Live from the Metro Centre in Rockford, IL, it's Tuesday Night Mayhem!!
"Rock You Like A Hurricane" by the Scorpions plays as T-Bone and Sarah walks down to the ring to a decent pop.
Megan: The team of T-Bone and Sarah are making their way to the ring for their handicap match against Cecil Regal.
Pamela: They've lost their first match, tagging together. Now we'll see if history will repeat itself tonight.
"The following contest, is scheduled for one fall, with a 30 minute time limit. at a combined weight of 411 lbs. Representing Red Tooth & Claw, T-Bone and SARAH MURPHY."
The Jolly Gentlemen Theme cues up as Cecil Regal, with PC Plodder makes his way to the ring as the crowd boos
.
Pamela: Here he comes... the man who puts the Spiffs in Spiffing. 1/3 of the Regal Regime, Cecil Regal. *stands up* Come on and stand up, Megan.
Megan: No way.
"And their opponent, being accompanied to the ring by PC Plodder. From Blackpool, England. Weighing at 312lbs. Representing the Regal Regime...CECIL RE-GAAAAL."
Suddenly, a fan throws debris at Cecil and Plodder, which angers them.
Pamela: Uh oh, PC's not happy with that, and you know what that means...
Megan: I don't want to know...
Pamela: He's gonna TAKE HIM DOWN THE BLOODY NICK.
PC Plodder slaps the handcuffs on the fan as he then takes him away in a "Paddy Wagon", telling Cecil that he'll be back. Cecil, nodding in approval, waves to him as he continues his way to the ring.
Pamela: That should be a warning to everyone else, not to mess with the Regal Regime, or you too will be sent down to the you-know-what.
Megan: *annoyed* EAW Fans, you have been warned. Now it looks like T-Bone's gonna start off against Regal.
*ding ding*
Megan: Cecil and T-Bone starts off trading right hands...Hip toss by Regal.
Pamela: Cecil's here tonight to show everyone what true wrestling's all about. Not dressing up in camo gear, using Russian Martial Arts. GET HIM, CECIL!!
Megan: Cecil now, picking up T-Bone. Going for a Cecil Crun-NO. Countered into a Russian Legsweep by T-Bone.
Pamela: Damn.
Megan: T-Bone now, stomping away on Regal... brings him on his feet, irish whips Cecil to the corner. Cecil in trouble here... T-Bone hits him with a chop.
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
And another...
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
And another...
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
Pamela: Come on, Plodder, where are you?
Megan: Cecil block the next chop...Higher class hook to the face of T-Bone. Goes for the cover...
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One!
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Tw-No Kickout.
Pamela: Damn it. Can the ref count any slower?
Megan: Cecil, no going for an irish-wait, reversal by T-Bone... .BOSSMAN SLAM ON CECIL. Now T-Bone makes the tag to Sarah. They send Cecil to the ropes...Double Hip Toss. Sarah, now hammering away on Cecil.
Pamela: HEY!! She's using closed fists!! Disquallify her, ref. That's illegal
.
Megan: What about Cecil a moment ago?
Pamela: That's different. Cecil's a prime, propper, well-brought-up Englishman, while Sarah's just a St. Louis skank with a zoot.
Megan: *sigh* Sarah whips Cecil to the corner... kicks to the midsection... Cecil slumps down on his bottom. Sarah signals the crowd... going for a...BRONCO BUSTER!! BRONCO BUSTER!!
Pamela: See what I mean? She has to resort to perverted attacks to win. But Cecil's brought up too good to take this.
Megan: Cecil now stumbling back on his feet. Sarah going for the top-rope. This could be it...
Pamela: TURN AROUND CECIL!!!
Megan: Sarah jumps off... THE PSICLONE. CECILS DOWN.
Pamela: Don't count your chickens yet, Megan. Because here comes Plodder. Fresh from the Nick!
Megan: Sarah goes for the pin...
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ONE!!!
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TWO!!!
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DAMN IT, Plodder pulls the referee out of the ring. Sarah had the match won.
Pamela: So close... and yet so far.
Megan: T-Bone runs over to check on the ref...POW!! Plodder with a shot to the face with the nightstick. The Referee...slowly reviving... Sarah slides out of the ring... checking on the ref. Cecil sneaks up from behind, MANACHAN MANGLER.
Pamela: There ya go.
Megan: Cecil roll Sarah back into the ring...Now sets her up, CECIL CRUNCHER.
Pamela: Now it's over. HA HA.
Megan: Cecil goes for the cover...
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ONE!!
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TWO!!
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THR-NO!! SARAH GOT HER SHOULDER UP AT THE LAST SECOND.
Pamela: DAMN IT.
Megan: Cecil and Sarah trading blows... Sarah counters with a sleeper hold. Plodder's on the ropes...the ref now gets in his face.
Pamela: Definately not a good idea.
Megan: Sarah throws Cecil out of the ring... She and T-Bone now get's in Plodder's... WAIT A MINUTE... WHO THE HELL IS THAT?"
From the crowd, a figure in a dark blue cloak comes to ringside
Pamela: What the hell does he want?
Megan: That mysterious figure sneaks up behind Cecil...
Pamela: WATCH OUT CECIL!!!
Megan: ...He hits him with the bottom of something that looks like... a sword?
Pamela: A really long sword.
Megan: The figure, now sets up a chair. He grabs Cecil. It looks like it's going to be a Brainbuster.
The figure proceeds to give him a 360 (Spinning) Brainbuster at superspeed, so fast that only a blur appears.
Pamela: Wha-What happened?
Megan: I'm not sure, Pam. It appears that the stranger gave Cecil a Spinning Brainbuster. Now he rolls him back into the ring. WAIT A MINUTE, Plodder sees him.
Pamela: Get that Paddy Wagon ready, 'cause it's the Nick for him.
Megan: Plodder chases the stranger through the crowd...Sarah goes for the cover...
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ONE!!
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TWO!!
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THREE!!
*ding ding ding*
SARAH AND T-BONE HAS WON IT!
Pamela: If weren't for that creep, Cecil would've won.
"The Winners of this match, T-BONE AND SARAH MURPHY!!!"
Pamela: William Regal's not gonna like this one bit. And you know what I think?
Megan: What?
Pamela: Who do we know who can move that fast?
Megan: Well, uh...Velocity, and...
Pamela: SONNETTE!! DAMN HER!! Sticking her nose where it doesn't belong. This is a miscarriage of justice!!
The Ref raises T-Bone and Sarah's hands as "Rock You Like A Hurricane" by the Scorpions play.
Megan: If it had been the other way around, you'd be cheering.
Pamela: Sonnette wouldn't HELP Cecil, stupid!!
Megan: *sigh* We'll be back after this commercial break folks, so don't go away!!
*commercial*
The main theme from Halloween begins to play as we come back from commercial break.
*ding, ding*
Megan: Welcome back everyone in time for our Extreme Title match, with Test defending against Haku!
"The following match is for the Extreme Title, and will be held under Extreme Rules with one fall. The challenger...from the isle of Tonga...he stands 6'3" and weighs in at three hundred...and six pounds...HAAAAAAAKU!! And he is accompanied by Chief Executive Vice Associate of the Board..PAUL!
Pamela: You know that scientists estimate that there are at LEAST three dozen different species of undocumented animals living in Haku's hair?
Megan: He is in dire need of a barber, that's for sure. And the question remains...just what in the hell IS Paul's job?
Pamela: I know I haven't the slightest idea.
Megan: Haku...the big strong Tongan savage, with quite a bit of martial arts to his credit, in the ring now waiting for his opponent...and the champion.
"Last Resort" by Papa Roach plays on the P.A....
Pamela: Here comes the playa' now...
"and his opponent, and the defending champion...he hails from Toronto, Ontario, Canada...stands 6'7" and weighs in at 285 lbs...he is the EAW Extreme Champion, and a member of Da Pac. Acompanied by Alexi, Brittani, and Candi...here is TEEEEEEEST!!!"
Pamela: Frankly I think he needs no introduction.
Megan: Oh?
Pamela: Yeah, I'm sick of hearing about him.
Megan: Heh.
Pamela: Extreme champ, yadda yadda...those seem to like him, though.
Megan: Well, this is going to be a rough title defense here for Test...up against the three-hundred pound plus Haku.
Pamela: Haku is tough, no doubt about it...and he's been a Hardcore champ in WCW...never lost it, in fact. Let's see what he can do here...
*ding, ding*
Test rolls in the ring with a large burlap bag. Haku stalks towards him, and Test tosses it aside as they begin to brawl in the center of the ring. Haku hits a set of headbutts, and sends Test to the ropes, and catches him with a side kick up underneath the jaw, then drops a chop down across his throat.
Haku then goes for a legdrop, but misses. Test rolls out of the way, and gets up. Haku gets up...and Test hits him with a clothesline, that has little effect. Test grabs a trash can lid from the bag, smacks is across the head of Haku, who shakes it off, and Test sends him to the ropes...as Haku comes back...Test grabs him, scoops him up...and slams him in the center of the ring.
Pamela: HOOOOOOOLY hell!! I think the ring just moved!
Haku gets back up...angrily, and goes on the offensive against Test...hitting him with a series of chops, right hands, and a palm thrust combination that sends him outside the ring. He then grabs the bag and tosses it down onto Test before following him out.
Test gets up...and has his head slammed into the apron twice by Haku, then picks him up, but Test slips free, and sends Haku into the steel steps. Grabbing an old broken VCR from the bag, he heads towards Haku with it, and is about to bust it over his head when Paul grabs it from behind...and Test tugs on it to but that gives Haku time to get up and hit a high kick to Test. Haku than grabs the VCR and busts it over the back of Test three times until it nearly crumbles to pieces.
Test is rolled in by Haku, who follows after him and hits a falling headbutt on his shoulder, covers him, and nearly scores a two. After that, Haku pulls him up...hits a standing headbutt, and sets him up in the corner. Haku rams his shoulder into the gut, as Paul comes in, and sets up a trashcan into the corner. Haku then irish whips Test into it...Test hits it back first...and stumbles into a roundhouse from Haku. Haku then hits a headbutt into the groin, and drops another pair of elbows.
Paul tosses Haku a chair, but Test hurries to hit feet, and when Haku charges, Test gets his boot up and Haku takes it in the face!
Pamela: Steel Haku-face Jell-O mold anyone?
Test then takes the opportunity to use the steel chair to smack across the knees of Haku, then pulls him up. The two begin to brawl again, and Test knees him into the midsection, then hits him with the steel chair into the gut, and down across the back of the head again. He then Irish whips him, and hits a tilt a whirl sidewalk slam, covering him for a one...two--and a kickout.
Pamela: I think part of the reason he kicked out was the hair. A steel chair doesn't feel too good, but cover your head with a pillow and it doesn't have anywhere near the impact.
Test pulls up Haku, who begins to unload on him with more martial arts punches and palm thrusts. He sends Test to the ropes...and as he come back he goes for a back body--Test leapfrogs over, and hits the other ropes, and is nailed with a back elbow by Haku, who grabs him by the hair, and tosses him over the ropes.
Haku follows out after, and the two go hand-to-hand again, making their way up the stage....
To the backstage...
Haku and Test fight over a steel pipe--a battle that Haku wins. A swing misses--but hits Paul. Paul gets up and yells at Haku, who turns around--hitting Paul again, as Test ducks. Haku looks confused down at Paul face down on the ground..but Test then yanks away the long steel pipe, smacking it upside Haku's head. Haku runs at Test and knocks him over with a shoulderblock, then rams him head into the concrete wall. He then scoops him up, and slams his back against the wall, then down onto the concrete floor.
The referee's hand hits the concrete twice, but Test is able to kick out. As Haku pulls Test up, Test hits a low blow. Paul begins to stir...
Paul: Augh...what the hell...
And Candi, Brittani, and Alexi come running in...and OVER Paul.
Candi: Hey, where you going?
Brittani: Wait for us!
Alexi: Come on, Test!
Paul: UGH...ow....oo...HIGH HEELS! AUGH!!
Test and Haku brawl their way to the loading dock, and Test bodyslams Haku onto the back of it. The referee gets inside...but the truck begins to drive away!
Alexi: Damn it...
Back in the arena...
Pamela: What the hell going on?
Megan: Well...our cameramen are going to try to follow them...but since right now we can't...a word from President Gokuo!
For the moment, we cut to President Gokuo's office where Gokuo is seated behind his desk.
Gokuo: Whaddup, peeps? President Gokuo here...and some people around here have let the cat out of the bag, but I want to make things official. Tonight...in...that ring over there--not about to swipe Vinny's catchphrases...Chainsaw will face the team of Bret Hart and Raven...and it will be part of a tournament to crowd new tag team champions! Scorpion's Pyre have vacated the belts. They may even be retiring, so it's up to me to settle on a way to crowd new ones, and this is the way I picked. All established teams will compete, including the Regals, and any teams that want to register will be given the opportunity to do so. Good lucks to all yas...I'll be watching...
Megan: And--we've just received word that our cameramen have caught up with the truck...
In the front of a local supermarket, the fight spills out of the back of the truck as Haku and Test roll out the truck bed, with Haku on top of Test, hammering away on him.
Pamela: I think Test forgot the coupons.
Test is irish whipped into the doors, and Haku puts him under his shoulder, and uses him to battering ram his way through both sets of doors.
Megan: Uh oh...I wonder if our insurance covers rampaging Tongans and Canadians defending Extreme Titles...
Test is tossed into a bin of Mountain Dew Code Red.
Pamela: Product placement...GOTTA LOVE IT!!
Test grabs a 2 Liter bottle, and shakes it up...as Haku comes towards it, he twists off the cap and fires a stream of it into the eyes of Haku. Test then grabs him by the hair...dragging him down the aisle, and ramming his head on the side of a freezer counter...then...grabs a frozen steak, busting it over the head of Haku!!
Pamela: Porterhouse punishment from Test!
Haku responds in kind, busting a t-bone over Test's head, then rams his head into the counter, then sends him back first into another frozen foods bin. Haku then climbs up on top, and drops an elbow into the bin.
Haku yanks him out, and towards the produce aisle!
Pamela: Cleanup!! Frozen foods!!
A stockboy is cleaning some things off a table in the bakery, and Haku shoves him out of the way to slam Test onto it!
Grabbing a shopping cart from a confused lady, Haku then rams in into Test as he climbs off, then rams his forehead into the edge, by Test does then same, then dumps Haku in!! Then then shoves the shopping cart into some boxes of canned goods! Haku climbs out, and they run down the product aisle, and Haku clotheslines Test onto a counter of lettuce.
Test climbs off, and grabs a jar of Smuckers, smashing it into the face of Haku, then rolls him up on a vegetable counter. He gets up after him...hits the pumphandle slam, and covers for the one...two...three!
*ding, ding*
Stock boy: Ummm...you're going to have to pay for all this....
**Commercial Break**
After commercial Break, we hear the RTC theme cue up, immediately causing a reaction of both booing and ear-covering.
Megan: Welcome back everyone...our third match of the night is coming up next!
Pamela: *eeeeeeeeeeerghhh* I think I'm having a seizure, or something. Could they possibly pick an entrance theme that doesn't sound like a fire alarm, or a test for the emergency broadcast system?
"Introducting first...from London, England, in the United Kingdom. He stands 6'2" and weighs an even 17 stones. He is accompanied by fellow Right to Censor member RTC Man...Dudley Clark II!!!"
Megan: I suppose they could, but that wouldn't quite annoy us enough.
Pamela: Dudley's mustache looks a LOT like Snidely Whiplash's.
Megan: Dudley is more comfortable in a pure boxing match, but making the transition into wrestling.
Pamela: The difference is boxing is a lot faker, and all boxing matches resemble a Hulk Hogan-Brutus Beefcake match with them wearing big poofy gloves. gloves.
Megan: A shockingly accurate description...
Pamela: OH, and another difference is boxing's most famous promoter has really stupid looking hair, and pro wrestling's most famous promoter has a stupid looking toupee.
Megan: Returning to the match at hand, Dudley dressed more for a formal meeting than a match...but that does seem to be the RTC dress.
Dudley gets in the ring while RTC Man stands outside the ring.
Pamela: Mr. Man looks a little peeved. Probably STILL is mad about Kanyon punking out Steven.
Megan: He is scheduled to wrestle Kanyon on the next RR...
"Travel Theme (to Crystalis)" cues up as the RTC theme fades out, and the crowd begins to cheer...
Pamela: MUCH better.
"And his opponent...from parts unknown, shi stands 6'3" and weighs one hundred and eighty pounds even...Derek Walker!!"
Megan: The crowd firmly behind Derek here, tonight.
Pamela: Say...when Derek has to go to the bathroom, which one does shi go to?
Megan: I honestly don't know the answer to that.
Pamela: Ah-HA!! Well...I think shi actually picks one randomly. It's no wonder shi's so shy...the last thing that was close to a romantic encounter for her was the time she met up with George Michaels.
Megan: .....Derek getting in the ring now...and shi has her work cut out for her to defend against this stocky RTC member...
"Travel Theme" fades out...
*ding, ding*
Megan: There's the bell and the match is underway...the two circle each other...lock up center of the ring...Derek with an armwringer--reverse by Dudley--CLOTHESLINE back of the head!! Derek caught by surprise with that one...getting up...Dudley going for a full nelson--switch by Derek...Dudley down to his knees tossing over Derek--shi still holds on--back kick into the face! Dudley suprised as Derek releases.
Pamela: Derek has him by the short and straights--face first rams him to the buckle!! Twice! Three times! Side headlock...reversed by Dudley!! Backdrops her! OOoooo...folds her up on the mat!
Megan: Dudley up....off the ropes...drops an elbow into the midsection. Cover...One--kickout by Derek! Dudley pulls hir up...neckbreaker attempt--blocked...INVERTED ATOMIC DROP by Derek!! Derek grabbing the ankles of Dudley--headbutt into the midsection! Another...dragging Dudley center of the ring...he's up...haymaker misses--Derek between the legs of Dudley...backslide...One! Dudley kicks out...back up--DROPKICK to the outside by Derek!! Dudley the top!
Pamela: I'm a little surprised this hasn't turned into a punch-fest, with Dudley being a boxer and Derek known for hir punches.
Megan: Well, Derek's got speed to her punches, but they don't pack the power of Dudley's, so she's probably going to avoid that early on. Dudley taking a few seconds to regroup...sliding back in...Derek stomping on Dudley...Dudley up.--
Pamela: Ooooooo...shot in the breadbasket by Dudley!
Megan: Sends hir to the ropes...back body drop!
Pamela: At least it wasn't a low blow. Or a knee to the groin and double nipple twist--say, I bet that's what Ric Flair'd do in this match if he were Dudley.
Megan: Derek up...hiptossed over by Derek...up again...arm drag! Shoulderlock applied...Derek getting up--SLIPS FREE!! WOW!! Sweep kick takes Dudley off his feet...pulls Dudley up...HEADBUTT!! Dudley shakes it off...there's another....Derek sends him to the ropes...back now--HIGH LEG LARIAT!! Cover by Derek!
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One!
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TWO!--Kickout!
Pamela: Dudley's got the advantage here...I say corner hir and just pound the living daylights out of hir. Then pin hir!
Megan: Well, Derek on offense for the moment....has him in the bulldogging headlock position...backing into the corner! Going for it--Dudley escapes!! Hits the opposide turnbuckle chest-first!! Staggering backwards....clothesline back of the head!! Derek slumped over the turnbuckle now.
Pamela: Looks bad for her here.
Megan: Turns hir around....lays in some jabs to the face! Choking her now...the ref in there....1...2...3...4..lets go. Arm drags hir out of the coner now. Cover!
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One!
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TWO
Kickout by Derek!
Pamela: He should skip the pinfalls and just go for a KNOCKOUT!!
Megan: Well...it would probably be easier for him...Dudley pulling up Derek--knee into the midsection...sends hir into the ropes...UPPERCUT into the midsection!! Now pulls her up...GUTBUSTER!! Cover!
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One!
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TWO!
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Kickout!
Pamela: He's almost got hir, I think.
Megan: Dudley hoists her up...RUNNING POWERSLAM!!! Back up....reverse DDT coming up I think...NO...Derek slipping loose...Dudley has her in a front facelock--NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX!! Impressive maneuver by Derek! Derek up...pulls up Dudley...going into hir punching combo...left...right...left..right...haymaker swing--DUDLEY down on the mat!! Cover!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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Kickout by Dudley!!
Pamela: That could be a big mistake...going for those punches. Now Dudley will probably beat hir like a redneck's wife.
Megan: Derek has him up...DDT set-up..NO..Sidewalk Slam by Dudley...pulls hir into the ropes...Samoan Dro--NO!! Crucifix by Derek!!
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One!
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TWO!
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Kickout by Dudley!! Dudley up..ducks the clothesline by Derek...NOW hammering her with a series of jabs...incredible power behind those punches...whip her HARD to the turnbuckle...back elbow by Dudley!! Now setting hir up on the top turnbuckle--NO, Derek shoves him off!! Dudley up..DEREK OFF WITH A BULLDOG!!! INCREDIBLE!! But not able to make the cover!
Pamela: Ironically, that may have knocked Dudley out.
Megan: both of them beginning to stir....Derek first....Dudley doing the same...CHEAP SHOT by Dudley!! Hitting Derek now as shi's getting up.
Pamela: How's that cheap? Don't complain, Megan...that was LEGAL!
Megan: Legal but cheap...Dudley up..pulls up Derek...up on the shoulder now...could to be the TKO--NO, Derek slips behind Dudley--ENDLESS HUNGER FROM BEHIND!! Dudley caught by surprise, and doesn't know what to do or make of this hold....shaking his arms...I think that's..*ding, ding* YES that's a tap out!!
Pamela: Well..not like anyone could hear if he said he quits anyhow.
Winner by Submission >>> Derek Walker
Megan: Derek releases!! And wins this this match.
"Travel Theme (to Crystalis)" cues up..
Pamela: Uh oh...the wind up...
Megan: Derek watch out!!
Pamela: AND THE PITCH!!!
Megan: Dudley attacking Derek after the bell!! I think he just knocked hir out!!
Pamela: IT'S OUTTA THERE!!
Megan: So much for sportmanship...Dudley and RTC Man leaving the ring now...after a VERY disgusting display...
**Commercial Break**
"Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down cues up as we come back from break.
Megan: Welcome back everyone--you're just in time for our International Title Match!!
"The challenger...from Hollywood, California....he stands six foot six...and weighs in at two hundred and sixty eight pounds...'Mr. Entertainment' Kevin Tatum!!!"
Megan: Tatum a relative newcomer here in the EAW, but getting a title shot tonight against Colley Dogstar. But his name is pretty much synonomous with 'screwjob' here in the EAW, due to the presence of Booker Tatum here at one time.
Pamela: The guy had a lead on McMahon at one point...well...until Nova pretty much ran him out of the company. Is Kevin here a cousin? A nephew? A SON?!
Megan: I'm not sure, but he is a wrestler, and he doesn't quite have any sort of family resemblance.
Pamela: Well, if he doesn't watch himself, he may have drugs planted on him.
Megan: Well, that's a can of worms we don't want to really open, but THIS Tatum seems dedicated, trustworthy, a good sport.
Pamela: Ech...I just ate not too long ago...you're gonna make me puke, Megan. You can't afford to be a good sport here in the EAW. He needs to do WHATEVER he CAN to beat Colley here...get the International Title, and get to some degree of success here.
Megan: Well, that's what he's planning on...but I think that'll be easier said than done...
Tatum gets in the ring as his theme fades out, and "Of Wolf and Man" by Metallica (S&M version) cues up next, and the crowd pops.
"And from Los Angeles, California....standing 6'3" and weighing in at 247 pounds...the defending EAW International Champion--"Big Yiffy" Colley Dogstar!!!"
Pamela: I'm hardly a fan, but I'd rather see this dog than Armstrong.
Megan: Well, he's a dog part of the time....the rest he's a she-skunk.
Pamela: Either way he stinks. And I have it on good authority he stuffs his pants with a beef bone.
Megan: Colley rushing down to the ramp, that International Title slung over his shoulder...and William Regal's made quite a challenge to him...one he's accepted!! Except that Colley wants to face BOTH Regals.
Pamela: A big mistake by Colley...letting his ego get the better of him...
Colley gets in the ring and hands over the International Title to the referee, who holds it up, then signals for the bell before handing it to the timekeeper.
*ding, ding*
Megan: This exciting International Title match underway...Kevin Tatum vs. Colley Dogstar. Tatum going after him--armdragged over by Colley. Tatum back up...collar and elbow...knee by Tatum...slugging away on Colley...sends him to the ropes...no....reversal..Tatum hits the ropes...ducks the clothesline by Colley...hits the far ones...PANCA--NO!! DDT by Tatum!! Colley nailed with that one by surprise...back up...Tatum from behind....going for a sleep--NO, snapmare takeover by Colley...Colley going for for a sleeper of his own...Tatum getting up to his feet--DOUBLE back elbow!! Standing switch by Tatum...locks on an abdominal stretch.
Pamela: Tatum needs to find that PRECISE spot on the back of Colley that will make him kick his feet and he'll fine it very hard to escape.
Megan: I don't know if that would actually work...but Tatum working on him with his basic hold...Colley trying to shuffle to the ropes....Tatum trying to keep it locked on--Colley makes it to the ropes...Tatum releasing. BUT GRABS THE FEET FROM UNDERNEATH COLLEY!!! Yanks him off--lands face down on the mat...Colley pushing himself up...Tatum could be going for a modified giant swing...drags him towards the center...now going for a Boston Crab!! The point of focus apparently the back and midsection of Colley--BUT COLLEY POWERS OUT!! Amazing...
Pamela: I agreee...but more of a matter of necessity. A dog's legs just really aren't meant to bend that way. But if Tatum isn't carefuly, Colley may treat him like a tree.
Megan: Tatum up...and hammering on the back of Colley...beating him like a dog, if you will...Colley up...against the ropes...HARD CHOP to the chest of Colley...Irish Whip...Colley grabs the ropes...slides out...but Tatum--BASEBALL SLIDE into Colley!! Colley hits the guardrail!
Pamela: This is it...Tatum taking the advantage...onto the apron...BOMBS AWAY!
Megan: Double Axehandle down across the back of Colley...whips him into the stairs--HITS THEM!! And Colley in BIG trouble here. Tatum rolls him off...Tatum climbing up on top of the stairs...drops down with a elbow in the back!
Pamela: Stay the hell away from us!! Do we look Spanish!!
Megan: Colley and Tatum very near us out on the floor...Tatum pulls him up....whipping him towards--REVERSAL and Colley sends him into the apron back first!! Colley doing it perhaps out of desparation...scoops him up over his--DROPS TATUM JAW FIRST ON THE APRON!! Colley rolls him back in..Colley dragging his head out....backing up...runs and hits an elbow down across the throat of Tatum. Now rolling inside the ring...
Pamela: Colley and Tatum fairly evenly matched here...
Megan: Both very high-calibur atheletes...Colley grabbing the legs of Tatum...CATAPULT COMING!! YES!! SNAPPED underneath that bottom rope, and Colley dragging Tatum into the center of the ring...cover
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ONE!
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TWO!--Kickout by Tatum!!
Pamela: Dog or WOLF!?! He's VICIOUS here.
Megan: Colley back up....standing near the head of Tatum...and..
Pamela: Not THIS stupid move!!
Megan: Cano's Elbow!! Colley going for it!! Hits the far ropes....crosses over to the other side...and...drops it--TATUM rolss out of the way!!!
Pamela: *claps* WHOO-HOO!! Maybe there is hope for this guy after all!!
Megan: Tatum pulling up Colley...SIT DOWN POWERBOMB!! Quickly taking advantage...
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ONE!
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TWO!
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NO!! Kickout by the champion!!
Pamela: Yeah, but that move takes a lot out of you...ironic to do that move on someone known for his powerbombs.
Megan: Colley sent into the corner by Tatum...Tatum charging in...CLOTHESLINE in the corner!! Tatum sitting him up now...front facelock...Colley hammering him in the midsection...Tatum jumping down to the mat...Colley hanging on to the second rope with his feet--DROPPED DOWN INTO A DDT BY TATUM!!
Pamela: SHEER impact there, with nothing to soften it. That could be the end of it.
Megan: Cover! ONE! TWO--NO, foot on the ropes! Tatum dominating Colley...side headlock by Tatum...Colley pulling elbows to Tatum...breaks free!! Sends Tatum to the ropes...coming off--Leapfrog over from Colley!! Back in...reverse monkeyflip sends Tatum over and onto the mat...Tatum up..boot-EVENFLOW DDT!! FLOATOVER BY COLLEY!!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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NEW CHAMPION--NOOOOOOO!!
Pamela: You can hone your McMahon impression later...just call it as you see it for now.
Megan: Ahem...Colley on offense now on Tatum...pulls him up...armdrag! Up again...full nels--NO, reversal by Tatum...Tatum favors the Dragon Suplex--but switch again!! Colley behind--Tatum going for a backslide! The two struggling to get each other--wait! Colley getting up Tatum...setting for for...CRUCIFIX POWERBOMB!! HARD impact in the center of the ring...and speaking of impact...
Pamela: DON'T LET IT END LIKE THIS!! LOW BLOW!! Thumb to the eye...tail pulling...SOMETHING..
Megan: Colley has Tatum set up for the Third Impact...gets him up...THERE'S the first powerbomb! Up again--Tatum hammering away in desparation on Colley!!
Pamela: YES!
Megan: Colley holding on--Running and CORNER TRAP POWERBOMB!! Folds him up in the corner...Colley still holding on, though!!
Pamela: Uh oh..
Megan: Spins around...THIRD POWERBOMB!! SIT DOWN!!
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ONE!
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TWO!!
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THREE!!! Colley retains!!
*ding, ding, ding*
"Of Wolf and Man" cues up again...
"The winner of this match up, by pinfall, and STILL EAW International Champion--'Big Yiffy' Colley Dogstar!!"
Pamela: AUUUUGH!!!
Megan: Tatum took it to Colley...but in the end, the champion prevailed...hitting a powerbomb...a corner trap powerbomb...then a sitdown powerbomb to drive the last bit of air out of him, and get the 1,2,3.
Pamela: The dumb mutt retains again, JUST BARELY!
Megan: He does retain, though. Our main event is up next, folks, and it is the first round of the tag team tournament to crown new tag champs. Chainsaw...Bret Hart and Raven...NEXT!!
**Commercial Break**
"Tear It Off" by Redman and Method Man cues up as we come back from break, with Chainsaw appearing in the entranceway.
*ding, ding*
"The following tag team match up, is part of the tournament to crown new EAW Tag Team Champions. Introducing first...both from Venice Beach, California....at a total combined weight of 435 lbs...Chaynz and Buzzsaw--Chainsaw!! And they are accompanied by their fellow 'Da Pac' members!"
Out after Chainsaw is the Kat, Ninja X, Jenna, Test--with the Extreme Title, the Blue Boy, and Kanyon.
Megan: Chainsaw and Hart-Raven are the first two teams to go at it in this tournament. The rest of Da Pac is out here with Chainsaw, and Bret and Raven are going to bring a few friends as well. This sea of humanity is ONLY to prevent the interference of other teams, namely S&M.
Pamela: Sea of Humanity? More like the DEAD Sea as far as S&M are concerned. I don't think they even care if they face Bret and Raven or Chainsaw. Call it the tag title tournament--I call it making S&M jump through hoops to get their titles back. They've beaten every team here and they can beat all of them to get back their belts..INCLUDING any two of these out here.
Megan: Well, S&M did have quite a tag title reign...but they had to cheat to keep them. These two teams are all about sportmanship..
Pamela: *gag*
Megan: friendship...
Pamela: Double *gag* *gag*
Megan: ...and adhering to the rules.
Pamela: Triple *gag* *gag* *gag*
"Tear It Off" fades out...and "One Step Closer" begins to play...
"And their opponents...at a combined weight of 469 lbs.--from Calgary, Alberta, Canada...BRET...'HITMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN' Hart and his partner, from Short Hill, New Jersey, RAAAAAAAAAAVEN!!"
Bret and Raven come out, with Nova and "Code Red" Michael Connelly right after them.
Pamela: Another match where I don't really have a favorite. And do Kat and Jenna have ANY self-respect? They should have come out FIRST, not after Chainsaw.
Megan: Well...two more down here at ringside, and we've got what almost looks like a Lumberjack match...
Pamela: Has this even been authorized?
Megan: Yes it has. But any interference could lead to a DQ...and neither team wants that. They want to beat their opposition and advance in the tournament. Bret Hart and Raven getting into the ring...looking across from Chainsaw. And this will be quite a match. Looks like Chaynz and Bret Hart will start things off...
*ding, ding*
Megan: The two moving in--Bret going for the leg--Chaynz dodges out of the way...both of them hesitant...collar and elbow!! Headlock takeover by Bret...Chaynz quickly up...hiptoss...right hand--blocked--headbutt counter by Bret Hart. A few rights by Bret....sends him into the ropes...Double Leg Takedown!! Bret climbing up--NO, rolled over by Chaynz...mounted punches. Getting up now...has Bret by the hair--head first to the buckle! Back elbow by Bret Hart. Goes for a waistlock--snapmared by Chaynz...rear chinlock...Bret trying to break it...trying to break it.
Pamela: Kick in the nuts ALWAYS works.
Megan: Pair of elbows allows Bret to break free..arm drags him over...pins down the arm--drops a knee into the elbow...and another. Goes for an elbow--misses! Chaynz rolls out of the way...Bret up...dropkick into--no, Chaynz hops backwards...grabs the legs of Bret...Bret trying to kick him off...Chaynz pulling him up...Dragon Screw Leg Whip! Bret up.
Pamela: HE WAS SCREWED!! HE WAS SCREWED!! Heh..
Megan: Bret up--Clothesline by Chaynz! Tag in to Buzzsaw!
Pamela: Apparently Bret is the target here. Keeping him isolated.
Megan: Diving Elbow! Springboard Legdrop by Buzzsaw! Cover!--foot on the ropes by Bret! Buzzsaw pulls him up...Bodyslam--NO, small package by Bret Hart! One--Kickout by Buzzsaw. Back up...Bret picking up Buzz--backbreaker now. Bret dropping the point of the elbow on the sternum--again....dragging him towards their corner--tag to Raven.
Pamela: Quick tags, of course, the key to winning. Although S&M are still the best. Trust me when I say S&M will go down with the greatest of all time. The Choadwarriors, Exhibition, the Reiners, the Jazz and Moonlight Express...
Megan: I assume you mean the Roadwarriors, Demolition, the STEINers, the Rock n' Roll Express and the MIDnight Express--Raven with a backbreaker on Buzzsaw...Bret upstairs--driving elbow on Buzzsaw!!
Pamela: When you ASSUME...
Megan: Raven now locking on a Dragon Sleeper on Buzzsaw...thus far everyone on the outside is a nonfactor.
Pamela: Doesn't look good...this is like being surrounded by powder kegs....one little incident could set this off--ugh, and look at Kat on the outside. I've seen her backstage and she basically PAINTS that face on with a roller brush.
Megan: This coming from some one who makes Stephanie look like she's sporting "the natural look"
Pamela: That is a LIE! Just a little bit of blush, mascara, and a bit of lipstick. Man....as grungy as Raven looks, I wouldn't want to be THAT close to his armpits. *gag*
Megan: Still with that Dragon Sleeper locked on...Raven keeping him far enough away from the ropes...wait...Chaynz trying to fight back up to his feet--NO, Raven drops the back of his neck on the knee...pulling him back up--REVERSE DDT!
Pamela: Chain combinations, VERY effective. We saw how well it worked for Colley in the last match.
Megan: Buzzsaw was fresh coming in, so he's up now...Raven hammering on the back of Buzzsaw--but..
Pamela: OH-HO!! Double leg takedown by Buzzsaw!! Going for the Leglace!!
Megan: Higly unlikely that Raven is going to submit to that...but Buzzsaw getting up...drags Raven towards the Chainsaw corner..ELBOWDROP to the inner leg!
Pamela: Oooo....almost in the groin!
Megan: Buzzsaw has to know how difficult it will be to get a submission here...he should probably try to get a pinfall....legbar now....perhaps just trying to weaken it.
Pamela: Well, if you weaken the legs--particularly the upper thigh--you can help prevent kick outs as well as work towards a submission.
Megan: Maybe a bit...but you'd have to work on the back as well. Buzzsaw releasing the holding...getting back up to his feet. Lays the legs across the ropes--corkscrew legdrop on both! Raven getting up now...right hands by Buzzsaw...Raven returns with a few of his own. Sends Buzzsaw to the ropes...Hiptoss by Raven!! Pulls him up...backdrop--no, blocked! Armbar attempt--reverse...another reversal...hammerlock by Buzzsaw...turns him around...Full Nelson..no, Reverse Full Nelson--INTO A NECKBREAKER! Great move by Buzzsaw!! Cover!
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ONE!
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TWO--kickout!
Pamela: I'll give him credit for that one, I haven't seen it before...
Megan: Raven up...Buzzsaw grabs the leg....Raven counters with a kick by the other leg! Buzzsaw up...dropkick by Raven! Up again...sends Buzzsaw to the ropes...Buzzsaw on the return--side backbreaker by Raven! Cover! One! Two!--kickout! Vertical Suplex by Raven...Buzzsaw up...another suplex by Rav--NO, jawbreaker by Buzzsaw. Grabs the leg of Raven now...FIGURE FOUR COMING UP! Locking it on Raven now...and the point of attack is quite clear...and Raven in need of a tag.
Pamela: A tag or a chair or an assist or SOMETHING right now...
Megan: Raven getting near the ropes....crawling on his back--and gets it!
Pamela: Ever notice Bret and Raven have almost the EXACT same hairstyle?
Megan: Not really...Buzzsaw releasing...Raven getting up...Suplex by Buzzsaw--blocked--INVERTED ATOMIC DROP by Raven! Buzzsaw still up....tosses him to the outside! Tag to Bret Hart!
Pamela: Maybe should have waited to tag, because Bret could have pounded on Buzzsaw without a count until Buzz was counted out.
Megan: Buzzsaw a bit shaky--
double axehandle down on the back of Buzzsaw...
ONE!
Megan: Raven coming out now...Bret rams his head to the buckle...Raven from behind...and....puts Buzzsaw up on his shoulders...
TWO!
Pamela: Bret Hart on the apron...chargingtowardsBuzzsawandHARTATTACK with Buzzsaw on Raven's shoulders!!
Megan: Quite a bit like a Doomsday Device...Bret pulling up Buzzsaw...rolling him in...and now he's the one in trouble, Pam.
Pamela: Indeed he is...and Bret probably going to continue to focus on that back area...setting him up now....VERTICAL SUPLEX! One! Two! NO!! Bret up now...pulls up Buzzsaw--SIDE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP...Back up...scoops up Buzzsaw...back break--NO!! SMALL PACKAGE ROLLUP!! TWO--NO!!
Pamela: Good way to catch him off guard...but needs the tag.
Megan: Buzzsaw up...Bret with a diving waistlock...German Suplex--no, blocked...Buzzsaw going for the tag...Bret attempting the sunset flip! Buzzsaw trying to get the tag to--YES! Chaynz in! Sunset flip successful...Bret rolling off, though...Chaynz in--catches Bret with a clothesline as he's up...Bret back up...Bret up again...Chaynz and Bret Hart exchanging right hands...Bret grabs him...Irish Whip!! Chaynz back--DOWN with the Fujiwara Arm Bar!! Now another kneedrop into the elbow!
Pamela: Now grabbing both legs...YES!! HEADBUTT!!
Megan: Just about the groin area, and Bret applying a modified Chicken Wing type maneuver.
Pamela: Helluva good tag team match we got here. But Bret Hart's hair looks oily enough fuel a car.
Megan: Well, he is sweating a bit, like much of the others here.....tag in to Raven....Bret keeping Chaynz pinned on the mat...Raven in...stomping away on Chaynz. They pull him up...DOUBLE VERTICAL SUPLEX!! And Raven hooks the leg
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One!
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TWO!
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Kickout!!
Pamela: Raven's pants are so filthy, if he were to take them off, they'd stand up on their own...AND fight!
Megan: Well, it's two on two for now...Raven on Chaynz...dropping a pair of elbows..Raven pulling him up now...JUDO FRONT SLAM!! A move Raven's begun to use from time to time....laying in some stomps, although he should probably go for the cover. Chaynz up....Raven...HARD WHIP...Chaynz hits the neutral corner...and Raven charging in...hard elbow to the chest...pair of them now...chops...and Raven now going for a superplex...and this could be all she wrote!
Pamela: Nice knowin' ya, Chaynz...Raven fodder now or S&M fodder later.
Megan: Superplex set up...--blocked by Chaynz!! Shoves Raven off!!
Pamela: Uh-oh...Chaynz off the top...SHOULDERBLOCK! Raven up...Chaynz with the set up...holding him up...RUNNING POWERBOMB!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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NO! So close!! Chaynz knows he has to make the tag...up...crawling towards--YES! Tag to Buzzsaw made! Raven slung to the ropes...drop toe hold by Chaynz--SLINGSHOT SWANTON by Buzzsaw!! Now Chaynz heading up top...Buzzsaw also getting into position...OFF THE TOP--PACK ATTACK!! Buzzsaw makes the cover!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE!!! Chainsaw wins it!!
Pamela: Well, bully for them.
Megan: And they did it *fairly.*
Pamela: Yech.
"The Winners of this matchup, by pinfall..CHAINSAW!!! They will advance in the tournament."
"Tear it Off" begins to play again.
Megan: Well, that's all the action for tonight...but be sure to check out our next show, folks. More exciting matches, another tag tourney match--
Pamela: This one WITH S&M.
Megan: And much, much more!
Chainsaw walks over to Bret Hart and Raven for a handshake, and then raises their hands in the air as we fade out...