a nearby wall and leaps at Nova, smacking him HARD with it in the back of the head!!!
Paul: OOOH...and Nova not expecting the girls to get a bit extreeeeeme themselves...but Vega...is...he alright?
Megan: He may be flossing bits of glass and vomit out of his teeth tonight but I'm pretty sure he's alright otherwise..."
Cassandra isn't done yet though! After laying the shovel into Nova's back a few times, she grabs him up and looks straight into his face!
"Now YOU! You're gonna remember Syracuse!! Right after I do THIS!" And Cassandra throws a mean body punch to Nova's gut and then a WICKED savate roundhouse kick that causes him to double back and hit his head against the stone wall!!
Megan: Nova got wailed on by one by Vega's girls...the rest checking on their man...and that's the same one that attacked Hurricane..and seems to be Vega's bodyguard, I'd assume.
Paul: Well, only if he needs a LITTLE bit of help.
Cassandra smirks, then steps back towards the limo. "Yeah, that's right. Remember it, bitch! Cassandra King!!" She turns and checks on Vega with Luisa. ".. Let's get him to that healer girl..."
Megan: And after what he did to Molly, they've got the nerve--?
Paul: Well, she's not suppose to pick and choose who she heals, just do her job.
Megan: True...and Nova may need a trip there himself...we'll be back with our tag team title match after this.
*Commercials*
The camera comes back on, to show Heyman writing something.
Megan: Um Paul, we're back on.
Heyman: HANG ON! If you hadn't noticed, I'm busy.
Megan: (looking at the paper)...Paul, I'm not sure if Gokuo will approve of moving the announcer's table.
Heyman: He better. I'm sick of these things happening to us! Let these psycho wrestlers wreck furnature not in use, not our desk!
Megan: Well, you have a good point, but at this point we can do little else but move on with the show...and up next--
Paul: (putting away the paper)Deadly Extremity FINALLY get their deserved shot at the tag team titles!
Megan: Well...deserved I'm not sure about--the MULKEYS?!
Paul: More LEGENDS just like David Flair defeated!
Megan: The Mulkeys...even YOU can't tell me they're legends.
Paul: ARE TOO! =P
"Bodies" by Drowning Pool cues up...
Capetta: The following tag team match is scheduled for one fall with a 20 minute time limit. Introducing first, the challengers! At a combined weight of 261 pounds...Frosti and Savvy--DEADLY EXTREMITY!!
Paul: And this well oiled team ready to take those championships shortly!
Megan: Well, with certain comments exchanged between Akiko and both members of Deadly Extremity, this match may have gotten VERY personal in a hurry.
Paul: Deadly Extremity in the ring...and...
Then, on the EAW-Tron..
The scene opens up to a stage shrouded in darkness... then suddenly lights come on, revealing three Japanse men with guitars and drums, and at the center is Oseiko!!
Paul: Wot tha?
Megan: Oseiko was talking about this earlier...it looks like that parody that she shot for this special occasion...
With a mic in hand, Oseiko leans in and whispers...
It's now on the radio
God I hate it that's for sho
Don't play this song now any mo
My sanity just hit the...
The drums kickup--
FLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!
The band then proceeds to play a perfect version of Drown Pool's "Bodies," Deadly Extremity's theme! Oseiko smiles, then begins to sing!
That song, why for?
Can't take much more!
(Here we go here we go here we go now)
WHY! Its inanity!
WHEN! My gone sanity!
WHO! Won't stop playing now!
WHAT! It keeps going now!
STOP! Something's got to give!
STOP! Ruthless aggressive!!
STOP! Trash the radio!!
NNOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!!
It's now on the radio
God I hate it that's for sho
Don't play this song now any
MMMOOORRREEEEEE!!!
It's now on the radio
God I hate it that's for sho
Don't play this song now any
MMMMOOOOORRREEEE!!!!!
Hear it again!!
Sanity's at an end!!
(Here we go here we go here we go now)
1! Gotta stop this song!
2! Gotta stop it now!
3! Before everyone!
4! Really lost it now!
SO! I'll get my wakizashi!
THEN! And then just then I'll maybe!
KILL! I'll stop that stupid band!!
NOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!
It's now on the radio
God I hate it that's for sho
Don't play this song now any
MMMOOOOOOORRRRRRRREEEEEEE!!
It's now on the radio
God I hate it that's for sho
Don't play this song now any mo
It really sucks! I must say!
Just grab that CD and throw it away!
How the hell did it get so strong!
You must realize that, it's so wrong!
It's now on the radio
God I hate it that's for sho
Don't play this song now any mo
My sanity just hit the FLLOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY! Can't you listen to!
THIS! Better music too!
YOU! Need to check your rack!
NOW! Before your mind goes snap!
1! There always Ministry!
2! King Crimson is neat!
3! Or maybe some of me! ~_^
NNOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
It's now on the radio
God I hate it that's for sho
Don't play this song now any
MMMOOOOORRRRRRRRRREEEEE!!!!!!!
It's now on the radio
God I hate it that's for sho
Don't play this song now any mo>
HAAAATEEE!!!! JUST HAAAAAATE!!!!!! IT, HAAAAAATEEEEE! IT, HAAAAAAAAAAATEEE!!!!!!
IT!!
The song ends, and Oseiko pants softly, smiling; even though it's pre-taped it's almost if she can hear the live fans cheer her...
Paul: Why...the unmitigated GAUL..!
Megan: Well...on that note...
Capetta: And their opponents...at a combined weight of 252 pounds--the DEFENDING EAW Tag Team Champions!--Oseiko and Akiko--Kyouki Shoujo!!
Oseiko and Akiko step out..Oseiko taking a few bows as the crowd claps and cheers. Akiko, in "Pogo-chan" make up, seems more interested in getting to the ring.
Megan: And Deadly Extremity looking ready to tear the tag team champions apart...Oseiko and Frosti to start this off, and EAW referee Tommy Sato signalling for the bell!
Paul: Hmph...she's overrated...Steph sang a MUCH better version...
Megan: Yeah--sure...Oseiko and Frosti in the center of the ring--collar and elbow--and Frosti trying to overpower--Oseiko with a knee into the midsection...sends Frosti to the ropes--CRESCENT KICK across the chest puts her down! Oseiko grabbing her by the head--ELBOWS by Frosti, and sending Oseiko to the ropes--catches her! And a RIB BREAKER--still holding on--and a FALLAWAY SLAM by Frosti! Covers her--
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ONE!
Kickout at one!
Paul: Frosti picking Oseiko up now--SNAP SUPLEX!! Picks her up by the arm--ARM DRAG! Goes for anoth--blocked by Oseiko--kicks her in the midsection--and a SWIVEL ARM BAR!!
Paul: Scrambles for the ropes---GETS IT--and excellent ring presence there!
Megan: Oseiko pulls her up now...kick--blocked--and a reverse spin ENZUI GIRI by Oseiko! Off the ropes now--Lion SAUL--SAVVY yanked the ropes and tripped up Oseiko!
Paul: And excellent teamwork and ring stragety!
Megan: And Oseiko just landed on her feet--but--ROLL UP BY FROSTI!--
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ONE!
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KICKOUT at one again!
Paul: Maybe, but this puts DE in the offensive again...Frosti picks up and a GUTBUSTER SLAM by Frosti! Now setting up Oseiko--and the Scream Dream--a very effective submission hold!!
Megan: Likely won't make her submit...something she's only done once...but will weaken the leg and elbow joints.
Paul: Once again...BRILLIANT strategy!
Megan: Wrenching on it--and Frosti releasing...picks her up--sends her TO the corner now. CHOPS across the chest--WAIT--Oseiko reversing--kicks her across the chest and midsection...stepping back--and a HIGH LEG LARIAT by Oseiko, flipping out onto the apron!--Oseiko springing up--and a SPRINGBOARD FACE CRUSHER!
Paul: WHOA...a variation of the Flair flip, practically...
Megan: Heading for--Frosti grabbing her ankle to try to prevent the tag. Oseiko pulling up Frosti--Irish Whip--AKIKO with a HARD kick into the back! Frosti dazed--clothesli--ducked--DROPS her throat first across the top rope!
Paul: WHOA!...didn't expect that from Akiko...and Oseiko rather concerned with her partner's...LACK of sportmanship there.
Megan: Akiko shrugging it off...--but Frosti recovering--WAISTLOCK on Oseiko--and a GERMAN SUPLEX release! Oseiko back up--Frosti picks her up and KNEEBREAKER now! Legbar utilized in the center of the ring!
Paul: That's right...CENTER of the ring on Miss Kicky-Chop-Socky here...that'll help take some of the fight out of here.
Megan: Standing up now, still holding onto the ankle--and stomp to the thigh. And TAGS IN SAVVY!
Paul: Now both picking up Oseiko...TOSSES HER into the corner, and stomping and kicking one half of the tag team champions, as her partner is begging for a tag!
Megan: Oseiko in trouble here, and Savvy setting up Oseiko for a superplex...aaaaaand HITS IT! Floatover!
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ONE!
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.
.
TWO!
Kickout!
Paul: Textbook Superplex there, and Savvy following up immediately with it, showing her skill and ingenuity!
Megan: Savvy up, and looking to capitalize--Oseiko counters--cradles Savvy!
.
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.
ONE!--Kickout!
Oseiko up..picking up Savvy--Kumouchikomu!
.
.
.
ONE!
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.
.
Tw--Kickout!
Paul: That's a VERY dangerous move...I think the champs should be DQed and stripped of the titles!
Megan: Come off it, Paul...Oseiko up and DIVING TAGS to Akiko!
Paul: Akiko quickly inside the ring--SPINNING HEEL KICK to Savvy! Savvy up--Irish Whip by Akiko--catches her and TILT A WHIRL BACKBREAKER! Out to the apron--and a SOMERSAULT LEG DROP across the throat! Cover!
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ONE!
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.
TWO!--KICKOUT!
Megan: The crowd cheering Akiko on--launches her into the corner--charges in aaaaand SPLASHES Savvy! Climbs up top--1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9--Akiko BITING the forehead of Savvy! And MONKEY FLIPS her!
Paul: Akiko taunting and--CHEAP SHOTS FROSTI!!
Megan: Frosti trying to get in, but Sato keeping her out...while Akiko...undoing the turnbuckle pad?!
Paul: I'll be damned...are you SURE that's Akiko under that make up? Seems too smart to be...
Megan: So you're a fan, now?
Paul: No, still hate her...but smart strategy.
Megan: Savvy getting up, and Akiko egging on Frosti...it seems like she wants Savvy to get the tag, and isn't stopping her...
Paul: See? Then she does something dumb like that.
Megan: FROSTI TAGGED!! And comes in now...Akiko and Frosti slugging it out, and nothing too graceful here--Frosti to the ropes, goes for another tilt a whir--NO! HEADSCISSORS by Frosti!! Frosti up, and sends Akiko to the ropes--pick up and DROPS her throat-first across the top rope! And letting Savvy tag is coming back to haunt Akiko. Pulling her up by the ankle--DRAGON SCREW by Frosti! Picks her up now...Full Nelson--DRIVER on Akiko!! Cover now!
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ONE!
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.
.
TWO!
...NO! Kickout!
Paul: Akiko pulled up again--suplex set--AKIKO COUNTERS WITH...a fork to the side of the head?!
Megan: That's...what it looked like--between the knuckles and--NAILS her in the side of the head with it, and pocketing it before Sato could see.
Paul: Hmph...I think Sato is letting them get away with all this stuff on the "Gaijins."
Megan: Tommy's dumb but not corrupt--Irish Whip and a--THESZ PRESS! Into a chokehold by Akiko...BLATANT CHOKE...BLATANT CHOKE! Sato administering the 5 count--lets go at 4. And Akiko doing everything she can get away with to try to show up Deadly Extremity!
Paul: Has Frosti by the hair...yanking off that undone turnbuckle pad with her left hand and RAMMING Frosti's head into it with her right. Pick up and DROPS her face first on it. Sato admonishing her for it...
Paul: YEAH, but is he going to do ANYTHING?
Megan: He's allowing some leeway...why are you complaining, Paul? All he can do is DQ them, and if so, you know what that means?
Paul: Deadly Extremity don't get the titles...I guess I understand now.
Megan: Tag made to Oseiko, and Sato attempting to put that turnbuckle pad back on...double Irish whip--Frosti's arm grabbed by Savvy--DOUBLE DROPKICKS miss! Savvy in, and--
Paul: GOOOOOOOOOOORE! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!
Megan: ...I knew that was coming--on Oseiko!! Akiko RED MISTED by Savvy, and Frosti up dazed, and bleeding a bit...COVERS OSEIKO...but Sato still with that pad...
Paul: ARGH! COUNT ALREADY! Does that guy even know how to tie his shoes right?
Megan: Turns around--DOWN TO MAKE THE COUNT!
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ONE!--Kickout!
Paul: Bah...SHOULD HAVE BEEN NEW CHAMPIONS right there! And..now what's he doing?
Megan: Savvy wasn't tagged in, Paul...he would have been on her sooner if he saw her come in like that. Oseiko back up, and a bit fresher than Frosti...armwringer now...and Oseiko going up to the top rope--SPRINGBOARD ARM DRAG! Going up top now...moonsaul--Frosti reaching over--TAGS Savvy--OSEIKO HITS IT!! Cover...
Paul: Heheh...no clue...
Megan: Sato telling her the tag was made--SAVVY IN!! Pulls Oseiko off her, and set up...double underhook--SUPLEX on Oseiko! Cover now...
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ONE!
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TWO!
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.
...Kickout!
Megan: Oseiko set up now..TREE OF WOE--FROSTI choking her now, and looks like they're eager to try to show Akiko that they can do it just as well...uh oh...Savvy stepping back and a BASEBALL SLIDE DROPKICK!! OOOOH!!
Paul: Oooooh-hooo-hooo!
Megan: Oseiko in serious trouble here...and could use a tag, although likely Akiko wouldn't even care if she got DQed...
Paul: Hehehe...I'm really enjoying this match.
Megan: Savvy setting up Oseiko...GERMAN SUPLE--Oseiko landing behind--waistlock--BACKDROP LYGERBOMB!!
Paul: Oseiko heading for her corner...and...TAGS IN AKIKO!!
Megan: Akiko charging in--SAVVY TAGS!
Paul: FROSTI AND AKIKO--DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!! But...both of them back up?! And the two of them brawling now!! Irish Whip by Frosti--SAVVY TRIPS UP Akiko!! LEGDROP across the back of the head by Frosti! And now picking up Akiko, and setting her in the corner...slugging away, and most of that facepaint gone at this point..
Paul: Yeah...and...Savvy going up to the very top...and looks like a top rope Crucifix Powerbomb!!! This could be--MIST--REVERSAL--HURRACANRANA??!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE?!?!?
Paul: ....Akiko...did THAT?!
Megan: And...the tag team champions retain!! And...Deadly Extremity certainly fighting an uphill battle there...
*ding, ding*
"Ride On A Shooting Star" cues up...
Capetta: The winners of this match, and STILL EAW Tag Team Champions...KYOUKI SHOUJO!!!
Megan: And Akiko seeming to not care if she got disqualified or not..because even then she'd keep the title. And Oseiko taking hers...but looking rather disappointed in Akiko.
Paul: I don't know why..except for that part when she allowed the tag, it was the SMARTEST match she ever wrestled!
Megan: We'll be back after this commercial break with our MAIN EVENT!! Stay tuned!!
*Commercials again*
When we get back from break, "There's a Fire in the House" cues up in the arena, and to a mixed reaction from the crowd comes Michael Connelly.
Capetta: Our Main Event is a Tag Team Contest Scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Mars, Pennsylvania, standing 6'2" tall and weighing in at 230 pounds, "Code Red" Michael A. Connelly!
Heyman: The man who COST Kirk Angel the PWF Universal Championship! The man who DELIBERATELY is attacking superstars just to try to prove a name for himself.
Megan: Keep on shoveling in Paul, maybe someday SOMEONE will believe you.
Heyman: Hey, the proof is in the footage! And I heard that Michael has a plan tomorrow night on PWF television.
Megan: Connelly has never BEEN on PWF Television besides that tag team match!
Heyman: That's what YOU say, I believe otherwise…
"Gonna Fly Now" replaces Mikey's theme, as the half the crowd cheering starts booing as well.
Capetta: And his partner, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania in the PWF dimension, standing 6'2" tall and weighing in at 220 pounds…he is the EAW World Heavyweight Champion, Kirk Angel!
Heyman: Now THIS is a man that you can support! A TRUE role model!
Megan: Ugh…unfortunately for Michael Connelly, Kirk Angel is his partner tonight for this tag team match. Angel getting into the ring…and getting right into the face of Michael Connelly!
Heyman: Well can you blame the guy? I mean, he DID cost Angel the PWF Title!
Megan: If they're gonna be partners, they're gonna have to put aside this personal adimosity, because they're going to face two icons.
Heyman: One Icon and one has been.
BLUE, BLUE, BLUE WORLD ORDER, 4 LIFE!
"Live and Learn" starts to play over the speakers, and out from the entryway to a great reception comes Sonic, wearing a bWo half T-shirt, her sneakers…and nothing else.
Cappetta: And their opponents, first, residing in Columbus, Ohio, standing 5'11" tall and weighing in at 137 pounds, Blue World Order member, "The Blue Blur" Sonic the Hedgehog!
Megan: And Sonic going at high speeds to the ring, not exactly totally pleased with who her partner for this match is, but she'll deal with it.
Heyman: …she's wearing too much with her ring attire. Take the shirt off and she'll be fine!
Megan: You would say something like that Paul. Sonic getting into the ring now, and looking at her opponents bickering…and a smile comes onto her face.
Heyman: Well wouldn't you if something like this happened if you ever wrestled again.
Megan: I…suppose. Well, Sonic in the ring, her opponents across from her…
Suddenly, "Voodoo Child" starts to play over the speakers, and the crowd cheers even more.
Megan: And now, the arrival of her partner!
From out of the entryway, wearing, unlike his WWE times, his Hulk Still Rules Shirt and Bandana, as well as his tie-dyed tights, as well as his red and yellow boas. As he walks out, he's playing air guitar and singing a bit with his theme.
Capetta: And her partner, from Hollywood, California, standing 6'7" tall and weighing in at 275 pounds, "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan!
Megan: That is an announcement that I NEVER thought I would hear in my career. Hulk Hogan is here in EAW, and he's going to be at a PPV here as well.
Heyman: And I am SO hoping that the Big Show kicks this old bastard's ass. Doesn't this guy know WHEN TO QUIT?
Megan: You forgetting about Ric Flair too?
Heyman:….
Megan: Knew that would shut you up.
Hogan enters the ring, removes his boas, and tears his shirt right down the middle, tossing it out, then standing next to Sonic…who apparently wants to start this match.
Megan: This is a moment in EAW history to be remembered. Hogan going onto the apron, and it looks like Connelly and Angel have decided that Connelly will start things off for his team.
Heyman: Wow…Hogan actually putting his ego in check for once. That's a big surprise.
Megan: Same with Angel…the bell has rung, and this match is officially underway now!
Megan: Connelly and Sonic circling each other now, neither one of them wanting to make any mistakes during this bout. Tie-up attempt by both of them…both working away…Connelly with a side head-lock to start things off.
Heyman: Sonic pushing Connelly into the ropes, clothesline attempt by Michael ducked…into the other ropes…and Angel makes a tag!
Megan: But I don't even think Michael knows. Connelly caught in a head-scissors takedown by Sonic, and Angel with a clothesline to the back of her head!
Heyman: The intelligence factor of Kirk's three I's playing in once again, and Sonic feeling the full effect of it.
Megan: Connelly know realizing it, and getting out of the ring as Angel puts his knee right into the back of Sonic, pressing his weight right into her.
Heyman: A very smart wear down move by Kirk Angel, weakening the back to reduce Sonic's offense.
Megan: Angel now letting Sonic get up to her feet, but only enough for a hard belly-to-back suplex. Taking the leg of Sonic now, and wrenching it hard in a standing leg-lock.
Heyman: Angel knowing just how to properly wear down someone…and look at the great strength by Angel, wrenching Sonic over to his corner just by the leg!
Megan: Angel now tagging in Connelly…what the hell? Suplexes Connelly right onto Sonic! Connelly staying on with a cover…
One
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.
TWO…foot on the ropes.
Heyman: Nice continuity shown by Connelly and Angel, we have yet to see the same from Sonic and Hogan though.
Megan: Well, that's cause Sonic has yet to get a chance to tag in Hogan. Connelly now picking up Sonic, sending her off the ropes for something, but Sonic with a spin wheel kick right to Connelly's face.
Heyman: And…oh no, Sonic makes the tag now, and Moses himself is in the ring.
Megan: This is a moment in wrestling history right here, Hogan and Connelly in the ring together, and this has got to be a big moment in the career of Michael Connelly.
Heyman: Though I severely despise him, I have to admit that much. Connelly rushing in now going for the knee of Hogan…Hogan sidesteps…
Megan: And look at the sheer power of Hogan, lifting Connelly high above his head…and just dropping him ala-The Ultimate Warrior. Hogan picking up Connelly again, Connelly fighting back with a series of fists to the face.
Heyman: Connelly using his speed advantage over the old man, Hogan blocks…but Connelly with a quick dropkick to the leg of Hogan.
Megan: Connelly possibly seeing advanced clips of Hogan's Smackdown match, knowing that Hogan was in a war. Connelly going to pick Hogan up for a slam…Hogan with a hard sledge to the back of Connelly! And now Hogan with a suplex of his own!
Heyman: Damn, where is Hogan getting all this adrenaline? Hogan tagging in Sonic now…she goes to the top rope, and a beautiful 450 Splash! Staying on for a cover…
One
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.
TWO…and Angel making the save.
Megan: Sonic going off the ropes now, Connelly still down on the mat, Rolling Thunder, but Connelly with the knees up right to the back of Sonic. And Connelly dives over to a tag to Kirk Angel now. Angel happy to oblige, grabbing Sonic for a reverse DDT…no, Dragon Sleeper!
Heyman: A GREAT submission move there by Kirk Angel, really working away at the air flow of Sonic. Standing up, and still holding onto the Dragon Sleeper.
Megan: Hogan trying to rally the crowd behind Sonic now…as Kirk holds onto the sleeper, pulling Sonic over to his corner, and Connelly makes another tag into the ring…and a HARD kick by Connelly to the back of Sonic.
Heyman: Connelly showing a more vicious side than I've seen him here, and it suits him well. Connelly scooping Sonic up, and a HARD backbreaker to the bWo member.
Megan: Connelly kicking Sonic to the gut, setting up a powerbomb…and Sonic lands HARD onto the mat…and Connelly turns it into a Lion-tamer! Sonic's back is in agony right now!
Heyman: Connelly close to his corner though, and Angel making another tag. Connelly looks upset, but Angel smiling as he locks in a camel clutch onto Sonic.
Megan: But Connelly looking upset that Angel tagged himself in, and Connelly tags himself back in now.
Heyman: Hoo boy, I knew that this was going to eventually break down.
Megan: Well, cooler heads prevailing it seems as Angel goes back onto the apron…Connelly picking Sonic up…and a German Suplex! And another…a third one now!
Heyman: HEY! First Connelly cost Angel the PWF title, now he's stealing Angel's moves! Has he no shame?
Megan: He's just doing what comes naturally. Connelly going to the first rope…Moonsault. Right back up…to the second rope…another moonsault. Now up to the top…setting up…Frog Splash!
Heyman: Not again, wasn't Hurricane doing it enough?
Megan: Connelly with a cover…
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
THRE….NO!
Heyman: One second away, Connelly was ONE SECOND AWAY from getting the victory.
Megan: Connelly trying to get Sonic into the Red Tape now…Sonic adjusts, inside cradle!
One
.
.
TWO…kickout!
Heyman: Sonic finally getting back in some offense in this match, and now kip-upping to her feet. Connelly going in after her, but Sonic with a flipping dropkick!
Megan: Connelly trying to get back up once again, stunned by that, and Sonic right there waiting…Snap Suplex! Rolling over…
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
NO!
Heyman: There's no way that Sonic was going to get a win that early in the match. Connelly kicking Sonic as she gets up…but caught by Sonic…Step over wheel kick!
Megan: But doing that took something out of Sonic as well. Both fighters are down, and both of them need to make a tag to their respective partners. They're reaching their corners…Mikey's closer though…
Heyman: But Angel wants Connelly to prove himself. Look at this.
Megan: I can't believe this, Angel has gotten off the apron. He's leaving…as Sonic makes the tag to Hogan!
Heyman:…ugh…and Hogan is Hulking Up…wagging the finger at Connelly.
Megan: Connelly has to make due…punch attempt by Connelly, blocked, right by Hogan…and another, a third…and an Irish Whip…
Heyman: Sonic still in the ring…PORNBUSTER! Connelly taken down hard with that one.
Megan: Hogan off the ropes…Running Leg Drop! The cover…
One
.
.
TWO
.
.
THREE!
Capetta: Here are your winners, the team of Sonic the Hedgehog and "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan!
Heyman: Ugh…I think I'm going to be sick Megan.
Megan: Well despite what Heyman here says, Hogan wins once again in his illustrious career. Sonic leaving the ring now, letting Hogan have his moment of glory.
Heyman: Do we HAVE to see this? I mean, it's bad enough that the WWE still has this old bastard on the air.
Megan: Why don't you stop it then? Hogan posing for the crowd…but wait a minute!
Heyman: THE BIG SHOW…er, the EAW BIG SHOW! The in-better-Shape Big Show has just hit Hogan from behind!
Megan: What the hell is this all about? I thought Big Show was busy training with Donnie B!
Heyman: Apparently not, Megsy. He's right here, grabbing Hogan by the throat…SHOWSTOPPER!
Megan: The Big Show leaving a major message to Hogan right there, can the Hulkster counter this? And what will Michael Connelly have to say about Angel's actions tonight? Stay tuned, and we'll see you at Aggression!
Just before the show ends though... we suddenly get a feed via sattellite from Stamford! It's WWE Owner Vince McMahon!!!
"Hello everyone..." he begins. "I hope you enjoyed this installment of EAW Mayhem. As I hope you enjoy installments of WWE Raw and Smackdown! each and every night. Though I'd like to address a few things that must be taken into account... namely EAW Superstars invaded WWE shows... and vice versa.
"It all started when the Undertaker attacked Oseiko, and Oseiko ended up defending herself. Then Undertaker got involved in an EAW show and attacked Oseiko's partner Akiko, and her opponent Fasha. On behalf of the Undertaker I would like to apologize... but at the same token the EAW should apologize for Fasha, who invaded Smackdown last week and demanded the Undertaker face her. Instead, she got Tajiri. Now I say the EAW should apologize, but after reviewing the footage of the match I say... DON'T. I saw how well Tajiri and Fasha worked with each other... how well they put each other over and quite frankly, I was impressed. So as WWE Owner I would like to say... I will ALLOW EAW Superstars to visit WWE programming. And I will allow WWE Superstars to visit EAW programming, at President Gokuo's discretion. Let's have WWE and EAW Superstars work as one unit in the coming month. Fighting alongside each other, fighting one another. And it should all climax at the EAW Pay-Per-View entitled, appropriately enough... Holy Wars. There we'll see which of our companies' greatest stars are truly the best! Hardcore champion versus Extreme champion! Cruiserweight champion versus Cruiserweight champion! Tag champions versus Tag champions! Intercontinental champion versus Triple Crown champion! And yes... World champion versus World champion. It's a huge offer, gentlemen... to give the fans what they want... a crossover event that hasn't been this huge since the day WCW and ECW decided to invade the WWF!"
Vince then smiles his devilish grin and concludes by saying. "... So... what say you, Gokuo? Are you game?"
... Fade to black...