The show opens to show the unearthly beautiful visage of Morrigan Aensland! She smiles, sitting behind her stone desk, with Sasori standing next to her.
"Greetings tae ye all, and welcome tae this special edition of EAW Mayhem," she begins. "I'd like tae take this moment tae address Hokuto Yoshida about sanctioning a match here in the EAW against a man who has been troubling her as of late. Vega Fabio de Cerna. Hokuto has asked for nae just any ordinary match though. She's asked for the Hell's Asylum."
Morrigan sighs, then continues. "Hokuto, lass... I'm afraid I must deny this challenge. For three reasons. One. Vega is nae a wrestler in the EAW. In fact I myself have offered him a contract, but he denied it, saying... and I quote. 'I wouldn't waste my time in a lower-level fighting cesspool if it weren't for the fact I have a rabbit to hunt.'
"Two. The Hell's Asylum is extremely dangerous. 'Tis worse than the WWE's Hell In A Cell match, which shortens careers... the Hell's Asylum, if used correctly, can be used to END careers.
"Three. And 'tis the most important reason of all. The Hell's Asylum was the brainchild of Ryokami. Truly the sickest psychopathic mind ever born on this world. When he was destroyed by my husband Shaed, Kami-Sama bless his soul... I made it a point to erase all traces of Ryokami from the EAW. I had a new Extreme title made. And I banned the Hell's Asylum from EVER revealing itself again. And dae ye know why?"
Morrigan's eyes narrow, her demeanure deathly serious. "Because if I brought back the Hell's Asylum, Ryokami would have a reason tae RETURN." I know what I'm saying lads and lasses... Ryokami always had a reason tae return from the dead... becuse he had a corporeal target on Earth. I personally dismantled the Hell's Asylum tae ensure he'll NEVER come back. Because if he did, he'd be more powerful than ever, and my husband's sacrifice would be in vain."
Morrigan sighs softly. "My apologies, Hokuto. But if ye want tae sette this grudge with Vega, settle it in the Street Fighter arena. And NAE in the EAW.
After a short promo hyping the EAW Aggression pay-per-view in 2 weeks, the EAW Mayhem intro cues up..
Your hosts are Megan Eko and Paul Heyman!
The intro then plays with footage spliced in of the newer up-and-coming stars like Akiko, Fasha, and Eighteen, before cutting to a live shot of the arena as fireworks go off on the stage.
Signs in the crowd tonight: "Gokuo, SIGN AUSTIN!" "Bonesaw!" "David Flair's a Legendary Jackass!" "Marry Me Kelly!" "Marry me Oseiko!" "MARRY MY HAIRY SAUSAGE, JIM!" a few "Spider-Chan" signs, "Best There Is, Best There Was, and Busted Vince One--Need I Say More?", "Nexus' Real Father" with an arrow pointing down and "PUSH BOOKER T!"
Cut to the announcers desk, where Paul Heyman has on a custom "THE NEXT BIG THING" Brock Lesnar hat on, while the more subdued Megan has on a grey dress suit.
Megan: We are LIVE from Atlantic City, New Jersey, and thank you for inviting us into your homes, viewers at home, for this THURSDAY Night Mayhem...
Paul: Of course, don't worry about the competition...however, when Raw comes on, be on the look out for the NEXT BIG THING! So much so he caused a certain bald-headed individual to run scared....
Megan: I hardly think we should be discussing or gossiping about that. Mr. Heyman's comments do not necessarily reflect those of the EAW or the rest of its staff.
Heyman: So what? I have the damn right to say this...Austin, you're a coward! You're afraid to face the Next Big Thing! I hope you languish in WWA for the rest of your miserable career. And just remember, NO ONE screwed Steve Austin except Steve Austin himself!
Megan: Maybe you could have a discussion with Nova...in a sound proof booth, about 3,000 miles away...
Heyman: Oh shut up and let's start the show.
Megan: Glad to do it. ^_^
"Bombshell" soon cues up, and a mixed reaction, though mostly positive, cues up in the arena.
Capetta: Ladies and Gentlemen, our opening contest is a singles match scheduled for one fall with a 20-minute time limit. Making her way to the ring, from Memphis, Tennessee, standing 6'1" tall and weighing in at 215 pounds, Glenda "Unibomb" Jacobs!
Heyman: It's the Nicole Bass wannabe! The man with eternal PMS!
Megan: I'd SO like to see you say that to her face, Heyman.
Heyman: Hey, that's what I have Brock here. He's my bodyguard around here for these insane people.
Megan: Right. Well, expect another slaughter tonight, as Glenda will take on Kelly Connelly.
Heyman: Can't you ever show non-bias? Just because she would have humiliated you in the ring…
Megan: It's not bias, Heyman. It's just judging by the skills, and all the disadvantages that she has in this match.
Heyman: But she has brains, Megsy. And that's all that she needs.
"Bitch" suddenly cues up in the arena, the reception turning from mild cheers to heavy boos mixed with catcalls.
Capetta: And her opponent, representing Generation-NEXT, weighing in at 127 pounds, "Superstar" Kelly Connelly!
Megan: And Kelly not coming out to the ring…we saw this last week…and Glenda quick to turn around.
Heyman: But look! From under the ring, there's Kelly with a crowbar…and HARD into the back of Glenda! And the bell now rings!
Megan: This is just like a Generation-NEXT member to start a match the way that they did. Kelly quickly pounding away at the larger superstar with a series of elbows…and now stomping away at her.
Heyman: What a brilliant move by Kelly. Look at her now, a NICELY place Spin Kick to Glenda's face.
Megan: Kelly taking her sweet time to follow up with that though, instead getting a microphone. What's this about?
Kelly: Well, it seems that Glenda didn't have the nerve to go against me one on one. Typical, all talk and no show.
Megan: You forgot to mention that crowbar shot there, Kelly.
Heyman: Hush! Let the superstar talk!
Kelly grins, and continues. "And now that I have utterly humiliated Glenda, I just want to say, I can't wait to see Rash do the same thin…"
Megan: GLENDA UP, and clobbers Kelly from behind! Bad move by Kelly there, turning her back on Glenda.
Heyman: Kelly did make a mistake, but I would have at least thought that Glenda would have had the respect to let Kelly finish talking.
Megan: Glenda's a wrestler, and this is a match. Taking Kelly by the back of her neck, and just tossing her hard into the ropes. Kelly on her back now…and Glenda grabs her by the throat…pulling her right off the mat and a HARD chokeslam.
Heyman: Ungodly strength by Glenda Jacobs there! One has to wonder exactly what drugs she's on! Kelly now on the mat…and…uh oh!
Megan: Glenda setting Kelly up for the G-Bomb…But Kelly driving her fingers into Glenda's eyes. Kelly slipping in front of her, quick kick…
Heyman: CONDITION RED! Now THAT was an impressive looking Condition Red...and she does it WAY better than her cousin does!
Megan: Kelly now mounting Glenda…and look at the total disrespect for Glenda by Kelly, slapping away at her face. with disdain.
Heyman: Like you said, Megan, this is a wrestling match. She's just weakening her opponent.
Megan: Glenda not having it though, pressing Kelly right off of her body! Kelly not expecting this, obviously.
Heyman: No doubt she didn't expect this, and Kelly is in major trouble right now. She's picking Kelly up to her feet, and a HARD shot to the face.
Megan: Kelly rolling out of the ring now, and Glenda just grinning, looking very confident. Kelly now talking to the referee on the apron, and…now wait a minute!
Heyman: IT'S RASH! RASH IS HERE, AND GLENDA DOESN'T NOTICE!
Megan: And neither does the referee, thanks to Kelly! Rash from behind, and pummels Glenda down. Grabbing her now…Symboit Slam! No…not like this!
Heyman: Another showing of Kelly's brainpower there! Using all her tools and assets to her advantage!
Megan: Glenda is down and out right now, and Rash quickly leaving the ring. Kelly now taking Glenda, it's academic from here…locks in the Legendary End. The referee checking on her…
Heyman: The hand drops 3 times! Glenda is out, and Kelly has won!
WINNER BY SUBMISSION: "Superstar" Kelly Connelly
Megan: A despicable action by Generation-NEXT there…ugh, causes Kelly to get a win over Glenda.
Heyman: And such a great win too. This will push Kelly and Generation NEXT into the future!
Megan: Glenda starting to get up…DAMNIT! Rash webbing Glenda up now, and hanging her to the rafters.
Heyman: This is a justified attack, Megan. Glenda TWICE cost Rash the EAW Triple Crown Belt, now he's just getting his revenge.
Megan: It's wrong for either of them. Rash now punching away at Glenda…this is pathetic and low. Now Kelly stopping, some sympathy?
Heyman: If it is, Kelly's a VERY forgiving woman. Wait, Rash webbing something to them…STEEL CHAIRS!
Megan: Uh oh…this can't be what I think…NO!
In the ring, both Rash and Kelly swing the chairs at Rash's body, delivering the long time, no see Con-chair-to.
Heyman: What a great job! We haven't seen that in a long time!
Megan: This is disgusting. Kelly and Rash may have seriously jeopardized Glenda's career. Ugh…we'll be back after this.
*COMMERCIALS. No stupid "Get the F Out ones though, thankfully*
"Apathy" by KMFDM begins playing as we come back from break...
Megan: Welcome back everyone on this special THURSDAY Night Mayhem, just in time to see the Cruiserweight Title defended here in beautiful Atlantic City! And our challenger Hokuto will be out here any second.
Paul: Bah...who cares about her? The champ is who the people wanna see.
Megan: Odd how you still favor the Hurricane...
Paul: Well, if it comes to him and Nova, I don't--
Capetta: The following match is scheduled for one fall with a 15 minute time limit, and is for the EAW Cruiserweight Championship! Introducing first, the challenger: From Kyoto, Japan, she stands 5'4" and weighs in at 129 pounds...Hokuto Lyger!
Megan: Hokuto seems to be trailed everywhere she goes by that lunatic Vega. Not only a sore loser, but so fanatically vain he's set on going to extreme lengths to get revenge for--her marring his looks.
Paul: Well, handsome men like us work hard to keep our looks...how DARE she!
Megan: Hardly even worth a response to that. *sigh*
Then, "Apathy" dies down, and...
"Dare" by Stan Bush plays...
Megan: And Paul's obvious favorite in this match out next.
Paul: You bet! And anyone with Molly...er...as a sidekick obviously has their good points.
Capetta: Her opponent, and the defending EAW Cruiserweight Champion...accompanied by Mighty Molly...from Raleigh, NC...he stands 6'0" and weighs in at 191 pounds...The Hurricane!
Paul: And look out Linda Carter, ya got nothing on the Mighty One!
Megan: And perhaps you may be the biggest Mighty Molly fan after S&M...
Paul: Well, let's say I'd be willing to be caught on several robbery counts if she's the one who subdued me.
Megan: Please...may I be free of any of your perverted ideas, at least until this match is over?
Paul: I'll try to tone it down for ya, sweet cheeks.
*ding, ding*
Megan: And there's the bell...champion and challenger sizing each other up--Hokuto fakes out Hurricane--goes for a high kick, but ducked! Leg sweep by Hurricane...back up--arm drag by the Hurricane, pulls her up, shoulder lock armbreaker! Hokuto against the corner--hook kick to the back of the head by Hurricane! The Hurricane backing up--charges in--Hokuto avoids the splash! Side kick to the lower back of the Hurricane, and Hokuto with a hammerlock takedown! Grabs the ankles--slams the knees into the mat!
Paul: Every hero has his Achilles heel--and the Hurricane's may very well be--well, his knees.
Megan: Hokuto goes for a scissored armbar--Hurricane getting up--blocks. He reverses into an armwringer--back kick stopped by Hokuto--CHUUGEKI HOU on the captive Hurricane! Hokuto pulls him up--and a snap suplex--into a cover.
.
.
.
ONE!
.
Quick kickout! Hokuto pulls him up in a side headlock--Hurricane attempting an escape--fires her into the ropes--SPINNING HEEL KICK counter by the Hurricane! Pulls her up--hammerlo--no, a reverse half nelson--SUPLEX!
Paul: An excellent UNEXPECTED manuever by Hurricane to turn the tide to his favor! Hurricane going up top...Hokuto in the wrong dirECT--
Megan: And a missile dropkick by Hurricane into the back of Hokuto! A lateral press--
.
.
.
ONE!
.
.
Kickout! Hurricane now picking up Hokuto--sends her to the ropes--CAUGHT, and a Fall Away Sl--HOKUTO COUNTERS! THE GUILLOTINE CHOKE ON HURRICANE! Hurricane now--trying to reach the ropes, but Hokuto locking it on tight! Hokuto standing up now--loosening the grip. But Hurricane RAMMING her back into the corner! Whips her hard now to the ropes, goes to--TILT A WHIRL--REVERSED INTO A HEADSCISSORS! Kippups...Hurricane up, and--RENSHOU GEKI! Cover by Hokuto!
.
.
.
ONE!
.
.
.
TWO!
Kickout!
Paul: And the Hurricane gets the shoulder up, as the lovely Miss Molly looks on. Both up, and enchanging elbow shots--Hokuto the ropes, and through the legs--KICKS him in the back of the head! Hurricane dazed--Hokuto hooking him--and the Russian Leg Sweep!
Megan: Hurricane up, and Hokuto with palm thrusts and a BEAUTIFUL crescent kick! Goes for another--blocked, spins her around, and a backdrop in the center of the ring! Off the ropes, and a FACECRUSHER by the Hurricane. Hurricane back in control, and a reverse headlock now by the Hurricane..up to the second rope, flips forward with the DIAMOND DUST!! Hook of the leg,
.
.
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ONE!
.
.
.
TWO!
.
...and NOT QUITE!
Paul: The Hurricane using everything but his Hurri-powers to try to put away the young Japanese street fighter, and sending her to the ropes now--SPINEBU--only the one leg hooked--ENZUI GIRI by Hokuto!! And Hurricane down and possibly out...Hokuto now heading up top...
Megan: Hurricane up to one knee--Hokuto off the t--CAUGHT BY THE THROAT BY THE HURRICANE!! And a CHOKESLAM by Hurricane!! Another cover...
.
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ONE!
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.
.
TWO!
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.
NO!
Paul: Hurricane ONE SPLIT SECOND away from a successful defense, but Hokuto still coming on strong...both up now--Hurricane off the ropes--Hokuto as well--leapfrog over the Hurricane, back now--drops down--and uppercut shot to the chin...rears back, and a THRUST KICK by Hokuto! Pulls him up now--arm drag...and Irish Whip to the corner...setting up the Hurricane--risky positioning...and..GERMAN SUPLEX FROM THE TOP ROPE!!
Megan: Amazing balance and strength, and up to the top rope now...and the PHOENIX SPLASH by Hokuto!
Paul: SO MUCH IMPACT with that, that she actually bounced off the body of the Hurricane! Reaching over for the cover, this could be it--
Megan: WAIT!!! LOOK!!!
Heyman: HOLY CRAP!! IT'S VEGA!! HE JUST DROPPED DOWN AND-- GEEZ!!! WHAT THE HELL DID HE JUST DO TO HOKUTO?!!
Megan: He calls it the Izuna Drop!! And with all the fight Hokuto threw into her match with Hurricane she's down! Look! His assistant Luisa just ran into the ring now! And now-- they're tying Hokuto up into the ropes! Ohh, we've seen Vega try to do this before!!
Heyman: This goes beyong extreme, Megan! Vega intends to exact his gruesome revenge on Hokuto for marring his flawlessly handsome face!!
Megan: Luisa just brought a mic in and... she's holding it up for Vega!
Vega: ... Hokuto... little rabbit. Your sin shall not go unpunished. Now...finally... I shall scar your face as you did with me.
Megan: Vega draws that claw back-- NO!! SOMEONE STOP THIS!!! HE-- WAIT!!! HURRICANE'S GOT VEGA-- EYE OF THE HURRICANE!!!! YES!!!! HURRICANE'S A TRUE HERO!!!! HE SAVED HOKUTO FROM A POTENTIAL MAIMING BY THIS SICK... SICK MAN!!!
Heyman: Luisa's still in the ring though-- OHHH!!! LUISA JUST LOW BLOWED HURRICANE AS HE WAS TRYING TO GET HOKUTO FREE!!!!
Megan: MOLLY'S IN NOW! UP ON THE ROPE AND-- MOLLY-GO-ROUND RIGHT ONTO LUISA!! But Vega's back up... looking considerably vexed! Hokuto's struggling to get free, Vega-- wow, ascends theturnbuckle like they were steps and-- OHH!! IZUNA DROP-- NO!! ONE! TWO! THREE!!FOUR TIMES STRUCK BY A REPEATING AIR SUPLEX!!!!! THE ROLLING IZUNA DROP!!!!! Molly moving to her partner's aid, Vega turns and--!!!
Heyman: HOLY CRAP!!!
Megan: O_O!! VEGA JUST-- MY GOD IN HEAVEN, HE JUST IMPALED MOLLY IN THE CHEST WITH THAT CLAW!!!!! I-I CAN'T BELIEVE-- Molly dropped... she shifted to pink steel now, so the bleeding stopped, but she's hurt badly!! Security's now on their way, and Vega and Luisa escape like a pack of hyenas!! This is.. this is SICK!! TWICE Vega interrupted the match! Twice he failed to maim Hokuto with that wicked looking claw but it was MOLLY who felt it instead!!! The Hurricane... and Molly, God help her, paid the price for interfering with the sick plans of this narcissistic psychopath!!
***
We come back onto Megan, looking relieved. "Ladies and Gentlemen, we've just been informed that Mighty Molly was just healed by EAW's new healer, Aerith."
Heyman: And that's a relief. I bet WWE Superstars wish that she was there...thanks to Brock.
Megan: Heh...right.
HELLO. ^_^
I'M THE OBJECT OF YOUR EFFECTIONS. ^_^
I BRING YOU MUCH FANSERVICE ALMOST EVERY EPISODE. ^_^
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT ALL ENDS.
END OF EVANGELION
DEATH AND
REBIRTH
"Wouldn't it be nice if everyone would just die?"
... COMING SOON...
***
Heyman: THE END OF EVANGELION!!! THE END OF EVERYTHING!! DON'T YOU KNOW! I DON'T FEEL PITY FOR THE RAVEN SO HERE WE GO!!! ... Sorry, had to do that. ^_^
Megan: Heh. ^^; Fans have waited patiently for this movie to come out in the States and the wait is finally over! The End Of Evangelion, coming soon to cassette and DVD by ADV Video!
"There's A Fire In The House" cues up suddenly, and out comes Michael Connelly, dressed in a suit, his hair tied back in a ponytail!
Megan: And here comes our special guest commentator for this match! "Code Red" Michael Connelly!
Heyman: Hey, that could be pretty viable job for him. When Kirk Angel beats him again at Aggression maybe he can take a job as an announcer!
Megan: IF Kirk beats him. There's a chance Code Red can beat him you know.
Heyman: Right... No Chance, if you ask me. And I ain't even McMahon.
CR: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall and it's for the EAW Extreme title!!
The fans cheer as the "Pomp and Circumstance" cues up.
CR: First the challenger! From Sarasota, Florida! Weighing in at 230 pounds! He is the Madness! MAACHO MAAAAAANNNNN... RANDY SAAAAAAVVAAAGEEE!!!!!!!!!
And the Macho Man walks down to the ring, not in the Bone Saw McGraw outfit he wore in the Spider-Man movie, but still looking ready as he looks to ringside, grabbing a steel chair and folding it up before climbing into the ring.
CR: His opponent...
"It's Love" suddenly cues up... and dropping down, upside down Spider-Man like, and wearing the replica of Spider-Man's wrestling gear, plus the new championship duster with the EAW Tag Team and Extreme titles as shoulder pads is--
Heyman: ARACHNIMAN!!! ARACHNIMAN HAS COME TO THE EAW!!!!!
Megan: *snerk* ^^; Hardly.
CR: From Hokkaido, Japan Weighing in at 117 pounds of pure love and cuteness! She is YOUR EAW EKUSUTORIIMU CHAMPION!! AND FOR TONIGHT ONLY, SHE IS... SPIDER-CHAN!! OSEEEEEIIIIKOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Heyman: Ham. >=P
Megan: Can you blame him? Oseiko does look pretty cute in that get up though.
Heyman: She should get in trouble for defacing those titles like that. Of course she'll get off scot-free because she's a cute Asian girl. Hm... why hasn't Gokuo signed on Kimona Wanaleiya yet?!
Megan: Because even Gokuo has standards?
Oseiko slides into the ring... pulling the duster off and pulling the Extreme title away; velcro is what holds it to the apparel as she hands it to referee Teddy Long.
Megan: Teddy Long calls for the bell... and this match officially begins!
Megan: Both Oseiko and Savage measuring each other up... OSEIKO CHARGES-- SAVAGE WITH A MONKEY TOSS, BUT-- OSEIKO LANDS ON HER FEET!! SHE SLIDES OUT OF THE RING! Reaches under it-- AND PULLS OUT LADDER!!! AND-- OHH, MACHO MAN WITH A BASEBALL SLIDE!!! OSEIKO'S GOT THAT LADDER KNOCKED INTO HER! Now Macho Man is outside and.. HE'S GOT THE LADDER NOW!! HE SWINGS IT LIKE A BAT--OSEIKO DUCKS! ROLLING FORWARD AND--WHOA!!! THROAT THRUST TO SAVAGE! GRABS HIS ARM AND-- ARMBAR!!!! SHE CRANKS INTO IT!! BUT MACHO MAN STILL HAS THAT CHAIR--OHHH!!! SMACKED HARD IN THE FACE!!! OSEIKO RELEASES THE HOLD! She staggers to the ring... Macho Man following in, grabs Oseiko and-- SCOOP SLAM!! ELBOW DROP--NO, OSEIKO ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY! Macho- OHH, GUILLOTINE THROAT DROP DOWNS OSEIKO!!! He slides out and grabs the chair again... waits for Oseiko to get up.... SMACKED HARD IN THE HEAD BY THE MACHO MAN!!! AND AGAIN!!!! AGAIN!!!! >.o;
Heyman: Am I on? Can I talk? Yeesh... well, Savage is just doing what he can! He knows how tough Oseiko is!
Megan: Macho drops the chair, grabs Oseiko... SCOOP SLAM RIGHT ONTO THAT CHAIR!!! Macho Man doesn't give her a chance to recover, picks her up... SUPLEX--NO! OSEIKO COUNTERS! GRABS MACHO MAN-- STANDING DROPKICK!! Macho Man gets up-- GRABS OSEIKO AND FLINGS HER TO THE CORNER!! Grabs that chair again-- OHHH, RUNNING SMACK RIGHT INTO THE HEAD AND OSEIKO FLIES OUT OF THE RING!!! Oseiko... I think she's busted open! She pulls that mask off... she sees Macho Man come after her-- AND SHE ACTS! JAPANESE ARM DRAG! MACHO MAN GETS UP-- WHOA! OSEIKO SCISSOR SWEEPS HIM INTO THE STEEL STEPS!!! OSEIKO CAPITALIZES AND... THERE'S THE ROLLING BUTTERFLY LOCK!!! SHE SYNCHES IN TIGHT.. WAIT, MACHO MAN MANAGES TO POWER OUT!! GRABS OSEIKO! AND-- SUPLEX-- OHHH!!!! RIGHT ONTO THE BARRICADE!!!!! OSEIKO'S JUST BALANCED THERE BY HER BACK!! Macho Man now... ohhh, the steel chair AGAIN... and-- SWINGS IT LIKE A BAT RIGHT INTO OSEIKO'S HEAD!!!
Heyman: HOME RUN!! EAT YOUR HEART OUT, MARC MAGUIRE!!
Megan: Macho Man picks Oseiko up from it... SUPER BACKDROP OUT ONTO THE SHATTERED STEEL STEPS!! COVER! ONE! TWO! NO! OSEIKO... my God, how can she kick out after all that punishment?! Macho himself seems shocked... he grabs Oseiko... Irish whip-- REVERSAL!! SHORTARMED-- TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER FROM OSEIKO!!! Oseiko now slides out of the ring! And she pulls out-- a table!!
Heyman: OSEIKO!! GET THE TABLES!!!! Macho Man is about to get wood!!
Megan: In a big way! Oseiko just set up the table in the ring, she slid back out and got the ladder!!! She set it up-- WAIT! MACHO MAN GRABS OSEIKO! SHE TOOK TOO MUCH TIME!!! HE SMACKS HER HEAD ONTO THE TABLE!! THROWS HER ONTO IT!! NOW HE'S.... ASCENDING THE LADDER!!! COULD HE... WILL HE!!!
Heyman: HOLY CRAP, HE IS!!!
Megan: BIG ELBOW OFF THE LADDER RIGHT INTO THE BREASTBONE OF OSEIKO!! THE TABLE'S SHATTERED!!!! AND THAT MOVE TOOK A LOT OUT OF SAVAGE TOO!!! AND-- WHAT THE HELL?!!
Heyman: IT'S DAVID FLAIR!!!!
Megan: HE GRABS DAVID FLAIR AND BACKDROPS HIM!!! GRABS OSEIKO AND-- oh, God! HE JUST LOCKED IN THE LEGENDARY END!!!!! HE'S SET TO STEAL THE EXTREME TITLE FROM OSEIKO AND BECAUSE OF THE 24/7 RULE, HE CAN GET AWAY WITH IT! THIS MATCH IS NOW A TRIPLE THREAT!!!
Heyman: And who's fault is that, Megan?!
Megan: DAVID'S GOT IT LOCKED IN TIGHT!! OSEIKO-- I DON'T THINK SHE CAN COUNTER IT!!! AND-- YES! MACHO MAN WITH A KICK TO HIS HEAD!!! DAVID FLAIR BREAKS THE HOLD BEFORE OSEIKO SUBMITS!!! Macho Man grabs Flair and-- INVERTED ATOMIC DROP!! AND-- CLOTHESLINES HIM OUT OF THE RING!!! Macho Man slides after him! Grabbing Flair and--NO! FLAIR GRABS SAVAGE!! DDT!! WAIT! OSEIKO RECOVERS!!! SHE SLIDES OUT AND-- LEG BREAKER ON FLAIR!!! She looks pretty angry... LEG DROP ON FLAIR'S LEG-- AND THERE'S THE LEG LOCK!!! SHE LOCKS IT IN TIGHT AND FLAIR'S SCREAMING!!! AND... LOOK OUT!!! SAVAGE WITH THE BIG ELBOW ON FLAIR!! SAVAGE AND OSEIKO MAKING FLAIR PAY FOR HIS INTERUPTION!! Oseiko releases the hold, smiles at Savage-- WHOA! SUCKER KICK FROM OSEIKO!! GRABS HIM AND-- SITOUT JAWBREAKER!!
Heyman: Vintage Hardyz from this Girl of the Wild Joy!!
Megan: Oseiko rolls Savage into the ring, slides in! And pins! ONE! TWO! NO!! FLAIR'S UP! AND HE JUST PULLED OSEIKO OFF OF SAVAGE! Grabs Oseiko and-- DDT!!!! Picks her up... SHIN BREAKER!!!! WORKING ON HER LEGS, HER STRONGEST ASSET! David Flair now... grabs her legs... STOMP TO THE GUT-- BLOCKED!! AND OSEIKO... FLIPS BACK AND-- COUNTERS INTO THE KUMO NO AMIMONO!!!!!!! DAVID FLAIR'S SCREAMING!!! SAVAGE-- BEHIND OSEIKO! AND-- WHOA!!!! OSEIKO JUST RELEASED THE HOLD AND SNAPPED HER LEG BACK!! KUMO NO SASU TO SAVAGE!!! HER SAKKI MUST BE WORKING OVERTIME HERE!! Oseiko goes to Savage... PINS! ONE! TWO! THR--NO! SAVAGE GETS A SHOULDER UP!!!
Heyman: INCREDIBLE!!! This shows how tough Randy Savage REALLY is!!
Megan: Oseiko grabs David Flair up... and-- BLUE THUNDER LYGERBOMB! ONE! TWO! NO! SAVAGE PULLS DAVID FLAIR FROM OSEIKO!!! Oseiko rolls back and-- SPINNING KICKS SAVAGE DOWN!! She grabs him and Irish whips him to the corner! Set up... could we be seeing... YESS!!! SPIDER SUPLEX! COMBOED INTO-- SHOOTING STAR PRESS!!! RIDE ON!!! PIN!! ONE! TWO! THR--NO!!! DAVID FLAIR BREAKS UP THE THREE COUNT WITH THAT INFAMOUS STEEL CHAIR!!! AND NOW HE... LOCKS THE LEGENDARY END ON SAVAGE!!!! HE PLANS TO TAKE THE EXTREME TITLE BY MAKING SAVAGE SUBMIT!!!! OSEIKO-- SHE'S GOT THE STEEL CHAIR NOW!! THROWS IT INTO DAVID AND-- OHHH!!!! MODIFIED VAN TERMINATOR!!!!!!!
Heyman: O.o;;; Where the hell was this girl when ECW was flourishing?! It's like she's emulating the Essence of Extreme!!
Megan: No kidding!! Oseiko waits... David looks out of it... Savage slowly gets up... and Oseiko-- GOES ABSOLUTE JACKIE CHAN ON HIM! SO MANY CHAIR THRUSTS AND SWINGS ON HIM-- I CAN'T EVEN CALL HALF OF THE MOVES HERE!!! AND-- VAN DAMINATOR FINISHES IT ALL OFF!!! OSEIKO WITH THE PIN! ONE! TWO! THR-- NOO!!!!! DAVID JUST BARELY BREAKS THE PIN UP!!!!!
Heyman: That boy must want the Extreme title pretty badly!
Megan: Savage is bleeding... out cold, from the looks of it... David is nearly out of it, too! Oseiko looks like the only fresh person in the ring, aside from Teddy Long! David staggers to his feet-- AND GETS CLOBBERED BY A KUMO NO SASU!!! Oseiko turns to Savage, and pins him! ONE! TWO! THREE!!!!!
Heyman: UNBELIEVABLE!!!
Megan: You said it! Oseiko managed to beat back TWO opponents here tonight! And she has retained the Extreme Title!!
Winner and Still EAW EKUSUTORIIMU Champion: Oseiko
Megan: Michael helps Oseiko out and carries her out of the ring... folks, we gotta take break! We'll be right back!
***
**Commercial Break**
"Digimortal" by Fear Factory begins to play as we come back from break...
Megan: Another title match coming up here, fans, as Buzzsaw is set to make his first, although it may be his last, EAW Triple Crown Heavyweight Title defense.
Paul: Well, I could really care less which of these two are the champion, but if 18 were to win it--wouldn't that make her upcoming match with Nova a title match?
Megan: Very likely, yes..
Capetta: The following match is scheduled for one fall with a 15 minute time limit, and is for the EAW Triple Crown Heavyweight Championship! Introducing first, the challenger: from the Red Ribbon Army...she stands 5'8" and weighs in at 125 lbs. The Digimortal, EIGHTEEN!
Paul: "Digimortal"...sure. I've had appliances before, and sooner or later she'll probably just conk out. When does her warranty expire?
Megan: I don't think Gero made a warranty for her...
Paul: In that case it could be ANY TIME NOW!
"Points of Authority" by Linkin Park then plays as Eighteen gets in the ring.
Capetta: And her opponent...from Venice Beach, California...he stands 6'3" and weighs in at 229 pounds. He is the EAW Triple Crown Heavyweight Champion--BUZZSAW!!
Paul: What a disgrace for a champion...and like Akiko said, he's just a man-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Megan: Wrong wrestler with the namesake of a tool, Paul--
Paul: Close enough.
Megan: Well, Buzzsaw unexpectedly ended up with a shot at that title, and made the most of it...but can he stand up to the Digimortal?
Paul: Maybe remove her batteries and put her on her back?
"Conflict" by Disturbed begins to play.
Megan: I don't think--well...this does not bode well.
Paul: BUSINESS IS PICKING UP, right, Megan?
Megan: Well, someone is picking something, I'd venture...and Nova coming out here--
"Wait just a moment here...don't start the match yet. Eighteen...hey...don't look at me like that. I'm only out here...to make sure things are fair."
Paul: See? What a good sport!
Megan: What a liar...
"Now...Chiota...I'm going to keep my distance here...I won't get too close to the ring or anything. It's just that--well, this is a high-stakes match up. The LAST time that Eighteen was in a high-stakes match--she cheated, used her superhuman strength, and STOLE that match from me. Now...since I've seen senior citizen drivers who have better eyesight than most of the referees around here, I'm going to just keep an eye or two on things, and make CERTAIN she doesn't pull any funny business."
Paul: Nice way of putting it--Eighteen couldn't be funny if her battery life depended on it.
Megan: Quite an ironic statement coming from this guy...
"Don't mind me...I'll just watch, that's all.." Nova says, stepping away a bit.
Megan: Chioda viewing him with an obvious bit of a suspicion--justified, too. But looks like he's going to allow it...
Paul: GOOD! Make sure Eighteen doesn't rob Buzzsaw. And shows you he's not selfish at all...because you'd think he'd WANT Eighteen to get the title so he could get a title shot.
Megan: Of course, he may just want to screw Eighteen over somehow...
*ding, ding*
Megan: Eighteen and Buzzsaw tie up in the center of the ring...Eighteen going to overpower him--Buzzsaw shoving her towards the corner--knee to the midsection by Buzzsaw--and a reverse SIDE slam by Buzzsaw! Eighteen back up--an arm drag by Buzzsaw, and pulls her up--whips her to the ropes, and a back body drop! Off the ropes--
Paul: GO--NO! Blocked by Eighteen into headlock choke! Picking Buzzsaw up while still in that headlock--and a DDT! The Digiwhortal holding her own here.
Megan: A backhanded compliment...and Eighteen off the near ropes--DRIVING ELBOW to the sternum--cover.
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ONE count only! Buzzsaw getting up, and Eighteen going for a chinlock--elbow to the midsection from Buzzsaw, and a waistlock suplex there by Buzzsaw. Eighteen vulnerable--and a double underhook by Buzzsaw--INTO A BACKBREAKER!
Paul: Awesome move on the Digitpoker, and a cover...
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ONE!
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Kickout at one.
Megan: Buzzsaw picking her up, and sends her into the corner...BACKHANDED CHOPS!
"WHOOOO!"
"WHOOOO!!!"
"WHOOOO!"
Megan: And now--ANOTHERIRISHWHIPTOTHEOPPOSITECORNER!! Buzzsaw charging in--
Paul: GOO--
Megan: -OOOOOORE!! GOOOOOOOOOORE!! GOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!
Paul: ?!
Megan: I figured better me than you again.
Paul: DAMN! >_<
Megan: And Eighteen in a world of hurt as Buzzsaw sets her up--and a BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX out of the corner! Cover by Buzzsaw...
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ONE!
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TW--NO!
Megan: Buzzsaw firmly in control here, and sends Eighteen to the ropes--SWINGING NECKBR--blocked by Eighteen--and reversed into the SWINGBOMB!!
Paul: The move she named after one of her favorite habits.
Megan: Try to concentrate on the MATCH, Paul? Eighteen getting up now, not going for the cover yet. Picking up Buzzsaw....and...PRESSES HIM OVERHEAD!! Tossed up in the air and DROPPED hard back-first onto the mat. Into the cover by Eighteen...
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ONE!
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TWO!
Kickout!
Paul: Eighteen can have the strength of ten men when she wants--she's also likely done that many all at once.
Megan: *sigh*...and Eighteen picking up Buzzsaw...holding him up in the hair in a delayed vertical suplex...and DROPS him hard center of the ring!
Paul: WHOA...almost caved in the ring with that! And just kidding about that last statement....it would most likely be ten women.
Megan: Cover by Eighteen..
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ONE!
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TWO!
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..NO! Kickout by Buzzsaw! Buzzsaw trying to fight up--and Eighteen locks on a SHOULDER CLAW?! Well, I haven't seen THAT move in years, a simple move that works like a nerve hold...and Buzzsaw stuck kneeling in the ring...and Eighteen going to the side headlock now...wrenching it--and crowning Buzzsaw with shots to the head. Buzzsaw tossing her against the ropes--springs off with a LIONSAUL--NO! Caught by Buzzsaw...over the shoulder aaaaaaaaand RUNNING POWERSLAM! Shades of Davey Boy Smith! Dragging her in the center of the ring now, and...well, this is unexpected, a SHARPSHOOTER by Buzzsaw!! And Buzz digging into the Hart family arsenal here...and Nova seems a bit upset about it.
Paul: Well...dispite Bret having sand in his craw, Nova still supporting him...and Eighteen trying to get to the ropes, but that time-tested hold doing it's job even on this cybernetic slu--
Megan: SOME PROFESSIONALISM PLEASE?!
Paul: Right...I'll try...
Megan: And...Eighteen trying to power out...but Buzzsaw keeping it on...but, releases the hold now, and stomps her right in the abdominals!
Paul: And the DIGIMORTAL pulled back up to her feet...set up now by Buzzsaw, and a GUTWRENCH POWERBOMB by Buzzsaw...another cover...
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ONE!
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TWO!!
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Kickout!!
Megan: Impressive resilliance there by Eighteen. Now she's going to get back up to her feet, Buzzsaw going in for another attack, but Eighteen right there to stop it, hard knife edge chops to Buzzsaw's chest by Eighteen! Going off of the ropes now, diving clothesline...ducked...modified Buzzkill! Cover by Buzzsaw!...
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ONE!
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TWO!!
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Kickout!!
Heyman: Buzzsaw is surprised as anyone here, as he can't believe what just happened. Frankly, neither can I!
Megan: And Buzzsaw with a barrage of knees to the midsection, set-up in reverse DDT position--reverse suplex coming up--NO! Eighteen lands behind! Knee into the back--grabs him by the throat--CHOKE BACKBREAKER! Picking him up by the throat---and--TOTAL SYSTEMS FAIL--
Paul: THROUGH THE RING!!
Megan: ....Well...yes...right through the ring! And Eighteen reaching down to try to pull out Buzzsaw.
"Well, Chioda...WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! There is no way that she should have done that executing the move with her NORMAL strength--you saw it, you caught her in the act! DISQUALIFY HER!
Paul: YES! Finally someone standing up for what's right!
As the crowd boos, Eighteen leans over the ropes, shouting at Nova, as Chioda look unsure what to do...
*ding, ding*
"Ah...thank you. You've done the right thin--"
Paul: EIGHTEEN LEAPING OVER THE TOP ROPE!! She's coming after Nova. MURDEROUS ANDROID ON THE LOOSE!! MURDEROUS ANDROID ON THE LOOSE!!
Megan: Well...I don't know what the official ruling is...
Capetta: And the winner of this match...by disqualification....and still EAW Triple Crown Champion, Buzzsaw!
Megan: Well, both of them have their fans, but I'd think even Buzzsaw's fans will be upset over this.
Paul: Upset that Nova stopped Eighteen from cheating him out of his title?
Megan: Paul...can't you tell this whole matter smells foul?
Paul: No...I have a bit of a cold. *sniff*
Megan: *sigh* Well...the ring will need to be repaired, so unfortunately we'll have to go to an extra long break...we'll be back soon, fans...
***
Back to the show... both Megan and Heyman have seen the commerical of course. Megan has a "o_O;" look to her face as Paul bangs his head on the announcers' table.
Heyman: Someone kill Troublemaker... please... kill him and end our suffering...
Megan: ... We on? OH! Uhm, well, the ring crew has just about to complete the repairing of the ring, and they've discovered something sneaky... the ring seemed to have been rigged to break for this very match! You know before our last commercial break I noticed that ring crew member slide under the ring... I didn't think about it until just now, but maybe... hmmmm... I have a sneaky feeling Nova's behind this...
Heyman: Ohh, excuses excuses! Eighteen was caught using an upped power level and the ref made the right call! Who NEEDS her as champion of ANYTHING, anyway?!
Megan: ... Oh man... I understand Eighteen's in the parking lot nearby the arena... she's not happy at all... do we have a camera there? We do? Okay, let's go there!
Scene switch to Eighteen and Crysta... Eighteen is pacing around, fists clenched and trembling with anger as Crysta stands near a car, looking worried. Suddenly Eighteen turns, and with an enraged scream, drives a fist into the hood of a car, punching THROUGH to the engine, causing the car to bend back from her powerful attack!!
Heyman: ... That was my car... ;.;
Megan: o_O; Eighteen... my God, is she at her peak power level now?!
Eighteen sighs deeply... then turns to Crysta. "Crysta... I want you to go..." she turns to the camera. You too. Go. Leave the camera. Tell everyone in this building to leave."
Crysta blinks. "... Eighteen, what're you going to do?!"
"I said GO!!" Eighteen snaps. "I don't want to hurt anyone, so go!! Get everyone out of here!!!"
Crysta blinkblinks. "... But..."
"You can," Eighteen says. "If 'I wish for you, the cameraman, and everyone in this building to be teleported safely to the arena nearby.'"
Crysta gasps as thunder rumbles, lightning strikes, and suddenly, she and the camera disappear; the camera falls but Eighteen, with astonishing speed, catches it!
"... Nova..." Eighteen hisses, setting the camera onto a car and walking in front of it. "... Nova, I know it was you... you rigged the ring somehow... you made it look like I used more than my alotted strength... you cost me the Triple Crown title!! Do you have any idea what you've done?! Do you REALIZE it took me at least a YEAR to get this shot?! AND DO YOU EVEN CARE HOW LONG IT'LL TAKE ME TO GET ANOTHER SHOT LIKE THIS?!!!"
Eighteen trembles, breathing deeply as anergy crackles about her body. "... You wanna see power, Nova? Do you? Huh? Well okay... YOU GOT IT--!!"
Eighteen draws back her fist, strikes the asphalt floor under her-- and suddenly there's static and snow!
Back to the arena where we suddenly feel a rumbling!
Heyman: o_O! What the hell?!
Megan: O_O! D-do we... yes, we got a camera outside the arena now!!! Go there! Now!
Scene switch to the outside, where we see an astonishing sight... the parking lot where Eighteen was at, impaled from the inside by a huge pillar of energy, imploding and collapsing like a house of stone cards...!!
Megan: ...
Heyman: ... Holy crap...
Megan: ... Eighteen... Eighteen has.. completely destroyed an entire building...! She wished for everyone to evacuate... and she just... my God... is this the kind of power she has?!
Heyman: No f*bleep!*in' way... that girl's got enough power to shatter this world like a ice pick to an ice cube! This wasn't her full power... not by a long shot!
Megan: o_o;; ... Uhm... well, let's... let's go ahead and... uhm, get the main event underway! Now. Please? ^^;;
"One Step Closer" cues up in response, and out comes the Hitman, Bret Hart, to a chorus of cheers!
Megan: Whew... okay, I'd say let's end the show with a bang but Eighteen beat us to it... so let's just end the show with a good match!
Heyman: Hehe.. ^^;; Yeah... uhm, well anyhow! Yeah... let's... just get this done! ^^;
Bret climbs into the ring, then turns to the stage as "Of Wolf And Man (S&M Version)" cues up. "Big Yiffy" Colley Dogstar comes out to an equal chorus of cheers as he smiles, waving to the fans as he climbs into the ring.
Megan: Sorry if this seems a bit subdued but... well, after everything that's happened tonight... referee Ayane Mitsui calls for the bell! Let's go!
Megan: Colley and Bret circling each other... TIE-UP! COLLEY WHIPS BRET TO THE CORNER! BIG BOOT--NO, BRET DUCKS! LEG DRAGS COLLEY AND LOCKS IN A LEG LOCK!! COLLEY-- SMACKS BRET IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD TO BREAK THE HOLD! Colley gets up.. grabs Bret and whips him to another corner, follows in-- CLOTHESLINE!!! He jumps back-- BIG BOOT HITS ITS MARK AND BRET GOES TUMBLING OUT OF THE RING!!!
Heyman: Right near us!! O_O
Megan: Ayane starts the ten count! Colley follows Bret out but Bret gets up and-- CLOTHESLINE TO COLLEY! GRABS HIM AND SNAP SUPLEX BY THE HITMAN! Bret throws Colley back in and slides in himelf before the 8 count! Grabs Colley up... FOREARM SMASH TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD! And the Hitman locks in an armbar now! Rolls-- COMBOS TO A LEG LOCK!!! BRILLIANT MOVE BY THE EXCELLENCE OF EXECUTION!! COLLEY'S REFUSING TO TAP THOUGH! Bret releases the hold, picks Colley up-- OH, BUT A CLOTHESLINE FROM BIG YIFFY SENDS THE HITMAN DOWN!! Colley picks him up and sinches up... FOR A SUPLEX!! Colley picks Bret up... OH, HITMAN WITH A CLOTHESLINE OF HIS OWN! AND HE GRABS COLLEY AND LOCKS IN... AN STF!! COLLEY'S TOO CLOSE TO THE ROPES THOUGH! Bret lets up, Colley staggers up... CLOTHESLINE FROM COLLEY FROM OUT OF NOWHERE! PIN!! ONE! NO, JUST A ONE COUNT! Colley picks Bret up... Irish whip--NO, COUNTER! SHORTARM--NO, COUNTER!!!! COLLEY PICKS BRET UP AND-- PUMPHANDLE SLAM!!! Picks Bret up and whips him to the ropes... BRET WITH A RUNNING NECKBREAKER!! Bret picks Colley up, gets behind him... ATOMIC DROP!!! KEEPS A HOLD ONTO COLLEY AND-- HIGH ANGLE BACKDROP!! Bret picks Colley back up... SCOOP SLAM!! Back up-- DDT!!! Picks him back up-- SIDE BACKBREAKER! Bret picks Colley up again-- COLLEY WITH A KICK TO THE GUT!!! EVENFLOW DDT!!!!! COVER!! ONE! TWO! NO!!!! BRET KICKS OUT!!
Heyman: Whoa, that was a close one...!
Megan: Colley picks Bret up... SCOOP SLAM! Back up... WITH THE SWINGING NECKBREAKER!! Back up again... SHORTARM CLOTHESLINE!!! NO, DUCKED!! BRET GRABS COLLEY! SNAP SUPLEX! PICKS HIM UP QUICK-- DDT!! Back up again, gets behind-- GERMAN SUPLEX PIN! ONE! TWO! NO! COLLEY GETS OUT!! Bret gets up, picks Colley up and COLLEY THROWS BRET HART TO THE MAT HARD!! Colley with an elbow drop! Another! And-- THE CANO'S ELBOW!!!!
Heyman: Do you smell with the Furry is cookin'? Well, I do. Bad dog! BAAAAAAD DOOOOOG! NO COOKIE!
Megan: ^^; PIN! ONE! TWO! NO! BRET GETS A SHOULDER UP! Colley picks Bret up and signals for a big boot! KICKS--NO, BRET BLOCKS! GRABS COLLEY'S LEG! DRAGON SCREW! COMBOS TO-- SHARPSHOOTER! SHARPSHOOTER!! SHARPSHOOTER!!! COLLEY'S IN PAIN!! BUT HE REACHES... AND... GOT THE ROPE!!!! HE'S GOT THE ROPE!!! BRET BREAKS THE HOLD... I think he thinks he's won! Ayane's telling him otherwise! Bret turns! OH, KICK TO THE MIDSECTION! AND-- POWERBOMB-- NO!! IT'S THE THIRD IMPACT!!!!
Heyman: AND BRET'S SPINE HAS TURNED INTO TANG!!!
Megan: ONE! TWO! THR--NNOO!!!! BRET MANAGES TO GET THE SHOULDER UP JUST BARELY IN TIME!!! Colley can't believe it! Colley picks Bret up... and--BRET WITH A SWIFT DDT STRAIGHT DOWN!!! Bret goes up to te top rope quickly! IS IT?! YES!!! THE SHARP INJECTION!!! COVER! ONE! TWO! THREE!!!!! COLLEY GOT A SHOULDER UP BUT IT WAS A SPLIT SECOND TOO LATE!!! BRET WINS!! WHAT AN EXCITING MATCH!!
Winner: Bret "Hitman" Hart
Megan: Well, we have to end the show now! Be sure to watch more of EAW Programming for updates on the condition of Mighty Molly and Eighteen's disposition! We'll see you back here! Same time, same channel!
Heyman: IT'S EXTRRRREEEEEEMMMMMMEEE!!!!
Megan: Night everyone! ^_^ V